1
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:05,590
[projector whirring]

2
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:30,990
[cell phone ringing]

3
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:38,998
[cell phone continues ringing]

4
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:43,960
- Hello?

5
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,878
- <i>Steve?
- Yeah.</i>

6
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,838
Who's this?
- It's Rob.

7
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,173
- Oh, hey.
Hey.

8
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,841
<i>- How are you?</i>

9
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,388
- Good.
How-how are you?

10
00:00:52,389 --> 00:00:54,845
- <i>Yeah, good.
How is the show going?</i>

11
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,689
- Uh, just finished.
Just starting the hiatus.

12
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,723
<i>- Yeah, I know.</i>

13
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,767
<i>1-1 spoke to your agent.</i>

14
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,395
<i>Listen, The Observer wants us
to do more restaurant reviews,</i>

15
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,063
<i>another six lunches.</i>

16
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,112
- Really?
<i>- But this time in Italy.</i>

17
00:01:06,113 --> 00:01:08,484
<i>Ma belle ltalia, yeah?</i>

18
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,987
<i>Beautiful countryside,
beautiful wine,</i>

19
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,573
<i>beautiful women, beautiful food.</i>

20
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,699
<i>What do you think?</i>

21
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,200
- Well, um...

22
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,326
- <i>And they?! fly you
to Europe.</i>

23
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,744
- First class?

24
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,840
- <i>Or business
or upper-class Virgin.</i>

25
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:27,670
[bells tolling distantly]

26
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,799
This is according to
The Observer-

27
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,219
"Nowhere in Italy
compares with Piemonte

28
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:35,433
"for travelers looking for
a combination of fine wines,

29
00:01:35,434 --> 00:01:37,682
"gastronomy,
and beautiful countryside.

30
00:01:37,683 --> 00:01:39,223
"The area to explore

31
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,022
"is just an hour's drive
down the autostrada"

32
00:01:41,023 --> 00:01:44,604
“from Turin, from Bra,
through Alba, then Asti,

33
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,824
"takes you through
a panoply of vineyards

34
00:01:46,825 --> 00:01:49,442
"producing Italy's greatest
red wines:"

35
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,737
<i>Batch, Barbaresco, Barbara.“</i>

36
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,405
Hanna-Barbara.

37
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,124
[as Sylvester the Cat]
Sufferin' succotash!

38
00:01:56,125 --> 00:01:58,242
I thought I thaw a puddy tat!

39
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,036
I did!
Pbbt!

40
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:02,252
[normal voice]
"The Trattoria della Pasta"-

41
00:02:02,253 --> 00:02:03,836
uh, which is where
we're going-

42
00:02:03,837 --> 00:02:06,047
"is set in rolling hills
clad with vineyards.

43
00:02:06,048 --> 00:02:08,466
"This elegant trattoria
is the ideal place

44
00:02:08,467 --> 00:02:10,087
for a romantic evening."

45
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,053
- You know I'm not a homosexual,
don't you?

46
00:02:12,054 --> 00:02:14,389
- No, we're not having
a romantic evening.

47
00:02:14,390 --> 00:02:16,478
We are gonna have
a stimulating lunch.

48
00:02:16,479 --> 00:02:17,803
- Good.
Good.

49
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,805
- And if romance should occur,

50
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,599
we'll deal with it
as it happens.

51
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,227
- The only time
I'd ever snuggle up to you

52
00:02:23,228 --> 00:02:26,273
is if I was on the side
of the Eiger, on a shelf,

53
00:02:26,274 --> 00:02:28,272
and not to do so
would mean I'd freeze to death.

54
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,482
- Well, in that situation,

55
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,778
you know
what you're meant to do.

56
00:02:30,779 --> 00:02:32,619
You're meant to get as close
to each other as you can.

57
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:33,950
- I know.
You have to spoon.

58
00:02:33,951 --> 00:02:35,491
- Spooning, yeah, yeah.
- I know.

59
00:02:35,492 --> 00:02:37,365
- Can wee on each other as well,
and that's-

60
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:40,586
- Well, that's where recreation
meets survival, isn't it?

61
00:02:40,587 --> 00:02:41,661
- Yeah.

62
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:45,915
I've also sorted out the music,
the iPod.

63
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:48,876
I've gone for a-
a broad selection,

64
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,091
a lot of Italian stuff,

65
00:02:50,092 --> 00:02:52,088
a lot of, um, opera, obviously.

66
00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:53,509
- Good. Good.
- Don Giovanni.

67
00:02:53,510 --> 00:02:54,975
Rigoletto...
- [clears throat]

68
00:02:54,976 --> 00:02:56,509
- Uh, Verdi.

69
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,975
Then a smattering of Wales
and the Welsh

70
00:02:58,976 --> 00:03:00,810
to tie in
with the beautiful countryside.

71
00:03:00,811 --> 00:03:03,102
- Right, Verdi's sounding
very, very appealing

72
00:03:03,103 --> 00:03:04,727
right now, I have to say.

73
00:03:04,728 --> 00:03:06,774
- I've got some Stereophonics
and some Tom-

74
00:03:06,775 --> 00:03:08,604
[grunts] Jones.

75
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,323
- We're not gonna be doing
any impersonations, are we?

76
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,988
Because we talked about that.
- No.

77
00:03:11,989 --> 00:03:15,319
If I sing along,
that's not an impersonation.

78
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:19,323
It just so happens
I bear an uncanny resemblance,

79
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,575
vocally and physically, to Tom.

80
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,577
- What?
'Cause you look 75?

81
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,162
- Why is this-

82
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,164
[dissonant chord plays] Ohh!

83
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,667
- I promise you I haven't
sabotaged the sound system

84
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:34,004
because of my aversion
to your karaoke inclination.

85
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,224
- Why is-
there's nothing at all.

86
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,430
[sniffs]

87
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,349
<i>“Mm!</i>

88
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,268
<i>Bane.</i>

89
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,269
That's actually-

90
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,062
That is-that is nice.

91
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,148
- I'll take your word for it.

92
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,072
- [speaking Italian]
- No, no, no, no.

93
00:03:54,073 --> 00:03:55,319
<i>Grazia.
- Grazia.</i>

94
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,528
- Seriously?

95
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:58,993
You're not drinking?
- No.

96
00:03:58,994 --> 00:04:00,453
- When did this come about?

97
00:04:00,454 --> 00:04:02,914
- I've not drunk
for about nine months.

98
00:04:02,915 --> 00:04:05,753
- So you're not gonna drink
at all on the trip?

99
00:04:05,754 --> 00:04:06,787
Wow.

100
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,962
[indistinct conversations]

101
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,722
- I'm surprised The Observer
wanted you to do this again.

102
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,006
<i>I mean...
- Well...</i>

103
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,224
- Neither of us
know anything about-

104
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:20,181
with respect-know anything
about food, really.

105
00:04:20,182 --> 00:04:21,848
- I know a little bit
about food.

106
00:04:21,849 --> 00:04:23,095
- Well, yeah, but you don't-

107
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,439
- But when I wrote
the last ones,

108
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,227
I concentrated
not so much on the food.

109
00:04:26,228 --> 00:04:28,395
It was more a journey.
It was the culture.

110
00:04:28,396 --> 00:04:30,983
It was-it was Wordsworth
and Coleridge.

111
00:04:30,984 --> 00:04:32,897
Now ifs gonna be Byron
and Shelley.

112
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,069
- It just feels odd doing
something for a second time.

113
00:04:35,070 --> 00:04:36,817
You know, ifs like
second album syndrome, isn't it?

114
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:40,154
Everyone has this amazing,
expressive first album,

115
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,372
where they
put everything into it,

116
00:04:41,373 --> 00:04:43,240
and the second album's
a bit of a damp squib.

117
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,582
Ifs like trying to do a sequel,
isn't it?

118
00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:45,953
It's never gonna be
as good as the first time.

119
00:04:45,954 --> 00:04:47,369
<i>- Godfather ll.</i>

120
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,121
- Which is the one
that people always mention

121
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,623
when they try to search
for an example

122
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,124
of a sequel that's as good <i>as...</i>

123
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,626
- [as Al Pacino]
Just when I thought I was out,

124
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,461
they pull me back in.

125
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,463
- What's this licking thing
you always do?

126
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,881
You look like some sort <i>of...</i>

127
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,179
- [normal voice]
It's what Pacino does.

128
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,258
- Small gecko.

129
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,305
- [laughs] That's what he does.

130
00:05:03,306 --> 00:05:04,804
[as Al Pacino]
Just when I thought

131
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,013
I'd made two

132
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,807
terrific movies,

133
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:11,310
they go and make another!

134
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,062
I'm back in.

135
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,906
- Ifs okay; he's just doing
an impersonation.

136
00:05:14,907 --> 00:05:15,940
Ifs fine.

137
00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,193
[indistinct conversations]

138
00:05:17,194 --> 00:05:18,567
- Look at Byron.

139
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,662
You know, Childe Harold made him

140
00:05:20,663 --> 00:05:24,073
the most popular poet
in all of Europe,

141
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,621
and when he wrote that, he did
the first two cantos, right?

142
00:05:26,622 --> 00:05:29,245
And he said, "if this is a hit,
I'll write more."

143
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,997
If ifs not a hit,
I won't do any more."

144
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,208
- You should do the same
at the end of your shows-

145
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,882
promise the audience
you won't do any more

146
00:05:35,883 --> 00:05:37,129
if they don't like it.

147
00:05:37,130 --> 00:05:40,428
- At the end of my successful
tours and live shows?

148
00:05:40,429 --> 00:05:42,642
[indistinct conversations]

149
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:48,681
- Oh.
- Okay.

150
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,683
- Oh, gosh.
- [speaking Italian]

151
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,977
- Grazia.
- [speaking Italian]

152
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,771
<i>- Grazia.
- Pnego. Buon appetite.</i>

153
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,615
<i>- Grazia.
- Molto grazie.</i>

154
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:00,860
<i>- Mmm.</i>

155
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,283
That is lovely.

156
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,281
<i>Childe Harold,</i>

157
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,411
Byron wrote, was a thinly veiled
self-portrait.

158
00:06:08,412 --> 00:06:09,660
- I was aware of that.

159
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,287
- Thought we could do
a similar thing with you,

160
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,580
<i>Childe Stephen,</i>

161
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,248
follow you
on your travels and-

162
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,592
- Well, it wouldn't be
a pseudonym, would it?

163
00:06:15,593 --> 00:06:16,923
'Cause I'm called Stephen.

164
00:06:16,924 --> 00:06:18,294
Byron wasn't called Harold.

165
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,170
- No.
- Was he?

166
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:24,592
- He was actually
George Gordon Lord Byron.

167
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:25,759
Gordon.

168
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,678
- Understandably, he, um-

169
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:28,724
- Ditched the Gordon.

170
00:06:28,725 --> 00:06:29,892
- He ditched the Gordon.

171
00:06:29,893 --> 00:06:31,473
- [chuckles]
It's not a romantic name.

172
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:32,896
- Ifs not a poet's name,
Gordon, no.

173
00:06:32,897 --> 00:06:34,143
- Ifs not.

174
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,521
- Gordon Byron on line three.

175
00:06:35,522 --> 00:06:37,113
- Oh, God, tell him I'm not in.

176
00:06:37,114 --> 00:06:39,949
[laughs] He does my head in.

177
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,236
So Childe Stephen-
we'll do it as an article,

178
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,116
turn it into a Sunday night
serial on BBC One.

179
00:06:47,117 --> 00:06:48,699
Who plays you?

180
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,915
- A Sunday night costume drama
about my life?

181
00:06:50,916 --> 00:06:52,036
- Yeah.
Who plays you?

182
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,037
- It could happen.

183
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,496
- Who plays you?

184
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,998
- Play myself.

185
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,546
- You couldn't do that-
It's "childe."

186
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,338
It's meant to be
like a young marl.

187
00:06:59,339 --> 00:07:00,838
You could have Jude Law.

188
00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,339
- Jude Law's 40-plus.

189
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,673
- He doesn't look it, does he?

190
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:05,846
He hasn't aged like you and I.

191
00:07:05,847 --> 00:07:06,926
- Well, he's balding.

192
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,554
- Yeah, but he's got that face,
he does.

193
00:07:08,555 --> 00:07:10,681
- He's got that really young
bald look.

194
00:07:10,682 --> 00:07:12,478
[indistinct conversations]

195
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,483
- When you played
Alan Partridge-

196
00:07:17,484 --> 00:07:19,647
you know,
when he was popular-

197
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:22,107
you-he was more known
than you.

198
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,697
And, of course,
he was older than you.

199
00:07:23,698 --> 00:07:25,319
<i>But with me,
with The Rob Brydon Show,</i>

200
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,492
my name is in the title.

201
00:07:26,493 --> 00:07:28,489
I sort of push that.
- Yeah.

202
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,115
- If I were in a bar in a hotel
in Britain, right,

203
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,707
and I wanted to have a drink
with a girl,

204
00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:33,077
I couldn't do it,
'cause there would be

205
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,580
an assumption-
"Oh, what's he doing?"

206
00:07:34,581 --> 00:07:36,121
- Go and chat to Rob Brydon?
- Yeah.

207
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,122
People think I'm affable.

208
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,123
Affable.
That's what I-

209
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,334
- Well, you are.
- I'm affable. I'm affable.

210
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,086
- I'm not disagreeing with you.
- I'm an affable man.

211
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,384
- I'm not disagreeing with you.

212
00:07:43,385 --> 00:07:44,964
- But my public persona

213
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,386
is even more affable
than I actually am.

214
00:07:47,387 --> 00:07:49,385
I'm not as affable
as people think I am.

215
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,229
- You've made an affable rod
for your own back.

216
00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:52,346
- Yes.

217
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,896
Yes, and I'm not saying
I'm not affable.

218
00:07:54,897 --> 00:07:56,392
I am affable.

219
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,393
- We're agreed there.

220
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,019
- But I'm not as affable

221
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,442
as perhaps I've given people
cause to think.

222
00:08:00,443 --> 00:08:01,730
- Crystal clear.

223
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:05,442
- So out here,
I can be off the leash.

224
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,319
I can-I can let my hair-

225
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,492
what is left of it-
down.

226
00:08:08,493 --> 00:08:09,697
- Yeah.

227
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:12,199
- And, you know,
have a good time.

228
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,910
[indistinct conversations]

229
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,912
- [speaking Italian]

230
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:17,913
- Oh, lovely.

231
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,207
- [speaking Italian]

232
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,250
<i>- Mmm.</i>

233
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,627
- [speaking Italian]

234
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,547
<i>- Grazia mills.</i>

235
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,266
- [speaking Italian]
Buon <i>appetite.</i>

236
00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:30,217
- <i>Grazia.</i>

237
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,433
You know, there's a publisher
who is very interested

238
00:08:32,434 --> 00:08:34,268
in putting these articles
into a book,

239
00:08:34,269 --> 00:08:35,472
a Christmas stocking book.

240
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,724
- How do they think
they're gonna

241
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,318
get six articles
and turn it into a book?

242
00:08:38,319 --> 00:08:40,936
- Well, we would also do
the ones from the Lake District,

243
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,401
from the English ones.

244
00:08:42,402 --> 00:08:43,610
What did you think of them?

245
00:08:43,611 --> 00:08:46,071
- I didn't read them.
I was in America, acting.

246
00:08:46,072 --> 00:08:48,866
- They were
a lightly fictionalized account

247
00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:52,656
of your adventures
in the north of England.

248
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,578
- How were they
lightly fictionalized?

249
00:08:54,579 --> 00:08:55,998
- The names were changed to-

250
00:08:55,999 --> 00:08:57,703
- What about my name?

251
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,455
- We kept your name, but
the girls' names were changed.

252
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,129
- So how do they know
ifs fictionalized if it says

253
00:09:01,130 --> 00:09:03,420
"Steve Coogan's Adventures
in the Lake District"?

254
00:09:03,421 --> 00:09:05,546
Did you say,
"[Penned by Rob Brydonl"?

255
00:09:05,547 --> 00:09:06,712
No?

256
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,922
- Not in the traditional sense.
No, no.

257
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,766
But then I did do the work
for you, didn't I?

258
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,347
<i>- Mmm.</i>

259
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,724
<i>Bellissimo.
[smooches]</i>

260
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,725
- What do you think
on the mini, then?

261
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:20,726
You enjoying it?

262
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,229
- L'm_ I'm pleasantly surprised.

263
00:09:22,230 --> 00:09:23,437
- Ifs a nice car.

264
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,439
And to drive it in Italy...

265
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,441
Yeah?

266
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,031
- What?
- You see what I'm getting at.

267
00:09:29,032 --> 00:09:31,445
- Yeah, The Italian Job.
- Exactly, yeah.

268
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,446
- I was wondering
whether you'd actually

269
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:33,492
booked the mini in Italy...

270
00:09:33,493 --> 00:09:34,491
- Well...

271
00:09:34,492 --> 00:09:35,579
<i>- The Italian Job,</i>

272
00:09:35,580 --> 00:09:37,493
just to give you
the opportunity to say...

273
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,246
[as Michael Caine]
"You're only supposed to

274
00:09:39,247 --> 00:09:40,746
blow the bloody doors off!"

275
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,206
But I've done it now,

276
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,505
so hopefully
thafll be an end to it.

277
00:09:44,506 --> 00:09:47,669
- Do your Michael Caine.

278
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,297
Did you see him
in The Dark Knight Rises?

279
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,718
[as Michael Caine] And his voice

280
00:09:51,719 --> 00:09:53,305
gets even more emotional

281
00:09:53,306 --> 00:09:55,097
than ifs ever done in the past
before.

282
00:09:55,098 --> 00:09:56,847
I don't want to bury you,
Batman.

283
00:09:56,848 --> 00:10:00,224
I will not put you
into the ground in a little box.

284
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,646
I will not do it, Master Bruce.
I will not do it.

285
00:10:02,647 --> 00:10:04,897
- [as Michael Caine] I'm not
gonna bury another Batman.

286
00:10:04,898 --> 00:10:05,897
- Another Batman?

287
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:07,114
How many Batmans
has he been burying?

288
00:10:07,115 --> 00:10:08,190
How many are there?

289
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:09,738
[as Michael Caine]
I've buried 14 Batmen so far.

290
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:10,901
- I've buried 14 Batmen.

291
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,404
- Their little pointy ears
into the box.

292
00:10:12,405 --> 00:10:15,828
- I'm not gonna bury another
nylon cloak with pointy ears

293
00:10:15,829 --> 00:10:18,408
that people wear
at birthday parties.

294
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,249
- With the little belt-
the very wide belt

295
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:22,998
that is flattering
to a man with an expanded girth.

296
00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,590
I won't do that to you,
Master Bruce.

297
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,208
I will not do it to you.

298
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,877
- And I won't make the voice
like that.

299
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,347
- [wavering voice] The voice
goes even more like that.

300
00:10:31,348 --> 00:10:33,090
He's basically yodeling.

301
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:36,135
[both yodeling]
- Yodel-ay-he-hoo!

302
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,807
- [normal voice]
And then Christian Bale says...

303
00:10:37,808 --> 00:10:39,397
[as Christian Bale]
"You wanted to see me."

304
00:10:39,398 --> 00:10:41,016
And when he says that like this,

305
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:43,016
he puts his tongue up in front.

306
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,563
"I don't want to be a madman.

307
00:10:44,564 --> 00:10:46,562
I don't want to be
a normal guy."

308
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:47,771
- You sound deaf.

309
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,773
- [speaking indistinctly]

310
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,650
[normal voice] It's so nobody
can recognize him.

311
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,903
[as Michael Caine]
I can't understand

312
00:10:52,904 --> 00:10:54,366
a word you're saying,
Master Bruce.

313
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:56,363
Talk to me as Master Bruce,
not as Batman.

314
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,579
- Why-why does he-
- [speaking indistinctly]

315
00:10:58,580 --> 00:11:00,452
So he can have
the cloak of anonymity.

316
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:02,077
- But he doesn't sound-
you said,

317
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,999
"Here's that bloke in the cloak
with the-

318
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,624
who sounds
like he's deaf again,"

319
00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:07,043
that is not anonymous, is it?

320
00:11:07,044 --> 00:11:08,834
- [muffled voice] I'm deaf hero.

321
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,586
- No wonder when Batman arrives
and starts speaking like that,

322
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,134
everyone starts
looking at their shoes.

323
00:11:12,135 --> 00:11:13,505
'Cause they're all thinking,

324
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,928
"Oh, God,
why does he talk like that?

325
00:11:14,929 --> 00:11:16,508
Poor fella."
You know?

326
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,344
- And what about Tom Hardy
as Bane?

327
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,059
Did you catch a single word?

328
00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:22,681
- They're, like, competing

329
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,142
to see who's the most-
the least understandable.

330
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:26,360
- [as Bale] Bane, you're never
gonna beat me.

331
00:11:26,361 --> 00:11:27,569
You'll never beat me.

332
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:30,189
- [wheezing,
speaking indistinctly]

333
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,316
[inhales sharply, burps]

334
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,234
[speaking indistinctly] Wind.

335
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,736
- [normal voice]
Take off your mask, love.

336
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:36,989
I can't catch a word
you're saying.

337
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,113
- Oh!

338
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,366
[muffled voice]
I was saying-

339
00:11:39,367 --> 00:11:41,283
[speaking indistinctly]

340
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,035
- He's a wonderful actor.
Don't get me wrong.

341
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,119
- No, he's very good.

342
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,212
- Tom Hardy's
very, very muscular,

343
00:11:45,213 --> 00:11:46,418
so he's a terrific actor.

344
00:11:46,419 --> 00:11:47,959
- No, he's a bit-he's good.

345
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,176
He's scary good, scarily good.
- But...

346
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:54,046
[speaking indistinctly]

347
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,298
- I don't-I don't-

348
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,013
I don't-do you know
what I think that is?

349
00:11:58,014 --> 00:12:01,388
I think that they both
are very formidable actors...

350
00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:03,185
- Yes.
- Very charismatic...

351
00:12:03,186 --> 00:12:04,264
- Yes.

352
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,849
- A little bit scary.
- Yes.

353
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,476
- Can you imagine a first A.D.
going up to one of them,

354
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,228
going, "Um, the director thinks"

355
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,774
"he can't quite understand
what you're saying.

356
00:12:10,775 --> 00:12:11,987
Do you want to try
a different voice?"

357
00:12:11,988 --> 00:12:12,982
- [muffled] What did he say?

358
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,197
- "Do you want to try
a different voice?"

359
00:12:14,198 --> 00:12:15,193
- Oh, certainly not.

360
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:16,568
- "The director's
just a little bit worried

361
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,412
that maybe people can't
understand what you're saying."

362
00:12:18,413 --> 00:12:20,614
- [speaking indistinctly]

363
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,830
Stick your foot
up his fucking ass too.

364
00:12:22,831 --> 00:12:24,873
- "Okay.
All right. All right.

365
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:27,246
"No, um,
Tom says he's quite happy

366
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,874
"with the voice he's got
at the moment,

367
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:30,749
and he's happy to go
with that."

368
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,751
- [as Bale] What are you doing?

369
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,345
I'm on a set filming a scene.

370
00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:36,255
Is something wrong with you?

371
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,099
- "No, I'm just relaying what
the director said, Christian."

372
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:39,636
- Well, if he got something
to relay,

373
00:12:39,637 --> 00:12:42,052
the fucking guy comes
and fucking tells me!

374
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,929
[muffled murmuring]
- "Yes, no, I understand."

375
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,603
- [as Bale]
Don't you worry about it, Tom.

376
00:12:45,604 --> 00:12:47,224
Ifs fine.
[muffled murmuring]

377
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,398
- "Yeah.
They're both upset now.

378
00:12:49,399 --> 00:12:51,019
Okay' u

379
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,771
- [as Bale] He can just say it
in front of me...

380
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,606
[speaking indistinctly]

381
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,692
- "Is this not something
we could fix in post?

382
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,115
Because I think you opened
a can of worms."

383
00:12:58,116 --> 00:12:59,700
- [speaking indistinctly]

384
00:12:59,701 --> 00:13:01,198
- "I know. I know.
I'm on your side.

385
00:13:01,199 --> 00:13:03,073
"I know.
I understand perfectly, Tom.

386
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,494
"And, Christian-no, you too.

387
00:13:04,495 --> 00:13:06,081
Yes.
No, I understand."

388
00:13:06,082 --> 00:13:08,078
- [muffled]
We're all in the same scene.

389
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:10,127
- 'That's what I told him.
I think he's-I think he-

390
00:13:10,128 --> 00:13:12,294
"Yeah. Shall I?
He says ifs fine.

391
00:13:12,295 --> 00:13:13,837
Just-just go with the voices."

392
00:13:13,838 --> 00:13:15,925
- Fucking halle-fucking-Iujah.
- "Yeah, okay."

393
00:13:15,926 --> 00:13:17,422
- [speaking indistinctly]

394
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,927
[conversation in Italian]

395
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,855
- I like Tom Hardy.
I couldn't do what he does.

396
00:13:25,856 --> 00:13:27,768
I couldn't do it.
Neither could you.

397
00:13:27,769 --> 00:13:30,142
But then he couldn't do-
he couldn't do what I do.

398
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,190
When you're saying
something like,

399
00:13:31,191 --> 00:13:32,602
"See in store for details"...

400
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,196
- No way he could do that.
- No, no, no.

401
00:13:34,197 --> 00:13:36,356
[speaking indistinctly]

402
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,275
Sorry?
Where do I look for details?

403
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,903
- And what's the thing where
you have to talk really quickly,

404
00:13:39,904 --> 00:13:41,194
with the disclaimer at the end?

405
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,615
- "Your home may be at risk
if you don't keep up

406
00:13:42,616 --> 00:13:43,739
"repayments
on your loan taken out.

407
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:44,992
Terms and conditions may apply."

408
00:13:44,993 --> 00:13:47,085
No projection.
If you project, you add time.

409
00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:48,118
- Yeah.

410
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,786
- Now, Hardy-

411
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:53,999
[speaking indistinctly]

412
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,341
- You got through it.
- Well, yeah.

413
00:13:55,342 --> 00:13:56,380
Look, I'm a pro.
I'm a pro.

414
00:13:56,381 --> 00:13:57,378
I can't be any other way.

415
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:58,798
But your average family,

416
00:13:58,799 --> 00:14:00,422
<i>in the middle</i>
of <i>Comnation Street-</i>

417
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,174
"'What the hell is that?"

418
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,258
They're throwing things.

419
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,681
They're throwing the remote
at the screen.

420
00:14:04,682 --> 00:14:06,266
- Mm, yeah.
No, no, I'm with you.

421
00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,809
- I can "Hardy" understand
what he's saying.

422
00:14:08,810 --> 00:14:10,807
- Mm, I wouldn't say that
to his face, though.

423
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,559
- No, never.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

424
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,810
Never.

425
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,937
If I see him-
"Loved Batman.

426
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,939
"Some people said
they couldn't understand you.

427
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,692
They're just wrong."
- Yeah.

428
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,407
- [speaking Italian]

429
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:28,751
- Oh, wow, look at that.
- Yeah.

430
00:14:28,752 --> 00:14:31,371
- [speaking Italian]

431
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,040
- <i>Grazia.</i>

432
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,837
- Grazia.
- [speaking Italian]

433
00:14:36,838 --> 00:14:38,254
<i>- Ah. Grazia.
- Grazia.</i>

434
00:14:38,255 --> 00:14:39,970
Look at that.
Do you know what?

435
00:14:39,971 --> 00:14:41,214
That's just...

436
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,889
- There's a lovely-
- Mmm!

437
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,009
- <i>Lovely...</i>

438
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,594
<i>Mmm...
- Game.</i>

439
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,518
- Mmm.
- We're both eating game.

440
00:14:49,519 --> 00:14:51,098
<i>- Mmm.</i>

441
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:52,646
- Game's very good for you.

442
00:14:52,647 --> 00:14:53,683
<i>- Mmm.</i>

443
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,852
- Because living in the wild,

444
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:56,900
ifs had lots of nutrition.

445
00:14:56,901 --> 00:14:58,438
Ifs been eating wild-

446
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,157
It's been-this is-
- Been exercising.

447
00:15:00,158 --> 00:15:02,484
- On the run, very fit,
exercise.

448
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,328
- So if you were to eat
Mo Farah...

449
00:15:04,329 --> 00:15:05,362
- Yeah.

450
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:06,865
- It'd be fantastically
beneficial.

451
00:15:06,866 --> 00:15:08,490
- Ifs the equivalent
of eating Mo Farah

452
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,959
if you were in a plane crash
with him.

453
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,618
- Yeah. Yeah.

454
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:12,996
If you were in a crash
with him...

455
00:15:12,997 --> 00:15:14,996
- In the Andes.
- In the Andes...

456
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:17,375
- I'd eat him first-
if he was dead.

457
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,044
- What if
he was mortally wounded,

458
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,216
you know there was no chance
of him surviving,

459
00:15:23,217 --> 00:15:25,635
and he'd lost all feeling
in his lower body?

460
00:15:25,636 --> 00:15:27,592
Would you start to eat
those fantastic legs?

461
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,890
- No, 'cause that would be rude.

462
00:15:28,891 --> 00:15:30,053
- Keep in the freshness-

463
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,852
No, no, there's no rudeness.
He's gonna die.

464
00:15:31,853 --> 00:15:33,974
He's already paralyzed
from the waist down.

465
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,943
"Mo, Mo, you know you're not
gonna get up again."

466
00:15:35,944 --> 00:15:37,477
- If you put a tent up
halfway along

467
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,229
and you distracted him
by chatting to him...

468
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,318
- Yeah.
- Possibly.

469
00:15:40,319 --> 00:15:41,903
- About his glories
at the Olympics,

470
00:15:41,904 --> 00:15:44,359
reliving those moments-
"You united the nation, Mo.

471
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,111
You were wonderful."
- Well, you know what?

472
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,580
Ifs a bit
of a silly conversation,

473
00:15:47,581 --> 00:15:51,783
but if you-
but given a choice,

474
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,202
I'd rather eat Mo Farah's legs
than yours, and that's not-

475
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,954
- Well, there's gonna be
a lot more benefit in them.

476
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,548
I'd be the first to admit.

477
00:15:57,549 --> 00:15:58,957
Only a fool would eat

478
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,128
my legs over Mo Farah's legs.

479
00:16:00,129 --> 00:16:01,127
- Yeah.

480
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,344
I'm trying to think

481
00:16:02,345 --> 00:16:04,296
who I'd eat your legs over.

482
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,089
- Um...

483
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,674
Stephen Hawking.

484
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,095
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?

485
00:16:09,096 --> 00:16:11,094
- Although I'd definitely
eat his brains first...

486
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,722
- Yeah.
- Before yours.

487
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,683
Well, that was just right.

488
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,185
- Shall I drive?

489
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,280
- You've had three glasses
of Barolo.

490
00:16:20,281 --> 00:16:21,813
I haven't had any.

491
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,066
- All right,
but I am gonna drive

492
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:24,441
at some point on this trip.

493
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,902
- Perhaps.
To be discussed.

494
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,530
- I can drive in the mornings,

495
00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:30,497
have a bottle at lunchtime,
and then...

496
00:16:30,498 --> 00:16:32,073
[engine turns over]

497
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,576
Slump in the passenger seat
in the afternoon.

498
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:35,874
- What are you doing
in the boot?

499
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:37,497
- Just getting some music.

500
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,123
One CD.

501
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,291
- Sounds ominous.

502
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,709
Not Tom Jones, is it?

503
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:45,128
- Alanis Morissette.

504
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,254
- You're kidding me.

505
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,132
- Ifs, uh, Sally's.

506
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,717
[exhales sharply]

507
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:51,801
My wife.

508
00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:52,928
- Ah, yeah.

509
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,805
[sighs]

510
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:56,806
[seat belt clicks]

511
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,017
- Shall, uh-shall we?

512
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,941
- <i>Uh...
Nah.</i>

513
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,779
[cell phone rings]

514
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,113
Hello?

515
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,703
- <i>Uh, hey, Dad.
It's Joe.</i>

516
00:17:13,704 --> 00:17:15,121
- Oh, hello.
How are you?

517
00:17:15,122 --> 00:17:17,744
<i>- Uh, I'm okay.
Where are you?</i>

518
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:20,455
- I'm in Italy with Rob-
Rob Brydon.

519
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,082
<i>- Buongiomo!
- Yeah.</i>

520
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,051
- That's him talking Italian,
like a native.

521
00:17:24,052 --> 00:17:25,085
- <i>No. Yeah.</i>

522
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:26,383
- So maybe ifs better you and I

523
00:17:26,384 --> 00:17:29,047
talk later on Skype
at the hotel.

524
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,262
- <i>Yeah, all fight.
Okay.</i>

525
00:17:30,263 --> 00:17:31,383
- Good.
All right.

526
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,977
Speak to you later.
Bye.

527
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:38,181
Yeah.
Ah, well. Teenagers.

528
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:41,311
He's, uh-he's in Ibiza
with his mum and Mamie.

529
00:17:41,312 --> 00:17:42,894
- Ah.

530
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,771
Wondered why
you were so willing to come away

531
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,773
when you could have
been with your kids.

532
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:49,195
You don't get to see them
very much, do you?

533
00:17:49,196 --> 00:17:52,242
- Well, that's-that's why
I'm quite glad that, uh,

534
00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:57,534
Pathology hasn't been
picked up for a third series.

535
00:17:57,535 --> 00:18:01,210
Yeah, so-plus, I'm-
I'm just tired of L.A., really.

536
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:07,880
- So your hiatus has been
indefinitely extended.

537
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:11,136
- Yes, through the summer
to the autumn

538
00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:13,226
but hopefully not as far
as the winter.

539
00:18:13,227 --> 00:18:15,010
- Ifs a midlife hiatus.

540
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:19,723
Your mini hiatus
is a midlife hiatus.

541
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:22,022
- You still want to get
your photograph taken

542
00:18:22,023 --> 00:18:23,518
outside Byron's house?

543
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,687
- Yes.

544
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,440
The publishers want photos
for the book.

545
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,025
[horn honks]

546
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,110
1822 to 1823.

547
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,112
- Ifs only one year
he lived here?

548
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,410
That's just a holiday, that.

549
00:18:35,411 --> 00:18:38,116
- This was just before he died.

550
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,453
He was essentially on the run
from England

551
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,831
'cause he'd, you know,
slept with his sister,

552
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:48,251
sodomized his wife
and some young boys.

553
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,630
- Yes, some of that
is out of order.

554
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,635
- Is it "Alahnis" or "Alannis"?

555
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,636
- Ifs "Alahnis."

556
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,637
- How do you know that?

557
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,265
- Because I just decided.

558
00:19:00,266 --> 00:19:02,265
And that's-that's good enough.
- Right.

559
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,350
- Because in America,

560
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,773
people just call themselves
what they want.

561
00:19:04,774 --> 00:19:06,608
I'm sure her dad's probably
called "Alan."

562
00:19:06,609 --> 00:19:08,857
- In which case
it would be "Alan-is."

563
00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:10,649
- Uh, not necessarily.

564
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,073
I wouldn't be surprised
if a lot of blokes in America

565
00:19:13,074 --> 00:19:15,695
called Alan
say ifs "Alahn."

566
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:16,905
- [laughs]

567
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,281
[American accent] Hi, I'm Alahn.

568
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:19,908
I got some properties
down at Boca Vista.

569
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,206
I'd love you to take a look.

570
00:19:21,207 --> 00:19:22,744
- And "Morissette"-

571
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,579
ifs probably
that she was a Morrissey fan

572
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,081
and decided to call herself
a Morissette.

573
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,165
- [laughs]

574
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,461
She's not American, though.

575
00:19:28,462 --> 00:19:29,676
I will pick you up on that.

576
00:19:29,677 --> 00:19:31,586
Alanis is Canadian.

577
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:34,923
Avril Lavigne, in many ways,

578
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:37,676
is the young person's
Alanis Morissette.

579
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:38,894
- You know,
I don't want to be-

580
00:19:38,895 --> 00:19:40,850
I don't want to do down
a young performer,

581
00:19:40,851 --> 00:19:42,435
but she's no Alanis Morissette.

582
00:19:42,436 --> 00:19:44,978
Alanis Morissette is authentic,
an authentic voice.

583
00:19:44,979 --> 00:19:47,102
- So you do like
Alanis Morissette.

584
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,144
Yes!

585
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,488
- Relative to Avril Lavigne.

586
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:50,689
- Come on, then.

587
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:54,320
- All right, let's have
a nostalgia trip back to 1995,

588
00:19:54,321 --> 00:19:57,362
when we were both
but 30 years old.

589
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,534
- That's why Sally loves it.
She was only 20 then.

590
00:19:59,535 --> 00:20:01,500
[Alanis Morissette's
All <i>I Really Want</i> playing]

591
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,785
- ♪ <i>Do I</i> stress you out? ♪

592
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:04,911
- Yes, you do.

593
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,913
- <i>J' My sweater is on backwards
and inside out ♪</i>

594
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,665
<i>♪ And you say, how... l'</i>

595
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,333
- How appropriate.
- ♪ Appropriate ♪

596
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,382
- You know, I can see the appeal
in a woman like this.

597
00:20:12,383 --> 00:20:15,257
Volatile women are always sexy
when you first meet them,

598
00:20:15,258 --> 00:20:17,677
but two years down the line,
you're sort of saying things

599
00:20:17,678 --> 00:20:21,270
like, "Can you just put the lids
back on these jars, please?"

600
00:20:21,271 --> 00:20:24,937
- "I admire you taking a stand
against society's mores

601
00:20:24,938 --> 00:20:27,350
by wearing your jumper
inside out."

602
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,227
- Yeah?
- "But enough is enough."

603
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,562
- Exactly.

604
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,939
[music continues]

605
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:35,024
- "And I am frightened by

606
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:37,240
"the corrupted ways
of this land.

607
00:20:37,241 --> 00:20:39,159
"If only I could meet my maker.

608
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,490
"And I am fascinated
by the spiritual man.

609
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:44,909
I am humbled
by his humble nature."

610
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,286
- Do you know what?

611
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,834
It is music that appeals
to neurotic teenage girls,

612
00:20:48,835 --> 00:20:50,582
but ifs actually rather good.

613
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,584
- Byron appealed
to teenage girls.

614
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:53,837
- Very true, very true.

615
00:20:53,838 --> 00:20:55,133
<i>- L' And all I really want I'</i>

616
00:20:55,134 --> 00:20:58,590
<i>♪ is deliverance 1'</i>

617
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:03,887
<i>♪ But how ♪</i>

618
00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:07,688
[seagulls squawking]

619
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,730
- Look at that.

620
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,404
Doesn't get
much better than that, Rob.

621
00:21:15,405 --> 00:21:18,026
- Absolutely stunning.
Gorgeous.

622
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,986
<i>- La Dulce Vita.</i>

623
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:21,613
We're living the dream.

624
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,323
Ifs funny, isn't it?

625
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,325
Women that age just look
straight through us, don't they?

626
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,534
- Nonthreatening.

627
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,957
- Yeah, they don't even
find us threatening.

628
00:21:27,958 --> 00:21:29,412
They don't even
find me lascivious,

629
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,835
because they think
I couldn't possibly

630
00:21:30,836 --> 00:21:32,582
be thinking like that.

631
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:35,924
- The one in the blue top
looks like a younger me,

632
00:21:35,925 --> 00:21:37,634
a younger, idealized version
of me,

633
00:21:37,635 --> 00:21:39,506
a lovely hybrid of Springsteen
and Pacino.

634
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,304
- He's like you,
uh, after a computer has-

635
00:21:42,305 --> 00:21:44,015
has corrected
all your deficiencies.

636
00:21:44,016 --> 00:21:45,725
- He's an airbrushed me.
Isn't he?

637
00:21:45,726 --> 00:21:47,560
- He's like the best surgeon
in the world

638
00:21:47,561 --> 00:21:48,976
has been given a year with you.

639
00:21:48,977 --> 00:21:50,645
- Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.

640
00:21:50,646 --> 00:21:52,227
- There was a-
there was a time

641
00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:54,026
when I used to make eye contact
with a woman,

642
00:21:54,027 --> 00:21:55,817
and she'd flash a smile back,

643
00:21:55,818 --> 00:21:59,035
and that's all it would be,
just a little moment.

644
00:21:59,036 --> 00:22:01,027
Those-those women just, uh-

645
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,701
they just-
the smile you get from them

646
00:22:02,702 --> 00:22:06,741
is the smile they give
to a benevolent uncle.

647
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,201
Or a pest.

648
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:10,787
Well, let's just look this way.

649
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:13,373
Nature never disappoints you.

650
00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,208
No rejection.

651
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:16,835
- Quite rough, though.
- Yeah.

652
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,304
- Supposed to be
getting a boat tomorrow,

653
00:22:18,305 --> 00:22:19,796
going to the Bay of Poets.

654
00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:21,047
- Are we?

655
00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:23,471
- Yeah.
Where Byron swam.

656
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,011
- Hello?

657
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,263
- <i>Hey,</i> Dad.
- Hey.

658
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:31,975
So...
Ibiza, party central.

659
00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:34,060
<i>- Ciao, bellissima.</i>

660
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:35,687
- <i>Hi.</i>

661
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:37,105
- Hey.
How are you?

662
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:38,319
<i>- Pm okay, sort of.</i>

663
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,407
<i>Chloe's still awake.</i>

664
00:22:39,408 --> 00:22:40,859
- What?

665
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,486
- <i>I can't get her
to go to sleep.</i>

666
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,071
- She miss her papa?

667
00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:46,870
Stick her on,
and I'll say good night to her.

668
00:22:46,871 --> 00:22:48,580
- <i>No, I don't think
that will help.</i>

669
00:22:48,581 --> 00:22:50,201
<i>I think it'll only
make it worse, Rob.</i>

670
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,828
- All right, well-
- She's crying again.

671
00:22:51,829 --> 00:22:53,830
<i>I'm sorry.
We got to go, dafling.</i>

672
00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:55,333
- <i>You know, it'd pmbably
be more fun if there-</i>

673
00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:56,752
<i>you know,
if my friends were here.</i>

674
00:22:56,753 --> 00:22:59,002
<i>But, you know, they're all off
in London having fun,</i>

675
00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:01,087
<i>and I'm stuck here by myself.</i>

676
00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:02,755
<i>Pm 16.</i>

677
00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:04,721
<i>Mum keeps treating me
like I'm a child.</i>

678
00:23:04,722 --> 00:23:07,311
<i>I mean, I'm old enough
to join the army,</i>

679
00:23:07,312 --> 00:23:09,178
<i>and according to her,</i>

680
00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:11,851
<i>I'm not old enough
to just be at home by myself.</i>

681
00:23:11,852 --> 00:23:14,145
- Yeah, well, I think
they should raise the age level

682
00:23:14,146 --> 00:23:16,144
for entry to the army, actually.

683
00:23:16,145 --> 00:23:17,613
- All right, then.
So long, love. Bye-bye.

684
00:23:17,614 --> 00:23:19,147
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

685
00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:21,651
[breathes deeply]

686
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:25,904
<i>Ciao, bellissima.</i>

687
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:27,864
<i>Ciao, bellissima.</i>

688
00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:30,533
<i>Que belle ragazza.</i>

689
00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:33,202
<i>Que belle ragazza.</i>

690
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:34,203
[as Al Pacino] Oh!

691
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:35,204
[coughs]

692
00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:37,040
<i>Ciao, bellissimo.</i>

693
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:39,042
<i>Que bella-
Yeah!</i>

694
00:23:39,043 --> 00:23:41,169
Rflqazza!
[Qrunts]

695
00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:43,093
[as Tom Jones]
♪ Think I better dance now ♪

696
00:23:43,094 --> 00:23:46,549
Que <i>bella-</i>
what a beautiful-

697
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,217
[grunts] Ragazza.

698
00:23:48,218 --> 00:23:50,011
Girl.
[grunts]

699
00:23:50,012 --> 00:23:53,765
I think you got a wonderful tone
to your voice,

700
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:56,559
and I want you on my team.

701
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,107
Oh!

702
00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:04,567
[seagulls squawking]

703
00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:05,777
<i>_</i> Okay' <i>_</i> Okay'

704
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,362
Right.

705
00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:09,364
Permission to come aboard?

706
00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:12,784
Sorry. I don't need help.
No. I'm fine.

707
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,369
<i>_</i> okay?

708
00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:15,792
- That's fine.

709
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:19,374
- All right.
Okay?

710
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:20,547
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Thank you.

711
00:24:20,548 --> 00:24:22,636
- If you just step-yeah?

712
00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:26,214
- Is this the, um...

713
00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:27,592
Is it the actual boat?

714
00:24:27,593 --> 00:24:29,092
'Cause I thought-

715
00:24:29,093 --> 00:24:31,010
I was expecting
something a bit bigger.

716
00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:32,637
- A little smaller
than I was expecting as well.

717
00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:34,436
I'll be very honest with you.
- [chuckles]

718
00:24:34,437 --> 00:24:36,307
- Look at that!

719
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:37,684
WOW!

720
00:24:37,685 --> 00:24:39,403
- <i>This is</i> our <i>boat, Patience.</i>

721
00:24:39,404 --> 00:24:40,937
- Patience is a virtue.

722
00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:42,565
- That is beautiful.

723
00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:02,834
- Hi.

724
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,005
- Oh, hello.
Thank you.

725
00:25:04,006 --> 00:25:06,222
Lovely boat,
lovely way to travel.

726
00:25:06,223 --> 00:25:09,674
- Yeah, so the first stop
is San Fruttuoso,

727
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:11,759
where you'll have lunch.

728
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,854
- [as Richard Burton]
"My soul is an enchanted boat,

729
00:25:13,855 --> 00:25:15,560
"which, like a sleeping swan,

730
00:25:15,561 --> 00:25:18,651
doth float upon the silver waves
of thy sweet singing."

731
00:25:18,652 --> 00:25:21,310
That's Shelley, read by Burton.

732
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:23,405
- Rob can't do poems
in his own voice

733
00:25:23,406 --> 00:25:25,398
because he lacks conviction.

734
00:25:25,399 --> 00:25:27,946
- [as Alan Bennett]
"My soul is an enchanted boat,

735
00:25:27,947 --> 00:25:29,866
"which, like a sleeping swan,

736
00:25:29,867 --> 00:25:32,780
"doth float
upon the silver waves of

737
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,875
thy sweet singing."

738
00:25:45,335 --> 00:25:47,754
<i>[man speaking Italian
over radio]</i>

739
00:25:47,755 --> 00:25:51,225
[indistinct conversations]

740
00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:57,096
[children shouting indistinctly]

741
00:25:57,097 --> 00:25:58,598
- Pnego.
[speaking Italian]

742
00:25:58,599 --> 00:25:59,640
<i>- Grazia mills.</i>

743
00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:01,267
Ooh.
- Ooh.

744
00:26:01,268 --> 00:26:02,688
- Look at this.
- Lovely.

745
00:26:02,689 --> 00:26:04,400
- "50,000 Leagues
Under the Sea."

746
00:26:04,401 --> 00:26:06,067
- It is a bit-
ifs very Jules Verne,

747
00:26:06,068 --> 00:26:08,113
this starter,
I have to say, yeah.

748
00:26:08,114 --> 00:26:09,317
- We're squids in.

749
00:26:09,318 --> 00:26:11,027
- Squids in.
6 quid.

750
00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:13,030
- Ohh, I've got the squids.

751
00:26:15,491 --> 00:26:17,575
Very nice, isn't she-Lucy?

752
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,077
<i>' “Mm!</i>

753
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:21,079
- Not the squid. Lucy.
- Mmm.

754
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,295
Ifs not very Italian, though,
is it, you know,

755
00:26:23,296 --> 00:26:25,792
hanging out with
some British Sloane woman?

756
00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:27,213
- If you look at
Shelley and Byron,

757
00:26:27,214 --> 00:26:28,929
they were always
staying with English people,

758
00:26:28,930 --> 00:26:30,421
all the expats.

759
00:26:30,422 --> 00:26:31,798
That's how it was, you see?

760
00:26:31,799 --> 00:26:33,925
You know,
when you're in L.A.,

761
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:37,224
I bet you are at Soho House
on a Saturday afternoon,

762
00:26:37,225 --> 00:26:39,764
watching football on the TV
with Robbie Williams.

763
00:26:39,765 --> 00:26:41,516
- No, I don't hang out
with Robbie Williams.

764
00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:43,142
When I am in L.A.,

765
00:26:43,143 --> 00:26:45,483
I do what Byron actually did
when he was traveling,

766
00:26:45,484 --> 00:26:47,072
which is hang out
with local people.

767
00:26:47,073 --> 00:26:49,315
Matt Stone, Trey Parker,

768
00:26:49,316 --> 00:26:51,692
Matthew Perry, Owen Wilson.

769
00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:53,239
- You hang out with Owen Wilson

770
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,113
or you occasionally
work with Owen Wilson?

771
00:26:55,114 --> 00:26:57,329
I know you've been
a miniature soldier with him,

772
00:26:57,330 --> 00:26:59,789
but do you actually
hang out with him?

773
00:26:59,790 --> 00:27:01,749
- We run together on the beach.

774
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:03,746
- Is he aware
that you're running?

775
00:27:03,747 --> 00:27:05,086
Is he running away from you?

776
00:27:05,087 --> 00:27:06,707
I mean,
there's a distinction here.

777
00:27:06,708 --> 00:27:09,131
I could say I've been running on
the beach with Robert De Niro,

778
00:27:09,132 --> 00:27:11,256
when, in fact,
I'm furiously chasing after him,

779
00:27:11,257 --> 00:27:12,468
and he's running for his life.

780
00:27:12,469 --> 00:27:13,636
What are you doing there?

781
00:27:13,637 --> 00:27:16,384
- Just having a bit of wine.

782
00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:18,012
You know, when in Rome.
- Wow.

783
00:27:18,013 --> 00:27:19,058
- When in Italy.

784
00:27:19,059 --> 00:27:20,930
- I'm your enabler.

785
00:27:20,931 --> 00:27:21,978
- Yeah.

786
00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:25,773
I'd love to talk
to some of these locals.

787
00:27:25,774 --> 00:27:27,520
Byron said,

788
00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:29,817
"I love the language,
that bastard Latin,

789
00:27:29,818 --> 00:27:32,739
"that melts like kisses
from a female mouth.

790
00:27:32,740 --> 00:27:35,820
"It sounds
as if it should be writ on satin

791
00:27:35,821 --> 00:27:38,199
with syllables that breathe
of the sweet south."

792
00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:44,042
[shouting in Italian]

793
00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:53,254
- Watch your heads.

794
00:27:53,255 --> 00:27:54,755
- William,
the men are not happy.

795
00:27:54,756 --> 00:27:55,882
- [as Anthony Hopkins]
Oh, "William," is it?

796
00:27:55,883 --> 00:27:57,008
Not "captain" or "sir"?

797
00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,342
Well, you can tell the men

798
00:27:58,343 --> 00:28:00,219
that we will sail
around the Cape of Good Hope,

799
00:28:00,220 --> 00:28:01,472
and we'll sail around the Horn.

800
00:28:01,473 --> 00:28:02,892
You turned your back on me, man.

801
00:28:02,893 --> 00:28:04,767
God damn your eyes!
God damn your eyes, man!

802
00:28:04,768 --> 00:28:06,601
You turned your back on me!

803
00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:07,941
- He's doing Anthony Hopkins.

804
00:28:07,942 --> 00:28:09,562
Don't worry-
It'll pass.

805
00:28:09,563 --> 00:28:11,147
- Well, you tell the men

806
00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:12,525
that we will sail
around the Cape of Good Hope

807
00:28:12,526 --> 00:28:13,900
and sail around the Horn.

808
00:28:13,901 --> 00:28:14,991
- Around the Horn, the quick way

809
00:28:14,992 --> 00:28:16,110
round the Horn we shall go, sir!

810
00:28:16,111 --> 00:28:17,363
- Around the Horn we shall go,
sir!

811
00:28:17,364 --> 00:28:18,988
- Damn your eyes!
- Cover him-

812
00:28:18,989 --> 00:28:20,081
- Damn your eyes!

813
00:28:20,082 --> 00:28:21,365
Damn you, Mad Max!

814
00:28:21,366 --> 00:28:22,742
- You turned your back on me,
man!

815
00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:24,120
- Don't turn your back on me!

816
00:28:24,121 --> 00:28:25,953
Round the Horn we're going!

817
00:28:25,954 --> 00:28:27,831
The quicker way round the Horn
we shall go.

818
00:28:45,641 --> 00:28:47,642
- Hey.
- Hi.

819
00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:48,893
Ooh, careful.

820
00:28:48,894 --> 00:28:50,271
- [grunts] Oh, yeah.

821
00:28:50,272 --> 00:28:51,567
- Not too rough for you?

822
00:28:51,568 --> 00:28:52,897
- No, no, ifs fine.

823
00:28:52,898 --> 00:28:54,106
- You enjoying it?

824
00:28:54,107 --> 00:28:55,700
- Yeah, this is fantastic,

825
00:28:55,701 --> 00:28:57,735
wonderful.

826
00:28:57,736 --> 00:28:59,487
Steve's having a little sleep.

827
00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:02,073
Had a drink, so, uh, at his age,

828
00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:03,619
he needs a nap after lunch,

829
00:29:03,620 --> 00:29:04,742
or he gets confused.

830
00:29:04,743 --> 00:29:06,160
- How old is he?

831
00:29:06,161 --> 00:29:07,458
- He doesn't like me to say.
- Oh.

832
00:29:07,459 --> 00:29:09,455
- Doesn't like me to share that.

833
00:29:09,456 --> 00:29:10,878
- Does he drink a lot?

834
00:29:10,879 --> 00:29:13,251
- Well...

835
00:29:13,252 --> 00:29:14,877
So this is the anchor.
- [chuckles]

836
00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:16,504
- And then
if you want to stop somewhere,

837
00:29:16,505 --> 00:29:18,595
you drop the sail;
is that right?

838
00:29:18,596 --> 00:29:20,680
- Where are you from, then?
Wales, right?

839
00:29:20,681 --> 00:29:22,929
- Wales, South Wales,
Port Talbot.

840
00:29:22,930 --> 00:29:24,553
- Oh, I love the accent.

841
00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:26,100
- Do you?
- Yeah, ifs beautiful.

842
00:29:26,101 --> 00:29:28,351
- Seriously?
- Yeah, ifs really lyrical.

843
00:29:28,352 --> 00:29:31,190
[as Richard Burton]
To begin at the beginning.

844
00:29:31,191 --> 00:29:32,687
Just got to
make your mouth very-

845
00:29:32,688 --> 00:29:34,359
"To begin..."
- [deep voice] To begin.

846
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,700
- Yes, you have to-
to push your lips out.

847
00:29:36,701 --> 00:29:38,109
"'To begin.... "

848
00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,902
[both laugh]

849
00:29:39,903 --> 00:29:42,113
To begin at the beginning.

850
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:43,536
- [deep voice] To begin...

851
00:29:43,537 --> 00:29:46,534
[opera music playing]

852
00:29:46,535 --> 00:29:54,535
J "J"

853
00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:00,923
- It's a lovely house.

854
00:30:00,924 --> 00:30:02,517
I mean, ifs better than
Byron's, isn't it?

855
00:30:02,518 --> 00:30:04,135
You got a lovely balcony there.

856
00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:06,595
Look out over the bay.

857
00:30:06,596 --> 00:30:08,143
- See if you can get my face

858
00:30:08,144 --> 00:30:09,974
and it in so ifs legible.

859
00:30:09,975 --> 00:30:11,976
- Don't look ironic.
- I'm not.

860
00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:13,477
- Ifs not
the most flattering angle,

861
00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:14,979
but ifs got
all the information, so...

862
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:16,778
[camera shutter clicks]

863
00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:22,865
- Did you like it?
Was it nice?

864
00:30:22,866 --> 00:30:25,034
- It was-it was a bit busier
than I was expecting.

865
00:30:25,035 --> 00:30:26,657
- Spoiled by tourism.
- Yeah.

866
00:30:26,658 --> 00:30:27,999
- Yeah,
when Shelley lived there,

867
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,085
it would have been deserted.

868
00:30:29,086 --> 00:30:30,161
- Yeah?

869
00:30:30,162 --> 00:30:31,789
- Do you want to go back
to San Fruttuoso?

870
00:30:31,790 --> 00:30:33,381
- Yes.
- It was lovely there.

871
00:30:33,382 --> 00:30:36,250
[opera music continues]

872
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:39,045
- [speaking Italian]

873
00:30:39,046 --> 00:30:41,174
[seagulls squawking]

874
00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:58,814
- Come and have a drink!

875
00:30:58,815 --> 00:31:01,034
<i>'</i> Okay!

876
00:31:04,446 --> 00:31:07,031
- <i>Mm.</i>

877
00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:09,450
Yep.
I've still got it.

878
00:31:09,451 --> 00:31:11,165
A bit shocked, aren't you?
- Not really.

879
00:31:11,166 --> 00:31:13,380
I've always told you
that it was a possibility.

880
00:31:13,381 --> 00:31:14,997
<i>'</i> [sighs]

881
00:31:14,998 --> 00:31:17,751
- You know, you're an acquired
taste, but, you know...

882
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:24,350
Something quite about melancholy
about this place, isn't there?

883
00:31:24,351 --> 00:31:28,052
Ifs like getting stranded
on a desert island.

884
00:31:28,053 --> 00:31:30,179
- Yeah, only not as hot.

885
00:31:30,180 --> 00:31:32,019
- "Desert" doesn't mean hot.

886
00:31:32,020 --> 00:31:34,016
"Desert" just means
there's no people there.

887
00:31:34,017 --> 00:31:36,065
There still can be water.
It just means "deserted."

888
00:31:36,066 --> 00:31:37,438
- Yes, I know that.
I know that.

889
00:31:37,439 --> 00:31:39,188
Don't you think
everything's melancholic

890
00:31:39,189 --> 00:31:40,736
once you get to a certain age?

891
00:31:40,737 --> 00:31:41,774
I do.

892
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:44,944
Garrison Keillor said,
'When you're under 40,

893
00:31:44,945 --> 00:31:48,280
"seeming unhappy
makes you look interesting,

894
00:31:48,281 --> 00:31:50,449
"but once you're 40 and beyond,

895
00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:52,993
"you got to do
everything you can to smile.

896
00:31:52,994 --> 00:31:54,745
Otherwise, you just look like
a grumpy old man."

897
00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,456
- Morrissey.

898
00:31:57,457 --> 00:31:59,835
Byron was famously gloomy.

899
00:32:01,128 --> 00:32:03,051
- What will
people remember of us

900
00:32:03,052 --> 00:32:05,172
in 200 years' time?

901
00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:06,298
- <i>U.</i>

902
00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:07,299
That's a big "if."

903
00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:08,384
- If we are.

904
00:32:08,385 --> 00:32:10,469
- Either of us are remembered.

905
00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:11,846
I would say that ifs-

906
00:32:11,847 --> 00:32:13,764
it would probably be me.

907
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:15,936
- What would they-
what would they most remember?

908
00:32:15,937 --> 00:32:18,357
What would be celebrated
about you, do you think?

909
00:32:19,980 --> 00:32:21,106
- Six BAFTAs.

910
00:32:22,941 --> 00:32:24,817
- You've got five BAFTAs.

911
00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:27,990
- Yeah, but I'll probably
get a lifetime achievement.

912
00:32:27,991 --> 00:32:30,284
- True. Yeah, you will.
- More if I survive.

913
00:32:30,285 --> 00:32:31,746
- You could have it
posthumously.

914
00:32:31,747 --> 00:32:34,663
I like to think
if you did win it posthumously,

915
00:32:34,664 --> 00:32:36,457
I'd be the one to accept it
on your behalf.

916
00:32:36,458 --> 00:32:39,333
Unless, of course, if I was
the architect of your death,

917
00:32:39,334 --> 00:32:42,211
in which case I'd still
like to receive it from my cell

918
00:32:42,212 --> 00:32:43,669
via satellite link.

919
00:32:43,670 --> 00:32:45,092
- Yeah.

920
00:32:46,047 --> 00:32:48,466
- Thrilled to have this.

921
00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:52,344
You know, I killed Steve
for the good of mankind.

922
00:32:52,345 --> 00:32:54,263
Do I regret what I've done?

923
00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:55,686
Not really,
because I think the world's-

924
00:32:55,687 --> 00:32:57,433
- Lights out!
- Got to go. Good-

925
00:32:57,434 --> 00:32:58,601
- Brydon!

926
00:32:58,602 --> 00:33:00,227
Lights out, you nonce!

927
00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:02,980
- Uh, yeah,
that's not what I'm in for,

928
00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:05,571
but I accept it
as a general derogatory term.

929
00:33:05,572 --> 00:33:07,568
- [deep voice]
Come on, Rob. Come to bed.

930
00:33:07,569 --> 00:33:09,533
- [chuckling] All right, Melvin.

931
00:33:09,534 --> 00:33:10,654
I'll be a minute.

932
00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:12,406
Anyway, that's all from me.
- I want a cuddle.

933
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,748
- [laughing]
Yeah, ifs all right.

934
00:33:13,749 --> 00:33:15,415
I'll give you a cuddle.
Please just wait.

935
00:33:15,416 --> 00:33:17,828
Um, so anyway, on Steve's
behalf, thanks for this.

936
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:19,797
He would have loved it,
but, you know, he's gone-

937
00:33:19,798 --> 00:33:21,332
- Come on.
- Yeah, all right.

938
00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:22,880
- I'm horny!
- I want to go on the inside.

939
00:33:22,881 --> 00:33:24,293
- [laughs]

940
00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:26,137
- Of the bed, of the bed,
of the bed,

941
00:33:26,138 --> 00:33:30,174
not the inside of the inmate-
the inside of the bed.

942
00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:32,843
[engine humming]

943
00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:35,097
- I better go and call Joe.

944
00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:38,357
See you in a bit.

945
00:33:40,143 --> 00:33:41,360
[sighs]

946
00:33:42,521 --> 00:33:44,980
- So how did you end up here?

947
00:33:44,981 --> 00:33:46,607
- Hmm.

948
00:33:46,608 --> 00:33:48,526
My boyfriend had a boat.

949
00:33:48,527 --> 00:33:50,444
We sailed together.

950
00:33:50,445 --> 00:33:54,073
Then when we broke up,
I had to find work,

951
00:33:54,074 --> 00:33:57,159
so I got a job on the crew.

952
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,377
- Must be fun.

953
00:33:59,829 --> 00:34:01,830
- Sometimes.

954
00:34:01,831 --> 00:34:04,583
- Do you have children?

955
00:34:04,584 --> 00:34:05,918
- No.

956
00:34:05,919 --> 00:34:08,379
I Wish I did.

957
00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:09,672
Do you?

958
00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:11,173
- Yeah.

959
00:34:11,174 --> 00:34:14,385
I've got a daughter, Chloe.

960
00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:15,636
She's three.

961
00:34:15,637 --> 00:34:17,513
- [chuckles] Aww.

962
00:34:17,514 --> 00:34:18,722
[chuckles]

963
00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:20,771
She's gorgeous.

964
00:34:21,768 --> 00:34:22,977
Do you miss her?

965
00:34:22,978 --> 00:34:24,186
- Yeah.

966
00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:26,188
Ifs been two days, so I'm...

967
00:34:26,189 --> 00:34:27,565
- [laughs]

968
00:34:27,566 --> 00:34:29,785
- I'm not pining, but...
[chuckles]

969
00:34:31,736 --> 00:34:33,158
[as Hugh Grant] ls thy face

970
00:34:33,159 --> 00:34:37,116
like thy mother's,
fair, my child?

971
00:34:37,117 --> 00:34:38,534
Chloe:

972
00:34:38,535 --> 00:34:43,414
sole daughter
of my house and heart.

973
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:45,258
When last I saw
thy young blue eyes,

974
00:34:45,259 --> 00:34:48,043
they smiled, and then we parted.

975
00:34:48,044 --> 00:34:49,795
- Is that your Hugh Grant
impression?

976
00:34:49,796 --> 00:34:51,218
- Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Yes, yes.

977
00:34:51,219 --> 00:34:52,798
- [laughs]

978
00:34:52,799 --> 00:34:54,425
- I think that Steve's
absolutely right.

979
00:34:54,426 --> 00:34:55,846
I do find it very difficult to-

980
00:34:55,847 --> 00:34:57,808
uh, gosh, crikey-
say a poem, uh,

981
00:34:57,809 --> 00:34:59,430
unless
ifs somebody else's voice.

982
00:34:59,431 --> 00:35:01,432
And Hugh
just happened to be passing,

983
00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:03,642
you know, on-on the beach.

984
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:05,361
And he popped over for a blow...
- [laughs]

985
00:35:05,362 --> 00:35:09,023
- By-blow account
of what was going on.

986
00:35:09,024 --> 00:35:10,399
- [chuckles]

987
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,610
- "Sorrow is knowledge.

988
00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:14,445
'They who know the most

989
00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:18,240
"must mourn the deepest
o'er the fatal truth.

990
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:22,496
The tree of knowledge
is not that of life."

991
00:35:24,956 --> 00:35:27,379
[seagulls squawking]

992
00:35:45,852 --> 00:35:47,274
- [exhales sharply]

993
00:35:48,897 --> 00:35:50,069
Fuck.

994
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,867
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

995
00:35:53,943 --> 00:35:55,866
[birds chirping]

996
00:35:57,739 --> 00:35:58,947
- You okay?

997
00:35:58,948 --> 00:36:00,291
- Yes.
Fine.

998
00:36:01,451 --> 00:36:03,369
- How was last night?

999
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:05,120
- Fine.

1000
00:36:05,121 --> 00:36:06,667
- You want to elaborate?

1001
00:36:06,668 --> 00:36:08,793
- I don't want to talk about it,

1002
00:36:08,794 --> 00:36:11,007
and that's not the cue
for an ABBA song.

1003
00:36:11,008 --> 00:36:12,547
- Well, I think
when most people say

1004
00:36:12,548 --> 00:36:14,171
they don't want to talk
about it,

1005
00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:16,766
it means it didn't go very well,
but with you,

1006
00:36:16,767 --> 00:36:21,220
I'd infer that, uh, it-
it went pretty well.

1007
00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:22,939
- Yeah.
Too well.

1008
00:36:32,524 --> 00:36:34,525
Ifs not how I imagined
it would be.

1009
00:36:34,526 --> 00:36:38,195
- I've never seen
so many deck chairs.

1010
00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:40,911
- See, you got Shelley
upon his funeral pyre,

1011
00:36:40,912 --> 00:36:42,705
Byron staring wistfully
into space.

1012
00:36:42,706 --> 00:36:43,909
That's Trelawney.

1013
00:36:43,910 --> 00:36:45,786
He's the guy that
commissioned the boat, so...

1014
00:36:45,787 --> 00:36:47,207
- Oh, that's a bit awkward.

1015
00:36:47,208 --> 00:36:49,039
- Hence he's staring
at his feet.

1016
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,383
- They wouldn't sue
in those days,

1017
00:36:50,384 --> 00:36:52,292
not like they do now.

1018
00:36:52,293 --> 00:36:53,669
- Have you been injured at work

1019
00:36:53,670 --> 00:36:55,388
while composing romantic poetry
on a boat?

1020
00:36:55,389 --> 00:36:56,797
Call now!
- Yeah.

1021
00:36:56,798 --> 00:36:58,799
- 0800-471-471.

1022
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:02,344
You could win up to £5,000.

1023
00:37:02,345 --> 00:37:03,345
Like Mr. Shelley-

1024
00:37:03,346 --> 00:37:04,722
- Guineas. Guineas.

1025
00:37:04,723 --> 00:37:07,725
- You could win
up to 5,000 guineas,

1026
00:37:07,726 --> 00:37:09,727
like Mr. Shelley
from the U.K.!

1027
00:37:09,728 --> 00:37:11,774
They wouldn't have called it
the U.K.

1028
00:37:11,775 --> 00:37:13,944
Like Mr. Shelley
from Great Britain!

1029
00:37:15,567 --> 00:37:17,735
But this is a very idealized
version of everything.

1030
00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:19,409
I mean, he wouldn't have
looked like that.

1031
00:37:19,410 --> 00:37:21,623
He'd been bobbing around
for two weeks,

1032
00:37:21,624 --> 00:37:24,950
so he'd have been bloated
beyond belief.

1033
00:37:24,951 --> 00:37:27,748
- Everything looks better
in a painting, doesn't it?

1034
00:37:27,749 --> 00:37:30,590
- I sometimes think
that one day, I will be-

1035
00:37:30,591 --> 00:37:32,833
and so will you-
on a slab.

1036
00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:33,876
- YEP-

1037
00:37:33,877 --> 00:37:36,092
- You'll have a little tag
round your toe,

1038
00:37:36,093 --> 00:37:38,759
and somebody will be there
embalming you.

1039
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,225
- Yep.
- Ever think that?

1040
00:37:40,226 --> 00:37:42,050
'Cause it is gonna happen.

1041
00:37:42,051 --> 00:37:44,019
Unless you're lost at sea,
and we cannot find you,

1042
00:37:44,020 --> 00:37:45,059
which is unlikely...

1043
00:37:45,060 --> 00:37:46,096
- Oh, God.

1044
00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:48,640
- You will one day
lie on a slab.

1045
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:49,725
- Ah!

1046
00:37:49,726 --> 00:37:51,185
- You will. You will.

1047
00:37:51,186 --> 00:37:52,775
Ifs better to accept it.

1048
00:37:52,776 --> 00:37:54,398
You're gonna be on a slab.
- Yeah.

1049
00:37:54,399 --> 00:37:56,070
- And then-
and you'll be naked.

1050
00:37:56,071 --> 00:37:58,484
Then somebody else
will dress you.

1051
00:37:58,485 --> 00:37:59,902
- Yeah, but I'd do-

1052
00:37:59,903 --> 00:38:01,653
- I would imagine, with you,
that will happen

1053
00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:02,871
sometime before
you actually die,

1054
00:38:02,872 --> 00:38:04,034
somebody else dressing you.

1055
00:38:04,035 --> 00:38:05,409
I see you in your later years...

1056
00:38:05,410 --> 00:38:06,409
- [laughs]

1057
00:38:06,410 --> 00:38:07,661
- Having to be dressed.

1058
00:38:07,662 --> 00:38:08,869
- I will.
- You will.

1059
00:38:08,870 --> 00:38:11,041
- And I'll be dressed by
a very attractive young nurse.

1060
00:38:11,042 --> 00:38:12,790
- Yeah, but you'll be able
to do nothing with her.

1061
00:38:12,791 --> 00:38:14,211
You'll be able to do
absolutely nothing with her,

1062
00:38:14,212 --> 00:38:15,550
'cause only your mind-
you'll be like

1063
00:38:15,551 --> 00:38:16,758
<i>The Diving Bell
and the Butterfly,</i>

1064
00:38:16,759 --> 00:38:18,378
and your mind will still be
as active as it is now.

1065
00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:20,222
- I'll still be able
to sort of clasp her hand

1066
00:38:20,223 --> 00:38:21,548
as she walks away.

1067
00:38:21,549 --> 00:38:23,094
- No, there'll be no groping
at all,

1068
00:38:23,095 --> 00:38:25,219
and that will absolutely
kill you from the inside,

1069
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,435
because she'll lean over you,
knowing,

1070
00:38:27,436 --> 00:38:29,431
and she'll taunt you
with her breasts.

1071
00:38:29,432 --> 00:38:31,183
And there'll be nothing
you can do.

1072
00:38:31,184 --> 00:38:33,105
And I'd love to be there.
I would love to be there.

1073
00:38:33,106 --> 00:38:34,649
- I don't know what films
you've been watching.

1074
00:38:34,650 --> 00:38:36,605
- Do you know what I do?
I read for Steve.

1075
00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,028
"You heard what Rob Brydon
does for Steve?

1076
00:38:38,029 --> 00:38:39,738
"Steve is more or less
a vegetable,

1077
00:38:39,739 --> 00:38:41,235
but Rob goes every day
and reads."

1078
00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:43,659
And the only reason I do it
is to be there,

1079
00:38:43,660 --> 00:38:47,533
watching you unable to reach out
to your Filipino nurse,

1080
00:38:47,534 --> 00:38:49,832
knowing how much
ifs hurting you.

1081
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:55,049
All right, just a quick one.

1082
00:38:57,126 --> 00:38:58,836
Look at that hair.

1083
00:38:58,837 --> 00:39:01,465
George Michael
in the Careless Whisper video.

1084
00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:04,263
- Why do we have to do this?

1085
00:39:06,261 --> 00:39:07,763
- A picture is worth
1,000 words.

1086
00:39:07,764 --> 00:39:09,139
[camera shutter clicks]

1087
00:39:09,140 --> 00:39:11,098
[birds chirping]

1088
00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:12,683
- The sign says
go the other way.

1089
00:39:12,684 --> 00:39:14,229
- Yeah, but the sat nav said
go this way.

1090
00:39:14,230 --> 00:39:15,319
- Well, I think the signs
were right,

1091
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:16,895
and I'm the navigator.

1092
00:39:16,896 --> 00:39:18,939
[birds chirping]

1093
00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:20,988
It would help if we got
over 40 miles an hour.

1094
00:39:20,989 --> 00:39:22,693
- All right.

1095
00:39:22,694 --> 00:39:24,446
See how I changed down, then?
- Yeah.

1096
00:39:24,447 --> 00:39:25,866
I love the crunch sound

1097
00:39:25,867 --> 00:39:28,282
that you made when you did it
as well.

1098
00:39:28,283 --> 00:39:29,283
[birds chirping]

1099
00:39:29,284 --> 00:39:30,501
I'm hungry, so let's just stop

1100
00:39:30,502 --> 00:39:33,287
at the first place we come to.

1101
00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:36,039
- [speaking Italian]

1102
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,165
- Care to explain this?

1103
00:39:37,166 --> 00:39:38,792
- [laughs]

1104
00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:40,794
[as Dudley Moore] Oi, here.

1105
00:39:40,795 --> 00:39:43,297
What are you doing
with Casanovds autobiography

1106
00:39:43,298 --> 00:39:45,090
in your sandwich box?

1107
00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:46,967
[normal voice]
It's just research. That's all.

1108
00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:49,892
Just gonna plump up the articles
with a bit of, um-

1109
00:39:49,893 --> 00:39:51,847
bit of culture, you know.

1110
00:39:51,848 --> 00:39:53,849
The, um-
this is just extracts.

1111
00:39:53,850 --> 00:39:56,184
The full thing is 800 pages.

1112
00:39:56,185 --> 00:39:57,277
- How long was your book,

1113
00:39:57,278 --> 00:39:58,604
your autobiography?

1114
00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:00,107
- [sighs] I can't remember.

1115
00:40:00,108 --> 00:40:01,857
300? ZOO-and-something?
300?

1116
00:40:01,858 --> 00:40:03,073
- 200 of that has
got to have been padding.

1117
00:40:03,074 --> 00:40:04,112
- There's not much padding.

1118
00:40:04,113 --> 00:40:05,611
I'll be very honest with you.
Have you read it?

1119
00:40:05,612 --> 00:40:06,782
- No, of course not.
No.

1120
00:40:06,783 --> 00:40:09,123
I mean, I've skimmed the index
in WHSmith's,

1121
00:40:09,124 --> 00:40:11,117
saved myself the £1.99.

1122
00:40:14,329 --> 00:40:15,370
- Ah.

1123
00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:16,747
- Ravioli.

1124
00:40:16,748 --> 00:40:17,748
- I see.
- Pasta.

1125
00:40:17,749 --> 00:40:18,749
<i>- Grazia mills.</i>

1126
00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:20,170
You know we're not that far
from the hotel.

1127
00:40:20,171 --> 00:40:21,545
You know that, don't you?
About 10 miles.

1128
00:40:21,546 --> 00:40:22,753
- I know.

1129
00:40:22,754 --> 00:40:24,129
- Because I checked a thing
called a map.

1130
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,006
Ifs what they used to use
in the olden days, Rob.

1131
00:40:26,007 --> 00:40:27,633
- Fine,
so when we get to the hotel,

1132
00:40:27,634 --> 00:40:28,842
we'll enjoy the hotel.

1133
00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:29,843
- Yeah, I know.

1134
00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:31,059
We could have been
eating there now.

1135
00:40:31,060 --> 00:40:32,647
- This is good.
What's wrong with this?

1136
00:40:32,648 --> 00:40:33,852
- Nothing wrong with it.

1137
00:40:33,853 --> 00:40:35,145
- This is good ravioli.

1138
00:40:39,145 --> 00:40:40,565
"He possessed two of the most

1139
00:40:40,566 --> 00:40:42,907
"important ingredients
of greatness:

1140
00:40:42,908 --> 00:40:46,485
"total self-confidence
and super-abundant energy.

1141
00:40:46,486 --> 00:40:48,987
"He feared nobody.

1142
00:40:48,988 --> 00:40:52,035
He was equally at home
in a palace or a tavern..."

1143
00:40:52,036 --> 00:40:53,285
- Tick, tick, tick.

1144
00:40:53,286 --> 00:40:55,160
- "A church or a brothel."
- Tick.

1145
00:40:55,161 --> 00:40:57,788
- "He was totally devoid
of a sense of morality.

1146
00:40:57,789 --> 00:40:59,004
Love for him"...
- Well, that's not me.

1147
00:40:59,005 --> 00:41:00,170
- "Had no connection with evil.

1148
00:41:00,171 --> 00:41:02,337
It meant pleasure,
pure and simple."

1149
00:41:02,338 --> 00:41:04,381
- That's not me.
I've got a moral compass.

1150
00:41:04,382 --> 00:41:06,050
- Oh, yes,
you have a moral compass.

1151
00:41:06,051 --> 00:41:07,799
Ifs just you don't know
where it is.

1152
00:41:18,226 --> 00:41:19,267
<i>Grazia.</i>

1153
00:41:19,268 --> 00:41:20,360
- <i>Pnego.</i>

1154
00:41:21,646 --> 00:41:22,896
- Hello.

1155
00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:24,439
- <i>Hey.
How's it going?</i>

1156
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,066
- Great, great.
We're a bit-

1157
00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:27,988
Well, ifs all right.
We're a bit lost.

1158
00:41:27,989 --> 00:41:30,783
- Oh, dear.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

1159
00:41:30,784 --> 00:41:32,200
I am just calling to remind you

1160
00:41:32,201 --> 00:41:33,618
that I'm coming out tomorrow...

1161
00:41:33,619 --> 00:41:34,992
- <i>Oh, great.
That's good.</i>

1162
00:41:34,993 --> 00:41:38,245
- With Yolanda,
the photographer.

1163
00:41:38,246 --> 00:41:39,964
- What, the same photographer
as last time?

1164
00:41:39,965 --> 00:41:41,206
- <i>Yeah, um...</i>

1165
00:41:41,207 --> 00:41:43,125
ls-is that okay?

1166
00:41:43,126 --> 00:41:45,002
- Uh...
Well, who booked her?

1167
00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:46,676
- I don't know.
I think it was The Observer.

1168
00:41:46,677 --> 00:41:48,213
Is that a problem?

1169
00:41:48,214 --> 00:41:49,887
<i>Because I could always
try and change it.</i>

1170
00:41:49,888 --> 00:41:53,051
- [sighs]
No, no, that would be rude.

1171
00:41:53,052 --> 00:41:55,142
No, just-we'll-
I'm sure it'll be fine.

1172
00:41:55,143 --> 00:41:56,230
- All right, great.

1173
00:41:56,231 --> 00:41:58,056
Good for you.
[chuckles]

1174
00:41:58,057 --> 00:41:59,641
<i>All right, well, listen,
I'!!-</i>

1175
00:41:59,642 --> 00:42:01,018
<i>I'll see you tomorrow.
Can't wait.</i>

1176
00:42:01,019 --> 00:42:02,646
- All right, lovey.
Take care. Ta-ra.

1177
00:42:02,647 --> 00:42:04,647
[indistinct conversations]

1178
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:11,245
So the photographer
who's coming tomorrow

1179
00:42:11,246 --> 00:42:13,655
is the same one...

1180
00:42:13,656 --> 00:42:14,703
we had last time.

1181
00:42:14,704 --> 00:42:15,741
- Really?

1182
00:42:15,742 --> 00:42:17,492
- Yeah.
Yolanda.

1183
00:42:17,493 --> 00:42:18,618
- Oh, the one you slept with?

1184
00:42:18,619 --> 00:42:20,245
- Yeah.
- Oh.

1185
00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:22,456
Is that gonna be awkward?

1186
00:42:22,457 --> 00:42:24,416
- Be interesting.

1187
00:42:24,417 --> 00:42:25,885
- How do you do it?

1188
00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:29,298
- Just take your trousers off.

1189
00:42:29,299 --> 00:42:30,672
- Serious question.

1190
00:42:30,673 --> 00:42:33,017
- And your underpants,
socks optional.

1191
00:42:33,018 --> 00:42:34,176
[laughs]

1192
00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:35,895
- I'm seriously asking you,
how do you do it?

1193
00:42:35,896 --> 00:42:37,220
- Ifs reputation.

1194
00:42:37,221 --> 00:42:38,513
- You're famous.

1195
00:42:38,514 --> 00:42:39,723
- [sighs] No.

1196
00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:42,350
Although
I don't see any reason to not

1197
00:42:42,351 --> 00:42:45,479
use everything
you've got in your arsenal.

1198
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,448
People say, "She only slept
with you 'cause you're famous."

1199
00:42:47,449 --> 00:42:49,066
You say,
'Well, she only slept with you

1200
00:42:49,067 --> 00:42:51,490
"'cause you're good-looking
and young."

1201
00:42:55,656 --> 00:42:57,875
[birds chirping]

1202
00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:03,038
- Wow.

1203
00:43:03,039 --> 00:43:04,289
Look at that.

1204
00:43:04,290 --> 00:43:07,334
Isn't that beautiful?
- Yeah.

1205
00:43:07,335 --> 00:43:10,837
- So you have reserved
the Duke of Genoa suite

1206
00:43:10,838 --> 00:43:12,306
and the Napoléon suite.

1207
00:43:12,307 --> 00:43:13,673
- Which is bigger?

1208
00:43:13,674 --> 00:43:15,509
- Oh, both are very nice.

1209
00:43:15,510 --> 00:43:16,843
- Yeah?
- Yes.

1210
00:43:16,844 --> 00:43:18,720
- I think I should have
the Napoléon.

1211
00:43:18,721 --> 00:43:20,806
- If ifs based on height.

1212
00:43:20,807 --> 00:43:21,933
- Or complex.

1213
00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:25,477
- This is your sitting room.

1214
00:43:25,478 --> 00:43:27,729
- Right-.

1215
00:43:27,730 --> 00:43:29,277
- And this is your bedroom.

1216
00:43:29,278 --> 00:43:30,320
- <i>Mm.</i>

1217
00:43:32,735 --> 00:43:35,028
- You have a beautiful view.

1218
00:43:35,029 --> 00:43:38,323
- Wow.
That is, uh...

1219
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:39,621
- [chuckles]
- That's stunning.

1220
00:43:39,622 --> 00:43:40,826
- Yeah.

1221
00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:43,455
I'm going to show your friend
his room.

1222
00:43:43,456 --> 00:43:45,539
- Okay.
Of course.

1223
00:43:45,540 --> 00:43:47,082
I like your uniform.

1224
00:43:47,083 --> 00:43:49,677
You look like an air stewardess.
- [chuckles]

1225
00:43:49,678 --> 00:43:52,218
- That's-
that's in a good way.

1226
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:55,133
Eh.
You're a dick.

1227
00:43:56,551 --> 00:43:58,053
- <i>Hi, Rob?
It's Donna.</i>

1228
00:43:58,054 --> 00:43:59,053
<i>Pm just calling</i>

1229
00:43:59,054 --> 00:44:02,307
to check you got my email
with the script pages.

1230
00:44:02,308 --> 00:44:03,645
- No, uh, I haven't.

1231
00:44:03,646 --> 00:44:05,642
What is it?
What's the part?

1232
00:44:05,643 --> 00:44:07,063
- Ifs a really good part.

1233
00:44:07,064 --> 00:44:08,481
Ifs a supporting role,

1234
00:44:08,482 --> 00:44:09,855
but you're gonna be great in it

1235
00:44:09,856 --> 00:44:11,401
because ifs very sympathetic,

1236
00:44:11,402 --> 00:44:14,071
and people will-
will love you in it, really.

1237
00:44:14,072 --> 00:44:16,446
You'll be playing an accountant
for the mob.

1238
00:44:16,447 --> 00:44:17,662
- Oh, brilliant.
All right.

1239
00:44:17,663 --> 00:44:19,156
Um, comedy?

1240
00:44:19,157 --> 00:44:21,575
- No.
It's a thriller.

1241
00:44:21,576 --> 00:44:23,577
- Really?
Why me?

1242
00:44:23,578 --> 00:44:25,499
<i>- You're perfect for the part.</i>

1243
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:26,997
You look like an accountant.

1244
00:44:26,998 --> 00:44:30,083
And also, you're totally unknown
in America,

1245
00:44:30,084 --> 00:44:31,710
which is what they want.

1246
00:44:31,711 --> 00:44:33,837
- Uh-huh, yes, very good.

1247
00:44:33,838 --> 00:44:35,260
- Yes, you've got
to put yourself on tape

1248
00:44:35,261 --> 00:44:36,423
and email me.

1249
00:44:36,424 --> 00:44:37,763
- Yeah, I can do that.

1250
00:44:37,764 --> 00:44:40,102
I can have it with you
by tomorrow.

1251
00:44:41,179 --> 00:44:44,222
<i>Che belle palazzo.</i>

1252
00:44:44,223 --> 00:44:46,351
Its the sort of place
that Byron would have rented.

1253
00:44:46,352 --> 00:44:47,392
- <i>Mm.</i>

1254
00:44:47,393 --> 00:44:49,603
[birds chirping]

1255
00:44:49,604 --> 00:44:51,271
<i>- Ciao. Buonasera.</i>

1256
00:44:51,272 --> 00:44:52,814
- <i>Buonasera.</i>

1257
00:44:52,815 --> 00:44:54,316
- <i>Buonasera.</i>

1258
00:44:54,317 --> 00:44:57,027
- She's got a lovely gait.

1259
00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:58,826
- Probably padlocked.

1260
00:45:00,281 --> 00:45:01,369
- [sighing] Oh, yes.

1261
00:45:01,370 --> 00:45:02,912
- You know, there's very little

1262
00:45:02,913 --> 00:45:06,953
separating "Byron"
from "Brydon."

1263
00:45:06,954 --> 00:45:08,330
- Yeah.
- Just a D.

1264
00:45:08,331 --> 00:45:09,423
That's all there is.

1265
00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:12,000
- Yeah.

1266
00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:14,336
But the almost anagram

1267
00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:17,005
of your names is the only thing

1268
00:45:17,006 --> 00:45:18,757
that you really share, isn't it?

1269
00:45:18,758 --> 00:45:20,385
Because what Byron represented

1270
00:45:20,386 --> 00:45:23,011
is probably
the antithesis of you, because

1271
00:45:23,012 --> 00:45:25,477
he was shaking the tree
from the word "go"

1272
00:45:25,478 --> 00:45:26,850
to when he popped his clogs,

1273
00:45:26,851 --> 00:45:29,601
and that ain't you, mate.

1274
00:45:29,602 --> 00:45:34,856
<i>- ♪ So we'll go
no more a-roving I'</i>

1275
00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:36,441
J "J"

1276
00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:40,737
<i>♪ So late into the night 1'</i>

1277
00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:42,456
- [as Al Pacino] When I imagined

1278
00:45:42,457 --> 00:45:46,451
where we'd be ten years ago,

1279
00:45:46,452 --> 00:45:49,829
this is what I wanted.

1280
00:45:49,830 --> 00:45:51,298
[as Dustin Hoffman] I love you.

1281
00:45:51,299 --> 00:45:53,750
I love Izzy.
I love this house.

1282
00:45:53,751 --> 00:45:55,001
You know?

1283
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,670
[solemnly] You know.

1284
00:45:56,671 --> 00:45:57,716
[slowly] You know.

1285
00:45:57,717 --> 00:45:58,964
[raggedly] You know.

1286
00:45:58,965 --> 00:46:00,761
You know.
You-you know. You know.

1287
00:46:00,762 --> 00:46:01,850
You know!
[clears throat]

1288
00:46:01,851 --> 00:46:02,926
You know.

1289
00:46:02,927 --> 00:46:05,470
<i>- L' And the heart 1'</i>

1290
00:46:05,471 --> 00:46:08,473
<i>♪ Must pause to breathe I'</i>

1291
00:46:08,474 --> 00:46:10,267
<i>♪ And love itself 1'</i>

1292
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,111
- [as Woody Allen]
You know, I-I-I love you.

1293
00:46:12,112 --> 00:46:15,272
[chuckles]
And Izzy and the house, but-

1294
00:46:15,273 --> 00:46:17,899
but now-now we have it,
and I-l-

1295
00:46:17,900 --> 00:46:20,694
you know,
there's too much going on.

1296
00:46:20,695 --> 00:46:22,696
Famous claustrophobic.

1297
00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:25,031
Uh, there's too much going on.

1298
00:46:25,032 --> 00:46:28,127
I can't just close the door
and leave it behind, you know?

1299
00:46:28,128 --> 00:46:30,829
My head has to be out there.

1300
00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:31,871
[chuckles]

1301
00:46:31,872 --> 00:46:34,295
[breathes deeply]

1302
00:46:35,918 --> 00:46:37,511
[as Sigmund Freud]
I think ifs very unlikely

1303
00:46:37,512 --> 00:46:39,504
you'll get this part,

1304
00:46:39,505 --> 00:46:41,303
and you have to come to terms
with this, I'm afraid.

1305
00:46:41,304 --> 00:46:42,924
Ifs very unlikely.

1306
00:46:42,925 --> 00:46:44,134
[normal voice] I know.

1307
00:46:44,135 --> 00:46:45,976
[as Sigmund Freud]
Well, why you bother, then?

1308
00:46:45,977 --> 00:46:47,597
[normal voice]
Oh, you know, give it a go.

1309
00:46:47,598 --> 00:46:49,597
[as Sigmund Freud]
But I think ifs very unlikely.

1310
00:46:49,598 --> 00:46:51,224
[normal voice] I know.

1311
00:46:51,225 --> 00:46:53,440
[as Sigmund Freud]
Well, why are you doing it?

1312
00:46:53,441 --> 00:46:55,063
[as Sean Connery]
Why are you doing it,

1313
00:46:55,064 --> 00:46:58,231
you fucking idiot?

1314
00:46:58,232 --> 00:46:59,983
[normal voice]
'Cause I think I might get it.

1315
00:46:59,984 --> 00:47:01,531
[as Sean Connery]
I think ifs very unlikely

1316
00:47:01,532 --> 00:47:02,744
that you'll get it.

1317
00:47:02,745 --> 00:47:04,154
[normal voice] Why?

1318
00:47:04,155 --> 00:47:05,498
[as Sean Connery]
Because you are

1319
00:47:05,499 --> 00:47:07,412
an inferior talent.

1320
00:47:11,412 --> 00:47:12,620
[birds chirping]

1321
00:47:12,621 --> 00:47:14,294
- <i>For</i> you, <i>sir.</i>
- <i>Grazia mille.</i>

1322
00:47:14,295 --> 00:47:16,708
<i>- Prego.
- Grazia.</i>

1323
00:47:16,709 --> 00:47:17,751
- <i>Pnego, sir.</i>

1324
00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:19,172
- Sleep well last night?

1325
00:47:19,173 --> 00:47:20,337
- Yeah. Like a baby.

1326
00:47:20,338 --> 00:47:21,338
- I didn't.

1327
00:47:21,339 --> 00:47:22,964
Up worrying all night.

1328
00:47:22,965 --> 00:47:24,424
. Why?

1329
00:47:24,425 --> 00:47:26,221
- Been sent a script
for an American film.

1330
00:47:26,222 --> 00:47:28,516
Got to put it on tape,
get it back to them today.

1331
00:47:29,972 --> 00:47:31,514
- What's the part?

1332
00:47:31,515 --> 00:47:33,975
- The lead
in a Michael Mann film.

1333
00:47:33,976 --> 00:47:35,018
- What?

1334
00:47:35,019 --> 00:47:36,019
- [chuckles]

1335
00:47:36,020 --> 00:47:37,354
- Really?
- Yeah.

1336
00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:38,568
Well, ifs a mafia film.

1337
00:47:38,569 --> 00:47:40,109
One of-one of-
one of the leads.

1338
00:47:40,110 --> 00:47:42,576
He's sort of
an easily led sort of guy

1339
00:47:42,577 --> 00:47:45,445
who gets killed
at the second act.

1340
00:47:45,446 --> 00:47:47,530
- But you're Welsh.

1341
00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:49,532
- Lot of similarities between
the Welsh and the Italians.

1342
00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:50,742
You know that.

1343
00:47:50,743 --> 00:47:52,245
- No, there aren't.
- Yes, there are.

1344
00:47:52,246 --> 00:47:54,245
Both love singing,
both short and swarthy,

1345
00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:55,291
both love ice cream.

1346
00:47:55,292 --> 00:47:56,711
There's loads of Italians
in Wales

1347
00:47:56,712 --> 00:47:58,583
who run ice cream parlors.

1348
00:47:58,584 --> 00:48:00,006
- [sighs heavily]

1349
00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:03,555
Are you-are you-
are you winding me up?

1350
00:48:03,556 --> 00:48:05,131
- No.

1351
00:48:05,132 --> 00:48:07,008
So will you help me
with the audition later?

1352
00:48:07,009 --> 00:48:09,224
- Ifs just an-
ifs just an audition.

1353
00:48:09,225 --> 00:48:10,553
Ifs not an offer, is it?

1354
00:48:10,554 --> 00:48:12,055
- No, I've got
to put myself on tape.

1355
00:48:12,056 --> 00:48:13,269
So will you help me?

1356
00:48:13,270 --> 00:48:15,100
- Help you
and read the other part?

1357
00:48:15,101 --> 00:48:16,648
- No, Alba's gonna read
the other part.

1358
00:48:16,649 --> 00:48:18,186
<i>'</i> Who?

1359
00:48:18,187 --> 00:48:19,687
- Alba.
The receptionist.

1360
00:48:19,688 --> 00:48:21,064
- She's gonna read
the other part?

1361
00:48:21,065 --> 00:48:22,190
- Yeah.
It's a woman's part-.

1362
00:48:22,191 --> 00:48:24,025
- How'd you wrangle that?

1363
00:48:24,026 --> 00:48:26,027
- I asked her.

1364
00:48:26,028 --> 00:48:27,621
We rehearsed last night.

1365
00:48:28,614 --> 00:48:29,697
She'll read.

1366
00:48:29,698 --> 00:48:33,159
I just need you
to hold the camera.

1367
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:34,412
A nice shot.

1368
00:48:36,580 --> 00:48:37,831
- You're back?

1369
00:48:37,832 --> 00:48:39,833
- [as Al Pacino]
Working late-sorry.

1370
00:48:39,834 --> 00:48:41,251
You want a drink?

1371
00:48:41,252 --> 00:48:43,711
- I was already in bed.

1372
00:48:43,712 --> 00:48:45,088
- Long night.

1373
00:48:45,089 --> 00:48:46,509
When I used to imagine

1374
00:48:46,510 --> 00:48:48,430
what we'd be doing
ten years ago...

1375
00:48:48,431 --> 00:48:50,051
- She'd be at school.

1376
00:48:50,052 --> 00:48:52,053
- This is it.

1377
00:48:52,054 --> 00:48:53,763
I love you.

1378
00:48:53,764 --> 00:48:56,057
I love Izzy.
I love this house.

1379
00:48:56,058 --> 00:48:58,648
But now that we got it,
I can't enjoy it.

1380
00:48:58,649 --> 00:49:00,897
There's too much going on
out there.

1381
00:49:00,898 --> 00:49:04,070
My head has to be out there.

1382
00:49:05,651 --> 00:49:07,365
- Why don't we just get away,

1383
00:49:07,366 --> 00:49:08,658
go to the lake house,

1384
00:49:08,659 --> 00:49:11,239
just a few days,
like we used to?

1385
00:49:11,240 --> 00:49:13,283
- I can't right now.

1386
00:49:13,284 --> 00:49:14,456
<i>'</i> [sighs]

1387
00:49:15,870 --> 00:49:17,292
- <i>Mm.</i>

1388
00:49:18,456 --> 00:49:19,831
- That's, um...

1389
00:49:19,832 --> 00:49:21,334
Do you want to do it like that?

1390
00:49:21,335 --> 00:49:22,375
- Why not?

1391
00:49:22,376 --> 00:49:23,753
- I think a sprinkling
of Al Pacino

1392
00:49:23,754 --> 00:49:25,378
would be good, but you-

1393
00:49:25,379 --> 00:49:28,219
but do you really want
to be doing an impersonation?

1394
00:49:28,220 --> 00:49:29,429
- I want to do it like this.

1395
00:49:29,430 --> 00:49:32,599
- Mind you, they might not
recognize who you're doing,

1396
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:36,389
so there might be some method
in your madness.

1397
00:49:36,390 --> 00:49:38,308
- Well, I'm a method actor.

1398
00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:41,895
[as Al Pacino]
There is method in my madness!

1399
00:49:41,896 --> 00:49:43,897
That is Al!

1400
00:49:43,898 --> 00:49:45,525
[normal voice] Al Pacino.

1401
00:49:45,526 --> 00:49:48,118
[as Al Pacino]
Not what I was doing!

1402
00:49:50,070 --> 00:49:52,619
Right, shall we do it again,
Mr. Kubrick?

1403
00:49:53,616 --> 00:49:55,414
- Alba, when Rob kisses you,

1404
00:49:55,415 --> 00:49:57,327
you look very uncomfortable.

1405
00:49:57,328 --> 00:49:58,500
- No. I'm happy.
- Yeah?

1406
00:49:58,501 --> 00:49:59,954
- I'm comfortable.

1407
00:49:59,955 --> 00:50:02,126
- Okay. Great.
Whenever you're ready.

1408
00:50:02,127 --> 00:50:05,128
[Alanis Morissette's
Hand <i>in</i> my Pocket plays]

1409
00:50:05,129 --> 00:50:08,338
J "J"

1410
00:50:08,339 --> 00:50:10,433
- <i>J' I'm broke, but I'm happy ♪</i>

1411
00:50:10,434 --> 00:50:13,468
- ♪ I'm poor, but I'm kind ♪

1412
00:50:13,469 --> 00:50:15,845
♪ I'm short, but I'm healthy ♪

1413
00:50:15,846 --> 00:50:16,846
♪ Yeah ♪

1414
00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:18,431
J "J"

1415
00:50:18,432 --> 00:50:21,559
♪ I'm high, but I'm grounded ♪

1416
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:24,103
- <i>J' I'm sane,
but I'm overwhelmed ♪</i>

1417
00:50:24,104 --> 00:50:26,231
both: ♪ I'm lost,
but I'm hopeful ♪

1418
00:50:26,232 --> 00:50:27,649
♪ Baby ♪

1419
00:50:27,650 --> 00:50:32,946
All: ♪ And what it all
comes down to ♪

1420
00:50:32,947 --> 00:50:37,325
♪ Is that everything's gonna be
fine, fine, fine ♪

1421
00:50:37,326 --> 00:50:39,077
J "J"

1422
00:50:39,078 --> 00:50:41,913
♪ 'Cause I've got one hand
in my pocket ♪

1423
00:50:41,914 --> 00:50:45,875
♪ And the other one
is giving a high five ♪

1424
00:50:45,876 --> 00:50:47,252
- Yeah.
Keep your hands on the wheel.

1425
00:50:47,253 --> 00:50:48,878
- Well, that's what she-
- That's what she's saying.

1426
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:50,505
She's not driving the car,
though, with a passenger in it.

1427
00:50:50,506 --> 00:50:51,548
- Yeah, but she's like-

1428
00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:52,674
- Yeah,
if she were driving the car,

1429
00:50:52,675 --> 00:50:53,845
I would say the same to her.

1430
00:50:53,846 --> 00:50:56,516
"Alanis, love, both hands
on the wheel, please."

1431
00:50:56,517 --> 00:50:58,638
<i>- 1' Pm working, yeah 1'</i>

1432
00:50:58,639 --> 00:51:00,437
- There is light
at the end of the tunnel.

1433
00:51:00,438 --> 00:51:01,683
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1434
00:51:01,684 --> 00:51:02,899
- Yeah,
but then just when you think

1435
00:51:02,900 --> 00:51:04,269
everything's good,
all of a sudden...

1436
00:51:04,270 --> 00:51:05,520
- Then suddenly...
- Out of nowhere...

1437
00:51:05,521 --> 00:51:07,194
- Out of nowhere,
you're in the dark again.

1438
00:51:07,195 --> 00:51:09,816
<i>- 1' Sony, baby 1'</i>

1439
00:51:09,817 --> 00:51:12,026
- Right.
Now, then.

1440
00:51:12,027 --> 00:51:13,447
Go-go left.
Go left. Go left.

1441
00:51:13,448 --> 00:51:15,243
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I can't go left.

1442
00:51:15,244 --> 00:51:17,115
- Fuck, fuck, fuck?

1443
00:51:17,116 --> 00:51:18,493
You're being Hugh Grant.

1444
00:51:18,494 --> 00:51:20,665
[as Hugh Grant]
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

1445
00:51:20,666 --> 00:51:23,371
- That's no entry.

1446
00:51:23,372 --> 00:51:24,965
- Can we have the sat nav on
now, please?

1447
00:51:24,966 --> 00:51:26,207
. OKQY-

1448
00:51:26,208 --> 00:51:27,458
- Where are you?

1449
00:51:27,459 --> 00:51:28,927
- Uh, we're-
well, I think we're in-

1450
00:51:28,928 --> 00:51:30,795
we're in the outskirts of Rome.

1451
00:51:30,796 --> 00:51:32,343
- Right.
Well, we're-we're here.

1452
00:51:32,344 --> 00:51:34,215
We've arrived already, so...

1453
00:51:34,216 --> 00:51:36,184
<i>She says that you follow
the signs for the center.</i>

1454
00:51:36,185 --> 00:51:37,552
<i>We're near
the Piazza del Popolo.</i>

1455
00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:39,554
- What signs?
There are no signs.

1456
00:51:39,555 --> 00:51:41,148
- If you follow signs
for the center...

1457
00:51:41,149 --> 00:51:42,432
- Guide us in.

1458
00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:43,935
Ask her just to talk us in,

1459
00:51:43,936 --> 00:51:46,894
like a stricken pilot
in an airliner.

1460
00:51:46,895 --> 00:51:48,646
<i>- Have you not got your sat nav?</i>

1461
00:51:48,647 --> 00:51:51,776
- Its having trouble
finding the, um, satellite.

1462
00:51:51,777 --> 00:51:53,026
And go left.
Go left.

1463
00:51:53,027 --> 00:51:54,360
- I can't go left.

1464
00:51:54,361 --> 00:51:56,654
There's a biker.
I'll kill him.

1465
00:51:56,655 --> 00:51:58,531
- Right, right.

1466
00:51:58,532 --> 00:52:00,705
You got a right, right, right,
right up there, there-

1467
00:52:00,706 --> 00:52:03,911
Whoa!
Bloody hell.

1468
00:52:03,912 --> 00:52:06,164
This is where we're going,
right?

1469
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:07,542
That's where we want to be.

1470
00:52:07,543 --> 00:52:08,916
You need to go round.

1471
00:52:08,917 --> 00:52:10,339
Watch him. Watch him.
Watch the Smart car.

1472
00:52:10,340 --> 00:52:11,794
Watch the Smart car!

1473
00:52:11,795 --> 00:52:13,838
- Oh!
- Bloody hell.

1474
00:52:13,839 --> 00:52:15,261
What's wrong with him?

1475
00:52:17,009 --> 00:52:20,928
- Right, go round this wall,
and get back inside.

1476
00:52:20,929 --> 00:52:22,055
- <i>J' Fine ♪</i>

1477
00:52:22,056 --> 00:52:23,890
J "J"

1478
00:52:23,891 --> 00:52:25,730
<i>♪ 'Cause I've got one hand
in my pocket ♪</i>

1479
00:52:25,731 --> 00:52:27,444
- Yeah, yeah, this is it.
This is it.

1480
00:52:27,445 --> 00:52:29,646
- Oh, thank God for that.

1481
00:52:29,647 --> 00:52:31,274
[sighs]

1482
00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:34,025
Fucking ridiculous.

1483
00:52:34,026 --> 00:52:36,653
[birds chirping]

1484
00:52:36,654 --> 00:52:38,655
Ifs not like-ifs not like
ifs a new town.

1485
00:52:38,656 --> 00:52:42,575
They've had 2,000 years
to sort out the traffic system.

1486
00:52:42,576 --> 00:52:44,202
- Are you gonna bring up
the suitcases?

1487
00:52:44,203 --> 00:52:45,420
- No.
They can do that.

1488
00:52:45,421 --> 00:52:47,255
And they can park the car.

1489
00:52:50,501 --> 00:52:51,876
- Steve. Steve.

1490
00:52:51,877 --> 00:52:53,294
- Hey.
- Hi. Hi.

1491
00:52:53,295 --> 00:52:54,504
- How you doing?

1492
00:52:54,505 --> 00:52:55,505
- Hello.
- You all right?

1493
00:52:55,506 --> 00:52:56,881
- Yeah. It was a nightmare.
- Hello.

1494
00:52:56,882 --> 00:52:58,052
- How are you?
You all right?

1495
00:52:58,053 --> 00:52:59,140
- Oh, God.
- Good to see you.

1496
00:52:59,141 --> 00:53:01,010
- Nice to see you too.
- You remember Yolanda?

1497
00:53:01,011 --> 00:53:02,637
- Yeah, hi. How are you?
- Hi, Steve. Nice to see you.

1498
00:53:02,638 --> 00:53:04,602
- How are you?
Careful. I'm very, very sweaty.

1499
00:53:04,603 --> 00:53:06,062
- Yeah.
- Looking good.

1500
00:53:06,063 --> 00:53:07,856
- Thank you.
- Nice dress. Lady <i>in</i> Red.

1501
00:53:07,857 --> 00:53:09,477
Terrible song.

1502
00:53:09,478 --> 00:53:10,603
- Well, you've made it
in the end.

1503
00:53:10,604 --> 00:53:12,572
You're here now.
- Yes, all roads lead to Rome.

1504
00:53:12,573 --> 00:53:13,815
- Absolutely.

1505
00:53:13,816 --> 00:53:15,238
- All the ones we were on
went round in circles.

1506
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:16,526
[laughter]

1507
00:53:16,527 --> 00:53:19,246
[conversations in Italian]

1508
00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:23,917
- Oh, no, thank you.

1509
00:53:23,918 --> 00:53:25,576
Sorry.
I'm-I'm okay.

1510
00:53:25,577 --> 00:53:27,370
- You're not gonna have
a glass of wine?

1511
00:53:27,371 --> 00:53:29,169
Come on. We're all gonna have
a glass of wine.

1512
00:53:29,170 --> 00:53:31,374
- Yeah.
No, I-I can't.

1513
00:53:31,375 --> 00:53:33,042
Uh...
- You on the wagon?

1514
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:34,043
- [laughs]

1515
00:53:34,044 --> 00:53:36,879
I can't,
um, because I'm pregnant.

1516
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,094
- Oh, my God.
- Really?

1517
00:53:38,095 --> 00:53:39,763
- Congratulations.
- Wow.

1518
00:53:39,764 --> 00:53:41,175
- Thank you.

1519
00:53:41,176 --> 00:53:43,219
- Wow.
No, um...

1520
00:53:43,220 --> 00:53:44,640
That's fantastic.
- Thanks.

1521
00:53:44,641 --> 00:53:45,852
- Well, congratulations.

1522
00:53:45,853 --> 00:53:47,350
- Yeah, no, um-
- How far gone?

1523
00:53:47,351 --> 00:53:48,933
- About 3112 months.

1524
00:53:48,934 --> 00:53:50,435
- Wow.
- So, yeah.

1525
00:53:50,436 --> 00:53:52,526
Why? Did you just think
I'd gotten fat?

1526
00:53:52,527 --> 00:53:54,023
- Well, I didn't like to say.

1527
00:53:54,024 --> 00:53:55,398
- Well, you-you look good.

1528
00:53:55,399 --> 00:53:57,400
- No, you're blooming.
I was-

1529
00:53:57,401 --> 00:53:58,985
- "Blooming" is what you say

1530
00:53:58,986 --> 00:54:00,737
when you think
they're packing a few pounds.

1531
00:54:00,738 --> 00:54:01,738
- No. no, you are.

1532
00:54:01,739 --> 00:54:02,956
- I thought
you're either pregnant

1533
00:54:02,957 --> 00:54:04,949
or you're depressed.

1534
00:54:04,950 --> 00:54:06,167
And you're eating.

1535
00:54:09,955 --> 00:54:11,080
- Service.

1536
00:54:11,081 --> 00:54:14,625
[conversations in Italian]

1537
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:15,668
- <i>Grazia.</i>

1538
00:54:15,669 --> 00:54:17,128
<i>- Prego.
- Grazia.</i>

1539
00:54:17,129 --> 00:54:18,796
- Pasta's perfect.
- Very delicate.

1540
00:54:18,797 --> 00:54:20,265
- You can tell
that's handmade pasta.

1541
00:54:20,266 --> 00:54:21,304
You can tell, can't you?

1542
00:54:21,305 --> 00:54:23,593
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.

1543
00:54:23,594 --> 00:54:25,515
- What's the food been like
so far in Italy,

1544
00:54:25,516 --> 00:54:27,513
compared to the food
in the Lakes?

1545
00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:28,765
- A lot of pasta.
- A lot of pasta.

1546
00:54:28,766 --> 00:54:29,932
- Yeah.

1547
00:54:29,933 --> 00:54:31,559
You can't do the Atkins diet
on this trip.

1548
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:32,769
That's for sure.

1549
00:54:32,770 --> 00:54:34,359
- Well, you are-
you are in Italy.

1550
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:36,731
- I'm gonna channel
my inner Julia Roberts

1551
00:54:36,732 --> 00:54:38,024
<i>'m Eat Pray Love</i>

1552
00:54:38,025 --> 00:54:40,653
and get in touch
with my love of pasta.

1553
00:54:45,240 --> 00:54:46,287
- We were gonna go to Naples

1554
00:54:46,288 --> 00:54:48,204
'cause Shelley lived there,
Casanova,

1555
00:54:48,205 --> 00:54:50,417
but he's put the kibosh
on that, so now-

1556
00:54:50,418 --> 00:54:51,876
- I just wanted
a bit of glamour.

1557
00:54:51,877 --> 00:54:54,419
In my head, I thought
we'd get a bit of glamour,

1558
00:54:54,420 --> 00:54:56,756
a bit of, you know, like, um,
<i>Dolce Vita,</i>

1559
00:54:56,757 --> 00:54:57,877
Anita Ekberg and Marcello-

1560
00:54:57,878 --> 00:54:59,255
- Ooh, yeah,
in the Trevi Fountain.

1561
00:54:59,256 --> 00:55:00,468
- Um, what's his name?

1562
00:55:00,469 --> 00:55:01,803
- Marcello Mastroianni.

1563
00:55:01,804 --> 00:55:03,257
- Marcello Mastroianni.

1564
00:55:03,258 --> 00:55:05,725
- Very cross when I told him
I couldn't deliver Anita Ekberg.

1565
00:55:05,726 --> 00:55:06,971
He-he had
one of his fits then.

1566
00:55:06,972 --> 00:55:08,179
- Driving along in a TR3

1567
00:55:08,180 --> 00:55:09,557
with a cigarette hanging out
the corner of his mouth-

1568
00:55:09,558 --> 00:55:11,182
<i>'Ciao, belle.'
- [laughs]</i>

1569
00:55:11,183 --> 00:55:12,899
- Well, the cigarette
might fall out if you said that.

1570
00:55:12,900 --> 00:55:14,894
- We were gonna go there,
but he doesn't want to.

1571
00:55:14,895 --> 00:55:17,148
So instead, we're going
to the Amalfi Coast.

1572
00:55:17,149 --> 00:55:18,648
- Nice.
- Pompeii. Sicily.

1573
00:55:18,649 --> 00:55:19,696
- On.
Why Sicily?

1574
00:55:19,697 --> 00:55:21,651
- Why Sicily?

1575
00:55:21,652 --> 00:55:22,819
- Yeah.

1576
00:55:22,820 --> 00:55:24,037
[as Al Pacino]
You're asking me why?

1577
00:55:24,038 --> 00:55:25,154
- She's asking you

1578
00:55:25,155 --> 00:55:26,623
what ifs got to do
with Shelley and Byron.

1579
00:55:26,624 --> 00:55:27,782
- To Sicily?

1580
00:55:27,783 --> 00:55:29,075
Let me tell you.

1581
00:55:29,076 --> 00:55:30,496
- "Nothing" is the answer.

1582
00:55:30,497 --> 00:55:32,915
- [as Marlon Brando]
Sicily is the home

1583
00:55:32,916 --> 00:55:34,038
<i>oi The Godfather.</i>

1584
00:55:34,039 --> 00:55:35,081
- Of course.

1585
00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:36,377
- We think of going to Sicily

1586
00:55:36,378 --> 00:55:38,628
because ifs where
The Godfather began,

1587
00:55:38,629 --> 00:55:40,336
you know, in Corleone.

1588
00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:41,629
I want to have a homage.

1589
00:55:41,630 --> 00:55:43,303
- Sounds like you're deaf.
- A pilgrimage.

1590
00:55:43,304 --> 00:55:45,341
- [muffled voice]
I love you very much.

1591
00:55:45,342 --> 00:55:46,342
- [laughs]

1592
00:55:46,343 --> 00:55:48,687
- He knows very well
I'm not doing a deaf person.

1593
00:55:48,688 --> 00:55:52,056
- I normally like
your impressions quite a lot.

1594
00:55:52,057 --> 00:55:53,432
- [laughs]

1595
00:55:53,433 --> 00:55:54,475
- That's not his voice.

1596
00:55:54,476 --> 00:55:55,691
[as Marlon Brando]
It's more like that.

1597
00:55:55,692 --> 00:55:57,027
- I know that's not his voice
either.

1598
00:55:57,028 --> 00:55:58,440
Ifs a deaf person.
- Well, you show me the voice.

1599
00:55:58,441 --> 00:55:59,653
Show me the voice.
- I can't do the voice.

1600
00:55:59,654 --> 00:56:01,023
All I know is that
that's the deaf person.

1601
00:56:01,024 --> 00:56:02,822
- Come on, you can do
Marlon Brando, can't you?

1602
00:56:02,823 --> 00:56:04,360
- Come on, Steve.
You can do it.

1603
00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:05,783
- Let's have a Marlon-off.
- Come on.

1604
00:56:05,784 --> 00:56:06,993
Let's hear your Marlon.

1605
00:56:06,994 --> 00:56:09,407
Let's even things out now
with your Marlon.

1606
00:56:09,408 --> 00:56:10,876
- You need to put bread
in your cheeks.

1607
00:56:10,877 --> 00:56:12,159
- Careful.
That's crusty bread.

1608
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:13,536
He finds
some of the crustier bread

1609
00:56:13,537 --> 00:56:14,750
a little difficult these days.

1610
00:56:14,751 --> 00:56:15,788
I cut it up for him.

1611
00:56:15,789 --> 00:56:16,959
- Oh, you have to puree it
for him.

1612
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:18,423
- Yeah, I cut it up for him,
yeah, gonna be good.

1613
00:56:18,424 --> 00:56:19,509
- Okay.
- Oh, there you go.

1614
00:56:19,510 --> 00:56:21,210
[laughter]

1615
00:56:21,211 --> 00:56:22,628
Oh, now, there you have it.

1616
00:56:22,629 --> 00:56:24,300
- [as Marlon Brando]
It's like going to the dentist.

1617
00:56:24,301 --> 00:56:25,299
- You what?
- What?

1618
00:56:25,300 --> 00:56:26,469
- Its like going to the dentist.

1619
00:56:26,470 --> 00:56:27,467
- Say again?

1620
00:56:27,468 --> 00:56:28,931
- You wondered
where your tent is?

1621
00:56:28,932 --> 00:56:30,052
- [laughs]
- What?

1622
00:56:30,053 --> 00:56:31,888
- Send reinforcements.

1623
00:56:31,889 --> 00:56:34,599
We're going to
send reinforcements.

1624
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:35,813
We're going to advance.

1625
00:56:35,814 --> 00:56:37,435
- "Send three and four pence.

1626
00:56:37,436 --> 00:56:38,436
We're going to a dance"?

1627
00:56:38,437 --> 00:56:39,563
- Thank you very much.

1628
00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:42,483
- [speaking Italian]

1629
00:56:42,484 --> 00:56:43,483
- [imitating mandolin]

1630
00:56:43,484 --> 00:56:44,525
- Go on.

1631
00:56:44,526 --> 00:56:46,527
- You do the-do it, Rob,
the background-

1632
00:56:46,528 --> 00:56:48,154
- [as Marlon Brando]
The whole time, you know,

1633
00:56:48,155 --> 00:56:49,873
I just bite my tongue, you know,

1634
00:56:49,874 --> 00:56:52,950
and, hey,
don't call me Godfather.

1635
00:56:52,951 --> 00:56:54,118
- [laughs]

1636
00:56:54,119 --> 00:56:55,336
- What is it you're playing,
Steve?

1637
00:56:55,337 --> 00:56:56,831
- Mandolin.
- Mandolin.

1638
00:56:56,832 --> 00:56:57,997
Was it a miniature mandolin?

1639
00:56:57,998 --> 00:56:59,874
Are they all that size?
Are they all that small?

1640
00:56:59,875 --> 00:57:01,969
- They're very small, yeah.
Have you seen a mandolin?

1641
00:57:01,970 --> 00:57:03,002
[mumbling]

1642
00:57:03,003 --> 00:57:05,222
[imitating mandolin]

1643
00:57:08,884 --> 00:57:10,134
- Service.

1644
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:12,350
- Shall we begin?
- Yes, I think we shall.

1645
00:57:12,351 --> 00:57:14,347
- Let's let the expectant mother
set us off.

1646
00:57:14,348 --> 00:57:16,015
- [laughs] Okay.

1647
00:57:16,016 --> 00:57:18,437
- And so she plunges the knife
into the John Dory.

1648
00:57:18,438 --> 00:57:19,810
"Ouch," says the fish.

1649
00:57:19,811 --> 00:57:20,858
- Oh, don't!
- And we're away!

1650
00:57:20,859 --> 00:57:22,021
- [laughs]

1651
00:57:22,022 --> 00:57:23,147
- Fantastic.
- Mmm.

1652
00:57:23,148 --> 00:57:24,398
- Mary Shelley, I think,

1653
00:57:24,399 --> 00:57:25,694
was the most interesting
of all of them.

1654
00:57:25,695 --> 00:57:26,693
- I agree.

1655
00:57:26,694 --> 00:57:28,908
- I <i>absolutely loved
Frankenstein.</i>

1656
00:57:28,909 --> 00:57:30,700
- She was more successful
than her husband.

1657
00:57:30,701 --> 00:57:32,536
- She was.
She was way more successful.

1658
00:57:32,537 --> 00:57:33,953
- Probably why Shelley had

1659
00:57:33,954 --> 00:57:36,079
so many affairs
with so many women,

1660
00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:37,705
probably just jealous of her.

1661
00:57:37,706 --> 00:57:40,294
- And he slept
with her stepsister Claire.

1662
00:57:40,295 --> 00:57:42,586
- Mary and Shelley together-
they had five kids.

1663
00:57:42,587 --> 00:57:45,550
Four of them were lost
before he drowned, though.

1664
00:57:45,551 --> 00:57:46,921
That's why they left Rome,

1665
00:57:46,922 --> 00:57:49,924
was because William had malaria.

1666
00:57:49,925 --> 00:57:51,598
- Ugh,
it must have been horrific

1667
00:57:51,599 --> 00:57:53,386
having kids in those days.

1668
00:57:53,387 --> 00:57:55,602
- Yes, well, talking about
Frankenstein, of course,

1669
00:57:55,603 --> 00:57:58,062
brings to mind my dear friend
Sir Kenneth Branagh

1670
00:57:58,063 --> 00:58:00,902
<i>and his production</i>
of <i>Frankenstein</i> with <i>De Niro.</i>

1671
00:58:00,903 --> 00:58:03,062
[as De Niro]
I got a-

1672
00:58:03,063 --> 00:58:05,731
I got a-I got a bolt
in my neck.

1673
00:58:05,732 --> 00:58:07,196
Got to get a bolt...
- [laughs]

1674
00:58:07,197 --> 00:58:08,943
- Got to get the bolt
out of my neck.

1675
00:58:08,944 --> 00:58:10,366
Got to get this bolt
out of my neck.

1676
00:58:10,367 --> 00:58:11,779
- Good God.

1677
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:13,531
- He's got a big bolt
in his neck.

1678
00:58:13,532 --> 00:58:15,616
Pop a cap in his crazy ass.

1679
00:58:15,617 --> 00:58:17,243
I can't get it out.
- [laughs]

1680
00:58:17,244 --> 00:58:19,120
- Bloody hell.
That's not-that's subtle.

1681
00:58:19,121 --> 00:58:20,371
<i>- Loom.
You' re bursting.</i>

1682
00:58:20,372 --> 00:58:21,998
- [as De Niro] Robert here
is trying to divert you

1683
00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:23,499
from the fact that
he can't do Robert De Niro

1684
00:58:23,500 --> 00:58:24,625
because he doesn't know
how to do it,

1685
00:58:24,626 --> 00:58:26,168
speak through the nose
like that.

1686
00:58:26,169 --> 00:58:27,420
You know,
you got to get that sound,

1687
00:58:27,421 --> 00:58:29,219
talking through his nose
like that, you know?

1688
00:58:29,220 --> 00:58:31,132
And the whole
facial gesture thing-

1689
00:58:31,133 --> 00:58:32,553
that's-
that's all part of it, you know?

1690
00:58:32,554 --> 00:58:33,768
- Yeah, that's a bit
more familiar.

1691
00:58:33,769 --> 00:58:35,305
- Talk like that, you know?

1692
00:58:35,306 --> 00:58:36,512
That's the way he talks.

1693
00:58:36,513 --> 00:58:37,933
- Hey, Frank,
what you got in your neck?

1694
00:58:37,934 --> 00:58:39,148
You got something in your neck.

1695
00:58:39,149 --> 00:58:40,975
Whats that thing
sticking out of your neck?

1696
00:58:40,976 --> 00:58:42,601
- I got some goddamn bolts
in my goddamn fucking neck.

1697
00:58:42,602 --> 00:58:43,772
You shut the fuck up,
or I'll rip your head off,

1698
00:58:43,773 --> 00:58:45,238
shit down
your goddamn fucking neck,

1699
00:58:45,239 --> 00:58:47,857
you stupid bitch-sucking
motherfucking asshole.

1700
00:58:47,858 --> 00:58:49,734
That's how he-
he speaks like that.

1701
00:58:49,735 --> 00:58:51,027
[laughter]

1702
00:58:51,028 --> 00:58:52,118
- It was like
watching the video.

1703
00:58:52,119 --> 00:58:53,785
- I don't remember that
from Frankenstein.

1704
00:58:53,786 --> 00:58:55,406
- Was that on the extras?
- [laughs]

1705
00:58:55,407 --> 00:58:58,617
- Oh, you have to buy
the box set to see that?

1706
00:58:58,618 --> 00:59:01,622
[birds chirping]

1707
00:59:03,707 --> 00:59:05,458
You know, Shelley wrote,

1708
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:08,053
"It could make one
fall in love with death,

1709
00:59:08,054 --> 00:59:10,880
to be buried
in so beautiful a place."

1710
00:59:10,881 --> 00:59:13,257
And within a year, he was dead.

1711
00:59:13,258 --> 00:59:15,681
- Well, be careful
what you wish for.

1712
00:59:15,682 --> 00:59:18,179
- It is lovely, though.

1713
00:59:18,180 --> 00:59:19,477
- There's Shelley.

1714
00:59:21,266 --> 00:59:22,558
Wow.

1715
00:59:22,559 --> 00:59:24,774
- "Nothing of him
that doth fade,

1716
00:59:24,775 --> 00:59:26,397
"but doth suffer a sea change

1717
00:59:26,398 --> 00:59:30,024
into something
rich and strange."

1718
00:59:30,025 --> 00:59:32,244
Defying the physical, isn't it?
Transcendent.

1719
00:59:32,245 --> 00:59:33,277
- Yeah.

1720
00:59:33,278 --> 00:59:35,404
- Here's Trelawney.

1721
00:59:35,405 --> 00:59:37,658
- His poetry lives on
in a way that-

1722
00:59:37,659 --> 00:59:40,661
"- 'These are two friends
whose lives were undivided."

1723
00:59:40,662 --> 00:59:42,745
- Trelawney died aged 88.

1724
00:59:42,746 --> 00:59:43,913
- [chuckles]

1725
00:59:43,914 --> 00:59:45,334
- What-Shelley was what, 26?

1726
00:59:45,335 --> 00:59:47,005
So that's 62 years
they were divided.

1727
00:59:47,006 --> 00:59:48,042
- [chuckles]

1728
00:59:48,043 --> 00:59:50,011
- And he-
and he bought this plot

1729
00:59:50,012 --> 00:59:52,296
'cause he maintained the grave.

1730
00:59:52,297 --> 00:59:53,719
And he bought the boat
that sank-

1731
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:55,132
that killed Shelley.

1732
00:59:55,133 --> 00:59:56,884
So ifs a bit rich,
him burying himself next to him.

1733
00:59:56,885 --> 00:59:58,636
He spent his whole life
dining out on the fact

1734
00:59:58,637 --> 01:00:00,101
that he knew
Byron and Shelley-

1735
01:00:00,102 --> 01:00:02,187
and claimed to know Keats,
which he didn't.

1736
01:00:02,188 --> 01:00:03,604
[camera shutter clicks]

1737
01:00:03,605 --> 01:00:05,601
- Steve, look at the book.

1738
01:00:05,602 --> 01:00:07,445
Good.
- Okay, now I'm looking away.

1739
01:00:07,446 --> 01:00:09,605
I'm thinking.
- Uh-huh.

1740
01:00:09,606 --> 01:00:12,399
The light here is great.

1741
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:15,444
- My favorite film
is Roman Holiday.

1742
01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:16,487
- Oh, yes.

1743
01:00:16,488 --> 01:00:17,740
- Do you remember Gregory Peck?

1744
01:00:17,741 --> 01:00:18,864
- Of course.

1745
01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:21,209
- He had his flat
in number 51 Via Margutta.

1746
01:00:21,210 --> 01:00:22,284
- Yes.

1747
01:00:22,285 --> 01:00:23,536
- This is Via Margutta.

1748
01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:24,662
- Seriously?

1749
01:00:24,663 --> 01:00:26,415
- Yeah. This is it.
- Wow.

1750
01:00:26,416 --> 01:00:29,293
- And do you remember he took
her upstairs, and he said-

1751
01:00:29,294 --> 01:00:30,793
No, she said
when she got up there-

1752
01:00:30,794 --> 01:00:32,922
'cause it was so tiny,
and she's like,

1753
01:00:32,923 --> 01:00:34,588
"Is this the elevator?"

1754
01:00:34,589 --> 01:00:35,881
- Yeah. Yeah.

1755
01:00:35,882 --> 01:00:37,096
- I love Audrey Hepburn

1756
01:00:37,097 --> 01:00:38,264
and Ingrid Bergman.

1757
01:00:38,265 --> 01:00:39,510
- Keats. Shelley.

1758
01:00:39,511 --> 01:00:40,933
- Brilliant,
brilliant actresses.

1759
01:00:40,934 --> 01:00:42,888
<i>- La Dulce Vita.
- Si.</i>

1760
01:00:42,889 --> 01:00:44,855
- Well, actually, most people
think La Dolce <i>Vita</i>

1761
01:00:44,856 --> 01:00:46,851
is about the glamour of Rome,
but ifs about the opposite.

1762
01:00:46,852 --> 01:00:48,147
Ifs about...
- Yeah.

1763
01:00:48,148 --> 01:00:49,315
- The emptiness of that life,

1764
01:00:49,316 --> 01:00:50,401
the superficiality.

1765
01:00:50,402 --> 01:00:51,489
- Yeah.
Vacuous people.

1766
01:00:51,490 --> 01:00:52,565
- <i>Mm-hmm.</i>

1767
01:00:52,566 --> 01:00:55,067
- The term "paparazzi"

1768
01:00:55,068 --> 01:00:56,861
<i>comes from the film Dolce Vita.</i>

1769
01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:57,909
- That's where it came from?

1770
01:00:57,910 --> 01:00:59,118
<i>- Oi course, 'm Roman Holiday,</i>

1771
01:00:59,119 --> 01:01:01,242
Gregory Peck
plays the journalist,

1772
01:01:01,243 --> 01:01:04,085
and his photographer friend
is played by Eddie Albert.

1773
01:01:04,086 --> 01:01:06,787
- Yes, with his Zippo lighter.
- Yes.

1774
01:01:06,788 --> 01:01:08,916
- Which is where the term
"Eddie Alberto" comes from.

1775
01:01:08,917 --> 01:01:10,040
[laughter]

1776
01:01:10,041 --> 01:01:13,591
[cell phone ringing, vibrating]

1777
01:01:20,886 --> 01:01:22,178
- Hello?

1778
01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:24,597
- <i>Rob?
It-it's Lucy.</i>

1779
01:01:24,598 --> 01:01:26,225
- So tell me about-
are you still seeing that guy?

1780
01:01:26,226 --> 01:01:28,022
What's his name?
- Roberto.

1781
01:01:28,023 --> 01:01:29,185
- Roberto.

1782
01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:31,395
Roberto Brydono.
I'm sorry.

1783
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:32,735
A horrible thought.
Go on.

1784
01:01:32,736 --> 01:01:34,404
<i>- Hello?
- Can you-can you hear me?</i>

1785
01:01:34,405 --> 01:01:36,108
- Yeah.
How are you?

1786
01:01:36,109 --> 01:01:39,236
<i>- Yeah, yeah, Pm good.</i>

1787
01:01:39,237 --> 01:01:41,405
<i>Um...
We been missing you.</i>

1788
01:01:41,406 --> 01:01:44,325
- Oh, Well, I-l, um-

1789
01:01:44,326 --> 01:01:45,784
I've missed you too.

1790
01:01:45,785 --> 01:01:46,911
[chuckles]

1791
01:01:46,912 --> 01:01:48,245
- <i>Really?</i>

1792
01:01:48,246 --> 01:01:49,788
- Yeah.

1793
01:01:49,789 --> 01:01:53,042
- <i>I-I mean, I've been missing
Hugh Grant as well.</i>

1794
01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:54,256
- Well, yes, of course.

1795
01:01:54,257 --> 01:01:56,003
I mean, ifs a terrible loss.

1796
01:01:56,004 --> 01:01:57,506
I think we'll all miss him.

1797
01:01:57,507 --> 01:01:59,131
[as Hugh Grant]
I'm sure that-that,

1798
01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:02,635
were he here now, he-he would
apologize profusely,

1799
01:02:02,636 --> 01:02:04,845
uh, for his, uh, absence.

1800
01:02:04,846 --> 01:02:08,933
And I daresay, he-he would
delight at the prospect of-

1801
01:02:08,934 --> 01:02:12,937
of dropping anchor,
uh, once again, in, um-

1802
01:02:12,938 --> 01:02:16,941
in, uh-in Lucy, um, Cove,
if that's not too,

1803
01:02:16,942 --> 01:02:19,276
uh, inopportune, uh, sort of.

1804
01:02:19,277 --> 01:02:20,861
<i>Uh. Yeah.
- [chuckles]</i>

1805
01:02:20,862 --> 01:02:22,079
- Oh, you laughed.
Thank God.

1806
01:02:23,990 --> 01:02:27,368
- <i>It would be lovely to
see you again, if you wanted.</i>

1807
01:02:27,369 --> 01:02:28,666
- Yes, it would, wouldn't it?

1808
01:02:28,667 --> 01:02:30,287
Yes, um-yeah.

1809
01:02:30,288 --> 01:02:32,539
How do we-how can we do that?

1810
01:02:32,540 --> 01:02:34,708
<i>- Well, I don't know.</i>

1811
01:02:34,709 --> 01:02:36,710
<i>Um... where are you?</i>

1812
01:02:36,711 --> 01:02:38,128
- Uh, Rome.

1813
01:02:38,129 --> 01:02:39,672
- <i>Ah, I see.</i>

1814
01:02:39,673 --> 01:02:42,883
<i>Well, um, look,
shall I call you again?</i>

1815
01:02:42,884 --> 01:02:44,098
<i>- Yeah.
- Would you mind?</i>

1816
01:02:44,099 --> 01:02:45,219
<i>Is that a good idea?</i>

1817
01:02:45,220 --> 01:02:46,813
- Absolutely, yes.
That would be good.

1818
01:02:46,814 --> 01:02:49,765
I'd accept the call, definitely.

1819
01:02:49,766 --> 01:02:51,186
- It's nice to see you.
- It's nice to see you too.

1820
01:02:51,187 --> 01:02:52,401
- Yeah, yeah.
You look fantastic.

1821
01:02:52,402 --> 01:02:53,811
- Thank you.

1822
01:02:53,812 --> 01:02:56,438
There's something in your hair.

1823
01:02:56,439 --> 01:02:58,110
<i>- Good.
Well, VII call you soon, than.</i>

1824
01:02:58,111 --> 01:02:59,233
- All right, bye, Lucy.

1825
01:02:59,234 --> 01:03:00,281
BYE. Bye-bye.
- Bye.

1826
01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:04,739
- [exhales heavily]

1827
01:03:08,952 --> 01:03:11,248
So how did it go last night
with Yolanda?

1828
01:03:11,249 --> 01:03:13,122
- Good.
Mission accomplished.

1829
01:03:13,123 --> 01:03:16,834
Everyone's happy at,
uh, Houston Ground Control.

1830
01:03:16,835 --> 01:03:20,089
Small panic when I disappeared
round the dark side of moon.

1831
01:03:20,090 --> 01:03:21,297
- Oh!

1832
01:03:21,298 --> 01:03:23,007
- We lost communication.

1833
01:03:23,008 --> 01:03:26,927
But both of us achieved
a very satisfactory splashdown,

1834
01:03:26,928 --> 01:03:28,345
and, at which point,

1835
01:03:28,346 --> 01:03:31,307
Houston broke into
a round of applause.

1836
01:03:31,308 --> 01:03:35,185
When Vesuvius erupted,
it just went "bang!"

1837
01:03:35,186 --> 01:03:38,731
And-a cacophonous bang.

1838
01:03:38,732 --> 01:03:40,484
They would've seen
a plume of smoke, just-

1839
01:03:40,485 --> 01:03:41,951
just "boom,"
right from back there.

1840
01:03:41,952 --> 01:03:43,235
[mimics explosion]

1841
01:03:43,236 --> 01:03:45,330
And a cloud
going up into the sky.

1842
01:03:45,331 --> 01:03:47,948
30,000 Hiroshima bombs,
200 megatons-

1843
01:03:47,949 --> 01:03:50,617
imagine that loud a sound.

1844
01:03:50,618 --> 01:03:54,204
This whole city's preserved
in formaldehyde,

1845
01:03:54,205 --> 01:03:55,956
like this artificial-

1846
01:03:55,957 --> 01:03:57,458
that's why ifs so remarkable.

1847
01:03:57,459 --> 01:03:59,632
Ifs like a photograph
of the past.

1848
01:03:59,633 --> 01:04:02,296
- Ifs a sculpture of the past.

1849
01:04:02,297 --> 01:04:04,261
- Well, you know,
a sculpture is an impression.

1850
01:04:04,262 --> 01:04:05,634
A photograph-that's reality.

1851
01:04:05,635 --> 01:04:08,010
- Yeah,
but a sculpture is 3-D.

1852
01:04:08,011 --> 01:04:09,762
A photograph is 2-D.

1853
01:04:09,763 --> 01:04:11,180
- Uh.... yeah.

1854
01:04:11,181 --> 01:04:12,933
Yeah. Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. All right.

1855
01:04:12,934 --> 01:04:14,558
Yeah,
these people just are caught

1856
01:04:14,559 --> 01:04:16,148
frozen in their death throes.

1857
01:04:16,149 --> 01:04:17,566
- Look at his sandal.
- Wow.

1858
01:04:17,567 --> 01:04:18,979
They're like yours.

1859
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:20,356
- They are, aren't they?
Yeah, they are.

1860
01:04:20,357 --> 01:04:21,779
- It shows you
that even 2,000 years ago,

1861
01:04:21,780 --> 01:04:23,823
there were people
with bad dress sense.

1862
01:04:23,824 --> 01:04:26,362
- For me, the big question is,

1863
01:04:26,363 --> 01:04:27,990
how did he get in the box?

1864
01:04:30,784 --> 01:04:32,127
Was he an illusionist?

1865
01:04:32,128 --> 01:04:36,205
Was he a sort of
David Blaine of his day?

1866
01:04:36,206 --> 01:04:37,670
But it is incredible, 'cause,

1867
01:04:37,671 --> 01:04:39,586
look, he's gone in;
he's sealed it.

1868
01:04:39,587 --> 01:04:42,007
He's like that guy they found
in the holdall in the bath.

1869
01:04:45,590 --> 01:04:48,217
Ifs a small man in a box.

1870
01:04:48,218 --> 01:04:49,343
"Here I am.

1871
01:04:49,344 --> 01:04:50,344
"Oh, my word.

1872
01:04:50,345 --> 01:04:51,767
"How did I get in here?

1873
01:04:51,768 --> 01:04:54,098
"I can see the volcano erupting,

1874
01:04:54,099 --> 01:04:57,893
and I am petrified."

1875
01:04:57,894 --> 01:04:59,191
- The thing is, he was real.

1876
01:04:59,192 --> 01:05:02,481
He was-
this is a real man who died.

1877
01:05:02,482 --> 01:05:04,155
I wonder if anyone cried
for him.

1878
01:05:04,156 --> 01:05:06,235
I wonder if anyone who escaped

1879
01:05:06,236 --> 01:05:08,654
loved him and cried about him.

1880
01:05:08,655 --> 01:05:10,248
"- 'We didn't get on."

1881
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:24,086
"It seems like he's a little
oversensitive to me."

1882
01:05:24,087 --> 01:05:26,296
I agree.

1883
01:05:26,297 --> 01:05:28,298
"Are you knocking about
with him?"

1884
01:05:28,299 --> 01:05:30,768
Yeah, we're just
traveling round Italy.

1885
01:05:30,769 --> 01:05:32,344
"On, my God.

1886
01:05:32,345 --> 01:05:34,268
It must be a nightmare
for you."

1887
01:05:34,269 --> 01:05:35,681
It really is.

1888
01:05:35,682 --> 01:05:36,854
In many ways, I envy you.

1889
01:05:36,855 --> 01:05:38,434
You're inside the box.

1890
01:05:38,435 --> 01:05:40,856
I mean, at least for you,
ifs muffled.

1891
01:05:40,857 --> 01:05:42,855
"Yeah, I'm just
picking up the odd word,

1892
01:05:42,856 --> 01:05:44,069
"to be honest with you,

1893
01:05:44,070 --> 01:05:45,861
"but, you know, in all honesty,

1894
01:05:45,862 --> 01:05:47,860
"I'm kind of glad
I died when I did,

1895
01:05:47,861 --> 01:05:50,660
and I never got the chance
to meet the guy."

1896
01:05:50,661 --> 01:05:52,614
I know. I know.

1897
01:05:52,615 --> 01:05:54,867
If I could climb in there
with you,

1898
01:05:54,868 --> 01:05:56,410
I would.

1899
01:05:56,411 --> 01:05:58,038
Anyway, ifs been really good
to talk.

1900
01:05:58,039 --> 01:05:59,830
"Yeah, you too, fella."

1901
01:05:59,831 --> 01:06:01,248
Whats that?

1902
01:06:01,249 --> 01:06:03,464
"I just said
I love your sandals."

1903
01:06:03,465 --> 01:06:04,880
Thank you.
Thank you very much.

1904
01:06:04,881 --> 01:06:07,006
I like yours too.
Take it easy.

1905
01:06:07,007 --> 01:06:08,473
[fingers snap]

1906
01:06:11,426 --> 01:06:14,428
[sweeping orchestral music]

1907
01:06:14,429 --> 01:06:22,429
J "J"

1908
01:06:56,012 --> 01:06:58,180
We're a bit late.
Sorry. Sorry.

1909
01:06:58,181 --> 01:06:59,558
- Hello.
- I think we're in row nine.

1910
01:06:59,559 --> 01:07:00,559
<i>50f“!-</i>

1911
01:07:01,976 --> 01:07:04,436
This is the review
from Man's Claim.

1912
01:07:04,437 --> 01:07:06,438
'We head instead to
the green tip of the peninsula,

1913
01:07:06,439 --> 01:07:08,153
"to the Relais Blu Belvedere,

1914
01:07:08,154 --> 01:07:10,364
"a beautiful, modernist
boutique hotel

1915
01:07:10,365 --> 01:07:12,236
"tucked away high above the sea.

1916
01:07:12,237 --> 01:07:14,786
"The marvelous terrace
for summer service

1917
01:07:14,787 --> 01:07:16,823
"has a superb view of Capri.

1918
01:07:16,824 --> 01:07:18,995
"Dishes with the flavors
of Campania

1919
01:07:18,996 --> 01:07:21,620
enhanced with skill
and inventiveness."

1920
01:07:21,621 --> 01:07:23,919
[conversations in Italian]

1921
01:07:27,919 --> 01:07:29,545
[birds chirping]

1922
01:07:29,546 --> 01:07:31,423
- Serving linguini pasta
for you, sir,

1923
01:07:31,424 --> 01:07:33,423
with bluefish and fresh tomato.

1924
01:07:33,424 --> 01:07:34,424
- <i>Grazia.</i>

1925
01:07:34,425 --> 01:07:35,597
- For you, sir,
is a homemade ravioli

1926
01:07:35,598 --> 01:07:36,677
with rockfish and pepper.

1927
01:07:36,678 --> 01:07:37,679
<i>- Grazia mills.</i>

1928
01:07:38,721 --> 01:07:39,768
<i>Hmm.</i>

1929
01:07:44,769 --> 01:07:45,769
Oh, my God.

1930
01:07:45,770 --> 01:07:46,987
[silverware clinks]

1931
01:07:47,981 --> 01:07:49,314
- Not good?

1932
01:07:49,315 --> 01:07:50,691
- That's fantastic.

1933
01:07:50,692 --> 01:07:51,817
- Very, very nice.

1934
01:07:51,818 --> 01:07:53,491
You know what would
make this perfect now?

1935
01:07:53,492 --> 01:07:55,445
Michael Bublé.
Bit of Bublé.

1936
01:07:55,446 --> 01:07:56,780
Do you like Bublé?

1937
01:07:56,781 --> 01:07:58,203
Where do you stand
on Michael Bublé?

1938
01:07:58,204 --> 01:07:59,866
- His windpipe.

1939
01:07:59,867 --> 01:08:01,039
- You don't mean that.

1940
01:08:01,040 --> 01:08:02,119
- [laughs]

1941
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:04,088
- Parkinson loves him.
Michael Bublé!

1942
01:08:04,089 --> 01:08:05,247
- Michael Bublé.

1943
01:08:05,248 --> 01:08:06,582
Michael Bublé.
- Michael Bublé.

1944
01:08:06,583 --> 01:08:07,926
- Michael Bublé.
- Michael Bublé.

1945
01:08:07,927 --> 01:08:09,838
- Michael Bublé.
- Real music.

1946
01:08:09,839 --> 01:08:11,256
- Real music.
- Ah, wonderful.

1947
01:08:11,257 --> 01:08:13,222
My guest today is Steve Coogan.

1948
01:08:13,223 --> 01:08:16,049
Steve, I mean, you're in comedy.

1949
01:08:16,050 --> 01:08:18,594
I mean, for you,
character comedian,

1950
01:08:18,595 --> 01:08:20,643
maybe, you know,
your roots in the north, you-

1951
01:08:20,644 --> 01:08:22,014
- Yeah. Yeah.

1952
01:08:22,015 --> 01:08:23,811
- I suppose for you,
Peter Kay-

1953
01:08:23,812 --> 01:08:26,518
Peter Kay, I suppose,
would be the benchmark.

1954
01:08:26,519 --> 01:08:28,520
- I wouldn't call him
the benchmark; I'd say he's-

1955
01:08:28,521 --> 01:08:30,569
- Sacha Baron Cohen
would be another one, I suppose.

1956
01:08:30,570 --> 01:08:33,108
I mean, Sacha-
I had him on the show.

1957
01:08:33,109 --> 01:08:35,110
He's a strange man,
a curious man.

1958
01:08:35,111 --> 01:08:36,403
- He is a little, yeah.

1959
01:08:36,404 --> 01:08:38,030
- Do you watch him,
and do you take inspiration

1960
01:08:38,031 --> 01:08:39,615
from Sacha Baron Cohen?

1961
01:08:39,616 --> 01:08:41,289
- I think we all take
inspiration from each other

1962
01:08:41,290 --> 01:08:42,661
when you're at a certain level.

1963
01:08:42,662 --> 01:08:44,253
- I suppose the benchmark
is Gervais.

1964
01:08:44,254 --> 01:08:45,537
<i>I mean, The Office</i>

1965
01:08:45,538 --> 01:08:47,581
<i>and Extras,</i>

1966
01:08:47,582 --> 01:08:49,628
Life is Short-
I mean, all of these programs.

1967
01:08:49,629 --> 01:08:51,376
- But Life is Short,
maybe some people

1968
01:08:51,377 --> 01:08:53,253
didn't think was so good,
but that's by the by.

1969
01:08:53,254 --> 01:08:54,471
- But to be the first man
to put a dwarf

1970
01:08:54,472 --> 01:08:55,881
on mainstream television-

1971
01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:57,473
I mean, it was quite
an achievement, wasn't it?

1972
01:08:57,474 --> 01:08:59,640
- Yeah, well, if you look at it
that way, but, you know-

1973
01:08:59,641 --> 01:09:00,888
- I love Simon Pegg.

1974
01:09:00,889 --> 01:09:04,103
I mean, I watch him in
the Star Trek films, you know-.

1975
01:09:04,104 --> 01:09:05,518
- Yeah, I haven't seen them,

1976
01:09:05,519 --> 01:09:07,059
but I'm told they're very good,

1977
01:09:07,060 --> 01:09:08,903
and, as I said,
I'm delighted for his success.

1978
01:09:08,904 --> 01:09:10,315
- And to work with Tom Cruise,

1979
01:09:10,316 --> 01:09:12,147
as he <i>does in
Mission: Impossible.</i>

1980
01:09:12,148 --> 01:09:13,148
I mean, imagine working
with Tom Cruise.

1981
01:09:13,149 --> 01:09:14,194
- Yeah, well,
I have worked with Tom Cruise.

1982
01:09:14,195 --> 01:09:15,193
I worked on Tropic Thunder:

1983
01:09:15,194 --> 01:09:17,614
- Yes, you died in
the first ten minutes, Steve.

1984
01:09:17,615 --> 01:09:19,114
You died
in the first ten minutes.

1985
01:09:19,115 --> 01:09:21,198
- [laughing]
I died in the first ten minutes.

1986
01:09:21,199 --> 01:09:22,872
- I felt you died
in the first five minutes,

1987
01:09:22,873 --> 01:09:24,706
in all honesty,
but that's just my view.

1988
01:09:24,707 --> 01:09:26,291
We'll come back to Steve.

1989
01:09:26,292 --> 01:09:28,085
Here's Michael Bublé
with a new record.

1990
01:09:28,086 --> 01:09:30,165
- [laughs]

1991
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:31,375
- When we think about you,

1992
01:09:31,376 --> 01:09:32,719
we think about the '90s,
don't we?

1993
01:09:32,720 --> 01:09:34,503
- Yeah-what?
- We think about the '90s.

1994
01:09:34,504 --> 01:09:35,676
What a wonderful period
that was.

1995
01:09:35,677 --> 01:09:38,090
We think Oasis, Blur.

1996
01:09:38,091 --> 01:09:40,676
You're smacked off your tits
in a central London hotel

1997
01:09:40,677 --> 01:09:41,927
trying to get your life
together.

1998
01:09:41,928 --> 01:09:43,430
But you've turned it around now,
haven't you?

1999
01:09:43,431 --> 01:09:44,680
Tell us about your recovery.

2000
01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:45,726
- Well, I'd rather not.

2001
01:09:45,727 --> 01:09:47,432
I'd rather talk about
me new film.

2002
01:09:47,433 --> 01:09:48,774
- 'Cause you are still acting.
I think-

2003
01:09:48,775 --> 01:09:50,063
I want that to come across
for the viewers.

2004
01:09:50,064 --> 01:09:51,062
I want them to know.

2005
01:09:51,063 --> 01:09:52,688
- Yeah.
I've done a lot of things.

2006
01:09:52,689 --> 01:09:53,904
I've done some brand-new
sort of-

2007
01:09:53,905 --> 01:09:55,445
- Always lovely
to catch up with Steve Coogan.

2008
01:09:55,446 --> 01:09:57,693
Michael Bublé has a new record,

2009
01:09:57,694 --> 01:09:58,739
and ifs about to come out.

2010
01:09:58,740 --> 01:10:00,907
<i>Ifs called Christmas
is</i> a <i>Special Time for Me,</i>

2011
01:10:00,908 --> 01:10:02,948
and ifs a special time for you.

2012
01:10:02,949 --> 01:10:04,039
He's gonna sing a track
from it now...

2013
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:05,034
- Just another-

2014
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:06,785
- <i>Called Holly Leaves
and Christmas Trees.</i>

2015
01:10:06,786 --> 01:10:08,120
Michael Bublé!

2016
01:10:08,121 --> 01:10:09,460
Steve, please, for fuck's sake,

2017
01:10:09,461 --> 01:10:10,672
don't talk over me on-

2018
01:10:10,673 --> 01:10:11,748
- [laughs]

2019
01:10:11,749 --> 01:10:13,125
- Is that all right, Steve?

2020
01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:15,174
I'm sorry I didn't get
to mention the fitness video.

2021
01:10:15,175 --> 01:10:16,670
- [laughs]

2022
01:10:16,671 --> 01:10:18,719
- You know,
they're pretty tight these days

2023
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:20,388
with that sort of thing.

2024
01:10:21,926 --> 01:10:23,760
Time now for some music,

2025
01:10:23,761 --> 01:10:26,263
and we're going to listen now
to Alanis Morissette.

2026
01:10:26,264 --> 01:10:28,312
Port master
coming up in a moment

2027
01:10:28,313 --> 01:10:30,267
and Lynn with the travel.

2028
01:10:30,268 --> 01:10:31,935
All that still to come.

2029
01:10:31,936 --> 01:10:34,396
Ay!
88 and 91 FM.

2030
01:10:34,397 --> 01:10:36,115
[Alanis Morissette's
<i>Your</i> House playing]

2031
01:10:36,116 --> 01:10:38,692
<i>- L' Walked up the stairs I'</i>

2032
01:10:38,693 --> 01:10:44,364
- ♪ I opened your door
without ringing your bell ♪

2033
01:10:44,365 --> 01:10:45,949
- Very polite.

2034
01:10:45,950 --> 01:10:49,035
- ♪ Walked down the hall ♪

2035
01:10:49,036 --> 01:10:51,163
♪ Into your room ♪

2036
01:10:51,164 --> 01:10:52,581
- What, mine?

2037
01:10:52,582 --> 01:10:56,501
- ♪ Where I could smell you ♪

2038
01:10:56,502 --> 01:10:57,627
♪ And I... ♪

2039
01:10:57,628 --> 01:10:58,879
- Bit loud.

2040
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:02,090
- ♪ Shouldn't be here ♪

2041
01:11:02,091 --> 01:11:03,308
- Well, that's true enough.

2042
01:11:03,309 --> 01:11:05,635
- ♪ Without permission ♪

2043
01:11:05,636 --> 01:11:08,305
♪ Shouldn't be here ♪

2044
01:11:08,306 --> 01:11:09,765
<i>'</i> [sighs]

2045
01:11:09,766 --> 01:11:12,142
- ♪ Would you forgive me, love ♪

2046
01:11:12,143 --> 01:11:13,393
J "J"

2047
01:11:13,394 --> 01:11:15,362
♪ If I danced in your shower? ♪

2048
01:11:15,363 --> 01:11:16,772
- Weird.

2049
01:11:16,773 --> 01:11:18,571
- ♪ Would you forgive me, love ♪

2050
01:11:18,572 --> 01:11:19,983
J "J"

2051
01:11:19,984 --> 01:11:22,027
- Why are you

2052
01:11:22,028 --> 01:11:24,029
round at my house
rooting through stuff?

2053
01:11:24,030 --> 01:11:26,239
- ♪ Would you forgive me, love ♪

2054
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:31,203
♪ If I stay all afternoon? ♪

2055
01:11:31,204 --> 01:11:32,329
- On.

2056
01:11:32,330 --> 01:11:34,003
Do you basically
want to borrow my flat?

2057
01:11:34,004 --> 01:11:35,999
Is that what you're saying?

2058
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:37,501
- Hello.
- I am Lorenzo.

2059
01:11:37,502 --> 01:11:39,095
- Nice to meet you.
- Welcome to Ravello.

2060
01:11:39,096 --> 01:11:40,128
- <i>Buongiomo.</i>

2061
01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:41,174
- Hi, Mr. Coogan.

2062
01:11:41,175 --> 01:11:42,549
We walk to Villa Cimbrone.

2063
01:11:42,550 --> 01:11:43,595
- Walk?
- Walk?

2064
01:11:43,596 --> 01:11:44,674
- Yeah.

2065
01:11:44,675 --> 01:11:46,301
- How far is it?
- Five minutes.

2066
01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:48,178
- Five minutes, okay.
Great.

2067
01:11:48,179 --> 01:11:50,018
- Should really have asked him
for his I.D.

2068
01:11:50,019 --> 01:11:51,935
I mean, we're trusting him,
basically,

2069
01:11:51,936 --> 01:11:54,773
on the strength of a polo shirt
with a logo on it.

2070
01:11:54,774 --> 01:11:55,986
- Seemed very nice, though.

2071
01:11:57,438 --> 01:11:58,814
- I think this is-

2072
01:11:58,815 --> 01:12:00,611
I think steps are better
than a slope.

2073
01:12:00,612 --> 01:12:04,033
- A slope, I think, is better
for your leg muscles.

2074
01:12:06,447 --> 01:12:09,199
- I'll try the slope.

2075
01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:10,826
- See?
It's nice, isn't it?

2076
01:12:10,827 --> 01:12:11,868
- Ifs smooth.

2077
01:12:11,869 --> 01:12:13,246
Ifs just different.

2078
01:12:16,958 --> 01:12:18,458
- The Camelia suite.

2079
01:12:18,459 --> 01:12:19,756
- Right, okay.

2080
01:12:21,671 --> 01:12:23,046
- <i>Pnego.</i>

2081
01:12:23,047 --> 01:12:26,842
- [chuckling] Oh, wow.

2082
01:12:26,843 --> 01:12:29,261
- Uh, I'll have this one.

2083
01:12:29,262 --> 01:12:30,726
- This is a very nice room.

2084
01:12:30,727 --> 01:12:32,597
Please have a look outside
as well.

2085
01:12:32,598 --> 01:12:33,599
- On, boy.

2086
01:12:34,642 --> 01:12:35,684
- <i>Pnego.</i>

2087
01:12:35,685 --> 01:12:37,028
This is the Greta Garbo suite.

2088
01:12:37,029 --> 01:12:38,353
- Greta Garbo?

2089
01:12:38,354 --> 01:12:40,277
- Yeah.
She also stayed here.

2090
01:12:40,278 --> 01:12:41,523
- Wow.

2091
01:12:41,524 --> 01:12:45,527
- Well,
you know what Byron said...

2092
01:12:45,528 --> 01:12:47,863
<i>about Don Juan.</i>

2093
01:12:47,864 --> 01:12:50,743
"Could anyone have written it
who has not lived?"

2094
01:12:50,744 --> 01:12:52,701
- <i>Hi.
Rob?</i>

2095
01:12:52,702 --> 01:12:54,077
It's Donna.

2096
01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:56,079
I've got some good news.

2097
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:57,455
You've got the part.

2098
01:12:57,456 --> 01:12:59,457
- Seriously?

2099
01:12:59,458 --> 01:13:01,379
- Yeah. Seriously.
They loved you.

2100
01:13:01,380 --> 01:13:02,549
They loved your audition.

2101
01:13:02,550 --> 01:13:05,297
- [laughs]

2102
01:13:05,298 --> 01:13:07,507
Right.
Wow.

2103
01:13:07,508 --> 01:13:09,885
- They want you in L.A.
week after next

2104
01:13:09,886 --> 01:13:11,469
for a costume fitting.

2105
01:13:11,470 --> 01:13:13,430
- And how long is the shoot?

2106
01:13:13,431 --> 01:13:14,890
- Eight weeks!

2107
01:13:14,891 --> 01:13:15,891
- Eight weeks?

2108
01:13:15,892 --> 01:13:17,142
- <i>I know.</i>

2109
01:13:17,143 --> 01:13:19,102
<i>It's great news, isn't it?</i>

2110
01:13:19,103 --> 01:13:21,104
- God. Right.
Um...

2111
01:13:21,105 --> 01:13:24,325
- The film starts filming
in three weeks.

2112
01:13:25,902 --> 01:13:28,320
- I'm in the Greta Garbo room.

2113
01:13:28,321 --> 01:13:29,529
- Are you?
- Yes.

2114
01:13:29,530 --> 01:13:30,531
- Really?
- Yeah.

2115
01:13:32,575 --> 01:13:33,909
- Oh, wow.

2116
01:13:33,910 --> 01:13:35,243
- Look at that.

2117
01:13:35,244 --> 01:13:38,330
- This is called
the terrace of infinity.

2118
01:13:38,331 --> 01:13:40,332
John Huston filmed a scene here

2119
01:13:40,333 --> 01:13:42,552
for <i>Beat</i> the <i>Devil</i>
with Humphrey Bogart.

2120
01:13:42,553 --> 01:13:44,127
They all stayed here:

2121
01:13:44,128 --> 01:13:46,472
Bogart, Huston,
and Gina Lollobrigida.

2122
01:13:46,473 --> 01:13:47,839
- Wow.

2123
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:49,049
Gosh.

2124
01:13:49,050 --> 01:13:50,467
- Incredible.

2125
01:13:50,468 --> 01:13:52,264
- And now Rob Brydon
and Steve Coogan.

2126
01:13:52,265 --> 01:13:53,887
- Yeah, right.
Yeah, sure.

2127
01:13:53,888 --> 01:13:55,731
- Well, thank you very much.
- Thank you to you.

2128
01:13:55,732 --> 01:13:57,976
Enjoy your evening.
Thank you. Bye.

2129
01:13:57,977 --> 01:13:59,022
- [inhales sharply]

2130
01:13:59,023 --> 01:14:00,602
Whoa, God.

2131
01:14:00,603 --> 01:14:01,686
- Wow.

2132
01:14:01,687 --> 01:14:03,521
[exhales sharply]

2133
01:14:03,522 --> 01:14:05,945
It'd be great to go back in time
to the 1950s.

2134
01:14:05,946 --> 01:14:07,525
- On, God.
- 195a-

2135
01:14:07,526 --> 01:14:09,653
Go back in time
and just come up here

2136
01:14:09,654 --> 01:14:11,488
with Gina Lollobrigida

2137
01:14:11,489 --> 01:14:14,324
and just snog her.

2138
01:14:14,325 --> 01:14:16,039
[indistinct conversations]

2139
01:14:16,040 --> 01:14:17,708
This is as good as it gets.

2140
01:14:23,584 --> 01:14:24,751
- Ahh.

2141
01:14:24,752 --> 01:14:27,003
- Ifs a lovely little, uh...

2142
01:14:27,004 --> 01:14:29,297
- Ooh.
Nice?

2143
01:14:29,298 --> 01:14:30,641
You know what that is?
- Very nice.

2144
01:14:30,642 --> 01:14:32,226
- You know what it is?
- Sweet.

2145
01:14:32,227 --> 01:14:33,310
- Ifs a kumquat.

2146
01:14:35,680 --> 01:14:37,519
[as Christopher Lee]
Come, come, Mr. Bond.

2147
01:14:37,520 --> 01:14:39,688
You derive just as much pleasure
from saying...

2148
01:14:39,689 --> 01:14:42,727
both: "Kumquat" as I do.

2149
01:14:42,728 --> 01:14:47,065
- Come, Quat,
ifs time for us to go.

2150
01:14:47,066 --> 01:14:48,817
- Quat!
[laughs]

2151
01:14:48,818 --> 01:14:49,985
- Quat, come!

2152
01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:52,529
- Quat, come.
Come, Quat.

2153
01:14:52,530 --> 01:14:54,406
- One of the most erotic
experiences in my life

2154
01:14:54,407 --> 01:14:56,622
was seeing a quat come
right in front of my eyes.

2155
01:14:56,623 --> 01:14:58,660
- Oh, please.
For God's sakes.

2156
01:14:58,661 --> 01:15:00,709
- God, you've not lived
till you've seen a quat come

2157
01:15:00,710 --> 01:15:03,873
right in front of you
in a bar in Vietnam.

2158
01:15:03,874 --> 01:15:05,542
- [exhales sharply]

2159
01:15:05,543 --> 01:15:07,419
- Mmm.
My God!

2160
01:15:07,420 --> 01:15:10,046
When that quat came-
ahh.

2161
01:15:10,047 --> 01:15:13,216
[chuckles] Grazia.

2162
01:15:13,217 --> 01:15:15,140
[conversation in Italian]

2163
01:15:16,846 --> 01:15:19,099
<i>Bogart,</i> when he <i>made
Beat the Devil-</i>

2164
01:15:19,100 --> 01:15:21,016
you won't know this-

2165
01:15:21,017 --> 01:15:22,813
had an accident
during the filming.

2166
01:15:22,814 --> 01:15:23,855
Did you know this?

2167
01:15:23,856 --> 01:15:24,900
- This is news to me.

2168
01:15:24,901 --> 01:15:26,771
[both laugh]

2169
01:15:26,772 --> 01:15:28,773
Why the hell didn't you tell me?

2170
01:15:28,774 --> 01:15:30,069
- I came as quick as I could.

2171
01:15:30,070 --> 01:15:31,693
Humphrey Bogarfs
had an accident.

2172
01:15:31,694 --> 01:15:33,909
No, he had a car crash,
and he knocked some teeth out.

2173
01:15:33,910 --> 01:15:35,451
[as Bogart]
So when he was talking...

2174
01:15:35,452 --> 01:15:37,073
[speaking indistinctly]

2175
01:15:37,074 --> 01:15:38,667
- [as Bogart] Of all the bars
in all the towns...

2176
01:15:38,668 --> 01:15:39,993
- In all the world...

2177
01:15:39,994 --> 01:15:41,209
- Of all the bars
in all the towns,

2178
01:15:41,210 --> 01:15:42,250
you had to come into mine.

2179
01:15:42,251 --> 01:15:43,955
- Kinda relaxed kinda guy.

2180
01:15:43,956 --> 01:15:45,501
- Just relaxed.
You believe he's living it.

2181
01:15:45,502 --> 01:15:47,250
He's saying the words.
You don't believe he's acting.

2182
01:15:47,251 --> 01:15:49,169
- I imagine his arms
are always at his side.

2183
01:15:49,170 --> 01:15:50,170
"On, hey."

2184
01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:51,588
He acts as though

2185
01:15:51,589 --> 01:15:53,341
he knows something
nobody else knows, yeah?

2186
01:15:53,342 --> 01:15:54,429
- Yeah.
Oh, yes.

2187
01:15:54,430 --> 01:15:55,970
- You know that?
- Yeah. No. Yeah.

2188
01:15:55,971 --> 01:15:58,014
- That's what I do.
No, sorry. I do the opposite.

2189
01:15:58,015 --> 01:16:00,811
I act like everybody else
knows something I don't know.

2190
01:16:00,812 --> 01:16:02,724
- Right-.

2191
01:16:02,725 --> 01:16:04,142
- Mm.
That's me.

2192
01:16:04,143 --> 01:16:05,732
[as Bogart]
Now, Humphrey Bogart.

2193
01:16:05,733 --> 01:16:06,853
- [as Bogart] Keep talking.

2194
01:16:06,854 --> 01:16:07,979
- Yeah.
He couldn't talk.

2195
01:16:07,980 --> 01:16:11,900
[speaking indistinctly]

2196
01:16:11,901 --> 01:16:13,653
Nowadays,
you get an Oscar for that.

2197
01:16:13,654 --> 01:16:14,736
- Absolutely, yeah.

2198
01:16:14,737 --> 01:16:15,862
- Okay, but in those days, no.

2199
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:17,322
So what do they do?

2200
01:16:17,323 --> 01:16:18,700
Okay, I'll tell you.
I'll tell you.

2201
01:16:18,701 --> 01:16:20,116
They had to dub him.

2202
01:16:20,117 --> 01:16:21,201
Who dubbed him?

2203
01:16:21,202 --> 01:16:22,704
Steve Coogan-two points-

2204
01:16:22,705 --> 01:16:25,997
who dubbed Humphrey Bogart
in <i>Beat</i> the <i>Devil?</i>

2205
01:16:25,998 --> 01:16:27,082
- George Raft.

2206
01:16:27,083 --> 01:16:28,124
<i>I</i>

2207
01:16:28,125 --> 01:16:29,501
Peter Sellers.

2208
01:16:29,502 --> 01:16:32,381
- Imagine Truman Capote
sitting here, can't you?

2209
01:16:32,382 --> 01:16:34,005
- Can you do him?

2210
01:16:34,006 --> 01:16:36,346
- I could have a stab
at Philip Seymour Hoffman

2211
01:16:36,347 --> 01:16:37,719
or Toby Jones doing it,

2212
01:16:37,720 --> 01:16:39,307
but I couldn't really, you know.

2213
01:16:39,308 --> 01:16:41,012
I couldn't really-
no, not really.

2214
01:16:41,013 --> 01:16:42,889
I think you either do it well
or don't bother.

2215
01:16:42,890 --> 01:16:44,811
- Better not to try, then.
- Yeah, exactly.

2216
01:16:44,812 --> 01:16:46,652
Gore Vidal said
about Truman Capote

2217
01:16:46,653 --> 01:16:50,438
that he turned lying
into an art form...

2218
01:16:50,439 --> 01:16:52,148
a minor art form.

2219
01:16:52,149 --> 01:16:56,152
- [as Gore Vidal]
Yes, I also said of Truman

2220
01:16:56,153 --> 01:17:01,741
that dying, for him,
was a great career move.

2221
01:17:01,742 --> 01:17:02,959
Oh.

2222
01:17:05,121 --> 01:17:07,215
- But did he purse his lips
at the end and go like that?

2223
01:17:07,216 --> 01:17:09,541
- [laughs]
- "0hh."

2224
01:17:09,542 --> 01:17:11,419
- Well, the thing
with Gore Vidal-

2225
01:17:11,420 --> 01:17:15,343
Gore spoke as though he had
worked out the secret of life,

2226
01:17:15,344 --> 01:17:17,090
and he also said,

2227
01:17:17,091 --> 01:17:20,760
"It is not enough
for me to succeed.

2228
01:17:20,761 --> 01:17:23,054
My friends must fail."

2229
01:17:23,055 --> 01:17:24,139
- <i>Mm.</i>

2230
01:17:24,140 --> 01:17:26,141
You know, Byron was a bit like
Gore Vidal because-

2231
01:17:26,142 --> 01:17:27,267
- How so?

2232
01:17:27,268 --> 01:17:29,896
- Because they were both
in exile in Italy.

2233
01:17:29,897 --> 01:17:31,187
- True.

2234
01:17:31,188 --> 01:17:33,031
- Self-imposed exile,
cultural exile,

2235
01:17:33,032 --> 01:17:35,358
because they-because their-

2236
01:17:35,359 --> 01:17:36,985
the way they thought and lived

2237
01:17:36,986 --> 01:17:38,987
was totally at odds
with the zeitgeist

2238
01:17:38,988 --> 01:17:40,952
of their respective countries.

2239
01:17:40,953 --> 01:17:41,990
You know what he said?

2240
01:17:41,991 --> 01:17:43,411
When Byron came to Italy,
you know what he said?

2241
01:17:43,412 --> 01:17:45,457
He said, "I will not give way
to all the cant of Christendom."

2242
01:17:45,458 --> 01:17:47,829
He said, "I have been cloyed
with applause"

2243
01:17:47,830 --> 01:17:49,664
and sickened with abuse."

2244
01:17:49,665 --> 01:17:51,332
. Well.

2245
01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:54,337
One of those must ring bells
with present company.

2246
01:17:55,629 --> 01:17:57,380
I refer to the abuse.

2247
01:17:57,381 --> 01:17:59,554
- Yeah, I know, but I've been
cloyed with applause.

2248
01:17:59,555 --> 01:18:00,758
- So have I.

2249
01:18:00,759 --> 01:18:02,385
- Yeah, well, I've been-

2250
01:18:02,386 --> 01:18:04,225
I've been cloyed
more than I've been abused.

2251
01:18:04,226 --> 01:18:05,847
- [chuckling] And so have I.

2252
01:18:05,848 --> 01:18:08,183
- Well, yeah.
Well, there you go.

2253
01:18:08,184 --> 01:18:09,606
- All right,
so we're both happy.

2254
01:18:09,607 --> 01:18:10,945
- [sighs heavily]

2255
01:18:12,229 --> 01:18:14,197
- Mind you, if you got to be
exiled anywhere,

2256
01:18:14,198 --> 01:18:15,732
I could be exiled here.

2257
01:18:15,733 --> 01:18:18,828
I could see out my days here
quite happily.

2258
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,372
- Yeah, well,
you'd be able to finally,

2259
01:18:22,373 --> 01:18:25,491
you know, come out,
wouldn't you?

2260
01:18:25,492 --> 01:18:27,160
- What a relief that would be.

2261
01:18:27,161 --> 01:18:29,004
- Oh, it'd be such a weight
off your shoulders.

2262
01:18:29,005 --> 01:18:33,041
- Yeah, yeah,
finally say to people...

2263
01:18:33,042 --> 01:18:35,670
"Happily living with Steve
in our villa

2264
01:18:35,671 --> 01:18:37,337
overlooking the coast."

2265
01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:39,340
Finally, we can be ourselves.

2266
01:18:44,053 --> 01:18:45,348
- Can you wiggle both eyebrows?

2267
01:18:45,349 --> 01:18:46,893
- Oh, of course I can.
Elementary.

2268
01:18:46,894 --> 01:18:48,765
- Go on.

2269
01:18:48,766 --> 01:18:50,234
- Yeah, you looked at me
like I couldn't do it.

2270
01:18:50,235 --> 01:18:51,940
You looked me-
'cause I can do the same.

2271
01:18:51,941 --> 01:18:53,106
That's no great achievement-.

2272
01:18:53,107 --> 01:18:54,567
You either can or you can't.

2273
01:18:54,568 --> 01:18:56,406
- Can you wiggle your ears
independently?

2274
01:18:57,858 --> 01:18:58,905
- Let's see what you can do
first,

2275
01:18:58,906 --> 01:19:00,568
and then I'll answer.

2276
01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:02,162
[as Melvyn Bragg]
Tonight on The South Bank Show,

2277
01:19:02,163 --> 01:19:04,532
Steve Coogan
and his new art installation

2278
01:19:04,533 --> 01:19:05,657
"Ears on the Move."

2279
01:19:05,658 --> 01:19:07,742
We ask him why and how.

2280
01:19:07,743 --> 01:19:09,745
<i>[line ringinq]</i>

2281
01:19:14,959 --> 01:19:16,209
- <i>Hello?</i>

2282
01:19:16,210 --> 01:19:19,087
- Buonasera.
How are you?

2283
01:19:19,088 --> 01:19:21,089
- <i>Hi.
How's it going?</i>

2284
01:19:21,090 --> 01:19:22,382
- It's good.

2285
01:19:22,383 --> 01:19:23,972
We are in
such a beautiful place.

2286
01:19:23,973 --> 01:19:25,513
[inhales sharply]
We're-

2287
01:19:25,514 --> 01:19:27,138
<i>- Lucky you.
It's horrible here.</i>

2288
01:19:27,139 --> 01:19:29,347
- Is it?
Oh, sorry.

2289
01:19:29,348 --> 01:19:30,645
- <i>I've just got so much work
to do.</i>

2290
01:19:30,646 --> 01:19:31,849
<i>It's chaos.</i>

2291
01:19:31,850 --> 01:19:33,271
- [as Dustin Hoffman]
Okay, well,

2292
01:19:33,272 --> 01:19:35,859
let me lift your spirits
with a little news bulletin,

2293
01:19:35,860 --> 01:19:37,694
courtesy of our friend Dustin.

2294
01:19:37,695 --> 01:19:39,905
I have some terrific news
to tell you.

2295
01:19:39,906 --> 01:19:41,651
And the news is-
- <i>Rob,</i> sorry.

2296
01:19:41,652 --> 01:19:43,074
<i>I'm just in the middle
of something.</i>

2297
01:19:43,075 --> 01:19:44,279
<i>Can Dustin wait?</i>

2298
01:19:44,280 --> 01:19:45,452
<i>I'll see you on Monday, okay?</i>

2299
01:19:45,453 --> 01:19:46,864
- Little bit of news?

2300
01:19:46,865 --> 01:19:48,913
- Hey.
I've been trying to Skype you.

2301
01:19:48,914 --> 01:19:50,576
- <i>Have you?
Sorry,</i>

2302
01:19:50,577 --> 01:19:52,954
- Yeah.
What-what's going on?

2303
01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:54,330
What are you up to?

2304
01:19:54,331 --> 01:19:56,127
- <i>Not much.
Nothing, real! y.</i>

2305
01:19:56,128 --> 01:19:57,464
<i>There's nothing to do.</i>

2306
01:19:57,465 --> 01:19:59,255
- Well, you must be doing
something.

2307
01:19:59,256 --> 01:20:00,470
- All right, love.
Bye-bye.

2308
01:20:00,471 --> 01:20:02,171
<i>' BYE-bye.
' BVHWe.</i>

2309
01:20:02,172 --> 01:20:03,219
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

2310
01:20:03,220 --> 01:20:04,512
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

2311
01:20:07,303 --> 01:20:09,512
[sighs heavily]

2312
01:20:09,513 --> 01:20:13,099
Well, that's a disappointment.
That really is.

2313
01:20:13,100 --> 01:20:16,104
I was looking forward
to telling you my news.

2314
01:20:16,105 --> 01:20:18,062
That's terrific news.

2315
01:20:18,063 --> 01:20:20,064
Wait till you hear this.

2316
01:20:20,065 --> 01:20:21,487
I'm gonna be in a movie.

2317
01:20:21,488 --> 01:20:23,026
That's right.

2318
01:20:23,027 --> 01:20:26,446
I'm gonna be
in an actual American movie.

2319
01:20:26,447 --> 01:20:28,573
I'm going to L.A.

2320
01:20:28,574 --> 01:20:30,325
I'm going to Hollywood.

2321
01:20:30,326 --> 01:20:32,118
I'll be out there.

2322
01:20:32,119 --> 01:20:34,167
You'll be in London with Chloe.

2323
01:20:34,168 --> 01:20:35,621
Right.

2324
01:20:35,622 --> 01:20:38,082
[sighs heavily]

2325
01:20:38,083 --> 01:20:39,375
Yeah.

2326
01:20:39,376 --> 01:20:42,128
- Let me talk to Mum, all right?

2327
01:20:42,129 --> 01:20:43,254
- <i>Yeah.</i>

2328
01:20:43,255 --> 01:20:44,594
- I'll give her a call now,

2329
01:20:44,595 --> 01:20:46,763
and then
I'll call you straight back.

2330
01:20:46,764 --> 01:20:48,259
<i>- Okay, great.</i>

2331
01:20:48,260 --> 01:20:49,886
- All right,
we'll figure something out.

2332
01:20:49,887 --> 01:20:51,804
All right, love you.

2333
01:20:51,805 --> 01:20:52,930
<i>- Love you too.</i>

2334
01:20:52,931 --> 01:20:55,058
- Okay. Bye-

2335
01:20:55,059 --> 01:20:56,902
- I got some other news too.

2336
01:20:56,903 --> 01:20:58,895
I had a pretty exciting

2337
01:20:58,896 --> 01:21:01,898
random sexual encounter
with a pirate.

2338
01:21:01,899 --> 01:21:04,525
Yes, I did, yeah.

2339
01:21:04,526 --> 01:21:07,403
Oh, yeah.

2340
01:21:07,404 --> 01:21:09,280
Turns out I'm-
I'm quite something.

2341
01:21:09,281 --> 01:21:10,373
<i>Mm.</i>

2342
01:21:13,285 --> 01:21:16,209
Yeah.
[sighs]

2343
01:21:17,414 --> 01:21:19,041
Eh.

2344
01:21:25,255 --> 01:21:28,216
<i>Baciamo la mani, Don Ciccio.</i>

2345
01:21:28,217 --> 01:21:30,009
[smooches]

2346
01:21:30,010 --> 01:21:31,761
<i>Mi benedica.</i>

2347
01:21:31,762 --> 01:21:33,596
- <i>Benedetto.</i>

2348
01:21:33,597 --> 01:21:35,306
<i>Come ti chiami?</i>

2349
01:21:35,307 --> 01:21:37,350
<i>- Mi chiamo Vito Corieone.</i>

2350
01:21:37,351 --> 01:21:38,601
- Ah.

2351
01:21:38,602 --> 01:21:41,104
<i>E tuo padre-come si chiama?</i>

2352
01:21:41,105 --> 01:21:43,606
<i>- Si chiama Antonio Andolini.</i>

2353
01:21:43,607 --> 01:21:44,774
- <i>Piu forte.</i>

2354
01:21:44,775 --> 01:21:46,442
<i>Non ti sento bane.</i>

2355
01:21:46,443 --> 01:21:48,820
<i>Awicinati.</i>

2356
01:21:48,821 --> 01:21:53,324
- <i>Mio padre si chiama
Antonio Blydon.</i>

2357
01:21:53,325 --> 01:21:54,325
<i>'</i> [Qfoans]

2358
01:21:54,326 --> 01:21:55,743
- <i>E questo</i> é <i>per ta.</i>

2359
01:21:55,744 --> 01:21:57,495
- Ugh!

2360
01:21:57,496 --> 01:21:59,669
[groaning]

2361
01:22:02,084 --> 01:22:04,377
<i>- E questo. E questo.</i>

2362
01:22:04,378 --> 01:22:07,422
E <i>questo.
E questo</i> é <i>per ta.</i>

2363
01:22:07,423 --> 01:22:08,845
<i>E questo é per ta.</i>

2364
01:22:10,926 --> 01:22:12,348
[knocking on door]

2365
01:22:14,763 --> 01:22:16,140
[birds chirping]

2366
01:22:19,977 --> 01:22:22,981
[knocking on door]

2367
01:22:24,606 --> 01:22:27,066
[exhales sharply]

2368
01:22:27,067 --> 01:22:29,026
- Hi.
- Hi.

2369
01:22:29,027 --> 01:22:31,571
- Sorry. Did I wake you up?
- No, no.

2370
01:22:31,572 --> 01:22:33,448
- Joe, uh,
has said he wants to come out

2371
01:22:33,449 --> 01:22:35,032
and, you know, hang out with us.

2372
01:22:35,033 --> 01:22:36,033
- Excellent.

2373
01:22:36,034 --> 01:22:37,034
- It means
that Emma's got to fly

2374
01:22:37,035 --> 01:22:38,453
to pick him up in Ibiza,

2375
01:22:38,454 --> 01:22:40,081
and I've got to meet them both
in Naples.

2376
01:22:40,082 --> 01:22:41,297
- Right.
- Is that okay?

2377
01:22:41,298 --> 01:22:42,582
- Yeah, absolutely.

2378
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:44,460
- 'Cause it means
missing Sicily.

2379
01:22:46,128 --> 01:22:47,755
- Ifs your boy.
That's more important.

2380
01:22:47,756 --> 01:22:48,843
- Okay, thank you.
Great.

2381
01:22:48,844 --> 01:22:49,931
- Good?
- All right, yeah.

2382
01:22:49,932 --> 01:22:51,090
- All right.

2383
01:22:51,091 --> 01:22:52,263
- Good.
See you at breakfast.

2384
01:22:52,264 --> 01:22:53,681
- Breakfast.

2385
01:22:58,265 --> 01:22:59,348
<i>Grazia.</i>

2386
01:22:59,349 --> 01:23:01,351
- Oh.
I am starving.

2387
01:23:04,188 --> 01:23:05,314
Aah.

2388
01:23:06,565 --> 01:23:08,816
- Look at this, eh?

2389
01:23:08,817 --> 01:23:09,901
- Oh, yes.

2390
01:23:09,902 --> 01:23:10,902
Oh, yes.
This is good.

2391
01:23:10,903 --> 01:23:11,950
- Mmm!
That's good eggs.

2392
01:23:11,951 --> 01:23:12,987
- Yeah, yeah.

2393
01:23:12,988 --> 01:23:14,614
You can taste a good egg,
can't you?

2394
01:23:14,615 --> 01:23:15,781
- Yeah.

2395
01:23:15,782 --> 01:23:18,326
What I've discovered
on this trip

2396
01:23:18,327 --> 01:23:20,745
is that I can live very simply.

2397
01:23:20,746 --> 01:23:22,293
I mean, I'm very happy
right now...

2398
01:23:22,294 --> 01:23:23,331
- Yes.

2399
01:23:23,332 --> 01:23:26,417
- With a simple breakfast,

2400
01:23:26,418 --> 01:23:28,669
a simple view, nothing fancy.

2401
01:23:28,670 --> 01:23:31,422
- And that's just wonderful.

2402
01:23:31,423 --> 01:23:33,549
I don't think you can top it,
really, with anything.

2403
01:23:33,550 --> 01:23:34,722
- Could put some brown sauce
on it.

2404
01:23:34,723 --> 01:23:36,010
- That's true.

2405
01:23:36,011 --> 01:23:39,514
Emma's organized a place
for us to stay on Capri.

2406
01:23:39,515 --> 01:23:40,890
So I was gonna ask you,

2407
01:23:40,891 --> 01:23:42,359
if you want,
you can come and stay...

2408
01:23:42,360 --> 01:23:43,564
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2409
01:23:43,565 --> 01:23:45,274
- Because then you still have

2410
01:23:45,275 --> 01:23:46,692
your six places to write about.

2411
01:23:47,731 --> 01:23:48,773
- Great.

2412
01:23:48,774 --> 01:23:50,613
Be a shame not to go to Sicily,
though.

2413
01:23:50,614 --> 01:23:53,236
I was looking forward to that
for obvious reasons.

2414
01:23:53,237 --> 01:23:54,946
- Well, you don't have to-

2415
01:23:54,947 --> 01:23:56,572
you don't have to be in Sicily
to do impressions.

2416
01:23:56,573 --> 01:23:58,449
- [as Pacino] See the
coffee commercial he did?

2417
01:23:58,450 --> 01:23:59,867
- No.

2418
01:23:59,868 --> 01:24:01,085
- Pacino-he sits there,
and he says,

2419
01:24:01,086 --> 01:24:03,374
"You know, for me,
coffee is a way of life.

2420
01:24:03,375 --> 01:24:06,376
"A Pacino script will always
have coffee marks on it.

2421
01:24:06,377 --> 01:24:08,376
That's how you know
ifs a Pacino script."

2422
01:24:08,377 --> 01:24:09,841
And then he takes a sip
and goes-

2423
01:24:09,842 --> 01:24:11,554
"[as Pacino]
'That's good coffee."

2424
01:24:11,555 --> 01:24:13,965
"And you go,
'That's Al Pacino?"

2425
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:15,675
And that's another reason
why I think,

2426
01:24:15,676 --> 01:24:17,552
well, so I did Crunchy Nut
Cornflakes, you know?

2427
01:24:17,553 --> 01:24:18,973
But he did coffee.
- [sighs]

2428
01:24:18,974 --> 01:24:21,269
- There's a lot of similarities.
- Yeah.

2429
01:24:21,270 --> 01:24:23,975
- Two short, brooding,
intense actors,

2430
01:24:23,976 --> 01:24:26,695
promoting products
they genuinely love.

2431
01:24:30,983 --> 01:24:34,986
[cell phone ringing]

2432
01:24:34,987 --> 01:24:36,445
- Hello?

2433
01:24:36,446 --> 01:24:38,114
- <i>Hello. You all right?
- Yeah,</i> great.

2434
01:24:38,115 --> 01:24:39,583
<i>- I've got Joe,
and we're just about</i>

2435
01:24:39,584 --> 01:24:40,995
<i>to get on a plane to Naples.</i>

2436
01:24:40,996 --> 01:24:42,245
- Okay.
How is he?

2437
01:24:42,246 --> 01:24:43,289
- <i>Good.
He's great.</i>

2438
01:24:43,290 --> 01:24:45,251
<i>We're gonna get a cab
from the airport,</i>

2439
01:24:45,252 --> 01:24:47,750
<i>and we'll go to
the Fontanelle catacombs, okay?</i>

2440
01:24:47,751 --> 01:24:49,750
- Why are we meeting
at a cemetery?

2441
01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:51,168
- <i>Well,
it's on the edge of town,</i>

2442
01:24:51,169 --> 01:24:53,467
<i>so it'll be easy, 'cause Naples
is crazy for the traffic,</i>

2443
01:24:53,468 --> 01:24:54,927
<i>and I've always
wanted to see it.</i>

2444
01:24:54,928 --> 01:24:56,465
<i>It's in
one of my favorite films.</i>

2445
01:24:56,466 --> 01:24:58,059
- All right, listen,
tell Joe I love him

2446
01:24:58,060 --> 01:24:59,969
and we're gonna have
a great time.

2447
01:24:59,970 --> 01:25:01,893
- <i>All right, brilliant.
I'll pass it on. See you soon.</i>

2448
01:25:01,894 --> 01:25:02,980
- Thanks, love.
Okay, bye.

2449
01:25:02,981 --> 01:25:04,181
Right.
Let's see.

2450
01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:05,558
Let me see.
Where are we?

2451
01:25:05,559 --> 01:25:06,856
Okay, I know. I've got it.
I've got it.

2452
01:25:06,857 --> 01:25:10,187
Don't you-
you just concentrate on driving.

2453
01:25:10,188 --> 01:25:13,032
- Paul <i>McCartney,
The Long and Winding Road,</i>

2454
01:25:13,033 --> 01:25:17,403
and he may well have been
talking about the Amalfi Coast.

2455
01:25:17,404 --> 01:25:18,654
[horns honking]

2456
01:25:18,655 --> 01:25:20,703
Right. Very close.
Very close.

2457
01:25:20,704 --> 01:25:22,326
We can almost touch it.

2458
01:25:24,202 --> 01:25:25,748
Right.
Have a look at that now.

2459
01:25:25,749 --> 01:25:27,669
Tell me-is that where
we're meant to be?

2460
01:25:27,670 --> 01:25:29,123
- Um...

2461
01:25:29,124 --> 01:25:31,000
- That should be working
with us, not against us.

2462
01:25:31,001 --> 01:25:32,423
- I'm trying
to make it go bigger.

2463
01:25:43,847 --> 01:25:46,066
Ifs a bit like
being at one of your shows.

2464
01:25:46,067 --> 01:25:48,476
- Ah, a lot of people.

2465
01:25:48,477 --> 01:25:49,644
- Ifs full.

2466
01:25:49,645 --> 01:25:52,068
I'll give you that.

2467
01:25:53,732 --> 01:25:55,191
Weird, isn't it,

2468
01:25:55,192 --> 01:25:58,361
that Byron used to drink
out of a skull?

2469
01:25:58,362 --> 01:26:00,196
- Ohh...

2470
01:26:00,197 --> 01:26:01,405
- You all right?

2471
01:26:01,406 --> 01:26:03,658
- Alas, poor Yorick.

2472
01:26:03,659 --> 01:26:05,368
I knew him well.

2473
01:26:05,369 --> 01:26:06,369
- That's a total misquote.

2474
01:26:06,370 --> 01:26:07,872
Ifs, "Alas, poor Yorick.
I knew him, Horatio."

2475
01:26:07,873 --> 01:26:09,538
- Alas, poor Yorick.
I knew him well.

2476
01:26:09,539 --> 01:26:11,540
- It's not, "I knew him well."
It's, "I knew him, Horatio."

2477
01:26:11,541 --> 01:26:13,384
It's the most famous misquote
in the English language,

2478
01:26:13,385 --> 01:26:14,418
and you just did it.

2479
01:26:14,419 --> 01:26:15,885
- Whats the actual quote?
- I'm a bit shocked.

2480
01:26:15,886 --> 01:26:17,256
- All right,
whats the actual quote, then?

2481
01:26:17,257 --> 01:26:18,673
- Alas, poor Yor-ala-
Alas, poor-

2482
01:26:18,674 --> 01:26:20,017
- See, you don't know it
yourself.

2483
01:26:20,018 --> 01:26:21,092
- I do know it.

2484
01:26:21,093 --> 01:26:22,561
Alas, poor Yorick.
Alas-

2485
01:26:22,562 --> 01:26:24,136
Alas, poor Yorick.

2486
01:26:24,137 --> 01:26:26,265
- Well, who are you talking to,
me or the invisible man?

2487
01:26:26,266 --> 01:26:28,435
- I'll tell you.
I'm talking to him about you.

2488
01:26:28,436 --> 01:26:29,855
- Who am I?
- You're Yorick.

2489
01:26:29,856 --> 01:26:31,435
Alas, poor Yorick.

2490
01:26:31,436 --> 01:26:35,272
I knew him, Horatio,
a man of infinite jest...

2491
01:26:35,273 --> 01:26:36,440
- Thank you.

2492
01:26:36,441 --> 01:26:38,109
- Of excellent fancy.

2493
01:26:38,110 --> 01:26:39,694
- Thank you.

2494
01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:41,696
- He hath borne me on his back
a thousand times.

2495
01:26:41,697 --> 01:26:44,198
- That is true.

2496
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:47,910
- Where be your gibes now,
your gambols,

2497
01:26:47,911 --> 01:26:50,663
your songs,
your flights of merriment

2498
01:26:50,664 --> 01:26:53,133
wont to set a table on a roar'?

2499
01:26:54,918 --> 01:26:56,127
[chuckles]

2500
01:26:56,128 --> 01:26:57,345
Puff.

2501
01:27:01,800 --> 01:27:04,144
- [as Clint Eastwood]
Feel lucky, punk?

2502
01:27:04,145 --> 01:27:05,720
- He didn't say that.

2503
01:27:05,721 --> 01:27:08,311
- I deliberately got it wrong
to reel you in.

2504
01:27:08,312 --> 01:27:10,477
- All right, go on.
What's the real quote?

2505
01:27:10,478 --> 01:27:12,569
- I know what you're thinking,
punk.

2506
01:27:12,570 --> 01:27:15,563
You're thinking,
"Did he fire six shots

2507
01:27:15,564 --> 01:27:17,356
or only five?"

2508
01:27:17,357 --> 01:27:18,571
both: Tell you the truth,

2509
01:27:18,572 --> 01:27:20,365
I can't quite remember myself

2510
01:27:20,366 --> 01:27:22,236
in all this excitement.

2511
01:27:22,237 --> 01:27:24,080
- [as Eastwood] Its a myth
that he whispers all the time.

2512
01:27:24,081 --> 01:27:26,073
Sometimes
he just speaks normally,

2513
01:27:26,074 --> 01:27:27,867
but his jaw is clenched.

2514
01:27:27,868 --> 01:27:30,872
- If I wanted a lesson
in how Clint Eastwood spoke,

2515
01:27:30,873 --> 01:27:32,079
I'd talk to Clint Eastwood.

2516
01:27:32,080 --> 01:27:33,080
[cell phone ringing]

2517
01:27:33,081 --> 01:27:34,832
- Oh, shit.

2518
01:27:34,833 --> 01:27:36,250
Hello?

2519
01:27:36,251 --> 01:27:37,752
- <i>Hey.
Hey, we're here.</i>

2520
01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:39,253
- Are you?
Oh, great.

2521
01:27:39,254 --> 01:27:40,674
<i>- We're just at the entrance.</i>

2522
01:27:40,675 --> 01:27:42,381
- Right.
See you in a bit.

2523
01:27:42,382 --> 01:27:43,382
- Is she here?

2524
01:27:43,383 --> 01:27:44,425
- Yeah.

2525
01:27:44,426 --> 01:27:45,426
- Have they arrived?

2526
01:27:45,427 --> 01:27:46,635
- Yeah.

2527
01:27:46,636 --> 01:27:47,720
[sighs]

2528
01:27:47,721 --> 01:27:49,221
[imitates trumpet]

2529
01:27:49,222 --> 01:27:53,976
[laughter]

2530
01:27:53,977 --> 01:27:55,019
Come here, lad.

2531
01:27:55,020 --> 01:27:56,187
Hey!

2532
01:27:56,188 --> 01:27:57,401
- Nice to see you.
- You too.

2533
01:27:57,402 --> 01:27:58,898
- Ifs good to see you, buddy.

2534
01:27:58,899 --> 01:28:00,367
- There he is, big boy.

2535
01:28:00,368 --> 01:28:02,359
- Yeah.
- Hello. All right?

2536
01:28:02,360 --> 01:28:03,574
- Almost as tall as you...

2537
01:28:03,575 --> 01:28:05,571
- I'll have to start
wearing me high heels soon.

2538
01:28:05,572 --> 01:28:07,117
- So listen, I've arranged
for the mini people

2539
01:28:07,118 --> 01:28:08,581
to come and collect the car
from here,

2540
01:28:08,582 --> 01:28:10,201
and then we can take the taxi
to the port.

2541
01:28:10,202 --> 01:28:11,499
It'll be about ten minutes.

2542
01:28:11,500 --> 01:28:12,828
I, in the meantime,

2543
01:28:12,829 --> 01:28:14,205
am gonna have
a quick look around.

2544
01:28:14,206 --> 01:28:16,081
- I'll come with you.
- Good.

2545
01:28:16,082 --> 01:28:17,833
- Hey, mate, ifs just really
great to see you, honestly.

2546
01:28:17,834 --> 01:28:18,926
- Yeah.
- How are you?

2547
01:28:18,927 --> 01:28:20,377
- I'm good, yeah.

2548
01:28:20,378 --> 01:28:21,844
- How's Mamie?
- Oh, she's good, yeah.

2549
01:28:21,845 --> 01:28:23,008
Enjoying it
a lot more than I was.

2550
01:28:23,009 --> 01:28:24,007
- Yeah.

2551
01:28:24,008 --> 01:28:25,466
- Why are we here?

2552
01:28:25,467 --> 01:28:27,259
- Ingrid Bergman.

2553
01:28:27,260 --> 01:28:28,636
- Which one is she?

2554
01:28:28,637 --> 01:28:30,805
- [chuckling] She's not here.

2555
01:28:30,806 --> 01:28:33,265
<i>But she was in Journey to Italy.</i>

2556
01:28:33,266 --> 01:28:34,767
- Well, how do you feel
about your exams?

2557
01:28:34,768 --> 01:28:36,477
- Oh, you know,
I hope they went fine.

2558
01:28:36,478 --> 01:28:38,105
I'm just trying
not to worry about them.

2559
01:28:38,106 --> 01:28:39,193
Just gonna relax.

2560
01:28:39,194 --> 01:28:41,482
- I'm sure they're fine.
I'm sure they're fine.

2561
01:28:41,483 --> 01:28:43,030
You worked a damn sight harder
than I ever did.

2562
01:28:43,031 --> 01:28:44,777
- First her husband goes off
to Capri

2563
01:28:44,778 --> 01:28:46,280
to try and have an affair,

2564
01:28:46,281 --> 01:28:48,572
and her friend brings her here.

2565
01:28:48,573 --> 01:28:51,075
Her friends come here
to try and pray for a baby.

2566
01:28:51,076 --> 01:28:52,451
- Ugh.

2567
01:28:52,452 --> 01:28:54,453
- Let's get out of here.

2568
01:28:54,454 --> 01:28:56,669
Ifs, uh-ifs a bit
of a downer, to be honest.

2569
01:28:56,670 --> 01:28:58,133
I'm not quite sure why, but...

2570
01:28:59,334 --> 01:29:00,960
- Antonella?
Si.

2571
01:29:00,961 --> 01:29:02,127
- [speaking Italian]

2572
01:29:02,128 --> 01:29:03,175
- How are you?
- Thank you.

2573
01:29:03,176 --> 01:29:04,463
- Hello, hello.
Thank you.

2574
01:29:04,464 --> 01:29:06,090
- Joe, do you want to go
and put your bag

2575
01:29:06,091 --> 01:29:07,308
in the back of that taxi?

2576
01:29:07,309 --> 01:29:08,759
- Sure, yeah.

2577
01:29:08,760 --> 01:29:09,977
- All right, love.
Thank you.

2578
01:29:09,978 --> 01:29:11,428
That's a nice hat.

2579
01:29:11,429 --> 01:29:13,352
- Borsalino.
Al Capone used to wear these.

2580
01:29:13,353 --> 01:29:14,770
- Thanks very much.

2581
01:29:25,277 --> 01:29:26,447
- You all right, Joe?

2582
01:29:26,448 --> 01:29:27,570
- Yeah, pretty good.

2583
01:29:27,571 --> 01:29:29,572
- See that double bass case?

2584
01:29:29,573 --> 01:29:31,907
- Yeah.
- Carbon fiber.

2585
01:29:31,908 --> 01:29:34,910
Ifs the strongest man-made
material in the world.

2586
01:29:34,911 --> 01:29:36,504
- Could stop a bullet, that.
- It does.

2587
01:29:36,505 --> 01:29:38,214
They use it
in bulletproof vests.

2588
01:29:38,215 --> 01:29:41,041
[foghorn blows]

2589
01:29:41,042 --> 01:29:42,459
I still get like a-

2590
01:29:42,460 --> 01:29:46,422
sort of a frisson of excitement
crossing water.

2591
01:29:46,423 --> 01:29:48,340
<i>Vedi</i> a <i>Nepali a muon'.</i>

2592
01:29:48,341 --> 01:29:49,388
- What does that mean?

2593
01:29:49,389 --> 01:29:51,010
- "See Naples and die,"

2594
01:29:51,011 --> 01:29:52,052
in Italian.

2595
01:29:52,053 --> 01:29:53,137
- <i>Ciao.</i>

2596
01:29:53,138 --> 01:29:54,138
- Right, look, look, look.

2597
01:29:54,139 --> 01:29:56,307
The birds are following us.
Look. Look. Look.

2598
01:29:56,308 --> 01:29:57,935
Look at that one there!
Look! He's following us!

2599
01:29:57,936 --> 01:29:59,398
- Quite scary.
- Like The Birds.

2600
01:29:59,399 --> 01:30:00,987
- It is.
- You could be 1'ippi Hedren.

2601
01:30:00,988 --> 01:30:02,146
" Aah!"

2602
01:30:02,147 --> 01:30:03,731
- I'll be, uh, Alfred Hitchcock

2603
01:30:03,732 --> 01:30:04,824
just telling you what to do.

2604
01:30:04,825 --> 01:30:06,692
- He really let her get pecked.

2605
01:30:06,693 --> 01:30:08,070
- He let the birds
peck 1'ippi Hedren?

2606
01:30:08,071 --> 01:30:09,114
- Yeah, I think so.

2607
01:30:09,115 --> 01:30:11,206
- He also named
all the individual birds.

2608
01:30:11,207 --> 01:30:12,239
- Yeah, well-

2609
01:30:12,240 --> 01:30:14,455
- And when-they'd be having
a go at 1'ippi Hedren,

2610
01:30:14,456 --> 01:30:15,576
and he would instruct them.

2611
01:30:15,577 --> 01:30:16,702
So he'd go up to one.

2612
01:30:16,703 --> 01:30:18,376
He'd say, "Gregory, peck."

2613
01:30:18,377 --> 01:30:20,581
- [laughs]

2614
01:30:20,582 --> 01:30:21,879
- Come on.
Let's go and wander.

2615
01:30:21,880 --> 01:30:22,922
. OKQY-

2616
01:30:33,428 --> 01:30:34,848
- Yeah, no, what happened

2617
01:30:34,849 --> 01:30:36,936
was that all the ash
buried everyone.

2618
01:30:36,937 --> 01:30:38,057
- Is it still active?

2619
01:30:38,058 --> 01:30:39,560
- Um, I like to think so.

2620
01:30:39,561 --> 01:30:41,143
- [laughs]

2621
01:30:41,144 --> 01:30:44,063
- You got sun, sea, sangria,

2622
01:30:44,064 --> 01:30:46,362
<i>and, uh, La Dulce Vita
over there.</i>

2623
01:31:10,006 --> 01:31:11,757
- Maybe wander round this way?

2624
01:31:11,758 --> 01:31:13,178
- Watch out.
Wait. Wait. Wait.

2625
01:31:13,179 --> 01:31:14,268
Watch out.
Don't die.

2626
01:31:14,269 --> 01:31:17,638
[opera music]

2627
01:31:17,639 --> 01:31:19,733
- Look, ifs the house
from Le Mepris!

2628
01:31:19,734 --> 01:31:21,350
- Whats that?

2629
01:31:21,351 --> 01:31:23,602
- Oh, with Brigitte Bardot.
Its incredible.

2630
01:31:23,603 --> 01:31:25,856
They're making a film, and she's
married to the scriptwriter.

2631
01:31:25,857 --> 01:31:27,069
It all starts to go wrong,

2632
01:31:27,070 --> 01:31:28,983
and there's that incredible
piece of music.

2633
01:31:28,984 --> 01:31:30,452
They keep playing it
all the way through.

2634
01:31:30,453 --> 01:31:32,662
Ifs really romantic,
but it kind of gets annoying,

2635
01:31:32,663 --> 01:31:35,280
sort of
again and again and again.

2636
01:31:35,281 --> 01:31:37,371
- Is that the one
where she's naked on the bed?

2637
01:31:37,372 --> 01:31:38,455
- Yes, that's the one.

2638
01:31:38,456 --> 01:31:40,165
- What happens at the end?

2639
01:31:40,166 --> 01:31:41,707
- She gets together
with the producer

2640
01:31:41,708 --> 01:31:43,082
and then dies in a car crash.

2641
01:31:43,083 --> 01:31:44,707
- I like the sound of that.

2642
01:31:44,708 --> 01:31:46,754
Really sexy
with no happy ending,

2643
01:31:46,755 --> 01:31:48,845
like the opposite of a massage,
you know.

2644
01:31:48,846 --> 01:31:50,254
- [laughs]

2645
01:31:50,255 --> 01:31:58,255
J "J"

2646
01:32:20,577 --> 01:32:22,122
[indistinct conversations]

2647
01:32:22,123 --> 01:32:23,333
- You have the...
- Local?

2648
01:32:23,334 --> 01:32:24,793
- The local wine.
- Si.

2649
01:32:24,794 --> 01:32:26,665
- That's a del Furore.
- Furore?

2650
01:32:26,666 --> 01:32:28,134
- Yeah.
It's from our region.

2651
01:32:28,135 --> 01:32:29,168
- <i>Buono.</i>

2652
01:32:29,169 --> 01:32:30,669
Furore.

2653
01:32:30,670 --> 01:32:33,298
- [speaking Italian]

2654
01:32:37,427 --> 01:32:38,510
- Ah!

2655
01:32:38,511 --> 01:32:40,639
- Here you have
the scalloped fish.

2656
01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:42,982
- Ooh, lovely.
- And the seafood salad.

2657
01:32:42,983 --> 01:32:45,100
The bonito fish, raw.

2658
01:32:45,101 --> 01:32:46,193
- Raw, okay.
- It's not for you.

2659
01:32:46,194 --> 01:32:47,394
- Not for me.

2660
01:32:47,395 --> 01:32:49,271
- Octopus to the grill.
- Grazia.

2661
01:32:49,272 --> 01:32:52,274
- There's another octopus
to the grill.

2662
01:32:52,275 --> 01:32:53,275
- <i>Grazia.</i>

2663
01:32:53,276 --> 01:32:54,276
- Bonito fish.

2664
01:32:54,277 --> 01:32:55,277
<i>- Grazia mills.</i>

2665
01:32:55,278 --> 01:32:56,366
<i>- Oh, grazie mills.</i>

2666
01:32:56,367 --> 01:32:58,113
- Do you want some of this?

2667
01:32:58,114 --> 01:33:00,911
- Oh, yeah, sure.
- 'Cause you'll like this.

2668
01:33:00,912 --> 01:33:02,502
- The calamari
is absolutely gorgeous.

2669
01:33:02,503 --> 01:33:04,119
Try it.
Perfect.

2670
01:33:04,120 --> 01:33:05,838
- Mmm.
- Think I'll have some of this.

2671
01:33:08,291 --> 01:33:09,750
- Lovely Furore.

2672
01:33:09,751 --> 01:33:11,502
- "Furore" -that's a-
- Furore.

2673
01:33:11,503 --> 01:33:13,255
- That's an angry
Italian sports car.

2674
01:33:13,256 --> 01:33:14,255
[laughter]

2675
01:33:14,256 --> 01:33:15,723
- I might have a glass of Furore

2676
01:33:15,724 --> 01:33:18,258
or perhaps a carafe
of kerfuffle.

2677
01:33:18,259 --> 01:33:20,182
- [speaking Italian]

2678
01:33:23,973 --> 01:33:25,395
- Well, I like to
think of myself as a fine wine

2679
01:33:25,396 --> 01:33:27,684
maturing with each passing year.

2680
01:33:27,685 --> 01:33:30,150
- Sitting in the dark,
getting fusty.

2681
01:33:30,151 --> 01:33:32,523
If he sits there too long,
a little heavy.

2682
01:33:32,524 --> 01:33:34,069
- He does get a little heavy.
- A little heavy.

2683
01:33:34,070 --> 01:33:35,489
- Well, ifs a very,
very fine wine.

2684
01:33:35,490 --> 01:33:36,777
- Can get bitter.

2685
01:33:36,778 --> 01:33:39,368
A little bit bitter,
a bit vinegary, a bit cynical.

2686
01:33:39,369 --> 01:33:41,332
- He's not as cynical
as he makes out, you know.

2687
01:33:41,333 --> 01:33:43,325
Remember we were watching
Mamma Mia!

2688
01:33:43,326 --> 01:33:45,160
And you know,
you're watching it with Mamie,

2689
01:33:45,161 --> 01:33:46,706
and then at the end,
when Meryl Streep

2690
01:33:46,707 --> 01:33:47,955
gets together
with Pierce Brosnan,

2691
01:33:47,956 --> 01:33:49,126
you started crying.

2692
01:33:49,127 --> 01:33:50,463
- Yeah, yeah.
- What?

2693
01:33:50,464 --> 01:33:52,129
- Cried at Mamma Mia!
- Yeah.

2694
01:33:52,130 --> 01:33:54,048
- You cried at that bit
with Meryl Streep?

2695
01:33:54,049 --> 01:33:56,216
- I mean, I loved Mamma <i>Mia!,</i>
but I didn't cry.

2696
01:33:56,217 --> 01:33:57,302
I love old Pierce Bro-

2697
01:33:57,303 --> 01:33:58,674
I can't do Pierce Brosnan.

2698
01:33:58,675 --> 01:33:59,925
I'll be very honest with you,
Joe.

2699
01:33:59,926 --> 01:34:01,269
I can't do him.
I can't do him very well.

2700
01:34:01,270 --> 01:34:04,888
When I do him, I sound like
a very effeminate Bono, so I do.

2701
01:34:04,889 --> 01:34:05,889
- [Irish accent]
Top 0' the mornin' to ya.

2702
01:34:05,890 --> 01:34:07,233
- [Irish accent]
The name's Bond.

2703
01:34:07,234 --> 01:34:08,818
Top 0' the mornin' to ya,
Blofeld.

2704
01:34:08,819 --> 01:34:10,894
- <i>I'm o'oo1.</i>

2705
01:34:10,895 --> 01:34:12,312
I'm James Bond, 0'007.

2706
01:34:12,313 --> 01:34:14,031
- [as Brosnan]
What he's meaning to say is,

2707
01:34:14,032 --> 01:34:15,399
"The name's Bond, James Bond,

2708
01:34:15,400 --> 01:34:17,359
007, license to kill."

2709
01:34:17,360 --> 01:34:19,825
You need a slight huskiness,
and ifs slightly mid-Atlantic,

2710
01:34:19,826 --> 01:34:21,448
but ifs very
sort of subtle like that.

2711
01:34:21,449 --> 01:34:22,948
- Am I getting it now?

2712
01:34:22,949 --> 01:34:24,290
- [laughs]
- That's Northern Ireland.

2713
01:34:24,291 --> 01:34:25,285
- Rob, no!

2714
01:34:25,286 --> 01:34:26,751
- [Irish accent]
Well, he's a secret agent.

2715
01:34:26,752 --> 01:34:28,166
He's got to be able
to go other places

2716
01:34:28,167 --> 01:34:30,006
and lay low, hasn't he, now?

2717
01:34:30,007 --> 01:34:34,293
- Interestingly,
up until Daniel Craig,

2718
01:34:34,294 --> 01:34:38,219
there was only one
English James Bond.

2719
01:34:39,924 --> 01:34:41,049
- Sean Connery-
- Yeah.

2720
01:34:41,050 --> 01:34:43,135
- Connery.
- Scottish.

2721
01:34:43,136 --> 01:34:44,845
- A milkman by trade

2722
01:34:44,846 --> 01:34:46,185
and a part-time actor,

2723
01:34:46,186 --> 01:34:48,396
he took the role
and made it his own.

2724
01:34:48,397 --> 01:34:49,479
He went for the audition-

2725
01:34:49,480 --> 01:34:50,976
I don't know if you know this-

2726
01:34:50,977 --> 01:34:53,192
and "Cubby" Broccoli
and Saltzman auditioned him.

2727
01:34:53,193 --> 01:34:54,313
They thought he was good.

2728
01:34:54,314 --> 01:34:55,402
He left the room.

2729
01:34:55,403 --> 01:34:56,943
As he walked away in the street,

2730
01:34:56,944 --> 01:34:59,193
they said he walked
like a panther.

2731
01:34:59,194 --> 01:35:01,117
Now, in reality,
that would be impractical.

2732
01:35:01,118 --> 01:35:02,696
He'd be on all fours.

2733
01:35:02,697 --> 01:35:05,032
He'd be soiling the furniture.

2734
01:35:05,033 --> 01:35:06,626
- George Lazenby.
- Australian.

2735
01:35:06,627 --> 01:35:08,285
- Australian.

2736
01:35:08,286 --> 01:35:09,581
- Come on.
I know where this is going.

2737
01:35:09,582 --> 01:35:10,956
- Roger Moore,
of course, English.

2738
01:35:10,957 --> 01:35:11,956
<i>And, um...</i>

2739
01:35:11,957 --> 01:35:13,207
- Dalton.
- Where was he from?

2740
01:35:13,208 --> 01:35:14,416
Both: Welsh!

2741
01:35:14,417 --> 01:35:15,834
- No.
- Oh, yes.

2742
01:35:15,835 --> 01:35:17,881
- Now Rob's gonna go-go on.
Do your Timothy Dalton.

2743
01:35:17,882 --> 01:35:19,504
- I'm not gonna do
what you think I'm going to do.

2744
01:35:19,505 --> 01:35:20,550
- I thought you were gonna go...

2745
01:35:20,551 --> 01:35:22,221
[as Dalton]
"My name's Bond, James Bond."

2746
01:35:22,222 --> 01:35:24,176
- No, I'm not gonna do that.
- License to kill.

2747
01:35:24,177 --> 01:35:25,975
- No, he's got a northern-y-
you do him well.

2748
01:35:25,976 --> 01:35:27,641
He's got a northern sound.

2749
01:35:27,642 --> 01:35:30,060
- Things could have turned out
very nasty.

2750
01:35:30,061 --> 01:35:32,356
- That's almost
a very butch Alan Bennett.

2751
01:35:32,357 --> 01:35:35,145
Things could have turned out
very nasty.

2752
01:35:35,146 --> 01:35:37,524
[conversations in Italian]

2753
01:35:39,067 --> 01:35:40,192
- Who's your best Bond?

2754
01:35:40,193 --> 01:35:41,360
- Daniel Craig.

2755
01:35:41,361 --> 01:35:42,449
- Ah!
- Definitely.

2756
01:35:42,450 --> 01:35:43,867
- Our generation.
- Exactly.

2757
01:35:43,868 --> 01:35:45,864
- You and me.
- Yeah.

2758
01:35:45,865 --> 01:35:48,825
- Go on, let's hear
that Roger Moore again.

2759
01:35:48,826 --> 01:35:50,041
- What was that?
- The Roger Moore again.

2760
01:35:50,042 --> 01:35:51,081
- Oh, you would like
to hear it again?

2761
01:35:51,082 --> 01:35:52,124
- Yeah.
- Course you would.

2762
01:35:52,125 --> 01:35:53,291
It must be nice
for you to hear-

2763
01:35:53,292 --> 01:35:54,381
- He's so well brought up,
isn't he?

2764
01:35:54,382 --> 01:35:56,001
- It must be lovely for you,
Joe,

2765
01:35:56,002 --> 01:35:58,752
to hear an impression
properly done, yeah?

2766
01:35:58,753 --> 01:36:03,966
And when I say "properly done,"
I mean done properly.

2767
01:36:03,967 --> 01:36:05,842
Right. Ready?
Here he goes.

2768
01:36:05,843 --> 01:36:09,388
[as Roger Moore]
Uh, my name is Roger Moore.

2769
01:36:09,389 --> 01:36:12,766
Now, I'm a lot older
than I used to be,

2770
01:36:12,767 --> 01:36:14,226
so there's a degree-

2771
01:36:14,227 --> 01:36:15,898
I'm still doing it, Steve.

2772
01:36:15,899 --> 01:36:18,316
Please don't interrupt
in front of your son.

2773
01:36:18,317 --> 01:36:19,690
- Do him when he shouts.

2774
01:36:19,691 --> 01:36:20,691
Do him shouting.

2775
01:36:20,692 --> 01:36:22,776
- We are in a nice place.

2776
01:36:22,777 --> 01:36:24,403
- You there, come back.

2777
01:36:24,404 --> 01:36:25,404
- No.

2778
01:36:25,405 --> 01:36:26,622
[high-pitched voice]
Move!

2779
01:36:26,623 --> 01:36:28,073
It squeaks slightly.

2780
01:36:28,074 --> 01:36:29,491
Move!
- Move!

2781
01:36:29,492 --> 01:36:30,539
- Move!
- Move!

2782
01:36:30,540 --> 01:36:31,618
- Move!

2783
01:36:31,619 --> 01:36:32,461
- They sound like a cow
when they're doing that.

2784
01:36:32,462 --> 01:36:33,917
- The name's Bond.
- Move!

2785
01:36:33,918 --> 01:36:35,127
Both: Move!
- Hold on.

2786
01:36:35,128 --> 01:36:38,093
I want both of you,
one eyebrow-one eyebrow up.

2787
01:36:38,094 --> 01:36:39,751
Oh, good, good.

2788
01:36:39,752 --> 01:36:41,049
- Of course.
That's entry level.

2789
01:36:41,050 --> 01:36:42,671
- Ah, very good.
[gasps]

2790
01:36:42,672 --> 01:36:44,515
- I can do that eyebrow,
or I can do that eyebrow.

2791
01:36:44,516 --> 01:36:45,802
- Oh, that is really impressive.

2792
01:36:45,803 --> 01:36:47,222
- [as Roger Moore] I can do them

2793
01:36:47,223 --> 01:36:50,813
with very little effort
at exactly the right time.

2794
01:36:55,810 --> 01:36:57,733
- Ifs a linguine
with shrimps and zucchini.

2795
01:36:57,734 --> 01:36:59,271
Great cooking, huh?

2796
01:36:59,272 --> 01:37:00,485
- Great.
- Look at that.

2797
01:37:00,486 --> 01:37:02,527
- And here you have
the paccheri with anchovies.

2798
01:37:02,528 --> 01:37:04,401
- Oh, that's lovely, that.
- Yeah.

2799
01:37:04,402 --> 01:37:06,278
- For you, that's the linguine,

2800
01:37:06,279 --> 01:37:08,864
same with the shrimps
and the raw egg cooking.

2801
01:37:08,865 --> 01:37:09,865
For you...
- Yes?

2802
01:37:09,866 --> 01:37:10,913
- That's the best plate.

2803
01:37:10,914 --> 01:37:12,159
- Best one?
Wow!

2804
01:37:12,160 --> 01:37:13,787
- Look at that!

2805
01:37:15,288 --> 01:37:16,663
- Mmm.
- Ooh.

2806
01:37:16,664 --> 01:37:18,086
How is it?
- Fantastic. Beautiful.

2807
01:37:18,087 --> 01:37:19,499
- Oh, yeah.

2808
01:37:19,500 --> 01:37:21,468
- I have an announcement
to make.

2809
01:37:21,469 --> 01:37:23,086
- Oh?
- Really?

2810
01:37:23,087 --> 01:37:24,921
- You're pregnant.
- No.

2811
01:37:24,922 --> 01:37:26,548
I got a part in a film.

2812
01:37:26,549 --> 01:37:27,801
- Well done.
That's great news.

2813
01:37:27,802 --> 01:37:28,925
- American film.

2814
01:37:28,926 --> 01:37:30,510
- Great, wow.
Good for you.

2815
01:37:30,511 --> 01:37:31,387
- The Michael Mann one?

2816
01:37:31,388 --> 01:37:32,429
- Yeah.

2817
01:37:32,430 --> 01:37:33,522
- A Michael Mann film?

2818
01:37:33,523 --> 01:37:34,556
- Yeah.

2819
01:37:34,557 --> 01:37:37,142
- Rob, that is amazing.
Wow!

2820
01:37:37,143 --> 01:37:38,190
- Want to do another one?

2821
01:37:38,191 --> 01:37:39,728
Oh. Thanks.

2822
01:37:39,729 --> 01:37:41,231
- Gosh, that's incredible.

2823
01:37:41,232 --> 01:37:43,023
- I know,
and ifs one of the leads.

2824
01:37:43,024 --> 01:37:44,742
- It's not the lead.
- It's one of the leads.

2825
01:37:44,743 --> 01:37:45,826
Ifs a supporting-

2826
01:37:45,827 --> 01:37:48,195
I play a mafia accountant.

2827
01:37:48,196 --> 01:37:49,284
- I can really see it.

2828
01:37:49,285 --> 01:37:50,744
That's amazing.
I can see it.

2829
01:37:50,745 --> 01:37:53,831
- Gangster accountant?
- Tough guy with a pen.

2830
01:37:53,832 --> 01:37:55,920
- [as Pacino] I can't make
these numbers add up.

2831
01:37:55,921 --> 01:37:57,037
[laughter]

2832
01:37:57,038 --> 01:37:58,872
I just can't do it.

2833
01:37:58,873 --> 01:38:00,420
- You didn't do that, did you,
in the-

2834
01:38:00,421 --> 01:38:02,042
- Wasn't far off.
- [laughs]

2835
01:38:02,043 --> 01:38:03,420
That's not what you had to do
for your-

2836
01:38:03,421 --> 01:38:05,215
- No.
- That's not what he did-

2837
01:38:05,216 --> 01:38:07,047
- I kissed a waitress
in the audition.

2838
01:38:07,048 --> 01:38:08,470
- [gasps]
- [laughs] Remember that?

2839
01:38:08,471 --> 01:38:09,558
- Did you?
- Yes, I do.

2840
01:38:09,559 --> 01:38:11,468
- [laughs]
- It was a peck.

2841
01:38:11,469 --> 01:38:13,595
- His eyes.
He wasn't happy.

2842
01:38:13,596 --> 01:38:14,973
- So how long
you gonna be away for'?

2843
01:38:14,974 --> 01:38:16,098
- Eight weeks.

2844
01:38:16,099 --> 01:38:17,191
- Eight weeks?
Gosh.

2845
01:38:17,192 --> 01:38:18,517
- That's tough.

2846
01:38:18,518 --> 01:38:20,733
- That's a long time to be away,
though, isn't it?

2847
01:38:20,734 --> 01:38:22,104
- What am I gonna do otherwise?

2848
01:38:22,105 --> 01:38:24,356
I'd just do more panel shows.

2849
01:38:24,357 --> 01:38:26,358
- Joe's, uh,
just finished his GCSEs,

2850
01:38:26,359 --> 01:38:28,527
doing his A-levels now.

2851
01:38:28,528 --> 01:38:29,569
- A-levels, gosh.

2852
01:38:29,570 --> 01:38:30,695
- What A-levels you gonna do?

2853
01:38:30,696 --> 01:38:32,697
- Oh,
I'm going a bit science-y-

2854
01:38:32,698 --> 01:38:34,408
maths, further maths,

2855
01:38:34,409 --> 01:38:37,285
physics, chemistry,
and electronics.

2856
01:38:37,286 --> 01:38:38,412
- Seriously?
- Yeah.

2857
01:38:38,413 --> 01:38:39,413
- Bloody hell.

2858
01:38:39,414 --> 01:38:40,539
- Well, you see,
it runs in the family.

2859
01:38:40,540 --> 01:38:41,665
My dad's an engineer, scientist.

2860
01:38:41,666 --> 01:38:43,041
- Yeah.
Granddad.

2861
01:38:43,042 --> 01:38:45,460
- What about
skipping a generation?

2862
01:38:45,461 --> 01:38:47,379
Car swerved out of its lane,

2863
01:38:47,380 --> 01:38:49,551
almost went into a field,
and then came back in the road.

2864
01:38:49,552 --> 01:38:50,926
- Listen,
I know a damn sight more

2865
01:38:50,927 --> 01:38:52,177
about engineering than you do.

2866
01:38:52,178 --> 01:38:53,598
- Yeah, but I know nothing.

2867
01:38:53,599 --> 01:38:56,689
[conversations in Italian]

2868
01:38:58,099 --> 01:38:59,601
- I think I'm gonna go
for a walk.

2869
01:38:59,602 --> 01:39:00,645
- Yeah?
- Is that okay?

2870
01:39:00,646 --> 01:39:01,726
- Yeah, of course.

2871
01:39:01,727 --> 01:39:03,147
Say hello to those girls
over there.

2872
01:39:03,148 --> 01:39:05,023
- No, no, no, no.
- They've been looking over.

2873
01:39:05,024 --> 01:39:06,148
- Definitely not.

2874
01:39:06,149 --> 01:39:08,066
- Leave him alone!

2875
01:39:08,067 --> 01:39:09,660
Plenty of time for all that.

2876
01:39:14,198 --> 01:39:15,907
Oh.

2877
01:39:15,908 --> 01:39:17,159
- He's so grown up, isn't he?
- What a nice boy.

2878
01:39:17,160 --> 01:39:18,537
- Yes, nothing like me.

2879
01:39:18,538 --> 01:39:19,749
- Credit to you, so he is.

2880
01:39:19,750 --> 01:39:21,079
- Well, he's taller than me.

2881
01:39:21,080 --> 01:39:22,456
Of course, you've both got that
to look forward to.

2882
01:39:22,457 --> 01:39:23,959
- Oh, yeah.
- Won't be long for me.

2883
01:39:23,960 --> 01:39:25,041
Chloe's nearly four.

2884
01:39:25,042 --> 01:39:26,042
- [laughs]

2885
01:39:26,043 --> 01:39:28,587
[conversations in Italian]

2886
01:39:28,588 --> 01:39:30,881
- I'm gonna have a look for Joe.

2887
01:39:30,882 --> 01:39:32,424
- Yeah.
- Rescue.

2888
01:39:32,425 --> 01:39:34,176
Get my priorities right.

2889
01:39:34,177 --> 01:39:36,344
- Exactly.

2890
01:39:36,345 --> 01:39:37,471
<i>'</i> [sighs]

2891
01:39:37,472 --> 01:39:38,689
- See you in a bit.

2892
01:39:45,730 --> 01:39:48,574
I'm gonna have to have
a chocolate boob, I think.

2893
01:39:48,575 --> 01:39:52,694
Nothing wrong with chocolate
and chocolate sauce.

2894
01:39:52,695 --> 01:39:54,163
- All right.
Let's go sit in the shade.

2895
01:39:54,164 --> 01:39:55,327
- Yeah, definitely.

2896
01:39:56,824 --> 01:39:58,200
.Joe!

2897
01:39:58,201 --> 01:39:59,326
- Hey!

2898
01:39:59,327 --> 01:40:00,920
- Do you want to go for a swim?

2899
01:40:00,921 --> 01:40:02,370
- Yeah, okay!

2900
01:40:02,371 --> 01:40:03,463
- Oh, grazie.
- You're welcome.

2901
01:40:03,464 --> 01:40:05,127
<i>- Grazia.
- Grazia mills.</i>

2902
01:40:05,128 --> 01:40:06,333
- Oh!
- Thank you.

2903
01:40:06,334 --> 01:40:07,334
- You like cappuccino?

2904
01:40:07,335 --> 01:40:08,460
<i>- Yes, grazie.</i>

2905
01:40:08,461 --> 01:40:09,920
- Not for me.
- Okay.

2906
01:40:09,921 --> 01:40:11,046
- And look, I've got the view.

2907
01:40:11,047 --> 01:40:12,260
Ifs absolutely beautiful.

2908
01:40:12,261 --> 01:40:13,473
- Well, thank you very much.

2909
01:40:13,474 --> 01:40:14,799
- [laughs]

2910
01:40:14,800 --> 01:40:16,389
- This shirt
is rather flattering,

2911
01:40:16,390 --> 01:40:17,511
and I suppose this light

2912
01:40:17,512 --> 01:40:20,430
casts me
in a rather heroic frame.

2913
01:40:20,431 --> 01:40:22,307
- It does.
It's very flattering to you.

2914
01:40:22,308 --> 01:40:25,018
- Oh.
I need this.

2915
01:40:25,019 --> 01:40:26,144
- Yeah.

2916
01:40:26,145 --> 01:40:28,113
- Kids diving off there
before today.

2917
01:40:28,114 --> 01:40:29,606
- [chuckling] Yeah?

2918
01:40:29,607 --> 01:40:31,822
- Great news about your film
as well.

2919
01:40:31,823 --> 01:40:32,864
- Thank you very much.

2920
01:40:32,865 --> 01:40:34,236
- Amazing.

2921
01:40:34,237 --> 01:40:36,080
- [as Hugh Grant]
I have another announcement,

2922
01:40:36,081 --> 01:40:37,492
uh, to make, actually.

2923
01:40:37,493 --> 01:40:38,537
- Really?
- Yes.

2924
01:40:40,493 --> 01:40:43,328
I've had a little adventure.

2925
01:40:43,329 --> 01:40:44,412
- Right-.

2926
01:40:44,413 --> 01:40:45,789
- You know the boat
that we went on?

2927
01:40:45,790 --> 01:40:47,374
- Yeah.

2928
01:40:47,375 --> 01:40:50,961
- I had an...
altercation with a-

2929
01:40:50,962 --> 01:40:52,754
a deckhand.

2930
01:40:52,755 --> 01:40:53,800
- You had a fight?

2931
01:40:53,801 --> 01:40:55,549
- No, no, quite the opposite.

2932
01:40:55,550 --> 01:40:58,093
A-a lady, uh, deckhand,

2933
01:40:58,094 --> 01:41:02,055
who-who-
who shivered my timber.

2934
01:41:02,056 --> 01:41:06,476
She-she circumnavigated
my globe.

2935
01:41:06,477 --> 01:41:09,071
She-she scraped the barnacles
from my bottom.

2936
01:41:09,072 --> 01:41:10,272
- [laughs]

2937
01:41:10,273 --> 01:41:12,613
- And she hoisted,
uh, my mainsail.

2938
01:41:12,614 --> 01:41:14,359
- I get the picture.
- Yes, yes.

2939
01:41:14,360 --> 01:41:15,777
- [laughs]

2940
01:41:15,778 --> 01:41:19,197
- And, of course, the-
the thing is...

2941
01:41:19,198 --> 01:41:22,784
I'm thinking about
hopping aboard again

2942
01:41:22,785 --> 01:41:24,911
before we return home.

2943
01:41:24,912 --> 01:41:27,080
- Really?
- Yes. Yes.

2944
01:41:27,081 --> 01:41:28,957
Slight fly in the ointment,
of course-

2945
01:41:28,958 --> 01:41:30,676
wife, small child back at home.

2946
01:41:30,677 --> 01:41:32,085
- Yeah.

2947
01:41:32,086 --> 01:41:34,546
- I'm-certainly don't want you
to sit in judgment.

2948
01:41:34,547 --> 01:41:35,547
- Oh, Rob, I wasn't.

2949
01:41:35,548 --> 01:41:36,593
- Or to profess an opinion.

2950
01:41:36,594 --> 01:41:37,592
. OKQY-

2951
01:41:37,593 --> 01:41:38,684
- But what do you think?

2952
01:41:38,685 --> 01:41:39,884
- [laughs]

2953
01:41:39,885 --> 01:41:42,262
Oh, God.
Do you know what?

2954
01:41:42,263 --> 01:41:45,604
Hormonal pregnant women
probably aren't the best to ask.

2955
01:41:45,605 --> 01:41:46,943
I don't know, really.

2956
01:41:46,944 --> 01:41:48,311
- Ah.

2957
01:41:53,608 --> 01:41:55,030
" Rob!"

2958
01:41:57,028 --> 01:41:59,613
Rob, are you gonna come in?

2959
01:41:59,614 --> 01:42:00,822
- No, thank you!

2960
01:42:00,823 --> 01:42:02,824
- Go out for a swim?

2961
01:42:02,825 --> 01:42:04,576
- No, thanks!

2962
01:42:04,577 --> 01:42:06,578
- You're missing out!

2963
01:42:06,579 --> 01:42:08,288
- I know!

2964
01:42:08,289 --> 01:42:10,582
- Ah!
- Oh, sit down there.

2965
01:42:10,583 --> 01:42:12,459
<i>'</i> [grunts]

2966
01:42:12,460 --> 01:42:14,053
Oh, this is relaxing.

2967
01:42:15,630 --> 01:42:18,051
- Remember
the end of Roman Holiday,

2968
01:42:18,052 --> 01:42:19,642
when Gregory Peck
and Audrey Hepburn

2969
01:42:19,643 --> 01:42:22,636
have that amazing day together,

2970
01:42:22,637 --> 01:42:25,184
and then she goes back
to being a princess?

2971
01:42:25,185 --> 01:42:28,276
And she gets told about
her duties as a princess.

2972
01:42:28,277 --> 01:42:29,893
And she says,

2973
01:42:29,894 --> 01:42:32,854
"if I wasn't aware
of the importance

2974
01:42:32,855 --> 01:42:36,858
"of my duties to my family
and to my country,

2975
01:42:36,859 --> 01:42:39,203
I wouldn't have ever come back."

2976
01:42:42,990 --> 01:42:43,990
- Joe.

2977
01:42:43,991 --> 01:42:45,033
<i>' “Mm?</i>

2978
01:42:45,034 --> 01:42:46,251
- I'm gonna sell the flat.

2979
01:42:46,252 --> 01:42:47,619
- Really?
- Yeah.

2980
01:42:47,620 --> 01:42:49,245
I'm gonna-
I've been thinking about it.

2981
01:42:49,246 --> 01:42:50,668
I'm gonna get a house
near you guys.

2982
01:42:50,669 --> 01:42:52,082
- Oh, okay.

2983
01:42:52,083 --> 01:42:53,710
- Walking distance.
- Yeah.

2984
01:42:53,711 --> 01:42:55,585
- So you can come over.

2985
01:42:55,586 --> 01:42:58,802
You maybe could come
and live with me if you wanted.

2986
01:42:58,803 --> 01:43:00,215
- Mamie wants to live with Mum.

2987
01:43:00,216 --> 01:43:01,216
- Yeah.

2988
01:43:01,217 --> 01:43:03,426
- And I don't want
to not be with her.

2989
01:43:03,427 --> 01:43:04,427
- Yeah, I know.
I know.

2990
01:43:04,428 --> 01:43:05,553
I mean, no, that's right.

2991
01:43:05,554 --> 01:43:06,771
That's right.
I mean...

2992
01:43:06,772 --> 01:43:10,359
But I'm around the corner
anyway, so you can...

2993
01:43:11,602 --> 01:43:13,228
Have your own key.

2994
01:43:13,229 --> 01:43:14,444
- That scene
at the press conference.

2995
01:43:14,445 --> 01:43:15,439
- YEP-

2996
01:43:15,440 --> 01:43:18,780
- Gregory Peck signals
he's not gonna run the story.

2997
01:43:18,781 --> 01:43:20,904
The photographer
hands back the photos.

2998
01:43:20,905 --> 01:43:22,117
- [exhales sharply]

2999
01:43:22,118 --> 01:43:23,658
That would never happen now.

3000
01:43:23,659 --> 01:43:25,657
- You know they copied that
in Netting <i>Hill?</i>

3001
01:43:25,658 --> 01:43:27,078
You know the scene
in the press conference...

3002
01:43:27,079 --> 01:43:28,077
- Oh, yeah!

3003
01:43:28,078 --> 01:43:29,078
- With Hugh Grant
and Julia Roberts,

3004
01:43:29,079 --> 01:43:30,170
where he says-
he says, "Oh, gosh",

3005
01:43:30,171 --> 01:43:31,334
"crikey, crikey, gosh.

3006
01:43:31,335 --> 01:43:33,248
"I was just wondering, uh,

3007
01:43:33,249 --> 01:43:35,041
"if a person realized, uh,

3008
01:43:35,042 --> 01:43:37,465
that that person
had been a daft prick..."

3009
01:43:37,466 --> 01:43:38,670
- [laughs]

3010
01:43:38,671 --> 01:43:40,342
- 'Whether that person might,
you know,

3011
01:43:40,343 --> 01:43:42,262
"sort of get down
on bended knees

3012
01:43:42,263 --> 01:43:44,634
"and plead with you
to reconsider,

3013
01:43:44,635 --> 01:43:48,054
whether you might,
in fact, reconsider."

3014
01:43:48,055 --> 01:43:50,727
- Well, everyone's a daft prick
sometimes.

3015
01:43:50,728 --> 01:43:52,147
- That's my point, yes.

3016
01:43:52,148 --> 01:43:53,727
Yes, that's my point.

3017
01:43:53,728 --> 01:43:55,103
- You could come over
with your mum,

3018
01:43:55,104 --> 01:43:56,447
if you want,
for supper one night.

3019
01:43:56,448 --> 01:43:57,689
I'll cook for you.

3020
01:43:57,690 --> 01:44:01,035
Try out my mushroom risotto.

3021
01:44:01,944 --> 01:44:03,737
- Sounds good.

3022
01:44:03,738 --> 01:44:05,206
Ifs a work in progress
at the moment,

3023
01:44:05,207 --> 01:44:07,657
but... I'm getting there.

3024
01:44:07,658 --> 01:44:08,875
[laughs]

3025
01:44:11,662 --> 01:44:12,662
Should we go for a swim?

3026
01:44:12,663 --> 01:44:14,165
- Yeah, okay.

3027
01:44:15,916 --> 01:44:18,168
- Of course, in <i>Netting Hill,</i>

3028
01:44:18,169 --> 01:44:20,837
they run off together.

3029
01:44:20,838 --> 01:44:24,048
None of this
sacrificing love for duty.

3030
01:44:24,049 --> 01:44:25,096
- No.

3031
01:44:26,969 --> 01:44:28,971
I prefer
the Roman Holiday ending.

3032
01:44:30,598 --> 01:44:32,191
- Unrequited love.

3033
01:44:33,976 --> 01:44:35,193
Don't really do that anymore.

3034
01:44:36,729 --> 01:44:37,981
- No.

3035
01:44:40,107 --> 01:44:43,109
[opera music swells]

3036
01:44:43,110 --> 01:44:47,115
J "J"