Hey, this is Andrew Santino,
and here I am in my hometown, Chicago, Illinois,
where I'm shooting My stand-up comedy is special,
but before I do it, I want to take you around my city,
and I want to show gems that people don't talk about,
just the type of local goods.
Hey, excuse me. Can I go up?
- No. < br /> - Good.
Fair enough. Chicago.
[woman] Well, I have a meeting, and I don't know you
- It's okay. I understand - Why should I -
You know, That's a strange question to ask.
You're right. Now I think about it -
In the city here, with all crime and everything,
- just go in and go up? - You're right.
The best city in the world, baby - Chicago
Boom, local place -
Willis Tower, in the corner,
of course, from Jackson and Wacker.
Now, Jackson and Wacker are famous for Andrew Jackson
and because the person used was hit. </ P>
Right below me, the Chicago pool,
a beautiful piece of water
People are swimming here. The Olympics are training this.
Jordan is actually in prints when they form it.
They broke it, pulled it out, put it back Blast. </ P>
Here it is on Circle Wiener, bro -
the best hot dogs on Chicago
And they treat me like me from here
Come on in. Hey, let me Get a hot dog, ladies.
- How do you want it? - You know how I want it, man.
What, until your ass or under your throat? </ P>
Come on, order correctly, pussy lips
Let's get together. </ P>
Before continuing this tour, I will drink.
Ah, double fisting.
City Chi is a drinking city. Everyone knows that.
Ah, beer for the crew, beer for the crew,
beer for the crew
Cheers, you guys. Applause.
Okay, we planned it better. We will never get there.
You want to know more about Chicago, Google, okay?
Enjoy the specials.
Applause.
[applause and applause]
Women and men,
This gives me pleasure to introduce you
to my grandson...
Andrew Santino </ p >
[applause and applause]
♪ hip-hop music ♪
♪
We succeed.
We successful.
Yes.
Chicago, Illinois, my hometown, how are you
[applause and applause] </ p >
Yes.
Crazy.
That's my grandmother, dude.
Yeah, that's the best things in the world </ p >
Grandma took me.
Surrender for Mary Garrity, man.
[applause and applause]
Applause.
Cheers for you. Applause.
My grandfather, who died, used to say -
A waiter will take it water, and he will say,
"What is that?" And he will say, "This is water."
And he said, "I'm thirsty, not dirty, so drink a drink." </ P>
So cheerful for my grandfather. </ P>
Ahh. </ P>
Here it is, Chi Town. We succeeded. </ P>
We came a long way. Here. </ P>
I am very happy to be back in this city
I go home. It's amazing.
I feel the vibration again. Do you know what I mean?
I walk around < br /> around the lake
I'm listening for a conversation,
two people are arguing,
shouting at each other with a Chicago accent that thick one.
You know that...
[Chicago accent] Ah, Chicago. This is Chicago.
[normal voice] "A" s ahs.
Chi-cah-go. And Ts is Ds.
Arrives in Chi- cah-go. Do you know that?
"A" s, ahs, T, Ds, everyone is racist
This city is very good.
What a city.
I heard two people fighting.
Two men fight, only in a verbal argument,
no there is something bigger than that,
just arguing, and one person leaves,
"Do you know what? Why don't you suck my dick?" <
And other people leave, "Pfft! You suck my cock."
And I'm like, "Hey, sucking each other's penis, man. "
It must have happened struggling to see, huh?
Come like, " You bastard. "
Ahhh.
Finish him. Finish him.
We have to stop say like that
People have to stop say like that </ p >
Because the girl will start believing it
It has a negative connotation when you say that
You go, "Suck my dick."
We say negative.
Suck my dick.
You say it like it's a bad thing
That's the best In the world. </ P>
That's the best It happened to me. </ P>
We have to say it well. You have to go, "Hey!
"Suck my dick, please, if you have time.
" If not, that's no big deal.
I will like it very much. "</ P>
I'm proud to be from this city
I like this city. I miss it very much.
That's where my family is. My family is still here.
It's nice to go home to home, look at my parents
They're getting older, that's weird
That's a difficult thing, to see your parents grow older -
like, honest old,
You know when your parents say bad luck
that when you were little, You're like,
"Oh, you never used to say like when I was little." </ P>
Like, my mom was like, "Alright, I'll leave home. </ P>
What will you do during the weekend? "</ P>
And my father is watching TV,
and he turns around, and he goes, "Eat steak, watch porn."
I appreciate honesty from that person, very sharp.
I appreciate that.
Tell me the truth, man.
They are increasingly old. Do you know what I mean?
They grow old, but I like it about these people
They're fantastic. They lift me up.
I mean, that's right raising me correctly
I don't know Maybe not.
I grew up here in downtown Chicago
for half my life in Chicago.
In the second half, we moved to the western suburbs right?
We moved to the suburbs Because my sister was born,
and my parents like,
"I won't fuck up two of them
"We can't do that. Very good.
We'll mess it up. It's okay. "
We moved west suburbs, you know,
to try to live better From all of us,
But, like, I'm still aware of Sometimes how, like,
My mother used to love with us subtly.
Like, my mom is crazy.
She's a crazy person in the best way,
but she will, like, Put it in
Like, my parents Somewhat religious right?
You know, I mean, Types of Irish Catholics
Do you know what I mean? </ P>
Like, rather, Do you know what I mean? </ P>
They're like, in a hot tub maybe
But he used to do this.
He used to make me say,
every night before I go to bed,
"Now I lay me down to sleep."
Do you know that? Does anyone know that?
I used to have to say this. I had to repeat it.
I would say, "Now I lay me down down to sleep
"I pray to God my soul continues,
" and if I die before waking up,
I pray to God my soul to be taken . "
I would say that before going to bed,
really fucked-up things...
for a child to say with a loud voice.
If I die before I wake up?
I'm six.
I'll die in the middle of the night,
and God will leave my body, take my soul,
but be like, "Good body, leave the body.
It's okay. Leave."
What is happening?
Crazy people.
I love him. He is the best in the world.
I have the mistake of an Irish Catholic.
I have so many Irish Catholics Guilt when I was little,
I used to flip a coin to determine
whether I would do it or not masturbating that day
Huh? Do you think I'm kidding?
I'll take a quarter
I'll go, "Chief , yes, tail, no. "
I'll turn it over, I'll get a tail,
and I'll go, " Ah, the best two out of three.
We have to go again. Let's see what happens. "
He doesn't defeat me, never wins.
That's how heavy my guilt is.
Seriously, that's how it is, like, in my head
about that God-being-watching-you type of item
Like, my mother used to let us not lock the door
She opposed it.
He's like, "You don't lock the door inside the house.
" If you lock the door inside the house,
that means you're do something you shouldn't do it. "
Yes, that's why we locked the door
Don't come here I pulled my body.
Get out of here.
Leave me alone, miss.
That's how I realized it
The person who found the key inside the house
it must have been discovered masturbating by his wife
one time too much
He's sick of it. He's sick of it.
He's like, "Do you know what?
I'll put the key inside the house."
He's like, "Michael, what are you doing?
"We have the key on the outside of the house
" to keep the criminals from entering inside
There are no criminals in this house. "
[laughs]
Yes, there is, Karen,
and they robbed me < br /> from my freedom
Let me draw on my body in peace.
Leave me alone, Karen.
Anyway, I like being from this city,
and now I live in Los Angeles, California.
I live on the other side of from this big country.
I like it out there.
It doesn't matter. This is my second home
It takes some getting used to.
It's a bit difficult, but the difference is, like,
when I go home, You know, like,
What my mom wants to do is talk about, like, the weather. </ P>
Like, that's a big thing. </ P>
Is it good like this? "
It's like," Yeah, it's better than this
That's why I'm out there. What are you talking about? "</ p >
It's always better. It's always better.
This is There are many things it's not better,
but the weather will always get better,
and he likes to zoom in "feels like a" meter.
You know what it is
The news.
The news person likes it, "This is 62.
Feels like 68."
That is the hope of the Midwest.
That is the hope that is circulating on your body
This is the biggest lie ever told
Who "feels like a" guy? </ P>
I want the job. </ P>
If it's work, I want it tonight. </ P>
I'll drop this nonsense show and go do it tonight.
Men "feel like" - The biggest show ever.
Here in the studio , This is on the barometer.
We will go live for Andrew Santino
Andrew, how does it feel?
How are you doing, news team?
Like 67. Return to you.
Back to you guys. This is good, really good.
This is crazy, man, because the weather here is very fluctuating.
Like, when I'm back, you are never surprised. </ P>
Like, you have never been surprised by something in Chicago,
But, like, the I feel bad when I come back
is homeless.
I always feel bad for homeless people here, man
Like , I don't feel bad For homeless people in LA
People can be angry at me to say that
I don't care.
They is a terrible human, this LA is homeless.
They are terrible. They are terrible people.
I feel bad for Chicago homeless right?
Because they died in winter, and they die in the summer.
They never don't die. They are always dying.
There , like, a week when it's like,
"We can succeed," and that's it,
and they are bucket-drum the way they went through that week
[applause]
Soldiers, man
So I feel bad for the homeless people in Chicago, </ p >
From my heart, Because this is my home.
So when I go home, I give money
I give money today for a homeless person.
I don't lie.
I give money to a homeless person because I feel bad for him.
I know what he has to pass.
I gave the money to that person right?
And I will always do that,
But I also want to see it in the eyes and go ,
"Hey, start walking south.
You don't have anything to do tomorrow
What are you doing here?
You have something on your calendar?
You don't have a calendar. "
You can dragons fly fistfight all over the big country this
I'm sure there are half smoke cigarettes
scattered across this big land
I mean, the wind are their therapists.
It's everywhere.
They can move, man. You know the bird
You know these things ? Do you know those people?
When they leave, follow those people
Birds are born instinctively knowing, during cold weather,
to be like, "Oh, come on get out of here
" Cold. Let's go. This is ridiculous. </ P>
Why are we here? This is ridiculous. "</ P>
But I don't feel bad for homeless people
in Los Angeles at all-- I'm really not
Not me. I don't feel bad for them.
Some people like, "Oh, that's so bad."
I don't care.
I don't care,
Because I live between < br /> these people, and they are rude.
They are rude. Do you know why they are rude?
Because they succeeded. They are in promised land.
It 's 72 degrees outside.
You know what it is is in my place
Seventy-two.
Who paid for it?
I did it
Fuck those people.
They won the lottery.
They slept on the beach.
I went out restaurant, didn't I?
I left the restaurant.
When I first moved there, I have no money
I have no money. </ P>
Get out of the restaurant, have some leftovers, </ p >
goes to a homeless person,
says, "Hey, sir, I have some leftovers.
Do you want this?" </ P>
I'm dating, in front of a woman
Do you want this, sir? </ P>
And the homeless look at me, and he said,
"What's inside that?"
And I looked at him, and I said, "Tomorrow."
Another day on this earth.
What are you, gluten free Eat food
You chicken-blocking me, man
I tried to destroy five.
Help me out What are you doing? </ p >
Why are you doing this?
Time is hard. Who are you?
But I like that.
This is my second home. This is my first home.
LA is my second home, and I like it.
There are lots of things about that I like.
I live now in Los Angeles
in the environment around called West Hollywood.
West Hollywood is a gay environment
This is like here.
It's like where we are now , Boystown
I like the gay environment.
The gay environment is the best environment
I've lived in my life.
It's safe. Beautiful. </ P>
I like it. I like it. </ P>
You go to where you fit,
and I'm fit to that environment, okay
I'm not gay, Dad, but...
I have to live around gay people
They stay clean and safe
I have never been attacked once in my neighborhood,
And by the way, if I am attacked,
I want to be attacked
What a beautiful way to walk home
A man jumps out of the bushes.
Where did you go?
Where? Where?
Huh?
Give me clothes tips
[exhale sharply]
[imitate fluttering wings]
They can fly, you know. </ p >
I have many gay friends because of that.
They are people just like you and me
There is nothing different.
There is nothing different about that environment
It's cleaner and safer, and I like it very much.
The only difference is, I have a big beard.
Why? I don't know
Look at that
And I get hit often. I guessed a lot, okay?
This is confidence booster, fellas
A gay man yells at me, </ p >
"Keep on going, man. Pinch it directly.
Get up from here, man. "
That's some nonsense.
You have to be careful social cues
Social cues are very meaningful, right?
And stupid people.
Men are stupid. We are naturally ignorant.
We're just stupid. We don't care,
By the way, when girls like it, "Fools."
I don't care
You think I care you think me stupid?
I don't care. I know I'm stupid.
It feels really good.
Try going out on your day
without talking about a relationship
That's what you do all day.
It's like, "I heard him with him, but then he" -
And we're just walking around like... [mumbling amused]
That's good.
It's fantastic.
I'm not worried about shit.
That makes my day easier,
but an idiot, and I'm proud to be an idiot.
But social cues Among interesting men
because you have to be careful be careful with what you do
in my environment right?
Like, in my environment, it's a little different,
Because when I walk the way
and I see another man, Right, I do this.
If I see you, and I walk down road, right,
we pass each other,
and I go like this, What are you doing?
If I go like - Yes , You are my dude back right, right
Anda mendorong saya kembali.
He cheated me We were the dude.
Hey, that dude.
We're the dude.
Do we know why we are dude ?
No.
Zero instructions
We walk around like doves all day like,
"Hey, hey. "
We don't care.
I did it to black people to show them that I wasn't a pussy.
I left, "Hey, what's up? We're good, we're good. </ P>
" We're good. I'm good with black people. </ P>
"If there's a fight, < br /> we have black people
"We are good. We have one.
We are good, we are good. We got it."
I don't know why we did that. We share the genitalia.
There is no other reason that we do that with each other.
But you can't do that in my environment
Because that means something < br /> really different...
and it hurts
This is very painful.
I like to stay there. I like I really am.
Like, I like to live in Los Angeles.
I like progressive culture, good? I really am. </ P>
I like the way people think of others
as humans instead of from a subset, right? </ P>
This country goes hand in hand.
Everyone chooses to make a gender neutral bathroom.
I don't know if you know about that,
But there is a big debate happening around this country
about we have to make a gender bathroom -
Should we be able to leave it Other people use the bathroom
it's not originally is it genital right?
That person is transsexual
Should we let them? use our bathroom
Ooh, be careful.
Who knows what can happen?
What can happen?
Nothing.
They will sucks the bathroom you entered
You think your bathroom What matters,
where you release it from all your fluids
You really care about about your fluids
that you care about who comes after
Ketika saya masuk ke sana, Aku seperti, "Aah!
"It's better if someone else deserves to come after me
" I don't want some transvestites coming after that
Who knows what will they do? "
Who do you think you are?
It's a big debate, a gender-neutral bathroom.
And I'm all for that. The bathroom is a bathroom. </ P>
I don't care who uses my bathroom after me
Use it. You have to go, please.
Use the bathroom, man.
This is a good thing.
For years, I have been sick and tired of going to the bar
and see girls cut the bathroom line
when they are too long
They walk into people, and they leave,
"Hi, our line is too long.
"What do you think of me - Can we cut?
Is this cold if we cut?"
I know that stereotypical impression.
I don't care. That's real.
"Can we cut it?" That's real.
And every bastard marches like, "Yes, please."
Also real, also real, also our real impression.
You went like that We went like
Good?
So people let them in,
and I'm bored with that nonsense,
Because we can't use your bathroom
People can't use girls bathrooms in bars
You can use ours Why don't we can use yours?
The only thing I've ever heard is, "Okay, pee in the chair."
Are we
Not me. I'm not pee in a chair.
If you live with someone who pisses on a chair,
it's because they hate your courage
They send You are a message. </ P>
Oh, no, you got the groceries, Karen, you damn shit. </ P>
Damn bastards
He said something to you.
That's between you two.
What are you thinking?
You think we are walking in the bathroom,
just open it, and leave it alone,
and that, like, wherever he goes, he goes.
I know the purpose. I got a laser pointer. </ P>
I know exactly where it went
Pff, there.
Pee in the chair.
That's amazing. That's ridiculous.
For me, I think the improvement always
remove the stall from the men's bathroom at the bar.
Remove them
Urinals or just holes on land,
that doesn't really matter
People will urinate into anything. We don't really care.
But take a stall Get out of the men's bathroom at the bar
because they shouldn't be there in the first place, okay
They should never have be there,
Because a girl can't walk on now and use a urinal.
Unless you can, woman, and then I want to see it.
If you can babble-toe pee, I want to see it.
I don't know whether it's like this or this.
I don't know which method is better,
But if you can do that, I want to check it.
But there should be no stalls in the men's bathroom at the bar
in the first place,
because of who Unfortunately
is you urinating in the bar?
You will poop on the bar You will poop here
Steve, you will /> poop in the bar
The bar where we are, Will you poop in this bar?
You feel fine with that as a person , urinate in the bar?
Okay, now I know who you really are
Lying on - Who are your friends
Who is your family? </ P>
Go home, you animal
Are you, you are a pig
Poop in the bar?
Are you out of your mind?
You're dirty
You're a dirty human
You don't defecate in the bar.
You wake up if you have to defecate
You finish your drink, pinch it,
and you walk home,
so you can defecate in the naked house
like an adult...
like adult adults.
If you defecate in the bar I'm on
and I see you do that,
I will enter, see below, exit,
and go, "Hey, there is a man pooping here
"uses blue Adidas.
Blue Adidas, huh. He is now defecating. "
And then leave you with your mistakes
Why does everyone look at my shoes?
Because you bleed here, Mike.
What's wrong with you?
Let your life be locked, pig.
Go home, you pig
Tell me the next time you see < br /> someone pees in the bathroom
You make me sick. "
It's amazing, man, how do we prote -
We protect the bathroom like that's a big problem. </ P>
Dude, go to the bathroom. </ P>
We protect the bathroom in this country
like something important
This is amazing for me.
Sometimes you go to a restaurant, and you like,
"Hey, can I get the key? to the bathroom? Locked."
They're like, "Oh, yeah, we got the key Here it is. "</ P>
It's attached to the comic big spoon for no reason. </ P>
You have a spoon on that damn thing. </ P>
Now you have to take it there, find a place for it.
This will be a nightmare. Continue.
You will hate every second.
Why do we do that? We lock them.
You keep the bathroom locked?
You are aware in each restaurant,
every restaurant you can walk right on,
go directly to the kitchen
There is no key in the kitchen.
Just walk in and go, "Hey, what's up, you guys?"
Raise your hand in some soup
More salt. Need more salt.
I have to go.
I want to use the bathroom. Do you have the key? </ P>
No. </ P>
Be aware. </ P>
This is a strange country, man. </ P >
We live in a strange country. We live in strange times.
I don't want to talk about anything
that happens now,
but because I have a lot of time, This is the last show,
I will do anything the fuck I want
[pat hands and applause]
So I say this.
I'm proud of where I'm from, okay?
I'm proud from Chicago, Illinois
I'm proud to be United States.
I'm not trying to get on a patriotic kick.
What I want to say is,
We got some messy stuff happening in our country
Time is really crazy
This is very unfortunate as a fuck.
This sucks.
People on both sides > blame people
on both sides, okay?
I have a police in my family.
Any police don't bad guys the bad,
and everyone isn't a bad person right?
This is the same bad thing.
So don't point your finger on both sides.
We have to be better people in general,
on the damn board
That's it. </ p >
That's it.
Good.
I'm a...
I am a man who has just, fortunately,
found a stupid woman enough to survive.
A stupid girl, a stupid girl.
Because look at this, you know.
Like, look at guys. You're dirty
Why did they even leave for us?
Why do women? want to do things with you?
You're dirty
You're disgusting.
Look at the naked woman. </ p >
Take one look to the naked woman right?
Indah, symmetrical, not hairy.
What a creature it is.
Whatever works
is made smooth like a Ferrari, you know?
[imitating a roaring machine] Spend time with that.
And then they get to the man, and they are like,
"Ah, we're running out of time.
" No, place the genitals outside.
"No problem.
" No anyone will see. Who cares?
"Hair? Remove a few strands of hair on it.
Alright, throw a few strands of hair on it."
It's phenomenal.
Every day we have fooled you
Like, we have to wake up, guys,
and just be like, "Ah, cheat them.
" We deceived them again.
We escaped with murder. "
I don't know how we can convince you
to do anything in the first place.
Kiss me where I am pee?
[laughter and applause]
How is it?
Do you know that place do you breathe and eat from?
Can I put my cock there?
Can I clog your source? live with meat?
Life, life hole, can I...
[pops lips] Cork?
I want the cork.
How can it be do you say yes
Cork is that?
This is an extraordinary thing, when you think about it
Like, how can we start sexual chemistry
even to that level do something?
Here it is. A man can go to the bar.
A single man goes to a bar tries to pick up the chicks
He can go there and mumble.
[mumbles]
I want to put my body on your body
That's all he says.
Ground level, I want to put my body in your body.
Can we do that?
You hear debonair in the bar.
You are like, "Okay, I work
for investment companies downtown."
[mumbles]
But what you really say is, like,
"I want to put my body on your body
I want to put my body inside your body. "
That's all.
You're not cool
You're just trying to put some of your body
on someone's body
You have a gap. I got a slice.
Can we do that when? < br /> I put it on that thing?
That's it.
Thinking about it-- it's a difficult thing to do,
to go to the bar and convince a girl I'm the person
that's what you want to do something with.
Think about how difficult it is for us to start.
How do we start?
How is a human I can that point with the cave woman?
How does a caveman say that? When there is no language,
there is no communication ability? </ p >
First of all, whenever you are a caveman,
You just stand around with your friends, muttering
[ murmured amused]
That's it.
Nothing's happening , just a lot...
[bergumam geli]
Then one of you, out of nowhere, will only have an erection
Explain that to the crew.
[mumble]
All your friends are angry
Hey! [mumbling]
They don't like it pointing at them
You have to be a counter nonverbal salesman,
goes up to a woman like...
[mumbles]
What are you selling? He doesn't know.
You can't say it.
Who said yes?
The girl is the slowest on the pack...
on the bad foot > he dragged around
Alright alright.
Good.
How did that happen?
Man who convinced a girl > to do that for the first time
found the fire and wheels that afternoon.
It feels like... [pops lips] Everything clicked.
I got it.
Everything makes sense.
I will be happy see first caveman
to find an exit.
That must be amazing.
Right? The first person is like that....
"Oh!"
[laughs]
That's how all that nonsense on the wall starts.
They are like...
[moans]
Do you think it's ink? It's not ink. </ P>
This is a discordant symbol. </ P >
[applause and applause]
How great is that damn thing?
[applause and applause]
My friend is an artist , and I like,
"I want a fucking papa bear
"with the little bear with the Blackhawks headdress,
" and I want it wearing Jordans for the Bulls
"and white socks, and I want him to eat on a plate
and drink beer. "
And my friend sucked enough pots like I did,
and
So it's damn it's amazing
Flag of Chicago, yeah.
[applause and applause] </ p >
Cool.
That's cool. We have a lot of pride in this city, so we have to
You know what I mean?
> You can't make love with us. </ P>
Come on make love with us Where is my crane camera? </ P>
Come on make love with us, the rest of the United States.
[click tongue] Tear your throat.
[applause and applause]
I'll be killed on the road in Cincinnati
in, like, three months.
[laughs]
Dirt.
No, I have a woman.
I have a woman this year. I'm locked up. </ P>
I got married this year, that's great
That's a great thing. Don't clap for that.
Please don't clap for that nonsense Because that's the egg he's on,
and I don't need it
No , I'm married, and that's good
That's very fun. We have fun.
Yes, that's fun. Thank you a lot.
- [applause and applause] - Awesome.
That's cool, very cool.
He came to me while jumping, and he was like,
he was like, "what do you think? about doing, like, bachelor,
party single, like, all of that? "
We don't talk about it, like, really all that
We really don't really < br /> go into the ins and outs,
and I'm like, "Okay, whatever you want to do
He's like," You want to? Have bachelor party? "
And I'm like," I don't know.
"Like, I stand tall to live,
" So, like, that always good from the damn bachelor party.
My life is very good bachelor party. "
I'm like," No, I'm good. " Do you know what I mean?
Like, I just took my best friend for his bachelor party,
and I was like that, "That's good enough for me."
Don't feel like You can't. "
He's like, " Are you cool with that? "
I'm like," I promised. I'm really cool with that. <
Whatever you want to do, you are good. Do it.
She's like, "Okay, believe me. </ p >
That will be classy. "
That's bullshit.
Girls like, " This will be classy.
"Single party - it will be cla - I promise.
We won't go crazy as you thought we would get. "
He's like," We're leaving Northern California
"to the vineyard.
We will taste wine. "
So in a girl's brain, they think that we think
is good and sweet, but I know the truth
I know they don't taste the wine
I know they breathe wine. </ P>
I know they've started purple toothed out,
Charlie Chaplain-ing around the city like...
[mumbling amused]
I know.
I know what do you do, looks like Grimace
[mumbles as badly] I know.
Lying to me , You're a drunk...
trying to pretend like -
We pretend to like wine very sophisticated
It's still liquor .
Smelly grapes, that's all
Go to the vineyard tour with his girlfriend
Look, because this is the problem about single parties.
I'm sure every girl in this room
is an extraordinary human.
I'm sure you all stand-up residents
until you get it In a party single,
and then you a piece of crap
Then you're really bullshit.
Then you're stormy around city like,
"Look at us, penis everywhere
" Penises on our body.
"What?
"Penis necklace. These are tights.
" This is a dick necklace. This is a dick cap.
"These are dick glasses. < br /> They are dick shoes.
"Look at that. This one comes
"It came out of that shoe. [giggling]
When I went like that, it came."
What's wrong with you?
Who are your parents?
Don't be shy,
these women who go around the city do that nonsense
This is amazing - single party
who took over every bar they went to, screamed.
This whore works in HR during the day, but in night...
they are like, "Penis, penis, penis.
Penis, penis, penis, penis."
Who your parents?
Not shameless.
You are aware of some small children in China
have to make them penis prints?
Some small children in China penis presses,
penis sunglasses,
so you can come out like, "Cocks, chicken in my head."
Psycho
That's where people beat you
That, like, one place we beat you
We might be more stupid than you, but we beat you there
We beat you with a landslide,
because I have never been to a bachelor party
where they are like, "Santino, are you ready to go?
Wear your pussy costume. Let's go. "</ P>
I put one on like...
[laughs] " Come on, go. </ P>
"Clean me up. < br /> Steve, let me get wet.
"Get wet. Get the clitoris wet.
" Go, wet.
This is what we want it. "
" Vaginer. "
We beat you
So we went and married overseas
We went to Costa Rica. We went to Costa Rica.
Very good. Central America, a beautiful place. </ P>
Costa Rica is amazing. </ P>
We like it. It's fantastic. </ P>
I'm not know that racism everywhere.
I don't know, but that's the way it is,
but it's really fucking.
Here it is < br /> at our hotel,
two men were fighting with one person,
two people in one, two versus one,
worked This dude, and I looked out the window,
and I was like, "Oh, God, what happened?"
To local people.
And local people, who we know, who are our friends,
like, "Oh, yes, fight?"
And I'm like, "Yeah, what happened?"
I'm ready for the story.
And he's like, "Alright, you see this person is on the ground
"You see it on the ground,
" This person they kicked in advance?
"Did you see it? <
"You know, this person is their ground is kicking teeth.
You see it?"
I'm like, "Yeah, yes, sure.
Yes, what is that? "
And he left, " Oh, yes, this person,
this person is in land, he's from Panama
What?
"He's from Panama. Panama, country.
Panama."
That's it?
That was as deep as the well was dug up
"He's from Panama." That's it.
I'm like, "But what about the fight?
Like, how are you - how did the fight occur?"
He said, "Oh, sí, sí, sí, sí, sí.
"Alright, be this person on the ground,
" he cut this guy in traffic,
"and he said to him, & apos; Hey, what is that? & apos;
" And this person, he said, "Hey, man, fuck you."
"So this person, he got out of his car,
" and he said, & apos ; Mm-mm, fuck you. & Apos;
"So they shouted to each other. </ P>
" So this person said fuck you. </ P>
"This person, kill you This person, fuck -
So these two people are sleeping with you right now. "
I'm like, "Nobody fucked me.
What are you talking about?"
"And then his friend, he heard He was from the other side way,
"and his friend, he said, & apos; Hey, what happened? & apos;
" He said, "he said, making love to you. "
" He said, & apos; Ah, kill you. & apos;
"He said, & apos; Fuck yourself. & apos; He said. "Fuck you."
He fuck - these people here is fucking you. "
" And one person, he said to him -
"before he fights with him, he said,
" & apos; Hey, bastard, where are you from? & apos; </ p >
"And this person, He said, & apos; Panama. & apos;
" And, uh...
[click tongue] That's for him. "</ P>
[chuckles]
[applause and applause]
Besides that, that's right beautiful country, man
That's beautiful, man.
We do a lot of things white people are bad luck. </ P>
That's amazing. </ P>
You know what white people are bad luck. </ P>
Everyone here knows that right? </ P>
It's like-- We go zip-layer. </ P>
Like, white water rafting, all those white people -
White water rafting is a person.
This is called white water rafting.
This is ours
That's white bullshit.
You will never see a black rafting person,
skydiving, drinking coffee
That's not what they do.
It's not what they do.
Skydiving, all that nonsense.
Black man, are you skydiving?
Never in damn life, man
It's impossible.
Never in your life Rock climbing? </ P>
- Not possible. - White water rafting?. </ P>
- No. - Not from wrong one above.
Do you even like coffee?
- I like coffee. - Oh, come on, bro.
What is she say?
- I like black. - you like black
I understand I understand
You can have it.
Take it black.
So he knows what I'm talking about
He knows. I go to college with -
One of my closest friends on campus
This dude we live with, and he will always make fun of me
He is like, "You did some white people who are pesky, Red.
You are on some pesky white people right now."
I'm like, "I was throwing out the trash." </ P>
She's like... [chuckles]
"That's kind of nonsense I talking about, bastard
"Throw that nonsense outside, bitch
[chuckles]
" Unlucky white people! </ p >
"What are you doing, plate, bastard?
You white bastard. "
What are you doing, laundry, you Charmin ass motherfucker?
You are Charmin" -
I have so many white people < br /> in Costa Rica
It's a banana. I really love it.
I like being a tourist.
Like, that's a mess thing about about Americans
We don't want to be tourists.
Why not? Why are we so scared? become a tourist
I'll do that zip line shit dork-ass.
Give me the helmet. [imitate the buzzing line] </ p >
I like that. How many photos?
$ 1,000? I don't care.
I'll pay for it, plan for it
Come on, bro.
Give me that shit drop.
We are very scared like Americans to be tourists </ p >
But for some reason, tourists come here
They aren't afraid of being a tourist
You can go to Michigan Avenue right now.
There is a little Italian who is cute the couple is like,
"Scusi noodles, scusi noodles, scusion noodles.
Water towers, water towers."
And you're like, "Ah, come here. Let me lie to you. </ P>
Come here, come here, come here. "</ P>
[laughter and applause]
Let them be tourists, man
Be a tourist. Be a tourist.
What I'm saying is, stop being such a liar.
Be who you really are You are abroad
Being abroad, man.
There is nothing wrong with that, you know.
This is the reason. </ P>
Every time I have
to a Spanish-speaking country,
there is always one person in the crew,
one man who likes,
"Hey, I have us. I can take us around.
"I'm talking a little Mexican.
" We'll be fine.
We will be fine. "
You speak Mexican, Brad? I speak Mexican, dog.
I get us Don't sweat, man.
I took 101 in high school.
We're going straight.
And you're like, "Okay, bro, I can't wait."
You go into the restaurant I tell the truth
I go in, I go, "Hello, American, Americano,
" America, < br /> ready to be cheated
Look at me. "
Because I don't care. How much is that Coke? Seven?
Think it's ten o'clock. You can't fuck me
Saya berencana untuk itu.
You can't fuck me
But he enters.
Brad enters, speaks like Mexico,
"Hola, senior.
Hola, old man. "
[humming and trilling]
He thinks he's bullshit.
Brad walks in heavy, </ p >
and the staff looked at him like, "Okay, okay, okay, okay.
¿Habla español, señor?
¿Habla español? ¿Habla español? "</ P>
Sí, sí, yours? </ P>
Sí, sí, yours? Ha-blah a-spaniel. </ P>
Ha-bla a-spaniel. </ P>
And they're all like, "Alright. </ P>
" Hmm. Good, good, good. </ P>
That's good, good. That's good. "</ P>
[talking nonsense quickly]
And they're just machine guns Spanish on his fucking head
until you see him go, "Oh, shit.
" There's no biblioteca there. Where is the yo-ban?
I don't know those words. "
Brad looks like a bastard.
Meanwhile, I enjoyed a plate of rice and my" polo "
having fun...
enjoying my life
I'm back from Costa Rica.
That's fantastic, and then we go into that,
like , all marriages pesky discussions.
He's like, "What do you want? to do about the last name? "
I'm like," I don't know.
I mean, I don't really care. I don't think I care. "
I'm like, "I mean, what do you want to do?"
He's like, "Alright, are you? want me to take your last name?" </ p >
And there is a part of you
it's like, "No, man, this is cool."
Then there's a part of you it's like "
" You have to take it his last name. "
This is male-ego nonsense,
but that's true situation.
Like, no means a lot
Like, what is it? Last name anyway?
I'm not so know. We don't really know, you know.
Last name - you use to give someone
Because that represents land right?
You have land you get some land to give.
Like, "This will all happen you someday."
That doesn't mean bad luck at the moment
I can't be like that, "Son, this condo
will be yours when I die."
Who sucks right? There isn't much for that.
You know, that really doesn't mean much
But this is strange when I think, like,
the name of the last white person, like, from where our last name came from.
Often, it's used to be your job right?
Like, I met a man - < br /> Kevin Blacksmith.
It's great - Grandpa is a blacksmith.
Dave Shoemaker,
it's great - great- Grandpa is a shoemaker.
But this is strange when you meet a white man
named Eric Lynch...
[audience ohs]
Because you're like "
" You are great - Grandpa is a bad person. "
Turn off, dog.
But last name is kind of nonsense
You know what I mean?
They mean whatever they want
and whatever you want them to mean,
and so he said, "What do you want to do?"
I said, "How about we just leave? with anyone </ p >
last name is cooler? "
Right, who else is cooler.
He's like," Cooler? "
I'm like," Yes, "
Karena di kepalaku, Aku tahu itu sudah pertandingan berakhir.
I'm like, "Jordan, bucket." I know everything's over.
[imitating squeaking] I know it's all over.
He isn't bad luck with Santino
What a cool name, Santino. </ P>
Three syllables -
san, unh, ti, you, oh
That's what happened.
- [applause and applause] - I have it
It's in the bag, man It's in the bag.
It's the game over.
Jordan.
That game is over, But then he like,
"Oh, you think your last name is it cooler?"
I said, "Yeah."
His last name Eichelberger.
You want me to say it again?
Eichelberger.
And he's like, "What's wrong with that?"
I'm like, "What's right with that crap
Are you talking about, miss? "
She's like, " It's not a big deal. "
I said," Alright, this is like the part from the Third Reich. "
I have to walk to the restaurant, like...
[German accent]" We are here for Eichelberger's party,
"party two.
" There are two of us at the party.
"We want that table at the back of the room
"At the back of the room,
" behind the AC.
Thank you. "
[laughter]
After all, he is Santino now.
[laughs]
Yes.
[applause and applause]
We got into something, Because of me -
I feel like I'm watching Too much pornography lately,
if I just become real with you guys
We became real. This is a late night show.
I'm watching too much porn
Porn is bad It's a bad thing.
It's really addictive.
This. That's right
I no sense my fault, though
I think it's access...
access, too much access
in your pocket, is there a telephone right?
There are all porn...
[laughter]
All of that...
all that we make.
All that we make, you guys.
If I have three seconds inside the time machine,
I will "zorb" myself when I am 14,
for three seconds, and just go...
[imitating desire] "In the future,
all that porn is in your pocket,"
[imitates desire] and comes out...
and blow my mind
Only... [imitating passion] semen everywhere
Oh my God.
I waiting so that this JPEG can be loaded.
[mumbling amused]
Come on, bro. That's crazy.
It's crazy to thought.
That's right too much access
Like, I can't walk past it laptop without being like...
"Ah, this is Best Buy. I have to go." </ P>
Blue shirt, they don't like it
Kamu tahu apa maksudku?
They become weird. [chuckles]
We've seen so much.
The problem is-- with porn,
There is this stigma
where we think we can imitate that.
Like, you think you like them.
You're not like them
It's a pro, man.
They are pro. I'm jealous
I'm jealous, jealous.
The way these people throwing ropes is very amazing
They just... [imitating desire]
This takes off There is an attic.
Are you kidding me? I was lucky if I came out.
This is like a brooding soldier.
He get to the surface, and it's like, "No, no.
Come back, come back."
And when it comes out, it's too late for the party
This has non-alcoholic beer.
It's like, "Sorry, we are here."
My wife - one night she was like, "Oh come on."
I'm like, "Oh, I will never be Make it up there."
This is so far. Too far
Maybe you belly button, max...
if I really put it in at work.
[chuckles]
I'll tell you what I've watched a lot.
I've watched lots of black porn ,
a lot of black porn
Black black too.
Like, brown, brown, brown, brown
Chocolate inside, 99% cocoa chocolate.
Section. No milk
Get out of here, chocolate milk.
There's no time for you
Chocolate, chocolate.
I like watching black porn, < br /> love watch -
for one fundamental reason
People can wear shoes...
on their feet
Men wear shoes on their feet. </ P>
If you know anything about how shoes and pants work,
nothing,
You know that these people take off their shoes,
take off their pants and underwear,
and then return their shoes < /p>
Ayolah.
You did it again, black people.
Numero uno.
I'm jealous, friend.
This is a bad thing. That's right It's a bad thing.
We need to clear our minds, clean our lives
Do you know what I mean? Clean clean and clean life.
Eat smoothies, the way.
It's difficult, man. It's hard to do.
People always - like, hear, I try to work out.
I tried to be fit. I tried to do all that.
This is a difficult thing to do.
You know, fast food, will get fast food
always remind me what it feels like
when I'm single, go to one night stand </ p >
It feels like the same thing, like the exact same feeling.
You will see on Google Maps to try to find out
if that fast food Together is open, right?
You are like, "You wake up, McDonald's! s? You wake up?"
You send text late at night, like, "What's the matter, kid? </ p >
"Are you awake? What's up, McDonald's" s
"Are you awake? What's wrong, Mac D & apos; s?
Are you already awake, playboy?
Give them nuggets. "
He's like," Uh-huh. "
McDonald's is like, " You know that. "</ P>
You sail there, and on the road, you're like,
" Ooh, this will be good. </ P>
" I know what I got at this location
"It's my favorite place to go to tonight. </ P>
Number two is is my place now. "
It's a butt joke.
[laughter and applause]
You're here and there, and you eat it
You devoured McDiesel.
Just like that, you like... [chewing]
Leave that
And after it's done , You go into the car
and cruise ship - the same feeling.
Explore the house, and you're like...
[imitating crying]
"I'm a bad person, man."
Sad.
I have to cut it.
I have to cut it, man.
I tried to stay healthy.
I tried to adjust to my own skin
That's right-
You know, I'm trying to feel good about myself.
This is a belief about people.
You want to feel it confident and arrogant,
But, like, not too much.
Like, I have tested my ego.
I had a car accident.
A man hit me. A man hit me.
I'm at a red light. A man hit me, okay? </ P>
Red light, bro,
man, bmm-bmm-bmm, hit me,
and I got out of my car.
He got out of his car, and I went to say something.
Before I can say anything, He said, "Hey, what is this?" </ P>
And I said... [taunting] "That's my line. </ P>
" I said that. That's me
"I did-- That's what I did.
You said, & apos; I'm sorry, & apos; I feel like. "
He's a big-ass man.
He's big, jacking up,
and he has a tattoo on his face
Question mark.
You're good, bro On your face?
You cash ? Do you have cancer?
What's wrong? On your face?
I feel like that some, like, "I didn't give -
"Whatever, bro. Finish.
" I don't care.
"I've collected Marlboro miles for many years. year.
I will withdraw the money. "
In your face?
So I can't to win this war
This man is on my face. I don't have -
I was reserved. I was like, "Whatever, man."
And at that time, I was like,
"I can't win this argument with this dude
I can't beat him physically. "
But I'm like," If it's already a superpower now,
"You know, that won't happen, like, flying or invisible
I want to be able to to get rid of pimples on someone. "
Right? She's all," Fuck. "
I like, "Fuck? Fuck, dude."
No!
Hit him all over body, shoulders, bacne.
Hit him bacne. </ P>
Hit him with kn-acne, it's knee pimples
Light him up, light him
Scar he is physically and emotionally,
send him home like that for several weeks,
rely on topical cream
Leave it seated.
If you don't laugh At that time,
You don't have pimples when you were little
I'm really a bad pimple When I was a kid, dude. </ P>
That was very bad. That was very bad. </ P>
Like, those pimples, like, the only Reason I question God.
I am like, "What, man? What is the agreement
" Where are you this one, player?
This is ridiculous. "
Here it is, 13, 14 years.
You are the ugliest version of from yourself.
See photos of from you at 14
their TBT on Instagram, and you're like,
"Ooh, handsome boy." </ p >
You are ugly, bro
You are ugly at 14.
Teens are very dirty to see, difficult to see.
They are hard to see, bro. They are thin.
[voice cracking] Their voices are crackling.
[normal voice] They rocked in all directions
like a little skinny baby courier,
just hungry and horny like...
[awkward groaning]
Nasty-looking crea -
They look like Tim Burton cartoons.
They barely live.
</ P>
And you told me about this a critical point in your life,
God will be like that, "Do you know what?
"I will put some red pus lumps on his face.
Pus cupped his face. "
I don't understand. I don't understand it.
I'm very bad. I have to go to Accutane.
You used to have to sign a form that says.
"I can die from this medicine."
What's up, guys What do we say
I can die from this medium -
I can die from this medicine
So my mother must sign it.
I am 16 I will never forget.
They slipped the sheet for my mother,
and she saw it , and then he looks at me.
[chuckles]
Yes.
[laughter]
Yes, this - this...
it's better than your face
It doesn't matter. You're a bad child
You're bad.
This... this is for you
[chuckles]
I'm very bad. </ P>
My acne is very bad when I was young.
When I was in high school, I played basketball
for several years in my high school
until I found out about drugs,
and I'm like, "See you later, basketball."
Ah, the true story
But I play basketball for a while.
When I play basketball, I make JV teams pretty early,
and we play in the summer league, okay
In the summer league, you have to play all the other schools
that you will play in that regular season,
and I won't never forget
We went to West Aurora
to go play these people,
and they should defeat us
They are, like, a very good school right
They are really good. They are all black schools.
We are black schools. They will defeat us.
The point , they will win
And we go there,
and we beat that crap out of these people
I have a game in my life. </ P>
I dropped four points. I'm burning
If you know anything about high school basketball,
four points are like, whoa.
What are you, MVP
Final score, 12-2. It was an explosion.
I mean, we went there. I have a great game.
I'm on cloud nine. I feel like a king.
Then I go, and I go out
to the hallway to go drink water.
I drink water, bow
by the fountain to drink water.
A small black child, likes, eight year
walking in the hallway
Come to me and leave, "Hey, yo, white boys.
Boys white man. "
I went," What's wrong? "
You're pretty good, man
Oh, thank you, man.
He went, "For white boys."
And I'm still like, "Thank you.
I appreciate that." </ p >
I'll take it.
He's gone. Feeling good.
Go down to get more water. He arrived at the doorway .
He stopped...
He turned and left, "Hey, yo, white boy."
I said, "What's wrong, man? What happened?" </ p >
He said, "What is this? your whole face?"
It's still sick today.
I'm in my 30s. </ p >
The piece goes to the bone.
You know what I mean?
Then I walk to him slowly, and I say,
"Well, this is what happened When your father sticks."
[audience complains
No, I didn't say that.
That's a joke, friend. </ P>
No, I called him the word N. </ P>
Then I got out of there as soon as possible
No, stop it.
I cried on the bus, man. I cried on the bus.
[chuckles]
Must have sense humor, man
But I'm always loved black people.
I always do it I'm right- right doing it I'm still doing.
I'm still in love black people, man
I think they are fantastic humans
Black people always accept me
Black people really do it. White people never like me.
White people don't like redhead for several reasons.
There is this.
White people see red-haired,
and they are like, "What do we do with it?" </ P>
They don't like us. They don't trust us. </ P>
Mereka membuat satu hari untuk menendang kita.
Contact us name-- "You shoot the crotch, you ginger."
They ask us stupid questions,
like the carpet matches curtain?
Black people never said that to me.
White people - "The carpet matches the curtains, buds?" </ p >
And I'm always like, "Do you adults ask
" about my dick's hair?
"Is that the level? that you're at
"You worry about my penis hair, man.
" If you have to know, it's hardwood floors
There is no carpet there, bro. "</ P>
[mimicking the razor]
I cleaned it. </ P>
Go a little bell from the Target </ p >
and clean the crap.
[mimicking a razor]
You are down there. That's like -
[imitating a razor buzzing loudly]
Work overtime down there
It's a no-fly zone, no-fly zone
Maybe it's dead down there, like...
[mimicking a razor] I can't, I can't.
white people never like me
They don't never did it. They always make fun of me.
It checks reality.
Now people like, "Huh? What are you talking about?"
White people always make fun of redheaded people.
These redheads are wasted.
We're this weird minority for some reason ,
but black people always like me
They really did it. They took it to me.
Like black people like white people with flaws
I'm like a dog with one bad leg
You know, white people don't adopt that dog,
But black people are like, "No no No.
"He is good, he is good, he is good.
" He will be fine. Come here, Tripod.
"He will alright. Tripod
"Come here, Tripod.
This will work."
That's right.
It only made me feel normal when I was little
So I like the culture of hip-hop. </ P>
I love everything all my black friends like ,
so much that in the 90s,
people used to say this word
Ordinary people call me a "wigger."
Do you remember that word?
Don't feel uncomfortable. You all say it
You all said it
I don't know why we got it get rid of it That's funny.
You should have been stuck around for a while.
Ordinary people call me a "wigger."
People used to say "wigger" to me
Because they think it will hurt my feelings
They think, like, That is the way to get my goat.
Do you know what I mean? < br /> And I will never forget.
I was on the basketball court the first time I heard it,
and we have won this basketball game ,
and this man from the losing team said...
[scoffs] "Whatever, bro.
That dude is nothing but wigger. "
And all my black friends heard it,
and they were disappointed.
They heard it say that, and they are like...
[scoffing, exhaling deeply]
That's how they sound, like a train
They're like...
[scoffing, exhaling deeply]
When black people get screwed up, Sounds like a train, just...
[scoffs, exhales deeply]
Next stop, Sedgwick.
But they're screwed
That's why a attack, you know
They don't like that, but when I heard it,
"That white dude is nothing but a wigger."
And I hear it, and I'm like, "Oh...
" Oh...
so close. "
How do I get N? How do I get N?
This is Karl Kani's jeans.
This is Perry Ellis's shirt. <
Give it to me. I bought Timberland shoes.
Say if you would say it, you racist bastard
Tell me. </ p >
How do I get it, man?
It's just that I became real. That's all.
I want to be a black person. I thought I'm black.
I think I'm black.
Even today,
I still have a lot of black friends,
and I have to tell you...
[laughter]
Every time I talk to my black male friend,
I always like, "Hey, man, don't date white girls."
Don't date white girl.
Not because I'm racist. I'm definitely not racist.
I have a black friend.
I'm not a racist.
I told my black friends not to date white girls
Because I really care about about the future of sports. </ p >
That's it.
We don't need placekickers and long snapper.
We want a dunk contest, right?
Bagaimana Anda mendapatkan Heisman? Kamu tahu apa maksudku?
Not from Jerome and Cassie. Uh-eh.
Jerome and Jaquanda -
That's how we will do make Heisman,
two beautiful chocolate
makes love under beautiful brown rain
temporary shower he has shoes.
We know the formula. </ P>
[applause and applause]
Drake is number one in hip-hop
His name is Aubrey.
- [woman] Whoo! - [man] Yeah!
We let him get away with that. </ p >
Drake's name is Aubrey, and nobody says nonsense about it.
Aubrey, number one in hip-hop
What's his name, Aubrey? Understood. </ P>
Okay, cool. We're good. </ P>
Dia memiliki daging sapi dengan Meek Mill.
That is big beef. You are it
Tag, that's all you are Marking.
Remember the actual beef ?
You remember when hip-hop Is it, like, real beef?
People hate each other.
Tupac and Biggie hate < br /> each other so much,
and they are good friends at one point.
They have very deep beef
Tupac started a song called "Hit" Em Up "-
Before he started the lyrics, he left,
" So I fucked your bitch, You fat bastard
♪ Take money ♪
That's what he said.
You're fat. Screwed your girlfriend.
Okay, let's go We start.
That's crazy.
That's how he hates that guy
That's real beef.
I feel like hip-hop, like, subside, you know
It's just, like, going on roadside,
and I blame one person for the death of hip-hop
His name is Macklemore.
That dude is the worst.
Macklemore is wrong for all this nonsense to the south.
Macklemore is not hip-hop.
You can love it, But he's not hip-hop, okay?
That's pop.
He talks about going downtown with a scooter with his friends
♪ Go to downtown ♪
♪ With my friends on friction, beep, beep ♪
Come on, bro.
What?
You will go downtown downtown with your friend
on a scooter, Macklemore?
That's not hip-hop.
Hip-hop doesn't go downtown.
Hip-hop lives in the center city, and it goes to the suburbs
and robs those people and returns to the city center.
It doesn't go downtown.
Speaking of thrift stores.
♪ I bought these clothes, boop bibbity, boop ♪
Fuck, bro.
Don't talk badly about discount clothes!
♪ This shirt is cheap ♪
No!
I don't want to hear it, man.
I want to hear a rapper is like...
♪ Fuck a white man, give me cash ♪
And me like, "You understand, you understand."
That's what I want to hear, man.
I want to hear Rick Ross like...
♪ I need a new ship, whoa ♪
That's what I want to hear.
Get out of here, Macklemore. What's wrong with you, bro?
This person's bullshit </ p >
We can't call him hip-hop.
It's crazy that he's hip-hop, because it's not.
These are all sensitive-donkeys shit.
The thing that made me the craziest about Macklemore
did he join in writing this song he got a Grammy nomination for
It's arguably making it famous, right?
That makes it famous right?
It's called "Same Love." It's about same-sex marriage.
Well, the song and the depth of from the song I didn't reject
I'm for same-sex marriage.
I don't care who you want to marry, okay
You want to get married who do you want to marry <
Go crazy, man.
You don't make love with children or animals, I don't care
That's for me.
Do you want to get married your toaster?
Become crazy. Don't give it back again.
I don't want to buy a toaster that is messed up
So the song is fine.
It's at the beginning of the song, intro
He said, "When do I in third grade,
I think I'm gay. "
[tune hums]
Remember this nonsense?
I thought I gay.
When I was in third grade, I thought I was gay.
That's what he said.
I think I'm one of you
Thank God I'm not. I'm not, but I think so.
I think so
I hate that. I hate that because they applaud him.
They're like, "Oh, how brave.
"How dare Macklemore. </ P>
" He thinks he's a homosexual
"In third grade, he thinks he's a homosexual
"He doesn't, which is good, But he thinks so. </ P>
He thinks he's gay." </ P>
And they think that, like, things who is at risk to say -
"I think I'm gay When I'm third grade."
I hate that crap.
You remember third grade?
I do
All people are gay.
Everyone here
in third grade is gay.
- [applause and applause] - you're all gay
I'm wearing sweaty pants I'm turning recording device.
I am very gay.
I used Rollerblade around my environment.
like, "Hey, fellas."
I will get bored all day long.
Like... [tune hums]
I'm homosexual, bro.
That's not a question. That is a fact. </ P>
The gay boy is bad luck. </ P>
Gay redhead boy skating backwards
I'm gay, man.
I'm gay when I am in third grade.
You're all gay in third grade.
I will beg my mother let me sleep
at other boys' homes every night of the week
I want to sleep at Billy's house.
What are you doing there? None of your business, Mom!
Call!
I am very gay in third grade.
If another boy accuses me of likes girls,
I will kill the child.
Chicago, Illinois, I have to go. </ P>
I'm Andrew Santino. Thank you very much, man. </ P>
Thank you, friend. </ P>
I love you, Chicago.
[applause and applause]
♪ hip-hop music ♪
♪
All people who have lived in this building, man.
Locals, babies - Jordan, Pippen,
Longley, Kerr, Paxton. </ p >
You know that, man.
Ryne Sandberg used to have it
and stay on one of the big white poles at the top.
He must slide down for breakfast.
[chuckles] < br /> Not dead.
Now it's called Willis, It used to be called Macy's s Tower,
after Macy's s Thanksgiving Parade, </ p >
because most of it floats
made here in this building
This is actually anatomy to measure...
even the ball.
Penis doesn't
They run out of clay, but the ball is full
And if you look far beyond me, < that's the Adams Street Bridge,
is named, of course, after Addams Family.
Duh-na-na-na.
Oh, you want a fat penis in a bun or a little dick in a bun? </ P>
I don't want any penis on a hot dog,
just an ordinary hot dog
Alright, we'll give you Trump's dog, then.
- Will I give Trump a dog? - Damn right
Do you know what? let me tell you something
You're not good, and you are not good for people and -
We don't care about your damn soft ass
Yes.
I'm sick of this abuse What I want is -
Save the pussy-ass shit for others
who wants to hear it badly
- Good night, pussy lips - Right
- Good, good night - See you later, cheese dick.
Get out of here
- I'm leaving - nose pussy
Well, go.
[birds singing]
Tweet, tweety bird.
Hey, Andrew, I think the crew will get out of here
[slurring] Cool guy. Get out.
- We wrapped up - Yeah, I'm here
Do you need a ride, or are you good
I go inside - I can walk.
- Good. - Cool.
Good luck with your special or tour guide, whatever this is.
Thank you Dude. </ P>
Terima kasih, Bernard.