1 00:00:07,738 --> 00:00:09,240 Visit www.Fortunebet99.cc Trusted Secure Online Gambling Agent 2 00:00:10,708 --> 00:00:13,679 New 500 Thousand Member Bonus 10 Million Parlay Cashback 3 00:00:29,227 --> 00:00:30,659 LACEY:
And the weather, I mean, 4 00:00:30,661 --> 00:00:31,860 I think it will delay, but... 5 00:00:31,862 --> 00:00:33,930 WOMAN: Want to start? People will enter 6 00:00:33,932 --> 00:00:35,434 WOMAN 2: Okay, cool. 7 00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:43,207 LACEY: For a long time, I don't want to get married. 8 00:00:45,810 --> 00:00:47,876 - what? - MAN: Yay! 9 00:00:47,878 --> 00:00:49,778 [LAUGHS] 10 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,248 LACEY: I feel like /> I can't make a new family 11 00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:55,219 until I reach an agreement with what happened to me. 12 00:01:17,643 --> 00:01:21,079 I come from the long line New York Jews. 13 00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:30,252 I am a great grandson of Eastern European immigrants 14 00:01:30,254 --> 00:01:33,091 who brought their culture and tradition to Brooklyn. 15 00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:41,964 Daughter of a good Jewish girl 16 00:01:41,966 --> 00:01:43,832 and a good Jewish child. 17 00:01:43,834 --> 00:01:45,934 [INDISTINCT DIALOGUE] 18 00:01:45,936 --> 00:01:48,338 [LAUGHS] 19 00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:50,439 LACEY: I grew up in the world of synagogues, 20 00:01:50,441 --> 00:01:53,910 Hebrew School, bar mitzvah. 21 00:01:53,912 --> 00:01:55,912 [CHATTERING] 22 00:01:55,914 --> 00:01:57,816 LACEY: My family knows who they are. 23 00:01:58,884 --> 00:02:01,219 And they define who I am. 24 00:02:05,022 --> 00:02:07,792 So it never occurred to me that I passed. 25 00:02:14,832 --> 00:02:17,336 I don't pretend to be something that isn't me. 26 00:02:21,406 --> 00:02:24,242 I really grew up believing I am white. 27 00:02:42,461 --> 00:02:44,163 [SIGHS] 28 00:02:47,799 --> 00:02:49,465 LACEY: Look, we're real Jews. 29 00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:51,569 Ha ha. This proves it. 30 00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:55,574 I'll show you This is grandfather My grandmother. 31 00:02:57,475 --> 00:02:59,074 This is Uncle Lou. 32 00:02:59,076 --> 00:03:00,977 And he that one I was named. 33 00:03:00,979 --> 00:03:02,911 Lou Lacey. 34 00:03:02,913 --> 00:03:04,913 > He died at my mother's wedding. 35 00:03:04,915 --> 00:03:06,483 He had a heart attack in the bathroom 36 00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,885 and somehow knew that they took it out 37 00:03:08,887 --> 00:03:10,018 He didn't know he had died 38 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:12,890 until he returned from the honeymoon 39 00:03:13,991 --> 00:03:16,425 Even though he died at his marriage 40 00:03:16,427 --> 00:03:18,495 So that's the one I named. 41 00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:20,199 Give him a stone. 42 00:03:28,406 --> 00:03:31,040 Sometimes I wonder who I am, 43 00:03:31,042 --> 00:03:33,245 if there isn't this ever happens 44 00:03:35,146 --> 00:03:37,513 If I'm still this good, white Jewish girl 45 00:03:37,515 --> 00:03:38,847 from Woodstock, New York. 46 00:03:38,849 --> 00:03:41,184 [DOG BARKS] 47 00:03:41,186 --> 00:03:43,588 What will happen is different in my life. 48 00:03:46,557 --> 00:03:48,124 PEGGY: When Lacey was little, 49 00:03:48,126 --> 00:03:51,528 we lived a comfortable life. 50 00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:53,196 We live, almost, 51 00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:56,001 perfect images of life types for a while. 52 00:03:58,937 --> 00:04:03,540 So when Lacey decides < br /> he will tell it, 53 00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:06,842 I'm a little nervous about that. 54 00:04:06,844 --> 00:04:09,211 Lacey, I can't start without you. 55 00:04:09,213 --> 00:04:10,716 LACEY: Arrival. 56 00:04:13,951 --> 00:04:15,454 This isn't too bad. 57 00:04:19,925 --> 00:04:21,824 I'm waiting. 58 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,159 PEGGY: Oh! 59 00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:25,961 Wait until you see what I just found 60 00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:28,130 - LACEY: what - PEGGY: my wedding shoes 61 00:04:28,132 --> 00:04:30,899 What's up Whatever I don't want to know about 62 00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:33,036 Look at the size of this foot. 63 00:04:33,038 --> 00:04:34,536 [LAUGHS] 64 00:04:34,538 --> 00:04:36,572 PEGGY: How did that happen? Ha ha. 65 00:04:36,574 --> 00:04:37,541 LACEY: Put your feet 66 00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:41,444 PEGGY: Lacey, there is no road on earth... 67 00:04:41,446 --> 00:04:44,046 LACEY: Let's try the left foot. 68 00:04:44,048 --> 00:04:46,548 PEGGY [SING]: Oh, happy times 69 00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:48,183 They will never... 70 00:04:48,185 --> 00:04:50,152 - LACEY: do you love them? - PEGGY: I love them. 71 00:04:50,154 --> 00:04:52,055 LACEY: How do you feel? on your wedding day? 72 00:04:52,057 --> 00:04:53,623 I feel happy. 73 00:04:53,625 --> 00:04:55,091 - LACEY: what are you - Mm-hm. 74 00:04:55,093 --> 00:04:56,595 LACEY: Tell me more. 75 00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:03,098 < i> PEGGY: I started going out with dad 76 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,235 when I was 16 years old. 77 00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:09,137 Father is that man I should be together. 78 00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:12,274 Father is the person. I grew up with. 79 00:05:12,276 --> 00:05:14,478 Daddy is all that. 80 00:05:18,884 --> 00:05:20,686 LACEY: So tell me about meeting mama. 81 00:05:22,487 --> 00:05:26,022 ROBERT: I, uh, boss from Lake and Hari camps. 82 00:05:26,024 --> 00:05:30,226 And I have this association beautiful teenage girl 83 00:05:30,228 --> 00:05:33,161 under my supervision 84 00:05:33,163 --> 00:05:35,365 Including mother. 85 00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:38,069 So I just started dating them one by one. 86 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:46,377 And when I arrived at my mother we were stuck together. 87 00:05:49,947 --> 00:05:51,081 PEGGY: Grandma decides 88 00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:53,649 this person will be suitable for me. 89 00:05:53,651 --> 00:05:57,122 Grandma likes her brown eyes and her eyelashes. 90 00:06:01,158 --> 00:06:02,692 ROBERT: When we return to Brooklyn 91 00:06:02,694 --> 00:06:04,995 after the summer is over, 92 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:06,094 it turns out he lives in the environment 93 00:06:06,096 --> 00:06:07,195 maybe half miles away. 94 00:06:07,197 --> 00:06:08,598 We just started dating. 95 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,000 But it's fun. We have fun. 96 00:06:11,002 --> 00:06:14,570 It's nearby, It's an environmental romance. 97 00:06:14,572 --> 00:06:17,542 Everyone sees stable stable and long-lasting partner. 98 00:06:24,014 --> 00:06:26,115 PEGGY: I was programmed to marry her. 99 00:06:26,117 --> 00:06:27,582 LACEY: What do you mean? 100 00:06:27,584 --> 00:06:28,952 PEGGY: He is the way. 101 00:06:28,954 --> 00:06:31,019 I went to city school. 102 00:06:31,021 --> 00:06:32,956 I became a teacher. 103 00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:36,024 I married for a good Jewish man. 104 00:06:36,026 --> 00:06:38,026 That's how it is. 105 00:06:38,028 --> 00:06:39,562 It's just that I've ever... 106 00:06:39,564 --> 00:06:41,296 That's what I'm doing, I'll get married. 107 00:06:41,298 --> 00:06:43,031 And I'll marry for this person 108 00:06:43,033 --> 00:06:45,168 You just don't think < > out of the box. 109 00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:46,103 We don't. 110 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:50,038 And sometimes it's easier like that. 111 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,543 [CAMERA CLICKS] 112 00:06:56,613 --> 00:07:01,317 1972, Robert and I moved to the north of New York. 113 00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:04,753 That was only Robert and I until 1977. 114 00:07:04,755 --> 00:07:06,724 Then Lacey was born. 115 00:07:08,726 --> 00:07:11,694 LACEY: my mother was in labor for 36 hours 116 00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:14,566 before the doctor finally did Caesarean section. 117 00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:18,000 BRUCE: I saw you first. 118 00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:21,771 And so it is. 119 00:07:21,773 --> 00:07:24,339 I am very happy. 120 00:07:24,341 --> 00:07:26,745 You know, I'm an uncle. 121 00:07:28,713 --> 00:07:32,647 MIKE: I remember seeing you for the first time. 122 00:07:32,649 --> 00:07:35,752 Get to the hospital, in the nursery. 123 00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:39,087 And I remember your father very proud of 124 00:07:39,089 --> 00:07:42,291 of the beautiful baby he had. 125 00:07:42,293 --> 00:07:44,293 And I remember > 126 00:07:44,295 --> 00:07:50,033 You have some kind of, uh, yellowish tinge. 127 00:07:50,035 --> 00:07:51,433 You look a little different. 128 00:07:51,435 --> 00:07:55,606 But, uh, you know, that's how you look. 129 00:08:12,322 --> 00:08:14,289 LACEY: One day I went to nursery school 130 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:15,791 and there is this blonde boy 131 00:08:15,793 --> 00:08:18,428 who seems obsessed with with my appearance 132 00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:22,798 And he said to me, "Show me your gum color. " 133 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,536 And I only show my gums, I like: 134 00:08:27,404 --> 00:08:30,908 That's the earliest memory I feel different. 135 00:08:32,276 --> 00:08:34,810 It's a shame to be chosen. 136 00:08:34,812 --> 00:08:36,780 And that makes me feel bad. 137 00:08:41,452 --> 00:08:43,685 When I told my parents what had happened 138 00:08:43,687 --> 00:08:46,289 my father pulled out old photo album 139 00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:48,690 and said I took after his great-grandfather 140 00:08:48,692 --> 00:08:50,194 who was Sicilian 141 00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:55,698 And I looked at the picture and I said, 142 00:08:55,700 --> 00:09:00,268 "Oh, Lacey looks like grandfather Robert." 143 00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:03,105 I only believe what which we were told, 144 00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:07,175 that somewhere, I don't know, in your family history 145 00:09:07,177 --> 00:09:09,311 there are some explanations for that 146 00:09:09,313 --> 00:09:11,347 You know, pictures from... 147 00:09:11,349 --> 00:09:13,815 Sort of like, looks big, ha, ha... 148 00:09:13,817 --> 00:09:16,922 I don't even know what which we told him 149 00:09:19,157 --> 00:09:21,290 LACEY: I believe that. 150 00:09:21,292 --> 00:09:23,228 I believe that I am white. 151 00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:27,829 We have a reason there, in our family tree, 152 00:09:27,831 --> 00:09:30,668 why did I see it as I did. 153 00:09:32,870 --> 00:09:34,804 [CHILDREN -ANAK CHATTERING] 154 00:09:34,806 --> 00:09:36,675 Ready? He can hit. 155 00:09:38,275 --> 00:09:39,374 ROBERT: Go. 156 00:09:39,376 --> 00:09:41,310 [CHILDREN SHOUTING] 157 00:09:41,312 --> 00:09:43,311 Notice, here it comes. Take him, take him 158 00:09:43,313 --> 00:09:44,847 Get him! Get him! 159 00:09:44,849 --> 00:09:45,848 LACEY: So even though I know 160 00:09:45,850 --> 00:09:47,883 there is something different about me 161 00:09:47,885 --> 00:09:50,185 I don't want to admit it. 162 00:09:50,187 --> 00:09:52,220 [GIRL SHOUTS] 163 00:09:52,222 --> 00:09:54,790 LACEY: I will find the way to convince myself. 164 00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:56,892 I will tell myself 165 00:09:56,894 --> 00:09:58,861 my father is really brown in the summer time, < / i> 166 00:09:58,863 --> 00:10:02,364 My hair is really curly same as mine. 167 00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:04,834 And I will find a way to make it look like, 168 00:10:04,836 --> 00:10:09,039 You know what, I really just like my parents 169 00:10:11,842 --> 00:10:14,243 ROBERT: Show us how you can stand by your side 170 00:10:14,245 --> 00:10:15,545 - What? - ROBERT: Show us the trick. 171 00:10:15,547 --> 00:10:17,445 Oh good. 172 00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:19,781 - Ha ha. - ROBERT: Oh, that's great. 173 00:10:19,783 --> 00:10:21,285 How do you do it? 174 00:10:22,787 --> 00:10:24,786 Try holding the camera 175 00:10:24,788 --> 00:10:26,890 So it looks like I'm not too drunk. 176 00:10:28,259 --> 00:10:32,395 There you have Peggy in her sweat suits. 177 00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:34,631 My new motto: 178 00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:37,532 End of sleep, the beginning of riding makes a woman very ugly 179 00:10:37,534 --> 00:10:39,670 p> 180 00:10:42,373 --> 00:10:44,940 - ROBERT: Ha, ha. - Ha ha. 181 00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:48,045 LACEY: My parents' diary gave me on my 11th birthday 182 00:10:50,948 --> 00:10:53,317 makes it clear enough I feel insecure. 183 00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:58,487 And the school only made it worse. 184 00:10:58,489 --> 00:11:01,059 All the girls in my class have long straight hair. 185 00:11:02,493 --> 00:11:05,294 I'm not. And I hate it. 186 00:11:05,296 --> 00:11:07,432 I can't do anything about my skin, 187 00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:11,968 but my hair is a story that different. 188 00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:14,002 Does this look good? 189 00:11:14,004 --> 00:11:16,374 I just made it a little flat 190 00:11:17,975 --> 00:11:20,008 ROBERT: let's see a little happiness We start. 191 00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,576 - Walk on this path. - PEGGY: Oh, my goodness 192 00:11:21,578 --> 00:11:25,281 Oh, that's sweet. I'm very proud of him. 193 00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:28,283 So proud of him, You don't know. 194 00:11:28,285 --> 00:11:30,888 Today's day We succeed. 195 00:11:35,592 --> 00:11:37,359 LACEY: Except for that one conversation 196 00:11:37,361 --> 00:11:39,429 about my great grandfather, 197 00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:41,363 my parents and I never talked about it again. 198 00:11:41,365 --> 00:11:43,400 [INDISTINCTLY SPEAKING MAN] 199 00:11:44,869 --> 00:11:46,469 ROBERT: This is a film camera, Marty. 200 00:11:46,471 --> 00:11:48,271 This is a film camera.
I don't know that. 201 00:11:48,273 --> 00:11:49,974 I never stand still. Fine. 202 00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:52,877 [SEASON OF PLAYING PLAY] 203 00:12:02,486 --> 00:12:04,488 Tell Marty to stop cutting. 204 00:12:10,495 --> 00:12:11,627 LACEY: In my bar the mitzvah, 205 00:12:11,629 --> 00:12:13,595 members of the synagogue 206 00:12:13,597 --> 00:12:15,565 came to me and my mother and said, 207 00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:17,300 "It's great to have an Ethiopian Jew 208 00:12:17,302 --> 00:12:18,802 at before us. " 209 00:12:21,004 --> 00:12:22,874 My mother said nothing. 210 00:12:25,643 --> 00:12:27,008 So I corrected the woman 211 00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:29,413 and explained that I was not Ethiopian. 212 00:12:32,317 --> 00:12:34,050 But when he walked away, 213 00:12:34,052 --> 00:12:36,153 I remember feeling alone. 214 00:12:46,964 --> 00:12:49,768 I have never been to Woodstock for a long time. 215 00:12:51,499 --> 00:12:52,536 - LACEY: Hi - ELISSA: Ha, ha. 216 00:12:55,105 --> 00:12:57,605 Everything is right same here 217 00:12:57,607 --> 00:13:00,408 I mean, these people are here When I was in high school. 218 00:13:00,410 --> 00:13:03,411 These two really feel it too 219 00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:04,948 It's authentic... 220 00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:09,551 PEGGY: Woodstock is a fairly liberal community. 221 00:13:09,553 --> 00:13:13,257 But the number isn't much black people in Woodstock. 222 00:13:15,426 --> 00:13:17,727 Lacey's friends When she was little, 223 00:13:17,729 --> 00:13:20,264 They were all white children. 224 00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:30,071 LACEY: There are no black children in my elementary school Nothing. 225 00:13:30,073 --> 00:13:33,142 That is the white world where race does not exist for us. 226 00:13:33,144 --> 00:13:35,611 It's not really talked about. 227 00:13:35,613 --> 00:13:38,580 So I don't really think of anything about race 228 00:13:38,582 --> 00:13:41,483 GIRL: Lacey is preparing for the prom. 229 00:13:41,485 --> 00:13:43,786 Annoying as usual. 230 00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:45,054 [CHATTERING] 231 00:13:45,056 --> 00:13:47,790 PORTRAIT TEACHER: One two three. 232 00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:49,927 Wide smile, big smile 233 00:13:51,596 --> 00:13:53,128 LACEY: But when I arrived at high school, 234 00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:55,232 was not easily ignored. 235 00:14:07,544 --> 00:14:10,146 This is one of the cafeterias. 236 00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:12,013 And there, in that room... 237 00:14:12,015 --> 00:14:14,517 And this is another. 238 00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:19,688 This room is like being trapped in 1996 and can't get out. 239 00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:21,993 It looks exactly the same. 240 00:14:26,563 --> 00:14:28,196 LACEY: I went to high school in Kingston. 241 00:14:28,198 --> 00:14:32,135 One city from Woodstock and much more diverse. 242 00:14:34,038 --> 00:14:35,603 Like in high school everywhere, 243 00:14:35,605 --> 00:14:38,840 children find a way to separate themselves. 244 00:14:38,842 --> 00:14:42,044 Jocks together, art together. 245 00:14:42,046 --> 00:14:43,882 Cheerleaders together 246 00:14:46,183 --> 00:14:48,550 High School really the first time in my life 247 00:14:48,552 --> 00:14:51,221 that I even crossed the street with black people. 248 00:14:52,557 --> 00:14:54,723 In the hallway, black kids will look at me 249 00:14:54,725 --> 00:14:56,459 when I walk past it. 250 00:14:56,461 --> 00:14:58,761 That's weird. 251 00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:00,195 At first I really thought 252 00:15:00,197 --> 00:15:03,199 they looked at white people like that. 253 00:15:03,201 --> 00:15:06,370 But then I realized, that was me. 258 00:15:18,115 --> 00:15:20,382 That I... 259 00:15:20,384 --> 00:15:23,486 You know, it looks like I'm great Dark-skinned grandfather. 261 00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:27,555 And black girls at school will be, 262 00:15:27,557 --> 00:15:30,092 "Well, you have to work some items come out 263 00:15:30,094 --> 00:15:32,560 if you think that, you know, you are right really white 264 00:15:32,562 --> 00:15:35,097 People must ask you. 265 00:15:35,099 --> 00:15:38,633 Are you black or white? Why are you trying to turn white? 266 00:15:38,635 --> 00:15:40,902 LACEY: What are the girls ? It doesn't seem to understand, 267 00:15:40,904 --> 00:15:44,706 I'm not trying to be white, I'm white. 269 00:15:48,745 --> 00:15:51,247 I remember certain situations where I would like, 270 00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:53,248 "Oh, I will hang out with my friend Lacey." 271 00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:55,783 And they will be like, "Oh, Lacey, is she adopted?" 274 00:16:02,559 --> 00:16:06,127 I always see you like... 275 00:16:06,129 --> 00:16:09,531 You look black, ha, ha 276 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:13,201 But that's not my guess. 277 00:16:13,203 --> 00:16:15,570 You know, it's like you are my best friend 278 00:16:15,572 --> 00:16:18,607 You look like a black person, /> But I know your parents. 279 00:16:18,609 --> 00:16:20,943 I know, you know... 280 00:16:20,945 --> 00:16:25,147 For me, you are like that a Jewish child who... 281 00:16:25,149 --> 00:16:26,650 I don't know 282 00:16:27,751 --> 00:16:32,220 MATTHEW: Obviously you are not the same with us. 283 00:16:32,222 --> 00:16:36,624 But it's, uh, like a sensitive subject. 284 00:16:36,626 --> 00:16:38,694 Like... 285 00:16:38,696 --> 00:16:40,331 I don't know, like... . 286 00:16:42,732 --> 00:16:45,935 Something that has never been very comfortable 287 00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:50,940 I don't know if anyone knows it, or feel it, or whatever. 288 00:16:50,942 --> 00:16:55,643 Looks like this 600-pound-gorilla indoors 289 00:16:55,645 --> 00:16:59,082 and for any type refuses to see it 290 00:17:02,219 --> 00:17:04,185 LACEY: If you look too closely, 291 00:17:04,187 --> 00:17:06,124 doesn't make sense. 292 00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:09,293 So we don't see. 293 00:17:10,994 --> 00:17:14,197 We found a way to see what we want to believe. 294 00:17:19,236 --> 00:17:21,537 Meanwhile, at home, 295 00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:23,441 my parents' marriage began to break down. 296 00:17:25,643 --> 00:17:29,210 MIKE: Sometimes, they look like peas in pods. 297 00:17:29,212 --> 00:17:32,614 Next time, I remember feeling uncomfortable. 298 00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:35,784 They will argue and debate openly. 299 00:17:35,786 --> 00:17:38,019 Their relationship is better than most 300 00:17:38,021 --> 00:17:39,220 on the surface. 301 00:17:39,222 --> 00:17:41,890 I don't think I know that he's not so happy 302 00:17:41,892 --> 00:17:43,859 until years later. 303 00:17:43,861 --> 00:17:45,760 We did have a while 304 00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:48,198 > 305 00:17:49,866 --> 00:17:52,968 then we are no longer and... 306 00:17:52,970 --> 00:17:56,037 And not married yet. 307 00:17:56,039 --> 00:17:58,007 I think what I remember the most obvious 308 00:17:58,009 --> 00:18:01,643 around that time 309 00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:04,846 how your mother 310 00:18:04,848 --> 00:18:08,351 He is really messy. 311 00:18:17,060 --> 00:18:18,893 LACEY: When my father packed up and left, 312 00:18:18,895 --> 00:18:22,365 like most children, I thought Everything was my fault. 313 00:18:23,401 --> 00:18:25,236 But I'm afraid to ask. 314 00:18:28,005 --> 00:18:31,873 My father is very angry with my mother and is crazy in the world. 315 00:18:31,875 --> 00:18:34,377 And it seems like he was angry with me. 316 00:18:36,079 --> 00:18:38,515 - Father? - ROBERT: what 317 00:18:39,817 --> 00:18:43,786 LACEY: When I was little we were always really close. 318 00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:46,423 Now I feel left out and rejected by him. 319 00:18:48,325 --> 00:18:51,026 Whenever I try to talk to him about it, 320 00:18:51,028 --> 00:18:53,394 he is misbehaving or ignore me. 321 00:18:53,396 --> 00:18:56,297 And I don't understand why. 322 00:18:56,299 --> 00:18:58,933 You know, I have strong feelings, 323 00:18:58,935 --> 00:19:01,703 when my parents are together, from who I am 324 00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:03,439 I am their daughter, and when they separate, 325 00:19:03,441 --> 00:19:07,545 I don't really feel like I know who I am. 326 00:19:11,449 --> 00:19:13,518 LACEY: Then I met Matt . 327 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:17,719 [GASPS] 328 00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,488 Hi. 329 00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:21,055 - How are you doing? - I'm good. 330 00:19:21,057 --> 00:19:23,792 - How are you doing? - I'm good. 331 00:19:23,794 --> 00:19:25,760 - This is a cool place. - Thank you. 332 00:19:25,762 --> 00:19:27,129 May I see the rest of your apartment 333 00:19:27,131 --> 00:19:29,332 Uh, yeah 334 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,934 That is sometimes the office that has been reset. 335 00:19:32,936 --> 00:19:34,335 LACEY: Matt's father is black. 336 00:19:34,337 --> 00:19:36,438 And her mother is white. 337 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,140 In high school, when we came out, 338 00:19:38,142 --> 00:19:40,912 people will ask if we are brothers and sisters. 339 00:19:42,078 --> 00:19:43,478 And for the first time 340 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,514 I started to doubt the story of my parents 341 00:19:45,516 --> 00:19:49,051 about my dark skinned Italian ancestors. 342 00:19:49,053 --> 00:19:50,753 I have such deep memories 343 00:19:50,755 --> 00:19:52,086 from seeing on your family photos 344 00:19:52,088 --> 00:19:53,488 and being like, 345 00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:55,457 "Come on, this..." 346 00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:57,825 Like, you have a picture back from Jamaica... 347 00:19:57,827 --> 00:19:59,128 With braids. 349 00:20:01,932 --> 00:20:04,833 But how absurd is that to me, 350 00:20:04,835 --> 00:20:09,071 even like, you know, 16 years or something like that. 351 00:20:09,073 --> 00:20:12,106 I don't like a man in the world or whatever 352 00:20:12,108 --> 00:20:14,442 Your family...? 353 00:20:14,444 --> 00:20:17,845 Your cousin and your belongings, and everyone...? 354 00:20:17,847 --> 00:20:19,882 Even adults? 355 00:20:19,884 --> 00:20:21,984 They hear the story and they come along with it. 356 00:20:21,986 --> 00:20:23,852 White people will think of anything 357 00:20:23,854 --> 00:20:25,787 - Ha ha. - Things crazy things. 358 00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,189 I know life can go for a long time. 359 00:20:27,191 --> 00:20:29,490 You will only be like, "Wow." 360 00:20:29,492 --> 00:20:30,491 You know , because for me, 361 00:20:30,493 --> 00:20:32,494 I was relatively unconscious at that time. 362 00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:35,463 I thought that was the race... 363 00:20:35,465 --> 00:20:37,799 This became clear that there is this refusal 364 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,035 I remember so devastated by it. 365 00:20:40,037 --> 00:20:45,474 With weight... 366 00:20:45,476 --> 00:20:48,142 ... that type, this type of secret 367 00:20:48,144 --> 00:20:53,015 and it's a few years even before we talk about it. 368 00:20:53,017 --> 00:20:55,182 ROBERT: Hello. 369 00:20:55,184 --> 00:20:57,451 LACEY: Matt really wants me to think about it. 370 00:20:57,453 --> 00:20:59,488 He hates me about that. 371 00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:01,055 He pushed me. 372 00:21:01,057 --> 00:21:02,559 And I pushed back. 373 00:21:03,861 --> 00:21:06,027 "I can handle this now," I will say it. 374 00:21:06,029 --> 00:21:08,398 My parents were in the middle of a divorce. 375 00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:14,304 But deep down, the question I came to me. 376 00:21:18,075 --> 00:21:20,007 When it comes time to enroll in college, 377 00:21:20,009 --> 00:21:23,612 I decided to go to Georgetown. 378 00:21:23,614 --> 00:21:27,181 On their application I have to check a box. 379 00:21:27,183 --> 00:21:30,219 And the only box I once knew white. 380 00:21:30,221 --> 00:21:33,521 I don't know what it is than others even meant for me. 381 00:21:33,523 --> 00:21:35,024 Jadi saya tidak memeriksa apapun. 382 00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:39,894 Georgetown asks you to send a picture, 383 00:21:39,896 --> 00:21:40,996 and based on a photo, 384 00:21:40,998 --> 00:21:43,634 I accepted to college as a black student. 385 00:21:45,935 --> 00:21:48,503 At that time when Georgetown said you were black, 386 00:21:48,505 --> 00:21:50,271 was the time... 387 00:21:50,273 --> 00:21:52,940 It felt like that
they gave me permission 388 00:21:52,942 --> 00:21:56,413 to start entertaining the idea itself 389 00:22:00,084 --> 00:22:01,616 [TRAIN HORN WHISTLES] 390 00:22:01,618 --> 00:22:02,684 LACEY: So when I was invited to 391 00:22:02,686 --> 00:22:06,921 to the Black Student Alliance I left. 392 00:22:06,923 --> 00:22:08,958 And I keep going. 393 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,995 Throughout college and until law school. 394 00:22:12,096 --> 00:22:14,296 BOY: My name is Samuel, I'm from Ethiopia. 395 00:22:14,298 --> 00:22:16,965 I'm a good girl I, uh, 32 396 00:22:16,967 --> 00:22:18,299 [INDISTINCT DIALOGUE] 397 00:22:18,301 --> 00:22:19,968 GIRL: My name is Jelani Jefferson. 398 00:22:19,970 --> 00:22:21,103 I'm from New Orleans. 400 00:22:22,306 --> 00:22:24,342 and I'm from Woodstock, New York. 401 00:22:30,513 --> 00:22:33,081 I graduated from University from Alabama in Birmingham 402 00:22:33,083 --> 00:22:34,016 LACEY: And like that 403 00:22:34,018 --> 00:22:36,617 I was welcomed < br /> to the black community. 404 00:22:36,619 --> 00:22:39,054 Only because of one photo. 405 00:22:39,056 --> 00:22:41,256 Unlike photos of my great-grandfather, 406 00:22:41,258 --> 00:22:43,760 who 18 years earlier made me white. 407 00:22:46,195 --> 00:22:48,365 Everything feels too easy. 408 00:22:49,566 --> 00:22:52,668 But at that time, I was ready to try a new identity. 409 00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:55,938 [INDISTINCTLY SPEAKING MAN] 410 00:22:55,940 --> 00:22:59,007 There are different narratives racial identities 411 00:22:59,009 --> 00:23:01,677 and people come with different assumptions 412 00:23:01,679 --> 00:23:04,482 about what will happen black people 413 00:23:05,548 --> 00:23:08,016 LACEY: universities like Race 101. 414 00:23:08,018 --> 00:23:09,051 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ] 415 00:23:09,053 --> 00:23:11,286 LACEY: A crash course for white people 416 00:23:11,288 --> 00:23:13,988 about what it means to be black. 417 00:23:13,990 --> 00:23:15,990 I'm always taken for granted 418 00:23:15,992 --> 00:23:17,026 what I've achieved 419 00:23:17,028 --> 00:23:20,194 is seen as a product of my own hard work. 420 00:23:20,196 --> 00:23:22,596 But I soon realized that my black friends felt 421 00:23:22,598 --> 00:23:26,403 they had to work harder to prove it < br /> they deserve their success. 422 00:23:29,205 --> 00:23:31,206 White people don't spend it a lot of time 423 00:23:31,208 --> 00:23:33,174 think about their vaginal discharge. 424 00:23:33,176 --> 00:23:35,643 But for black people, darkness is everywhere. 425 00:23:35,645 --> 00:23:37,813 [GIRLS LAUGH] 426 00:23:37,815 --> 00:23:38,847 LACEY: It's in the comic my friend is referenced. 427 00:23:38,849 --> 00:23:42,284 Music was blown up in their dorm room. 428 00:23:42,286 --> 00:23:45,720 And the blow they talked about while playing cards. 429 00:23:45,722 --> 00:23:47,722 There are times when at the beginning 430 00:23:47,724 --> 00:23:50,324 where I will walk to all black spaces this. 431 00:23:50,326 --> 00:23:52,193 And I will think, how will I fit? 432 00:23:52,195 --> 00:23:54,162 Or what does it feel like? 433 00:23:54,164 --> 00:23:55,998 You know, I will dance the right way 434 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,699 And I will say the right thing? 435 00:23:58,701 --> 00:24:00,768 But they don't know all about facts 436 00:24:00,770 --> 00:24:05,073 that I have grown up and only know other white children. 437 00:24:05,075 --> 00:24:07,742 Apparently, hanging out with black people 438 00:24:07,744 --> 00:24:10,644 has put a lot of my insecurity to rest . 439 00:24:10,646 --> 00:24:12,381 Dark skin I'm always worried, 440 00:24:12,383 --> 00:24:14,349 the skin is light. 441 00:24:14,351 --> 00:24:16,787 And my bad hair becomes good hair. 442 00:24:18,154 --> 00:24:21,623 My black friends looked at me and saw other black people. 443 00:24:21,625 --> 00:24:25,259 Feeling like an outsider something they can associate with. 444 00:24:25,261 --> 00:24:27,730 And it doesn't feel like that a coincidence for me. 445 00:24:29,133 --> 00:24:31,799 For the first time in my life, I feel like mine. 446 00:24:31,801 --> 00:24:35,905 And somehow I just found out the black one is who I am. 447 00:24:38,075 --> 00:24:39,274 Of course that means 448 00:24:39,276 --> 00:24:41,375 there is something My parents didn't tell me. 449 00:24:41,377 --> 00:24:44,481 And I don't know how to ask about it. 450 00:24:45,782 --> 00:24:47,650 That's when I underwent therapy. 451 00:24:54,290 --> 00:24:56,057 I was taking a movie class at that time, 452 00:24:56,059 --> 00:24:58,194 and decided to record my session. 453 00:25:00,663 --> 00:25:04,432 WOMEN: So I don't know where you want to start 454 00:25:04,434 --> 00:25:05,935 Well, I don't know. 455 00:25:08,439 --> 00:25:10,337 Because that's the thing unspoken. 456 00:25:10,339 --> 00:25:11,806 Like there is part of me that... 457 00:25:11,808 --> 00:25:13,810 I feel like a play. 458 00:25:15,345 --> 00:25:16,478 WOMEN: Wrong one reason 459 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,779 why do you want to come and see me is that I've... 460 00:25:18,781 --> 00:25:22,183 Not a secret skill, but I specialize in that. 461 00:25:22,185 --> 00:25:24,654 Secrets create problems. 462 00:25:26,423 --> 00:25:29,790 I lose focus but... I feel like an outsider. 463 00:25:29,792 --> 00:25:31,459 I can't tolerate, like, 464 00:25:31,461 --> 00:25:33,828 put yourself to the side again 465 00:25:33,830 --> 00:25:37,332 I feel like things become so difficult 466 00:25:37,334 --> 00:25:38,699 I feel like... 467 00:25:38,701 --> 00:25:42,504 - I'm physically exhausted. - Tiring. 468 00:25:42,506 --> 00:25:44,206 WOMEN: But I'm here 469 00:25:44,208 --> 00:25:47,308 to help you do this conversation 470 00:25:47,310 --> 00:25:49,812 That's what you think you get a few answers. 471 00:26:00,257 --> 00:26:02,457 I'm home from my first year in college 472 00:26:02,459 --> 00:26:05,326 and I decided that I would ask my mother 473 00:26:05,328 --> 00:26:07,863 why I saw it as I did 474 00:26:07,865 --> 00:26:11,466 Lacey came to me and said, "We have to talk." 475 00:26:11,468 --> 00:26:14,736 It feels like, "Oh no." 476 00:26:14,738 --> 00:26:16,838 I am scared. 477 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,440 At first he didn't want it to talk to me about it 478 00:26:19,442 --> 00:26:21,409 He told me he couldn't do it at that time 479 00:26:21,411 --> 00:26:22,878 He had to do it < br /> something else first 480 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,046 My reaction is, 481 00:26:24,048 --> 00:26:28,749 "Please keep him silent, For him to pause." 482 00:26:28,751 --> 00:26:30,418 And me tell him I have to talk about it. 483 00:26:30,420 --> 00:26:33,555 I want to talk about it why did I see it as I did 484 00:26:33,557 --> 00:26:36,490 Lacey would ask, "How come? You never talk to me about it? 485 00:26:36,492 --> 00:26:39,227 Why isn't there Have I ever talked to me about it? " 486 00:26:39,229 --> 00:26:41,930 And I said to him, "Mother, you have to tell me." 487 00:26:41,932 --> 00:26:45,497 "Why doesn't anyone see that I'm different? 488 00:26:45,499 --> 00:26:47,936 Why not there think enough to come to me 489 00:26:47,938 --> 00:26:50,872 and say I know the truth. " 490 00:26:50,874 --> 00:26:54,441 And for whatever reason, I decide it's time. 491 00:26:54,443 --> 00:26:56,777 He pinned me. 492 00:26:56,779 --> 00:26:59,247 He didn't let me go. 493 00:26:59,249 --> 00:27:01,549 So he sat me down and he said, 494 00:27:01,551 --> 00:27:04,687 "The truth is, I had an affair with Rodney. 495 00:27:09,259 --> 00:27:12,259 And there's a good chance 496 00:27:12,261 --> 00:27:13,963 that is your biological father. " 497 00:27:15,231 --> 00:27:17,033 [CHATTERING] 498 00:27:22,940 --> 00:27:25,875 LACEY: I know Rodney as long as I can remember it. 499 00:27:27,411 --> 00:27:29,411 My mother met her when she was 21 500 00:27:29,413 --> 00:27:31,914 and worked in the city playground back in Brooklyn. 501 00:27:33,884 --> 00:27:36,383 Rodney is the king of the park. 502 00:27:36,385 --> 00:27:38,286 And when someone writes a book about that, 503 00:27:38,288 --> 00:27:40,057 he becomes a kind of celebrity. 504 00:27:41,224 --> 00:27:42,856 MAN: Forty-year-old Rodney Parker 505 00:27:42,858 --> 00:27:45,994 has helped some people realize their dreams of being pro. 506 00:27:45,996 --> 00:27:47,962 He did promotional work in the city park 507 00:27:47,964 --> 00:27:48,998 for the sneaker company 508 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,365 but beside works as a freelance scout. 509 00:27:51,367 --> 00:27:52,401 It turns out that it's free. 510 00:27:52,403 --> 00:27:55,003 Jim McMillian, advanced from the New York Knicks, 511 00:27:55,005 --> 00:27:56,638 is his most famous invention. 512 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,940 The player I helped basically underground player, 513 00:27:58,942 --> 00:28:00,574 the players no one really saw. 514 00:28:00,576 --> 00:28:02,410 The child who was playing in the playground 515 00:28:02,412 --> 00:28:03,911 who might have more skills > compared to other children 516 00:28:03,913 --> 00:28:05,415 playing in the playground. 517 00:28:06,482 --> 00:28:08,616 LACEY: As a child, as far as I know, 518 00:28:08,618 --> 00:28:10,986 Rodney is a ticket scalper. 519 00:28:10,988 --> 00:28:12,853 So he usually appears 520 00:28:12,855 --> 00:28:14,588 when my mother and I will go to the city 521 00:28:14,590 --> 00:28:16,359 for shows or concerts. 522 00:28:18,327 --> 00:28:20,327 Several times, He even caught me and my mother 523 00:28:20,329 --> 00:28:22,699 and my father, tickets to the game Knicks. 524 00:28:24,334 --> 00:28:27,302 MIKE: I think he, uh, your mother's close friend. 525 00:28:27,304 --> 00:28:28,870 I know about the park. 526 00:28:28,872 --> 00:28:31,605 And I know when I'm desperate for tickets, 527 00:28:31,607 --> 00:28:37,011 like for Dylan 25 years reunion at the Garden, 528 00:28:37,013 --> 00:28:38,479 Rodney is that man . 529 00:28:38,481 --> 00:28:40,648 [MIKE CHUCKLES] 530 00:28:40,650 --> 00:28:42,683 LACEY: do you remember meeting Rodney for the first time? 531 00:28:42,685 --> 00:28:44,686 Tell me about meeting Rodney for the first time time. 532 00:28:44,688 --> 00:28:48,355 Your mother and I have gone to the city to... 533 00:28:48,357 --> 00:28:49,423 Shop 534 00:28:49,425 --> 00:28:52,494 And we cross the road to 34 and your mother said, 535 00:28:52,496 --> 00:28:54,461 "Oh, there is my friend Rodney." 536 00:28:54,463 --> 00:28:57,032 Now, of course, After that I know 537 00:28:57,034 --> 00:28:59,433 that every time We've met Rodney 538 00:28:59,435 --> 00:29:01,369 it's not like, "There is my friend Rodney." 539 00:29:01,371 --> 00:29:03,604 That has happened talking to he and he said, 540 00:29:03,606 --> 00:29:06,007 "We will be so on street 34 at 2:07 p.m." 541 00:29:06,009 --> 00:29:08,543 But at that time it seemed like it was very co... 542 00:29:08,545 --> 00:29:10,911 "Oh, there is my friend Rodney." 543 00:29:10,913 --> 00:29:14,048 I remember going home /> that day in FDR 544 00:29:14,050 --> 00:29:14,984 and ask your mother, 545 00:29:14,986 --> 00:29:17,052 "Are you having an affair? with Rodney ? " 546 00:29:17,054 --> 00:29:18,519 And he said no. 547 00:29:18,521 --> 00:29:21,355 But when I met Rodney 548 00:29:21,357 --> 00:29:22,457 I said to myself, 549 00:29:22,459 --> 00:29:24,726 < i> "Okay, I understand." 550 00:29:24,728 --> 00:29:27,431 That's very as Lacey looks. 551 00:29:30,666 --> 00:29:33,535 LACEY: I really don't know what should think about. 552 00:29:33,537 --> 00:29:37,471 There is a large part of me It's really relieved. 553 00:29:37,473 --> 00:29:40,741 It feels like I finally know the truth. 554 00:29:40,743 --> 00:29:43,045 But then I don't know what else to say . 555 00:29:44,448 --> 00:29:46,948 SAMARA: indeed it is so the power of denial. 556 00:29:46,950 --> 00:29:48,549 How don't you...? 557 00:29:48,551 --> 00:29:49,684 Or not so. 558 00:29:49,686 --> 00:29:53,688 But how do people, sort of, not acknowledge this 559 00:29:53,690 --> 00:29:57,092 How do you have a daughter? with another man 560 00:29:57,094 --> 00:30:00,394 that clearly doesn't look like anyone in the family 561 00:30:00,396 --> 00:30:04,565 He has the ability extraordinary to turn away from things 562 00:30:04,567 --> 00:30:06,401 and therefore, they don't happen 563 00:30:06,403 --> 00:30:09,069 They don't exist, they are not real. 564 00:30:09,071 --> 00:30:10,604 MATT: I remember sitting at the table, 565 00:30:10,606 --> 00:30:15,008 on some family functions with Rodney and your mother 566 00:30:15,010 --> 00:30:19,780 And it became very clear that this is your father 567 00:30:19,782 --> 00:30:23,519 For my eyes, you know, I mean, it seems very clear. 568 00:30:24,988 --> 00:30:27,122 And I remember your father talking about 569 00:30:27,124 --> 00:30:30,024 how he drank a lot the night before 570 00:30:30,026 --> 00:30:32,494 and Rodney couldn't believe that he went running 571 00:30:32,496 --> 00:30:33,997 that morning. 572 00:30:35,798 --> 00:30:37,431 - I was like...
- Ha ha ha. 573 00:30:37,433 --> 00:30:40,501 Dude, that's it You can't believe it? 574 00:30:40,503 --> 00:30:42,670 That's very strange. Ha ha. 575 00:30:42,672 --> 00:30:46,641 That's just as bad as being openly throwing it into people's faces 576 00:30:46,643 --> 00:30:51,813 as you can do, and people throwing away advance. 577 00:30:51,815 --> 00:30:53,317 [CHATTERING] 578 00:30:54,584 --> 00:30:56,750 LACEY: My mother was lying to me and others 579 00:30:56,752 --> 00:30:58,254 < i> all my life. 580 00:30:59,689 --> 00:31:01,488 It seems pretty clear to me 581 00:31:01,490 --> 00:31:04,193 the affair must be a factor in the divorce of my parents. 582 00:31:07,029 --> 00:31:10,133 I was very angry with him I could barely talk to him. 583 00:31:13,036 --> 00:31:15,138 I can't wait for to return to school. 584 00:31:17,039 --> 00:31:19,440 [LAUGHS] 585 00:31:19,442 --> 00:31:23,044 [WOMEN TALK INDISTINCTLY] 586 00:31:23,046 --> 00:31:24,548 [INDISTINCT DIALOGUE] 587 00:31:25,615 --> 00:31:27,116 [CHATTERING] 588 00:31:31,454 --> 00:31:33,520 LACEY: Now I know that I have black parents, 589 00:31:33,522 --> 00:31:35,457 that I am really black, 590 00:31:35,459 --> 00:31:36,658 I'm not sure what to do 591 00:31:36,660 --> 00:31:38,961 with my part it's white. 592 00:31:40,696 --> 00:31:42,198 [CHATTERING] 593 00:31:43,666 --> 00:31:44,798 - Hi. - Hi. 594 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,534 - Ha ha. - Happy birthday . 595 00:31:46,536 --> 00:31:47,669 - Hi. - Hi. 596 00:31:47,671 --> 00:31:49,837 [CHATTERING] 597 00:31:49,839 --> 00:31:51,873 WOMEN: Do you want it...? 598 00:31:51,875 --> 00:31:53,208 I really like steaming my hair like once a year. 599 00:31:53,210 --> 00:31:56,076 Successful and it's good for bangs. 600 00:31:56,078 --> 00:31:58,546 WOMAN: Oh, really? More money to travel 601 00:31:58,548 --> 00:32:01,716 LACEY: Yes, I know, I know. 602 00:32:01,718 --> 00:32:04,486 p> 603 00:32:04,488 --> 00:32:06,688 - Um... - Let me ask a question. 604 00:32:06,690 --> 00:32:07,788 Is it biracial, half black, half white, 605 00:32:07,790 --> 00:32:09,857 a category to be black? 606 00:32:09,859 --> 00:32:11,692 - As I thought... - surely 607 00:32:11,694 --> 00:32:12,693 - Yeah. - I thought about it like that. 608 00:32:12,695 --> 00:32:14,728 Like all black people. 609 00:32:14,730 --> 00:32:16,898 Being mixed is a black category, 610 00:32:16,900 --> 00:32:20,200 mixed for me does not a category turn white. 611 00:32:20,202 --> 00:32:22,504 It's like one drop from your black blood black 612 00:32:22,506 --> 00:32:24,905 So there are all these people 613 00:32:24,907 --> 00:32:26,908 who we accept... 614 00:32:26,910 --> 00:32:29,844 Like Tiger and it's Cabalation yourself, you know. 615 00:32:29,846 --> 00:32:31,679 Like, "Yes, we claim that." 616 00:32:31,681 --> 00:32:32,779 And so... 617 00:32:32,781 --> 00:32:34,681 This is inclusive... 618 00:32:34,683 --> 00:32:36,683 This is beyond my reach. 620 00:32:38,153 --> 00:32:41,122 This is a kind of brown person, you know, 621 00:32:41,124 --> 00:32:42,856 because after that < br /> no black people 622 00:32:42,858 --> 00:32:44,258 The Indian girl looks cool. 623 00:32:44,260 --> 00:32:46,861 [ALL LAUGHING] 624 00:32:46,863 --> 00:32:48,228 I'm like, "Hey, kid." 625 00:32:48,230 --> 00:32:50,632 p> 626 00:32:50,634 --> 00:32:52,534 Ha ha. Some chocolate in the building. 627 00:32:52,536 --> 00:32:55,903 [ALL LAUGH] 628 00:32:55,905 --> 00:32:58,739 This is a common connection with, um... 629 00:32:58,741 --> 00:33:00,007 Sort of being an underdog in some ways, 630 00:33:00,009 --> 00:33:03,844 And actually walking into a room people, like, I accept you 631 00:33:03,846 --> 00:33:06,213 For me, you know, I grew up all my life 632 00:33:06,215 --> 00:33:10,250 with people constantly asking me why did I see it as I did 633 00:33:10,252 --> 00:33:13,287 And maybe I already knew as black. 634 00:33:13,289 --> 00:33:16,125 So, because of me.... 635 00:33:17,294 --> 00:33:19,160 Want to be part of from the black community. 636 00:33:19,162 --> 00:33:23,965 - Yeah. - Being black feels good to me. 637 00:33:23,967 --> 00:33:26,767 Because it's true for yourself. 638 00:33:26,769 --> 00:33:29,237 I mean, it becomes a reality for who you are 639 00:33:29,239 --> 00:33:31,706 because that's how it is a lot of people. 640 00:33:31,708 --> 00:33:35,343 You can become Lacey from Woodstock. 641 00:33:35,345 --> 00:33:38,947 You know, from parents from Peggy Schwartz. 642 00:33:38,949 --> 00:33:41,649 It's like, "Okay." 643 00:33:41,651 --> 00:33:42,784 I think there is power 644 00:33:42,786 --> 00:33:45,319 in identifying yourself white. 645 00:33:45,321 --> 00:33:48,590 I mean, like making white people accept you 646 00:33:48,592 --> 00:33:49,690 as part of being white. 647 00:33:49,692 --> 00:33:51,726 Mm-hm. 648 00:33:51,728 --> 00:33:52,826 [SIGHS] 649 00:33:52,828 --> 00:33:54,330 [ALL LAUGHING] 650 00:33:56,199 --> 00:33:57,864 So can we get ready? For my party please 651 00:33:57,866 --> 00:33:59,299 - Sure, yes - Ha ha ha. 652 00:33:59,301 --> 00:34:01,471 [CHATTERING] 653 00:34:03,772 --> 00:34:04,671 LACEY: Being right for myself 654 00:34:04,673 --> 00:34:07,076 means being white and black. 655 00:34:09,211 --> 00:34:10,711 When dealing with my family, 656 00:34:10,713 --> 00:34:13,115 I saved the black part wrapped. 657 00:34:14,684 --> 00:34:16,684 In the world of my parents... 658 00:34:16,686 --> 00:34:19,753 Hallelujah, praise you eternal servants. 659 00:34:19,755 --> 00:34:21,322 Praise you eternal name. 660 00:34:21,324 --> 00:34:23,358 ... I am still a good Jewish girl. 661 00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,796 Together with two white Jewish parents. 662 00:34:30,900 --> 00:34:34,936 PEGGY: After Lacey and I acknowledge Lacey's ancestry. 663 00:34:34,938 --> 00:34:38,773 Still not discussed between Robert and Lacey, 664 00:34:38,775 --> 00:34:42,376 and that was not discussed between Robert and me 665 00:34:42,378 --> 00:34:44,679 < i> So I still use eggshells 666 00:34:44,681 --> 00:34:48,416 and Lacey is also on eggshells. 667 00:34:48,418 --> 00:34:49,717 [DOG BARKS] 668 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:51,418 Dear God, I'm very sorry. 669 00:34:51,420 --> 00:34:53,556 Dad, I didn't do it intentionally. 670 00:34:54,757 --> 00:34:56,259 Sorry, Lucy. 671 00:34:57,726 --> 00:34:59,760 LACEY: I don't know what my father does, 672 00:34:59,762 --> 00:35:02,030 or don't know. 673 00:35:02,032 --> 00:35:03,764 I only know that being black 674 00:35:03,766 --> 00:35:05,801 is connected to destroy his heart. 675 00:35:07,403 --> 00:35:09,037 It feels very scary. 676 00:35:09,039 --> 00:35:11,873 Like, what will happen if I talk about it? 677 00:35:11,875 --> 00:35:14,075 And I'm afraid is not part of 678 00:35:14,077 --> 00:35:16,513 the world that I have is mature again. 679 00:35:18,914 --> 00:35:20,014 [DOG BARKS] 680 00:35:20,016 --> 00:35:22,050 ROBERT: Hello. Ha ha. 681 00:35:22,052 --> 00:35:23,316 WOMEN: Hi. 682 00:35:23,318 --> 00:35:24,452 ROBERT: Are they related? 683 00:35:24,454 --> 00:35:25,920 WOMEN: They have the same father. 684 00:35:25,922 --> 00:35:27,791 ROBERT:
Do they know that? 685 00:35:32,896 --> 00:35:34,028 LACEY: I defend my white world 686 00:35:34,030 --> 00:35:36,430 and my black world is separated. 687 00:35:36,432 --> 00:35:39,434 But I need to continue exploring who I am. 688 00:35:39,436 --> 00:35:41,538 So I tried to find out Rodney himself. 689 00:35:43,706 --> 00:35:45,208 [CHATTERING] 690 00:35:51,715 --> 00:35:53,947 LACEY: After college, I live in New York. 691 00:35:53,949 --> 00:35:55,983 So did he. 692 00:35:55,985 --> 00:35:57,918 We spent several weekends afternoon together. 693 00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,322 One of my main children is here. Chris Andrew 694 00:36:02,891 --> 00:36:04,925 LACEY: I wonder if I will share a bond with him 695 00:36:04,927 --> 00:36:05,961 as a black person, 696 00:36:05,963 --> 00:36:09,130 which I did not share with my white family. 697 00:36:09,132 --> 00:36:10,634 But I don't feel it. 698 00:36:12,969 --> 00:36:15,170 And as much as I tried, 699 00:36:15,172 --> 00:36:16,539 the time I spent with him didn't change it. 700 00:36:18,108 --> 00:36:19,407 [SHOUTING] 701 00:36:19,409 --> 00:36:20,911 [REFEREE WHISTLES] 702 00:36:24,347 --> 00:36:25,947 LACEY: At one point he introduced me 703 00:36:25,949 --> 00:36:27,914 for other children. 704 00:36:27,916 --> 00:36:31,119 He had seven by several different women. 705 00:36:31,121 --> 00:36:34,755 Kristin is the youngest and closest to my age. 706 00:36:34,757 --> 00:36:38,092 He has also grown up as an only child. 707 00:36:38,094 --> 00:36:41,461 Now, suddenly, we are sisters. 708 00:36:41,463 --> 00:36:42,963 So like to finally have a sister, 709 00:36:42,965 --> 00:36:44,965 I'm like, "Yeah, I can see the resemblance." 710 00:36:44,967 --> 00:36:47,802 I think for me is, um, you know... 711 00:36:47,804 --> 00:36:49,369 LACEY: And we spent some time together 712 00:36:49,371 --> 00:36:51,139 and I don't feel connection. 713 00:36:51,141 --> 00:36:53,374 To him, or to Rodney. 714 00:36:53,376 --> 00:36:54,809 It's not him. It's just... 715 00:36:54,811 --> 00:36:57,177 They are strangers to me. 716 00:36:57,179 --> 00:36:59,412 So are you wearing your hair? mostly curly? 717 00:36:59,414 --> 00:37:01,985 - Like almost solely. - Yeah. 718 00:37:07,422 --> 00:37:09,425 LACEY: < br /> I don't know where I am. 719 00:37:12,128 --> 00:37:14,231 Rodney is not my father. 720 00:37:15,898 --> 00:37:19,368 And my father who really doesn't know who I really am. 721 00:37:42,025 --> 00:37:45,592 Then, some time before my 30th birthday, 722 00:37:45,594 --> 00:37:49,398 my mother called and told me that Rodney has died. 723 00:38:08,050 --> 00:38:09,552 [CHATTERING] 724 00:38:11,454 --> 00:38:13,119 LACEY: Hi. 725 00:38:13,121 --> 00:38:14,889 - How are you doing? - PEGGY: Morris. 726 00:38:14,891 --> 00:38:16,590 - Hello - This is my daughter Lacey. 727 00:38:16,592 --> 00:38:18,458 - Hi. - Hey, Lacey, how are you doing? 728 00:38:18,460 --> 00:38:20,595 I'm fine only. How are you? 729 00:38:20,597 --> 00:38:21,530 - Hi. - You don't know me 730 00:38:21,532 --> 00:38:23,998 - I am Albert King - Hi greetings. 731 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:25,199 He is a great person. 732 00:38:25,201 --> 00:38:26,467 It's nice to meet you 733 00:38:26,469 --> 00:38:27,934 - My name is Robert . - Hi. 734 00:38:27,936 --> 00:38:30,237 I have lots of memories from your father 735 00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,005 - This is my card... - Thank you. 736 00:38:32,007 --> 00:38:34,008 WOMAN: You're one from Rodney's daughter too? 737 00:38:34,010 --> 00:38:35,108 Yes. 738 00:38:35,110 --> 00:38:36,612 [CHATTERING] 739 00:38:40,115 --> 00:38:43,251 You are not the person
I go to Manhattan? 740 00:38:43,253 --> 00:38:45,485 - It plays the piano? - No. 741 00:38:45,487 --> 00:38:47,521 I need a scorecard to keep track... 742 00:38:47,523 --> 00:38:49,023 - Scorecard? - Ha ha ha. 743 00:38:49,025 --> 00:38:50,727 I need an encyclopedia. 744 00:39:00,936 --> 00:39:02,505 This is very strange. 745 00:39:11,981 --> 00:39:14,248 [INDISTINCTLY SPEAKING MAN] 746 00:39:14,250 --> 00:39:16,083 LACEY: I sit with other Rodney children 747 00:39:16,085 --> 00:39:17,586 in the front row. 748 00:39:18,987 --> 00:39:20,756 But I feel out of place. 749 00:39:23,992 --> 00:39:28,028 MAN: I read this poem for my black brother. 750 00:39:28,030 --> 00:39:29,798 It says that I want to be my own person... 751 00:39:31,199 --> 00:39:32,532 LACEY: Behind me my mother 752 00:39:32,534 --> 00:39:35,605 and several other family members who came to support her. 753 00:39:37,606 --> 00:39:41,242 If any of them know Rodney is my father, 754 00:39:41,244 --> 00:39:43,646 none of them once told me that. 755 00:39:45,347 --> 00:39:47,248 WOMEN: Rodney survived by his daughter, 756 00:39:47,250 --> 00:39:50,351 Suzette Michelle Parker, Kristin Marissa Parker 757 00:39:50,353 --> 00:39:54,188 and Lacey Schwartz, Rodney James Parker's son... 758 00:39:54,190 --> 00:39:56,023 When I was announced 759 00:39:56,025 --> 00:39:59,025 as one of his children during the service, 760 00:39:59,027 --> 00:40:01,162 I know that there's no way back. 761 00:40:01,164 --> 00:40:04,868 Everyone in my white family then knows that I'm black. 762 00:40:09,304 --> 00:40:11,572 - How are you? - That's weird. 763 00:40:11,574 --> 00:40:12,706 That's weird. 764 00:40:12,708 --> 00:40:14,041 [LACEY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] 765 00:40:14,043 --> 00:40:15,575 Are you sure 766 00:40:15,577 --> 00:40:17,514 - Are you hanging there? - Yeah. 767 00:40:19,181 --> 00:40:20,682 This is just weird. 768 00:40:25,054 --> 00:40:26,354 PEGGY: My cousin is there. 769 00:40:26,356 --> 00:40:28,222 My friend is there. 770 00:40:28,224 --> 00:40:32,360 And it's very uncomfortable situation. 771 00:40:32,362 --> 00:40:35,195 Lacey knows that her family 772 00:40:35,197 --> 00:40:39,233 will watch her and see how she reacts. 773 00:40:39,235 --> 00:40:43,573 But no one discussed it openly. 774 00:40:56,686 --> 00:40:59,452 LACEY: The funeral is the last straw. 775 00:40:59,454 --> 00:41:03,324 But my family is fine to pretend about who I am. 776 00:41:03,326 --> 00:41:05,128 But I have finished leaving it. 777 00:41:06,695 --> 00:41:08,229 I remember the first time 778 00:41:08,231 --> 00:41:11,664 I ever included two and two together. 779 00:41:11,666 --> 00:41:15,068 When I began to realize that you change a little. 780 00:41:15,070 --> 00:41:17,670 It is uncertain who you are connecting yourself with or... 781 00:41:17,672 --> 00:41:19,305 Not related to yourself, 782 00:41:19,307 --> 00:41:22,342 but how you see yourself or... 783 00:41:22,344 --> 00:41:24,445 And I think it's kind of when I start thinking 784 00:41:24,447 --> 00:41:30,383 the race will be played more roles big 785 00:41:30,385 --> 00:41:33,787 Do you feel the need? to tell yourself, 786 00:41:33,789 --> 00:41:36,824 I have made a decision, I am a white woman. 787 00:41:36,826 --> 00:41:38,425 Or I'm a black woman. 788 00:41:38,427 --> 00:41:40,394 Or I am a combination of each one or is it...? 789 00:41:40,396 --> 00:41:43,264 Yes, I consider myself as, like, someone who is biracial 790 00:41:43,266 --> 00:41:44,764 and half of my race is black. 791 00:41:44,766 --> 00:41:48,334 I think of myself, like I'm in the black category. 792 00:41:48,336 --> 00:41:50,737 I don't identify white. 793 00:41:50,739 --> 00:41:52,641 Okay, that's fair. 794 00:41:54,409 --> 00:41:57,244 LACEY: I mean, do you think I'm black? 795 00:41:57,246 --> 00:41:58,813 Today I think it's the first time 796 00:41:58,815 --> 00:42:01,481 that you and I've spoken those words to each other. 797 00:42:01,483 --> 00:42:03,316 To say like do I consider you as black... 798 00:42:03,318 --> 00:42:05,820 Like, what does that mean ? 799 00:42:05,822 --> 00:42:09,490 - I mean, how do you see me? - As my cousin 800 00:42:09,492 --> 00:42:12,829 I am naive with any concept... 801 00:42:14,097 --> 00:42:16,496 Because of lack of < br /> from better, race. descriptors. 802 00:42:16,498 --> 00:42:21,434 I've never really seen you like white or black or anything. 803 00:42:21,436 --> 00:42:23,371 And I can never really 804 00:42:23,373 --> 00:42:25,405 with something I think about it. 805 00:42:25,407 --> 00:42:27,340 Well, I think you're black 806 00:42:27,342 --> 00:42:29,876 because I think you consider yourself black. 807 00:42:29,878 --> 00:42:32,248 I think most of it > I think of you as Lacey. 808 00:42:33,483 --> 00:42:39,186 My father and I have never talked about, after all, 809 00:42:39,188 --> 00:42:44,191 my father, my race... 810 00:42:44,193 --> 00:42:46,526 - whatever - How strange is that? 811 00:42:46,528 --> 00:42:48,128 [GRUNTS] 812 00:42:48,130 --> 00:42:50,232 You know, I mean, really? 813 00:42:51,733 --> 00:42:53,733 I'm worried about who am I talking to 814 00:42:53,735 --> 00:42:56,302 How do I tell him, 815 00:42:56,304 --> 00:42:57,737 I want to talk to you. 816 00:42:57,739 --> 00:42:59,240 Good things that I promised myself 817 00:42:59,242 --> 00:43:01,641 because I will never give birth. 818 00:43:01,643 --> 00:43:03,144 And they will be in, like, the New York State Highway, 819 00:43:03,146 --> 00:43:04,244 on the way up, and say, 820 00:43:04,246 --> 00:43:06,882 "Like, remember, grandfather /> Don't know black mother. " 821 00:43:15,490 --> 00:43:18,892 Daddy, I really want to talk to you 822 00:43:18,894 --> 00:43:20,195 When I... 823 00:43:22,831 --> 00:43:24,365 I think there are a lot of
Talk about 824 00:43:24,367 --> 00:43:26,534 and I think that... 825 00:43:26,536 --> 00:43:28,037 You know... 826 00:43:29,505 --> 00:43:31,171 I will say... 827 00:43:31,173 --> 00:43:32,675 Allah... 828 00:43:35,878 --> 00:43:38,445 I mean, these are two conversations... 829 00:43:38,447 --> 00:43:39,880 There are certain things I have to get away. 830 00:43:39,882 --> 00:43:41,182 There are certain things 831 00:43:41,184 --> 00:43:42,782 I want to talk to you about 832 00:43:42,784 --> 00:43:45,251 But there is a difference between saying what I like to do 833 00:43:45,253 --> 00:43:46,353 and what should I do 834 00:43:46,355 --> 00:43:47,921 And one of the things that I realize 835 00:43:47,923 --> 00:43:49,726 I need to say... 836 00:43:51,827 --> 00:43:54,897 ... do I need to be openly I know you... 837 00:43:55,931 --> 00:43:58,798 ... which I recognize as a black woman. 838 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,267 Really a surprise. 839 00:44:01,269 --> 00:44:02,802 But I never said that for you, Daddy 840 00:44:02,804 --> 00:44:04,640 Well, you don't need to do it. 841 00:44:06,608 --> 00:44:08,110 [SCOFFS] 842 00:44:10,246 --> 00:44:12,213 - And the reason... - I saw the book you read 843 00:44:12,215 --> 00:44:14,847 I saw the relationship you have. 844 00:44:14,849 --> 00:44:16,950 I saw the music you like. 845 00:44:16,952 --> 00:44:19,322 I see, uh... 846 00:44:20,922 --> 00:44:25,060 The entertainment world is interesting to you 847 00:44:26,628 --> 00:44:29,563 Good. Moreover what's new? 848 00:44:29,565 --> 00:44:31,067 I know that 849 00:44:41,643 --> 00:44:43,978 In the end I just felt fired by him. 850 00:44:43,980 --> 00:44:45,278 Like, he didn't... 851 00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:46,880 As possible she is ashamed of me 852 00:44:46,882 --> 00:44:48,384 Like she doesn't want to... 853 00:44:49,851 --> 00:44:52,519 She doesn't want to go there with me 854 00:44:52,521 --> 00:44:55,858 And I feel very desperate need to understand. 855 00:44:57,293 --> 00:45:00,730 So I decided to do it to really talk to my mother. 856 00:45:05,934 --> 00:45:08,001 Hey. 857 00:45:08,003 --> 00:45:12,438 The operative word in "we have to unpack" is us. 858 00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:14,307 Good. 859 00:45:14,309 --> 00:45:15,675 [GRUNTS] 860 00:45:15,677 --> 00:45:17,010 - All right. - PEGGY: Alright 861 00:45:17,012 --> 00:45:19,012 I think that's all from the back right? 862 00:45:19,014 --> 00:45:21,481 - I think we've finished - LACEY: Mother 863 00:45:21,483 --> 00:45:23,916 When you got married, what year did you marry 864 00:45:23,918 --> 00:45:25,619 1968 865 00:45:25,621 --> 00:45:28,889 In 1968 , where do you live? 866 00:45:28,891 --> 00:45:30,356 Uh, Forest Hills. 867 00:45:30,358 --> 00:45:32,358 Do you know Rodney? before that or after that? 868 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,929 I met Rodney when I got a job in the National Parks Department. 869 00:45:35,931 --> 00:45:37,930 Which year did you get a job? in the Parks Department? 870 00:45:37,932 --> 00:45:39,066 1968 871 00:45:39,068 --> 00:45:41,037 LACEY: The same year you were married. 872 00:45:46,442 --> 00:45:47,943 Yes. 873 00:45:51,713 --> 00:45:54,447 Because of that I was not born until & apos; 77. 874 00:45:54,449 --> 00:45:55,715 Right. 875 00:45:55,717 --> 00:45:58,453 When did you first be with him? 876 00:46:02,925 --> 00:46:04,624 Mother, just tell me 877 00:46:04,626 --> 00:46:06,659 1968 878 00:46:06,661 --> 00:46:08,463 Before or after you get married? 879 00:46:09,731 --> 00:46:11,233 Before. 880 00:46:14,469 --> 00:46:15,568 Dear God. Ha ha. 881 00:46:15,570 --> 00:46:17,070 When did you tell daddy? p> 882 00:46:17,072 --> 00:46:19,039 have you experienced having an affair with Rodney? 883 00:46:19,041 --> 00:46:20,543 PEGGY: I've never been. 884 00:46:24,512 --> 00:46:26,447 Do you know? 885 00:46:26,449 --> 00:46:28,514 Yes. 886 00:46:28,516 --> 00:46:31,084 Do you know about the time when did his wife attack me? 887 00:46:31,086 --> 00:46:32,720 What? 888 00:46:32,722 --> 00:46:34,655 This is what happened. 889 00:46:34,657 --> 00:46:36,691 There is Rodney, and there is his wife. 890 00:46:36,693 --> 00:46:39,059 And my wife and I are rather friendly. 891 00:46:39,061 --> 00:46:41,762 But obviously he knows that there is... . 892 00:46:41,764 --> 00:46:43,496 Whatever happens. 893 00:46:43,498 --> 00:46:45,398 So Rodney's wife came to visit me 894 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:46,967 and she and I were sitting in the car 895 00:46:46,969 --> 00:46:48,969 and suddenly she pulled out razor blade. 896 00:46:48,971 --> 00:46:51,704 - Oh! - He takes out the razor. 897 00:46:51,706 --> 00:46:53,574 Can you see this? 898 00:46:53,576 --> 00:46:55,775 Can you see this going up here? 899 00:46:55,777 --> 00:46:58,045 Here. See that? 900 00:46:58,047 --> 00:46:58,979 LACEY: It's impossible. 901 00:46:58,981 --> 00:47:00,981 - I don't know this story - PEGGY: And... 902 00:47:00,983 --> 00:47:02,115 LACEY: This is before I was born? 903 00:47:02,117 --> 00:47:04,318 PEGGY: Yes. 904 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,686 All right, So he takes out the razor. 905 00:47:06,688 --> 00:47:09,423 And this will burn. 906 00:47:09,425 --> 00:47:11,992 And he goes to trim me in advance. 907 00:47:11,994 --> 00:47:14,695 So I go like this. 908 00:47:14,697 --> 00:47:16,199 I see... 909 00:47:18,032 --> 00:47:20,536 Now, the police are coming and they catch it 910 00:47:22,036 --> 00:47:24,003 I see... 911 00:47:24,005 --> 00:47:25,072 Of course I am... 912 00:47:25,074 --> 00:47:27,673 Did you tell daddy Rodney's wife tried to trim me? 913 00:47:27,675 --> 00:47:28,941 Yes. 914 00:47:28,943 --> 00:47:31,478 Did you know that had an affair with Rodney? < /p> 915 00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:32,612 No. 916 00:47:32,614 --> 00:47:34,748 Until you are slashed? 917 00:47:34,750 --> 00:47:39,586 He basically told me then, 918 00:47:39,588 --> 00:47:41,856 "You know, whatever happens, 919 00:47:41,858 --> 00:47:43,860 let's set it aside and let's go about our business. " 920 00:47:46,161 --> 00:47:48,028 And indeed the last conversation we have 921 00:47:48,030 --> 00:47:49,532 about that. 922 00:47:53,436 --> 00:47:56,702 The fact is, if that guy with whom I have an affair 923 00:47:56,704 --> 00:48:00,141 isn't black, All of this won't come out. 924 00:48:23,164 --> 00:48:25,833 LACEY: Lifelong lie has torn my family. 925 00:48:29,204 --> 00:48:31,204 I hope who talks about the truth 926 00:48:31,206 --> 00:48:32,909 can return it. 927 00:48:40,815 --> 00:48:43,617 WOMAN [ON VOICEMAIL]: First saved message. 928 00:48:43,619 --> 00:48:45,519 ROBERT [ON CELLPHONE]: Hi, Lacey. This is daddy. 929 00:48:45,521 --> 00:48:48,588 Um, have thought about it about our conversation. 930 00:48:48,590 --> 00:48:50,624 And, uh... 931 00:48:50,626 --> 00:48:53,594 This is not the right time for me to talk to you. 932 00:48:53,596 --> 00:48:56,195 So, um, don't want to introduce 933 00:48:56,197 --> 00:48:59,132 new sources of stress and complications. 934 00:48:59,134 --> 00:49:02,101 So we have to choose the time 935 00:49:02,103 --> 00:49:05,671 when I feel, uh, calmer 936 00:49:05,673 --> 00:49:07,541 and peace in my life. 937 00:49:07,543 --> 00:49:09,842 Right now, I am very depressed. 938 00:49:09,844 --> 00:49:11,878 I haven't shared many things with you, so... 939 00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:13,982 Talk to you later, goodbye. 940 00:49:23,826 --> 00:49:26,726 LACEY: The more my father pushed me away, 941 00:49:26,728 --> 00:49:29,230 the more I pressed my mother for details. 942 00:49:32,300 --> 00:49:33,733 - Here it is. - What's that? 943 00:49:33,735 --> 00:49:36,172 As I recall walking on the road 944 00:49:37,206 --> 00:49:38,740 That was there. 945 00:49:44,579 --> 00:49:45,811 So this is where I work. 946 00:49:45,813 --> 00:49:47,280 This is... here it is? 947 00:49:47,282 --> 00:49:48,583 Here it is. 948 00:49:49,751 --> 00:49:51,284 What is this environment?
00:49:53,887 That's how it is now. 950 00:49:53,889 --> 00:49:55,789 That's how it feels. 951 00:49:55,791 --> 00:49:58,191 This is a black environment. 952 00:49:58,193 --> 00:50:00,260 - Yeah. < br /> - Apparently still. 953 00:50:00,262 --> 00:50:02,896 - What am I saying... - Ha ha ha. 954 00:50:02,898 --> 00:50:04,798 LACEY: When are you first? start working here, 955 00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:06,566 do you like it, "What am I doing here?" 956 00:50:06,568 --> 00:50:07,635 I don't know what I'm doing. 957 00:50:07,637 --> 00:50:11,237 I'm 21 years old, and I'm white and Jewish, 958 00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:13,274 and I'm responsible from this playground 959 00:50:14,909 --> 00:50:17,644 Look, up there? That's where Rodney lives. 960 00:50:17,646 --> 00:50:20,347 - Oh, he lives here? - He lives there. 961 00:50:20,349 --> 00:50:23,316 See the top floor 962 00:50:23,318 --> 00:50:24,918 Here's the problem about Rodney. 963 00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:28,854 It's interesting to know that someone is 964 00:50:28,856 --> 00:50:32,094 who can snap my finger and he will come running. 965 00:50:34,730 --> 00:50:37,296 - So after I was born... - Mm-hm. 966 00:50:37,298 --> 00:50:41,200 When do you think you are aware? that I am Rodney's daughter. 967 00:50:41,202 --> 00:50:43,369 PEGGY: Okay, let's go back. 968 00:50:43,371 --> 00:50:45,173 We know what's famous... 969 00:50:47,309 --> 00:50:49,311 Father and his grandfather 970 00:50:50,679 --> 00:50:53,813 Father and Sicilian grandfather. 971 00:50:53,815 --> 00:50:55,014 - Yes. - You know that. 972 00:50:55,016 --> 00:50:57,217 I want to believe that is so bad, 973 00:50:57,219 --> 00:50:59,385 maybe I too Stick to it. 974 00:50:59,387 --> 00:51:03,159 So I can sort of not think about it 975 00:51:04,827 --> 00:51:07,994 And then Rodney will say, 976 00:51:07,996 --> 00:51:09,963 "Look at the boy, He looks like me." 977 00:51:09,965 --> 00:51:12,666 And I will say, "No, no." 978 00:51:12,668 --> 00:51:16,836 It took years to tell him, "Yeah, you're right, he knows." 979 00:51:16,838 --> 00:51:20,974 And it turns out not because I lied 980 00:51:20,976 --> 00:51:23,709 I mean, I didn't see it at all. 981 00:51:23,711 --> 00:51:26,412 Then, Maybe once I started seeing it, 982 00:51:26,414 --> 00:51:28,451 I chose to ignore it. 983 00:51:29,985 --> 00:51:33,820 But he will talk about it and... 984 00:51:33,822 --> 00:51:35,389 So when I finally to the point 985 00:51:35,391 --> 00:51:37,990 that I have to be honest
with myself, 986 00:51:37,992 --> 00:51:40,360 I can't deny it, 987 00:51:40,362 --> 00:51:42,662 I will say, "Robert is his father. 988 00:51:42,664 --> 00:51:45,264 Robert is his father, Robert is the person who picked him up, 989 00:51:45,266 --> 00:51:48,702 Robert is the one who was < br /> there every day 990 00:51:48,704 --> 00:51:51,037 Robert is the person who attended the school function 991 00:51:51,039 --> 00:51:52,875 Robert is his father. " 992 00:51:55,309 --> 00:51:57,579 So why are you staying with dad ? 993 00:51:58,780 --> 00:52:00,746 The reason, 994 00:52:00,748 --> 00:52:04,885 I am very having sexual relations with Rodney, 995 00:52:04,887 --> 00:52:06,753 But something is missing. 996 00:52:06,755 --> 00:52:08,421 - Like... - The fact is... 997 00:52:08,423 --> 00:52:12,758 Daddy is interesting, daddy is funny 998 00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,327 Daddy is a person 999 00:52:15,329 --> 00:52:17,363 who is make a decent amount of money 1000 00:52:17,365 --> 00:52:19,869 That's the reason I live with daddy. 1001 00:52:22,905 --> 00:52:25,037 How much do you think The fact that Rodney 1002 00:52:25,039 --> 00:52:28,809 Not a real choice for you. Is the relationship with him black? 1003 00:52:28,811 --> 00:52:31,945 I think it's meaningless to do with anything. 1004 00:52:31,947 --> 00:52:34,313 Doesn't exist? How can have nothing to do with that 1005 00:52:34,315 --> 00:52:36,316 I don't know, you asked this before. 1006 00:52:36,318 --> 00:52:38,918 - Think about it! - I can't 1007 00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:41,021 You ask me,
I tell the truth. 1008 00:52:41,023 --> 00:52:45,492 It has nothing to do with it whatever. 1009 00:52:45,494 --> 00:52:46,459 You know, the fact is, 1010 00:52:46,461 --> 00:52:48,894 that whatever happens with you and dad, 1011 00:52:48,896 --> 00:52:51,030 and that inability to talk about things, 1012 00:52:51,032 --> 00:52:53,099 that's what I did. 1013 00:52:53,101 --> 00:52:55,936 So much from what I did connected with who I am, 1014 00:52:55,938 --> 00:52:57,503 and no one talks about it who I am 1015 00:52:57,505 --> 00:52:59,740 I can't talk to dad about who I am 1016 00:52:59,742 --> 00:53:02,108 I can't talk to dad about who I arrived... 1017 00:53:02,110 --> 00:53:04,411 You know, it's not like that being black is everything 1018 00:53:04,413 --> 00:53:05,479 But that part of who I am. 1019 00:53:05,481 --> 00:53:08,514 And if I can't share all who I am with him... 1020 00:53:08,516 --> 00:53:10,516 And why can't I share? who I am with him? 1021 00:53:10,518 --> 00:53:11,952 Because you have an affair. 1022 00:53:11,954 --> 00:53:13,787 Because there isn't talking about everything 1023 00:53:13,789 --> 00:53:15,324 Because it's all confidential. 1024 00:53:29,103 --> 00:53:32,171 BRUCE: I think your father suffered greatly. 1025 00:53:32,173 --> 00:53:34,976 Some of them he shared with me, some of them didn't. 1026 00:53:36,110 --> 00:53:37,510 When I was 16, 1027 00:53:37,512 --> 00:53:39,979 he said something to me it was very painful. 1028 00:53:39,981 --> 00:53:43,416 He said, "My whole life is a lie." 1029 00:53:43,418 --> 00:53:45,818 He said, "I live lying." 1030 00:53:45,820 --> 00:53:47,854 Right. 1031 00:53:47,856 --> 00:53:51,090 I think, you know, your father sees you every day 1032 00:53:51,092 --> 00:53:53,526 as proof of life 1033 00:53:53,528 --> 00:53:56,898 your mother has betrayed his marriage 1034 00:53:57,932 --> 00:54:01,802 He is this center of this great secret 1035 00:54:01,804 --> 00:54:04,804 who circled around him. 1036 00:54:04,806 --> 00:54:07,907 That is a big thing It happened to him. 1037 00:54:07,909 --> 00:54:10,443 Maybe he could never separate 1038 00:54:10,445 --> 00:54:14,383 that action happened to him from you. 1039 00:54:19,420 --> 00:54:23,625 I know something missing between us. 1040 00:54:25,027 --> 00:54:26,525 When we each know 1041 00:54:26,527 --> 00:54:28,563 that I'm not biological child 1042 00:54:29,998 --> 00:54:31,599 How do I past that? 1043 00:54:40,442 --> 00:54:42,175 Good morning, Dad. Give me a hug. 1044 00:54:42,177 --> 00:54:43,679 [ROBERT MUMBLING] 1045 00:54:58,927 --> 00:55:00,562 Isn't that... 1046 00:55:02,898 --> 00:55:05,300 It's no secret The mother is having an affair. 1047 00:55:06,635 --> 00:55:08,437 She once told you she did it? 1048 00:55:12,273 --> 00:55:16,075 She never spoke with me even about that 1049 00:55:16,077 --> 00:55:17,878 and da da da da... 1050 00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:19,211 And life continues. 1051 00:55:19,213 --> 00:55:22,148 The way our merry > bad communication 1052 00:55:22,150 --> 00:55:24,720 and chaos and... 1053 00:55:26,088 --> 00:55:28,457 I mean, it's not like that He should have told me? 1054 00:55:30,958 --> 00:55:33,193 LACEY: Yes . 1055 00:55:33,195 --> 00:55:37,563 But my question for you is, Once you and mom get divorced, 1056 00:55:37,565 --> 00:55:39,099 why don't you ever talk to me 1057 00:55:39,101 --> 00:55:41,034 about not being < br /> my biological father 1058 00:55:41,036 --> 00:55:42,001 About what? 1059 00:55:42,003 --> 00:55:44,104 About not being my real father Why...? 1060 00:55:44,106 --> 00:55:47,106 Because of that mama's business. 1061 00:55:47,108 --> 00:55:48,508 I don't have a clue. 1062 00:55:48,510 --> 00:55:50,577 I will always tell people, 1063 00:55:50,579 --> 00:55:52,512 "Oh yes, my grandfather is Italian 1064 00:55:52,514 --> 00:55:54,514 He passed his gaze on you." 1065 00:55:54,516 --> 00:55:56,583 And I believe that. 1066 00:55:56,585 --> 00:55:58,251 I am not tell you because I don't know 1067 00:55:58,253 --> 00:56:01,021 until you are 16 1068 00:56:01,023 --> 00:56:04,257 Speaking of betrayal. This is the last one. 1069 00:56:04,259 --> 00:56:07,096 Cheat on your husband Okay, that's very bad 1070 00:56:08,530 --> 00:56:09,996 Don't tell him that you have 1071 00:56:09,998 --> 00:56:12,264 someone else's child for 16 years 1072 00:56:12,266 --> 00:56:13,967 Or forever in this case. 1073 00:56:13,969 --> 00:56:16,670 He still hasn't told me but we all know 1074 00:56:16,672 --> 00:56:19,041 Speaking of the last betrayal 1075 00:56:21,043 --> 00:56:23,043 Talking about Last betrayal 1076 00:56:23,045 --> 00:56:24,546 Think about it. 1077 00:56:29,684 --> 00:56:33,253 You don't know how things are going. 1078 00:56:33,255 --> 00:56:35,155 - You're right, I'm not. - Ahem 1079 00:56:35,157 --> 00:56:37,055 You're right. 1080 00:56:37,057 --> 00:56:39,258 Maybe you and mama have a relationship 1081 00:56:39,260 --> 00:56:42,095 where are you not talking about things. 1082 00:56:42,097 --> 00:56:44,365 But I'm not that person. 1083 00:56:44,367 --> 00:56:48,300 And of course there is there is no question for both of us 1084 00:56:48,302 --> 00:56:50,003 p> 1085 00:56:50,005 --> 00:56:51,972 who you are to me as my father 1086 00:56:51,974 --> 00:56:54,708 and who I am to you as your daughter 1087 00:56:54,710 --> 00:56:56,575 I think has been difficult for me 1088 00:56:56,577 --> 00:56:59,646 to find out certain aspects of my life 1089 00:56:59,648 --> 00:57:03,316 because it involves things that we don't talk about 1090 00:57:03,318 --> 00:57:05,385 And I haven't shared with you 1091 00:57:05,387 --> 00:57:08,190 certain aspects of my life 1092 00:57:10,257 --> 00:57:11,724 And, like, forward, I want to change it. 1093 00:57:11,726 --> 00:57:13,828 Good. Now, the time will be told. 1094 00:57:24,338 --> 00:57:26,740 Let the one who plays out. 1095 00:57:26,742 --> 00:57:30,242 LACEY: After I finally talk to my father, 1096 00:57:30,244 --> 00:57:32,244 we all go to heal together. 1097 00:57:32,246 --> 00:57:34,715 And we will all go forward with our lives. 1098 00:57:39,221 --> 00:57:42,757 But in the end, I can't cure my parents. 1099 00:57:44,626 --> 00:57:46,392 I can't change what happened to them 1100 00:57:46,394 --> 00:57:50,130 I can't make them feel different about that 1101 00:57:50,132 --> 00:57:54,333 I have to accept it for who they are 1103 00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:07,447 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 1104 00:58:07,449 --> 00:58:09,249 LACEY: Mother, you really want to pass it 1105 00:58:09,251 --> 00:58:10,349 all the boxes tonight? 1106 00:58:10,351 --> 00:58:12,284 We have all the other boxes to do. 1107 00:58:12,286 --> 00:58:14,253 Yes, maybe we should pass it. 1108 00:58:14,255 --> 00:58:16,389 Let's go. 1109 00:58:16,391 --> 00:58:18,193 Here's your engagement... 1110 00:58:20,795 --> 00:58:23,162 This is clear dad's handwriting 1111 00:58:23,164 --> 00:58:25,097 Look at this. This is what he wrote. 1112 00:58:25,099 --> 00:58:27,666 "I never really read too carefully any card, 1113 00:58:27,668 --> 00:58:30,836 but this card says what do you mean to me 1114 00:58:30,838 --> 00:58:33,740 I love you, Peggy Susan. " 1115 00:58:33,742 --> 00:58:35,275 God, is my father and I am stupid. 1116 00:58:35,277 --> 00:58:37,276 Or at least me. 1118 00:58:43,717 --> 00:58:46,485 - What is this? - This is my bride dress 1119 00:58:46,487 --> 00:58:48,188 Oh my God. 1120 00:58:48,190 --> 00:58:51,157 It must be my bouquet. 1121 00:58:51,159 --> 00:58:52,291 [PEGGY GASPS] 1122 00:58:52,293 --> 00:58:54,360 PEGGY: My Lord.
Lacey, look. 1123 00:58:54,362 --> 00:58:56,362 This is our engagement announcement 1124 00:58:56,364 --> 00:58:58,164 Because we got engaged on May 6. 1125 00:58:58,166 --> 00:59:00,202 I think we split on May 8. 1126 00:59:05,306 --> 00:59:06,974 Whoa. Ha ha. 1127 00:59:12,313 --> 00:59:15,748 If I can do it my life is different, 1128 00:59:15,750 --> 00:59:18,450 I will have a marriage who is committed 1129 00:59:18,452 --> 00:59:22,755 Yes, I must have been taken care of from my marriage or out. 1130 00:59:22,757 --> 00:59:25,157 But if I do that, I won't have you. 1131 00:59:25,159 --> 00:59:28,260 So there are many things I will do it differently, 1132 00:59:28,262 --> 00:59:31,498 but in the end, not really. 1133 00:59:31,500 --> 00:59:33,233 But what's dangerous is, 1134 00:59:33,235 --> 00:59:36,903 when you are married it's problematic, 1135 00:59:36,905 --> 00:59:38,470 and you have someone else, 1136 00:59:38,472 --> 00:59:40,373 you never care about your problem 1137 00:59:40,375 --> 00:59:42,575 because you don't need to. 1138 00:59:42,577 --> 00:59:43,776 Because you can just ignore it and go about your business 1139 00:59:43,778 --> 00:59:47,546 and this person will make you feel very beautiful 1140 00:59:47,548 --> 00:59:51,351 But sometimes you do something it's just for a moment. 1141 00:59:51,353 --> 00:59:52,885 And you don't... 1142 00:59:52,887 --> 00:59:54,753 It's not like you are hedonistic 1143 00:59:54,755 --> 00:59:57,222 or being evil or terrible. 1144 00:59:57,224 --> 00:59:58,925 It's just now 1145 00:59:58,927 --> 01:00:02,862 and you don't really aware 1146 01:00:02,864 --> 01:00:05,000 of the consequences. 1147 01:00:11,306 --> 01:00:13,773 [SOBBING] 1148 01:00:13,775 --> 01:00:17,510 But before I become your mother, I am someone 1149 01:00:17,512 --> 01:00:20,282 And I am a girl, and I am a woman... 1150 01:00:21,782 --> 01:00:23,284 And I am me. 1151 01:00:24,452 --> 01:00:27,820 And I think that The most honest explanation 1152 01:00:27,822 --> 01:00:29,324 I can give you. 1153 01:00:31,960 --> 01:00:34,630 But that's true. 1154 01:00:45,239 --> 01:00:46,741 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 1155 01:01:04,525 --> 01:01:06,694 [CHATTERING] 1156 01:01:11,432 --> 01:01:13,865 It looks beautiful. 1157 01:01:13,867 --> 01:01:16,070 - WOMAN 1: Walk here. - WOMAN 2: here 1158 01:01:18,340 --> 01:01:20,240 LACEY: I have spent the first half of my life 1159 01:01:20,242 --> 01:01:23,345 defined by the world < br /> my parents have created it for me. 1160 01:01:26,514 --> 01:01:27,981 [WOMEN TALK INDISTINCTLY] 1161 01:01:27,983 --> 01:01:28,981 LACEY: In the second round, 1162 01:01:28,983 --> 01:01:32,019 I defined with their secrets and lies. 1163 01:01:43,465 --> 01:01:45,400 But actually is on the table now. 1164 01:01:48,469 --> 01:01:51,972 And I'm ready to find my future for myself. 1165 01:02:01,916 --> 01:02:04,853 MINISTER: This is a celebration of love. 1166 01:02:06,987 --> 01:02:10,923 This is a celebration that brings two individuals 1167 01:02:10,925 --> 01:02:12,891 from different cultural experiences 1168 01:02:12,893 --> 01:02:14,494 and different religious experiences. 1169 01:02:14,496 --> 01:02:18,498 So love allows them to come together 1170 01:02:18,500 --> 01:02:20,700 and fall love each other 1171 01:02:20,702 --> 01:02:23,635 and have surpassed external accidents 1172 01:02:23,637 --> 01:02:26,141 of race or color 1173 01:02:30,378 --> 01:02:31,376 LACEY: I put a lot thought 1174 01:02:31,378 --> 01:02:33,748 in this problem changed my last name. 1175 01:02:34,949 --> 01:02:37,717 As a child I never really liked Schwartz. 1176 01:02:37,719 --> 01:02:41,789 But now, after all, seems to suit me. 1177 01:02:43,692 --> 01:02:47,829 A clear Jewish name which literally means black. 1178 01:02:52,534 --> 01:02:53,932 [PEOPLE LEAD AND APPLY] 1179 01:02:53,934 --> 01:02:56,170 BBM: 2C05FBF1 LINE: FORTUNEBET99