It's the year 50 BC,
All of Gaul is occupied by the Romans,
All?... No!
One small village of indomitable Gauls
still resists the invaders,
Under strict surveillance by the Roman camps of
Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium,
all these Gauls enjoy their peaceful days,
All?... Not quite.
This morning, one of them awoke well before the others,
Bon voyage, Telegraphix.
While Gauls may be indomitable
nobody said their hearts can't be conquered.☻
For several months, Lovesix's heart
beats only for Irina, Princess of Greece.
ASTERIX AT THE OLYMPIC GAMES
Princess, look. Telegraphix is back.
What did you bring me this time?
Ah!
This morning, Irina, I begin my long voyage
And your love, undoubtedly will guide my steps
Soon your eyes will finally see my face.
In three moons, my sweet. My heart is yours.
Three moons...
OLYMPIC GAMES SELECTION OF BEST ATHLETES You too can be a God of the stadium
Hello, is this the entrance?
- Back of the line. - Half-pint!
- Cool it! - Go sweep the stadium!
STAFF ENTRANCE NOW HIRING
Pardon.
Never! I'll never marry him!
Tut, tut, tut!
I promised Caesar! You'll marry his son Brutus at the closing ceremony!
You owe it to your people to make Roman occupation more bearable.
How can you, father,
who embodied the grandeur of our civilization,
submit to a tyrant's orders?
Look, Caesar rules the world. That's just how it is!
I won't marry Brutus
because I love another.
Yeah, your mysterious Prince Charming,
scribbler of syrupy parchments.
Oh... hey.
I fell in love with his words.
Oh!
The words of a poet
deeply engraved in me.
Apollo himself, couldn't make me forget them.
Maybe Brutus writes them.
Brutus is a valiant, virtuous, upstanding person.
An intrepid horseman too, I'm told.
Oh, yes!
Praetorians, halt!
Woah!
We weren't expecting you, oh, Brutus.
Tweety!
No. Gently, Tweety!
Easy! Easy!
It's nothing...
Slippery leopard skin.
Silenceus!
Have the groom quartered.
And have this filthy bird stuffed!
"I desire your heart as Caesar, the world
"Armed with my love, I launch my assault
"The lovey weasel, the delicious roebuck,
"The jay, the slow-worm, the marten
"All my woodland friends
"Dance the Farendole in my footsteps
"To shout as one with me...
"Irina!"
It's you?
What, him?!
It's meeee!
Brutus! Brutus!
We didn't expect you so early!
Traffic was light.
I was eager to meet my betrothed.
You didn't lie, Obnoxias.
She's splendid!
Brutus.
I didn't come empty handed.
Showtime!
Snazzy, no?
It's me and you. And a big lion.
Well?
Picture it at home. I let my imagination run.
And that's not all.
I know you like poetry. Luckily, I happen to be...
keen on it, myself.
I took the liberty of writing a few verses
to the glory of your beauty.
Hm!
Helmet!
Need nothing; want you,
Like I never wanted anyone.
♪ Don't need nothin', I want you,
♪ Like winter loves the autumn
♪ I don't need nothin',
♪ I want you, I want you, Don't need nothin', I want you
♪ Like love loves Verona...
Well, it's not... um...
- Ridiculous? - Ah, no!
Yes. Because I din't really feel it.
I didn't do it justice. I'll try again.
- No way! - Who said that?
Me.
My name is Lovesix.
Tsk, tsk, tsk ...
- What's your name?! - Lovesix.
I'm from the only Gaulish village, which still resists Julius Caesar!
No less!
I love Princess Irina and...
I want to marry her.
Who are you to defy Brutus?
A king's son? An emperor's son?
What herculean task have you accomplished,
to pretend the hand of a princess?
- I'll win the Olympic Games! - Is that all?
So what do I do now? Tell me 'cause I don't know.
Do I prostrate myself at your feet?
Dance the Sirtaki? (Zorbá's dance)
You're very amusing, little Gaul.
But I've had enough. Quarter him!
- No! - Waddaya mean, no?
- I accept the challenge. - What challenge?
I'll marry the winner of the Olympic Games.
What's this baloney?
A Greek King is duty-bound to wed his daughter to a man
as brave as the bravery which characterizes our people.
Well, that's me!
Two seconds.
Playing hard to get, huh?
I like it. I like it!
All right...
Roughly speaking, if that's my daughter's wish,
then it must also be the king's will, so...
- So, what? - So... SO BE IT!
I'm telling my dad.
No, Brutus, wait! He's just a tiny Gaul.
Clear off!
Hit the road jack-ass!
Your coat-check.
Force is stupid.
Why do you say that, Obelix?
It's stupid and nasty.
The wolf eats the lamb,
the shark eats the little fish,
the spider eats the fly.
It's always the nicest, who are weakest.
Force can be used to defend the weak. - Yeah...
But when I smack a strong guy, since I'm the stronger,
well, he becomes weak.
When the Romans attack, we're weak. We have to defend ourselves.
I think true strength is restraining your force.
I'll never be strong again.
- What's with that Roman? - Dunno.
I'll ask him.
Excuse me, Roman. Is someone chasing you?
We saw you scurrying so...
We thought a boar was after you.
Scurrying?! Waddaya mean?
I'm Gluteus Maximus, the fastest man in the Roman Empire!
True, you walk a bit quick.
Hey, I'm the strongest!
I've been selected to represent Rome at the Olympic Games, by Jupiter!
Scurrying!...
Catch that!
See, the instinct IS stronger than you.
Well, it's because of the tree.
Yeah, sure...
Without the tree, it couldn't have happened.
That's the problem with forests; you bump into a lot of trees.
Yeah.
Oh, Gluteus!
I get it, now. It's the wind.
The wind pushed you past me and uprooted the tree.
Absolutely.
I'm the strongest!
Do your damnedest, Gaul! C'mon, Gaul!
It's not nice to always want to be the strongest!
Aahh!
- I'm sick of being the Roman! - It's your turn.
No, I'm sick of losing.
- I'm Asterix, not a Roman! - Let me sock you, just once.
Lovesix!
Yayy!
Lovesix is back!
He's here!
Lovesix is here! Lovesix is back!
Caesar doesn't age.
He matures.
His hair doesn't whiten, it lightens.
Caesar is immortal.
For a long time.
Caesar has done it all, conquered all.
He's a leopard,
a samurai.
He owes nothing to anyone.
Not to Rocco nor his brothers
nor the Sicilian clan!
Caesar has the breeding of a Lord.
The César Award for Best Emperor went to Caesar.
Ave, me!
Woah!
Ave!
It's me, Brutus, Caesar's son. Open up!
The code?
29AJC48.
No.
Tenacius, the code.
- Which code? - The access code.
4.
7.
No, 1,000! 1,000! 1,000!
- Do you know the code? - No, he knows it.
Get lost.
A- V-E-U...
- 24! - Enough already!
You... don't move, whatever you do.
Stay in the crosshairs. I think you'll like this.
BATTERING RAM!
Ave, Caesar. Your son's here.
He knows.
Egypt has her 7 plagues. Caesar has Brutus.
Ave, papa. I'm back from Greece.
- Can we talk. - He's listening.
There'a a glitch. My wedding with Princess Irina is postponed.
Oh, it's... nothing serious.
That fat Obnoxias decided to give her hand to the Olympic winner.
That's why, I decided...
that I will represent Rome!
- Who? You? - Yeah, me!
- Ridiculous! - Why?
You're incapable of representing yourself!
Romans run faster than anyone...
- jump higher, throw farther. - That's me!
Caesar is a Roman. The world is well conceived.
No, your place is not in the stadium but in the stands behind Caesar!
Don't care, I'm going.
Caesar forbids you!
- ( Talk to my gluteus...) - By Jupiter, son, stop mumbling!
Always the same.
Whenever I have the germ of an ambition,
you nip it in the bud.
If Mama were here...
Aah! Stop it with your mother!
So be it. Alea jacta est! (the die is cast)
Wanna play the peacock? Wanna show your stuff? Go!
Go show your ass-feathers to the Greeks!
Papa!
Excuse me.
I brought you a souvenir from Greece, a bag of olives.
Sorry, son I have no tasters left.
Oh, go on, they're pitted.
May I remind you, since the start of this year,
your little snacks have cost me quarantasette (47) tasters!
Oh? 47 is rather a lot.
Nah, go for it, they're OK.
Go on, swallow it.
There was one too many leopards in this place.
Lovesix is back from Greece. Let's give him a welcome banquet!
Where is our great traveller?
Lovesix, what are you up to?
Go forwards!
Is that a Greek custom?
To marry the Princess, I must win the Olympics.
I'll never do it. I'd rather hang than live without her.
Lovesix, you're hanging by your feet.- True...
I don't wanna die, I wanna love.
- Win what games? - The Olympic Games, Obelix.
Games, held every 4 years, at Olympia.
Reserved exclusively for Greeks and Roman provinces.
We're Gauls, we can't participate that's the rule.
♪ So lovelorn he dangles
♪ The wrong end up, he'll sprain his ankles!
That's excellent!
No one's listening.
- I'll help you win your games. - How's that, Obelix?
- I have a heart. - Nothing to do with heart, Obelix.
- We're Gauls, not Romans! - We just disguise ourselves as Romans!
- Oh, yeah? How? - I'll cut off my moustache.
By Toutatis, we ARE Romans!
Romans? Since when?
Since the Conquest of Gaul by Julius Caesar!
We didn't fight at Gergovia for nothing, goldang it!
Calm down, Geriatrix, it's bad for your heart.
Asterix is right.
Officially, we're a Roman province, so we're Romans!
Kissy kissy...
We can participate in the Olympics? - Yes.
And win? - Yes.
And marry a princess? - Yes.
I'll go with you, to Greece.
- Why? - To sing my Gaulish Anthem!
Obelix, the 'strong', the 'weak'...
No, I just confiscated the harp.
Perfect, Asterix and Obelix will go with Lovesix to Olympia!
To teach Caesar a lesson in front of his whole empire!
I'll join you. If I prepare my potion on-site, it'll be more effective.
♪ We are Romans!
♪ We are, we are, we are Romans!
Magic potion?
A secret weapon! We must warn Caesar.
- Hey, new guy! - Huh?
You know what Caesar does to bearers of bad news?
Hmm, nice!
Gentlemen.
Not that way.
♪ Make like a bird and fly
- These Gauls are crazy! - Let's go.
- That's what I do best! - Magnifique!
Look at that hold!
Look at my abs!
My dorsals! My pecs!
3 pecs! What a eunuch!
- Your neck? - Eunuch.
Had to have him snipped. He'd party all night. It was exhausting
Seaking of which, I'm tired of talking about sports.
Easy, easy, I ache all over.
Remind me, how I did yesterday in the high jump?
12 feet, O great Brutus.
The long jump?
26 feet, O very great Brutus.
26 feet! I'm progressing. And the wide jump?
No such thing!
I need rest now. I'll sleep.
Silenceus!
Sing me something.
♪ Hmm, mm, mm...
♪ Brutus is magnificent
♪ Brutus is marvellous
♪ Brutus is heroic Brutus is generous
♪ He'd give gold to the needy
No, not the needy! Get real!
Count the push-ups.
♪ 596, 597,
♪ 598,
♪ 599,
♪ 600...
Ave, Brutus!
Ave!
Ave, Brutus!
In formation!... Tortoise.
Tortoise formation!
- That's no tortoise. - It is.
No, it's not a tortoise.
From a military point of view, it's called a tortoise formation.
Military point of view?... But from an animal point of view,
a tortoise is round, has 4 paws and a horriby ugly head.
THAT'S a tortoise!
I want it from an animal point of view.
Tortoise formation from an animal point of view!
Voila, now it's a tortoise.
- Ah! - Hm!
What formation are they doing now?
It's an... attack formation.
To attack what?
From the way they're positioned; to attack us.
Us?
Aah!
What is it?
- About the Games... - What about the Games?
If you want to win...
What do you think I'm doing?
Back to your training!
I mean, great Brutus,
you should run, throw, wrestle, yourself.
Hold on.
You...
- You gave ME an order? - Ah, no!
- Oh, yes! Yes, an order! - No, I don't think...
Silenceus, did he give me an order, or not?
Urgh!
Some days I regret cutting out your tongue.
Was it an order, or not? Articulate!
Eh, yeah.
You gave me an order.
No big deal. No sweat.
"A fault confessed is half redressed".
Say: "Yes, I gave you an order."
-Y-Yes... -Yes.
I gave...
you... Ah, you!
I...
I gave you an order.
Well, there you go.
Hm? Haha!
You were scared? I'm not a monster.
Thought I'd have you quartered? Hahaha...
He thought he'd be quartered!
Throw him to the lions!
That'll teach you to give orders!
[ SORCERER, SOOTHSAYER ] [ SPELLS & ELIXIRS ]
I know what you need, o, great Brutus.
An elixir of my own composition.
I call it...
*EPO, Elixir Pro Olympics. (*Erythropoietin)
Mi obra maestra! [SP] My masterpiece.
Totally undetectable by the beetle* test.
And does it work?
Does it work?! EPO?
I'll turn your athletes into Gods of the stadium!
Silenceus...
Put it down.
I have my eye on you.
Tell me knave...
among all this junk, do you happen to have some effective
means of eliminating a guy who is, like...
the boss of everybody in the world, including his son.
And whose son happens to wanna get rid of him?
You want to kill Caesar?
Sh, sh!
Have you got anything, or not?
For Caesar, I don't have any-thing...
I have THE thing!
What're you waiting for? Go get it.
Come here, you.
O, Great Brutus, this is Coverdinpus!
An inventor of execution systems.
Remarkable boy! Very inventive.
You bullshitting me, or what?
Not at all. Never, O great Brutus.
A tia venia itor ome feh.
Karami nuvi, Karami nuva, Himili, himili, himili ha.
Rove tito henna!
Aahh!
Doctormagus, I'll use you in my next experiment,
you sack of shii... aah! Aah!
What's your name again, runt?
Coverdinpus.
-Coverdinpoo. - 's'.
Right, 's'.
I am Brutus.
Great Brutus. Evil Brutus. It depends...
My rules are easy to understand. If you make me happy...
If I'm happy I'll cover you in gold.
But if you disappoint me...
I'll have you quartered!
What do you suggest?
Well, it depends on what kind of death you wish.
Slow death, quick death, death alone at home...
agonising death,
death by poison...
No, dead. Dead. Simply dead. No accessories.
I was parched!
I think I have the solution.
- Dissolution! - What?
Dissolution! We dissolve him.
It's colored like bath salts, looks like bath salts,
smells like bath salts, but it isn't bath salts.
With this, the subject is dissolved in one tenth of an hourglass.
- Size of the tub? - 10m x 4m, standard.
10m by 4m...
4 grains. No more.
Is it a special event, wedding, a birth?
A retirement.
Runt, I'll see you at Olympia.
Let's go, Greece isn't just next door.
Ah, Greece! The Acropolis!
Azure sea... Aah!
Voila. Listen, I'll end with:...
"I drift endlessly among the orcs
"Your love rooted in my heart like the mighty oaks"
How do you manage to put words together so beautifully?
First, I need to eat, but not too much.
Then, I must forget I'm strong. Then the words just come.
You've made me hungry.
For a few days,
Rome loses its title of Capital of the Empire.
Converging on another city
are athletes and fans from the four corners of the world.
Champions of every province confront each other, strictly by the book
in celebration of the universal virtue of sport
in the heart of the majestic city which symbolises it:
Olympia!
Woah there, you two! Identification Parchments!
- Ave, Caesar! - Ave, Caesar, sure...
These Romans seem nervous.
With Caesar attending the Olympics,
they're enforcing the "Despot Security Act".
Despot Security!
Why add a new sport?
To shake things up! To evolve!
Modernize, you pathetic squares!
All right... you blow up a sheep's stomach.
11 athletes kick it around,
wearing short togas and sandals with cleats,
until the sheep's stomach is kicked directly into a fishing net.
What do you think?
What would you call this new discipline?
Well, I'd call it feet-ball.
- Ridiculous! It'll never catch on. - It might.
Excuse me!
We'd like to sign up.
You're in the wrong line. Spectators buy tickets over there.
Oh no, we're not spectators, we're athletes.
Yes. The Gallo-Roman delegation!
Athletes? You?
Well?...
Doesn't it show?
Huh?
Of course it shows. You imbeciles!
Get your portraits engraved, it's just on the left.
- Thank you - Have a nice day.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Ave, Papa!
Hold that.
Ave, Papa.
Let sleeping Caesars lie.
Excuse me, I just got in.
There was amphora-neck traffic at the Exit fom Rome.
All roads may lead to Rome, but try getting out!
How are you settling in with the Greeks?
Caesar is quartered within his own home.
Greece is part of the Empire.
Caesar is at home everywhere.
I have excellent news.
Look what I brought you from Rome.
What is it this time?
Bath salts. Such a marvel, you've no idea!
They soften the skin, relax you...
Y'know what?
I'll run you a bath so you can try them, right away.
From a little artsy-craftsy perfumery in Rome by the catacombs. Lovely place.
'Cause you see pop, you conquer and conquer...
And it's great fun building Empires,
but you no longer have time for the small local businessman.
And that's a pity.
This'll dissolve you, old man!
Maybe, a bit much.
Papa, don't let the froth bother you, it's normal!
It's part of the treatment.
Anyway, the water's too hard here.
That'll soften it.
Nothing more disagreeable than chafing in your cuirass, huh?
Right!
Father,...
may your bath be delectable.
Helmet!
Bath 'taster'!
Crap!
Do we have to train too?
Obelix, don't!
You'll discourage our competitors. It's not sporting.
Obelix. We know him!
In the forest... running... Gluteus...
- Oh, oh umm... - Gluglu...
Mus!
O-oh! Gluteus Maximus!
Oh, no, not the Gauls!
He fell off!
Woah! See you around!
That's them! The invincible Gauls I told you about!
We're screwed! We're *@¢#ed!
♪ Ma 'natu sole cchiù bell'oiné
♪ O sole mio, sta 'nfronte a te
♪ O sole, O sole mio,
♪ sta 'nfronte a te sta 'nfronte a te...
Brutus is busy, you can't enter.
Where's Brutus?
I have a message of the highest importance.
The Gauls are full of magic potion. They're invincible. We haven't a chance!
Ah, m-hm!
We'll be quartered!
Oh! Oh!
Here are the winners.
Not a good likeness.
If they heckle me, I'll have them quartered.
[GREEK commentary]
- She's lovely. - I know.
Ave, Papa!
Ave, me!
-Not bad, huh? - Yeah.
Pardon... Excuse me. Coming through.
Excuse me.
Yesss!
- What a voice! - Thanks.
- Are you a musician? - I'm a Gaulish bard.
Oh-my-god, I'm a bard too! I'm Cacofonix.
Yes, it's me.
Cacofonix? I know all your songs by heart!
♪ Armorica, Armorica...
♪ Gergovia, I love-ya
♪ My boyfriend's back...
No, that wasn't me.
I'm Francix Lalannex; a big fan of yours.
I'm a big fan of mine too.
I'm next. Is the EPO ready?
Fresh, this morning.
Great, let's go!
This stuff reeks!
It's not made to 'smell' good,
it makes you 'become' good.
Aah, hahaha!...
Doctormagus...
records will be smashed today!
Not bad!
First time I see him without armour.
Armour usually adds bulk, but in his case...
Gimme that!
OK, I mean, here's your abs...
Could be an action hero.
Guess not.
Look out, Papa!
Sure, you can't make an omelette without cracking...
You can't make omelettes. Who has time to cook, in sports?
OK, Papa?
Well...
I'm no athlete, but I think I'd like that.
- What? Spinning discs? - Yes.
-I prefer throwing hammers. -Really!
Go, Asterix! Go!
Show 'em what a Gaul is made of!
We're up! That's my village!
Go, Gaul!
Watch this.
It's the magic potion, see.
Magic potion?
It's all in the dosing.
It's all in the wrist.
- In the wrist? -Yeah.
[GREEK]
Well?... Huh?
Now, she can't applaud my show!
You're getting on my nerves, now. Cut it out.
I throw the javelin very well!
It's the run-up, I have problems with.
I told you the Gauls are invincible. The have a magic potion.
They can't be beaten.
What'd you say?
I said they're invincible.
No, just after that.
Uh... They can't be beaten?
No, between the two! What was that?
Uh... Magic potion?
The Gauls have a magic potion
and you never told me?
I informed your centurion.
Which one? Which centurion?
Point him out,
so I can have his tongue cut out.
Objection!
Contestation!
Protestation!
They're cheating!
J'accuse these Gauls of drinking a magic potion that makes them invincible.
And you took nothing?
That's irrelevant, because 'I' lost.
We'll proceed to the beetlyser test!
- Hah! - M-hm...
M-Meaning?
You take a beetle.
Like that.
And you blow into it hard.
Oh!
See? No reaction. It's negative.
Your turn.
See that?
OK, but I fell in the cauldron when I was little.
It's not a question of dosing, it's doping.
Show a little solidarity!
They didn't know they were cheating on purpose. - True.
The Gallo-Roman athletes are disqualified!
Bravo!
For using magic to augment their performance!
The winners of this event
are the team from...
Greece!
We'll meet again!
A single defeat can destroy what 1,000 victories have built.
With your Olympic performance
you're a disgrace to the Empire!
Listen well, Brutus, if you don't win these games,
you won't just lose your wedding but also your status!
Caesar will make you Procurator of the smallest province,
and the farthest, most barbaric one of the Empire!
You'll never again set sandal in Rome!
By Juno!
And by myself! Ave!
Don't care, I'll kill you.
What did you say?
Me?
Nothing.
Oh, yes,
Yes, I was thinking out loud.
It's been a while since I got Papa a gift.
Get out!
Your helmet!
Lovesix...
All is not lost.
All - is - not - lost.
All is not lost.
With or without the potion,
we are proud and brave. We are Gauls!
Look at them. Their muscles are 10 times bigger than mine.
What are muscles? Just decoration. Yeah!
Look at their bone structure! Same as yours!
Your skeleton's even a bit bigger.
Think of your princess.
EXACTLY!
Obelix is right.
Think of Irina.
Obelix will train you in boxing.
He's the ideal sparring partner, you can't hurt him!
Allez en guarde! Up, up, up!
Think of Irina.
- No! - Hit me harder.
- Go on! - Hard, go ahead.
Imagine he's Brutus.
Put your shoulder into it!
-That's right. -Your shoulder.
No, wait.
Asterix is right.
Lean into your punches with your shoulder, like so.
- Who asked you to hit him? - I didn't hit him. I demonstrated.
- No, you hit him! - No!
I illustrated your remarks with gestures.
Who asked you to illustrate my remarks with gestures?
Hah! Are we training him or not?
'I' train him. You do nothing!
Obviously, Mister Asterix gives advice!
Mister Asterix knows best!
Give your own advice, then...
if Mister Obelix is so clever!
No!
Don't feel like it, now!
So! You started without Cacofonix, hm?
Oh, such long faces!
Let's see some joy.
-You're all we need! -Cacofonix, what are you doing here?
Oh! I'm fed up with our barbarous village where talent is crushed with fists.
No, I'm finally in the City of Arts
to sing of your exploits!
- You can put away your harp, then. - Lovesix...
Don't say that, Lovesix.
Your chances are good.
You have a lover's heart which is...
much stronger than an athlete's heart.
Oh, what a lovely line! I adore it!
An athlete's heart...
a lover's heart.
An athlete's heart,
a lover's heart.
( Irina! )
Lovesix!
A kiss, when all is said, what is it? [CYRANO]
An oath that's ratified,
a sealed promise.
A heart's avowal claiming confirmation
A rose-dot on...
A rose-dot on... "
...on?
"On the 'i' of adoration. "
- The what? - The 'i'.
- The what? - THE 'I'!
- Anyone there? - No, nobody!
Lovesix, introduce me to the talking bush, please.
This is Obelix, my Princess.
Hello, Princess.
I'm just his mouthguard ... er, bodyguard.
Voila, my bodyguard. He's incredibly strong.
Really? Let's see.
No.
- Oh, yes! - No!
- Yes! - Irina, Irina!
- Jump. - No, Irina!
Princess!
Thank you.
It's the first time I've carried a princess.
Go for a little walk.
Dogmatix and I...
will keep a lookout.
Oh, you're in love, too?
Oh, what a lovely couple!
Oh, they're a lovely couple, too!
You gotta go back up quick.
I'll make you a ladder.
- Such a lovely couple! - Careful, Obelix.
I...
You...
- We... - Shh!
Yoo-hoo! My Princess!
Brutus!
My little feta-cheese!
My moussaka of love!
Woah, haha!
My vine leaf!
It's me, your future groom!
Sorry to bother you at this tardy hour but...
at the thought of your beauty,
a few verses came to me, and...
I couldn't wait to recite them to you.
When my body,
on your body,
heavy as a dead horse;
When my body no longer knows
whether it still exists
How I love you!
How I love you...
I always get stuck there.
Pardon me, I get emotional.
Prrum pum pummmm... hup!
Oh, haha!
( No, Obelix )
You naughty, little thing, you!
You see, Bucephalus? That's the Brutus Effect!
Something tells me, you'll trot home alone tonight.
Coming, my Princess!
I'm climbing with my strong... oh, hoho...
What am I saying? Your arms are stronger!
Let's not stop half-way, ma belle!
- I'm not decent. - Never mind!
I'll continue climbing the stairway to love!
No, Brutus, I'm in my nightie.
My little feta cheese!
Aah...
Bye-bye, Brutus.
Go for it!
Has anyone ever sung in a stadium?
Sure, The Rolling Stones.
Ah, my friends! Come in!
Excuse my modest tent.
A Bedouin welcomes guests even under his camel's belly.
A Mesopotamian proverb.
Ah, yeah...
Surprise!
- What's that? - It's a little giftt.
You know what we call this in our professional jargon?
Corruption!
Haha, such big words! No, it's not corruption.
Corruption is like, giving you money.
So what's this?
This... is gold.
A gift of gold.
If it's a gift, it's impolite to refuse.
No, Mr Brutus! You got the wrong person!
Honesty, probity, ubiquit...
Gentlemen, follow me.
We've heard enough!
- Hey, fart face! - Huh?
I have another proposition.
Hm?
What if I had you quartered?
You and your two stooges. Hm?
We'll take the gold, huh? - Yep. - Yeah.
We'll take it right away.
Boys, for the wrestling event, I won't need you.
I have a secret weapon.
You'll see, the wrestler that all of antiquty will envy!
The strongest man in the world !
He fears neither fear nor pain.
He KO's 5 oxen every day at breakfast!
He crushes coconuts with his hands to extract the juice!
A fighting machine! A mountain of a fighting machine!
I call him Humungus!
Come, boy! Come on, kid!
Come! Come on, baby!
Come to papa!
Hey? Who's a bad boy?
Don't make any sudden moves, it can spook him.
Oh, he's a feisty one!
Grrr!
Who's my feisty boy?
Hey, tough guy!
Calm down!
A little anecdote:
we had a little difference of opinion. Nothing serious.
Anyhow, I wanted to have him quartered. But get this...
my boy's so strong in the joints, that...
the 4 horses were torn in two from the effort.
Come on, you can't beat that!
Right, Humungus, huh?
Ungawa! Ungawa!
- Has he eaten? - Three times.
Good.
The action is out there.
Go, Humungus!
- Crush'em! - Ungawa, andale!
Athlete's heart...
Maybe we should give him a drop of potion.
Rome: winner!
- Who's the man? - Brutus!
Next!
Let's go!
This crowd!
This ambience!
Finally an audience worthy of me!
I must sing!
You'd better not!
Just a drop...
What's wrong with you two?
Obelix, we don't cheat!
Cacofonix, we don't sing! Is that clear?
Rome: winner!
- Yayy! - Shh!
Excuse us.
Excuse us for being better.
Caesar finds these games quite pleasant, finally.
As for the Gaul,
reduce him to purée
and I'll cover you with gold. Gold!
You're an animal. AN ANIMAL! GO, GO!
How about this? Yes, maybe?
Fine, OK.
Come, Lovesix. You're going to win!
Let's go! Go for it!
You'll see!
Go on!
For Irina.
Lovesix! Don't worry I'll invite you to my wedding with the Princess.
I hope you have the decency to invite me
to your funeral!
-Turn around! - What?
- Behind you! - Behind you!
On your feet! Get up!
Good for him, he took the fewest punches.
Rome wins by default!
Excuse me.
Brutus: winner!
Hah!
Asterix!
I'll eat you alive!
That's not allowed!
What's he doing? Look at him!
But, he's cheating!
Oh, I'm exhausted!
What?
Got a problem?
M-hm!
Brutus: winner!
No problem.
Hah!
It's hopeless.
Even when he loses, he wins.
Well? Julius...
You happy?
Huh?
Some victory!
It's a lovely thing; Rome's grandeur!
Brutus will win the games
but thanks to his tricks, they'll mock the Romans to the ends of the Empire.
- There was no trickery! - Tut-tut! I'm talking to Papa.
Julius Caesar will become
Olympic champion of laughing-stocks!
Do you want him impaled? Devoured? Cut in two?
Such audacity, little Gaul!
You dare to defy Caesar!
Very rash of you.
Others ended up in lions' bellies for less.
Well said, Papa!
If I were you, I'd have him quartered!
You say Rome cheated?
You say the public is disappointed?
Know this, little Gaul; Brutus is not Rome...
and that Caesar has always respected
the will of conquered peoples.
- Ave! - AVE!
You want a test of valour and courage?
Without potions or corrupt judges?
YESSS!
You want blood...
sweat and tears?
YESSS!
Then, Caesar annuls all that happened so far...
and decrees that the winner...
will be whoever wins the last event...
the chariot race!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Are you done!
Bastard!
Whatta-ya got?
All right, since Caesar is in love with his reflection,
his image will be his downfall.
How's it work?
Just a normal mirror, except, in the frame there are...
poison darts.
When the chosen person is presnt before the mirror,
the reflection triggers a mechanism that releases the darts,
Instantaneous death.
Instantaneous?
If you set it on Instantaneous Death. You can also set it on Agonising Death,
or Death Alone In His Room, or Death...
Yes, yes, yes. Help me put it there.
Doh!
Papa!
How's it going?
May I present,
- Coverdinpoo... - "s"
J.C. -- Julius Caesar, my father.
( Ave. )
Coverdinpoo is a mirror maker.
He made your gift.
Coverdinpoo, tell him about your gift!
Yes, you made it,
You'd be best to describe it. No?
Ave, ave.
O very great...
O, immensest Caesar!
Ave, me!
On your feet!
Well, you see, o Caesar, it's...
It's a mirror.
But not just any mirror. Because...
what is a mirror to Caesar?
Since, Caesar...
is beauty itself?
But not just any beauty! Not beauty...
but 'Beauty' at its most beautiful!
I said to myself, a mirror cannot
reflect an image more beautiful than Caesar's beauty.
That's impossible since Caesar
is the most beautiful!
- Impossible, right? - Impossible.
Then again, it can't reflect back to Caesar a reflection less beautiful than
Caesar's beauty, even to humble itself in Caesar's presence,
but, because it would insult Caesar's beauty.
And that's why I decided
to create a mirror that would send back a reflection...
( Oops, pardon. )
which would be a perfect reflection of Caesar's beauty.
Something like a...
- Like a mirror! - Like a mirror!
Voila, like a mirror, Papa! A mirror, you know...
to look at yourself, Papa.
- Shall I uncover it? - Yes, uncover it.
I'm not worthy to be reflected in this mirror.
I'll leave you with your Caesarliest reflection.
Father, may this modest mirror...
bring you eternal serenity.
- Ave, father. - Ave.
( Come on, look at yourself. )
( Come on, you're the fairest of 'em all. )
( Go on. )
( Go on! )
( Go on, go on, go on, go on. )
Mirror 'taster'!
Ave.
♪ J'ai perdu la tête
♪ Depuis que j'ai vu Suzette
♪ Je perds la raison
♪ Chaque fois que j'vois Suzon
Listen, what we should do is abduct their druid
and oblige him to give us his magic potion.
Oh, yeah? How do you intend to do that?
We're not even allowed to cheat anymore. It's a rule.
Anybody ask you, hm?
Silenceus, did we ask him?
Ah! So zip it!
Shut-yer-trap!
What's your angle?
An elixir of invisibility.
To kidnap Getafix during the druids' convention.
Gluteus Maximus, drink this.
The thing is... I've got a bit of a liver problem.
Aww!
That's too bad! Must be painful, no?
- A bit, yeah. - I quite understand.
Aargh!
- Better now? - Much better.
Swallow it.
It's not working.
Now, go, Gluteus Maximus.
Go and... fetch!
No, no, we'll go with him.
And now, here is Numeric
from the Black Forest.
My dear druid friends, dear colleagues.
I invented an elasticity potion.
Can I get 4 burly druids to assist me?
Oopla!
Now, pull. As hard as you can.
Pull. Voila, pull!
G-Go on, pull. Don't hold back.
Good. Voila!
That's what I call elasticity!
Remind me of the plan again?
Here's the problem. The druids vs. us.
In geodesic relief, we spread out.
We corroborate, more or less.
And we localise.
And that means?
-It means... -OK.
It's very simple. Topographically, all we need to do..
Cut the crap! Gluteus Maximus, fetch him!
All right, you can let go, now.
-Ah! Oh! -Woof!
What's wrong?
He's crowding me.
Honestly! Come here, boy.
Asterix! Obelix!
Asterix, Obelix, my friends!
Getafix has been taken.
An invisible force has kidnapped your druid!
during our convention!
Kidnapping a druid? What an age we live in!
An invisible force? Are you sure?
As sure as I'm looking at you.
Obelix.
If we get Dogmatix to sniff something that Getafix touched,
do you think he could find his trail?
I thought he was crowding you!
Mr Dogmatix, Mr Asterix apolgises.
All right, now?
What should he sniff?
Find Getafix!
Go on.
What's he doing, now?
He's asking his pals, which way.
Down!
He's found it.
- I'll stay here. - Good idea.
I need to be rested for my audience.
The man would go no doubt, but the artist needs his rest.
Pardon.
Dogmatix, good! Come here, boy.
Yes, Gauls?
My friends, it was time you got here!
Getafix, did anyone hurt you?
They want me to make potion I said I needed bat's spit.
If I keep stalling, they'll torture me.
Hurting a druid! And for potion, of all things!
Give everybody the potion!
That way they'll all be equal, and I can participate!
Obelix...
You're a genius!
Since the Romans are so eager to have this potion,
we'll give 'em some!
-That's what I'm talking about! -Good idea, Asterix!
Silenceus, it's the first time I've seen anyone get beaten up by a bat!
That druid better be cooperative, or I'll have him quartered.
But then he can't make the potion.
That's true.
The guards!
The tent!
The druid!
There, what did I tell you?
He made his magic stew.
He got scared and cracked. Druids are cretins!
Why did he leave us the cauldron?
I dunno why he left the cauldron!
He's in a hurry, he drinks some, knocks out 2 guards and runs off.
I'd do the same. - Hey!
It's surely a trap.
You're right.
Gluteus.
Me? Why not him?
Fair point.
Hey! You thirsty?
No, I'm fine.
Oh, yeah? Go on.
Well?
I feel nothing.
Thump someone.
Who?
Not him.
You!
Why me?
I've been itching to do it for a while!
Me too.
No, Coverdinpus...
No, not with that, you'll break it.
Yes! Yes! It works! It works!
We have the magic potion!
I'll win the Olympic Games and much more!
I shall become...
Master of the World! Il maestro del mondo! [IT.]
Il commendatore. (Knight Commander)
[ GO GERMANIA ]
The sand is damp. It'll be a sloppy track.
What are you doing?
Whispering to the horse, you never know...
I put on wheels with a 5 groove tread pattern.
I think you'll get better traction.
Seems like a good strategy. We'll beat them.
OK, let's go.
Voila.
You want them gone, but...
it's not easy to make these critters disappear.
You can eat them.
Yeah, no. Um...
It's OK for them, but not me, 'cause I'm the boss. So...
-Can we negotiate? -No!
Go ahead, eat up!
No, no. You first!
Me?
Your turn.
C'mon, c'mon! Shut up and eat.
Disgusting.
- Not bad! - Pretty good.
May the sand in the stadium...
turn red...
with the blood of the losers!
Ave, Caesar!
That's it, Papa. Enjoy it while you can.
Look how happy he is!
It won't last.
Lovesix!
That's gotta hurt!
Hey, Greek!
Check your axle!
I 'tweaked' it before the start!
Ciao!
Aw! This is just not possible!
Good, Michael. You're a tenth of an hourglass ahead
Mas rapido! Haa! Haa!
Go, Lovesix. You're the best!
Lovesix! Lovesix!
Was it a good idea giving the potion to Brutus?
Patience, Obelix...
Patience? But now, Lovesix is last.
Mas rapido!
What? He's ahead and he stops?
Yeah, maybe someone changed the rules.
It's all on the line now, guys.
Jean, I need more traction.
OK. Put on the dual traction wheels!
No more pit-stops. It's all up to you, Michael.
Yaah! Yaah!
Let's go, guys.
3 tenths of an hourglass. Good work, guys!
How's your rod? Alright?
Can you lend me some parts?
Bye-bye, fat Teuton!
Cheater!
Impossible!
Look, ma, no hands!
Call this a chariot race?
I call it a circus. Lamentable!
I'm noting it down!
Prepare the emergency horses! Hurry!
My beloved!
Brutus!
Irina!
What?
What the?...
It's just to encourage him.
Thanks, Jean!
Obelix...
- Obelix! - What?
- Stop that chariot! - Why? It's empty.
Exactly! Come on, just do it!
Hold him!
Perfect!
Yaah! Go, my babies!
What's he up to?
Don't you understand me?
He can't beat Lovesix!
"Iberian chariot". Anda, siii!
Hey, Lovesix, who's her champion now, huh?
Yaah!
Stop!
Whoa!
OK, go!
Is that sheepskin?
He's not here. Where's Dogmatix?
Oh, excuse me, Obelix, I was with a fan.
Dogmatix disappeared!
It's not my fault! I didn't even sing!
Dogmatix?
Praetorians, the race'll be over, soon. So, what's our plan, again?
The podium... us...
Infiltration. Encirclement. Formal caution...
Like we rehearsed, I say: "You are under arrest!"
Who? Us?
No, not you!
Brutus?
Not Brutus.
Lovesix!
Lovesix, jump!
Don't forget, it's important to 'finish' the race! - Yes!
Thanks, Asterix!
Obelix! He's over there!
- Where? - There!
Dogmatix!
Now that's stronger than puppy love!
- Seems kinda serious. - I'll say!
It's a plot! With Caesar arrested, Brutus takes power
and covers me in gold.
And us?
Hmm...
No, I don't recall anything about you guys.
C'mon!
Did you hear that? A plot against Caesar!
Gluteus Maximus!
Get me loose, moron!
Gently!
See you, Brutus!
Piss off!
You'll be farting fireworks! Open up!
Good stuff, huh?
This'll pep you up! Go!
C'mon, take it. It's good potion!
-Go, Lovesix! -Go, go, go!
Los jetzt! ( Come on, now! )
Yaah1
Hah!
BRUTUS, BRUTUS, BRUTUS...
Louder! I can't hear you!
Brutus!
[ WINNER ]
Louder!
Voila!
Brutus won the Games.
And Greece won a prince.
Caesar is happy.
He finds these games very entertaining .
They may not last 2,000 years but...
you must admit they're entertaining. - Thank you
Everything's going well.
Objection!
Contestation!
Protestation!
J'accuse Brutus of using a magic potion
which gives superhuman strength!
What?
Me?
'I' cheated?!
You've lost your marbles, little Gaul!
Brutus needs no magic potion to win!
First, I can't make magic potion.
Second, I don't know any druid who can make magic potion.
And, third, I won. So, zip it!
So, zip it!
A Greek princess may not be betrothed to a cheater.
I demand that Brutus take the beetlyser test!
Who asked her to butt in?
Gladly, my myrtle-berry extract.
I'll submit to any controls you wish.
Hm!
Sacrilege!
The beetles have disappeared!
Aww... bummer!
And I was so ready and willing, and all....
Really, Brutus? It turns out, we don't need the beetles.
Our druid coloured the magic potion
to trap cheats like you!
That's why your horses' tongues...
are blue!
Like yours!
A blue tongue? Absurd!
Ah, no! Get serious!
Brutus?
If you want my hand,
I order you to stick out your tongue at me.
I couldn't, ma cherie. It'd be too rude.
Brutus!
Better than that!
More!
Long live the Gauls!
♪ We are the champions!
Couldn't you have told me?!
♪ Up, Gaul!
That's the last straw!
Mr Brutus, no hard feelings, huh?
The main thing is to participate.
Hey, whiskers, not now, OK!
Ah, Mr Brutus, some men are plotting against your papa!
- Romans! - Dressed in black!
Maybe we should give him a hand.
You, do, have whiskers. I never noticed, before.
You are under arrest!
Oh, yeah, Papa!
Unlucky at games, lucky in succession!
- It was Brutus' plot! - Now, that's...
Caesar's dead! Brutus is born!
Long live Great Brutus the First!
Seize him!
I said, seize him!
Tenacius, seize him!
Nice games, huh? Very relaxing.
When I said, "Seize him"...
I was joking. I meant, "Help him climb up. "
Oh, yeah?
No, that's not a slap, Mr Caesar.
Who asked you, fatso?
Permit me.
That's a slap.
Thank you, Gaul.
Render unto the little Gaul
that which is the little Gaul's.
The race and the Olympic Games
were won by the team
of Gallo-Romans!
Thank you! Thank you, people!
King Obnoxias being a man of his word,
Irina and Lovesix's wedding is held in Greece,
with the whole Gaulish village present
who made the trip for the occasion
as did the upper crust of all antiquity,
Voila, 3 - 2!
Edifis is here!
Obelix!
- I ' m glad to see you! - My friend!
What a pleasure to see you!
Getfixed!
Great to see you.
Edifis!
-Hamsterixm! - 'ix'.
- ixmm. - You said it wrong!
I dunno, I...
You look handsomer than last time..
-No, stop it! -It's true. I swear.
Good to see you.
Me too, I hear you won the Olympics.
Yes! Let me tell you...
We started with the potion.
Then, they said...
Mrs Geriatrix - Edifis.
- He's Cleopatra's personal architect. - It's important to stipulate that.
-Hello, Edifis. -Hello.
Hello, ladies.
Friends, please!
Leave it to the professionals please.
Um, may I present a fellow bard.
You'll see, he's great.
Francrix Lalenix.
Hey, Olympix!
Give him a triumpal welcome.
♪ My love!
Gentlemen, let me present
the new prototype of feet-ball.
I've done all kinds stuff.
I built the Taj Halal.
Heard of it? It's in Papua.
-What's in it? -Nyanya, nya?
What's in it? There's nothing in it.
It's a sheeps belly. It's circular...
The Tower of Peas, for example
I did that. OK, it din't turn out too well, but...
It's a concept.
-It's like... -It'll never work.
I can build a cockpit for your two friends.
Not funny?
It'll never work. To hell with your "It'll never work"!
You'll see if it works.
Hey, Asterix!
Huh? What did I tell you?
That is good! It's called bucket-ball.
You're a sportsman?
Yes, of course, on several occasions.
Show me what you can do.
OK.
With the ball.
OK...
Does it excite you, when I do that?
- Rather not, - What do you mean?
What do you want?
- Zidanis, how long have we been cousins? - Way, too long.
- You're Egyptian, like me. - I'm not Egyptian.
You dressed me in this Egyptian crap.
I bought you nice hair. Like it?
Yes, I like the hair.
That's thanks to me.
You're bustin' my pyramids.
No, you're bustin' my pyramids! I'm working on something big.
It's always something big with you! And we get the crap.
I found this... and I'm keeping it.
"And I'm keeping it"!
Tough luck!
Oh lala! Look, isn't that Olympic, huh?
Amazing what he does with his feet!
It's like he's done it all his life.
He's sure not about to retire!
Hey, Gramps?
Want it?
There you go!
That's good!
Hold on. I'll call it hands-ball.
Edifis! Good to see you.
Can I have my ball?
Look, Michael Jordanus.
You're risking your health doing that to me!
Please, mister, can I have my ball back?
So, are you sure we were a hit?
A 'smashed' hit.
Stop sulking.
- Yes or no? - Yes.
Gimme a kiss!
- No, people can... - Kiss!
- They can see us. - I said, kiss!
- I'm Edifis. - Now!
Now!
There!
Not bad at all, these Olympics, huh?
Yeah but, not as good as a boar hunt.
Hey, Brutus, you were supposed to cover us in gold.
But we're covered in chains.
I never said that. You misunderstood me.
Silence!
Caesar needs calm...
to appreciate his imperial reflection.
Hey, you two!
Row faster and no chatter!
You too, my son.
Ave, Papa.
Ave, me.