Welcome to Los Angeles International Airport.
This is a nonsmoking facility.
We appreciate your cooperation.
Are you sure the flight wasn't delayed?
I just checked the screen. Her plane landed 10 minutes ago.
May I have your attention, please?
Baby girl! Oh!
Welcome home.
It's so great to see you.
Ah, I missed you so much.
I missed you too.
Oh, baby, this is Dedra.
Hi.
I've heard so much about you.
How was your flight?
Great. You know, bad food.
Some creepy slob sitting next to me
staring at my tits the whole way.
Tits that have grown.
I know, right? Can you believe it?
I thought I was gonna have to get implants.
Come on, let's get out of here.
We Te gonna have so much fun.
I have so many things planned for you.
You got any bags?
Oh, yeah, they're in the baggage.
So the bitch tries to give me a B+.
Can you believe that? Me?
I'm, like, "No fucking way, you frigid twat.
I worked my ass off on that paper."
That twat.
So, I go to two other department teachers, and I have them review it
and they agree it is an A paper
so I have the principal step in, and she forces her
to change the grade.
Nice arbitration.
You still back there, babe?
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, I'm just listening.
Tell me something about yourself, Dedra.
Tell you something about myself? Um--
Too vague? Okay, where are you from?
St. Louis.
Any siblings?
Four sisters.
Oh, God, what a nightmare.
I'm so glad I'm an only child.
I would hate to share my dad with anybody.
Mmm...mwah.
Aw.
Hm.
God, traffic in L.A. sucks.
Hm.
These are new.
Yeah. Come on.
Surprise. Close your eyes. You're gonna love this.
You're gonna love this.
There.
What do you think?
Wow!
Everything is totally different.
I mean, D painted the whole thing by herself.
Oh, gosh.
I was happy to hire someone to do it
but she insisted.
I don't know how you did it all by yourself.
Yeah.
Thanks, Dedra.
That's a funny clown.
Yeah, we got you--
Cool.
...some dolls.
Let's go to the pier.
Now?
Yes. I wanna whip your ass in air hockey.
Oh, you wish, sucker.
We have 7:00 reservations.
7.'00?
That's when old people eat.
C?non, let's just go to the pier.
D, can you call the restaurant
and see if they can take us at 8:00?
It was hard enough getting the 7:00, but, um...
I don't care about eating at some fancy restaurant.
Come on, the sun is shining. Let's go have fun.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Great.
Come on, you ass-licking
pussy-whipped
son of a bitch.
Kiss my ass.
That cold weather back East has impaired your game, kid.
Kiss your fanny? I got game, fool.
I got mad game, muthafucker.
Okay. Bring it.
ugh.
YOU lose!
How sad are you right now?
Come on, D, you're up.
Oh, no, I don't play.
Don't be a peeper.
I'm really bad at games.
It's really easy.
You just have to slide the puck around
and get it in the thing.
It's really easy. Don't be a peeper, Dedra.
Come on.
See? I stink at this.
What's with the attitude?
You gotta believe in yourself, kid.
Dream the impossible dream.
Get in there. Get your hands dirty.
Do it.
Oh!
Come on.
Ow!
All right!
Whoa! Nice!
WOO!
Ho, ho, ho.
Yikes.
Hey.
What just happened? it's just a game.
I know. I told you. I don't like that kind of stuff.
It's nothing to get upset about.
It's just that, you know, I want her to like me
and I can already tell she thinks I'm a loser.
She does like you.
No.
D, stop.
We're gonna go to dinner. We're gonna have a nice time.
She's gonna get to know you. You're gonna get to know her.
It'll be great.
Yeah.
Oh, I am so embarrassed.
Oh, gosh, she thinks I'm such a baby.
Yeah, but you're my baby.
Come on. Let's hit it.
I am ready to eat.
I haven't had a thing all day.
Do you like sushi, Chloe?
Love it.
There's this great little place near my school, it's not fancy like this
it's just like a cool little hole in the wall, but the sushi is so good.
There's this spicy tuna roll.
Oh, my God. It's better than sex.
Yeah.
Hey, guys. I'm Lukas.
I'll be your server tonight.
Can I get you started with some drinks?
I'll have an apple martini.
I'll have a vodka martini straight up and very dirty.
Are you old enough?
To what?
Drink.
Don't worry, I'm not planning
on operating any heavy equipment.
Okay.
Sir, what can I get you?
I'll have the same as my daughter, only not as dirty.
And one olive will do just fine.
Right. I'll be back in just a minute to take your order.
That was subtle.
Who taught you your moves, Heidi Fleiss?
I credit you, actually.
Ah, touché.
I don't mean to sound like a prude, but aren't you a little young to be drinking alcohol?
Oh, come on, one drink's not gonna kill her.
She's 15. I mean, My god,
I don't think I had my first drink until I was a freshman in college.
I was 12.
What college to did you to?
Oh, it was just a local junior college, nothing special.
No, that's great.
I hear some of those can actually be pretty decent.
My friend, her sister went to SMC
and then she wound up going to UCLA.
And she was like a total retard.
Well, let's see what you've got.
You've never won a game.
Suck on that.
It's not fair.
And I get to pick up--
Now--
Bang.
You're going down tonight.
What do you got?
Dammit, I thought I had a better hand.
God, I wish I had your metabolism-
I'm pretty lucky.
I can pretty much eat whatever I want
and never gain any weight.
Really?
Wait till you hit your mid-20s.
I don't think it will happen.
My mom was pretty slim
and my dad said she ate like a horse. So...
How old were you?
I was one.
Oh, my God.
That's really young.
Yeah.
Pretty sad, I guess.
I don't know, it's hard to miss something that you never really had.
I've seen pictures of her.
I look like her, a lot like her.
Your dad doesn't really talk much about her.
He hasn't said much to me, either.
Just said he loved her very much and she was very beautiful
but always sad. After she had me, I mean.
Something chemical. She changed.
My Aunt Lilly said she wouldn't even hold me.
She said she was jealous of me.
She was jealous of her own baby?
Yeah. Apparently, she was like madly in love with my dad, and after she had me
she felt like my dad loved me more than her
and she couldn't take it, so...
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
She was determined, that's for sure.
Dennis?
Anybody home?
Hey, are you guys up there?
Hi.
Hey,babe.
Hey, Dedra.
D?
You in there?
D!
D, unlock the door, honey.
D!
What is going on?
Nothing.
Something? obviously wrong.
Jesus, D, what is going on with you?
Oh, I guess it's totally normal to find your future husband
and his topless teenage daughter lying out completely naked
in full view of the entire world.
We're not in full view of anybody
and as far as being topless
by God, I've seen that girl naked
her entire life. Big fucking deal.
I'm sorry I don't understand the whole hippie thing
but, you know, most people would find this situation a little weird.
Weird?
Yeah, weird.
You know, the touching each other constantly and the sex talk.
Do you realize that when we're out together
people think the two of you are together?
- Well, that's ridiculous. - Well, it's true.
Well, I'm not everybody, and how dare you judge
my relationship with my daughter. How dare you!
And I like the fact that we're close.
I mean, is that a crime?
Heavens no.
No, I'm just an uptight prude, Dennis. It's totally normal.
You know what, I can't talk to you right now. You're just jealous.
You are.
You can't stand the fact that there's another woman in this house
and you aren't the center of my attention 2417!
Oh, don't flatter yourself, asshole.
Listen to me, because I am not going to repeat this.
If we're gonna get married, you'd better accept the fact
that Chloe is an important part of my life
a very important part of my life
and I will not choose sides!
I'm gonna go out for a little while.
See you later.
Happy?
That girl has done nothing to you--
Nothing.
Hey. Hey, I have something to say to both of you.
Um... I'm not--
God, I don't know how to put this right, but--
I guess I can start by saying I'm sorry.
I've been horrible. it's just--
I feel so left out of things, you know?
And I'm-- I mean, it's not your fault
and you're right, Dennis, I've been jealous.
And it's totally wrong and immature of me
but I've...
Chloe, I-- I'm sorry, I just really--
I've been really scared that--
I've been really scared that you hate me.
Oh, God.
No, I'm--
...all right.
Oh.
Oh, God, can you say basket case?
Shit, I totally forgot.
Hello.
Hi.
What up?
I'm going to go show Lukas my stamp collection.
You kids be good.
Oh, God!
Do it!
Here.
Oh, Lukas is deejaying tonight.
He said he could get us on the list.
That guy's a deejay, too?
My God, he gets around.
So you'll come, right?
I don't know.
No, we were gonna see that new Julia Roberts movie tonight.
A movie?
I'm leaving in three days. Come on.
I might need some adult supervision.
We'll see.
Could be fun.
Here. You do this. You're smarter than me.
Oh, my God. Jesus Christ, you scared me.
Can I borrow your lipstick?
Yeah. Sure. Top drawer.
Wow.
You really like bright colors.
Oh, most of those are old.
I'm not really into makeup these days.
I think the natural look is better.
Yeah.
Well, thanks anyway.
No worries.
What are you gonna wear tonight?
I don't know.
You should wear tight jeans.
You have nice legs.
And you should wear your hair up.
He likes that.
Okay.
Huh. Thanks.
Anytime, Dedra.
Anytime.
What a tool.
Who? The surfer waiter DJ?
Why is it that guys think that just because you fuck them
that means you're like in love with them or something?
Lots of girls are like that.
Not me. Girls are fucking stupid.
I'm 15 years old. I'm not ready for a boyfriend yet.
Oh, my God, I love this song!
We're dancing.
No, thanks.
No, I'm just-- I'm not much of a dancer.
Come on. You guys are so boring.
Come on, Dad.
Oh, go on, you two, go on.
I'll-- I'll be fine. I'll wait here.
You sure?
Yeah.
All right, I'll be right back.
♪ Everyone sits down, I stand up ♪
♪ They might walk, but I'm gonna strut ♪
♪ They fit in, I stand out ♪
♪ Even if l have to shout ♪
♪ I know, I know, I'm not the same ♪
♪ You say yes, and I say ♪
♪ Don't care What they say ♪
♪ I do things differently ♪
♪ With all the clichés ♪
♪ I do things differently ♪
♪ l guess they don't get me ♪
♪ I do things differently ♪
♪ I do, I do, I do, I do, I do!
♪ With the song I'm gonna wreck it literally ♪
♪ I'm gonna stand In the picture ♪
♪ Perfect shadow Of someone ♪
♪ l don't wanna be ♪
♪ I'm not sorry at all ♪
♪ But that's just Me, me, me, me ♪
♪ You keep it Neat and tidy ♪
How's it going?
Fine. Thanks.
Can I buy you a drink?
♪ I know, I know I'm not the same ♪
♪ You say yes And I say ♪
♪ No, no, no ♪
♪ Don't care what they say ♪
♪ I do things differently ♪
Yeah.
♪ With all the clichés ♪
Sure.
♪ I do things differently ♪J7
What the hell do you think you're doing?
What does it look like I'm doing, Dennis? I'm dancing.
Who's this?
I'm her fiancé.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, it's okay. it's okay.
We were just having a little fun, right?
Go on, Dennis. Go back to your precious little girl.
You're a real fucking piece of work.
You know that, D?
It's okay. Come on.
I'm about to come.
Oh, Shit!
I don't feel well. I don't--
I'm starving, babe.
I know. I'm sorry.
I just can't decide between the grilled salmon
or the veggie-wrap.
Get the salmon. It's brain food.
Okay.
Ready?
I'm ready to eat this whole table.
I'll have the chimichangas with extra guac on the side
and I'll pay extra. I don't care.
Nah, I'll throw it in there. Just don't tell anybody.
Great, thanks.
And you, hon?
I'll have a salmon.
And can I have the grilled vegetables
instead of the mashed potatoes?
I don't see why not. Okay.
Thank you very, very much.
I like her.
Mm-hm.
I think she's new.
Her breasts are so big.
Are they?
I feel bad for her.
She's gonna have lots of lower back problems
when she's older.
Yes, Dr. Chen.
It's true.
Hey, babe, what's up?
Nothing.
I don't know.
Do you like--
I mean, do you find girls with large breasts attractive?
Well, I guess. It depends.
On what?
On the girl, right?
But Cheryl had big breasts, right?
Yeah, they were a couple of handfuls.
Hey, babe, I like your body.
They're not very big.
I don't care. You have a really nice chest.
Sometimes I think about getting a boob job
but it's just so superficial.
Well, I guess some guys like them.
Otherwise, why would women bother, right?
I don't think it's just about men.
Some girls just want larger breasts for themselves.
Not everything a girl does is just to impress a man.
Okay, babe. Don't bite my head off about it.
Sorry.
That's okay.
I like when you get all feminist and shit.
Oh, baby, does that feel good?
Uh-huh!
Excuse me?
Really?
Yeah.
Did you do it?
No way.
Ew, Tammy Lynn.
Well, lots of guys like that sort of thing.
Get out.
No, really.
Have you ever...?
Sure.
Seriously?
Uh-huh.
It just seems so--
dirty.
Hey.
What are you doing?
I was just in the hall. I ran to get the phone.
Oh, okay.
L-- l was just calling to see
if you were still gonna come over tonight after work.
Well, you know, I'm just gonna chill at home tonight.
Jackson 's coming over.
We Te gonna drink some beers, play some Xbox.
Is that cool?
Oh, um...
Yeah, of course that's fine.
Tell him I said hi.
Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Okay. Bye.
Bye.
You've been kind of quiet.
I am?
I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little tired.
We'll make it a chill night.
We'll rent one of your chick flicks and cuddle on the couch.
Let's go to a bar.
Really?
You want to go to a bar.
I go to bars sometimes.
Not with me, you haven't.
Wen, maybe
you don't know me as well as you think you do
mister smartypants.
♪ Let's say I want it ♪
♪ Let's say l want What's over there ♪
♪ Let's say I know it ♪
♪ Let's say I've know it anywhere ♪
♪ 'Cause there 's just some things ♪
♪ You know what's not and what is ♪
♪ It's just like honey ♪
♪ And when you get a taste of it ♪
♪ So baby, what I know ♪
♪ There 's no stop 'cause you are go ♪
♪ No way l can tame it ♪
♪ But baby, I can name it ♪
♪ You're so pony, so very, very pony, pony ♪
♪ You Te so pony, so very, so very pony ♪
♪ You ain't no one-trick ♪
♪ You Te more like the triple crown ♪
♪ You ain't no one--♪♪
Wait.
Wait. Stop.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
I just really like you.
Oh, yeah, me too.
You know that thing you asked me to do the other night?
Yeah.
Do you still want me to do it?
I don't want you to do anything
that you're not comfortable with.
I know.
So?
So do you still want me to do it?
Wen, yeah.
It's lower.
Okay.
Lower.
Oh, baby.
That's it.
Oh, yeah. That's it, babe.
Babe.
Yeah?
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Well, come back to bed.
Okay. Be there in a sec.
All of these are peripheral neuropathies
and the term Charcot-Marie Tooth
is a term that was coined by the three French physicians
earlier in the century
to identify the syndrome.
Now, all of these, as I said, are peripheral neuropathies
which affect the nerves--
Hi.
Hey, babe, what 's cooking ?
Nothing. I'm just shopping.
Oh, yeah? Nice.
I made reservations at our favorite
so I'll pick you up at 8:00, okay?
Okay. Sure. It sounds great, hon.
By the way, I had fun last night.
Maybe we can do it again.
See you tonight.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Oh, you like soap, huh?
No, I don't want to buy all these.
I just need to know which one works best.
Best for what?
For your hands.
Well, it depends on what you want to wash off.
This one is good for oil and grease.
And this one has ammonium chloride
It 's strong
but it has a tendency toward drying.
I need one that can get out odors.
Like cigarettes ?
No.
Is it a feminine need?
No.
It's--
it's for a, uh--
...a fecal odor.
Fecal?
You know--poop.
You got poop on your hands.
Listen... Ned
I really don't want to get into this right now, okay?
No, I understand. I understand totally.
It's none of my beeswax.
Which one's best?
Oh, for that, anything will do.
Common household soap should do the trick.
No. No. You don't-- don't understand.
I've tried all that. Nothing is working.
I just need a really strong odor-removing soap.
Okay. All right. Okay.
Okay, try this one.
Wait! Your change is...
Stupid...
Get off.
It's gotta work. It's gotta work.
Why? Why?
Why is this happening to me?
Hey,babe.
Whoa. Did you put on the whole bottle?
It's a little strong at first.
Yeah, no kidding.
Well, here.
Oh, they're so beautiful.
You going for a little Michael Jackson thing?
My--my hand got cold.
Just your one hand?
I'm going to put these in water, and we'll go.
Okay.
I am freaking starving.
Ground control to Major Ginny.
Do you read me?
What?
Where are you tonight? You seem all spacey, babe.
I'm sorry.
I've been a little preoccupied.
School stuff.
Well, don't let the man get you down.
What?
Oh, nothing. I'm just looking.
For what?
Seeing if they seated us
next to the bathrooms or something.
Bathrooms?
Yeah.
I keep smelling shit.
I-I-I Can't.
Ginny.
Hey, stop!
Sorry.
I know what you did.
Now, this is an unbelievable value, people.
Amazing. Pure gold and titanium.
You know, a lot of other watches out there--
...are made in places like China and Taiwan.
They are mass produced, which means the quality
just isn't there.
Hi. I can 'I get to the phone right now
but if you leave a message, I promise to get back to you.
Thank you.
Why you don't call Father back?
Call us back. We very worried.
Ginny!
Ginny, it's me, babe. Open up.
Me and Tammy are here. We're worried about you. Let us in.
Come on, sweetie-pie, open up.
Open the door. We don't know what's going on with you
but whatever it is, you know we can help.
We're not leaving till you open this door.
Ginny--
Ginny, babe, what? going on?
Everyone is so worried about you.
Your parents called me.
Professor Carlton asked about you, too.
Let us in so we can help you.
It can't be that bad.
Nothing works.
What doesn't work, honey?
Nothing.
I keep-- l keep washing
and I keep scrubbing.
It won't go away.
Why won't it go away?
What, babe? What won't go away?
It doesn't matter.
it doesn't matter.
It doesn't fucking matter!
It doesn't matter!
Do something!
No!
Hold her.
Ginny, do you know why you are here?
Why is that?
Everybody thinks I'm crazy.
Do you think you're crazy?
Is that a yes?
I don't know.
I Can Smell it...
all the time
but they keep telling me it's not there.
You mean the--
Poop.
Yes, the poop, as you say.
And how did the poop get on your finger?
Chad.
He made me do it during sex.
Do what?
Put my finger up his butt.
I don't know what she's talking about.
She is not making sense right now.
Stop it! Stop--
Are you crazy?
Oh, my God.
Check the north corridor.
Ginny.
Psst.
Over here.
It's me.
Jesus-
Listen.
There isn't much time.
They'll never believe you.
But it won't go away.
Sin never does.
There 's only one thing you can do.
You know what must be done.
Go. Go now, my child.
No! No, stop!
She's right in here.
Here you go.
Hi, sweetie.
How you doing today?
I brought you some things you might like.
It's just some fun reading while you're here.
Well, you making any friends around here?
Cheater!
Oh, my Lord!
Oh, my Lord.
Well, better hit it. Got a hair appointment.
Carl's taking me to some fancy-schmantzy place in Malibu.
You take care now, okay?
Bye, sweetie.
Bye.
Okay, I'm ready.
Liza?
How about Anastasia?
Mm. Too Russian.
How about Claire ? Huh ?
Claires are always nice.
No, they 're too Anglo, Tom.
We need to go a little more, you know, ethnic.
Ethnic. Like what?
Like--
You asshole.
I'm trying to concentrate here.
Okay, I'm sorry.
You know I hate it when you do that, Geri.
B.F.D., Tom. Just start again.
G-er...
Stinky hairy pussy. Stinky hairy pussy.
Stinky hairy pussy--
Ger.
In here, Tom.
It's almost 2:00, Geri, we gotta get going.
She's going to be there in less than an hour.
Okay, I'm coming.
Okay, Blanche.
Take a fucking Xanax, Tom.
It would be nice if you could help a little around here.
Oh, yeah? And do what?
Lick the floors?
What's that?
A mojito.
You're just drinking on a weekday afternoon?
Mm-hm.
Uh-huh, no.
I don't think that's the kind of first impression
we need to be making here, Ger.
She's here?
She's here.
Come in--please.
I'm-- Oh, I'm Tom.
Sorry, I--
This is my life partner, Geri.
Hi.
Uh, um... can we get you anything to drink or...?
Money.
Right.
Why beat around the bush? Okay.
There you go.
Good.
Papers.
Right.
Questions?
What about an instruction manual?
It's--no, we're fine.
Go.
Ciao.
Oh--
Hi, sweetie.
I'm Tom
and this is Geri
and we're--
your daddies.
Oh, God, that sounds so weird.
- Ger. -Hmm?
Try a little, please.
Okay.
Hi.
Do you have a name, honey?
Good...
because we already picked one for you.
You...
Mahogany.
Isn't it nice?
Do you like it?
I think I'll put some music on.
isn't it fabulous?
What is she doing?
She's just sitting there.
What's wrong with her?
There's nothing wrong with her, Ger.
She's getting adjusted.
Shh.
We should get her out of the house.
It might break the ice.
Where should we take her?
♪ Fabulous ♪
Mahogany?
Is everything all right in there, sweetie?
Ger.
Oh, my God, look.
Is-- Is that your daughter?
Yes.
Oh.
We just got her today.
Congratulations.
Rose came into our lives six months ago
and I cannot tell you how rewarding
the whole experience has been.
She is enriched both of our lives.
Oh, that's wonderful.
We're very excited. Aren't we, hon?
Yeah, yeah, of course.
I'm Tom, and this is Geri.
I'm Steve, and this is my husband Paulo.
Ciao.
Oh, Italiano?
Si.
Molto bene.
Okay-- And this is little Mahogany.
Say hello to Steve and Paulo, sweetie.
Hi, honey.
This is ROSS.
Very pleased to make your acquaintance.
Why, isn't she the chic little one.
She speaks three languages
and plays the violin like you wouldn't believe.
And she just came like that?
Well, we're having a little get-together
at our house tomorrow afternoon.
Why don't the two of you come and bring little Rose?
We're going to have a clown.
And it's catered .
Oh, well, thank you.
Uh, we have some stuff to do tomorrow
but we would love to drop by.
Please do.
It was nice meeting you all. Bye-bye.
Now we have to get a clown.
Mahogany?
Sweetie, aren't you hungry?
Why doesn't she say anything?
Can't she speak English, for Christ's sake?
Don't talk about her like she's not in the room.
Well, she might as well not be.
She understands us.
She's just a little shy.
Mahogany.
What's my name?
Me.
What's my name?
Looks like we got a lemon.
Geri, how dare you.
"She speaks three different languages
and she plays the violin."
Huh? Huh?
Oh, hi, and this is our daughter Mahogany.
She doesn't say or do anything.
Come on, sweetie.
It's time for bed.
You and I are going to have a little chit-chat later.
Super, Tom. Living for it.
"And even though her real mommy and daddy
"didn't want her
"the special little girl knew that her new parents
"were ever so happy to have her in their lives.
The end."
Did you like that?
Okay.
First day.
Things'll get better.
Boop.
I'm not speaking to you, remember?
Uh-oh. Is that contagious?
Why can't you give it a chance?
I am.
No, you're not. You're being an ass.
I'm sorry.
I guess I'm just not used to the whole thing yet.
Well, neither am I, Ger
but I'm going to give it a try.
Well, then I will too.
Okay.
Mmm.
Mm! Mm!
Ger, wait, wait, wait.
What about...?
Who cares? She's asleep.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh. Oh, ah.
Ah, yeah.
Oh, yes, Tom.
Yeah, fuck me.
Oh, fuck my hole.
Shh. Shh.
She's gonna hear you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Come on.
Oh.
Fuck it good!
What's wrong?
I'm not gonna do it if you're gonna keep yelling like that.
Okay, fine.
Why don't we just stop having sex, too?
What was that?
Mahogany!
Mahogany!!
Mahogany?
Ma-- Oh my God, is she in the pool?
Mahogany?
Mahogany!
Oh. Oh, my God.
What on earth are you doing out here ?
There. Comfy cozy.
Now, Mahogany
we don't go outside unless there's an adult to supervise.
You sleep here.
In your nice bed
with your pretty Ralph Lauren sheets
that we bought special just for you.
Okay?
Okay, Daddy.
Maybe later you can come and finger-fuck me.
Geri, that's disgusting.
Don't even joke about that.
You know those people at Child Services
would love any excuse to take our Mahogany from us.
I've heard stories about them watching gay couples.
Spying on them, tapping their phone lines.
Oh, so now the house is bugged.
You never know.
We would never finger-fuck Mahogany.
We love our mute black child.
- Get out. - What?
I've had enough. Get out now.
Fine.
You'll have to excuse Geri.
He was raised in a cynical, loveless
low-income home in New Jersey.
Anyway, you need to get some sleep.
You've got a big day ahead of you.
No outside, Mahogany.
Stay.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
I didn't know what to get.
So where is the little rug rat anyway?
Where's Mahogany?
- What? - Hi.
Where's Mahogany?
I don't know.
Chuckles is going to leave in, like, 10 minutes.
Who the hell is Chuckles?
The clown, Ger.
Eww. Creepy.
Come on.
What?
Help me find her.
This is unacceptable behavior, Mahogany.
You're gonna have to learn to be social
if you want to fit into this world.
Mahogany, it? fun.
Look at the other children, okay?
Take your cues off of them. Sit in the chair.
Daddy, daddy, look at the cute possum.
Oh, my God!
Jesus Christ.
Needless to say, the party was ruined.
I doubt we'll ever see any of those people again.
I thought it was kind of cool.
I mean, she was like, Shaka fucking Zulu.
Ger.
Gen calm down.
Get serious here.
Do you know anything about Mahogany's family upbringing ?
Not really.
She's from some remote part of Africa or something.
Yeah, and she doesn't speak. Ever.
It's been two weeks, and she hasn't said a single word.
Well, that's actually fairly common for a child from
an emotionally malnourished environment.
It's going to take time for you to gain her trust.
How long?
Oh, l don't know, really.
I mean, it could be weeks, months
even in some cases years.
Years? Well, that's bullshit.
We didn't spend over $15,000
on an African mute with a penchant
for exterminating small feral animals.
Ger, calm down.
You're hurting Mahogany's feelings.
Hell0 ?
Hey, it's me. How's it going?
It's going, I guess.
How? Mahogany?
Oh, she's fine.
She's hiding in her fucking bushes, as usual.
Maybe you two could go to the park or something?
And watch her stone one of the kids to death?
Pass.
Come on, Ger.
Dr. Shelley said to get her out of the house
as much as possible.
Quality time is so important.
Okay, fine, Tom. Stop badgering me.
I wasn't badgering you.
Okay, fine. We're going. Later.
Hey.
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, really?
Dude, you're making me hard.
Right now?
No, no, l can't.
No, I've got the kid, and--
You would?
Okay. Okay, 20 minutes.
Mahogany!
♪ Hey, baby ♪
♪ It's gonna be all right ♪
♪ Hey, baby, gonna love you all night ♪
♪ All night long ♪
♪ I'm going to sing this song ♪
Faggot!
Breeder!
♪ I need to see the sun ♪
♪ Love 's in your eyes ♪
♪ The love we share ♪
♪ it turns me upside down ♪♪
Mahogany, sweetie.
I'm going to go on inside for a little while
and you are going to stay right here.
Okay?
Hey, hon.
Oh, hi.
Hi. How was your day?
Fine, thanks.
Where's Mahogany?
I don't know what's wrong with her.
She's cracked out of her mind.
That's what's wrong with her.
You gave our daughter crystal meth.
How in the hell did she get her hands on narcotics?
Tell me.
I don't know.
You tell me.
I had a little in my car, okay?
Big fucking deal. You've done it before, too.
I didn't give it to a 7-year-old child.
At the park?
Where did you go?
The park.
I don't buy it.
Well, I ain't sellin' anything.
Let me smell it.
Fuck Off.
You are not smelling my cock.
Let me smell it, Ger.
Let me smell it!
Faggot.
Did she just say what I think she said?
Faggot. Faggot.
Okay. You should have everything you need here--
bottles of water
first-aid kit
crackers.
Oh, and PowerBars
which should last you quite a while.
So... be careful.
And stay away from those mountain lions.
I heard they're nasty.
Okay.
All right.
Liza. Liza.
Come on, Liza.
Liza.
Oh, Liza.
Crow to catfish, crow to catfish. Do you copy?
Come on, guys. I'm not playing anymore.
I'm not playing anymore. You caught me.
The game isn't over yet, Abdul.
My name isn't Abdul. it's Jeffrey.
Your name is Abdul.
You Te an al-Qaeda operative
with plans to commit heinous acts of terrorism.
And you must be killed.
No.
SpongeBob's gonna show you how he guts a fish.
I can't do it.
Look over there.
See what happens when you run?
Oh, stop crying, you big baby.
What should we do with him?
The old tree.
Jeffrey!
Jeffrey, your mother is here!
What a coward.
Oh, there's Mommy.
What happened?
They tried hanging me from a tree.
Aw, they were just playing hide and go seek.
Hide and go seek?
Yeah.
Look at him. He's shaking.
Aw.
Where are their parents?
Oh, they're out of town.
- Again? - Yeah.
I want the number for their hotel.
This is ridiculous.
I'm so sorry.
I don't-- I don't think I have their number.
What kind of parents don't leave a number
where they can be reached?
Well, tell them they can expect a call from my attorney.
Uh, okay. All right.
Well, thanks so much for coming.
Bye.
I love your jeans.
Did his mom get mad?
Of course. She fucking freaked.
She's going to call her lawyers. Enjoy that.
Big deal.
Oh, check it out.
I'm going to be having some company here tonight.
So I'm going to need you guys to fuck off
like good little Children.
Okay? Dig?
Right. All right.
Did you wanna kill this?
All right I'll fucking kill it.
Louisa.
Hm?
What is she doing?
Praying to her dead baby.
What's in her hand?
The umbilical cord.
Why does she keep it?
I don't know.
I guess it is all that she has left.
I think it's gross.
Me 100.
Jezebel, shut the fuck up!
I fucking hate that bird.
Why aren't you dressed for school?
We don't have school today.
What?
It's Martin Luther King Day.
Oh. Hey, that was, like, a month ago.
Part Two.
Fine. Don't go to school.
Grow up stupid. See if I fucking care.
I don't speak your language, maid.
Stop laughing.
I said stop laughing, you fucking bitch!
What?
I just realized that you've been going to see Dr. Shelley
for like a year--
and I don't know why.
Why do people climb Everest?
To prove something useless
to no one in particular, obviously.
Wrong. Because it's there.
Oh, my Gad. I've never heard that one.
Be cynical, if that gets you through the day, Mary Jane.
Ugh, you're so annoying.
Nicholas.
When they leave, how does that make you feel?
How come you never have me lay down on the chair?
I've told you before, I only use the chair
when I'm engaging clients in free association.
Have you ever had sex on the chair?
When they leave, how does that make you feel?
I bet you want to have sex on the chain
Nicholas.
Your accent is fake, isn't it?
Don't you realize I can see through this whole show?
You're wasting our time together.
You may as well not even come here at all.
I had a dream about them.
They were on a beach somewhere
near the French Riviera, I think.
They seemed happy.
Then I rose out of the ocean
like the great kraken from ancient Greek mythology.
I plucked them from their beach chairs
and I ripped their limbs off
like-- like they were little insects.
They were screaming and begging for mercy
but that only made me angrier.
So I crushed their heads between my fingers.
And then...
I ate them.
Okay.
Right. Right.
We've quite a bit of work to do on you, don't we?
What's wrong with her?
The umbilical cord is gone.
You mean that nasty thing she keeps in there?
Who'd want to take that?
You!
What?
Yes, you. You take it.
Are you crazy?
You are the devil.
Hey. Hey.
What the fuck is all the screaming about?
What's wrong with her?
Somebody stole her baby's umbilical cord.
Who-- her what?
She keeps it in her jewelry box.
She kisses it when she prays.
Am I tripping on acid right now
or are we talking about a stolen fucking umbilical cord?
She thinks I took it.
Who cares?
It's unsanitary
keeping shit like that in a house.
Louisa, please tell her to get over it.
That's what photos are for. Jesus Christ.
She is crazy. She should be committed.
But she's not lying. It is gone.
That means somebody in this house stole it, right?
True.
- Gracias. - I know.
We put everyone who could've taken
the umbilical cord on the stand.
It'll be just like Court TV.
Only real.
I'll be the judge.
Trevor, you can be the court reporter.
And Colby, you'll be the bailiff.
What's a bailiff?
He's the one with the gun-
Cool.
Colby
you may show the suspects to the courtroom.
Be seated.
As you all know, a crime was committed yesterday
theft, to be precise.
The item in question
is one umbilical cord
belonging to Miss Blanca Juarez
and her deceased son, Fernando Guadalupe Juarez.
Order!
There will be no outbursts of emotion
in this courtroom.
Thank you.
Now, all of the possible suspects are in this room.
And by the end of this inquisition
we shall hopefully get to the bottom
of this heinous act.
I shall now call on our first suspect, Tak.
Though you work outside the house
it is not fair to rule you out
as a possible suspect
and it is entirely possible
that you may harbor secret reasons
for stealing the umbilical cord.
Perhaps, a scorned love?
He doesn't speak English, shitbird.
Well, can anyone translate?
Oh, yeah, actually, I can.
Ni-hah, ching, ching, ching, ching
zing, zing, zing, Szechuan Palace.
He didn't take it.
Tak, you're excused from the court.
Miss Alvarez.
Where were you between the hours of 8:00 a.m.
and 9:00 p.m. yesterday?
Here in the house.
And what is your occupation?
I am the housekeeper.
What does that entail?
Oh, my God, don't be an asshole, Nicholas.
Just get to the fucking point. We all know what she does.
Fine. Louisa, did you take the umbilical cord?
No.
Why not?
What would I do with it?
That will be all.
Save the speech.
Did I take it? NO.
I wouldn't even touch anything that disgusting.
And for the record, I don't get it.
Like, what, your mom dies or, like, your cat
and you hack its foot off
and put it in a shoebox as a keepsake?
I don't think so.
Okay, now that that's out of the way
there's only one person left.
Why is she here?
She can't steal what is belonging to her.
Can 't doesn't exist in a court of law
until proven so, Louisa-
I call Blanca Juarez to the stand.
Miss Juarez, how did your baby die ?
Nicholas--
This is a vital part of my interrogation.
Please answer the question.
Um, I watching the baby.
And the hair-- the hair...
Como se llama the hair--?
Hair dryer?
Yes.
It fall into the water
and I tried to grab it.
I scream
but nobody come.
And I couldn't do anything.
That's a very sad story, Miss Juarez.
Yes.
I just have to ask you
one more very important question.
Okay.
Did you murder your baby?
What?
All right. Game over, Nicholas.
I even draw the line somewhere.
She did. I swear. Look.
These are from her boyfriend in El Salvador
the baby's father.
He was cheating on her.
Hey hey hey hey hey.
Where did you get those?
In your room.
I was just going to borrow the umbilical cord.
You stole it?
Borrowed. Just to piss her off
Then I found the letters-
You killed your baby!
No!
- You were jealous. - No.
You wanted to punish your boyfriend.
You wanted to take away the one thing he really loved
because he didn't love you.
So you put your baby in the bathtub
and threw the hair dryer into it.
You electrocuted him to death.
You killed your baby.
Didn't you? Didn't you?
Ah, yes. Sì! Sì. Sì. Sì. Sì. Sì.
Okay.
Ay, caramba.
Fuck me.
Blanca?
What's the number again? For 911?
Can I speak to a human, please?
You guys!
Guys, go see what he's shouting about.
Are they going to give her the chair?
Just--I don't know.
Can you go-- to the-- brother?
What?
Guess it's time to get a new maid.
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
J Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
♪ Laughing all the way ♪
♪ Bells on bobtail ring ♪
♪ Making spirits bright ♪
♪ What fun it is to laugh ♪
♪ And sing our sleighing song tonight ♪
♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ A day or two ago ♪
♪ I thought I 'd take a ride ♪
♪ And soon Miss Fannie Bright ♪
♪ Was seated by my side ♪
♪ The horse was lean and lank ♪
♪ Misfortune seemed his lot ♪
♪ We got into a drifted bank ♪
♪ And then we got upsot ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪♪
Hello?
Yes, this is Sara Cotton.
No, I don't read the paper.
No, thank you.
U Damn ♪
♪ I wish I was your lover ♪
♪ I'd rock you till the daylight comes ♪
♪ Make sure you are smiling and warm ♪
♪ I am everything ♪
♪ Tonight I'll be your mother, I'll do-- ♪
Robert.
Robert Kane.
Robert.
Did a customer leave that behind?
No.
I found it this morning.
On the sidewalk.
Well, that's a stroke of bad luck.
Ah, it's already 2:00.
Look, Sarah, you better take your lunch now.
We have three boxes in the back left to unpack.
I want those done before five.
You are going to return that, aren't you?
Yes.
Well, it's a form of theft, you know.
Keeping something that doesn't belong to you.
I'm going to go to the post office
and I'm going to mail it to the address that's on the license.
Good girl.
I'll be back by 3.
Okay.
Yeah, what?
Is Robert here?
What do you want with him?
I'm a friend of his.
A friend?
Yes. Is he here?
No, he's at work.
I seem to have forgotten where that is.
Solly's Pizza over on Lankershim.
On Lankershim, that's right.
How do you know my son?
Car trouble.
I had a flat.
He helped me Out with it.
I just wanted to thank him again.
Well, that's grand.
Maybe you can ask him to help his mother pay the rent.
I won't take any more of your time. Thank you.
Well, who shall I say stopped by?
Do you want this for here?
Lady.
Here?
Uh, yes. Yes, I'll have it for here. Thank you.
De nada.
Fucking traffic.
They didn't tip me shit.
Hey, at least you get a tip-
Yeah, well, barely anything.
Hey, what's the matter, Puto? You sick?
No, I'm fine.
Go get a mop.
Why? Why me?
Because I'm busy. Go get a mop.
Sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I'm such a klutz.
You look familiar.
You wouldn't happen to be Robert Kane, would you?
I guess not.
You just look like this guy
who accidentally left his wallet
at my house last night.
I've been meaning to return it.
I'm just having a hard time tracking him down.
I went by his house--
What do you want?
Look, I don't know you, lady
so you should probably just leave, okay?
You don't know me?
What the fuck do you want, huh?
I just want to return your wallet.
Then do it.
Not here.
Do you like pizza?
Of course you do.
You work around pizzas all day, so you must.
There 's a Shakey's near my house-
A block away.
Meet me there at 8:30.
Do you remember where I live?
Well, I'm late for work.
I have to go.
Goodbye.
Thank you.
You're not hungry?
I'm famished.
I usually eat like around six.
Six-thirty the latest.
I like coming here.
The food is good, the people are nice.
I usually come here on Thursdays.
They have the free salad bar.
Otherwise, I just eat at home.
Sandwiches, mostly.
I like to watch TV while I'm eating.
I like to watch, um, you know
Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight.
I don't watch the news, though.
It's sad, so it just depresses me.
I just wait for the weather report.
That way I just know whether it's going to be an S day or a T day.
What is that, S day?
A sweater or a T-shirt day.
Do you want a bite?
No, thanks.
It's not good anyway today.
It's too much dressing.
It makes everything soggy and icky.
I think the new people that they have working here
are not that motivated, if you know what I mean?
So, Robert.
Do you go by a nickname?
Or just plain Robert?
My dad used to call me Bucky
but that was before I had braces.
My friends just call me Rob, I guess.
Hmm.
Your friends call you Rob.
I like that.
I like Robert better.
I don't know. it's more--
It's more masculine.
More dignified.
It's kind of like Robert Redford.
You know, he doesn't go by Bobby Redford.
I've seen him on TV. I haven't seen him--
Sarah.
I know. I know.
I'm talking too much. I'm sorry.
I'm nervous. I--
It's okay.
Uh, I just have to get to work early tomorrow.
Do pizza places open early in the morning?
It's funny. You never think about things like that.
You know?
But maybe, I don't know.
Maybe people like pizza in the morning.
Do you like pizza in the morning, Robert?
This has all been really nice.
Okay? All this.
But I need my stuff.
Your stuff?
Yeah, my stuff. My wallet.
Remember?
Oh. Your wallet.
Yes. My wallet. Remember?
Okay.
I don't have it.
What?
No. I mean I don't have it here with me.
It's back at my house.
I-- I thought that if-- if dinner went well
maybe you wanted to come by and spend some time.
Just a little bit. We can play a game.
Do you like Uno?
We don't have to play Uno.
It gets boring, anyway. I have Jenga, too.
But that's a game that scares me.
I'm always the one to drop all the pieces.
Lady, what-- what is-- what is this?
Why are you doing this?
Doing what?
This. What is it? Look, do you want me to apologize?
Do you have some fucking guys at your place
waiting to do something to me, is that it?
You mean hurt you?
Oh, my gosh.
What then? Huh?
I just wanted to spend some time with you, that's all.
I don't know. I'm just really confused right now.
I can't even tell you how confused I am.
Do you want to leave?
Let's leave. We're not having any fun here.
It's funny, I know.
People usually go Dutch on a first date
but I'm a little old-fashioned.
Thank you, kind sir.
You ready?
I won.
I'm sorry. It's not nice to laugh
at another person's misfortune.
Well, that's it. The game's over, I guess.
I know. It was fun, huh?
Is that your girlfriend?
Who?
Your phone keeps ringing.
I thought it was your girlfriend.
I don't have a girlfriend.
I bet she's really pretty.
You know, long legs and beautiful hair
just like on TV.
I just said I don't have a girlfriend.
Really?
Why not?
I bet girls would love to date you.
Maybe you're not understanding me.
But I have to go, okay?
So give me the wallet.
Do you want to play another game?
My wallet, please.
Why don't we watch a movie?
I have The Little Mermaid on DVD.
- Give me the wallet. - Too girlie, right?
What about Big?
Give me the fucking wallet!
I'm not gonna--
I'm not gonna hurt you.
I just want my shit. And, and I can go.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
Great.
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
Where is it?
Huh?
Look, I don't know what kind
of fucked-up headcase you are.
I don't really give a shit. I just want my license back.
Give it to me.
Give it to me!
You think this is fucking funny?
Huh? You fucking crazy bitch. What is it?
No! No!
What is that?
What do you want from me, huh?
What do you want?
I want you to do it again.
What?
That's-- that's sick.
That is Sick.
Don't say that.
Do it please. Please rape me.
Please don't-- No. No.
No, come on, please.
Please! Rape me!
Hurt me! Hurt me! Hurt me. Yes. Yes!
You want me to fuck you?
Yes!
Fucking--Fucking crazy bitch!
Is this what you want, huh?
Yes.
Fuck you.
What are you doing?
You can't stop.
You can't leave!
Get the fuck off me!
Don't leave!
Please don't leave.
What the--
Please stay. Please stay.
Please don't leave me!
You crazy bitch! Get off of me!
Don't leave me! Don't go!
Get off of me!
Don't leave me!
Get back!
Don't go.
I would hate to share my dad with anybody.
I keep washing. it won't go away.
She is cracked out of her mind.
That's what's wrong with her.
You gave our daughter crystal meth.
You killed your baby.
Didn't you ? Didn't you?
Give me the fucking wallet!
Rape me!