What the fuck are you doing, Connor?
One of these creatures of all
depending on what doesn't work for their ancestors of Darwinism,
there's this moth that looks like bird shit
blending in its environment.
Why would you wanna blend in?
So you don't get eaten.
You know, let's not go to Tahoe for our honeymoon.
Um, okay. Where do you wanna go?
I don't know Let's go crazy!
You now, I wanna get away from all these people.
Oh, I know. Let's go to Cancun.
Cancun?
I love you. You're a genius.
Yo, you're a genius.
We should go.
I can't just leave him here.
Hey, man. Ooh! There you go.
Thank you, sir.
You have your life in the hands of a gentleman.
Oh, boy.
Everybody's talking about you, Connor.
Not only are you about to break the time record
for the youngest marriage in the entire world,
but you're also really, really tall.
Then really, really good looking.
Thanks, man.
I wanna be you, Connor.
Carlos, don't you know how to balance your liqueur?
You don't always have to be the drunk guy on the couch every time.
Touche.
What?
Hey, Connor. Hey, man.
Great speech.
Thanks. I'll see you in the summer?
Yeah. Um...
Thank you for helping me pass calculus.
Hey, Churchill. Bakowsky.
Let's go.
So long, suckers. I will see you in ten years.
Connor?
Connor.
Yes. Sorry. Didn't mean to ignore you.
Hurry up, okay?
Okay.
Crissy, finish getting ready!
I'm getting married in half an hour. You're not even dressed.
I'm gonna be late for your brother's wedding! Funeral.
The damn thing was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago.
My son is about to miss his wedding.
You know, that girl that you wanna call your wife,
hm, she takes advantage of you.
That may be true, but she also happens to be the woman of my dreams.
And four years is probably long enough to know that someone's the one.
Oh, and also I'm in love with her, so...
Hold a second. Connor, a big package
Not now, Dad. I'll take care of it later.
Am I the only one in this house who does the dishes?
there's actually a wedding this evening.
They're all dealing with their own Kate issues.
I can't believe you're getting married.
I can't believe you and Kate haven't had sex, yet.
Before I did Berkeley. You know what that means?
That means 700 horny college freshmen
lining up to give sweet, sweet fellatio
to the only valedictorian not wearing a pocket protector.
Don't know about whole this wedding generic crap.
Don't get me wrong. It sounds really romantic
for a six-year old girl.
I love her, Travis.
It's important for her to wait until we're married.
Then it's important to me.
I think that's what love is.
In theory, that sounds great, but, uh...
I believe you gotta test drive a car before you buy it.
Anyway, I'm sure she'll turn out to be a Ferrari in bed.
The shy, quiet ones always surprise you.
Mom is pissed. Dad started drinking, but the limo's finally here.
Oh, you guys look nice.
It's the point of no return, bro.
Don't worry. I'll learn to like the bitch.
We are here today to celebrate the union of two people
whom I have watched grow from kids
into responsible young adults.
Love is a spiritual gift based on a foundation of trust.
It is trust that will bind these two hearts.
In the presence of God and family and friends it is time we move forward.
Wait.
Excuse me, Father. I know this is a bit untraditional, but...
I would like to, uh, take a moment to say something
about my beautiful bride.
It just can't wait.
I can't think of anything
that I want more than to share my life with you.
From the first moment I met you,
I knew that we were soul mates.
Just this morning my Mom was commenting
on how special our relationship is.
Where in the hell is he going with this?
We have so much to look forward to in this life.
Finding a house, finishing school,
raising our beautiful children.
And exploring all that life has to offer together.
I have tried for so long
to find the words to describe my feelings for you.
An impossible task until this very moment.
Honey, what are you doing?
Kate, I have decided
to give our family and friends a gift.
Everyone, under your seats is an envelope.
Would you open it, please?
Under there, Kate, is a gift I want them all to have.
Travis, here's one for you.
Oh, shit.
I now know the words I was looking for.
Fuck you.
And fuck you.
Well, thank you everyone for coming.
Please, enjoy the rest of your evening. And the bar's open outside.
I'm off to my honeymoon.
Thanks again.
I'm sorry, Connor!
Stop it.
Connor, wait.
That was, uh...
Fucked up?
Yeah. Are you okay?
Yes. Yes, um, amazing.
I feel fantastic.
Is everyone in shock?
That's putting it mildly.
You made Mom's night.
So, you're leaving?
What are you gonna do?
I don't know.
I just think it's time I did stuff for myself.
I need some distance to give me perspective
or I'll go crazy if I stay here.
I'll send you a postcard, okay?
Tell mom and dad I love them.
I will.
Oh, by the way, it's okay to hate the bitch now.
What time does your next time leave?
Well, sir, the next flight we have leaving
is to Managua, Nicaragua, in 90 minutes.
That's not anywhere near Cancun, is it?
Stop!
Stop? Ha, not in Managua.
Oh, God!
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Senor, senor, break, break, break!
Where're you from?
Senor, stop. Stop, stop, stop stop, stop, stop!
Hola?
Okay.
I have no idea of what you just said.
Fuck.
Oh, God help me.
Hi. Checking out, please.
Thank you very much. It's a lovely place.
Oh, okay. Thanks.
Are you sure the room has running water?
Okay, great. Uh, gracias.
Hm.
Hey, you must be the American guy. Welcome to Nicaragua.
Yeah, hi. Thanks.
Just be very careful with your valuables
'cause it's really easy to get robbed here.
You know, a group of us are going tonight to Marcelo's, so you should come.
Okay. Yeah, great.
I see you tonight?
Yeah. Bye.
Wow, tourists! That's an encouraging sign.
Where're you from?
The Netherlands.
The Netherlands? Wow. That's, uh, that's far.
Hi, I'm Connor.
I'm Vopka. And this is Sandra.
Hi.
So, how do you like Managua?
Uh... well, I just got in last night.
We're gonna go check out the city. Join us.
Really?
Oh, come on!
All of it.
Fuck.
You know what? Here.
Take the last of it.
Hey, who's the new guy?
Oh, that's a new friend. Connor.
Hey.
Hi.
This place is packed. What's the occasion?
It's Wednesday.
Yeah, um,
Could we have a bottle of Johnnie Walker black label, please?
No problem.
So, Connor had a stretch of bad luck today. Someone broke into his room
and took his wallet and all of his cash.
Which is probably fine. Now I get to seminar with the gringo way.
I guess that's one way to mingle with the laicos.
So, where are you off to next?
Uh, I don't know, actually. Haven't really thought that far ahead.
If you're planning on spending more time in Central America,
you should probably improve your Spanish.
You can tell I don't speak Spanish?
Well, I speak like a little tiny bit.
My mom's Bolivian.
Your mom is from there and you don't speak Spanish?
Ooh, that's sad.
Ooh! It's going to be a good night.
It's too late. Somebody already beat you to it.
What else do you have?
Who's... Hello.
Hi, Mum. It's Connor.
Connor! Connor, are you okay?
Yeah. Everything's great. I'm safe and sound in Nicaragua.
Are you drunk?
Nicaragua? Wha... What happened to Mexico?
Shh.
Connor, what's going on? Are you stupid or what?
Are you doing drugs? Oh, my God, my son is doing drugs!
Connor. Hey, buddy.
Sorry for waking you guys up.
Oh, no, it's fine. It's all right.
Did I hear right? Nicaragua?
Couldn't get myself to go to Cancun.
It was Kate's idea, anyway.
But it's cool here, though.
People are great. The city's beautiful.
I've met some nice girls from Holland.
Dutch girls? That's nice.
He's making friends.
What was that?
Uh, a car backfired.
It wasn't a gunshot.
Al right. Don't tell Mom, but I got robbed today.
You got robbed?
What? He got robbed? He got rob...
What the hell are you doing there?
Why did you have to end up in Nicaragua?
Are you all right? Are you hurt?
Mom.
Connor, listen to me now.
Mom, put Dad back on the phone.
You going to the airport right now. Get on a plane and come back home.
Are you listening to me?
Connor, when did you start taking drugs and alcohol, huh?
Where did I go wrong, Connor?
Where did I go wrong? it was all your fault.
Connor. Boy, buddy. Your Mom is just overreacting.
I am not overreacting! I never overreact!
She never overreacts. Tell me what happened.
I don't know. I took all my money. I put it in the mirror in the bathroom.
I guess some locals broke in and stole it while I was gone.
Then I even managed to get pickpocketed somehow during the day.
I don't what happened. I was so damn careful.
They're very crafty down here.
Dad, I'm thinking of coming home.
What do you think?
What did he say?
I don't know, Connor. You've never run away from anything before.
Why start now?
I mean, my advice is go back and have another drink.
Have another drink?
While I was growing up and something happened, good or bad,
I just had another beer.
What are you doing telling your son to drink?
It's a tragic flaw. No one, Connor.
If you decide to stay, I can always send you money.
I can wire you money. I can send it to AMT card.
It's all very flexible.
All right. Thanks, Dad.
Listen, tell Mom I'm fine.
Calm her down. I'm not in drugs, okay?
Yeah, you know you aren't.
I love you. I'll call you tomorrow.
I love you, too, son.
Bye, Dad.
Chicky, chicky, chicky. Chicky!
Where's my room?
Hey, where have you been?
I have had one of the most amazing days of my life.
Weeks for that matter.
Where did you go? We were looking for you all night.
Oh, really? I'm sorry. I just...
Uh... I had to clear my head.
Listen, we were really worried about you.
I'm so sorry you two.
Hey, thank you so much for today. It was amazing.
One of these days I am gonna find a way to thank both of you.
There might be a way you can thank us now.
Gracias.
Did you see this?
Great news out of the Darien.
"The guerrilla captors released three Englishmen
who disappeared earlier this year while trying to cross the jungle. "
Do you imagine a year of captivity?
In Darien? No good. No good.
No good.
That's the easy part.
The hard part is the constant pounding of the rain during the wet season.
The swamp rot you get from wet socks
and bugs the size of my fist.
Christopher Loren.
Connor Layne.
Sorry to interrupt your conversation,
but kind of sparked might interest.
Well, seems like every bar I got to there's a traveler with a story.
What's your story?
Well,
do you see that lady right there?
That's my beautiful wife, Darlene.
In three days we're gonna hike the Darien Gap.
Going for a world record.
The Darien? Are you crazy?
Everything I've heard about the Darien is no good.
Yeah. If we want it safe, we'd still be back at San Francisco
and I'll still be a broker.
Don't you wanna do something with your life, Connor?
You gonna hike through the jungle to make a road?
What about river crossing?
We'll build a bridge.
Stop it.
We fit as much equipment as we could into the jeep.
And then if need be, we can stop at this village on the way with the Kunas and...
Choco tribes.
They'll take us in.
Isn't that gonna take forever?
Our goal is 388 days.
We definitely couldn't do it alone. That's why we have help.
A little bit unruly, but they'll get us through.
We are short one man.
You can come with us. Work for us. Get there for free.
You can't be serious.
Oh, he is.
I just start Berkeley in four days.
That's a great school. Love the big game.
Me, personally took a year off before college.
I don't know if you've hear of it. Santa Monica Community?
Great school?
Oh, yeah, amazing.
Seriously though, we are light one man
and honestly, you're perfect.
But, you know, if you have the whole school thing, I understand.
Wait. No. No, that's crazy.
Thanks for the offer, but definitely not for me.
But best of luck.
Son 7:00 A. M. The Bridge of Americas.
Plane leaves promptly.
I said I'm not going.
I know. I heard you.
Seven A. M.
See you in the morning.
I'm not going!
Uh. Great. I need a taxi
to the airport in the morning.
International.
Seven A. M.
Okay.
Okay. Gracias. Hasta luego.
You were right, baby.
Oooooh!
How big is the Darien again?
Over 125 miles of impassable jungle.
Think of it like this. More people have reached the summit of Mount Everest
than crossed to the Darien.
Great. That's good to know.
Don't worry, Connor. It'll be a walk in a park.
This is the village of Yabiza.
Where the Pan American highway ends and the jungle begins.
This was a paramilitary stops to pick up small arms.
So do the guerrillas, better known as the FARC.
The revolutionary armed forces of Colombia.
They both own factions of the jungle.
The problem is, is that Panama
claims that they own most of the Darien,
but the Colombians claim the same thing.
There is a saying. You enter the Darien by your own hand,
but only God's hand can bring you out.
I'm fucked.
Mayday!
All right, bro. This is it.
This is camp. You ready?
I hope so.
Go with them.
It's a known fact that sex if better speaking in French.
Just the way it rolls up the tongue.
Even "I wanna fuck you" sounds good in French.
Now, say it in Swahili. I guarantee a slap across the face.
You're pathetic.
Thank you.
You're the new guy.
Yeah. Just fooling with Chris and Darlene.
Did Chris give you that, uh, "if not us then who" speech to land you here?
Mm, no. No speeches.
I guess besides my battered Visa card
and anticipation of adventure, I just felt like helping out.
All Americans wanna be like Indiana Jones.
And judging from his age, he just wants to piss mommy and daddy off.
Which, uh, trust me, kid, it will.
Right.
So, anyway.
225 people each year die from coconuts falling on their heads.
All right. This is everybody. You've been introduced?
No, not yet.
Long hair Pocahontas right here.
That's Taylor "One Ball" Jones.
Yeah. Forget Don't worry about it.
Over here is Justin.
We call him "Two Dogs. "
Trust me. It's way better what they first started calling me.
Do you have any idea how
embarrassed they were when they brought this Canadian chick
and everybody got calling me "Ass Vomit"?
Carlos is the Spaniard over here. We call him "Bullet. "
And this is Anna. She'll introduce herself.
I'll be back.
Anna and Bullet.
When Carlos first came here, he was with his girlfriend.
And that was the name she screamed out
when she stormed out of the tent half naked. And never came back.
People here call me "G-spot. "
I'm Connor. Nice to meet you all.
So, what's your game plan while here in the Darien?
My game plan?
Well, my strategy, I guess, for chopping through the jungle day after day
is turn myself into a zombie with no other thought on my mind besides the next step.
With that attitude, you should become Road Kill in a matter of weeks.
Road Kill?
For starters is not bad.
Road Kill it is.
Woo! Jesus Christ! What you doing? Try to burn your way to Colombia?
Yeah, I wish. Keeps the bugs away.
And the snakes.
And the jaguars, wild boars,
poisonous tree frogs, vampire bats, monkeys, etcetera, etcetera.
Don't worry about the boys. Okay? They'll get used to you.
I'm not worried.
Yeah, you shouldn't be. They're total practical jokers. You'll see.
I'm really happy to have you here.
Aw! What the hell was that?
What's the matter, Connor? Can't handle a bug bite?
One Ball is out of his fucking mind.
What's up, boys?
I don't get it.
One day. The fraternity boy's already playing victim for attention.
All the gringos are the same shit.
I'm a gringo, Bullet.
Yeah, but you're a good gringo, Chris.
Why they grow all fucking gringos?
Mh-mh. No. You don't call me that.
I didn't come to the jungle to be a fucking gringo.
Not a gringo. No gringo.
Oh, okay.
Gringo.
That's a good one. Nothing so much you can handle.
Thanks, G-spot.
You know, I think I rather you call me Anna.
I don't know why. I guess...
I guess you just seem too innocent, I suppose.
I like Anna. Fits you better.
You don't really look like a G-spot.
Not that I would wanna know what that is, or,
or what it looks like, even. 'Cause I'm sure you have several...
So, where're you from? Why are you here?
Aw! Fucking mosquitoes, man!
I swear. It's a fucking Bermuda Triangle here.
The GPS is acting up again, and we're still in the civilized part of the jungle.
It always acts up in the rain, baby.
That's fantastic. It only rains 365 days.
That's funny?
Yeah, it's a little funny.
Well, as far as I could tell,
it's gonna take us about two months to get to
It's about 26 kilometers which is 15 miles.
Are you excited?
Yeah.
You seem more nervous than excited to me.
It's just beca...
It's just because we spent our entire life's savings.
We start tomorrow.
I know. It's nothing a jungle sex can't cure.
I have a good idea. Why don't you come over here
and eat me alive before the fucking bugs do.
Jesus! Not again!
Oh, my God. Oh, dear, I don't get it.
Yeah. Come on, you're too muscular.
This is the perfect solution.
Goodnight, boys.
You fucking kidding me?
Hello, girl. Come out and meet your new roommate.
Sh. Sh.
Let me see.
Oh, my God.
Little Geraldo.
Hey! Road Kill! Come on, man. Hurry up.
Jesus! How long does it take you? It's been like ten minutes.
Come on, man. I gotta take a serious dump.
Road Kill, man, if you don't hurry up,
I'll come in there and I'm gonna squeeze it out of you.
When we get back, I swear to God you better go see a doctor about this, man.
This isn't helping me.
How long does it take you to squeeze one out?
Good morning.
Hey, you guys got me good last night.
Very sneaky.
This is our first day. I think we should take it light.
Maybe do about a quarter of a mile hiking.
Hey. How did you sleep last night?
Terrible. Dreamed a tarantula crawling in my mouth.
I heard you met Geraldo last night.
Cute, isn't he? He's our mascot.
That's your mascot?
That hairy, fucking fuck spider's your mascot?
That sense of humor
Oh, my God.
So, I'm gonna take, I'll take the lead.
You go after me. And then you guys stay together.
And you take the rear.
I'll take the rear.
Let's go!
My legs. I can't feel my legs.
Every day can't be that hard.
I'm so tired.
It has to get better.
A spider!
It's so sad when you're too tired to laugh.
When I first got here,
I couldn't tell the difference between a phone that was ringing
and a busy signal.
And the ringing, they sound like they're busy.
And when they're busy, they sound like they're ringing.
What's up with that?
Make sure we stay to the left to this tree.
I just love how everyone defines a great plight around here.
They define it by using negatives.
Like you were on a great flight.
If you didn't crash, you weren't hijacked
or there weren't wild animals on the plane.
When the flight's horrible and you ignore the signs,
I'd let you know to step off the plane.
I gave the hint when the insurance machine is sold out.
When the captain asks all the passenger to chip in for gas.
When the captain yells at the ground crew to get all the cows off the runway?
When a guy pulls out a gun on a plane
just demanding to be let off.
Doing good.
Thanks.
Don't move.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck? You gonna shoot it from there?
Don't move. I can't get any fucking closer.
Can we talk about this, please?
Freaking damn snake!
What kinda snake is that?
Oh, my gut's telling me not to tell you, but it's a Fer-de-lance.
The world's most venomous snake.
Credited with more human fatalities than any other reptile in the world.
Oh, my God. I think I'm gonna be sick.
Looks like you discerned your first lesson of the Darien, Connor.
Always let someone else go first.
Okay, babe.
We got about 50 feet of road for ya.
How are you doing on the flat tire?
Almost done. I'm on my way now.
AEO.
And checkmate.
So, boys tell me you're pretty good at chess.
Well, if by good you mean undefeated,
yeah, I'm good at chess.
Mind if I give it a shot?
Please, be my guest.
Are you homesick?
Nah. It's strange, though.
I'd be halfway through my first semester right now.
You know what they're learning.
You having regrets?
No, not at all.
It's funny to think that I've learned more in the past nine weeks
than I did all through high school.
About myself, anyway.
That's good to hear.
Uh, checkmate.
How is this lesson?
Look harmless. They'll never see you coming.
Looks like I'm undefeated now.
Enjoy your night.
Go, go, go!
This must be Devil's Switchback.
I thought the last ridge was Devil's Switchback?
We've gone two miles in three weeks?
Fuck!
"Defucking" moralizing.
How worse can it fucking get?
Devil's Switchback is seven miles of vertical terrain.
That, which we just walked up, is a fucking hill.
That can't be right!
There's not a path to be seen.
I thought we'd find some kind of path, but nothing.
Can we do it another way or not?
Everybody stop fucking bitching, all right?
All set! Good to go.
You guys thought the last 20 feet was tough?
You're gonna love this one.
Lock it up.
It's locked.
Watch out, you guys!
Look like it's gonna hold?
Oh, that is just beautiful.
Only 12.9 miles to go.
Now, rinse and repeat 700 times.
I don't know.
What happened?
The clutch is slipping.
Come on!
Bullet, get out of the jeep! It's not gonna hold.
Get out of the jeep!
Son of a bitch. Get out of the fucking jeep.
Bullet, get out of the jeep.
I'm stuck.
Oh, shit!
Connor!
Connor. Connor!
Guys! Connor.
Guys, now!
Hi.
Hey.
Welcome back.
Way to go, hero.
You gave us quite a scare.
How're you feeling, bro?
The jeep okay?
You have a twin?
Ooh. Yeah.
We are not screwed, right?
It's hard to say.
The axel's fucked?
Show's over, guys.
Remind me why we're doing this 'cause I'm starting to forget.
You know what we need?
We need a fucking peptalk.
Two Dogs, throw our leader a beer.
Come on, we're all working for food here. Give us your best speech.
Speech.
Come on, speech.
I'd say about, I don't know, eight years ago
I picked up a copy of the Guinness book of world records.
I stomached through it and I, uh,
I saw something that caught my eye.
It was the longest paper clip chain ever.
It was eight and a half miles long.
Now we know you're fucking with us.
No. No, I swear to God I'm not.
I know it sounds stupid, but it was, it was memorable.
How about being remembered as a great father or mother?
I mean, why must something so
extraordinary make someone more memorable?
No, you're right, Anna.
Being a great father is a much better way to be remembered.
I can almost promise you that there will come a day in your life
that will blow you a fucking away.
It will suck all the air out of your lungs
and it will paralyze you.
Two years after my divorce,
my ex and I would perform this like routine operation.
Called it "kid drop. "
That day, uh, my baby was crying the whole way
because she had forgotten her polar bear stuffed animal
at my place, you know.
I... I was running out of time because her mother was waiting,
and, and, and I just...
I couldn't go back and get it.
So, we get to the gas station and I, uh,
I hand Julia over to her mother.
Julia gives me this really big hug goodbye.
And I, uh, I just didn't really think anything of it, you know.
I leaned over and gave her mom a kiss on the cheek.
And then we had this, like, really awkward glance
that it's like, Jesus Christ, look at life life now.
So, three miles from the gas station
a Police chase ensued.
The fugitive driver ran the intersection.
Hit my wife's Explorer and wrapped it round a fucking signal light.
They were both killed instantly.
Just another fucking ordinary Wednesday.
Only this Wednesday
two people that I loved dearly were taken from this Earth.
The only thing that matters in life
is about the people that you love.
The hugs. The kisses goodbye.
The actions that we...
we even don't think about.
This trip reminds me that I'm still alive,
and that I should appreciate every moment
that Julia couldn't.
The Darien is for her immortality.
Every inch that we go through this jungle
and every fucking breath I take
is for my angel.
To immortality.
Cheers, baby.
Yeah.
Look out, guys.
Now, like just one beer.
One beer.
Connor, will you join us?
They're still tiny.
Hola.
Uh, Two Dogs, can I borrow the guitar?
Okay, little ninos,
this is what is known as an oldie but goodie.
# Why are there so many Songs about rainbows #
# And what's On the other side #
# Rainbow's are visions #
# But only illusions #
# And rainbows have Nothing to hide #
# So we've been told And some choose To believe it #
# But I know they're Wrong wait and see #
# Someday we'll find it #
# The rainbow connection #
# The lovers The dreamers And me #
# Who said that Every wish #
# Would be heard And answered #
# When wished on The morning star #
# Somebody thought of that #
#And someone Believed it #
#And look what It's done so far #
# What's so amazing #
# That keeps us Star gazing #
# What so we think We might see #
# Someday we'll find it #
# The rainbow connection #
# The lovers The dreamers And me #
#All of us Under its spell #
# We know that is Probably magic #
# I've heard it too many Times to ignore it #
# There's something that I'm supposed to be #
# Someday we'll find it The Rainbow Connection #
# The lovers The dreamers And me #
Hey, Connor. Could you give me a hand with something?
Yeah, sure.
It's about to rain, and I need to cover the jeep.
Okay.
I liked your performance.
It was wonderful.
Thank you.
Unfortunately I only know two songs on the guitar.
I used to love that song when I was a kid.
Mm. Then I made the right choice.
Well, that depends.
What was the other song?
In The Navy by The Village People.
Good choice.
Come on, man.
It's bullshit!
What the fuck is so funny? Who did this shit? I swear to God.
Baby.
Hey, baby!
I'll tell you, One Ball.
I swear to you, One Ball. If you fucking did this, I'm gonna beat your ass.
It is impossible to get off.
Impossible!
Somebody needs to take it easy!
Oh, get, go!
You thought that was hilarious, huh?
Except the look on your face, uh, yeah, kinda.
Please. You really need to pull off a great practical joke.
I expect that from One Ball.
But you, Connor, are better than that.
Really? Well, wise master,
please, teach your able pupil the art
of pulling a distinguished practical joke.
Okay, smartass.
The first thing to pull off a really good practical joke
is your need an easy target.
Someone who's oblivious to the situation.
That's right. You need a joke that has a set up,
time elapse, and then the person following through with the entire stupid act.
Not everybody can pull that off.
They gotta believe what you're saying. The more ridiculous, the better.
One of those things where they should've known better,
but they were too stupid to think it through.
And then when it's done and they finally realize that it's a joke,
they have that "oh fuck" look written all over their face.
And the "gotcha" is the cherry, baby.
Wow, you guys.
I need to keep that in mind. Thanks.
Yeah, okay.
That's the road to paradise that way.
Good luck to you.
Do you ever think about writing a book about all this?
Me? No.
I'm not that creative.
But you seem to be.
Actually, I was thinking maybe after this I could go to Vegas to be a dancer.
You don't think I have what it takes?
I think after this fucking trip, you could be the best dancer in Vegas.
But I think you'd be a better writer.
I'm not really sure if people wanna read what I write.
Come on.
an ending, right?
Something with a "gotcha" or an old fucking man.
I'm pretty sure that Darlene and I can help you out with that.
I know, and... What about you, guys?
Us? Shit, I don't know.
Probably go home and try find a job.
Thinkin about teaching.
Hopefully travel stuff.
Definitely it'll be travel stuff.
Hey, you know where I really wanna go?
Where?
To your mom's country. Bolivia.
I read a travel article.
Um, God. Was it like three years ago?
About the Ulti Geyser there. Have you ever heard of it?
No.
Apparently, it only erupts once every 63 years.
Sixty-three years?
Yeah, in an area called the Salar de Uyuni.
It's supposed to be spectacular. I mean,
a truly once in a lifetime event.
Anyway, it's said to go off on August 22nd.
Hopefully, over with the expedition
we're gonna check it out.
Anyway, that's my dream.
Baby? Come here.
What?
We talked about this already.
We can't afford to go there after this expedition.
It's once in lifetime, Chris.
What is this?
Yeah, whatever.
The whiskey's making my toes feel better.
I'm so tired of worrying how to keep our feet dry.
You really know how to bring all the romance.
It was a gift.
A big one.
So, there's this island I read about
just off the coast of Colombia called San Andres.
Yes, and I'm listening.
I thought we could spend a week together in paradise.
Then head south to Bolivia to catch the geyser Chris and Darlene told me about.
Well, my heart tells me it's a great idea. But...
Maybe you need to listen to your heart.
What are you doing?
Convincing my woman that even with swamp rot
I can lead her in a slow dance.
Who said I'm your woman?
Anybody want a beer?
I can't wait to taste a cold one.
Can you say how many warm beers we've had in 369 days?
Six thousand eighteen.
It's kinda hard to believe this is almost over.
What now?
I don't know. I guess we pack our camp. Fuck off and go home.
That's really depressing.
Why do we have 40 mosquito bites on one arm and three on the other?
I can explain that about as well as I can explain
why when you put away a real dirty piece of clothes in your backpack,
about week later it makes it to the bottom and all the way to the top
suddenly it's magically clean again, and doesn't smell bad.
Explain that to me, Batman.
It does smell. So you know.
I wonder if anybody is gonna care we did this.
Guys, wake up. We have a huge problem.
What?
Guerrillas are down the hill where the jeep got stuck.
Sh. Keep it quiet. Hurry up.
So, why exactly are we running for our lives again?
I guess they'll find us. They know we're here.
All we need is to stay calm, be relaxed and it'll be fine.
Six thousand people vanish each year in Colombia.
These motherfuckers will take us at a heartbeat.
It's not gonna happen. Not if I can help out, okay?
I'm gonna go talk to them.
No, Bullet. Stay here. I'm gonna go.
With what Spanish?
I'll translate for him.
It's better if we go as a couple. It's less threatening.
It's fucked up, man.
It's really fucked up.
He wants to know who owes the jeep.
He says we're lying 'cause there are no roads in the Darien.
No, no, amigo, no lying.
He says that he makes the calls. He's gonna take what he wants.
You want the fucking jeep? Take the fucking jeep.
No, hey! Doesn't have to go that way.
He's gonna kill her, Chris.
Bullet, tell him to drop it or someone's gonna die.
Okay, okay. Translate this.
Destroy a government corrupt against its own people.
And we save thousands of lives in Colombia.
You wrote that, Commander.
Are you still saving lives?
How do you know that?
I read about you in this book.
You inspired me.
Quite handsome in your younger days.
Holy shit. Not bad, Connor.
Yeah.
Can I try it?
Here you are.
I'm not even going to ask.
Cristina, what time did you come home last night?
Early. I don't know. Like, uh...
How about 1:10? You were ten minutes late.
It's funny!
Ten minutes late it's not on time.
Okay.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
What's the Darien?
"World record. "
That's Connor!
Who's that girl?
Where in the hell is he?
We, uh, have something we wanna give you.
Keep going, okay?
Okay.
We love you.
I'm gonna miss you guys so much.
Promise you'll come and see us in the States, okay?
We will. I promise.
Thank you both for everything.
No goodbyes. Go fuck yourselves, all right?
That is a speech I find inspirational.
We did it, gringo.
Thanks, buddy.
It's a pleasure, Connor.
Have a blast.
Well, you ready for this?
You're in a good mood.
Well, the 48-hour bus ride from hell is over.
We're about to do Machu Picchu.
I'm about to turn 20.
I'd say life is pretty, pretty good.
Twenty?
Oh, my God, what am I doing? Robbing the cradle?
You're still such a baby.
You love it.
How old are you?
Older.
Come on. Inquiring minds want to know.
Older.
Well, that explains that.
What?
All the women find me attractive.
I don't know what it is.
It must be because I'm suave, charming.
Yes, that's it.
And mysterious. A secret ingredient to a woman's heart.
I know you're thinking it's tough being me.
And you're right. It is.
Well, I feel lucky.
Well, then explain,
why the attraction?
There are many reasons.
I'm waiting.
Well, I'm sure you can be suave
and even passionate at times, but there are other things, too.
How you don't mind eating rice, fried chicken and tortillas for breakfast,
lunch and dinner.
How you love to go out off the beaten track
and go where no roads exist on the map.
I love how you look at the world around you.
How you see the good in people.
And you're not afraid to try something new and strange.
I love how you can stand back and laugh at what's happening to you,
no matter how much you're going through.
I feel safe when I'm around you.
Especially in your arms.
What scares me though is
I can't imagine you not in my life.
Okay, you stud,
why don't you come over here and show me something suave and passionate.
Oh, that's gonna leave the mark.
It's so cold. Hold me close.
Okay.
You know, I'm not being cute, but FYI.
What's that supposed to mean?
For your information. The secret to staying warm
is for both of us to be totally naked.
Really?
Yeah. It's all about trapped body heat.
Well, in Prague it's freezing at night.
I've never heard of doing that.
No?
It sounds like Prague would have a lot to gain from my wisdom.
I grew up camping.
Until my mom got sick of it and made us get a cabin.
That's not the point. The point is,
is all about keeping my woman warm and comfortable.
Do you need some help with your underwear?
It's my birthday.
Thank you.
Yes, I think you're right.
I can really feel the heat now.
You know, in Prague
this is how we say happy birthday.
Oh.
Maybe tomorrow
we should...
Oh.
How can you not have anyone waiting for you back home?
I did. Not any more.
Is that a good thing?
I broke his heart into many small pieces.
Three months before the big day, I freaked out.
Victor was so understanding.
He gave me some money and told me to travel.
Live a little. Think things over.
But then one country led to another,
and to another and another.
I ended up in Panama.
Met Chris.
Joined the expedition.
Met you.
And the rest is history.
For the fist time in my life
I had despair.
Hey, all done?
So, I was thinking we should start making a push for the salt flats.
We have five days. What's wrong?
There's no easy way how to say this.
You need to go home?
My father is not doing great.
My family misses me very much,
and I have so many loose ends to tie up.
Connor, I'm thinking about leaving in two days.
Wow.
I don't know what to say.
Have you ever thought about maybe checking out Prague or Eastern Europe?
We don't have to talk about it right now.
We have some time.
So, what are you hungry for?
Well, I took the liberty of ordering for both of us.
The Cuzco special.
It's to mass the taste.
Really?
Were you serious about me coming to Prague?
Yes, of course!
Okay.
I mean, I'm gonna come with you to Prague.
Are you serious?
Yes, I'm totally serious.
Oh, my God. I am so happy. Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Just have to send a few emails
and make a phone call. Then I'm all yours.
Oh, darling?
I'm gonna take care of all my stuff. What time does our flight leave?
At 7:00.
I was thinking we could meet at the water fountain in the plaza at around 5:00.
I'll arrange for a taxi.
I'm gonna do a little shopping. Do you need anything?
Uh, no, I'm good.
I'm taking my pack, so just check out when you leave, okay?
Okay.
Bye.
I love you.
I love you!
Gracias.
Hey. Everything done?
Uh, yeah. All set.
Great. This place was so worth the trip.
I'm gonna miss it.
I can't believe you're coming home with me.
Yeah.
Uh... I have to tell you something.
Is everything okay?
Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine.
I just... I just, listen.
I keep thinking of how people at home are going to work
or school or whatever they do.
And how they're missing out on all this.
I remember looking down at Machu Picchu during that sun rise,
and it was like heaven and earth existing all at once.
It's how I feel about you.
Every time I hold your hand
or I see you smile
or kiss you,
I feel alive and at peace.
And then there's this freedom that comes of being able to wake up
in any of the four corners of the world that I am addicted to.
The same way I'm addicted of being with you.
I can't find the words to describe this feeling.
All I know is that I'm 20 years old
and my life started the moment I left home and met you.
But I still have this...
this biting feeling
that I have so much left to do for myself.
And if I don't go and seek that out,
maybe...
maybe I'd end up regretting it for the rest of my life.
I can't go with you to Prague.
I'm so sorry.
I understand.
Only doing that maybe one day we'll meet again.
That will always burn your heart, Connor.
I love you.
Mastering the art of travel
is not accomplished with practice or talent.
No school will give you a bachelor's degree and not getting shot
while backpacking through Eastern Africa.
Or avoiding Montezuma's revenge on your trek through Mexico.
It's a way of life. Unknown to the majority.
It's almost impossible to convey to your friends back home
over the course of a single conversation.
It's more of a feeling.
It's the excitement I experience the night before a trip.
The high that comes with booking a one way train ticket
to a place I've never heard of.
It's the little things that so often go unnoticed.
I used to think back to my wedding day and wonder,
how did I get here? Why me?
And I'd remember all that I've seen and done.
The friends I've made. The countries I've called home.
And all the bugs I've eaten by accident.
Okay. Visa or Mastercard?
I think back to all of it.
Then I'd ask myself a deeper question. Why not me?
Why should I be immune to the lessons life has to offer?
I think life is all about how you let the bad days change you.
How much you take out of the experience.
Maybe it's not the secrets of life.
That works for me.
I wish I could say that this came to me in a moment of clarity
on the top of a mountain somewhere.
Unfortunately I stumbled upon it while buying countless rounds of whiskey
with the people I met along the way.
Wow!
Yeah! Awesome!
Yeah!
I made it!
Aw!
Funny how the most prolific moments of a man's life
can come from the places he least expect,
and in the small windows of time when you stop looking for them.
My dad was right. Just have another beer.
God. This place is amazing.
I feel like I'm on a different planet.
You guys missed it. I saw the Ulti Geyser go off today.
How was it?
It was amazing.
We're actually gonna check out the geyser tomorrow.
Why? The Ulti Geyser only goes off once every 60 years.
What are you talking about?
It's like Old Faithful. It goes off twice a day.
We gotcha.
Fuck!