1
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:27,930
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

2
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What separates the casual Jane
Austen fan from the aficionado?

3
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:55,806
Is it her admiration for the style
and manners of the Regency era?

4
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,848
The number of times
she has read Austen's novels?

5
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Or her consuming love
for Mr. Darcy?

6
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<i>♪ L-O-V-E-D-A-R-C-Y</i>

7
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,647
Nice cup.

8
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:15,847
Thanks.

9
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,930
<i>♪ And it begins like any other</i>

10
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<i>♪ Since she was very young</i>

11
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Oh.

12
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Sexy.

13
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Okay.

14
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I'll see you for lunch.

15
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Yeah, okay.

16
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<i>♪ You try to catch her eye</i>

17
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<i>♪ But she doesn't want to see</i>

18
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<i>MAN: (ON TV)
Miss Bennet...</i>

19
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This is the best part.

20
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<i>♪ She's singing
my boy loves me</i>

21
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Unbelievable.

22
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<i>♪ My boy loves me I know ♪</i>

23
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Hey, Jane.
Ex-boyfriend alert.

24
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Hey, Horseface.

25
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,486
Jimmy, what are you doing here?

26
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,289
Well, I heard you
broke up with Greg.

27
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,882
So that means you're free
to go bowling tonight.

28
00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,610
Oops!
Jimmy! You know what?

29
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,240
If "no" was
unclear last time...

30
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,011
I don't wanna see you again.

31
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:35,165
I picked you on purpose, Jane Hayes.
Thirty plus, clock ticking.

32
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,408
I'm as good as it gets, baby.

33
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<i>MRS. WATTLESBROOK: A true aficionado
of Austen does so much more</i>

34
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<i>than merely read her novels and
admire her world from afar.</i>

35
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:45,600
Excuse me.

36
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,407
She finds her way here

37
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to the world's only immersive
Austen experience.

38
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MOLLY:
Is that a Chihuahua?

39
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It's a lamb. Shut up.
Just trying to hear it.

40
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This looks really cheap.

41
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AGENT: I've toured the grounds
and it's not cheap.

42
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,488
This is high class.
This is big time.

43
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,206
Jane, are you really
gonna blow your entire

44
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,846
life savings on
an "Austen experience"?

45
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,770
Now, hold on just a second,

46
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,006
here at Sensuous Travel,

47
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,248
we are not just another
run-of-the-mill vacation place.

48
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This is what we call
an "LC." A Life-Changer.

49
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:25,244
You get to play the heroine of
your very own Jane Austen story.

50
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Would you like to
see some of the staff?

51
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,964
Yeah.
No.

52
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,006
Now this is Barnaby.
He's a vegan.

53
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,082
He enjoys nightly
dips in the pond,

54
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,202
and he has a pony
named Sparkles Pancake.

55
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,770
That is horrendous.

56
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,446
I also heard that people in those
days didn't wear underwear.

57
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,567
That's a lie.

58
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:42,641
It's not a lie.

59
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:47,250
Look, every stay at Austenland
ends with a real live ball,

60
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,728
as in ballroom,
as in happily ever after.

61
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,167
Do you understand
what I'm saying?

62
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,321
Totally.

63
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:58,002
Jane. So you go on some fancy vacation,
then what do you come home to?

64
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,248
Nothing except for
an empty bank account.

65
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:04,081
Why don't you save up
for a real life-changer?

66
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,043
Like what?
Well, like...

67
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,726
That's fine. Maybe come back
another time without your friend.

68
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:10,921
We'll get you squared away.

69
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,162
I think I can figure out some
kind of layaway program for you.

70
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,525
Thank you so much.

71
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,923
You guys take care. Thanks for being you.
Appreciate you.

72
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:30,682
Listen, this is my one chance to
really live in Austen's world. Okay?

73
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,285
I'm her biggest fan.

74
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,527
Come on.

75
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:34,727
No. No.

76
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,604
You used to be a fan.

77
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,490
You are an addict.

78
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,087
You don't have to go in there because
I'm packing. It's a mess in there.

79
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,531
You don't wanna go in there.

80
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,207
Oh, Janey.
It's gotten so much worse.

81
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:50,721
(SQUEAKING)
I love you.

82
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,524
It's a collector's item
and that's why I have it.

83
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,726
<i>I have 10,000 a year.</i>

84
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,051
I've changed my mind.

85
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,965
I totally support you
going to this place,

86
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,401
because I'm sure
that the fantasy

87
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,767
will not be as
fulfilling as you imagine.

88
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,331
I don't think you
know where I'm going.

89
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,370
We could make a wager on it.
Fine.

90
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:12,690
If I win,
you de-Austen your room.

91
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,082
Okay.
Fine.

92
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,405
And if you really must go, I
made you a little farewell gift.

93
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,090
You did?

94
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,411
Aw.

95
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:28,841
Wow.

96
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,331
Which historical era
is this supposed to be from?

97
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,687
Hey, I spent three
days working on it.

98
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,609
Come here, let's hug it out.

99
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,285
Thank you.
Okay.

100
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,928
When you get back, just clear
this crap out because it's weird.

101
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,525
It's a hobby.
It's really weird.

102
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:49,088
<i>♪ Ooh, baby, do you know
what that's worth?</i>

103
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:53,160
<i>♪ Ooh, heaven is
a place on earth</i>

104
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:57,040
<i>♪ They say in heaven
love comes first</i>

105
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,927
<i>♪ We'll make heaven
a place on earth</i>

106
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:05,444
<i>♪ Ooh, heaven is
a place on earth</i>

107
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:25,489
<i>♪ When the night falls down ♪</i>

108
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:26,927
Oh!

109
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Do you need a hand?

110
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Yay, an American.

111
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I can't understand what the natives say.
(CHUCKLES)

112
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,087
I think this is where we're
supposed to wait, right?

113
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,241
You're going to
the Darcy place, too?

114
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,401
Yes.

115
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,090
I memorized
the first three chapters

116
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,571
<i>of Pride and Prejudice
when I was 13.</i>

117
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,002
(CHUCKLES)
What's that?

118
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:48,650
Oh. Um...

119
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,128
So why are you
going to this place?

120
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,921
Because I'm gonna look great
in those wench gowns.

121
00:06:56,840 --> 00:07:00,845
Ooh. Gosh, I hope they
give me a cape, too.

122
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,928
Were we not supposed
to come in costume?

123
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,247
Thank goodness
you're coming and not her.

124
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,047
I'm Jane, by the way.

125
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,801
Oh, goody.
Introductions. Look.

126
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,601
Hi.

127
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:18,840
I'm Miss Elizabeth Charming.

128
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,323
It's a pretty name, isn't it?
I requested it.

129
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,364
Yes, it's very beautiful.
I can't wait to pick a name.

130
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,487
How about Miss Pepperpot?

131
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,887
Or Miss Wiggly Wiggins?

132
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,247
Those are nice.
(CAR HONKING)

133
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,244
I knew this place
would be magical.

134
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,330
They even got us
a car from the 1800s.

135
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,528
Oh, thank you so much.
I'm Miss Charming.

136
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:50,930
This way.

137
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,724
MAN:
Bloody Americans!

138
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,370
Mind the gap.

139
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,688
Sorry. I was told I was
supposed to wear a costume.

140
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,410
So was I.

141
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,327
God save the Queen!

142
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,443
MISS CHARMING: Hey, do you think this
is the <i>Chitty Chitty Bang Bang</i> car?

143
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,611
(HONKING)

144
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,001
It's smaller than I expected.

145
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,680
Welcome to the Regency era.

146
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,450
This is just a stop before
we go to the big house.

147
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:44,971
I am Mrs. Wattlesbrook.
Okay.

148
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,801
Miss Charming, I hope your
travel was endurable.

149
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,604
Oh, yes!

150
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,481
(CLEARS THROAT) Jane Hayes.
Yes.

151
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,450
And I've been thinking
about my pseudonym,

152
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,450
and I was thinking
Miss Joyful, maybe?

153
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,928
Oh, yes. You've already
been assigned a name.

154
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,365
Miss Erstwhile.

155
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,006
Miss Erstwhile?

156
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,361
Martin.
Take their luggage in.

157
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,926
And get the carriage ready
to take us up to the manor.

158
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,288
Martin.
Ma'am.

159
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,369
Good luck.
Thanks.

160
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,689
Complete immersion
in the Regency era

161
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,969
is the only way to truly
appreciate Austen's England.

162
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,320
Wouldn't you say so,
Miss Charming?

163
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,609
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Righto!

164
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,929
Just to avoid any confusion,

165
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:37,164
I'd like you to know that we do
offer several distinct experiences.

166
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,684
You have paid for
the Basic Copper package,

167
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,720
while the other
ladies in the party

168
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,320
are part of
the Platinum Elite package.

169
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,090
Oh. Okay.

170
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,481
I'm sure you'll understand there will
be some exclusions to your trip.

171
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,047
I mean, I'm just so
excited to be here,

172
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,282
and I've dreamed
about this for so long.

173
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,328
All of my guests
will experience

174
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,528
romance with one of our actors.

175
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,683
But I must emphasize
there is to be no touching

176
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,887
other than the necessary social graces.
Not a chance.

177
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,969
I also expect
all my guests to maintain

178
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,003
appropriate manners
and conversation

179
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,487
and to eschew
all things modern.

180
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,290
Any flagrant
disobedience will result

181
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:17,930
in the early
termination of your stay.

182
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:19,806
You don't have
to worry about me.

183
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,201
I know Austen's
books intimately.

184
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,166
A big fire for
a hot summer's day.

185
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,326
(LAUGHING)

186
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,730
We need to push up
the sisters. There we go.

187
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,083
That's as far as I can go.

188
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,404
It's looking good.

189
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,411
<i>♪ Has it been a day or a week</i>

190
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,926
<i>♪ As my eyes begin to close</i>

191
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,329
So we have this absolutely
delightful chiffon piece.

192
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,402
And I don't know
how you feel about lavender.

193
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:02,766
I call it lilac.

194
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,160
"Lilac."

195
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,925
This I do think is very
magnificent and elegant.

196
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,445
Salmon!

197
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,965
Salmon. Absolutely.

198
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:14,931
<i>♪ These dreams under my pillow</i>

199
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,004
Kinda washes you out.

200
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,327
<i>♪ Of these white nights ♪</i>

201
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,848
Look how skinny I look
with my hand behind my back.

202
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,046
Let's go meet the men.

203
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,446
Okay.

204
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,365
(SIGHS)

205
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,121
I'm so sorry,
my dear, but I'm afraid

206
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,527
this carriage only
takes two passengers.

207
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,041
Okay.

208
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,286
Sorry.

209
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,047
Hey, do you think we'll be
robbed by some highwaymen?

210
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,768
MRS. WATTLESBROOK: Martin,
hurry up with those bags.

211
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,968
My God, look at those.

212
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,163
Hallelujah. Oh!

213
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:14,761
(CLEARS THROAT)

214
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,488
Do you think those
are their real faces?

215
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:26,330
And for you, Miss Charming, we have
our finest Platinum level room.

216
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,561
Oh!

217
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,367
How old-fashioned.

218
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,726
Miss Erstwhile.
If you follow me.

219
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:47,689
Hey! It's bloody brilliant!

220
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,082
MRS. WATTLESBROOK:
Where are you? We can't dilly-dally.

221
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,527
And you, of course, have one of
our loveliest Copper level rooms.

222
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,884
We meet for dinner at 8:00.

223
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,201
I expect you can find your
own way to the drawing room.

224
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,886
I wouldn't miss
it for the world.

225
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,771
With me? Yes.

226
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,161
MISS CHARMING: Jane!

227
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:51,408
Jane? Come here.
All the statues look at you!

228
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,325
(DOOR OPENING)

229
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:03,771
Look. It's one of
those Mr. Darcy guys.

230
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,007
May I present Miss
Elizabeth Charming.

231
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,481
Heiress to the vast
Charming fortune.

232
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,008
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Top of the evening to you.

233
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,048
And Miss Jane Erstwhile.

234
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,090
An orphan of no fortune,
who we've taken in

235
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,049
out of the goodness
of our hearts.

236
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,800
Colonel Andrews, the second
son of the Earl of Denton.

237
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,884
I have never before
beheld such beauty...

238
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,690
And class.

239
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,730
What a very pleasant
pleasure it is indeed.

240
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,684
And my dear nephew,
Henry Nobley.

241
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:43,921
(CLEARS THROAT)

242
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,131
Goody.
There's one for each of us.

243
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:54,006
And, of course, our honored
guest, Lady Amelia Heartwright.

244
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,087
MISS CHARMING:
What the H?

245
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:04,931
I've been so lonely here without
other young women to entertain me.

246
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,050
All day, stuck with these men.

247
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,687
And that is my husband.

248
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:12,807
(BURPS)

249
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,962
Do sit down.

250
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,126
I do hope it will not
rain on us tomorrow.

251
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:25,564
It would be so lovely to take
a turn around the gardens.

252
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,810
I sure would like you

253
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,289
to turn me upside
down in the garden.

254
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:36,806
Pardon me?

255
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,209
I think Miss Charming just
means she loves the outdoors.

256
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,367
Right.

257
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,521
Bless.

258
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,240
Do you see something in my eye?

259
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,922
I'm afraid I can't
see in this low light.

260
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,606
(MISS CHARMING LAUGHING)

261
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,447
Oh, Mr. Nobley.

262
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,286
You really are quite a bloke.

263
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:02,525
It would appear to be my duty
to gaze into your eyes.

264
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,802
I'm a military man,
I'd never shirk my duty.

265
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,208
Allow me, Miss Charming.

266
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:13,007
Yes. Yes, there is
something there. Fire.

267
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:17,525
I say, Miss Charming, you certainly
do live up to your name.

268
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,051
(BELL TINKLING)

269
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,804
Tally-ho!

270
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,611
MRS. WATTLESBROOK: I do hope
you all enjoy the food.

271
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,130
AMELIA: Have you lost
your appetite, Mr. Nobley?

272
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,850
Somewhat.

273
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,123
Something on your mind?

274
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,647
Absolutely nothing's
on my mind, thank you.

275
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,684
Prudence, a little bit more of the
peacock paté, when you're ready.

276
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,766
(BELL TINKLING)

277
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,330
I can't believe
I'm really here.

278
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,811
Jane.
Yeah?

279
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,929
Why don't you try out
some of that fancy talk?

280
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,767
Mr. Nobley, I hear there is
a ball on our last night.

281
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:02,966
Do you enjoy dancing?

282
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,161
Not particularly.

283
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,847
AMELIA: (CHUCKLES)
Scandalous.

284
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:11,164
I am sure you have escorted many a
fine lady on to the dance floor.

285
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,126
ANDREWS: I would say
that manners maketh man.

286
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,965
I look forward to having the
pleasure of standing opposite you.

287
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:20,607
But dancing is the true hallmark...
You do?

288
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,802
...of a <i>gentilhomme d'honneur.</i>

289
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,968
MR. WATTLESBROOK: Pass the
sheep's eyeballs, will you?

290
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,602
Traditionally, dancing
is a match-making custom.

291
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,727
Oh, yes.

292
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,201
However, it fails
unless both partners

293
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,641
are equally fond of each other.

294
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,411
You could say the same
about any social intercourse.

295
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:38,885
Intercourse?

296
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,524
Such as talking to someone
or having dinner with them.

297
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:47,049
Society demands that we engage in a social
intercourse in order to seem courteous.

298
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:52,525
Yet, in most cases, such
actions are ultimately vulgar.

299
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,728
I really adore conversating.

300
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,291
(ALL CHUCKLING)

301
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,484
Do you really believe,
Mr. Nobley,

302
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,484
that you can know the worth
of a person at a glance?

303
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,649
Can you tell me that
within the first few moments

304
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,166
of meeting each
person in this room,

305
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:10,086
you didn't form firm opinions
of their character?

306
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,651
Well, it would be a shame if my first
impression of you proved correct.

307
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,925
Well, Miss Erstwhile, I for one
am so pleased you are here.

308
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:24,728
Another woman who understands,
as I do, the rocky road of love.

309
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,684
Mrs. Wattlesbrook told me
of your tragic story.

310
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:31,926
What?

311
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,407
I try to learn a great
deal about my clients

312
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,841
so that I can better
prepare for their stay.

313
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:42,686
You have been unlucky
in love, shall we say?

314
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,489
AMELIA: We most definitely
should say.

315
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,562
At your age,
with no husband, no kinder...

316
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:53,561
I'm sorry.

317
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,723
The clock is ticking. Tick-took,
tick-took. Oh, bugger.

318
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,930
ANDREWS:
How unfortunate.

319
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,650
Excuse me.

320
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,330
Good duck.

321
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:11,249
Jane. Jane! Jane.
Oh, I'm so sorry.

322
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:15,002
You know, I know how it feels to
be treated badly by stupid men.

323
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,565
I really do.

324
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,569
Jane, come on.
Give me a hug.

325
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,731
Come on. At least it's not
gonna happen at this place.

326
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,321
Besides, you'll feel
totally different tomorrow.

327
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,845
Think about all the people in
the world that hang themselves.

328
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,566
And then the next day,
they feel different,

329
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,251
but there's nothing
they can do about it.

330
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,727
Don't hang yourself, Jane.
Mmm-hmm.

331
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,171
Anyway, if you need anything,
just call me. I'm right down the hall.

332
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,762
Well, actually,
I'm not right down the hall

333
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,326
because you're in the servants' wing.
You're in the creepy tower.

334
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,967
God, sometimes I think
about you here at night.

335
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,969
Must be really scary.

336
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,524
It's okay.
Anyway.

337
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,966
And, Jane,
the maid told me that...

338
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,607
FYI, she said don't
use the chamber pots.

339
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,688
Apparently the toilets
really do flush here,

340
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:16,120
and they don't know what to do
if it's just piled high.

341
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,046
Right.

342
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,922
Of course,
he made all his money

343
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,042
selling quicklime
on the continent.

344
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,920
You can never have enough whitewash,
as my grandfather used to say.

345
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,451
Then he contracted
dysentery and died.

346
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,404
Tap-tap.

347
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,450
Good morrow, sir.
'Tis I.

348
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,964
Shall we promenade?
(SIGHS)

349
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:52,121
Oh. Oh, I say.
Miss Erstwhile, do join us.

350
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,084
Yes, make haste.

351
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,810
I think I'll go
find some shade.

352
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,244
Really? How peculiar.

353
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,120
She's been too much in the sun.
Come, sir.

354
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,169
<i>MRS. WATTLESBROOK: (ON PA)
Your hunting excursion is commencing</i>

355
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,049
<i>on the upper
paddock at the stable</i>

356
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,703
<i>where you will be assigned
an appropriate mount.</i>

357
00:22:13,729 --> 00:22:15,886
(GASPS)
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

358
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,200
MARTIN: Sorry.

359
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,686
Sorry.
I'm not spying on you.

360
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,604
I'm afraid you caught me
at an unladylike moment.

361
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,003
Mrs. Wattlesbrook will probably
rap my knuckles or something.

362
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,924
Tell me about it.

363
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:33,210
So you hail from
the former colonies?

364
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:34,770
(LAUGHS)

365
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:39,409
I'm sorry, that's pretty bad. I'm not
really here to do the "ye olde" stuff.

366
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,801
I'm probably not supposed to be
talking to the servants anyway.

367
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:49,968
I thought I'd come here and be a total
pro at this, but I don't know...

368
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,248
Yeah. Maybe you need
a coach or something.

369
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,443
Yeah. I'm definitely not
supposed to talk to you.

370
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,245
And yet,

371
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,404
here you are.

372
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,448
(ANDREWS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

373
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,090
That's... I have to...

374
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:10,008
ANDREWS: Where are you?
Miss Erstwhile, there you are.

375
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:11,804
Yes, hello. I... I was
just saying to Nobley here

376
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,368
our divine Miss Erstwhile
seems to have escaped us.

377
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:15,845
And let us not see if
we cannot find her out...

378
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,806
I was hot so I stopped in here,
you know, and then I sat...

379
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,641
I say, Miss Erstwhile,
you are tongue-tied today.

380
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,405
What sordid secrets is your
mouth trying to hide from us?

381
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,170
No, no secrets. No.
Do tell me at once.

382
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:29,407
I simply must know.
Andrews!

383
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:33,326
Can't you see
that she's unwell?

384
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:34,686
No, I'm fine.
Thank you...

385
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,002
Unwell? Perhaps you have a
touch of the vapors? Or mange?

386
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:38,770
Either way,
bell jar on the tummy.

387
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,530
Sucks out all
the vicious vapors.

388
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,608
And leeches on the ankles...
Andrews, shut up.

389
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:43,961
What?

390
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,051
(MISS CHARMING HOOTING)

391
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:49,920
Hi. Ladies and gents,
please take notice!

392
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,969
I've just got the schedule,

393
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,004
and look, it says we get
to go hunting on horseback.

394
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:59,530
Can you believe it?
Real horses and real guns!

395
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:01,685
Release the hounds!

396
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,570
Tally-ho.
A-hunting we will go.

397
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,611
The British are coming.
The British are coming!

398
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,569
Shall we go?
Shall we?

399
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,805
Hey, stable boy.
You're way too slow! Come on!

400
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,041
I've never shot
a hunting rifle before.

401
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,404
ANDREWS: Now, the whole thing with the
gun, darling, is that you have to cock it.

402
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,642
Just hold the barrel. There.

403
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,810
And then gently
pull the trigger.

404
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:33,650
MR. NOBLEY: Have you ever
fired a loaded weapon before?

405
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,889
Actually, I think you might
be quite impressed by my...

406
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,166
Big cock.
...skills.

407
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,049
I will be.
(EXCLAIMS) Ow!

408
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,045
Just a little closer there.

409
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,650
JANE: Yeah,
I think I get the basics.

410
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,721
Ready, ladies?

411
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:52,925
Face down range.
Load. And make ready.

412
00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:54,407
And, pull!

413
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,721
Fly in my eye.

414
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:14,922
My... Miss Erstwhile. What a
talented little nut you are.

415
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,081
JANE: Yeah.

416
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,487
I guess I get the basics of it.

417
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,491
I didn't think we were really
supposed to kill them.

418
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,443
What are we supposed
to eat for dinner?

419
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,284
Anyone for pheasant? Me.
(CHUCKLING)

420
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:33,931
ANDREWS: Of course, all these
horses are thoroughbreds.

421
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:39,043
They come from the local stud.
Well, I'm too busy, you see.

422
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,081
There's something
wrong with the horse.

423
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,846
Crap Copper package.

424
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:50,408
MARTIN: Little bit tight. Have
to give you a rub down tonight.

425
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:52,246
Excuse me?

426
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:53,691
The horse.

427
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,131
(CHUCKLES)
Right, sorry.

428
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,130
There we go.
Oh!

429
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,241
Thank you.

430
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,324
I'll be back in
a crack with a new horse.

431
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,044
Okay.

432
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:16,330
<i>♪ Somewhere there's
a book of me</i>

433
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,371
<i>♪ Waiting for someone to read it</i>

434
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,843
<i>♪ And I really believe it</i>

435
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,331
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

436
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,801
<i>♪ Just wish that
I could see it</i>

437
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,162
<i>♪ And I keep losing track
of where I'm meant to be</i>

438
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,123
<i>♪ If you know it you would be there</i>
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

439
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,530
<i>♪ 'Cause I know
that you're a good man</i>

440
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,887
<i>♪ But you like
to keep that secret ♪</i>

441
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,487
Oh. Hi.

442
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:50,931
Did that stable
boy abandon you?

443
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,451
No, he's coming right back.

444
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:58,648
Well, I wasn't raised to leave
a woman alone in the woods.

445
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,207
I'm really... I'm fine.
(THUNDER CRASHING)

446
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,689
Well, there's...

447
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:04,961
All right, come on.
Get up.

448
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,206
Both of us on the one horse?

449
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,011
I don't know if that's gonna
really work for me...

450
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,392
Right, are you ready?
One, two, three.

451
00:27:11,418 --> 00:27:11,995
No, no.

452
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:13,611
(EXCLAIMS)

453
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,530
Okay.

454
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,930
We're not gonna be able to outrun the
storm unless you straddle the horse.

455
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,044
Straddle... Not possible
in this rig. Sorry.

456
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,565
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

457
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,606
Get forward. Forward. That's it, more.
Forward? Okay. Well...

458
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:33,806
Take the reins.

459
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:42,487
Now, anyone who can shoot a gun
like that can ride a horse.

460
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:43,920
Come on.

461
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,605
Do you have me?

462
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,650
I've got you fine.
Thank you.

463
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:01,687
Jane.

464
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:07,801
Come here.

465
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:08,967
I know,
but it's a little hard...

466
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,606
No, your leg, your leg. No.
Yeah, okay.

467
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:13,686
JANE: Thank you.

468
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,006
Jane.

469
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,170
What the hell do you think you were
doing leaving her alone like that?

470
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:20,126
I'm sorry, I was coming.

471
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,443
No, I was fine,
actually, Mr. Nobley.

472
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,965
There you are, Mr. Nobley. I was about
to arouse a search party. (GASPS)

473
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,891
Miss Erstwhile. What ghastly
thing happened to you?

474
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:37,844
I think I'm just
gonna go powder my nose.

475
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,482
<i>MRS. WATTLESBROOK: Everyone, please
assemble in the drawing room</i>

476
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,210
<i>for this evening's whist drive.</i>

477
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:52,368
<i>Partners will be assigned according
to ability and package status.</i>

478
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,721
MRS. WATTLESBROOK: I do believe
I start this one, do I not?

479
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:57,961
AMELIA: I'm just
so happy. I...

480
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,008
See if you can beat that.

481
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,168
ANDREWS: Well,
there's a card.

482
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,848
A proper lady does not doodle the
evening away, Miss Erstwhile.

483
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,682
You're looking well,
Mr. Nobley.

484
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:15,569
The rain refreshed
your spirits, did it?

485
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:18,651
Hardly.

486
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,161
(CHUCKLES)

487
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,727
I say, who needs
the outdoors when

488
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,690
you ladies are such
a breath of fresh air?

489
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,081
(ALL CHUCKLING)

490
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,409
Colonel, you really
are a saucy monkey.

491
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:36,922
Miss Erstwhile, what's that
earthy smell about you?

492
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:38,530
Is it perfume?

493
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,608
I'm not wearing any perfume.

494
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,165
Must be your essence.

495
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,888
AMELIA: Colonel. Tremendous play.
I didn't see that one.

496
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:49,200
No, no one ever does.

497
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,123
It's my sneaky maneuver
I picked up in the Punjab.

498
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,045
Oh! Exotic!

499
00:29:55,160 --> 00:30:00,121
My, Miss Charming, what
beauteous skin you possess.

500
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,967
Reawy?

501
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:08,483
Well, that's because late at
night when I'm all alone,

502
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,042
I put my face in the fire.

503
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:14,405
AMELIA: Really?
(MR. WATTLESBROOK SNORING)

504
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,680
It's like a porcelain plate.

505
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,924
ANDREWS:
It's like being in a kiln.

506
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:26,929
(MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

507
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,289
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

508
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,283
(MARTIN SINGING)

509
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:46,809
<i>♪ Wake up and
suddenly you're in love ♪</i>

510
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,331
(MUSIC STOPS)

511
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,604
Sorry.
I didn't mean to bother you

512
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,444
if you're in the
middle of something or...

513
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:01,767
You are a little lost?

514
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:02,967
No.

515
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,885
I was just walking around, and
then I heard music and so...

516
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,408
Quick. Get in before Wattlesbrook
confiscates this thing.

517
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,445
Let's hope you're not her spy.

518
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,808
Mrs. Wattlesbrook?
Yeah.

519
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,043
She made me sign half a dozen
proper behavior agreements...

520
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:20,486
Right.

521
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,643
Swear to keep any modern contraption
out of sight of the guests.

522
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,125
Right.

523
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,889
Including you, Miss Erstwhile.

524
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,090
I'm not a spy.
I swear.

525
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:35,410
And you don't have to call me
Miss Erstwhile. It's Jane.

526
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,045
Martin.

527
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,483
I am so sorry
about this afternoon.

528
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:45,564
No, no. Don't be.
Don't even worry about it.

529
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,489
I would have
been absolutely fine

530
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,483
if it weren't for
Prince Valiant showing up.

531
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:50,926
The actors are
paid to be valiant.

532
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:52,047
Right.

533
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:56,808
They have some "Most Valiant
Player of the Month" award.

534
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,643
Still, it's nice to have
a little break from them.

535
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,321
Do you mind if I
turn back on your music?

536
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,364
No, of course not.

537
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:14,605
(POP MUSIC STARTS)

538
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,369
You're a real easy
listening kinda guy, huh?

539
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,602
Yeah. It relaxes me.

540
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,570
Yeah. The easier...
The easier, the better.

541
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:29,931
Here it comes.

542
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:35,126
<i>♪ I used to think that
love was just a fairy tale ♪</i>

543
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,362
You're a really great singer.

544
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,649
You've got really
great taste in gowns.

545
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:42,290
You make it
a little hard for me

546
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,125
to take myself
seriously in this getup.

547
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,124
Where are you in there?
There you are, yeah.

548
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,050
Do you slow dance?

549
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,281
Sure.

550
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:04,160
<i>♪ Suddenly life has
new meaning to me ♪</i>

551
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,168
I don't remember Wattlesbrook
teaching us that move.

552
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,482
Yeah, neither will those
posh boys up at the house.

553
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:20,765
(THUMPING)

554
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,686
Ah. I almost forgot about it.

555
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:27,287
Do you have another girl
hidden around here somewhere?

556
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:28,481
Yeah.

557
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,045
What was that?

558
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,122
Shh.
You don't wanna scare her.

559
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:37,880
(WHINNYING)

560
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,530
Hey, hey, hey.

561
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,091
(SHUSHING)

562
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,084
Hey, hey, hey.

563
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,125
Wow. You put
all the girls at ease?

564
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,130
Only the wild ones.

565
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:55,851
We almost missed it.

566
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,721
Is this horse about to
have a baby right here?

567
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,045
I've never seen
anything being born.

568
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,326
Go get me some straw.
Wait a second.

569
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,971
Are you gonna have to stick your hands
up in and flip it or something?

570
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:06,525
Jane, just go get her some straw.
Yeah, all right.

571
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,205
(HORSE WHINNYING)

572
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,242
Breathe, you can do this.

573
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:12,805
Straw. Get it.
Yeah.

574
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:14,880
I found some!

575
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:16,724
Okay. Thanks, Jane.

576
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:18,645
My God, what's that?

577
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:20,521
Jane.

578
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:21,641
I'm coming right now.

579
00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:23,529
Get the straw, Jane!

580
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,051
Push! Push! Push!

581
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:30,245
That's it...

582
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,084
Oh, my... Sparkle.

583
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:33,241
I found it!

584
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:35,004
Jane, it's beautiful.

585
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:36,844
Got the straw.

586
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,002
Oh, my gosh!

587
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,128
It's the miracle of birth.

588
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,847
There you go.
Up you get, buddy.

589
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,162
Run free, little Sparkle.

590
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,048
Prince Valiant
couldn't do that.

591
00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:59,451
No.

592
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,848
That was amazing, though.
That was really amazing.

593
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,686
I should probably get going.

594
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:10,450
You got...

595
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,284
Might not want that.
(LAUGHS)

596
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,766
Can I give you something first?

597
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:20,041
Just“

598
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,845
Wanted to do that for a while.

599
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,082
Good night, Jane Erstwhile.

600
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:38,525
Good night.

601
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:53,406
"She had had many a hint from Mr.
Knightley, and some from her own heart."

602
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:55,403
I have one, too.

603
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:57,445
Ooh.

604
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,725
Mr. Darcy said to Jane,

605
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:05,087
"Jane, listen.
Listen right now.

606
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,491
"If you were to
sleep with me tonight,

607
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,649
"I would actually
speak to you the next day,

608
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:17,851
"unlike any man that you will
meet 100 years from now."

609
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,768
(VOCALIZING)

610
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,081
Please.
Please shut your hole.

611
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:28,441
(CHUCKLES)

612
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,287
Men and women wouldn't even
touch before marriage,

613
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,364
let alone be alone in
the same room together.

614
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:38,451
I don't think he would ever say

615
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,649
something like that,
and he was a gentleman.

616
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:44,290
(CLOCK CHIMING)

617
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,288
MISS CHARMING:
Why are we sewing again?

618
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:53,365
I guess this is how women must
have spent a lot of their time.

619
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:58,768
Well, if the men don't
come back from hunting soon,

620
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,968
I'm gonna ask for a refund.

621
00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:07,006
What about you, Miss Erstwhile?
Are you enjoying yourself?

622
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:10,482
It is a shame we are
so awkwardly grouped.

623
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,404
Two gentlemen and three ladies,

624
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:17,326
leaving you always to
bring up the rear alone.

625
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:23,649
If you'll excuse me,
I think I'm gonna

626
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:25,683
go to the library
for a little while.

627
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,764
Jane.
(SHUSHES)

628
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,365
I'm reading.

629
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,321
You're not really allowed to read
down on the sluice gate. Okay?

630
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,161
You know, this is off-limits,
okay? This is...

631
00:37:55,240 --> 00:37:58,244
This is really very
dangerous down here. Okay?

632
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,689
Anything could happen.

633
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,886
I mean,
I don't have to be reading.

634
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:07,761
I just...

635
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,330
Martin, come on.

636
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,449
I'll go crazy if I have to sit
up in that house all afternoon.

637
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:14,891
You love it up there.

638
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:17,009
All those guys
paid to adore you.

639
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,050
Come on, check out the butler.
He's got a 14-pack.

640
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,201
You're right,
I'm gonna go find him.

641
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:23,526
Yeah?

642
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:39,965
You win.

643
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:41,644
<i>♪ Looking from
the window above</i>

644
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:44,246
<i>♪ It's like a story of life</i>

645
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,765
<i>♪ Can you hear me?</i>

646
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,930
<i>♪ Came back only yesterday</i>

647
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,526
<i>♪ Who went further away</i>

648
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,890
<i>♪ Want you near me</i>

649
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:01,208
<i>♪ All I needed was
the love you gave</i>

650
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,762
<i>♪ All I needed for another day</i>

651
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,244
<i>♪ And all I ever knew</i>

652
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:11,644
<i>♪ Only you</i>

653
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:18,209
<i>♪ Sometimes when
I think of her name</i>

654
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,567
<i>♪ When it's only a game</i>

655
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,965
<i>♪ And I need you</i>

656
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,011
<i>♪ Listen to the words
that you say</i>

657
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,811
<i>♪ It's getting harder to stay</i>

658
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,244
<i>♪ When I see you ♪</i>

659
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:36,889
MRS. WATTLESBROOK:
Martin, the birds.

660
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:38,644
I'll see you later?

661
00:39:38,720 --> 00:39:43,328
Yeah. I just gotta put away a few fake
birds. Maybe see you at the stables?

662
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:45,451
Okay.

663
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:55,804
ANDREWS:
Awful as spread, is this one.

664
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,367
But really. Never before...

665
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,407
I'm gonna need a new
inkwell in my room.

666
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,369
Are you?
Yeah, it's empty.

667
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:05,521
Really?

668
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,365
And what are you going to pen
while you're there?

669
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,011
Maybe a little journal
of your time and experiences?

670
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,731
Maybe the Declaration of Independence.
Really?

671
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,325
Sumptuous beans.
My favorite.

672
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:16,606
Yummy.

673
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:18,610
How does one go about
eating a fish this big?

674
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:19,681
They're so delicious!

675
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:21,889
Baked, stewed.

676
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,564
Refried.

677
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:24,971
Marvelous.
(TAPPING GLASS)

678
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,482
Everyone. I have great news.

679
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:34,170
Captain George East has just
arrived from the West Indies.

680
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:42,806
Good morning, ladies.

681
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,490
You're beautiful.

682
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,721
I hear you were
just made captain.

683
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,084
Do tell us the story.

684
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,282
Yes, we like stories. Please do.
Can't wait.

685
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:58,407
I were raised on the sea. Ferrying
goods between the islands.

686
00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:03,006
But when Napoleon struck, I joined
arms with me British brothers.

687
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,043
Bravi, bravi.

688
00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:10,167
Within months
I were first mate,

689
00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:12,686
and then came my
moment of destiny.

690
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,210
Imagine one lone
British frigate,

691
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,442
surrounded by four
French war crafts,

692
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:19,646
cap'n dead on the deck.

693
00:41:19,720 --> 00:41:21,449
"Surrender," came the cry.
Anyone buying this?

694
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,769
"Never," said I.

695
00:41:24,240 --> 00:41:25,651
Did you die?

696
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:31,804
Now I were tempted to surrender,
but I had to hearten me men.

697
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,570
"Death first."

698
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:41,490
But surely there could be
no dishonor in surrender

699
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:45,002
with your captain dead
and your men so outnumbered?

700
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,163
When my seaman's heart
tell me what to do,

701
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,846
I do not fear to
follow through.

702
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:53,289
That rhymes. That rhymes.

703
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:54,600
But right now,

704
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,331
my seaman's heart
bid me do thusly.

705
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:05,048
You are a most
sensual creature.

706
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:07,567
Thank you.

707
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:08,971
On. (CHUCKLES)

708
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:22,649
(MUSIC PLAYING ON EARPHONES)

709
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,807
ANDREWS: I say.
Steady on, Captain.

710
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:30,965
This is absurd.

711
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:33,881
Oh!
Oh!

712
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:35,961
Watch out, Nobley.

713
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:37,883
No, don't get up
too quickly, George.

714
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,246
I believe the ladies are needed

715
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,721
in the drawing room
with Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

716
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:43,290
Lizzie darling.

717
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:44,646
I'll be along shortly.

718
00:42:44,720 --> 00:42:46,722
I'm your humble servant,
My Lady.

719
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,087
<i>MRS. WATTLESBROOK: Ladies,
please join me in the parlor</i>

720
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:53,165
<i>for my lecture series
on bonnets, bosoms and vices.</i>

721
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,045
Hi.
Hey.

722
00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:08,006
What do we have planned today?

723
00:43:08,240 --> 00:43:11,164
What, you couldn't find anyone
else to flirt with today?

724
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,721
I saw you parading
around with those actors.

725
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,367
I thought you
weren't into that stuff.

726
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:18,680
Maybe I am.

727
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:21,085
Well, I've never
really been able to

728
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:22,565
respect the kind of
women that come here.

729
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:25,530
So I guess I was fooling myself
that you weren't one of them.

730
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,321
What, so are you
breaking up with me?

731
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,050
Breaking up?

732
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,487
I didn't realize
we were going steady.

733
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,086
No, sorry, I didn't mean it.

734
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:56,211
<i>WOMAN: (ON TV) If I was sane when I shot
you, I would have aimed for your head.</i>

735
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:58,321
CAPTAIN EAST:
Did you see that?

736
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,848
That was amazing, George.

737
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:02,331
I mean,
really beautiful acting.

738
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:03,845
CAPTAIN EAST: I had to
drink human breast milk

739
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:05,530
supplements to get arms that big.
ANDREWS: Ugh!

740
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:06,601
Mean...

741
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:09,690
Must be what makes
your hair so shiny.

742
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,125
Can I use your power socket?

743
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:14,040
But you'll have to turn off the telly.
George, do you mind?

744
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:15,167
Well, I...

745
00:44:15,240 --> 00:44:17,242
Well, we'll watch it later.
Okay.

746
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,687
Welcome to the Pleasure Dome.

747
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,604
Thank you.
MARTIN: Hey, George.

748
00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:24,801
Hey, Martin. You good?

749
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:25,927
Yeah.

750
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,649
Welcome back, eh.

751
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,647
How are the ladies
treating you this year?

752
00:44:31,720 --> 00:44:34,007
Well, I can't complain.

753
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:35,650
I can't complain.

754
00:44:35,720 --> 00:44:36,926
You really let yourself go.

755
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:39,571
What? Really? What?

756
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,608
Don't. Leave the boy alone.

757
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:43,444
How is life in the stables?

758
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,731
My horses are less
trouble than women.

759
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,851
What do you guys
think of that girl, Jane?

760
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,530
What's its name?
You know, Miss...

761
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:55,931
Erstwhile.

762
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,048
CAPTAIN EAST: Yeah, I could
slap that between a bun.

763
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:00,202
Well, she's a bit peculiar.

764
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,327
CAPTAIN EAST: She's hot.

765
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:02,521
She's all right.

766
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:04,561
(STEREO PLAYING)

767
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,923
(AMELIA SINGING IN PITCHY VOICE)
<i>♪ No flower of her kindred</i>

768
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:12,403
<i>♪ No rosebud is nigh</i>

769
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:17,162
<i>♪ To reflect back her blushes</i>

770
00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:23,247
<i>♪ Give sigh for sigh ♪</i>

771
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:24,560
(TAPE STOPS)

772
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,326
MRS. WATTLESBROOK: Perfect,
Lady Heartwright. Perfect.

773
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,687
I have no words to describe it.

774
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:31,805
I say.

775
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:35,566
I would die enraptured to hear
you play, Miss Erstwhile.

776
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:37,165
No, not tonight, not tonight.

777
00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:38,730
Go on, go on.
Please.

778
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,724
Miss Erstwhile, I insist.

779
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:43,481
(PARTS)

780
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:46,726
Okay.

781
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,243
Allow me.
Thank you.

782
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:04,921
I only really know one song.

783
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:06,968
Play that one then.
Not surprising.

784
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,409
So I'll just play that.

785
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,568
(PLAYING <i>HOT IN HERE</i>)

786
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,529
<i>♪ It's getting hot in here</i>

787
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,807
<i>♪ So take off all your clothes</i>

788
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:29,201
<i>♪ I am getting so hot</i>

789
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:32,011
I'm gonna take my clothes off

790
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,320
I never

791
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,168
I think I will retire early.

792
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:46,688
That was frigging awesome.

793
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:51,723
(PIANO PLAYING)

794
00:46:55,720 --> 00:46:57,802
(AMELIA SINGING IN PITCHY VOICE)

795
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,204
Where are you going?
(EXCLAIMS) Whoa!

796
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:19,681
Sorry. Sorry.
I didn't know

797
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,843
I became a ninja when
startled in a strange place.

798
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,003
My father, if he were alive,
would die of shame.

799
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:27,809
And here was I thinking
that any father would be

800
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:30,247
delighted to have
a ninja as a daughter.

801
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:36,604
(MARTIN SINGING IN DISTANCE)

802
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:39,531
Excuse me.

803
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:41,925
Miss Erstwhile.
Yes.

804
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,401
I don't know if
you realize that

805
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:49,485
it's not proper in this
particular time, or any time,

806
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:52,086
for a lady to be
alone after dark...

807
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,885
Okay. Let alone cavorting
with the servants...

808
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:57,200
Cavort?

809
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:58,566
When doing so might lead to...

810
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,051
Did you just say "cavort"?

811
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:02,248
There's just something about
that guy I really don't...

812
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:04,721
Aren't you all righteous
concern, Mr. Nobley?

813
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:08,009
Thank goodness you've saved me from
sullying myself with the help.

814
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,689
Don't be so ridiculous.

815
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:12,650
Insufferable.

816
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,881
Well,
good evening, Miss Erstwhile.

817
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:22,643
Good evening,
Mr. Wattlesbrook.

818
00:48:22,720 --> 00:48:27,169
Still awake, are you?
Up to some mischief, I hope.

819
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:31,010
Just needed some fresh air.
If you'll excuse me.

820
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,163
No, no, stay a moment.

821
00:48:33,720 --> 00:48:37,441
We might engage in
a private game of whist.

822
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:39,606
That's a four-person game.

823
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:41,205
We could be partners.

824
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:45,531
Little wink-wink, little
nudge-nudge, under the table.

825
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:47,204
I think I should go to bed now.

826
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:48,850
Precisely my point.
No.

827
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,287
This is so not
Regency appropriate!

828
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:54,284
We can make it part of the game.
Do a little role play.

829
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:56,806
Get off of me.
Get off of me!

830
00:48:58,360 --> 00:48:59,930
Miss Erstwhile?
(GROANING)

831
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:01,690
Are you all right?

832
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:05,329
Whatever is the matter? I didn't
have time to locate my breeches.

833
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,684
Why, Mr. Wattlesbrook,
not again.

834
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:10,689
Little slag attacked me!

835
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:13,566
Well, obviously.
She is a ninja.

836
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:19,446
Come here.

837
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:21,763
I have to tell you,
the lads are not gonna

838
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:23,251
cover up for you anymore.
I promise you.

839
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:24,970
MR. WATTLESBROOK:
Just don't tell the missus!

840
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:26,963
Well, I won't
tell the missus, but...

841
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:28,087
MR. NOBLEY: I'll escort
you to your room.

842
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:29,281
I'm okay now.

843
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,084
Thank you. I just...

844
00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:35,247
As long as there aren't any other
Mr. Wattlesbrooks lurking around.

845
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,084
I cannot give Andrews
a glowing reference,

846
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,204
though I do believe
you could take him down.

847
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:41,566
(CHUCKLES)

848
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:46,804
Miss Erstwhile, are you sure there's
nothing more I can do for you?

849
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:48,570
I'm fine.

850
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:52,128
I should just go to bed.

851
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:55,291
Good night.

852
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:01,404
Apparently I bought
the cheap package.

853
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:03,628
<i>MOLLY: The cheap package?
You kidding me?</i>

854
00:50:03,654 --> 00:50:04,190
No.

855
00:50:04,240 --> 00:50:05,730
I don't even think
my character gets

856
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:07,564
the "happily ever
after" storyline.

857
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,290
<i>I am going to kill
that travel agent.</i>

858
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:11,641
I'm so mad I wasted
all my money.

859
00:50:11,720 --> 00:50:13,370
<i>Okay, enough is enough.</i>

860
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:17,411
<i>You just need to come home
and buy your Tercel back.</i>

861
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:22,009
Molly, I'm kind of
a mess, aren't I?

862
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:23,281
<i>That's an understatement.</i>

863
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,523
I wanna get over
all of this stuff,

864
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:29,524
but if I leave now,
I'll always wonder "What if?"

865
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,648
<i>So, what are you gonna do?</i>

866
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,082
I'm going to take
charge of my story.

867
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,527
An Austen heroine gets engaged
by the end of the book,

868
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:42,210
so that is what
I'm going to do.

869
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:44,089
Why don't you go
for Captain East?

870
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:45,886
Look how hot he is.

871
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:47,724
And he's a soap star.

872
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:49,325
(GUN FIRING)

873
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:53,970
Captain East?

874
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:57,129
Okay. East it is.

875
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,323
But can you help me, please?

876
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:01,687
I mean, this is not gonna work.

877
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:08,361
I've prepared my entire life
for this very moment.

878
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:11,560
Someone's coming, hurry up.

879
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,281
Heartwright had
millions of them.

880
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,923
She's as dumb as a light post.
She'll never notice.

881
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:26,411
Oh, my God.

882
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:28,010
Look at this one.

883
00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:31,281
I love stealing
things from her.

884
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:34,763
Watch my mouth.

885
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,001
Blast.

886
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:38,441
Blast.

887
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:39,607
Good. Good.

888
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:43,643
Bloody Americans.
(GRUNTS)

889
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:50,208
Bloody Americans.
(GRUNTS)

890
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:54,006
You got it.
You are the queen.

891
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:55,286
Really?

892
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:58,444
(POP SONG PLAYING)

893
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,211
<i>♪ Her hair is Harlow gold</i>

894
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:17,086
<i>♪ Her lips sweet surprise</i>

895
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,366
<i>♪ Her hands are never cold</i>

896
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:24,847
<i>♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes</i>

897
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:27,571
<i>♪ She'll turn the music on you</i>

898
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,731
<i>♪ You won't have
to think twice</i>

899
00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:35,527
<i>♪ She's pure as New York snow</i>

900
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:39,646
<i>♪ She got Bette Davis eyes</i>

901
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,923
<i>♪ And she'll tease you
She'll unease you</i>

902
00:52:46,720 --> 00:52:50,361
<i>♪ All the better
just to please you</i>

903
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:52,683
<i>♪ She's precocious</i>

904
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:54,683
<i>♪ And she knows just</i>

905
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:58,890
<i>♪ What it takes
to make a pro blush ♪</i>

906
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,923
...the family
name's not Nobley at all,

907
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,083
and that's a French affectation.
In fact, it's Knobble.

908
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:08,123
Knobble, just Knobble.
(CHUCKLING)

909
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:14,570
You can tell by the way he uses his
chalk that he's a ladies' man.

910
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:17,246
He doesn't have time for
that kind of conversation.

911
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:19,243
Don't mind me.

912
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,482
(GLASS SHATTERING) It's unusual
sometimes, but he is rather shy.

913
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:24,322
Do you think he hears us?

914
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:27,882
He doesn't look over and yet
his expressions and mannerisms

915
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:30,406
are a bit too determined,
don't you think?

916
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:32,369
Right you are, Miss Erstwhile.

917
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:34,888
'Course I hear you.

918
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:38,726
Have to be deaf not to the way
you lot are prattling on.

919
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:42,805
I say, Nobley, you are being
awfully tedious today.

920
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:44,806
Good one.

921
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:46,366
You know, alone with the chaps,

922
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:47,720
he's really quite
a pleasant fellow.

923
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:49,768
Really?
Yes.

924
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,251
CAPTAIN EAST: No, baby.

925
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:54,563
My little kumquat.
You made yourself all wet.

926
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:56,005
Allow me.

927
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:57,846
Oh.

928
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:00,930
Look at you, all moist.

929
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:07,486
Couldn't you just
use a handkerchief?

930
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:09,765
Captain.

931
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:16,522
Perhaps I don't find the
conversation of women to be

932
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:19,001
stimulating.

933
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:21,367
I just can't imagine
why you're still single.

934
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:22,801
Don't see a ring
on your finger.

935
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:24,086
Nobley.

936
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:25,491
No, no, no, it's all right.

937
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:27,608
I asked for it.

938
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:29,444
I am single
because, apparently,

939
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:31,602
the only good
men are fictional.

940
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:32,727
Touché.

941
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:36,122
And you think that there's
any good women out there?

942
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:37,770
No, no, no.

943
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:40,286
They profess
honesty and fidelity,

944
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:42,681
and while you're away
lecturing in Switzerland,

945
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:45,081
they run off to
Brazil with your mate!

946
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,004
MISS CHARMING: Get on with
the game, you old windbag!

947
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,004
Someone departing?

948
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:01,090
That's my trunk.

949
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:05,688
I have discovered an unmentionable
amongst your things.

950
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:07,649
Now I believe I
made it perfectly clear

951
00:55:07,720 --> 00:55:09,484
about the rules,
Miss Erstwhile.

952
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:11,449
We thank you for your stay,
but I regret that

953
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:13,568
your actions have
forced me to cut it short.

954
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,047
What?

955
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:16,724
First, that horrid
little song and now this.

956
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,165
You're really
gonna kick me out?

957
00:55:18,240 --> 00:55:20,971
I'm afraid it is
time for you to leave.

958
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:27,611
Go get 'em, Charming.

959
00:55:28,240 --> 00:55:29,571
I'm so sorry, Jane.

960
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:35,121
If you would be so kind
as to step on to the cart.

961
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:39,891
Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

962
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:41,450
Please, wait.

963
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:46,804
This is all my fault.

964
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:49,929
The modern contraption is mine.

965
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:53,044
I did not realize I had
it until I first arrived.

966
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,561
And I was so distressed,

967
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:59,247
Miss Erstwhile kindly offered
to keep it for me

968
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:03,243
where I would not have to
look upon the eyesore...

969
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,049
MRS. WATTLESBROOK:
Oh. Well,

970
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:06,360
I see.

971
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:09,444
So, apparently this appears
to be an accident,

972
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:14,529
and I think the best thing is we
should pretend like it never happened.

973
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,760
Lady Heartwright,
I do so hope that you will

974
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:24,241
continue to honor us
with your presence.

975
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:26,489
Yes. Of course.

976
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:28,206
Thank you.

977
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,770
I forbid you to leave,
ever, Miss Erstwhile.

978
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,325
We were just getting
to know each other.

979
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:49,250
Miss Erstwhile.

980
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,082
Yeah. Hi.

981
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:55,164
Thank you for back there
with Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

982
00:56:55,240 --> 00:56:56,844
It was a pleasure to save you.

983
00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:59,844
And, please,
you must call me Amelia.

984
00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:02,286
Really?

985
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,331
Make haste.

986
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:06,640
Quickly.

987
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:15,005
Amelia?

988
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:20,921
Dear Jane, now that
we are bosom sisters,

989
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:23,486
I can at last
confide in someone.

990
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:27,486
Oh, Janey,

991
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:31,201
last year, at the ball,

992
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:33,040
Georgie...

993
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:36,971
George East and I

994
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:39,963
became engaged.

995
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:42,921
It is true.

996
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:47,490
But alas, he was a poor sailor,

997
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:52,047
and my father broke off the
engagement without my assent.

998
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:56,883
If I try to
explain this to him now,

999
00:57:57,920 --> 00:57:59,649
George will think
I only want him back

1000
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:02,485
because he has
become a wealthy captain.

1001
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:06,327
What am I to do?

1002
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:10,291
I sort of thought you were
into Nobley, or is that not...

1003
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,130
No, no, no!

1004
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:16,367
Dear Jane, I know
you will help me

1005
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:19,011
find a way to be
alone with Captain East.

1006
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:22,402
I don't really
know what I could do.

1007
00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:26,007
It pained me to be so dishonest

1008
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:28,082
with Mrs. Wattlesbrook
back there.

1009
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:31,368
But so long as you

1010
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:35,128
are my dearest friend,

1011
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:38,288
I'll keep your secret.

1012
00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:40,566
Oh.

1013
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,649
Or should I say secrets?

1014
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,801
Farewell, bosom sister.

1015
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:04,608
You know, I think being creative
is a waste of time and money.

1016
00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:08,284
AMELIA: Well, I love ribbons
and feathers and colors.

1017
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,731
Another blue tit,
please, Miss Charming.

1018
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:14,883
All right, but don't
copy everything I do.

1019
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:16,200
I'll try.

1020
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:17,810
ANDREWS: We're not worthy,
Mrs. Wattlesbrook.

1021
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:20,804
Their hearts will positively
burst from the rapture.

1022
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:25,323
I have something of the
utmost urgency to report.

1023
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:27,845
Who's game for
a bit of amusement?

1024
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:30,446
Me! Me! I'm so bored.

1025
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:33,205
Well, well, my cupcake,

1026
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:36,602
Mrs. Wattlesbrook has only
gone and surpassed herself

1027
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:40,321
and has completed
a brilliant theatrical.

1028
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:42,723
You don't look like
you could read or write.

1029
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:43,961
It's just a trifle.

1030
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:46,726
Now, there are six parts.

1031
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:48,610
Three sets of lovers.

1032
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:52,446
And I thought, give us something
to pass the time until the ball,

1033
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:54,648
we could rehearse
it and perform it

1034
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:58,441
for our illustrious
and distinguished authoress.

1035
00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:00,090
Now are there any questions?

1036
01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:02,289
No.
No what?

1037
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:04,488
You can't make me do a play.
It's humiliating.

1038
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:07,609
That's not a question. It's out
of the question, I'm afraid.

1039
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:09,603
I've got a question.

1040
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:11,569
Who gets to pick the lovers?

1041
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:15,130
Well, I'm thinking
maybe ladies' choice.

1042
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:16,725
You know, maybe alphabetically.

1043
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:18,444
Goody, goody.

1044
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:21,046
Eeny, meeny, miny... You!

1045
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:23,526
<i>Ma chérie.</i>

1046
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:25,764
And you, Miss Erstwhile?

1047
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:27,490
MISS CHARMING:
Pick wisely, Jane.

1048
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:39,722
I guess Mr. Nobley.

1049
01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:49,204
Sorry. Sorry.
That's okay.

1050
01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:50,441
Sorry.

1051
01:00:52,320 --> 01:00:55,130
Okay, since we have to spend so
much time rehearsing this thing,

1052
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:58,329
let's just... Let's try
not to annoy each other.

1053
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,129
You don't annoy me.

1054
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:04,963
You make me nervous.

1055
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:19,001
So, are you enjoying your stay?

1056
01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:24,083
Really?
We're making small talk now?

1057
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:28,761
Okay.

1058
01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:36,604
Well, the house is amazing, but
it's kind of like a corset.

1059
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:38,648
I like the way it looks,
but it's just...

1060
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:40,728
Hard to relax in it.

1061
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:42,285
Yes, exactly.

1062
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:45,847
But there is so
much to love here.

1063
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:48,486
I mean, the civility.

1064
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:49,721
The manners.

1065
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:51,768
The grandeur, you know.

1066
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:53,365
Simplicity.

1067
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:57,485
The men.

1068
01:01:59,280 --> 01:02:00,645
The women.

1069
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:04,691
The paintings.
They're really...

1070
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:06,407
Yes, you are an artist.

1071
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:07,567
No, no, no.

1072
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:10,849
The thing is, those aren't real.
They're just stupid sketches.

1073
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:12,809
Who's that?
Exactly.

1074
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:14,723
I'm sorry.
They're not all like that.

1075
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:16,006
No, no. It's a...

1076
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:18,800
It's a fair likeness.
No apologies needed.

1077
01:02:22,440 --> 01:02:25,284
It is curious, however,

1078
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,489
that there are more
of me than anyone else.

1079
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:33,844
I guess I've been trying to
figure you out without much luck.

1080
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:36,609
Surely you've come
to some conclusions.

1081
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:39,448
You're the resident
Mr. Darcy.

1082
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:42,126
Come on,
you're every girl's fantasy.

1083
01:02:44,080 --> 01:02:45,844
So I'm your fantasy?

1084
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:50,200
You play your
character very well.

1085
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:54,841
Right.

1086
01:02:57,360 --> 01:02:58,441
Shall we rehearse, then?

1087
01:02:58,560 --> 01:02:59,607
Yes.

1088
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:00,886
Roger.

1089
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:11,450
Are they acting?

1090
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:18,130
I don't know what's real
or what's not anymore.

1091
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:19,725
I mean, what if
she actually is...

1092
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:21,285
In love with him?

1093
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,722
Well, don't you think it's possible
to confuse truth with fantasy?

1094
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:28,407
I mean, what's gonna happen
when the theatrical is over?

1095
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:31,804
Well, it's a dangerous
kind of game to play.

1096
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:35,805
Don't you think, in their case
anyway, those feelings that,

1097
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:38,804
you know, that they
can run deeper and...

1098
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:40,405
Oh, my.

1099
01:03:40,560 --> 01:03:44,007
If you'd have asked me a
week ago, I'd have said no.

1100
01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:48,168
Miss Erstwhile.
Yes.

1101
01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:52,730
You're shivering.

1102
01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:58,011
Thank you.

1103
01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:14,290
<i>MRS. WATTLESBROOK: Ladies, remember
to wear your corsets nice and tight.</i>

1104
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:16,404
Jane, hey.
Martin.

1105
01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:18,566
Where are the other guests?

1106
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:20,961
In their private whist lesson.

1107
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:23,930
It's part of
the Platinum package.

1108
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:25,650
I can't say that
I miss that perk.

1109
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:27,567
Stage curtain.

1110
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:29,324
Right. Right.

1111
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:32,963
I'll let you get to it, then.

1112
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:35,645
Oh.

1113
01:04:36,280 --> 01:04:37,805
I'm sorry.

1114
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:47,644
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

1115
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:54,290
(WAVES GUSHING)

1116
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:55,771
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

1117
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:08,563
lam Aphrodite, the goddess.

1118
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:13,368
Often fickle in my large arse.

1119
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,528
Largesse.
Largesse.

1120
01:05:16,320 --> 01:05:19,642
I see some mortals there.

1121
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:24,690
Yes, two in love,
yet in despair.

1122
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:29,650
Prithee, fair maid.
Have thou seen my lost lamb?

1123
01:05:30,320 --> 01:05:35,121
Nay. Perhaps you
should listen for its bleat.

1124
01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:36,765
Bleat. Bleat.

1125
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:44,561
Go not to Athens, I pray thee,
or my heart will truly break.

1126
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:46,949
In faith and troth, I
have no time to love...

1127
01:05:46,975 --> 01:05:47,627
MAN: Can't hear you.

1128
01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:48,681
No, no, no, louder.

1129
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:49,881
What?

1130
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:51,485
Louder.
MAN: Speak up!

1131
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,801
In faith and troth, I have
no time to love a lady.

1132
01:05:53,880 --> 01:05:55,370
War is my mistress.

1133
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:01,645
Line?
I write poems of love.

1134
01:06:02,040 --> 01:06:07,206
I write poems of love
that no fair maid hears.

1135
01:06:07,560 --> 01:06:11,167
And I am shedding tears
that fall to the ground

1136
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:14,130
but do not maketh
a sound like the land...

1137
01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:17,369
You're rubbish. Get off
the stage, you wanker.

1138
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:19,487
Really!

1139
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:20,891
Philistines!

1140
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:24,722
I shall make
everything all righty

1141
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:30,125
because I am
the beautiful Aphrodite.

1142
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:32,841
(YELLS)

1143
01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:34,126
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1144
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:37,922
Can I pray thee, stranger,

1145
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:40,002
make me thy wife.

1146
01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:44,247
I seek no marriage
but the cleavage...

1147
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:48,245
Cleaving of my sword
on mine enemy's flesh.

1148
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:51,403
Then I shall die this day.

1149
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:52,845
Thou cur.

1150
01:06:53,600 --> 01:06:57,605
You break this lady's heart,
I will break your head.

1151
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:01,807
(GRUNTS)

1152
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:11,406
(GROANS)

1153
01:07:11,960 --> 01:07:13,530
MRS. WATTLESBROOK: Get an ice pack.
Sorry.

1154
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:15,886
Sorry.

1155
01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:17,605
(HOOFBEATS TROTTING)

1156
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:24,246
(CHUCKLES)

1157
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:27,324
WOMAN: Get on with it.
Sorry.

1158
01:07:27,960 --> 01:07:29,325
(STAMMERING)

1159
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:31,761
What a...
I've fallen upon my sword.

1160
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:34,923
Is that blood upon your breast?

1161
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:37,446
Alas, lam for the grave.

1162
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:40,490
(LAUGHING)

1163
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:45,130
Then let me hold you
as long as your breath lasts.

1164
01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:49,130
It's as if I have never known
you before this moment.

1165
01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:52,568
And nought else matters
in this world but you

1166
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:55,450
and how my heart beats for you.

1167
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:57,126
I love you.

1168
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:02,331
You need to die, Nobley.

1169
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:05,127
Sorry. Sorry.

1170
01:08:05,200 --> 01:08:06,725
(GROANING)

1171
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:14,042
No, we are all dead.

1172
01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:17,201
No!

1173
01:08:20,720 --> 01:08:24,361
MISS CHARMING:
And they all died forever.

1174
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:31,650
All dead forever.
(VOCALIZING)

1175
01:08:32,360 --> 01:08:34,169
Shut up, Fartwright.

1176
01:08:34,240 --> 01:08:35,730
(PEOPLE CLAPPING)

1177
01:08:37,040 --> 01:08:38,371
Oh!

1178
01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:43,042
Bravo. Bravo!

1179
01:08:44,360 --> 01:08:46,283
Mrs. Wattlesbrook,
you're a genius.

1180
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:48,124
MRS. WATTLESBROOK:
Such talent.

1181
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:50,601
Lady Heartwright, you make
such a beautiful corpse.

1182
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:53,005
You!

1183
01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:55,606
You know,
I was aiming for your cans,

1184
01:08:55,720 --> 01:08:58,200
but they're such
a small target.

1185
01:08:59,800 --> 01:09:01,131
Oh!

1186
01:09:02,760 --> 01:09:03,921
(SCREAMS)

1187
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:11,481
AMELIA: I'll never see again.
(SOBBING)

1188
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:13,971
It's okay, my baby.

1189
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:20,562
Let's get out of here.
Come on.

1190
01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:25,444
<i>MISS CHARMING: ♪ You great,
big beautiful door ♪</i>

1191
01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:28,004
(HUMMING)

1192
01:09:36,440 --> 01:09:37,965
Come on.

1193
01:09:41,120 --> 01:09:42,610
This way.

1194
01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:45,200
Why are we running?

1195
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:47,009
Because man and
woman should never

1196
01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:49,128
be alone unless
they are in motion.

1197
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:59,642
And what do the rules of
etiquette say about being alone

1198
01:09:59,720 --> 01:10:01,165
in your bedroom?

1199
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:03,571
Right.

1200
01:10:04,400 --> 01:10:09,122
I should probably let you go before
one of us gets into trouble.

1201
01:10:12,960 --> 01:10:16,089
I really had so
much fun tonight.

1202
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:17,645
So did I.

1203
01:10:30,520 --> 01:10:31,806
Miss Erstwhile?

1204
01:10:35,200 --> 01:10:37,009
Yes, Mr. Nobley?

1205
01:10:38,560 --> 01:10:40,528
Tomorrow evening...

1206
01:10:40,680 --> 01:10:43,206
Can I reserve the first
two dances with you?

1207
01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:46,171
Yes, Mr. Nobley.

1208
01:10:49,280 --> 01:10:51,760
Miss Erstwhile, will you
let me back in a moment?

1209
01:11:04,280 --> 01:11:06,681
When I look at you, I feel

1210
01:11:07,680 --> 01:11:09,330
certain of something.

1211
01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:30,531
(SIGHS)

1212
01:11:34,840 --> 01:11:35,841
Guess what?
What?

1213
01:11:35,920 --> 01:11:40,801
I'm wearing my favorite pair of
satin pink pantaloons just in case.

1214
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:42,291
(GIGGLING)

1215
01:11:43,920 --> 01:11:45,843
Oh, my God.
Look at that.

1216
01:11:47,560 --> 01:11:50,450
We're gonna be the prettiest
girls at the ball.

1217
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:56,684
Have fun tonight, Amelia.

1218
01:11:57,760 --> 01:11:58,807
Oh.

1219
01:11:58,880 --> 01:12:00,769
You look so beautiful.

1220
01:12:01,120 --> 01:12:03,771
Piratey.
But like a beautiful pirate.

1221
01:12:03,880 --> 01:12:05,723
It's infected.

1222
01:12:05,880 --> 01:12:07,769
I'm so sorry.
CAPTAIN EAST: Maybe we should go.

1223
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:09,446
Ship's ahoy.

1224
01:12:09,560 --> 01:12:10,891
Baby?

1225
01:12:11,080 --> 01:12:12,445
It's okay, you look fine.

1226
01:12:12,520 --> 01:12:13,760
MISS CHARMING:
It looks terrible.

1227
01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:15,166
That does not look good.

1228
01:12:15,240 --> 01:12:19,643
I was hoping to dance
with a goddess tonight.

1229
01:12:21,760 --> 01:12:23,410
Lordy.

1230
01:12:23,480 --> 01:12:26,165
Smother me in butter
and drop me in a saucepan.

1231
01:12:26,240 --> 01:12:29,881
There she is.
My Venus de Milo.

1232
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:33,441
Colonel Andrews.

1233
01:12:33,520 --> 01:12:34,567
Miss Charming.

1234
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:47,490
Tally-ho.

1235
01:12:48,880 --> 01:12:50,928
I can't wait to
see your bedroom.

1236
01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:02,367
Hi.

1237
01:13:02,520 --> 01:13:03,521
Hey.

1238
01:13:05,880 --> 01:13:09,168
Wow, you look...
You look amazing.

1239
01:13:09,760 --> 01:13:12,923
Thank you.
You look very nice, too.

1240
01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:15,324
Topshop.
(LAUGHS)

1241
01:13:15,600 --> 01:13:17,682
Where are all
these people from?

1242
01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:21,845
She's got everyone here, it's the
gardener, the maids, the servants.

1243
01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:24,491
That guy over there,
that's the taxidermist.

1244
01:13:24,560 --> 01:13:26,050
He's particularly creepy.

1245
01:13:27,760 --> 01:13:29,000
How is the baby horse?

1246
01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:30,321
He's good.

1247
01:13:30,400 --> 01:13:32,289
Yeah.
He's talking and all that.

1248
01:13:32,400 --> 01:13:34,289
Yeah. He was asking about you.
Really?

1249
01:13:34,360 --> 01:13:36,408
Yeah. He said,
"Where's Straw Girl?"

1250
01:13:39,560 --> 01:13:42,211
I made an impression, I'm sure.

1251
01:13:43,080 --> 01:13:45,162
Jane, I'm really into you.

1252
01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:47,971
And if you wanna get
out of here, I mean...

1253
01:13:48,040 --> 01:13:49,610
Miss Erstwhile?

1254
01:13:50,360 --> 01:13:51,805
Shall we?

1255
01:13:54,160 --> 01:13:55,321
(MOUTHING)

1256
01:14:12,400 --> 01:14:14,164
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

1257
01:14:20,040 --> 01:14:22,088
Shall we?
Yes.

1258
01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:29,641
You're stunning.

1259
01:14:29,760 --> 01:14:30,761
Really?

1260
01:14:49,600 --> 01:14:51,250
You all right?

1261
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:54,410
I'm fine. And you?
Are you having fun?

1262
01:14:55,080 --> 01:14:57,731
I'm taking an inordinate amount
of pleasure from this evening.

1263
01:14:58,360 --> 01:15:01,364
MISS CHARMING: You're so light on your
feet, you look like a nutcracker.

1264
01:15:03,240 --> 01:15:05,322
But none of it from the ball.

1265
01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:08,207
I think you just
complimented me.

1266
01:15:08,280 --> 01:15:10,282
Jane, I need to
tell you something.

1267
01:15:10,400 --> 01:15:12,289
I'm not meant to say
or do these things,

1268
01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:14,767
my aunt would kill me, but...

1269
01:15:15,000 --> 01:15:16,525
You are my sun and my moon.

1270
01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:19,126
My earth and my stars.

1271
01:15:19,240 --> 01:15:20,526
Marry me.

1272
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:24,127
Marry you? Oh, my God,
of course I will.

1273
01:15:25,160 --> 01:15:27,481
Oh, God, I love you.
I love you.

1274
01:15:27,560 --> 01:15:30,530
You make me the happiest
man alive, dear Amelia,

1275
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:33,126
if you'd be my wife.

1276
01:15:33,240 --> 01:15:34,969
Oh, George.

1277
01:15:39,320 --> 01:15:41,891
Jane.
Remember our first night?

1278
01:15:43,040 --> 01:15:46,010
Something about bad first
impressions comes to mind.

1279
01:15:46,360 --> 01:15:48,567
I know your opinion
of me was horrible.

1280
01:15:48,640 --> 01:15:51,007
I was horrible.

1281
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:52,445
I was nervous.

1282
01:15:52,520 --> 01:15:53,931
I felt out of place
and I certainly

1283
01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:56,207
didn't intend on
falling in love, but...

1284
01:15:56,680 --> 01:15:57,681
I have.

1285
01:15:58,280 --> 01:16:00,726
I can't imagine leaving
this place without you.

1286
01:16:00,840 --> 01:16:04,811
Please,
tell me if I have any hope.

1287
01:16:07,480 --> 01:16:09,721
I didn't realize...

1288
01:16:09,800 --> 01:16:12,371
This is how I'd
feel at this part.

1289
01:16:13,080 --> 01:16:15,162
Feel what?

1290
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:23,000
You were right, this is a
dangerous kind of game.

1291
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:27,561
I don't wanna play anymore.

1292
01:16:29,200 --> 01:16:30,804
What do you want?

1293
01:16:31,840 --> 01:16:33,524
I want something real.

1294
01:16:37,520 --> 01:16:38,646
Excuse me.

1295
01:16:39,520 --> 01:16:41,170
Excuse me.

1296
01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:43,725
Hey.

1297
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:45,126
Do you still
wanna get out of here?

1298
01:16:45,200 --> 01:16:46,281
Yeah.

1299
01:16:46,960 --> 01:16:48,200
Sorry.

1300
01:16:48,280 --> 01:16:49,406
Good night, Your Majesty.

1301
01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:54,083
I didn't think I was touching
you inappropriately.

1302
01:16:54,160 --> 01:16:55,650
Well, you did.
And if we're to be together,

1303
01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:58,166
you must never ever do
anything like that ever again,

1304
01:16:58,240 --> 01:16:59,969
if we're to be together.

1305
01:17:00,760 --> 01:17:03,525
Even Prudence is getting some.

1306
01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:07,130
(LAUGHING)

1307
01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,963
Are you ready?
Yes.

1308
01:17:19,560 --> 01:17:23,326
So Wattlesbrook got Nobley
to propose to me tonight.

1309
01:17:23,400 --> 01:17:24,561
Yeah. Classic.

1310
01:17:24,640 --> 01:17:25,766
Yup.

1311
01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:28,002
Is that when you
walked out? Just...

1312
01:17:28,120 --> 01:17:30,487
Man, what a tart.

1313
01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:31,800
Ah.

1314
01:17:32,560 --> 01:17:36,645
I have to admit his character
was pretty dreamy.

1315
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:38,731
Yeah.

1316
01:17:39,560 --> 01:17:41,085
I wouldn't marry him.

1317
01:17:43,040 --> 01:17:45,441
Mainly because
he's got bad knees.

1318
01:17:45,520 --> 01:17:47,887
Bad knees?
Did he mention his knees?

1319
01:17:48,480 --> 01:17:50,369
I'm an even bigger nerd
than I thought, though.

1320
01:17:50,440 --> 01:17:53,284
I mean, there were
actual moments

1321
01:17:53,360 --> 01:17:55,681
when I really did
believe it was real.

1322
01:17:55,760 --> 01:17:59,401
Don't feel bad. I mean, Wattlesbrook
hires the best actors around.

1323
01:17:59,520 --> 01:18:01,010
Yeah.

1324
01:18:02,080 --> 01:18:03,081
And...

1325
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:08,162
Some of her clients, you know,
aren't half bad either.

1326
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:13,131
(SIGHS)

1327
01:18:13,400 --> 01:18:16,006
I'm so glad you're
outside of the fantasy.

1328
01:18:16,080 --> 01:18:18,606
Makes it easier to
walk away from it all.

1329
01:18:20,840 --> 01:18:22,524
You know my
flight leaves tomorrow,

1330
01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:25,080
but I could see if
I could change it.

1331
01:18:25,160 --> 01:18:27,288
Stay a few extra
days in London.

1332
01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:33,970
That's an offer I...
I'm not gonna refuse.

1333
01:18:36,080 --> 01:18:38,287
I fancy seeing you in...

1334
01:18:38,760 --> 01:18:41,366
I don't know,
some trousers or...

1335
01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:45,407
Do you wear anything
less 1800s, ever?

1336
01:18:45,480 --> 01:18:46,720
Do you?

1337
01:18:46,800 --> 01:18:49,485
Yeah, I do the short shorts.
(LAUGHS)

1338
01:18:49,960 --> 01:18:52,691
<i>MRS. WATTLESBROOK: Please bring
soiled petticoats and undergarments...</i>

1339
01:18:52,760 --> 01:18:54,569
Jane.
Lizzie.

1340
01:18:54,640 --> 01:18:56,369
Are you off?

1341
01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:58,488
I'm off.
I'm packing up.

1342
01:18:59,320 --> 01:19:01,721
Hey, you know,
I wanted to say just...

1343
01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:03,440
Thanks for everything.

1344
01:19:03,520 --> 01:19:05,648
And I made this for you.

1345
01:19:06,760 --> 01:19:08,364
All the sewing we did.

1346
01:19:08,440 --> 01:19:10,442
That's beautiful.

1347
01:19:11,080 --> 01:19:14,243
I think she's way prettier
than me, don't you think?

1348
01:19:14,640 --> 01:19:15,971
(LAUGHS)

1349
01:19:16,680 --> 01:19:19,081
That's really
great needlepoint.

1350
01:19:19,440 --> 01:19:21,920
So what are you gonna do now?

1351
01:19:22,000 --> 01:19:24,480
I thought I would stay on

1352
01:19:24,560 --> 01:19:25,925
and check out all
the new recruits.

1353
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:27,411
You know, make sure that

1354
01:19:27,480 --> 01:19:30,962
all of them know that
Colonel Andrews is taken.

1355
01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:35,443
And then I thought I would
ask Miss Wattlesbrook

1356
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:38,000
if I can buy the place.

1357
01:19:38,080 --> 01:19:39,286
You should.

1358
01:19:39,360 --> 01:19:41,283
I know. I think I should.

1359
01:19:41,360 --> 01:19:44,091
Lizzie, you know, I think...

1360
01:19:44,160 --> 01:19:46,367
I think that Colonel Andrews...

1361
01:19:47,760 --> 01:19:50,764
I think he...
That he might be...

1362
01:19:55,920 --> 01:19:57,649
Perfect for you.

1363
01:19:58,280 --> 01:19:59,964
Jane, thank you.

1364
01:20:00,040 --> 01:20:03,203
I was so afraid you were gonna
say you thought he was gay.

1365
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:05,971
AMELIA: Adieu.

1366
01:20:07,040 --> 01:20:08,485
Farewell.

1367
01:20:09,120 --> 01:20:10,804
(LAUGHING)

1368
01:20:10,880 --> 01:20:14,965
God, that was
the best time so far.

1369
01:20:15,080 --> 01:20:16,969
Except for the eye gouging.

1370
01:20:17,080 --> 01:20:18,491
You're not British?

1371
01:20:18,560 --> 01:20:19,891
Yeah, I know, right?

1372
01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:23,607
Well, that's what two years of
private drama tutoring will get you.

1373
01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:26,084
You ended up
with Nobley, right?

1374
01:20:26,160 --> 01:20:28,447
He was such a bore,
but, you know...

1375
01:20:28,560 --> 01:20:30,642
He did a good job
of being into you.

1376
01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:33,161
He asked me to pretend
your cell phone was mine.

1377
01:20:34,920 --> 01:20:37,605
It's so sad when
the trip is over, but,

1378
01:20:37,760 --> 01:20:40,411
frankly, lam dying
for a massage.

1379
01:20:43,440 --> 01:20:44,851
My husband's old.

1380
01:20:46,400 --> 01:20:47,526
Very old.

1381
01:20:51,680 --> 01:20:53,762
And I trust you
discovered rewarding

1382
01:20:53,920 --> 01:20:56,002
romance with one
of the gentlemen?

1383
01:20:57,960 --> 01:21:01,203
Actually, there was someone,

1384
01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:04,443
but not Mr. Nobley,
as you may have intended.

1385
01:21:05,600 --> 01:21:07,728
My dear, Henry was
never meant for you.

1386
01:21:07,840 --> 01:21:10,889
No, his job was to take care
of Lady Heartwright

1387
01:21:10,960 --> 01:21:13,440
until George East
finished his little show.

1388
01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:17,083
No, Martin was scripted for you
right from the very beginning.

1389
01:21:19,880 --> 01:21:21,370
No, but he's...

1390
01:21:22,360 --> 01:21:23,361
Martin's a servant.

1391
01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:27,804
Well, you've seen my servants.

1392
01:21:28,480 --> 01:21:32,280
I had to take him out just for a
little while because things were

1393
01:21:33,120 --> 01:21:34,610
steaming up.

1394
01:21:34,920 --> 01:21:38,288
But I had every confidence
that he could woo you back.

1395
01:21:38,360 --> 01:21:40,408
And your timing
was very fortunate.

1396
01:21:40,480 --> 01:21:42,926
Most of the ladies just
get a litter of kittens.

1397
01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:46,010
The foal is the showstopper.

1398
01:21:46,640 --> 01:21:48,210
The foal?

1399
01:21:48,280 --> 01:21:51,170
I trust you would like
to be on your way, Jane?

1400
01:21:51,880 --> 01:21:53,120
More than ever.

1401
01:21:53,240 --> 01:21:54,480
Are you upset?

1402
01:21:55,120 --> 01:21:56,645
No, not at all.

1403
01:21:56,720 --> 01:21:59,769
And please don't take it
personally when I shut you down.

1404
01:21:59,840 --> 01:22:00,921
Shut me down?

1405
01:22:01,000 --> 01:22:03,970
I wasn't the first guest
Mr. Wattlesbrook assaulted, was I?

1406
01:22:04,040 --> 01:22:06,884
I should be able to find
other complaints in no time.

1407
01:22:06,960 --> 01:22:08,007
But...

1408
01:22:17,360 --> 01:22:19,044
<i>CAPTAIN EAST:
♪ Bright eyes</i>

1409
01:22:19,160 --> 01:22:22,528
<i>♪ Every now and then
I fall apart ♪</i>

1410
01:22:22,600 --> 01:22:23,840
Wow, Nobley, eh?

1411
01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:28,129
Tied your cravat just a wee
bit too tight, didn't you?

1412
01:22:29,360 --> 01:22:31,522
To be honest, I can't believe
you didn't get Jane.

1413
01:22:31,600 --> 01:22:34,046
I mean, she was...
She was anyone's.

1414
01:22:35,520 --> 01:22:37,329
Whoa! (LAUGHING)

1415
01:22:48,560 --> 01:22:49,891
Mad dog over there.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)

1416
01:22:51,560 --> 01:22:53,722
Colonel Andrews speaking.
Yes.

1417
01:22:54,280 --> 01:22:56,806
Yes, no. I'll tell
him right away. Yes.

1418
01:22:58,200 --> 01:23:01,761
Yes. Yes, you have a good day.
Of course. Bye-bye.

1419
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:04,847
Martin, that was the old girl
back at the house.

1420
01:23:04,920 --> 01:23:06,604
Appears you're
still on the clock.

1421
01:23:06,680 --> 01:23:10,969
You're to go to the airport and
smooth some ruffled feathers pronto.

1422
01:23:12,560 --> 01:23:14,528
No rest for the gorgeous.

1423
01:23:18,760 --> 01:23:21,809
Hi. No luggage. No.

1424
01:23:27,920 --> 01:23:30,161
<i>WOMAN: (ON PA) This is
a passenger announcement.</i>

1425
01:23:30,240 --> 01:23:34,564
<i>Can Jane Erstwhile please
report to the information desk?</i>

1426
01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:37,689
<i>That's Jane Erstwhile
to the information desk.</i>

1427
01:23:46,720 --> 01:23:48,085
Hi, I think they...

1428
01:23:48,160 --> 01:23:49,446
Jane. Hey.

1429
01:23:49,600 --> 01:23:52,729
I'm really sorry
you didn't know, okay?

1430
01:23:53,240 --> 01:23:55,971
I'd still like to spend
the night together. Yeah?

1431
01:23:57,960 --> 01:23:59,962
You are an actor!

1432
01:24:00,720 --> 01:24:02,210
Hey. Hey, but...

1433
01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:04,965
But you're desperately
in love with me anyway?

1434
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:08,089
And these sudden passionate feelings
that sent you running after me

1435
01:24:08,160 --> 01:24:11,004
have nothing to do with
Mrs. Wattlesbrook's fear

1436
01:24:11,080 --> 01:24:12,570
that I'm gonna report
her delinquent husband?

1437
01:24:12,640 --> 01:24:14,608
Of course not. Okay?
Right.

1438
01:24:14,680 --> 01:24:16,205
I know it all seems shady,
but romances

1439
01:24:16,320 --> 01:24:18,402
have bloomed on stonier ground.

1440
01:24:19,800 --> 01:24:23,202
Did Wattlesbrook write that line?
Because we know you didn't.

1441
01:24:23,720 --> 01:24:25,484
Okay, she wrote the line. Okay?
Right.

1442
01:24:25,560 --> 01:24:27,324
But I'm the one
standing here saying it.

1443
01:24:27,560 --> 01:24:28,561
Jane!

1444
01:24:29,120 --> 01:24:31,407
Jolly good, the prefect's
here to save the day.

1445
01:24:31,480 --> 01:24:33,926
You can't believe
anything he's said.

1446
01:24:34,000 --> 01:24:36,401
I've only just realized now that
Martin was assigned to you.

1447
01:24:36,480 --> 01:24:38,289
I know. I... Yeah.

1448
01:24:38,360 --> 01:24:39,691
She knows, so...

1449
01:24:39,800 --> 01:24:41,564
So, what are you doing here?

1450
01:24:41,880 --> 01:24:44,008
It's just that
I don't think you understand

1451
01:24:44,080 --> 01:24:46,128
that I'm not
what you think I am.

1452
01:24:46,200 --> 01:24:48,168
I have fallen for you.
Right.

1453
01:24:48,360 --> 01:24:50,124
My aunt was an actor, sure.

1454
01:24:50,200 --> 01:24:53,682
She's an odd woman, I know,
but she was desperate.

1455
01:24:53,760 --> 01:24:55,285
What I'm saying is
that your first week

1456
01:24:55,400 --> 01:24:56,890
at the manor was
my first week, too.

1457
01:24:57,080 --> 01:24:58,650
I'm not an actor.

1458
01:24:58,720 --> 01:25:00,449
Don't listen to him, Janey.

1459
01:25:00,520 --> 01:25:03,603
Don't call me Janey!
You were paid to kiss me.

1460
01:25:03,680 --> 01:25:06,604
As far as you are concerned,
lam Miss Erstwhile.

1461
01:25:06,680 --> 01:25:08,728
I mean, it's so embarrassing.

1462
01:25:08,800 --> 01:25:10,643
What, do you keep
a supply of pregnant horses

1463
01:25:10,720 --> 01:25:12,529
just laying
around or something?

1464
01:25:12,600 --> 01:25:14,648
What?
You're not a vet!

1465
01:25:14,720 --> 01:25:16,290
I did a biology
class at school.

1466
01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:17,600
Come on, you were acting, too.

1467
01:25:17,680 --> 01:25:19,250
Look, before you go
and make your report,

1468
01:25:20,160 --> 01:25:21,764
you should know, gorgeous,

1469
01:25:23,160 --> 01:25:25,128
that what we had was real.

1470
01:25:25,520 --> 01:25:28,364
No, you didn't. What we
had was real. Didn't we?

1471
01:25:29,000 --> 01:25:34,131
Surely you felt it seeping through
all these costumes and pretense?

1472
01:25:34,200 --> 01:25:35,929
He's still acting.
It's all part of his act.

1473
01:25:36,040 --> 01:25:37,804
See the costume?
He's an actor.

1474
01:25:37,880 --> 01:25:39,530
You're just jealous,
aren't you?

1475
01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:41,125
Because my aunt
would rather bring in

1476
01:25:41,200 --> 01:25:43,441
a complete novice
than move some

1477
01:25:43,520 --> 01:25:45,807
Kiwi actor up to the big house.

1478
01:25:46,000 --> 01:25:47,331
You're not British either?

1479
01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:48,481
It's part of the Commonwealth.

1480
01:25:48,600 --> 01:25:49,681
Couldn't you get
a job on <i>The Hobbit?</i>

1481
01:25:50,160 --> 01:25:51,571
That's it, Shakespeare.

1482
01:25:51,880 --> 01:25:52,881
No!

1483
01:25:53,760 --> 01:25:55,444
You guys.

1484
01:25:55,520 --> 01:25:57,648
Just... Don't actually,
actually strangle him.

1485
01:25:57,720 --> 01:25:59,165
Okay. All right, all right.

1486
01:25:59,240 --> 01:26:00,605
Take that, England.

1487
01:26:00,680 --> 01:26:02,125
Careful of my shirt!

1488
01:26:02,200 --> 01:26:03,645
That's my foot!

1489
01:26:03,760 --> 01:26:07,048
Okay, okay.
No, no, no. I'm...

1490
01:26:07,120 --> 01:26:08,485
Stop! No.

1491
01:26:08,600 --> 01:26:12,605
No! It is over.
I am done with all of this!

1492
01:26:14,400 --> 01:26:17,324
That felt good. I should have
done that a long time ago.

1493
01:26:17,440 --> 01:26:18,771
Yeah.

1494
01:26:19,240 --> 01:26:20,810
Excuse me.

1495
01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:23,044
Did you hear that, England?

1496
01:26:23,120 --> 01:26:25,487
I am officially over it!

1497
01:26:27,280 --> 01:26:30,170
<i>WOMAN: (ON PA) Southwest Airlines
flight SA435 now boarding at Gate 20.</i>

1498
01:26:30,240 --> 01:26:31,526
That's my cue to exit.

1499
01:26:31,600 --> 01:26:33,045
Boys,

1500
01:26:33,120 --> 01:26:35,805
it has been a pleasure.

1501
01:26:35,880 --> 01:26:38,121
Thank you for
that and I'm sorry.

1502
01:26:39,440 --> 01:26:44,241
Look, Jane, Jane, Jane, wait, wait.
Hey, I never lied to you.

1503
01:26:47,440 --> 01:26:50,046
It doesn't even matter
that you weren't real.

1504
01:26:50,600 --> 01:26:54,286
You were perfect. Thank you.

1505
01:27:00,120 --> 01:27:03,886
<i>♪ Somewhere there's a light</i>

1506
01:27:05,080 --> 01:27:09,404
<i>♪ That meets a shoreless tide</i>

1507
01:27:10,520 --> 01:27:14,047
<i>♪ But I guess I'm resigned</i>

1508
01:27:15,640 --> 01:27:19,326
<i>♪ To never seeing mine</i>

1509
01:27:20,800 --> 01:27:24,600
<i>♪ I never lied</i>

1510
01:27:26,000 --> 01:27:29,527
<i>♪ All these teenage dreams</i>

1511
01:27:31,240 --> 01:27:35,245
<i>♪ Put them all aside</i>

1512
01:27:36,160 --> 01:27:39,881
<i>♪ They hurt like kryptonite</i>

1513
01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:07,170
<i>♪ And you lost a piece of me ♪</i>

1514
01:28:07,240 --> 01:28:09,288
MOLLY: <i>You're back?</i>
Hello to you, too.

1515
01:28:09,360 --> 01:28:10,771
<i>I'm coming over.</i>

1516
01:28:10,840 --> 01:28:12,171
All right,
I'll see you in a minute.

1517
01:28:41,960 --> 01:28:43,325
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

1518
01:28:43,760 --> 01:28:46,206
That was quick. Come on in.

1519
01:28:46,920 --> 01:28:48,206
(TEAPOT WHISTLING)

1520
01:28:53,200 --> 01:28:55,009
Do you want some tea?

1521
01:28:55,640 --> 01:28:56,846
Love a cup, thank you.

1522
01:28:58,600 --> 01:29:00,250
What are you doing here?

1523
01:29:01,320 --> 01:29:02,924
Well...

1524
01:29:06,160 --> 01:29:07,446
You left this.

1525
01:29:11,120 --> 01:29:12,610
Thanks.

1526
01:29:14,080 --> 01:29:15,844
You could've mailed it.

1527
01:29:17,920 --> 01:29:19,331
I...

1528
01:29:21,040 --> 01:29:22,451
I could have.

1529
01:29:24,160 --> 01:29:25,491
You're right.

1530
01:29:26,880 --> 01:29:28,609
What was I thinking?

1531
01:29:36,720 --> 01:29:38,802
Wait a minute. Hey.

1532
01:29:40,360 --> 01:29:42,727
You know, I'm not
gonna report your aunt.

1533
01:29:43,200 --> 01:29:46,249
So it was a little overkill
to send you all the way here.

1534
01:29:46,960 --> 01:29:48,007
She didn't send me.

1535
01:29:48,960 --> 01:29:52,851
Mr. Nobley, or whoever
you actually are.

1536
01:29:52,920 --> 01:29:54,206
My name is Henry.

1537
01:29:55,640 --> 01:29:57,290
It's Henry Nobley.

1538
01:29:57,360 --> 01:29:59,601
I'm a history professor.
Oh.

1539
01:30:02,160 --> 01:30:03,241
That's really nice.

1540
01:30:03,320 --> 01:30:07,245
I used to think my aunt's
profession was somewhat grotesque,

1541
01:30:07,320 --> 01:30:09,721
but the truth is that I enjoyed
stepping into history.

1542
01:30:09,840 --> 01:30:12,002
The idea of
a simpler world where

1543
01:30:12,760 --> 01:30:15,445
love is straightforward
and lasting.

1544
01:30:15,520 --> 01:30:17,443
I believe we have
that in common.

1545
01:30:19,120 --> 01:30:21,248
But all of this is
secondary to the fact

1546
01:30:21,320 --> 01:30:24,608
that I am completely
mad about you.

1547
01:30:25,520 --> 01:30:26,965
All right.
Well you

1548
01:30:27,040 --> 01:30:30,010
may have been mad
about Miss Erstwhile, but...

1549
01:30:30,080 --> 01:30:32,128
You don't even know me. I...

1550
01:30:32,720 --> 01:30:34,563
You are Miss Erstwhile.

1551
01:30:35,360 --> 01:30:37,761
I saw you in the theatrical.
You were horrifying.

1552
01:30:37,840 --> 01:30:41,287
Wait a minute. You were
horrifying. I was...

1553
01:30:41,840 --> 01:30:42,887
I wasn't great.

1554
01:30:43,040 --> 01:30:44,121
My point exactly.

1555
01:30:44,200 --> 01:30:46,680
Neither one of us are
capable of pretending.

1556
01:30:46,960 --> 01:30:48,610
Nobley, I just
don't think this is a...

1557
01:30:48,680 --> 01:30:51,763
The night of the ball, you said
you wanted something real.

1558
01:30:51,880 --> 01:30:53,803
I'd like to
believe that I am real.

1559
01:30:54,880 --> 01:30:56,530
Is it possible that

1560
01:30:57,520 --> 01:30:59,443
someone like me
can make you happy?

1561
01:31:00,920 --> 01:31:02,365
Will you let me try?

1562
01:31:08,560 --> 01:31:09,971
No. See,
people don't do this.

1563
01:31:10,040 --> 01:31:12,486
I mean, this is my fantasy.
This isn't...

1564
01:31:12,560 --> 01:31:13,766
Have you stopped
to consider that

1565
01:31:13,840 --> 01:31:15,763
you might have
this all backward?

1566
01:31:15,840 --> 01:31:17,330
Jane...

1567
01:31:18,880 --> 01:31:21,008
You are my fantasy.

1568
01:31:35,160 --> 01:31:36,650
Tally-ho.

1569
01:31:37,560 --> 01:31:39,005
Tally-ho.

1570
01:32:07,280 --> 01:32:10,489
Welcome to Austenland.

1571
01:32:12,160 --> 01:32:13,730
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1572
01:32:14,480 --> 01:32:18,201
Hello, everybody.
Enjoy yourselves.

1573
01:32:20,000 --> 01:32:22,810
Oh, my goodness. Hello.

1574
01:32:26,840 --> 01:32:28,285
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1575
01:32:29,280 --> 01:32:32,284
<i>♪ If you lived in
a world of love</i>

1576
01:32:32,760 --> 01:32:35,047
<i>♪ Would you forget
who you were?</i>

1577
01:32:35,120 --> 01:32:39,250
<i>♪ Before you get taken in
by a sight of hand</i>

1578
01:32:39,320 --> 01:32:43,609
<i>♪ You've got to watch
your step In Austenland</i>

1579
01:32:47,960 --> 01:32:50,406
Move, move, move!
Movey, move!

1580
01:32:50,480 --> 01:32:53,768
Honey, honey.
No touchy, no touchy.

1581
01:32:53,840 --> 01:32:55,171
(CRASHING)

1582
01:32:55,480 --> 01:32:57,084
Georgie.

1583
01:32:57,160 --> 01:32:58,650
Georgie!

1584
01:32:59,640 --> 01:33:01,529
Get off it.

1585
01:33:03,840 --> 01:33:06,730
I love you,
Captain! Georgie!

1586
01:33:09,000 --> 01:33:12,049
<i>♪ "I know I feel that way too"</i>

1587
01:33:13,600 --> 01:33:15,602
That's a very sexy bonnet.

1588
01:33:15,680 --> 01:33:17,091
Knob off.

1589
01:33:23,600 --> 01:33:26,524
...and we lost the whole thing because...
Just leave me alone!

1590
01:33:27,160 --> 01:33:29,686
This is truly my fantasy.

1591
01:33:32,120 --> 01:33:35,567
<i>♪ You can bend your soul
bend your back, your heart</i>

1592
01:33:35,640 --> 01:33:40,043
<i>♪ So if you're gonna play
then you better play hard</i>

1593
01:33:43,720 --> 01:33:45,927
<i>♪ Austenland won't you come</i>

1594
01:33:46,000 --> 01:33:50,164
<i>♪ Where the sun shines
on your face?</i>

1595
01:33:51,080 --> 01:33:56,484
<i>♪ Austenland take your
dancing partner by the waist</i>

1596
01:33:58,440 --> 01:34:00,681
<i>♪ Oh, with your heart
in your hand</i>

1597
01:34:00,760 --> 01:34:05,402
<i>♪ Now you try and catch her
gaze and say "Who, me?"</i>

1598
01:34:05,640 --> 01:34:08,484
<i>♪ "I know
I feel that way too" ♪</i>

1599
01:34:11,400 --> 01:34:13,004
<i>(HOT IN HERE PLAYING)</i>

1600
01:34:16,560 --> 01:34:18,403
<i>♪ Come on, a little bit
of hot, hot</i>

1601
01:34:18,480 --> 01:34:19,925
<i>♪ And a little bit of hot, hot</i>

1602
01:34:23,080 --> 01:34:24,525
<i>♪ Just a little bit of</i>

1603
01:34:25,880 --> 01:34:27,245
<i>♪ Just a little bit of</i>

1604
01:34:27,560 --> 01:34:29,085
<i>♪ Just a little bit of</i>

1605
01:34:29,360 --> 01:34:32,648
<i>♪ I was like, good gracious,
ass is bodacious</i>

1606
01:34:32,720 --> 01:34:34,722
<i>♪ Flirtatious,
trying to show faces</i>

1607
01:34:34,800 --> 01:34:37,007
<i>♪ I'm waiting for the right
time to shoot my steez you know</i>

1608
01:34:37,080 --> 01:34:39,606
<i>♪ Waiting for the right
time to flash them ki's,</i>

1609
01:34:39,680 --> 01:34:42,126
<i>♪ I'm leaving,
please believing</i>

1610
01:34:42,200 --> 01:34:43,929
<i>♪ Me and the rest
of my heathens</i>

1611
01:34:44,000 --> 01:34:46,082
<i>♪ Check it, got it locked at
the top of the Four Seasons</i>

1612
01:34:46,200 --> 01:34:48,487
<i>♪ Penthouse, roof top,
birds I'm feeding</i>

1613
01:34:48,560 --> 01:34:51,006
<i>♪ No deceiving,
nothing up my sleeve and</i>

1614
01:34:51,120 --> 01:34:52,963
<i>♪ No teasing I need you to</i>

1615
01:34:53,080 --> 01:34:55,321
<i>♪ Get up up on the dance floor</i>

1616
01:34:55,400 --> 01:34:57,641
<i>♪ Give that man
what he asking for</i>

1617
01:34:57,720 --> 01:34:59,529
<i>♪ 'Cause I feel
like busting loose</i>

1618
01:34:59,600 --> 01:35:01,364
<i>♪ And I feel like touching you</i>

1619
01:35:02,320 --> 01:35:04,209
<i>♪ And can't nobody
stop the juice</i>

1620
01:35:04,280 --> 01:35:05,884
<i>♪ So baby tell me
what's the use?</i>

1621
01:35:05,960 --> 01:35:08,725
<i>♪ I said
It's getting hot in here</i>

1622
01:35:08,800 --> 01:35:11,371
<i>♪ So hot
♪ So take off all your clothes</i>

1623
01:35:11,440 --> 01:35:16,241
<i>♪ I am getting so hot
I wanna take my clothes off</i>

1624
01:35:16,320 --> 01:35:18,209
<i>♪ It's getting hot in here</i>

1625
01:35:18,280 --> 01:35:20,726
<i>♪ So hot
♪ So take off all your clothes</i>

1626
01:35:20,800 --> 01:35:25,362
<i>♪ I am getting so hot
I wanna take my clothes off</i>

1627
01:35:25,560 --> 01:35:27,244
<i>♪ I like it when you ♪
Ah, ah</i>

1628
01:35:27,320 --> 01:35:28,970
<i>♪ Girl, baby make it
♪ Ah, ah ♪</i>