My name's Charles Bronson.
And all my life I've wanted to be famous.
I knew I was made
for better things.
I had a calling.
I just didn't know
what as.
Weren't singing.
Can't fucking act.
Kind of running out of choices really,
aren't we?
♪ Baby, it's slow ♪
♪ When the lights go low ♪
♪ There's no help, no... ♪
♪ Baby, it's slow ♪
♪ When the lights go low ♪
♪ There's no help, no ♪
♪ He's drilling through ♪
♪ The spiritus sanctus tonight ♪
♪ Through the dark hip falls ♪
♪ Screaming ♪
♪ Oh, you mambos kill me ♪
♪ And kill me and kill me ♪
♪ If I jerk the handle ♪
♪ You'll die in your dreams ♪
♪ If I jerk the handle ♪
♪ Jerk the handle ♪
♪ You'll thrill me ♪
♪ And thrill me ♪
♪ And thrill me. ♪
Right, how else can I explain it?
There was nothing wonky about my upbringing.
My parents were decent,
respectable and upstanding members of society.
I went to school.
I kept my head down.
So like most kids,
I got into trouble.
You bastard!
I liked it.
FarangSiam thanks you. Enjoy!
Oh, Michael.
Mrs. Peterson, I really must talk to you about Michael.
But I wasn't bad.
I wasn't bad bad.
And I still have my principles.
I took the first job I could get my hands on.
Bring the fries, Peterson.
I suppose the crumpet wasn't bad.
Mrs. Peterson,
we'd like to have a word with your son.
Michael.
Michael Peterson.
Right.
Yeah, before I forget,
I did come into this world as Michael Peterson.
But I'll go out with my fighting name...
Charlie Bronson.
Which is my alter ego.
1974...
tough time to be young in England.
Not a lot of opportunity around.
Still, life moves on.
Irene and I got hitched.
It was all right.
We didn't have it bad for a couple from the chippy.
But they don't give you a star on the walk of fame
for "not bad," do they?
Michael, what is that noise?
For God's sakes.
So this is the post office
I did over.
This is what I got away with.
And this is what they gave me.
Seven years!
Don't worry, son.
You won't do the seven. You'll be out in four.
I had you going, didn't I? Huh?
Go on! I had you going!
I've always fancied myself as a bit of a comedian.
But seven years
is a long time.
Now I'm not gonna stand here, right, and tell you...
tell you that prison
is "not bad."
No, that would be misrepresenting myself.
And I think enough of that has been done already,
don't you?
No.
You see, I didn't see a cell, a cage
or a box.
To me, it was a hotel room.
Don't get me wrong.
For most people,
prison is tough.
A monotonous nightmare.
24 hours a day,
seven days a week,
365 days a year
of pure, unadulterated,
living, breathing hell.
But for me,
prison was finally a place
where I could sharpen my tools,
hone my skills.
It's like a battleground, isn't it?
It was an opportunity
and a place where soon every native
was gonna know my name.
What's the matter, Charlie?
Do you want me to take you through it again?
No, we don't do work in long-term prisons.
It's vocational training so you can get a job when...
Fuck off!
What's the problem, Peterson?
Problem?
I said, what's the problem, Peterson?
I don't know. I don't have a problem.
Keep your chin up, mate.
Oh, crikey.
Would you like a cup of tea, mate?
Thanks, Mickey. Love one.
- Milk and sugar? - Please.
- How many sugars? - Two.
One, two.
♪ Picture you upon my knee ♪
♪ Tea for two ♪
♪ And two for tea ♪
♪ Just me for you ♪
♪ And you for me ♪
♪ Alone. ♪
And would you like a cup of tea too, mate?
Nothing closer to my heart than a good cup
of British char.
- Milk and sugar? - No, I like it dark.
Oh.
That's an impressive set of guns you have there.
You must be handy in a brawl. Bam-bam,
knockout, ding-ding.
Very nice.
But time stops for no man, ladies and germs.
And my time was coming up.
Parole!
And just when I was about to make a name to be reckoned with.
Oh, yeah, as what?
As what?
You don't wanna be trapped inside with me, sunshine.
Inside, I'm someone nobody wants to fuck with.
Do you understand?
I am Charlie Bronson.
I am Britain's most violent prisoner.
Prison was,
honestly, brilliant!
I liked it personally. Fuck that. I loved it!
It was exciting. It was on the edge.
It was madness as its very best.
The problem is once you get comfortable,
or sometimes even before, they ghost you again
and again, moving you from prison
to prison to prison.
And I fucking hate that.
Parkhurst, God bless that place.
The accommodation was more than worthy
of my royal self.
Your own bed,
toilet, a sink.
The food was of exceptional standard.
Yes, Parkhurst was a corker.
And hull prison, well, what can I say?
Well worth a visit.
Scrubs... not my favorite place to visit.
But the staff are ready to make your stay
as memorable as possible.
We had a laugh.
How we laughed.
♪ Please release me ♪
♪ Let me go ♪
♪ 'Cause I don't love you ♪
♪ Anymore. ♪
In the end, I got it wrong.
Quite seriously wrong, actually.
They sent me here,
the funny farm.
Where are we going?
Oh, what have you got for me, you jolly boys?
Jolly boys all the lot of you.
Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt.
Wait till I fucking kick the shit out the lot of you.
Right, Peterson. Now you've had a chance to cool down.
I'll explain the rampton rules.
Rule number one, you do as you're told.
Rule number two?
This ain't prison.
We're lion tamers here.
Uh-huh.
Right, take these pills.
Stick 'em up your fucking ass.
Yeah, huh?
Yeah, he'll be back. Cunt.
Fucking whip rag, you'll fucking shit it.
You fucking gone and done it, you cunt!
You fucking cunt! You fucking cunt!
The thing is
they don't understand.
They'll never understand.
And that scares 'em.
So they keep you drugged up.
What's that gonna change?
Ain't gonna change the you inside.
I think I know the truth.
You're no more mad than I am.
Yeah, it's all just made up. It's rubbish.
You, me...
nine-year-old girl.
It's a loveology.
♪ When I look back upon my life ♪
♪ It's always with a sense of shame ♪
♪ I've always been the one to blame ♪
♪ For everything I long to do ♪
♪ No matter when or where or who ♪
♪ Has one thing in common too ♪
♪ It's a... it's a... it's a... ♪
♪ It's a sin ♪
♪ Everything I've ever done, everything I ever do ♪
♪ Every place I've ever been ♪
♪ Everywhere I'm going to ♪
♪ It's a sin ♪
♪ At school they taught me how to be ♪
♪ So pure in thought ♪
♪ And word and deed ♪
♪ They didn't quite succeed ♪
♪ For everything I long to do ♪
♪ No matter when or where or who ♪
♪ Has one thing in common too ♪
♪ It's a... it's a... it's a... ♪
♪ It's a sin ♪
♪ It's a sin... ♪
♪ Everything I've ever done, everything I ever do ♪
♪ Every place I've ever been ♪
♪ Everywhere I'm going to. ♪
Fucking loonies, they're great, mate,
but...
well...
they're fucking loonies, aren't they?
And I had to get out somehow.
This was not a hotel I wanted
to stay at anymore.
Being a celebrity and all, I needed to check out.
And I had a good idea how to do it.
Tsk-tsk-tsk.
I will now reenact
what I like to call
"what happens when murder goes wrong."
When do I go back?
Now now, Mr. Peterson,
We aren't going to start up all that silliness again, are we?
Listen, nursey,
I just wanna know when my trial is
and when I head back to the slammer,
Right?
Wrong, Mr. Peterson.
Now let's not play silly buggers, eh?
I'll just have to pop you in the botty with one of my special potions, hmm?
When's my trial?
Uh-uh-uh. Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk, no.
Mr. White recovered, dear.
There's no trial.
Isn't that wonderful?
However, you are being moved.
Where?
Yes, Mr. Peterson. Broadmoor Asylum
for the criminally insane.
I deserve to go to prison for what I did.
I want my hotel room back.
Well, I'm sure you'll find yourself some solitary.
And I did.
26 years.
26 years of solitary I've done,
and I ain't killed no one.
I'm not joking.
Not a soul!
Ever!
Well, I thought,
"If you're gonna be unfair with me,"
"I'm gonna show you the ultimate"
"in unfair takedowns."
Now this is what I call
"Charlie versus Broadmoor."
♪ When I'm a rock and roll ♪
♪ When I'm the rock ♪
♪ And roll ♪
♪ When I'm the rock and roll star ♪
♪ When I'm a rock and roll ♪
♪ When he's a rock and roll ♪
- ♪ When I'm a rock and roll ♪ - ♪ When he's a rock and roll ♪
♪ When I'm a rock and roll ♪
♪ Superstar. ♪
Well, that told me.
Truth be told, though, they didn't want me
in there anymore anyway.
Apparently, I've managed to cost the system
tens of millions of pounds in damage.
And her majesty no longer wanted to pleasure herself
with Britain's most expensive prisoner.
I know. It's not the moniker that I was looking for,
but what were they gonna do?
I mean, they couldn't let a loony run around for free.
Oh yeah.
They had a dirty trick up their sleeve.
They only went and certified me sane,
didn't they?
So before I knew it, I was back on the streets again.
But Charlie B. ain't no fucking pillow biter.
Oh, no. So it was time
to suck up the free air
and see what the world had to offer me.
Very funny, boys.
Right.
It's been a pleasure.
Look at you. Dad.
Hi, son.
Come on in, son.
That's right. I'll show you your room,
and then we'll have a nice cup of tea.
Come on, son.
That's right.
Oh, look, it's me.
I was very small.
Where's all my stuff?
We couldn't bring everything, Michael.
That was Luton.
What, all of it?
We kept some.
Where's my bed?
No, not this one. The other one,
what I had when I was a child.
We couldn't keep everything, Michael.
We don't have the room.
Is my bed still in Luton?
Luton...
never changes, does it?
Now my mom once said, "Stick with what you know."
And I knew two things.
I knew Luton and I knew Uncle Jack.
And Uncle Jack knew everyone.
And anyone he didn't know wasn't worth knowing.
Going on holiday?
No.
Something better than that. I'm gonna make a name for myself.
Oh, yeah, doing what?
I'm gonna kill the queen.
So you're off to London then?
No.
Luton's where it's at.
Well, fuck me inside out.
Come in, my dear boy. You're just in time for cocktails.
Hello.
Luton calling.
Ladies and gentlemen in ladies' attire,
allow me to present my favorite nephew,
newly relieved of Her Majesty's pleasure,
Mickey Peterson.
Sit down, my dear boy.
I'll sit there.
How are you?
Miss gorgeous here
will get you a cocktail.
Michael.
It's very exciting to meet you.
Our Jack here, he says you're quite a celebrity on the inside.
Mmm.
Oh. Thank you.
It's a complete turnoff.
Mm-hmm.
Your face rug.
Be like kissing a fanny.
Ooh.
That's an outstanding set of mustaches.
I admire your dedication.
Mmm.
I always knew you had an artistic bent.
So, big boy,
what does the future hold for Michael Peterson?
Ooh.
Ambition is the virtue
of all great men.
He's going to stay here with us.
All right, my pets?
Say the more the merrier.
For as long as you like.
That's very strong.
It's wonderful.
Uncle Jack always had his ear to the ground.
And it turns out, there was an old prison mate of mine in Luton too.
- Peterson. - This your gaff?
Yes.
How much you get?
10 years.
Fucking hell.
Make Mickey a cup of tea, please.
Let's fuck.
So are you interested?
Of course I fucking am.
You're looking good, Mickey.
Fit, strong,
powerful.
You can make some money.
Serious money.
All you need's a name.
What's wrong with Mickey Peterson?
No, you need a fighting name.
Like a movie star.
Oh, right.
Charlton Heston.
Look, love,
nobody gives a toss about Charlton Heston.
The man's a cunt.
You're more the Charles Bronson type.
Charles Bronson.
Yes, "Death Wish."
That's you down to a tee, perfect.
Charlie...
Fucking Bronson.
Hmm.
♪ This is red red red red red ♪
♪ This is orange orange orange orange orange ♪
♪ This is red red red red red ♪
♪ This is orange orange orange orange orange ♪
♪ This is yellow ♪
♪ This is yellow. ♪
What are you looking at?
I can feel you looking at me, Charlie.
Do you want me to do your nails?
No.
What's that from?
Fight.
And that one?
Fight.
You're very muscley, aren't you?
Mind if I hold your arm?
Oh my God.
It's huge.
Um...
you should...
What?
You... you shouldn't...
What, Charlie?
You shouldn't mess around with boys what are bigger than you.
Oh, really?
Shit.
Lucky man. Lucky cunt.
Oh, yeah!
Hey! All right.
Hey!
Yeah.
Do you want some fucking murder, yeah?
Who wants some fucking murder?
You don't look well, mate.
All right, you fucking cunt.
20 quid? You're having a fucking laugh, ain't you?
Spare me the Oliver Twist routine.
Charlie, love, you need to build your audience.
I gave you fucking magic in there.
Magic? You just pissed on a gypsy
in the middle of fucking nowhere.
It's hardly the hottest ticket in town, darling.
All right, when is the next one?
Let him fucking go. If he wants to go,
let him fucking go!
- Come on! - Have at him!
I love you.
What?
I love you.
- It's been nice. - Mm-hmm.
But I love Brian.
Who's Brian?
He's my boyfriend.
And he's got a motorbike.
Brian.
Yes, sir, can I help you?
Yeah, well...
I want to take a butchers at that ring there.
That ring there, sir? That's a £1,000 ring, sir.
Right. Fuck off!
Don't fucking move!
Or I'll kill you, all right?
Don't fucking move!
And don't call the police
- for 10 minutes. - I won't.
All right?
15 minutes.
Happy Christmas.
I've been thinking...
You're a very sweet man, Charlie.
...about... about you.
Yeah, but you've got no ambition.
You know what I mean?
Bought you this.
Eh?
Thank you.
Brian and me are getting married.
Right.
Well...
congratulations.
Eh?
See you later, Charlie.
Fucking charming.
Onwards and upwards.
That's what I always say.
Everything happens for a reason, don't it?
Hear hear.
Magic.
Well, it turns out
that lovely lady in the jewelry shop
waited exactly 15 minutes.
But it didn't take them 15 minutes to find me.
We'd been expecting them.
Well well well.
Charles Bronson is it now?
An American Mongolian pop star.
Film star, sir. "Death Wish."
Bloody good, as it happens.
Yeah, I'm sure, Webber. I'm sure, thank you.
So...
69 days, was it?
69 days all to yourself.
Another of your prison records broken.
So tell me, Charles Bronson,
what exactly did you do with yourself
for these 69 days?
I was building an empire.
You're ridiculous.
Good morning, Charlie. Something to read?
Got another Jilly Cooper.
Tell me how you got on with "Who Dares Wins" then.
I've heard it's really good.
- Shut your fucking mouth! - No problem, Charlie.
Shut the fuck up, you cunt!
Shut it!
Right.
Now I've got a librarian up here.
And he's in a lot of trouble.
So I think you should send someone up
to help him out, don't you?
For fuck's sake, he's at it again.
He's got a hostage. Get the governor!
Right.
Sit down.
Not there! On the fucking karzy, you cunt!
What happens now?
Um...
I don't know.
Well, I guess we'll just have to...
we'll have to wait.
I can wait all day. I'm not going anywhere.
You're not going anywhere, you fucking cunt.
We'll just fucking wait. I'll wait.
- Hello. - Hello, Charlie.
- Can you hear me? - Of course I can fucking hear you.
There's nothing wrong with my hearing, you cunt.
What is it, Charlie?
Well...
I am sitting here with...
what's your name?
- Love. - Love?!
- Andy Love. - Oh, Andy Love.
Yeah?
All right, I'm sitting here
with Andy Love.
And I'm gonna snap his fucking neck
and stick his head up his ass if I don't get what I want!
What do you want?
What do I want?
What have you got?
Well...
that's entirely up to you,
isn't it?
We're done. You can fuck off. I've had enough.
All right...
Andy Love.
Are you a family man?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- I got two kids. - Two kids, yeah?
- What are you doing? - What am I doing?
What does it fucking look like I'm doing, you cunt?
- Look, let's... let's talk. - No, I'm done talking.
Fucking pointless.
- Wait... - Wait for what?
Right.
- That's it. - What are you gonna do now?
What am I gonna do?
I'm gonna put my fucking body paint on.
That's what I'm gonna do.
Get my body armor, all right?
Fucking hell.
Let's have it.
Go on, get some of that rubbed on my back, you cunt.
- What? - Get it on my fucking back.
Rub it in, you slag!
Go on, rub it in. That's right. We ain't got all day.
Rub it right down my back.
Down my back and my legs.
Back of my legs, on my ass.
On my ass cheeks. On my ass.
Not in my ass, you fucking homo! On it.
Quickly. Quicker. Quicker. Quicker!
Quicker! Quicker! Quicker! Quicker!
Fuck off!
Sit down in the corner. Don't move, cunt!
Now hang on to your fillings, right?
'Cause it's gonna get fucking hairy.
- Come here. - Fuck off, you cunt!
All right, Charlie Bronson.
I'll get straight to the point.
We have been sailing rather close to the wind of late,
and I detect a rocky patch.
I had hoped that you coming
onto the special unit with us might make you want
to stop this hostage taking business,
this attacking of my officers.
We can handle this prick, sir.
Webber, will you please take the rest
of the afternoon off? Thank you.
Be in my office at 6:15 sharp tomorrow morning.
- Thank you, goodbye. - Yes, sir.
Look, I'm not in the habit
of making deals with prisoners.
For your recent escapade,
you will be punished again. Block.
If you have absolutely no interest whatsoever
in yourself,
then you leave us at a loss with regards what to do with you.
What would you like us to do,
Charlie Bronson?
Fuck off.
You're pitiful.
You know that?
And I can promise you this,
if you further this mindless behavior,
if you continue to act in this nihilistic and godless fashion,
you will die inside.
Un, dos, tres.
Cuatro.
Como esta?
- What? - What's this?
- A painting. - Good for you.
Now what do you mean? Talk to me.
Sun, sea, sand, naked women, perfect.
- Whose is this? - Eh?
Whose is this?
Come on, own up. Who did the crime?
Bombs away.
Not your art teacher for nothing, you know?
Very interesting, Charlie.
Interesting?
Yeah, it's interesting.
What does that mean?
What does interesting mean? Interesting's good.
Bravado!
You know?
Yeah, you can't pin it down, can't compute.
You can't tie that up in a nice little pink bow.
No, you can't pin me down, mate.
- Pajaros! - You fucking what?
Birds. Birds, Charlie. I'm leaning Spanish.
- Español. - Oh.
Are you?
Olé!
Lot of birds in your work, Charlie.
I don't really get to see much through...
bit of birds
and bars.
Pajaros.
I know, mate.
Here's an idea for you.
Find that piece of you, Charles.
That piece that doesn't belong here.
Fucking hell.
Prisoner BT1314, Bronson, sir.
Good afternoon, Bronson.
Well, Mr. Danielson here tells me
that you've been doing extraordinarily well
in your creative endeavors.
Champion's a budding Magritte.
That's right, yeah.
You know, we've been holding these artist materials for you,
sent in by your cousin Lorraine.
Well, now that we're rather sadly having to consider the future
of the arts facility,
I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be allowed these materials now.
Should help tremendously with your work.
Mr. Danielson really has got great confidence
in your cooperation,
your responsibility,
your ability to interact within the group.
I strongly advise
that you continue to follow this path.
And I look forward to seeing some of this wonderful work
I've heard so much about.
Governor, Charlie's actually brought something
for you to have a look at now if you'd lik...
Charlie, give me that.
That's for you.
Thank you.
If you give it to Webber,
I'll be able to have a look at it later.
Thank you.
Right then, Bronson. What are you waiting for, son?
Let's go, move it! Move it!
I said, let's go. Move it!
Sorry, Webber. That's for you, mate.
He's a star fucker, that one.
I'll make sure he looks at that painting, mate.
Don't you worry about that.
Review the unit... pfft!
Honest to God, though, Charlie, and I'll tell you this straight,
I wouldn't be surprised if they started to discuss your release date.
I mean, look, it's just my opinion.
It's not necessarily the opinion of others.
But you know, if there's one thing I am,
I am a very good judge
of character.
Yep.
Sí Sí. Sí Sí Sí.
You'll get a call, mate. You will.
You know why?
You're a brilliant artist.
Bueno. Buenísimo.
I'm so excited, mate. I'm proud as punch,
'cause you are a fucking star.
Gov's a cunt. He is. Fuck him.
Can't stand the wanker.
Just keep your head down and I'm absolutely positivo
that we can do this.
We can, mate.
What do you mean we?
We... no. I'm just saying...
No no no, Charlie. Charles.
Don't misunderstand me, mate.
What I'm saying is you...
you are finally gonna get
what you've always wanted.
What do you know about what I fucking want?
What happened to my tea, Phil?
Sorry, mate. I'm such a cunt. I completely forgot.
Two for you.
Two for me.
And then we have a cup of tea.
Charlie.
What is it you want now?
Music.
I don't see how that's gonna help the situation.
I'll fucking kill him!
I swear it!
Bennett.
- Get me some music on now, please. - Yes, Gov.
Here, Charlie.
Not feeling very well now, mate.
Oh, yeah.
That's a fucking piece of me.
Right, that's enough! He's had enough.
Get him out of here.
Go on, get him the fuck out of here. He's had enough.
Come on, you fucking cunts.
No class tomorrow, eh?
♪ This is red red red red red ♪
♪ This is orange orange orange orange orange ♪
♪ This is red red red red red ♪
♪ This is orange orange orange orange orange ♪
♪ This is yellow ♪
♪ This is green green green green green ♪
♪ This is blue blue blue ♪
♪ Green green green green green ♪
♪ Blue ♪
♪ This is violet ♪
♪ This is the brilliance of white light ♪
♪ White light ♪
♪ In shines in the roses and gardenias ♪
♪ White light ♪
♪ In shines in the stars and houses ♪
♪ White light ♪
♪ The brilliance of white ♪
♪ White light ♪
♪ This is the brilliance of white light ♪
♪ White light. ♪