0
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1
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Hey, this is Andrew Santino,
2
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,099
and here I am in my hometown,
Chicago, Illinois,
3
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,310
where I'm shooting
My stand-up comedy is special,
4
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,771
but before I do it, I want
to take you around my city,
5
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and I want to show gems
that people don't talk about,
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just the type of local goods.
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Hey, excuse me.
Can I go up?
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- No. < br /> - Good.
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Fair enough.
Chicago.
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[woman] Well, I have a meeting,
and I don't know you
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- It's okay.
I understand
- Why should I -
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You know,
That's a strange question to ask.
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You're right.
Now I think about it -
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In the city here, with all
crime and everything,
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- just go in and go up?
- You're right.
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The best city in the world,
baby - Chicago
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Boom, local place -
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Willis Tower, in the corner,
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of course,
from Jackson and Wacker.
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Now, Jackson and Wacker are
famous for Andrew Jackson
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and because the person used
was hit.
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Right below me,
the Chicago pool,
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00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,725
a beautiful piece of water
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People are swimming here.
The Olympics are training this.
25
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,355
Jordan is actually in
prints when they form it.
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They broke it, pulled it out,
put it back
Blast.
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00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,152
Here it is
on Circle Wiener, bro -
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the best hot dogs on Chicago
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And they treat me
like me from here
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Come on in. Hey, let me
Get a hot dog, ladies.
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- How do you want it?
- You know how I want it, man.
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00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,664
What, until your ass
or under your throat?
33
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Come on, order correctly,
pussy lips
34
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Let's get together.
35
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Before continuing this tour,
I will drink.
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Ah, double fisting.
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City Chi is a drinking city.
Everyone knows that.
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Ah, beer for the crew,
beer for the crew,
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beer for the crew
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Cheers, you guys.
Applause.
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00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:44,229
Okay, we planned it better.
We will never get there.
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You want to know more
about Chicago, Google, okay?
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Enjoy the specials.
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Applause.
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[applause and applause]
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Women and men,
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This gives me pleasure
to introduce you
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to my grandson...
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Andrew Santino
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[applause and applause]
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♪ hip-hop music ♪
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♪
53
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We succeed.
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We successful.
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Yes.
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Chicago, Illinois,
my hometown, how are you
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[applause and applause]
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Yes.
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Crazy.
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That's my grandmother, dude.
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Yeah, that's the best
things in the world
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Grandma took me.
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Surrender
for Mary Garrity, man.
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[applause and applause]
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Applause.
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00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:04,142
Cheers for you.
Applause.
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My grandfather,
who died, used to say -
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00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:10,524
A waiter will take it
water, and he will say,
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00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,734
"What is that?"
And he will say, "This is water."
70
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,987
And he said, "I'm thirsty,
not dirty, so drink a drink."
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So cheerful for my grandfather.
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Ahh.
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Here it is, Chi Town.
We succeeded.
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We came a long way.
Here.
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00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:29,084
I am very happy to be back
in this city
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I go home.
It's amazing.
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I feel the vibration again.
Do you know what I mean?
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00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,923
I walk around < br /> around the lake
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I'm listening
for a conversation,
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00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,344
two people are arguing,
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shouting at each other
with a Chicago accent that thick one.
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You know that...
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00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,017
[Chicago accent]
Ah, Chicago.
This is Chicago.
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[normal voice]
"A" s ahs.
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00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,354
Chi-cah-go.
And Ts is Ds.
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00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:54,151
Arrives in Chi- cah-go.
Do you know that?
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00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,528
"A" s, ahs, T, Ds,
everyone is racist
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This city is very good.
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What a city.
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00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,452
I heard two people fighting.
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00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:05,871
Two men fight,
only in a verbal argument,
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00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,289
no there is something bigger than that,
93
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,207
just arguing,
and one person leaves,
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00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:12,878
"Do you know what?
Why don't you suck my dick?" <
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00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:17,757
And other people leave,
"Pfft! You suck my cock."
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00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:21,678
And I'm like, "Hey,
sucking each other's penis, man. "
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00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,264
It must have happened
struggling to see, huh?
98
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,640
Come like,
" You bastard. "
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00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,309
Ahhh.
100
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:30,061
Finish him.
Finish him.
101
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,900
We have to stop
say like that
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00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,485
People have to stop
say like that
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Because the girl will
start believing it
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00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,238
It has a negative connotation
when you say that
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You go, "Suck my dick."
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We say negative.
107
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:44,910
Suck my dick.
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00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:48,121
You say it like
it's a bad thing
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That's the best
In the world.
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That's the best
It happened to me.
111
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,128
We have to say it well.
You have to go, "Hey!
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00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,882
"Suck my dick, please,
if you have time.
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00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,175
" If not,
that's no big deal.
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00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:03,094
I will like it very much. "
115
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,473
I'm proud to be
from this city
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00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,683
I like this city.
I miss it very much.
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That's where my family is.
My family is still here.
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00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,605
It's nice to go home to home,
look at my parents
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They're getting older,
that's weird
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00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:17,067
That's a difficult thing,
to see your parents grow older -
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00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,485
like, honest old,
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00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,111
You know when your parents
say bad luck
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00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,613
that when you were little,
You're like,
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00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:25,075
"Oh, you never used to say
like when I was little."
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00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,535
Like, my mom was like, "Alright,
I'll leave home.
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00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,204
What will you do
during the weekend? "
127
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,872
And my father is watching TV,
128
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,750
and he turns around, and he goes,
"Eat steak, watch porn."
129
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,505
I appreciate honesty
from that person, very sharp.
130
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,214
I appreciate that.
131
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:43,009
Tell me the truth, man.
132
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,511
They are increasingly old.
Do you know what I mean?
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00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,847
They grow old, but I like it
about these people
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00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,974
They're fantastic.
They lift me up.
135
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,225
I mean, that's right
raising me correctly
136
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I don't know
Maybe not.
137
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,981
I grew up here
in downtown Chicago
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00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,232
for half my life in Chicago.
139
00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,151
In the second half, we moved
to the western suburbs right?
140
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,069
We moved to the suburbs
Because my sister was born,
141
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,321
and my parents like,
142
00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:04,823
"I won't
fuck up two of them
143
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,825
"We can't do that.
Very good.
144
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,577
We'll mess it up.
It's okay. "
145
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:11,246
We moved west
suburbs, you know,
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00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,664
to try to live better
From all of us,
147
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:16,001
But, like, I'm still aware of
Sometimes how, like,
148
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,836
My mother used to love
with us subtly.
149
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,254
Like, my mom is crazy.
150
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,672
She's a crazy person
in the best way,
151
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:21,673
but she will, like,
Put it in
152
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:24,426
Like, my parents
Somewhat religious right?
153
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,052
You know, I mean,
Types of Irish Catholics
154
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,512
Do you know what I mean?
155
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,431
Like, rather,
Do you know what I mean?
156
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:32,809
They're like,
in a hot tub maybe
157
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,438
But he used to do this.
158
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:37,856
He used to make me say,
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00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:41,151
every night
before I go to bed,
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00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,152
"Now I lay me down to sleep."
161
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:44,863
Do you know that?
Does anyone know that?
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00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:46,364
I used to have to say this.
I had to repeat it.
163
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,491
I would say, "Now I lay me down
down to sleep
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00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,327
"I pray to God
my soul continues,
165
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,245
" and if I die before waking up,
166
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,457
I pray to God
my soul to be taken . "
167
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,334
I would say that before going to bed,
168
00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:01,838
really
fucked-up things...
169
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,674
for a child to say with a loud voice.
170
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:12,015
If I die before I wake up?
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00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,184
I'm six.
172
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,646
I'll die
in the middle of the night,
173
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,982
and God will leave my body,
take my soul,
174
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,734
but be like,
"Good body, leave the body.
175
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,321
It's okay.
Leave."
176
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,823
What is happening?
177
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,450
Crazy people.
178
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,329
I love him.
He is the best in the world.
179
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,039
I have the mistake of an Irish Catholic.
180
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:38,541
I have so many Irish Catholics
Guilt when I was little,
181
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,210
I used to flip a coin
to determine
182
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,545
whether I would do it or not
masturbating that day
183
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,756
Huh?
Do you think I'm kidding?
184
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:45,924
I'll take a quarter
185
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,967
I'll go,
"Chief , yes, tail, no. "
186
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:48,927
I'll turn it over, I'll get a tail,
187
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,929
and I'll go,
" Ah, the best two out of three.
188
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:54,766
We have to go again.
Let's see what happens. "
189
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,227
He doesn't defeat me, never wins.
190
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:00,939
That's how heavy my guilt is.
191
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,692
Seriously, that's how it is, like,
in my head
192
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,486
about that God-being-watching-you
type of item
193
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,363
Like, my mother used to let us
not lock the door
194
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,281
She opposed it.
195
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,325
He's like, "You don't lock
the door inside the house.
196
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,244
" If you lock the door
inside the house,
197
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:17,372
that means you're do something
you shouldn't do it. "
198
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:21,459
Yes, that's why
we locked the door
199
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:24,129
Don't come here
I pulled my body.
200
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,464
Get out of here.
201
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,384
Leave me alone, miss.
202
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:30,927
That's how I realized it
203
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,721
The person who found the key
inside the house
204
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,265
it must have been discovered
masturbating by his wife
205
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,100
one time too much
206
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,893
He's sick of it.
He's sick of it.
207
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,437
He's like,
"Do you know what?
208
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,481
I'll put the key
inside the house."
209
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,774
He's like, "Michael,
what are you doing?
210
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,317
"We have the
key on the outside of the house
211
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:48,486
" to keep the criminals
from entering inside
212
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,697
There are no criminals
in this house. "
213
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,323
[laughs]
214
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:55,118
Yes, there is, Karen,
215
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,121
and they robbed me < br /> from my freedom
216
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,165
Let me draw
on my body in peace.
217
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,586
Leave me alone, Karen.
218
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,924
Anyway, I like being
from this city,
219
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,177
and now I live in Los Angeles,
California.
220
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,845
I live on the other side of
from this big country.
221
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,472
I like it out there.
222
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,973
It doesn't matter.
This is my second home
223
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,183
It takes some getting used to.
224
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:22,020
It's a bit difficult,
but the difference is, like,
225
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,105
when I go home,
You know, like,
226
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,107
What my mom wants to do is talk
about, like, the weather.
227
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,233
Like, that's a big thing.
229
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,862
Is it good like this? "
230
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,030
It's like," Yeah,
it's better than this
231
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,532
That's why I'm out there.
What are you talking about? "
232
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:36,201
It's always better.
It's always better.
233
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:37,827
This is
There are many things
it's not better,
234
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,871
but the weather
will always get better,
235
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,207
and he likes to zoom in
"feels like a" meter.
236
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,875
You know what it is
237
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,251
The news.
238
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,712
The news person likes it,
"This is 62.
239
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,715
Feels like 68."
240
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,217
That is the hope of the Midwest.
241
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:56,387
That is the hope that is circulating
on your body
242
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,681
This is the biggest lie
ever told
243
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,475
Who "feels like a" guy?
244
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,644
I want the job.
245
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:03,812
If it's work,
I want it tonight.
246
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:07,941
I'll drop this nonsense show
and go do it tonight.
247
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,568
Men "feel like" -
The biggest show ever.
248
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,071
Here in the studio ,
This is on the barometer.
249
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,531
We will go live
for Andrew Santino
250
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,450
Andrew, how does it feel?
251
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,785
How are you doing, news team?
252
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,419
Like 67.
Return to you.
253
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:32,048
Back to you guys.
This is good, really good.
254
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,884
This is crazy, man, because
the weather here is very fluctuating.
255
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,928
Like, when I'm back,
you are never surprised.
256
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,097
Like, you have never been surprised
by something in Chicago,
257
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:40,765
But, like, the I feel bad
when I come back
258
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,058
is homeless.
259
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,184
I always feel bad
for homeless people here, man
260
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,270
Like , I don't feel bad
For homeless people in LA
261
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:47,105
People can be angry at me
to say that
262
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,314
I don't care.
263
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,441
They is a terrible human,
this LA is homeless.
264
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:51,609
They are terrible.
They are terrible people.
265
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,279
I feel bad for Chicago
homeless right?
266
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:57,198
Because they died in winter,
and they die in the summer.
267
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,658
They never don't die.
They are always dying.
268
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,077
There , like, a week
when it's like,
269
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,954
"We can succeed,"
and that's it,
270
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,914
and they are bucket-drum
the way they went through that week
271
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,672
[applause]
272
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,135
Soldiers, man
273
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,470
So I feel bad for the homeless
people in Chicago,
274
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,306
From my heart,
Because this is my home.
275
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,600
So when I go home,
I give money
276
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,143
I give money today
for a homeless person.
277
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,061
I don't lie.
278
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:27,937
I give money to a homeless person
because I feel bad for him.
279
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,856
I know what he has
to pass.
280
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,399
I gave the money
to that person right?
281
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,984
And I will always do that,
282
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,444
But I also want to see it
in the eyes and go ,
283
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:38,448
"Hey, start walking south.
284
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,787
You don't have anything
to do tomorrow
285
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,500
What are you doing here?
286
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,169
You have something
on your calendar?
287
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,338
You don't have a calendar. "
288
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,758
You can dragons fly fistfight
all over the big country this
289
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,801
I'm sure there are
half smoke cigarettes
290
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,179
scattered across
this big land
291
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,226
I mean, the wind
are their therapists.
292
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,227
It's everywhere.
293
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,396
They can move, man.
You know the bird
294
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,023
You know these things ?
Do you know those people?
295
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:15,151
When they leave,
follow those people
296
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,861
Birds are born instinctively
knowing, during cold weather,
297
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,947
to be like, "Oh, come on
get out of here
298
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,865
" Cold. Let's go.
This is ridiculous.
299
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,201
Why are we here?
This is ridiculous. "
300
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,869
But I don't feel bad
for homeless people
301
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:25,745
in Los Angeles at all--
I'm really not
302
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,206
Not me.
I don't feel bad for them.
303
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,832
Some people like,
"Oh, that's so bad."
304
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:30,833
I don't care.
305
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,543
I don't care,
306
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:34,545
Because I live between < br /> these people, and they are rude.
307
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,256
They are rude.
Do you know why they are rude?
308
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,591
Because they succeeded.
They are in promised land.
309
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,051
It 's 72 degrees outside.
310
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,678
You know what it is
is in my place
311
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,805
Seventy-two.
312
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,181
Who paid for it?
313
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,475
I did it
314
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,103
Fuck those people.
315
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:50,728
They won the lottery.
316
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,814
They slept on the beach.
317
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,775
I went out
restaurant, didn't I?
318
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,235
I left the restaurant.
319
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,736
When I first moved there,
I have no money
320
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,321
I have no money.
321
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,031
Get out of the restaurant,
have some leftovers,
322
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,449
goes to a homeless person,
323
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,868
says, "Hey, sir,
I have some leftovers.
324
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,578
Do you want this?"
325
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:09,122
I'm dating,
in front of a woman
326
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,582
Do you want this, sir?
327
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,501
And the homeless
look at me, and he said,
328
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,753
"What's inside that?"
329
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,008
And I looked at him,
and I said, "Tomorrow."
330
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:28,808
Another day on this earth.
331
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,853
What are you, gluten free
Eat food
332
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,563
You chicken-blocking me, man
333
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:34,856
I tried to destroy five.
334
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:37,775
Help me out
What are you doing?
335
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,610
Why are you doing this?
336
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,071
Time is hard.
Who are you?
337
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,992
But I like that.
338
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:49,787
This is my second home.
This is my first home.
339
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,956
LA is my second home,
and I like it.
340
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:52,707
There are lots of things
about that I like.
341
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:54,876
I live now in Los Angeles
342
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:55,960
in the environment around
called West Hollywood.
343
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,963
West Hollywood is
a gay environment
344
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,798
This is like here.
345
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,675
It's like where we are now
, Boystown
346
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,010
I like the gay environment.
347
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,137
The gay environment
is the best environment
348
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,346
I've lived in my life.
349
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,973
It's safe.
Beautiful.
350
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,100
I like it.
I like it.
351
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,643
You go to where you fit,
352
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,854
and I'm fit
to that environment, okay
353
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,315
I'm not gay, Dad, but...
354
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,943
I have to live
around gay people
355
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,695
They stay clean and safe
356
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,655
I have never been attacked once
in my neighborhood,
357
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,324
And by the way,
if I am attacked,
358
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:29,035
I want to be attacked
359
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,912
What a beautiful way
to walk home
360
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,872
A man jumps out of the bushes.
361
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,502
Where did you go?
362
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,377
Where did you go?
363
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:42,090
Where?
Where?
364
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:45,176
Huh?
365
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:45,676
Give me clothes tips
366
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,929
[exhale sharply]
367
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:49,555
[imitate fluttering wings]
368
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,558
They can fly, you know.
369
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,937
I have many gay friends
because of that.
370
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,397
They are people
just like you and me
371
00:14:58,397 --> 00:14:59,482
There is nothing different.
372
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,109
There is nothing different
about that environment
373
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:04,112
It's cleaner and safer,
and I like it very much.
374
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:08,491
The only difference is,
I have a big beard.
375
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,784
I have a big beard.
378
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,542
Why?
I don't know
381
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,672
Look at that
382
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:27,718
And I get hit often.
I guessed a lot, okay?
385
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,058
This is confidence
booster, fellas
390
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,237
A gay man yells at me,
393
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,618
"Keep on going, man.
Pinch it directly.
394
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,495
Get up from here, man. "
396
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:03,087
That's some nonsense.
397
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,215
You have to be careful
social cues
398
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,426
Social cues are very meaningful, right?
399
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,468
And stupid people.
400
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,138
Men are stupid.
We are naturally ignorant.
401
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,015
We're just stupid.
We don't care,
402
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,641
By the way, when girls like it,
"Fools."
403
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,935
I don't care
404
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,604
You think I care
you think me stupid?
405
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,938
I don't care.
I know I'm stupid.
406
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,773
It feels really good.
407
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:25,193
Try going out on your day
408
00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:26,777
without talking
about a relationship
409
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,779
That's what you do all day.
410
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,364
It's like, "I heard him
with him, but then he" -
411
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,325
And we're just walking around like...
[mumbling amused]
412
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:32,825
That's good.
413
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,660
It's fantastic.
414
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,288
I'm not worried about shit.
415
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,415
That makes my day easier,
416
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:43,794
but an idiot,
and I'm proud to be an idiot.
417
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,255
But social cues
Among interesting men
418
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,132
because you have
to be careful be careful with what you do
419
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,051
in my environment right?
420
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:50,927
Like, in my environment,
it's a little different,
421
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,221
Because when I walk
the way
422
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,264
and I see another man,
Right, I do this.
423
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,308
If I see you, and I walk down
road, right,
424
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:58,643
we pass each other,
425
00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,311
and I go like this,
What are you doing?
426
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,146
If I go like - Yes , You are my dude
back right, right
427
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,689
Anda mendorong saya kembali.
428
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,399
He cheated me
We were the dude.
429
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,859
Hey, that dude.
430
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,819
We're the dude.
431
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,821
Do we know why we are dude ?
432
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:11,656
No.
433
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:14,200
Zero instructions
434
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,202
We walk around
like doves all day like,
435
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,663
"Hey, hey. "
436
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,791
We don't care.
437
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,918
I did it to black people to show them
that I wasn't a pussy.
438
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,503
I left, "Hey, what's up?
We're good, we're good.
439
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:27,255
" We're good.
I'm good with black people.
440
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,798
"If there's a fight, < br /> we have black people
441
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:31,092
"We are good.
We have one.
442
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:34,262
We are good, we are good.
We got it."
443
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:36,472
I don't know why we did that.
We share the genitalia.
444
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:40,851
There is no other reason
that we do that with each other.
445
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:42,687
But you can't do that
in my environment
446
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:46,899
Because that means something < br /> really different...
447
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,402
and it hurts
448
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,028
This is very painful.
449
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,452
I like to stay there.
I like
I really am.
450
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,371
Like, I like to live
in Los Angeles.
451
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:03,833
I like progressive culture,
good?
I really am.
452
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,710
I like the way people
think of others
453
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,254
as humans instead of
from a subset, right?
454
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,964
This country
goes hand in hand.
455
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:13,134
Everyone chooses to make
a gender neutral bathroom.
456
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,927
I don't know
if you know about that,
457
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,762
But there is a big debate
happening around this country
458
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,264
about we have to make
a gender bathroom -
459
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,308
Should we be able to leave it
Other people use the bathroom
460
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:23,644
it's not originally
is it genital right?
461
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:25,062
That person
is transsexual
462
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,647
Should we let them?
use our bathroom
463
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:29,025
Ooh, be careful.
464
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:33,195
Who knows what can happen?
465
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,406
What can happen?
466
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:36,574
Nothing.
467
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:40,536
They will sucks
the bathroom you entered
468
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,749
You think your bathroom
What matters,
469
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:47,126
where you release it
from all your fluids
470
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,753
You really care about
about your fluids
471
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,087
that you care about
who comes after
472
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:53,674
Ketika saya masuk ke sana,
Aku seperti, "Aah!
473
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:57,553
"It's better if someone else
deserves to come after me
474
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,806
" I don't want some transvestites
coming after that
475
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,267
Who knows what will they do? "
476
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,312
Who do you think you are?
477
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:10,191
It's a big debate,
a gender-neutral bathroom.
478
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:12,109
And I'm all for that.
The bathroom is a bathroom.
479
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:12,943
I don't care
who uses my bathroom after me
480
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:17,031
Use it.
You have to go, please.
481
00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:19,492
Use the bathroom, man.
482
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,327
This is a good thing.
483
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:25,081
For years, I have been sick
and tired of going to the bar
484
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:27,875
and see girls
cut the bathroom line
485
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,543
when they are too long
486
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,961
They walk into people,
and they leave,
487
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:32,463
"Hi, our line is too long.
488
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:35,132
"What do you think of me -
Can we cut?
489
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,385
Is this cold if we cut?"
490
00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:40,429
I know that
stereotypical impression.
491
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,056
I don't care.
That's real.
492
00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:45,518
"Can we cut it?"
That's real.
493
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,562
And every bastard marches
like, "Yes, please."
494
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:52,566
Also real, also real,
also our real impression.
495
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:54,610
You went like that
We went like
496
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,947
Good?
497
00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,699
So people let them in,
498
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,616
and I'm bored with that nonsense,
499
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,035
Because we can't use
your bathroom
500
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,204
People can't use girls
bathrooms in bars
501
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,498
You can use ours
Why don't we can use yours?
502
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:11,001
The only thing I've ever heard is,
"Okay, pee in the chair."
503
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,002
Are we
504
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:15,339
Not me.
I'm not pee in a chair.
505
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,091
If you live with someone
who pisses on a chair,
506
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:20,553
it's because they hate
your courage
507
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,180
They send You are a message.
508
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,100
Oh, no, you got the groceries,
Karen, you damn shit.
509
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,644
Damn bastards
510
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,688
He said something to you.
511
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,984
That's between you two.
512
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,277
What are you thinking?
513
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,404
You think we are walking
in the bathroom,
514
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,030
just open it,
and leave it alone,
515
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:43,701
and that, like,
wherever he goes, he goes.
516
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,494
I know the purpose.
I got a laser pointer.
517
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,913
I know exactly
where it went
518
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,331
Pff, there.
519
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,085
Pee in the chair.
520
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,212
That's amazing.
That's ridiculous.
521
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:59,717
For me, I think the improvement
always
522
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:04,013
remove the stall
from the men's bathroom at the bar.
523
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,514
Remove them
524
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,933
Urinals or just holes
on land,
525
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,894
that doesn't really matter
526
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:12,480
People will urinate into anything.
We don't really care.
527
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,690
But take a stall
Get out of the men's bathroom at the bar
528
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:18,110
because they shouldn't be there
in the first place, okay
529
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,571
They should never
have be there,
530
00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:23,240
Because a girl can't walk
on now and use a urinal.
531
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:27,077
Unless you can, woman,
and then I want to see it.
532
00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,079
If you can babble-toe pee,
I want to see it.
533
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,748
I don't know whether it's
like this or this.
534
00:21:30,748 --> 00:21:32,875
I don't know
which method is better,
535
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:35,252
But if you can do that,
I want to check it.
536
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,423
But there should be no stalls
in the men's bathroom at the bar
537
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:41,050
in the first place,
538
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:44,178
because of who Unfortunately
539
00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:46,764
is you urinating in the bar?
540
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:52,353
You will poop on the bar
You will poop here
541
00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:53,687
Steve, you will
/> poop in the bar
542
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:56,816
The bar where we are,
Will you poop in this bar?
543
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,276
You feel fine with that
as a person , urinate in the bar?
544
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:03,405
Okay, now I know
who you really are
545
00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:05,199
Lying on -
Who are your friends
546
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:06,075
Who is your family?
547
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:08,202
Go home, you animal
548
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:10,955
Are you,
you are a pig
549
00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:13,457
Poop in the bar?
550
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:16,252
Are you out of your mind?
551
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:16,961
You're dirty
552
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,755
You're a dirty human
553
00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:21,841
You don't defecate in the bar.
554
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,843
You wake up
if you have to defecate
555
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,553
You wake up
if you have to defecate
556
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:27,179
You finish your drink,
pinch it,
557
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,306
and you walk home,
558
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:31,058
so you can defecate
in the naked house
559
00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:34,895
like an adult...
560
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,356
like adult adults.
561
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,191
If you defecate
in the bar I'm on
562
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,485
and I see you do that,
563
00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:42,570
I will enter,
see below, exit,
564
00:22:42,570 --> 00:22:45,823
and go, "Hey, there is a man
pooping here
565
00:22:45,823 --> 00:22:48,158
"uses blue Adidas.
566
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:50,953
Blue Adidas, huh.
He is now defecating. "
567
00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:53,414
And then leave you
with your mistakes
568
00:22:53,414 --> 00:22:55,165
Why does everyone
look at my shoes?
569
00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:57,001
Because you bleed here, Mike.
570
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:58,836
What's wrong with you?
571
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:02,506
Let your life be locked, pig.
572
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:05,175
Go home, you pig
573
00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:06,302
Tell me the next time you see < br /> someone pees in the bathroom
575
00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:11,724
You make me sick. "
576
00:23:16,478 --> 00:23:18,480
It's amazing, man,
how do we prote -
577
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,441
We protect the bathroom
like that's a big problem.
579
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:23,777
Dude, go to the bathroom.
580
00:23:23,777 --> 00:23:25,237
We protect the bathroom
in this country
581
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:26,530
like something important
582
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:28,240
This is amazing for me.
583
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,992
Sometimes you go to
a restaurant, and you like,
584
00:23:29,992 --> 00:23:31,785
"Hey, can I get the key?
to the bathroom?
Locked."
585
00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:32,995
They're like, "Oh, yeah,
we got the key
Here it is. "
586
00:23:32,995 --> 00:23:34,413
It's attached to the comic
big spoon for no reason.
587
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,999
You have a spoon
on that damn thing.
588
00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:38,375
Now you have to take it
there, find a place for it.
589
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:40,210
This will be a nightmare.
Continue.
590
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:42,713
You will hate
every second.
591
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:44,298
Why do we do that?
We lock them.
592
00:23:44,298 --> 00:23:45,507
You keep the bathroom
locked?
593
00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:48,010
You are aware
in each restaurant,
594
00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:49,845
every restaurant
you can walk right on,
595
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:50,554
go directly to the kitchen
596
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:52,848
There is no key in the kitchen.
597
00:23:52,848 --> 00:23:54,975
Just walk in and go,
"Hey, what's up, you guys?"
598
00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:57,019
Raise your hand
in some soup
599
00:23:59,313 --> 00:24:00,898
More salt.
Need more salt.
600
00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:02,733
I have to go.
601
00:24:02,733 --> 00:24:05,402
I want to use the bathroom.
Do you have the key?
602
00:24:05,402 --> 00:24:07,780
No.
603
00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:10,282
Be aware.
604
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,242
This is a strange country, man.
605
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:15,329
We live in a strange country.
We live in strange times.
606
00:24:15,329 --> 00:24:16,163
I don't want to talk
about anything
607
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:17,790
that happens now,
608
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:20,501
but because I have a lot of time,
This is the last show,
609
00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:23,045
I will do anything
the fuck I want
610
00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:25,923
[pat hands and applause]
611
00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,510
So I say this.
612
00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:32,638
I'm proud of
where I'm from, okay?
613
00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:35,265
I'm proud
from Chicago, Illinois
614
00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:37,101
I'm proud to be
United States.
615
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:38,435
I'm not trying to get
on a patriotic kick.
616
00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:40,104
What I want to say is,
617
00:24:40,104 --> 00:24:42,022
We got some messy stuff
happening in our country
618
00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:43,273
Time is really crazy
619
00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:45,317
This is very unfortunate as a fuck.
620
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,652
This sucks.
621
00:24:46,652 --> 00:24:48,112
People on both sides
> blame people
622
00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:49,571
on both sides, okay?
623
00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:51,281
I have a police
in my family.
624
00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:53,158
Any police don't
bad guys the bad,
625
00:24:53,158 --> 00:24:54,535
and everyone
isn't a bad person right?
626
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:56,954
This is the same
bad thing.
627
00:24:56,954 --> 00:24:58,664
So don't point your finger
on both sides.
628
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:00,791
We have to be better
people in general,
629
00:25:00,791 --> 00:25:02,126
on the damn board
630
00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:03,877
That's it.
631
00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:05,421
That's it.
632
00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:07,256
Good.
633
00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:14,555
I'm a...
634
00:25:14,555 --> 00:25:18,851
I am a man who has just,
fortunately,
635
00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:22,563
found a stupid woman
enough to survive.
636
00:25:22,563 --> 00:25:25,858
A stupid girl, a stupid girl.
637
00:25:25,858 --> 00:25:27,317
Because look at this, you know.
638
00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:29,153
Like, look at guys.
You're dirty
639
00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:30,195
Why did they even leave for us?
640
00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:34,033
Why do women?
want to do things with you?
641
00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:36,410
You're dirty
642
00:25:36,410 --> 00:25:38,996
You're disgusting.
643
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:39,830
Look at the naked woman.
644
00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:42,332
Take one look
to the naked woman right?
645
00:25:42,332 --> 00:25:44,168
Indah,
symmetrical, not hairy.
646
00:25:44,168 --> 00:25:45,169
What a creature it is.
647
00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:46,670
Whatever works
648
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:49,715
is made smooth
like a Ferrari, you know?
649
00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:52,593
[imitating a roaring machine]
Spend time with that.
650
00:25:52,593 --> 00:25:54,261
And then they get to the man,
and they are like,
651
00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:57,389
"Ah, we're running out of time.
652
00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:58,307
" No, place the genitals
outside.
653
00:25:58,307 --> 00:26:01,060
"No problem.
654
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:03,187
" No anyone will see.
Who cares?
655
00:26:03,187 --> 00:26:04,646
"Hair?
Remove a few strands of hair on it.
656
00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:05,814
Alright, throw a few strands of hair on it."
657
00:26:10,611 --> 00:26:12,279
It's phenomenal.
658
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:14,198
Every day
we have fooled you
659
00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:16,492
Like, we have to wake up, guys,
660
00:26:16,492 --> 00:26:18,035
and just be like,
"Ah, cheat them.
661
00:26:18,035 --> 00:26:20,037
" We deceived them again.
662
00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:21,747
We escaped with murder. "
663
00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:23,457
I don't know
how we can convince you
664
00:26:23,457 --> 00:26:25,876
to do anything
in the first place.
665
00:26:25,876 --> 00:26:27,419
Kiss me where I am pee?
666
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:30,839
[laughter and applause]
668
00:26:45,729 --> 00:26:46,146
How is it?
669
00:26:46,146 --> 00:26:49,983
How is it?
How is it?
670
00:26:49,983 --> 00:26:53,403
Do you know that place
do you breathe and eat from?
671
00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:56,698
Can I put my cock there?
672
00:26:56,698 --> 00:27:00,077
Can I clog your source?
live with meat?
673
00:27:01,537 --> 00:27:04,498
Life, life hole,
can I...
674
00:27:04,498 --> 00:27:05,415
[pops lips]
Cork?
675
00:27:05,415 --> 00:27:06,917
I want the cork.
677
00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:14,883
How can it be
do you say yes
678
00:27:17,010 --> 00:27:17,886
Cork is that?
679
00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:22,182
This is an extraordinary thing,
when you think about it
680
00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:25,435
Like, how can we start
sexual chemistry
681
00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:27,646
even to that level
do something?
682
00:27:27,646 --> 00:27:30,649
Here it is.
A man can go to the bar.
683
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:33,485
A single man goes to a bar
tries to pick up the chicks
684
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:35,571
He can go there
and mumble.
685
00:27:35,571 --> 00:27:37,906
[mumbles]
686
00:27:37,906 --> 00:27:39,366
I want to put my body
on your body
687
00:27:39,366 --> 00:27:41,827
That's all he says.
688
00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:44,955
Ground level, I want
to put my body in your body.
689
00:27:44,955 --> 00:27:45,664
Can we do that?
690
00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:47,749
You hear debonair in the bar.
691
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:49,167
You are like, "Okay,
I work
692
00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:50,586
for investment companies
downtown."
693
00:27:50,586 --> 00:27:52,629
[mumbles]
694
00:27:52,629 --> 00:27:53,797
But what you
really say is, like,
695
00:27:53,797 --> 00:27:56,049
"I want to put my body
on your body
696
00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:59,511
I want to put my body
inside your body. "
697
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:02,139
That's all.
698
00:28:02,139 --> 00:28:03,473
You're not cool
699
00:28:03,473 --> 00:28:04,266
You're just trying
to put some of your body
700
00:28:04,266 --> 00:28:06,602
on someone's body
701
00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:08,395
You have a gap.
I got a slice.
702
00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:10,814
Can we do that when? < br /> I put it on that thing?
703
00:28:10,814 --> 00:28:13,901
That's it.
704
00:28:13,901 --> 00:28:14,985
Thinking about it--
it's a difficult thing to do,
705
00:28:14,985 --> 00:28:17,905
to go to the bar
and convince a girl I'm the person
706
00:28:17,905 --> 00:28:20,073
that's what you want
to do something with.
707
00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:22,618
Think about how difficult it is
for us to start.
708
00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:24,494
How do we start?
709
00:28:24,494 --> 00:28:26,872
How is a human I can
that point with the cave woman?
710
00:28:26,872 --> 00:28:29,833
How does a caveman say that?
When there is no language,
711
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:30,834
there is no communication ability?
712
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:33,337
First of all, whenever you are
a caveman,
713
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:34,296
You just stand around
with your friends, muttering
714
00:28:34,296 --> 00:28:38,175
[ murmured amused]
715
00:28:40,093 --> 00:28:41,178
That's it.
716
00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:43,597
Nothing's happening
, just a lot...
717
00:28:43,597 --> 00:28:45,140
[bergumam geli]
718
00:28:45,140 --> 00:28:50,270
Then one of you, out of nowhere,
will only have an erection
719
00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:51,813
Explain that to the crew.
720
00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,899
[mumble]
721
00:28:58,028 --> 00:28:59,279
All your friends are angry
722
00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:02,157
Hey!
[mumbling]
723
00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:04,910
They don't like it
pointing at them
724
00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:07,537
You have to be
a counter nonverbal salesman,
725
00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:08,372
goes up to a woman like...
726
00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:13,377
[mumbles]
727
00:29:13,377 --> 00:29:14,711
What are you selling?
He doesn't know.
728
00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:17,047
You can't say it.
729
00:29:17,047 --> 00:29:19,049
Who said yes?
730
00:29:19,049 --> 00:29:22,219
The girl is the slowest on the pack...
731
00:29:22,219 --> 00:29:24,888
on the bad foot
> he dragged around
732
00:29:24,888 --> 00:29:27,307
Alright alright.
733
00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:30,894
Good.
734
00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:33,271
How did that happen?
735
00:29:33,271 --> 00:29:36,984
Man who convinced a girl
> to do that for the first time
736
00:29:36,984 --> 00:29:40,779
found the
fire and wheels that afternoon.
737
00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:43,699
It feels like...
[pops lips] Everything clicked.
738
00:29:43,699 --> 00:29:45,701
I got it.
739
00:29:45,701 --> 00:29:46,994
Everything makes sense.
740
00:29:46,994 --> 00:29:49,329
I will be happy see
first caveman
741
00:29:49,329 --> 00:29:50,580
to find an exit.
742
00:29:50,580 --> 00:29:51,832
That must be amazing.
743
00:29:51,832 --> 00:29:54,710
Right?
The first person is like that....
744
00:29:54,710 --> 00:29:57,713
"Oh!"
745
00:29:57,713 --> 00:30:00,799
[laughs]
746
00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:01,508
That's how all that nonsense
on the wall starts.
747
00:30:01,508 --> 00:30:03,719
They are like...
748
00:30:03,719 --> 00:30:06,013
[moans]
749
00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:09,891
Do you think it's ink?
It's not ink.
750
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,059
This is a discordant symbol.
751
00:30:17,399 --> 00:30:20,277
[applause and applause]
752
00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:25,407
How great is that damn thing?
753
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:29,745
[applause and applause]
754
00:30:29,745 --> 00:30:31,496
My friend is an artist ,
and I like,
755
00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:33,957
"I want a fucking papa bear
756
00:30:33,957 --> 00:30:37,085
"with the little bear
with the Blackhawks headdress,
757
00:30:37,085 --> 00:30:39,421
" and I want it
wearing Jordans for the Bulls
758
00:30:39,421 --> 00:30:42,299
"and white socks,
and I want him to eat on a plate
759
00:30:42,299 --> 00:30:43,717
and drink beer. "
760
00:30:43,717 --> 00:30:46,678
And my friend
sucked enough pots like I did,
761
00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:48,972
and
762
00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:50,640
So it's damn
it's amazing
763
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,435
Flag of Chicago, yeah.
764
00:30:53,435 --> 00:30:55,520
[applause and applause]
765
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,064
Cool.
766
00:31:00,484 --> 00:31:03,278
That's cool.
We have a lot of pride
in this city, so we have to
767
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,322
You know what I mean?
768
00:31:05,322 --> 00:31:08,408
> You can't make love with us.
769
00:31:08,408 --> 00:31:11,036
Come on make love with us
Where is my crane camera?
770
00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:14,623
Come on make love with us,
the rest of the United States.
771
00:31:14,623 --> 00:31:17,167
[click tongue]
Tear your throat.
772
00:31:17,167 --> 00:31:19,127
[applause and applause]
773
00:31:22,047 --> 00:31:24,174
I'll be killed
on the road in Cincinnati
774
00:31:24,174 --> 00:31:25,509
in, like, three months.
775
00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:28,804
[laughs]
776
00:31:28,804 --> 00:31:31,223
Dirt.
777
00:31:31,223 --> 00:31:32,849
No, I have a woman.
778
00:31:32,849 --> 00:31:34,684
I have a woman this year.
I'm locked up.
779
00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:36,061
I got married this year,
that's great
780
00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:37,938
That's a great thing.
Don't clap for that.
781
00:31:37,938 --> 00:31:39,523
Please don't clap for that nonsense
Because that's the egg he's on,
782
00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:41,691
and I don't need it
783
00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:42,901
No , I'm married,
and that's good
784
00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:44,653
That's very fun.
We have fun.
785
00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:46,363
Yes, that's fun.
Thank you a lot.
786
00:31:46,363 --> 00:31:47,614
- [applause and applause]
- Awesome.
787
00:31:47,614 --> 00:31:50,200
That's cool, very cool.
788
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,244
He came to me while jumping,
and he was like,
789
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:55,539
he was like, "what do you think?
about doing, like, bachelor,
790
00:31:55,539 --> 00:31:57,249
party single,
like, all of that? "
791
00:31:57,249 --> 00:31:58,458
We don't talk about it, like,
really all that
792
00:31:58,458 --> 00:32:01,044
We really don't really < br /> go into the ins and outs,
793
00:32:01,044 --> 00:32:03,255
and I'm like, "Okay,
whatever you want to do
794
00:32:03,255 --> 00:32:04,965
He's like," You want to?
Have bachelor party? "
795
00:32:04,965 --> 00:32:06,383
And I'm like," I don't know.
796
00:32:06,383 --> 00:32:07,592
"Like, I stand tall
to live,
797
00:32:07,592 --> 00:32:11,972
" So, like, that always good
from the damn bachelor party.
798
00:32:11,972 --> 00:32:14,558
My life is very good
bachelor party. "
799
00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:15,725
I'm like," No, I'm good. "
Do you know what I mean?
800
00:32:15,725 --> 00:32:18,812
Like, I just took my best friend
for his bachelor party,
801
00:32:18,812 --> 00:32:20,689
and I was like that,
"That's good enough for me."
803
00:32:22,399 --> 00:32:23,650
Don't feel like You can't. "
804
00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:25,235
He's like,
" Are you cool with that? "
805
00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:26,903
I'm like," I promised.
I'm really cool with that. <
806
00:32:26,903 --> 00:32:28,572
Whatever you want to do,
you are good.
Do it.
807
00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:30,115
She's like,
"Okay, believe me.
808
00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:33,201
That will be classy. "
809
00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:34,619
That's bullshit.
810
00:32:34,619 --> 00:32:36,371
Girls like,
" This will be classy.
811
00:32:36,371 --> 00:32:38,165
"Single party -
it will be cla - I promise.
812
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:41,168
We won't go crazy
as you thought we would get. "
813
00:32:41,168 --> 00:32:43,503
He's like," We're leaving
Northern California
814
00:32:43,503 --> 00:32:44,254
"to the vineyard.
815
00:32:44,254 --> 00:32:46,965
We will taste wine. "
816
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,759
So in a girl's brain,
they think that we think
817
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:52,470
is good and sweet,
but I know the truth
818
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:53,388
I know they don't
taste the wine
819
00:32:53,388 --> 00:32:57,100
I know they
breathe wine.
820
00:32:57,100 --> 00:33:00,604
I know they've started
purple toothed out,
821
00:33:00,604 --> 00:33:02,606
Charlie Chaplain-ing
around the city like...
822
00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:06,193
[mumbling amused]
823
00:33:06,193 --> 00:33:07,861
I know.
824
00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:10,071
I know what do you do,
looks like Grimace
825
00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:12,908
[mumbles as badly]
I know.
826
00:33:12,908 --> 00:33:14,868
I know.
827
00:33:14,868 --> 00:33:19,456
Lying to me , You're a drunk...
828
00:33:19,456 --> 00:33:20,874
trying to pretend like -
829
00:33:20,874 --> 00:33:22,626
We pretend to like wine
very sophisticated
830
00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:23,960
It's still liquor .
831
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:28,256
Smelly grapes,
that's all
832
00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:31,301
Go to the vineyard tour
with his girlfriend
833
00:33:31,301 --> 00:33:34,304
Look, because this is the problem
about single parties.
834
00:33:34,304 --> 00:33:37,015
I'm sure every girl
in this room
835
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:38,683
is an extraordinary human.
836
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:41,019
I'm sure you
all stand-up residents
837
00:33:41,019 --> 00:33:45,482
until you get it
In a party single,
838
00:33:45,482 --> 00:33:49,819
and then you
a piece of crap
839
00:33:49,819 --> 00:33:50,987
Then you're really bullshit.
840
00:33:50,987 --> 00:33:53,240
Then you're stormy
around city like,
841
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:56,493
"Look at us,
penis everywhere
842
00:33:56,493 --> 00:33:58,495
" Penises on our body.
843
00:33:58,495 --> 00:33:59,996
"What?
844
00:33:59,996 --> 00:34:01,289
"Penis necklace.
These are tights.
845
00:34:01,289 --> 00:34:04,042
" This is a dick necklace.
This is a dick cap.
846
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:07,504
"These are dick glasses. < br /> They are dick shoes.
847
00:34:07,504 --> 00:34:09,297
"Look at that.
This one comes
848
00:34:09,297 --> 00:34:11,341
"It came out of that shoe.
[giggling]
849
00:34:11,341 --> 00:34:14,761
When I went like that, it came."
850
00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:17,347
What's wrong with you?
851
00:34:17,347 --> 00:34:19,182
Who are your parents?
852
00:34:19,182 --> 00:34:20,517
Don't be shy,
853
00:34:20,517 --> 00:34:22,227
these women who go around the city
do that nonsense
854
00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:23,228
This is amazing -
single party
855
00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:26,982
who took over every bar
they went to, screamed.
856
00:34:26,982 --> 00:34:30,068
This whore works in HR
during the day, but in night...
857
00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,904
they are like,
"Penis, penis, penis.
858
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:36,866
Penis, penis, penis, penis."
859
00:34:36,866 --> 00:34:38,952
Who your parents?
860
00:34:38,952 --> 00:34:40,078
Not shameless.
861
00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:40,912
You are aware of
some small children in China
862
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:44,249
have to make them penis prints?
863
00:34:44,249 --> 00:34:46,835
Some small children in China
penis presses,
864
00:34:46,835 --> 00:34:48,461
penis sunglasses,
865
00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:52,882
so you can come out like,
"Cocks, chicken in my head."
866
00:34:52,882 --> 00:34:54,926
Psycho
867
00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:56,553
That's where people beat you
868
00:34:56,553 --> 00:34:59,180
That, like,
one place we beat you
869
00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:01,182
We might be more stupid than you,
but we beat you there
870
00:35:01,182 --> 00:35:02,183
We beat you with a landslide,
871
00:35:02,183 --> 00:35:04,978
because I have never been
to a bachelor party
872
00:35:04,978 --> 00:35:07,522
where they are like,
"Santino, are you ready to go?
873
00:35:07,522 --> 00:35:11,026
Wear your pussy costume.
Let's go. "
874
00:35:11,026 --> 00:35:12,319
I put one on like...
875
00:35:12,319 --> 00:35:14,195
[laughs]
" Come on, go.
876
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:15,071
"Clean me up. < br /> Steve, let me get wet.
877
00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:17,407
"Get wet.
Get the clitoris wet.
878
00:35:17,407 --> 00:35:20,619
" Go, wet.
879
00:35:20,619 --> 00:35:23,496
This is what we want it. "
880
00:35:23,496 --> 00:35:25,582
" Vaginer. "
881
00:35:29,085 --> 00:35:31,087
We beat you
882
00:35:35,216 --> 00:35:36,426
So we went and married
overseas
883
00:35:36,426 --> 00:35:39,095
We went to Costa Rica.
We went to Costa Rica.
884
00:35:39,095 --> 00:35:41,056
Very good.
Central America,
a beautiful place.
885
00:35:41,056 --> 00:35:42,766
Costa Rica is amazing.
886
00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:44,184
We like it.
It's fantastic.
887
00:35:44,184 --> 00:35:48,104
I'm not know that racism
everywhere.
888
00:35:48,104 --> 00:35:50,440
I don't know, but that's the way it is,
889
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,233
but it's really fucking.
890
00:35:52,233 --> 00:35:53,610
Here it is < br /> at our hotel,
891
00:35:53,610 --> 00:35:55,862
two men were fighting
with one person,
892
00:35:55,862 --> 00:35:57,822
two people in one, two versus one,
893
00:35:57,822 --> 00:35:59,324
worked This dude,
and I looked out the window,
894
00:35:59,324 --> 00:36:02,243
and I was like,
"Oh, God, what happened?"
895
00:36:02,243 --> 00:36:03,912
To local people.
896
00:36:03,912 --> 00:36:05,622
And local people, who we know,
who are our friends,
897
00:36:05,622 --> 00:36:07,248
like, "Oh, yes, fight?"
898
00:36:07,248 --> 00:36:10,168
And I'm like,
"Yeah, what happened?"
899
00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:12,295
I'm ready for the story.
900
00:36:12,295 --> 00:36:14,381
And he's like, "Alright, you see
this person is on the ground
901
00:36:14,381 --> 00:36:15,632
"You see it on the ground,
902
00:36:15,632 --> 00:36:16,883
" This person they kicked
in advance?
903
00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:18,635
"Did you see it? <
904
00:36:18,635 --> 00:36:19,803
"You know, this person is
their ground is kicking teeth.
905
00:36:19,803 --> 00:36:21,971
You see it?"
906
00:36:21,971 --> 00:36:23,723
I'm like,
"Yeah, yes, sure.
907
00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:25,392
Yes, what is that? "
908
00:36:25,392 --> 00:36:26,976
And he left,
" Oh, yes, this person,
909
00:36:26,976 --> 00:36:29,437
this person is in land,
he's from Panama
910
00:36:32,399 --> 00:36:33,817
What?
911
00:36:33,817 --> 00:36:35,860
"He's from Panama.
Panama, country.
912
00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:37,737
Panama."
913
00:36:37,737 --> 00:36:41,116
That's it?
914
00:36:41,116 --> 00:36:43,243
That was as deep as
the well was dug up
915
00:36:43,243 --> 00:36:46,913
"He's from Panama."
That's it.
916
00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:48,331
I'm like,
"But what about the fight?
917
00:36:48,331 --> 00:36:51,376
Like, how are you -
how did the fight occur?"
918
00:36:51,376 --> 00:36:54,796
He said, "Oh, sí, sí,
sí, sí, sí.
919
00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:56,673
"Alright, be this person
on the ground,
920
00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:57,674
" he cut this guy
in traffic,
921
00:36:57,674 --> 00:37:00,593
"and he said to him,
& apos; Hey, what is that? & apos;
922
00:37:00,593 --> 00:37:02,804
" And this person, he said,
"Hey, man, fuck you."
923
00:37:02,804 --> 00:37:04,597
"So this person,
he got out of his car,
924
00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:07,225
" and he said,
& apos ; Mm-mm, fuck you. & Apos;
925
00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:07,976
"So they shouted
to each other.
926
00:37:07,976 --> 00:37:09,352
" So this person said fuck you.
927
00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:11,855
"This person, kill you
This person, fuck -
928
00:37:11,855 --> 00:37:16,443
So these two people
are sleeping with you right now. "
929
00:37:16,443 --> 00:37:18,445
I'm like,
"Nobody fucked me.
930
00:37:18,445 --> 00:37:19,696
What are you talking about?"
931
00:37:19,696 --> 00:37:23,825
"And then his friend, he heard
He was from the other side way,
932
00:37:23,825 --> 00:37:25,201
"and his friend, he said,
& apos; Hey, what happened? & apos;
933
00:37:25,201 --> 00:37:27,078
" He said, "he said, making love to you. "
934
00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:31,124
" He said, & apos; Ah, kill you. & apos;
935
00:37:31,124 --> 00:37:32,834
"He said, & apos; Fuck yourself. & apos;
He said.
"Fuck you."
936
00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:36,254
He fuck - these people
here is fucking you. "
937
00:37:38,131 --> 00:37:39,966
" And one person,
he said to him -
938
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:41,426
"before he fights
with him, he said,
939
00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:45,680
" & apos; Hey, bastard,
where are you from? & apos;
940
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,391
"And this person,
He said, & apos; Panama. & apos;
941
00:37:48,391 --> 00:37:50,143
" And, uh...
942
00:37:50,143 --> 00:37:51,519
[click tongue]
That's for him. "
943
00:37:56,399 --> 00:37:57,859
[chuckles]
944
00:37:57,859 --> 00:38:00,653
[applause and applause]
946
00:38:04,365 --> 00:38:06,910
Besides that, that's right
beautiful country, man
947
00:38:06,910 --> 00:38:09,579
That's beautiful, man.
948
00:38:09,579 --> 00:38:11,581
We do a lot of things
white people are bad luck.
949
00:38:11,581 --> 00:38:13,333
That's amazing.
950
00:38:13,333 --> 00:38:14,751
You know what
white people are bad luck.
951
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:16,169
Everyone here
knows that right?
952
00:38:16,169 --> 00:38:18,004
It's like--
We go zip-layer.
953
00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:20,131
Like, white water rafting,
all those white people -
954
00:38:20,131 --> 00:38:21,341
White water rafting
is a person.
955
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:22,926
This is called
white water rafting.
956
00:38:22,926 --> 00:38:24,427
This is ours
957
00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:25,553
That's white bullshit.
958
00:38:25,553 --> 00:38:28,139
You will never see
a black rafting person,
959
00:38:28,139 --> 00:38:31,017
skydiving, drinking coffee
960
00:38:31,017 --> 00:38:34,395
That's not what they do.
961
00:38:34,395 --> 00:38:36,648
It's not what they do.
962
00:38:36,648 --> 00:38:38,107
Skydiving, all that nonsense.
963
00:38:38,107 --> 00:38:39,567
Black man,
are you skydiving?
964
00:38:39,567 --> 00:38:41,486
Never in
damn life, man
965
00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:42,821
It's impossible.
966
00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:45,240
Never in your life
Rock climbing?
967
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,617
- Not possible.
- White water rafting?.
968
00:38:47,617 --> 00:38:48,618
- No.
- Not from wrong one above.
969
00:38:48,618 --> 00:38:50,119
Do you even like coffee?
970
00:38:50,119 --> 00:38:53,373
- I like coffee.
- Oh, come on, bro.
971
00:38:53,373 --> 00:38:54,749
What is she say?
972
00:38:54,749 --> 00:38:55,458
- I like black.
- you like black
973
00:38:55,458 --> 00:38:58,002
I understand
I understand
974
00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:01,422
You can have it.
975
00:39:01,422 --> 00:39:02,590
Take it black.
976
00:39:05,093 --> 00:39:07,262
Take it black.
977
00:39:07,262 --> 00:39:09,055
So he knows
what I'm talking about
978
00:39:09,055 --> 00:39:10,348
He knows.
I go to college with -
979
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:12,141
One of my closest friends
on campus
980
00:39:12,141 --> 00:39:14,519
This dude we live with, and
he will always make fun of me
981
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:16,688
He is like, "You did
some white people who are pesky, Red.
982
00:39:16,688 --> 00:39:18,356
You are on some pesky white people
right now."
983
00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:20,191
I'm like,
"I was throwing out the trash."
984
00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:24,070
She's like...
[chuckles]
985
00:39:24,070 --> 00:39:26,489
"That's kind of nonsense
I talking about, bastard
986
00:39:26,489 --> 00:39:29,993
"Throw that nonsense
outside, bitch
987
00:39:29,993 --> 00:39:33,037
[chuckles]
988
00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:36,165
" Unlucky white people!
989
00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:37,625
"What are you doing, plate,
bastard?
990
00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:39,836
You white bastard. "
991
00:39:41,671 --> 00:39:45,008
What are you doing, laundry,
you Charmin ass motherfucker?
992
00:39:45,008 --> 00:39:47,552
You are Charmin" -
993
00:39:47,552 --> 00:39:49,804
I have so many white people < br /> in Costa Rica
994
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:51,222
It's a banana.
I really love it.
995
00:39:51,222 --> 00:39:52,807
I like being a tourist.
996
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:54,517
Like, that's a mess thing about
about Americans
997
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,185
We don't want to be tourists.
998
00:39:56,185 --> 00:39:58,396
Why not?
Why are we so scared?
become a tourist
999
00:39:58,396 --> 00:40:00,148
I'll do that zip line
shit dork-ass.
1000
00:40:00,148 --> 00:40:01,900
Give me the helmet.
[imitate the buzzing line]
1001
00:40:01,900 --> 00:40:04,027
I like that.
How many photos?
1002
00:40:04,027 --> 00:40:06,154
$ 1,000?
I don't care.
1003
00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:09,782
I'll pay for it,
plan for it
1004
00:40:09,782 --> 00:40:12,702
Come on, bro.
1005
00:40:12,702 --> 00:40:14,746
Give me that shit drop.
1006
00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,956
We are very scared like Americans
to be tourists
1007
00:40:16,956 --> 00:40:18,499
But for some reason,
tourists come here
1008
00:40:18,499 --> 00:40:20,752
They aren't afraid of
being a tourist
1009
00:40:20,752 --> 00:40:21,878
You can go to Michigan Avenue
right now.
1010
00:40:21,878 --> 00:40:24,213
There is a little Italian who is cute
the couple is like,
1011
00:40:24,213 --> 00:40:26,257
"Scusi noodles, scusi noodles, scusion noodles.
1012
00:40:26,257 --> 00:40:30,011
Water towers,
water towers."
1013
00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:31,888
And you're like, "Ah, come here.
Let me lie to you.
1014
00:40:31,888 --> 00:40:33,765
Come here, come here,
come here. "
1015
00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:36,684
[laughter and applause]
1016
00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:39,729
Let them be tourists, man
1017
00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:42,065
Be a tourist.
Be a tourist.
1018
00:40:42,065 --> 00:40:43,608
What I'm saying is,
stop being such a liar.
1019
00:40:43,608 --> 00:40:45,276
Be who you really are
You are abroad
1020
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:46,694
Being abroad, man.
1021
00:40:46,694 --> 00:40:48,571
There is nothing wrong with that,
you know.
1022
00:40:48,571 --> 00:40:49,572
This is the reason.
1023
00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:50,573
Every time I have
1024
00:40:50,573 --> 00:40:52,033
to a Spanish-speaking country,
1025
00:40:52,033 --> 00:40:53,826
there is always one person
in the crew,
1026
00:40:53,826 --> 00:40:54,744
one man who likes,
1027
00:40:54,744 --> 00:40:57,747
"Hey, I have us.
I can take us around.
1028
00:40:57,747 --> 00:40:59,082
"I'm talking
a little Mexican.
1029
00:40:59,082 --> 00:41:01,292
" We'll be fine.
1030
00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:03,002
We will be fine. "
1031
00:41:03,002 --> 00:41:04,963
You speak Mexican, Brad?
I speak Mexican, dog.
1032
00:41:04,963 --> 00:41:06,297
I get us
Don't sweat, man.
1033
00:41:06,297 --> 00:41:08,591
I took 101 in high school.
1034
00:41:08,591 --> 00:41:10,802
We're going straight.
1035
00:41:10,802 --> 00:41:14,430
And you're like,
"Okay, bro, I can't wait."
1036
00:41:14,430 --> 00:41:17,266
You go into the restaurant
I tell the truth
1037
00:41:17,266 --> 00:41:19,519
I go in, I go,
"Hello, American, Americano,
1038
00:41:19,519 --> 00:41:22,605
" America, < br /> ready to be cheated
1039
00:41:22,605 --> 00:41:24,023
Look at me. "
1040
00:41:24,023 --> 00:41:26,943
Because I don't care.
How much is that Coke?
Seven?
1041
00:41:26,943 --> 00:41:29,779
Think it's ten o'clock.
You can't fuck me
1042
00:41:29,779 --> 00:41:31,406
You can't fuck me
1043
00:41:31,406 --> 00:41:33,616
Saya berencana untuk itu.
1044
00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:35,368
You can't fuck me
1045
00:41:35,368 --> 00:41:36,703
But he enters.
1046
00:41:36,703 --> 00:41:38,997
Brad enters,
speaks like Mexico,
1047
00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:41,082
"Hola, senior.
1048
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:43,084
Hola, old man. "
1049
00:41:43,084 --> 00:41:47,338
[humming and trilling]
1050
00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:49,215
He thinks he's bullshit.
1051
00:41:49,215 --> 00:41:52,510
Brad walks in heavy,
1052
00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:56,347
and the staff looked at him like,
"Okay, okay, okay, okay.
1053
00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,974
¿Habla español, señor?
1054
00:41:57,974 --> 00:41:59,392
¿Habla español?
¿Habla español? "
1055
00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:00,893
Sí, sí, yours?
1056
00:42:00,893 --> 00:42:03,021
Sí, sí, yours?
Ha-blah a-spaniel.
1057
00:42:03,021 --> 00:42:04,480
Ha-bla a-spaniel.
1058
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,524
Ha-bla a-spaniel.
1059
00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:08,234
And they're all like, "Alright.
1060
00:42:08,234 --> 00:42:10,194
" Hmm.
Good, good, good.
1061
00:42:10,194 --> 00:42:13,573
That's good, good.
That's good. "
1062
00:42:13,573 --> 00:42:15,324
[talking nonsense quickly]
1063
00:42:15,324 --> 00:42:17,994
And they're just machine guns
Spanish on his fucking head
1064
00:42:17,994 --> 00:42:20,788
until you see him go,
"Oh, shit.
1065
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:25,168
" There's no biblioteca there.
Where is the yo-ban?
1066
00:42:25,168 --> 00:42:27,754
I don't know those words. "
1067
00:42:27,754 --> 00:42:29,547
Brad looks like a bastard.
1068
00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:31,674
Meanwhile, I enjoyed
a plate of rice and my" polo "
1069
00:42:31,674 --> 00:42:34,677
having fun...
1070
00:42:34,677 --> 00:42:35,803
enjoying my life
1071
00:42:39,015 --> 00:42:40,558
I'm back from Costa Rica.
1072
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:42,477
That's fantastic,
and then we go into that,
1073
00:42:42,477 --> 00:42:44,145
like , all marriages
pesky discussions.
1074
00:42:44,145 --> 00:42:45,313
He's like, "What do you want?
to do about the last name? "
1075
00:42:45,313 --> 00:42:48,149
I'm like," I don't know.
1076
00:42:48,149 --> 00:42:50,443
I mean, I don't really care.
I don't think I care. "
1077
00:42:50,443 --> 00:42:52,320
I'm like, "I mean,
what do you want to do?"
1078
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,905
He's like, "Alright, are you?
want me to take your last name?"
1079
00:42:53,905 --> 00:42:54,781
And there is a part of you
1080
00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:57,033
it's like,
"No, man, this is cool."
1081
00:42:57,033 --> 00:42:57,950
Then there's a part of you
it's like "
1082
00:42:57,950 --> 00:42:59,660
" You have to take it
his last name. "
1083
00:43:02,789 --> 00:43:05,166
This is male-ego nonsense,
1084
00:43:05,166 --> 00:43:06,876
but that's true
situation.
1085
00:43:06,876 --> 00:43:08,211
Like, no
means a lot
1086
00:43:08,211 --> 00:43:09,796
Like, what is it?
Last name anyway?
1087
00:43:09,796 --> 00:43:11,923
I'm not so know.
We don't really know, you know.
1088
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:12,715
Last name - you use
to give someone
1089
00:43:12,715 --> 00:43:15,134
Because that
represents land right?
1090
00:43:15,134 --> 00:43:17,261
You have land
you get some land to give.
1091
00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:19,764
Like, "This will all happen
you someday."
1092
00:43:19,764 --> 00:43:20,723
That doesn't mean
bad luck at the moment
1093
00:43:20,723 --> 00:43:23,392
I can't be like that,
"Son, this condo
1094
00:43:23,392 --> 00:43:25,978
will be yours when I die."
1095
00:43:25,978 --> 00:43:27,563
Who sucks right?
There isn't much for that.
1096
00:43:27,563 --> 00:43:30,525
You know, that really
doesn't mean much
1097
00:43:30,525 --> 00:43:32,276
But this is strange
when I think, like,
1098
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:33,986
the name of the last white person, like,
from where our last name came from.
1099
00:43:33,986 --> 00:43:36,614
Often, it's used
to be your job right?
1100
00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:38,908
Like, I met a man - < br /> Kevin Blacksmith.
1101
00:43:38,908 --> 00:43:41,244
It's great -
Grandpa is a blacksmith.
1102
00:43:41,244 --> 00:43:42,995
Dave Shoemaker,
1103
00:43:42,995 --> 00:43:45,039
it's great - great-
Grandpa is a shoemaker.
1104
00:43:45,039 --> 00:43:46,707
But this is strange
when you meet a white man
1105
00:43:46,707 --> 00:43:49,752
named Eric Lynch...
1106
00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:52,588
[audience ohs]
1107
00:43:55,716 --> 00:43:57,593
Because you're like "
1108
00:43:57,593 --> 00:44:00,346
" You are great -
Grandpa is a bad person. "
1109
00:44:00,346 --> 00:44:04,433
Turn off, dog.
1110
00:44:04,433 --> 00:44:06,185
But last name
is kind of nonsense
1111
00:44:06,185 --> 00:44:07,186
You know what I mean?
1112
00:44:07,186 --> 00:44:08,521
They mean whatever they want
1113
00:44:08,521 --> 00:44:09,814
and whatever you
want them to mean,
1114
00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:11,440
and so he said,
"What do you want to do?"
1115
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:12,525
I said, "How about we just leave?
with anyone
1116
00:44:12,525 --> 00:44:14,569
last name is cooler? "
1117
00:44:14,569 --> 00:44:18,781
Right, who else is cooler.
1118
00:44:18,781 --> 00:44:19,991
He's like," Cooler? "
1119
00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:21,617
I'm like," Yes, "
1120
00:44:21,617 --> 00:44:23,119
Karena di kepalaku,
Aku tahu itu sudah pertandingan berakhir.
1121
00:44:23,119 --> 00:44:25,454
I'm like, "Jordan, bucket."
I know everything's over.
1122
00:44:25,454 --> 00:44:28,457
[imitating squeaking]
I know it's all over.
1123
00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:31,377
He isn't bad luck
with Santino
1124
00:44:31,377 --> 00:44:33,337
What a cool name, Santino.
1125
00:44:33,337 --> 00:44:34,505
Three syllables -
1126
00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:38,426
san, unh,
ti, you, oh
1127
00:44:38,426 --> 00:44:40,469
That's what happened.
1128
00:44:40,469 --> 00:44:42,471
- [applause and applause]
- I have it
1129
00:44:42,471 --> 00:44:45,016
It's in the bag, man
It's in the bag.
1130
00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:46,559
It's the game over.
1131
00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:47,894
Jordan.
1132
00:44:47,894 --> 00:44:51,606
That game is over,
But then he like,
1133
00:44:51,606 --> 00:44:54,817
"Oh, you think your last name
is it cooler?"
1134
00:44:54,817 --> 00:44:55,610
I said, "Yeah."
1135
00:44:55,610 --> 00:45:00,448
His last name
Eichelberger.
1136
00:45:02,491 --> 00:45:04,452
You want me to say it again?
1137
00:45:04,452 --> 00:45:07,496
Eichelberger.
1138
00:45:07,496 --> 00:45:09,498
And he's like,
"What's wrong with that?"
1139
00:45:09,498 --> 00:45:12,585
I'm like, "What's right
with that crap
1140
00:45:12,585 --> 00:45:15,046
Are you
talking about, miss? "
1141
00:45:15,046 --> 00:45:16,172
She's like,
" It's not a big deal. "
1142
00:45:16,172 --> 00:45:20,176
I said," Alright, this is like the
part from the Third Reich. "
1143
00:45:20,176 --> 00:45:21,385
I have to walk
to the restaurant, like...
1144
00:45:21,385 --> 00:45:25,056
[German accent]" We are here
for Eichelberger's party,
1145
00:45:25,056 --> 00:45:26,349
"party two.
1146
00:45:26,349 --> 00:45:28,684
" There are two of us
at the party.
1147
00:45:28,684 --> 00:45:31,562
"We want that table
at the back of the room
1148
00:45:31,562 --> 00:45:34,065
"At the back of the room,
1149
00:45:34,065 --> 00:45:37,026
" behind the
AC.
1150
00:45:37,026 --> 00:45:38,945
Thank you. "
1151
00:45:38,945 --> 00:45:41,030
[laughter]
1152
00:45:50,289 --> 00:45:52,792
After all, he is Santino now.
1153
00:45:54,126 --> 00:45:55,127
[laughs]
1154
00:45:55,127 --> 00:45:57,588
Yes.
1155
00:45:57,588 --> 00:46:02,385
[applause and applause]
1156
00:46:02,385 --> 00:46:04,971
We got into something,
Because of me -
1157
00:46:04,971 --> 00:46:09,767
I feel like I'm watching
Too much pornography lately,
1158
00:46:09,767 --> 00:46:11,018
if I just become
real with you guys
1159
00:46:11,018 --> 00:46:13,813
We became real.
This is a late night show.
1160
00:46:13,813 --> 00:46:16,232
I'm watching
too much porn
1161
00:46:16,232 --> 00:46:18,359
Porn is bad
It's a bad thing.
1162
00:46:18,359 --> 00:46:19,443
It's really addictive.
1163
00:46:19,443 --> 00:46:20,945
This.
That's right
1164
00:46:20,945 --> 00:46:22,905
I no sense
my fault, though
1165
00:46:22,905 --> 00:46:25,074
I think it's access...
1166
00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:27,952
access,
too much access
1167
00:46:27,952 --> 00:46:30,413
in your pocket,
is there a telephone right?
1168
00:46:30,413 --> 00:46:32,415
There are all porn...
1169
00:46:32,415 --> 00:46:35,418
[laughter]
1170
00:46:35,418 --> 00:46:38,587
All of that...
1171
00:46:38,587 --> 00:46:41,757
all that we make.
1172
00:46:41,757 --> 00:46:44,468
All that we make,
you guys.
1173
00:46:44,468 --> 00:46:47,471
If I have three seconds
inside the time machine,
1174
00:46:47,471 --> 00:46:49,890
I will "zorb" myself
when I am 14,
1175
00:46:49,890 --> 00:46:51,517
for three seconds,
and just go...
1176
00:46:51,517 --> 00:46:52,768
[imitating desire]
"In the future,
1177
00:46:52,768 --> 00:46:54,603
all that porn
is in your pocket,"
1178
00:46:54,603 --> 00:46:56,522
[imitates desire]
and comes out...
1179
00:46:56,522 --> 00:47:00,026
and blow my mind
1180
00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:01,986
Only... [imitating passion]
semen everywhere
1181
00:47:01,986 --> 00:47:03,446
Oh my God.
1182
00:47:05,114 --> 00:47:06,949
I waiting
so that this JPEG can be loaded.
1183
00:47:06,949 --> 00:47:10,036
[mumbling amused]
1184
00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:12,621
Come on, bro.
That's crazy.
1185
00:47:12,621 --> 00:47:15,124
It's crazy to thought.
1186
00:47:15,124 --> 00:47:16,334
That's right
too much access
1187
00:47:16,334 --> 00:47:20,087
Like, I can't walk past it
laptop without being like...
1188
00:47:27,887 --> 00:47:30,848
"Ah, this is Best Buy.
I have to go."
1189
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:33,100
Blue shirt,
they don't like it
1190
00:47:33,100 --> 00:47:34,393
Kamu tahu apa maksudku?
1191
00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:36,520
They become weird.
[chuckles]
1192
00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:39,106
We've seen so much.
1193
00:47:39,106 --> 00:47:40,566
The problem is--
with porn,
1194
00:47:40,566 --> 00:47:41,984
There is this stigma
1195
00:47:41,984 --> 00:47:44,236
where we think
we can imitate that.
1196
00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:44,820
Like, you think
you like them.
1197
00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:47,156
You're not like them
1198
00:47:47,156 --> 00:47:49,909
It's a pro, man.
1199
00:47:49,909 --> 00:47:51,494
They are pro.
I'm jealous
1200
00:47:51,494 --> 00:47:53,162
I'm jealous, jealous.
1201
00:47:53,162 --> 00:47:57,917
The way these people
throwing ropes is very amazing
1202
00:47:57,917 --> 00:48:01,170
They just...
[imitating desire]
1203
00:48:01,170 --> 00:48:04,840
This takes off
There is an attic.
1204
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:07,051
Are you kidding me?
I was lucky if I came out.
1205
00:48:10,846 --> 00:48:12,640
This is like a brooding soldier.
1206
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,768
He get to the surface,
and it's like, "No, no.
1207
00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:19,855
Come back, come back."
1208
00:48:19,855 --> 00:48:21,399
And when it comes out,
it's too late for the party
1209
00:48:21,399 --> 00:48:22,191
This has non-alcoholic beer.
1210
00:48:22,191 --> 00:48:25,361
It's like, "Sorry, we are here."
1211
00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:33,119
My wife - one night she was like,
"Oh come on."
1212
00:48:33,119 --> 00:48:36,872
I'm like, "Oh, I will never be
Make it up there."
1213
00:48:36,872 --> 00:48:39,792
This is so far.
Too far
1214
00:48:39,792 --> 00:48:44,213
Maybe you
belly button, max...
1215
00:48:44,213 --> 00:48:46,882
if I really put it in at work.
1216
00:48:49,301 --> 00:48:50,386
[chuckles]
1217
00:48:50,386 --> 00:48:51,887
I'll tell you what
I've watched a lot.
1218
00:48:51,887 --> 00:48:54,557
I've watched
lots of black porn ,
1219
00:48:54,557 --> 00:48:56,642
a lot of black porn
1220
00:48:56,642 --> 00:48:59,311
Black black
too.
1221
00:48:59,311 --> 00:49:02,148
Like, brown, brown,
brown, brown
1222
00:49:02,148 --> 00:49:06,569
Chocolate inside,
99% cocoa chocolate.
1223
00:49:06,569 --> 00:49:09,238
Section.
No milk
1224
00:49:09,238 --> 00:49:11,323
Get out of here,
chocolate milk.
1225
00:49:11,323 --> 00:49:13,409
There's no time for you
1226
00:49:13,409 --> 00:49:15,286
Chocolate, chocolate.
1227
00:49:15,286 --> 00:49:17,246
I like watching black porn, < br /> love watch -
1228
00:49:17,246 --> 00:49:19,081
for one fundamental reason
1229
00:49:19,081 --> 00:49:23,419
People can wear shoes...
1230
00:49:23,419 --> 00:49:26,922
on their feet
1231
00:49:26,922 --> 00:49:31,051
Men wear shoes on their feet.
1232
00:49:31,051 --> 00:49:35,848
If you know anything
about how shoes and pants work,
1233
00:49:35,848 --> 00:49:39,101
nothing,
1234
00:49:39,101 --> 00:49:43,063
You know that these people
take off their shoes,
1235
00:49:43,063 --> 00:49:45,691
take off their pants
and underwear,
1236
00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:48,486
and then return
their shoes < /p>
1237
00:49:48,486 --> 00:49:51,489
Ayolah.
1238
00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:55,159
You did it again,
black people.
1239
00:49:55,159 --> 00:49:57,536
Numero uno.
1240
00:49:59,622 --> 00:50:01,248
I'm jealous, friend.
1241
00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:03,167
This is a bad thing.
That's right
It's a bad thing.
1242
00:50:03,167 --> 00:50:07,213
We need to clear our minds,
clean our lives
1243
00:50:07,213 --> 00:50:10,758
Do you know what I mean?
Clean clean and clean life.
1244
00:50:12,635 --> 00:50:15,054
Eat smoothies,
the way.
1245
00:50:15,054 --> 00:50:17,806
It's difficult, man.
It's hard to do.
1246
00:50:17,806 --> 00:50:19,266
People always - like, hear,
I try to work out.
1247
00:50:19,266 --> 00:50:22,311
I tried to be fit.
I tried to do all that.
1248
00:50:22,311 --> 00:50:23,312
This is a difficult thing to do.
1249
00:50:23,312 --> 00:50:25,189
You know, fast food,
will get fast food
1250
00:50:25,189 --> 00:50:27,608
always remind me
what it feels like
1251
00:50:27,608 --> 00:50:28,817
when I'm single,
go to one night stand
1252
00:50:28,817 --> 00:50:32,488
It feels like the same thing,
like the exact same feeling.
1253
00:50:32,488 --> 00:50:34,490
You will see on Google Maps
to try to find out
1254
00:50:34,490 --> 00:50:37,701
if that fast food
Together is open, right?
1255
00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:41,372
You are like,
"You wake up, McDonald's! s? You wake up?"
1256
00:50:41,372 --> 00:50:43,207
You send text late at night,
like, "What's the matter, kid?
1257
00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:44,667
"Are you awake?
What's up, McDonald's" s
1258
00:50:44,667 --> 00:50:45,751
"Are you awake?
What's wrong, Mac D & apos; s?
1259
00:50:45,751 --> 00:50:48,170
Are you already awake, playboy?
1260
00:50:48,170 --> 00:50:51,882
Give them nuggets. "
1261
00:50:51,882 --> 00:50:53,300
He's like," Uh-huh. "
1262
00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:55,511
McDonald's is like,
" You know that. "
1263
00:50:58,847 --> 00:51:00,558
You sail there,
and on the road, you're like,
1264
00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:03,686
" Ooh, this will be good.
1265
00:51:03,686 --> 00:51:06,397
" I know what I got
at this location
1266
00:51:06,397 --> 00:51:10,192
"It's my favorite place
to go to tonight.
1267
00:51:10,192 --> 00:51:13,696
Number two is
is my place now. "
1268
00:51:13,696 --> 00:51:16,532
It's a butt joke.
1269
00:51:16,532 --> 00:51:20,202
[laughter and applause]
1270
00:51:20,202 --> 00:51:20,995
You're here and there,
and you eat it
1271
00:51:20,995 --> 00:51:23,872
You devoured McDiesel.
1272
00:51:23,872 --> 00:51:26,625
Just like that, you like...
[chewing]
1273
00:51:26,625 --> 00:51:30,421
Leave that
1274
00:51:30,421 --> 00:51:31,880
And after it's done ,
You go into the car
1275
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:33,716
and cruise ship -
the same feeling.
1276
00:51:33,716 --> 00:51:36,427
Explore the house,
and you're like...
1277
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:38,929
[imitating crying]
1278
00:51:38,929 --> 00:51:42,057
"I'm a bad person, man."
1279
00:51:42,057 --> 00:51:44,101
Sad.
1280
00:51:45,394 --> 00:51:48,063
I have to cut it.
1281
00:51:48,063 --> 00:51:50,441
I have to cut it, man.
1282
00:51:50,441 --> 00:51:52,192
I tried to stay healthy.
1283
00:51:52,192 --> 00:51:53,819
I tried to adjust
to my own skin
1284
00:51:53,819 --> 00:51:55,988
That's right-
1285
00:51:55,988 --> 00:51:57,239
You know, I'm trying to
feel good about myself.
1286
00:51:57,239 --> 00:52:00,409
This is a belief
about people.
1287
00:52:00,409 --> 00:52:01,952
You want to feel it
confident and arrogant,
1288
00:52:01,952 --> 00:52:03,037
But, like, not too much.
1289
00:52:03,037 --> 00:52:04,872
Like, I have tested my ego.
1290
00:52:04,872 --> 00:52:07,082
I had a car accident.
1291
00:52:07,082 --> 00:52:09,960
A man hit me.
A man hit me.
1292
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:13,672
I'm at a red light.
A man hit me, okay?
1293
00:52:13,672 --> 00:52:15,257
Red light, bro,
1294
00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:17,051
man, bmm-bmm-bmm, hit me,
1295
00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:19,428
and I got out of my car.
1296
00:52:19,428 --> 00:52:20,721
He got out of his car,
and I went to say something.
1297
00:52:20,721 --> 00:52:25,601
Before I can say anything,
He said, "Hey, what is this?"
1298
00:52:25,601 --> 00:52:27,102
And I said...
[taunting] "That's my line.
1299
00:52:27,102 --> 00:52:30,939
" I said that.
That's me
1300
00:52:30,939 --> 00:52:32,816
"I did--
That's what I did.
1301
00:52:32,816 --> 00:52:35,527
You said, & apos; I'm sorry, & apos;
I feel like. "
1302
00:52:35,527 --> 00:52:37,404
He's a big-ass man.
1303
00:52:37,404 --> 00:52:38,280
He's big, jacking up,
1304
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:42,284
and he has a tattoo
on his face
1305
00:52:42,284 --> 00:52:44,912
Question mark.
1306
00:52:44,912 --> 00:52:47,581
You're good, bro
On your face?
1307
00:52:47,581 --> 00:52:49,041
You cash ?
Do you have cancer?
1308
00:52:49,041 --> 00:52:50,459
What's wrong?
On your face?
1309
00:52:50,459 --> 00:52:52,211
I feel like that some, like,
"I didn't give -
1310
00:52:52,211 --> 00:52:53,921
"Whatever, bro.
Finish.
1311
00:52:53,921 --> 00:52:56,382
" I don't care.
1312
00:52:56,382 --> 00:52:58,050
"I've collected
Marlboro miles for many years. year.
1313
00:52:58,050 --> 00:52:59,802
I will withdraw the money. "
1314
00:52:59,802 --> 00:53:02,262
In your face?
1315
00:53:02,262 --> 00:53:04,848
So I can't
to win this war
1316
00:53:04,848 --> 00:53:05,891
This man is on my face.
I don't have -
1317
00:53:05,891 --> 00:53:09,395
I was reserved.
I was like, "Whatever, man."
1318
00:53:09,395 --> 00:53:11,063
And at that time,
I was like,
1319
00:53:11,063 --> 00:53:11,980
"I can't win this argument
with this dude
1320
00:53:11,980 --> 00:53:14,817
I can't beat him physically. "
1321
00:53:14,817 --> 00:53:17,903
But I'm like," If it's already
a superpower now,
1322
00:53:17,903 --> 00:53:22,199
"You know, that won't happen,
like, flying or invisible
1323
00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:26,662
I want to be able to
to get rid of pimples on someone. "
1324
00:53:26,662 --> 00:53:28,288
Right?
She's all," Fuck. "
1325
00:53:28,288 --> 00:53:31,834
I like, "Fuck?
Fuck, dude."
1326
00:53:31,834 --> 00:53:35,421
No!
1327
00:53:35,421 --> 00:53:38,674
Hit him all over
body, shoulders, bacne.
1328
00:53:38,674 --> 00:53:40,134
Hit him bacne.
1329
00:53:40,134 --> 00:53:42,511
Hit him with kn-acne,
it's knee pimples
1330
00:53:42,511 --> 00:53:46,598
Light him up,
light him
1331
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:47,683
Scar he is physically
and emotionally,
1332
00:53:47,683 --> 00:53:50,144
send him home like that
for several weeks,
1333
00:53:50,144 --> 00:53:51,687
rely on
topical cream
1334
00:53:51,687 --> 00:53:53,856
Leave it seated.
1335
00:53:53,856 --> 00:53:55,107
Leave it seated.
1336
00:53:55,107 --> 00:53:57,526
If you don't laugh
At that time,
1337
00:53:57,526 --> 00:53:59,778
You don't have pimples
when you were little
1338
00:53:59,778 --> 00:54:01,905
I'm really a bad pimple
When I was a kid, dude.
1339
00:54:01,905 --> 00:54:03,615
That was very bad.
That was very bad.
1340
00:54:03,615 --> 00:54:06,034
Like, those pimples, like, the only
Reason I question God.
1341
00:54:06,034 --> 00:54:08,495
I am like, "What, man?
What is the agreement
1342
00:54:08,495 --> 00:54:10,372
" Where are you
this one, player?
1343
00:54:10,372 --> 00:54:12,207
This is ridiculous. "
1344
00:54:12,207 --> 00:54:14,293
Here it is,
13, 14 years.
1345
00:54:14,293 --> 00:54:18,297
You are the ugliest version of
from yourself.
1346
00:54:18,297 --> 00:54:20,048
See photos of
from you at 14
1347
00:54:20,048 --> 00:54:21,717
their TBT on Instagram,
and you're like,
1348
00:54:21,717 --> 00:54:24,636
"Ooh, handsome boy."
1349
00:54:24,636 --> 00:54:25,220
You are ugly, bro
1350
00:54:25,220 --> 00:54:28,223
You are ugly at 14.
1351
00:54:28,223 --> 00:54:31,351
Teens are very dirty
to see, difficult to see.
1352
00:54:31,351 --> 00:54:35,439
They are hard to see, bro.
They are thin.
1353
00:54:35,439 --> 00:54:37,733
[voice cracking]
Their voices are crackling.
1354
00:54:37,733 --> 00:54:39,276
[normal voice]
They rocked in all directions
1355
00:54:39,276 --> 00:54:40,903
like a little
skinny baby courier,
1356
00:54:40,903 --> 00:54:42,821
just hungry and horny like...
1357
00:54:42,821 --> 00:54:44,239
[awkward groaning]
1358
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:45,532
Nasty-looking crea -
1359
00:54:45,532 --> 00:54:47,409
They look like
Tim Burton cartoons.
1360
00:54:47,409 --> 00:54:49,578
They barely live.
1361
00:54:49,578 --> 00:54:51,580
1362
00:54:51,580 --> 00:54:54,291
And you told me about this
a critical point in your life,
1363
00:54:54,291 --> 00:54:57,294
God will be like that,
"Do you know what?
1364
00:54:57,294 --> 00:55:00,422
"I will put
some red pus lumps on his face.
1365
00:55:00,422 --> 00:55:02,299
Pus cupped his face. "
1366
00:55:02,299 --> 00:55:04,760
I don't understand.
I don't understand it.
1367
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:07,513
I'm very bad.
I have to go to Accutane.
1368
00:55:07,513 --> 00:55:09,598
You used to have to sign
a form that says.
1369
00:55:09,598 --> 00:55:12,267
"I can die
from this medicine."
1370
00:55:12,267 --> 00:55:15,145
What's up, guys
What do we say
1371
00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:17,940
I can die
from this medium -
1372
00:55:17,940 --> 00:55:19,024
I can die
from this medicine
1374
00:55:21,568 --> 00:55:22,319
So my mother must sign it.
1375
00:55:22,319 --> 00:55:24,279
I am 16
I will never forget.
1376
00:55:24,279 --> 00:55:26,156
They slipped the sheet
for my mother,
1377
00:55:26,156 --> 00:55:29,952
and she saw it ,
and then he looks at me.
1378
00:55:29,952 --> 00:55:34,248
[chuckles]
1379
00:55:34,248 --> 00:55:36,250
Yes.
1380
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:39,461
[laughter]
1381
00:55:39,461 --> 00:55:42,756
Yes, this - this...
1382
00:55:42,756 --> 00:55:45,717
it's better than your face
1383
00:55:45,717 --> 00:55:47,010
It doesn't matter.
You're a bad child
1384
00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:49,221
You're bad.
1385
00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,973
This... this is for you
1386
00:55:50,973 --> 00:55:54,017
[chuckles]
1387
00:55:54,017 --> 00:55:55,352
I'm very bad.
1388
00:55:55,352 --> 00:55:57,980
My acne is very bad
when I was young.
1389
00:55:57,980 --> 00:56:00,649
When I was in high school,
I played basketball
1390
00:56:00,649 --> 00:56:03,110
for several years
in my high school
1391
00:56:03,110 --> 00:56:04,611
until I found out
about drugs,
1392
00:56:04,611 --> 00:56:07,239
and I'm like,
"See you later, basketball."
1393
00:56:09,241 --> 00:56:12,035
Ah, the true story
1394
00:56:14,246 --> 00:56:15,914
But I play basketball
for a while.
1395
00:56:15,914 --> 00:56:20,085
When I play basketball, I make
JV teams pretty early,
1396
00:56:20,085 --> 00:56:22,254
and we play
in the summer league, okay
1397
00:56:22,254 --> 00:56:24,089
In the summer league, you have
to play all the other schools
1398
00:56:24,089 --> 00:56:26,174
that you will play
in that regular season,
1399
00:56:26,174 --> 00:56:28,510
and I won't never forget
1400
00:56:28,510 --> 00:56:32,097
We went to West Aurora
1401
00:56:32,097 --> 00:56:33,599
to go play these people,
1402
00:56:33,599 --> 00:56:35,434
and they
should defeat us
1403
00:56:35,434 --> 00:56:37,019
They are, like,
a very good school right
1404
00:56:37,019 --> 00:56:38,729
They are really good.
They are all black schools.
1405
00:56:38,729 --> 00:56:42,232
We are black schools.
They will defeat us.
1406
00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:44,443
The point ,
they will win
1407
00:56:44,443 --> 00:56:45,986
And we go there,
1408
00:56:45,986 --> 00:56:49,740
and we beat that crap
out of these people
1409
00:56:49,740 --> 00:56:51,450
I have a game in my life.
1410
00:56:51,450 --> 00:56:54,745
I dropped four points.
I'm burning
1412
00:56:57,122 --> 00:56:58,165
If you know anything
about high school basketball,
1413
00:56:58,165 --> 00:57:00,751
four points are like, whoa.
1414
00:57:00,751 --> 00:57:03,211
What are you, MVP
1415
00:57:03,211 --> 00:57:06,632
Final score, 12-2.
It was an explosion.
1416
00:57:06,632 --> 00:57:08,550
I mean, we went there.
I have a great game.
1417
00:57:08,550 --> 00:57:11,178
I'm on cloud nine.
I feel like a king.
1418
00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:12,679
Then I go, and I go out
1419
00:57:12,679 --> 00:57:15,223
to the hallway
to go drink water.
1420
00:57:15,223 --> 00:57:16,683
I drink water,
bow
1421
00:57:16,683 --> 00:57:17,601
by the fountain
to drink water.
1422
00:57:17,601 --> 00:57:20,020
A small black child, likes,
eight year
1423
00:57:20,020 --> 00:57:21,313
walking in the hallway
1424
00:57:21,313 --> 00:57:23,065
Come to me and leave,
"Hey, yo, white boys.
1425
00:57:23,065 --> 00:57:24,608
Boys white man. "
1426
00:57:24,608 --> 00:57:26,276
I went," What's wrong? "
1427
00:57:26,276 --> 00:57:28,820
You're pretty good, man
1428
00:57:28,820 --> 00:57:29,946
Oh, thank you, man.
1429
00:57:29,946 --> 00:57:32,449
1430
00:57:35,744 --> 00:57:36,286
He went, "For white boys."
1431
00:57:36,286 --> 00:57:39,790
And I'm still like,
"Thank you.
1432
00:57:39,790 --> 00:57:41,667
I appreciate that."
1434
00:57:44,753 --> 00:57:47,422
I'll take it.
1435
00:57:47,422 --> 00:57:48,965
He's gone.
Feeling good.
1436
00:57:48,965 --> 00:57:50,759
Go down to get more water.
He arrived at the doorway .
1437
00:57:50,759 --> 00:57:52,719
He stopped...
1438
00:57:52,719 --> 00:57:56,723
He turned and left,
"Hey, yo, white boy."
1439
00:57:56,723 --> 00:57:58,350
I said, "What's wrong, man?
What happened?"
1440
00:57:58,350 --> 00:58:01,687
He said, "What is this?
your whole face?"
1441
00:58:05,482 --> 00:58:07,067
It's still sick today.
1442
00:58:07,067 --> 00:58:10,153
I'm in my 30s.
1443
00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:11,780
The piece goes
to the bone.
1444
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:14,658
You know what I mean?
1445
00:58:14,658 --> 00:58:15,992
Then I walk
to him slowly, and I say,
1446
00:58:15,992 --> 00:58:21,623
"Well, this is what happened
When your father sticks."
1447
00:58:21,623 --> 00:58:23,125
[audience complains
1448
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:26,128
No, I didn't say that.
1449
00:58:26,128 --> 00:58:30,048
That's a joke, friend.
1450
00:58:30,048 --> 00:58:31,675
No, I called him the word N.
1451
00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:33,093
Then I got out of there
as soon as possible
1452
00:58:33,093 --> 00:58:35,554
No, stop it.
1453
00:58:35,554 --> 00:58:39,683
I cried on the bus, man.
I cried on the bus.
1454
00:58:41,435 --> 00:58:44,521
[chuckles]
1455
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:50,569
Must have sense
humor, man
1456
00:58:51,820 --> 00:58:52,738
But I'm always loved
black people.
1457
00:58:52,738 --> 00:58:56,324
I always do it
I'm right- right doing it
I'm still doing.
1458
00:58:56,324 --> 00:58:58,827
I'm still in love
black people, man
1459
00:58:58,827 --> 00:59:00,579
I think they are
fantastic humans
1460
00:59:00,579 --> 00:59:01,913
Black people
always accept me
1461
00:59:01,913 --> 00:59:05,083
Black people really do it.
White people never like me.
1462
00:59:05,083 --> 00:59:07,127
White people don't like
redhead for several reasons.
1463
00:59:07,127 --> 00:59:08,754
There is this.
1464
00:59:10,422 --> 00:59:13,216
White people see red-haired,
1465
00:59:13,216 --> 00:59:17,012
and they are like,
"What do we do with it?"
1466
00:59:17,012 --> 00:59:18,764
They don't like us.
They don't trust us.
1467
00:59:18,764 --> 00:59:21,808
Mereka membuat satu hari untuk menendang kita.
1468
00:59:21,808 --> 00:59:25,437
Contact us name--
"You shoot the crotch, you ginger."
1469
00:59:25,437 --> 00:59:27,022
They ask us stupid questions,
1470
00:59:27,022 --> 00:59:29,608
like the carpet
matches curtain?
1471
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:32,694
Black people
never said that to me.
1472
00:59:32,694 --> 00:59:35,697
White people - "The carpet
matches the curtains, buds?"
1473
00:59:35,697 --> 00:59:37,699
And I'm always like,
"Do you adults ask
1474
00:59:37,699 --> 00:59:40,869
" about my dick's hair?
1475
00:59:40,869 --> 00:59:42,537
"Is that the level?
that you're at
1476
00:59:42,537 --> 00:59:45,207
"You worry
about my penis hair, man.
1477
00:59:45,207 --> 00:59:48,460
" If you have to know,
it's hardwood floors
1478
00:59:48,460 --> 00:59:51,713
There is no carpet there, bro. "
1479
00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:54,508
[mimicking the razor]
1480
00:59:54,508 --> 00:59:56,051
I cleaned it.
1481
00:59:56,051 --> 00:59:58,553
Go a little bell
from the Target
1482
00:59:58,553 --> 01:00:00,263
and clean the crap.
1483
01:00:00,263 --> 01:00:04,559
[mimicking a razor]
1484
01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:06,895
You are down there.
That's like -
1485
01:00:06,895 --> 01:00:09,606
[imitating a razor buzzing loudly]
1486
01:00:09,606 --> 01:00:11,817
Work
overtime down there
1487
01:00:11,817 --> 01:00:15,362
It's a no-fly zone,
no-fly zone
1488
01:00:16,905 --> 01:00:18,406
Maybe it's dead down there,
like...
1489
01:00:18,406 --> 01:00:19,866
[mimicking a razor]
I can't, I can't.
1490
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:25,163
white people
never like me
1491
01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:27,082
They don't never did it.
They always make fun of me.
1492
01:00:27,082 --> 01:00:28,834
It checks reality.
1493
01:00:28,834 --> 01:00:30,627
Now people like, "Huh?
What are you talking about?"
1494
01:00:30,627 --> 01:00:32,128
White people always
make fun of redheaded people.
1495
01:00:32,128 --> 01:00:33,088
These redheads are wasted.
1496
01:00:33,088 --> 01:00:35,465
We're this weird minority
for some reason ,
1497
01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:36,591
but black people
always like me
1498
01:00:36,591 --> 01:00:38,426
They really did it.
They took it to me.
1499
01:00:38,426 --> 01:00:42,264
Like black people like white
people with flaws
1500
01:00:44,099 --> 01:00:47,435
I'm like a dog
with one bad leg
1501
01:00:47,435 --> 01:00:48,728
You know, white people
don't adopt that dog,
1502
01:00:48,728 --> 01:00:50,772
But black people are like,
"No no No.
1503
01:00:50,772 --> 01:00:53,108
"He is good, he is good, he is good.
1504
01:00:53,108 --> 01:00:54,442
" He will be fine.
Come here, Tripod.
1505
01:00:54,442 --> 01:00:55,402
"He will alright.
Tripod
1506
01:00:55,402 --> 01:00:58,280
"Come here, Tripod.
1507
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:00,115
This will work."
1508
01:01:01,533 --> 01:01:03,410
That's right.
1509
01:01:03,410 --> 01:01:04,619
It only made me feel normal
when I was little
1510
01:01:04,619 --> 01:01:07,122
So I like the culture of hip-hop.
1511
01:01:07,122 --> 01:01:09,124
I love everything
all my black friends like ,
1512
01:01:09,124 --> 01:01:11,626
so much that in the 90s,
1513
01:01:11,626 --> 01:01:13,169
people used to say this word
1514
01:01:13,169 --> 01:01:14,379
Ordinary people call me
a "wigger."
1515
01:01:14,379 --> 01:01:15,755
Do you remember that word?
1516
01:01:15,755 --> 01:01:20,010
Don't feel uncomfortable.
You all say it
1517
01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:21,803
You all said it
1518
01:01:21,803 --> 01:01:23,555
I don't know why we got it
get rid of it
That's funny.
1519
01:01:23,555 --> 01:01:25,265
You should have been stuck
around for a while.
1520
01:01:25,265 --> 01:01:26,141
Ordinary people call me
a "wigger."
1521
01:01:26,141 --> 01:01:28,435
People used
to say "wigger" to me
1522
01:01:28,435 --> 01:01:30,395
Because they think
it will hurt my feelings
1523
01:01:30,395 --> 01:01:32,939
They think, like,
That is the way to get my goat.
1524
01:01:32,939 --> 01:01:34,816
Do you know what I mean? < br /> And I will never forget.
1525
01:01:34,816 --> 01:01:36,651
I was on the basketball court
the first time I heard it,
1526
01:01:36,651 --> 01:01:38,820
and we have won
this basketball game ,
1527
01:01:38,820 --> 01:01:40,989
and this man
from the losing team said...
1528
01:01:40,989 --> 01:01:41,907
[scoffs]
"Whatever, bro.
1529
01:01:41,907 --> 01:01:44,993
That dude is nothing
but wigger. "
1530
01:01:44,993 --> 01:01:45,702
And all my black
friends heard it,
1531
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:46,912
and they were disappointed.
1532
01:01:46,912 --> 01:01:49,539
They heard it say that,
and they are like...
1533
01:01:49,539 --> 01:01:51,625
[scoffing, exhaling deeply]
1534
01:01:51,625 --> 01:01:52,834
That's how they sound,
like a train
1535
01:01:52,834 --> 01:01:53,919
They're like...
1536
01:01:53,919 --> 01:01:55,670
[scoffing, exhaling deeply]
1537
01:01:55,670 --> 01:01:58,840
When black people get screwed up,
Sounds like a train, just...
1538
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:01,885
[scoffs, exhales deeply]
1539
01:02:01,885 --> 01:02:02,969
Next stop, Sedgwick.
1540
01:02:07,432 --> 01:02:09,684
But they're screwed
1541
01:02:09,684 --> 01:02:11,353
That's why
a attack, you know
1542
01:02:11,353 --> 01:02:13,605
They don't like that,
but when I heard it,
1544
01:02:15,774 --> 01:02:18,652
"That white dude is nothing
but a wigger."
1545
01:02:18,652 --> 01:02:21,696
And I hear it,
and I'm like, "Oh...
1546
01:02:21,696 --> 01:02:23,448
" Oh...
1547
01:02:23,448 --> 01:02:26,368
so close. "
1548
01:02:28,662 --> 01:02:32,082
How do I get N?
How do I get N?
1549
01:02:32,082 --> 01:02:32,791
This is Karl Kani's jeans.
1550
01:02:32,791 --> 01:02:34,793
This is Perry Ellis's shirt. <
1551
01:02:34,793 --> 01:02:37,545
Give it to me.
I bought Timberland shoes.
1552
01:02:37,545 --> 01:02:41,216
Say if you would say it,
you racist bastard
1553
01:02:41,216 --> 01:02:43,385
Tell me.
1554
01:02:44,052 --> 01:02:46,763
How do I get it, man?
1555
01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:51,518
It's just that I became real.
That's all.
1556
01:02:53,728 --> 01:02:56,272
I want to be a black person.
I thought I'm black.
1557
01:02:56,272 --> 01:02:57,440
I think I'm black.
1558
01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:58,733
Even today,
1559
01:02:58,733 --> 01:03:00,443
I still have a lot of
black friends,
1560
01:03:00,443 --> 01:03:03,905
and I have to tell you...
1561
01:03:03,905 --> 01:03:07,575
[laughter]
1562
01:03:07,575 --> 01:03:09,494
Every time I talk
to my black male friend,
1563
01:03:09,494 --> 01:03:14,290
I always like, "Hey, man,
don't date white girls."
1564
01:03:14,290 --> 01:03:15,917
Don't date white girl.
1565
01:03:15,917 --> 01:03:17,669
Not because I'm racist.
I'm definitely not racist.
1566
01:03:17,669 --> 01:03:19,212
I have a black friend.
1567
01:03:20,714 --> 01:03:22,716
I'm not a racist.
1568
01:03:22,716 --> 01:03:25,176
I told my black friends
not to date white girls
1569
01:03:25,176 --> 01:03:29,264
Because I really care about
about the future of sports.
1570
01:03:30,515 --> 01:03:32,392
That's it.
1571
01:03:32,392 --> 01:03:34,728
We don't need
placekickers and long snapper.
1572
01:03:34,728 --> 01:03:36,980
We want a dunk contest,
right?
1573
01:03:36,980 --> 01:03:39,983
Bagaimana Anda mendapatkan Heisman?
Kamu tahu apa maksudku?
1574
01:03:39,983 --> 01:03:42,652
Not from Jerome and Cassie.
Uh-eh.
1575
01:03:42,652 --> 01:03:45,071
Jerome and Jaquanda -
1576
01:03:45,071 --> 01:03:47,866
That's how we will do
make Heisman,
1577
01:03:47,866 --> 01:03:49,409
two beautiful chocolate
1578
01:03:49,409 --> 01:03:50,702
makes love under
beautiful brown rain
1579
01:03:50,702 --> 01:03:53,371
temporary shower
he has shoes.
1580
01:03:53,371 --> 01:03:55,457
We know the formula.
1581
01:03:55,457 --> 01:03:56,541
We know the formula.
1582
01:03:56,541 --> 01:04:00,420
[applause and applause]
1583
01:04:06,468 --> 01:04:07,510
Drake is number one
in hip-hop
1584
01:04:07,510 --> 01:04:10,138
His name is Aubrey.
1585
01:04:10,138 --> 01:04:12,265
- [woman] Whoo!
- [man] Yeah!
1586
01:04:12,265 --> 01:04:15,435
We let him get away with that.
1587
01:04:15,435 --> 01:04:19,481
Drake's name is Aubrey,
and nobody says nonsense about it.
1588
01:04:19,481 --> 01:04:20,940
Aubrey,
number one in hip-hop
1589
01:04:20,940 --> 01:04:22,400
What's his name, Aubrey?
Understood.
1590
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:24,986
Okay, cool.
We're good.
1591
01:04:26,196 --> 01:04:26,988
Dia memiliki daging sapi dengan Meek Mill.
1592
01:04:26,988 --> 01:04:29,491
That is big beef.
You are it
1593
01:04:29,491 --> 01:04:32,160
Tag, that's all
you are
Marking.
1594
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:34,079
Remember the actual beef ?
1595
01:04:34,079 --> 01:04:35,997
You remember when hip-hop
Is it, like, real beef?
1596
01:04:35,997 --> 01:04:37,665
People hate each other.
1597
01:04:37,665 --> 01:04:40,126
Tupac and Biggie hate < br /> each other so much,
1598
01:04:40,126 --> 01:04:43,421
and they are good friends
at one point.
1599
01:04:43,421 --> 01:04:45,090
They have very deep beef
1600
01:04:45,090 --> 01:04:48,343
Tupac started a song
called "Hit" Em Up "-
1601
01:04:48,343 --> 01:04:50,178
Before he started
the lyrics, he left,
1602
01:04:50,178 --> 01:04:53,473
" So I fucked your bitch,
You fat bastard
1603
01:04:53,473 --> 01:04:55,767
♪ Take money ♪
1604
01:04:55,767 --> 01:04:57,644
That's what he said.
1605
01:04:59,813 --> 01:05:01,397
You're fat.
Screwed your girlfriend.
1606
01:05:01,397 --> 01:05:04,025
Okay, let's go
We start.
1607
01:05:04,025 --> 01:05:06,069
That's crazy.
1608
01:05:06,069 --> 01:05:08,029
That's how
he hates that guy
1609
01:05:08,029 --> 01:05:09,906
That's real beef.
1610
01:05:09,906 --> 01:05:11,866
I feel like hip-hop,
like, subside, you know
1611
01:05:11,866 --> 01:05:14,244
It's just, like,
going on roadside,
1612
01:05:14,244 --> 01:05:17,622
and I blame one person
for the death of hip-hop
1613
01:05:17,622 --> 01:05:21,334
His name is Macklemore.
1614
01:05:22,585 --> 01:05:25,213
That dude is the worst.
1615
01:05:25,213 --> 01:05:28,716
That dude is the worst.
1616
01:05:28,716 --> 01:05:32,595
Macklemore is wrong
for all this nonsense to the south.
1617
01:05:32,595 --> 01:05:34,055
Macklemore is not hip-hop.
1618
01:05:34,055 --> 01:05:36,558
You can love it,
But he's not hip-hop, okay?
1619
01:05:36,558 --> 01:05:38,393
That's pop.
1620
01:05:38,393 --> 01:05:41,771
He talks about going downtown
with a scooter with his friends
1621
01:05:41,771 --> 01:05:44,399
♪ Go to downtown ♪
1622
01:05:44,399 --> 01:05:46,693
♪ With my friends
on friction, beep, beep ♪
1623
01:05:46,693 --> 01:05:48,695
Come on, bro.
1624
01:05:48,695 --> 01:05:50,029
What?
1625
01:05:50,029 --> 01:05:51,948
You will go downtown downtown
with your friend
1626
01:05:51,948 --> 01:05:53,408
on a scooter, Macklemore?
1627
01:05:53,408 --> 01:05:55,368
That's not hip-hop.
1628
01:05:55,368 --> 01:05:57,662
Hip-hop doesn't go downtown.
1629
01:05:57,662 --> 01:06:01,082
Hip-hop lives in the center city,
and it goes to the suburbs
1630
01:06:01,082 --> 01:06:05,461
and robs those people
and returns to the city center.
1631
01:06:05,461 --> 01:06:07,797
It doesn't go downtown.
1632
01:06:07,797 --> 01:06:09,632
Speaking of thrift stores.
1633
01:06:09,632 --> 01:06:11,593
♪ I bought these clothes,
boop bibbity, boop ♪
1634
01:06:11,593 --> 01:06:13,636
Fuck, bro.
1635
01:06:13,636 --> 01:06:17,515
Don't talk badly
about discount clothes!
1636
01:06:17,515 --> 01:06:18,933
♪ This shirt is cheap ♪
1637
01:06:18,933 --> 01:06:20,185
No!
1638
01:06:20,185 --> 01:06:21,477
I don't want to hear it, man.
1639
01:06:21,477 --> 01:06:23,104
I want to hear
a rapper is like...
1640
01:06:23,104 --> 01:06:24,022
♪ Fuck a white man,
give me cash ♪
1641
01:06:24,022 --> 01:06:28,651
And me like,
"You understand, you understand."
1642
01:06:28,651 --> 01:06:30,028
That's what
I want to hear, man.
1643
01:06:30,028 --> 01:06:31,487
I want to hear Rick Ross
like...
1644
01:06:31,487 --> 01:06:32,197
♪ I need a new ship, whoa ♪
1645
01:06:32,197 --> 01:06:35,783
That's what I want to hear.
1646
01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:39,954
Get out of here, Macklemore.
What's wrong with you, bro?
1647
01:06:39,954 --> 01:06:42,123
This person's bullshit
1648
01:06:42,123 --> 01:06:44,125
We can't call him hip-hop.
1649
01:06:44,125 --> 01:06:45,919
It's crazy that he's hip-hop,
because it's not.
1650
01:06:45,919 --> 01:06:49,005
These are all
sensitive-donkeys shit.
1651
01:06:49,005 --> 01:06:51,716
The thing that made me
the craziest about Macklemore
1652
01:06:51,716 --> 01:06:54,469
did he join in writing this song
he got a Grammy nomination for
1653
01:06:54,469 --> 01:06:56,262
It's arguably
making it famous, right?
1654
01:06:56,262 --> 01:06:58,014
That makes it famous right?
1655
01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,808
It's called "Same Love."
It's about same-sex marriage.
1656
01:07:00,808 --> 01:07:05,146
Well, the song and the depth of
from the song I didn't reject
1657
01:07:05,146 --> 01:07:06,856
I'm for same-sex marriage.
1658
01:07:06,856 --> 01:07:09,817
I don't care
who you want to marry, okay
1659
01:07:09,817 --> 01:07:10,485
You want to get married
who do you want to marry <
1660
01:07:10,485 --> 01:07:13,029
Go crazy, man.
1661
01:07:13,029 --> 01:07:16,699
You don't make love with children or animals,
I don't care
1662
01:07:16,699 --> 01:07:18,117
That's for me.
1664
01:07:22,705 --> 01:07:23,581
Do you want to get married
your toaster?
1665
01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:27,252
Become crazy.
Don't give it back again.
1666
01:07:27,252 --> 01:07:29,254
I don't want to buy
a toaster that is messed up
1667
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:33,258
So the song is fine.
1668
01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:37,053
It's at the beginning
of the song, intro
1669
01:07:37,053 --> 01:07:40,390
He said, "When do I
in third grade,
1670
01:07:40,390 --> 01:07:42,183
I think I'm gay. "
1671
01:07:42,183 --> 01:07:45,937
[tune hums]
1672
01:07:45,937 --> 01:07:48,356
Remember this nonsense?
1673
01:07:48,356 --> 01:07:50,358
I thought I gay.
1674
01:07:50,358 --> 01:07:53,528
When I was in third grade,
I thought I was gay.
1675
01:07:55,738 --> 01:07:56,531
That's what he said.
1676
01:07:56,531 --> 01:07:58,866
I think
I'm one of you
1677
01:07:58,866 --> 01:08:01,703
Thank God I'm not.
I'm not, but I think so.
1678
01:08:01,703 --> 01:08:03,538
I think so
1679
01:08:03,538 --> 01:08:06,541
I hate that.
I hate that
because they applaud him.
1680
01:08:06,541 --> 01:08:08,293
They're like,
"Oh, how brave.
1681
01:08:08,293 --> 01:08:09,877
"How dare Macklemore.
1682
01:08:09,877 --> 01:08:12,922
" He thinks
he's a homosexual
1683
01:08:12,922 --> 01:08:14,632
"In third grade,
he thinks he's a homosexual
1684
01:08:14,632 --> 01:08:19,429
"He doesn't, which is good,
But he thinks so.
1685
01:08:19,429 --> 01:08:21,556
He thinks he's gay."
1686
01:08:21,556 --> 01:08:24,392
And they think that,
like, things who is at risk to say -
1687
01:08:24,392 --> 01:08:28,771
"I think I'm gay
When I'm third grade."
1688
01:08:28,771 --> 01:08:32,150
I hate that crap.
1689
01:08:32,150 --> 01:08:34,694
You remember third grade?
1690
01:08:34,694 --> 01:08:36,654
I do
1691
01:08:36,654 --> 01:08:39,741
All people are gay.
1692
01:08:39,741 --> 01:08:41,659
Everyone here
1693
01:08:41,659 --> 01:08:45,872
in third grade is gay.
1694
01:08:45,872 --> 01:08:48,124
- [applause and applause]
- you're all gay
1695
01:08:48,124 --> 01:08:49,834
I'm wearing sweaty pants
I'm turning recording device.
1696
01:08:49,834 --> 01:08:52,253
I am very gay.
1697
01:08:52,253 --> 01:08:54,005
I used Rollerblade
around my environment.
1698
01:08:54,005 --> 01:08:56,007
like, "Hey, fellas."
1699
01:08:56,007 --> 01:08:57,633
I will get bored all day long.
1700
01:08:57,633 --> 01:08:59,010
Like...
[tune hums]
1701
01:08:59,010 --> 01:09:00,928
I'm homosexual, bro.
1702
01:09:00,928 --> 01:09:02,472
That's not a question.
That is a fact.
1703
01:09:02,472 --> 01:09:04,182
The gay boy is bad luck.
1704
01:09:04,182 --> 01:09:06,225
Gay redhead boy
skating backwards
1705
01:09:06,225 --> 01:09:08,186
I'm gay, man.
1706
01:09:08,186 --> 01:09:09,020
I'm gay when I am
in third grade.
1707
01:09:09,020 --> 01:09:11,397
You're all gay
in third grade.
1708
01:09:11,397 --> 01:09:13,024
I will beg my mother
let me sleep
1709
01:09:13,024 --> 01:09:14,984
at other boys' homes
every night of the week
1710
01:09:14,984 --> 01:09:17,570
I want to sleep at Billy's house.
1711
01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:19,864
What are you doing there?
None of your business, Mom!
1712
01:09:19,864 --> 01:09:22,116
Call!
1713
01:09:22,116 --> 01:09:24,452
I am very gay in third grade.
1714
01:09:24,452 --> 01:09:26,662
If another boy accuses me of
likes girls,
1715
01:09:26,662 --> 01:09:29,957
I will kill the child.
1716
01:09:29,957 --> 01:09:31,000
Chicago, Illinois,
I have to go.
1717
01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:35,046
I'm Andrew Santino.
Thank you very much, man.
1718
01:09:35,046 --> 01:09:36,923
Thank you, friend.
1719
01:09:36,923 --> 01:09:38,758
I love you, Chicago.
1720
01:09:38,758 --> 01:09:41,302
[applause and applause]
1721
01:09:41,302 --> 01:09:44,180
♪ hip-hop music ♪
1722
01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:48,810
♪
1723
01:09:53,147 --> 01:09:55,983
All people who
have lived in this building, man.
1724
01:09:55,983 --> 01:09:58,111
Locals, babies -
Jordan, Pippen,
1725
01:09:58,111 --> 01:10:00,238
Longley, Kerr, Paxton.
1726
01:10:00,238 --> 01:10:01,197
You know that, man.
1727
01:10:01,197 --> 01:10:03,116
Ryne Sandberg used to have it
1728
01:10:03,116 --> 01:10:06,994
and stay on one of the big
white poles at the top.
1729
01:10:06,994 --> 01:10:08,830
He must slide down
for breakfast.
1731
01:10:11,791 --> 01:10:13,543
[chuckles] < br /> Not dead.
1732
01:10:13,543 --> 01:10:16,003
Now it's called Willis,
It used to be called Macy's s Tower,
1733
01:10:16,003 --> 01:10:17,004
after Macy's s
Thanksgiving Parade,
1734
01:10:17,004 --> 01:10:19,799
because most of it floats
1735
01:10:19,799 --> 01:10:21,509
made here
in this building
1736
01:10:21,509 --> 01:10:24,345
This is actually anatomy
to measure...
1737
01:10:24,345 --> 01:10:25,596
even the ball.
1738
01:10:25,596 --> 01:10:27,014
Penis doesn't
1739
01:10:27,014 --> 01:10:28,891
They run out of clay,
but the ball is full
1740
01:10:28,891 --> 01:10:31,686
And if you look far beyond me, < that's the Adams Street Bridge,
1741
01:10:31,686 --> 01:10:34,063
is named, of course,
after Addams Family.
1742
01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:35,815
Duh-na-na-na.
1743
01:10:35,815 --> 01:10:37,442
Oh, you want a fat penis in a bun
or a little dick in a bun?
1744
01:10:37,442 --> 01:10:38,985
I don't want any penis
on a hot dog,
1745
01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:40,695
just an ordinary hot dog
1746
01:10:40,695 --> 01:10:41,696
Alright, we'll give you
Trump's dog, then.
1747
01:10:41,696 --> 01:10:43,322
- Will I give Trump a dog?
- Damn right
1748
01:10:43,322 --> 01:10:46,033
Do you know what?
let me tell you something
1749
01:09:46,033 --> 01:10:47,493
You're not good, and you
are not good for people and -
1750
01:10:47,493 --> 01:10:48,703
We don't care
about your damn soft ass
1751
01:10:48,703 --> 01:10:50,246
Yes.
1752
01:10:50,246 --> 01:10:52,665
I'm sick of this abuse
What I want is -
1753
01:10:52,665 --> 01:10:53,374
Save the pussy-ass shit
for others
1754
01:10:53,374 --> 01:10:55,168
who wants to hear it badly
1755
01:10:55,168 --> 01:10:56,878
- Good night, pussy lips
- Right
1756
01:10:56,878 --> 01:10:58,588
- Good, good night
- See you later, cheese dick.
1757
01:10:58,588 --> 01:10:59,881
Get out of here
1758
01:10:59,881 --> 01:11:01,215
- I'm leaving
- nose pussy
1759
01:11:01,215 --> 01:11:01,671
Well, go.
1760
01:11:03,384 --> 01:11:05,136
[birds singing]
1761
01:11:05,136 --> 01:11:08,014
Tweet, tweety bird.
1762
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:13,144
Hey, Andrew, I think
the crew will get out of here
1763
01:11:13,144 --> 01:11:14,771
[slurring]
Cool guy.
Get out.
1764
01:11:14,771 --> 01:11:16,731
- We wrapped up
- Yeah, I'm here
1765
01:11:16,731 --> 01:11:18,483
Do you need a ride,
or are you good
1766
01:11:18,483 --> 01:11:20,193
I go inside -
I can walk.
1767
01:11:20,193 --> 01:11:21,861
- Good.
- Cool.
1768
01:11:21,861 --> 01:11:24,405
Good luck with your special
or tour guide, whatever this is.
1769
01:11:24,405 --> 01:11:26,532
Thank you Dude.
1770
01:11:26,532 --> 01:11:29,118
Terima kasih, Bernard.