♪ It's hot as hell ♪
♪ it's a cold war ♪
♪ tainted words I left so pure ♪
♪ do I walk away ♪
♪ or let you in, let you in ♪
♪ if I could give you advice ♪
♪ just give up ♪
♪ 'cause you don't want me ♪
♪ to mess you up ♪
♪ but you won't believe ♪
♪ I'm not the one ♪
♪ now saying that you're lovesick ♪
♪ I don't have the cure ♪
♪ it hurts so good to pick your poison ♪
♪ when you're in pain, I enjoy it ♪
♪ your hell is my paradise ♪
♪ paradise ♪
♪ when the sun goes down, it's time to play ♪
♪ and you know that I won't go away ♪
♪ your hell is my paradise ♪
♪ so pick your poison tonight ♪
And last, I would just like to say
good luck in this new chapter of our lives.
Excuse the cliche,
but they say that time flies when you're having fun.
And I don't know about you guys,
but I have had the best time of my life here
at Madison college.
[Crowd giggling] Now...
Point me to the keg.
[Crowd cheering]
♪ Look in the mirror, mascara smeared ♪
♪ sipping belvedere ♪
♪ LA LA like a superstar ♪
♪ stunner shades, oh, it's so cliche ♪
♪ she's no grenade ♪
What a douche.
- Bring it in here, girls. - Why do I get the feeling
we'll be calling Bob senator one day?
In 20 years, that guy's gonna be the president.
Everybody's having a good time.
[Women giggling] I'm already having a good time.
- Dude. - Hey!
Don't start with me.
Look, the first semester, she was totally single,
and you were actually the first person to meet her.
- Yeah, I know. I know I blew it, okay?
I mean, usually I got pretty good game.
But, you know, I get around Elizabeth
and I get all loopy.
Yeah, well...
Speaking of game, how'd the breakup go with Rosie?
What do you mean, how'd it go?
She kicked me in the nuts. - Ooh. Were you wearing?
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
You had to know that was coming. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, here she comes. - Hi, guys.
Hey!
- Hi. - Hey.
What are you guys talking about?
- Baseball and... [Mutters] - Oh.
Guy stuff? - Yeah.
- So macho. - Yeah.
- Yeah, let me get-- who wants a beer?
- Yeah, I'll have-- - Beer? Two beers, three beers?
- I'm okay. Thank you.
So... Tomorrow's graduation.
It's crazy, right?
I know, right? It's like four years
went by like that. [Snaps] - [Laughs] Yeah.
You should fly to visit me in San Diego.
Mm...
Yeah, I don't know.
- You don't-- you don't know if you wanna come see me?
- No, no, it's not-- it's not what you think.
It's... You know. What I told you.
Oh, the claustrophobia stuff.
- Yes, I--
- I kinda thought you were kidding about that.
No. I don't kid about that.
I thought it was just elevators and things like that.
Yeah, it is, but then it kicks in pretty good
The whole fear of plunging to a fiery, screaming death
tends to amplify it a bit. - Right.
We can talk about something else.
Sure. But I do want you to come visit me.
Okay.
Lizzie!
Um, hold on one second.
I guess maybe one regret that I have is that,
you know, with all the stupid boyfriends and girlfriends
that we both had
that you and I never gave it a shot.
Let's make a deal, Mitch.
In ten years, if we haven't married other people,
we marry each other.
What do you say?
Lizzie!
We're gonna leave without you.
Okay. Hold on.
What do you say?
Sure!
I love you so much, Mitch.
I love you too.
Okay. I'll see you soon.
Okay.
- Bye. - Bye.
Huh? So?
How'd it go?
To be honest,
I think I just got engaged.
Now listen, I know what you're all thinking.
Yeah, right, he's gonna wait ten years to marry her.
I will admit, I did think about it.
For about a month.
Now, as you can see, when I go on the first date,
I got it down pretty good. I mean,
look at the way they laugh at my jokes.
You can't fake that.
Although with women, you never really can tell.
But first date-- I'm king.
When we get a little deeper in the relationship...
Mitch, this is the best birthday dinner ever.
You'd better be careful, mister.
I might just use the "I" word tonight.
That's when things go kablooey.
It's your birthday?
[Sobbing]
Don't ever call me again.
For the last time, my name is Eleanor,
not Elizabeth, jerk!
Well, ten years later,
I'm still single.
And I heard that Elizabeth already got married,
so I guess it's just not meant to be.
Okay.
This is from me.
- Thank you, Karen. - Happy Birthday, Mitch.
- Thank you. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, come on.
Look at that.
- Nice watch. What'd that run you?
- Easy! Thank you, Karen.
- You're welcome. [Giggles]
Seriously, I, uh, I feel truly blessed
to have friends like you.
Are these wonderful gifts are just too much, so...
- You're welcome! - Thank you.
Most of you.
Is this a party, or what?
[Laughter]
- Look at you! You made it!
Hey, dude, I took the last ferry from montauk,
got here in no time. - And yet, you never visit.
- Nice hat. - Thank you very much.
This is my good friend Dave breem
from college, everybody.
This a birthday party or a funeral?
Come on! - Funeral.
Hey, hey, hey, easy.
Now, who scored this month's bonus
and is picking up tonight's check, huh?
- To Mitch. All: To Mitch.
- Thank you very much. - Salud.
Waitress!
Another round. Cheap stuff?
Good night, ladies!
Hey, guys, it's last call.
Would you like anything else before I close out your tab?
No, I think just the check, thanks.
Uh, um...
I would like to buy me and my buddy
two shots of whiskey.
Why don't you, uh... Keep the change?
[Chuckles] Huh?
You always know the right thing to do, man.
That is because I'm the ying to your Yang.
Oh!
- What? Oh, my-- dude.
Happy Birthday.
- Come on! - Mm-hmm.
You kept this?
Ten years, man. How you holding up?
Eh.
Man, if she only waited,
we would have been great together.
Yeah, I know.
Eh. Stupid to think a girl like her
can go ten years and not find somebody.
I mean, it's not like I didn't try.
I mean, I scoured the Internet, you know?
Facebook, Twitter-- nothing.
This woman's off the grid. Thank you.
- Well, what if I told you--
- oh, my God, who ordered the cabo?
Seriously, I said bottom shelf, guys!
You know what? I bet you it was damn Carl.
- Dude, would you stop? In two seconds,
you're not even gonna care about that.
Yeah, that I'd like.
Then this you'll love.
You sitting down? - Yeah, Dave.
I'm sitting down. - Okay, okay.
She never got married.
- No way. - Yes, way!
- No, no, no, 'cause I read in the alumni mag--
are you messing with me?
- I'm not messing with you. - Don't mess with me.
- I'm not messing with you. In fact, I'm trying to help you.
I read the same thing too. But I called the alumni office.
She never got married.
This is her last known address in San Diego.
San Diego.
- Happy Birthday! - [Laughing]
It's meant to be, man! - This might be meant to be.
- This is really meant to be. - This might be meant to be.
I'll drink to that.
- Mmm! - Oh, my God.
Ugh... - Give me my change!
Dude, there's such better Mexican in this town.
Why do you keep going to this dump?
- 'Cause it's got-- it's fiesta hour.
We got, you know, free drinks.
- Uhh... But it's-- ugh.
So what are you gonna do?
Be honest?
Probably same thing I've always done-- nothing.
Can I be honest?
That's stupid, man. Come on-- go after the girl!
She lives a long way away, and I am terrified of flying.
Then drive.
What about my job?
- You hate your job. - What about my fish?
- I'll feed your fish. - What about my plants?
- I'll water 'em. - What if she
doesn't love me back? - [Whining] Well, what if she
love me back? - All right.
- [Sobbing] - You're an animal.
- Come on, man. What if she does?
You'll never know unless you get in this car
and go find out.
[Car horn honks]
[Laughing] Yo, yo!
Thanks for the cocktails!
- Carl? - Yeah.
- Douche. - Douche.
- We're heading to val's. You and your buddy wanna come?
- Yeah, Mitch, come on. Come for a night cap.
- Yeah, Mitch. Come!
I'm gonna have to pass.
What, do you got something better to do?
Yes, I do.
I'm going to San Diego.
[Both laughing] - Yeah! All right!
I'll come.
♪ Riding a narrow road ♪
♪ under skies so blue ♪
♪ hiding that I am ♪
♪ I'm searching for you ♪
♪ along the passersby ♪
♪ I keep looking in vain ♪
♪ day after day I ride ♪
♪ towards the setting sun ♪
♪ on the road traveled less ♪
Okay, so driving across country
and just showing up at her place with no warning?
Some people might think it's crazy.
Or creepy. But I think it's romantic.
[Jazzy music] - ♪ Toing and froing ♪
♪ gotta get 'em now, gotta get your goal ♪
♪ gotta figure out what the hell you know on your own ♪
♪ time to push the envelope, runnin' out of rope ♪
♪ slipping down the slope, looking for answers ♪
♪ I can't seem to find ♪
Bam.
Uh!
[Shrilly] ♪ hey ♪
♪ ♪
♪ hey ♪
♪ I'm wastin' my time ♪
♪ get some more of the story ♪
♪ into the grind ♪
♪ ♪
♪ gotta get 'em now, gotta get your goal ♪
♪ gotta figure out-- ♪
[Exhales]
[Urinating]
Wow, you're a long way away from home.
Hey, there. - Uh, hi.
- Where ya headed? - Uh, San Diego.
- You look exhausted. How long you been driving?
- Sheesh. About 11 hours.
What's your name, patriot?
- Mitch. - Hey, Mitch.
Nice to meet ya. I'm Laura.
- Hi. - You know, I run
a bed and breakfast just up the road.
- Oh, well, uh... That's okay.
- Come on. I didn't meant to startle ya.
But you just look too cute not to meet.
I got a nice bed and a hot shower.
I was even gonna cook.
You like spicy?
Yeah, I don't know. [Laughs]
Mmm. Oh, my gosh.
That was fantastic.
Thank you. - That's sweet.
There's more if you like. - After 11 hours of driving
and three glasses of wine and a meal like that...
Just point me to bed. I am done.
- Mmm. Bed. That sounds real nice.
- Oh-- - [Giggling]
You really are cute.
[Cell phone rings]
Don't move.
- Wh--
- hello.
Oh, hey, Rudy.
[Whispers] It's my brother.
It'll just be a sec.
- Okay. - Really?
That's kinda last minute.
But I have a guest here.
All right, I'll see ya in a bit.
My brother and his friends get together once a week
and they lost their usual place, so...
He asked if he could come here.
But I said he had to be real quiet.
[Chuckling] Um...
- [Squeals] - [Muttering]
I'll just...
Probably... - Okay.
Who is she, and what's her name?
What do you mean?
Uh...
Elizabeth.
I haven't seen her since college,
and we made this pact back then
that if we weren't married in ten years,
we were gonna marry each other.
So here it is ten years later,
and, uh... I'm gonna track her down.
You made the old friend college
ten-year pact?
Sounds kinda dumb when you say it like that.
No, it is kinda dumb.
- Maybe, but... I have to try.
Are you sure?
If I had a nickel
for every time a beautiful woman like yourself
tried to take me to bed, including right now...
You'd have a nickel?
Maybe a dime.
Well, she's lucky to have you,
even if she doesn't know it.
Thank you.
I would love to find some guy
to take me away from this life.
You? I'm sure you have plenty of offers.
I seem to be attracted to losers.
[Both laughing]
Wait a minute.
Did she just call me a loser?
I haven't felt that awkward since my first day of college.
[Overlapping chatter, laughter]
- Here we go. - Whoop! Yeah.
- College! - All right!
- Got in. - [Chuckling]
- Mitch. - Oh.
I'm Dave. - Hey.
Cool! - Okay, all right.
This'll work.
Now that that's settled, I'm gonna go take a whiz.
College! - College.
[Men chanting]
O-ma-o-ma-my-ma...
- What the f--
[thud] [Gasps]
[Chanting continues]
[Muffed] Aah! Ohh!
Ohh!
[Knock at door] - Mitch?
A-are you all right?
I'm fine.
Thank you.
I thought I heard a crash in there.
Uh...
I just dropped some change on the table.
I'm good.
Honey, can you open the door, please?
Ohh...
[Tensely] Coming.
[Groans] Ohh... Ooh.
See? All good.
Actually, I'm glad you're awake.
Oh, really?
My brother and his friends are outside,
and he'd like to meet you. - Your brother what?
- He'd like to meet you. - Do you think
that's a good idea? I mean, he seems...
Pretty busy with the boys and all.
Laura! Get your sorry butt out here with your friend now.
Rudy, don't push me!
Mitch is getting dressed
and will be out in a minute!
Sorry. - That's okay.
[Laughs] If you could... If you could just get dressed
and come out with me, it would be really great.
I'll be out in a sec.
Okay.
I'm dead!
[Laughter]
I knew about you as soon as I met you.
As did I you, sir.
- Sir. - Sir?
Well, look out, everybody.
Here comes sir Rudy!
[Laughter]
- Well, I gotta get going. Got a long drive ahead of me.
Hey, listen, we are gonna be out in Zuma
in the next couple weeks.
If you need any help, you call.
Deal? - Deal.
- ♪ Ah! ♪ - ♪ Ah! ♪
And thanks for that all-American burger.
You're welcome.
I know he can be an obnoxious jerk.
But he's my brother. - It's family.
Hey, Laura, thank you for everything.
And take care of yourself. - You too, darling.
Now, go find Elizabeth.
[Motorcycles revving]
Have your friend call me.
Will do.
[Strumming banjo]
♪ So hot, look at that body ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ooh, girl ♪
♪ I'm gonna do something naughty ♪
[Phone rings]
Strawberries and cream.
♪ If you know this-- ♪ [Ringing]
Listen, babe, wait.
[Ringing]
Yello?
Hey, man.
- Oh, hey, man! Where are you?
- Texas. - Texas?
Only two things in Texas--
and you're not a steer.
- How's it going? You got a number for me?
- Sorry, but you're really... Not gonna like this.
Aw, dude, after the night I had,
it's not even gonna matter. Just shoot.
[Spits, seed clatters] Yeah, she doesn't
live in, um, San Diego.
She lives in Hawaii. Hawaii?
- Yeah, dude, Hawaii. But look, you can do this.
How am I gonna get to Hawaii?
Is there a boat? - No, dude.
Not unless you want to spend $5,000.
But you can take a flight.
[Grunting]
[Honking horn] What the--
- I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.
I will book you-- come here. I'll book you a ticket.
Right there. Perfect, baby, just--
- all right, look, just book it.
And I got the number of a smoking hot woman
I'll give you, okay?
- Oh, really? One sec.
How hot?
Just book the ticket.
- All right, okay. Guess what.
All right, one second. Ooh... Pow!
All right, mm-hmm.
You owe me $600. [Chuckling]
- Fine. - Call you back.
I'm in the middle of something. Safe flight.
Ooh! Hit me one time.
- We got you in 21b. It's a middle seat.
Apologize. That's all we have.
Have a good flight. Mahalo.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
Please make sure you are with your bags at all times.
Do not leave bags unattended.
[Thud]
You okay?
'Cause you don't look well.
- I-I don't like flying.
- Oh, God, me neither. It's just gross.
Hey, look, uh...
I was gonna pound half of this before the flight.
No need to waste it. You wanna share?
How'd you get that past security?
- I lifted it off a duty-free.
Welcome to the amarillo international airport.
For your safety, please obey the following
airport guidelines.
Drink deeply.
- [Coughs] - Yeah.
[P.A. Announcement continues in background]
- Oh, my goodness. Come to daddy.
Mm.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- [Coughs] - Mm! Mm!
[Laughing]
[Coughs]
- Oh, yeah, baby. - [Hoarsely] Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
You're welcome.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
We are now boarding aloha flight 3345
to Honolulu.
- Um... That's me. Is that you?
- Uh, that's me. - Yah, that's us.
That's good. That's us.
All right.
I'll, uh... See you on the plane.
All righty.
Keep that. It's for you.
Boarding group 4.
Only those passengers with a 4 on their boarding pass
should come to the gate.
[Cell phone rings]
Ah! We're going down!
I'm so sorry. It's my phone.
I'm sorry. It's Dave.
Hello. - Dude, oh, good, I got you.
Where are you? - I'm boarding right now.
- No! Get off. I was wrong.
Elizabeth is not in Hawaii.
She's-- [Mutters].
- Yeah. - Your pilot's drunk.
- Don't get on the plane. - Where am I going?
- She's in Pasadena. - Pasadena?
You're welcome.
- Morning. - Morning, honey.
Anything in there that I need to know?
Once again, not unless you like politics.
Mm, my favorite.
I don't know how you read that day after day.
Doesn't it drive you nuts?
If you don't read about what's going on
in this country, Elizabeth,
how can you expect to be an educated voter?
- Vote? What's that?
Mom, I'm kidding. God.
I was thinking of going over
and taking in a movie today.
Care to join me? - I would love to,
but I have an appointment with Mrs. Stanton and her kids.
The family you sponsor?
Yeah. They're part of my training.
Three weeks, and then I'm a full-time social worker.
And I have to go get ready for work.
What time did they say buddy was gonna be ready?
- 5:00. - Thank you.
Turn on rush in the car.
She must be unlisted, 'cause I got nothing.
- No, I know, I tried-- I tried everybody.
What would you do-- did you try Becky?
Maybe you should give her a call.
- Oh, Becky? - Hey.
That chick scares me.
Ah...
Yeah, try Becky and then get back to me, all right?
- I'll text her. - Okay.
Take care, buddy. - Peace!
- God! - Don't freak out.
- Whoa-- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the hell you doing with my girl?
- I wasn't doing anything! - Shut up!
- J-just don't cut me. - I said shut up.
Damn it, Eddie, just leave me alone.
So, uh... How long this been going on?
There's nothing going on.
He gives me everything you don't.
- What? - What?
You just don't love me!
So I don't love you, huh?
Then what's this then?
What the hell am I supposed to do with that?
Fine.
Choke on it. - Hey!
Is that how you want her to remember the big question?
Listen, do you know how long
some people wait their whole lives
to be with the one person they love,
and you two morons have found each other,
and you're wasting precious time
acting like children.
Now, she obviously loves you
if she's jumping in a car with a complete stranger...
Right?
- Right. - Looking to get your attention.
Now, he obviously loves you
if he's willing to go to prison for life over you.
Well, it'd probably be 10 to 12 for good behavior.
The point is the two of you are right here right now,
and you know what you want.
I'm so sorry, baby.
I just get worried you're gonna leave me.
I love you so much,
and I want you to be my one and only.
Oh, Eddie, I just want you so bad right now.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Why don't you hop back here
and give me some of that sweet-smelling sugar.
- I'm, uh... I'm gonna step out.
Daddy's waiting for you, baby.
♪ New car, caviar ♪
♪ living like a superstar ♪
♪ she's no hater, just a taker ♪
♪ bona fide love faker ♪
♪ just a hard heart breaker ♪
♪ looking for a money-maker ♪
♪ hey ♪
I wouldn't know, but I imagine
the sex right after a marriage proposal's pretty good.
I just hope it's quick too. And not messy.
♪ Round, get that dirty money ♪
♪ round, you'll never take it from me ♪
♪ give her bling, diamond rings ♪
♪ give her gold by the pound ♪
♪ money money money money ♪
♪ makes the girls go round ♪
- Four-letter word...
For a female ending in "unt."
Ha. Aunt.
A-u-n-t.
[Ringing]
Carter residence.
Mrs. Carter.
- Yes. [Beep]
- H-hello?
H--
hello?
Damn it.
[Ringing] - Yes?
- Mrs. Carter-- - Whatever you're selling,
I'm not buying.
But thank you for trying.
[Siren whooping]
You on the cell phone, pull over now!
[Cheerfully] Welcome to California.
[Ringing]
Hello.
- Hi, Mrs. Carter. Please don't hang up.
- Who is this? Is this acorn?
No. My name's Mitch Becker.
I'm an old college friend of Elizabeth's.
I was trying to get in touch with her.
- Uh-huh. Pecker.
No. Becker, with a "B."
- Oh. Oh, Mitch!
Mitch! Oh, I'm so sorry.
I was trying to get in touch with Elizabeth.
I'm in town. I'd like to see her.
Oh, she'll be so excited to hear from you.
Oh, my goodness. Listen, do you have
one of those G.S.P. thingies in your car?
If you do, you could meet her at the dog groomer.
She's picking up her dog at 5:00.
- That'd be great. Um...
Well, let me get you the address then.
Oh, she'll be so surprised to see you!
[Arf]
[Dogs barking loudly]
- Hi, Lizzie. - Hey, Sally.
Is buddy ready? - You betcha.
I'll go get him.
- Thanks. [Loud barking]
[Cell phone rings] - [Shouting] Knock it off!
Shut up!
Hey, I said quiet!
Go see mommy. There she is!
- How are you? How do you feel, boy?
- He did great, as always. - Oh, thanks.
You wanna go on a run later?
Okay! - How's the training going?
Good. I'm almost done.
Sounds crazy back there. How are you?
Uh, honestly, I'm thinking cats.
[Woof] - Buddy, no!
- Ohh! God!
- Oh, my gosh! Buddy, stay!
Bad dog! Sir, are you okay?
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
- [Muttering] - Are you all right?
Oh, my God, I feel so bad.
Elizabeth.
Mitch?
[Dog barking]
Back soon, mom.
- Welcome home, buddy. [Woof]
[Car horn honks]
Elizabeth: Pink toenail Polish.
[Mitch chuckles] I got beaten up.
[Both laughing]
- I'm speechless! - No.
It's really you. - It's really me.
You look great.
I was just about to say the same thing about you.
So what are you doing here?
You look like you need to tell me something.
Are you sick? You're not sick, are you?
- No. No, no. Uh...
What about you?
Last I heard, you were married.
Hmm. Uh, no, not yet.
I was going to, and that didn't happen.
It wasn't, um...
Really my choice.
What about you?
- Me. - Mm-hmm.
- Married? [Laughs]
I would have thought you'd be married by now.
Funny you should say that.
- Why? - It's...
It's funny because I...
I, um...
Have to go to the bathroom,
and I will be right back.
- [Laughs] Okay. - Excuse me.
Oh, come on, Mitch.
Get it together, man!
You've been waiting on this.
It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be good.
You got this. You got this.
Really. 'Cause now you're talking to your penis.
That's fantastic.
Great.
Elizabeth...
We made a promise to each other
ten years ago.
I'm here to honor that promise.
I'm here to say to you, "will you marry me?"
I'm sorry.
Good luck, bro.
[Ahem].
[Clearing throat]
Jake, remember how I told you about
my college best friend who was a guy,
and you said that it was impossible
for guys and girls to be friends,
'cause the guy always wants to get in the girl's pants?
Well, no, babe, what I actually said was only guys
who are friends with attractive women can't be.
Jake Jones, meet my college best friend Mitch Becker.
- How you doing? - Nice to meet you.
- Oh, wait a minute. I do remember!
Yeah, from some of the college photos that you showed me.
- Yes! - I didn't recognize you
without that perm.
Ha ha ha.
Knock it off.
- I'm just messing around. Friend?
- Friends. - Good. That's better.
Because I could not have you come to my wedding
hating my fiance.
Huh?
Jake and I are getting married.
Really?
Congratulations.
When?
Ten days.
That's fantastic!
You should stay for the wedding!
Would you?
Well, while he contemplates that,
I'll go ahead and pay the check.
- I'll get it. - Okay.
Just tell him I'll be there in a sec.
I'm on my way, okay?
God!
Oh, wait a minute. I have something for you.
- You do? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here you go. - No!
Babe, it's beautiful. Thank you.
Wait a minute. I just gave you a wedding ring.
I need a little something extra than that.
Mmm. - Mm. Thank you.
She didn't think I could get the ring resized
in time for the wedding. - I didn't say that.
But I did, and she was wrong.
Like she always is. - Okay, don't listen to him.
I am not always wrong. - Oh, really?
What about the Christmas party last year-- remember?
You're gonna bring up the Christmas party?
- Yeah, I'm-- you gotta hear this, rich.
This is hysterical. - Mitch.
We're at this lame Christmas party last year,
something for her mom's whatever.
- Nice. - They finally break out
this karaoke machine, so I start doing
a couple of ll cool j songs. It was hilarious.
Seriously. - Honestly, it was awful.
- It was awesome. Are you kidding?
The early stuff. Not the later crap.
Anyway, so we get ready to leave at the end of the night
and then Elizabeth here starts dousing
her Debbie downer spray all over the place,
getting on my case about drinking too much,
having too much fun, we gotta call a cab.
So did you?
- No, I didn't call a cab. She called a cab.
But I was fine to drive. - No, you weren't.
That's why I called the cab. - Point is
is that she was wrong. She was wrong about that.
She's wrong about this thing. She's wrong a lot of the time.
I think we get it, okay?
- I think it's cute, though. - Hey, okay. Um...
How about where I could get a hotel around here.
No. You'll just stay with me and my mom.
Whoa, whoa, we got a big week ahead of us.
We got the wedding. We got the race.
- What race? - Jake and I have been training
for this couples marathon for like six months.
- Couples marathon. - Yeah.
It's a pretty big deal.
They only let like 12 couples even do it.
You should come with us tomorrow.
What, you want him to go to the race too?
Yeah, fine, why don't you come to the bridal shower
while you're at it? - Well, I don't want to impose.
You're not imposing, and I'm not gonna take no for an answer.
We have the perfect guest room.
Okay.
And you'll stay for the wedding?
- Sure. - It's gonna be
just like old times!
- Just like old times. - Sweetheart,
we really gotta get going.
I have to go see Jake's dad for a couple of things
for the wedding, but I'll see you at the house.
Do you remember how to get there?
Yeah, yeah. It's in the GPS.
- Okay. See you. - Later, rich.
It's Mitch.
Computer: Turn left.
In one mile, turn left.
You have arrived at your destination.
[Phone ringing]
- Yello. - Yeah, hey, it's me.
- Oh, hey! - Yeah, good job, nostradamus.
She's getting married in ten days.
All right, that's great!
No, not to me.
Oh...
I did not predict that.
Yeah. I got a prediction.
When I get home, I'm gonna-- [Beep]
- Hi. - Hi, Joyce, how are you?
- Good to see you. - You too.
Could you please tell my father I'm here to see him?
- Sure. - Thanks.
Sir, your son is here.
No, he's with Elizabeth.
Oh, okay.
You can go in. Thanks.
- Thanks. - Oh, I'm sorry.
He just said Jake, Elizabeth.
Ah. It's okay. Just go.
[Sighs] Damn it.
Didn't I tell you to come alone?
She was with me. What could I do?
You drop her off at home on the way.
Have a seat.
What do you want, dad?
Big Chinese exporter's thinking about hiring this firm.
That's great, but what does that have to do with me?
It always has something to do with you.
Don't you wanna run this firm one day?
Are you thinking about letting me handle the account?
[Laughs] No. What, do you think I'm crazy?
Then why am I here, dad?
- Um... You and, uh,
you and her doing okay?
I mean, the wedding's still on?
Well, if by her you mean Elizabeth,
then the answer's yes, the wedding's still on.
She sign the prenup?
So that's it?
Good old dad looking out for the family interests?
And forget about love,
but let's just make sure the money's safe, right?
Did she sign the prenup?
- Yeah. Yeah, she signed it.
Two days ago.
- Well, that's good, son. That's good.
I can't afford any--
I mean, we can't afford any problems,
any surprises.
The Chinese believe that a good home life
is essential to a good work life,
and their vetting process is extremely thorough.
Any shenanigans could blow this whole deal,
and we're talking big dollars.
I would appreciate it if you didn't
embarrass your family or this firm.
Not to worry, dad.
I'll do my best not to embarrass you.
Good. Now that we're on the same page,
you can go.
- Is this it right here? - Yeah, this is it.
Oh, buddy, get down!
- Oh, that's okay, Mrs. Carter.
I'm a dog person.
Good news for you, buddy.
Look,
I call you Mitch.
Why don't you just call me Donna?
- Okay. Thank you, Donna. - You're welcome.
You're welcome. If you need anything, ask buddy.
[Woof]
- Okay. - All right?
I'll be right downstairs. - Thank you.
Hi.
Now what, huh?
You're not gonna say anything
about what just happened in there?
You know, I think it's really ridiculous
that you got this guy staying at your place.
Who, Mitch?
What's wrong with Mitch?
Elizabeth, it's ten days before our wedding.
Now, all of a sudden, you have some ex-boyfriend--
- he's not my ex-boyfriend. - That's right.
He's your best friend.
And ten days before our wedding,
he decides to shack up with you at your place?
- Oh, come on. - Actually, it's not
even your place, though, is it?
It's my place.
[Laughs] I...
I can't believe you would throw that in my face.
You knew my mom and I's situation.
You're the one that came up with the idea
for us to live there.
I don't know what your dad said to you up there,
but please stop taking it out on me, okay?
You gonna sign the prenup?
What?
Are you gonna sign the prenup?
- Jake, I haven't even really had a chance to read--
- Elizabeth, I really need you to sign that.
Well, I've had a lot on my mind with the race
and the wedding. I'm working...
Really? You've had a lot on your mind?
I've had a lot on my mind too.
I've had the race on my mind, the wedding on my mind.
I have this prenup on my mind
that you seem to never want to talk about.
Now guess what-- now I have Mitch on my mind.
Thanks for that. Some dweeb I don't even know
who's staying with my-soon-to-be wife
in the house that I paid for.
I really don't want to talk to you about this right now, okay?
Can you please just take me home?
Fine.
I'm sorry. I love you.
Love you too.
TV host: Welcome back.
Okay, now there has been a lot of talk about voter fraud,
and we are here to discuss-- - Hey, Donna?
- Hey. - Yeah, I was gonna
go grab a beer. Is anyplace close by?
Oh. Up the street, there's lucky's.
Perfect. Can you tell Elizabeth where I am?
Of course. I think buddy and I can handle that.
Right, buddy?
Have fun. - Thank you.
[Thwack] - Ooh!
Ah-oh! - Hey, groin shots
are off-limits.
Anything else is fair game.
Hi.
Hey. What can I get you?
I'll just have a beer, please.
Sure.
[Background chatter]
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Would you like to start a tab?
- Sure. - [Whipping sound] Aah!
What is that?
It's called the whipping post.
I'll have a beer too.
Put it on this guy's tab. - Oh!
[Applause] - Where's Elizabeth?
- I dropped her home. - Ah.
What are you doing here?
Don't you have a big race tomorrow?
What are you doing here?
I'm just having a beer.
No. What are you doing here?
Why would anybody do that to themselves?
I knew you were a wussy from the moment I met you.
- I'm not a wussy. I'm just not stupid.
Oh, yeah?
Prove it.
No.
[Laughs] See? Wussy.
You actually challenging me to a rat tail competition?
Tell you what.
Bet 1,000 to your 100 you tap out first.
- Hey, everybody. Jake just bet $1,000 to...
I'm sorry, what's your name? - Bitch.
- Mitch. - To Mitch that he can
take him in the whipping post!
[Cheers and applause]
[Chanting] Whipping post, whipping post!
Whipping post, whipping post,
whipping post, whipping post,
whipping-- - Let's do this.
Whipping post, whipping post!
Whoo!
Let's do it!
Okay, mates, here are the rules.
Trade off whips with your towels until someone taps out.
You tap out, you lose.
No head or groin shots. Everything else is fair game.
If after five whips there's still no winner,
we dunk those towels in ice water, boys.
Understand?
- Yeah, I understand... - Yeah, okay.
Let's whip it out, boys.
[Crowd whooping]
So, uh, you know, how does this get going here?
Are these regulation towels?
- Oh! - Ooh!
See that, see that?
Kick his ass, Nate!
- Come on. - See what you got.
- Ow! [Applause, murmuring]
Seems kinda dumb.
[Laughter]
- Ah! [Crowd murmuring]
- Wanna tap out? - I'm good.
Okay. Okay. - Sure you wanna do this,
college friend?
Ow! God! - Right in the nipple.
- That's a good shot. Good shot.
Need a break in this, or what?
No, we keep going.
Oh. - Whoo!
[Murmuring, laughter]
[Mutters] Man, what--
oh, God! - Oh!
- That was right there! That was--
- sorry. I don't know. I've never done it before.
- Keep your whips up. - All right, I'll keep it up.
- Get this guy? - We keeping score or...
- Ooh! - That was a little high.
No, I know, it's-- - Let's keep it down.
- You want out? You good?
You w-- ow! Son of a--
[crowd whooping, applauding]
You felt that one, didn't ya?
[Groaning]
Ow! He's hitting the same spot!
Come on! Can't he move it around a little bit?
- You all right? - Yeah!
One-trick pony?
Oh, what were the rules again?
Mm!
[Muffled sounds]
[Slow-motion growling]
[Thwack]
Aah!
These two idiots have actually made it
to the wet whip.
It is now time for these two fools
to whip each other at the same time.
[Cheers and applause]
Just bow out, man.
- That's not gonna happen. You bow out.
- Let's go. Come on.
[Crowd chatter]
Okay, let's whip it out, boys.
Let's whip it out.
[Whooping, chatter]
- Hey! [Thud]
Are you both crazy?
That's it. Show's over.
- Boo! - Come on!
What were you both thinking?
Talk about this tomorrow?
I'm good with that.
I'm taking Mitch home.
And I'm gonna see you at 10:00 A.M.
Man: What is that, your mom? Ha ha ha!
Come on! - You had him, Jake.
Thanks.
Somebody should tend to those wounds,
but you're definitely too drunk to drive.
You got any suggestions?
I live right upstairs.
♪ Tell me what the hell ♪
♪ are you thinking of ♪
♪ when you say ♪
♪ you say that I'm not ♪
♪ everything you want ♪
Mitch: Ah...
Ohh... Oh!
Gah! Ah!
What the hell were you thinking?
Do you need some help?
If you've come to yell at me,
I think I'm suffering enough as it is.
I'm not gonna yell at you.
- Here. - What the hell
were you thinking? - Oh, my gosh.
- Oh... - [Hisses]
Ah! - I'm sorry.
[Laughs] Ow...
Oh, my gosh!
Where did you find this?
Oh. Friggin' Dave.
He was busting my balls about that, so...
You ate so many hot dogs that day.
27. I remember every one of them.
I ate a lot too.
If memory serves, you had three.
- Three is a lot. - Three's a lot?
Yes. I mean, not as many as 27, but...
Well, no, yeah, look at my face,
and, you know, look at yours.
We're babies.
Okay. I'm off to bed.
Good night.
Hey. Don't you judge me.
[Chuckles]
[Kissing]
You wanna sleep together?
- College. - College.
[Clattering] - Come on, open!
Hi.
I can't get my door open.
You think you could help me out?
Your door...
Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah, it's stuck. - Um...
Your door's stuck. Yeah, let me, uh,
let me take a look.
All runners should be making your way
to registration now.
[Sighs]
He said 10:00 A.M.
Right?
Yeah.
Maybe he got held up.
I don't know, but I can't wait for him anymore.
I'm gonna go register, okay?
We'll be right here, honey.
Donna, what's the deal with this guy?
[Laughs] I don't know.
Oh, Mitch, I don't know.
Speak of the devil...
[Rock music blasting]
Hey!
[Music stops] Hey, where have you been?
And what-- why aren't you dressed for the race?
- What-- what?
Oh, my God!
Are you drunk? - No, I'm not drunk.
I was drunk. I'm just hung over now.
Mitch, could you grab his stuff?
- Hey, don't-- don't-- don't touch my stuff, bro.
All right?
If she sees you like this, it will kill her.
Relax, Donna.
Give me a break. Where is she?
She's at registration.
Hey, I wasn't talking to you, dirt bag!
You know, we could finish
what we started last night if you want.
- All right, let's go, 12-step.
Oh, great.
[Scoffs] That's what I thought.
Let's do this thing.
Ow! Ow! - Nate--
[Whimpering]
Get away from me!
Ah... Uh...
I'll go find a doctor.
- What happened? - You do that!
Whatever happens, do not tell Elizabeth
you've been drinking.
- Just quit yelling at me! God, I have a headache!
- Good luck to you. - Thank you.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Team name. - Welcome back, Carter.
Okay.
Here you go. These are for you.
- Thanks. - I'll see you
at the starting line. - Okay.
- Next. Team name.
- I'm not gonna be too sure until I look at some x-rays.
But what I see so far looks like a high ankle sprain.
Ow! Ow!
Oh, no, what happened?
Speak.
- I-it was a freak accident, babe.
I stepped out of the car and I rolled my ankle.
Is that the truth?
Mitch.
It's pretty much what I saw.
Do you think there's any possibility
of him running today? - Babe, he's a doctor.
I can't run. - Like I say,
I gotta look at some x-rays.
So that's it?
What about Mrs. Stanton and her kids?
I think the pledges will understand.
Final call for registration.
I don't think so.
Well, we're not gonna find out,
'cause I'll run.
- What? - If you'll have me.
I will so have you.
Can you handle Jake?
Mitch and I have a race to run.
- Wait, whoa-- wait, wait, wait--
- go get 'em, guys. - Wait, I--
- shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- Ow! - All couples should be
making their way to the starting line.
I got it, I got it.
How long is this thing anyway?
Probably best if you don't know.
Just remember, keep an even pace
and remember that you're doing it
for Mrs. Stanton and her kids.
Mrs. Stanton and her kids. Right.
Okay. This gonna mess up my pedicure?
The Pasadena couples marathon is about to begin.
I should have gone to the bathroom first, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, do not break your connection,
or you will be disqualified.
Also, make sure you stay in the course,
especially when you hit trail hill.
- Trail what? - Shh!
- There-- there's a hill?
In your position.
On your marks...
Get set...
[Starting gun fires]
But you took control of me ♪
♪ you pulled the rug from under my feet ♪
♪ so this is the way it's supposed to be ♪
♪ I never knew a love like this ♪
♪ when I was searching forever ♪
♪ to find someone better to show me ♪
♪ a love like this ♪
- Ow! - Oh, stop complaining.
Donna, I can do it by myself, all right?
- Oh, shut up. I'm helping.
I can't believe she's running that race with Mitch.
I bet they don't even finish.
- Oh, ho! She will.
I just hope Mitch survives.
♪ Jesus is on the main line ♪
♪ tell him what you want ♪
♪ oh, Jesus is on the main line ♪
♪ tell him what you want ♪
♪ Jesus is on the main line ♪
♪ tell him what you want ♪
♪ call him up and tell him what you want ♪
♪ Jesus is on the main line ♪
♪ tell him what you want ♪
♪ oh, Jesus is on the main line ♪
♪ tell him what you want ♪
♪ Jesus is on the main line ♪
♪ tell him what you want ♪
♪ call him up ♪ - Good job, guys.
♪ And tell him what you want ♪
So he just stepped in, huh?
- I know. Crazy, right?
Yeah. Well, we have checkpoints all over this place.
If they were to have quit,
we would have found out by now.
Come on, baby!
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
Come on, baby!
- Oh, wow. - Whoo, whoo, whoo.
Are you all right? Are you all right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, my gosh. - Hey, hey.
You okay? - Oh, my gosh!
Should we call an ambulance? Oh!
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.
Put your arm around me. Hold on.
Oh, look at this. Oh, my God!
- Go, Lizzie! - You all right?
- Mitch! Here, sweetheart.
Oh, my God.
You okay? Come on.
As I get closer and closer to Elizabeth,
I'm beginning to feel more and more confident about this.
Morning, sunshine.
Good morning, mommy.
[Giggles] Mommy?
- You're not my mom! - Mm-mm.
Good thing.
- Oh. Oh, God, it hurts to move.
I figured it would.
That way, you can't kick me out.
[Chuckles]
Doesn't it remind you of when we were camping?
I could stay here all day.
I don't think I have a choice.
[Sighs]
I think I left my credit card at the bar the other night.
Lizzie!
Are you up? - Uh, yeah.
Just got a call from the wedding photographer.
He needs to change his appointment
to 10:30 A.M. tomorrow.
- Okay. Thank you. - You're welcome!
I actually forgot I had that appointment today.
I'm sorry, Liz, I have to ask.
Yes?
Why are you marrying this guy?
Excuse me?
No, I'm just saying, it's...
From what I've seen, you're not very happy with him.
And if you don't mind me saying,
he's kind of a dick.
Wow.
What, you disagree?
What would you like for me to do, Mitch?
Do you want me to dump Jake and marry you?
[Stammering]
And who do you think you are,
you're gonna come here after ten years
and you're gonna judge me?
- Wait a second. For-- ow.
For your information,
I barely made it through Texas
coming out here to find you.
If I want to judge, I'll judge!
Okay, now we're gonna play that card?
The "I worked so hard to find you"?
Come on, give me a break.
It's no card.
- Fine. I'll bite.
[Men chanting] - Laura!
There he is. [Laughing]
- Hey, Rudy-- - Come here, you!
Bring it in. Bring it in.
So... I heard you're spending the night at my sister's.
- Uh, yes, sir. - Did you have sex with her yet?
- Rudy! - Sorry.
I'm just kidding. But I heard she's good.
I'm just kidding!
Hey, would you like to hang out with us a bit?
Me and my boys, we're gonna be hanging around the fire,
saying a couple chants.
What kinda chants?
Well, number one, our lord and savior, J.C.
J...
Jesus Christ.
Right.
Can I ask what the bonfire's about?
I mean, don't you guys usually burn... crosses?
Whoa, whoa.
Who do you think we are?
K.K.K.?
[Stamps] What would make you say that?
It might have something to do with the white robes.
- Laura, first of all, they're not white--
they're taupe.
You've heard of the hell's angels?
- Of course. - Well, they are
the heaven's angels.
- Oh... - We're a small group,
but we're growing fast.
The robes are what they call angel shrouds.
Yo, Rudy, the boys are getting restless waiting on you.
How much longer we gotta wait?
Would you like to join us for our ceremony this evening?
If I refuse?
I'll just have the boys come over and, uh,
they'll just kick the snot outta you.
Let's chant!
All right, well, you boys have fun.
I'm outta here. - You're going?
Oh, yeah.
- Let's go. - Okay.
Yeah. A biker gang
called the heaven's angels in Texas?
That's ridiculous.
Rudy turned out to be a really nice guy.
He gave me his card. - You know what?
Jake proposed to me, I said yes,
and we're getting married.
- Well, great. Good. Fine.
Good for you!
You know...
Buddy! [Clapping]
Come on, let's wake Mitch up!
[Barking] - Wait-- no, bu-- no.
Buddy, n-n--
[thud] Aah!
- Excuse me. - Oh, hey, man.
Sorry. We don't open for another hour.
- Yeah, I know. I was in here the other night.
I think I left my credit card.
I was... Playing the, uh,
whipping post. - Yes!
I remember you!
You're awesome!
- Thank you. - Yeah. No, man,
you're one tough son of a bitch!
Thank you.
Uh, the credit card. - Oh, you don't just like
staring at each other awkwardly.
Sorry. I'll be right back. - Thank you.
Woman: I'll call you later.
What are you doing here?
Picking up my credit card.
What are you doing here?
Nothin'.
I don't know what you think you saw here,
but, uh... You didn't see anything.
Didn't say I did.
Good.
[Door opens, closes]
Mr. Mitch Becker...
Here you go. - Thank you.
Oh, and on tabs this high, we automatically add 20%.
- You have a pen? - Probably.
[Doorbell rings]
I only got a few minutes, whoever you are.
I-- oh.
- Hello, Donna. - Stanley Jones.
What brings you out here?
Well, for starters, I was hoping
that you would fix me one of your delicious cups of coffee.
The house looks great.
Thank you.
How's Elizabeth?
I understand that she has an old friend in town visiting.
Oh, Mitch. He drove all the way from Boston to see her.
She's so excited.
They haven't seen each other since college.
How heartwarming.
You've never been good at smalltalk, Stan.
Why are you here?
I just wanna make sure
that she's going forward with this wedding.
Well, of course she is.
Why would you--
you don't think--
[laughing] Oh, Stan!
They're just friends.
Trust me. You have nothing to worry about.
You're right, Donna.
I'm not very good at small talk.
I want your assurance that my son's wedding
is gonna go off without a hitch.
It would be a shame if I had to...
Sell certain assets in order to make up my losses.
Well, let me be perfectly clear.
You can be well assured that the wedding will go on
as planned.
Thank you. I can get the key in,
but then when I turn it-- oh!
Just the new paint sticking to the door.
- Thank you. [Key clatters]
Oh, I'm Elizabeth Carter.
Hi, Elizabeth.
- And you are... - Oh.
I'm bitch maker. Mitch. Becker.
- Fourth floor. What the hell?
Hey, roomie. - Hi.
- Mm. - [Laughs]
Uh, well, I'll leave you two alone.
You know, we should hang out some time.
- Gr-oss!
That'd be great.
[Giggles]
See ya. - Yeah.
Bye.
[Laughing]
[Laughs] What happened to you, man?
Oh, I just fell in love.
I just got high in the quad.
- College. - College.
[Door opens]
- Hey, hey. - Hey.
Somebody had a long day at work, huh?
- Yes. - Care to join me?
You know I hate drinking alone.
Sure.
Here you go.
- Thank you. - Cheers.
Listen, Elizabeth, I want to apologize
for the way... - No, Mitch, honestly,
I'm the one that owes the apology.
After I thought about it, I can totally understand
why you felt that way about Jake.
- Listen, I don't even know him--
- no, no, just...
Let me finish, okay?
This is kind of difficult for me to say.
My parents always thought that they'd retired here.
And then my dad died suddenly,
and both of us were really devastated.
Six months later, I'm living in Los Angeles
and I'm about to get married, and then that didn't happen
because I found my fiance in bed with my best friend.
My life was kinda going nowhere.
I felt like... Felt like I needed to move home,
and then once I got here,
I found out my mom was about to lose the house.
She got caught up in one of those refinancing schemes,
and she had no choice but to sell or be foreclosed.
- Mm. Wow. - That's when I met Jake.
He came to look at the house
and pretty soon realized that all he could do was look at me.
I know it sounds really silly,
but after what I had been through,
it felt really nice.
We went to dinner. I explained our situation.
And shortly after that, he bought the house
and said that we could stay.
For free?
His family has a lot of money.
- Ah, I see. For free
as long as the two of you are together.
It's really not like that.
He proposed. I said yes.
And here we are.
What can I say about that?
I guess I don't really need you to say anything.
Thank you.
[Dog barking]
[Phone ringing]
- Woman-- - Shh.
- Potter residence. - Hey, Donna,
is Elizabeth there? - Oh, good morning, Jake.
I think she's awake-- she must be around here somewhere.
Let me try and fi-- it's for you.
Hey, you.
- Hello, sweetheart. Look, I'm sorry,
but I'm not gonna be able to make
that photographer appointment this morning.
Uh...
Is-- okay. Is everything all right?
No, everything's fine,
but my dad just wants to show me
this building he's thinking of purchasing.
You mind going on your own? - I would like for you
to be there, but if you can't,
I can do it by myself.
That's my girl.
Okay. I'll see you when I get back.
What now?
Jake has to go meet his dad,
so I get to go to the photographer by myself.
- Want me to go with you? - No.
I'm okay. Thank you.
Pretty please?
No. Let me read you your horoscope instead.
- Oh, please. - Leo.
Good morning.
Um...
[Stammering] I was coming to actually tell you
that I'm leaving to go meet with the wedding photographer.
I'll be back in a little bit, though.
That's good, 'cause your mom asked me
to clean some stuff out in the garage, so...
- She did? That's nice of you.
Thank you. - Oh, not a problem.
All right, I'll see you later. Yeah.
- Awesome. - Yeah.
[Whispers] Oh, my God.
[Giggling]
[Brakes screeching]
Hey, douche bag,
you and me gotta talk, bro.
What is your problem now?
What'd you tell her, man?
I see the ankle healed up nice.
Screw my ankle, all right?
What did you tell her?
I didn't tell her anything, okay?
'Cause it would devastate her.
- Give me a break. You expect me to believe that?
After what I saw last night?
- Last night? There was nothing to see.
- I saw you! I was right over there!
She kissed you!
And you kissed her back.
You love her, man!
You've always loved her.
[Dog barking]
Elizabeth made her choice, okay?
And whether I like it or not,
I'm not gonna do anything to screw up her life.
Well, guess what, jerk off?
That's exactly what you're doing.
Now, I'm gonna be back in an hour.
Make up any bogus excuse you want,
but when I get back, your bags better be packed
and you better be headed back to Boston.
Got it?
[Dog barks]
[Dog yelping] - Whoa!
Buddy!
It's okay, buddy.
- Oh... - Help me get him in the car.
- Uh... No. No. - Where you going?
Jake, help me get buddy in the car!
[Tires screeching]
- What--
[buddy whining]
- Okay, buddy. It's okay, I'm here.
One, two, three.
Okay, bud.
Okay, I got you. I got you.
Donna.
Donna, get the car!
Dr. Dana Burke,
please dial extension 202.
Dr. Burke, please dial extension 202.
Oh, honey, honey, honey.
Honey.
I'm so glad you're here. - Is buddy okay?
Mitch is back there with the doctor right now.
I've called Jake a hundred times.
He's not answering his phone.
Mitch!
Listen, it's gonna be okay.
Oh, my God, your shirt.
It's okay, all right?
The doctors are with him right now.
He's gonna be out in a second
to let us know what's going on.
- How is he? - Well, we were able
to stop the bleeding and repair the damage
to the leg and the abdomen.
Is he gonna be okay?
It looks very good.
He'll have a full recovery.
- Thank you. - Thank Mitch.
It was Mitch's quick action that saved buddy's life.
Thank you.
- Can we see him? - Sure. Just remember,
he's a little out of it.
He hasn't been moved to recovery yet,
but I'm sure he'd like to see his mom and dad.
Oh, Mitch isn't his dad.
He's a friend visiting in town.
- Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt you,
but I have some paperwork that needs filling out.
- No problem. You two go.
- Thank you, mom. - I'll take care of this.
I'm just gonna give you guys a couple minutes,
then we have to move him.
You okay?
You wanna be alone?
No.
Hey...
[Buddy whimpers]
I'm just glad he's gonna be all right.
- Me too. - Yeah.
Oh, honey.
Oh-- thank you, Mitch.
Thank you so much.
Okay. I'll see you both at home.
- Drive safe, mom. - Okay.
I'm just happy he's coming home in a few days.
[Phone ringing] - That's great.
It's Jake. I don't want to deal with that right now.
You wanna go get something to eat?
You know, I know my timing kinda sucks right now,
but, um... I think I'm gonna go.
- Oh, okay. Um...
See you at the house.
No. I mean I'm gonna leave.
Like for good?
Mitch, we still have the wedding.
I need you there.
- You don't need me there. - Yes, I do.
- Why? Why do you need me there?
It's your wedding, for Christ's sake.
You never really talked to me like that before.
And you know what, Mitch?
You're right. Your timing could not be worse.
Why is it so important that I be at your wedding, huh?
You wanna rub it in my face?
- Rub it in your face? What are you talking about?
- God, jeez--
Jake is right. I am a wuss.
You might as well just make me the maid of honor.
What does that mean?
- You don't get it, do you? - Get what?
I'm in love with you.
Why would you tell me that?
I've wanted to tell you that since the first time I met you.
Do you know why I came to find you?
Do you remember what we said to each other?
The day before graduation.
Ten years ago.
Tell me.
Mitch, tell me.
Take care of yourself.
Hey.
Donna filled me in. Are you okay?
No.
[Mellow guitar music]
♪ ♪
♪ I know you just wanna save me ♪
♪ how bad I wanna let you ♪
♪ 'cause there's so much I wanna be ♪
♪ and I don't wanna regret you ♪
♪ but I miss you when you're gone ♪
♪ I wanted this so very long ♪
♪ and I feel a breakdown coming on ♪
Hi. Is this Rudy?
♪ I'm losing it, I gotta let you go ♪
♪ while I go through this ♪
♪ I'm losing it, don't wanna say good-bye ♪
♪ but I can't do this ♪
♪ I'm losing it, I know it's time ♪
♪ I tried it all ♪
♪ I loved and I won and still I fall ♪
♪ but I'm finally losing it ♪
♪ so hard waking up alone ♪
♪ and chasing my dreams ♪
♪ it's so far to walk this road ♪
♪ with no guarantees ♪
♪ and never know that every song ♪
♪ reminds me of you being gone ♪
♪ and I feel a breakdown coming on ♪
♪ I'm losing it, I gotta let you go ♪
♪ while I go through this ♪
♪ I'm losing it, don't wanna say good-bye ♪
♪ but I can't do this ♪
♪ I'm losing it, I know it's time ♪
♪ I tried it all ♪
♪ I loved and I won and still I fall ♪
♪ but I'm finally losing it ♪
♪ oh, when I'm out of town ♪
♪ and you're not around ♪
♪ I'll be breaking down ♪
♪ I'm breaking down ♪
I'm looking at the same numbers.
But, well, no, I can assure you, it's all tax deductible.
It is.
Let's go through last month's projected
and actually see where we came out.
I think you're gonna be very happy.
♪ I'm losing it, I'm losing it ♪
♪ I'm losing it ♪
♪ I gotta let you go while I go through this ♪
♪ I'm losing it, don't wanna say good-bye ♪
♪ but I can't do this ♪
♪ I'm losing it ♪
♪ honey, I don't wanna put you through this ♪
♪ I'm losing it, baby, please don't cry ♪
♪ but I can't do this ♪
♪ I'm losing it ♪
♪ oh, oh, no ♪
♪ I'm losing it ♪
♪ oh oh ♪
♪ I'm losing it ♪
♪ I know it's time, I tried it all ♪
♪ I loved and I won and still I fall ♪
♪ but I'm finally losing it ♪
I'm losing it.
You look beautiful.
Your father would be so...
Proud today.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Elizabeth...
You need to stop.
Mitch isn't coming.
I know. I just can't stop thinking about him.
It's my wedding day, and all I think about is Mitch.
It may sound strange, but I keep thinking about him too.
- Mother! - What?
He's a nice republican.
He's actually a registered independent.
- On the outside. Not in here.
I miss him.
[Knock at door]
Is she here?
You're not supposed to be here.
Donna, I'm gonna be married to this woman
in about 30 minutes.
I think it's okay if I see her now, okay?
No, no. Not until she walks down that aisle.
Fine. Fine.
You haven't seen Mitch around, have you?
- No. He isn't here. - Good.
'Cause the next time I see him, I'm gonna put him
in the hospital-- you got it? - Will you stop with that?
He's the one who saved buddy after you hit him and took off.
Besides... They made a pact ten years ago
to marry each other only for him to find out
that she's marrying you instead.
So I think I'd cut him a little slack, honey.
They made a pact?
Gosh, Donna, I don't know what to say.
That's so touching. Come on, are you kidding me?
Who the hell even does that?
And that whole buddy thing, by the way?
I was trying to protect my family's reputation.
Go back to your friends, Jake.
We'll see you downstairs.
Yeah, I'll see you downstairs.
- Everything okay? - Everything's fine.
It's terrific. So... [Phone vibrates]
You ready to get married?
How's dad?
Well, look, I'm gonna see you guys Sunday anyway, okay?
Yes, I'm still coming for dinner.
Okay?
I love you too.
All right, bye.
[Woof]
[Laughs] Buddy?
Buddy! Ha ha ha!
Is that you? You look great?
I was about to say the same thing about you.
Looks like someone took up jogging.
What are you doing here?
I just thought that you'd like to see
that buddy was doing okay.
- So you came all the way to Boston to tell me buddy's okay.
No, actually, I came all the way to Boston
to show you that buddy was okay.
Why would you do that?
Well...
[Donna and Nate talking, muffled]
Will you stop with that?
He's the one who saved buddy
after you hit him and took off.
Besides... They made a pact ten years ago
to marry each other, only for him to find out
that she's marrying you instead.
- Everything okay? - Everything's fine.
It's terrific. So... [Phone vibrates]
You ready to get married?
Sorry.
- Whoa, compadre. Where do you think you're going?
- Who the hell are you? Get your hands off me!
Ow! Ow!
Now, we can do this the easy way,
or we can do this my way.
It's your choice. - Mother-- ow! Ow!
Okay. It's my way. Let's go.
[Whimpering]
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention, please?
I'm sorry to inform you,
but there will no longer be a wedding here today.
It seems that the bride to be
has had a change of heart.
And as I look around this beautiful setting,
it seems none of you are shocked.
Excuse me, but you're hurting my son.
- Yes, I am. - Would you please stop?
Where's Donna?
[Group murmuring]
No worries. Elizabeth called me.
Jake, it's over.
Don't come looking for Elizabeth-- ever.
If you do, you're not gonna find her--
you're gonna find me.
And I'm from Texas.
[Chuckling]
That means I'll barbecue his ass!
Crowd: Oh!
- Y-- - No.
Learn to leave on a high note.
You gonna be okay?
- I'll be fine. Take care of her.
- Will do. - Thank you.
Good night, everybody.
You know what, guys?
I'm gonna go catch the laker game.
You don't have to worry about him anymore.
Ha ha ha! So where we heading?
- Boston. - Ha ha! Beantown. Sweet!
Hey, baby, we just picked her up.
We're on our way. - Hold on, girls.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo! - Yee-haw!
And we didn't stop until we got here.
Why would you do that?
I needed to see you.
I wanted to make things right between us.
Well...
You saw me.
You--
buddy looks great.
Mitch, wait.
It was the day of graduation,
and you were talking to Dave and I went over to steal you.
I told you what a special friend you were to me...
And if I have a regret it's that
I never gave you a chance.
I never gave us a chance.
So here I am asking for a chance.
Mitch Becker, will you do me the honor
of fulfilling a promise that I made to you?
Will you marry me?
I love you, and I wanna spend the rest--
- wait, stop.
I must have gone over this moment
a thousand times in my head and...
Never once did I ever imagine
it was going to be you proposing to me.
You're the love of my life.
Course I'm gonna marry you.
Wait, wait. One condition.
We don't-- we don't wait. We do this.
No engagement. No ceremony.
No photographers.
We just... We do this right now.
We go down to city hall and do it-- what do you say?
Deal?
I think I can do one better.
♪ It's such a long way back to you ♪
Hey, it's me.
Hold on, I'm gonna put you on speaker.
Okay, you're on.
What's up, my brother?
- Rudy! - Hey, Mitch, what's happening?
- Oh, my gosh, Laura, how are--
is Dave with you? - He sure is.
- And I'm with her. Ha ha ha!
So, man, any news.
Well, I think we need pastor Rudy.
We're getting married. - Oh, congratulations.
- There you go, my man. All right!
- Wait, wait. Rudy's a pastor?
Hell, yeah.
Online, baby.
You can get a license or anything.
- How soon can you be here? We wanna do it today.
Uh, half an hour?
Okay, we'll see you soon.
You know, they did say that we had 30 minutes.
Yes, they did.
Well, to quote my friend Dave,
I did not predict that.
And if there's one thing I've learned, it's--
- oh, wait, wait, wait.
- Buddy! - [Whistles]
[Woof]
I'm sorry. Where was I?
Ah, forget it.
I'm getting married!
Buddy come on! [Woof]
♪ The feeling's all around me and I can hardly wait ♪
♪ I'm still that boy from Texas ♪
♪ and I'm already home ♪
♪ no matter where I am ♪
♪ I know I'm home ♪
♪ and I'm already home ♪
♪ no matter where I am ♪
♪ I know I'm home ♪
♪ ♪
Now you know what it feels like.
- Ooh! [Laughing]
Turnabout. Rah!
♪ When the girls rule the world ♪
♪ when the girls rule the world ♪
♪ there's a party every night of the week ♪
♪ ride the beat and come with me ♪
♪ oh oh oh-oh-oh, oh oh oh ♪
♪ oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ a little less thinking, a lot more drinking ♪
♪ throw your hands up ♪
♪ tonight you're dressed to impress ♪
♪ don't know where you'll wind up ♪
♪ life of the party, pour more bacardi ♪
♪ till the sun's up ♪
♪ yes, we can, yes, we can, yes, we can ♪
♪ the drinks are flowing when we get going ♪
♪ life's so easy ♪
♪ steps up the side, I can't hide ♪
♪ when the beat starts moving through me ♪
♪ get the magic drink, make him feel lovesick ♪
♪ I'm thinking maybe ♪
♪ yes, we can, yes, we can, yes, we can ♪
♪ and if we have it our way, then one day ♪
♪ the time would soon come ♪
♪ when the girls rule the world ♪
♪ wah ah ah ♪
♪ when the girls rule the world ♪
♪ wah ah ah ah, when the girls rule the world ♪
♪ wah ah ah ♪
♪ there's a party every night of the week ♪
♪ ride the beat and come with me ♪
♪ come with me and feel the heat ♪
♪ heat heat heat ♪
♪ feel the heat and dance with me ♪
♪ oh oh oh-oh-oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ oh oh oh ♪
♪ there's a party every night of the week ♪
♪ ride the beat and come with me ♪
♪ I've missed mischief and missed misbehaving ♪
♪ it's a wild, wild lust for life ♪
♪ that I've been craving ♪
♪ gotta party tonight ♪
♪ bumpin' till l-light ♪
♪ don't think twice, roll the dice ♪
♪ naughty, never nice ♪
♪ I've missed mischief and missed misbehaving ♪
♪ it's a wild, wild lust for life ♪
♪ that I've been craving ♪
♪ gotta party tonight ♪
♪ bumpin' till l-light ♪
♪ don't think twice, roll the dice ♪
♪ naughty, never nice ♪
♪ and if we have it our way ♪
♪ then one day ♪
♪ the time would soon come ♪
♪ when the girls rule the world ♪
♪ wah ah ah ♪
♪ when the girls rule the world ♪
♪ wah ah ah ah, when the girls rule the world ♪
♪ wah ah ah ♪
♪ there's a party every night of the week ♪
♪ ride the beat and come with me ♪
♪ come with me and feel the heat ♪
♪ heat heat heat ♪
♪ feel the heat and dance with me ♪
♪ oh oh oh-oh-oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ oh oh oh ♪
♪ there's a party every night of the week ♪
♪ ride the beat and come with me ♪
♪ oh oh oh-oh-oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ oh oh oh ♪
♪ there's a party every night of the week ♪
♪ ride the beat and come with me ♪