1
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,861
Do you know the difference
between being free
2
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:28,029
and being high?
3
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:31,991
Neither do I.
4
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:34,744
Back in Texas, I knew everything.
5
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,038
Because I'm from Texas.
6
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:40,207
But that was before
any of this happened.
7
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,879
It was a writing class
in junior college.
8
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:47,381
We were studying
the elements of story...
9
00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:56,015
The acronym spells "sucker,"
10
00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:57,850
sort of.
11
00:00:58,017 --> 00:01:00,853
If you grew up in the setting of Houston
12
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:03,397
believing the Astrodome
was visible from space,
13
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,941
you, like me, are a sucker.
14
00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:09,278
If your parents have a conflict
15
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:10,696
and your pothead father says,
16
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:13,240
"I'll never leave you, little man,"
17
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,410
you, like me, are a sucker.
18
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:20,956
And if it takes you 19 years of Sundays
to figure this out,
19
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:24,627
you, like me,
are a Southern Baptist.
20
00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:45,731
Hey, your mom asked me
to church on Sunday.
21
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:48,359
Something about going-away ceremony?
22
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:49,360
You want to come to that'?
23
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:51,070
I do if I'm sitting next to your mom.
24
00:01:51,237 --> 00:01:52,780
Aw, here we go.
25
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:55,116
She ain't cheating' on me, is she?
26
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,827
Uh, these jokes never get old, Jordan.
27
00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,788
No. I bet it's that Mexican gardener.
28
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,582
I seen him weed-whacking
outside your apartment,
29
00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,709
taking his shirt off all slow,
30
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,545
like in the movies.
31
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,464
Like if there's a sprinkler on him.
32
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,800
Okay. I get the picture.
33
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:14,343
Hey, he's cute, man.
34
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:18,264
If I was your mom,
all hot and sex-starved,
35
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,432
I'd let him pop my tart.
36
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,020
Hey, party tonight at my house.
37
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,730
Wine, cheese, hot babes,
38
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,399
not that you'd be interested.
39
00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,234
Ah, I got a thing at church.
40
00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,902
Of course. Just 'cause you live there
41
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,196
doesn't mean you shouldn't
get out once in a while.
42
00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:36,407
It's the junior high lock-in, man.
It goes all night.
43
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:39,910
Come on, bro. How we gonna celebrate
your last day on the job?
44
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,621
Ha ha! Follow me. Come on.
45
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,957
Jordan!
46
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,083
Jordan, come on, man!
47
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,668
We're in our street clothes!
You're gonna get us busted.
48
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:51,130
My best friend Don,
at the end of the line.
49
00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:53,048
Salute.
50
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:58,637
Ha ha! Texas tea, brother.
51
00:02:58,804 --> 00:02:59,680
Dude, not cool. Bro.
52
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,473
Oh, you want to dance?
53
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,474
- Seriously.
- Look at you.
54
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,226
- Don't mess around.
- Who said Baptists can't dance?
55
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,770
Jordan, I'm gonna
make you drink that.
56
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,106
I drink it all the time, bro.
57
00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:12,359
Confess your sins to each other,
58
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,736
and pray for each other
59
00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,404
so that you may be healed.
60
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,158
So does anybody need to be healed?
61
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,202
All right, now why don't we focus
on where it says,
62
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,203
"confess your sins."
63
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,039
Does anybody have anything
they need to confess? Anybody?
64
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,794
My family went to the beach,
and my dad took me out,
65
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,755
and a huge wave knocked me
out of his arms,
66
00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:34,131
and he couldn't find me and stuff.
67
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:37,426
He actually saw something pick me up
out of the water and take me to him.
68
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:38,469
No way.
69
00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:40,846
I've had experiences with angels.
It's awesome.
70
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:43,641
Ohh! Ohh!
71
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:45,809
Who wants more sugar?
72
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,437
Okay. All right.
Keep going. Keep going.
73
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,525
It's still going? Must be some party.
Who all's there?
74
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:54,818
Everybody.
75
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:56,695
Tons of girls.
76
00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:00,324
Sorry, Jordo.
I'd come cheer you up,
77
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:03,327
but right after this,
I got breakfast with The Hobo.
78
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:05,663
Call you later.
79
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,748
I gotta go at 6:00.
80
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,583
- You bring my communion cups?
- Factory fresh.
81
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,460
- They for tonight?
- Shh, shh.
82
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,546
When you find out,
it's gonna blow your mind.
83
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,465
So... got your car packed
84
00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:18,425
- for the big, bad university?
- Yep.
85
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,803
Don't let 'em brainwash you, Donny.
86
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,681
Well, it is a Baptist college.
87
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,349
Yeah, but it's gotten way more liberal now.
88
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,309
I mean, when I used to go there,
89
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,311
the girls still had to wear heels,
90
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,313
keep their knuckles
from dragging the ground.
91
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,441
Don't tell my wife I said that.
92
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,568
All right, who wants Kool-Aid?!
93
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:52,543
Bebop?
94
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:53,919
You've been listening.
95
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,714
Yeah, when I'm not in the mood
for music, I put on jazz.
96
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,049
Life is like jazz, son.
97
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,760
Never resolves.
98
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:04,513
You get the going-away
present I sent you?
99
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,181
I read a few chapters.
100
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,225
- You guys still friends?
- Oh, yeah.
101
00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:11,812
He just bought 30 acres
up in, uh, Oregon.
102
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,647
He's a good writer
for being full of crap.
103
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,065
Went to a good school.
104
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:16,984
Ever heard of Reed College?
105
00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:20,863
Know what the average
IQ score is at Reed?
106
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:24,450
138,
2 points above genius.
107
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,537
You want a beer?
108
00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,581
I won't tell Jesus.
109
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:32,875
No, thanks.
110
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,421
So he's still connected at the school,
111
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:41,842
and when he told me
he could pull a few strings,
112
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,260
I, um...
113
00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:46,638
You what'?
114
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:51,518
I got you in, Donny,
115
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,021
at Reed.
116
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,359
You enrolled me?
117
00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,860
For this term?
118
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,528
That's not how it works.
119
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,365
Well, took some finagling.
120
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,326
Even had to send 'em a deposit.
121
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,413
I already got a scholarship,
122
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:13,540
Trinity Baptist.
123
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:14,875
So you can get
a preaching degree
124
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:15,959
and make your mom happy?
125
00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:19,963
A brain like that
working for a church?
126
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,050
You only believe that stuff 'cause you're
afraid to hang out with people who don't.
127
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,259
I'm going for the writing program.
128
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:25,386
Well, then go somewhere
129
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:28,389
they don't hand you the script
and tell you to copy it.
130
00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,725
You hear that?
131
00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,645
That's free-form.
132
00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:37,356
Improvise.
Write your own damn story,
133
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,817
or that kook mom of yours
will write it for you.
134
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:40,818
Don't call her that.
135
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:43,904
Yeah, or I'll be "left behind," right?
136
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,161
Come on. Let me do this
for you, Donny.
137
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:52,621
Why now?
138
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,541
It's cheaper than having you
kidnapped and deprogrammed.
139
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,878
All those years you were
dodging child support...
140
00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:05,926
our church paid for the groceries.
141
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,813
- Who's that one?
- Intern.
142
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:20,774
Thought you were on sabbatical.
143
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,776
That's why I only have one.
144
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,736
You want me to introduce you?
145
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:26,530
You got a girlfriend yet?
146
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,824
Hey, Lindsey,
147
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:31,368
my Baptist son here
needs some tutoring.
148
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:32,411
Dad.
149
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,547
Here comes Sunday morning.
150
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,720
You know what works
great with sunrise?
151
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,267
A Love Supreme,
John Coltrane.
152
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,237
Pushes the sun right
out of the Earth, huh?
153
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,178
They have no regard for Jesus.
154
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,347
These people have no regard
for common sense.
155
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,765
They hate Christianity.
156
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,808
Some of this they learn in the homes--
157
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,937
Good morning, Mama.
Rise and shine.
158
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,523
- What time is it?
- It's almost 8:00.
159
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:45,150
I'll take the first shower.
You can sleep a little more, okay?
160
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,574
Breakfast!
161
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,661
Coming!
Not too many bananas.
162
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,499
You have one message.
163
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:04,461
Sefiora, buenos noches.
Are you home?
164
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:08,090
Ah, bella muchacha,
are you awake, mi amor?
165
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:12,511
Sleep the sleep de los énge/es.
I'll see you mafiana.
166
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,806
♪ Yo te quiero infinito a'
167
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,309
♪ Yo te quiero infinito a'
168
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:23,647
♪ Yo te quiero, yo te quiero infinito a'
169
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,027
Message deleted.
170
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,365
You like it?
171
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,491
Is that new?
172
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:35,742
It's your big day.
173
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:37,786
Any calls?
174
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,498
Some Mexican guy
had the wrong number.
175
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,333
Hmm.
176
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,752
So how's your father?
177
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,255
Huh? You really want to know?
178
00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:50,007
Not at all.
179
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,385
That's third night in a row
with the TV on.
180
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,095
Is that a record?
181
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,222
Keeps me company
when you're not around.
182
00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,269
Everybody's been asking me,
183
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,814
what am I gonna do with myself
when you're gone.
184
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:09,818
Mom, it's not gonna be like that.
185
00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:12,237
I'm barely leaving the zip code.
186
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:15,741
I'm sorry, Donny.
It's just hormones.
187
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:17,909
Is my mascara running?
188
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,078
You look beautiful, Mom.
189
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,497
And nothing's gonna change.
190
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,376
I'm always just a phone call away.
191
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:32,716
Ephesians 6:11 tells us
to put on the full armor of God,
192
00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:35,886
but wearing God's armor
isn't always easy, is it, Don?
193
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:37,220
No, sir.
194
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,306
Your friends may not think you're cool.
195
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:42,100
So when we dress you
in the full armor of God,
196
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:45,103
it's not just a fun, little going-away gift.
197
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,522
It tells the world what, Don?
198
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,691
Romans 1:16, sir.
199
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,277
"I'm not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ."
200
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,529
Amen. Let's give him a hand, church.
201
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:56,823
Give it up.
202
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,618
Thank God. Appreciate it.
203
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,036
All right.
204
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,496
Now hold on. Hold on, folks.
205
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,414
Hold on.
Donny, Donny, not so fast, bro.
206
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:08,126
I'm gonna need my sidekick
for story time, kids.
207
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,629
Come on down as my lovely wife
tickles the organ.
208
00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:12,923
Just gather round
right here in front of us.
209
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,132
That's it.
210
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,344
Ha ha. All right.
211
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:20,972
Now, today we have a very special amigo
212
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,600
who's come to listen to our story,
but he's a bit shy.
213
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,686
Let's see if I can--
214
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,729
Hey, hey, uh, Tito.
215
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:31,108
Tito, would you like to meet
some Americanos? ¢;Si?
216
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,609
Here he comes.
217
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,247
Yes, today is Tito's birthday, but,
218
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,708
oh, oh, but he's very sad.
You know why?
219
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,877
'Cause today he learned
what happened on the cross.
220
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,671
So for his birthday,
we're going to show Tito
221
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,256
how the cross can
make him happy, yes?!
222
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,674
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
223
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,300
Yeah. All right,
let's bring down the cross.
224
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:58,468
2, 3, go.
225
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:01,847
That's my girl.
All right, here it comes.
226
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:05,392
Look at this. Now we need
someone really, really strong
227
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,435
to break down this pifiata.
228
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:07,436
- Who wants to do it?
- Me! Me!
229
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,187
Who's really strong?
Are you strong enough?
230
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,480
I don't know. I think...
231
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,107
Smartacus here.
232
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:14,818
Smartacus here,
he's got what it takes.
233
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:18,780
Smartacus is going to use
his Sword of the Spirit,
234
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,199
and he is going to give it his best shot.
235
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,201
All right, buddy. There you go.
236
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,037
That's it. Big swing, and...
237
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,248
Oh, yeah.
238
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,710
All right, Smartacus. Yeah.
239
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:33,712
All right, boys and girls,
240
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,673
What? What, were you
expecting something else?
241
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:41,595
Yeah? See, just like the pifiata
had to be broken to make candy,
242
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:45,599
Jesus had to die on the cross
to make forgiveness for our sins.
243
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,434
So, Tito, would you like to be forgiven?
244
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:48,685
"Si."!
245
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:50,645
"Si, si, si, sefior Kenny.
246
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:54,649
I want Jesus to be my amigo
for my birthday."
247
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,527
♪ Yo te quiero infinito a'
248
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,363
♪ Yo te quiero infinito a'
249
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:01,406
♪ Yo te quiero a'
250
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,909
♪ Yo te quiero infinito a'
251
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:06,995
Right?
252
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:08,914
Well, come on, boys and girls.
253
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:09,998
This is better than candy.
254
00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:13,543
Grab the blood and body of Jesus,
and give it to all of Tito's friends.
255
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:17,798
"Muchas gracias. Muchas gracias.
Go on. Go on. Do it."
256
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,050
Like any good Southern Baptist,
257
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,052
I've been trained
to assess awkward situations
258
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:24,262
with the question,
"What would Jesus do?"
259
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:25,555
Make sure and bring some to the choir.
260
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:26,556
"Los cantantes."
261
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:27,849
But what would Jesus do
262
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,060
if his mom was sleeping
with the youth pastor?
263
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,145
Maybe he'd feel like a sucker,
264
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,816
or maybe he'd just be pissed.
265
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:55,710
What the heck?!
266
00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:03,134
- Don, Don, stop it.
- Son of a bitch.
267
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,678
I don't know what's
gotten into your head,
268
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:05,720
but it's not what you're thinking.
269
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:07,764
I'm not thinking.
270
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,767
That's why I'm leaving.
271
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:15,480
"A brain like that
working for a church?
272
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:18,024
"You only believe that stuff
'cause you're afraid
273
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,776
to hang out with people who don't."
274
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:25,699
Maybe for once in his life,
the old man was right.
275
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:28,869
There's one way to find out.
276
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,189
Message in your mailbox.
277
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,025
Donny, I called your father,
278
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:02,110
and he told me about
this Reed College.
279
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,613
I'd like to talk about this
before we make a decision.
280
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,990
Please call me back this time.
281
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:08,617
Messages deleted.
282
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:29,512
Man.
283
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,396
Yeah, I saw it,
284
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,106
but it's not like there was a nip slip
in there or anything.
285
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,609
I mean, personally, I was like,
"Pfft, whatever."
286
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:50,028
That was the nineties.
That was edgy back then.
287
00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:52,489
Come on. You got to
contextualize it historically.
288
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:55,241
So she's breast-feeding a pig?
Big deal.
289
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,368
That stuff was probably way common
during the Dust Bowl.
290
00:17:57,535 --> 00:18:00,914
It's a critique on the chauvinism
of the human species.
291
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:02,082
How long you gonna be in there?
292
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,458
What, are you taking a dump
or something?
293
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:04,501
Till I'm done.
294
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,503
Why don't you practice
that party trick of yours?
295
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:10,048
You know, if queer theory
teaches us anything,
296
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:13,009
it's that sexual identity
is a social construct.
297
00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:16,346
I mean, it doesn't matter
if she is or isn't.
298
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,806
Her image in general
299
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:20,600
and that image in particular
is transgressive.
300
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:23,311
It's--it's deviant, it's out,
301
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,522
and that's why our community
loves her.
302
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,065
She's co-opting a fan base.
303
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,527
You're acting like Tori Amos
is some kind of dyke messiah.
304
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:32,821
Chill, Lauryn, okay?
I'm just saying.
305
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:36,116
After all these years,
she's still kind of hot.
306
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,326
What is she, like a B cup?
307
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:57,345
Love is fleeting!
Herpes is forever!
308
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:59,806
Put a jimmy on your stiff y!
Come on, now!
309
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,891
You know you need one
for the chub.
310
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:04,978
One size does not fit all!
311
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,856
Love is fleeting, but herpes is forever!
Come and get 'em!
312
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,650
Greetings, virgin.
How many do you need?
313
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,901
- Huh?
- Rainbow ticklers
314
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,821
are the special of the day.
Here. No charge.
315
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:19,117
Rub-a-dub-dub,
put a rub on your chub.
316
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,285
Right here!
317
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,578
Chub away, rubber man.
318
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:24,247
Got your hands full?
319
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:28,126
Oh, why don't I just slide this
into your pocket?
320
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:30,503
...right here. Absolutely free.
321
00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:34,465
One way or the other!
322
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:35,758
Hey!
323
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,428
Jimmy on your stiff y, ladies.
Take it.
324
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:39,971
Want to try 'em out?
325
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,724
Uh, I'm not 100%
on what I've got here.
326
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,058
I meant the water.
327
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,812
Uh, sure.
Sure. What do I do?
328
00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:50,940
Take a sip.
Swirl it around in your mouth a bit.
329
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,611
Okay, now try this one.
330
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:56,029
What about this?
331
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,197
Swallow.
332
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,950
Well?
333
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,452
I can't taste the difference.
334
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:05,288
This one is Portland municipal tap water.
335
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:06,998
This one is Aqualike bottled water.
336
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:09,709
The Portland water is local
and comes with your tuition.
337
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,670
The Aqualike water
costs $1.50 for a 12-ounce bottle,
338
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,547
and they say it comes
from the Himalayas,
339
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,965
but it actually comes from Kashmir,
340
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:18,134
which is one of the poorest
regions in India,
341
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,011
so that would be good
for their economy, right?
342
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,471
Wrong.
343
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:25,266
Aqualike Corporation practices
are actually depleting the water table
344
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:28,353
so that the local Kashmirian farmers
don't have enough to irrigate their crops.
345
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:32,065
Well, so then I shouldn't be
ingesting this?
346
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:33,566
No.
347
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,362
Here comes trouble.
348
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,243
Oh, yeah.
349
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:45,536
Yeah.
350
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,541
They do this all the time?
351
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,002
Hey.
352
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:54,796
Heh. Hey.
353
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,048
Hey.
354
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,969
Okay.
355
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,107
Wait up.
356
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,180
Uh, anybody sitting there?
357
00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:54,355
Hey.
358
00:21:57,108 --> 00:21:57,942
I'm Don.
359
00:21:58,693 --> 00:22:01,070
We, uh, sort of met
in the men's roo--
360
00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:02,697
restroom.
361
00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:05,700
So where are you from?
362
00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,201
You know how to tell
if a girl's a lesbian?
363
00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:11,456
'Cause she's attracted
to other women?
364
00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,542
Is that how it works in Mayberry?
365
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,378
Cutoffs at two o'clock.
366
00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:20,381
Last year, she was homecoming queen
back in Nebraska,
367
00:22:20,548 --> 00:22:24,302
two tiny biscuits floating
under a cheerleader skirt.
368
00:22:25,887 --> 00:22:27,513
What do you think her ass says now?
369
00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:30,391
Uh...
370
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,852
It says, "I don't care what you think."
371
00:22:35,313 --> 00:22:36,898
Which is why it's beautiful.
372
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,578
I'm Kent Bowers,
373
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:52,789
and I am your
Dean of Student Affairs.
374
00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:56,417
Close your laptops.
375
00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:59,629
Pocket your cellphones.
Listen carefully.
376
00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:02,882
According to the words
and logic of Neil Postman,
377
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:06,135
"There is no escaping
from ourselves.
378
00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:09,514
"The human dilemma is
as it has always been,
379
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:10,973
"and we solve nothing
380
00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:14,560
by cloaking ourselves
in technological glory."
381
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:15,937
At Reed College,
382
00:23:16,104 --> 00:23:18,940
there is no reward
for staring at a screen,
383
00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:21,317
no extra credit for looking busy.
384
00:23:21,484 --> 00:23:23,319
Forget everything
you think you know,
385
00:23:23,486 --> 00:23:26,989
because you do not know anything.
386
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:28,491
There's nowhere to run.
387
00:23:29,117 --> 00:23:30,618
There's nowhere to hide.
388
00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:33,579
There is no escaping ourselves.
389
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:37,250
The human dilemma
must be experienced.
390
00:23:40,837 --> 00:23:43,714
So, uh, that lecture
was pretty brilliant.
391
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:46,968
How was it brilliant'?
392
00:23:47,218 --> 00:23:51,764
Um, the whole part about how life
needs to be experienced.
393
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:54,475
And technology influences
the way we think,
394
00:23:54,642 --> 00:23:55,977
and we live
in a dumbed-down culture,
395
00:23:56,144 --> 00:23:58,062
and, oh, the sky is blue.
Yeah, it's genius.
396
00:23:58,229 --> 00:23:59,856
Sounds like a high school term paper.
397
00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:01,899
What do you like?
398
00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:04,861
Choose wisely.
399
00:24:05,027 --> 00:24:05,862
A bagel, I guess.
400
00:24:06,028 --> 00:24:07,321
- This?
- Yeah.
401
00:24:12,743 --> 00:24:14,996
Someone ate this?
402
00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:23,296
Dude, check out Quinn.
I think it's growing.
403
00:24:23,463 --> 00:24:26,132
Heh. Bet you'd like
to pop her tart.
404
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:40,313
Can you find me?
405
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:43,900
That's you?
406
00:24:44,233 --> 00:24:45,443
You look so...
407
00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:50,823
Before I found freedom.
408
00:24:52,366 --> 00:24:54,660
Eat, girl. Eat.
409
00:24:56,245 --> 00:24:58,289
You want to tell me
where you're from now?
410
00:24:58,456 --> 00:24:59,874
Escaped from Kansas.
411
00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:02,919
Dad sells windows.
Mom bakes pies.
412
00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:04,545
She's fat.
He looks at other women.
413
00:25:04,712 --> 00:25:05,546
Where are you from?
414
00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:06,714
Texas.
415
00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:09,050
Can I ask you a question?
416
00:25:09,217 --> 00:25:10,384
'Cause it's been killing me.
417
00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:12,178
Sure.
418
00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:14,180
Are you the secret bastard child
of a televangelist?
419
00:25:14,347 --> 00:25:16,057
No.
420
00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:18,267
- Oh, my God. You are.
- What?
421
00:25:18,434 --> 00:25:20,603
Do all the boys in your choir
have to wear their hair that way?
422
00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,021
What's wrong with my hair?
423
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:23,397
Well, it's not exactly free.
424
00:25:24,398 --> 00:25:25,733
Are you trying to make me a lesbian?
425
00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:27,401
I'm trying not to picture you
426
00:25:27,568 --> 00:25:29,695
burning flags at a gay soldier's funeral.
427
00:25:30,071 --> 00:25:31,864
Not all Christians are like that.
428
00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:36,202
Smile.
429
00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:40,164
You've got, like, spinach stuck in your teeth.
430
00:25:40,331 --> 00:25:41,749
It's really gross.
431
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:45,419
Look, your private religious wacko
beliefs are none of my business,
432
00:25:45,586 --> 00:25:47,588
but if you plan on sticking around
433
00:25:47,755 --> 00:25:51,050
long enough to unpack your secret
underwear or whatever,
434
00:25:51,217 --> 00:25:53,886
you probably want to keep that quiet
around here.
435
00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:55,429
You're kidding, right?
436
00:25:55,763 --> 00:25:57,932
I had a Mormon roommate
my freshman year.
437
00:25:58,099 --> 00:25:59,267
She lasted two days.
438
00:25:59,433 --> 00:26:01,644
I mean, we haven't had
a Christian club
439
00:26:01,811 --> 00:26:02,937
since the Nixon administration.
440
00:26:03,104 --> 00:26:05,106
Dude, this is Reed College.
Hello.
441
00:26:05,273 --> 00:26:06,566
I was looking at
this student handbook.
442
00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:08,734
You've got so many
crazy religious groups.
443
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:12,488
"S&M Wiccans. Jews for Jihad."
444
00:26:12,822 --> 00:26:14,574
What's wrong with being a Christian?
445
00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:17,577
Do you have any idea what your hateful,
bullying tribe has been up to?
446
00:26:17,785 --> 00:26:21,539
'Cause around here, you represent
a whole new category of despicable.
447
00:26:21,706 --> 00:26:25,459
So if you plan on ever making friends
or sharing a bowl
448
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:28,296
or seeing a human vagina
without a credit card,
449
00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:31,841
get in the closet, Baptist boy,
and stay there.
450
00:27:13,674 --> 00:27:18,429
Setting, conflict, climax, resolution.
451
00:27:19,639 --> 00:27:23,893
If the setting in SCCR changes,
does the conflict go away?
452
00:27:28,356 --> 00:27:31,067
'Cause, I mean, it's only been a week,
and I feel like I'm someone else.
453
00:27:32,485 --> 00:27:33,444
Hey, Jordan.
454
00:27:33,611 --> 00:27:34,654
You sounding chipper.
455
00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:37,114
I'm not disturbing you and your gay lover
roommate, am I?
456
00:27:37,281 --> 00:27:38,282
No, there's no roommates here.
457
00:27:38,449 --> 00:27:39,992
They're just single rooms.
458
00:27:40,159 --> 00:27:41,786
You got to pimp out your pad, dude,
catch some ladies.
459
00:27:42,703 --> 00:27:43,621
You getting any action?
460
00:27:43,788 --> 00:27:46,832
Uh, there's this one girl,
but I didn't get her number.
461
00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:48,000
Or her name.
462
00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:50,628
Spent some time
with a hot lesbian.
463
00:27:50,795 --> 00:27:52,296
Yeah, you're full of shit.
464
00:27:52,463 --> 00:27:54,048
Hold on, bro.
465
00:27:54,215 --> 00:27:55,758
Sorry, dude. It's my mom.
466
00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:58,177
- Are you talking to her?
- Yeah. Yeah, we're talking.
467
00:27:58,344 --> 00:27:59,345
- Sort of.
- Huh.
468
00:27:59,512 --> 00:28:01,847
- All right, call you later.
- Yeah.
469
00:28:06,102 --> 00:28:06,977
Hi, Morn.
470
00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:09,230
Hey. You get the cookies?
471
00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:11,941
Yeah, they came in the mail Friday.
472
00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:14,193
Sorry they were store-bought.
473
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,696
Ah, store-bought or not,
they're still cookies.
474
00:28:16,862 --> 00:28:18,823
Sure is lonely here without you.
475
00:28:18,989 --> 00:28:20,491
Sorry that you're lonely.
476
00:28:20,658 --> 00:28:24,120
- You could always unenroll.
- No. I can't unenroll.
477
00:28:24,370 --> 00:28:26,872
- Why not?
- Because I like it here,
478
00:28:27,039 --> 00:28:29,667
and another 30-minute bitch session
is not gonna change that.
479
00:28:29,834 --> 00:28:32,753
- Uh, did you just call me--
- No, I'm not calling you that.
480
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,380
I'm using it as an adjective.
481
00:28:34,714 --> 00:28:36,674
So is that what they're teaching
you at that school?
482
00:28:36,841 --> 00:28:39,218
Yes, Mom, that's what they're
teaching me at this school.
483
00:28:39,552 --> 00:28:41,011
You going to church anywhere?
484
00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:43,097
No, I haven't found a church yet.
485
00:28:43,264 --> 00:28:46,058
I'm looking for one with a really
dynamic puppet ministry.
486
00:28:46,225 --> 00:28:49,603
Stop with that. There's nothing
going on with Kenny.
487
00:28:49,770 --> 00:28:51,981
He's just helping me through a rough spell.
488
00:28:52,148 --> 00:28:54,984
I don't care if nothing's going on, Mom.
It's weird.
489
00:28:55,151 --> 00:28:58,320
He's a married man,
and he's not a licensed counselor.
490
00:28:58,738 --> 00:29:00,406
He's a pastor, Donny.
491
00:29:01,323 --> 00:29:02,742
- Donny.
- Huh?
492
00:29:03,117 --> 00:29:04,535
- Are you listening?
- Um,
493
00:29:04,702 --> 00:29:07,246
no, there's just a guy
dressed in a pope outfit
494
00:29:07,413 --> 00:29:09,206
pushing a burning shopping cart.
495
00:29:10,416 --> 00:29:12,334
Is that a Catholic school, Donny?
496
00:29:12,585 --> 00:29:14,712
Don't let them brainwash you.
497
00:29:14,879 --> 00:29:19,300
Can somebody tell me the difference
between archetype and stereotype?
498
00:29:19,467 --> 00:29:22,136
A stereotype is an archetype
with no sense of fashion.
499
00:29:22,887 --> 00:29:25,222
Come on.
Give me some examples.
500
00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:27,391
Yuri?
You want to join us?
501
00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:30,936
You want examples
from mythology?
502
00:29:31,103 --> 00:29:33,230
I'll take any literary example.
503
00:29:33,397 --> 00:29:37,026
Okay, um, archetype is
Emily Dickinson,
504
00:29:37,193 --> 00:29:39,612
and stereotype is
Lisa Simpson.
505
00:29:39,779 --> 00:29:41,572
Nice, Penny.
506
00:29:42,573 --> 00:29:44,200
What about you, Don?
507
00:29:44,366 --> 00:29:48,329
Um, archetype is Tolstoy.
508
00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:51,499
Stereotype is, uh, Tolstoy.
509
00:29:52,958 --> 00:29:55,127
What do you know
about Russian literature?
510
00:29:55,294 --> 00:29:57,630
Yuri, everyone's entitled.
511
00:29:57,797 --> 00:30:01,175
Okay. Archetype is...
512
00:30:03,511 --> 00:30:04,345
Texan.
513
00:30:06,055 --> 00:30:07,348
Big car,
514
00:30:07,515 --> 00:30:09,308
tracks shit everywhere,
515
00:30:09,475 --> 00:30:12,269
closet racist, inbred...
516
00:30:12,436 --> 00:30:13,813
Ooh.
517
00:30:13,979 --> 00:30:15,105
Fundamentalist Christian.
518
00:30:17,358 --> 00:30:19,652
Okay, now you're insulting me.
519
00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:22,571
Notice he doesn't deny it.
520
00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:24,073
Oh, chill out, dude.
521
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:25,783
There's plenty of Texans
who ain't Christian.
522
00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:27,159
Bonnie and Clyde,
523
00:30:27,993 --> 00:30:29,453
ZZ Top,
524
00:30:29,829 --> 00:30:30,746
David Koresh.
525
00:30:38,254 --> 00:30:40,172
I hadn't technically
denied anything.
526
00:30:42,091 --> 00:30:45,344
It just felt good to have people
laughing with me for once.
527
00:30:49,223 --> 00:30:53,561
You wake up here every day
feeling lost in a sea of individuality.
528
00:30:58,691 --> 00:31:01,026
Everyone here
seems so sure of themselves.
529
00:31:02,069 --> 00:31:03,696
Double-- Hey, Penny.
530
00:31:03,863 --> 00:31:05,739
They have their own look.
531
00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:07,283
They occupy their own space.
532
00:31:07,449 --> 00:31:09,618
...whereas in a patriarchal society,
533
00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:12,955
our concept of God tends to mimic
the way we see our own fathers.
534
00:31:13,122 --> 00:31:14,123
Thoughts'?
535
00:31:15,833 --> 00:31:18,794
Why would a loving God refer to himself
as "Father" anyways,
536
00:31:18,961 --> 00:31:20,754
when so many fathers
abandon their children?
537
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:22,423
Seems like a marketing mistake.
538
00:31:24,008 --> 00:31:27,553
They reward you for asking questions
I'd never even thought of in Texas.
539
00:31:29,054 --> 00:31:30,681
I didn't care what it took.
540
00:31:30,848 --> 00:31:32,141
I just wanted to fit in,
541
00:31:32,308 --> 00:31:34,894
so I did what anyone else
in my position would do.
542
00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:36,312
I got drunk.
543
00:31:39,982 --> 00:31:41,984
- I had a lesbian take me shopping.
- Go.
544
00:31:42,693 --> 00:31:43,777
No.
545
00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:46,071
No.
546
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:47,948
You're so soft.
547
00:31:50,534 --> 00:31:52,578
And I searched for the perfect
campus organization
548
00:31:52,745 --> 00:31:55,372
that would make me feel
like a bona fide Reedie.
549
00:31:57,416 --> 00:32:01,170
I, uh, got a notice
that Flag Football's been canceled.
550
00:32:01,337 --> 00:32:03,130
Lack of interest.
551
00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:05,090
In football'?
552
00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:06,759
What's wrong? You lonely?
553
00:32:06,926 --> 00:32:08,636
Need a hobby'?
554
00:32:09,637 --> 00:32:11,722
The human dilemma
must be experienced.
555
00:32:13,515 --> 00:32:14,642
Preferably for credit.
556
00:32:15,601 --> 00:32:17,353
Fire Juggling, full.
557
00:32:17,937 --> 00:32:19,396
Human Chess Club, full.
558
00:32:20,606 --> 00:32:23,359
Lamaze for Non-mothers, full.
559
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:27,029
Malaysian Cocktail Tennis
has openings.
560
00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:30,950
Ball.
561
00:32:35,788 --> 00:32:37,456
My tennis partner is in rehab.
562
00:32:37,623 --> 00:32:38,749
Reflex Yoga, full.
563
00:32:38,916 --> 00:32:42,920
Sand Yoga, Hot Yoga, Partners Yoga, full.
564
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:47,424
Vietnam War Reenactment needs a GI.
565
00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:02,356
Have you tried Civil Disobedience?
566
00:33:03,524 --> 00:33:04,650
For credit?
567
00:33:06,151 --> 00:33:07,152
Yeah.
568
00:33:09,029 --> 00:33:11,198
Okay, we go in two by two,
569
00:33:11,365 --> 00:33:13,117
one-minute intervals,
occupy all the aisles,
570
00:33:13,283 --> 00:33:15,661
especially the ones
near the cash register.
571
00:33:16,870 --> 00:33:18,747
And remember,
if anything goes wrong,
572
00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:21,083
Remulac-7 is going
to sound the alarm.
573
00:33:23,168 --> 00:33:26,005
And we will reconvene
at the cemetery across the road.
574
00:33:26,338 --> 00:33:27,172
- Okay?
" Okay_
575
00:33:27,339 --> 00:33:28,674
Okay. Let's do this.
576
00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:40,352
Hey, can I interest you in our
frequent buyers program?
577
00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:43,689
I'm just a robot. The franchise
tells me what to read.
578
00:33:43,939 --> 00:33:46,191
Please direct me to your restroom.
579
00:33:47,109 --> 00:33:48,318
Just back there.
580
00:33:52,031 --> 00:33:55,242
Corporations control you
through printed lies.
581
00:33:55,409 --> 00:33:57,327
Leave this store. Run now.
582
00:34:09,757 --> 00:34:12,092
"...little smidgens of fading heaven.
583
00:34:12,259 --> 00:34:15,846
Little cosmic mysteries plucked
from the starry, starry night."
584
00:34:16,013 --> 00:34:17,723
Attention, Books, Ink shoppers,
585
00:34:17,890 --> 00:34:20,726
Uh, you may have noticed some
alien life-forms roaming the aisles.
586
00:34:21,226 --> 00:34:22,061
Take me to your reader.
587
00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:24,313
I assume they, uh, mean us no harm.
588
00:34:27,024 --> 00:34:29,193
"You are precious
little cosmic mysteries."
589
00:34:29,359 --> 00:34:31,612
Just, uh--
Just kids having their fun.
590
00:34:31,779 --> 00:34:33,530
But if any of them
become a nuisance,
591
00:34:33,697 --> 00:34:35,991
be sure and let me know
at the front counter.
592
00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:38,702
Just, uh, come up, and, uh--
593
00:34:38,869 --> 00:34:40,329
Ignore him, corporate drones.
594
00:34:40,496 --> 00:34:43,373
We are taking over your so-called
knowledge repository.
595
00:34:43,540 --> 00:34:44,666
All right, just--
just give me the book.
596
00:34:44,833 --> 00:34:46,126
Hey, hey! This is a rental.
597
00:34:46,293 --> 00:34:47,753
Security. Mall security.
598
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,130
Can we have security up here
at the front counter, please?
599
00:34:50,297 --> 00:34:52,549
Or across the front aisle.
Now he's in the main aisle.
600
00:34:52,716 --> 00:34:54,927
He's in the main aisle.
He crossed the main aisle.
601
00:34:56,762 --> 00:35:01,141
He's the, uh, only astronaut
in the pet care section.
602
00:35:01,308 --> 00:35:03,143
He's running like there's no gravity.
603
00:35:03,310 --> 00:35:04,770
Can anybody hear me?
604
00:35:09,942 --> 00:35:13,487
Hey, this is a robot invasion,
not an astronaut invasion.
605
00:35:13,821 --> 00:35:15,656
Yeah. When I went to the store,
they were out--
606
00:35:15,823 --> 00:35:18,075
I can't hear you.
607
00:35:18,242 --> 00:35:19,535
Don.
608
00:35:20,702 --> 00:35:22,704
I didn't expect to see you here.
609
00:35:22,871 --> 00:35:23,789
In gardening?
610
00:35:23,956 --> 00:35:25,582
No, at a robot invasion...
611
00:35:25,749 --> 00:35:27,709
in an astronaut costume.
612
00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:29,670
Do I look stupid?
613
00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:32,131
You just look like you don't belong.
614
00:35:36,301 --> 00:35:38,262
Which actually makes you
look kind of cute.
615
00:35:39,805 --> 00:35:41,223
Do you even know why we're here?
616
00:35:41,390 --> 00:35:42,516
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
617
00:35:42,683 --> 00:35:44,518
Uh, you're against something, right?
618
00:35:44,685 --> 00:35:46,854
We're also for a lot of things.
619
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:49,189
Then what are you
doing in gardening?
620
00:35:49,356 --> 00:35:51,066
Anarchisfs Cookbook
is on aisle five.
621
00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:53,610
Are you gonna play nice,
or am I gonna have to shut that visor
622
00:35:53,777 --> 00:35:54,903
and leave you on a planet to die?
623
00:35:55,070 --> 00:35:56,530
Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
Ma'am, we're against gardening.
624
00:35:56,697 --> 00:35:57,739
It's consumeristic.
625
00:35:57,906 --> 00:35:59,408
- We're against gardening--
- No, gardening is fine,
626
00:35:59,575 --> 00:36:01,702
but there's a lovely independent
bookstore on Hawthorne.
627
00:36:01,869 --> 00:36:04,288
Don't let major corporations
tell you what to read.
628
00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:05,831
Or how to grow tomatoes.
629
00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:07,666
What'?
630
00:36:10,544 --> 00:36:12,004
Oh, welcome to work, gentlemen.
631
00:36:12,171 --> 00:36:13,338
Did you enjoy your nap?
632
00:36:15,007 --> 00:36:17,801
Yeah, get rid of 'em.
Get 'em out of here.
633
00:36:17,968 --> 00:36:19,178
Look the door behind 'em.
634
00:36:20,179 --> 00:36:23,432
Yeah--Son of a...
Hey, come back!
635
00:36:28,812 --> 00:36:32,191
There. You want some?
I think you need some.
636
00:36:34,109 --> 00:36:37,279
I mean, what is the point
of all this stuff?
637
00:36:37,446 --> 00:36:40,282
Does anyone alive
even remember this guy?
638
00:36:40,449 --> 00:36:42,409
Oh, thanks.
639
00:36:43,785 --> 00:36:45,704
Why do you wear the same
clothes every day?
640
00:36:45,871 --> 00:36:46,747
I don't.
641
00:36:46,914 --> 00:36:48,248
It's a protest thing.
642
00:36:48,415 --> 00:36:49,750
Shut up.
643
00:36:49,917 --> 00:36:51,251
She's not buying clothes
for a year.
644
00:36:51,418 --> 00:36:53,462
What did clothes ever do to you?
645
00:36:53,629 --> 00:36:55,047
You wouldn't understand, Don.
646
00:36:55,214 --> 00:36:57,633
I want to do something
against something.
647
00:36:57,799 --> 00:36:59,551
Yeah, have fun with that.
648
00:36:59,718 --> 00:37:01,053
I Will.
649
00:37:01,220 --> 00:37:03,847
Oh, hey, Quinn, wait up.
650
00:37:04,014 --> 00:37:05,766
Oh, dude, hey,
give me the bottle.
651
00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:07,017
Ah, there's none left.
652
00:37:07,684 --> 00:37:08,685
Come on. It's half full.
653
00:37:08,852 --> 00:37:10,270
Half empty.
That's the way I--
654
00:37:10,812 --> 00:37:11,980
- What's that?!
- What the fu--
655
00:37:14,358 --> 00:37:15,567
Not funny.
Whoo. Sorry.
656
00:37:15,734 --> 00:37:17,236
Ahh! Get away from me.
657
00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:19,321
Why do you want
to do something, Don?
658
00:37:19,488 --> 00:37:22,532
Uh, I don't know.
'Cause chicks dig it, right?
659
00:37:25,118 --> 00:37:28,622
- You know any dead people?
- Not personally.
660
00:37:28,789 --> 00:37:32,834
- Parents alive and well?
- Alive, not well.
661
00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:35,254
- Divorced?
- Aren't they all?
662
00:37:37,339 --> 00:37:38,590
Tell me about it.
663
00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:42,594
Come on.
664
00:37:50,477 --> 00:37:51,853
Mom got sick.
665
00:37:52,020 --> 00:37:53,105
She hears things,
666
00:37:53,272 --> 00:37:56,984
sees people that aren't there.
667
00:37:57,150 --> 00:37:59,278
You really want to hear all this?
668
00:38:01,446 --> 00:38:03,031
It started when I was seven.
669
00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:06,827
She thought the CIA was after her
for having an affair with JFK.
670
00:38:06,994 --> 00:38:08,495
That one might be true.
671
00:38:08,662 --> 00:38:09,663
Do the math.
672
00:38:11,081 --> 00:38:13,333
You want to know my favorite
memory of my mom?
673
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:15,252
Don't laugh, okay?
674
00:38:17,838 --> 00:38:19,589
We would spend, like...
675
00:38:19,756 --> 00:38:21,925
half an hour
going through our hair,
676
00:38:22,092 --> 00:38:23,677
checking for microphones.
677
00:38:24,845 --> 00:38:26,680
She got diagnosed that year,
678
00:38:26,847 --> 00:38:31,143
but I still wanted to believe I had
microphones in my hair,
679
00:38:31,310 --> 00:38:33,729
because if I did,
680
00:38:33,895 --> 00:38:36,565
it would mean
I could keep my mom.
681
00:38:40,777 --> 00:38:42,362
I'm sorry, Penny.
682
00:38:43,405 --> 00:38:45,949
No, I mean it.
I'm really sorry.
683
00:38:53,623 --> 00:38:55,876
She says she didn't know
what was in the bottle,
684
00:38:56,043 --> 00:38:57,419
but I swear I tasted Red Bull.
685
00:38:57,586 --> 00:38:59,838
Or whatever I drank has me
feeling pretty good.
686
00:39:00,005 --> 00:39:00,922
Thanks for walking me home.
687
00:39:01,089 --> 00:39:02,424
Oh, yeah, sure. Anytime.
688
00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:04,843
Maybe I'll just power through
till morning.
689
00:39:05,010 --> 00:39:07,095
It's okay.
I got this from here.
690
00:39:07,262 --> 00:39:09,139
Okay. Nice dorms.
691
00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:11,725
Sorry.
692
00:39:11,892 --> 00:39:13,727
It's time for bed, Don.
693
00:39:15,771 --> 00:39:17,314
Hey, uh, there's a--
694
00:39:17,481 --> 00:39:19,983
There's a--
Testing, one, two.
695
00:39:20,150 --> 00:39:21,318
Okay, good night, Don.
696
00:39:21,485 --> 00:39:22,861
I was just checking
for microphones.
697
00:39:23,028 --> 00:39:24,821
Hey, I can help you
with your box.
698
00:39:24,988 --> 00:39:25,989
I'll be fine. Thank you.
699
00:39:26,156 --> 00:39:26,990
Relax. I'll recycle it.
700
00:39:27,157 --> 00:39:28,867
I said I've got it, Don.
701
00:39:38,668 --> 00:39:41,421
Hey, uh, Penny.
702
00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:43,799
Hey, uh...
703
00:39:45,175 --> 00:39:46,009
Hey, I'm sorry.
704
00:39:46,176 --> 00:39:50,680
L-I'm not--I'm not like that.
705
00:39:50,847 --> 00:39:52,307
It's...
706
00:39:54,434 --> 00:39:57,229
Okay. Um...
707
00:39:57,396 --> 00:39:59,398
I'll see you in class tomorrow.
708
00:40:07,864 --> 00:40:09,533
Different war, same story.
709
00:40:09,699 --> 00:40:11,159
We do the bidding of the gods.
710
00:40:11,326 --> 00:40:13,161
It's always God's fault with you.
711
00:40:13,328 --> 00:40:14,830
I was actually talking
about Republicans,
712
00:40:14,996 --> 00:40:16,415
but I suppose you could
argue they're God's fault.
713
00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:17,791
What are the rest of you thinking?
714
00:40:17,958 --> 00:40:20,127
Is Achilles' army just dying for nothing?
715
00:40:20,293 --> 00:40:22,796
It's not for nothing.
They fight for glory,
716
00:40:22,963 --> 00:40:24,464
for family, for their culture.
717
00:40:24,631 --> 00:40:26,425
Come on. It's a culture war.
718
00:40:26,591 --> 00:40:28,844
Achilles' pride starts it.
The gods bless it,
719
00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:31,721
and mythology stokes up another
round of misery for everyone.
720
00:40:31,888 --> 00:40:34,266
Why do you always dismiss
all religious impulse?
721
00:40:34,433 --> 00:40:36,393
I grew up agnostic, but...
722
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:40,313
I admire any religion that has
the balls to search for God.
723
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:43,024
Yeah, because the Crusades,
those were very ballsy.
724
00:40:43,191 --> 00:40:44,609
You know nothing.
725
00:40:44,776 --> 00:40:46,445
My grandfather Topov
726
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:49,990
was killed for smuggling an icon
out of Russia,
727
00:40:50,157 --> 00:40:52,826
for trying to preserve a way of life.
728
00:40:54,494 --> 00:40:59,332
Don, you're strangely quiet.
What do you think?
729
00:40:59,499 --> 00:41:02,210
I think that if it weren't for religion,
730
00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:06,715
Grandpa Topov might have preserved
his own life.
731
00:41:12,721 --> 00:41:14,306
Hey, by the way,
732
00:41:14,473 --> 00:41:17,058
it wasn't religion that
killed Yuri's grandfather.
733
00:41:17,225 --> 00:41:18,810
It was Stalin.
734
00:41:23,064 --> 00:41:24,816
Don't take it personal, Miller.
735
00:41:26,026 --> 00:41:27,319
Nerd babes.
736
00:41:27,486 --> 00:41:30,071
Many have tried. All have failed.
737
00:41:31,615 --> 00:41:33,492
There's just something
about her that I get.
738
00:41:33,658 --> 00:41:35,785
My dorm mate last year
thought the same exact thing.
739
00:41:35,952 --> 00:41:37,829
Rhodes scholar, Tall Biker,
740
00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:39,122
looked like Jeff Buckley,
741
00:41:39,289 --> 00:41:43,293
and if he couldn't bag that,
well, good luck.
742
00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:45,587
Tall Biker'?
743
00:41:45,754 --> 00:41:47,756
My friend, the Reed College
Tall Bike Club
744
00:41:47,923 --> 00:41:51,176
is the apex of our prestige pyramid.
745
00:41:51,343 --> 00:41:54,596
It's like being captain
of the tennis team.
746
00:42:17,202 --> 00:42:18,662
Mommy, look.
747
00:42:34,553 --> 00:42:36,471
Hey, um, how much are these?
748
00:42:36,638 --> 00:42:38,265
- 15.
- Mom!
749
00:42:53,154 --> 00:42:53,989
Hey!
750
00:42:56,950 --> 00:42:58,868
Hey, stop that bear!
751
00:43:01,955 --> 00:43:03,206
Hey!
752
00:43:09,796 --> 00:43:11,006
Hey!
753
00:43:11,798 --> 00:43:13,508
What are you doing?
Hey!
754
00:43:24,436 --> 00:43:25,478
Come on, man!
755
00:43:30,692 --> 00:43:32,319
Ohh!
756
00:43:34,779 --> 00:43:36,156
What did I do'?
757
00:44:25,747 --> 00:44:29,959
This is literally the best water
you have ever had in your life.
758
00:44:30,126 --> 00:44:33,546
This bottle is not recycled,
but that is a good thing,
759
00:44:33,713 --> 00:44:36,633
because recycled bottles
equal dirty plastic.
760
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:40,053
This is amazing.
It is bottled straight at the source.
761
00:44:40,220 --> 00:44:41,721
It's pretty much all I drink.
762
00:44:41,888 --> 00:44:43,556
- Everybody have one.
- Thank you.
763
00:44:43,723 --> 00:44:45,433
They're free. Merry Christmas.
764
00:44:46,643 --> 00:44:49,187
The place in the Himalayas
where they got it
765
00:44:49,354 --> 00:44:53,400
has actually been hidden
for the last 300 years.
766
00:44:53,942 --> 00:44:54,818
Hey.
767
00:44:56,069 --> 00:44:57,112
Can we talk'?
768
00:45:04,494 --> 00:45:06,788
Looks easier from the ground.
769
00:45:06,955 --> 00:45:09,207
Yeah, we don't give spiders
enough credit.
770
00:45:09,374 --> 00:45:10,208
Sorry.
771
00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:11,626
Are you okay?
772
00:45:11,793 --> 00:45:13,503
Bear stole my bike
at the flea market.
773
00:45:13,670 --> 00:45:15,922
Aw, that's awful.
I didn't know they rode bikes.
774
00:45:16,089 --> 00:45:17,215
They do at the flea market.
775
00:45:18,425 --> 00:45:20,593
Bought you an early
Christmas present.
776
00:45:23,722 --> 00:45:25,765
It's okay.
It's just a little something.
777
00:45:25,932 --> 00:45:27,684
You celebrate Christmas?
778
00:45:27,851 --> 00:45:29,644
I'm sentimental that way.
779
00:45:30,562 --> 00:45:33,982
Your hands were cold
that night at the graveyard.
780
00:45:34,149 --> 00:45:36,484
And I know you're not
buying clothes this year.
781
00:45:36,651 --> 00:45:39,279
This was really thoughtful.
Thanks, Don.
782
00:45:41,197 --> 00:45:42,240
Merry Christmas.
783
00:45:42,407 --> 00:45:45,368
There we go. Swallow.
784
00:45:45,535 --> 00:45:46,494
It's so good.
785
00:45:46,661 --> 00:45:48,580
- I know, right?
- Yeah.
786
00:45:48,955 --> 00:45:50,415
What are you doing
this weekend?
787
00:45:50,749 --> 00:45:52,709
Studying. You?
788
00:46:01,009 --> 00:46:02,051
I have to...
789
00:46:04,804 --> 00:46:07,849
Don, feet on the wall,
and lean back.
790
00:46:08,016 --> 00:46:09,476
I thought you said you were certified.
791
00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:12,437
I am, on the climbing wall
at Funworld.
792
00:46:12,604 --> 00:46:14,647
I got the card in my wallet.
793
00:46:14,814 --> 00:46:17,776
I--I think that my spray adhesive
is coming off.
794
00:46:17,942 --> 00:46:19,986
Tori to Amos. Tori to Amos.
795
00:46:20,153 --> 00:46:22,113
- I was kidding. I'm okay.
- Come in, Tori.
796
00:46:23,031 --> 00:46:24,365
Do you hear sirens?
797
00:46:24,532 --> 00:46:25,950
Affirmative.
What's going on down there?
798
00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:28,453
May want to pick up the pace.
799
00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:35,168
Donald Miller.
800
00:46:49,766 --> 00:46:52,519
I may agree with the sentiment
of your protest.
801
00:46:52,685 --> 00:46:55,313
I may even agree in principle
with your activism,
802
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:59,234
but the school cannot condone
the destruction of private property,
803
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:01,277
no matter how just the cause.
804
00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:12,205
Hey, guys, take a look.
805
00:47:12,372 --> 00:47:14,374
Quinn, check this out.
806
00:47:17,836 --> 00:47:20,421
I suppose you all could use some lunch.
807
00:47:31,432 --> 00:47:34,352
I got a call from Aqualike's
publicist this morning.
808
00:47:34,519 --> 00:47:37,689
They decided that some sales
just aren't worth it.
809
00:47:37,856 --> 00:47:39,357
Speech! Speech!
810
00:47:39,524 --> 00:47:40,900
Speech! Speech! Speech!
811
00:47:41,067 --> 00:47:44,153
Speech! Speech! Speech!
Speech! Speech!
812
00:47:45,655 --> 00:47:46,823
Come on. Go.
813
00:47:49,659 --> 00:47:52,245
Well, last night was
my first time in the big house.
814
00:47:54,289 --> 00:47:56,791
And I'm not gonna make
the standard joke
815
00:47:56,958 --> 00:48:00,378
about who made me
their, you know, girlfriend.
816
00:48:03,339 --> 00:48:06,134
Where I come from, we do crazy things
for the hell of it,
817
00:48:06,301 --> 00:48:08,386
but last night was the first time
818
00:48:08,553 --> 00:48:11,222
I felt like what I was doing
meant something.
819
00:48:11,389 --> 00:48:13,683
So thanks for bailing us out.
820
00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:21,107
But I'd especially like
to thank our ringleader, Penny.
821
00:48:25,111 --> 00:48:26,237
Thanks.
822
00:48:47,383 --> 00:48:49,010
Hey.
823
00:48:49,177 --> 00:48:50,345
There you are.
824
00:48:54,182 --> 00:48:55,934
I was looking for you.
825
00:48:56,100 --> 00:48:57,185
Hey.
826
00:48:58,770 --> 00:49:01,439
You missed the part
where I thanked you.
827
00:49:02,941 --> 00:49:05,276
You mean I missed your speech?
828
00:49:07,070 --> 00:49:09,656
Hey, Penny,
829
00:49:09,822 --> 00:49:11,866
what's with you?
830
00:49:12,033 --> 00:49:13,284
We got arrested.
831
00:49:14,786 --> 00:49:16,746
Okay, so maybe I like the attention.
832
00:49:16,913 --> 00:49:19,415
Maybe you just like feeling better
than everybody else.
833
00:49:19,582 --> 00:49:20,583
Nice umbrella!
834
00:49:22,251 --> 00:49:23,628
What was that all about'?
835
00:49:23,795 --> 00:49:25,922
People in Portland don't use umbrellas.
836
00:49:26,089 --> 00:49:27,090
That's dumb.
837
00:49:28,591 --> 00:49:30,051
Penny.
838
00:49:30,218 --> 00:49:31,552
Hey.
839
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:33,179
Are you mad?
840
00:49:35,974 --> 00:49:40,228
Do you really think I do all of this
to feel superior?
841
00:49:40,561 --> 00:49:41,813
No.
842
00:49:42,271 --> 00:49:43,856
I mean, it's just...
843
00:49:44,023 --> 00:49:45,817
you're so good that...
844
00:49:46,651 --> 00:49:49,988
I guess you can't help making other people
feel like shit sometimes.
845
00:49:50,196 --> 00:49:51,489
That's all.
846
00:49:52,865 --> 00:49:56,077
If you're trying to seduce me,
it's not working.
847
00:49:56,369 --> 00:49:58,705
I'll work on it over Christmas break.
848
00:49:59,747 --> 00:50:01,457
So when do you head home?
849
00:50:01,624 --> 00:50:03,501
I think I'm just gonna hang out here
850
00:50:03,668 --> 00:50:06,170
since home feels
about a million miles away.
851
00:50:06,337 --> 00:50:09,007
- You?
- I'm taking a little trip.
852
00:50:09,257 --> 00:50:11,050
Where you going?
853
00:50:11,217 --> 00:50:12,885
India.
854
00:50:13,386 --> 00:50:14,429
The country?
855
00:50:15,304 --> 00:50:17,557
Yeah, my dad asked me
what I wanted for Christmas,
856
00:50:17,724 --> 00:50:20,059
and I've always wanted
to go there, so...
857
00:50:20,226 --> 00:50:22,478
Gonna sabotage
Aqualike's pipeline?
858
00:50:22,645 --> 00:50:25,732
Actually, I'm gonna be
working in a refugee camp.
859
00:50:27,817 --> 00:50:29,402
I'm sorry if that
makes you feel like shit.
860
00:50:30,987 --> 00:50:33,072
Have a good Christmas, Don.
861
00:50:35,158 --> 00:50:36,743
I'll think about what you said.
862
00:50:38,244 --> 00:50:39,120
Pen.
863
00:50:39,954 --> 00:50:41,622
You want to keep
the umbrella?
864
00:50:42,665 --> 00:50:43,791
No.
865
00:50:49,922 --> 00:50:51,758
Message in your mailbox.
866
00:50:52,008 --> 00:50:54,635
Donny, I know it's a long drive,
867
00:50:54,802 --> 00:50:57,430
but we've never been apart
for the holidays.
868
00:50:57,597 --> 00:51:01,934
And I can't bear the thought
of Christmas without you.
869
00:51:02,268 --> 00:51:05,104
Please call me
and tell me you got this.
870
00:51:05,271 --> 00:51:07,356
Message deleted.
871
00:51:20,870 --> 00:51:22,080
90 minutes till Christmas, friend.
872
00:51:25,041 --> 00:51:26,334
Maybe this'll get me in the mood.
873
00:52:03,496 --> 00:52:04,330
Jordan'?
874
00:52:04,497 --> 00:52:06,624
Merry Christmas, dude.
875
00:52:10,461 --> 00:52:11,587
You look good.
876
00:52:11,754 --> 00:52:12,797
I got some beer.
877
00:52:12,964 --> 00:52:13,923
Do you'?
878
00:52:24,892 --> 00:52:26,352
I read on the Internet
879
00:52:26,519 --> 00:52:28,521
there's something in turkey
interferes with the patch.
880
00:52:28,688 --> 00:52:30,857
- You started smoking?
- No, I stopped chewing.
881
00:52:31,691 --> 00:52:33,818
Remember my little stunt
the last day on the line?
882
00:52:33,985 --> 00:52:35,319
- Yeah.
- Well, couple months later,
883
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,947
they're having this big outdoor
youth rally in Australia--
884
00:52:38,114 --> 00:52:40,074
or Austria, something--
for the Pope,
885
00:52:40,241 --> 00:52:41,701
Baptists, Catholics, Episcopalians.
886
00:52:41,868 --> 00:52:44,912
They're passing out, like, 100,000
of them porta-cups for Mass.
887
00:52:45,079 --> 00:52:47,039
Hey, guess what's in one of 'em.
888
00:52:47,206 --> 00:52:48,749
No way.
889
00:52:48,916 --> 00:52:52,086
Some nun got sick drinking
the Skoal-tainted blood of Christ.
890
00:52:52,253 --> 00:52:53,337
No!
891
00:52:53,504 --> 00:52:55,256
'Course it gets traced
back to the shop.
892
00:52:55,423 --> 00:52:57,216
Boss is pissed.
893
00:52:57,383 --> 00:53:00,136
He was ready to swab everyone's cheek,
get their DNA.
894
00:53:00,303 --> 00:53:01,804
That's when I fessed up.
895
00:53:01,971 --> 00:53:02,805
They fired you?
896
00:53:02,972 --> 00:53:03,973
Hell, yeah, they fired me.
897
00:53:04,140 --> 00:53:05,349
Best thing that ever happened to me.
898
00:53:05,516 --> 00:53:09,395
Next Sunday, I go to Mass
for the first time since I was a kid.
899
00:53:09,645 --> 00:53:12,273
I figure I owe the Pope one,
you know.
900
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:13,816
Well, don't laugh,
901
00:53:13,983 --> 00:53:16,444
but when I go up for Communion,
902
00:53:16,611 --> 00:53:20,364
it's like Jesus is whispering to me
from inside the cup.
903
00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:21,908
Really?
904
00:53:22,074 --> 00:53:24,535
I swear to God, I can hear him
905
00:53:24,702 --> 00:53:27,330
telling me the same thing
my mama used to say.
906
00:53:27,496 --> 00:53:29,248
"Don't shit where you eat."
907
00:53:31,792 --> 00:53:35,630
Anyway, I find out that the nun,
the one who got sick,
908
00:53:35,796 --> 00:53:38,466
live up in Canada
running a home for retards.
909
00:53:38,633 --> 00:53:40,885
Except you ain't
supposed to call 'em that.
910
00:53:41,052 --> 00:53:43,888
Don't laugh!
But I felt like God
911
00:53:44,055 --> 00:53:45,598
wanted me to even things up,
you know.
912
00:53:45,765 --> 00:53:47,767
So I call her up,
913
00:53:47,934 --> 00:53:50,353
and after talking to her
on the phone for 10 minutes,
914
00:53:50,519 --> 00:53:52,271
she said I need to be there.
915
00:53:53,648 --> 00:53:56,692
So I'm off to Canada
to help the retards.
916
00:53:59,278 --> 00:54:01,113
Come on. You're into this stuff, right?
917
00:54:04,283 --> 00:54:06,827
Merry Christmas, dude.
918
00:54:06,994 --> 00:54:08,120
What'?
919
00:54:10,873 --> 00:54:12,583
What do you say we don't go
to midnight Mass somewhere,
920
00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:14,210
give old baby Jesus a holler?
921
00:54:14,377 --> 00:54:15,544
I'm not really dressed.
922
00:54:15,711 --> 00:54:17,421
Come on, man.
Ain't like your church.
923
00:54:17,588 --> 00:54:18,965
Not even the priest wears a tie.
924
00:54:19,131 --> 00:54:21,550
Nah, I'm not really interested.
925
00:54:21,717 --> 00:54:22,843
'Cause it ain't Baptist?
926
00:54:25,638 --> 00:54:26,722
You all right, big guy?
927
00:54:26,889 --> 00:54:28,683
So when do you start
up in Canada?
928
00:54:28,849 --> 00:54:31,477
Not until February.
I saved up a little money.
929
00:54:31,644 --> 00:54:33,479
I was thinking maybe I'd
kick it around here a while,
930
00:54:33,646 --> 00:54:35,773
assuming you got a spare floor.
931
00:54:35,940 --> 00:54:38,776
Uh, bro, my, um...
932
00:54:40,111 --> 00:54:42,071
You know, I'd totally let you crash,
933
00:54:42,238 --> 00:54:43,948
but my roommate's coming back early.
934
00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:47,535
Ah, that's cool.
935
00:54:47,702 --> 00:54:50,997
I was thinking that maybe
I'd head up there early.
936
00:54:51,163 --> 00:54:53,666
They got these cabins
where the volunteers go
937
00:54:53,833 --> 00:54:56,043
for these three-day silent retreats.
938
00:54:56,210 --> 00:54:59,380
Heh. I can't shut the hell up
for five minutes.
939
00:54:59,547 --> 00:55:02,258
I figure I might need
a few practice runs.
940
00:55:03,426 --> 00:55:05,386
You still got
my cell number, right?
941
00:55:05,553 --> 00:55:07,930
'Cause I tried
calling you a few times.
942
00:55:08,097 --> 00:55:09,640
School has been,
like, really crazy.
943
00:55:11,017 --> 00:55:12,810
Yeah.
944
00:55:12,977 --> 00:55:14,228
Yeah.
945
00:55:14,395 --> 00:55:15,771
Well...
946
00:55:15,938 --> 00:55:18,733
I guess I'm gonna go wish
Jesus a happy birthday.
947
00:55:20,234 --> 00:55:21,235
Peace.
948
00:55:23,154 --> 00:55:24,905
See ya.
949
00:55:25,072 --> 00:55:26,907
It was good seeing you, man.
950
00:55:27,074 --> 00:55:29,076
Yeah. Hey, thanks for coming, Jordan.
951
00:55:33,622 --> 00:55:34,915
Hey, merry Christmas.
952
00:56:12,161 --> 00:56:13,913
Here it is again!
Bullshit bookmobile!
953
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:15,247
Welcome back, Reedies.
954
00:56:15,414 --> 00:56:17,541
It's that time of year
again to donate
955
00:56:17,708 --> 00:56:19,502
those Christmas presents
you are never gonna read!
956
00:56:19,668 --> 00:56:21,962
Come on. You know your
parents only gave 'em to you
957
00:56:22,129 --> 00:56:23,381
because they are easy to wrap!
958
00:56:23,547 --> 00:56:25,341
Give 'em the demise
they so richly deserve!
959
00:56:25,508 --> 00:56:26,592
Put 'em out of their misery!
960
00:56:26,759 --> 00:56:28,177
Give me your tired,
your poorly written,
961
00:56:28,344 --> 00:56:31,555
your huddled mass media
yearning to be trees!
962
00:56:31,722 --> 00:56:33,974
Miller, you look lost.
963
00:56:34,141 --> 00:56:35,017
- Me?
- Yeah.
964
00:56:35,184 --> 00:56:37,019
Ah, it's just a beer buzz.
965
00:56:37,186 --> 00:56:38,354
How was Christmas break'?
966
00:56:38,521 --> 00:56:39,980
I don't do Christmas.
967
00:56:40,147 --> 00:56:41,232
What you got going later?
968
00:56:41,399 --> 00:56:42,775
Sleeping off a holiday hangover.
969
00:56:43,734 --> 00:56:45,945
I have a little project
that might require your...
970
00:56:46,112 --> 00:56:47,988
special talents.
What do you think?
971
00:56:48,155 --> 00:56:49,156
What'?
972
00:56:50,491 --> 00:56:51,951
Trust me. It's big,
973
00:56:52,118 --> 00:56:53,285
very big-
974
00:56:54,245 --> 00:56:55,579
Texas big!
975
00:57:09,969 --> 00:57:11,512
What the hell'?
976
00:57:14,557 --> 00:57:15,808
Lauryn?
977
00:57:15,975 --> 00:57:18,102
She's straight.
978
00:57:18,269 --> 00:57:19,728
What'?
979
00:57:19,895 --> 00:57:21,772
Quinn is straight.
980
00:57:23,816 --> 00:57:25,776
She doesn't even experiment.
981
00:57:26,944 --> 00:57:30,072
I know I told myself
I'd give it six months,
982
00:57:30,239 --> 00:57:32,908
just to see if she
showed any sign.
983
00:57:34,410 --> 00:57:36,120
And then I--
I caught her reading
984
00:57:36,287 --> 00:57:38,247
an Anais Nin book
in the campus bookstore.
985
00:57:38,414 --> 00:57:39,707
I just assumed.
986
00:57:41,917 --> 00:57:43,377
Wouldn't you assume?
987
00:57:44,962 --> 00:57:47,131
Told you her ass
wasn't big enough.
988
00:57:47,423 --> 00:57:49,133
Stop, Don. I'm serious.
989
00:57:52,261 --> 00:57:54,138
I mean, I love her.
990
00:57:58,559 --> 00:58:00,227
Can I stay here tonight?
991
00:58:02,271 --> 00:58:03,439
Will you put out?
992
00:58:04,315 --> 00:58:05,357
No.
993
00:58:06,150 --> 00:58:08,152
Then leave immediately.
994
00:58:12,781 --> 00:58:15,618
Come on. Think back
to when you were bi-curious.
995
00:58:15,784 --> 00:58:18,037
Think back to when you were nice.
996
00:58:21,540 --> 00:58:24,710
I just don't understand
what girls see in you guys.
997
00:58:24,877 --> 00:58:27,087
So you can move heavy objects?
998
00:58:27,254 --> 00:58:28,631
Big deal.
999
00:58:28,797 --> 00:58:31,217
Are there that many heavy
objects that need moving?
1000
00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:35,763
I heard the penis plays
a role in procreation.
1001
00:58:37,473 --> 00:58:39,558
Genitals are overrated.
1002
00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,227
So is Anais Nin.
1003
00:58:41,393 --> 00:58:43,479
Yeah.
1004
00:58:49,068 --> 00:58:50,736
I'm sorry, Lauryn.
1005
00:58:51,153 --> 00:58:53,572
Oh, man, it just sucks.
1006
00:58:53,739 --> 00:58:55,032
Yeah.
1007
00:59:22,226 --> 00:59:24,228
- Are you ready?
- What?
1008
00:59:24,395 --> 00:59:27,314
- Oh, come on.
- Not you, too.
1009
00:59:27,481 --> 00:59:29,316
Junior college transfers.
1010
00:59:29,483 --> 00:59:30,776
What are you doing?
1011
00:59:30,943 --> 00:59:32,945
I'm purging the campus
of false dogma,
1012
00:59:33,112 --> 00:59:36,490
but I didn't think for a second
that you were gonna need my help.
1013
00:59:36,657 --> 00:59:39,618
Do you know the Stone Age tribes
of New Guinea do not have cellphones
1014
00:59:39,785 --> 00:59:41,537
because they never grew wheat?
Did you know that?
1015
00:59:41,704 --> 00:59:42,663
I didn't get that far.
1016
00:59:42,830 --> 00:59:43,664
Now you know.
1017
00:59:43,831 --> 00:59:44,915
Hey, those cost money.
1018
00:59:45,666 --> 00:59:46,875
I'm The Pope, man.
1019
00:59:47,042 --> 00:59:49,003
I speak for God.
1020
00:59:49,169 --> 00:59:50,671
God wants you to burn books?
1021
00:59:50,838 --> 00:59:54,341
God doesn't exist,
and here is the proof.
1022
00:59:54,508 --> 00:59:57,219
Would a loving God possibly
allow this to exist?
1023
00:59:57,386 --> 00:59:58,804
I think not.
1024
00:59:58,971 --> 01:00:00,806
That was a graduation gift.
1025
01:00:00,973 --> 01:00:01,807
Who made you Pope, anyway?
1026
01:00:01,974 --> 01:00:04,935
Last year's Pope at Renn Fayre.
1027
01:00:07,146 --> 01:00:09,148
You don't know about any of this?
1028
01:00:09,315 --> 01:00:12,359
Big weekend bash after exams
at the end of the school year.
1029
01:00:12,651 --> 01:00:14,862
Sex, drugs, naked elves.
1030
01:00:17,031 --> 01:00:18,657
The first job of the new Pope
1031
01:00:18,824 --> 01:00:21,410
is to take confessions
during Renn Fayre, so...
1032
01:00:21,577 --> 01:00:23,078
go to a little booth,
1033
01:00:23,245 --> 01:00:26,415
and all the students line up
to confess their sins.
1034
01:00:26,582 --> 01:00:28,000
They confess to you?
1035
01:00:29,251 --> 01:00:30,085
All night long.
1036
01:00:30,252 --> 01:00:31,086
At first, I thought,
1037
01:00:31,253 --> 01:00:32,171
"This is gonna be awesome.
1038
01:00:32,338 --> 01:00:33,464
"I mean, I'm gonna hear about
1039
01:00:33,631 --> 01:00:35,674
every kinky sex act
from here to Seattle,"
1040
01:00:35,841 --> 01:00:37,968
and I got a lot of that,
but then...
1041
01:00:41,972 --> 01:00:44,683
this one sad bastard,
he starts telling me
1042
01:00:44,850 --> 01:00:46,894
how when he was a kid,
1043
01:00:47,061 --> 01:00:50,898
this priest at his church
used to take him into his office,
1044
01:00:51,065 --> 01:00:52,441
you know, and...
1045
01:00:53,817 --> 01:00:56,111
right there under the crucifix,
1046
01:00:56,278 --> 01:00:58,238
Father Feel-you-up would just...
1047
01:01:00,991 --> 01:01:02,326
go at him.
1048
01:01:04,828 --> 01:01:06,664
It was heavy.
1049
01:01:08,165 --> 01:01:09,750
So I start thinking, right?
1050
01:01:09,917 --> 01:01:12,169
I should be doing something
to help these people.
1051
01:01:12,336 --> 01:01:15,673
I mean, I got the robe.
I got the hat. I'm The Pope.
1052
01:01:15,839 --> 01:01:18,759
I should be using my powers for good.
1053
01:01:20,594 --> 01:01:22,429
So then I get the idea.
1054
01:01:22,596 --> 01:01:26,975
I start getting people to tell me
right there in the confession booth,
1055
01:01:27,142 --> 01:01:29,436
"How has God screwed you up?"
1056
01:01:30,938 --> 01:01:33,273
And maybe it's the PCP talking, but...
1057
01:01:34,817 --> 01:01:43,909
I find out how afraid people are
of a God who doesn't even exist.
1058
01:01:47,413 --> 01:01:48,580
Oh, don't touch those albums.
Hey. Come on.
1059
01:01:48,747 --> 01:01:50,708
You know, tomorrow
millions of people
1060
01:01:50,874 --> 01:01:52,710
are gonna start filing into churches
1061
01:01:52,876 --> 01:01:54,169
and praying that their loving God
1062
01:01:54,336 --> 01:01:56,296
is not gonna burn them
in Hell forever.
1063
01:01:56,463 --> 01:01:58,424
And you think burning books
is gonna help?
1064
01:01:58,590 --> 01:02:01,635
It's not like I'm torching
anything useful.
1065
01:02:01,802 --> 01:02:03,679
Every steeple
hides a sleeper cell.
1066
01:02:03,846 --> 01:02:05,264
They smile,
They shake your hand,
1067
01:02:05,431 --> 01:02:06,807
and then you're drinking
the Kool-Aid.
1068
01:02:06,974 --> 01:02:08,934
They want to rule us,
Donny boy.
1069
01:02:09,101 --> 01:02:10,352
They're like Taliban in training,
1070
01:02:10,519 --> 01:02:14,022
and we've gotta stop 'em, you know,
combine all our resources.
1071
01:02:14,189 --> 01:02:16,775
Street theater. Civil unrest.
You know what I mean?
1072
01:02:19,153 --> 01:02:20,279
I don't want to scare you,
1073
01:02:20,446 --> 01:02:21,572
but there's a lesbian in your bed.
1074
01:02:23,073 --> 01:02:24,491
Oh, man, I need a beer.
1075
01:02:24,658 --> 01:02:25,909
Get your shoes on, Miller.
1076
01:02:27,161 --> 01:02:28,328
I've got something planned
1077
01:02:28,495 --> 01:02:30,289
that's gonna make
your little billboard escapade
1078
01:02:30,456 --> 01:02:32,499
look like frat boys
TPing the dean's house.
1079
01:02:37,546 --> 01:02:40,674
You want civil unrest at 4 A.M.?
1080
01:02:40,841 --> 01:02:42,843
You're okay with heights, right?
1081
01:02:47,014 --> 01:02:49,224
What is it, Daddy'?
1082
01:02:49,391 --> 01:02:53,353
It's a, uh, balloon,
1083
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:55,522
a happy balloon.
1084
01:02:55,689 --> 01:02:58,233
"Don't let
1085
01:02:58,400 --> 01:03:00,319
"these people...
1086
01:03:00,486 --> 01:03:02,321
re-prod-uce."
1087
01:03:03,363 --> 01:03:05,032
Very good, Sophie.
1088
01:03:14,374 --> 01:03:16,335
Hey.
1089
01:03:16,502 --> 01:03:17,836
When'd you get back from India?
1090
01:03:18,003 --> 01:03:19,713
- Was it you?
- Huh?
1091
01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:21,757
The condom and the steeple.
1092
01:03:21,924 --> 01:03:22,758
Are you wearing a wire?
1093
01:03:22,925 --> 01:03:24,426
Answer the question.
1094
01:03:24,593 --> 01:03:26,011
So you saw it.
1095
01:03:27,221 --> 01:03:29,515
I go to church there, Don.
1096
01:03:29,681 --> 01:03:30,516
You what'?
1097
01:03:30,682 --> 01:03:31,683
You heard me.
1098
01:03:34,311 --> 01:03:36,814
Well, it's not like we did
any permanent damage.
1099
01:03:36,980 --> 01:03:39,316
I had a six-year-old ask me why the cross
was wearing a baggie.
1100
01:03:40,567 --> 01:03:41,568
It's supposed to symbolize--
1101
01:03:41,735 --> 01:03:42,945
A condom on the steeple?
1102
01:03:43,111 --> 01:03:44,196
It was just a--
1103
01:03:44,363 --> 01:03:45,197
"Don't let these people reproduce"?
1104
01:03:45,364 --> 01:03:46,365
It was just a joke.
1105
01:03:46,532 --> 01:03:48,116
What do you know
about those people?
1106
01:03:49,159 --> 01:03:50,744
Whatever, you know?
1107
01:03:50,911 --> 01:03:53,330
People can do what they want,
1108
01:03:53,497 --> 01:03:55,165
believe what they want.
1109
01:03:55,499 --> 01:03:57,167
It was just a joke.
1110
01:04:00,128 --> 01:04:01,672
I'm sorry, all right?
1111
01:04:02,548 --> 01:04:04,842
I had no idea you even went to church.
1112
01:04:12,516 --> 01:04:14,768
You really believe
all that stuff, huh?
1113
01:04:14,935 --> 01:04:15,769
Don't patronize me.
1114
01:04:16,812 --> 01:04:17,646
I don't mean to.
1115
01:04:17,813 --> 01:04:20,399
It just seems a little primitive
to still be a--
1116
01:04:20,566 --> 01:04:21,608
A Christian?
1117
01:04:22,067 --> 01:04:23,735
Well, yeah.
1118
01:04:23,902 --> 01:04:25,487
I wasn't born that way, Don.
1119
01:04:25,654 --> 01:04:28,365
I read the Bible in Lit class last year,
1120
01:04:28,532 --> 01:04:30,158
and it turns out I like Jesus.
1121
01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:31,827
A lot.
1122
01:04:32,786 --> 01:04:34,830
Does anybody know'?
1123
01:04:35,831 --> 01:04:37,708
Are you gonna turn me in?
1124
01:04:39,084 --> 01:04:40,878
You know what? I'm leaving.
1125
01:04:41,044 --> 01:04:42,588
H-Hey, Penny.
1126
01:04:42,754 --> 01:04:45,340
How was India'?
1127
01:04:47,009 --> 01:04:48,719
It was life-changing.
1128
01:04:48,886 --> 01:04:50,470
Did you take pictures?
1129
01:04:52,306 --> 01:04:55,225
Yeah. I'm doing a slide show
on Sunday night.
1130
01:04:55,392 --> 01:04:56,560
I'll come.
1131
01:04:58,270 --> 01:05:00,397
Do you forgive me
for the steeple thing?
1132
01:05:01,398 --> 01:05:03,775
It's not about me, Don.
1133
01:05:04,818 --> 01:05:06,278
You don't even
really know what you did,
1134
01:05:06,445 --> 01:05:08,196
because you don't know
the people that you hurt.
1135
01:05:09,448 --> 01:05:11,617
Well, maybe I can meet these people.
1136
01:05:11,783 --> 01:05:13,577
I'm not asking you to do that.
1137
01:05:13,744 --> 01:05:16,872
No. It's my idea.
1138
01:05:17,039 --> 01:05:18,123
I want to.
1139
01:05:20,751 --> 01:05:24,588
Okay.10:30, next Sunday.
1140
01:05:58,664 --> 01:06:00,040
Hi, Morn.
1141
01:06:00,207 --> 01:06:01,416
Hi, Don. Is this a good time?
1142
01:06:01,583 --> 01:06:02,417
Not good.
1143
01:06:02,584 --> 01:06:03,961
On my way to church,
1144
01:06:04,127 --> 01:06:05,253
believe it or not.
1145
01:06:05,420 --> 01:06:07,673
Don, I have some hard news--
1146
01:06:07,839 --> 01:06:08,715
Hold on.
1147
01:06:09,633 --> 01:06:12,344
Am I on speakerphone, Don?
1148
01:06:12,511 --> 01:06:14,346
- You there?
- Am I--Am I on speakerphone?
1149
01:06:14,513 --> 01:06:16,306
It's fine, Mom. Nobody's around.
1150
01:06:16,473 --> 01:06:19,309
Don, can you take me
off the speakerphone, please?
1151
01:06:19,476 --> 01:06:21,812
Fine. Okay,
I'll take it off speakerphone.
1152
01:06:29,820 --> 01:06:30,654
What's wrong?
1153
01:06:30,821 --> 01:06:33,865
Don, I have some hard news.
1154
01:06:34,032 --> 01:06:36,493
Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
1155
01:06:38,161 --> 01:06:39,579
I'm pregnant.
1156
01:06:42,082 --> 01:06:45,293
I'm pregnant,
and the baby is Kenny's.
1157
01:06:45,460 --> 01:06:46,837
Oh, God.
1158
01:06:47,838 --> 01:06:48,964
It was a mistake.
1159
01:06:49,131 --> 01:06:50,507
- What?
- I made a mistake.
1160
01:06:50,674 --> 01:06:52,217
- Hypocrite!
- We made a mistake.
1161
01:06:52,384 --> 01:06:53,760
Bitch!
1162
01:06:53,927 --> 01:06:56,388
I'm gonna let you talk to Kenny.
1163
01:06:56,555 --> 01:06:57,973
Hey, bro.
1164
01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:00,392
Put her back on.
1165
01:07:00,559 --> 01:07:01,893
Listen, I know exactly how you feel.
1166
01:07:02,060 --> 01:07:04,521
No, Kenny, you don't know how
I'm feeling.
1167
01:07:04,688 --> 01:07:06,606
You know why?
Because you're an asshole!
1168
01:07:06,773 --> 01:07:08,942
You're a puppeteering
asshole freak!
1169
01:07:09,109 --> 01:07:12,112
Well, see that school has improved
your language.
1170
01:07:36,845 --> 01:07:39,556
We can learn much
about the spiritual life
1171
01:07:39,723 --> 01:07:41,808
from a term used
in sound recording,
1172
01:07:41,975 --> 01:07:43,477
called the "noise floor."
1173
01:07:43,643 --> 01:07:45,896
The noise floor is the amount of noise
1174
01:07:46,063 --> 01:07:47,397
already present in an environment...
1175
01:07:48,690 --> 01:07:52,319
that, uh, has to be overcome
before anything else can be heard.
1176
01:07:52,486 --> 01:07:54,613
Now, this concept
is particularly important...
1177
01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:58,742
...when it comes
to the life of the spirit.
1178
01:07:58,909 --> 01:08:01,369
We need to find a refuge
from the often-deafening
1179
01:08:01,536 --> 01:08:03,497
noise floor of life...
1180
01:08:04,289 --> 01:08:06,541
to hear the still, small
voice of God.
1181
01:08:06,708 --> 01:08:07,751
Young man, may I help you?
1182
01:08:07,918 --> 01:08:09,795
Yeah. Got some things to return.
1183
01:08:45,038 --> 01:08:47,582
All right. Okay, you ready?
Overhand again.
1184
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:52,420
Okay, bring it back overhand.
1185
01:10:39,361 --> 01:10:40,862
Hello.
1186
01:10:45,575 --> 01:10:47,035
Miller! Miller.
1187
01:10:47,202 --> 01:10:49,746
Hey, park this piece of crap.
It's about to start.
1188
01:10:49,913 --> 01:10:51,122
I can't find a space.
1189
01:10:51,289 --> 01:10:54,542
Ah, it's after 6:00.
I give you my blessing to park here.
1190
01:10:56,670 --> 01:10:58,838
Yeah, right. Nice.
1191
01:10:59,965 --> 01:11:02,467
Take the Bible. Please.
1192
01:11:04,219 --> 01:11:06,263
It's not that the book
is contradictory.
1193
01:11:06,429 --> 01:11:08,181
It's not a book at all.
1194
01:11:08,348 --> 01:11:09,599
It's a collection of writings
1195
01:11:09,766 --> 01:11:11,518
compiled over the course
of nine centuries
1196
01:11:11,685 --> 01:11:13,603
that, when taken together,
1197
01:11:13,770 --> 01:11:17,065
present such a hopelessly
muddled worldview
1198
01:11:17,232 --> 01:11:19,359
that it's easy to see
why so many of its followers
1199
01:11:19,526 --> 01:11:21,361
for so much of our history
1200
01:11:21,528 --> 01:11:23,863
have killed one another
over its meanings.
1201
01:11:25,657 --> 01:11:28,326
Many refugee families
have become subsistence farmers
1202
01:11:28,493 --> 01:11:32,414
who live in abandoned and often
condemned houses and shacks
1203
01:11:32,580 --> 01:11:36,167
and survive year to year by planting
whatever crops they can.
1204
01:11:37,168 --> 01:11:40,130
Mr. Larkin has set up
the scientific method
1205
01:11:40,297 --> 01:11:41,673
as his biblical canon,
1206
01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:42,924
yet with that method,
1207
01:11:43,091 --> 01:11:47,762
he still can't prove that a sunset
is more beautiful than...
1208
01:11:47,929 --> 01:11:49,514
I don't know, camel dung.
1209
01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:53,518
Or that music is more sensible
than noise.
1210
01:11:53,685 --> 01:11:55,145
By his own reasoning,
1211
01:11:55,312 --> 01:11:59,774
he is delusional to even tell
his wife and children he loves them.
1212
01:11:59,941 --> 01:12:03,737
There's nothing delusional about
the chemical reaction we call love.
1213
01:12:03,903 --> 01:12:06,573
It forces the species to bond together
1214
01:12:06,740 --> 01:12:09,993
and preserve the social structure,
nothing more.
1215
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:11,995
The theist has a sound explanation
1216
01:12:12,162 --> 01:12:16,166
as to why humans need more than
to just survive.
1217
01:12:16,333 --> 01:12:18,668
We long for love and justice,
1218
01:12:18,835 --> 01:12:21,338
beauty, transcendence,
1219
01:12:21,504 --> 01:12:27,052
because they echo the voice calling us
to know their origin.
1220
01:12:27,218 --> 01:12:29,304
Okay, let's take another question.
1221
01:12:29,471 --> 01:12:31,014
Uh, Mr. Larkin,
I'm just curious--
1222
01:12:31,181 --> 01:12:33,224
Actually, the gentleman
right next to the hat, please.
1223
01:12:35,352 --> 01:12:37,896
Um, Mr. Larkin,
1224
01:12:38,063 --> 01:12:40,690
in your book, you admit to a sense
of awe and reverence
1225
01:12:40,857 --> 01:12:42,317
when you encounter
the beauty of nature
1226
01:12:42,484 --> 01:12:45,236
and the intricacies
of the universe.
1227
01:12:45,403 --> 01:12:48,865
Has that ever led you to consider
that there might be a God?
1228
01:12:49,032 --> 01:12:50,200
No.
1229
01:12:50,992 --> 01:12:52,077
Hell, no.
1230
01:12:53,328 --> 01:12:55,997
So then where do we find meaning?
1231
01:12:56,164 --> 01:12:58,083
Meaning?
1232
01:12:58,249 --> 01:13:01,169
The universe doesn't owe us
meaning, son.
1233
01:13:01,336 --> 01:13:03,922
If you want meaning,
1234
01:13:04,089 --> 01:13:06,549
I suggest you try a dictionary.
1235
01:13:07,926 --> 01:13:10,345
Yeah. Thanks.
1236
01:13:29,072 --> 01:13:31,282
And on the last day,
1237
01:13:31,449 --> 01:13:33,576
when I went to say goodbye
to the family,
1238
01:13:33,743 --> 01:13:35,745
they were already waiting for me.
1239
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:39,332
Little Reena came up to me
with a giant smile on her face
1240
01:13:39,499 --> 01:13:44,295
and handed me an egg
that their chicken had laid.
1241
01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:48,299
I knew it was all they had.
1242
01:13:50,135 --> 01:13:55,432
So when you think of Kashmir...
1243
01:13:55,598 --> 01:13:58,351
that's the face
I'd like you to remember.
1244
01:14:02,522 --> 01:14:05,608
Um, are there any questions?
1245
01:14:08,069 --> 01:14:09,070
Lauryn.
1246
01:14:10,196 --> 01:14:13,450
The amount of misery and suffering
in that part of the world
1247
01:14:13,616 --> 01:14:15,452
seems so overwhelming.
1248
01:14:15,618 --> 01:14:19,747
I just--I don't know
how you deal with it.
1249
01:14:19,914 --> 01:14:21,583
Is that a question, Lauryn?
1250
01:14:21,749 --> 01:14:23,376
I mean, I don't mean
to get personal,
1251
01:14:23,543 --> 01:14:27,046
but I know you have
these religious beliefs,
1252
01:14:27,213 --> 01:14:29,966
and...
1253
01:14:30,133 --> 01:14:32,719
don't you ever wonder why God
doesn't just do something?
1254
01:14:32,886 --> 01:14:36,973
Look, I don't mean to go
all Mother Teresa on you,
1255
01:14:37,140 --> 01:14:40,727
but she believed that the spiritual
poverty of the West
1256
01:14:40,894 --> 01:14:42,228
was far more oppressive
1257
01:14:42,395 --> 01:14:44,314
than any physical poverty
she saw in India.
1258
01:14:44,481 --> 01:14:46,983
All I know is that
when I was there,
1259
01:14:47,150 --> 01:14:50,862
away from all the noise
and distraction,
1260
01:14:51,905 --> 01:14:53,781
I never felt so close to God.
1261
01:14:53,948 --> 01:14:55,617
I can't explain it.
1262
01:14:55,783 --> 01:14:58,077
I just want to go back.
1263
01:15:01,206 --> 01:15:02,665
Thank you.
1264
01:15:16,221 --> 01:15:17,222
Don?
1265
01:15:21,559 --> 01:15:22,477
Are you there?
1266
01:15:23,728 --> 01:15:24,729
Don.
1267
01:15:27,315 --> 01:15:29,734
Where were you tonight?
1268
01:15:29,901 --> 01:15:31,528
What are you doing
with my phone?
1269
01:15:31,694 --> 01:15:35,281
Um, I fixed it with my hair dryer.
1270
01:15:35,448 --> 01:15:37,784
You shouldn't hang up on your mom.
1271
01:15:40,912 --> 01:15:43,081
You didn't talk to her, did you?
1272
01:15:44,207 --> 01:15:46,584
We chatted... briefly.
1273
01:15:53,591 --> 01:15:55,301
She needs you, Don.
1274
01:15:55,468 --> 01:15:57,136
Stay away from me, Penny.
1275
01:16:00,223 --> 01:16:02,392
Don!
1276
01:16:02,559 --> 01:16:04,269
Don, wait!
1277
01:16:05,478 --> 01:16:07,063
Don, she made a mistake.
1278
01:16:07,230 --> 01:16:08,815
No, dialing the wrong number
is a mistake.
1279
01:16:08,982 --> 01:16:11,901
Having a baby with a married man,
that's being a slut.
1280
01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:13,403
You're talking about your mother.
1281
01:16:13,570 --> 01:16:15,530
Yeah, I think I know her
a little better than you do.
1282
01:16:17,532 --> 01:16:19,409
What else did she tell you?
1283
01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,370
Not that much.
1284
01:16:23,454 --> 01:16:25,623
Were you really assistant
to your youth pastor?
1285
01:16:26,666 --> 01:16:28,167
Get the hell away from me.
1286
01:16:32,046 --> 01:16:34,632
Why are you trying
to hide who you are?
1287
01:16:34,799 --> 01:16:36,467
'Cause I'm done with those freaks.
1288
01:16:36,634 --> 01:16:37,677
What, like me?
1289
01:16:37,844 --> 01:16:39,345
- You wouldn't understand.
- Why not?
1290
01:16:39,512 --> 01:16:41,806
Because your mom isn't having sex
with a youth pastor.
1291
01:16:41,973 --> 01:16:44,517
No, my mom is just roaming the streets
of God knows where
1292
01:16:44,684 --> 01:16:46,227
having sex with JFK.
1293
01:16:47,228 --> 01:16:51,566
- At least she's got an excuse.
- And what's my excuse?
1294
01:16:51,733 --> 01:16:53,568
I stopped visiting her
when I was in high school
1295
01:16:53,735 --> 01:16:55,862
because I was too ashamed.
1296
01:16:56,029 --> 01:16:59,240
Now I have no idea
where she is.
1297
01:16:59,407 --> 01:17:00,950
I didn't know.
1298
01:17:01,117 --> 01:17:03,119
Yeah, there's a lot you don't
know about everybody.
1299
01:17:03,286 --> 01:17:05,830
People are human.
People are flawed.
1300
01:17:05,997 --> 01:17:07,498
We all have our crap.
1301
01:17:07,665 --> 01:17:09,626
I abandoned my mom.
1302
01:17:13,296 --> 01:17:14,464
Talk to her.
1303
01:17:22,388 --> 01:17:24,015
I want to be alone.
1304
01:17:25,016 --> 01:17:27,352
I'm taking this.
1305
01:17:27,518 --> 01:17:28,811
Don't look at the flame.
1306
01:17:43,034 --> 01:17:45,495
If you start pushing people away,
1307
01:17:45,662 --> 01:17:47,664
eventually they just leave you alone...
1308
01:17:49,499 --> 01:17:50,708
with your thoughts,
1309
01:17:51,626 --> 01:17:53,294
with your demons,
1310
01:17:54,212 --> 01:17:56,089
with the sound of your own breathing.
1311
01:17:57,465 --> 01:17:59,842
But if you're going to have
an existential crisis,
1312
01:18:00,009 --> 01:18:02,011
Portland in winter is hard to beat.
1313
01:18:03,513 --> 01:18:04,931
The city is a shadow.
1314
01:18:07,433 --> 01:18:09,936
The clouds are a blanket
pulled over your head.
1315
01:18:12,522 --> 01:18:15,733
School year seems like
it's never going to end.
1316
01:18:18,528 --> 01:18:22,990
And it's easy to avoid
the people you're trying to avoid.
1317
01:18:26,411 --> 01:18:28,162
By the end of finals,
1318
01:18:28,329 --> 01:18:31,082
you're so burned out
on the pursuit of knowledge
1319
01:18:31,249 --> 01:18:32,667
that any sign of life,
1320
01:18:33,793 --> 01:18:35,253
even if it's artificial,
1321
01:18:36,546 --> 01:18:38,381
seems worth pursuing.
1322
01:18:49,308 --> 01:18:51,436
Hey, hey, hey. What's up?
1323
01:18:51,602 --> 01:18:53,438
We're almost there. Lauryn!
1324
01:18:55,064 --> 01:18:57,650
I found her barking up a tree.
I think she's dehydrated.
1325
01:18:57,817 --> 01:18:58,985
Let's get her to a cot.
1326
01:19:01,529 --> 01:19:03,573
Hey, Miller! Little help?
1327
01:19:05,825 --> 01:19:07,577
- HEY-
- HEY-
1328
01:19:08,953 --> 01:19:11,080
Thank you for returning my e-mails.
1329
01:19:11,247 --> 01:19:13,458
Sorry. School has been crazy.
1330
01:19:13,624 --> 01:19:15,626
Yeah, you promised me last month
you'd help me with this.
1331
01:19:15,793 --> 01:19:17,044
I don't do well around blood.
1332
01:19:18,379 --> 01:19:19,547
Or that.
1333
01:19:35,646 --> 01:19:37,148
Miller.
1334
01:19:39,776 --> 01:19:41,194
Leaded or unleaded'?
1335
01:19:41,360 --> 01:19:42,737
Time will tell.
1336
01:19:44,238 --> 01:19:47,867
So... your first Renn Fayre.
1337
01:19:49,410 --> 01:19:50,578
What do you think?
1338
01:19:50,745 --> 01:19:51,996
Snacks are good.
1339
01:19:52,163 --> 01:19:54,290
You have no idea.
1340
01:20:02,048 --> 01:20:03,216
You gonna miss being The Pope?
1341
01:20:03,382 --> 01:20:04,342
You know, it's weird.
1342
01:20:04,509 --> 01:20:06,886
Certain people see the hat coming,
and it's almost like--
1343
01:20:07,053 --> 01:20:08,888
It's almost like it gives them hope.
1344
01:20:12,183 --> 01:20:14,519
Go with dog, my son.
1345
01:20:17,772 --> 01:20:19,857
If God's dead, what's the point?
1346
01:20:20,024 --> 01:20:23,528
'Cause people need this shit,
and they always will.
1347
01:20:26,739 --> 01:20:30,743
The people with steel balls
are the ones who never cry out to God.
1348
01:20:32,119 --> 01:20:37,834
I mean, they've looked into the abyss,
and they know, man.
1349
01:20:38,835 --> 01:20:40,545
There is no one coming to the rescue.
1350
01:20:44,173 --> 01:20:45,633
How do you know that'?
1351
01:20:45,800 --> 01:20:47,802
I know what I know, Miller.
1352
01:20:47,969 --> 01:20:50,847
That kid,
the one in the booth last year,
1353
01:20:51,013 --> 01:20:53,391
who got abused by the priest...
1354
01:20:53,558 --> 01:20:54,809
What about him'?
1355
01:20:58,646 --> 01:21:00,022
Nothing.
1356
01:21:03,609 --> 01:21:05,611
To the great nothing.
1357
01:21:07,655 --> 01:21:09,574
What's this?
1358
01:21:09,740 --> 01:21:11,450
It goes with the brownies.
1359
01:21:23,045 --> 01:21:25,214
Let's do some damage.
1360
01:21:41,147 --> 01:21:42,315
Yeah!
1361
01:21:58,372 --> 01:22:01,667
The air is heavy with anticipation
1362
01:22:01,834 --> 01:22:04,795
as the silent crowd awaits the decision.
1363
01:22:16,223 --> 01:22:18,100
The Pope has made his selection.
1364
01:22:18,267 --> 01:22:20,978
Prepare for the crowning
of the new Pope!
1365
01:22:26,150 --> 01:22:29,570
Candidates, present yourselves!
1366
01:22:29,737 --> 01:22:33,491
Huzzah! Huzzah.
1367
01:22:34,867 --> 01:22:38,412
Ah, this is gonna get nasty.
1368
01:22:41,165 --> 01:22:43,709
The Pope considers the Russian.
1369
01:22:46,879 --> 01:22:49,799
And the Russian has been passed over!
1370
01:22:49,966 --> 01:22:52,218
Who shall it be?
1371
01:22:52,385 --> 01:22:54,095
The young foppish prince?
1372
01:22:56,472 --> 01:22:59,558
It is not to be, my friends!
1373
01:22:59,725 --> 01:23:03,479
Will the ginger lady ragdoll
be our new Pope?
1374
01:23:06,816 --> 01:23:10,611
She is not.
The rabbit stands alone.
1375
01:23:10,778 --> 01:23:14,699
Prepare for the crowning
of our new Pope!
1376
01:23:16,867 --> 01:23:18,536
No! The rabbit
has been rejected.
1377
01:23:18,703 --> 01:23:21,872
This is unprecedented!
Who now?!
1378
01:23:22,039 --> 01:23:25,459
Who now amongst us
shall be The Pope?
1379
01:23:30,089 --> 01:23:33,050
The Pope considers the Texan.
1380
01:23:33,217 --> 01:23:34,301
What madness is this'?
1381
01:23:34,468 --> 01:23:36,137
It's just a hunch, Miller.
1382
01:23:36,303 --> 01:23:38,472
The Pope will now remove his miter.
1383
01:23:38,639 --> 01:23:39,473
Hold your applause.
1384
01:23:39,640 --> 01:23:42,309
His Eminence can be fickle.
1385
01:23:42,476 --> 01:23:44,061
The Pope has been chosen!
1386
01:23:44,228 --> 01:23:47,565
Citizens of the Reed,
we have a new Pope!
1387
01:23:55,072 --> 01:23:57,033
Yeah!
1388
01:23:57,199 --> 01:24:00,870
Let the christening
of the pagans commence!
1389
01:24:09,253 --> 01:24:11,172
Prepare yourself...
1390
01:24:11,505 --> 01:24:13,049
to kiss The Virgin.
1391
01:24:13,215 --> 01:24:16,093
Virgin! Virgin! Virgin!
1392
01:24:16,260 --> 01:24:20,848
Virgin! Virgin! Virgin! Virgin!
1393
01:24:22,308 --> 01:24:23,392
Faithful subjects of Reed,
1394
01:24:23,559 --> 01:24:26,771
greet your new Pope!
1395
01:24:35,279 --> 01:24:36,697
The Pope is down!
1396
01:24:36,864 --> 01:24:38,032
We have a down Pope!
1397
01:24:41,869 --> 01:24:43,162
Oh, God.
1398
01:24:43,329 --> 01:24:44,622
Climax.
1399
01:24:44,789 --> 01:24:45,956
Oh, God help me.
1400
01:24:46,123 --> 01:24:50,086
The final C in SCCR.
1401
01:24:50,252 --> 01:24:51,837
Hello!
1402
01:24:52,004 --> 01:24:54,340
Hello'?
1403
01:24:54,507 --> 01:24:56,425
Somebody!
1404
01:24:56,592 --> 01:24:59,011
I'm trapped in--
in this thing!
1405
01:25:03,099 --> 01:25:06,477
Hello! Help me!
1406
01:25:08,938 --> 01:25:10,439
Hello'?
1407
01:25:10,606 --> 01:25:13,818
Hello. Hello. Get me out of here!
1408
01:25:13,984 --> 01:25:15,444
Uh, hold on.
1409
01:25:15,611 --> 01:25:16,904
Hey, n-no. I'm trapped in here!
1410
01:25:17,071 --> 01:25:18,364
Please get me out of here!
1411
01:25:18,531 --> 01:25:20,616
Please! Please get me out!
1412
01:25:20,783 --> 01:25:22,827
I--I think I'm gonna have to roll this.
1413
01:25:22,993 --> 01:25:26,664
Okay. Okay, I don't care.
I don't care. Go.
1414
01:25:26,831 --> 01:25:27,998
All right, you ready?
1415
01:25:28,165 --> 01:25:30,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just do it.
1416
01:25:31,460 --> 01:25:32,294
Try again. Try--
1417
01:25:35,131 --> 01:25:37,091
You okay?
1418
01:25:44,723 --> 01:25:46,725
It's okay.
Just take my hand.
1419
01:25:55,818 --> 01:25:58,154
My daddy has a dress like that.
1420
01:26:00,948 --> 01:26:04,118
Don't forget your miter.
1421
01:26:04,285 --> 01:26:05,411
Very good, Sophie.
1422
01:26:30,394 --> 01:26:32,146
When dawn breaks in Echo Park
1423
01:26:32,313 --> 01:26:35,441
near downtown Los Angeles,
the locals begin to--
1424
01:26:37,067 --> 01:26:38,235
Breaking news report.
1425
01:26:38,402 --> 01:26:41,906
The government is calling it the deadliest
earthquake in India's history,
1426
01:26:42,072 --> 01:26:45,034
and the devastation took
the greatest toll on Kashmir,
1427
01:26:45,201 --> 01:26:48,370
with local officials confirming
at least 16,000 dead,
1428
01:26:48,537 --> 01:26:50,497
a number they fear may double,
1429
01:26:50,664 --> 01:26:55,377
as area refugee camps face a shortage
of food, water and medical supplies.
1430
01:27:13,229 --> 01:27:14,230
Penny.
1431
01:27:19,360 --> 01:27:20,361
Penny?
1432
01:27:23,405 --> 01:27:24,907
She left.
1433
01:27:26,367 --> 01:27:27,493
Gone to India.
1434
01:27:27,660 --> 01:27:28,953
When?
1435
01:27:29,119 --> 01:27:32,206
Last night after the news about
the earthquake broke.
1436
01:27:33,707 --> 01:27:35,501
Dude, she was trying
to find you.
1437
01:27:39,004 --> 01:27:41,382
Um, I'm doing laundry,
1438
01:27:41,548 --> 01:27:43,425
so you want to...
1439
01:27:44,843 --> 01:27:46,470
Yeah.
1440
01:27:49,181 --> 01:27:51,058
I'll use the delicate cycle.
1441
01:27:51,225 --> 01:27:52,059
Thanks.
1442
01:27:54,687 --> 01:27:55,729
Don't look.
1443
01:27:56,397 --> 01:27:58,524
- Don't flatter yourself.
- Shut up.
1444
01:28:03,070 --> 01:28:04,446
No peeking.
1445
01:28:06,490 --> 01:28:07,700
Are those owls?
1446
01:28:08,909 --> 01:28:10,119
Penguins.
1447
01:28:11,287 --> 01:28:12,788
Told you not to look.
1448
01:28:12,955 --> 01:28:14,206
Sorry.
1449
01:29:28,822 --> 01:29:32,368
Sometimes you have to watch
somebody love something...
1450
01:29:34,078 --> 01:29:36,288
before you can love it yourself.
1451
01:29:42,044 --> 01:29:44,380
Penny loves Jesus.
1452
01:29:44,546 --> 01:29:46,465
My dad loves jazz.
1453
01:29:46,632 --> 01:29:49,176
He told me jazz is like life,
1454
01:29:49,343 --> 01:29:51,303
because it doesn't resolve.
1455
01:29:52,346 --> 01:29:55,099
And he gave me his record
collection to prove it.
1456
01:29:59,895 --> 01:30:04,149
But I've been listening
to those records over and over,
1457
01:30:04,316 --> 01:30:07,111
and every time I put on
Coltrane's A Love Supreme,
1458
01:30:07,277 --> 01:30:12,241
I could swear I hear something
my father says isn't there.
1459
01:30:12,408 --> 01:30:13,909
I hear a resolution.
1460
01:30:16,620 --> 01:30:18,247
Resolution,
1461
01:30:18,414 --> 01:30:21,375
the final element in story.
1462
01:30:21,542 --> 01:30:24,795
I know not everybody hears
the universe this way,
1463
01:30:24,962 --> 01:30:26,713
but what if Penny's right?
1464
01:30:26,880 --> 01:30:32,511
What if God is trying
to compose something?
1465
01:30:32,678 --> 01:30:37,099
What if all these stars
are notes on a page of music,
1466
01:30:37,266 --> 01:30:40,060
swirling in the blue like jazz?
1467
01:31:01,665 --> 01:31:02,749
Hey, Morn.
1468
01:31:02,916 --> 01:31:05,586
Don, is that you?
1469
01:31:06,628 --> 01:31:10,007
I'm glad you called, Mom.
How are you?
1470
01:31:10,591 --> 01:31:14,428
Some of you have come
a long way to get here,
1471
01:31:14,595 --> 01:31:18,390
and I'm talking about
a geography of the heart.
1472
01:31:18,557 --> 01:31:23,353
But what you're looking for
is bigger than any church,
1473
01:31:23,520 --> 01:31:25,939
so this is the time in the service
1474
01:31:26,106 --> 01:31:28,275
when we get out of the way
1475
01:31:28,442 --> 01:31:31,111
so that you can speak to God directly...
1476
01:31:32,696 --> 01:31:35,991
and hopefully hear God speak to you.
1477
01:31:48,795 --> 01:31:50,756
Thought you were in Kashmir.
1478
01:31:50,923 --> 01:31:52,883
I got as far as Los Angeles,
1479
01:31:53,050 --> 01:31:55,802
and the embassy
stopped issuing visas.
1480
01:31:58,138 --> 01:32:00,641
Did you ever call your mom?
1481
01:32:01,808 --> 01:32:02,976
She said to give you a hug.
1482
01:32:03,143 --> 01:32:04,728
Amen.
1483
01:32:07,481 --> 01:32:10,317
The peace of the Lord
be always with you.
1484
01:32:10,484 --> 01:32:13,111
And also with you.
1485
01:32:57,447 --> 01:33:00,284
Right this way, Your Eminence.
1486
01:33:03,870 --> 01:33:06,873
Well, you look reasonably sober.
1487
01:33:07,040 --> 01:33:08,417
Yeah, you know.
1488
01:33:08,584 --> 01:33:09,918
Try it on.
1489
01:33:19,344 --> 01:33:21,305
Sweet.
1490
01:33:21,471 --> 01:33:23,098
All right, sit down.
1491
01:33:23,265 --> 01:33:25,851
And according to tradition,
1492
01:33:26,018 --> 01:33:27,477
I am to be your first confession,
1493
01:33:27,644 --> 01:33:29,896
so let's see.
1494
01:33:31,356 --> 01:33:34,151
Oh, I stole a condom
out of The Virgin's wallet
1495
01:33:34,318 --> 01:33:35,902
last night while he was passed out.
1496
01:33:36,069 --> 01:33:38,989
I figured he wasn't really
gonna be using it, so...
1497
01:33:40,532 --> 01:33:43,577
This is the part
where I say you're forgiven?
1498
01:33:43,744 --> 01:33:46,872
Uh-huh. Are you sure
you're up for this?
1499
01:33:47,039 --> 01:33:48,040
It's hard shoes to fill.
1500
01:33:48,206 --> 01:33:49,207
You were a well-loved Pope.
1501
01:33:49,374 --> 01:33:51,752
Ah. Kiss-ass.
1502
01:33:51,918 --> 01:33:55,839
Well, I'm going to leave you
to your flock.
1503
01:33:56,006 --> 01:33:58,467
Some of us are heading out
to the Grand Canyon in the morning
1504
01:33:58,634 --> 01:34:00,260
for a little, uh, summer trip,
1505
01:34:00,427 --> 01:34:02,929
so, um, I won't be seeing you.
1506
01:34:03,096 --> 01:34:06,183
Have a good time.
Congrats on graduating.
1507
01:34:06,350 --> 01:34:08,268
Yeah, well,
1508
01:34:08,435 --> 01:34:11,563
nine years well spent.
1509
01:34:13,357 --> 01:34:14,358
Hey.
1510
01:34:15,484 --> 01:34:18,654
Um, I forgot to ask you something.
1511
01:34:19,780 --> 01:34:23,116
Can you come back in just a minute?
1512
01:34:34,419 --> 01:34:36,838
I need to say...
1513
01:34:37,005 --> 01:34:38,548
I'm sorry.
1514
01:34:40,509 --> 01:34:41,843
Sorry for what?
1515
01:34:43,762 --> 01:34:46,890
I'm sorry for what might have
happened to you
1516
01:34:47,057 --> 01:34:49,685
when you were younger.
1517
01:34:50,227 --> 01:34:51,645
The priest.
1518
01:34:53,397 --> 01:34:54,981
I don't know.
1519
01:34:55,148 --> 01:34:56,733
I'm just sorry.
1520
01:34:59,111 --> 01:35:01,405
I have no idea what you're talking about.
1521
01:35:01,571 --> 01:35:04,074
Can--Can you just sit back down?
1522
01:35:19,756 --> 01:35:22,426
There's a lot you don't know about me.
1523
01:35:25,053 --> 01:35:28,306
I come out of this subculture
1524
01:35:28,473 --> 01:35:32,102
that believes in God
1525
01:35:32,269 --> 01:35:34,312
and Jesus, the whole deal.
1526
01:35:34,479 --> 01:35:37,607
I came here to escape it,
1527
01:35:37,774 --> 01:35:39,776
because I was ashamed of it.
1528
01:35:41,278 --> 01:35:44,990
Well, you've done a hell of a job.
I'm very proud of you.
1529
01:35:46,491 --> 01:35:50,287
But it turns out that
I'm not just ashamed
1530
01:35:50,454 --> 01:35:53,206
of my strange church
1531
01:35:53,373 --> 01:35:56,460
or its political views
1532
01:35:56,626 --> 01:35:58,754
or all the hypocrites.
1533
01:36:03,300 --> 01:36:05,302
I'm ashamed of Jesus.
1534
01:36:07,804 --> 01:36:09,306
Is this gonna get weird?
1535
01:36:09,473 --> 01:36:10,891
Yeah, probably.
1536
01:36:12,934 --> 01:36:14,895
But that's the point.
1537
01:36:15,061 --> 01:36:20,442
L-I'm ashamed of Jesus
because I want you to like me.
1538
01:36:20,609 --> 01:36:22,986
I want you to think I'm smart
1539
01:36:23,153 --> 01:36:26,656
or sophisticated or whatever.
1540
01:36:26,823 --> 01:36:33,079
It's like Jesus is the geek
in the cafeteria sitting by himself,
1541
01:36:33,246 --> 01:36:36,333
and I'm the guy pretending
he's not my friend.
1542
01:36:37,167 --> 01:36:39,294
Miller, we're both tired.
1543
01:36:40,045 --> 01:36:42,214
You're The Pope now.
Do with it what you want.
1544
01:36:42,380 --> 01:36:43,590
That's not what I'm saying.
1545
01:36:43,757 --> 01:36:46,802
I'm talking to you as a person.
1546
01:36:51,139 --> 01:36:52,641
You and I both hate
1547
01:36:52,808 --> 01:36:54,476
those people who think they can do
whatever they want
1548
01:36:54,643 --> 01:36:56,186
because God is on their side, right?
1549
01:36:57,646 --> 01:36:58,730
Well, I'm apologizing,
1550
01:36:58,897 --> 01:37:03,360
because I'm the same as they are.
1551
01:37:04,444 --> 01:37:06,738
All that stuff in the Bible
1552
01:37:06,905 --> 01:37:08,365
about feeding the poor,
1553
01:37:08,532 --> 01:37:10,534
I've never done any of that.
1554
01:37:12,035 --> 01:37:14,788
God tells us to love everybody.
1555
01:37:14,955 --> 01:37:16,915
I've hated people--
1556
01:37:17,082 --> 01:37:19,501
my family,
1557
01:37:19,668 --> 01:37:22,587
folks back home I don't agree with,
1558
01:37:22,754 --> 01:37:24,422
idiot pastors.
1559
01:37:24,589 --> 01:37:27,551
I--I hated 'em
1560
01:37:27,717 --> 01:37:31,054
because I thought they made me
look like a fool.
1561
01:37:32,806 --> 01:37:38,895
I've spent the school year
trying to ditch God.
1562
01:37:41,523 --> 01:37:42,983
But I can't.
1563
01:37:44,860 --> 01:37:47,654
It's like He's following me around.
1564
01:37:50,198 --> 01:37:52,492
I'm confessing to you
1565
01:37:52,659 --> 01:37:55,579
that I'm tired of being a hypocrite
1566
01:37:55,745 --> 01:37:57,789
and a coward.
1567
01:38:00,625 --> 01:38:02,210
I need you to forgive me.
1568
01:38:06,631 --> 01:38:08,049
Do you forgive me?
1569
01:38:10,427 --> 01:38:12,929
I wouldn't know what
to forgive you for.
1570
01:38:13,096 --> 01:38:16,725
Do you forgive me
for misrepresenting God?
1571
01:38:16,892 --> 01:38:18,935
He isn't like me.
1572
01:38:19,102 --> 01:38:21,438
He isn't--He isn't afraid,
1573
01:38:21,605 --> 01:38:24,316
and He isn't a coward,
and He isn't a hypocrite,
1574
01:38:24,482 --> 01:38:26,067
and He isn't like
that messed-up priest
1575
01:38:26,234 --> 01:38:28,236
who raped you
when you were a kid.
1576
01:38:29,738 --> 01:38:32,282
I should have told you that
a long time ago.
1577
01:38:33,325 --> 01:38:35,410
Will you forgive me?
1578
01:39:03,063 --> 01:39:04,397
Yeah.
1579
01:39:08,610 --> 01:39:10,236
I forgive you.
1580
01:39:21,748 --> 01:39:23,917
It's good, Miller,
1581
01:39:24,084 --> 01:39:26,169
what you're doing.
1582
01:39:26,336 --> 01:39:27,963
It's a start.
1583
01:39:28,129 --> 01:39:30,006
You know, if everybody
out there in that line
1584
01:39:30,173 --> 01:39:31,174
gets the same treatment I did,
1585
01:39:31,341 --> 01:39:33,385
you are in for a long night.
1586
01:39:33,551 --> 01:39:36,596
Yeah, well,
so much to apologize for.
1587
01:39:36,763 --> 01:39:38,848
Maybe I'll start with the Crusades...
1588
01:39:39,015 --> 01:39:40,266
Yeah.
1589
01:39:40,433 --> 01:39:42,644
Then work my way through
to U.S. foreign policy.
1590
01:39:43,520 --> 01:39:44,521
Yeah.
1591
01:39:44,688 --> 01:39:46,690
You're gonna be here a while.
1592
01:39:55,865 --> 01:39:58,201
You really believe in all this stuff?
1593
01:40:01,121 --> 01:40:03,039
I think...
1594
01:40:05,917 --> 01:40:07,252
I do.
1595
01:40:18,763 --> 01:40:20,223
Then...
1596
01:40:24,310 --> 01:40:25,979
Dominus vobiscum.
1597
01:40:31,693 --> 01:40:32,694
My man.
1598
01:40:42,454 --> 01:40:45,874
Hey, guys, you are not
gonna want to miss this.
1599
01:40:46,041 --> 01:40:47,709
Come on, come on.
I'm sure that we got
1600
01:40:47,876 --> 01:40:49,127
a free space in line for you.
1601
01:40:49,294 --> 01:40:50,503
Hey, what's up?
1602
01:40:50,670 --> 01:40:52,172
Everybody in line,
saints and sinners.
1603
01:40:52,338 --> 01:40:54,674
Hey, hey,
there's a line, man.
1604
01:41:07,729 --> 01:41:11,066
I have something to confess.
1605
01:41:12,692 --> 01:41:14,736
- Your, uh--
- Wait.
1606
01:41:16,154 --> 01:41:17,906
I'm going first.