1
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:34,951
(ENGINE TURNS OVER AND REVS)

2
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:38,281
("GO RIGHT AHEAD"
BY THE HIVES PLAYS)

3
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,387
BOY: I am so fucked.

4
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:58,224
I make one stupid bet with a
sociopathic Lithuanian kid

5
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,978
and now my best friend's in
jail, my dad is a fugitive,

6
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:04,814
they found a dead body
in my mom's trunk,

7
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,650
the love of my life thinks
I'm the Antichrist,

8
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:10,945
and I have crabs.

9
00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:13,823
- But most shockingly...
- (BANGING)

10
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,026
Mom?

11
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:26,961
She wouldn't have gone anywhere.
We're fully stocked.

12
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:30,256
Mom? Mom?

13
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:33,843
(MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY IN BACKGROUND)

14
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:38,140
Holy... shit.

15
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,979
BOY: Is that a letter to her dog?

16
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,231
OPERATOR:
911. What's your emergency?

17
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,025
Yes, I'd like to
order an ambulance.

18
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:51,360
- OPERATOR: Location, please?
- BOY: 844 Marx Avenue.

19
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,237
- OPERATOR: Oh, hey, Rick.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)

20
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,364
OPERATOR: Rick? Rick?

21
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:59,493
I'm selling raffle tickets
to the Policemen's Ball.

22
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,245
Is your mother home?

23
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,831
Yes, but I think she's dead.

24
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,125
- PARAMEDIC: Step down, and...
- Got it.

25
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,336
OFFICER:
Alright, everybody, calm down! OK?

26
00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:10,087
This is a crime scene.

27
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,631
PARAMEDIC 2: Hold up one second.

28
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,008
Let me get a picture
of this real quick.

29
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:16,052
OFFICER:
It's just a potential homicide.

30
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,888
We better hurry in case
she's an organ donor.

31
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,265
OFFICER: Don't make me hurt you.
What is the victim's name?

32
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,727
Lucy Rebecca Stevens.

33
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,812
- Date of birth?
- Uh, March something.

34
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:31,359
- Old.
- Old. Education?

35
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,943
My mom's deep-throating
a breathing tube

36
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,071
and you wanna know how
far in college she got?

37
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:38,366
Listen, we have a potential
homicide investigation here.

38
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,827
A homicide? How do you explain
the myriad of suicide notes?

39
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,246
- You can't have those.
- That one's addressed to me.

40
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,207
- They're evidence.
- That one's addressed to me.

41
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,207
Only if you let me
look at it first.

42
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,790
Now keep back.

43
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,885
What does 'opprobrious' mean?

44
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,805
It means abusive or malevolent.

45
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,765
Well, you're opprobrious,

46
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,393
and you've been fucking
her best friend.

47
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:08,813
How did she find out?
If Mom knows, who else?

48
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:11,148
Billy would be pissed that
I was ploughing his mom,

49
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,234
not to mention how his
dad, her husband,

50
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:15,695
the ex-college football
player turned Neo-Nazi,

51
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,238
sporting goods salesman

52
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,448
who does a very good business
in shotguns might feel.

53
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:23,744
More importantly, what if
Nina Pennington finds out?

54
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:27,074
(SULTRY MUSIC)

55
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,506
Enough about me, I wanna
see what this one says.

56
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,134
- Now we'll hang on to these.
- Yeah, fine, fine.

57
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:40,761
Until after our
investigation is complete.

58
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,589
Alright.

59
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:48,144
Oh, uh, about those raffle tickets?

60
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:51,565
(DOG BARKS)

61
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,739
It was Mrs Bender. The
nut job told her.

62
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,074
Of course, she left
out how it happened.

63
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,578
I had no choice. It's kind of...

64
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,080
It's kind of embarrassing,

65
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:12,126
but here's how the
whole thing went down.

66
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,044
(TAPE REWINDS)

67
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,671
I wager $1,000.

68
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,424
Two weeks ago, I wasn't fucked.

69
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,469
- You know Josh Groban?
- Not even close.

70
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:26,098
Truth was, I had never had sex
with anyone other than myself,

71
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,393
but this was the year I
was gonna change that.

72
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:34,565
I had fallen in love and her
name was Nina Pennington.

73
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,526
You forgot to put
the seat down, fag.

74
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,697
It wasn't me. It was... it was Mom.

75
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:49,538
Oh, for the love of
little baby Jesus,

76
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,415
would you close those
goddamn drapes?

77
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,626
Some people's moms look
at the glass half full.

78
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,753
Other moms look at it half empty.

79
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,422
Mine looks at it and asks
if you're gonna finish it.

80
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:02,384
Mom, did you leave
the toilet seat up?

81
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:05,054
Sorry?

82
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,723
Where's your father?

83
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,892
Uh... he moved out again.

84
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:12,269
Right. Sonofabitch.

85
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:16,273
You watch, I'm gonna
divorce him this time.

86
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:19,902
Where were you last
night until 3am, madam?

87
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,821
Uh, feeding the homeless.

88
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,364
- Aww.
- Why do you always believe her?

89
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,241
When I said I was giving blood,

90
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:27,785
you told me I was full of
shit and grounded me.

91
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:30,788
You didn't have any track marks
and watch your fucking mouth.

92
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,331
And I got straight A's in school.

93
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,251
And she got straight A's.
Have you heard from Agent...?

94
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:38,420
Stanford, and no, I haven't
heard anything yet,

95
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:41,215
but it should be any day now.

96
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,300
RICK: You're a stripper, Kristen.

97
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:46,303
With all the tips you make, why
do you even need a degree?

98
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,264
Because I'm trying
to better myself.

99
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,307
Why can't you be more
like your sister?

100
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,268
Why would I want to be a skanky ho?

101
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,353
- Mom, kill him.
- Can I?

102
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,439
OK, so the whole thing
started Saturday...

103
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,234
Joseph Stevens, my sperm donor.

104
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,861
He stayed married to my mom

105
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,821
because he couldn't
afford a divorce.

106
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,948
If that isn't love,
I don't know what is.

107
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:08,784
- What are you up to, mister?
- Nothing.

108
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,828
- You are grounded.
- No.

109
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:14,206
Unless you do me one little favour.

110
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,834
And here I thought you came for
some quality father-son time.

111
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,086
Remember that video camera
I borrowed last week?

112
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,838
Oh, yeah, video camera,

113
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:24,300
to videotape that sales
pitch with your secretary.

114
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,011
Sales pitch. Oh, yeah,
yeah, sales pitch.

115
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,096
Anyhow, I think I
left a tape in it.

116
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:32,141
- Your mother didn't, uh...?
- Mom operate video equipment?

117
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,226
She has a hard enough
time with the doorknob.

118
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,729
- How is your mother?
- Do you honestly care, Joseph?

119
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,731
- Not really, no.
- Steven.

120
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,859
- Joseph wants his tape back.
- STEVEN: Twat.

121
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,777
Thank you.

122
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,447
And, the next time you borrow
the camera for a sales pitch,

123
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,825
try not to leave any...
residue on the tripod.

124
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,404
You are so grounded, mister.

125
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,956
Grounded.

126
00:06:55,957 --> 00:07:00,085
OK, so the whole thing started
on Saturday, April 14.

127
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:03,505
Unfortunately, this is
pretty much a true story.

128
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:06,258
The names have not been changed
to protect the innocent,

129
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:10,137
because, well, everyone in this
story is guilty of something.

130
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,014
Speaking of guilty,

131
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,933
I was running errands
for Jimmy Leach.

132
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,770
He manages the club where
my sister, Kristen, strips.

133
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,355
Yo, pussy!

134
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,065
He also manages to be a total tool.

135
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,275
I mean, look at that 'stache.

136
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,736
Gotta be a registered sex offender.

137
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,235
(JIMMY SNIFFS)

138
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:33,661
I need you to go find
Cherysh. She's MIA again.

139
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,621
He didn't pay shit
but I could think

140
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,289
of worse ways to spend the day.

141
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,666
Are you still fucking here?

142
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,126
- 'Bye, Tanya.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

143
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:45,547
Fuck off! Mmm. What day is it?

144
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,342
- It's Saturday.
- (SPLUTTERS AND COUGHS)

145
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:53,973
OK, uh... I will
give you a blow job

146
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,809
if you tell him I had to
get my stomach pumped.

147
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,603
Huh?

148
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,605
Hm.

149
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,817
I'm more a grower than a shower.

150
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,771
Well, maybe this will
put you more at ease.

151
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:12,616
OK, I know this is kind
of bad, but... again.

152
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:17,243
Again.

153
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,211
(LIQUID SQUIRTS)

154
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,171
Less work for me.

155
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:30,342
SONG: <i>♪ Then I could
make it safe and clean</i>

156
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,929
<i>♪ Doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo
Oh... ♪</i>

157
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,557
Billy, open up,
it's Rick. Hey, Billy!

158
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,559
Ricky.

159
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,894
Don't let the attractive
exterior fool you.

160
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,479
She's dangerous.

161
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,481
Now, I don't like to point fingers,

162
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,650
but everything was
pretty much her fault.

163
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,236
Well, except for the dead people.

164
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,030
- Hi.
- Hi, Mrs Bender.

165
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,110
- How are you?
- Good.

166
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,995
Is Billy home?

167
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,415
Yeah, he's probably
upstairs, you know...

168
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,919
- RICK: OK.
- Hey, stay on the runner!

169
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,679
- Hey, Billy, guess what.
- (BILLY SQUEALS)

170
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:16,638
Billy Bender... after he
flunked homeschool twice,

171
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,058
the state made his parents
send him to a real school.

172
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,143
Didn't help.

173
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:25,689
Oh, Rick, I thought
you were my mom.

174
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,563
Dude, it's called a lock.

175
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,443
(MOANS)

176
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,029
Oh, my god.

177
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,288
Ah.

178
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,834
(WHISPERS)
Could you pass me a tissue?

179
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,970
Thanks.

180
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,176
No. No.

181
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,479
- Dude, guess what.
- BILLY: What?

182
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:09,024
- I kind of got a blow job today.
- Shut up! From who?

183
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,151
- A girl down at the club.
- BILLY: A stripper?

184
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,986
You better hope she
doesn't have AIDS.

185
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,114
You really know how
to ruin a moment.

186
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,783
I'm just saying. I saw
this documentary...

187
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,660
Or maybe it was a movie?

188
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,745
Anyway, it was called 'Rent',

189
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,498
and everyone in it had
AIDS, and it sucked, Rick.

190
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:28,710
- The movie or the disease?
- The movie.

191
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,546
- (GASPS)
- BILLY: Mom!

192
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,089
You boys are still here.

193
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,633
Billy, I was wondering if you
could go down to the store

194
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,343
and buy Momma some cigarettes.

195
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,762
- Now?
- No, next Thursday.

196
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,514
Now. Go.

197
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,766
There's money in my purse, OK?

198
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:45,853
Oh, Ricky, I was wondering if
you could stay and help me

199
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:47,852
with something in the thing.

200
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:56,530
He really has come in
handy since he turned 18.

201
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:59,908
Can't wait until he turns 21.
(GIGGLES)

202
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:04,163
So... you had an eventful day.

203
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,332
No more than usual, no.

204
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,376
Billy told me you got a blow job.

205
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,670
How? I literally just told him.

206
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:15,257
Well, the point is that I know.

207
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,384
I don't know what
you're talking about.

208
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:20,470
Like, I said, "Kinda
got the blow job."

209
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,557
Rick, your mom, my best friend,

210
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:26,727
is going to find out if you
keep gallivanting around

211
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:30,105
with these... these hookers.

212
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:33,650
We're gonna have to come up
with some way to fix this.

213
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,694
Could we just keep it a secret?

214
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,655
Yeah, that's a good idea.

215
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,365
Good. (LAUGHS)

216
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,492
OK. Was she good at it, at least?

217
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:46,663
Uh... I think so.

218
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,499
It's just so good that you
came out of your comfort zone.

219
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,793
- It's, uh...
- Yeah.

220
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:56,465
It's very important to...
try new things.

221
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,425
OK.

222
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,386
And I just think that if you do,

223
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:07,265
you need to experience them
in a, uh, safe environment.

224
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,564
Whoa, Mrs Bender. Are you
trying to seduce me?

225
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,691
No. My God, no, no, no, no.

226
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,777
OK, I just thought that you were...

227
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:20,530
No, I... I wanna be your teacher.

228
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:27,287
Yeah, I'm going to help you
gain much needed experience.

229
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,498
Do you have a girlfriend?

230
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:33,293
Yes. No. Girlfriend?

231
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:39,092
Well, one day you will, and you
owe it to her to be ready.

232
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:43,679
- Sure.
- OK.

233
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,723
Come here.

234
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,902
Mmm. Does that feel good?

235
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:03,615
It feels good. It
feels really good.

236
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,910
You just raise your hand
if you have any questions.

237
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:13,083
My God. It's also really nice
to pay attention to the girls.

238
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,876
- To the what?
- The girls.

239
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:18,171
Yeah. Gentle.

240
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,550
Mmm... that's nice.

241
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,844
Mmm. I like that.

242
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,887
- (MUMBLES) Uh, Mrs Bender?
- Mm-hm?

243
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,848
I can't breathe.

244
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,393
Oh, it's OK, I'll
breathe for both of us.

245
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:37,274
Sometimes you look at
your life and say,

246
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,359
"I'm doing the best I can."

247
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,321
Other times, you have to
look at your life and say,

248
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,781
"I just fucked my
best friend's mom."

249
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:48,327
But as I lay here the morning
after losing my virginity,

250
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:52,039
all I could think about was what
everyone would say if they knew.

251
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,584
You devil's spawn.

252
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,712
Nice one, son.
I want to see photos.

253
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:00,756
Does her pussy taste
like Seagram's?

254
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,299
No, I mean, it makes sense.

255
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,426
I mean, you guys hang
out, like, all the ti...

256
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:06,720
Oh, my God, his mom?

257
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:09,299
Jesus fucking Christ!

258
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,108
You're a mother-fucker,
Rick Stevens.

259
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,732
I will never be your girlfriend.

260
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,239
Nina can't find out.

261
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,492
I'm gonna ask Nina Pennington out.

262
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,912
Right... you've had a boner for
her since the sixth grade.

263
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,663
She still doesn't
even know you exist.

264
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,540
Now's a good time to change that.

265
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,543
Doesn't change the fact she's
still dating Kevin Carpenter.

266
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,670
- Well, hello, gentlemen.
- Holy shit!

267
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,672
OK, I should probably
stop for a second

268
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:45,133
and give you the down-low
on Junior Dahmer here.

269
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,010
AW, fuck it.

270
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,589
- Hey, Karlis.
- So Nina Pennington, huh?

271
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,350
She is pretty, isn't she?

272
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:56,895
Don't you think you're setting
your sights a bit high there?

273
00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:01,066
No. I mean, why not? I'm not
missing a toe or anything.

274
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:04,986
I like your bravado. It's cute.

275
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:08,448
Tell you what, what say I make
things a bit more interesting.

276
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,534
- Huh! Yeah, sure.
- KARLIS: Good.

277
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,953
I wager $1,000 that
you will not be able

278
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,288
to sign, seal and deliver
Nina Pennington.

279
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,998
Nobody's delivering
Nina Pennington.

280
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,542
- Sure I can.
- Fine.

281
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,419
- Fine.
- By Arbor Day.

282
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,213
Thanks for that unsolicited
stipulation, Billy.

283
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:26,800
So, two weeks. Is that a problem?

284
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,385
Nope.

285
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:31,556
Shake it, Rick. It's
creeping me out.

286
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,442
Oh, shit.

287
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,645
You made a bet with
a mobster's son.

288
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:50,074
(WATER RUNS)

289
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,368
Uh, a freshman just
got hit by a bus.

290
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,072
- BOY 1: Oh, whoa.
- BOY 2: Again? Cool.

291
00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,917
Goddamn it. 1,000 bucks.
I'm a dead man.

292
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,170
(TOILET FLUSHES)

293
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:06,500
(ETHEREAL MUSIC)

294
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,388
- What the fuck?
- Relax.

295
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:16,725
- You're having a holy vision.
- Who are you?

296
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:21,898
Saint Lola's the name. I'm the
patron saint of teenagers.

297
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,691
Don't bother looking me up

298
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,943
in the book of saints...
I'm unlisted.

299
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:30,238
A saint? What are you doing
in the boys' bathroom?

300
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,032
Old habits die hard.

301
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,159
You kind of look like my mother,

302
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,995
except with a camel toe.

303
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,873
I get that a lot.

304
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,833
Wait a minute, am I being punked?

305
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,211
You're being poped.
I'm here to help.

306
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,005
You're gonna help me score
with Nina Pennington?

307
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,007
It's not quite that easy.

308
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,675
The things we wish for

309
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,719
are rarely the things
we need, Rick.

310
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,305
So you're not gonna grant my wish.

311
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,891
I'm not a fucking genie.
I'm a saint.

312
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,143
I'm here to make the
path a little clearer,

313
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,517
so you can make the right choices.

314
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,942
What the fuck?

315
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,861
Look for the signs.

316
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,241
(BELL RINGS)

317
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,159
MAN ON P.A.: Attention, students...

318
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,245
this week's Drama Club
production of 'Pippin'

319
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,198
has been cancelled.

320
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,417
Kevin Carpenter,

321
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:27,587
the biggest fucking
asshole in the world,

322
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,923
and Nina Pennington's
current boyfriend.

323
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,550
We had every reason to hate him

324
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,385
after what happened last spring.

325
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,262
Billy passed out at
Greg Drubin's party

326
00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:36,805
and woke up the next morning

327
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,224
with a condom up his ass
and fear in his eye.

328
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,017
Kevin waited a week to tell him

329
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,853
that it was a broom handle
that took his butt cherry.

330
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,940
We are through.

331
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:49,693
Bitch!

332
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,153
A sign. Saint Lola was right.

333
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,365
- Wait. Saint who?
- It's a sign from God.

334
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,492
God wants me to be
with Nina Pennington,

335
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,578
in every possible position.

336
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,122
I've graded your exams

337
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:05,959
and will be returning them
to you at the end of class.

338
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,253
However, I doubt if
you'll want them.

339
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:11,047
Miss Pennington got the only A.

340
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:14,342
- Yes, was it an A-plus?
- No.

341
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:18,013
And now who amongst us can
conjugate the verb 'vivo'?

342
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,681
(STUDENT WHISPERS) What's a verb?

343
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:23,393
- PROFESSOR: Mr Stevens.
- Ah...

344
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:26,563
Ah, OK, the conjugation of vivo.

345
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:34,654
Uh, I believe that would
be 'vi', 'vive', V-V-V...

346
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,865
Well, that was viv-awful.

347
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:39,951
The correct conjugation
of the verb 'vivo' is...

348
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,494
(WHISPERS) Strike one.

349
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:44,664
PROFESSOR: ..vivo, vivere, vixi...

350
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:47,667
(SPLUTTERS) Victum...

351
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:51,463
- (THUD!)
- (SCREAMS)

352
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,341
Principal Poole cancelled
classes that afternoon

353
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:57,385
so we could each mourn
Mr Apgar in our own way.

354
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,339
(ALL CHEER)

355
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,857
- Perfect timing.
- Huh?

356
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,068
MAN ON P.A.:
Attention, all students.

357
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:15,195
All girls basketball players...

358
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:18,573
- Hi.
- Hi.

359
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,408
Hi, I'm Rick Stevens from...

360
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,952
The slow kid from
Latin class, I know.

361
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:27,332
Uh, yeah. Congratulations on the A.

362
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:30,377
Thank you. Hopefully I'll
do better next time.

363
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,839
I was just wondering
if you needed a ride

364
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,133
to Mr Apgar's funeral.

365
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,427
- You're going?
- He was like a father to me.

366
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,596
I'm deep in grief
and shit right now.

367
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,349
Who said that you could talk
to my girlfriend, douche bag?

368
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,434
I'm not your girlfriend, Kevin.

369
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,977
We always get back together.

370
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,063
- You know that.
- NINA: Not this time.

371
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:53,692
Rick was just asking if
I would accompany him

372
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:57,443
to Mr Apgar's funeral,
and I said yes.

373
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:04,452
Really? Well, a funeral is a
perfect place for you to be.

374
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,830
'Cause you're a dead man.

375
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,454
- Kevin...
- KEVIN: Fuck!

376
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,330
So is that a yes?

377
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,676
What? What?

378
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:22,721
What? Nothing. Nothing.

379
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,175
OK. 'Bye.

380
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,437
I'm in.

381
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,356
You're dead.

382
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:43,324
I wasn't dead, not yet, but our
first date was at a funeral.

383
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:47,371
In retrospect, that might not
have been one of my best ideas.

384
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,749
That was a lovely service.

385
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,955
Is it just me or did he
look more alive dead?

386
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,175
SONG ON RADIO:
<i>♪ From a higher window... ♪</i>

387
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,260
- Ew.
- I love this song.

388
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,720
Me too.

389
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:05,680
My parents don't like me listening

390
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:08,308
to a lot of pop stations,
due to all the satanic lyrics.

391
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:11,936
But Mindy has a CD. When I go
to her house, I listen to it.

392
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,688
I think he's so dreamy.

393
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,231
And before I could stop myself...

394
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:17,150
When he's in town,
I go to his concert

395
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:18,735
and hang with him backstage.

396
00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:20,278
(LAUGHS AND COUGHS)

397
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,322
Wait, you know Josh Groban?

398
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,158
Yeah, we're pretty tight.

399
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:27,487
Then you must be going to
his show tomorrow night.

400
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,705
Yes, of course. Ha! Yeah.

401
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:32,624
I'd love to take you,

402
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,084
but I know your parents
wouldn't let you go, so...

403
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,420
Actually, my parents went to
Omaha for the world premiere

404
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:39,506
of 'Christ on Ice',
starring Johnny Weir,

405
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,801
and they're gone till Monday,
so they'd never know.

406
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:45,053
Great. Great.

407
00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:47,430
- (WHISPERS) Strike two.
- This is so sensational.

408
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,140
Uh-huh.

409
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,100
I mean, it would really help me

410
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:52,852
take my mind off things, you know?

411
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:55,230
- (CRASH!)
- (BILLY GROANS)

412
00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:58,525
- Nina, are you alright?
- Your mom's gonna kill you.

413
00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:00,527
You better get their
insurance information.

414
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:03,402
Oh, Rick. I'm stuck.

415
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:07,325
What the fuck, dude?

416
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,279
Hey! Seriously?

417
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,414
SONG:
<i>♪ I said bitch I'mma fuck you up</i>

418
00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:15,542
<i>♪ Get the fuck out my face</i>

419
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:17,043
<i>♪ I'mma show you what the deal is</i>

420
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:18,837
<i>♪ Bitch, mother-fucker... ♪</i>

421
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:22,048
This totally reminds me of a
German porno I downloaded.

422
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,675
Father Krumins?

423
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:27,380
Richard. Oh, I am so sorry
about this slight mishap.

424
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:30,348
Shouldn't we call the police?

425
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,684
Miss Pennington, please
thank your mother again

426
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:35,353
for hosting such a splendid
bingo night last week.

427
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:39,104
I mean, her devilled eggs
were absolutely sinful.

428
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:42,443
Shouldn't we call the police?

429
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:45,321
I don't think that's necessary.

430
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,866
I mean, if you don't mind,
I'd rather not report it.

431
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,951
I'd hate for both our
premiums to go up.

432
00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:52,370
Plus, these sisters have
taken a vow of silence,

433
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:54,998
so the fewer the questions
to answer the better.

434
00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:57,417
Don't worry, the archdiocese
will take care of everything.

435
00:22:57,418 --> 00:23:00,879
Peace out. Sisters? Better hurry.

436
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,257
(LAUGHS)
Should we call the police? Pfft.

437
00:23:04,258 --> 00:23:06,509
MAN: We pay you good
money to run this place.

438
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,428
That is the best you can do?

439
00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:11,055
They look like they have
full-blown hepatitis.

440
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:13,141
It's the morning shift.

441
00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:16,394
I mean, I'm working on putting
a breakfast buffet in here

442
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:19,314
that will blow your
fucking mind, Vitolda.

443
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:22,066
I'm talking about eggs and
bacon, whipped cream,

444
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:27,489
sausage and a lap
dance, all in, $12.99.

445
00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:32,327
You girls suck!

446
00:23:32,328 --> 00:23:34,287
How many times have I told you,

447
00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:38,082
you won't draw a crowd if
you don't draw a bath.

448
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:41,586
You make me sick. Get in
the shower. You, you're fired!

449
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:44,923
- I don't work here.
- Wanna go out for some Korean barbecue?

450
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,050
Ugh, oh, God.

451
00:23:47,051 --> 00:23:50,303
Cops have been on our ass,
so business has been down.

452
00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:53,640
That means receipts here
better go up, Jimbo,

453
00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:55,725
or you're gonna be out of a job.

454
00:23:55,726 --> 00:24:00,432
And probably a leg.
(CLEARS THROAT)

455
00:24:02,858 --> 00:24:06,569
RICK: Jimmy? Hey, Jimmy. Jimmy,
I need to ask you a favour.

456
00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:09,572
- Jimmy.
- Fuck off, will you?

457
00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:11,824
I need to talk to your
friend at the Paramount.

458
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:13,868
- For what?
- I need backstage passes.

459
00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:17,747
For Josh Groban's concert tomorrow.

460
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:21,292
Well, I really need Britney
Spears to lick my balls.

461
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,336
No, wait, that wasn't it.

462
00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:25,838
Well, I need J.Lo to stick
her finger up my ass.

463
00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:27,924
No, that was my dad.

464
00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:31,010
You know what I need? I need
my poop chute bleached.

465
00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:34,055
- That's it.
- What? Look, I'll do anything.

466
00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,266
Anything?

467
00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:40,937
Seems Jimmy had a date too,
and he needed some ecstasy.

468
00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:45,525
The dealer was running a
buy-20, get-5-free sale,

469
00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:47,819
so I pocketed the extra pills.

470
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,946
I don't want you getting
the wrong idea about me,

471
00:24:49,947 --> 00:24:52,073
but nowhere in the
Bible does it say,

472
00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:53,700
"Thou shalt not take ecstasy."

473
00:24:53,701 --> 00:24:55,451
That's true.

474
00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:57,453
With Lucy's car being
fixed by the archdiocese,

475
00:24:57,454 --> 00:24:59,580
I needed wheels to get
to Josh Graham's show.

476
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:02,284
I can't believe I just said that.

477
00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:07,964
Mmm. Mmm.

478
00:25:07,965 --> 00:25:10,967
Mrs Bender, I'm gonna
need to ask you a favour.

479
00:25:10,968 --> 00:25:13,052
Anything. Anything at all.

480
00:25:13,053 --> 00:25:15,054
I'm gonna need to borrow your car.

481
00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:17,015
My car? Where are we going?

482
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:19,308
I have to follow my
dad to catch him

483
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:21,394
with his mistress for
my mom's lawyer.

484
00:25:21,395 --> 00:25:24,355
Only I can't have my mom find out,

485
00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:26,482
because she's liable to
do something violent.

486
00:25:26,483 --> 00:25:28,568
- You know how she is.
- Oh, yeah.

487
00:25:28,569 --> 00:25:31,654
Sure, that's very sweet of you.

488
00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:33,653
Yeah?

489
00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:37,535
Thanks, I really appreciate it.

490
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:39,662
You want to show me how
much you appreciate it?

491
00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:41,748
Well, I'd better be going.

492
00:25:41,749 --> 00:25:44,247
(MRS BENDER GIGGLES)

493
00:25:50,257 --> 00:25:52,334
If you want the car...

494
00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:19,036
- Meow.
- (GASPS)

495
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,622
Jesus, you scared
the hell out of me.

496
00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:24,707
That's the idea.

497
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:27,335
What are you doing here?
If it's about the ecstasy...

498
00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:29,462
Relax, nowhere in the
Bible does it say,

499
00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:31,547
"Thou shalt not take ecstasy."

500
00:26:31,548 --> 00:26:34,467
- I'm more concerned with lying.
- But I really needed the car.

501
00:26:34,468 --> 00:26:36,469
The betting, the adultery,

502
00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:38,596
the not honouring thy
mother and father.

503
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:40,556
OK, I get it. I get it.

504
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:42,725
You're in quite the
pickle, aren't you?

505
00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:46,395
On the one hand, if you do manage

506
00:26:46,396 --> 00:26:48,606
to get Nina to succumb
to your advances,

507
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:50,650
you'll have to deal
with her delusional ex

508
00:26:50,651 --> 00:26:52,652
with the rage issues.

509
00:26:52,653 --> 00:26:54,737
On the other hand,
if she spurns you,

510
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:56,906
well, do you even have 1,000 bucks?

511
00:26:56,907 --> 00:26:58,699
You're not helping me here.

512
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,244
Shouldn't you be telling me
how I should win her heart?

513
00:27:02,871 --> 00:27:05,039
Things are never that easy, Rick.

514
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,460
Don't rush where you're going.
Otherwise you may never arrive.

515
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:11,671
Oh, and one more thing.

516
00:27:11,672 --> 00:27:14,132
I know, the stealing.

517
00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:16,461
No.

518
00:27:18,011 --> 00:27:19,929
I'm going to Ibiza on holiday,

519
00:27:19,930 --> 00:27:22,014
so you're on your own for a while.

520
00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:26,015
Don't screw it up. Oh, and
look out for the Lithuanians.

521
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:35,653
- I'm redecorating.
- I can see that.

522
00:27:35,654 --> 00:27:38,239
It's better, huh? More cheery.

523
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,868
- Yeah, sure.
- Oh, where's my car?

524
00:27:41,869 --> 00:27:45,204
Uh, Steven has it.

525
00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:47,290
As long as your asshole
father doesn't.

526
00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:49,709
- You watch, this time...
- You're gonna divorce him?

527
00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:54,714
You betcha I am. Fat fuck.

528
00:27:54,715 --> 00:27:56,716
Mrs Bender? Mrs Bender?

529
00:27:56,717 --> 00:28:00,386
Oh... Uh, hey, Mr Bender.

530
00:28:00,387 --> 00:28:03,222
I'm getting ready to go hunting.

531
00:28:03,223 --> 00:28:05,183
- Nice.
- Was he on to me?

532
00:28:05,184 --> 00:28:06,851
Did he know I was screwing his wife

533
00:28:06,852 --> 00:28:08,895
on their new Scotchgarded sofa?

534
00:28:10,439 --> 00:28:12,858
Oh, yeah.

535
00:28:17,571 --> 00:28:20,573
Hey, I thought maybe
Billy could come along.

536
00:28:20,574 --> 00:28:22,658
- No.
- You know, keep you company.

537
00:28:22,659 --> 00:28:24,452
And he'll bring his new camera.

538
00:28:24,453 --> 00:28:26,787
It's gonna be boring waiting for
them to leave the apartment.

539
00:28:26,788 --> 00:28:28,535
Well, Billy's used to boring.

540
00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:33,003
- OK, have fun.
- 'Bye, Momma.

541
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:39,508
Hey, did you hear about
the new Latin teacher?

542
00:28:39,509 --> 00:28:41,552
He got killed in a
wreck on the I-40.

543
00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:44,632
(VOICE ON RECORDING SPEAKS LATIN)

544
00:28:46,016 --> 00:28:48,851
- There's a reason they call
Latin the dead language. - Huh?

545
00:28:48,852 --> 00:28:51,354
Oh, by the way, we're not going
to Joseph's den of debauchery.

546
00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:53,272
Well, then where are we going?

547
00:28:53,273 --> 00:28:55,691
We're gonna go pick up Nina and
grab some backstage passes.

548
00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:57,652
I've got a date with destiny.

549
00:28:57,653 --> 00:28:59,820
As long as we don't
drive on the I-40.

550
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,948
RICK: This is the place. Turn here.

551
00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:04,033
NINA: Ew.

552
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:07,161
RICK: He said 8:30. We're
just a few minutes early.

553
00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:09,247
I can't believe I'm
about to meet Josh.

554
00:29:09,248 --> 00:29:11,666
I mean, this is the most
exciting thing I've ever done.

555
00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:14,086
I met David Spade once.

556
00:29:15,254 --> 00:29:19,924
Well, if it wasn't him,
it looked just like him.

557
00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:23,302
So... what are your
plans after graduation?

558
00:29:23,303 --> 00:29:25,221
I don't really have
any at the moment.

559
00:29:25,222 --> 00:29:27,515
That doesn't sound very wise.

560
00:29:27,516 --> 00:29:31,477
Oh, you meant plans? Like...
Oh, yeah, I have a lot of those.

561
00:29:31,478 --> 00:29:33,312
How about you, you have any plans?

562
00:29:33,313 --> 00:29:36,482
- Oh, I'm gonna become a priest.
- (LAUGHS AND SPLUTTERS)

563
00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:38,734
I definitely have a calling.

564
00:29:38,735 --> 00:29:41,445
- And I'd call you out.
- What does that mean?

565
00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:43,239
Nothing, it doesn't mean anything.

566
00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:48,911
Hey, wait a second. I thought
girls could only be nuns.

567
00:29:48,912 --> 00:29:50,788
- Only ugly girls are nuns.
- That's not true.

568
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:52,873
Yeah, that's not
true, Billy. Shut up.

569
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:56,836
Don't mind Billy. He's...
missing a chromosome.

570
00:29:56,837 --> 00:29:58,796
So this priest thing, that's great.

571
00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:00,965
You sure you wouldn't
rather just be

572
00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:03,043
on 'American Idol' or something?

573
00:30:04,594 --> 00:30:06,804
It's 8:30.

574
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:09,890
(CHUCKLES) A priest?

575
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,976
That means that she can't ever...

576
00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:16,022
- I know, Billy.
- You just kicked my mom's car.

577
00:30:16,023 --> 00:30:20,109
- Is everything OK?
- Yup, we're great.

578
00:30:20,110 --> 00:30:23,863
What if she sees that dent?
She's gonna kill me.

579
00:30:23,864 --> 00:30:26,324
She won't kill you if I
don't bring you home alive.

580
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:29,327
BILLY: Rick!

581
00:30:29,328 --> 00:30:31,829
She's gonna be so angry at me.

582
00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:34,290
Billy, shut up. Here it is.

583
00:30:34,291 --> 00:30:36,167
Jimmy, open up.

584
00:30:36,168 --> 00:30:38,627
(RICK AND BILLY GROAN)

585
00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:41,005
Where the fuck is my shit?

586
00:30:41,006 --> 00:30:44,050
Here. My backstage passes.

587
00:30:44,051 --> 00:30:46,761
You want your backstage passes,
you're gonna have to take

588
00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:50,848
a good, long, hard look
at the ass, Cleaver.

589
00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:52,892
- What?
- JIMMY: Jimmy Junior.

590
00:30:52,893 --> 00:30:55,603
Do it, son.

591
00:30:55,604 --> 00:30:57,188
Then you'll give me
my backstage passes?

592
00:30:57,189 --> 00:31:00,358
Look at him, be a man.
Look at Ricardo.

593
00:31:00,359 --> 00:31:05,905
The vomiting cobra.
The meat monkey.

594
00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:08,699
- Do it, take a look.
- OK.

595
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,576
Now you're a man.

596
00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:12,370
Can I have my backstage passes now?

597
00:31:12,371 --> 00:31:13,996
Let me grab those for you.

598
00:31:13,997 --> 00:31:16,165
Oh, by the way, go fuck yourself!

599
00:31:18,919 --> 00:31:21,087
That douche bag. Now
what am I gonna do?

600
00:31:21,088 --> 00:31:22,963
Dude, did you see his balls?

601
00:31:22,964 --> 00:31:25,508
NINA: Guys, come on. We don't
want to keep Josh waiting.

602
00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:28,677
- RICK: OK.
- NINA: Come on, come on.

603
00:31:28,678 --> 00:31:31,847
Hey, Rick, isn't
that your dad's car?

604
00:31:31,848 --> 00:31:33,641
RICK:
Oh, shit, I think you're right.

605
00:31:33,642 --> 00:31:37,472
- NINA: Whose car?
- RICK: What's he doing here?

606
00:31:41,650 --> 00:31:43,401
(WOMAN SCREAMS) Fuck me!

607
00:31:43,402 --> 00:31:45,486
JOSEPH: Take that. Ride me.

608
00:31:45,487 --> 00:31:48,739
WOMAN:
Oh, Joseph. Do me doggy style!

609
00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:50,491
That's Rick's dad.

610
00:31:50,492 --> 00:31:52,410
And your... mom?

611
00:31:52,411 --> 00:31:54,870
- JOSEPH: Your pussy's so tight.
- Doubtful.

612
00:31:54,871 --> 00:31:57,790
I think this is what my parents
were trying to shelter me from.

613
00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,875
WOMAN:
Are you ready for your turnkey?

614
00:31:59,876 --> 00:32:02,461
- Those are both our dads.
- Yeah, I'm pretty positive.

615
00:32:02,462 --> 00:32:04,588
I think I'm gonna
throw up. Oh, God.

616
00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:06,882
I think I have an idea.

617
00:32:06,883 --> 00:32:08,426
WOMAN: Fuck me! Fuck me!

618
00:32:08,427 --> 00:32:10,511
(RICK BANGS ON DOOR)
Vice squad.

619
00:32:10,512 --> 00:32:14,348
JOSEPH: Oh, shit. Leave the
dildo! Let's go! Let's go!

620
00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:16,308
Oh, my God, go! Hurry.

621
00:32:16,309 --> 00:32:18,644
MR BENDER: I'm getting in
the car, don't yell at me!

622
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:20,229
JOSEPH: Hurry up, let's go!

623
00:32:20,230 --> 00:32:22,940
MR BENDER: Pamela's gonna
kill me! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

624
00:32:22,941 --> 00:32:25,317
(MEN TALK ON TOP OF EACH OTHER)

625
00:32:25,318 --> 00:32:27,528
- Billy?
- JOSEPH: Richard?

626
00:32:27,529 --> 00:32:29,613
- RICK: Shit! Shit!
- MR BENDER: You stay, mister!

627
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:31,615
Nina! Nina, come here, let's go!

628
00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:33,909
- You stay right there, mister!
- You are so grounded!

629
00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:35,786
- It was Rick's idea.
- What?

630
00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:38,164
(BILLY VOMITS)

631
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:40,916
So... what's your name?

632
00:32:40,917 --> 00:32:43,002
Nina.

633
00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:47,965
Nina? That's a pretty name
for a... (SPITS) ..pretty girl.

634
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:50,384
Can I get you something, honey?

635
00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:54,180
Tea? Soup? An HIV test?

636
00:32:54,181 --> 00:32:57,475
These are brand-new Dockers.

637
00:32:57,476 --> 00:32:59,560
You know I puke when I'm nervous.

638
00:32:59,561 --> 00:33:01,479
What are we gonna do here? Hm?

639
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,856
I didn't know anyone could run
that fast wearing a harness.

640
00:33:03,857 --> 00:33:06,150
Alright, cut the crap.
Excuse my French.

641
00:33:06,151 --> 00:33:07,943
How much do you want?

642
00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:09,862
As I see it... correct
me if I'm wrong...

643
00:33:09,863 --> 00:33:11,530
you'd like us to
forget you were here.

644
00:33:11,531 --> 00:33:13,699
We'd also like to
forget we were here.

645
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:15,576
The only thing that's preventing us

646
00:33:15,577 --> 00:33:17,661
from falling into a
state of total amnesia

647
00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:20,539
is this little dent
problem we have.

648
00:33:20,540 --> 00:33:24,043
Now, if that just...
(WHISTLES) ..went away,

649
00:33:24,044 --> 00:33:26,253
we could forget everything.

650
00:33:26,254 --> 00:33:29,423
- How you suppose we do that?
- Yeah.

651
00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:31,300
You'll say you ran
into Mrs Bender's car

652
00:33:31,301 --> 00:33:33,511
on the street outside
your apartment.

653
00:33:33,512 --> 00:33:36,263
Why would his wife believe her
car was outside my apartment?

654
00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:38,891
You'll have to trust
me on this one.

655
00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:40,719
(BOTH WHISPER INAUDIBLY)

656
00:33:44,814 --> 00:33:49,394
- Alright... deal.
- Deal.

657
00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:57,409
You sure you're OK with Billy
and Mr Bender taking you home?

658
00:33:57,410 --> 00:34:00,829
Totally. Your dad kind of
creeps me out. No of fence.

659
00:34:00,830 --> 00:34:02,706
None taken.

660
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,833
Are you gonna be OK, though?

661
00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:08,921
I don't know what I would do
if I found my dad in a motel

662
00:34:08,922 --> 00:34:11,006
with our neighbour and
an underage hooker.

663
00:34:11,007 --> 00:34:14,969
Yeah, it's not the
first time. I'm just...

664
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:17,137
I'm sorry we missed the concert.

665
00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:20,641
It's OK. Actually, I had fun.

666
00:34:20,642 --> 00:34:23,435
You did?

667
00:34:23,436 --> 00:34:27,106
- Oddly enough, yeah.
- Really?

668
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:34,819
Well, I guess we'll have to do
it again sometime. (LAUGHS)

669
00:34:37,867 --> 00:34:40,240
I'd like that.

670
00:34:41,871 --> 00:34:43,823
Me too.

671
00:34:57,012 --> 00:35:02,224
I know where you, Billy, Mr Bender,

672
00:35:02,225 --> 00:35:04,643
and your son of a bitch
father were last night.

673
00:35:04,644 --> 00:35:06,979
- Don't even try to deny it.
- Well...

674
00:35:06,980 --> 00:35:09,273
I had a detective
follow your father.

675
00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:12,026
Not only were he and
Keith Bender at a motel

676
00:35:12,027 --> 00:35:14,111
with some crack whore,

677
00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:17,072
you and Billy were there
with some slut of your own.

678
00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:19,450
What is it with the
men in this family?

679
00:35:19,451 --> 00:35:21,493
You're such miserable
fucks, you gotta bring in

680
00:35:21,494 --> 00:35:23,537
the neighbours to
pinch-hit for you?

681
00:35:23,538 --> 00:35:25,372
Where is your father anyway?

682
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:27,458
I called to scream at
him, he wasn't there.

683
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:31,211
He is on a business
trip. Lithuania.

684
00:35:31,212 --> 00:35:35,133
(SIGHS) Figures he wouldn't
be here to face the music.

685
00:35:37,344 --> 00:35:43,390
When I get back, I'm
gonna hire a lawyer.

686
00:35:43,391 --> 00:35:46,014
Just you wait and see.

687
00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:48,937
Where are you going?

688
00:35:48,938 --> 00:35:50,648
What do you mean, where am I going?

689
00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:52,608
- It's April.
- Rehab never works for you.

690
00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:54,735
I think you've
developed an immunity.

691
00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:57,821
It always works for me, until
I come home to my family.

692
00:35:57,822 --> 00:36:00,783
Mom, really? Come on.

693
00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:03,535
- What?
- Vodka? Nice.

694
00:36:03,536 --> 00:36:05,663
Arriving at rehab sober
is like showing up

695
00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:07,790
to a tennis lesson
without a racquet.

696
00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:10,494
- (CAR HORN BEEPS)
- There's my cab.

697
00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:13,913
Don't sell the house this time.

698
00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:20,052
- (GIGGLES) Ricky! Yoo-hoo!
- Oh, shit!

699
00:36:20,053 --> 00:36:22,429
Can I speak with you for a moment?

700
00:36:22,430 --> 00:36:24,848
Yeah, you.

701
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:27,851
- Richard.
- Father Krumins.

702
00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:31,063
Well, thanks again, Mrs Bender,

703
00:36:31,064 --> 00:36:33,649
for opening your lovely home
to this week's bingo game.

704
00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:35,651
Oh, not at all, Father.

705
00:36:35,652 --> 00:36:38,362
Hopefully, next time Lois Enlow
won't get her prosthetic arm

706
00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:40,281
stuck in the garbage disposal.

707
00:36:42,075 --> 00:36:45,703
Took Keith four hours
to get that thing out.

708
00:36:45,704 --> 00:36:49,123
- God bless you.
- Thanks. OK, yeah.

709
00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:50,874
I spoke with your
mother this morning.

710
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:52,835
What were you doing with
that little slut yesterday?

711
00:36:52,836 --> 00:36:54,712
- Which slut?
- How many sluts were you with?

712
00:36:54,713 --> 00:36:56,755
One. None.

713
00:36:56,756 --> 00:36:58,674
Nina's not a slut, she's
a friend from school.

714
00:36:58,675 --> 00:37:00,718
I feel like you don't
really care about me.

715
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,679
- Sorry?
- Can I ask you a question?

716
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,932
- OK.
- Do you want to fuck me?

717
00:37:06,933 --> 00:37:08,976
Uh, Mrs Bender, I have school.

718
00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:12,351
Skip homeroom. Come on,
I'll write you a note. Let's go!

719
00:37:16,109 --> 00:37:17,860
- Argh!
- Hello.

720
00:37:17,861 --> 00:37:19,903
Hey, Karlis, what's up?

721
00:37:19,904 --> 00:37:22,448
Less than a week before Arbor
Day. How's that going?

722
00:37:22,449 --> 00:37:24,283
Good. I probably won't
even need that long.

723
00:37:24,284 --> 00:37:26,243
Hey, how do you like your pinkies?

724
00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:27,828
How do I like my pinkies?

725
00:37:27,829 --> 00:37:29,371
I mean the way they currently are.

726
00:37:29,372 --> 00:37:31,290
Yeah, I like my... pinkies.

727
00:37:31,291 --> 00:37:33,038
You better be right.

728
00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:40,424
MAN ON P.A.: A reminder, students,

729
00:37:40,425 --> 00:37:42,509
this year's prom has
been cancelled.

730
00:37:42,510 --> 00:37:45,262
Hey, you missed homeroom.
Where were you?

731
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,139
I was fucking your
mother up the ass.

732
00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:50,844
- What?
- Kidding. I overslept.

733
00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:55,606
Hey, Billy. Hi, Rick.

734
00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:57,525
Hi.

735
00:38:03,448 --> 00:38:07,201
Everyone, this is Sister Marie
Therese Francine Dubois.

736
00:38:07,202 --> 00:38:09,828
She will be filling in
for the late Mr Apgar,

737
00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:13,374
and the late Mr Marquart, who
died so tragically on I-40.

738
00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:18,086
Sister is a Carmelite nun.
She's taken a vow of silence.

739
00:38:18,087 --> 00:38:20,297
However, given our urgent
need, Father Krumins

740
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:23,175
has gracefully granted the
sister special dispensation

741
00:38:23,176 --> 00:38:25,969
for her to speak during class,
so she won't go to hell.

742
00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:27,968
Sister.

743
00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:37,231
(MOUTHS WORDS)

744
00:38:44,781 --> 00:38:48,325
I am very happy to be teaching you.

745
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:50,619
My name is Sister Marie
Therese Francine Dubois.

746
00:38:50,620 --> 00:38:52,788
Since there isn't time to
get through what I want,

747
00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:54,991
I will not have time
to take any quest...

748
00:38:57,585 --> 00:39:00,295
- Hm.
- She died.

749
00:39:00,296 --> 00:39:04,341
- No, she's... just sleeping.
- (SISTER SNORES)

750
00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,677
Bet you five bucks she wakes
in less than a minute

751
00:39:06,678 --> 00:39:08,804
without anyone saying anything.

752
00:39:08,805 --> 00:39:10,764
OK, you're on.

753
00:39:10,765 --> 00:39:13,218
(SISTER CONTINUES TO SNORE)

754
00:39:16,646 --> 00:39:20,896
Come on. Come on.

755
00:39:22,735 --> 00:39:24,608
30 seconds.

756
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:30,868
45 seconds.

757
00:39:35,415 --> 00:39:37,492
55 seconds.

758
00:39:38,835 --> 00:39:40,502
- Yes!
- SISTER: Conquest of Gaul.

759
00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:44,958
The forces of civilisation over
the barbarians in ipso facto...

760
00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:51,138
Oh! Alright, double or nothing.

761
00:39:51,139 --> 00:39:52,931
Count me out.

762
00:39:52,932 --> 00:39:55,009
(THUD)

763
00:40:02,775 --> 00:40:05,485
What? What do you want?

764
00:40:05,486 --> 00:40:07,613
Are we gonna get the
rest of the day off

765
00:40:07,614 --> 00:40:09,489
like we did for Mr Apgar?

766
00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:11,783
I for one clearly feel
traumatised again.

767
00:40:11,784 --> 00:40:13,827
Yeah, and besides,
we got totally gypped

768
00:40:13,828 --> 00:40:16,038
when his replacement
bit it on the I-40.

769
00:40:16,039 --> 00:40:18,248
Mr Marquart never
even taught a class!

770
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:20,334
Fine! You know, it's
your education.

771
00:40:20,335 --> 00:40:22,294
I don't give a shit,
but after today,

772
00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:24,546
I am going to draw up an
official school policy

773
00:40:24,547 --> 00:40:26,590
on faculty fatalities.

774
00:40:26,591 --> 00:40:29,343
Mr Stevens and Mr Bender, I'd
like to see you in my office.

775
00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:33,472
- 'Bye.
- I don't feel so good, Rick.

776
00:40:33,473 --> 00:40:35,349
Kevin Carpenter brought
to my attention

777
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,726
that you bet on whether
or not the nun was dead.

778
00:40:37,727 --> 00:40:39,269
Kevin Carpenter is a dick.

779
00:40:39,270 --> 00:40:41,313
- We bet on when she would wake.
- Billy!

780
00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:43,941
You admit to gambling
on school grounds.

781
00:40:43,942 --> 00:40:46,735
Well, this should be good for
a nice, long suspension.

782
00:40:46,736 --> 00:40:49,112
I've been waiting to take
you two clowns down.

783
00:40:49,113 --> 00:40:50,822
(KNOCK ON DOOR)

784
00:40:50,823 --> 00:40:52,866
There's a parent
here to speak to you

785
00:40:52,867 --> 00:40:54,743
about that thing that happened,

786
00:40:54,744 --> 00:40:57,371
that one time over by that place.

787
00:40:57,372 --> 00:40:59,199
(WHISPERS) Right now?

788
00:41:00,291 --> 00:41:03,540
I'll be right back.

789
00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:12,761
- I think I'm gonna be sick.
- RICK: Swallow it, Billy.

790
00:41:12,762 --> 00:41:14,429
- What are you doing?
- Check this out.

791
00:41:14,430 --> 00:41:16,632
Poole took this from me last year.

792
00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:21,312
What's this?

793
00:41:25,024 --> 00:41:27,150
Holy shit.

794
00:41:27,151 --> 00:41:29,277
These are pictures from
the girls' locker room.

795
00:41:29,278 --> 00:41:31,901
- This is one of Nina.
- (DOOR OPENS)

796
00:41:33,825 --> 00:41:36,827
What are you doing, Mr Stevens?

797
00:41:36,828 --> 00:41:40,580
I'm just, uh, getting
out of suspension.

798
00:41:40,581 --> 00:41:44,292
- What is that?
- 10 to 20 would be my guess.

799
00:41:44,293 --> 00:41:46,420
I've never seen those
pictures before in my life.

800
00:41:46,421 --> 00:41:48,547
Who said anything about pictures?

801
00:41:48,548 --> 00:41:51,883
Well, I didn't take them.

802
00:41:51,884 --> 00:41:53,719
And, I mean, who's to say

803
00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:55,345
how long they've
actually been in there?

804
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:57,305
Could have been years.

805
00:41:57,306 --> 00:42:00,225
This one looks an awful
lot like Emily Tolls,

806
00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:02,519
and she's currently a junior.

807
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:07,357
Hey, how about I forget

808
00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:10,485
all about today's little
gambling indiscretion?

809
00:42:10,486 --> 00:42:12,612
How about you forget
that we even exist

810
00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:14,531
until the end of the school year.

811
00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:17,159
Rick and Billy who?

812
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:21,038
Stevens and Bender. Ow.

813
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:23,081
I'm gonna kill Carpenter.

814
00:42:23,082 --> 00:42:25,667
If you don't stop chasing after
Nina, he's gonna kill you.

815
00:42:25,668 --> 00:42:28,170
Yeah, but if I do stop, then
Malinauskas is gonna kill me,

816
00:42:28,171 --> 00:42:30,255
because I can't pay
him 1,000 bucks.

817
00:42:30,256 --> 00:42:32,632
Well, at least you got that
smoking hot picture of Nina.

818
00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:35,635
I haven't even seen it yet,
and I already popped a chub.

819
00:42:35,636 --> 00:42:37,554
I'm gonna burn it when I get home.

820
00:42:37,555 --> 00:42:39,139
Burn it? Why?

821
00:42:39,140 --> 00:42:41,058
It doesn't feel right
being able to see her

822
00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:42,601
when she doesn't even know it.

823
00:42:42,602 --> 00:42:44,311
What?

824
00:42:44,312 --> 00:42:46,271
Besides, I'll be getting the
real thing soon enough.

825
00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:49,149
Hey! What did Principal Poole
want to talk to you about?

826
00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:52,944
Uh, he wanted our help

827
00:42:52,945 --> 00:42:56,156
in drawing up the new school
policy on faculty fatalities.

828
00:42:56,157 --> 00:42:59,701
Wait! What are you two
cornholers still doing here?

829
00:42:59,702 --> 00:43:01,912
And because I figured he
could do better than that...

830
00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:04,247
What are you fucktards
still doing here?

831
00:43:04,248 --> 00:43:06,374
What are you fudge packers
still doing here?

832
00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:09,211
Ah, who am I kidding?
He's borderline Cro-Magnon.

833
00:43:09,212 --> 00:43:11,379
I thought Poole
suspended your asses.

834
00:43:11,380 --> 00:43:14,007
For your information, they were
helping amend school policy.

835
00:43:14,008 --> 00:43:17,303
And they were getting
ready to walk me home.

836
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:22,015
I'm coming for you.

837
00:43:22,016 --> 00:43:24,893
- Oh!
- Butt sniffer.

838
00:43:24,894 --> 00:43:26,812
Dick.

839
00:43:27,772 --> 00:43:29,314
NINA: That poor nun.

840
00:43:29,315 --> 00:43:31,399
I'll have to get better
at the whole tears thing

841
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,398
if I wanna be a priest.

842
00:43:35,905 --> 00:43:39,491
So this, uh, this priest thing,

843
00:43:39,492 --> 00:43:41,786
is it just for the
get-into-heaven-free card?

844
00:43:42,745 --> 00:43:45,664
No, silly. I like helping people.

845
00:43:45,665 --> 00:43:48,583
That's why I'm a candy-striper
at County General too.

846
00:43:48,584 --> 00:43:51,753
I dunno, everybody could use
a little help from time to time.

847
00:43:51,754 --> 00:43:56,007
You're hot. You don't
have to help people.

848
00:43:56,008 --> 00:43:58,260
Well, somebody has to.

849
00:43:58,261 --> 00:44:01,221
We all don't have our
own personal saints.

850
00:44:01,222 --> 00:44:04,349
Besides, I want to be the first.

851
00:44:04,350 --> 00:44:08,520
Like Hillary Clinton,
or Amelia Earhart.

852
00:44:08,521 --> 00:44:10,480
Sally Ride.

853
00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:12,732
I don't know, I want to be special.

854
00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:15,903
I think you already are special.

855
00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:20,615
Well, thanks for walking me home.

856
00:44:20,616 --> 00:44:23,319
Anytime. I, uh...

857
00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:29,659
I really like...
spending time with you.

858
00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,048
- See you tomorrow.
- OK.

859
00:44:37,925 --> 00:44:39,923
There's hope for me yet.

860
00:44:45,433 --> 00:44:47,809
- Hey, Steven.
- Playing hooky, pussies?

861
00:44:47,810 --> 00:44:49,895
Steven, you don't happen to know

862
00:44:49,896 --> 00:44:51,855
how to say anything
in Latin, do you?

863
00:44:51,856 --> 00:44:55,609
- Huh?
- Saved by his own stupidity.

864
00:44:55,610 --> 00:44:58,320
Some dude called for you.
Something about a car.

865
00:44:58,321 --> 00:45:02,367
Funny way to spell 'auto'.

866
00:45:04,118 --> 00:45:05,994
(PHONE RINGS)

867
00:45:05,995 --> 00:45:08,079
- Yes?
- RICK: Mantas Bartuska?

868
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:09,956
It's Rick Stevens.

869
00:45:09,957 --> 00:45:12,042
Oh, it's gonna take another week

870
00:45:12,043 --> 00:45:13,919
before I fix your mother's car.

871
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,421
I want to know what wheels
would you like for a loan?

872
00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:17,881
Loaner?

873
00:45:17,882 --> 00:45:20,342
Father Krumins told me to get
you whatever car you want.

874
00:45:20,343 --> 00:45:22,796
- Father Krumins? Anything?
- MANTAS: Anything.

875
00:45:26,641 --> 00:45:29,893
Uh, well, my favourite
is an Aston Martin.

876
00:45:29,894 --> 00:45:32,313
It will be there within the hour.

877
00:45:33,648 --> 00:45:35,815
They're loaning me an Aston Martin.

878
00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:39,736
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
I got accepted to Stanford!

879
00:45:39,737 --> 00:45:41,363
That's amazing. You're
gonna move out.

880
00:45:41,364 --> 00:45:42,864
Yeah!

881
00:45:42,865 --> 00:45:45,238
What?

882
00:45:46,410 --> 00:45:51,039
Get a hard-on, break your dick
in half and fuck yourself.

883
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:55,794
- Two great things in a row.
- Wait, who's Aston Martin?

884
00:45:55,795 --> 00:45:57,542
(KNOCK ON DOOR)

885
00:46:01,425 --> 00:46:03,502
Knock yourself out.

886
00:46:09,308 --> 00:46:11,101
Whoa!

887
00:46:12,812 --> 00:46:17,358
<i>SONG: ♪ I found my beat
It's in your sound... ♪</i>

888
00:46:18,401 --> 00:46:22,696
When Nina sees you in this car,
she's gonna be all over you.

889
00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:24,948
<i>♪ I'll curse the crowd... ♪</i>

890
00:46:24,949 --> 00:46:27,659
Hey, can we get Slurpees?

891
00:46:27,660 --> 00:46:29,202
Yeah.

892
00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:30,745
- Really?
- No.

893
00:46:30,746 --> 00:46:33,707
<i>♪ We've been living
with the lights out</i>

894
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:35,792
<i>♪ Been moving in the night... ♪</i>

895
00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:39,212
So, uh, do you have
any plans tonight?

896
00:46:39,213 --> 00:46:42,299
Um, yeah, after Meals on Wheels,

897
00:46:42,300 --> 00:46:44,217
I'm gonna go down to the shelter

898
00:46:44,218 --> 00:46:46,591
and play with some
stray animals... why?

899
00:46:47,763 --> 00:46:50,637
Oh, uh... no reason.

900
00:46:51,851 --> 00:46:53,893
Do you have enough room back there?

901
00:46:53,894 --> 00:46:56,229
- Well, I... Not really.
- RICK: Yeah, he's fine.

902
00:46:56,230 --> 00:46:58,315
- Don't worry about him.
- (SIREN BLARES)

903
00:46:58,316 --> 00:47:00,108
What the...?

904
00:47:00,109 --> 00:47:02,193
OFFICER: Pull over to the
right side of the road.

905
00:47:02,194 --> 00:47:04,446
- Why are they pulling us over?
- I don't know.

906
00:47:04,447 --> 00:47:07,400
But I bet it's fine.
Don't worry about it.

907
00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:11,953
Are you aware this car is
registered to Mantas Bartuska?

908
00:47:11,954 --> 00:47:14,039
Who?

909
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,333
He's only one of the most
notorious Lithuanian mafiosos

910
00:47:16,334 --> 00:47:18,418
in the entire three-county region.

911
00:47:18,419 --> 00:47:21,546
- This is a mobster's car?
- No, it was a loaner.

912
00:47:21,547 --> 00:47:23,590
He's having my mom's car fixed.

913
00:47:23,591 --> 00:47:25,383
Having the mafia fix
your mother's car?

914
00:47:25,384 --> 00:47:27,260
- You are?
- No, no.

915
00:47:27,261 --> 00:47:29,387
You remember, Father Krumins
hit me, you were there.

916
00:47:29,388 --> 00:47:33,183
He sent me to Mr Bartuska
to have my car fixed, so...

917
00:47:33,184 --> 00:47:35,268
Wait, wait, wait,
the Catholic Church

918
00:47:35,269 --> 00:47:37,145
sent you to the Malinauskas
family's chop shop

919
00:47:37,146 --> 00:47:39,098
to get your car fixed?

920
00:47:40,274 --> 00:47:43,026
- (VOMITS)
- Oh, my god.

921
00:47:43,027 --> 00:47:47,030
Mr Stevens, I have a question
I need you to answer.

922
00:47:47,031 --> 00:47:49,115
OK.

923
00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:51,534
How did Mantas Bartuska's body

924
00:47:51,535 --> 00:47:53,661
end up in the trunk
of your mother's car?

925
00:47:53,662 --> 00:47:55,997
What? I... I didn't even know
that Mantas Bartuska was dead.

926
00:47:55,998 --> 00:47:57,707
I know nothing about this.

927
00:47:57,708 --> 00:48:00,251
We nabbed you driving
his Aston Martin.

928
00:48:00,252 --> 00:48:02,671
Explain that to me, please.

929
00:48:03,714 --> 00:48:06,299
- Am I a suspect?
- Big time.

930
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:09,219
Normally, I wouldn't care about
the lowlife that got shot,

931
00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:13,848
but Mr Bartuska was ready
to strike a plea deal

932
00:48:13,849 --> 00:48:18,520
to give us the name of the
head of the Lithuanian mafia.

933
00:48:18,521 --> 00:48:21,856
This guy, he's so elusive
and so secretive,

934
00:48:21,857 --> 00:48:24,317
we don't even know his name.

935
00:48:24,318 --> 00:48:27,737
But Bartuska had his name,

936
00:48:27,738 --> 00:48:30,698
and was gonna give it to
me until this happened.

937
00:48:30,699 --> 00:48:32,826
I don't know what your
real involvement here is,

938
00:48:32,827 --> 00:48:34,702
but I know you're
guilty of something.

939
00:48:34,703 --> 00:48:36,413
I don't... I don't know anything.

940
00:48:36,414 --> 00:48:38,289
- Don't interrupt me!
- I...

941
00:48:38,290 --> 00:48:40,417
- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- Yeah.

942
00:48:40,418 --> 00:48:42,627
Miss Stratton-Osbourne
is here for Rick.

943
00:48:42,628 --> 00:48:45,331
- Dadgummit! Show her in!
- Who?

944
00:48:47,466 --> 00:48:49,843
I've been retained to
represent Mr Stevens.

945
00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:52,762
If you don't mind, I'd like a
moment alone with my client.

946
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:54,639
Cigarette?

947
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:56,842
I'm 17.

948
00:48:58,227 --> 00:49:00,353
I guess you're wondering
why I'm here.

949
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:02,313
Father Krumins has a
favour to ask you.

950
00:49:02,314 --> 00:49:04,149
Father Krumins has a
favour to ask me?

951
00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:06,067
He requests that you
refrain from mentioning

952
00:49:06,068 --> 00:49:08,653
that the church is the one that
referred you to Mr Bartuska.

953
00:49:08,654 --> 00:49:10,822
- But I already did.
- Oh.

954
00:49:10,823 --> 00:49:13,533
Well, tell them you were kidding.

955
00:49:13,534 --> 00:49:15,743
- The church wants me to lie?
- Yes.

956
00:49:15,744 --> 00:49:17,579
- Do you wanna get out of here?
- Yes.

957
00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:19,456
I've been doing some research.

958
00:49:19,457 --> 00:49:21,541
Is it true your dad is
on business in Vilnius?

959
00:49:21,542 --> 00:49:23,084
Uh, I think so.

960
00:49:23,085 --> 00:49:25,837
Do what I say, I'll have you
out of here within the hour.

961
00:49:25,838 --> 00:49:27,797
Are you sure you can get me off?

962
00:49:27,798 --> 00:49:30,717
Kid, I've gotten off more
guys than I care to remember.

963
00:49:30,718 --> 00:49:32,552
OFFICER:
How did you get the Aston Martin?

964
00:49:32,553 --> 00:49:34,429
What Aston Martin?

965
00:49:34,430 --> 00:49:36,556
If you don't tell me
how you got the car,

966
00:49:36,557 --> 00:49:38,641
I'm gonna put you in
prison with an inmate

967
00:49:38,642 --> 00:49:40,977
who will eat your genitals
off while you're sleeping.

968
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:44,522
Tell him the truth,
just like we practised.

969
00:49:44,523 --> 00:49:46,608
Mr Bartuska gave it to me.

970
00:49:46,609 --> 00:49:49,277
Why would Big Barty give you
a brand-new Aston Martin?

971
00:49:49,278 --> 00:49:53,490
He said that it was a gift
in honour of my father.

972
00:49:53,491 --> 00:49:56,701
What did your father do to earn
such a gift from a mobster?

973
00:49:56,702 --> 00:49:58,953
Well, it's definitely not because

974
00:49:58,954 --> 00:50:01,414
he's a kingpin in the
Lithuanian mafia.

975
00:50:01,415 --> 00:50:04,542
Expect me to believe that this
loser's father is in the mob?

976
00:50:04,543 --> 00:50:06,085
Draw your own conclusions,

977
00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:08,379
but given the alternative is
that the mob hired this kid...

978
00:50:08,380 --> 00:50:10,924
I mean, look at him...
I think you'll see

979
00:50:10,925 --> 00:50:13,134
it makes sense to
look into the father.

980
00:50:13,135 --> 00:50:15,386
Do you have any evidence
to back this up?

981
00:50:15,387 --> 00:50:19,098
Well, my father is currently
on business... in Lithuania.

982
00:50:19,099 --> 00:50:20,642
Check his credit card records.

983
00:50:20,643 --> 00:50:22,390
You'll see he's telling the truth.

984
00:50:23,354 --> 00:50:25,355
Ho! Hah!

985
00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:27,482
Well, you and your
client can leave now,

986
00:50:27,483 --> 00:50:31,110
and I'm gonna make some
phone calls... right here.

987
00:50:31,111 --> 00:50:33,780
And if I don't like the
answers I'm getting,

988
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:36,908
I'm gonna come see you...
I know where you live.

989
00:50:36,909 --> 00:50:39,369
ANNETTE: Nice work...
by the time those yokels

990
00:50:39,370 --> 00:50:41,788
get through chasing that line
of bullshit about your father,

991
00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:44,249
this whole incident
will be long forgotten.

992
00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:46,751
Oh, and by the way, I got
your car out of impound.

993
00:50:46,752 --> 00:50:48,920
You can keep it until your
mom's car gets fixed.

994
00:50:48,921 --> 00:50:51,715
You want to give me a ride
home in your new wheels?

995
00:50:56,637 --> 00:50:58,721
Why does it smell
like puke in here?

996
00:50:58,722 --> 00:51:02,225
If I get a speeding ticket, you
can get me out of it, right?

997
00:51:02,226 --> 00:51:04,102
It's a piece of cake.

998
00:51:04,103 --> 00:51:06,896
Oh, can I take a few of these?
I get these tension headaches.

999
00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:09,857
Wait, no, those are ecs...

1000
00:51:09,858 --> 00:51:11,731
Those are expired.

1001
00:51:15,573 --> 00:51:18,241
(SIGHS HAPPILY, LAUGHS)

1002
00:51:18,242 --> 00:51:20,159
(LAUGHS)

1003
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:21,828
Ohhh! Oooh!

1004
00:51:21,829 --> 00:51:23,288
(MURMURS)

1005
00:51:23,289 --> 00:51:25,290
Oh, turn here.

1006
00:51:25,291 --> 00:51:27,417
(SQUEALS)

1007
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:29,460
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

1008
00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:31,879
Ohh! I love it!

1009
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,424
Just touch my hand. Oh, my
God, that feels so good.

1010
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:37,219
Oh, my God.

1011
00:51:39,513 --> 00:51:44,059
- Oh, my God! (LAUGHS)
- Ah.

1012
00:51:49,189 --> 00:51:52,358
You're just the nicest
guy I've ever met.

1013
00:51:52,359 --> 00:51:56,029
Do you know you're pure,
like a baby, innocent puppy.

1014
00:51:56,030 --> 00:51:59,365
Like an angel dog, like a
little sweet puppy angel

1015
00:51:59,366 --> 00:52:01,618
coming from the heavens
to save the world.

1016
00:52:01,619 --> 00:52:04,162
Do you want to come in and
listen to some trance music?

1017
00:52:04,163 --> 00:52:06,164
ANNETTE'S VOICE: Don't do it, Rick.

1018
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:09,744
You're this close to
my promised land.

1019
00:52:11,420 --> 00:52:12,962
RICK: No, we're here, get out.

1020
00:52:12,963 --> 00:52:15,048
When I was a kid,
I wished for big boobs.

1021
00:52:15,049 --> 00:52:17,216
- And then I got them.
- Oh, that's great.

1022
00:52:17,217 --> 00:52:18,926
- Isn't that cool?
- That's great, thank you.

1023
00:52:18,927 --> 00:52:21,054
You want to come in
for some tequila?

1024
00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:24,015
'Bye! No! Nope. Thank
you, though. 'Bye!

1025
00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:25,763
Huh!

1026
00:52:41,116 --> 00:52:44,744
(TV PLAYS SOFTLY)

1027
00:52:44,745 --> 00:52:46,829
Where the hell have you been?

1028
00:52:46,830 --> 00:52:49,582
Just undergoing interrogation
downtown about my mob ties.

1029
00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:51,459
Hilarious.

1030
00:52:51,460 --> 00:52:53,002
Hi, Cherysh.

1031
00:52:53,003 --> 00:52:54,796
Hello.

1032
00:52:55,631 --> 00:52:57,340
So you've opened a brothel.

1033
00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,425
Remember the rules...
they can touch you,

1034
00:52:59,426 --> 00:53:01,594
but you can't touch them.

1035
00:53:04,264 --> 00:53:06,516
It's perfect. See, they
do it every night anyway.

1036
00:53:06,517 --> 00:53:08,434
And this way we make money,

1037
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,603
which will be more than
enough to pay Karlis.

1038
00:53:10,604 --> 00:53:13,439
So you're already giving up?

1039
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:17,276
No, I just... I want
to cover all my bases,

1040
00:53:17,277 --> 00:53:20,822
just in case Nina and I
decide to take it slow.

1041
00:53:20,823 --> 00:53:23,616
Oh. OK.

1042
00:53:23,617 --> 00:53:26,452
(WOMEN GIGGLE AND CHATTER)

1043
00:53:26,453 --> 00:53:28,204
(WHISPERS)
Have they had their shots?

1044
00:53:28,205 --> 00:53:31,124
RICK: Who cares? We're opening
a strip club, not a vet's office.

1045
00:53:31,125 --> 00:53:33,042
They're on the pillows, Rick.

1046
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:34,961
('MONEY' BY THE FLYING LIZARDS)

1047
00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:38,256
<i>SONG: ♪ Money don't get
everything, it's true</i>

1048
00:53:38,257 --> 00:53:39,966
<i>♪ What it don't get I can't use</i>

1049
00:53:39,967 --> 00:53:41,714
<i>♪ I want money... ♪</i>

1050
00:53:42,928 --> 00:53:45,513
Hey, Kristen, we should throw a
party to celebrate you leaving.

1051
00:53:45,514 --> 00:53:47,390
I mean, you getting into Stanford.

1052
00:53:47,391 --> 00:53:50,643
- Yay! Party!
- Exactly.

1053
00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:52,729
I can smell her cooter from here.

1054
00:53:52,730 --> 00:53:55,022
What the hell are you up to?

1055
00:53:55,023 --> 00:53:58,234
Nothing. Steven can invite all
his muscle freaks from the gym.

1056
00:53:58,235 --> 00:54:01,362
I guess we could raid Mom's
secret alcohol stash.

1057
00:54:01,363 --> 00:54:03,239
Oh, her brain would explode.

1058
00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:05,241
We'd be helping with
her road to recovery.

1059
00:54:05,242 --> 00:54:07,695
I'm only thinking of her.
Pfft! Steven!

1060
00:54:10,789 --> 00:54:12,707
Is this gonna work?

1061
00:54:12,708 --> 00:54:14,959
You don't think your
sister is gonna be pissed

1062
00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:17,503
that you gave her children's
chewables instead of ecstasy?

1063
00:54:17,504 --> 00:54:19,547
She'll be way too wasted to notice.

1064
00:54:19,548 --> 00:54:22,300
Besides, she said she'd only
do it if we gave her 10 pills

1065
00:54:22,301 --> 00:54:24,886
and I only have two left.

1066
00:54:24,887 --> 00:54:26,012
(GLASS SMASHES)

1067
00:54:26,013 --> 00:54:30,309
They even fucked with her land.
She's gonna go fucking crazy.

1068
00:54:31,310 --> 00:54:33,853
We need to get them
to start mingling

1069
00:54:33,854 --> 00:54:35,897
or I'm never gonna
make 1,000 bucks.

1070
00:54:35,898 --> 00:54:38,274
Hi, everyone.

1071
00:54:38,275 --> 00:54:42,196
Billy tells me you guys
are having a party.

1072
00:54:43,614 --> 00:54:46,067
PAMELA:
That sounds like a lot of fun.

1073
00:54:49,077 --> 00:54:50,620
Am I invited?

1074
00:54:50,621 --> 00:54:53,790
As long as you don't tell Mom.

1075
00:54:53,791 --> 00:54:56,870
Tell her what?
(LAUGHS)

1076
00:54:58,086 --> 00:55:03,049
And, uh, honey? I owe you
a bottle of Tylenol.

1077
00:55:03,050 --> 00:55:04,797
I took the last two.

1078
00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:10,056
- Drinks?
- Oh, yeah.

1079
00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:12,725
It's a strip club, Billy.
You don't invite your mother.

1080
00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:14,393
Mrs Bender?

1081
00:55:14,394 --> 00:55:16,521
Mrs Bender.

1082
00:55:16,522 --> 00:55:17,563
Huh!

1083
00:55:17,564 --> 00:55:19,690
- I'm not wearing any panties.
- Uhhh.

1084
00:55:19,691 --> 00:55:21,818
Mrs Bender, Billy and everyone
are in the other room.

1085
00:55:21,819 --> 00:55:25,988
- Oh! I like you so much! Whoo!
- Mrs Bender, Mrs Bender.

1086
00:55:25,989 --> 00:55:28,942
- Oh, you're so sexy.
- No, no, no.

1087
00:55:31,703 --> 00:55:33,621
Whoo! (LAUGHS)

1088
00:55:33,622 --> 00:55:37,750
Shh! Be quiet. Everybody's
in the other room. OK? Billy...

1089
00:55:37,751 --> 00:55:39,377
Shhh!

1090
00:55:39,378 --> 00:55:41,045
- Whoo, yeah!
- (DISHWASHER WHIRRS)

1091
00:55:41,046 --> 00:55:44,423
Oh, this feels kind of good.
Oh, it feels really good.

1092
00:55:44,424 --> 00:55:46,467
Oh! Ohhh!

1093
00:55:46,468 --> 00:55:50,304
Oh, I love this dishwasher. Yeah!

1094
00:55:50,305 --> 00:55:51,973
Oh! Mr Bender is pulling up.

1095
00:55:51,974 --> 00:55:54,141
- Fuck him.
- Great idea. Why don't you?

1096
00:55:54,142 --> 00:55:55,893
- I want you.
- Oh, no. No.

1097
00:55:55,894 --> 00:55:59,730
I want you so bad. I do, I do.

1098
00:55:59,731 --> 00:56:03,276
Ah! This is what I'm talking about.

1099
00:56:03,277 --> 00:56:04,694
- (LAUGHS)
- No, no, no.

1100
00:56:04,695 --> 00:56:07,321
This could be good.
It's gonna be good.

1101
00:56:07,322 --> 00:56:10,324
- Oh, my God.
- Oh!

1102
00:56:10,325 --> 00:56:13,411
- (PAMELA MOANS PLEASURABLY)
- This is so disturbing.

1103
00:56:13,412 --> 00:56:16,289
PAMELA: Oh, Ricky! Oh! Ricky!

1104
00:56:16,290 --> 00:56:18,916
- BILLY: What the...?
- (PAMELA MOANS ECSTATICALLY)

1105
00:56:18,917 --> 00:56:20,835
RICK:
From the look on Billy's face,

1106
00:56:20,836 --> 00:56:24,380
he had apparently never seen his mother
masturbating on the kitchen floor before.

1107
00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,173
What are you doing to my mom?

1108
00:56:26,174 --> 00:56:27,758
- Ricky!
- Nothing!

1109
00:56:27,759 --> 00:56:29,844
I wasn't doing it. She
was doing it by herself.

1110
00:56:29,845 --> 00:56:31,387
She was just... she was just...

1111
00:56:31,388 --> 00:56:32,972
I feel so good! (LAUGHS)

1112
00:56:32,973 --> 00:56:34,932
- (BILLY LAUGHS WEAKLY)
- RICK: OK. OK.

1113
00:56:34,933 --> 00:56:36,931
- Momma?
- So happy to see you.

1114
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:40,855
She's acting kind of weird, Rick.

1115
00:56:40,856 --> 00:56:44,066
Hell, no, that's a mean thing
to say about your mom.

1116
00:56:44,067 --> 00:56:45,860
Can you put her in Lucy's room?

1117
00:56:45,861 --> 00:56:48,321
And let her lie down.
She's just, you know...

1118
00:56:48,322 --> 00:56:50,531
Will you come? Please?

1119
00:56:50,532 --> 00:56:53,034
She hasn't bitten me since I
was 10. That's kind of weird.

1120
00:56:53,035 --> 00:56:55,453
I love you. I love you so much.

1121
00:56:55,454 --> 00:56:57,580
BILLY: I love you too,
Momma. Here, here...

1122
00:56:57,581 --> 00:56:59,704
- PAMELA: I love Tylenol.
- RICK: No, no, no.

1123
00:57:03,045 --> 00:57:05,504
- JIMMY: I'm fucking busy here!
- Jimmy, it's Rick.

1124
00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:07,506
I need your advice on
something drug-related.

1125
00:57:07,507 --> 00:57:10,176
- Shoot.
- This chick downed two E tabs.

1126
00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:12,721
Now she doesn't look so good.
Is she gonna be OK?

1127
00:57:13,722 --> 00:57:15,681
- Is she hot?
- Uh, yeah.

1128
00:57:15,682 --> 00:57:17,350
What does that have
to do with anything?

1129
00:57:17,351 --> 00:57:19,098
Why are you asking me that?

1130
00:57:20,395 --> 00:57:22,605
- I'll be right over.
- OK, thank God.

1131
00:57:22,606 --> 00:57:24,649
You got any lube?

1132
00:57:24,650 --> 00:57:27,979
('WORK ME' BY HYPER CRUSH PLAYS)

1133
00:57:53,887 --> 00:57:57,932
Thank you. Come again.
Not on the furniture.

1134
00:57:57,933 --> 00:58:00,059
- Where's the bitch at?
- Oh.

1135
00:58:00,060 --> 00:58:02,019
It's Billy's mom. Are
you sure you can help?

1136
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:04,063
Trust me, I used to be a doctor.

1137
00:58:04,064 --> 00:58:06,107
What the fuck is going on in here?

1138
00:58:06,108 --> 00:58:08,231
Oh...

1139
00:58:09,152 --> 00:58:12,856
- You know Kristen?
- I will totally not gag.

1140
00:58:25,127 --> 00:58:26,374
Rick?

1141
00:58:28,588 --> 00:58:30,798
Hey, Nina, what brings you by?

1142
00:58:30,799 --> 00:58:32,466
Hey, I was just wondering

1143
00:58:32,467 --> 00:58:34,010
if everything worked
out with the car.

1144
00:58:34,011 --> 00:58:36,095
Yeah, it was all
just a crazy mix-up.

1145
00:58:36,096 --> 00:58:39,306
Well, good. I, um...
I was worried about you.

1146
00:58:39,307 --> 00:58:41,017
You were worried about me?

1147
00:58:41,018 --> 00:58:43,436
Why are all these girls naked?

1148
00:58:43,437 --> 00:58:46,522
(SCOFFS) Yeah, it's weird,
right? I don't know.

1149
00:58:46,523 --> 00:58:48,691
(SHRIEKS) Put that in my ass!

1150
00:58:48,692 --> 00:58:51,486
Maybe we should go somewhere
more quiet to talk, please?

1151
00:58:53,572 --> 00:58:57,033
When I pee... it burns.

1152
00:58:57,034 --> 00:59:00,363
('WORK ME' CONTINUES)

1153
00:59:04,958 --> 00:59:09,336
- Where's Nina, dick breath?
- Uh, this is a private club.

1154
00:59:09,337 --> 00:59:11,422
Tell me where Nina is or
I'm calling the cops,

1155
00:59:11,423 --> 00:59:12,965
'cause I doubt that
this neighbourhood

1156
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:15,051
is zoned for a strip club.

1157
00:59:15,052 --> 00:59:18,304
How about I give you
50% off a lap dance?

1158
00:59:18,305 --> 00:59:20,681
How about I shove another
broomstick up your ass?

1159
00:59:20,682 --> 00:59:22,725
How about I give you
a free lap dance?

1160
00:59:26,813 --> 00:59:28,814
I'll take that blonde over there.

1161
00:59:28,815 --> 00:59:31,192
She looks like a dick wrecker.

1162
00:59:31,193 --> 00:59:33,444
But after I come,
I'm coming for you,

1163
00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:35,446
and you better tell
me where Nina is.

1164
00:59:35,447 --> 00:59:38,240
- Freak!
- BILLY: Oh! Dick.

1165
00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:41,160
I've never been to a
party like this before.

1166
00:59:41,161 --> 00:59:44,163
Yeah, me, neither. They're
Kristen's friends, really.

1167
00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:47,625
- It's kind of fun.
- Yeah?

1168
00:59:47,626 --> 00:59:53,299
Well, I guess, uh, life in my
family is just nonstop fun.

1169
00:59:55,258 --> 00:59:57,593
So are your parents ever around?

1170
00:59:57,594 --> 01:00:00,179
Rehab always evicts my mom
when her insurance runs out,

1171
01:00:00,180 --> 01:00:02,264
and my dad eventually
wants something,

1172
01:00:02,265 --> 01:00:05,014
so... he comes around.

1173
01:00:05,852 --> 01:00:08,145
My parents are always away too.

1174
01:00:08,146 --> 01:00:13,150
Chasing the latest shrine
or Virgin spotting.

1175
01:00:13,151 --> 01:00:17,780
They've been at it ever since
my little sister died.

1176
01:00:17,781 --> 01:00:20,324
Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry.

1177
01:00:20,325 --> 01:00:23,495
Oh, no, it's... My parents
like to keep it quiet.

1178
01:00:24,579 --> 01:00:26,122
I go along with it

1179
01:00:26,123 --> 01:00:28,916
because I know at
the end of the day,

1180
01:00:28,917 --> 01:00:33,087
our parents are just as
scared and confused as we are

1181
01:00:33,088 --> 01:00:35,382
about everything.

1182
01:00:37,843 --> 01:00:44,927
Yeah, I never really thought
about mine like that.

1183
01:00:46,893 --> 01:00:48,936
Maybe you should.

1184
01:00:50,063 --> 01:00:51,647
Here, give me your hand.

1185
01:00:51,648 --> 01:00:53,942
- What?
- Hmm.

1186
01:00:54,818 --> 01:00:56,694
- (CHUCKLES)
- Hold still.

1187
01:00:56,695 --> 01:00:59,113
What are you drawing?

1188
01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:01,907
You'll see.

1189
01:01:01,908 --> 01:01:04,076
That's the Tau Cross.

1190
01:01:04,077 --> 01:01:07,163
It's the symbol of Saint
Francis of Assisi,

1191
01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:09,373
the patron of families.

1192
01:01:09,374 --> 01:01:12,248
Maybe it'll give you
better luck with yours.

1193
01:01:14,296 --> 01:01:16,373
You're really amazing,
you know that?

1194
01:01:24,890 --> 01:01:27,266
Here's a rock.

1195
01:01:27,267 --> 01:01:29,014
Oh.

1196
01:01:30,395 --> 01:01:32,268
Thank you.

1197
01:01:34,232 --> 01:01:35,774
It actually fell from the sky,

1198
01:01:35,775 --> 01:01:41,280
so it's kind of like
your own personal star.

1199
01:01:41,281 --> 01:01:43,028
And you can...

1200
01:01:44,117 --> 01:01:47,241
you can make as many
wishes as you want.

1201
01:01:51,291 --> 01:01:53,539
You know, you're not
so bad yourself.

1202
01:01:56,254 --> 01:01:58,589
Thank you.

1203
01:01:58,590 --> 01:02:01,919
('BLUE MONDAY' BY NEW ORDER)

1204
01:02:07,474 --> 01:02:09,016
PAMELA: Hmmm!

1205
01:02:09,017 --> 01:02:10,559
Hi, Ricky.

1206
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,312
Hello, gorgeous.

1207
01:02:13,313 --> 01:02:15,397
(SNIFFS DEEPLY)

1208
01:02:15,398 --> 01:02:18,150
Oh, I'm so happy you
came to see me.

1209
01:02:18,151 --> 01:02:20,027
Doctor's in the house.

1210
01:02:20,028 --> 01:02:22,112
Oh, fun, role playing.

1211
01:02:22,113 --> 01:02:25,032
- I'm your new gynecologist.
- (LAUGHS)

1212
01:02:25,033 --> 01:02:27,159
I like it. I like to role play.

1213
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,078
I'm here to check your ovaries.

1214
01:02:29,079 --> 01:02:31,080
(LAUGHS)

1215
01:02:31,081 --> 01:02:33,374
Oh, you're not Ricky!

1216
01:02:33,375 --> 01:02:34,792
Just breathe.

1217
01:02:34,793 --> 01:02:36,961
Ohhhh!

1218
01:02:36,962 --> 01:02:39,964
(GASPS)

1219
01:02:39,965 --> 01:02:42,007
- Yeah, you like that?
- (GRUNTS)

1220
01:02:42,008 --> 01:02:44,802
Squeeze 'em! (GASPS)
Squeeze 'em tighter.

1221
01:02:44,803 --> 01:02:47,471
- Mmm! Mmm!
- Harder! Harder!

1222
01:02:47,472 --> 01:02:52,059
Squeeze 'em hard. Like they're
small... Filipino children.

1223
01:02:52,060 --> 01:02:55,396
Squeeze 'em! Yeah.

1224
01:02:55,397 --> 01:02:57,731
- (SCREAMS)
- Ohh!

1225
01:02:57,732 --> 01:02:59,775
You pervert!

1226
01:03:00,819 --> 01:03:02,778
(HORN HONKS)

1227
01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:05,447
- ('BLUE MONDAY' CONTINUES)
- (ALL GASP)

1228
01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:06,991
Which one of you is Rick Stevens?

1229
01:03:06,992 --> 01:03:10,703
<i>SONG: ♪ But if it wasn't
for your misfortune... ♪</i>

1230
01:03:10,704 --> 01:03:13,455
- It's like a 'T'.
- A 'T'?

1231
01:03:13,456 --> 01:03:16,079
It happens to be my
favourite letter.

1232
01:03:17,085 --> 01:03:19,128
That's good.

1233
01:03:20,046 --> 01:03:21,588
(DOOR OPENS)

1234
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:24,800
What is going on in here,
you slutty, slutty little bitch?

1235
01:03:24,801 --> 01:03:27,761
- Uh, nothing, Mrs Stevens.
- She's not my mother.

1236
01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:29,513
She knew that.

1237
01:03:29,514 --> 01:03:32,349
I was waiting for you.
You never came.

1238
01:03:32,350 --> 01:03:35,269
- She's very pretty.
- She's obviously on drugs.

1239
01:03:35,270 --> 01:03:37,097
Which one of you is Rick Stevens?

1240
01:03:39,441 --> 01:03:42,276
What is this bullshit I've been
hearing through the grapevine

1241
01:03:42,277 --> 01:03:45,487
about you claiming you're the
top crime family in town?

1242
01:03:45,488 --> 01:03:48,115
- You're in a crime family?
- You're in a crime family?

1243
01:03:48,116 --> 01:03:49,658
And what do you think you're doing

1244
01:03:49,659 --> 01:03:51,368
operating a strip joint
on our territory?

1245
01:03:51,369 --> 01:03:54,455
- Your territory? Who are you?
- The Malinauskas family.

1246
01:03:54,456 --> 01:03:55,998
Shit. Malinauskas.

1247
01:03:55,999 --> 01:03:57,666
Like any respectable organisation,

1248
01:03:57,667 --> 01:03:59,376
we have our ears in
the police force.

1249
01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:01,545
And they tell us there's
this Joseph Stevens

1250
01:04:01,546 --> 01:04:03,172
trying to hedge in on our business.

1251
01:04:03,173 --> 01:04:06,050
The problem is I never
even heard of him.

1252
01:04:06,051 --> 01:04:08,049
So you know what I think?

1253
01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:13,223
I think you're nobody at all.

1254
01:04:13,224 --> 01:04:14,767
(WHISPERS) He's nobody.

1255
01:04:14,768 --> 01:04:17,062
(TENSE MUSIC BUILDS)

1256
01:04:21,608 --> 01:04:23,984
You're right. I'm a nobody.

1257
01:04:23,985 --> 01:04:28,864
And, uh, my father
is really a nobody.

1258
01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:31,283
And Mantas Bartuska

1259
01:04:31,284 --> 01:04:34,495
wasn't found shot to death
in my mother's trunk.

1260
01:04:34,496 --> 01:04:38,374
You're saying your
father made big body?

1261
01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:40,501
I'm not saying anything.

1262
01:04:40,502 --> 01:04:46,173
I'm not saying my father
offed 152 people in Jersey.

1263
01:04:46,174 --> 01:04:48,133
And I'm definitely not saying

1264
01:04:48,134 --> 01:04:50,594
we're in the witness
protection program.

1265
01:04:50,595 --> 01:04:54,139
So you're in a crime family and
the witness protection program?

1266
01:04:54,140 --> 01:04:56,934
And you're having relations
with a woman this old?

1267
01:04:56,935 --> 01:04:59,728
Old? That is so mean.

1268
01:04:59,729 --> 01:05:01,897
I can't believe I
almost kissed you.

1269
01:05:01,898 --> 01:05:03,440
- Whore! Come back!
- Nina.

1270
01:05:03,441 --> 01:05:05,067
- Please wait.
- Not so fast.

1271
01:05:05,068 --> 01:05:07,646
I wanna have a little
conversation with your father.

1272
01:05:08,613 --> 01:05:10,155
Later.

1273
01:05:10,156 --> 01:05:12,741
Nina, Nina, Nina!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1274
01:05:12,742 --> 01:05:15,285
You are not the type of person

1275
01:05:15,286 --> 01:05:17,371
I wish to associate
with, Rick Stevens.

1276
01:05:17,372 --> 01:05:19,498
- Can't you just let me...
- So, you're Rick, huh?

1277
01:05:19,499 --> 01:05:22,000
- Yes.
- Karlis has a message for you.

1278
01:05:22,001 --> 01:05:24,169
He said tomorrow's Arbor Day,

1279
01:05:24,170 --> 01:05:26,588
so unless you plough
that chick by midnight,

1280
01:05:26,589 --> 01:05:28,882
you better have the
1,000 bucks you owe him

1281
01:05:28,883 --> 01:05:31,336
or else he's gonna be
really fucking mad.

1282
01:05:34,347 --> 01:05:36,306
You bet that you would
'plough' somebody?

1283
01:05:36,307 --> 01:05:37,349
No...

1284
01:05:37,350 --> 01:05:39,017
Who else were you planning
on sleeping with?

1285
01:05:39,018 --> 01:05:40,811
You!

1286
01:05:40,812 --> 01:05:43,439
I mean, you.

1287
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,315
You... ass face!

1288
01:05:45,316 --> 01:05:48,110
- Oh!
- Jeez...

1289
01:05:48,111 --> 01:05:50,070
You OK, buddy?

1290
01:05:50,071 --> 01:05:52,823
(PEOPLE CLAMOUR)

1291
01:05:52,824 --> 01:05:54,741
Ho! I was just a guest at a party.

1292
01:05:54,742 --> 01:05:57,119
I want to talk to my lawyer.
Annette Stratton-Osborne.

1293
01:05:57,120 --> 01:05:58,662
REPORTER: Mr Stevens! Mr Stevens!

1294
01:05:58,663 --> 01:06:00,289
Officer, there's been a
huge misunderstanding.

1295
01:06:00,290 --> 01:06:01,790
- A misunderstanding?
- Make some room here.

1296
01:06:01,791 --> 01:06:04,084
- Right. You're coming downtown.
- Just calm down, kids.

1297
01:06:04,085 --> 01:06:06,003
- What are you doing?
- Ma'am, keep your panties on.

1298
01:06:06,004 --> 01:06:07,129
Nina, Nina...

1299
01:06:07,130 --> 01:06:09,631
Mr Stevens, Brian Savage,
Channel 9, 'Eyewitness News'.

1300
01:06:09,632 --> 01:06:12,509
Mr Stevens, is it true
the melee here tonight

1301
01:06:12,510 --> 01:06:14,887
is the result of crime
family rivalries?

1302
01:06:14,888 --> 01:06:17,514
I'm Tina Johnson, investigative
reporter with Channel 5.

1303
01:06:17,515 --> 01:06:20,476
Mr Stevens, I would love to
get an exclusive interview.

1304
01:06:20,477 --> 01:06:24,897
I promise I will make it
extremely worth your while.

1305
01:06:24,898 --> 01:06:28,102
- Whore!
- (WOMEN EXCLAIM AND SHRIEK)

1306
01:06:30,778 --> 01:06:33,822
- I love you! I love you!
- He's mine!

1307
01:06:33,823 --> 01:06:35,657
Alright, calm down!
Everybody, you have to...

1308
01:06:35,658 --> 01:06:38,368
RICK: OK, I know this
is bad, but... again.

1309
01:06:38,369 --> 01:06:40,621
Again. Again.

1310
01:06:40,622 --> 01:06:42,748
Can we get the patrol here, please?

1311
01:06:42,749 --> 01:06:44,291
TINA: Little jackass!

1312
01:06:44,292 --> 01:06:46,001
BRIAN: Hey, cunt, thanks
for stealing my story.

1313
01:06:46,002 --> 01:06:47,336
Kristen, you're gonna get arrested.

1314
01:06:47,337 --> 01:06:49,087
Hey, cock cop,

1315
01:06:49,088 --> 01:06:51,211
this is for stealing Nina.

1316
01:06:53,092 --> 01:06:54,635
Oh, shit.

1317
01:06:54,636 --> 01:06:56,470
TINA: You fucking Oompa-Loompa.

1318
01:06:56,471 --> 01:06:58,388
- You stole my story!
- (GROWLS)

1319
01:06:58,389 --> 01:07:00,307
Now there's going to
be a quid pro quo.

1320
01:07:00,308 --> 01:07:02,636
- That's live.
- Everybody freeze! (FIRES)

1321
01:07:07,273 --> 01:07:09,726
- (SCREAMS)
- (THUD!)

1322
01:07:13,238 --> 01:07:14,781
This is pretty.

1323
01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:19,027
We're gonna need some backup.

1324
01:07:24,624 --> 01:07:28,669
I'm gonna trust you with this.
This is a Timex there.

1325
01:07:28,670 --> 01:07:31,713
I'm gluten-free, so I can't...
(SOBS)

1326
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:34,258
(SOBS)

1327
01:07:34,259 --> 01:07:38,595
I can't have any bread unless
it's, like, a rice flour.

1328
01:07:38,596 --> 01:07:41,473
- Principal Poole?
- Rick.

1329
01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:43,725
Officer, I got an alibi right here.

1330
01:07:43,726 --> 01:07:48,021
Tell them I didn't know anything about
the camera in the girls locker room.

1331
01:07:48,022 --> 01:07:51,233
I've never seen this
man before in my life.

1332
01:07:51,234 --> 01:07:53,778
We had a deal.

1333
01:07:56,114 --> 01:07:59,783
I want to talk to my lawyer,
Annette Stratton-Osborne.

1334
01:07:59,784 --> 01:08:02,237
OFFICER: Come on, Pee-wee.

1335
01:08:04,706 --> 01:08:06,999
Hi, Jimmy.

1336
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:10,002
Number one, did you
know that Billy's mom

1337
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:11,628
shaves her beef curtains?

1338
01:08:11,629 --> 01:08:13,714
- I did know that.
- Number two.

1339
01:08:13,715 --> 01:08:17,426
Some trash bag cop planted a
couple of grams of coke on me.

1340
01:08:17,427 --> 01:08:19,219
You believe that shit?

1341
01:08:19,220 --> 01:08:21,138
I find that very hard to believe.

1342
01:08:21,139 --> 01:08:23,140
I can't be in here.

1343
01:08:23,141 --> 01:08:25,726
My face, this bod...
You've seen my ass.

1344
01:08:25,727 --> 01:08:29,187
Three, I need you to
contact my attorney.

1345
01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:31,481
Beautiful tits, Annette St...

1346
01:08:31,482 --> 01:08:33,229
Stratton-Osborne, got it.

1347
01:08:36,988 --> 01:08:39,114
Kristen, Kristen, don't cry.

1348
01:08:39,115 --> 01:08:41,033
I used the lap-dancing
money to bail you out...

1349
01:08:41,034 --> 01:08:42,576
you'll be free within the hour.

1350
01:08:42,577 --> 01:08:44,453
I have a criminal record.

1351
01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:46,496
Lots of people have
criminal records.

1352
01:08:46,497 --> 01:08:49,082
Stanford is going to
rescind my acceptance.

1353
01:08:49,083 --> 01:08:51,251
That was my last shot.

1354
01:08:52,462 --> 01:08:55,916
- I'll figure something out, OK?
- Great, great.

1355
01:09:00,261 --> 01:09:02,304
KEVIN: You motherfucker!

1356
01:09:02,305 --> 01:09:04,890
Get the fuck over here!
Get the fuck over here!

1357
01:09:04,891 --> 01:09:06,808
- I swear to God...
- It was good seeing you.

1358
01:09:06,809 --> 01:09:09,182
- Good to see you too, fuckhead.
- Yeah, great, yeah.

1359
01:09:10,688 --> 01:09:12,230
KEVIN: Fuck!

1360
01:09:12,231 --> 01:09:14,525
(BILLY WHIMPERS)

1361
01:09:15,693 --> 01:09:20,489
- Billy, hey, Billy.
- Huh? Oh! Oh! Rick.

1362
01:09:20,490 --> 01:09:22,449
Sorry to wake you.
This is crazy, huh?

1363
01:09:22,450 --> 01:09:24,534
They got me on a pandering rap.

1364
01:09:24,535 --> 01:09:26,995
I don't even know what
'pandering' means.

1365
01:09:26,996 --> 01:09:29,831
Look, you gotta use the money
that I collected at the party

1366
01:09:29,832 --> 01:09:31,708
to bail me out, OK?

1367
01:09:31,709 --> 01:09:33,585
There's none left.

1368
01:09:33,586 --> 01:09:35,712
- What do you mean?
- There's no money left.

1369
01:09:35,713 --> 01:09:37,881
We collected a whole
shoebox full of money.

1370
01:09:37,882 --> 01:09:39,966
- I had to bail my sister out.
- What about me?

1371
01:09:39,967 --> 01:09:41,968
I figured your mom
could bail you out.

1372
01:09:41,969 --> 01:09:44,721
- My mom's in jail, Rick.
- Didn't even think about that.

1373
01:09:44,722 --> 01:09:46,598
Well, at least this nice man

1374
01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:48,892
offered to give me a cavity search,

1375
01:09:48,893 --> 01:09:50,811
which would save me a
trip to the dentist.

1376
01:09:50,812 --> 01:09:52,479
You know how much I
hate the dentist.

1377
01:09:52,480 --> 01:09:55,058
Oh, God, Billy, stay strong.

1378
01:10:03,074 --> 01:10:05,026
Hi.

1379
01:10:05,952 --> 01:10:08,120
Have you got in touch
with your parents yet?

1380
01:10:08,121 --> 01:10:12,124
They're in Dallas for
the Pro-life Gun Expo.

1381
01:10:12,125 --> 01:10:14,167
Is there anything I can do?

1382
01:10:14,168 --> 01:10:16,211
Yeah, you can...

1383
01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:18,460
go eff yourself.

1384
01:10:23,469 --> 01:10:25,595
I liked you,

1385
01:10:25,596 --> 01:10:29,175
despite the fact that you don't
have your future planned out.

1386
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:34,014
Despite the fact that
your socks never match.

1387
01:10:36,107 --> 01:10:38,275
Despite the fact that your ringtone

1388
01:10:38,276 --> 01:10:40,235
is 'Nigga What, Nigga Who.'

1389
01:10:40,236 --> 01:10:42,279
It's my favourite song.

1390
01:10:42,280 --> 01:10:44,903
I liked you because I thought
that you were different.

1391
01:10:46,492 --> 01:10:48,368
And clearly I was wrong.

1392
01:10:48,369 --> 01:10:50,829
No, Nina, I am different. When
I'm with you, I'm different.

1393
01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:54,624
It's just everyone around me
keeps messing me up, you know?

1394
01:10:54,625 --> 01:10:57,127
And I'm in this... Like the
bet, that wasn't even my idea.

1395
01:10:57,128 --> 01:10:58,921
Will you grow up?

1396
01:10:59,839 --> 01:11:01,923
Take responsibility
for your actions

1397
01:11:01,924 --> 01:11:05,003
and accept that some things
are 100% your fault.

1398
01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:09,723
Like the fact that I never
want to see you again.

1399
01:11:09,724 --> 01:11:11,676
Nina...

1400
01:11:13,186 --> 01:11:15,809
- Nina, I'm sorry.
- Will you go?

1401
01:11:17,356 --> 01:11:20,150
OK. Look, I...

1402
01:11:22,069 --> 01:11:24,112
Never mind.

1403
01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,656
('ONLY YOU' BY YAZ)

1404
01:11:26,657 --> 01:11:29,826
<i>SONG:
♪ Looking from the window above</i>

1405
01:11:29,827 --> 01:11:32,913
<i>♪ It's like a story of love</i>

1406
01:11:32,914 --> 01:11:36,166
<i>♪ Can you hear me?</i>

1407
01:11:36,167 --> 01:11:38,835
<i>♪ Listen to the words that you say</i>

1408
01:11:38,836 --> 01:11:41,838
<i>♪ It's getting harder to stay</i>

1409
01:11:41,839 --> 01:11:45,342
<i>♪ When I see you... ♪</i>
Put that...

1410
01:11:45,343 --> 01:11:49,763
<i>♪ All I needed was
the love you gave</i>

1411
01:11:49,764 --> 01:11:53,767
<i>♪ All I needed for another day</i>

1412
01:11:53,768 --> 01:11:57,604
<i>- ♪ And all I ever knew
- ♪ All I ever knew</i>

1413
01:11:57,605 --> 01:11:59,682
<i>♪ Only you... ♪</i>

1414
01:12:01,651 --> 01:12:03,735
The cops arrested Dad

1415
01:12:03,736 --> 01:12:06,822
because you told them that he
was a Lithuanian mob kingpin.

1416
01:12:06,823 --> 01:12:09,699
STEVEN: Mom's on her way back
from rehab and she is pissed.

1417
01:12:09,700 --> 01:12:11,743
(PHONE RINGS)

1418
01:12:11,744 --> 01:12:13,787
Ugh! It's my turn.

1419
01:12:13,788 --> 01:12:15,789
- This is Kristen Stevens.
- (MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

1420
01:12:15,790 --> 01:12:18,917
No, I'm the Godfather's daughter.

1421
01:12:18,918 --> 01:12:22,420
I'll sell you my exclusive story,

1422
01:12:22,421 --> 01:12:25,590
but not for a cent under 1,500.

1423
01:12:25,591 --> 01:12:28,760
- (GASPS)
- OK, thank you.

1424
01:12:28,761 --> 01:12:31,346
You just sold your
story for $1,500?

1425
01:12:31,347 --> 01:12:36,184
This time. I've already sold
it for 1,000 and 1,200.

1426
01:12:36,185 --> 01:12:38,520
- You don't even have a story.
- You don't know that.

1427
01:12:38,521 --> 01:12:41,773
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Ugh! It's my turn, twat!

1428
01:12:41,774 --> 01:12:43,942
If it wasn't for me, Dad
wouldn't have been arrested.

1429
01:12:43,943 --> 01:12:45,485
Stevens Crime Syndicate.

1430
01:12:45,486 --> 01:12:47,195
Why are you answering
the phone like that?

1431
01:12:47,196 --> 01:12:49,865
- Hey, Dad.
- Don't you "Hey, Dad" me.

1432
01:12:49,866 --> 01:12:51,783
Do you have any idea
what I've been through?

1433
01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:54,536
I lost my job. I spent the
night in a Lithuanian jail.

1434
01:12:54,537 --> 01:12:56,621
I woke up to someone
masturbating in my face!

1435
01:12:56,622 --> 01:12:58,290
And I have crabs!

1436
01:12:58,291 --> 01:13:00,625
- Did you break omerta?
- Cut the crap, you shithead.

1437
01:13:00,626 --> 01:13:03,378
I think I know where all
these mafia rumours started

1438
01:13:03,379 --> 01:13:05,380
and you are in serious
trouble, young man.

1439
01:13:05,381 --> 01:13:08,174
Psshhht! You're breaking up.
You're breaking up. Psshhht!

1440
01:13:08,175 --> 01:13:11,052
- I'm at a payphone, you fuck!
- Going through a tunnel. Psht!

1441
01:13:11,053 --> 01:13:12,800
Don't you dare...

1442
01:13:14,181 --> 01:13:16,975
- Dad says hi, by the way.
- (SCREAMS)

1443
01:13:27,361 --> 01:13:29,154
What the hell...?

1444
01:13:30,323 --> 01:13:32,196
What the hell...?!

1445
01:13:37,413 --> 01:13:39,205
Crabs. Great.

1446
01:13:39,206 --> 01:13:40,749
Buenos tardes.

1447
01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:42,500
Jesus Christ!

1448
01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:44,874
Can you use the front
door for once?

1449
01:13:48,299 --> 01:13:50,126
You're back.

1450
01:13:55,056 --> 01:13:56,598
I have no clue what you're saying.

1451
01:13:56,599 --> 01:14:00,101
I have a message for you from God.

1452
01:14:00,102 --> 01:14:01,937
Stop being such a screw-up.

1453
01:14:01,938 --> 01:14:04,230
Oh, and don't lose faith.

1454
01:14:04,231 --> 01:14:06,274
That's it? That's
all God has to say?

1455
01:14:06,275 --> 01:14:08,485
What did you want, the
winning lotto numbers?

1456
01:14:08,486 --> 01:14:11,947
It's Arbor Day.
Game's over, big boy.

1457
01:14:11,948 --> 01:14:13,775
Time to pay your debts.

1458
01:14:15,409 --> 01:14:18,158
What am I supposed to do?
How can I set things right?

1459
01:14:22,291 --> 01:14:24,793
Stop thinking with
your little head.

1460
01:14:24,794 --> 01:14:26,541
You were given two.

1461
01:14:32,927 --> 01:14:35,303
She always does that.

1462
01:14:35,304 --> 01:14:38,056
Which brings us back
to the beginning.

1463
01:14:38,057 --> 01:14:40,931
Not there. We already saw all that.

1464
01:14:45,147 --> 01:14:48,024
Stop! Now that we're back
to where we started,

1465
01:14:48,025 --> 01:14:51,855
your guess is as good as mine
as to how this fucker ends.

1466
01:15:04,875 --> 01:15:07,085
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.

1467
01:15:07,086 --> 01:15:09,713
It's been, like, two months
since my last confession.

1468
01:15:09,714 --> 01:15:11,798
- It's been three years, Rick.
- Really?

1469
01:15:11,799 --> 01:15:13,341
- Yeah.
- Whoa.

1470
01:15:13,342 --> 01:15:15,218
Tell me about you sins, child.

1471
01:15:15,219 --> 01:15:17,887
- I've lied a few times.
- (SCRATCHING)

1472
01:15:17,888 --> 01:15:19,723
Why did you lie?

1473
01:15:19,724 --> 01:15:21,808
I was trying to win the
heart of Nina Pennington,

1474
01:15:21,809 --> 01:15:23,351
but it didn't work.

1475
01:15:23,352 --> 01:15:26,396
Well, it's not a mortal sin.
Anything else?

1476
01:15:26,397 --> 01:15:28,314
I had sex a few times.

1477
01:15:28,315 --> 01:15:30,442
I'm gonna need names.

1478
01:15:30,443 --> 01:15:33,778
Well, first I almost got a blow job

1479
01:15:33,779 --> 01:15:36,197
from a stripper down at
the club named Cherysh.

1480
01:15:36,198 --> 01:15:38,199
That's a venial sin.

1481
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:40,201
Serious nonetheless,
but not mortal.

1482
01:15:40,202 --> 01:15:42,579
And I've been having
sex kind of regularly

1483
01:15:42,580 --> 01:15:45,033
with... Mrs Bender.

1484
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:48,585
- Pamela Bender?
- Yep.

1485
01:15:48,586 --> 01:15:50,336
Keith Bender's wife?

1486
01:15:50,337 --> 01:15:52,213
Your best friend Billy
Bender's mother?

1487
01:15:52,214 --> 01:15:55,425
- That one.
- You son of a bitch!

1488
01:15:55,426 --> 01:15:58,553
You're the dirty little
cocksucker that gave me crabs!

1489
01:15:58,554 --> 01:16:02,179
You're excommunicated.
Ex-fucking-communicated!

1490
01:16:03,100 --> 01:16:06,269
Well, that didn't go as
well as I had hoped.

1491
01:16:06,270 --> 01:16:08,271
I didn't get the chance
to tell Father Krumins

1492
01:16:08,272 --> 01:16:09,814
that the source of his crabs

1493
01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,359
was more likely a crack
whore from the Do-Me-Inn.

1494
01:16:20,618 --> 01:16:22,912
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

1495
01:16:23,954 --> 01:16:26,081
- Ricky.
- Mm-hm.

1496
01:16:26,082 --> 01:16:28,708
- Did you give me crabs?
- I think you gave them to me.

1497
01:16:28,709 --> 01:16:30,794
That is so funny.

1498
01:16:30,795 --> 01:16:33,088
- (LAUGHS)
- (RICKY LAUGHS WEAKLY)

1499
01:16:33,089 --> 01:16:35,173
Where's your mother?

1500
01:16:35,174 --> 01:16:38,134
Uh, well, she attempted suicide

1501
01:16:38,135 --> 01:16:40,095
and the ambulance driver
said she's probably dead.

1502
01:16:40,096 --> 01:16:42,430
Oh, my God. Are you sure?

1503
01:16:42,431 --> 01:16:44,265
She didn't have a
drink in her hand.

1504
01:16:44,266 --> 01:16:46,719
But she did leave this letter
blaming you for everything.

1505
01:16:48,062 --> 01:16:49,604
I called her last night?

1506
01:16:49,605 --> 01:16:51,940
I must've been much more
out of it than I thought.

1507
01:16:51,941 --> 01:16:53,650
I feel awful that I hurt my mother

1508
01:16:53,651 --> 01:16:55,652
by having sex with you, Mrs Bender,

1509
01:16:55,653 --> 01:16:58,029
so I promised God that I
wouldn't fuck you anymore

1510
01:16:58,030 --> 01:16:59,906
if he spares my mother's life.

1511
01:16:59,907 --> 01:17:02,700
Sounded a bit too
melodramatic, so I add...

1512
01:17:02,701 --> 01:17:06,287
- Do you want a cocktail?
- I've gotta get to the jail.

1513
01:17:06,288 --> 01:17:08,498
Make sure Billy hasn't
been raped or anything.

1514
01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:10,041
You didn't get him released yet?

1515
01:17:10,042 --> 01:17:11,918
I was tired.

1516
01:17:11,919 --> 01:17:14,671
I gotta go down to the hospital,
see if my mom's dead yet.

1517
01:17:14,672 --> 01:17:17,549
Will you call me as soon
as you know anything?

1518
01:17:17,550 --> 01:17:20,718
Because if she lives, I'll
rent us a room at the Hyatt.

1519
01:17:20,719 --> 01:17:23,304
Mrs Bender, I made a
promise to God and I...

1520
01:17:23,305 --> 01:17:25,265
What would you rather do,

1521
01:17:25,266 --> 01:17:27,600
explain to God how you
were momentarily weak

1522
01:17:27,601 --> 01:17:31,688
or explain to my husband, who
owns a store full of guns,

1523
01:17:31,689 --> 01:17:34,108
how he caught crabs?

1524
01:17:35,901 --> 01:17:38,069
I have to take responsibility
for my actions.

1525
01:17:38,070 --> 01:17:40,238
If I don't, somebody else might
try and kill themselves.

1526
01:17:40,239 --> 01:17:43,408
I had no idea that you
felt this way, Richard.

1527
01:17:43,409 --> 01:17:45,410
- Mrs Bender...
- I thought...

1528
01:17:45,411 --> 01:17:47,787
I thought that you
enjoyed our rendezvous.

1529
01:17:47,788 --> 01:17:51,124
I did, probably too much,

1530
01:17:51,125 --> 01:17:54,878
but you know how you said that
I should try something new?

1531
01:17:54,879 --> 01:17:56,921
- Mm-hm.
- You were right.

1532
01:17:56,922 --> 01:17:58,840
That's what I'm doing.

1533
01:17:58,841 --> 01:18:00,759
I'm gonna fix my family.

1534
01:18:06,891 --> 01:18:09,640
'Bye, Pamela. Thank
you for everything.

1535
01:18:14,940 --> 01:18:18,193
- I'll be right next door.
- OK. OK.

1536
01:18:18,194 --> 01:18:19,941
I have no plans tonight.

1537
01:18:26,994 --> 01:18:28,912
What are you doing here?

1538
01:18:28,913 --> 01:18:32,037
I was in the cafeteria. They
have bitchin' tater tots.

1539
01:18:33,292 --> 01:18:36,419
Aw, you look like hell.

1540
01:18:36,420 --> 01:18:38,713
It's my fault everything
is such a mess.

1541
01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:40,256
Nina won't speak to me.

1542
01:18:40,257 --> 01:18:42,091
My sister got thrown out of school.

1543
01:18:42,092 --> 01:18:43,885
Mom is probably dead.

1544
01:18:43,886 --> 01:18:45,470
Looks like we're finally
making some progress.

1545
01:18:45,471 --> 01:18:47,013
Progress?

1546
01:18:47,014 --> 01:18:49,098
For once, you're thinking about
somebody other than yourself.

1547
01:18:49,099 --> 01:18:51,267
Your mother would be so proud.

1548
01:19:04,782 --> 01:19:06,741
Where is she?

1549
01:19:06,742 --> 01:19:08,615
She dead, child.

1550
01:19:10,788 --> 01:19:12,622
What do you mean, dead?

1551
01:19:12,623 --> 01:19:14,791
Her heart stopped beating.

1552
01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:18,371
They took her down to the
furnace about 20 minutes ago.

1553
01:19:19,338 --> 01:19:22,465
But she can't be dead.
She's my mom.

1554
01:19:22,466 --> 01:19:25,215
Well, everybody gotta go sometime.

1555
01:19:27,346 --> 01:19:30,299
I'm sure she knew how
much you loved her.

1556
01:19:31,267 --> 01:19:33,686
Mothers always know.

1557
01:19:42,111 --> 01:19:44,234
I don't think she did.

1558
01:19:50,286 --> 01:19:53,413
She'll never know that
Kristen got into Stanford

1559
01:19:53,414 --> 01:19:56,874
or that Steven was gay.

1560
01:19:56,875 --> 01:19:59,373
I'm sure she did know that.

1561
01:20:01,005 --> 01:20:04,049
She'll be so pissed
that she was cremated.

1562
01:20:05,259 --> 01:20:07,757
You feed the dog like I asked?

1563
01:20:08,637 --> 01:20:11,056
I'm behind the curtain, stupid.

1564
01:20:15,269 --> 01:20:17,312
I heard you're the
genius that called 911

1565
01:20:17,313 --> 01:20:19,188
instead of letting me die in peace.

1566
01:20:19,189 --> 01:20:21,399
Oh, thank God.

1567
01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:24,527
Oh! At least you know
I'm opprobrious.

1568
01:20:24,528 --> 01:20:26,904
Did you bring me any vodka?

1569
01:20:26,905 --> 01:20:29,157
Have you cleaned out the
mini-bar already, Mom?

1570
01:20:29,158 --> 01:20:32,076
Listen, smart-ass, you're gonna
insist I hang around and live,

1571
01:20:32,077 --> 01:20:34,037
I'm gonna do it on my terms.

1572
01:20:34,038 --> 01:20:36,366
Honey, it's gonna take
more than that...

1573
01:20:39,168 --> 01:20:41,627
Do you know where I
could get some of that?

1574
01:20:41,628 --> 01:20:44,047
knock me out.

1575
01:20:44,048 --> 01:20:47,550
Four Vicodin and a big
bottle of Stoli might do it.

1576
01:20:47,551 --> 01:20:49,469
I'll be right back.

1577
01:20:51,180 --> 01:20:54,057
You know you're messing
everything up, right?

1578
01:20:54,058 --> 01:20:56,851
- What?
- Don't look so surprised.

1579
01:20:56,852 --> 01:20:58,394
I go through your trash.

1580
01:20:58,395 --> 01:21:00,355
I eavesdrop on your
phone conversations.

1581
01:21:00,356 --> 01:21:01,898
I know what you're up to.

1582
01:21:01,899 --> 01:21:03,858
I'll admit,

1583
01:21:03,859 --> 01:21:06,569
the you-fucking-Pam-Bender thing,

1584
01:21:06,570 --> 01:21:08,696
it caught me by surprise,

1585
01:21:08,697 --> 01:21:12,116
but I know more about you

1586
01:21:12,117 --> 01:21:14,035
than you think I do.

1587
01:21:14,036 --> 01:21:15,244
But...

1588
01:21:15,245 --> 01:21:17,580
Shut up and listen to your mother.

1589
01:21:17,581 --> 01:21:22,168
Nothing you've done
cannot be undone.

1590
01:21:22,169 --> 01:21:27,340
You go, you tell this Nina
Pennington how you really feel.

1591
01:21:27,341 --> 01:21:29,884
Well, she doesn't
want to talk to me.

1592
01:21:29,885 --> 01:21:32,053
I don't blame her. I was a douche.

1593
01:21:32,054 --> 01:21:36,933
You only get one chance, but... Oh!

1594
01:21:36,934 --> 01:21:39,018
What if I blew that chance?

1595
01:21:39,019 --> 01:21:42,355
Well, you can't make
her forgive you,

1596
01:21:42,356 --> 01:21:45,066
but you can do what it takes

1597
01:21:45,067 --> 01:21:47,777
to make things right with her.

1598
01:21:47,778 --> 01:21:51,403
Don't be like your
father... be a man.

1599
01:21:59,748 --> 01:22:01,999
It's like the first time
we've had a conversation

1600
01:22:02,000 --> 01:22:04,168
where you were cognisant.

1601
01:22:05,379 --> 01:22:07,673
(SNORES HEAVILY)

1602
01:22:25,858 --> 01:22:30,361
- Alright, here we go.
- Seriously?

1603
01:22:30,362 --> 01:22:33,573
- Wait! Wait. Can we just...
- Too late.

1604
01:22:33,574 --> 01:22:36,075
Oh, cunt-licking,
motherfucking whore-cock!

1605
01:22:36,076 --> 01:22:39,405
(LAUGHS)

1606
01:22:42,666 --> 01:22:45,293
I totally had you going.

1607
01:22:45,294 --> 01:22:46,836
- You're not gonna maim me?
- No.

1608
01:22:46,837 --> 01:22:49,172
Anyone who can make my
douche bag dad sweat

1609
01:22:49,173 --> 01:22:50,715
is alright by me.

1610
01:22:50,716 --> 01:22:53,134
Oh, thank you so much,
Karlis. Thank you.

1611
01:22:53,135 --> 01:22:55,636
I was an asshole to make
this bet in the first place.

1612
01:22:55,637 --> 01:22:57,847
And, oh, you can tell your family

1613
01:22:57,848 --> 01:23:00,266
that my dad's not a mob
boss... he's just a dick.

1614
01:23:00,267 --> 01:23:03,352
Well, I will let my dad think
otherwise for a while.

1615
01:23:03,353 --> 01:23:05,396
- We're good.
- Thank you.

1616
01:23:10,402 --> 01:23:12,149
OK, see you.

1617
01:23:17,201 --> 01:23:19,285
I know you must be super busy,

1618
01:23:19,286 --> 01:23:22,788
so I really appreciate you
taking the time to meet with me.

1619
01:23:22,789 --> 01:23:25,124
At the rate your family and
friends keep going to jail,

1620
01:23:25,125 --> 01:23:27,001
you should put me on a
permanent retainer.

1621
01:23:27,002 --> 01:23:29,086
It would be cheaper.

1622
01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:31,672
- Did you go to Stanford?
- Best four years of my life.

1623
01:23:31,673 --> 01:23:34,133
Mind you, I'm surprised
I can still walk

1624
01:23:34,134 --> 01:23:36,219
and that I don't have chlamydia.

1625
01:23:36,220 --> 01:23:39,180
Hey, what does that red
seal on the envelope mean?

1626
01:23:39,181 --> 01:23:41,557
If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
(LAUGHS)

1627
01:23:41,558 --> 01:23:43,726
No, seriously, what you
don't know can't hurt me.

1628
01:23:45,938 --> 01:23:48,731
Are you gonna be able to get
any of those charges dropped?

1629
01:23:48,732 --> 01:23:50,983
I take it you kind
of like this girl.

1630
01:23:50,984 --> 01:23:53,819
A lot, and she wants
nothing to do with me.

1631
01:23:53,820 --> 01:23:56,364
And seeing as I'm the one
that got her in this mess,

1632
01:23:56,365 --> 01:23:58,659
I want to get her out.

1633
01:23:59,785 --> 01:24:01,410
Alright, I'll do it for 2,000.

1634
01:24:01,411 --> 01:24:04,372
$2,000? I don't have that.

1635
01:24:04,373 --> 01:24:06,120
How much do you have?

1636
01:24:08,794 --> 01:24:10,628
Around $37.

1637
01:24:10,629 --> 01:24:12,713
But at least I still
have my pinkies.

1638
01:24:12,714 --> 01:24:17,260
Pinkies are overrated,
unless they're in the stink.

1639
01:24:17,261 --> 01:24:19,053
That can be the down payment,

1640
01:24:19,054 --> 01:24:21,639
and for the rest, I am looking
for a part-time file clerk.

1641
01:24:21,640 --> 01:24:25,476
You can work it off, or sell
a kidney. I know a guy.

1642
01:24:25,477 --> 01:24:28,305
- I guess I choose file clerk.
- Welcome to the firm.

1643
01:24:29,690 --> 01:24:31,816
Thanks for getting me out.

1644
01:24:31,817 --> 01:24:33,901
Well, Billy, you are my best friend

1645
01:24:33,902 --> 01:24:36,946
and I do feel somewhat responsible.

1646
01:24:36,947 --> 01:24:38,990
Hey, wait, how'd you get the money?

1647
01:24:38,991 --> 01:24:41,117
- He's my bitch now.
- Oh!

1648
01:24:41,118 --> 01:24:44,495
Speaking of bitches, Kevin
Carpenter is still in there.

1649
01:24:44,496 --> 01:24:46,038
How's he doing?

1650
01:24:46,039 --> 01:24:47,582
Let's just say it
wasn't a broomstick

1651
01:24:47,583 --> 01:24:49,501
that took his butt cherry.

1652
01:24:51,378 --> 01:24:54,130
Mom! Hey, it's me!

1653
01:24:54,131 --> 01:24:56,674
Hey! Hi!

1654
01:24:56,675 --> 01:24:58,676
Were you coming to get me out?

1655
01:24:58,677 --> 01:25:00,886
Yes, of course I was, darling.

1656
01:25:00,887 --> 01:25:03,180
Who are you? Shouldn't
you be wearing a bra?

1657
01:25:03,181 --> 01:25:04,724
I'm Rick's attorney,

1658
01:25:04,725 --> 01:25:06,642
and his new boss for
the next 20 years.

1659
01:25:06,643 --> 01:25:08,561
Billy, you could take a
lesson from your friend

1660
01:25:08,562 --> 01:25:10,104
and get a job yourself.

1661
01:25:10,105 --> 01:25:11,939
That's very responsible
of you, Richard.

1662
01:25:11,940 --> 01:25:14,483
Thanks. OK.

1663
01:25:14,484 --> 01:25:18,321
BILLY: 'Bye, Rick. Hey,
Mom, can we get Slurpees?

1664
01:25:18,322 --> 01:25:20,573
So, make sure to wear your
tight jeans on Monday.

1665
01:25:20,574 --> 01:25:22,993
Yeah, about that...

1666
01:25:24,369 --> 01:25:26,454
What's that?

1667
01:25:26,455 --> 01:25:29,081
Just a rather incriminating
letter to you

1668
01:25:29,082 --> 01:25:31,250
from Father Krumins.

1669
01:25:31,251 --> 01:25:35,504
You know, your friend, the
head of the Lithuanian mafia.

1670
01:25:35,505 --> 01:25:38,549
Are you blackmailing me?

1671
01:25:40,510 --> 01:25:43,179
No, I thought you
should have it back.

1672
01:25:43,180 --> 01:25:45,514
Thanks.

1673
01:25:45,515 --> 01:25:48,684
- And let's make it 10 years.
- Deal.

1674
01:25:48,685 --> 01:25:50,637
See you Monday.

1675
01:26:02,991 --> 01:26:05,951
At least 'Jugs' offered me
$10,000 for a pictorial.

1676
01:26:05,952 --> 01:26:08,079
You're going to hell
in a hand basket.

1677
01:26:08,080 --> 01:26:10,122
Well, she's going
to Stanford first.

1678
01:26:10,123 --> 01:26:11,999
What?

1679
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,251
My boss is an alumni.

1680
01:26:14,252 --> 01:26:16,504
The dean owed her a
favour for some reason.

1681
01:26:16,505 --> 01:26:20,174
- You're not a dick!
- That's my girl.

1682
01:26:20,175 --> 01:26:22,009
That's a pretty big closet.

1683
01:26:22,010 --> 01:26:23,678
And it's time you came out of it.

1684
01:26:23,679 --> 01:26:25,221
What?

1685
01:26:25,222 --> 01:26:27,098
Now you can stop being
mean to everyone

1686
01:26:27,099 --> 01:26:28,641
and just be honest with yourself.

1687
01:26:28,642 --> 01:26:31,644
- And start dressing better.
- We won't love you any less.

1688
01:26:31,645 --> 01:26:34,480
- You knew?
- A mother always knows.

1689
01:26:34,481 --> 01:26:36,023
Besides, you work out your glutes,

1690
01:26:36,024 --> 01:26:37,733
like, five times a week.

1691
01:26:37,734 --> 01:26:40,069
- Here.
- What's this?

1692
01:26:40,070 --> 01:26:42,405
Your divorce papers. All you
have to do is sign them.

1693
01:26:42,406 --> 01:26:47,328
I don't know. I hate the
thought of being alone.

1694
01:26:50,288 --> 01:26:52,623
You're not.

1695
01:26:52,624 --> 01:26:56,043
- (DOG YAPS)
- Oh!

1696
01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:58,421
Ohh!

1697
01:26:58,422 --> 01:27:01,257
Butch.

1698
01:27:01,258 --> 01:27:04,343
Even though you didn't die,

1699
01:27:04,344 --> 01:27:06,429
we still remembered
to feed the dog.

1700
01:27:06,430 --> 01:27:08,974
And you've always got us, Mom.

1701
01:27:12,102 --> 01:27:13,895
I need a drink.

1702
01:27:14,771 --> 01:27:16,397
<i>SONG: ♪ Oh, Superman</i>

1703
01:27:16,398 --> 01:27:20,443
<i>♪ I don't wanna hit the ground
I don't wanna hit the ground</i>

1704
01:27:20,444 --> 01:27:23,612
<i>♪ I don't wanna hit the ground</i>

1705
01:27:23,613 --> 01:27:25,906
<i>♪ Oh, Superman</i>

1706
01:27:25,907 --> 01:27:28,909
<i>♪ Oh, Superman... ♪</i>

1707
01:27:28,910 --> 01:27:31,204
(HORN HONKS, TYRES SQUEAL)

1708
01:27:32,664 --> 01:27:34,832
Damn it, watch where
you're walking.

1709
01:27:34,833 --> 01:27:36,917
NINA: Are you OK?

1710
01:27:36,918 --> 01:27:40,122
(MAGICAL MUSIC)

1711
01:27:51,391 --> 01:27:54,477
- Nina, hi. I'm sorry.
- Rick...

1712
01:27:54,478 --> 01:27:57,813
Before you tell me to go away,
just let me tell you one thing.

1713
01:27:57,814 --> 01:27:59,899
Look, I know I messed
everything up,

1714
01:27:59,900 --> 01:28:04,403
I...I have a lot of insecurities

1715
01:28:04,404 --> 01:28:07,156
and I do really stupid
things sometimes.

1716
01:28:07,157 --> 01:28:09,826
Well, a lot of the time.

1717
01:28:10,911 --> 01:28:13,287
All I ever wanted was
for you to like me,

1718
01:28:13,288 --> 01:28:17,041
and think that I was cool...
which I'm not.

1719
01:28:17,042 --> 01:28:20,291
I let a lot of stuff get in
the way of the fact that...

1720
01:28:21,713 --> 01:28:23,506
I really like you so much.

1721
01:28:23,507 --> 01:28:25,254
Rick...

1722
01:28:26,843 --> 01:28:29,136
I do think that you're cool.

1723
01:28:29,137 --> 01:28:31,180
You do?

1724
01:28:31,181 --> 01:28:33,933
You're right, though...
you are a complete idiot.

1725
01:28:33,934 --> 01:28:37,058
But I like you.

1726
01:28:38,396 --> 01:28:40,940
And I heard what you
said to your family

1727
01:28:40,941 --> 01:28:43,651
and I thought that it
showed a lot of character.

1728
01:28:43,652 --> 01:28:46,570
Well, I like to help people.

1729
01:28:46,571 --> 01:28:48,197
(BOTH LAUGH)

1730
01:28:48,198 --> 01:28:49,740
Actually I do. It's
not even bullshit.

1731
01:28:49,741 --> 01:28:51,951
It really does...
it does feel good.

1732
01:28:51,952 --> 01:28:55,827
Then I guess we have a lot
more in common than I thought.

1733
01:28:58,041 --> 01:28:59,788
Go for it.

1734
01:29:04,673 --> 01:29:07,258
<i>♪ I don't wanna hit the ground</i>

1735
01:29:07,259 --> 01:29:09,802
<i>♪ I don't wanna hit the ground</i>

1736
01:29:09,803 --> 01:29:11,971
<i>♪ I don't wanna hit the ground</i>

1737
01:29:11,972 --> 01:29:18,686
<i>♪ Oh, Superman
Oh, Superman</i>

1738
01:29:18,687 --> 01:29:21,605
<i>♪ I don't wanna hit the ground</i>

1739
01:29:21,606 --> 01:29:23,524
<i>♪ I don't wanna hit the ground... ♪</i>

1740
01:29:23,525 --> 01:29:25,901
RICK: And we all lived
happily ever after.

1741
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:28,404
Well, some more than others.

1742
01:29:28,405 --> 01:29:30,239
ANNOUNCER: Annette
Stratton-Osborne welcomes you

1743
01:29:30,240 --> 01:29:34,410
to the grand re-opening
of Pomme-teri,

1744
01:29:34,411 --> 01:29:37,830
where the men are hot
and everything's legal.

1745
01:29:37,831 --> 01:29:41,208
- I'm gay!
- I gathered.

1746
01:29:41,209 --> 01:29:43,544
ANNOUNCER: Alright, ladies,
next up we have a new guy.

1747
01:29:43,545 --> 01:29:46,964
- (ALL CHEER)
- Please give it up for Sparky!

1748
01:29:46,965 --> 01:29:49,800
Whoo! He's young, but he's legal.

1749
01:29:49,801 --> 01:29:54,138
Sparky likes long walks
on the beach and kittens.

1750
01:29:54,139 --> 01:29:57,141
You're Principal Poole's secretary.

1751
01:29:57,142 --> 01:29:59,094
And a finger up his ass.

1752
01:30:00,353 --> 01:30:02,605
- WOMAN: Show us some cock!
- No, no, no.

1753
01:30:02,606 --> 01:30:04,815
Oh, no, baby, get back there.

1754
01:30:04,816 --> 01:30:08,986
(WOMEN CHANT)
Sparky! Sparky! Sparky!

1755
01:30:08,987 --> 01:30:12,072
- Not with the plunger.
- Sparky! Sparky! Sparky!

1756
01:30:12,073 --> 01:30:14,283
Oh, Billy Bender!

1757
01:30:14,284 --> 01:30:17,286
Mom? What are you doing here?

1758
01:30:17,287 --> 01:30:20,039
I, uh, my car... broke down.

1759
01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:21,832
- Here's another, Pam.
- Oh, thank you so much.

1760
01:30:21,833 --> 01:30:23,918
You told me to get a job.

1761
01:30:23,919 --> 01:30:27,379
A job where you keep your
clothes on. Look at you.

1762
01:30:27,380 --> 01:30:29,506
Look at you.

1763
01:30:29,507 --> 01:30:31,383
Ladies, I made him do push-ups

1764
01:30:31,384 --> 01:30:33,177
every single day for
the last seven years.

1765
01:30:33,178 --> 01:30:34,720
Huh? Huh?

1766
01:30:34,721 --> 01:30:36,805
Ma'am, you're gonna
have to sit down.

1767
01:30:36,806 --> 01:30:40,309
- Young man, is that a boner?
- Oh!

1768
01:30:40,310 --> 01:30:43,103
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

1769
01:30:43,104 --> 01:30:45,856
My mom... A boner...

1770
01:30:45,857 --> 01:30:48,401
Oh, my God.

1771
01:30:49,361 --> 01:30:51,814
I'm gonna be so grounded.

1772
01:30:56,034 --> 01:30:57,785
Mom?

1773
01:30:57,786 --> 01:31:00,454
I'm not your mother. I am a saint.

1774
01:31:00,455 --> 01:31:03,457
And you, my dear, have been
a very naughty little boy.

1775
01:31:03,458 --> 01:31:05,125
- If it's about the stripping...
- No.

1776
01:31:05,126 --> 01:31:07,169
No, I'm more concerned
with those library books.

1777
01:31:07,170 --> 01:31:09,296
They're very late

1778
01:31:09,297 --> 01:31:12,716
and you're never gonna
get those pages unstuck.

1779
01:31:12,717 --> 01:31:14,635
Ohhh!

1780
01:31:14,636 --> 01:31:16,387
- Billy Bender!
- (SHRIEKS)

1781
01:31:16,388 --> 01:31:17,930
(VOMITS)

1782
01:31:17,931 --> 01:31:20,432
<i>SONG: ♪ Headed for the open door</i>

1783
01:31:20,433 --> 01:31:23,978
<i>♪ Tell me what you're waiting for</i>

1784
01:31:23,979 --> 01:31:27,898
<i>♪ Look across the great divide</i>

1785
01:31:27,899 --> 01:31:32,695
<i>♪ Soon they're gonna hear the
sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1786
01:31:32,696 --> 01:31:35,948
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1787
01:31:35,949 --> 01:31:39,410
<i>♪ Never go where we belong</i>

1788
01:31:39,411 --> 01:31:43,455
<i>♪ Echoes in the dead of night</i>

1789
01:31:43,456 --> 01:31:47,918
<i>♪ Soon they're gonna know the
sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1790
01:31:47,919 --> 01:31:50,462
<i>- ♪ When we come running
- ♪ Whoa-oh</i>

1791
01:31:50,463 --> 01:31:52,715
<i>♪ Oh-oh-oh</i>

1792
01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:56,385
<i>♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh-oh</i>

1793
01:31:56,386 --> 01:31:58,846
<i>♪ Oh-oh</i>

1794
01:31:58,847 --> 01:32:00,681
<i>♪ Oh-oh-oh</i>

1795
01:32:00,682 --> 01:32:03,350
<i>♪ The sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1796
01:32:03,351 --> 01:32:06,186
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1797
01:32:06,187 --> 01:32:09,898
<i>♪ Never go where we belong</i>

1798
01:32:09,899 --> 01:32:14,194
<i>♪ Echoes in the dead of night</i>

1799
01:32:14,195 --> 01:32:18,657
<i>♪ Soon they're gonna know
the sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1800
01:32:18,658 --> 01:32:22,578
<i>- ♪ When we come running
- ♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh-oh... ♪</i>

1801
01:32:22,579 --> 01:32:24,621
DIRECTOR: Scene 67, take one.

1802
01:32:24,622 --> 01:32:26,707
- WOMAN: Mark.
- (CLAPPERBOARD SNAPS)

1803
01:32:26,708 --> 01:32:29,960
OK, we found the body
of Mantas Barukas.

1804
01:32:29,961 --> 01:32:31,628
Is that the right way to say it?

1805
01:32:31,629 --> 01:32:33,172
MEN: Bartuska.

1806
01:32:33,173 --> 01:32:36,842
Mantas Bartuskas...
Bartukas... Bartukas...

1807
01:32:36,843 --> 01:32:38,385
Bartukas... Bartukas...

1808
01:32:38,386 --> 01:32:40,971
How did the body of
Mant... Bartukas...

1809
01:32:40,972 --> 01:32:43,724
I know you have something to
give to me that you want to,

1810
01:32:43,725 --> 01:32:46,268
but right now you're in fear.

1811
01:32:46,269 --> 01:32:47,811
I think you're in fear.

1812
01:32:47,812 --> 01:32:50,355
Oh, you do? Think I'm in fear?
You think I'm in fear?

1813
01:32:50,356 --> 01:32:52,232
(CHAIR CLATTERS)

1814
01:32:52,233 --> 01:32:54,276
That's where you belong,
right on your fucking ass!

1815
01:32:54,277 --> 01:32:56,236
I said the body of
Mantas Bartukas...

1816
01:32:56,237 --> 01:32:57,529
Mantas Bartuskas...

1817
01:32:57,530 --> 01:32:59,448
Mr Bartukas... Mantas Barukas...

1818
01:32:59,449 --> 01:33:01,325
How did Mantas Bartuskus's body

1819
01:33:01,326 --> 01:33:03,243
end up in the trunk
of your mother's car?

1820
01:33:03,244 --> 01:33:05,662
- What?
- Clearly you didn't kill him.

1821
01:33:05,663 --> 01:33:07,790
I mean, just looking at
you, if you sneezed,

1822
01:33:07,791 --> 01:33:10,667
you would blow your balls
out of your scrotum.

1823
01:33:10,668 --> 01:33:13,045
- That's mean.
- It's not mean.

1824
01:33:13,046 --> 01:33:15,172
It's a way to get a sex
change without trying.

1825
01:33:15,173 --> 01:33:16,715
DIRECTOR: And cut.

1826
01:33:16,716 --> 01:33:20,010
<i>♪ A dirty face of gold</i>

1827
01:33:20,011 --> 01:33:22,596
<i>♪ Behind that crooked line</i>

1828
01:33:22,597 --> 01:33:26,892
<i>♪ Where you never knew you'd go</i>

1829
01:33:26,893 --> 01:33:30,646
<i>♪ Headed for the open door</i>

1830
01:33:30,647 --> 01:33:34,483
<i>♪ Tell me what you're waiting for</i>

1831
01:33:34,484 --> 01:33:38,028
<i>♪ Look across the great divide</i>

1832
01:33:38,029 --> 01:33:42,658
<i>♪ Soon they're gonna hear the
sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1833
01:33:42,659 --> 01:33:45,911
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1834
01:33:45,912 --> 01:33:49,373
<i>♪ Never go where we belong</i>

1835
01:33:49,374 --> 01:33:53,418
<i>♪ Echoes in the dead of night</i>

1836
01:33:53,419 --> 01:33:57,881
<i>♪ Soon they're gonna know the
sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1837
01:33:57,882 --> 01:34:00,425
<i>- ♪ When we come running
- ♪ Whoa-oh</i>

1838
01:34:00,426 --> 01:34:02,678
<i>♪ Oh-oh-oh</i>

1839
01:34:02,679 --> 01:34:06,348
<i>♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh-oh</i>

1840
01:34:06,349 --> 01:34:08,809
<i>♪ Oh-oh</i>

1841
01:34:08,810 --> 01:34:10,644
<i>♪ Oh-oh-oh</i>

1842
01:34:10,645 --> 01:34:13,313
<i>♪ The sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1843
01:34:13,314 --> 01:34:16,150
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1844
01:34:16,151 --> 01:34:19,945
<i>- ♪ When the world's gone quiet
- ♪ Whoa-oh</i>

1845
01:34:19,946 --> 01:34:23,907
<i>- ♪ I see you dancing slow
- ♪ Whoa-oh</i>

1846
01:34:23,908 --> 01:34:28,287
<i>♪ Feelin' satisfied where
you never knew you'd go</i>

1847
01:34:28,288 --> 01:34:32,040
<i>♪ Headed for the open door</i>

1848
01:34:32,041 --> 01:34:35,919
<i>♪ Tell me what you're waiting for</i>

1849
01:34:35,920 --> 01:34:39,673
<i>♪ Look across the great divide</i>

1850
01:34:39,674 --> 01:34:44,052
<i>♪ Soon they're gonna hear the
sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1851
01:34:44,053 --> 01:34:47,306
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1852
01:34:47,307 --> 01:34:50,767
<i>♪ Never go where we belong</i>

1853
01:34:50,768 --> 01:34:54,813
<i>♪ Echoes in the dead of night</i>

1854
01:34:54,814 --> 01:34:59,276
<i>♪ Soon they're gonna know
the sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1855
01:34:59,277 --> 01:35:01,820
<i>- ♪ When we come running
- ♪ Whoa-oh</i>

1856
01:35:01,821 --> 01:35:04,072
<i>♪ Oh-oh-oh</i>

1857
01:35:04,073 --> 01:35:07,743
<i>♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh-oh</i>

1858
01:35:07,744 --> 01:35:10,204
<i>♪ Oh-oh</i>

1859
01:35:10,205 --> 01:35:12,039
<i>♪ Oh-oh-oh</i>

1860
01:35:12,040 --> 01:35:14,708
<i>♪ The sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1861
01:35:14,709 --> 01:35:16,460
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1862
01:35:16,461 --> 01:35:19,171
<i>♪ Days go by</i>

1863
01:35:19,172 --> 01:35:23,383
<i>♪ Feeling broken down</i>

1864
01:35:23,384 --> 01:35:26,803
<i>- ♪ Remember
- ♪ Whoa-oh</i>

1865
01:35:26,804 --> 01:35:29,848
<i>- ♪ Always remember
- ♪ Whoa-oh</i>

1866
01:35:42,403 --> 01:35:45,489
<i>♪ The sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1867
01:35:45,490 --> 01:35:48,113
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1868
01:35:50,078 --> 01:35:53,247
<i>♪ The sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1869
01:35:53,248 --> 01:35:55,792
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1870
01:36:00,463 --> 01:36:04,216
<i>- ♪ Headed for the open door
♪ Whoa-oh</i>

1871
01:36:04,217 --> 01:36:08,011
<i>♪ Tell me what you're waiting for</i>

1872
01:36:08,012 --> 01:36:11,640
<i>♪ Look across the great divide</i>

1873
01:36:11,641 --> 01:36:16,228
<i>♪ Soon they're gonna hear the
sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1874
01:36:16,229 --> 01:36:19,683
<i>♪ When we come running</i>

1875
01:36:21,234 --> 01:36:23,819
<i>♪ The sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1876
01:36:23,820 --> 01:36:28,657
<i>- ♪ When we come running
- ♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh-oh</i>

1877
01:36:28,658 --> 01:36:31,660
<i>♪ The sound, the sound, the sound</i>

1878
01:36:31,661 --> 01:36:36,415
<i>- ♪ When we come running
- ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh-oh</i>

1879
01:36:36,416 --> 01:36:40,166
<i>♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh-oh... ♪</i>
(DOG BARKS)