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MAN: (SINGING)
I'm just a penny on the train track
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00:00:45,934 --> 00:00:48,517
Waiting for my judgment day
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00:00:49,058 --> 00:00:52,267
Come on, baby girl,
let me see those legs
4
00:00:52,392 --> 00:00:55,057
Before I get
flattened away
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I wait
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00:00:58,932 --> 00:01:00,890
Yeah, I wait
7
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For something good,
for something great
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Stopping in somebody's old home town
9
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:15,721
Gotta get that midnight meal
10
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If you can't get behind your own life
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Get behind the driving wheel
12
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And go, just go
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Find a place that you don't know
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Ran into a friend just the other night
15
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Got a badge, he's a local cop
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Haven't seen that boy in over seven years
17
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Since out of high school I dropped
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I see, I see
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All the things that I should be
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(ALARM CLOCK BEEPING)
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I wait
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Yeah, I wait
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For something good, for something great
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Dude! You're totally missing it!
25
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It's fucking crazy here, man! Dude! Kev.
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I've got an idea.
I want you to drop what you are doing.
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I want you to come down here
and take a picture of this for the paper!
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(LAUGHING) Now that, my friend,
is front page material. Lateski.
29
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Hey, Mom!
Gina, Morris and I are gonna leave
30
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for Fieldmont right after school today.
31
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Honey, I completely forgot about that.
Can you do it next weekend?
32
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Derek was gonna take me into the city
tomorrow night for dinner.
33
00:03:10,081 --> 00:03:12,207
- God! It's already 7:00?
- KEVIN: We can't.
34
00:03:12,289 --> 00:03:14,872
Morris has a scholarship meeting
and we're signed up for the campus tour.
35
00:03:14,956 --> 00:03:17,247
- Carter.
- Hi. What's up Ms. B?
36
00:03:19,039 --> 00:03:23,287
Dude, she totally threw off my groove!
I was almost at the top level.
37
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- Hey, Carter.
- What's up, man?
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What's up, little people?
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Running a little bit low.
40
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Kev! Can I ask you a question?
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You know that book that Miss Dangle
makes everybody read about the mice?
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00:03:36,412 --> 00:03:39,577
- You mean Of Mice and Men?
- Bingo! That's the one, yeah.
43
00:03:39,703 --> 00:03:41,160
So let me get this straight.
44
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These two dudes dream of buying
a farm together to raise rabbits?
45
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Hmm.
46
00:03:47,951 --> 00:03:51,576
And I'm no expert,
but doesn't that seem a little...
47
00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:55,701
I don't know. Kind of G-A-Y?
48
00:03:56,118 --> 00:03:57,575
Dude, I think
you're kind of missing the point.
49
00:03:57,659 --> 00:04:00,575
- We can spell, Carter.
- Yeah, dumb A-S-S.
50
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:03,324
Dude. Satan's children, I swear.
Spawn of Satan.
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00:04:03,408 --> 00:04:04,740
(CAR HORN HONKING)
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Right. Come on, guys!
Mrs. Seavers is here. Let's go!
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Grab your backpacks.
54
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Oh, yeah!
55
00:04:23,238 --> 00:04:24,571
All right, see you guys!
56
00:04:29,862 --> 00:04:31,862
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
57
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Would you look at this guy?
Why do we have to hang out with him?
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00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,695
- Hey, Morris.
- Hey, guys.
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00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,361
Hey, Morris,
what's up with all the geek books?
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I've got a scholarship interview
in a day, Carter.
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And my parents are up my ass about it.
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00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,694
Morris, your parents
are always up your ass.
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00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:50,443
Besides, don't you want to go to some
fancy-shmancy Ivy League school?
64
00:04:50,568 --> 00:04:52,526
Guys, come on!
Do we really have to start this early?
65
00:04:52,609 --> 00:04:54,359
Well, apparently,
it's not my choice, Carter.
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At least Kevin will be there. Right, Kev?
67
00:04:56,442 --> 00:04:59,234
Yep. Hey, did you grab your stuff
so we can split right after school today?
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Yeah. It's in my...
69
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:11,732
Yeah, the technique was a little off,
but the timing was better.
70
00:05:11,815 --> 00:05:13,065
And by the way, she's easy,
71
00:05:13,190 --> 00:05:17,023
but not in the, like,
I'm-gonna-fuck-Morris kind of way easy.
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Come on, Kev, I've got to pee.
I need you to shake it.
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Carter.
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00:05:24,896 --> 00:05:26,981
You sure you don't wanna
come with us this weekend, man?
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00:05:27,064 --> 00:05:29,188
What? There's no reason for him to come.
76
00:05:29,313 --> 00:05:33,521
You know what, Morris? I think, for the
first time, you and I are on the same page.
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00:05:33,646 --> 00:05:35,937
I don't know.
Campus tours and scholarship interviews,
78
00:05:36,062 --> 00:05:37,520
sounds like a real blastie-blast.
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00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:40,854
But I think
I'd rather sock myself in the nuts.
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I mean, seriously, look at this thing.
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00:05:42,311 --> 00:05:45,228
Like, where are all the hotties, you know?
Show some skin.
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- Hey.
- Hey!
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00:05:47,811 --> 00:05:49,726
- Hey, Gina.
- Hey, Gina.
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00:05:50,352 --> 00:05:53,185
Kevin, really, just...
Listen, don't take this the wrong way.
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00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:56,310
But I need to talk to
your friend outside, alone.
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(LAUGHS) Nice!
Does that mean you're gonna
87
00:05:58,184 --> 00:06:00,684
blow him underneath the bleachers?
88
00:06:02,434 --> 00:06:04,059
Yeah. That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
89
00:06:04,184 --> 00:06:06,850
Awesome! You kids have fun! High five!
90
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:11,307
I got my high five, dude.
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00:06:11,391 --> 00:06:12,807
Does he give you a high five like that?
92
00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:14,391
See you...
93
00:06:14,516 --> 00:06:16,765
Here's your brochure, though.
Have a good weekend.
94
00:06:18,390 --> 00:06:19,764
Miami?
95
00:06:21,141 --> 00:06:24,347
- When did you apply there?
- A couple months ago.
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00:06:24,931 --> 00:06:26,013
KEVIN: What about us?
97
00:06:26,139 --> 00:06:27,806
I mean, what about our plans to
go to Fieldmont together?
98
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And the campus tour this weekend?
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Just go without me.
100
00:06:33,389 --> 00:06:37,096
Look, it's senior year.
101
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It's, like, so exciting,
and I wanna party, and I wanna have fun.
102
00:06:43,095 --> 00:06:46,886
And you're, like, not fun.
103
00:06:49,344 --> 00:06:53,302
Like, so what? So I don't drink very
much, you know. We still have fun.
104
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Like our Friday nights at mini golf.
105
00:06:55,260 --> 00:06:56,593
Yeah, they're kind of boring.
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Our camping trips, the school carnival,
studying together?
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Standing around while you're
taking pictures of everything?
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00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:04,551
- Thrilling!
- Gina...
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00:07:04,676 --> 00:07:06,050
When we were freshmen, it was one thing.
110
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:10,633
But this is our time to really go crazy!
We're supposed to be partying.
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And you, you're just... You're a loser!
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Kevin, it's over.
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College is just around the corner,
and I can't let you ruin my senior year.
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That's mine.
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CARTER: Okay, so let me get this straight.
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You didn't get blown under the bleachers?
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No! Dude, have you been listening to me?
She dumped me!
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I was dumped once.
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Morris, you're such a fucking liar, dude.
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- You've never even had a girlfriend.
- Shut up, Carter. Yes, I did.
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Remember, Kev?
You introduced me to her.
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- Right.
- MORRIS: She was real.
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- We went to physics camp together.
- Maybe more like fantasy camp.
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Come on, you guys. Do you mind?
I'm having a breakdown here.
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What am I supposed to do now?
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It was all set.
First, we'd go to college together,
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and then we'd get married,
have a couple kids, one girl, one boy.
128
00:08:01,543 --> 00:08:05,085
Dude, is that the kind of shit
you would say to Gina?
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God! No wonder she dumped your ass.
You're fucking lame.
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00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:11,583
- What's up, fellows?
- What's up, Fletcher?
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What's up with Negative Nancy over here?
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00:08:13,874 --> 00:08:15,749
Gina dumped him.
He's having a breakdown.
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Cool. So are you guys going on some sort
of road trip to Fieldmont this weekend?
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00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,124
- I don't think I'm going anymore.
- That's too bad.
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I just went there last weekend
to visit my bro.
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I almost didn't make it back.
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"Almost didn't make it back"?
Dude, it's just college.
138
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Yeah, yeah, just college.
Yeah, see, that's what I thought, too.
139
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And then I went,
and I'm telling you guys right now,
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it is fucking nuts, man. It's retarded.
141
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Why? What happened?
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You guys want to know?
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00:08:42,746 --> 00:08:44,787
Basically, this is how it went down.
144
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I didn't sleep for three days, okay?
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I don't have any money left
in my bank account.
146
00:08:48,037 --> 00:08:49,162
I maxed out my parents' credit card,
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00:08:49,286 --> 00:08:51,328
which was only supposed
to be used in case of an emergency.
148
00:08:51,412 --> 00:08:53,495
I lost my cell phone,
which is actually my dad's cell phone.
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00:08:53,578 --> 00:08:55,203
So he's pissed about that
and the credit card.
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00:08:55,328 --> 00:08:58,451
I tried smoking a tampon,
which I thought was a big fat joint.
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00:08:58,535 --> 00:09:01,285
Still got high. Stole a car,
got in a bar fight, ate some goldfish.
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00:09:01,369 --> 00:09:03,909
Played naked Frisbee, did some whip-its,
wet my brother's bed twice.
153
00:09:04,034 --> 00:09:04,994
Shit my pants, once,
154
00:09:05,119 --> 00:09:07,701
but please don't tell anyone,
'cause I'm kind of embarrassed about that.
155
00:09:07,826 --> 00:09:11,534
Saw two girls make out.
With tongue! With tongue!
156
00:09:11,701 --> 00:09:13,950
Watched my brother's roommates
eat as many cheeseburgers as they could
157
00:09:14,033 --> 00:09:15,033
until one of them puked.
158
00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:17,032
Found a tattoo on my lower back
of a unicorn.
159
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:18,758
Don't remember getting that.
160
00:09:18,884 --> 00:09:20,799
Figure I'll just tell people
it's some sort of killer unicorn.
161
00:09:20,924 --> 00:09:22,091
You know? So it doesn't seem so gay.
162
00:09:22,215 --> 00:09:24,757
I laughed. I cried. Fell in love.
163
00:09:25,507 --> 00:09:28,798
Yeah, and did I mention earlier
that I got laid?
164
00:09:28,923 --> 00:09:31,756
Three times. Different girls, yeah.
165
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,923
So all in all, I'd say it was pretty much
the best weekend of my fucking life.
166
00:09:36,047 --> 00:09:37,214
Yeah.
167
00:09:38,047 --> 00:09:39,921
Dude, you should go.
168
00:09:42,297 --> 00:09:45,546
What if I could have a weekend like that,
a weekend like Fletcher's?
169
00:09:45,629 --> 00:09:49,046
How? No way.
Who knows if he's even telling the truth?
170
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:51,254
Come on, man. What if he was?
You heard him.
171
00:09:51,337 --> 00:09:56,211
All the craziness, the partying, the sex,
the drinking, it sounds incredible.
172
00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:59,419
You know, maybe I'll even get a tattoo.
173
00:09:59,502 --> 00:10:02,252
Wait, you're joking, right?
174
00:10:02,586 --> 00:10:07,210
You got me, Kev. That's a good one.
Partying, drinking, sex. Up top.
175
00:10:07,294 --> 00:10:11,251
I'm not kidding, Morris.
You know, maybe Gina's right, I'm no fun.
176
00:10:11,376 --> 00:10:13,710
A weekend like Fletcher's
is exactly what I need.
177
00:10:13,793 --> 00:10:17,708
Kev, having some crazy weekend
to get back at Gina is a really bad idea.
178
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:20,791
Or a really good idea,
and I say go for it.
179
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,333
Bitch.
180
00:10:26,207 --> 00:10:27,207
You know what? I'm gonna go for it.
181
00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:29,166
In fact, I'm gonna have a better weekend
than Fletcher.
182
00:10:29,290 --> 00:10:30,416
Yes!
183
00:10:30,541 --> 00:10:31,957
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
184
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,082
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
185
00:10:33,206 --> 00:10:34,415
Dude, I am so going.
186
00:10:34,956 --> 00:10:37,789
MAN: (SINGING) I gotta move
187
00:10:37,873 --> 00:10:41,955
While the streets ahead are sunny
188
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:47,288
Fall in love with some honey
Oh, mama
189
00:10:47,705 --> 00:10:51,121
I gotta move
190
00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:57,828
It's time I broke out into the open
191
00:10:57,953 --> 00:11:00,703
You know I'll settle down again some day
192
00:11:00,787 --> 00:11:03,286
Dude, this is definitely better
than the brochure!
193
00:11:03,369 --> 00:11:05,161
KEVIN: Yeah, man,
I've got a good feeling about this.
194
00:11:05,286 --> 00:11:06,368
Good feeling? What kind of good feeling?
195
00:11:06,452 --> 00:11:08,286
Like your-boy-Carter's-gonna-get-laid
kind of feeling?
196
00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:10,827
'Cause I have that feeling too, and I love it!
197
00:11:10,951 --> 00:11:13,368
I don't know, man, just everything.
I'm ready to have fun.
198
00:11:13,452 --> 00:11:15,993
Yeah, man, good!
Positive vibes. Positive vibes.
199
00:11:16,118 --> 00:11:20,534
Okay, Kev, it says here that the campus
tour is at 12:30 tomorrow afternoon.
200
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:24,700
And there's a pre-frosh reception tonight
before dinner in the main...
201
00:11:24,782 --> 00:11:27,199
Okay, that's enough!
That is enough. No more.
202
00:11:27,283 --> 00:11:28,324
That's our schedule for the weekend!
203
00:11:28,450 --> 00:11:31,907
Dude, Morris, fuck schedules, man!
We're in college now.
204
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,782
You know what that means?
205
00:11:33,907 --> 00:11:37,615
No parents! No curfew! Free fucking beer!
206
00:11:37,741 --> 00:11:40,614
It does not get any better than this!
207
00:11:41,531 --> 00:11:44,406
Except for that.
Dude, slow down, slow down.
208
00:11:44,489 --> 00:11:46,572
Hey, what's up, ladies?
You on your way to class?
209
00:11:46,655 --> 00:11:49,071
No. We just like carrying all these books
around for fun.
210
00:11:49,155 --> 00:11:53,113
(LAUGHING) Right!
A girl's got to read, huh? Awesome.
211
00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:56,113
So, look, we're in town for the weekend,
and we were just kind of wondering
212
00:11:56,238 --> 00:11:58,529
if you guys could, I mean, I don't know,
show us around?
213
00:11:58,612 --> 00:12:00,945
New guys, huh?
What college are you visiting from?
214
00:12:01,028 --> 00:12:03,445
No, no, see, we're not in college.
215
00:12:03,570 --> 00:12:06,986
- We're actually still in high school.
- CARTER: What the fuck?
216
00:12:07,111 --> 00:12:08,236
- I hate you so much!
- Stop it!
217
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,902
You're crushing my testicles!
218
00:12:09,986 --> 00:12:12,527
- What my friend meant to say was...
- Fuck off!
219
00:12:12,609 --> 00:12:15,402
All righty then. I'll see you guys later.
220
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,734
Hey, green shirt, if I give you $5 right now,
221
00:12:18,859 --> 00:12:21,568
would you fart in a can
and let me just keep it in my bedroom?
222
00:12:21,693 --> 00:12:23,442
I'll never open it! I promise.
223
00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:29,607
These dorms are whack.
Why do we have to stay here?
224
00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:31,025
You don't have to, Carter.
225
00:12:31,107 --> 00:12:34,108
This is where the admissions board
put me and Kevin.
226
00:12:34,190 --> 00:12:37,190
Look, I got a cousin who's a legacy
in one of the fraternities.
227
00:12:37,273 --> 00:12:39,190
I'm sure if we go there, they'll hook us up.
228
00:12:39,274 --> 00:12:42,148
- Yeah, my parents would love that.
- Yeah.
229
00:12:42,273 --> 00:12:46,480
Enough, you guys! Look, I don't see
what's so bad about this, Carter.
230
00:12:47,189 --> 00:12:48,397
(MAN MOANING)
231
00:12:49,771 --> 00:12:51,355
(WHIPPING ON TV)
232
00:12:53,604 --> 00:12:54,938
- What?
- ALL: God!
233
00:12:56,271 --> 00:12:57,354
(WOMAN MOANING ON TV)
234
00:12:57,438 --> 00:12:58,979
- Hi.
- Hey, there.
235
00:12:59,104 --> 00:13:00,229
I'm Morris.
236
00:13:01,104 --> 00:13:04,270
I'm Kevin, Kevin Brewer,
prospective freshman.
237
00:13:04,395 --> 00:13:06,894
We're supposed to be staying in your room
this weekend.
238
00:13:06,978 --> 00:13:08,436
Right.
239
00:13:09,894 --> 00:13:13,768
Look, fellows, I'm gonna need about
20, 30 minutes to finish up here, okay?
240
00:13:13,852 --> 00:13:16,019
So just come back later.
241
00:13:20,434 --> 00:13:21,685
Probably just working out.
242
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,642
Yeah, he's just working out one of these.
243
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,183
- Disgusting!
- How's that frat house sound, guys?
244
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:31,391
Pretty good? Awesome.
245
00:13:37,849 --> 00:13:39,516
KEVIN: Okay, dude, do you actually know
where you're going?
246
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,682
Dude, relax! It's right up here, I think.
247
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,639
All right, dude, I'm not perfect, all right?
248
00:13:44,764 --> 00:13:46,390
All these Greek letters
look the same to me.
249
00:13:46,515 --> 00:13:48,098
Maybe we should go back
and try the dorm again.
250
00:13:48,222 --> 00:13:50,722
You shut your mouth! Shut your mouth!
251
00:13:50,847 --> 00:13:52,055
Or not. That's cool, too.
252
00:13:57,597 --> 00:14:02,178
Holy shit. Those chicks
definitely weren't in the brochure.
253
00:14:02,262 --> 00:14:03,888
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
254
00:14:04,762 --> 00:14:06,845
- What's up, college girls?
- Ladies.
255
00:14:06,928 --> 00:14:09,553
- I'm Morris.
- Hi, Morris.
256
00:14:10,262 --> 00:14:14,094
- She said my name.
- Chicks are smoking hot! Yeah.
257
00:14:16,261 --> 00:14:19,843
"Chicks are smoking hot"?
Come on, real smooth, Carter.
258
00:14:22,343 --> 00:14:23,759
Yeah. Smooth.
259
00:14:23,843 --> 00:14:25,384
Whatever! All you got out was your name.
260
00:14:25,509 --> 00:14:27,050
Which she repeated back to me,
I'd like to note.
261
00:14:27,175 --> 00:14:28,135
Shut up.
262
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,258
(PELLET GUN FIRES)
263
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:34,384
Jesus!
264
00:14:34,466 --> 00:14:36,633
- Nut shot.
- Ten points!
265
00:14:36,757 --> 00:14:38,049
Get some.
266
00:14:38,549 --> 00:14:40,425
Shitty news, dudes.
267
00:14:41,424 --> 00:14:45,214
Dean Chandler has denied our petition,
and we're still on probation.
268
00:14:45,298 --> 00:14:46,465
Shit!
269
00:14:46,923 --> 00:14:50,548
I guess he's taking that whole
singing thing pretty seriously.
270
00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:52,506
Looking good, Goose.
271
00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:56,005
Looks like we got another semester
without any pledges.
272
00:14:56,088 --> 00:14:57,963
This fucking blows, man!
273
00:14:58,088 --> 00:15:01,588
What's the point of college
if you can't have pledges?
274
00:15:01,713 --> 00:15:02,880
Shit!
275
00:15:04,262 --> 00:15:05,263
(PELLET GUN FIRING)
276
00:15:05,388 --> 00:15:06,554
Fuck!
277
00:15:08,304 --> 00:15:09,428
MAN: Fuck!
278
00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:13,428
Son of a...
279
00:15:16,552 --> 00:15:18,969
That's it.
This just might be the year to graduate.
280
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,178
- What?
- What?
281
00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:22,093
- No.
- Yeah, I didn't think it'd come so soon.
282
00:15:22,218 --> 00:15:24,843
You can't graduate. You're Bearcat.
283
00:15:24,968 --> 00:15:26,926
- You're an institution.
- I know.
284
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,010
I'm scared to graduate.
285
00:15:29,135 --> 00:15:32,342
It seems like torturing pledges,
that's all I'm good at.
286
00:15:32,468 --> 00:15:34,717
That's not true, and you know that.
287
00:15:34,841 --> 00:15:39,091
You're good at a lot of things.
Cooper, tell him what he's good at.
288
00:15:40,216 --> 00:15:43,966
Like... Like the keg toss.
289
00:15:45,215 --> 00:15:47,174
And you take the biggest dumps
in the house. Right?
290
00:15:47,257 --> 00:15:51,007
Yeah. Nobody beats you at that.
It's like a real gift.
291
00:15:51,089 --> 00:15:54,631
It is, isn't it?
Thanks, guys. I feel a lot better.
292
00:15:55,548 --> 00:15:57,672
- Hang in there, big guy.
- You're all right.
293
00:15:57,797 --> 00:15:59,339
Hang in there.
294
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:07,172
We'll figure this whole pledge thing out,
I promise.
295
00:16:19,669 --> 00:16:22,335
Hey, man, is this the Beta Phi house?
296
00:16:22,461 --> 00:16:24,669
What? You can't read Greek?
297
00:16:24,794 --> 00:16:26,835
My cousin is a legacy here.
298
00:16:26,918 --> 00:16:29,251
- Yeah? Who's your cousin?
- Toby Scott.
299
00:16:29,376 --> 00:16:30,918
You mean Queef?
300
00:16:32,376 --> 00:16:33,959
- What?
- Queef.
301
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:37,209
- What's a queef?
- A pussy fart.
302
00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:39,542
It's his pledge name.
303
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,167
- Who'd want that name?
- Yeah, he earned it.
304
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:47,082
I'd like to help you guys out, with you
being his cousin and everything, but...
305
00:16:48,666 --> 00:16:49,832
Hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait!
306
00:16:49,915 --> 00:16:52,498
Come on, man.
Look, we're in high school, you know?
307
00:16:52,623 --> 00:16:55,665
We're just up here to party, you know?
Is that too much to ask?
308
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:59,164
You guys are a bunch of high school kids?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
309
00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:01,456
No, okay? Go try the dorms.
310
00:17:04,997 --> 00:17:07,496
- A legacy, dude?
- Yeah, he's... I...
311
00:17:07,621 --> 00:17:10,662
I can't believe they call Toby "Queef."
Toby kicks ass.
312
00:17:13,704 --> 00:17:14,829
What did those guys want?
313
00:17:14,912 --> 00:17:19,162
A couple of high school kids
looking to crash here for the weekend.
314
00:17:19,703 --> 00:17:22,119
One of them was Queef's cousin.
Remember him?
315
00:17:22,202 --> 00:17:26,411
God, that guy could toss a salad.
That thing he did with his tongue?
316
00:17:27,410 --> 00:17:29,577
Sorry. That guy's a loser.
317
00:17:29,702 --> 00:17:32,826
So, they're looking
for a place to crash, huh?
318
00:17:34,909 --> 00:17:37,534
- Maybe we should let them stay.
- COOPER: What, are you serious?
319
00:17:37,659 --> 00:17:38,659
What the hell
are we gonna do with a bunch
320
00:17:38,784 --> 00:17:41,700
of fucking high school kids
here all weekend?
321
00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:46,782
TEAGUE: Brothers.
MAN: Do it, man!
322
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:49,283
- Listen up.
- Boner.
323
00:17:49,366 --> 00:17:51,449
Goose, shut the fuck up.
324
00:17:52,115 --> 00:17:53,282
(MEN LAUGHING)
325
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,365
These guys. What's your names?
326
00:17:56,948 --> 00:17:58,781
I'm Kevin, and this is Morris and Carter.
327
00:17:58,865 --> 00:18:01,489
Okay, whatever. These guys are
our guests for the weekend.
328
00:18:01,615 --> 00:18:02,823
(ALL CHEERING)
329
00:18:02,947 --> 00:18:05,822
Well, see, technically,
we're supposed to stay in the dorms,
330
00:18:05,906 --> 00:18:07,947
but our roommate's a little...
331
00:18:08,031 --> 00:18:09,322
- MAN: Technically, you're a fag!
...preoccupied.
332
00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:10,863
Yeah, he's jerking off.
333
00:18:10,946 --> 00:18:13,655
Pussy! Fuck hole!
Did we say you could talk?
334
00:18:13,779 --> 00:18:17,570
Bearcat! Relax, big man.
They didn't mean anything by it.
335
00:18:19,487 --> 00:18:22,361
Sorry. He's got anger management issues.
336
00:18:22,445 --> 00:18:24,361
How about I show you guys
where you are staying?
337
00:18:24,485 --> 00:18:25,862
Put your stuff away?
338
00:18:25,945 --> 00:18:27,652
- Morris, do you like the sound of that?
- MAN: Party!
339
00:18:27,777 --> 00:18:29,985
- ALL: Party! Party! Party!
- Party! Party! Party!
340
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,153
- Party! Party! Party!
- Party! Party! Party!
341
00:18:32,235 --> 00:18:34,277
- Party! Party! Party!
- Party! Party! Party!
342
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,151
- Party! Party! Party!
- Party! Party! Party!
343
00:18:37,109 --> 00:18:38,235
What's up, shit face?
344
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,192
This is usually
where we let our pledges stay.
345
00:18:41,318 --> 00:18:46,317
We call this room the dungeon,
but don't let the name scare you.
346
00:18:47,858 --> 00:18:49,733
You're gonna love it.
347
00:18:53,691 --> 00:18:54,982
(CRASHING)
348
00:18:55,356 --> 00:18:56,940
COOPER: Watch the step.
349
00:19:14,062 --> 00:19:16,188
Yeah, this place fucking sucks.
350
00:19:16,313 --> 00:19:18,645
Dude, it beats some guy jerking, all right?
351
00:19:18,729 --> 00:19:22,062
Like we said, all of our guest rooms
are taken tonight.
352
00:19:22,188 --> 00:19:25,270
Yeah. We feel really bad
about having to put you guys down here.
353
00:19:25,353 --> 00:19:28,895
- Is that a rat?
- A rat? No. Probably just a shadow.
354
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,603
And don't you guys worry.
355
00:19:30,686 --> 00:19:33,603
We're gonna give you the 411
on all the great parties this weekend.
356
00:19:33,686 --> 00:19:38,101
In fact, I think that the Lambdas
are having a kegger tonight.
357
00:19:38,185 --> 00:19:40,685
Keggers? We love keggers.
Right, Kev? Keggers, keggers!
358
00:19:40,809 --> 00:19:42,185
We are all about keggers.
359
00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:45,601
Cool. Well, you guys
are gonna love the Lambdas.
360
00:19:51,434 --> 00:19:52,725
COOPER: Bearcat!
361
00:19:55,183 --> 00:19:57,141
- What the fuck is up with that...
- BEARCAT: Are you talking?
362
00:19:57,266 --> 00:20:00,807
- No, man. I'm chilling. What?
- Yeah. Shut the fuck up.
363
00:20:05,182 --> 00:20:06,639
So excited!
364
00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:10,389
All right, guys. This is it. Party time.
365
00:20:11,181 --> 00:20:13,388
Let's do the rundown. Rubbers?
366
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:15,680
Check.
367
00:20:15,805 --> 00:20:17,472
Breath mints?
368
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:22,263
Check.
369
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,721
Retainers?
370
00:20:24,679 --> 00:20:25,845
(GROANS)
371
00:20:27,136 --> 00:20:30,636
I was kidding. That's so fucking gross.
Put that away.
372
00:20:31,761 --> 00:20:36,385
- So, you guys sure about this?
- Relax, man. It's just a frat party.
373
00:20:36,927 --> 00:20:38,427
What?
374
00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:40,926
What? We're here to learn
about college, right?
375
00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:43,501
God, I love the new attitude, Kevin.
It looks good on you, man.
376
00:20:43,584 --> 00:20:45,334
It makes your eyes pop
and your hair shine.
377
00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:49,125
It makes your shirt look better.
Good times. Good times. All right, guys.
378
00:20:49,209 --> 00:20:53,167
Hold onto your socks,
because this is going to be awesome.
379
00:20:54,625 --> 00:20:55,667
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
380
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:59,124
Hey, guys! Come on in!
The kegs are full and the Jacuzzi's hot!
381
00:20:59,208 --> 00:21:00,333
Yeah!
382
00:21:00,999 --> 00:21:02,165
Party!
383
00:21:02,748 --> 00:21:03,916
Yeah!
384
00:21:05,207 --> 00:21:09,039
What's up? Going on? Ladies?
385
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:15,538
There's a lot of dudes here, right?
386
00:21:15,664 --> 00:21:18,081
Yeah. It's a total sausage fest.
387
00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:20,871
Check it out!
388
00:21:20,996 --> 00:21:24,496
These guys are so drunk
they're making out with each other.
389
00:21:24,621 --> 00:21:25,995
Morris, I don't think they're drunk.
390
00:21:26,079 --> 00:21:28,454
Who wants to play
glow-in-the-dark boners now?
391
00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:29,538
(CROWD CHEERING)
392
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,203
It's boner tag! It's boner tag!
393
00:21:33,078 --> 00:21:34,203
(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)
394
00:21:39,369 --> 00:21:43,452
Why would they send us
to an all-gay fraternity? Do we look gay?
395
00:21:43,536 --> 00:21:47,868
Maybe they found out how many times
you've been laid and just assumed.
396
00:21:47,993 --> 00:21:49,159
Real funny, Carter.
397
00:21:49,243 --> 00:21:53,867
Look, my cousin's a legacy. I doubt
they're gonna do that to us on purpose.
398
00:21:54,867 --> 00:21:58,574
Don't worry!
That was not full of my piss or anything.
399
00:21:59,908 --> 00:22:01,616
Just Bearcat's.
400
00:22:01,699 --> 00:22:02,824
MAN: Yeah!
401
00:22:02,907 --> 00:22:05,658
Hey, how was the party?
Did you guys find any dates?
402
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,698
Yeah, real funny, guys.
We almost got jumped back there.
403
00:22:07,823 --> 00:22:10,823
Watch your step, pre-frosh!
This ain't high school!
404
00:22:10,949 --> 00:22:13,656
Welcome to college, boys. Enjoy.
405
00:22:16,531 --> 00:22:17,531
Crap.
406
00:22:18,906 --> 00:22:21,738
MAN: (SINGING) Don't talk about it
407
00:22:21,863 --> 00:22:25,738
Oh, boy, don't talk about it
408
00:22:25,863 --> 00:22:29,696
If you do, I'll die
409
00:22:37,111 --> 00:22:38,986
Holy shit! This is insane!
410
00:22:39,069 --> 00:22:41,820
No, man. This is fucking college.
411
00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:43,486
(IMPLANTS SQUISHING)
412
00:22:45,401 --> 00:22:48,027
God bless America for such a place!
413
00:22:49,027 --> 00:22:50,943
Let's rock this bitch.
414
00:22:55,859 --> 00:22:57,526
(GLASS SHATTERING)
415
00:22:59,358 --> 00:23:02,192
Hey! Hey! Hey! What's up, fellows?
416
00:23:02,858 --> 00:23:06,857
Look, we feel like absolute shit
for what happened earlier.
417
00:23:06,982 --> 00:23:11,357
- Yeah. We think you guys are cool.
- Yeah. It was just a joke.
418
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,689
We weren't trying to be
like assholes or anything.
419
00:23:15,356 --> 00:23:16,356
Let us make it up to you.
420
00:23:16,481 --> 00:23:17,897
We're gonna go do some body shots.
421
00:23:18,023 --> 00:23:21,147
And we would love it
if you guys would come with us.
422
00:23:21,231 --> 00:23:22,688
Dude, we are so down!
423
00:23:22,814 --> 00:23:25,314
Actually, you know what?
I just filled up, so I'm cool.
424
00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:28,146
Yeah, I think I'm gonna take a pass, too.
425
00:23:28,230 --> 00:23:29,187
(SCOFFS)
426
00:23:29,312 --> 00:23:31,813
Lame and lamer.
427
00:23:33,937 --> 00:23:36,937
Just saying, man, I guess Gina was right.
428
00:23:39,686 --> 00:23:41,061
Dude, where's the bathroom?
429
00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:44,685
All right. All right, you know what?
Fuck it! I'm in.
430
00:23:46,769 --> 00:23:49,144
- COOPER: Bottle.
- This is awesome.
431
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,810
Salt.
432
00:23:58,975 --> 00:24:00,183
Limes.
433
00:24:03,350 --> 00:24:04,724
And lube.
434
00:24:06,432 --> 00:24:07,933
- What the hell is that for?
- TEAGUE: Just in case.
435
00:24:08,016 --> 00:24:12,640
We probably won't need it. You guys...
You guys are gonna love this.
436
00:24:12,765 --> 00:24:14,723
Where did the girls go?
437
00:24:14,848 --> 00:24:15,807
Unfortunately,
438
00:24:15,890 --> 00:24:17,014
(GRUNTS)
439
00:24:17,139 --> 00:24:18,555
the girls had to go home early.
440
00:24:19,890 --> 00:24:22,681
So who are we doing body shots off of?
441
00:24:22,806 --> 00:24:25,806
- Great question, Mike.
- Morris.
442
00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:29,305
Bearcat was nice enough
to take their place.
443
00:24:29,388 --> 00:24:30,846
Bearcat?
444
00:24:33,805 --> 00:24:34,804
MAN: Yeah!
445
00:24:35,187 --> 00:24:36,312
(GROANS)
446
00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:41,812
(ROARING)
447
00:24:46,811 --> 00:24:48,103
(ALL CHEERING)
448
00:24:48,977 --> 00:24:50,811
That's right, motherfuckers!
449
00:24:50,936 --> 00:24:52,851
- Okay, we're outta here, let's go.
- Yeah.
450
00:24:52,977 --> 00:24:54,143
Where are you guys going?
451
00:24:54,268 --> 00:24:58,559
Yeah, we thought you guys were cool.
We thought you wanted to party.
452
00:24:58,643 --> 00:25:00,393
Guess we were wrong.
453
00:25:00,475 --> 00:25:04,268
Well, have fun back at the dorm,
you fucking pussies.
454
00:25:10,891 --> 00:25:12,807
(FRAT BOYS CHANTING)
455
00:25:17,890 --> 00:25:19,764
(ALL CHEERING)
456
00:25:37,304 --> 00:25:38,805
(FRAT BOYS CHANTING)
457
00:25:58,343 --> 00:26:00,676
- ALL: Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Do it! Do it! Do it!
458
00:26:00,801 --> 00:26:03,134
- Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Do it! Do it! Do it!
459
00:26:03,260 --> 00:26:05,717
- Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Do it! Do it! Do it!
460
00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:07,633
- MAN: Do that shot!
- Yeah!
461
00:26:07,758 --> 00:26:09,259
MAN: Do that shot! Do it!
462
00:26:13,007 --> 00:26:14,466
Watch this!
463
00:26:28,298 --> 00:26:30,172
You are my best friend!
464
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,839
MAN: (SINGING) All the girls and the boys
And people making noise
465
00:26:32,965 --> 00:26:34,089
Just let me hear you shout
466
00:26:34,214 --> 00:26:35,922
Bring them out
Bring them out
467
00:26:36,005 --> 00:26:38,671
Everything's spinning around me.
I'm drunk right now.
468
00:26:38,796 --> 00:26:42,254
Doing shots of tequila out of
some guy's ass crack will do that to you.
469
00:26:42,379 --> 00:26:44,837
Whatever, man. You guys
are lightweights. I don't feel shit!
470
00:26:44,962 --> 00:26:46,546
Is that a fat joke, you bitch?
471
00:26:46,629 --> 00:26:48,545
- Here! Video me!
- Okay.
472
00:26:50,336 --> 00:26:53,294
Yeah, wait till Gina sees this! Party!
473
00:26:53,419 --> 00:26:55,669
(ALL CHEERING)
474
00:26:58,411 --> 00:27:00,368
Party!
475
00:27:06,492 --> 00:27:08,534
MAN: (SINGING) Pump up your fist
If you twist like this
476
00:27:08,658 --> 00:27:09,784
Till the lights go out
477
00:27:09,909 --> 00:27:11,117
Bring them out
Bring them out
478
00:27:12,491 --> 00:27:14,491
Katie
479
00:27:14,575 --> 00:27:17,325
I don't know why I even try
480
00:27:17,450 --> 00:27:19,615
'Cause lately
481
00:27:19,741 --> 00:27:22,325
You're always out with other guys
482
00:27:22,450 --> 00:27:24,865
Pretty baby
483
00:27:24,990 --> 00:27:27,448
Don't you know I'll treat you right
484
00:27:27,573 --> 00:27:30,073
I'll go crazy
485
00:27:30,157 --> 00:27:33,447
If you pass me up tonight
486
00:27:33,697 --> 00:27:36,114
Hey, hey, hey, hey
487
00:27:36,197 --> 00:27:38,530
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
488
00:27:38,655 --> 00:27:41,071
All this time can't get it off my mind
489
00:27:41,155 --> 00:27:42,779
Dance the night away
490
00:27:42,904 --> 00:27:43,863
Keep rocking with me
491
00:27:43,988 --> 00:27:46,238
When the grooves all right
Rocking all night
492
00:27:46,322 --> 00:27:48,404
I want to hear you say
493
00:27:48,737 --> 00:27:51,278
All the girls and the boys
And people making noise
494
00:27:51,361 --> 00:27:52,653
Just let me hear you shout
495
00:27:52,778 --> 00:27:54,070
Bring them out
Bring them out
496
00:27:54,153 --> 00:27:56,444
All the girls and the boys
And people making noise
497
00:27:56,569 --> 00:27:58,110
Just let me hear you shout
498
00:27:58,236 --> 00:27:59,278
Bring them out
Bring them out
499
00:27:59,403 --> 00:28:01,277
Pump up your fist
If you twist like this
500
00:28:03,110 --> 00:28:03,610
Till the lights go out
501
00:28:03,735 --> 00:28:04,694
Bring them out
Bring them out
502
00:28:04,819 --> 00:28:06,484
Wake up
503
00:28:06,610 --> 00:28:09,276
I'm calling you up
I need a ride
504
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:11,484
We're gonna shake up
505
00:28:11,610 --> 00:28:14,317
So hurry it up, no wasted time
506
00:28:14,442 --> 00:28:17,483
The girls in their makeup
In black and white
507
00:28:17,609 --> 00:28:19,816
Exchanging looks tonight
508
00:28:19,941 --> 00:28:22,816
I just ran into some other friends of mine
509
00:28:22,900 --> 00:28:25,316
Someone's coming round
To pick them up at nine
510
00:28:25,441 --> 00:28:27,940
All the girls and the boys
And people making noise
511
00:28:28,064 --> 00:28:29,065
Just let me hear you shout
512
00:28:29,149 --> 00:28:30,690
Bring them out
Bring them out
513
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:32,281
(SCREAMING)
514
00:28:32,656 --> 00:28:33,656
MAN: Fuck yeah!
515
00:28:35,448 --> 00:28:36,947
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
516
00:28:51,422 --> 00:28:52,672
Drink!
517
00:28:54,214 --> 00:28:57,380
- Sorry. What?
- I made the shot. Now you drink.
518
00:28:57,505 --> 00:29:00,046
Yeah, yeah, right. Cool. All right.
519
00:29:04,878 --> 00:29:07,587
- So when do I get a turn?
- When I miss.
520
00:29:09,253 --> 00:29:11,044
You kids having fun?
521
00:29:13,086 --> 00:29:15,295
What? I can't play?
522
00:29:17,043 --> 00:29:21,668
What do you say we wrap up this game
and bring it up to my room?
523
00:29:22,210 --> 00:29:23,501
Minus the dickhead.
524
00:29:23,627 --> 00:29:25,668
Yeah. I think I'll pass.
525
00:29:31,084 --> 00:29:34,041
Could I get the beer? No?
Later? Well, okay.
526
00:29:35,333 --> 00:29:37,874
- What an a-hole.
- Tell me about it.
527
00:29:38,333 --> 00:29:40,207
Anyway, where were we?
528
00:29:40,499 --> 00:29:41,790
(COIN PLOPPING)
529
00:29:42,541 --> 00:29:43,749
Nice.
530
00:29:46,206 --> 00:29:49,207
Nitrous in the hizzie!
Who wants a balloon?
531
00:29:51,540 --> 00:29:54,039
Granola Bar! Can I have one, please?
532
00:29:54,123 --> 00:29:56,330
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
The lady needs a balloon.
533
00:29:56,414 --> 00:29:58,247
There you go, darling,
that one's just for you.
534
00:29:58,372 --> 00:30:00,372
- I'm gonna sit.
- All right.
535
00:30:04,204 --> 00:30:08,162
Hey, here you go. Have a balloon.
536
00:30:08,246 --> 00:30:11,036
This balloon's for you! Have a balloon!
537
00:30:12,704 --> 00:30:13,995
No, no.
538
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:19,786
You have to inhale it.
It makes chicks crazy horny, like her.
539
00:30:20,202 --> 00:30:21,452
MORRIS: Wow.
540
00:30:23,035 --> 00:30:24,494
(INHALING DEEPLY)
541
00:30:25,202 --> 00:30:26,994
Feel the flow.
542
00:30:30,868 --> 00:30:35,575
Hey, I saw a laundry room back there.
You want to go make out or something?
543
00:30:36,159 --> 00:30:39,033
- Oh, my God! Are you serious?
- Yeah.
544
00:30:39,159 --> 00:30:43,075
I haven't heard a line like that since,
like, high school. Later.
545
00:30:44,032 --> 00:30:45,907
You've got flat tits!
546
00:30:46,949 --> 00:30:48,157
Do you mind?
547
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:52,031
What? Yeah, absolutely.
Have a... Have a sip.
548
00:30:54,780 --> 00:30:57,905
Or down the whole thing.
That's cool. Whatever.
549
00:30:58,030 --> 00:30:59,364
(BURPING)
550
00:31:06,487 --> 00:31:09,821
I'm so getting laid.
Excuse me. Excuse me!
551
00:31:10,237 --> 00:31:11,778
Excuse me. Excuse me!
552
00:31:11,862 --> 00:31:13,487
What's up? How's it going?
553
00:31:13,612 --> 00:31:15,987
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Excuse me! Excuse me!
554
00:31:16,070 --> 00:31:17,986
You're bigger than me.
Excuse me! Excuse me!
555
00:31:28,193 --> 00:31:29,860
This is awesome!
556
00:31:41,066 --> 00:31:43,275
Wait. What was that?
557
00:31:43,859 --> 00:31:45,275
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
558
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,732
Shit! I think someone's coming.
559
00:31:51,190 --> 00:31:52,232
- No, no, no. The bed, the bed!
- What?
560
00:31:52,357 --> 00:31:53,440
- I'm not gonna fit under there!
- You'll fit!
561
00:31:53,523 --> 00:31:56,315
- I will not fit under this bed.
- Get under!
562
00:31:57,857 --> 00:31:58,106
(DOOR OPENING)
563
00:32:01,230 --> 00:32:03,231
Are you sure this room's okay?
564
00:32:03,356 --> 00:32:06,938
It's fine. Relax, okay?
Everyone's downstairs.
565
00:32:07,354 --> 00:32:09,730
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Positive.
566
00:32:10,105 --> 00:32:13,437
GIRL 1: I'm just a little nervous, you know?
I've never really been with a girl before.
567
00:32:13,895 --> 00:32:18,395
GIRL 2: Don't worry.
I'll be gentle. I promise.
568
00:32:25,185 --> 00:32:26,269
(INAUDIBLE)
569
00:32:35,518 --> 00:32:38,643
Morris, maybe it's because
I'm really high right now,
570
00:32:38,727 --> 00:32:41,018
but I will just go for this.
571
00:32:41,101 --> 00:32:43,516
Go for what? You want another...
572
00:32:54,390 --> 00:32:58,515
Sorry. Your hand is down my pants.
573
00:32:58,598 --> 00:33:00,514
I know. Just relax.
574
00:33:01,806 --> 00:33:03,181
Sweet!
575
00:33:04,472 --> 00:33:07,222
Oh, God! That feels so good!
576
00:33:08,014 --> 00:33:11,596
- Your hands are like butter!
- Are like butter.
577
00:33:12,887 --> 00:33:16,179
You know, normally,
I'd be doing this to myself,
578
00:33:16,887 --> 00:33:19,220
but this is way better.
579
00:33:19,304 --> 00:33:22,721
Plus, I don't have to worry
about my mom walking in, and...
580
00:33:29,386 --> 00:33:31,844
Heather? Hello?
581
00:33:31,969 --> 00:33:33,386
(SNORING)
582
00:33:34,177 --> 00:33:36,260
Damn it! So close!
583
00:33:36,635 --> 00:33:38,051
(SIRENS BLARING)
584
00:33:49,569 --> 00:33:50,820
Cop!
585
00:33:51,552 --> 00:33:52,927
- What's your problem?
- Hey, come on.
586
00:33:53,052 --> 00:33:54,760
- Run!
- Who is that?
587
00:33:56,926 --> 00:33:59,719
Party's busted! Everybody run!
588
00:34:04,302 --> 00:34:05,676
GIRL: That sucks.
589
00:34:08,092 --> 00:34:09,383
(GIRL MOANING)
590
00:34:14,799 --> 00:34:16,216
GIRL 1: That feels so good.
591
00:34:16,341 --> 00:34:19,091
GIRL 2: I almost forgot.
GIRL 1: You carry that with you?
592
00:34:19,216 --> 00:34:21,424
GIRL 2: They don't call it
a pocket rocket for nothing.
593
00:34:21,549 --> 00:34:22,757
(INAUDIBLE)
594
00:34:23,632 --> 00:34:25,007
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)
595
00:34:27,464 --> 00:34:28,881
GIRL 1: You got it?
596
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,298
GIRL 2: Yeah. I got it. Where were we?
597
00:34:32,422 --> 00:34:33,547
(GIRL 1 MOANING)
598
00:34:38,838 --> 00:34:41,297
GIRL 2: I didn't know you were so kinky.
599
00:34:46,504 --> 00:34:47,671
GIRL 1: Yeah!
600
00:34:48,628 --> 00:34:50,628
Kiss me. Kiss me now.
601
00:34:50,712 --> 00:34:52,962
- GIRL 2: Really?
- Kiss me!
602
00:34:53,045 --> 00:34:54,794
Do it!
603
00:34:54,878 --> 00:34:57,544
- What was that?
- GIRL 2: I didn't hear anything.
604
00:34:57,669 --> 00:35:00,168
- GIRL 1: Are you sure?
- Yeah. Just relax.
605
00:35:00,752 --> 00:35:03,210
What the fuck do you know
about welfare reform?
606
00:35:03,293 --> 00:35:05,793
MAN: Come on down and check it out.
607
00:35:10,918 --> 00:35:12,084
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
608
00:35:18,542 --> 00:35:23,000
So, I don't really know what this means,
609
00:35:24,249 --> 00:35:28,498
but Amy says that she's under the bed
with your friend Carter.
610
00:35:28,582 --> 00:35:30,957
(BOTH LAUGHING)
611
00:35:31,039 --> 00:35:33,372
- Should I be worried?
- Yeah, definitely.
612
00:35:33,455 --> 00:35:34,997
Okay.
613
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,955
Wait a second.
Why aren't they on top of the bed?
614
00:35:38,038 --> 00:35:40,038
That's a good question.
615
00:35:42,663 --> 00:35:45,496
So what are you guys? Freshmen?
616
00:35:47,371 --> 00:35:50,204
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're freshmen. Yep.
617
00:35:50,287 --> 00:35:51,953
What's your major?
618
00:35:52,036 --> 00:35:53,912
Uh...
619
00:35:54,037 --> 00:35:56,494
- Photography.
- Really?
620
00:35:57,202 --> 00:36:01,703
I love photography.
I really suck, but that's cool.
621
00:36:01,827 --> 00:36:03,535
I heard they have
a really great program here.
622
00:36:03,660 --> 00:36:06,202
Yeah. It's supposed to be
one of the best in the country.
623
00:36:06,327 --> 00:36:08,909
Maybe you can give me
a lesson sometime.
624
00:36:09,034 --> 00:36:10,534
Yeah, sure.
625
00:36:11,868 --> 00:36:13,201
(DOOR CLOSING)
626
00:36:15,367 --> 00:36:16,867
That was so hot.
627
00:36:16,992 --> 00:36:18,659
Please tell me you're as horny
as I am right now.
628
00:36:18,742 --> 00:36:19,741
- Hornier.
- Good.
629
00:36:19,867 --> 00:36:21,033
BEARCAT: What's up, man?
630
00:36:21,158 --> 00:36:25,074
Wow, motherfucker,
I can't believe we did that shit last night.
631
00:36:39,322 --> 00:36:40,738
What the...
632
00:36:42,364 --> 00:36:44,197
Christmas came early!
633
00:36:44,488 --> 00:36:45,863
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)
634
00:36:45,946 --> 00:36:47,946
(BEARCAT MOANING)
635
00:36:56,695 --> 00:36:59,986
- Here we are.
- Yep. Here we are.
636
00:37:01,154 --> 00:37:04,194
You know, you're different
than most college guys.
637
00:37:04,318 --> 00:37:08,111
Well, you know,
I don't even really feel like a college guy.
638
00:37:08,901 --> 00:37:11,818
Yeah. I could tell.
But it's a good thing.
639
00:37:16,775 --> 00:37:19,234
- Maybe I'll see you around.
- Yeah.
640
00:37:20,151 --> 00:37:22,483
- I hope so.
- Okay. Bye.
641
00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:24,233
In the night sky
642
00:37:25,858 --> 00:37:28,858
In the night sky
643
00:37:29,982 --> 00:37:32,898
In the night sky
644
00:37:38,189 --> 00:37:42,938
In the night sky
It used to be home
645
00:37:45,980 --> 00:37:47,813
- Kevin!
- Jesus, what?
646
00:37:48,980 --> 00:37:50,355
What do you want?
647
00:38:22,183 --> 00:38:25,308
Morris. Wake up, sleepy.
648
00:38:34,016 --> 00:38:36,724
Holy shit. Did we...
649
00:38:36,848 --> 00:38:39,181
Heck, yeah! All night long.
650
00:38:39,265 --> 00:38:40,265
(GROWLING)
651
00:38:40,348 --> 00:38:41,764
Give it to me again, big boy!
652
00:38:41,848 --> 00:38:44,473
This is the greatest day of my life.
653
00:38:46,514 --> 00:38:50,222
Hey, Dad. Dad! What are you doing here?
654
00:38:50,347 --> 00:38:55,679
You missed your interview, Morris.
You blew it, the scholarship, Fieldmont,
655
00:38:57,013 --> 00:38:58,470
everything.
656
00:38:59,220 --> 00:39:00,512
(SCREAMING)
657
00:39:08,344 --> 00:39:09,595
Shit!
658
00:39:12,844 --> 00:39:14,468
The interview!
659
00:39:25,175 --> 00:39:26,466
Give it up
660
00:39:29,675 --> 00:39:31,008
Give it up
661
00:39:34,258 --> 00:39:35,549
Give it up
662
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:39,799
Give it up
663
00:39:46,298 --> 00:39:48,881
Apparently, Mr. Hooper's a no-show.
664
00:39:53,547 --> 00:39:55,005
MORRIS: Thank God!
665
00:39:56,171 --> 00:39:59,046
You're still here. I'm sorry I'm late.
666
00:40:03,838 --> 00:40:08,669
Now, behind me is the bronze statue
of a revolutionary war hero,
667
00:40:08,752 --> 00:40:11,003
General W.S. Fieldmont.
668
00:40:11,128 --> 00:40:14,918
It has become one of
the most sacred landmarks of our time.
669
00:40:17,085 --> 00:40:20,917
My life is over.
My parents are gonna disown me.
670
00:40:21,001 --> 00:40:25,876
- Dude, they probably didn't even notice.
- Didn't notice? Did you see my face?
671
00:40:26,001 --> 00:40:27,167
(LAUGHING)
672
00:40:27,292 --> 00:40:30,292
Yeah, dude, I did.
That shit was so funny.
673
00:40:30,375 --> 00:40:34,000
Whatever, dude. Just kiss
the scholarship bye-bye and move on.
674
00:40:34,125 --> 00:40:35,500
And where the hell is Kevin, by the way?
675
00:40:35,624 --> 00:40:38,082
You know, he should've been here by now.
This is his campus tour.
676
00:40:38,166 --> 00:40:42,040
He probably just hooked up last night.
At least someone did.
677
00:40:42,999 --> 00:40:45,123
You don't think
something happened to him, do you?
678
00:40:45,248 --> 00:40:48,831
Dude, it's college.
What could possibly happen to him?
679
00:40:51,955 --> 00:40:53,956
(ALL LAUGHING)
680
00:41:10,203 --> 00:41:14,661
Looking good, Kev.
A lot hairier than I thought you'd be.
681
00:41:20,368 --> 00:41:22,702
- Check it out.
- Hey!
682
00:41:22,827 --> 00:41:25,452
- Nice diaper!
- Looking good, buddy!
683
00:41:29,492 --> 00:41:31,825
Okay. This is really embarrassing.
684
00:41:31,908 --> 00:41:34,324
Yeah, it's not really
the highlight of my day either, Carter.
685
00:41:34,408 --> 00:41:35,658
Why would they do this to you?
686
00:41:35,783 --> 00:41:40,574
I don't know. Because they can, I guess.
There's some clothes in my car. Try...
687
00:41:49,157 --> 00:41:50,406
Maybe we should just go home.
688
00:41:50,489 --> 00:41:52,239
We're not going anywhere, all right?
Not yet.
689
00:41:52,322 --> 00:41:54,740
Why not? What are you trying to prove?
690
00:41:54,823 --> 00:41:58,280
I'm not trying to prove anything.
I'm just trying to have fun.
691
00:41:58,405 --> 00:42:01,072
Amen to that! God, I love the new Kevin!
692
00:42:01,155 --> 00:42:02,863
You call this having a good time?
693
00:42:02,988 --> 00:42:06,363
I'll get back at them.
It could have been worse.
694
00:42:06,487 --> 00:42:09,320
What could be worse than getting
duct-taped naked to a statue all night?
695
00:42:09,653 --> 00:42:13,154
Hey, what's up, Gina?
It's that boring guy you dumped!
696
00:42:13,279 --> 00:42:14,986
Fieldmont rocks!
697
00:42:15,236 --> 00:42:17,778
(KEVIN WHOOPING)
698
00:42:25,652 --> 00:42:27,568
Dude, maybe the message
didn't even send.
699
00:42:27,651 --> 00:42:30,277
You know what?
Whatever, I'm kind of hoping it did.
700
00:42:30,401 --> 00:42:33,817
Really? Well, in that case,
let's do like a whole Kevin party series.
701
00:42:33,900 --> 00:42:35,693
- We'll post it online...
- Yeah, dude, don't push it.
702
00:42:35,817 --> 00:42:36,942
Okay.
703
00:42:39,816 --> 00:42:42,483
Come on, Morris.
Being stuck here isn't the worst thing.
704
00:42:42,608 --> 00:42:45,107
You know, I mean,
it's probably for the best.
705
00:42:45,190 --> 00:42:46,399
How's it for the best?
706
00:42:46,482 --> 00:42:48,898
Because if you went home now,
you know exactly what would happen.
707
00:42:48,982 --> 00:42:52,440
Yeah! Your parents would go ape-shit
on your ass for blowing the big interview.
708
00:42:52,565 --> 00:42:54,982
And now at least you could probably talk
to that Dean Chandler guy.
709
00:42:55,064 --> 00:42:57,064
You know, explain what happened.
710
00:42:57,148 --> 00:42:58,856
You really think that would work?
711
00:42:58,980 --> 00:43:01,148
I think it's worth a shot.
What do you have to lose?
712
00:43:01,272 --> 00:43:02,439
And you may see that Heather chick again
713
00:43:02,522 --> 00:43:05,063
and get more than a half hand job.
714
00:43:06,813 --> 00:43:09,146
I think he'll definitely see her again.
715
00:43:09,770 --> 00:43:10,979
(CARTER EXCLAIMS)
716
00:43:12,730 --> 00:43:14,146
Yeah.
717
00:43:14,478 --> 00:43:16,270
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
718
00:43:40,641 --> 00:43:45,641
By the way, I sort of accidentally
told Kendall we were in college last night.
719
00:44:24,728 --> 00:44:26,853
Looks like those high school fuckers
aren't as stupid as we thought.
720
00:44:26,978 --> 00:44:28,894
They got front row seats to nipple city.
721
00:44:34,518 --> 00:44:36,851
Motherfuckers!
722
00:44:38,393 --> 00:44:40,393
It's part of the whole
sorority experience.
723
00:44:40,476 --> 00:44:44,059
Fraternities throw parties,
and we have charity events.
724
00:44:44,143 --> 00:44:46,017
Nice! Are any of them naked?
725
00:44:46,142 --> 00:44:47,100
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
726
00:44:47,225 --> 00:44:50,309
All right, bitches, you're up!
This isn't social hour!
727
00:44:50,434 --> 00:44:52,182
So I guess you better go, huh?
728
00:44:52,308 --> 00:44:54,224
Yeah, but maybe if you're lucky,
729
00:44:54,308 --> 00:44:57,057
we'll let you guys buy us
a few beers tonight at Bruno's.
730
00:44:57,141 --> 00:44:58,974
- What's that?
- A bar.
731
00:44:59,473 --> 00:45:02,223
Wait. You guys do go to bars, right?
732
00:45:03,390 --> 00:45:07,306
- Bars? Yeah. All the time.
- Every day. I'm always at the bar.
733
00:45:07,847 --> 00:45:10,347
Just make sure you bring this guy.
734
00:45:10,805 --> 00:45:12,346
- This guy?
- Me?
735
00:45:12,471 --> 00:45:13,722
Yeah, you.
736
00:45:13,804 --> 00:45:17,430
Last night was the first frat party
I actually enjoyed.
737
00:45:17,555 --> 00:45:19,178
Because of me?
738
00:45:19,470 --> 00:45:22,929
- Okay.
- Well, we'll see you guys tonight then.
739
00:45:24,928 --> 00:45:28,220
Hey, I was thinking maybe we could,
you know,
740
00:45:28,304 --> 00:45:30,177
finish what we started last night.
741
00:45:30,303 --> 00:45:33,511
Maybe.
Just try not to pass out on me this time.
742
00:45:37,343 --> 00:45:38,428
God, that girl fucking rocks.
743
00:45:42,301 --> 00:45:43,342
- Kev?
- Yeah?
744
00:45:43,467 --> 00:45:49,508
On a scale of one to ten,
I like boobies at, like, 9,000. Seriously.
745
00:45:49,633 --> 00:45:51,550
What's up, fellows?
746
00:45:52,259 --> 00:45:53,258
Hey, Kevin!
747
00:45:53,341 --> 00:45:57,757
Heard you and the General got a
little cozy last night. Jesus Christ!
748
00:45:58,383 --> 00:46:00,424
Yeah. Yeah, that was a good one, Teague.
749
00:46:00,507 --> 00:46:04,465
Hey, I don't suppose you know
what happened to my car, do you?
750
00:46:08,547 --> 00:46:11,006
- So that's how it's gonna be, Teague?
- That's right, pre-frosh.
751
00:46:11,131 --> 00:46:14,046
In fact, we got a job
for you three douche bags.
752
00:46:14,130 --> 00:46:16,214
What kind of job?
753
00:46:16,297 --> 00:46:20,421
Nothing much. We're just gonna need you
to clean the house for our party tonight.
754
00:46:20,504 --> 00:46:24,795
Maybe wash my car.
You know how I like to keep my ride clean.
755
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,171
Where did I put them keys?
756
00:46:28,171 --> 00:46:29,587
(EXCLAIMING)
757
00:46:37,794 --> 00:46:41,461
- Fuck that! No!
- Am I sensing some hostility?
758
00:46:41,586 --> 00:46:42,626
Wait, are you guys serious?
759
00:46:42,751 --> 00:46:44,168
Well, you guys didn't think
your room and board
760
00:46:44,293 --> 00:46:45,626
were gonna be free here, did you?
761
00:46:45,751 --> 00:46:47,793
We're not cleaning your house!
No fucking way!
762
00:46:47,917 --> 00:46:50,709
Well, maybe your little girlfriends
over there would like to find out
763
00:46:50,792 --> 00:46:53,168
you guys are still in high school.
764
00:46:53,292 --> 00:46:54,625
How do you know
we didn't already tell them?
765
00:46:54,750 --> 00:46:59,208
Because if you did, they wouldn't be
giving you the time of day, you little dicks.
766
00:46:59,292 --> 00:47:01,707
Better get to work now, boys!
767
00:47:01,790 --> 00:47:03,498
TEAGUE: Pick the keys up.
768
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:08,165
Boom!
769
00:47:11,039 --> 00:47:13,748
And Kevin? Kevy?
770
00:47:15,247 --> 00:47:17,039
Don't waste your time with Kendall.
771
00:47:17,123 --> 00:47:19,414
You don't want my sloppy seconds,
do you?
772
00:47:19,496 --> 00:47:22,955
Unless you're into that?
You fucking sicko! Go inside.
773
00:47:29,121 --> 00:47:32,661
Dude, why do we have to clean?
Don't they got pledges to do this shit?
774
00:47:32,786 --> 00:47:35,745
Dude, I think this weekend
we are the pledges.
775
00:47:37,828 --> 00:47:39,785
(BEER SONG PLAYING)
776
00:47:49,784 --> 00:47:51,825
MAN: (SINGING)
Don't let them take it all away
777
00:47:56,450 --> 00:47:58,617
I'm down on my luck
I'm out on the streets
778
00:47:58,743 --> 00:48:01,158
I'm at wit's end
I've nearly been beat
779
00:48:01,283 --> 00:48:04,240
See they've taken my home
They've taken my wife
780
00:48:04,365 --> 00:48:06,657
They've taken my job
And they've taken my life
781
00:48:06,782 --> 00:48:09,407
But there's one thing
That they will not take
782
00:48:09,490 --> 00:48:12,240
That I will hold till the end
Until my dying day
783
00:48:12,323 --> 00:48:14,947
'Cause it's part of me
And it's time that we say
784
00:48:15,072 --> 00:48:18,072
They will not take it all away!
785
00:48:33,237 --> 00:48:35,112
Don't let them take it all away
786
00:48:38,653 --> 00:48:40,652
It's getting harder every day
787
00:48:44,111 --> 00:48:46,110
Brothers, sisters, hear me say
788
00:48:50,235 --> 00:48:53,067
I'm pounding the pavement
Through thick and thin
789
00:48:53,151 --> 00:48:55,526
Good times and bad
I just can't win
790
00:48:55,609 --> 00:48:58,608
I've been beat on, kicked on
Insulted to my face
791
00:48:58,692 --> 00:49:00,984
The whole bleeding world thinks
I'm a bleeding disgrace
792
00:49:01,109 --> 00:49:04,066
Yeah, they can own my body
But they'll never own my mind
793
00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:06,400
So they better face the facts
'Cause now is the time
794
00:49:06,483 --> 00:49:09,441
Till we all join hands
And all of us say
795
00:49:09,566 --> 00:49:12,399
They will not take it all away
796
00:49:23,981 --> 00:49:26,730
That's really funny.
'Cause I've been cleaning all day,
797
00:49:26,855 --> 00:49:29,271
so you think that it'd be funny
to come in and throw a cup down.
798
00:49:29,354 --> 00:49:32,313
Because I've been working really hard
and you want to ruin that for me.
799
00:49:32,438 --> 00:49:36,146
I love that! You're just...
You're so fucking cool, you bitch.
800
00:49:36,271 --> 00:49:39,604
Yeah, get some, you punk-ass bitch!
Come here, you steaming fuck!
801
00:49:49,019 --> 00:49:53,560
- I don't know if this is a good idea.
- You want that scholarship, don't you?
802
00:49:54,768 --> 00:49:55,894
Go on.
803
00:50:00,601 --> 00:50:05,725
Come on, man! You can do it!
I believe in you! You're the coolest, bro!
804
00:50:06,850 --> 00:50:10,266
- Yeah, he's totally fucked. Yep.
- Yeah, totally.
805
00:50:10,599 --> 00:50:12,016
Shit! Run away!
806
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:19,515
Let's just say that this morning was,
well, rather shocking.
807
00:50:20,056 --> 00:50:23,055
Heck, I didn't even know
what some of those words meant.
808
00:50:23,180 --> 00:50:25,431
I had to search the Internet for them.
809
00:50:25,556 --> 00:50:29,888
But I guess that's what happens
when you choose to stay at a frat house,
810
00:50:29,971 --> 00:50:32,930
rather than the dorm room
we assigned you.
811
00:50:33,013 --> 00:50:35,929
I know, sir. It was a bad choice.
812
00:50:36,013 --> 00:50:41,053
Christ, if I had my way,
I'd kick every fraternity off this campus.
813
00:50:41,179 --> 00:50:46,219
Do you know that those animals
suck nitrous oxide
814
00:50:46,344 --> 00:50:49,511
out of balloons just to get high?
815
00:50:49,595 --> 00:50:51,844
Really? That's just awful!
816
00:50:52,594 --> 00:50:53,760
(CHUCKLING)
817
00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:59,010
Mr. Hooper, there is no doubt
that you are academically gifted,
818
00:51:00,342 --> 00:51:05,383
but the scholarships we give out here
are about much more than just that.
819
00:51:05,508 --> 00:51:07,509
Dean Chandler, that's me.
820
00:51:08,301 --> 00:51:10,383
My family has a long history at Fieldmont,
821
00:51:10,508 --> 00:51:13,174
and I'd like to continue that legacy.
822
00:51:13,257 --> 00:51:15,883
Well, you know, son, I guess
you're gonna have to prove it to me.
823
00:51:15,966 --> 00:51:17,923
For, as of right now, Mr. Hooper,
824
00:51:18,007 --> 00:51:22,174
you and your scholarship
are hanging by a thread.
825
00:51:27,714 --> 00:51:30,505
God! You're so lame!
826
00:51:30,589 --> 00:51:32,422
Dude, where have you been? It's go time!
827
00:51:32,547 --> 00:51:37,087
Relax! Relax!
I just had to run a little errand.
828
00:51:38,088 --> 00:51:41,920
All my years of hard work
have finally paid off! That's my boy.
829
00:51:44,129 --> 00:51:46,336
- Nice.
- What's wrong, Morris?
830
00:51:47,961 --> 00:51:51,211
What's wrong?
I'm having a breakdown, Kevin!
831
00:51:51,295 --> 00:51:53,169
Or have you forgotten what that feels like?
832
00:51:53,252 --> 00:51:55,252
- I understand, man.
- What am I gonna do?
833
00:51:55,335 --> 00:51:59,210
Somehow, I have to convince the Dean
that I actually want to go here.
834
00:51:59,294 --> 00:52:01,460
Well, look, there's nothing
you can do about it tonight, all right?
835
00:52:01,585 --> 00:52:05,376
- So let's just go get our girls. Here.
- This doesn't even look like me.
836
00:52:05,500 --> 00:52:07,500
Whatever, Morris. Just tell the bouncer
you don't photograph well.
837
00:52:07,625 --> 00:52:09,168
Let me see it.
838
00:52:10,542 --> 00:52:15,083
Dude, this will totally work!
You guys are both just so ugly.
839
00:52:15,208 --> 00:52:17,332
You're a little uglier, but it'll be good.
Don't worry about it.
840
00:52:17,624 --> 00:52:19,082
(LAUGHING)
841
00:52:19,373 --> 00:52:21,082
Laquisha?
842
00:52:21,207 --> 00:52:24,998
Man, you actually expect me
to buy that your name is Laquisha?
843
00:52:25,789 --> 00:52:28,331
You know what? I like how you roll, dog.
You in.
844
00:52:28,415 --> 00:52:30,664
10 bucks cover tonight, guys.
845
00:52:32,164 --> 00:52:33,372
Shit!
846
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,621
- Sorry, guys. No dough, no go.
- Fuck!
847
00:52:37,413 --> 00:52:38,538
Let the ladies through.
848
00:52:38,620 --> 00:52:41,079
Let the ladies through.
Let the ladies through.
849
00:52:41,163 --> 00:52:45,371
- What was that? They didn't pay.
- Did you see the size of those racks?
850
00:52:47,079 --> 00:52:50,661
- No.
- Yeah, you big, big man.
851
00:52:50,745 --> 00:52:53,286
You like that when
I squeeze them together for you?
852
00:52:53,411 --> 00:52:54,369
I said no.
853
00:52:58,327 --> 00:53:00,827
I cannot believe
those assholes ripped us off.
854
00:53:00,910 --> 00:53:03,410
They've done pretty much
everything else to us so far this weekend.
855
00:53:03,493 --> 00:53:05,243
Why not that?
856
00:53:05,368 --> 00:53:06,826
Man, do you think this is
what it's going to be like
857
00:53:06,951 --> 00:53:09,909
- when we're really in college?
- Who knows?
858
00:53:09,993 --> 00:53:13,075
Well, we probably won't all be together.
I know that.
859
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:15,783
God, Morris, you're such a fucking baby!
Would you stop being a girl?
860
00:53:15,908 --> 00:53:19,033
- Would you please just shut up?
- What? It's true!
861
00:53:19,158 --> 00:53:22,533
Think about it, guys. This is it!
Senior year.
862
00:53:24,615 --> 00:53:26,656
Man, he's right. This is it.
863
00:53:26,740 --> 00:53:29,157
You know, all the more of a reason
to take advantage of being here.
864
00:53:29,240 --> 00:53:30,823
All right, I'm not sitting around.
Come on, you guys!
865
00:53:30,906 --> 00:53:31,947
Where are you going?
866
00:53:32,072 --> 00:53:34,531
What do you think?
We've got a frat party to go to. Come on!
867
00:53:34,656 --> 00:53:37,031
- What about the girls?
- Shut up.
868
00:53:38,779 --> 00:53:39,905
(MORRIS GROANING)
869
00:53:41,155 --> 00:53:42,238
- It hurts.
- Morris, let's go!
870
00:53:42,363 --> 00:53:43,738
Come on.
871
00:53:43,863 --> 00:53:46,821
- Wait for me!
- You're so slow! You're so slow!
872
00:53:47,738 --> 00:53:50,737
MAN: (SINGING) I was on my way up
She was on her way down
873
00:53:50,862 --> 00:53:54,611
And I didn't know I crossed that line
874
00:53:54,737 --> 00:53:59,194
Make me sick to my stomach
When I think of that woman
875
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:02,110
Sitting in this cell of mine
876
00:54:02,527 --> 00:54:06,402
I said, "Goddamn, I'm only a man"
877
00:54:06,526 --> 00:54:09,692
Give me 15 years to life
878
00:54:10,568 --> 00:54:12,359
Jailbait
879
00:54:15,858 --> 00:54:19,191
(JAILBAIT CONTINUES PLAYING)
880
00:54:29,399 --> 00:54:31,898
(SLICE OF LIFE PLAYING)
881
00:54:43,063 --> 00:54:44,813
GIRL: Come on, cowboy.
882
00:54:46,396 --> 00:54:47,479
MAN: Yeah!
883
00:54:48,354 --> 00:54:51,520
GIRL: You guys ready to celebrate?
All right!
884
00:54:55,228 --> 00:54:56,978
Where's my whip?
885
00:54:58,436 --> 00:55:00,811
You want to be my bitch, huh?
886
00:55:05,185 --> 00:55:06,519
Pass it on.
887
00:55:31,557 --> 00:55:32,724
(EXCLAIMS)
888
00:55:36,223 --> 00:55:40,306
- Fellows, it's not polite to stare!
- What the fuck, man? What's up?
889
00:55:40,889 --> 00:55:44,638
Ladies, I want you to meet
some very special guests.
890
00:55:44,722 --> 00:55:46,388
- Hi, boys.
- What's up?
891
00:55:46,513 --> 00:55:50,180
- Hi, cutie.
- Me? Hi.
892
00:55:50,305 --> 00:55:52,554
Wait. You're the Penthouse
Pet of the Year.
893
00:55:52,679 --> 00:55:53,804
Mmm-hmm.
894
00:55:53,888 --> 00:55:57,262
- (STAMMERING) And you're...
- On the cover of Penthouse Letters.
895
00:55:57,387 --> 00:56:00,179
Fellows!
Good for you for staying current.
896
00:56:00,262 --> 00:56:01,511
(SIGHS)
897
00:56:01,636 --> 00:56:05,844
Where were we? Where were we?
Where were...
898
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,010
Yeah, that's right. Ladies?
899
00:56:11,135 --> 00:56:14,385
These guys were nice enough
to pay for all this.
900
00:56:14,509 --> 00:56:17,009
Wait a second. That's what you did
with our money? You paid for this party?
901
00:56:17,134 --> 00:56:20,009
Hey, kegs aren't cheap these days,
my man.
902
00:56:20,134 --> 00:56:22,134
Neither are the circus animals
we got coming later.
903
00:56:22,216 --> 00:56:23,924
Wait! You couldn't have paid for this.
904
00:56:24,049 --> 00:56:25,467
We didn't even have
that much money in our wallets.
905
00:56:25,550 --> 00:56:29,174
- Yeah.
- Yeah. What's up with that?
906
00:56:29,299 --> 00:56:31,008
Luckily, you guys had some plastic.
907
00:56:31,133 --> 00:56:32,924
God, my parents gave me that
in case of an emergency.
908
00:56:33,048 --> 00:56:35,007
Well, good thing they got
such a high limit!
909
00:56:35,090 --> 00:56:38,673
We almost maxed those puppies out.
Especially on this guy.
910
00:56:39,381 --> 00:56:40,797
Verne Troyer?
911
00:56:41,339 --> 00:56:43,506
- That's Mini-Me.
- Verne!
912
00:56:46,547 --> 00:56:50,255
- Why do you keep hitting me? Fuck!
- Shut up, bitch!
913
00:56:51,297 --> 00:56:52,713
Fucking Mini-Me.
914
00:56:52,838 --> 00:56:56,088
It was Bearcat's idea.
God, I love that guy.
915
00:56:57,712 --> 00:57:01,670
Anyhow, we've gotta go be social.
916
00:57:01,795 --> 00:57:05,336
You douche bags have fun. Okay? Okay.
917
00:57:05,461 --> 00:57:06,627
Babies?
918
00:57:09,586 --> 00:57:12,710
That was so weird, but so hot!
Dude, she grabbed my nipple!
919
00:57:12,835 --> 00:57:14,793
Dude, she twisted my nipple, dude!
920
00:57:14,918 --> 00:57:18,168
So, basically, this is our party.
921
00:57:18,251 --> 00:57:23,167
- Yeah. In a roundabout way, I guess it is.
- Why don't I like where this is going?
922
00:57:23,250 --> 00:57:25,334
Come on, Morris! I mean, we paid for it.
We may as well enjoy it.
923
00:57:25,459 --> 00:57:28,042
- That's my boy!
- Come on! Who wants to keg stand?
924
00:57:28,167 --> 00:57:31,041
Me! Me! I'm first!
I wanna go first! Please.
925
00:57:33,875 --> 00:57:35,416
(LET'S GO GET WASTED PLAYING)
926
00:57:35,540 --> 00:57:38,499
- Have you ever done one of these before?
- No, but it looks like fun, huh, man?
927
00:57:38,623 --> 00:57:39,832
Yeah. Real fun.
928
00:57:39,957 --> 00:57:41,582
All right, here,
make sure you get a good shot.
929
00:57:41,706 --> 00:57:44,081
Wait, I thought you didn't want
to send Gina any more videos.
930
00:57:44,206 --> 00:57:46,414
I changed my mind, all right?
Wait till she sees this one.
931
00:57:46,539 --> 00:57:48,497
- Nice!
- Kev, come on.
932
00:57:48,580 --> 00:57:51,497
What's happening?
You don't have to do this.
933
00:57:52,205 --> 00:57:54,663
Yeah, I do, Morris, all right?
And you should lighten up and do one, too.
934
00:57:54,746 --> 00:57:56,580
Yeah, fuck nugget.
935
00:57:56,705 --> 00:57:59,412
Me? No way. That's a bad idea.
936
00:57:59,537 --> 00:58:02,662
- I'm already on thin ice with the Dean.
- Whatever!
937
00:58:03,912 --> 00:58:08,329
You know what? I think I'm gonna go
and find something non-alcoholic to drink.
938
00:58:08,412 --> 00:58:09,536
You guys have fun puking on yourselves.
939
00:58:09,661 --> 00:58:12,994
Okay. We will, buddy. I love you!
Call me later. Be safe.
940
00:58:13,077 --> 00:58:16,493
- All right, whatever. Let's do this thing!
- All right.
941
00:58:16,577 --> 00:58:19,492
Yeah. Be careful with him, guys.
He's fragile.
942
00:58:19,576 --> 00:58:21,868
Bitches spit, Kev. Bitches spit.
943
00:58:33,616 --> 00:58:36,865
- Hey, is there alcohol in there?
- In the punch?
944
00:58:39,074 --> 00:58:41,699
No, not at all.
945
00:58:41,823 --> 00:58:46,282
In fact, this is non-alcoholic
for our designated drivers.
946
00:58:47,698 --> 00:58:50,990
- Really?
- Big old Bearcat wouldn't lie to you.
947
00:58:51,814 --> 00:58:55,147
After last night, I feel like we bonded.
948
00:58:53,930 --> 00:58:58,138
In fact, if you don't believe me,
have a taste.
949
00:59:01,170 --> 00:59:03,004
Hey, can I have some punch?
950
00:59:03,430 --> 00:59:05,679
Hey, safety first.
951
00:59:06,262 --> 00:59:08,511
- Another designated driver.
- Thank you.
952
00:59:11,478 --> 00:59:17,102
- Wow! It's pretty good.
- Drink up, buddy. You look thirsty.
953
00:59:17,227 --> 00:59:20,226
Thanks, Bearcat. You're all right.
954
00:59:20,351 --> 00:59:23,101
Listen to me. If anybody,
955
00:59:23,226 --> 00:59:27,643
and I mean anybody,
fucks with you tonight, find me.
956
00:59:27,767 --> 00:59:29,226
I got your front.
957
00:59:29,350 --> 00:59:32,641
- Don't you mean "back"?
- If that's how you want it.
958
00:59:33,851 --> 00:59:36,641
If you feel something
moving in your pants, don't fight it!
959
00:59:37,724 --> 00:59:39,183
Who's fucking on my floor?
960
00:59:43,682 --> 00:59:46,390
- Heather!
- I know you!
961
00:59:46,473 --> 00:59:48,764
GIRL: Hey, Teague, who's the blonde?
962
00:59:49,598 --> 00:59:53,639
Hey! Kendall! I'm glad you made it.
Let me get you girls some beers.
963
00:59:53,764 --> 00:59:56,055
No, thanks, Teague. Not now.
964
00:59:56,139 --> 01:00:00,346
If you're looking for who I think
you're looking for, don't bother.
965
01:00:00,471 --> 01:00:03,220
He's a loser, him and his little friends.
966
01:00:03,638 --> 01:00:07,262
Are you really that jealous?
967
01:00:08,387 --> 01:00:11,804
You had your chance, Teague,
and thank God you blew it.
968
01:00:24,445 --> 01:00:26,487
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
969
01:00:29,278 --> 01:00:31,736
- Yeah!
- I wanna drink! I wanna drink!
970
01:00:32,736 --> 01:00:36,111
- Fuck, yeah!
- You are so awesome!
971
01:00:36,236 --> 01:00:38,236
- Verne!
- Verne! Hey, Verne!
972
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:41,277
- Fuck you, prick!
- I love you, too!
973
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,859
- Hey, man, did you get that one?
- Dude, you fucking drained the thing!
974
01:00:43,943 --> 01:00:47,818
- Holy shit. Oh, hey, hey! Look, look!
- Ladies!
975
01:00:47,943 --> 01:00:50,275
Hey, Kendall! Kendall, hey!
976
01:00:50,359 --> 01:00:51,608
What's up, ladies?
977
01:00:51,733 --> 01:00:53,067
We were hoping you guys would show up.
978
01:00:53,150 --> 01:00:56,525
Yeah, we waited at the bar
tonight for, like, two hours.
979
01:00:56,608 --> 01:00:58,191
Yeah. Way to blow us off.
980
01:00:58,275 --> 01:01:02,232
Amy, girl, you know
I'd never blow you off.
981
01:01:02,357 --> 01:01:06,732
Especially last night, you know,
after the lesbian thing.
982
01:01:06,815 --> 01:01:09,481
Hey, hey, look, the bouncer
wouldn't let us in, 'cause our IDs sucked.
983
01:01:09,606 --> 01:01:11,564
We got in just fine,
and we don't even have ID.
984
01:01:11,690 --> 01:01:15,730
Yeah, but, see, you guys got tits,
and those things are like gold.
985
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:19,064
Hey, but you know what?
You know what we're gonna do?
986
01:01:19,146 --> 01:01:23,522
Let us make it up to you, okay,
'cause you still need those beers, right?
987
01:01:23,647 --> 01:01:26,771
- I think you've had plenty.
- Me? Come on! Please!
988
01:01:28,687 --> 01:01:30,687
I'm just getting started.
989
01:01:32,436 --> 01:01:34,436
All right, well,
I'm gonna get you those beers.
990
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:35,561
We're gonna get you the beers.
991
01:01:35,645 --> 01:01:37,603
- So don't move.
- Let's go!
992
01:01:38,061 --> 01:01:40,977
- Excuse me, boobies! Look out!
- Wait. Where's Morris?
993
01:01:46,434 --> 01:01:47,685
(HORN HONKING)
994
01:01:48,434 --> 01:01:50,017
- Cocksucking motherfucker!
- Fuck you!
995
01:01:50,101 --> 01:01:52,559
Come on back and fight like a man!
996
01:01:55,559 --> 01:01:57,350
MAN: (SINGING) So, let's go
997
01:01:57,559 --> 01:01:59,433
And get wasted
998
01:02:00,392 --> 01:02:02,808
Let's go
Let's go
999
01:02:02,891 --> 01:02:05,432
And get high
1000
01:02:05,558 --> 01:02:07,057
Let's go
1001
01:02:09,140 --> 01:02:10,640
(EXCLAIMS)
1002
01:02:10,723 --> 01:02:13,139
Look who's here!
Little high school friends.
1003
01:02:13,223 --> 01:02:16,389
Hey, come on, don't be a dick, Teague.
Fill us up.
1004
01:02:16,931 --> 01:02:19,139
- What'd you say?
- I said fill us up, fucktard.
1005
01:02:19,223 --> 01:02:20,764
Or is that too complicated for your small...
1006
01:02:20,888 --> 01:02:24,013
Hey, hey! Hey, hey!
He meant that in the nicest way possible.
1007
01:02:24,138 --> 01:02:27,388
Stop being an asshole, Teague,
and give them our beer.
1008
01:02:27,513 --> 01:02:31,346
So you want some beer for your ladies?
1009
01:02:32,637 --> 01:02:33,928
All right.
1010
01:02:35,719 --> 01:02:40,011
You know what? You guys put up with
a lot of shit these past couple of days,
1011
01:02:40,135 --> 01:02:42,386
and you deserve this beer.
1012
01:02:43,511 --> 01:02:45,552
In fact, hold on.
1013
01:02:47,385 --> 01:02:48,386
(GROANS)
1014
01:02:49,593 --> 01:02:52,051
Hey, everybody, listen up!
I've got a quick announcement to make!
1015
01:02:52,176 --> 01:02:55,968
- Lay off, Teague.
- Trust me, Kendall. You're gonna love this.
1016
01:02:56,759 --> 01:03:01,217
See these guys right here?
These guys are pre-frosh.
1017
01:03:01,342 --> 01:03:02,508
(CROWD BOOING)
1018
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:06,508
- That's right! They're high school kids!
- High school?
1019
01:03:06,591 --> 01:03:07,633
High school?
1020
01:03:07,716 --> 01:03:12,799
All right, come on now, once upon a time
we were high school kids, too.
1021
01:03:13,799 --> 01:03:16,090
- No way!
- Come on.
1022
01:03:16,215 --> 01:03:17,172
Grow up!
1023
01:03:17,297 --> 01:03:19,006
All right, shut up!
1024
01:03:19,631 --> 01:03:21,339
These guys are cool.
1025
01:03:21,755 --> 01:03:24,922
They're good guys
who want a beer and a good time.
1026
01:03:25,964 --> 01:03:27,547
Give them one.
1027
01:03:27,672 --> 01:03:30,130
Here it is. Your beer.
1028
01:03:40,461 --> 01:03:44,670
What the fuck?
Stop peeing on me! What are you doing?
1029
01:03:44,753 --> 01:03:46,502
Would you fucking stop peeing on me,
you little shit?
1030
01:03:46,627 --> 01:03:51,293
Say what?
Nobody talks to my bear kitten like that!
1031
01:03:51,377 --> 01:03:54,376
What me and him got,
you'll never understand.
1032
01:03:54,501 --> 01:03:55,835
Pick me up, bitch!
1033
01:03:55,918 --> 01:03:58,126
Stop calling me bitch! This is my frat.
You're embarrassing me.
1034
01:03:58,209 --> 01:03:59,625
And now let's get fucked up!
1035
01:03:59,708 --> 01:04:01,000
(CROWD CHEERING)
1036
01:04:09,333 --> 01:04:11,791
- Kendall, wait!
- Nice one.
1037
01:04:16,873 --> 01:04:19,832
- Oh, my word, that was fun.
- (LAUGHING) That's not dancing.
1038
01:04:19,957 --> 01:04:21,040
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1039
01:04:21,164 --> 01:04:22,747
They can't dance.
1040
01:04:23,497 --> 01:04:24,955
Jim! Look out!
1041
01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:31,664
- Sweet Jesus! That was close!
- Hi! Dean Chandler!
1042
01:04:31,789 --> 01:04:34,163
Just the guy I wanted to talk to.
1043
01:04:37,037 --> 01:04:39,954
CHANDLER: Oh, my God!
1044
01:04:48,993 --> 01:04:50,452
(ALL URINATING)
1045
01:04:50,577 --> 01:04:52,244
I'm so dead.
1046
01:04:52,369 --> 01:04:56,576
Yeah, well, at least you didn't get
beer poured on you by about 300 people.
1047
01:04:56,702 --> 01:04:58,451
Yeah, Kendall looked
pretty pissed back there, huh?
1048
01:04:58,535 --> 01:04:59,535
Pissed?
1049
01:04:59,659 --> 01:05:04,283
Dude, it looked like she was gonna
shoot fucking daggers out of her eyeballs.
1050
01:05:07,117 --> 01:05:09,325
Kev? Kev! Where you going?
1051
01:05:09,409 --> 01:05:12,241
I'm gonna go apologize.
You coming with me?
1052
01:05:24,531 --> 01:05:28,531
Hey! Shut the fuck up!
This is my favorite part! Watch this shit!
1053
01:05:39,154 --> 01:05:40,446
MAN: Dude.
1054
01:05:42,112 --> 01:05:44,070
BEARCAT: There's Goose! There's Goose!
1055
01:05:44,195 --> 01:05:45,404
(LAUGHING)
1056
01:05:45,696 --> 01:05:48,194
Shit, that's funny!
Hey, play that shit again!
1057
01:05:48,278 --> 01:05:49,819
Play it in slow-mo!
1058
01:05:49,944 --> 01:05:53,403
- You guys do this shit for fun?
- All day, every day.
1059
01:05:53,528 --> 01:05:56,693
- Butch up, Goose! Stop being a pussy!
- Yeah!
1060
01:05:59,859 --> 01:06:04,026
I just saw those high school kids
heading over to the sorority house.
1061
01:06:04,609 --> 01:06:05,984
Just saying.
1062
01:06:10,858 --> 01:06:11,817
No way.
1063
01:06:11,900 --> 01:06:13,066
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
1064
01:06:15,441 --> 01:06:16,774
What?
1065
01:06:16,857 --> 01:06:20,815
- Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
- Why? So you can tell me more lies?
1066
01:06:20,940 --> 01:06:23,107
- No, thanks.
- Hey! Wait!
1067
01:06:26,439 --> 01:06:30,147
- Come on, I leave tomorrow.
- You know, I thought you were different.
1068
01:06:30,273 --> 01:06:33,897
But you're just like the rest of them.
Have a nice drive.
1069
01:06:36,522 --> 01:06:38,021
College blows!
1070
01:06:39,605 --> 01:06:41,771
You think I'll ever see Heather again?
1071
01:06:41,854 --> 01:06:44,853
Probably not, Morris.
I pretty much blew it for all of us.
1072
01:06:44,937 --> 01:06:46,937
So that was my last shot
to score with Amy.
1073
01:06:47,020 --> 01:06:49,103
All I wanna do is bang
one college chick this weekend.
1074
01:06:49,186 --> 01:06:51,270
Is that so much to ask?
1075
01:06:51,353 --> 01:06:52,853
What the hell?
1076
01:06:55,602 --> 01:06:57,561
MORRIS: My glasses! My glasses!
1077
01:07:00,352 --> 01:07:03,226
Get them in the van! Get them in.
1078
01:07:03,809 --> 01:07:05,185
Get them in.
1079
01:07:15,683 --> 01:07:19,141
- TEAGUE: You pukes are worthless.
- Worthless!
1080
01:07:19,266 --> 01:07:23,057
Nothing but a bunch
of goddamn high school kids!
1081
01:07:23,182 --> 01:07:25,765
Goddamn high school kids!
1082
01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:34,931
I can't believe we're even out here
wasting our time on you.
1083
01:07:35,014 --> 01:07:37,805
Wasting our motherfucking time!
1084
01:07:37,930 --> 01:07:40,639
Dude, what's with the repeating?
It's fucking killing me.
1085
01:07:40,763 --> 01:07:45,137
Sorry! It's stupid. Can I get a hug?
1086
01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:51,053
Just go stand over there
and look fucking mean.
1087
01:07:51,178 --> 01:07:52,220
Do the growl thing.
1088
01:07:52,845 --> 01:07:56,637
Come on, man, I'll jeeper creeper
these motherfuckers. Hug me.
1089
01:07:58,469 --> 01:07:59,678
(BARKING)
1090
01:08:07,177 --> 01:08:11,635
We got beer to drink.
So it's been fun, kind of.
1091
01:08:13,343 --> 01:08:15,134
By the way,
1092
01:08:15,258 --> 01:08:19,467
have you guys ever seen
a pig stampede before?
1093
01:08:19,592 --> 01:08:22,466
- Fucked up. Pig stampede.
- Pig stampede!
1094
01:08:22,549 --> 01:08:24,758
- ALL: Pig stampede! Pig stampede!
- Pig stampede! Pig stampede!
1095
01:08:24,841 --> 01:08:27,466
- Pig stampede! Pig stampede!
- Pig stampede! Pig stampede!
1096
01:08:27,590 --> 01:08:30,715
- Pig stampede! Pig stampede!
- Pig stampede! Pig stampede!
1097
01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:32,506
(PIGS SQUEALING)
1098
01:08:40,172 --> 01:08:43,422
BEARCAT: Get out of the front seat, bitch!
I called shotgun!
1099
01:08:46,962 --> 01:08:48,255
(GUN FIRES)
1100
01:08:48,463 --> 01:08:50,212
Shit! Run!
1101
01:08:53,503 --> 01:08:54,629
(GROANING)
1102
01:08:59,336 --> 01:09:02,210
Keep running, you little sicko pig fuckers!
1103
01:09:02,920 --> 01:09:04,252
(GUN FIRES)
1104
01:09:07,668 --> 01:09:08,710
This sucks.
1105
01:09:08,835 --> 01:09:12,251
Yeah, thanks for
stating the obvious, Carter.
1106
01:09:12,335 --> 01:09:17,125
You know, I never thought I'd say this,
but I think I actually miss high school.
1107
01:09:19,250 --> 01:09:21,083
- What, Kevin?
- Nothing. Forget it.
1108
01:09:21,167 --> 01:09:23,000
Don't forget it. If you have
something to say, fucking say it!
1109
01:09:23,124 --> 01:09:25,541
Okay, fine, you want it? Here it is.
You're full of shit, Carter!
1110
01:09:25,666 --> 01:09:26,666
I'm full of shit?
1111
01:09:26,791 --> 01:09:28,999
Yeah! You're always talking
such a big fucking game, man.
1112
01:09:29,124 --> 01:09:32,415
You know what? Newsflash!
He's never even been laid.
1113
01:09:34,498 --> 01:09:39,789
- So, that's how it's gonna be, huh, Kevin?
- No, no, no. Wait. You're still a virgin?
1114
01:09:39,873 --> 01:09:44,039
- (LAUGHING) Man! This is great.
- Yeah, whatever, Morris! Shut up!
1115
01:09:44,164 --> 01:09:45,622
You know what, Kev? Stop dumping on us
1116
01:09:45,747 --> 01:09:47,746
'cause the weekend didn't turn out
the way you thought it would!
1117
01:09:47,829 --> 01:09:49,538
Yeah, probably because
I've been listening to you too much.
1118
01:09:49,663 --> 01:09:54,037
Yeah, 'cause it was my idea to try
to prove Gina wrong and lie to Kendall!
1119
01:09:54,162 --> 01:09:56,953
- That was all you, man!
- Guys, come on. Let's not fight.
1120
01:09:57,037 --> 01:09:59,453
You know what? Stay out of it, Morris!
You're not part of this!
1121
01:09:59,536 --> 01:10:00,912
I'm not part of this?
1122
01:10:00,995 --> 01:10:02,995
This was supposed to be yours
and my weekend here.
1123
01:10:03,078 --> 01:10:04,578
Dude, whatever.
I didn't mean it like that.
1124
01:10:04,660 --> 01:10:06,535
No, but while we're comparing
shitty weekends,
1125
01:10:06,660 --> 01:10:07,703
here's one for you.
1126
01:10:07,827 --> 01:10:10,452
My face got written on
before my scholarship interview,
1127
01:10:10,577 --> 01:10:12,451
a pig just snacked on my nuts,
1128
01:10:12,576 --> 01:10:14,452
and, oh, yeah,
I almost forgot about this one,
1129
01:10:14,577 --> 01:10:16,076
I puked on the Dean's car,
1130
01:10:16,202 --> 01:10:18,493
which pretty much means
that I'm not getting my scholarship!
1131
01:10:18,617 --> 01:10:19,910
God, Morris! Ever since you got here
1132
01:10:19,993 --> 01:10:22,117
you whine, whine, whine
about your fucking scholarship.
1133
01:10:22,242 --> 01:10:23,325
You don't even want to go here.
1134
01:10:23,450 --> 01:10:25,950
It's not about what I want!
You know how my parents are!
1135
01:10:26,075 --> 01:10:28,450
Yeah, well, then grow some fucking balls
and stand up to them.
1136
01:10:28,574 --> 01:10:29,949
It's not that easy.
1137
01:10:30,033 --> 01:10:32,283
Hey, man, what's next?
They're gonna choose what job you take?
1138
01:10:32,407 --> 01:10:35,199
- What girl you marry?
- Dude, lay off, Kev!
1139
01:10:36,032 --> 01:10:37,823
That's a first.
You're sticking up for Morris, man?
1140
01:10:37,948 --> 01:10:40,823
- You bag on him more than anyone.
- That's not true and you fucking know it!
1141
01:10:40,947 --> 01:10:42,114
Ha!
1142
01:10:43,072 --> 01:10:45,448
Okay, you know what, Morris? Fuck you!
1143
01:10:45,530 --> 01:10:48,030
That's the last time
I ever have your fucking back!
1144
01:10:48,155 --> 01:10:52,529
You know what? Fuck you, too, Kevin,
for dumping all your bullshit on us.
1145
01:10:56,280 --> 01:10:58,029
All right, fine, Morris.
Yeah, walk away with him.
1146
01:10:58,154 --> 01:11:00,779
Why don't you hold his hand
while you're at it?
1147
01:11:00,862 --> 01:11:04,903
- Fuck you, Kevin.
- Dropping the F-bomb, big man.
1148
01:11:04,986 --> 01:11:07,110
What is that,
the first time you ever used it?
1149
01:11:07,235 --> 01:11:09,236
I'm telling your parents!
1150
01:11:10,486 --> 01:11:11,569
Fuck!
1151
01:11:11,652 --> 01:11:13,903
MAN: (SINGING) We do not know
1152
01:11:17,359 --> 01:11:18,485
How things work
1153
01:11:18,485 --> 01:11:19,026
How things work
1154
01:11:22,151 --> 01:11:25,358
We do not know
1155
01:11:29,233 --> 01:11:31,608
Where you go
1156
01:11:37,231 --> 01:11:38,566
In the night
1157
01:11:41,315 --> 01:11:42,939
Through the door
1158
01:11:45,106 --> 01:11:49,230
Through the door that holds you
1159
01:11:52,980 --> 01:11:57,147
Through the door that holds you
1160
01:12:00,063 --> 01:12:02,062
Out of the blue
1161
01:12:09,145 --> 01:12:12,436
We do not know
1162
01:12:17,061 --> 01:12:21,061
The door that holds you
1163
01:12:23,976 --> 01:12:26,100
Silent as glue
1164
01:12:28,559 --> 01:12:30,850
We stand under it
1165
01:12:31,641 --> 01:12:34,059
But we don't understand it
1166
01:12:36,475 --> 01:12:38,557
The door that holds you
1167
01:12:43,848 --> 01:12:46,556
Silent as glue
1168
01:12:48,765 --> 01:12:54,014
And stars fall on
1169
01:12:57,347 --> 01:13:02,471
Stars fall on
1170
01:13:04,096 --> 01:13:06,928
Silent as glue
1171
01:13:27,134 --> 01:13:31,259
- Nice look.
- This? Yeah, thanks.
1172
01:13:34,343 --> 01:13:35,508
So...
1173
01:13:40,300 --> 01:13:42,591
- Look, about what happened...
- Don't even go there.
1174
01:13:42,674 --> 01:13:46,424
- Just let me explain.
- I really don't want to hear it, Kevin.
1175
01:13:46,507 --> 01:13:48,381
I don't even know who you are.
1176
01:13:48,465 --> 01:13:50,923
Yeah, to be honest,
I'm not even sure I know anymore.
1177
01:13:51,006 --> 01:13:53,548
Maybe it's time you figure that out.
1178
01:13:55,547 --> 01:14:00,422
You know, high school, college,
it wouldn't have mattered to me.
1179
01:14:00,547 --> 01:14:02,796
Yeah, I know. It's so stupid.
1180
01:14:02,921 --> 01:14:06,962
You know, I came down here thinking
I needed to change who I was.
1181
01:14:08,129 --> 01:14:10,212
Lying to you was just part of it.
1182
01:14:10,337 --> 01:14:12,920
I thought you were pretty great.
Why would you want to change that?
1183
01:14:13,045 --> 01:14:14,502
I don't know.
1184
01:14:15,920 --> 01:14:17,878
You don't know?
1185
01:14:17,961 --> 01:14:21,460
Like, I mean,
I kind of liked who I was, or I am.
1186
01:14:21,585 --> 01:14:24,752
You know, a little uptight at times,
responsible.
1187
01:14:29,044 --> 01:14:31,876
God, I really screwed up this weekend.
1188
01:14:31,959 --> 01:14:34,459
You know, now Morris and Carter
are pissed at each other.
1189
01:14:34,583 --> 01:14:36,542
They're both pissed at me.
1190
01:14:38,666 --> 01:14:42,625
You just seem like the kind of person
who doesn't make mistakes.
1191
01:14:42,999 --> 01:14:44,041
Ha!
1192
01:14:46,123 --> 01:14:49,124
A couple weeks ago... Brace yourself.
1193
01:14:51,581 --> 01:14:53,499
I hooked up with Teague.
1194
01:14:53,624 --> 01:14:56,206
- Huge mistake.
- Yeah, he kinda told me.
1195
01:14:58,247 --> 01:15:00,581
Why not? He told the whole campus.
1196
01:15:03,163 --> 01:15:05,955
Why'd you do it?
I mean, with a guy like Teague?
1197
01:15:06,080 --> 01:15:08,704
- He is so...
- For all the wrong reasons.
1198
01:15:10,454 --> 01:15:13,329
He was good-looking.
He made me feel special,
1199
01:15:15,078 --> 01:15:17,537
and since he was a really good liar,
1200
01:15:17,661 --> 01:15:23,327
he made believe that it was
more than just a one-night thing.
1201
01:15:26,077 --> 01:15:28,243
- Ouch.
- Yeah.
1202
01:15:29,652 --> 01:15:32,902
It was kind of why I freaked out tonight.
1203
01:15:35,026 --> 01:15:40,484
I found out that you lied and
I assumed that you were just like Teague.
1204
01:15:40,609 --> 01:15:43,734
Oh, God, please, look,
I'm nothing like that guy.
1205
01:15:45,941 --> 01:15:48,358
I'm really sorry about everything.
1206
01:15:50,608 --> 01:15:53,064
Is this the real Kevin talking?
1207
01:15:53,148 --> 01:15:56,482
Or is this the new and improved
college Kevin talking?
1208
01:15:56,607 --> 01:15:57,731
No, this is the real me,
1209
01:15:57,814 --> 01:16:01,398
the uptight, responsible,
un-fun high school one.
1210
01:16:03,647 --> 01:16:06,814
Good. Apology accepted then.
1211
01:16:10,979 --> 01:16:14,188
All right, well,
I gotta go find Carter and Morris.
1212
01:16:15,687 --> 01:16:19,937
Before you go,
can I please give you some clothes?
1213
01:16:24,102 --> 01:16:27,935
- Morris? Morris, wake up!
- Kevin?
1214
01:16:30,143 --> 01:16:32,602
- What's with the...
- Where's Carter?
1215
01:16:39,018 --> 01:16:43,517
Look, you guys. I've been thinking
all night. I just want to say I'm sorry
1216
01:16:44,476 --> 01:16:46,225
about everything.
1217
01:16:46,308 --> 01:16:49,391
- You said some harsh things, man.
- Yeah, I know.
1218
01:16:50,475 --> 01:16:54,557
I've realized a lot about myself
this weekend, and you guys.
1219
01:16:54,682 --> 01:16:56,557
I didn't mean what I said.
1220
01:16:56,640 --> 01:16:59,223
I've just been so hung up
on what Gina told me
1221
01:16:59,307 --> 01:17:03,765
that I haven't even stopped to think
that, you know, maybe she was wrong.
1222
01:17:05,473 --> 01:17:06,472
You guys are my best friends.
1223
01:17:06,597 --> 01:17:10,263
I'm not gonna let some stupid weekend
at college ruin that.
1224
01:17:11,971 --> 01:17:15,763
Whatever, man. It's cool.
I like the boring Kevin more anyway.
1225
01:17:16,055 --> 01:17:18,012
Thanks, Carter. I think.
1226
01:17:21,471 --> 01:17:22,762
Morris?
1227
01:17:24,428 --> 01:17:28,802
We all said some stuff, you know?
No biggie. I'm over it.
1228
01:17:29,761 --> 01:17:32,677
Sorry I, like, freaked out and lost my shit.
1229
01:17:39,010 --> 01:17:40,384
You guys,
1230
01:17:42,468 --> 01:17:44,842
that was so gay.
1231
01:17:44,967 --> 01:17:47,966
That was like the third gayest thing
we've done this weekend.
1232
01:17:48,091 --> 01:17:51,216
- It's getting out of hand.
- All right, look. Does this mean we're cool?
1233
01:17:51,300 --> 01:17:53,716
Yeah, man. For sure.
1234
01:17:53,799 --> 01:17:56,799
Okay! So now that we're done arguing
like a bunch of chicks,
1235
01:17:56,883 --> 01:18:01,256
- what the hell are we doing out here?
- Go ahead and look for yourselves.
1236
01:18:05,381 --> 01:18:07,589
- Is that all our stuff?
- Yeah.
1237
01:18:07,672 --> 01:18:12,005
- They even threw in all our rubbers.
- Those taint-sucking ball junkies.
1238
01:18:13,421 --> 01:18:14,464
Yep.
1239
01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:34,586
- Can we go home now?
- No. Not yet.
1240
01:18:34,711 --> 01:18:37,918
- Dude, why the fuck would we stay?
- The weekend's over, Kevin.
1241
01:18:38,043 --> 01:18:39,627
It's pretty clear
we're not wanted here anymore.
1242
01:18:39,752 --> 01:18:41,585
Come on, you guys.
We've got to stand up for ourselves.
1243
01:18:41,710 --> 01:18:43,876
No, we don't. We need to go home.
1244
01:18:43,959 --> 01:18:45,251
Come on, man.
After all the shit we've been through?
1245
01:18:45,376 --> 01:18:48,083
We can't leave like this, Morris.
1246
01:18:48,167 --> 01:18:51,584
Besides, I can't stand up
to these fraternity assholes on my own.
1247
01:18:51,667 --> 01:18:56,582
All right, fuck it! If I'm not gonna get laid,
I might as well get revenge, right?
1248
01:19:00,124 --> 01:19:03,124
Come on, Morris.
We can't do this without you.
1249
01:19:04,707 --> 01:19:08,164
Come on, man. Just think about it.
Who wrote "hairy balls" on your face?
1250
01:19:08,289 --> 01:19:09,789
- Fraternity guys.
- Yeah.
1251
01:19:09,915 --> 01:19:12,289
Who made you wash their car,
drink out of some dude's belly button
1252
01:19:12,414 --> 01:19:13,914
and puke all over the Dean's car?
1253
01:19:14,039 --> 01:19:15,039
CARTER: Who stripped you naked
1254
01:19:15,164 --> 01:19:17,289
and made you feel
like a little bitch all weekend long?
1255
01:19:17,413 --> 01:19:21,079
- Fraternity guys!
- Yeah, that's right, the fraternity guys.
1256
01:19:21,164 --> 01:19:22,580
Look, man,
you want to stand up to your parents?
1257
01:19:22,705 --> 01:19:25,870
Why don't you start
by taking a stand here first?
1258
01:19:26,370 --> 01:19:28,871
Let's take those motherfuckers down.
1259
01:19:46,577 --> 01:19:48,451
Fuck!
1260
01:19:56,491 --> 01:19:58,909
One, two.
1261
01:20:00,741 --> 01:20:03,532
- Four, five...
- Dude, open the door!
1262
01:21:20,439 --> 01:21:21,897
Get over here!
1263
01:21:35,229 --> 01:21:36,395
(GROANING)
1264
01:21:45,769 --> 01:21:49,351
Five, four, three, two...
1265
01:21:50,518 --> 01:21:51,642
(SHOUTING)
1266
01:21:54,768 --> 01:21:58,892
- Dude, are you sure this is going to work?
- Trust me. It's physics.
1267
01:22:24,681 --> 01:22:26,014
Fuck.
1268
01:22:43,137 --> 01:22:45,386
- What the fuck?
- Nothing's happening.
1269
01:22:45,511 --> 01:22:46,969
Maybe the matches blew out.
1270
01:22:48,761 --> 01:22:50,094
(BEEPING)
1271
01:22:50,594 --> 01:22:52,052
(ALARM RINGING)
1272
01:23:05,799 --> 01:23:07,133
What the...
1273
01:23:10,799 --> 01:23:12,883
Shit! Fuck!
1274
01:23:17,007 --> 01:23:18,506
What the fuck?
1275
01:23:36,046 --> 01:23:37,379
Fucking pig!
1276
01:23:38,754 --> 01:23:40,254
Fucking shit!
1277
01:23:43,545 --> 01:23:45,003
(PIG SQUEALING)
1278
01:23:47,544 --> 01:23:48,752
Oh, shit!
1279
01:23:52,252 --> 01:23:55,710
- What the fuck is happening?
- There's pigs everywhere!
1280
01:24:01,167 --> 01:24:03,417
Fuck me! God damn it!
1281
01:24:06,666 --> 01:24:08,167
What the fuck?
1282
01:24:10,083 --> 01:24:11,374
It's beer!
1283
01:24:13,249 --> 01:24:15,166
It's fucking beer, man!
1284
01:24:26,956 --> 01:24:29,080
(SIRENS BLARING)
1285
01:24:35,538 --> 01:24:38,705
Hey, you guys, you got to come outside!
1286
01:24:38,830 --> 01:24:41,829
I think the Beta Chi House is on fire
or something.
1287
01:25:03,243 --> 01:25:04,701
Fuck you, pig!
1288
01:25:09,409 --> 01:25:11,201
Nice hair cut, buddy!
1289
01:25:15,075 --> 01:25:16,658
- Bearcat.
- Wait!
1290
01:25:19,824 --> 01:25:23,199
Wait! Can I flush first, guys? Come on!
1291
01:25:23,282 --> 01:25:26,406
You boys are in a world of shit now.
Disturbing the peace,
1292
01:25:26,531 --> 01:25:28,865
destruction of property,
stealing farm animals!
1293
01:25:28,948 --> 01:25:32,114
What the hell are you talking about?
It wasn't us!
1294
01:25:34,323 --> 01:25:38,947
- It was those fuckers right there!
- Officer, we don't even go here.
1295
01:25:39,072 --> 01:25:41,071
No. We're just a bunch
of high school kids.
1296
01:25:41,197 --> 01:25:44,653
You know, Officer, frankly, I'm appalled
at the behavior on this campus.
1297
01:25:44,778 --> 01:25:46,863
Motherfuckers!
1298
01:25:46,987 --> 01:25:48,321
Fuck you!
1299
01:25:48,404 --> 01:25:52,321
Careful there, buddy. You've got a little
cut from a straight razor on your nipple.
1300
01:25:52,403 --> 01:25:53,986
Wait, wait! Wait!
1301
01:25:55,903 --> 01:25:57,778
- Where's my car?
- MAN: Plastic pussy stole it!
1302
01:25:57,903 --> 01:25:59,277
Where's my fucking car?
1303
01:26:06,276 --> 01:26:08,193
This was donated by
a group of our alumni.
1304
01:26:08,318 --> 01:26:10,942
This has made a very welcome addition
to our campus.
1305
01:26:11,067 --> 01:26:14,650
And I'm sure that your child will embrace
their studies...
1306
01:26:14,775 --> 01:26:18,525
Why don't we go ahead, guys?
Just follow me. Come on, guys.
1307
01:26:24,608 --> 01:26:27,148
CARTER: So, wait. You're in high school?
1308
01:26:27,231 --> 01:26:30,648
AMY: Yeah. I just came here to visit
for the weekend, like you guys.
1309
01:26:30,732 --> 01:26:35,065
- But you even drink like a college girl.
- Really? Thanks.
1310
01:26:37,314 --> 01:26:42,480
- So I guess this is it, huh?
- Well, it doesn't have to be.
1311
01:26:45,021 --> 01:26:46,313
Carter!
1312
01:26:48,896 --> 01:26:51,853
Spank me, tiger! Yeah!
1313
01:26:58,853 --> 01:27:02,019
- I guess I better...
- Morris.
1314
01:27:05,436 --> 01:27:08,351
Think you're gonna go here next year?
1315
01:27:08,477 --> 01:27:11,685
After this weekend,
I kind of feel like I already do.
1316
01:27:11,809 --> 01:27:15,225
Plus, I already have
a girlfriend lined up, so...
1317
01:27:15,351 --> 01:27:17,309
Yeah? And who's that?
1318
01:27:19,351 --> 01:27:22,933
Someone I met.
She plays a mean game of quarters.
1319
01:27:24,516 --> 01:27:28,932
So I guess that means I'll be getting
my photography lessons after all.
1320
01:27:49,096 --> 01:27:52,512
- So that's everything.
- I guess we should get on the road.
1321
01:27:52,595 --> 01:27:54,804
Wait. You know what? Hang on.
1322
01:28:04,260 --> 01:28:06,510
All right, guys. Let's go home.
1323
01:28:20,259 --> 01:28:22,133
Here comes trouble.
1324
01:28:22,216 --> 01:28:25,966
- Hey, Kevin.
- Hey, Gina.
1325
01:28:26,050 --> 01:28:28,382
So I got your video message.
1326
01:28:28,965 --> 01:28:30,966
Looks like you guys
had a pretty crazy weekend.
1327
01:28:31,091 --> 01:28:32,424
Hell, yeah!
1328
01:28:34,423 --> 01:28:36,174
- Yeah!
- Breath mint.
1329
01:28:36,424 --> 01:28:38,465
(GIGGLING)
1330
01:28:38,548 --> 01:28:43,964
Anyway, well,
it kind of made me think a lot
1331
01:28:44,048 --> 01:28:47,923
about you and me and, you know, us.
1332
01:28:49,671 --> 01:28:52,171
Why don't we just forget
this whole break-up thing ever happened?
1333
01:28:52,254 --> 01:28:53,837
What do you say?
1334
01:28:55,630 --> 01:28:56,921
Well...
1335
01:29:00,212 --> 01:29:01,420
You know,
1336
01:29:03,337 --> 01:29:04,961
I don't think so.
1337
01:29:06,920 --> 01:29:10,085
- What?
- Yeah, you see, I've moved on.
1338
01:29:12,043 --> 01:29:16,126
Moved on? We've only been
broken up for, like, three days.
1339
01:29:16,251 --> 01:29:19,168
Yeah, well, a lot can happen in three days.
1340
01:29:19,543 --> 01:29:25,709
And, Gina, that guy you saw?
Yeah, that's not really me.
1341
01:29:26,917 --> 01:29:29,249
Well, see you around.
1342
01:29:29,374 --> 01:29:32,541
And get a boob job, Gina. Lift.
1343
01:29:34,291 --> 01:29:38,082
Kevin! Wait! Seriously!
1344
01:29:42,832 --> 01:29:45,664
So what do you guys
want to do next weekend?
1345
01:29:45,748 --> 01:29:48,748
Next weekend? Aren't you grounded for,
like, the next six months?
1346
01:29:48,831 --> 01:29:51,830
Fuck that! No problem.
I can just sneak out.
1347
01:29:53,496 --> 01:29:56,996
You know,
I've got a cousin that goes to U of I.
1348
01:30:12,869 --> 01:30:15,911
I'll pay you $5 a sniff,
either one of your farts.
1349
01:30:16,035 --> 01:30:19,660
I just want to cherish
your gaseous fumes.
1350
01:30:19,785 --> 01:30:21,701
It can be a birthday present.
My birthday's coming up!
1351
01:30:22,118 --> 01:30:23,867
Yeah! Lost my shoe.
1352
01:30:23,992 --> 01:30:25,451
(BOYS LAUGHING)
1353
01:30:26,659 --> 01:30:28,533
Dude, you gotta see the shots I got
from last night's game.
1354
01:30:28,658 --> 01:30:31,074
I got one where Stoloff is mid-air
right over the inset...
1355
01:30:31,200 --> 01:30:33,908
Insectercide? Whatever the hell...
What the...
1356
01:30:33,991 --> 01:30:35,324
(STAMMERING)
1357
01:30:35,949 --> 01:30:39,699
Dean Chandler has denied our petition,
and we're still on probation.
1358
01:30:39,824 --> 01:30:41,324
- Shit.
- Yeah.
1359
01:30:41,490 --> 01:30:42,782
WOMAN: Okay, cut!
1360
01:30:42,865 --> 01:30:44,032
(ALL LAUGHING)
1361
01:30:45,199 --> 01:30:48,739
Our camping trips? Our... The school...
1362
01:30:48,822 --> 01:30:50,989
Thing that was awesome
that we did together. Remember that?
1363
01:30:51,114 --> 01:30:53,572
It was you and me. What's the line?
1364
01:30:55,864 --> 01:30:59,321
Looks like my years of hard work
have finally paid off!
1365
01:31:01,196 --> 01:31:02,155
KEVIN: What's the matter, Morris?
1366
01:31:02,238 --> 01:31:04,612
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
1367
01:31:04,695 --> 01:31:08,362
I've taken some whip-its, you know,
the cracker shit.
1368
01:31:09,570 --> 01:31:10,819
(ALL LAUGHING)
1369
01:31:12,277 --> 01:31:14,528
Whatever, man.
You guys are lightweights. I don't feel shit.
1370
01:31:14,652 --> 01:31:19,027
- Mom's a lightweight.
- Here... Fuck you, dude!
1371
01:31:20,569 --> 01:31:22,651
Well, it doesn't have to be.
1372
01:31:24,193 --> 01:31:25,609
(CREW LAUGHING)
1373
01:31:27,568 --> 01:31:28,859
Is that our stuff?
1374
01:31:28,984 --> 01:31:31,816
Yeah. They even threw all our rubbers in.
1375
01:31:32,650 --> 01:31:35,067
Those scrotum-eating baby rapers.
1376
01:31:37,191 --> 01:31:39,566
Those taint-sucking ball junkies.
1377
01:31:42,066 --> 01:31:43,356
(ALL LAUGHING)
1378
01:31:45,191 --> 01:31:47,648
Those jizz-guzzling monkey fuckers.
1379
01:31:52,689 --> 01:31:55,272
You sucked in Austin Powers.
Mike Myers carried you.
1380
01:31:55,355 --> 01:31:57,355
You didn't even say nothing, bitch.
1381
01:31:57,481 --> 01:32:00,064
Dude, you're doing it wrong, anyway.
You gotta flip it, bitch.
1382
01:32:00,188 --> 01:32:01,645
Fucking beat you...
1383
01:32:01,729 --> 01:32:03,271
(CREW CHEERING)
1384
01:32:04,605 --> 01:32:07,520
Dude, this is so much better
than the brochure.
1385
01:32:07,645 --> 01:32:09,437
I know, man.
I've got a good feeling about this.
1386
01:32:09,520 --> 01:32:13,895
- I'm sorry, K.B. just said he had a boner.
- He said he had a boner.
1387
01:32:13,977 --> 01:32:15,312
WOMAN: Can we cut? Cut.
1388
01:32:15,895 --> 01:32:17,977
I've got to ask you a favor.
1389
01:32:18,894 --> 01:32:20,477
You know that book about the mice
1390
01:32:20,602 --> 01:32:23,769
that Miss Dangle is asking
everybody to read?
1391
01:32:24,352 --> 01:32:26,934
- That's way too much cereal.
- MAN: Swallow.
1392
01:32:28,852 --> 01:32:31,351
Twin powers, activate!
1393
01:32:32,600 --> 01:32:36,850
Form of a screaming...
Screaming manimal!
1394
01:32:36,975 --> 01:32:38,474
(SCREAMING)
1395
01:32:41,141 --> 01:32:45,224
Bearcat's gay and he wants to do me
1396
01:32:46,391 --> 01:32:50,557
I'm gonna punch his face
And then he'll sue me
1397
01:32:51,849 --> 01:32:55,681
I'm going home with
pussy on my pee-pee
1398
01:32:56,888 --> 01:33:03,638
Gonna tell my friends
That college is the shitty, yeah
1399
01:33:05,180 --> 01:33:06,638
Eat that shit
1400
01:33:06,721 --> 01:33:07,971
WOMAN: And cut!