1
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,301
(TAPPING OF TYPEWRITER KEYS)

2
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:56,307
(TYPE WRITER BELL TINGS)

3
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,692
<i>(JACK) Once upon a time...</i>

4
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,029
<i>not so long ago...</i>

5
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:37,366
(BREATH ES HEAVILY)

6
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,518
(CREAKING)

7
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,687
Ah!

8
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,855
(BREATH ES HEAVILY)

9
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,405
<i>This is the story of me.</i>

10
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,240
<i>Jack.</i>

11
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:23,829
<i>There I am, absolutely shitting it.</i>

12
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,841
<i>I'd been carrying a carving knife</i>
<i>with me for three weeks</i>

13
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,344
<i>due to an irrational fear</i>
<i>of being murdered.</i>

14
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,599
<i>I couldn't sleep at night.</i>

15
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:43,307
<i>As soon as I got into bed,</i>
<i>I started seeing killers.</i>

16
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,109
(SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)

17
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:55,239
<i>These killers were the subject</i>
<i>of a series of plays</i>

18
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:59,290
<i>I had been writing for television.</i>

19
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:02,125
<i>The nature of the project</i>
<i>necessitated research</i>

20
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,953
<i>into heinous Victorian criminals.</i>

21
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:09,133
<i>And I had unwittingly familiarized</i>
<i>myself with all the famous hackers,</i>

22
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,381
<i>dosers and severers</i>
<i>of the 19th century.</i>

23
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:17,303
<i>Faces that would've</i>
<i>frightened the Ripper.</i>

24
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,223
<i>Many a long night I spent there,</i>

25
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,518
<i>drenched in thoughts</i>
<i>of bloody murder.</i>

26
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:37,653
<i>I became particularly disturbed</i>
<i>by a man I called The Hendon Ogre.</i>

27
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:41,911
<i>A maniac from North London who had</i>
<i>boiled the arsenic out of fly papers</i>

28
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,961
<i>and introduced the result</i>
<i>into his lodger's broth.</i>

29
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,622
<i>I'd lie awake for hours,</i>
<i>thinking of the brute,</i>

30
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,542
<i>terrified someone was slipping</i>
<i>arsenic into my diet.</i>

31
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:56,763
<i>In the mornings, I'd inspect</i>
<i>grapefruit and milk bottle tops</i>

32
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,888
<i>looking for evidence of interference</i>
<i>with syringes.</i>

33
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:05,602
<i>Trivial events became vital clues</i>
<i>in the detection of my assassin.</i>

34
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,600
(TELEPHONE RINGS)

35
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:14,273
<i>If the telephone rang at half past</i>
<i>four, I'd look at the clock and say,</i>

36
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:18,987
<i>"it was half past four when the</i>
<i>telephone rang that fateful evening.</i>

37
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,200
<i>"How could anyone</i>
<i>have known at the time</i>

38
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:25,038
<i>"how important that telephone call</i>
<i>was to become?"</i>

39
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:30,463
<i>My situation became unbearable.</i>

40
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,084
<i>I suspected everyone and everything.</i>

41
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,679
<i>Innocent passersby.</i>

42
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,758
<i>Creeks in the corridor.</i>

43
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:47,356
<i>Bumps in the night got so bad,</i>
<i>I started plugging my head shut.</i>

44
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:53,362
<i>But I'd soon have to get up and</i>
<i>check for killers in the bathroom,</i>

45
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,614
<i>in the kitchen...</i>

46
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,613
<i>in the fridge,</i>

47
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,368
<i>or in the hallway,</i>

48
00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:02,742
<i>where they kept a low profile,</i>

49
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:09,079
<i>crawling about in the shadows,</i>
<i>lurking behind creaky doors.</i>

50
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,129
Ah!

51
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:18,421
Bloody windows, bloody draughts.

52
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,902
(WHISPERS) Oh, God, come on.

53
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,697
Argh!

54
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:56,417
<i>This fear that I would be murdered</i>
<i>all began sometime before.</i>

55
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,969
<i>At lunch, to be exact.</i>

56
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,129
<i>The day I saw my literary agent...</i>

57
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,306
<i>- Newspaper?</i>
<i>- .. Clair De Grunwald.</i>

58
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,099
- Thanks.
- No problem.

59
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:11,398
<i>(JACK) She'd arranged to meet me at</i>
<i>a respectable establishment in Soho.</i>

60
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,518
(VIETNAMESE ACCENT)
You like newspaper?

61
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:30,243
- Shall I bring sir the wine list?
- Yes. Okay.

62
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,828
Pleasure.

63
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,553
<i>(JACK) "The body was found</i>
<i>in the East End of London,</i>

64
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,722
<i>"but the Hanoi Handshake</i>
<i>is the unmistakable calling card</i>

65
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:54,024
<i>"of a Vietnamese gang killing.</i>

66
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,813
<i>"According to one unnamed</i>
<i>police source</i>

67
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,773
<i>"downtown Hackney,</i>
<i>also known as Little Vietnam</i>

68
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,952
"is now a bloody jungle...

69
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:08,826
<i>"of organized crime.</i>

70
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,242
<i>"The missing fingers have yet</i>
<i>to be found."</i>

71
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,084
Newspaper?

72
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,380
- Whoa, hey, no...
- Sir.

73
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,761
- No, it... Please...
- Jack?

74
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,889
- Clair.
- Under the table already?

75
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:31,436
It's not even 12:00.

76
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,354
- No, I...
- I'm sorry.

77
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,398
I'm afraid I only have an hour.

78
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,646
I've got to go
meet Ragsie Lawrence.

79
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:41,071
Remember Ragsie?
The dancing dyke?

80
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,241
She's just been made
commissioning editor at the BBC.

81
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,035
Can you believe it?

82
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:51,789
Never underestimate a hunchback,
that's what I say.

83
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,669
- Are you staying there all lunch?
- No, sorry.

84
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,213
Anyway...

85
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,881
It's good timing. I can tell her
how busy you are with your murders.

86
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,799
- Up to my elbows.
- Good.

87
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,927
- Do you have a title?
- "Decades of Death".

88
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,429
- Chilling.
- Well, if you want murder...

89
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,849
...then Victorian Britain
is the golden age.

90
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:20,394
I think murder's lost its sense
of theatre. What do we have now?

91
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,109
- It's just like kids...
- Mindless violence?

92
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:27,034
Exactly. Yes. Killers don't put any
thought into their murders anymore.

93
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:30,112
- Have you heard of Long Ear?
- Can't say I have, no.

94
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:34,245
Terrifying Polish plumber
who hacked off a Frenchman's head.

95
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:38,082
Disposed of the limbs, but couldn't
think of what to do with the head.

96
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,747
Eventually he utilized
his gas-fired crucible

97
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,134
filled the mouth with lead,
slung the thing in the river.

98
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,044
Can you imagine?

99
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:50,682
I'm sorry, sir. This is a non-smoking
restaurant. Thank you.

100
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:55,353
- Are you ready to order, madam?
- Do you know what you're having?

101
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,897
I'll just have a beer.
I'm not very hungry.

102
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:01,102
- One beer.
- This is my treat, darling.

103
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:05,405
Well, then I will have the chicory
salad with asparagus croutons,

104
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,779
chorizo and poached egg to start.

105
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,281
Followed by the salmon
and leek fish cake

106
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:15,074
with mushy peas, chips
and chive cream. Thank you. Lovely.

107
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,787
People love a good murder.

108
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:20,621
<i>(JACK) I began to tell Clair about</i>
<i>my good friend Professor Friedkin,</i>

109
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:24,379
<i>author of an inﬂuential paper</i>
<i>on the criminal stare,</i>

110
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:30,055
<i>an ocular condition</i>
<i>that instantly identified a madman.</i>

111
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,386
Monsieur?

112
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,011
(CLAIR) Jack?

113
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,560
Jack? Jack?

114
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,607
Jack?

115
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,065
- Jack?
- Yes. Sorry.

116
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,820
- Are you all right?
- Yes.

117
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,868
Yes. I'm sorry.
(GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)

118
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:56,201
- What was I talking about?
- The book.

119
00:10:56,739 --> 00:11:00,084
- The criminal stare.
- Oh, yes, yes. the criminal stare.

120
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:05,416
Yeah. I found... I've trawled through
hundreds of these photographs and...

121
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:12,381
Um, when you kill someone,
when you take a life,

122
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:17,769
you acquire these awful eyes,
you know, like a shark or a chicken.

123
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:21,477
- How frightful.
- But it's not just a horror show.

124
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,685
I've realised that's not the reason
I have to write this.

125
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:28,523
No, it's a detective story, you see,
about how they become killers.

126
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:32,451
How do they get there? What fills
them with need to victimize and kill?

127
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,494
- Why choose mass murder?
- Why not become a writer?

128
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,827
Well, actually, writers
and serial killers are very similar.

129
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,534
They're practically brothers.

130
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,499
<i>Hemingway says,</i>
“What do you need to become a writer?

131
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,665
"An unhappy childhood." It's
the same thing with serial killers.

132
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,209
Whatever happened to the hedgehog?

133
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,673
- What?
<i>- He had to cross the road...</i>

134
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,427
...and go into the woods,
but he was afraid.

135
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,177
- Harold the Hedgehog?
- Harold the Hedgehog.

136
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:02,059
Dear little chap.
Whatever happened to that story?

137
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,975
- You never finished him.
- He nearly finished me.

138
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,106
He wrecked my marriage,
prickly cunt.

139
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,697
No, he did, Clair.
I'm sorry, the stress of it.

140
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:14,652
Drove Catherine out of my life.
What do you wanna talk about him for?

141
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:18,367
Darling, I'm just thinking you need
to earn some money, that's all.

142
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,790
This death thing could take a while.

143
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,872
Timmy the Tortoise can't
pay the bills.

144
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,413
I don't want him to. I didn't mean
to become a children's author.

145
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,799
- It was a terrible accident.
- It was your destiny.

146
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:34,213
Look, why not rattle off
a little bedtime story, mm?

147
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,303
- Timmy goes to the seaside perhaps?
- Oh, God.

148
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,350
Or Harold. How did it start?

149
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:44,314
"Once upon a time,
there was a hedgehog called Harold

150
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:47,942
"Who lived in a bush." (GIGGLES)

151
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,694
(MUSIC BOX PLAYS)

152
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,321
(VOICE ECHOING)
Or Little Johnny Rabbit.

153
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,906
The world is dying
for another Little Johnny Rabbit.

154
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,987
Little Johnny Rabbit is dead.

155
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,414
So is Timmy,
so is the fucking hedgehog.

156
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,667
They're lying in the road,
covered in blood. I killed them.

157
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:07,045
Tell that to the kids.

158
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,042
(THUNDER)

159
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:17,130
Darling, we're going
to make this work.

160
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:20,558
Just try not to worry too much,
and take care of yourself.

161
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,685
You know me better
than anyone, Clair.

162
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:27,140
Yes, I do. You're a workaholic
and you're sensitive.

163
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:31,062
I don't wanna see you go over
the edge like what's-his-name.

164
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,229
(GASPS)

165
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:37,943
<i>(JACK) Clair's concerns about me</i>
<i>proved justified.</i>

166
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:42,285
<i>Three weeks on and Long Ear's head</i>
<i>was playing on my mind.</i>

167
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,915
(CREAKING)

168
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,700
<i>Life was hellish,</i>

169
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,620
<i>but it was just about to get</i>
<i>a hell of a lot worse.</i>

170
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:50,788
(FOOTSTEPS)

171
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,378
(DOOR HANDLE SQUEKS)

172
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,140
Come on then, you bastards!

173
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,012
Aaaaaargh!

174
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,639
My knife.

175
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,869
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

176
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:25,114
Ah!

177
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,630
(SPOOKY WHISPERING)

178
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,432
(LAUGHS)

179
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:59,195
You mad bastard.

180
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,151
(CREAKING)

181
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,154
(URINE SPLASHING IN TOILET)

182
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,429
(BREATH ES NERVOUSLY)

183
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,562
(SPLASH OF URINE CONTINUES)

184
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:42,821
# As evening shadows chase the sun

185
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:49,412
# The night is here,
my day is done

186
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:54,250
# Through dark forests in the night

187
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:57,006
# A light is shone

188
00:15:57,165 --> 00:16:01,841
# It's you I've found

189
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:07,879
# I see you

190
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:19,317
# I see you #

191
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,115
Argh!

192
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,789
(GASPS)

193
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,013
(SOFTLY) Oh, God.

194
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,178
(DISTANT POLICE SIREN)

195
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,816
Oh, I got an hour.

196
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:04,107
(BUZZ OF HELICOPTER)

197
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:10,071
The flying eye

198
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:15,168
Oh, someone's on the loose.

199
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,203
(PHONE RINGS)

200
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:21,500
<i>It was 5:00 when the telephone rang</i>
<i>that fateful evening.</i>

201
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,088
- Shit, I could...
- (DOOR BUZZER)

202
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,470
(CHILDREN)
# We wish you a merry Christmas

203
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,222
(OUT OF TUNE)
# We wish you a merry Christmas

204
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,305
- # We wish you a merry Christmas
- (COUGHING)

205
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,720
- # And a Happy New Year... #
- Hello?

206
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,229
Happy Christmas.

207
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,265
(ALL) Happy Christmas.

208
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,694
- What do you want?
- We're singing carols.

209
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,071
Yeah, I can see that.

210
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,074
Well, ain't you gonna come out
and hear us then, bruv?

211
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:50,783
No, I can hear you perfectly well
from up here. Thank you.

212
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:54,119
We've been out for ages
and no one's given us nuffink yet.

213
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:58,253
Well, honestly, I think you should
perhaps work on your repertoire.

214
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:02,916
- Our what?
- Sorry I can't help you. Good night.

215
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,967
But it's for Save the Children.

216
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:08,922
Kids who ain't got no food,
Nintendo or nothing, bruv.

217
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:13,309
# We won't go until we got some
We won't go until we got some

218
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,352
# We won't go until we got some #

219
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,263
All right, all right. Wait there.

220
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,774
- I'm coming down.
- Yes.

221
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,737
(GASPS)

222
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:31,368
You gonna open up this door, then,
or what, bruv?

223
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:35,114
Um, I tell you what I'm gonna do.

224
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,784
I'm gonna put some loose change
into this sock

225
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:41,838
and then I'm gonna feed it
through the letter box.

226
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:46,301
- Did you get that?
- (KID) Is it clean?

227
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,878
- Is it what?
- Is it clean?

228
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,633
Is the sock clean, bruv?

229
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:54,308
Well, it's not box fresh,
if that's what you mean.

230
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,476
Do you want this money or not?

231
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,764
(PHONE RINGS)

232
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,647
Oh, God.

233
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,358
Who are you?

234
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,401
- You there?
- Yes. Yes.

235
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:08,197
I just... Stand back, okay?
Stand back.

236
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,652
Christ, can't you see I'm not in?

237
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,326
Er...

238
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,287
- Okay. Get ready.
- (PHONE STOPS RINGING)

239
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,789
I'm opening my flap.

240
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,256
Here it comes. Gently does it.

241
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,424
- Gently.
- (PHONE RINGS)

242
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,928
God in heaven, will you just fuck off
and give me some peace?

243
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:34,591
Hey, wait. Just come back!

244
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:38,182
Oi! What about my sock?
You little thieving, you...

245
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,357
(SOFTLY) You... you did this.

246
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,902
You wanna hear my voice,
you sick fuck?

247
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:48,108
Hear this.

248
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:51,274
- (FUZZY) Hello?
<i>- Jack, it's Clair.</i>

249
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,987
Hello?

250
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,115
<i>- Jack, it's Clair.</i>
<i>- Clair.</i>

251
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:58,573
<i>Why haven't you been answering?</i>
<i>I've been calling for hours.</i>

252
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,618
- I thought you were a wrong number.
<i>- Well, listen.</i>

253
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:06,332
I've just had a very excited man
on the phone.

254
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,341
<i>- Have you?</i>
- Yes. He's read your treatment...

255
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:13,505
...for "Decades of Death"
and he's very excited by your ideas.

256
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,307
He wants to meet you tonight
at eight o'clock.

257
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,092
Oh.

258
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:21,308
<i>- I see. Eight o'clock?</i>
<i>- He's off to New York tomorrow.</i>

259
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:25,100
<i>- It's imperative you see him.</i>
- Why is it imperative?

260
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,519
Because he's Harvey Humphries.

261
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,780
- Harvey Humphries? Who's he?
- Head of scripts.

262
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:35,034
Clair, look, can I see him
when he comes back from New York?

263
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,828
Because I've not been sleeping
very well and...

264
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:42,117
<i>Jack, he's genuinely excited.</i>
<i>The arrangements have all been made.</i>

265
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:45,287
Tonight, eight o'clock,
100 Humbolt Mews.

266
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:50,921
100 Humbolt Mews, eight...

267
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,257
- That's in one hour and 47 minutes.
- Wear a suit, please.

268
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,673
<i>- I don't have any suits.</i>
- Wear a clean shirt.

269
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:59,467
<i>They're all dirty.</i>
<i>I'm down to my last sock.</i>

270
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:02,428
Then you'll have to go
to the launderette, won't you?

271
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:05,389
What? A launderette?
Are you serious?

272
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:07,229
I am. What's the problem?

273
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:11,988
It's just...
You're asking a lot, Clair, okay?

274
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:15,275
I don't do launderettes.
Never have done, never will.

275
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,114
<i>It's no place for a man like me.</i>

276
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:20,538
<i>Exposing your most intimate articles</i>
<i>in front of strangers.</i>

277
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:24,917
<i>- Stop it, you're being ridiculous.</i>
<i>- You know me, Clair. I'm sensitive.</i>

278
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:28,420
- I've never even bought toilet roll.
- All right, enough.

279
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:33,043
Jack, I've worked very hard getting
your script to the right people

280
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:36,088
and I'm afraid there's no interest.

281
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:40,383
<i>I said nothing because I didn't want</i>
<i>to disturb you. That's the reality.</i>

282
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,222
<i>I can't see any other options.</i>

283
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,978
It's Humphries or bust.

284
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,980
- I understand.
- Good.

285
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:52,440
Call and let me know
how it goes, darling.

286
00:21:52,603 --> 00:21:54,401
(DIALING TONE)

287
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:09,538
<i>And so it was that I first came</i>
<i>to hear the name Harvey Humphries.</i>

288
00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:12,749
<i>I had sat in every head of scripts</i>
<i>department in London,</i>

289
00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:16,089
<i>listening to these twats</i>
<i>full of white wine and arugula,</i>

290
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:18,300
<i>but I had never heard of this man.</i>

291
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:21,758
"Harvey Humphries
of Humbolt Mews."

292
00:22:21,966 --> 00:22:24,219
<i>I didn't like the sound of it.</i>

293
00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:28,435
<i>The name seemed innocent enough,</i>
<i>but there was something that jarred.</i>

294
00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:32,394
<i>It might be the "Harvey Humphries</i>
<i>Humbolt" bit that was worrying me.</i>

295
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:35,354
<i>But I had a friend,</i>
<i>Garry Gordon in Garrick Street.</i>

296
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:37,565
<i>And he'd never caused me</i>
<i>any problem.</i>

297
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,366
<i>No.</i>

298
00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:42,949
<i>It was something stronger</i>
<i>than just a repetition of the H.</i>

299
00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:46,207
<i>It was more a sensation of having</i>
<i>heard Harvey Humphries</i>

300
00:22:46,407 --> 00:22:50,037
<i>in some unsavory context.</i>

301
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,214
Harvey.

302
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:57,092
<i>It was the Harvey.</i>

303
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:10,640
<i>Harvey was the middle name</i>
<i>of Dr. Hawley Harvey Crippen,</i>

304
00:23:10,848 --> 00:23:13,567
<i>the Yank Who'd spent all night</i>
<i>in the basement</i>

305
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:18,568
<i>of 39 Hilldrop Crescent,</i>
<i>N5 separating his wife.</i>

306
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:21,442
<i>He'd done her in lime.</i>

307
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:23,736
<i>Crippen had come from America.</i>

308
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:26,447
<i>Humphries was going</i>
<i>to America within hours</i>

309
00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:28,582
<i>of completing his business</i>
<i>with me.</i>

310
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:32,253
<i>Was Humphries related to Crippen?</i>

311
00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:36,503
<i>Far-fetched as it might seem</i>
<i>to others, it was not impossible.</i>

312
00:23:36,707 --> 00:23:39,176
<i>Crippen was an American. Yes.</i>

313
00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:40,753
<i>And so was Humphries.</i>

314
00:23:40,961 --> 00:23:44,591
<i>Surely it was more than a coincidence</i>
<i>that a man going to America</i>

315
00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:47,722
<i>should be excited by a title</i>
<i>like "Decades of Death"</i>

316
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:52,728
<i>and have the middle name of one of</i>
<i>the most famous killers of the lot.</i>

317
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,977
<i>No.</i>

318
00:23:57,895 --> 00:23:59,363
<i>No, no, no.</i>

319
00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:04,410
<i>Facts like that are beyond the realm</i>
<i>of coincidence.</i>

320
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:17,127
- (HUMMING)
- (PHONE RINGING)

321
00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:31,103
Hello? Who's there?

322
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,263
Speak up, I can't hear you.

323
00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:35,432
(TOILET FLUSHES)

324
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:38,273
Oh, no. Clair's not here just now.

325
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:41,151
This is Irene.

326
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:42,690
You want what?

327
00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:46,198
Harvey Humphries. Do you know
of a man called Harvey Humphries?

328
00:24:46,402 --> 00:24:48,575
Think carefully
before you answer, please.

329
00:24:48,779 --> 00:24:53,751
- A man's life may be at stake.
- Oh, I'll have to think about this.

330
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,708
<i>Er, hold on a minute, love. Now...</i>

331
00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:59,669
Can you tell her to call Jack back
regarding Harvey?

332
00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:01,960
Tell her it's
a matter of life and death.

333
00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:04,470
<i>- Life and death?</i>
- Yes. Tell her that exactly.

334
00:25:04,628 --> 00:25:07,131
- Thank you.
<i>- Right. Will do, dear.</i>

335
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,341
Okay, okay. Be rational, be rational.

336
00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:13,225
Clair was not in her office, so she
must've telephoned you from home.

337
00:25:13,429 --> 00:25:15,648
But as you don't have
her private number

338
00:25:15,848 --> 00:25:19,273
and she's ex-directory,
there's no way you can call her back.

339
00:25:19,435 --> 00:25:22,564
I have to trust it was Clair,
and that she meant no malice.

340
00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:25,399
After all, she has no reason
to wish me any harm.

341
00:25:25,566 --> 00:25:29,821
She had no way of knowing
<i>a man related to a murderer.</i>

342
00:25:29,987 --> 00:25:33,332
Only a highly suspicious,
paranoid cynic...

343
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,832
Or someone like me,
with an eye for clues and patterns

344
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,879
could possibly connect the dots.

345
00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:42,959
Could see the truth staring him
in the face.

346
00:25:43,167 --> 00:25:47,217
That Harvey Humphries is in fact
Hawley Harvey Crippen's grandson.

347
00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:49,131
No more questions, Your Honor.

348
00:25:49,298 --> 00:25:51,517
- (BUZZ OF HELICOPTER)
- Ah!

349
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:57,644
Right. That does it.

350
00:25:57,848 --> 00:26:00,271
Where's the superglue?

351
00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:03,730
Right. You've done nothing
but terrorise me for weeks.

352
00:26:03,937 --> 00:26:05,905
And I've had enough. I've had enough.

353
00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:08,568
Take that, and that, and that,
and that.

354
00:26:08,776 --> 00:26:12,622
Take that, take this, take this.

355
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:14,532
(GRUNTS)

356
00:26:14,698 --> 00:26:17,372
Take that.
You didn't expect that, did you?

357
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:20,750
Well, expect the unexpected, mate.

358
00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:22,915
(DOOR BUZZER)

359
00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:30,380
God, that's quick.

360
00:26:31,507 --> 00:26:33,726
(DOOR BUZZER)

361
00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:47,940
Hello? Anyone home?

362
00:26:50,067 --> 00:26:52,069
(JACK) Yes? Hello?

363
00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:54,989
Are you the gentleman in Flat 3?

364
00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:56,540
Who is this?

365
00:26:56,740 --> 00:27:00,290
Community Support
Police Officer Perkins, sir.

366
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,248
Good evening. How can I help you?

367
00:27:03,413 --> 00:27:06,713
Oh, no cause for alarm.
Just a routine call, sir.

368
00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:12,632
Some of the kids over on the estate
said you might be in some distress.

369
00:27:16,510 --> 00:27:18,262
How interesting.

370
00:27:18,428 --> 00:27:21,853
And what might I be
distressed about?

371
00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:23,980
Well, I have no idea, sir.

372
00:27:24,184 --> 00:27:26,562
Are you in any distress?

373
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:30,107
No, I'm fine. I'm about to do some
washing and then go to bed.

374
00:27:30,274 --> 00:27:32,493
Oh, well. Just so you know,

375
00:27:32,693 --> 00:27:36,573
we're out on the beat
if you ever need assistance.

376
00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:38,991
I'm just across the road.

377
00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,337
Jesus Christ.

378
00:27:43,537 --> 00:27:47,041
Sorry, sir, sorry. Sorry.
I was just checking you were...

379
00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:49,585
Yeah, well,
I'm very sorry to bother you, sir.

380
00:27:49,793 --> 00:27:52,512
Er, I'll let you get back
to your laundry.

381
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:56,178
Policeman, my ass.

382
00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:59,094
He was looking for something.

383
00:27:59,887 --> 00:28:01,855
What was he up to?

384
00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:03,933
Jesus, nowhere's safe.

385
00:28:04,641 --> 00:28:08,612
Okay, Humphries, you want my script?
You can have it.

386
00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:11,190
If it means I finally get paid
decent money

387
00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:13,734
and get out of Hackney, you're on.

388
00:28:13,901 --> 00:28:16,120
Right. Where's my wardrobe?

389
00:28:16,278 --> 00:28:19,248
I'll show you, Clair,
I'll show you, Catherine,

390
00:28:19,406 --> 00:28:21,784
exactly what I am capable of. Oh!

391
00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:24,453
- (FLIES BUZZING)
- Jesus Christ.

392
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:30,714
God. These aren't clothes,
this is refuse.

393
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:34,005
I might as well take it
and dig it in around the roses.

394
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:38,096
I'd do anything for a break
right now, but not the launderette.

395
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:41,262
Not for Humphries,
not for any other man.

396
00:28:41,470 --> 00:28:45,441
Why should I?
I've got everything I need here.

397
00:28:45,641 --> 00:28:49,441
I've got water, I've got soap,
I've got drying facilities.

398
00:28:49,645 --> 00:28:51,067
I can do this, Jack.

399
00:28:51,271 --> 00:28:54,571
No more sleepless nights,
no more scuttling around in the dark.

400
00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:57,953
We'll meet this monster head-on.
Well-armed and well-dressed.

401
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:03,042
A quick thrash in the tub for you,
my lovelies, then into the drier.

402
00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:07,834
Right. A good 15 minutes
on regular nine for the socks,

403
00:29:08,038 --> 00:29:11,588
five minutes less for the pants,
and we'll play the shirt by ear.

404
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,297
Now, that's cooking with gas.

405
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:26,227
Here's how to play it. When you get
to the meeting, refuse to sit down.

406
00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:29,560
Refuse all drinks and cigarettes.
Certainly all food.

407
00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:31,520
The meeting will be standing up.

408
00:29:31,728 --> 00:29:34,902
And if he leaves the room
to make a call, you go with him.

409
00:29:35,065 --> 00:29:37,067
(PHONE RINGING)

410
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,324
I'll have a pretext for everything.

411
00:29:44,533 --> 00:29:49,164
I could take an apple or an onion
into the meeting.

412
00:29:49,371 --> 00:29:50,714
Yeah, that'd work.

413
00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:54,964
I could use it as a circumstance
to show him my carving knife.

414
00:29:58,297 --> 00:30:00,516
Ah! Ah!

415
00:30:00,674 --> 00:30:02,893
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

416
00:30:03,051 --> 00:30:05,053
Argh!

417
00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:30,875
Come on. Come on, come on.

418
00:30:36,043 --> 00:30:37,761
AOW!

419
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:40,217
Fuck. What the fuck
am I supposed to do now?

420
00:30:40,422 --> 00:30:43,016
Cut my fucking hand off?

421
00:30:46,803 --> 00:30:48,476
<i>(JACK WITH AMERICAN ACCENT)</i>
<i>That's correct, officer.</i>

422
00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:52,142
<i>When I saw the knife, I simply</i>
<i>defended myself with the ice pick.</i>

423
00:30:52,309 --> 00:30:55,563
<i>I have no idea how the pick got stuck</i>
<i>in the back of his neck.</i>

424
00:30:55,729 --> 00:31:00,030
<i>I put him in the bathtub because the</i>
<i>blood was staining my Persian carpet.</i>

425
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,194
Oh!

426
00:31:03,904 --> 00:31:05,906
(CREAKING)

427
00:31:09,659 --> 00:31:11,252
Argh!

428
00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:14,790
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

429
00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:16,458
Oh! Oh!

430
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,711
(GRUNTS)

431
00:31:31,765 --> 00:31:35,110
I'm not dead yet, you bastards.

432
00:31:36,645 --> 00:31:38,443
(SIGHS)

433
00:31:38,605 --> 00:31:41,279
Come on, Jack,
we can still do this.

434
00:31:41,441 --> 00:31:43,239
Against the odds,
we can beat them.

435
00:31:43,402 --> 00:31:46,702
Now, as I remember, this thing
has some seriously deep pockets.

436
00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:49,867
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I can hide a knife in there.

437
00:31:50,075 --> 00:31:51,918
That's like Loch Ness in there.

438
00:31:52,119 --> 00:31:55,123
You could hide a whole submarine
in there if you wanna.

439
00:31:55,288 --> 00:31:58,007
I'll just keep my coat on.
My hand on my ha'penny.

440
00:31:58,208 --> 00:32:01,132
Okay, don't let this guy
psyche you out, all right?

441
00:32:01,336 --> 00:32:03,384
You're a writer, Jack, remember?

442
00:32:03,547 --> 00:32:08,474
You can just outwit
this two-bit Hollywood gangster.

443
00:32:08,635 --> 00:32:10,057
Gangster?

444
00:32:11,138 --> 00:32:14,768
Say she didn't throw it away.
Please, please, please.

445
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:17,652
Be in here. Be in here, be in here.

446
00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:20,155
Where are you? Where are you?

447
00:32:20,313 --> 00:32:22,111
(CHUCKLES)

448
00:32:22,274 --> 00:32:26,745
"Uzilicious". My definitive
gangsta rap compilation.

449
00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:29,289
Yeah, yeah.

450
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:33,084
I remember I wooed Catherine
with this shit.

451
00:32:33,243 --> 00:32:35,211
Hope it still works.

452
00:32:38,039 --> 00:32:39,882
<i>#Ass, tits, cunt, fuck,</i>
<i>motherfucker... #</i>

453
00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:43,261
Good times, old friend. Good times.

454
00:32:43,420 --> 00:32:47,641
If you can get me through college,
you can get me through anything.

455
00:32:50,427 --> 00:32:54,477
(BELL TOLLS AND CLASSICAL MUSIC
MELDING INTO RAP)

456
00:32:58,185 --> 00:33:00,688
<i>I drop a old-school beat.</i>

457
00:33:06,109 --> 00:33:08,487
<i>Yeah, yeah.</i>

458
00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:10,997
<i>Yeah, you wanna read</i>
<i>my script, bitch?</i>

459
00:33:11,198 --> 00:33:14,042
<i>You wanna polish my script?</i>
<i>You wanna polish my script?</i>

460
00:33:14,201 --> 00:33:15,669
<i>Is that what you're saying?</i>

461
00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:18,546
<i>What's up, bitch?</i>
<i>You wanna polish my script?</i>

462
00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:21,717
<i>Oh, sure. Polish this, motherfucker.</i>

463
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,059
<i>I'm gonna step up to a man</i>
<i>called Humphries</i>

464
00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:33,266
<i>Wipe that shit up</i>
<i>just like cream cheese</i>

465
00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:35,681
<i>Up all night, y'all,</i>
<i>workin' the mic, y'all</i>

466
00:33:35,889 --> 00:33:38,392
<i>Smoking my pipe, y'all,</i>
<i>motherfucker</i>

467
00:33:38,558 --> 00:33:40,560
<i>(JACK) Catherine,</i>
<i>this jam goes out to you.</i>

468
00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:42,400
<i>It's real, true dat from the heart.</i>

469
00:33:42,604 --> 00:33:44,606
<i>I just wanna say you're my girl.</i>

470
00:33:44,814 --> 00:33:46,441
<i>- Shut up.</i>
<i>- And I love you.</i>

471
00:33:46,608 --> 00:33:48,030
Fuck.

472
00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:55,121
Who are you trying to fool, Jack?
You're not a G-man, you're a tit.

473
00:33:57,619 --> 00:33:59,041
(SNIFFS)

474
00:33:59,204 --> 00:34:01,957
What's that smell?

475
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:05,844
Smells like burning garbage.

476
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:13,476
<i>No! Not the socks!</i>
<i>Not the socks!</i>

477
00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:17,814
Argh! Damn it!

478
00:34:19,641 --> 00:34:21,860
Oh!

479
00:34:22,018 --> 00:34:25,067
Oh! Oh, my eyes!

480
00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:31,612
Ah, ah.

481
00:34:31,778 --> 00:34:34,156
Oh, God, the pants have gone up.

482
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:39,335
<i>(CLAIR) And you'll have to go</i>
<i>to the launderette, won't you?</i>

483
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:43,128
<i>- A launderette, are you serious?</i>
<i>- Of course I am.</i>

484
00:34:43,331 --> 00:34:45,959
<i>You'll have to go to the launderette,</i>
<i>won't you?</i>

485
00:34:46,126 --> 00:34:48,504
<i>(ECHOES) You'll have to go</i>
<i>to the launderette.</i>

486
00:34:48,670 --> 00:34:50,138
Argh!

487
00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:54,513
(UPBEAT MUSIC AND CLAPPING)

488
00:34:58,471 --> 00:35:01,224
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Okay, let's cut the cake.

489
00:35:01,391 --> 00:35:04,395
Dad, can you answer that?
It's Mr. Goofy. He's lost.

490
00:35:04,561 --> 00:35:07,610
Mr. Goofy is on my office line?

491
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:09,908
Right, here we go.

492
00:35:13,361 --> 00:35:15,113
Hello. This is Dr. Friedkin.

493
00:35:15,322 --> 00:35:17,370
You've got to help me, Dr. Friedkin.

494
00:35:17,532 --> 00:35:19,034
<i>Jack? Is this Jack?</i>

495
00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:23,748
I can't take it anymore.
I'm gonna buckle, I swear to God.

496
00:35:23,913 --> 00:35:27,008
Well, it's my grandson's birthday.

497
00:35:29,419 --> 00:35:31,638
A phobia of launderettes?

498
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:33,715
Oh, Jack. That's a new one to me.

499
00:35:33,923 --> 00:35:36,392
Wait, I'm confused.
Which case study is this?

500
00:35:36,593 --> 00:35:39,938
It's not a case, Dr. Friedkin.
It's me.

501
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:42,015
I'm the problem. It's me.

502
00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:46,729
Okay, okay, calm down.
Just calm yourself.

503
00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:52,067
Jack, I want you
to take a deep breath.

504
00:35:52,275 --> 00:35:54,027
Now, inhale...

505
00:35:55,737 --> 00:35:58,786
and exhale. That's right.

506
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,170
Fill your entire body.

507
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:08,672
Imagine every cell being rinsed clean
with life-giving oxygen.

508
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:13,096
Do you have any clues
where the origin of this phobia lies?

509
00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:15,507
I've had it all my life.

510
00:36:16,675 --> 00:36:19,144
I've tried to get on top of it.

511
00:36:19,969 --> 00:36:22,347
I went to a washhouse
when I was at college,

512
00:36:22,514 --> 00:36:24,437
but I was just so terrified,

513
00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:26,897
I accidentally trapped my load
in an OOO.

514
00:36:28,144 --> 00:36:29,646
An OOO?

515
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:33,199
<i>Yes. An out of order machine.</i>

516
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:38,497
I was in there with about six months'
of unimaginably sensitive material.

517
00:36:38,655 --> 00:36:41,124
The room gathered round,
engineers were called.

518
00:36:41,324 --> 00:36:44,077
- It was a nightmare.
- No. I sympathize with you.

519
00:36:44,285 --> 00:36:46,788
As unpleasant as the experience
may have been

520
00:36:46,996 --> 00:36:50,796
it cannot have been traumatic enough
to create such a phobia.

521
00:36:51,793 --> 00:36:54,012
It's ruining my life.

522
00:36:54,170 --> 00:36:57,140
Look, I can help you,
but you must be completely honest.

523
00:36:57,340 --> 00:36:58,683
And you must trust me.

524
00:36:59,676 --> 00:37:01,678
<i>Close your eyes.</i>

525
00:37:03,054 --> 00:37:05,728
<i>I want you</i>
<i>to take another deep breath</i>

526
00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:09,357
<i>and imagine you are sitting here</i>
<i>with me now in my office</i>

527
00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:12,064
<i>having a consultation.</i>

528
00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:16,489
<i>Think of my office</i>
<i>like a space capsule.</i>

529
00:37:16,693 --> 00:37:19,572
<i>From here,</i>
<i>we can go anywhere in the universe,</i>

530
00:37:19,779 --> 00:37:24,706
<i>in space and time,</i>
<i>by the power of our mind.</i>

531
00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:28,959
<i>To your childhood, to your dreams.</i>

532
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:35,421
<i>Can you see the little hedgehog?</i>

533
00:37:35,837 --> 00:37:40,058
<i>Frightened little hedgehog</i>
<i>lives in an old hedgerow</i>

534
00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:42,681
<i>by the church.</i>
<i>Can you see the spider?</i>

535
00:37:42,886 --> 00:37:46,481
<i>Clever spider.</i>
<i>Waiting in the shadows.</i>

536
00:37:46,681 --> 00:37:49,525
<i>And Mrs. Ladybird? And Mr. Rabbit?</i>

537
00:37:49,726 --> 00:37:53,276
<i>- How about old farmer...?</i>
<i>- (BLEEPING)</i>

538
00:37:53,438 --> 00:37:55,315
(FAST BLEEPING)

539
00:37:55,482 --> 00:37:57,530
(SCREAMING)

540
00:38:05,366 --> 00:38:08,165
Did you have a happy childhood?

541
00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:14,050
- What is your earliest memory?
- The orphanage on fire.

542
00:38:15,543 --> 00:38:18,171
- You're being facetious.
- No, I'm not, really.

543
00:38:18,338 --> 00:38:21,808
The orphanage I was in caught fire.
November the 5th, 1979.

544
00:38:22,008 --> 00:38:24,557
Somebody let off a Roman candle
in the dormitory.

545
00:38:24,761 --> 00:38:26,513
Luckily no one was hurt.

546
00:38:26,679 --> 00:38:29,478
You're an orphan?
I'm sorry, I didn't...

547
00:38:29,682 --> 00:38:32,856
My mother abandoned me
when I was 5 years old.

548
00:38:33,478 --> 00:38:36,527
She just packed
a little suitcase for me one day

549
00:38:36,815 --> 00:38:38,488
and disappeared.

550
00:38:41,110 --> 00:38:43,488
How did it happen, Jack?

551
00:38:44,906 --> 00:38:48,627
- It's all right to feel vulnerable.
- These pyjamas aren't helping.

552
00:38:49,994 --> 00:38:51,462
Try, Jack.

553
00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:54,965
Try to go back.

554
00:38:55,458 --> 00:38:59,508
The only memory I have of my mother
is of a book she gave me.

555
00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:04,468
Fairy tales I suppose you call them.
With these awful talking rodents.

556
00:39:04,676 --> 00:39:07,099
Look, truth is it doesn't bother me.

557
00:39:07,303 --> 00:39:10,056
I don't miss my mother
because I don't remember her.

558
00:39:10,265 --> 00:39:14,236
I just...
I'm sick of these irrational fears.

559
00:39:14,394 --> 00:39:17,898
Like the bloody launderette.
It's stopping me from living my life.

560
00:39:18,064 --> 00:39:22,444
Well, you can do something about it.
You're not a child anymore.

561
00:39:22,652 --> 00:39:25,656
I once treated a girl
who had a phobia of bananas.

562
00:39:26,281 --> 00:39:29,455
When this girl came to me,
she was so pleased with herself.

563
00:39:29,659 --> 00:39:31,832
She'd been able
to overcome her phobia

564
00:39:31,995 --> 00:39:36,000
to the extent that she could sit
in the same room as a closed banana.

565
00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:40,671
It had to stay closed, unzipped, or
else she'd go completely psychotic.

566
00:39:40,837 --> 00:39:44,387
But the point is, open or closed,
she had not made the connection

567
00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:46,639
between her phobia and her fear.

568
00:39:47,552 --> 00:39:50,556
- Of bananas?
- No. It was something else.

569
00:39:50,763 --> 00:39:54,017
A past trauma. Something more
threatening than a mere banana.

570
00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:56,523
Do you understand?
It's like a movie screen.

571
00:39:56,728 --> 00:39:59,322
She projected her fear
onto the banana

572
00:39:59,522 --> 00:40:02,901
because looking directly
at her trauma was too terrifying.

573
00:40:03,109 --> 00:40:04,611
It was a projection.

574
00:40:04,819 --> 00:40:07,538
- Onto a piece of fruit?
- Exactly.

575
00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:10,868
Her banana's no different
to your launderette.

576
00:40:13,536 --> 00:40:16,585
I also have a recurring nightmare
about an eyeball.

577
00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:21,386
- What sort of eyeball?
- The giant, floating kind.

578
00:40:21,586 --> 00:40:24,635
Sort of eye of death, watching me.

579
00:40:24,839 --> 00:40:28,810
All fears and neurosis can be traced
back to our early childhood.

580
00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:34,642
To the first terrifying recognition
that we are alone in the world.

581
00:40:34,849 --> 00:40:37,773
When a child is abandoned,
it has no concept of time.

582
00:40:37,977 --> 00:40:40,321
No understanding
that things can get better.

583
00:40:40,521 --> 00:40:45,778
That there is hope. For a child,
Jack, mother equals life.

584
00:40:45,985 --> 00:40:47,487
Take away the mother

585
00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:52,292
and the child is literally
swallowed by death.

586
00:40:54,410 --> 00:40:56,629
But I didn't die, did I?

587
00:40:56,788 --> 00:40:59,462
No. You lived.

588
00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:02,260
To experience your own death.

589
00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:09,559
That's some scary shit, Dr. Friedkin.

590
00:41:09,759 --> 00:41:13,138
It's the primal trauma
we are all trying to forget.

591
00:41:14,013 --> 00:41:15,890
To bury in our subconscious.

592
00:41:16,099 --> 00:41:20,900
But it inevitably finds expression
either in dreams or fears

593
00:41:21,104 --> 00:41:23,527
- or infantile fantasies.
- (KNOCKING)

594
00:41:23,731 --> 00:41:26,610
(WOMAN) Dad? How much longer
are you gonna be in there?

595
00:41:26,776 --> 00:41:31,748
Just finishing up, sweet pea.
I'm sorry, Jack. We have to end now.

596
00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:34,497
I don't know how to thank you,
Dr. Friedkin.

597
00:41:38,037 --> 00:41:42,213
Perhaps as a teenager, you were
subliminally drawn to that OOO,

598
00:41:42,375 --> 00:41:45,094
because somewhere deep
in your subconscious,

599
00:41:45,294 --> 00:41:48,013
you recognised
that you, too, are out of order.

600
00:41:48,214 --> 00:41:50,216
Broken. You don't work anymore.

601
00:41:50,591 --> 00:41:53,060
The primary defence mechanisms
you relied on

602
00:41:53,261 --> 00:41:56,731
to get you through childhood
no longer support you as an adult.

603
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:58,524
I'm sorry.

604
00:41:59,058 --> 00:42:01,652
You're fucked up, Jack.
You need therapy.

605
00:42:01,853 --> 00:42:03,901
I haven't got time.
I've got a meeting.

606
00:42:04,105 --> 00:42:05,982
Return to the scene of the crime

607
00:42:06,149 --> 00:42:09,494
and retrieve those unwashed articles
locked in the machine.

608
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:12,038
Release your raw, true, inner self.

609
00:42:12,405 --> 00:42:15,784
Begin a new life, free from fear.

610
00:42:16,367 --> 00:42:18,290
Fear of death.

611
00:42:23,750 --> 00:42:28,256
The irony is we must all journey
through Hades

612
00:42:28,463 --> 00:42:30,591
before we can reach our heaven.

613
00:42:32,133 --> 00:42:38,106
Dr. Friedkin,
I think it's time I faced my banana.

614
00:42:48,566 --> 00:42:50,785
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

615
00:42:50,943 --> 00:42:54,288
Ooh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

616
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:05,754
(PANTING)

617
00:43:08,044 --> 00:43:10,046
(HORN BLASTS)

618
00:43:10,213 --> 00:43:12,386
Oh. Oh.

619
00:43:17,345 --> 00:43:19,973
It's step-up time, yo, motherfucker.

620
00:43:20,139 --> 00:43:21,732
(ICE CUBE'S
THE WRONG NIGGA TO FUCK WITH)

621
00:43:21,891 --> 00:43:24,019
<i># Goddamn, it's a brand new payback</i>

622
00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:26,859
# From the straight gangsta mack
in straight gangsta black

623
00:43:27,021 --> 00:43:29,023
# How many motherfuckers gotta pay

624
00:43:29,190 --> 00:43:31,409
# Went to the shelf
and dusted off the AK

625
00:43:31,567 --> 00:43:33,160
# Caps gotta get peeled

626
00:43:33,319 --> 00:43:36,163
# 'Cause the nigga you love to hate
still can kill at will

627
00:43:36,322 --> 00:43:38,165
# It ain't no pop 'cause that sucks

628
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:40,702
# And you can new Jack
swing on my nuts

629
00:43:40,868 --> 00:43:42,666
# Fuck R 'n' B and the running man

630
00:43:42,829 --> 00:43:45,048
# I'm the one that stand
with the gun in hand

631
00:43:45,206 --> 00:43:47,083
# Make sure before you buck
with duck quick

632
00:43:47,250 --> 00:43:51,096
# Punk, 'cause I'm the wrong nigger
to fuck with, fuck with

633
00:43:58,094 --> 00:44:00,313
# Hell, yes, it's on,
you better tell them

634
00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:03,190
# Ice Cube and I'm rolling
with the motherfuckin' LM

635
00:44:03,349 --> 00:44:05,351
# It's the number one crew
in the area

636
00:44:05,518 --> 00:44:07,896
# Make a move for your gat
and I'll bury you

637
00:44:08,062 --> 00:44:09,905
# Ashes to ashes, dirt to dirt

638
00:44:10,064 --> 00:44:11,737
# Punks roll when I put in work

639
00:44:11,899 --> 00:44:14,027
# 'Cause Lench mob niggas
are the craziest

640
00:44:14,193 --> 00:44:15,991
# And y'all motherfuckers
can't fade my shit

641
00:44:16,154 --> 00:44:18,577
# South Central, that's where
the Lench mob dwell

642
00:44:18,739 --> 00:44:21,117
# Hittin' fools up with the big ass!

643
00:44:21,284 --> 00:44:23,252
# One time can't hold me back

644
00:44:23,411 --> 00:44:25,709
# Sweatshirt, khakis and... #

645
00:44:26,831 --> 00:44:28,833
It's all right, mate. It's all right.

646
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,173
What the fuck?

647
00:44:37,049 --> 00:44:38,767
Everything all right, sir?

648
00:44:38,968 --> 00:44:40,936
Yes. Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

649
00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:45,108
- Looks like you're in a hurry.
- Yes, well, I have an appointment.

650
00:44:50,062 --> 00:44:52,190
With death.

651
00:44:53,316 --> 00:44:56,741
- Excuse me?
- I mean, with the launderette.

652
00:44:56,944 --> 00:44:59,663
I'm going to wash some socks.

653
00:44:59,864 --> 00:45:03,118
- There's no crime in that, is there?
- Not that I'm aware of.

654
00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:06,208
Good. Well, I'll be on my way, then.
Good night.

655
00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:08,043
Good night.

656
00:45:17,340 --> 00:45:19,559
<i>(JACK)</i>
<i>Keep it together, keep it together.</i>

657
00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:23,563
<i>It's only a banana. It's not him</i>
<i>you're afraid of, it's only...</i>

658
00:45:23,721 --> 00:45:25,723
(RUMBLE OF TRAIN)

659
00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:31,104
<i>Okay. Stick to the plan.</i>

660
00:45:31,270 --> 00:45:33,864
<i>If I move fast, I can get in</i>
<i>and out in half an hour.</i>

661
00:45:34,023 --> 00:45:36,867
<i>That leaves 20 minutes</i>
<i>to change and get a taxi north.</i>

662
00:45:37,026 --> 00:45:38,824
<i>No room for error.</i>

663
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:50,707
<i>"Everything automatic.</i>
<i>One, open the door.</i>

664
00:45:50,915 --> 00:45:53,088
<i>"Two, get the clothes in.</i>

665
00:45:53,292 --> 00:45:57,547
<i>"Three, shut the door</i>
<i>and have two pound coins ready.</i>

666
00:45:57,755 --> 00:46:00,850
<i>"Four, place the money in the slot.</i>

667
00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:03,599
"Five, push your slot in."

668
00:46:13,187 --> 00:46:14,564
Great.

669
00:46:15,690 --> 00:46:17,442
How do I manage it?

670
00:46:17,650 --> 00:46:21,530
I've managed to create a bad
impression. I'm still in the street.

671
00:46:22,238 --> 00:46:26,368
Okay. Okay, you can do this.
You can do this.

672
00:46:26,534 --> 00:46:29,162
(GASPS)

673
00:46:32,873 --> 00:46:35,046
(UPBEAT VIETNAMESE MUSIC)

674
00:46:57,398 --> 00:46:59,446
<i>(JACK) Looks like my lucky day.</i>

675
00:46:59,608 --> 00:47:03,454
<i>Only four people</i>
<i>and no visible infants.</i>

676
00:47:03,612 --> 00:47:05,410
<i>There, look.</i>

677
00:47:05,614 --> 00:47:08,993
<i>The atmosphere's easing a little.</i>
<i>I'm blending in.</i>

678
00:47:17,376 --> 00:47:21,506
<i>Okay, so far so good.</i>
<i>I'm already up to number three.</i>

679
00:47:22,089 --> 00:47:24,842
<i>"Shut the door,</i>
<i>have two pound coins ready.</i>

680
00:47:29,221 --> 00:47:32,020
<i>"Four, put the money in. Five..."</i>

681
00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:38,565
<i>Shit. These signs are older</i>
<i>than the machines.</i>

682
00:47:38,773 --> 00:47:40,525
<i>What do I do now?</i>

683
00:47:40,900 --> 00:47:42,368
Heavy soil.

684
00:47:46,405 --> 00:47:49,158
<i>(BREATHES OUT)</i>
<i>Jesus, it's over.</i>

685
00:47:49,325 --> 00:47:53,580
<i>All I have to do is stand in front of</i>
<i>it until the things come out clean.</i>

686
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:02,634
(JINGLE BELLS RING TONE)

687
00:48:06,258 --> 00:48:08,260
(Speaks Vietnamese)

688
00:48:12,765 --> 00:48:15,814
<i>(JACK) I need to check out</i>
<i>those drying machines.</i>

689
00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:23,826
<i>Interesting. It appears</i>
<i>the technique is to open the door</i>

690
00:48:24,026 --> 00:48:26,370
<i>and grab the dry things</i>
<i>as they ﬂy past.</i>

691
00:48:26,570 --> 00:48:30,575
<i>So more heat gets concentrated</i>
<i>into bulkier items such as woollens.</i>

692
00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:32,960
<i>While at the same time</i>
<i>anything fragile</i>

693
00:48:33,119 --> 00:48:35,292
<i>are spared unnecessary exposure.</i>

694
00:48:35,621 --> 00:48:37,794
<i>I'll have to remember</i>
<i>that for my shirt.</i>

695
00:48:37,998 --> 00:48:39,545
<i>Wait.</i>

696
00:48:40,668 --> 00:48:42,136
<i>Something's wrong.</i>

697
00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:46,591
<i>I'm spinning without a problem,</i>
<i>but mine's different to the others.</i>

698
00:48:46,799 --> 00:48:48,972
<i>What is this? I can't afford a hitch.</i>

699
00:48:49,176 --> 00:48:50,723
Excuse me.

700
00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:53,602
- Mine hasn't gone white yet.
- What hasn't?

701
00:48:53,806 --> 00:48:56,025
My washing water. Look.

702
00:48:59,395 --> 00:49:01,318
You didn't put no soap in.

703
00:49:01,522 --> 00:49:05,823
- I thought the machine did it.
- Machine don't put own soap in.

704
00:49:06,026 --> 00:49:08,370
You have to put soap in.
Where your soap?

705
00:49:08,571 --> 00:49:11,575
I haven't got any.
It says everything's automatic.

706
00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:15,252
See number six, "Add detergent."

707
00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:17,963
No.

708
00:49:18,789 --> 00:49:20,507
What am I gonna do?

709
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:25,509
- It's not gonna get washed, is it?
- Not without soap.

710
00:49:26,672 --> 00:49:29,266
<i>(JACK) I've done it again.</i>
<i>How is it possible</i>

711
00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:32,429
<i>to keep putting things into machines</i>
<i>without getting them clean?</i>

712
00:49:32,595 --> 00:49:34,939
Look here. Have you got any soap?

713
00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:38,063
Soap in slot machine one pound.

714
00:49:41,937 --> 00:49:43,610
(MUTTERS IN VIETNAMESE)

715
00:49:46,025 --> 00:49:47,743
Here, soap.

716
00:49:48,110 --> 00:49:49,703
Thanks.

717
00:49:49,862 --> 00:49:51,864
(SPEAKS VIETNAMESE)

718
00:49:53,282 --> 00:49:55,250
Not now.

719
00:49:55,451 --> 00:49:58,796
You cannot put soap in now,
you've missed your cycle.

720
00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:00,373
You wait.

721
00:50:00,581 --> 00:50:03,926
- Tell me when to put the soap.
- No. I'm in hurry to go home.

722
00:50:04,126 --> 00:50:05,799
<i>So am I.</i>

723
00:50:05,961 --> 00:50:08,965
You haven't been here
since 8:00 this morning.

724
00:50:09,507 --> 00:50:11,555
What've you got in there?

725
00:50:12,801 --> 00:50:15,145
- A shirt and some socks.
- That's it?

726
00:50:15,804 --> 00:50:18,477


727
00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:21,856
- There's a pair in there as well.
- A pair?

728
00:50:22,061 --> 00:50:23,734
A pair of underpants?

729
00:50:24,104 --> 00:50:27,654
- That's all you put in machine?
- I'm allowed to, aren't I?

730
00:50:27,816 --> 00:50:30,194
You can put in a handkerchief
for all I care.

731
00:50:30,361 --> 00:50:33,080
But I think
it's a criminal waste of water.

732
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:36,539
(GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)
Sorry. How right you are.

733
00:50:36,700 --> 00:50:40,295
In fact in a funny way,
crime is the only reason I'm here.

734
00:50:40,496 --> 00:50:42,840
I'm going home.
It's half past seven.

735
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,793
Actually it's 7:20.
But if I'd been in here

736
00:50:46,001 --> 00:50:49,881
since 8:00, I'd have started lying
about more than the time to get out.

737
00:50:54,051 --> 00:50:57,396
- We'll miss out the drying.
- Yeah, I agree.

738
00:51:07,815 --> 00:51:09,567
<i>(JACK) I've missed my cycle.</i>

739
00:51:09,775 --> 00:51:11,448
<i>Will it still get clean?</i>

740
00:51:11,652 --> 00:51:14,656
<i>I'm gonna have to chance it.</i>
<i>I'm cutting it fine as it is.</i>

741
00:51:14,863 --> 00:51:17,707
<i>And why do I seem to be the only one</i>
<i>with a machine</i>

742
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:20,252
<i>that refuses to stop spinning?</i>

743
00:51:28,252 --> 00:51:30,630
<i>Those two are beginning</i>
<i>to annoy me.</i>

744
00:51:30,838 --> 00:51:34,809
<i>Especially the one in the rollers</i>
<i>who looks like Caligula.</i>

745
00:51:35,009 --> 00:51:37,262
<i>She's obviously the ring leader.</i>

746
00:51:39,471 --> 00:51:41,849
<i>What the hell are they staring at?</i>

747
00:51:42,057 --> 00:51:44,731
<i>I imagine they live</i>
<i>pretty mundane lives here</i>

748
00:51:44,935 --> 00:51:47,404
<i>in these launderettes, but even so.</i>

749
00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:51,613
<i>It's over. I'm free.</i>
<i>Get me out of here.</i>

750
00:51:53,485 --> 00:51:55,704
(UPBEAT SITAR MUSIC)

751
00:52:19,803 --> 00:52:21,805
<i>Oh, no. A beautiful girl.</i>

752
00:52:22,014 --> 00:52:23,857
<i>That's the last thing I need.</i>

753
00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:26,769
<i>It's bad enough</i>
<i>shifting underwear with these louts.</i>

754
00:52:26,935 --> 00:52:29,404
<i>Now I'm gonna have to do it</i>
<i>with her watching.</i>

755
00:52:30,898 --> 00:52:34,493
<i>Better be discrete,</i>
<i>it's down to the dryers now.</i>

756
00:52:46,997 --> 00:52:48,624
<i>I'll just hang back here.</i>

757
00:52:48,791 --> 00:52:51,465
<i>Hope the beautiful girl</i>
<i>doesn't notice my presence.</i>

758
00:52:54,630 --> 00:52:56,883
<i>She's trying to block my view</i>
<i>of her dryer.</i>

759
00:52:57,091 --> 00:52:59,594
<i>What does she think I am?</i>
<i>A Peeping Tom?</i>

760
00:53:00,469 --> 00:53:04,895
<i>Jesus. The size of that.</i>
<i>I've never seen anything like it.</i>

761
00:53:05,432 --> 00:53:09,278
<i>And another. That thing</i>
<i>must have "Dunlap" written on it.</i>

762
00:53:09,478 --> 00:53:12,823
<i>Oh, thanks. Thanks very much.</i>

763
00:53:12,981 --> 00:53:15,109
<i>That's just downright impolite.</i>

764
00:53:15,275 --> 00:53:18,654
<i>Listen, darling, I don't wanna look</i>
<i>at your fucking underwear.</i>

765
00:53:18,821 --> 00:53:22,451
<i>Might excite the gentlemen in your</i>
<i>life, but as far as I'm concerned</i>

766
00:53:22,658 --> 00:53:26,538
<i>it's about as sexy as a couple of</i>
<i>buckets, which is what it looks like.</i>

767
00:53:37,881 --> 00:53:40,304
<i>I look like something</i>
<i>out of a horror movie.</i>

768
00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:42,561
<i>All those little ruptured</i>
<i>blonde hairs.</i>

769
00:53:42,761 --> 00:53:45,640
My head looks
like a Swede's scrotum.

770
00:53:45,848 --> 00:53:50,149
<i>No wonder they've been watching me.</i>
<i>I look horrifying.</i>

771
00:53:50,352 --> 00:53:52,400
<i>I'm a monster.</i>

772
00:53:55,274 --> 00:53:56,901
What to do?

773
00:53:59,653 --> 00:54:01,747
I've still got half an hour.

774
00:54:02,030 --> 00:54:06,410
I could go to the service station,
get some big sunglasses.

775
00:54:06,618 --> 00:54:09,292
Yeah. Yeah.

776
00:54:09,496 --> 00:54:10,998
Yeah, it could work.

777
00:54:11,206 --> 00:54:14,130
Yeah, motherfucker. Hood up.

778
00:54:14,334 --> 00:54:18,464
Right, I've gotta get out of here.
And quick.

779
00:54:18,964 --> 00:54:21,467
A bit of dampness
never hurt anybody.

780
00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:55,251
Forget them. They're lost forever.

781
00:54:55,459 --> 00:54:57,553
Just get the sock and the shirt.

782
00:55:00,506 --> 00:55:02,304
Excuse me.

783
00:55:03,467 --> 00:55:04,844
Are these yours?

784
00:55:07,221 --> 00:55:08,689
No.

785
00:55:08,889 --> 00:55:10,516
No. Nothing to do with me.

786
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:17,523
- Are they yours?
- They're his. I saw them come out.

787
00:55:19,983 --> 00:55:22,702
- Excuse me. What's your name?
- John.

788
00:55:22,903 --> 00:55:25,497
- My name is John.
- Then they are yours.

789
00:55:25,697 --> 00:55:28,701
It's embroidered inside
on a little tab.

790
00:55:30,118 --> 00:55:32,667
Yes. Yes, they are.
They are mine, yes.

791
00:55:32,871 --> 00:55:34,794
Lent them to somebody,
long time ago.

792
00:55:34,998 --> 00:55:37,342
Not sure
how they got into my wash actually.

793
00:55:37,793 --> 00:55:39,841
- Don't you want them?
- No.

794
00:55:40,045 --> 00:55:41,888
No. No, thank you.

795
00:55:42,381 --> 00:55:45,180
- I don't want them.
- Throw them in the bin, love.

796
00:55:45,384 --> 00:55:47,682
Yes, thank you.
You've been very kind.

797
00:55:47,886 --> 00:55:49,513
Look out. He's got a blade.

798
00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:52,270
(SCREAMS)

799
00:55:52,432 --> 00:55:56,232
It's not what it looks like.
I'm not gonna hurt anybody. Really.

800
00:55:56,395 --> 00:55:59,490
I'm a professional writer.
For television. Don't go.

801
00:55:59,815 --> 00:56:01,237
- Call the cops!
- Please.

802
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:04,620
- Call the cops!
- No, no. Stop, stop, stop.

803
00:56:05,571 --> 00:56:07,198
Argh!

804
00:56:08,198 --> 00:56:10,576
- Go.
- Get.

805
00:56:10,742 --> 00:56:13,120
- (SCREAMS)
- Where's the cops?

806
00:56:13,287 --> 00:56:15,289
(YELLING)

807
00:56:16,832 --> 00:56:19,676
Go that way. Take that route,
gotta get that next one.

808
00:56:19,835 --> 00:56:23,305
(GROANING)

809
00:56:23,463 --> 00:56:25,682
(DISTANT SHOUTING)

810
00:56:34,516 --> 00:56:36,234
Half past.

811
00:56:37,144 --> 00:56:39,238
I've still got 20 minutes.

812
00:56:46,945 --> 00:56:49,414
- Back off.
- Please, I can explain.

813
00:56:49,615 --> 00:56:52,835
- Let me out. I can explain.
- No way. Go on, stay back.

814
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:58,132
Look, I know I look weird,
but I'm a writer.

815
00:56:58,290 --> 00:56:59,963
I don't normally look like this

816
00:57:00,125 --> 00:57:02,344
and I certainly don't wanna
use this knife.

817
00:57:02,544 --> 00:57:04,922
Please, I have
a really important meeting.

818
00:57:05,130 --> 00:57:08,760
Not interested, mate, okay?
And I said back off.

819
00:57:08,967 --> 00:57:11,015
There must be another
way out of here.

820
00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:12,521
(JINGLE BELLS RING TONE)

821
00:57:12,679 --> 00:57:14,022
Jen.

822
00:57:18,518 --> 00:57:20,566
They're coming. They're coming.

823
00:57:20,771 --> 00:57:22,694
Hang on, I can hear the sirens.

824
00:57:22,898 --> 00:57:25,822
- Hurry up. He's trying to get out.
- Come on, Clair.

825
00:57:26,026 --> 00:57:30,406
Come on, pick up, pick up.
Come on, Clair. Pick up, pick up.

826
00:57:31,239 --> 00:57:33,913
- Come on.
- (APPROACHING SIRENS)

827
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:42,713
Oh.

828
00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:46,722
- You say he threatened you?
- I'll say he's sick as a pig.

829
00:57:50,801 --> 00:57:54,146
- Stand by. We got a nutter.
- Hurry. He's trying to get away.

830
00:57:54,346 --> 00:57:56,019
Okay, stand back.

831
00:57:57,224 --> 00:58:00,728
Roger. About to apprehend
said knife man. Over.

832
00:58:01,937 --> 00:58:03,610
Positions.

833
00:58:05,649 --> 00:58:07,401
Follow. Follow. Follow.

834
00:58:07,609 --> 00:58:09,452
- I'm in.
- Right.

835
00:58:09,653 --> 00:58:11,576
- Yeah.
- I can't see him.

836
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:14,374
Dryers clear, sarge. Dryers clear.

837
00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:16,747
No visuals. No visuals. No visuals.

838
00:58:16,952 --> 00:58:19,421
- Where is he?
- Is this the right launderette?

839
00:58:19,621 --> 00:58:21,589
- Covered.
- Stay still!

840
00:58:21,748 --> 00:58:24,422
What should I do?
Come on, stay still!

841
00:58:25,627 --> 00:58:28,722
All right, sonny. Drop the knife.

842
00:58:28,922 --> 00:58:31,846
Now. Drop the knife. Step forward.

843
00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:34,018
Hands up where we can see them!

844
00:58:34,177 --> 00:58:36,396
I'm not here to hurt anybody.

845
00:58:37,639 --> 00:58:39,232
I'm a professional writer.

846
00:58:39,391 --> 00:58:42,144
Drop the knife,
don't give me no mumbo.

847
00:58:42,310 --> 00:58:45,234
- Mumbo?
- Mumbo jumbo.

848
00:58:45,439 --> 00:58:47,407
- Well, it's stuck.
- You heard. Drop it.

849
00:58:47,566 --> 00:58:49,489
We want the knife, bitch.

850
00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:51,824
- Be my guest.
- Tase him.

851
00:58:52,779 --> 00:58:55,248
Ow... Aaargh!

852
00:59:04,374 --> 00:59:11,349
# I'll see you in my dreams

853
00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:19,356
<i># Hold you in my dreams</i>

854
00:59:21,641 --> 00:59:24,019
<i># Though you are gone</i>

855
00:59:24,186 --> 00:59:28,191
<i># I can see you standing</i>

856
00:59:28,356 --> 00:59:30,154
<i># Right before me</i>

857
00:59:30,317 --> 00:59:33,491
<i># Though the pain I cannot feel</i>

858
00:59:33,653 --> 00:59:38,659
<i># So well</i>

859
00:59:42,204 --> 00:59:48,007
<i># Lips that once were mine</i>

860
00:59:49,628 --> 00:59:56,102
<i># Tender eyes that shine</i>

861
00:59:57,677 --> 01:00:01,147
<i># Someone took you</i>

862
01:00:01,306 --> 01:00:05,152
<i># Out of my arms</i>

863
01:00:06,228 --> 01:00:13,032
<i># Still I feel the thrill</i>
<i>of your charms</i>

864
01:00:28,250 --> 01:00:35,259
<i># They will light my way tonight</i>

865
01:00:35,423 --> 01:00:38,893
<i># I'll see you</i>

866
01:00:39,052 --> 01:00:46,061
<i># I'll see you in my dreams #</i>

867
01:00:57,279 --> 01:00:58,747
(WPC) This way please, sir.

868
01:01:00,031 --> 01:01:02,910
All right back off, sonny, back off.
Out of the way.

869
01:01:03,118 --> 01:01:05,997
Help him get that off.
I can't take him anywhere with that.

870
01:01:06,163 --> 01:01:07,665
Okay, this way, sir.

871
01:01:07,873 --> 01:01:10,342
Sir, you do not have to say anything.

872
01:01:10,500 --> 01:01:13,504
Anything you do say
may be given in evidence.

873
01:01:13,712 --> 01:01:15,931
He wants locking up, that boy.

874
01:01:16,131 --> 01:01:19,226
- Lock him up.
- It's not me you should be after.

875
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:21,975
It's this bastard
in North London, Harvey...

876
01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:23,977
- That's blinding.
- All right.

877
01:01:24,181 --> 01:01:26,855
Filming for "Beat Cops", mate.
It's gonna be on TV.

878
01:01:27,934 --> 01:01:29,732
Anything you wanna say?

879
01:01:29,895 --> 01:01:34,947
No. Go away. This is my life.
This is not some excuse for cheap TV.

880
01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:37,076
- Aow!
- You're being very brave.

881
01:01:37,235 --> 01:01:39,158
Bugger off. You got what you want.

882
01:01:39,321 --> 01:01:42,040
Sarge, look, I set fire to myself
before I came out

883
01:01:42,199 --> 01:01:43,997
then I glued this knife to my hand.

884
01:01:44,159 --> 01:01:45,877
- You threatened the ladies.
- I didn't.

885
01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:48,164
- They say you did.
- I really didn't.

886
01:01:48,371 --> 01:01:50,715
Please, can you tell them.
I didn't, did I?

887
01:01:50,916 --> 01:01:52,918
No. He just sort of got it out.

888
01:01:53,126 --> 01:01:55,549
He can tell us all about it
down the station.

889
01:01:55,754 --> 01:01:59,224
- Right. He is done.
- Okay, everyone.

890
01:02:00,884 --> 01:02:03,012
It's over. Go back to your homes.

891
01:02:03,220 --> 01:02:04,597
Safety has been restored.

892
01:02:04,804 --> 01:02:06,898
- Thank you, everyone.
- See you later.

893
01:02:08,808 --> 01:02:11,812
- Load him up.
- Wait. I'm innocent.

894
01:02:12,020 --> 01:02:15,115
Look, I've got a meeting
this evening. Tell him I'm safe.

895
01:02:15,315 --> 01:02:17,659
Enough or I'll do you
for resisting arrest.

896
01:02:18,109 --> 01:02:21,488
I'm a victim of circumstance.

897
01:02:23,823 --> 01:02:26,667
All units, Mare Street. Go. Go. Go.

898
01:02:26,868 --> 01:02:29,712
- Sarge?
- Little Vietnam, big trouble.

899
01:02:29,871 --> 01:02:31,999
What do we do with Paddington?

900
01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:36,762
- Take him. Chuck him in the van.
- Hey, no way. I've got a meeting.

901
01:02:37,504 --> 01:02:39,677
Come on, then! Shake a leg!

902
01:02:39,839 --> 01:02:42,137
Follow that chopper!

903
01:02:45,845 --> 01:02:48,974
- Oh, for Pete's sake.
- Mirror, signal, manoeuvre.

904
01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:51,108
(WPC) Shut up!
I am driving this truck.

905
01:02:55,397 --> 01:02:57,399
(SIREN)

906
01:03:11,413 --> 01:03:14,041
Looks like they let you go after all.

907
01:03:14,874 --> 01:03:16,592
You're free.

908
01:03:17,460 --> 01:03:19,383
Free.

909
01:03:24,426 --> 01:03:26,428
It's fate.

910
01:03:27,304 --> 01:03:30,057
I'm facing my demons.

911
01:03:32,100 --> 01:03:34,319
And I'm winning.

912
01:03:38,398 --> 01:03:40,366
I'm free.

913
01:03:41,318 --> 01:03:45,448
Come on, stars!
Give me your best shot.

914
01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:47,915
I'm ready.

915
01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:52,041
Let's do this.

916
01:03:52,203 --> 01:03:53,750
Oops. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

917
01:03:53,913 --> 01:03:57,258
- Evening, sir.
- Sorry, officer.

918
01:03:57,417 --> 01:04:00,387
- Something funny, sir?
- No, I'm just happy.

919
01:04:00,545 --> 01:04:03,845
Happy? Are you drunk, sir?

920
01:04:04,007 --> 01:04:05,600
- No, I'm a writer.
- Oh, yeah?

921
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:08,679
I'm on my way to meet
a Hollywood movie mogul actually.

922
01:04:08,887 --> 01:04:11,265
- You're kidding?
- He's very interested...

923
01:04:11,431 --> 01:04:13,775
...in buying my script
about serial killers.

924
01:04:13,933 --> 01:04:18,109
You don't say. Are you all right?
Did you get your laundry done?

925
01:04:18,313 --> 01:04:20,031
No. Maybe another night.

926
01:04:20,231 --> 01:04:23,280
Oh, well.
Well, good night then, miss.

927
01:04:23,485 --> 01:04:25,158
Night, sir.

928
01:04:41,378 --> 01:04:43,597
<i>(Professor Friedkin) You must return</i>
<i>to the scene of the crime</i>

929
01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:46,554
<i>and retrieve those unwashed articles</i>
<i>in the machine.</i>

930
01:04:46,758 --> 01:04:49,352
<i>Release your raw, true, inner self.</i>

931
01:04:49,552 --> 01:04:53,022
<i>Begin a new life, free from fear.</i>

932
01:05:08,530 --> 01:05:11,454
<i>Okay. Okay, I got this.</i>

933
01:05:11,658 --> 01:05:16,915
<i>Dr. Friedkin,</i>
<i>one banana signed, peeled and...</i>

934
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:20,550
- Huh?
- (DOOR CREAKING)

935
01:05:24,212 --> 01:05:26,214
(UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC)

936
01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:15,448
(BLEEPING)

937
01:07:16,491 --> 01:07:19,119
(BREATH ES HEAVILY)

938
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:27,043
(GROANING)

939
01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:31,006
(GRUNTS)

940
01:07:31,172 --> 01:07:33,174
(BOTH GRUNT)

941
01:07:36,386 --> 01:07:38,388
(WHINES)

942
01:07:39,639 --> 01:07:42,392
- Oh, my God, what happened?
- I don't know.

943
01:07:42,559 --> 01:07:44,778
(MOANS)
How do we get out of here?

944
01:07:44,936 --> 01:07:48,031
(BOTH GRUNT INCOMPREHENSIBLY)

945
01:07:52,819 --> 01:07:55,413
Oh, my God, what happened?
How did we get here?

946
01:07:55,572 --> 01:07:57,040
(PANTS)

947
01:07:57,198 --> 01:07:59,041
I was walking down the road.

948
01:07:59,242 --> 01:08:02,872
Yeah, I was walking down the alley
and I heard a noise and...

949
01:08:03,079 --> 01:08:04,422
Oh, God, I feel sick.

950
01:08:04,622 --> 01:08:07,546
Oh, my God. I have
to let my parents know I'm here.

951
01:08:07,750 --> 01:08:11,596
They'll panic, they'll panic.
I don't want them to panic.

952
01:08:11,754 --> 01:08:14,382
- (GRUNTS)
- What's that?

953
01:08:14,549 --> 01:08:16,347
- You're gonna heave?
- (GRUNTS)

954
01:08:16,509 --> 01:08:18,511
- You can't leave?
- I can't breathe.

955
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:20,897
Oh, you can't breathe. I'm so sorry.

956
01:08:24,017 --> 01:08:26,065
(GAGS)

957
01:08:27,061 --> 01:08:28,734
Thank you.

958
01:08:30,189 --> 01:08:32,283
They must have drugged us
and dumped us here.

959
01:08:32,442 --> 01:08:34,035
Who? Who did this?

960
01:08:34,235 --> 01:08:37,865
The Vietnamese mafia. Think about it.
We're still in the launderette.

961
01:08:38,031 --> 01:08:41,501
It's some sort of safe house.
They caught me snooping and thought,

962
01:08:41,659 --> 01:08:44,663
- ..."Let's tie him up and dump him."
- Oh, my God.

963
01:08:44,829 --> 01:08:47,958
No, no, no. It doesn't add up.
It doesn't add up at all.

964
01:08:48,166 --> 01:08:51,966
They might have suspected me,
but you were no threat whatsoever.

965
01:08:52,170 --> 01:08:54,172
What are you saying?

966
01:08:54,339 --> 01:08:58,845
It must've been premeditated.
We've been abducted by a psychopath

967
01:08:59,010 --> 01:09:04,358
whose intention is to terrorise,
torture and terminate our existence.

968
01:09:04,515 --> 01:09:06,108
- No.
- What do you mean, no?

969
01:09:06,267 --> 01:09:11,114
No, I refuse to believe that.
What about mistaken identity, huh?

970
01:09:11,314 --> 01:09:14,193
This could all be a practical joke.

971
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:16,368
A joke? Are you out of your mind?

972
01:09:16,569 --> 01:09:19,539
No, you're paranoid.
You're jumping to conclusions.

973
01:09:19,739 --> 01:09:23,039
There is a time and place
for accusing a man of being paranoid.

974
01:09:23,242 --> 01:09:24,994
This is not fucking one of them!

975
01:09:25,203 --> 01:09:29,253
- Help! Help us, please!
- Help, please!

976
01:09:29,457 --> 01:09:33,633
'Help! Help us, please!
'Help! Help, please!

977
01:09:33,836 --> 01:09:35,930
- Please!
- Somebody, help us!

978
01:09:39,384 --> 01:09:41,182
(FOOTSTEPS)

979
01:09:41,344 --> 01:09:43,017
Listen.

980
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:44,806
(FOOTSTEPS)

981
01:09:44,972 --> 01:09:47,191
Somebody's up there.

982
01:09:50,436 --> 01:09:52,359
What do we do?

983
01:09:56,359 --> 01:09:58,578
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

984
01:09:58,736 --> 01:10:00,738
(SOBS)

985
01:10:05,535 --> 01:10:07,537
- Mummy.
- (DOOR BEING UNLOCKED)

986
01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:22,760
(MOANS)

987
01:10:25,346 --> 01:10:26,973
Hello?

988
01:10:29,559 --> 01:10:33,314
- What's going on down here, then?
- Oh, mate.

989
01:10:33,521 --> 01:10:34,898
Are you all right?

990
01:10:35,106 --> 01:10:38,360
Mate, I have never been so happy
to see a...

991
01:10:38,526 --> 01:10:41,905
- Community support police officer.
- Community support police officer.

992
01:10:42,071 --> 01:10:44,073
Quickly untie us.
Come down, please.

993
01:10:44,282 --> 01:10:46,831
No. Shit. No. Don't. Go back up.
Get some help.

994
01:10:47,034 --> 01:10:48,456
- Get some backup.
- Right.

995
01:10:48,619 --> 01:10:50,212
We're trapped. We are trapped.

996
01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:52,006
- He can see that.
- Don't leave!

997
01:10:52,206 --> 01:10:54,208
If they come back,
they'll get him too.

998
01:10:54,417 --> 01:10:56,419
- He's police.
- He's not even armed.

999
01:10:56,627 --> 01:10:59,005
They haven't even
given him a fucking whistle.

1000
01:10:59,172 --> 01:11:01,140
Listen, mate, go and get some help.

1001
01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:03,263
Get some men with guns
and the dogs.

1002
01:11:03,468 --> 01:11:07,974
And some dogs with guns and
a fucking helicopter. Just go. Go.

1003
01:11:22,528 --> 01:11:24,747
(SIGHS)

1004
01:11:24,906 --> 01:11:30,254
On second thought,
I think I'll just stay here with you.

1005
01:11:31,204 --> 01:11:32,922
Very cosy. Just the three of us.

1006
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:35,420
The criminal stare.

1007
01:11:36,125 --> 01:11:37,798
What's he doing?

1008
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:42,761
I'm afraid this is one very sick
community support police officer.

1009
01:11:44,175 --> 01:11:46,303
Very good.

1010
01:11:47,762 --> 01:11:54,737
You know, you can't beat these
old machines for sheer craftsmanship.

1011
01:11:54,894 --> 01:12:01,493
Front loading, motor power,
elegant design.

1012
01:12:02,610 --> 01:12:05,659
Admittedly, they don't spin
as fast as modern machines do,

1013
01:12:05,822 --> 01:12:07,699
but so what?

1014
01:12:07,865 --> 01:12:09,959
As Mahatma Gandhi said,
"There's more to life

1015
01:12:10,117 --> 01:12:12,245
"than simply increasing its speed."

1016
01:12:12,411 --> 01:12:15,711
Looking at this washing machine,
you'd have to agree with him.

1017
01:12:15,915 --> 01:12:18,543
I mean, it's a bloody work of art.

1018
01:12:21,921 --> 01:12:25,596
I said, it's a work of art.
Don't you agree?

1019
01:12:27,009 --> 01:12:28,886
Yes, it's very nice.

1020
01:12:29,053 --> 01:12:33,183
Right, well, take comfort in that,

1021
01:12:33,349 --> 01:12:37,070
because it's the last thing
you're gonna see before you die.

1022
01:12:38,646 --> 01:12:44,494
If you both look closely, you'll
notice a pea green flashing light.

1023
01:12:44,652 --> 01:12:47,326
Which means,
that while you were both sleeping

1024
01:12:47,488 --> 01:12:49,582
this machine has
already passed smoothly

1025
01:12:49,740 --> 01:12:52,584
through the stages
of pre-wash and main wash

1026
01:12:52,785 --> 01:12:55,459
and is now completing
the last rinse.

1027
01:12:55,621 --> 01:12:57,623
(BANGING)

1028
01:12:58,583 --> 01:13:00,961
Ow.

1029
01:13:01,127 --> 01:13:07,931
This will shortly be followed
by the magnificent final spin

1030
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:13,189
at which point, the cycle will end,
the light will turn red...

1031
01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:19,779
and I shall have the pleasure
of sending you both to a better

1032
01:13:19,979 --> 01:13:24,405
and, one would hope,
cleaner world than this.

1033
01:13:24,567 --> 01:13:26,410
You fucking maniac.

1034
01:13:26,569 --> 01:13:29,243
I was just gonna go home
and catch some telly.

1035
01:13:29,405 --> 01:13:32,875
But when you mentioned you were
a writer, about serial killers,

1036
01:13:33,075 --> 01:13:37,672
I thought,
"No. No, this is meant to be.

1037
01:13:37,872 --> 01:13:39,294
"This is fate."

1038
01:13:39,498 --> 01:13:41,876
- What do you call yourself?
- What's that?

1039
01:13:42,043 --> 01:13:45,798
What do you call yourself?
The Spin King? Laundry Man?

1040
01:13:46,005 --> 01:13:48,554
No, I'm the Hanoi Handshake.
That's me.

1041
01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:51,602
After I kill you,
I'm going to chop your fingers off

1042
01:13:51,761 --> 01:13:54,105
and pin it on the Vietnamese lot.

1043
01:13:54,263 --> 01:13:57,893
WW? Why are you doing this?

1044
01:13:58,059 --> 01:14:00,903
Oh, well, it's complicated.

1045
01:14:01,103 --> 01:14:04,733
You see, this launderette
used to belong to my grandmother.

1046
01:14:04,899 --> 01:14:08,324
That is, before the whole
neighbourhood went to Pot.

1047
01:14:08,486 --> 01:14:10,488
Pol Pot.

1048
01:14:10,655 --> 01:14:15,035
No, the boat people elbowed her out.
Broke her heart. Killed her.

1049
01:14:15,242 --> 01:14:19,247
So I'm on a rampage,
a rampage of vengeance.

1050
01:14:19,455 --> 01:14:20,923
Oh, I see.

1051
01:14:21,123 --> 01:14:22,921
Anyway, that's not important now.

1052
01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:24,672
What is important

1053
01:14:24,835 --> 01:14:29,932
is that I've got the key,
and no one knows we're here.

1054
01:14:30,091 --> 01:14:33,766
So then, if you don't mind,
I've just got to quickly go upstairs

1055
01:14:33,928 --> 01:14:35,976
and sharpen my knife.

1056
01:14:38,474 --> 01:14:40,476
Sit tight, kids.

1057
01:14:44,563 --> 01:14:48,033
And remember,
when the light goes red,

1058
01:14:48,234 --> 01:14:50,032
you're dead.

1059
01:14:59,078 --> 01:15:01,001
(BLEEPING)

1060
01:15:02,581 --> 01:15:05,175
(WHIRRING AND SPLASHING)

1061
01:15:05,334 --> 01:15:09,009
Hm, the rinse is ending.

1062
01:15:09,171 --> 01:15:11,173
(LAUGHS)

1063
01:15:21,434 --> 01:15:23,562
Oh, that's it then, isn't it?

1064
01:15:23,728 --> 01:15:27,483
Not only am I not gonna make
my meeting with Harvey Humphries,

1065
01:15:27,648 --> 01:15:30,322
I'm gonna fucking die.
(SOBS LOUDLY)

1066
01:15:30,484 --> 01:15:33,328
Hey, stop it.

1067
01:15:34,572 --> 01:15:36,700
You mustn't lose hope.

1068
01:15:36,907 --> 01:15:39,956
There's no hope. We're dead.

1069
01:15:40,161 --> 01:15:42,255
There is always hope.

1070
01:15:42,455 --> 01:15:46,130
I was abandoned in a launderette
as a child.

1071
01:15:47,251 --> 01:15:51,927
I couldn't speak for six weeks,
I was so afraid.

1072
01:15:52,089 --> 01:15:54,433
I've come full circle.

1073
01:15:54,592 --> 01:15:56,594
I'm alive,

1074
01:15:56,761 --> 01:16:00,891
alive to experience my own death.

1075
01:16:01,098 --> 01:16:02,816
It's destiny.

1076
01:16:04,310 --> 01:16:06,278
No!

1077
01:16:06,437 --> 01:16:12,786
(JACK IN DISTANCE)
No! No! No!

1078
01:16:39,637 --> 01:16:41,605
(BREATH ES HEAVILY)

1079
01:16:41,764 --> 01:16:47,146
Listen, your mother, she gave up
on herself, not on you.

1080
01:16:47,353 --> 01:16:50,698
You don't make the same mistake.

1081
01:16:50,856 --> 01:16:53,234
We can do it together.

1082
01:16:54,193 --> 01:16:59,290
Come on, we have to try
and reason with him.

1083
01:16:59,448 --> 01:17:01,667
There's always hope.

1084
01:17:05,996 --> 01:17:08,374
I don't even know your name.

1085
01:17:08,541 --> 01:17:11,886
Sangeet. My name is Sangeet.

1086
01:17:12,294 --> 01:17:14,467
Sangeet.

1087
01:17:14,630 --> 01:17:17,008
That's a very beautiful name.

1088
01:17:18,050 --> 01:17:22,180
Sangeet, do you think
if all this blows over,

1089
01:17:22,346 --> 01:17:26,647
you and I might perhaps
get some dinner or...?

1090
01:17:27,810 --> 01:17:29,812
That's the spirit, John.

1091
01:17:29,979 --> 01:17:31,606
(DOOR OPENING)

1092
01:17:36,443 --> 01:17:37,990
He)'-

1093
01:17:38,654 --> 01:17:40,622
Call me Jack.

1094
01:17:45,703 --> 01:17:47,922
(MUSIC;
EUROPE'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN)

1095
01:18:00,801 --> 01:18:05,807
Those about to die, we salute you.

1096
01:18:07,474 --> 01:18:11,399
<i># It's the final countdown</i>

1097
01:18:15,941 --> 01:18:20,071
<i># The final countdown</i>

1098
01:18:21,488 --> 01:18:26,164
# on, hey #

1099
01:18:26,327 --> 01:18:29,797
What's wrong? Not your cup of tea?

1100
01:18:32,750 --> 01:18:35,128
But how can you not like this?

1101
01:18:35,294 --> 01:18:39,344
This is top-notch.
This is classic rock.

1102
01:18:39,506 --> 01:18:42,180
Er, no.

1103
01:18:42,343 --> 01:18:45,813
Technically, this is '80s hair metal.

1104
01:18:45,971 --> 01:18:47,518
What?

1105
01:18:50,726 --> 01:18:52,148
Right.

1106
01:18:52,353 --> 01:18:55,732
I'll have you know that
that track was number one

1107
01:18:55,898 --> 01:18:58,822
in 25 separate countries in 1986. 25.

1108
01:18:59,985 --> 01:19:03,865
Now, I think that qualifies it as
an all-time rock classic. Don't you?

1109
01:19:04,073 --> 01:19:07,077
Yeah. Well, we had
different childhoods, mate.

1110
01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:10,588
While you were jumping around
in your bedroom to men in tights,

1111
01:19:10,746 --> 01:19:12,589
I was keeping it fresh,

1112
01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:15,092
rolling with the brothers,
you know what I'm saying, y'all?

1113
01:19:15,292 --> 01:19:18,762
- Dusting off my AK, motherfucker.
- Well, you missed out.

1114
01:19:21,048 --> 01:19:24,177
You don't know
what you're talking about anyway.

1115
01:19:28,764 --> 01:19:33,440
I used to lie over there, on my bed
with my headphones on.

1116
01:19:33,644 --> 01:19:36,523
And I'd just disappear
into my imagination.

1117
01:19:36,730 --> 01:19:39,609
Gran always said
I had a very vivid imagination.

1118
01:19:39,775 --> 01:19:41,777
Oh, I could be anyone.

1119
01:19:41,944 --> 01:19:47,792
Sometimes I'd be this rock star,
half man, half elf,

1120
01:19:47,950 --> 01:19:52,126
with this great mane of golden hair,
down to my waist

1121
01:19:52,329 --> 01:19:54,377
and all the girls would be yelling,

1122
01:19:54,581 --> 01:19:59,838
"Oh, Tony. Let me touch it, Tony.
Let me touch it. Let me touch it."

1123
01:20:00,004 --> 01:20:02,382
This was your bedroom?

1124
01:20:02,548 --> 01:20:05,051
- Eh?
- You had a bed down here?

1125
01:20:05,259 --> 01:20:07,682
Oh, mate.

1126
01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:11,140
Me and this launderette go way back.

1127
01:20:14,727 --> 01:20:17,901
<i>(KILLER) You see, my mum died</i>
<i>when I was quite young</i>

1128
01:20:18,105 --> 01:20:22,326
<i>and I didn't have any other family,</i>
<i>so I was sent to live with my gran.</i>

1129
01:20:22,776 --> 01:20:24,528
<i>At the launderette.</i>

1130
01:20:24,737 --> 01:20:27,616
<i>She took me in, bless her heart,</i>
<i>and looked after me,</i>

1131
01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:30,372
<i>but she decided</i>
<i>there wasn't enough room</i>

1132
01:20:30,576 --> 01:20:32,749
<i>for two people upstairs in the flat.</i>

1133
01:20:32,911 --> 01:20:34,629
<i>So she made me a room down here.</i>

1134
01:20:34,830 --> 01:20:36,832
<i>Down in the cellar.</i>

1135
01:20:38,334 --> 01:20:41,213
<i>It was, well...</i>

1136
01:20:41,420 --> 01:20:43,718
<i>It took a bit of getting used to.</i>

1137
01:20:43,922 --> 01:20:47,176
<i>But she only locked the hatch</i>
<i>very late at night.</i>

1138
01:20:48,552 --> 01:20:54,104
<i>And I was allowed out,</i>
<i>to see the people coming and going.</i>

1139
01:20:54,266 --> 01:20:55,859
<i>To watch them wash.</i>

1140
01:20:58,228 --> 01:20:59,946
You.

1141
01:21:00,147 --> 01:21:03,151
Oh, Tony, you poor thing.

1142
01:21:04,568 --> 01:21:06,320
What do you mean? Poor thing?

1143
01:21:06,487 --> 01:21:08,706
You were abandoned, Tone.

1144
01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:13,210
Mate, I had this whole
massive bedroom to myself.

1145
01:21:13,410 --> 01:21:15,708
This is a cellar, Tone. A cellar.

1146
01:21:15,871 --> 01:21:17,714
- But...
- Look, it's Dickensian.

1147
01:21:17,873 --> 01:21:20,968
- How big was your fucking bedroom?
- That's not the point.

1148
01:21:21,126 --> 01:21:24,380
Jesus. What kind of woman
keeps a child in a cellar?

1149
01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:28,767
Hey, don't you say a word
about my gran.

1150
01:21:28,967 --> 01:21:31,061
My gran was a very special person.

1151
01:21:31,261 --> 01:21:32,604
That's the kid talking.

1152
01:21:32,805 --> 01:21:37,857
Any mother, even a twisted hag bitch
of a mother is better than no mother.

1153
01:21:38,060 --> 01:21:41,781
Come on, Tone. You were dumped.
Alone. In a cellar.

1154
01:21:41,980 --> 01:21:45,200
Yeah, all right, thank you very much,
Sigmund Freud.

1155
01:21:45,401 --> 01:21:47,403
You're the one tied up in a basement.

1156
01:21:47,611 --> 01:21:51,536
I'm the one feeding the press.
Baffling the police.

1157
01:21:51,740 --> 01:21:54,493
I'm conducting the whole thing
like an orchestra.

1158
01:21:54,701 --> 01:21:57,875
I'm like the André Previn
of serial killers.

1159
01:21:58,080 --> 01:22:01,050
Mate, I have studied serial killers
and you are not it.

1160
01:22:01,208 --> 01:22:05,884
- A serial killer is an artist.
- Hey, I'm all about elegant design.

1161
01:22:06,088 --> 01:22:09,217
Tell them, Gran.
I am an artist, aren't I?

1162
01:22:09,425 --> 01:22:12,679
I'm like a sculptor,
sculpting in crime.

1163
01:22:12,886 --> 01:22:16,186
Don't tell me you've got your bloody
grandmother down here too.

1164
01:22:16,390 --> 01:22:19,439
Well, of course I have.
I'm a serial killer, aren't I?

1165
01:22:19,643 --> 01:22:22,613
It's been done, mate!
Come up with something original.

1166
01:22:22,813 --> 01:22:24,315
I did the Hanoi Handshake!

1167
01:22:24,523 --> 01:22:27,777
Sounds like two Vietnamese gentlemen
in a public convenience!

1168
01:22:27,985 --> 01:22:29,578
He's right. It does, actually.

1169
01:22:29,778 --> 01:22:32,452
"Can I give you a handshake?
I give you handshake."

1170
01:22:32,656 --> 01:22:36,957
Please! Have some bloody respect,
will you?

1171
01:22:43,375 --> 01:22:45,594
That's it.

1172
01:22:45,752 --> 01:22:49,177
- Spin's started.
- (SANGEET) No!

1173
01:22:49,339 --> 01:22:51,091
- (SANGEET) No!
- Don't!

1174
01:22:51,258 --> 01:22:54,387
(TONY) Shut it! Shut up! Shut up!

1175
01:22:54,595 --> 01:22:57,565
- (SANJEET) No!
- Try making fun of this, dead man.

1176
01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:03,237
Say hello to my bowie knife.
I call him Dave.

1177
01:23:03,437 --> 01:23:06,737
David the Bowie Knife? Sounds like
a character from my stories.

1178
01:23:06,940 --> 01:23:09,693
- Dave doesn't like you.
- (JACK SOBS)

1179
01:23:09,860 --> 01:23:12,454
He's telling me to do it.

1180
01:23:12,613 --> 01:23:14,741
I'm gonna do it.

1181
01:23:15,699 --> 01:23:19,042


1182
01:23:19,745 --> 01:23:22,419
You can't reason
with a serial killer.

1183
01:23:25,584 --> 01:23:26,961
(TONY GROANS)

1184
01:23:27,127 --> 01:23:29,846
- Oh, Jack.
- Just go, go, go. Please go, go, go.

1185
01:23:30,047 --> 01:23:34,928
Go on, go. Go get help.
Hop. Hop! Hop.

1186
01:23:37,095 --> 01:23:39,723
Hop. Hop. Hop.

1187
01:23:40,682 --> 01:23:44,607
Run!

1188
01:23:53,111 --> 01:23:57,787
- (SCREAMS)
- Sorry. I am sorry.

1189
01:24:04,623 --> 01:24:06,546
(DISTANT SCREAMING)

1190
01:24:08,627 --> 01:24:12,302
- (JACK) No, Tony.
- (TONY) No, I can't let you go.

1191
01:24:12,506 --> 01:24:16,136
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
This is how it has to end.

1192
01:24:16,343 --> 01:24:20,223
- Tony, please, leave her alone.
- Sorry, mate, she saw me with you.

1193
01:24:20,430 --> 01:24:22,558
- No turning back now.
- Jack. Jack.

1194
01:24:22,766 --> 01:24:24,894
- Do something. Please.
- What? What?

1195
01:24:25,102 --> 01:24:28,948
You're a writer, aren't you?
Tell him a fucking story.

1196
01:24:29,106 --> 01:24:31,325
- A story?
- Right, this is it.

1197
01:24:31,525 --> 01:24:34,278
No, wait. No, she's right.
Let me tell you a story.

1198
01:24:34,486 --> 01:24:36,079
- A story?
- Yes, please.

1199
01:24:36,280 --> 01:24:37,907
It's a dead man's last wish.

1200
01:24:38,115 --> 01:24:41,039
It's a story to end the cycle.

1201
01:24:41,201 --> 01:24:43,420
- How long's it going to take?
- Not long.

1202
01:24:43,620 --> 01:24:46,214
- Because I haven't got long.
- Neither have I.

1203
01:24:46,373 --> 01:24:48,375
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

1204
01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:52,129
Oh, all right, dead man.

1205
01:24:52,337 --> 01:24:55,682
But make it good because it's
the last thing you're gonna write.

1206
01:24:55,841 --> 01:24:58,219
- Yeah, yeah.
- No pressure, though.

1207
01:24:59,136 --> 01:25:03,266
Okay. I have to start
right at the beginning.

1208
01:25:03,432 --> 01:25:05,651
Once upon a time,

1209
01:25:05,809 --> 01:25:08,779
there was a hedgehog
whose name...

1210
01:25:08,979 --> 01:25:10,902
A hedgehog?

1211
01:25:11,940 --> 01:25:13,942
Yes. Yes. Whose name...

1212
01:25:14,109 --> 01:25:17,283
You're about to die and you want
to tell a story about a hedgehog?

1213
01:25:17,446 --> 01:25:20,370
Mate, please, just bear with me.

1214
01:25:21,491 --> 01:25:23,118
Okay, you sitting comfortably?

1215
01:25:27,623 --> 01:25:29,842
Once upon a time...

1216
01:25:30,917 --> 01:25:33,215
not so long ago...

1217
01:25:34,254 --> 01:25:36,382
there was a hedgehog...

1218
01:25:37,466 --> 01:25:39,514
whose name...

1219
01:25:41,678 --> 01:25:44,022
was Brian.

1220
01:25:51,229 --> 01:25:54,403
<i>Brian lived in a cave</i>
<i>deep in the forest,</i>

1221
01:25:54,566 --> 01:25:59,117
<i>a dark and terrible place</i>
<i>called the Wyrd Wild Wood.</i>

1222
01:26:00,489 --> 01:26:06,087
<i>After dark, the forest would echo</i>
<i>with howls and screams.</i>

1223
01:26:06,286 --> 01:26:09,290
<i>And sometimes it seemed to Brian</i>
<i>as if even the moon</i>

1224
01:26:09,498 --> 01:26:11,967
<i>conspired against him.</i>

1225
01:26:12,959 --> 01:26:17,465
<i>But the more afraid Brian became,</i>
<i>the angrier he got,</i>

1226
01:26:17,631 --> 01:26:21,556
<i>until one night,</i>
<i>frightened out of his wits...</i>

1227
01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:26,937
<i>he turned himself</i>
<i>into a terrifying monster.</i>

1228
01:26:28,183 --> 01:26:30,902
<i>He put on weight, painted his face</i>

1229
01:26:31,061 --> 01:26:36,158
<i>and started insisting on being</i>
<i>addressed as Balthazar the Berserker.</i>

1230
01:26:36,316 --> 01:26:38,910
<i>But then a strange thing happened.</i>

1231
01:26:39,069 --> 01:26:41,822
<i>Brian received an unexpected visitor.</i>

1232
01:26:42,781 --> 01:26:45,375
<i>"Come any closer</i>
<i>and I'll scratch your eyes out."</i>

1233
01:26:45,575 --> 01:26:49,079
<i>He snarled angrily</i>
<i>at the ﬂickering eyes in the trees.</i>

1234
01:26:49,287 --> 01:26:51,506
<i>"Brian?" Whispered a voice.</i>

1235
01:26:51,707 --> 01:26:53,459
<i>"Is that really you?"</i>

1236
01:26:53,625 --> 01:26:56,299
<i>"Who the fuck are you calling Brian?"</i>
<i>said Brian,</i>

1237
01:26:56,461 --> 01:27:00,637
<i>as menacingly as he could manage.</i>
<i>"Why, Brian, it is you."</i>

1238
01:27:00,799 --> 01:27:04,724
<i>It was Harold, his brother,</i>
<i>last seen by the road,</i>

1239
01:27:04,928 --> 01:27:08,102
<i>walking with mother a long time ago.</i>

1240
01:27:08,265 --> 01:27:11,610
<i>He said, "I'm so happy</i>
<i>I found you, Brian, old chap.</i>

1241
01:27:11,810 --> 01:27:15,440
<i>"I've been terribly lonely</i>
<i>and fancied a chat."</i>

1242
01:27:15,605 --> 01:27:18,654
<i>But Brian had crossed that road</i>
<i>and never looked back.</i>

1243
01:27:18,859 --> 01:27:21,703
<i>He'd erased the memory</i>
<i>and his soul was now black.</i>

1244
01:27:21,903 --> 01:27:24,031
<i>"Harold, mate. I hate to be blunt.</i>

1245
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:26,412
<i>But look in the mirror,</i>
<i>you prickly idiot.</i>

1246
01:27:26,616 --> 01:27:29,415
<i>You're a worthless, pathetic,</i>
<i>sniveling fool.</i>

1247
01:27:29,619 --> 01:27:33,089
<i>"I'd rather spend time</i>
<i>with the worms in my stool."</i>

1248
01:27:33,290 --> 01:27:37,011
<i>With that he chased him into the</i>
<i>trees and over the dells, screaming,</i>

1249
01:27:37,210 --> 01:27:39,713
<i>"I'll eat you for supper</i>
<i>or meet you in hell."</i>

1250
01:27:39,880 --> 01:27:41,882
(SPAGHETTI WESTERN TYPE MUSIC)

1251
01:28:04,196 --> 01:28:07,666
<i>But fate intervened</i>
<i>and Brian got lost.</i>

1252
01:28:07,866 --> 01:28:11,962
<i>And to make matters worse,</i>
<i>there was a treacherous fog.</i>

1253
01:28:12,162 --> 01:28:15,462
<i>"Hello, " he cried.</i>
<i>"Is anyone there?"</i>

1254
01:28:15,665 --> 01:28:19,886
<i>But no one replied,</i>
<i>and Brian got scared.</i>

1255
01:28:20,086 --> 01:28:22,930
<i>And that's when he saw</i>
<i>he wasn't alone.</i>

1256
01:28:23,131 --> 01:28:28,729
<i>A small, crumpled body</i>
<i>was lying in the road.</i>

1257
01:28:37,312 --> 01:28:39,781
<i>"Why didn't you leave me?"</i>
<i>said Brian.</i>

1258
01:28:39,981 --> 01:28:41,779
<i>"And just let me die?"</i>

1259
01:28:41,983 --> 01:28:45,362
<i>"You're my brother," said Harold.</i>
<i>"How on earth could I?"</i>

1260
01:28:45,529 --> 01:28:48,123
<i>And that's when they heard</i>
<i>the pitiful cries</i>

1261
01:28:48,281 --> 01:28:52,582
<i>of a very small hedgehog</i>
<i>whose mother just died.</i>

1262
01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:55,668
<i>And suddenly</i>
<i>Brian just started to blub.</i>

1263
01:28:55,872 --> 01:28:58,967
<i>He picked up the babe</i>
<i>and gave it a hug.</i>

1264
01:28:59,167 --> 01:29:01,636
<i>"This little thing, you know,</i>
<i>reminds me of us.</i>

1265
01:29:02,254 --> 01:29:05,554
<i>"Left all alone</i>
<i>when Mum caught that bus."</i>

1266
01:29:06,091 --> 01:29:08,389
<i>"The spell has been broken,"</i>
<i>said Harold.</i>

1267
01:29:08,593 --> 01:29:12,348
<i>"It's time to break free.</i>
<i>You're not really a monster.</i>

1268
01:29:12,556 --> 01:29:16,186
<i>"You're a hedgehog, like me."</i>

1269
01:29:28,655 --> 01:29:30,657
(SOFT SOBBING)

1270
01:29:33,368 --> 01:29:35,370
(SNIFFING)

1271
01:29:39,624 --> 01:29:41,422
(SOBS SOFTLY)

1272
01:29:41,585 --> 01:29:44,805
I tell you what,
that is a beautiful story.

1273
01:29:48,008 --> 01:29:50,602
- I suppose they...
- Adopted the baby hedgehog. Yes.

1274
01:29:50,802 --> 01:29:52,520
Oh, mate.

1275
01:29:52,721 --> 01:29:56,396
It's symbolic. You see,
they discovered their true selves.

1276
01:29:56,600 --> 01:29:58,694
They start again where they left off

1277
01:29:58,894 --> 01:30:02,239
before the trauma
of losing their mum.

1278
01:30:02,397 --> 01:30:06,447
I tell you, that was my life,
right there in that cave.

1279
01:30:07,319 --> 01:30:09,447
I'm not a monster, am I?

1280
01:30:09,613 --> 01:30:14,119
No. You just need some help.

1281
01:30:14,284 --> 01:30:19,461
I'll let you into a secret.
I'm not even a proper serial killer.

1282
01:30:19,664 --> 01:30:24,170
That Vietnamese bloke, the one
in the marshes, I didn't kill him.

1283
01:30:24,336 --> 01:30:27,215
- What?
- No, he must've tripped and fell.

1284
01:30:27,380 --> 01:30:29,508
He was dead when I found him.

1285
01:30:29,674 --> 01:30:32,268
Yeah, but the fingers,
the Hanoi Handshake?

1286
01:30:32,427 --> 01:30:34,646
Oh, yeah, yeah. I did do that.

1287
01:30:34,804 --> 01:30:38,104
Well, otherwise,
he was just a bloke in a ditch.

1288
01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:43,276
Oh, her? It's just a mannequin.

1289
01:30:43,480 --> 01:30:45,482
I found her in a bin
outside Topshop.

1290
01:30:45,690 --> 01:30:48,409
So you're not a killer, then.

1291
01:30:50,153 --> 01:30:52,076
You're like me.

1292
01:30:53,531 --> 01:30:55,954
We were both abandoned.

1293
01:30:56,117 --> 01:30:57,960
We're the same.

1294
01:30:59,079 --> 01:31:01,673
We're like...

1295
01:31:01,831 --> 01:31:04,801
Yes. Brothers.

1296
01:31:07,671 --> 01:31:09,673
(JINGLE BELLS RING TONE)

1297
01:31:12,008 --> 01:31:15,979
Er, it's... It's not mine.
I just... I picked it up.

1298
01:31:19,057 --> 01:31:21,059
(DOOR OPENS)

1299
01:31:30,193 --> 01:31:32,366
Brother?

1300
01:31:32,529 --> 01:31:34,031
- Help.
- Help.

1301
01:31:50,588 --> 01:31:52,966
"So Harold
and his long-lost brother Brian

1302
01:31:53,133 --> 01:31:58,230
"lived happily afterwards in the old
hedgerow beside the churchyard."

1303
01:32:00,932 --> 01:32:05,779
And remember, no matter how dark
and scary those woods may seem,

1304
01:32:05,937 --> 01:32:09,817
there's a way across the road for
a hedgehog brave enough to cross it.

1305
01:32:09,983 --> 01:32:12,202
- Thank you.
- (APPLAUSE)

1306
01:32:21,077 --> 01:32:23,830
- Hey.
- Hey, hi.

1307
01:32:24,164 --> 01:32:26,383
- You look fantastic.
- Thank you.

1308
01:32:26,583 --> 01:32:28,881
That was a wonderful story.

1309
01:32:29,085 --> 01:32:34,012
Congratulations. Perfect synthesis
of Jungian and Freudian thought.

1310
01:32:34,174 --> 01:32:36,347
Harold's lost self is recovered,

1311
01:32:36,509 --> 01:32:39,604
whilst acknowledging the important
role that the false self

1312
01:32:39,763 --> 01:32:42,141
played in surviving
the terror of abandonment.

1313
01:32:42,307 --> 01:32:44,856
Well, it's all credit to you,
Professor Friedkin.

1314
01:32:45,018 --> 01:32:49,615
Next book, Harold must address
his destructive Oedipal complex

1315
01:32:49,773 --> 01:32:54,529
and help Brian with his tendency
towards malignant anal hoarding.

1316
01:32:56,029 --> 01:33:02,002
Darling, I've brought someone
I think you should finally meet.

1317
01:33:04,162 --> 01:33:07,336
Harvey Humphries.

1318
01:33:08,750 --> 01:33:13,802
You. You never came
to see me, did you?

1319
01:33:13,963 --> 01:33:19,811
Oh, you
are a very, very naughty boy.

1320
01:33:19,969 --> 01:33:23,269
Harvey's still very interested
in "Decades of Death", Jack.

1321
01:33:23,890 --> 01:33:28,691
Maybe you two can get together
and discuss it later?

1322
01:33:31,815 --> 01:33:35,490
<i>(SINISTER VOICE)</i>
<i>Can you see the spider?</i>

1323
01:33:37,862 --> 01:33:41,992
<i>And the farmer in his field?</i>

1324
01:33:42,158 --> 01:33:46,083
<i>Can you see the lovely ladybird?</i>

1325
01:33:46,246 --> 01:33:49,625
<i>And what about</i>
<i>the little frightened hedgehog?</i>

1326
01:33:49,833 --> 01:33:51,255
Jack?

1327
01:33:52,210 --> 01:33:53,632
Jack.

1328
01:33:54,254 --> 01:33:55,927
Are you all right?

1329
01:33:56,089 --> 01:33:58,091
Er, yes, sorry.

1330
01:33:58,258 --> 01:34:01,137
Hey, what about that dinner
you promised me?

1331
01:34:07,016 --> 01:34:10,737
Erm, I'll get back to you, okay,
on the whole thing.

1332
01:34:10,895 --> 01:34:13,114
- I'll think about it. I will.
- Call me.

1333
01:34:13,273 --> 01:34:14,946
Absolutely.

1334
01:34:15,108 --> 01:34:16,906
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

1335
01:34:17,110 --> 01:34:19,829
- Congratulations.
- Thank you, thank you.

1336
01:34:20,155 --> 01:34:21,828
Thank you.

1337
01:34:25,535 --> 01:34:29,665
<i>(JACK) Once upon a time,</i>
<i>there was a hedgehog called Harold,</i>

1338
01:34:29,831 --> 01:34:33,426
<i>who one day set out on a journey.</i>

1339
01:34:34,419 --> 01:34:36,638
<i>When he reached the far side</i>
<i>of the wood,</i>

1340
01:34:36,796 --> 01:34:42,098
<i>he came to a large ﬂowing river,</i>
<i>dancing with speckled light.</i>

1341
01:34:42,260 --> 01:34:46,766
<i>Without a moment's hesitation,</i>
<i>Harold threw himself into the water.</i>

1342
01:34:48,016 --> 01:34:51,190
<i>The current carried him far away</i>

1343
01:34:51,352 --> 01:34:55,482
<i>and he was never seen again.</i>

1344
01:35:06,409 --> 01:35:09,663
Morning. Morning, you two.
Morning, madam.

1345
01:35:12,290 --> 01:35:13,917
Bye, then.

1346
01:35:40,568 --> 01:35:43,242
What a fucking...

1347
01:35:43,988 --> 01:35:46,207
- Twat.
- Cock.

1348
01:35:46,366 --> 01:35:48,744
Fucking dickhead. Wanker.

1349
01:35:48,910 --> 01:35:50,912
(TIRES SCREECH)