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LACEY: And the weather, I mean,
I think it will delay, but...
WOMAN: Want to start? People will enter </ p >
WOMAN 2: Okay, cool.
LACEY: For a long time, I don't want to get married.
- what? - MAN: Yay! </ P>
[LAUGHS]
LACEY: I feel like /> I can't make a new family
until I reach an agreement with what happened to me.
I come from the long line New York Jews.
I am a great grandson of Eastern European immigrants
who brought their culture and tradition to Brooklyn.
Daughter of a good Jewish girl
and a good Jewish child.
[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]
[LAUGHS]
LACEY: I grew up in the world of synagogues,
Hebrew School, bar mitzvah.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: My family knows who they are.
And they define who I am.
So it never occurred to me that I passed.
I don't pretend to be something that isn't me.
I really grew up believing I am white.
[SIGHS]
LACEY: Look, we're real Jews.
Ha ha. This proves it.
I'll show you This is grandfather My grandmother.
This is Uncle Lou.
And he that one I was named.
Lou Lacey.
> He died at my mother's wedding. </ P>
He had a heart attack in the bathroom
and somehow knew that they took it out
He didn't know he had died
until he returned from the honeymoon
Even though he died at his marriage
So that's the one I named.
Give him a stone.
Sometimes I wonder who I am,
if there isn't this ever happens
If I'm still this good, white Jewish girl
from Woodstock, New York.
[DOG BARKS]
What will happen is different in my life.
PEGGY: When Lacey was little,
we lived a comfortable life.
We live, almost,
perfect images of life types for a while.
So when Lacey decides < br /> he will tell it,
I'm a little nervous about that.
Lacey, I can't start without you.
LACEY: Arrival.
This isn't too bad.
I'm waiting.
PEGGY: Oh!
Wait until you see what I just found
- LACEY: what - PEGGY: my wedding shoes
What's up Whatever I don't want to know about
Look at the size of this foot.
[LAUGHS]
PEGGY: How did that happen? Ha ha.
LACEY: Put your feet
PEGGY: Lacey, there is no road on earth...
LACEY: Let's try the left foot.
PEGGY [SING]: Oh, happy times
They will never... </ p >
- LACEY: do you love them? - PEGGY: I love them.
LACEY: How do you feel? on your wedding day?
I feel happy. </ P>
- LACEY: what are you - Mm-hm. </ P>
LACEY: Tell me more. </ P>
< i> PEGGY: I started going out with dad
when I was 16 years old.
Father is that man I should be together.
Father is the person. I grew up with.
Daddy is all that.
LACEY: So tell me about meeting mama.
ROBERT: I, uh, boss from Lake and Hari camps. </ p >
And I have this association beautiful teenage girl
under my supervision
Including mother.
So I just started dating them one by one.
And when I arrived at my mother we were stuck together.
PEGGY: Grandma decides
this person will be suitable for me.
Grandma likes her brown eyes and her eyelashes.
ROBERT: When we return to Brooklyn
after the summer is over,
it turns out he lives in the environment
maybe half miles away.
We just started dating.
But it's fun. We have fun.
It's nearby, It's an environmental romance.
Everyone sees stable stable and long-lasting partner. </ P>
PEGGY: I was programmed to marry her.
LACEY: What do you mean? </ P>
PEGGY: He is the way.
I went to city school.
I became a teacher.
I married for a good Jewish man.
That's how it is.
It's just that I've ever...
That's what I'm doing, I'll get married.
And I'll marry for this person
You just don't think < > out of the box.
We don't.
And sometimes it's easier like that.
[CAMERA CLICKS]
1972, Robert and I moved to the north of New York.
That was only Robert and I until 1977.
Then Lacey was born.
LACEY: my mother was in labor for 36 hours
before the doctor finally did Caesarean section.
BRUCE: I saw you first.
And so it is. </ P>
I am very happy.
You know, I'm an uncle.
MIKE: I remember seeing you for the first time.
Get to the hospital, in the nursery.
And I remember your father very proud of
of the beautiful baby he had.
And I remember >
You have some kind of, uh, yellowish tinge.
You look a little different.
But, uh, you know, that's how you look.
LACEY: One day I went to nursery school
and there is this blonde boy
who seems obsessed with with my appearance
And he said to me, "Show me your gum color. "
And I only show my gums, I like:
That's the earliest memory I feel different.
It's a shame to be chosen.
And that makes me feel bad.
When I told my parents what had happened
my father pulled out old photo album
and said I took after his great-grandfather
who was Sicilian
And I looked at the picture and I said,
"Oh, Lacey looks like grandfather Robert."
I only believe what which we were told,
that somewhere, I don't know, in your family history
there are some explanations for that
You know, pictures from...
Sort of like, looks big, ha, ha...
I don't even know what which we told him
LACEY: I believe that.
I believe that I am white.
We have a reason there, in our family tree,
why did I see it as I did.
[CHILDREN -ANAK CHATTERING]
Ready? He can hit. </ P>
ROBERT: Go. </ P>
[CHILDREN SHOUTING]
Notice, here it comes. Take him, take him
Get him! Get him!
LACEY: So even though I know
there is something different about me
I don't want to admit it.
[GIRL SHOUTS]
LACEY: I will find the way to convince myself.
I will tell myself
my father is really brown in the summer time,
My hair is really curly same as mine.
And I will find a way to make it look like,
You know what, I really just like my parents
ROBERT: Show us how you can stand by your side
- What? - ROBERT: Show us the trick.
Oh good.
- Ha ha. - ROBERT: Oh, that's great.
How do you do it?
Try holding the camera
So it looks like I'm not too drunk.
There you have Peggy in her sweat suits.
My new motto:
End of sleep, the beginning of riding makes a woman very ugly
p>
- ROBERT: Ha, ha. - Ha ha.
LACEY: My parents' diary gave me on my 11th birthday
makes it clear enough I feel insecure.
And the school only made it worse.
All the girls in my class have long straight hair.
I'm not. And I hate it.
I can't do anything about my skin,
but my hair is a story that different.
Does this look good?
I just made it a little flat
ROBERT: let's see a little happiness We start.
- Walk on this path. - PEGGY: Oh, my goodness
Oh, that's sweet. I'm very proud of him.
So proud of him, You don't know.
Today's day We succeed.
LACEY: Except for that one conversation
about my great grandfather,
my parents and I never talked about it again.
[INDISTINCTLY SPEAKING MAN]
ROBERT: This is a film camera, Marty.
This is a film camera. I don't know that. </ P>
I never stand still. Fine. </ P>
[SEASON OF PLAYING PLAY]
Tell Marty to stop cutting.
LACEY: In my bar the mitzvah,
members of the synagogue
came to me and my mother and said,
"It's great to have an Ethiopian Jew
at before us. "
My mother said nothing.
So I corrected the woman
and explained that I was not Ethiopian.
But when he walked away,
I remember feeling alone.
I have never been to Woodstock for a long time.
- LACEY: Hi - ELISSA: Ha, ha. </ p >
Everything is right same here
I mean, these people are here When I was in high school.
These two really feel it too
It's authentic...
PEGGY: Woodstock is a fairly liberal community.
But the number isn't much black people in Woodstock.
Lacey's friends When she was little,
They were all white children.
LACEY: There are no black children in my elementary school Nothing.
That is the white world where race does not exist for us.
It's not really talked about.
So I don't really think of anything about race
GIRL: Lacey is preparing for the prom.
Annoying as usual.
[CHATTERING]
PORTRAIT TEACHER: One two three.
Wide smile, big smile
LACEY: But when I arrived at high school,
was not easily ignored.
This is one of the cafeterias.
And there, in that room...
And this is another.
This room is like being trapped in 1996 and can't get out.
It looks exactly the same.
LACEY: I went to high school in Kingston.
One city from Woodstock and much more diverse.
Like in high school everywhere,
children find a way to separate themselves.
Jocks together, art together.
Cheerleaders together
High School really the first time in my life
that I even crossed the street with black people.
In the hallway, black kids will look at me
when I walk past it.
That's weird.
At first I really thought
they looked at white people like that.
But then I realized, that was me.
That I...
You know, it looks like I'm great Dark-skinned grandfather.
And black girls at school will be,
"Well, you have to work some items come out
if you think that, you know, you are right really white
People must ask you.
Are you black or white? Why are you trying to turn white?
LACEY: What are the girls ? It doesn't seem to understand,
I'm not trying to be white, I'm white.
I remember certain situations where I would like,
"Oh, I will hang out with my friend Lacey." </ P>
And they will be like, "Oh, Lacey, is she adopted?"
I always see you like...
You look black, ha, ha
But that's not my guess.
You know, it's like you are my best friend
You look like a black person, /> But I know your parents. </ P>
I know, you know...
For me, you are like that a Jewish child who...
I don't know
MATTHEW: Obviously you are not the same with us.
But it's, uh, like a sensitive subject.
Like...
I don't know, like... .
Something that has never been very comfortable
I don't know if anyone knows it, or feel it, or whatever.
Looks like this 600-pound-gorilla indoors
and for any type refuses to see it
LACEY: If you look too closely,
doesn't make sense.
So we don't see.
We found a way to see what we want to believe.
Meanwhile, at home,
my parents' marriage began to break down.
MIKE: Sometimes, they look like peas in pods.
Next time, I remember feeling uncomfortable.
They will argue and debate openly.
Their relationship is better than most
on the surface.
I don't think I know that he's not so happy
until years later.
We did have a while
>
then we are no longer and...
And not married yet.
I think what I remember the most obvious </ p >
around that time
how your mother
He is really messy.
LACEY: When my father packed up and left,
like most children, I thought Everything was my fault.
But I'm afraid to ask.
My father is very angry with my mother and is crazy in the world.
And it seems like he was angry with me.
- Father? - ROBERT: what
LACEY: When I was little we were always really close.
Now I feel left out and rejected by him.
Whenever I try to talk to him about it,
he is misbehaving or ignore me.
And I don't understand why.
You know, I have strong feelings,
when my parents are together, from who I am
I am their daughter, and when they separate,
I don't really feel like I know who I am.
LACEY: Then I met Matt .
[GASPS]
Hi. </ P>
- How are you doing? - I'm good. </ P>
- This is a cool place. - Thank you. </ P>
May I see the rest of your apartment
Uh, yeah
That is sometimes the office that has been reset.
LACEY: Matt's father is black.
And her mother is white.
In high school, when we came out,
people will ask if we are brothers and sisters.
And for the first time
I started to doubt the story of my parents </ p >
about my dark skinned Italian ancestors.
I have such deep memories
from seeing on your family photos
and being like,
"Come on, this..."
Like, you have a picture back from Jamaica...
With braids.
But how absurd is that to me,
even like, you know, 16 years or something like that.
I don't like a man in the world or whatever
Your family...?
Your cousin and your belongings, and everyone...?
Even adults?
They hear the story and they come along with it.
White people will think of anything
- Ha ha. - Things crazy things.
I know life can go for a long time.
You will only be like, "Wow."
You know , because for me,
I was relatively unconscious at that time.
I thought that was the race...
This became clear that there is this refusal
I remember so devastated by it.
With weight...
... that type, this type of secret
and it's a few years even before we talk about it.
ROBERT: Hello.
LACEY: Matt really wants me to think about it.
He hates me about that.
He pushed me.
And I pushed back.
"I can handle this now," I will say it.
My parents were in the middle of a divorce.
But deep down, the question I came to me.
When it comes time to enroll in college,
I decided to go to Georgetown.
On their application I have to check a box.
And the only box I once knew white.
I don't know what it is than others even meant for me. </ P>
Jadi saya tidak memeriksa apapun.
Georgetown asks you to send a picture,
and based on a photo,
I accepted to college as a black student.
At that time when Georgetown said you were black,
was the time...
It felt like that they gave me permission
to start entertaining the idea itself
[TRAIN HORN WHISTLES]
LACEY: So when I was invited to
to the Black Student Alliance I left.
And I keep going.
Throughout college and until law school.
BOY: My name is Samuel, I'm from Ethiopia.
I'm a good girl I, uh, 32
[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]
GIRL: My name is Jelani Jefferson.
I'm from New Orleans.
and I'm from Woodstock, New York.
I graduated from University from Alabama in Birmingham
LACEY: And like that
I was welcomed < br /> to the black community.
Only because of one photo.
Unlike photos of my great-grandfather,
who 18 years earlier made me white.
Everything feels too easy.
But at that time, I was ready to try a new identity.
[INDISTINCTLY SPEAKING MAN]
There are different narratives racial identities
and people come with different assumptions
about what will happen black people
LACEY: universities like Race 101.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]
LACEY: A crash course for white people
about what it means to be black.
I'm always taken for granted
what I've achieved
is seen as a product of my own hard work.
But I soon realized that my black friends felt
they had to work harder to prove it < br /> they deserve their success.
White people don't spend it a lot of time
think about their vaginal discharge.
But for black people, darkness is everywhere.
[GIRLS LAUGH]
LACEY: It's in the comic my friend is referenced.
Music was blown up in their dorm room.
And the blow they talked about while playing cards.
There are times when at the beginning
where I will walk to all black spaces this.
And I will think, how will I fit?
Or what does it feel like?
You know, I will dance the right way
And I will say the right thing?
But they don't know all about facts
that I have grown up and only know other white children.
Apparently, hanging out with black people
has put a lot of my insecurity to rest .
Dark skin I'm always worried,
the skin is light.
And my bad hair becomes good hair.
My black friends looked at me and saw other black people.
Feeling like an outsider something they can associate with.
And it doesn't feel like that a coincidence for me.
For the first time in my life, I feel like mine.
And somehow I just found out the black one is who I am.
Of course that means
there is something My parents didn't tell me.
And I don't know how to ask about it.
That's when I underwent therapy.
I was taking a movie class at that time,
and decided to record my session.
WOMEN: So I don't know where you want to start
Well, I don't know.
Because that's the thing unspoken.
Like there is part of me that...
I feel like a play.
WOMEN: Wrong one reason
why do you want to come and see me is that I've...
Not a secret skill, but I specialize in that.
Secrets create problems.
I lose focus but... I feel like an outsider.
I can't tolerate, like,
put yourself to the side again
I feel like things become so difficult
I feel like...
- I'm physically exhausted. - Tiring. </ P>
WOMEN: But I'm here
to help you do this conversation
That's what you think you get a few answers.
I'm home from my first year in college
and I decided that I would ask my mother
why I saw it as I did
Lacey came to me and said, "We have to talk."
It feels like, "Oh no."
I am scared.
At first he didn't want it to talk to me about it
He told me he couldn't do it at that time
He had to do it < br /> something else first
My reaction is,
"Please keep him silent, For him to pause."
And me tell him I have to talk about it.
I want to talk about it why did I see it as I did
Lacey would ask, "How come? You never talk to me about it?
Why isn't there Have I ever talked to me about it? "
And I said to him, "Mother, you have to tell me."
"Why doesn't anyone see that I'm different?
Why not there think enough to come to me
and say I know the truth. "
And for whatever reason, I decide it's time.
He pinned me.
He didn't let me go.
So he sat me down and he said,
"The truth is, I had an affair with Rodney. </ P>
And there's a good chance
that is your biological father. "</ P>
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: I know Rodney as long as I can remember it.
My mother met her when she was 21
and worked in the city playground back in Brooklyn.
Rodney is the king of the park.
And when someone writes a book about that,
he becomes a kind of celebrity.
MAN: Forty-year-old Rodney Parker
has helped some people realize their dreams of being pro.
He did promotional work in the city park
for the sneaker company
but beside works as a freelance scout.
It turns out that it's free.
Jim McMillian, advanced from the New York Knicks,
is his most famous invention.
The player I helped basically underground player,
the players no one really saw.
The child who was playing in the playground
who might have more skills > compared to other children
playing in the playground.
LACEY: As a child, as far as I know,
Rodney is a ticket scalper.
So he usually appears
when my mother and I will go to the city
for shows or concerts.
Several times, He even caught me and my mother
and my father, tickets to the game Knicks.
MIKE: I think he, uh, your mother's close friend.
I know about the park.
And I know when I'm desperate for tickets,
like for Dylan 25 years reunion at the Garden,
Rodney is that man .
[MIKE CHUCKLES]
LACEY: do you remember meeting Rodney for the first time?
Tell me about meeting Rodney for the first time time.
Your mother and I have gone to the city to...
Shop
And we cross the road to 34 and your mother said,
"Oh, there is my friend Rodney."
Now, of course, After that I know
that every time We've met Rodney
it's not like, "There is my friend Rodney."
That has happened talking to he and he said,
"We will be so on street 34 at 2:07 p.m."
But at that time it seemed like it was very co...
"Oh, there is my friend Rodney."
I remember going home /> that day in FDR
and ask your mother,
"Are you having an affair? with Rodney ? "
And he said no.
But when I met Rodney
I said to myself,
"Okay, I understand."
That's very as Lacey looks.
LACEY: I really don't know what should think about.
There is a large part of me It's really relieved.
It feels like I finally know the truth.
But then I don't know what else to say .
SAMARA: indeed it is so the power of denial.
How don't you...?
Or not so.
But how do people, sort of, not acknowledge this
How do you have a daughter? with another man
that clearly doesn't look like anyone in the family
He has the ability extraordinary to turn away from things
and therefore, they don't happen
They don't exist, they are not real.
MATT: I remember sitting at the table,
on some family functions with Rodney and your mother
And it became very clear that this is your father
For my eyes, you know, I mean, it seems very clear.
And I remember your father talking about
how he drank a lot the night before
and Rodney couldn't believe that he went running
that morning.
- I was like... - Ha ha ha. </ P>
Dude, that's it You can't believe it? </ P>
That's very strange. Ha ha. </ P>
That's just as bad as being openly throwing it into people's faces
as you can do, and people throwing away advance.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: My mother was lying to me and others
all my life.
It seems pretty clear to me
the affair must be a factor in the divorce of my parents.
I was very angry with him I could barely talk to him.
I can't wait for to return to school.
[LAUGHS]
[WOMEN TALK INDISTINCTLY]
[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]
[CHATTERING] </ p >
LACEY: Now I know that I have black parents,
that I am really black,
I'm not sure what to do
with my part it's white.
[CHATTERING]
- Hi. - Hi.
- Ha ha. - Happy birthday .
- Hi. - Hi.
[CHATTERING]
WOMEN: Do you want it...?
I really like steaming my hair like once a year.
Successful and it's good for bangs.
WOMAN: Oh, really? More money to travel
LACEY: Yes, I know, I know.
p>
- Um... - Let me ask a question.
Is it biracial, half black, half white,
a category to be black?
- As I thought... - surely
- Yeah. - I thought about it like that.
Like all black people. </ P>
Being mixed is a black category,
mixed for me does not a category turn white. </ P>
It's like one drop from your black blood black
So there are all these people
who we accept...
Like Tiger and it's Cabalation yourself, you know.
Like, "Yes, we claim that."
And so...
This is inclusive...
This is beyond my reach. </ P>
This is a kind of brown person, you know,
because after that < br /> no black people
The Indian girl looks cool.
[ALL LAUGHING]
I'm like, "Hey, kid."
p>
Ha ha. Some chocolate in the building.
[ALL LAUGH]
This is a common connection with, um...
Sort of being an underdog in some ways,
And actually walking into a room people, like, I accept you
For me, you know, I grew up all my life
with people constantly asking me why did I see it as I did
And maybe I already knew as black.
So, because of me....
Want to be part of from the black community.
- Yeah. - Being black feels good to me.
Because it's true for yourself.
I mean, it becomes a reality for who you are
because that's how it is a lot of people. </ p >
You can become Lacey from Woodstock.
You know, from parents from Peggy Schwartz.
It's like, "Okay."
I think there is power
in identifying yourself white.
I mean, like making white people accept you
as part of being white.
Mm-hm.
[SIGHS]
[ALL LAUGHING]
So can we get ready? For my party please
- Sure, yes - Ha ha ha.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: Being right for myself
means being white and black.
When dealing with my family,
I saved the black part wrapped.
In the world of my parents...
Hallelujah, praise you eternal servants.
Praise you eternal name.
... I am still a good Jewish girl.
Together with two white Jewish parents.
PEGGY: After Lacey and I acknowledge Lacey's ancestry.
Still not discussed between Robert and Lacey,
and that was not discussed between Robert and me
So I still use eggshells
and Lacey is also on eggshells.
[DOG BARKS]
Dear God, I'm very sorry.
Dad, I didn't do it intentionally.
Sorry, Lucy. </ P>
LACEY: I don't know what my father does,
or don't know.
I only know that being black
is connected to destroy his heart.
It feels very scary.
Like, what will happen if I talk about it?
And I'm afraid is not part of
the world that I have is mature again.
[DOG BARKS]
ROBERT: Hello. Ha ha.
WOMEN: Hi. </ P>
ROBERT: Are they related? </ P>
WOMEN: They have the same father. </ P>
ROBERT: Do they know that? </ P>
LACEY: I defend my white world
and my black world is separated.
But I need to continue exploring who I am.
So I tried to find out Rodney himself.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: After college, I live in New York.
So did he.
We spent several weekends afternoon together.
One of my main children is here. Chris Andrew
LACEY: I wonder if I will share a bond with him
as a black person,
which I did not share with my white family.
But I don't feel it.
And as much as I tried,
the time I spent with him didn't change it.
[SHOUTING]
[REFEREE WHISTLES]
LACEY: At one point he introduced me
for other children.
He had seven by several different women.
Kristin is the youngest and closest to my age.
He has also grown up as an only child.
Now, suddenly, we are sisters.
So like to finally have a sister,
I'm like, "Yeah, I can see the resemblance."
I think for me is, um, you know...
LACEY: And we spent some time together
and I don't feel connection.
To him, or to Rodney.
It's not him. It's just...
They are strangers to me.
So are you wearing your hair? mostly curly?
- Like almost solely. - Yeah.
LACEY: < br /> I don't know where I am.
Rodney is not my father.
And my father who really doesn't know who I really am.
Then, some time before my 30th birthday,
my mother called and told me that Rodney has died.
[CHATTERING]
LACEY: Hi.
- How are you doing? - PEGGY: Morris.
- Hello - This is my daughter Lacey.
- Hi. - Hey, Lacey, how are you doing?
I'm fine only. How are you?
- Hi. - You don't know me
- I am Albert King - Hi greetings.
He is a great person.
It's nice to meet you
- My name is Robert . - Hi.
I have lots of memories from your father
- This is my card... - Thank you. </ p >
WOMAN: You're one from Rodney's daughter too?
Yes.
[CHATTERING]
You are not the person I go to Manhattan? </ P>
- It plays the piano? - No.
I need a scorecard to keep track...
- Scorecard? - Ha ha ha.
I need an encyclopedia.
This is very strange.
[INDISTINCTLY SPEAKING MAN]
LACEY: I sit with other Rodney children
in the front row.
But I feel out of place.
MAN: I read this poem for my black brother.
It says that I want to be my own person...
LACEY: Behind me my mother
and several other family members who came to support her.
If any of them know Rodney is my father,
none of them once told me that.
WOMEN: Rodney survived by his daughter,
Suzette Michelle Parker, Kristin Marissa Parker
and Lacey Schwartz, Rodney James Parker's son...
When I was announced
as one of his children during the service,
I know that there's no way back.
Everyone in my white family then knows that I'm black.
- How are you? - That's weird.
That's weird.
[LACEY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Are you sure
- Are you hanging there? - Yeah.
This is just weird.
PEGGY: My cousin is there.
My friend is there.
And it's very uncomfortable situation.
Lacey knows that her family
will watch her and see how she reacts.
But no one discussed it openly.
LACEY: The funeral is the last straw.
But my family is fine to pretend about who I am.
But I have finished leaving it.
I remember the first time
I ever included two and two together.
When I began to realize that you change a little.
It is uncertain who you are connecting yourself with or...
Not related to yourself,
but how you see yourself or...
And I think it's kind of when I start thinking
the race will be played more roles big
Do you feel the need? to tell yourself,
I have made a decision, I am a white woman.
Or I'm a black woman.
Or I am a combination of each one or is it...?
Yes, I consider myself as, like, someone who is biracial
and half of my race is black.
I think of myself, like I'm in the black category.
I don't identify white.
Okay, that's fair. </ P>
LACEY: I mean, do you think I'm black? </ P>
Today I think it's the first time
that you and I've spoken those words to each other.
To say like do I consider you as black...
Like, what does that mean ?
- I mean, how do you see me? - As my cousin
I am naive with any concept...
Because of lack of < br /> from better, race. descriptors.
I've never really seen you like white or black or anything.
And I can never really
with something I think about it.
Well, I think you're black
because I think you consider yourself black.
I think most of it > I think of you as Lacey. </ P>
My father and I have never talked about, after all,
my father, my race...
- whatever - How strange is that?
[GRUNTS]
You know, I mean, really?
I'm worried about who am I talking to
How do I tell him,
I want to talk to you.
Good things that I promised myself
because I will never give birth.
And they will be in, like, the New York State Highway,
on the way up, and say,
"Like, remember, grandfather /> Don't know black mother. "</ P>
Daddy, I really want to talk to you
When I...
I think there are a lot of Talk about
and I think that...
You know...
I will say...
Allah...
I mean, these are two conversations...
There are certain things I have to get away.
There are certain things
I want to talk to you about
But there is a difference between saying what I like to do
and what should I do
And one of the things that I realize
I need to say...
... do I need to be openly I know you...
... which I recognize as a black woman.
Really a surprise. </ P>
But I never said that for you, Daddy
Well, you don't need to do it. </ P>
[SCOFFS]
- And the reason... - I saw the book you read
I saw the relationship you have.
I saw the music you like.
I see, uh...
The entertainment world is interesting to you
Good. Moreover what's new?
I know that
In the end I just felt fired by him.
Like, he didn't...
As possible she is ashamed of me
Like she doesn't want to...
She doesn't want to go there with me
And I feel very desperate need to understand.
So I decided to do it to really talk to my mother.
Hey.
The operative word in "we have to unpack" is us.
Good.
[GRUNTS]
- All right. - PEGGY: Alright
I think that's all from the back right? </ P>
- I think we've finished - LACEY: Mother
When you got married, what year did you marry
1968
In 1968 , where do you live?
Uh, Forest Hills.
Do you know Rodney? before that or after that?
I met Rodney when I got a job in the National Parks Department.
Which year did you get a job? in the Parks Department?
1968
LACEY: The same year you were married.
Yes.
Because of that I was not born until & apos; 77.
Right.
When did you first be with him?
Mother, just tell me
1968
Before or after you get married?
Before.
Dear God. Ha ha.
When did you tell daddy? p>
have you experienced having an affair with Rodney?
PEGGY: I've never been.
Do you know?
Yes.
Do you know about the time when did his wife attack me?
What?
This is what happened.
There is Rodney, and there is his wife.
And my wife and I are rather friendly.
But obviously he knows that there is... .
Whatever happens.
So Rodney's wife came to visit me
and she and I were sitting in the car
and suddenly she pulled out razor blade.
- Oh! - He takes out the razor.
Can you see this?
Can you see this going up here?
Here. See that?
LACEY: It's impossible.
- I don't know this story - PEGGY: And...
LACEY: This is before I was born? </ P>
PEGGY: Yes. </ P>
All right, So he takes out the razor. </ P>
And this will burn. </ P>
And he goes to trim me in advance. </ P>
So I go like this.
I see...
Now, the police are coming and they catch it
I see...
Of course I am...
Did you tell daddy Rodney's wife tried to trim me?
Yes.
Did you know that had an affair with Rodney? < /p>
No.
Until you are slashed?
He basically told me then,
"You know, whatever happens,
let's set it aside and let's go about our business. "
And indeed the last conversation we have
about that.
The fact is, if that guy with whom I have an affair
isn't black, All of this won't come out. </ p >
LACEY: Lifelong lie has torn my family.
I hope who talks about the truth
can return it.
WOMAN [ON VOICEMAIL]: First saved message.
ROBERT [ON CELLPHONE]: Hi, Lacey. This is daddy.
Um, have thought about it about our conversation.
And, uh...
This is not the right time for me to talk to you.
So, um, don't want to introduce
new sources of stress and complications.
So we have to choose the time
when I feel, uh, calmer
and peace in my life.
Right now, I am very depressed.
I haven't shared many things with you, so...
Talk to you later, goodbye.
LACEY: The more my father pushed me away,
the more I pressed my mother for details.
- Here it is. - What's that?
As I recall walking on the road
That was there.
So this is where I work.
This is... here it is?
Here it is.
What is this environment? <br
That's how it is now.
That's how it feels.
This is a black environment.
- Yeah. < br /> - Apparently still.
- What am I saying... - Ha ha ha.
LACEY: When are you first? start working here,
do you like it, "What am I doing here?"
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm 21 years old, and I'm white and Jewish,
and I'm responsible from this playground
Look, up there? That's where Rodney lives.
- Oh, he lives here? - He lives there.
See the top floor
Here's the problem about Rodney.
It's interesting to know that someone is
who can snap my finger and he will come running.
- So after I was born... - Mm-hm.
When do you think you are aware? that I am Rodney's daughter.
PEGGY: Okay, let's go back.
We know what's famous...
Father and his grandfather
Father and Sicilian grandfather.
- Yes. - You know that.
I want to believe that is so bad,
maybe I too Stick to it.
So I can sort of not think about it
And then Rodney will say,
"Look at the boy, He looks like me."
And I will say, "No, no." </ P>
It took years to tell him, "Yeah, you're right, he knows." </ P>
And it turns out not because I lied
I mean, I didn't see it at all.
Then, Maybe once I started seeing it,
I chose to ignore it.
But he will talk about it and...
So when I finally to the point
that I have to be honest with myself,
I can't deny it,
I will say, "Robert is his father.
Robert is his father, Robert is the person who picked him up,
Robert is the one who was < br /> there every day
Robert is the person who attended the school function
Robert is his father. "
So why are you staying with dad ?
The reason,
I am very having sexual relations with Rodney,
But something is missing.
- Like... - The fact is...
Daddy is interesting, daddy is funny
Daddy is a person
who is make a decent amount of money
That's the reason I live with daddy.
How much do you think The fact that Rodney
Not a real choice for you. Is the relationship with him black?
I think it's meaningless to do with anything.
Doesn't exist? How can have nothing to do with that
I don't know, you asked this before. </ P>
- Think about it! - I can't
You ask me, I tell the truth. </ P>
It has nothing to do with it whatever. </ P>
You know, the fact is,
that whatever happens with you and dad,
and that inability to talk about things,
that's what I did.
So much from what I did connected with who I am,
and no one talks about it who I am
I can't talk to dad about who I am
I can't talk to dad about who I arrived...
You know, it's not like that being black is everything
But that part of who I am.
And if I can't share all who I am with him...
And why can't I share? who I am with him?
Because you have an affair.
Because there isn't talking about everything
Because it's all confidential.
BRUCE: I think your father suffered greatly.
Some of them he shared with me, some of them didn't.
When I was 16,
he said something to me it was very painful.
He said, "My whole life is a lie."
He said, "I live lying."
Right.
I think, you know, your father sees you every day
as proof of life
your mother has betrayed his marriage
He is this center of this great secret
who circled around him.
That is a big thing It happened to him.
Maybe he could never separate
that action happened to him from you.
I know something missing between us.
When we each know
that I'm not biological child
How do I past that?
Good morning, Dad. Give me a hug.
[ROBERT MUMBLING]
Isn't that...
It's no secret The mother is having an affair.
She once told you she did it?
She never spoke with me even about that
and da da da da...
And life continues.
The way our merry > bad communication
and chaos and...
I mean, it's not like that He should have told me?
LACEY: Yes .
But my question for you is, Once you and mom get divorced,
why don't you ever talk to me
about not being < br /> my biological father
About what?
About not being my real father Why...?
Because of that mama's business.
I don't have a clue.
I will always tell people,
"Oh yes, my grandfather is Italian
He passed his gaze on you."
And I believe that.
I am not tell you because I don't know
until you are 16
Speaking of betrayal. This is the last one.
Cheat on your husband Okay, that's very bad
Don't tell him that you have
someone else's child for 16 years
Or forever in this case. </ P>
He still hasn't told me but we all know
Speaking of the last betrayal
Talking about Last betrayal
Think about it.
You don't know how things are going.
- You're right, I'm not. - Ahem
You're right.
Maybe you and mama have a relationship
where are you not talking about things.
But I'm not that person.
And of course there is there is no question for both of us
p>
who you are to me as my father
and who I am to you as your daughter
I think has been difficult for me
to find out certain aspects of my life
because it involves things that we don't talk about
And I haven't shared with you
certain aspects of my life
And, like, forward, I want to change it.
Good. Now, the time will be told.
Let the one who plays out.
LACEY: After I finally talk to my father,
we all go to heal together.
And we will all go forward with our lives.
But in the end, I can't cure my parents.
I can't change what happened to them
I can't make them feel different about that
I have to accept it for who they are
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
LACEY: Mother, you really want to pass it
all the boxes tonight?
We have all the other boxes to do.
Yes, maybe we should pass it.
Let's go.
Here's your engagement...
This is clear dad's handwriting
Look at this. This is what he wrote.
"I never really read too carefully any card,
but this card says what do you mean to me
I love you, Peggy Susan. "</ P>
God, is my father and I am stupid. </ P>
Or at least me. </ P>
- What is this? - This is my bride dress
Oh my God.
It must be my bouquet.
[PEGGY GASPS]
PEGGY: My Lord. Lacey, look. </ P>
This is our engagement announcement
Because we got engaged on May 6. </ P>
I think we split on May 8.
Whoa. Ha ha.
If I can do it my life is different,
I will have a marriage who is committed
Yes, I must have been taken care of from my marriage or out.
But if I do that, I won't have you.
So there are many things I will do it differently,
but in the end, not really.
But what's dangerous is,
when you are married it's problematic,
and you have someone else,
you never care about your problem
because you don't need to.
Because you can just ignore it and go about your business
and this person will make you feel very beautiful
But sometimes you do something it's just for a moment.
And you don't...
It's not like you are hedonistic
or being evil or terrible.
It's just now
and you don't really aware
of the consequences.
[SOBBING]
But before I become your mother, I am someone
And I am a girl, and I am a woman...
And I am me.
And I think that The most honest explanation
I can give you.
But that's true. </ P>
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[CHATTERING]
It looks beautiful. </ P>
- WOMAN 1: Walk here. - WOMAN 2: here
LACEY: I have spent the first half of my life
defined by the world < br /> my parents have created it for me.
[WOMEN TALK INDISTINCTLY]
LACEY: In the second round,
I defined with their secrets and lies.
But actually is on the table now.
And I'm ready to find my future for myself.
MINISTER: This is a celebration of love.
This is a celebration that brings two individuals
from different cultural experiences
and different religious experiences.
So love allows them to come together
and fall love each other
and have surpassed external accidents
of race or color
LACEY: I put a lot thought
in this problem changed my last name.
As a child I never really liked Schwartz.
But now, after all, seems to suit me.
A clear Jewish name which literally means black.
[PEOPLE LEAD AND APPLY]
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