(ENGINE WHIRRING)
MICHAEL: There you go.
Good, bring it down. Bring it down, bring it down.
Whoo! Great! That was the best one yet.
You know, I think you might be getting as good as me.
You'll never be as good as me, but you're getting there.
- You're getting close. - David: I'm way better than you.
MICHAEL: Perfect.
What... (LAUGHS)
What, are you trying to take a little bit off the top right here?
- David: Yeah, you need a haircut. - Michael: Yeah.
- Yeah. - David: Watch this. Ready?
MICHAEL: Yeah, go.
- Nice! Nice! - David: See? Ready? Wait, wait.
Upside down.
- Boom! - Michael: Nice! Nice!
(LAUGHING) Oh, man, that was great, huh?
DAVID: Oh, yeah.
- Michael: Turbulence. Turbulence. - (LAUGHS) No.
- Michael: Turbulence. - David: Oh, no.
- Michael: Turbulence! - David: (LAUGHING) No, no!
- Michael: Turbulence! - David: Whoa. Ah!
- Where is it? (LAUGHS) - Turbulence.
- It's over there. Where is it? - (LAUGHING) No!
MICHAEL: Okay, bring her in for a landing, now, okay?
DAVID: I got it.
MICHAEL: Right, nose down a little bit.
Oh, it's Windy. It's Windy.
Can he do it? Can he do it? Can he do it? Can he do...
Aw...(LAUGHS)
Oh! Whoo!
Yeah!
That is a dead stick, my friend.
Absolutely perfect, bring it right in to us.
Turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it.
(ENGINE STOPS)
What? Boosh!
Unbelievable.
Who taught you how to do that, I wonder?
DAVID: I don't know. I guess I... Instinct.
- Instinct? - Instinct!
You know what you can do?
BOTH: (IN MOCK NEW YORK ACCENT) You can shut up!
(IN MOCK NEW YORK ACCENT) You can shut up.
No, you can shut up!
I want a milkshake.
You're not getting one. You're getting buttermilk.
DAVID: Dude, did you see that landing?
MICHAEL: You get warm buttermilk.
Thumbs out. Big smiles.
This one's a looker.
- Hi. - Hi.
Sorry, y'all, I don't usually pick up hitchhikers.
Especially people as shady-looking as you are.
Well, if it's the little dude you're worried about I can vouch for him.
Actually, you seem kind of suspicious to me.
If he looks so shady, Mom, why'd you marry?
I don't know.
I ask myself that every day!
All right, y'all ready for some house-hunting?
Haven't we hunted every house in the city?
Yeah, but we haven't found one yet, Dad.
And our lease is about to be up
and we are gonna be out sleeping under the Congress Avenue Bridge.
- That's awesome. - Not awesome.
It is awesome.
No. MICHAEL: Yes, it is.
It's closer to the University. I can walk to school.
Yeah, I'd love to see that happening!
(BOTH LAUGH)
I hope you brought your checkbook
because this is the one!
- This is it, huh? - Yeah!
Right, we haven't heard that before.
Oh! Hurry, come on. Before someone else snaps up this gem!
Oh, this one looks cute.
Ah!
Rosalba. It's not done. Where are the walls?
Oh, but you said, "open plan." Open plan.
No, no, no, no, we need, um...
- Walls? - We need a house that's done.
Look. Walls! Uh?
Huh. Yeah.
But no windows, Rosalba.
Uh, it's like a dungeon.
I like this one.
Hmm? (LAUGHS)
Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, windows! - Look at this, man.
That's good. Light, natural light!
Yes! This is, this is a lot more our speed.
- Rosalba, how much are we talking for this one? - Uh-huh.
- Yeah? - Oh.
(MUMBLING) Um...
This one is just a touch above your price range.
- How much is a touch? - Just a smidgen.
- Like, 20? - Above a hair.
Forty? What?
- More than 40? - Come on. Let's go.
- Rosalba! - Come on, Rosalba.
Ay...
Did you find anything?
- No. - Nothing we can afford?
Nothing we can afford. (LAUGHS)
It's all right.
Maybe we'll find something when we get back from San Antonio.
San Antonio?
Uh-huh. Thanksgiving with your family.
We were there last month.
I know, but this month it's Thanksgiving with your family.
So, now that there's a Turkey on the table, it's supposed to mean more?
My dad probably put the Christmas decorations up already.
I did get a call from your mom yesterday.
She'd really love for us to think about Christmas.
Christmas, too?
You know, David talks about it all the time.
I got a better idea.
What?
Cancun.
Again with Cancun?
If we order the tickets now we get awesome rates
and it's awesome-ly fun, come on.
- I just, I know... - Think about it. Just think about it.
I know Christmas is hard for you.
Sunshine. Beach.
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
I know what you're waiting for.
What?
(IN SPANISH ACCENT) Massage.
No! Not in the creepy voice!
- Massage. - Not in the creepy voice.
Give me a massage, yeah.
Without the creepy voice. Canc... Cancun.
No. (LAUGHS)
(IN SPANISH ACCENT) Where you get good massage.
So, the ancient Greeks took the idea of hospitality quite seriously.
It could mean the difference between life and death.
For example...
When Paris...
Betrayed his host...
And took Helen back to Troy...
Professor Walker? MICHAEL: Mmm-hmm?
- One quick question? - Michael: Go ahead.
So you're saying what the Greeks did
is kind of like when we celebrate Christmas?
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
No, I'm saying just the opposite as a matter of fact.
Personal gatherings and celebrations
were powerful, they were genuine.
They were very spiritual for the ancient Greeks.
Just like Christmas for us now.
(STUDENTS LAUGH)
Um...
No, Christmas has become so completely over-commercialized
that's it's really lost any...
(ALARM BEEPING)
Okay, Kylie, nice work.
We've run out of time.
See you Monday.
Thank your friend here for, uh, no homework.
All right, watch the master now. You watchin'?
This is why I get paid the big bucks.
Ooh!
That's your "S". One more for "HORSE."
We're playing "HORSERADISH."
That's, like, seven more letters.
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
If I make this one,
we get to go to San Antonio for Christmas.
How 'bout if you make this shot,
you get to pick where we go for lunch, all right?
Come on, Dad.
Grandpa said that he'd put up so many lights,
you could see it from outer space.
(SIGHS)
I don't doubt that.
But we're going there for Thanksgiving
and I think that's enough, all right?
Go ahead, your shot.
David.
Okay.
Wait.
So, if I make this shot,
we get to go to Grandpa's for Christmas?
I mean even if you don't.
(EXHALES)
Hey, look. Grandpa put up Burp, Snort and Poot.
Yeah, he probably should just leave 'em up all year round.
- Claire: Whoo! - Lily: Hey!
Y'all made it!
- Theo: Hey, hey! - Look at that beauty, I love it!
- Theo: Hey, Suze. - Hey.
Howdy y'all! Yoo-hoo!
Travis! Oh, honey!
So happy you're coming for Christmas.
Yes. It's great.
Good to see you! You look beautiful.
- Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for coming. - Thank you.
Come on in.
Hey, brother. Hey, sis.
So I hear you're here for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year!
- Grandpa! - MA: What did you do to your hair?
David. God, you're getting so big!
Hey, Pop.
Michael.
Wanna help me get the food inside?
- See you in there. - See you in there.
Here's my fruitcake!
Da-dah! Oh, wow!
Is that jalapenos?
Close, there's jalapenos
and poblanos and habaneros.
So, do you want to try it? Come on.
- It's really... - Um...
I call it my "three peppers fruitcake."
- I'm gonna have a little taste... - Just a little?
...'Cause I don't wanna, I don't wanna fill up.
- Well, you're gonna want more, because it's really amazing. - Mmm-hmm.
Despite all these chilies,
you can still taste the pickles
and the pineapples and (IN SING-SONG) the prunes!
Try this, it's so good!
You gotta try Claire's fruitcake!
It's kind of like an explosion of flavor in your mouth!
I worked so hard on it. I made 12. I made a dozen.
One for everybody in the family. We all get one?
Oh, Claire!
Hey! MAGGIE: Hey! Aunt Jocelyn!
You made it!
Of course we made it!
Everyone, you remember Bob?
He, uh... That's your second husband, right?
Oh, God, no! Totally different Bob!
(GIGGLING)
All in.
(SIGHS)
You are so bluffing.
♪ When you dance, you go, cha, cha, cha
♪ And when you sing, you go
♪ La, la, la
♪ And when you laugh, you go...
- ♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪ - Take it down.
Yeah!
Get the cards, get the cards.
- ALL: Aw! - Susan: Suckers!
Yeah, yeah!
Whoo! Momma wins!
David! What are you doing, man?
Are you crazy?
Think that's sweet enough?
- Yeah. - Ahh-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Oh, everybody's tasting!
TRICIA: Mmm. Well, I might as well do the same.
(LAUGHING)
I'm going to do it!
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Get out of my way! Shut up! I'm doing it!
What is going on?
You have lost your mind!
No, 'cause, see, there's a, there's a spring.
- Okay. Uh-huh. - Yeah, I've...
See, it's... We're good. We're good!
We're good to go. I fixed it.
He was just making sure it was safe.
I see that.
- Right, Dad? - Yeah, I got it. I did it.
ALL: Yeah!
(ALL CHEERING)
ALL: Yeah!
SUSAN: Yeah. MAGGIE: Here we go.
(COLONEL STARTS PLAYING GUITAR)
♪ Pretty papers
♪ Pretty ribbons of blue
♪ Wrap your presents
♪ To your darling from you
♪ Pretty pencils
♪ To write I love you
♪ Pretty papers
♪ Pretty ribbons of blue
♪ Pretty papers
♪ Pretty ribbons of blue ♪
Y'all are okay.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(THEO PLAYING FESTIVE MUSIC ON ACCORDION)
♪ On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
♪ An ostrich in a belfry
(ALL LAUGHING)
♪ On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
♪ Two purple thugs
♪ And an ostrich in a belfry
♪ On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
♪ Three Grinch friends
MAGGIE: ♪ Two purple thugs
♪ And an ostrich in a belfry
♪ On the fourth day of Christmas...
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
(BUTTONS CLACKING)
♪ Four flirting jerks
Here you are.
- Theo: ♪ Three Grinch friends - Hi, Ma.
MAGGIE: ♪ Two purple thugs
♪ And an ostrich in a belfry
- I was just checking my e-mail. - Uh-huh.
Hey.
CLAIRE: ♪ On the fifth day of Christmas
♪ My true love gave to me
♪ Five chili... ♪
Let's thank the Lord for this wonderful food.
Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Thank you, Ma.
So, Grandpa, when are you gonna put the Christmas lights up?
(SMACKING LIPS) Oh...
Maybe tonight after supper.
I thought you and Travis might help me untangle all those lights.
It's a big job.
That sounds like a good job for y'all.
MA: Uh, hmm.
Hey, Dad, when we come down for Christmas,
could we stay the whole week?
ALL: Oh, yeah. Yes.
I like that idea.
MAGGIE: Great idea.
We're, we're not coming for Christmas.
CLAIRE: (WHISPERING) What? Why?
You're kidding. Why?
It's Christmas. (SIGHS)
Well, that's that then.
Let's eat up here, folks,
that Turkey's gonna get cold.
(EXHALES)
(CLATTERING)
Hey, son.
Hey.
(MICHAEL SIGHS)
Years ago,
when I was a kid,
the whole family used to go to your great-grandpa's house for Christmas.
The one by the lake?
Yeah.
And one Christmas in particular I remember
because I was your age and Uncle David was about a year older,
and all we wanted was one present
for Christmas, you know.
Just one.
Racers.
You know what that is?
Ice skates. That's all we wanted.
So after lunch,
we snuck out of the house and went down to the lake.
We were gonna race.
Now, you gotta remember something about Uncle David. He...
He was older than I was, you know.
So he is a better skater. He's faster, he's stronger.
So, one, two three, go!
Flying down the ice, and guess what?
I was winning this time.
I was beating him.
For the first time in my life, I was beating him.
And I'm skating as hard as I can.
I hear him calling my name.
(WHISPERING) Michael, Michael!
I didn't stop though 'cause I...
I knew he was playing one of those tricks on me.
You know, he was trying to get me to stop so he could...
Skate past me.
So I kept going, I kept going.
I was winning, you know.
I was going to beat him for the first time.
And he caught up to me,
and he grabbed ahold of my jacket
and swung me around as hard as he could.
And I fell down.
And I went sliding
with my face on the ice toward the shore.
(SIGHS)
I heard the ice cracking.
I could, um...
I could feel it cracking.
I looked up...
And, um, I didn't see him.
And that's why Uncle David isn't here.
Mmm.
You did it.
How do you feel?
I'm really glad I told him.
- I am too. - Michael?
I'll let y'all talk.
I got a favor to ask.
We'd like David to stay with us here for a few days.
Not for Christmas,
but just a few days before when he gets out of school.
Yeah, I don't... I don't know, Pop.
You know, um...
You and Ma kinda...
We're getting old and creaky.
(CHUCKLES)
Maybe so.
But I think we can take care of a 10-year-old for a few days.
Okay.
Thank you, Michael.
(GUITAR PLAYING)
♪ Joy to the world the Lord is come
♪ Let Earth receive her King
♪ Let every heart prepare...
Excuse me? Excuse me.
I need the owner of the silver Volvo.
We've got a little problem.
I got it buddy. You're almost there.
Straight back, straight back, buddy,
yep, you're all, yep, all right. You got it,
you're clear, all right. Merry Christmas!
BEAT BOX GUY: ♪ Joy to the world
♪ The Lord is come ♪
Oh, no.
Mmm, yes.
Rosalba,
do you have any idea when the new buyers want to move in?
By the end of the year?
This year? Come on.
Oh, please tell us there's some kind of silver lining here.
Of course there's a silver lining!
There's always a silver lining!
What's the silver lining, Rosalba?
(EXHALES)
Oh, Rosalba!
(GRUNTS)
(BELLS JINGLING)
(CLANKING)
NICK: Hey! You're supposed to ride that bicycle.
Oh, well, I...
I tried riding it, but you can see how well that turned out.
Well, that's life for you.
You never know what's gonna jump up in the middle of the road.
But you ain't the first guy I seen come dragging a bike outta them woods.
I oughta start selling lemonade here.
Or spare bicycle parts.
NICK: Yeah, really.
Listen, I, uh, I doubt I wanna know the answer, but...
What are you asking?
Oh, I don't know. It depends.
Depends?
You want the tour or not, I'm a busy man. Come on.
MICHAEL: Unbelievable.
NICK: Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house.
Oh, man.
(EXHALES)
I mean, everything looks brand new.
Did all the work myself, you know, I like to keep busy.
Well, this is the kitchen area,
you know, right in here.
Cool. Cool.
And this is the master bedroom.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
- I don't know what to say, man, it's incredible. - Nick: Mmm-hmm.
Well...
I'll meet you downstairs.
(EXHALES)
Oh, well.
Well, all right then.
After you have seen the whole place here, what do you think?
I gotta tell you, I think it's the most beautiful house I've ever seen.
And I've completely wasted your time.
Oh?
This, this place is, is way outta my price range.
I mean, way out of my price range.
To tell you the truth, I don't have any idea what this place is worth.
Uh, why don't you make me an offer?
Just, uh, write it down, the old school time way.
Yeah, um...
Mister?
- Call me Nick. - Nick, yeah, I, uh...
I've looked at property for about a year around here with my wife...
And, um...
I have a pretty good idea what this house is worth.
Mmm-hmm, so, show me.
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
All right, uh...
Got a pen?
Sure.
Uh.
That's a feather.
- Thanks. - Mmm-hmm.
This is easily twice what we can afford.
So this is what you think is a fair honest price?
MICHAEL: Yes, Sir.
Well, you're either the most honest guy I've ever met or...
The dumbest.
Take your pick.
Either way, it don't matter. Buy you a lemonade.
(CHUCKLES) Sounds great.
NICK: So, my dumb, honest friend,
what line of work you in?
I teach at the university. History.
- You married? - Yes.
Kids? Yep, a boy.
How old? He's 10.
Piece of work?
- Several pieces. - (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, well.
He'll get into a lot of trouble running around this big old house.
Man, you're not kidding.
Hmm, well, let's do it!
- Excuse me? - You wanna buy the house or not?
(STUTTERING) Nick, I've already told you. I can barely afford
half of what this place is worth.
Well, if you can afford half of what it's worth,
half is what I'm gonna charge you.
- What? - It's important to me
that the right family wind up in this house.
I'll take half.
You're not serious?
I'm serious as a heart attack.
You trying to weasel out of the deal?
No, I just might...
I need an answer right now.
I'm taking a huge leap of faith with you
and I need us to leap together. What do you say?
Yes! Yes! Yes! (NICK CLAPS)
We got a deal. Oh, one condition.
The people in this neighborhood take a lot of pride in it, you know.
So you gotta do the right thing.
It's important that you keep the lawn mowed
and you can't paint the house pink.
It's important that you keep up the neighborhood standards.
I understand.
No pink.
It's very important.
I get it.
Absolutely. No problem.
Congratulations, you got yourself a house.
Oh, I... (LAUGHING)
(STUTTERING) My wife's gonna...
(EXHALES)
Hey, Susan?
(DOOR OPENS)
Hey!
It took you forever.
Where you been?
What?
I bought a house.
What? (LAUGHING)
I think he just said that he bought a house.
What do you mean "you bought a house"?
I wrecked my bike.
I'm walking it down the street,
and on the right side of the street is this unbelievable house.
Unbelievable house. There's an old man sitting on the porch,
says, "You want it? You can buy it",
"but you have to buy it right now."
"You can't wait, you have to buy it right now."
I bought a house, Susan.
Hold on. You didn't sign a contract?
I signed the contract. What?
I tried calling you,
but I got your voice-mail.
- Hold on. - Michael: I got your voice-mail.
What?
I'm gonna get between you and the knives.
Because I don't want you to do something that you're gonna regret.
You sign a contract. You bought a house without consulting me.
Without consulting us.
Yes.
Michael.
Did you get scammed?
Okay, do you think I got scammed?
I did not get scammed.
I mean, you fall off your bike,
some man walks up to you, takes you to his "mansion"?
Susan, it happened so fast.
Hey, Mom? After you finish killing Dad,
can we go look at our house?
Let's go right now. Come on!
- Let's go. - Susan: Let's go.
MICHAEL: Let's go right now.
Let's see this house.
Dude, you're in trouble.
Hey, Nick! NICK: Hey.
How are you doing?
Didn't think we'd come back?
NICK: Welcome back.
Good to see you. You too.
Got my family. This is my wife, Susan.
- Hi, nice to meet you. - Hi, Susan. How are you?
- My son, David. - Hey, David.
DAVID: Hello. NICK: Come on, let me show you the house.
Hmm. Hmm.
Are those crown moldings up there?
- Yes, yes. - Beautiful.
- I like that fireplace. - Nick: Yes, ma'am.
Mmm.
Eleven foot ceilings? NICK: Twelve.
Twelve.
Hmm.
Oh, nice hardwood floors. Yes, ma'am.
Ah-ha.
Oh, wow.
Blue ceilings, that's interesting.
That keeps out the bees.
- I knew that. - Mmm-hmm.
It's in the almanac.
I'd heard that, I had heard that.
Is this a pantry?
- Yes, it is. - Oh!
(GASPS) I've always wanted a pantry.
I don't even know what a pantry is. I know, honey.
Oh, this is just gorgeous, my goodness.
(SUSAN INHALES)
That is a beautiful room. Thank you, yes, it is.
Is this all original? This, that, the bead-board up there, you know?
Uh, yes it is, every bit.
(SIGHS) Oh, my goodness.
(GASPS) Wow!
DAVID: (LAUGHS) We have a pool?
You didn't tell me there was a pool!
Of course there's a pool.
I'm sorry, uh, kid. The pool's not included in the deal.
Wait, what?
Just kidding.
I still can't believe you bought a house without me.
I think I'll give you a pass this time, but...
(FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRCASE)
I've already picked out my room, and it is awesome!
Well, you know, your husband here should've checked with you
before he made the deal, you know, but I...
(CHUCKLES) I have to admit I kinda pushed him into it.
But say the word and I'll tear the contract up right now.
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
(LAUGHS)
Well in that case...
Y'all come back tomorrow and I'll have the keys waiting for you.
I just, I...
I can't help but feel like
we're gonna wake up from some wonderful dream or something.
Yeah, this is, this is unbelievable.
Y'all turn this place into a home, and we'll call it even.
Okay.
(SUSAN SIGHS)
Could you pull up to this house every day?
Oh, my gosh, my gosh.
How are you gonna ask him to get his stuff out of here?
Why do I have to ask him?
MICHAEL: 'Cause you have to ask.
It takes a long time to move all that beautiful stuff out.
- Is he here? - I don't know.
Hey, Nick?
Hello?
SUSAN: Where is everything?
(READING)
Oh!
My gosh.
Unbelievable.
You're not getting tired, are you, man?
- David: Nope. - Get up there.
Oh, good, honey, those can go right into your cabinets.
DAVID: Mmm-hmm.
I can't believe how big the bedroom is.
You could fit five families in that bedroom.
SUSAN: But we don't have to!
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, hey ♪
- (LAURA LAUGHS) - Griffin: Welcome to the neighborhood!
We're the Oswalts from right across the street.
I'm Laura and this is Griffin.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Wow, I'm, uh, I'm Michael. Susan. David. Hi.
Well, here you go!
This'll get you started!
- Oh! Thank you! - Get us started?
Nothing fancy. Just a dozen or so strings.
Crackle. Clear finish.
Christmas lights.
My dad loves Christmas lights.
Don't you, Dad?
Yeah? Didn't Nick tell you about the neighborhood tradition?
No, no-no-no. What's the neighborhood tradition?
- Oh! - Every year all the neighbors come caroling
and bringing over their Christmas decorations for Nick.
For you now!
GRIFFIN: This is Live Oak Lane.
The Live Oak Lane.
During the holidays, we're the most famous street in Austin.
The Live Oak Lane Trail of Lights.
This is that Live Oak Lane?
Yeah! Pretty cool, huh, Dad?
GRIFFIN: Everybody decorates.
Every year we all go all out.
People from all over the world come here just to see our street.
Oh! GRIFFIN: Nick's house, your house,
is always the crown Jewel.
That's why we bring over so many lights every year,
so that your house will be even more spectacular than the last.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah!
And I'll be happy to give you a hand.
Putting so many lights on a house this size is a big job.
(CHUCKLES) Wouldn't wanna be a bother.
No trouble at all, I can come over this evening.
We are so busy, uh,
unpacking, with the move, and there's just...
Stuff. We'll definitely try to get around to it.
(CHUCKLING) They'll try to get around to it!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
All right. Thanks a lot.
Great to meet y'all, thank you so much.
Nice to meet y'all. Nice to meet you!
- Bye. - Bye-bye!
- (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) - Well, they seem nice, don't they?
(EXHALES)
The Live Oak Lane Trail of Lights.
Michael Walker moves into the Live Oak Lane Trail of Lights.
- That's funny. - It's not funny.
It's pretty funny!
And I think if our neighbors are gonna be so generous
as to give us all these beautiful lights,
the least we could do is put them up.
Yeah, come on, Dad, it's the neighborhood tradition.
Don't you want our neighbors to like us?
No, I wanna understand why people spend days and days
putting up thousands and thousands of Christmas lights
so that people can walk past their house
and ooh and aah.
How about hours and hours putting up
hundreds and hundreds of lights?
Or minutes and minutes putting up dozens and dozens?
How about no time putting up no lights?
I think our neighbors will understand that.
And leave us alone, you know?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(SINGING IN SPANISH)
♪ Vamos a celebrar
♪ Amor en la navidad
♪ Christmas is a time for love ♪
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(O CHRISTMAS TREE PLAYING)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
♪ His name is Jesus
♪ Christmas love
♪ He came from above
♪ Christmas love
♪ I'm talkin' about Jesus
(VOCALIZING)
♪ He came to save the world ♪
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of Holly
♪ Fa-la-la-la
♪ Don we now our gay apparel
♪ Fa-la-la Fa-la-la ♪
Is everyone in this neighborhood a musician?
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
Yep! Yeah.
Welcome to Austin.
♪ Moses
♪ Don't let King Pharaoh overtake you
- Whoo! - ♪ In some lonesome graveyard ♪
Yay!
Michael, this house is amazing.
I know, man, I'm pretty blown away.
(CHUCKLING) Yeah!
And this, this is Live Oak Lane.
Yeah, it sure is.
It's the Live Oak Lane.
Trail of Lights.
Yep. (EXHALES)
Like, Trail of Lights Live Oak Lane
as seen on Oprah Winfrey Christmas Special Live Oak Lane.
Yes, it is. It's... Yes, it is.
Wow. Live Oak Lane.
Okay, I got a question.
For the kids. (KIDS LAUGH)
Me and Uncle Jeff.
Fist fight. Who wins?
(LAUGHS)
BOTH: Uncle Jeff.
What do yo mean, Uncle Jeff?
- It's the reach. - Daddy!
But I got street skills. I have street skills.
- (DOORBELL RINGS) - Ooh! Honey!
We'll talk about this in a minute.
- There's the door, I think that's for you. - Yeah, whatever.
- This is (STAMMERING) 20 times. - What?
This is incredible. (DOOR OPENS)
- (SINGING AT THE DOOR) - I know.
This is gonna drive him...
It's driving him crazy.
- David: Mom, listen. - Crazy.
I love this one.
I know, it's...
They're wonderful, but of course...
Who was it, honey?
Who was it? Was it door-to-door salesmen?
- Oh. What'd ya get? - Oh!
Was it the Christmas girls?
(ALL LAUGH)
- Whoa, whoa. - Wait, little man.
Whoa, whoa, no, come here, come here.
DAVID: Bye, Mom.
Bye, honey.
What am I gonna do without you? I don't know.
Dad.
I don't know, you're leaving me alone with him?
I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get some sleep finally.
- Yeah. - Hey, do me a favor.
I need you to take care of Grandpa for me.
- Okay. - You promise?
Promise. All right, man, give me a hug.
- I love you. - Love you too, Dad.
Be safe, now. I will.
- All right. - Okay. I love you, Mom.
- Call us. - Okay.
Have a fun time, most of all.
Yep, okay, I'll... See you whenever I get back.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(ENGINE STOPS)
Ho.
You think you might think about putting up some lights this year?
Just because of the new house and it'd be so fun for David.
Maybe?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
- I'll get it. - It's for you.
Howdy, Michael.
What is that, Griffin?
It's a ladder.
You know, I got to thinking I bet I know why Michael hadn't put his lights up yet.
He needs a ladder.
I don't.
So, you have one already?
No.
Michael, Christmas here on Live Oak Lane is really something special.
Everybody's included.
We got a Jewish family, a Muslim family, there's a family from India.
Heck, they got a Santa Clause with four arms and three eyes.
It'll blow your mind.
That's great.
Look, Michael.
These lights and these decorations mean a whole lot
to a whole lot of people.
Last year, a family flew here all the way from Japan, just to see 'em.
That's wonderful.
I don't mean to poke my nose into your business...
- But... - Then don't.
Boy, you don't think we have enough lights up there, already?
No way.
Let's put them all up.
You know, I haven't used these lights for a long time.
(SIGHS) Maybe we better test 'em.
They still work.
(EXHALES)
I'll bet these lights haven't been used since...
Since your father, your uncle and I used them.
My dad used to help you put Christmas lights up?
He sure did.
I remember one Christmas,
when the three of us put up so many lights, the roof sagged!
No, it didn't.
It did.
And then, your father said, we have to remember Burp, Snort, and Poot.
COLONEL: So, up they went on the roof
and the roof sagged even more.
Till everyone had to crawl around on their hands and knees.
(CHUCKLES)
(CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYING)
(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)
(CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYING)
(GROWLING)
REPORTER: One more question.
Are there gonna be camel rides through the neighborhood for the kiddos?
BOY: Watch out!
Sorry, mister.
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING FURIOUSLY)
Well. He insists on doing his packing all by himself.
He told me, "Grandma, I'm not a little kid anymore!"
- He's not. - (CHUCKLING)
Hey, what's this?
I thought I might take it with us
when I drive David back up to Austin. (SIGHS)
What? Give it to Michael.
Just in case.
Oh, honey, you think that's a good idea?
I don't have any others left, darling.
Hey, Grandpa, I just thought of something.
Maybe we could wait a few hours before we drive back.
Till after dinner.
And why would we wanna do that?
Well, because then we could see the lights on the house lit up before I go.
Your father won't like it, David.
I told him I'd have you home before dark.
Yeah, but we'd only be there just a tiny bit after dark.
So he'll only be a tiny bit mad.
David.
Please, Grandpa.
DAVID: I mean...
We worked so hard on the lights and...
It'll be my only chance to really see them.
Five minutes at dusk.
Not a minute longer.
Deal?
Deal.
(COLONEL CHUCKLES)
♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen.
♪ When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even.
♪ Brightly shone the moon that night though the frost was cruel
♪ When a man came into sight. Gath'ring winter fuel.
How you doing? BARISTA: Hey!
Medium black coffee to go. Thank you.
Would you like to try our Christmas gingerbread latte? MICHAEL: No, thanks.
Ah. Our holiday eggnog hot chocolate?
No, thank you.
How about our festive peppermint candy-cane tea
- made with real... - I just wanna get a black coffee.
I don't... I don't want a bow on it. I don't want it... I just...
I just want a cup of black coffee to go.
- REPORTER: (ON TELEVISION) Thanks, Lacy. - Right up.
REPORTER: (ON TV) Just days away from Christmas, we're here on Live Oak Lane,
which has long been famous for, shall we say,
its exuberant celebration of the holiday.
Well, this year, Live Oak residents are getting something they never expected.
A real-life Grinch.
Sir, we're doing a piece on the Christmas lights of Live Oak Lane.
Do you think you could tell us how you get ready for Christmas?
MICHAEL: (ON TV) Sure.
By sticking it where it belongs.
Hey, buddy. Hey! That's you!
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you. Excuse me.
GRIFFIN: (ON TV) Some of the folks on the block...
I won't lie to you, it's been a shock.
(BARISTA CHUCKLING)
GRIFFIN: We just don't understand why someone...
But we're pulling together.
And we're gonna make this the best Christmas ever.
- Nice work today, guys. I'll see you next time, okay? - (CELL PHONE RINGING)
Babe.
SUSAN: Michael. Hey, yes.
She ran at me with a camera... Thank you very much, Kylie.
- Susan: Michael. - I know I look a complete idiot.
No, no.
And I'm sure you've started divorce proceedings.
Michael.
There's been an accident.
Hey, babe.
Are they okay?
David is getting an X-ray and your dad's in surgery.
What happened?
- A truck went over the median or something and hit the car. - (GASPS)
They were right... Hi.
Now, your son's x-rays look good.
Uh, he's got a slight concussion
but we're optimistic he'll make a full recovery.
My father?
He's still in surgery.
♪ Silent night
♪ Holy night
♪ All is calm
♪ All is bright
♪ Round Yon virgin Mother and child
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
When can we see David?
Well, he's unconscious, but I can let you look in on him.
Please. Thank you. Thank you.
Mr. and Mrs. Walker.
Can I speak to you?
We did everything we could for your father.
He never regained consciousness.
I'm sorry.
- (SOBBING) - (SOBBING)
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
What's happening?
David, um, has a concussion
but they say he's gonna...
He's gonna be all right.
(EXHALING) Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God.
And your daddy?
(SOBBING) No!
No, no, no! Please God, no!
♪ I ain't gonna study war no more
♪ I ain't gonna study
♪ war no more
♪ I ain't gonna study war ♪
MICHAEL: How are you, Ma?
Well, you know...
I keep saying to people,
I'm fine.
(SIGHING)
But you know,
truth be told,
it all feels... I don't know...
Unreal, somehow.
I know, Ma.
I want you to come and live with Susan and me.
- (EXHALING) - I know Maggie is a lot closer.
(LAUGHING) Well, what makes you think
that I'm gonna go living with either one of you?
Because, Ma, we have a big house.
We have plenty of room.
I know, I know, and...
It's a very generous offer.
I tell you what.
I'll come and stay for a few weeks
until David is back to himself again.
- Ma. - No!
You hold your breath.
(CHUCKLING) You know where you get that
- stubborn streak from, don't you? - (LAUGHS)
Yes, I do.
Michael, you know,
your father was so very proud of you.
(CAR DOORS OPENING)
How you doing, Sir? Mr. Walker?
Yeah, is there a problem?
Uh, no, Sir. Uh...
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Anyways, uh, your father's car was totaled,
but we did find some personal belongings.
Dad?
What do you need, son?
I thought you were finally asleep.
When people die
do you think they can still see you and hear you?
I wish that I could tell Grandpa...
That I'm sorry.
Sorry for what, son?
It was all my fault.
I didn't wanna drive back till after dark.
I just wanted to see all the lights on the house lit up.
David, that's not true.
It was an accident.
You had absolutely nothing to do with that.
You have to understand that, okay?
David, welcome home, honey.
Oh, how good that you're here.
Come on in! You know what?
We might be able to rustle up some hot chocolate for you.
- How about that? - That sounds good.
I think he wants some more of that hospital Jell-O, Ma.
Hey, man.
You're not gonna eat that Mac and cheese?
I know it's your favorite.
I'm just not hungry.
Yeah.
(SIGHING)
David, I want you to listen to me.
You are not to blame
for what happened to Grandpa.
The truck that hit you...
The tire blew out.
You had nothing to do with that.
The driver tried to keep from swerving.
He couldn't.
I think I'm tired now, Dad.
Hey, hey.
Listen to me.
That highway should have had a center barrier, man.
It didn't. It was an accident.
Nothing was your fault.
Hey, you know what this house needs?
Christmas lights.
How about you take a couple of bites of Mac and cheese...
No.
Dude, we've got this big giant Christmas tree out back.
- You know how great... - (SHOUTING) No.
You were right, Dad.
Christmas is stupid.
(SIGHING)
What in the world?
Michael?
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(GASPING)
David hates Christmas now.
He blames himself for what happened to Pop.
(SIGHING)
- I know. - I told him it was an accident.
It couldn't have been his fault.
I explained it to him.
I explained it to him every way I know how.
Well, sometimes that just isn't enough, is it?
(SIGHING)
Look at me, Michael.
You remember all those years ago
after it happened,
you remember what your father said to you?
Morning, noon, and night
for months on end, you remember what your father said?
"Michael, it wasn't your fault."
He only said that 'cause he had to.
Oh, Michael.
You're a smart man.
Who was it who gave you
and your brother those skates? Hmm?
Right.
(EXHALING SHARPLY)
Go get some air.
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
NICK: (SINGING) ♪ Amazing grace
♪ How sweet the sound
♪ That saved a wretch like me
♪ I once was lost
♪ but now I am found
♪ And I was blind,
♪ but now I see
♪ Twas grace that taught
♪ my heart to fear
♪ And grace my fears relieved
♪ How precious did
♪ that grace appear
♪ the hour that I first believed
♪ An amazing grace
♪ How sweet the sound
♪ That saved a wretch
♪ like me
♪ I once was lost
♪ but now I am found
♪ And I was blind
♪ but now I see ♪
You leaving already?
You didn't stay in there too long.
That's the most time I've spent in church in a while.
Well hop in. Let me take you
to another little place of worship.
You're gonna love it.
♪ Hey you ain't gonna Miss me this Christmas
♪ No, you don't give a damn where I am
♪ I'm stuck in county jail in Minneapolis
♪ Just waiting' on my Christmas beans and ham
♪ Like the jailbird that misses his jailer
♪ And the warden'd Miss us if he let us go
♪ Hey, you Miss me just like
♪ they Miss mistletoe on Death Row.
♪ That's right
House of worship?
Wait till you taste the brisket.
It's a religious experience.
Hey, Ray.
Howdy, Nick. I haven't seen you in here since breakfast.
- Give us some of everything. - All right.
You know, Nick, I'm really not that hungry.
I should probably be heading home.
What's that? You say you're not hungry?
Oh, come on, Michael. For once in your life have a little faith!
- Wow! - Hmm...
It's really good.
Thank you, sweetie.
♪ Just like
♪ they Miss mistletoe on Death Row ♪
DALE: Ha! Ha!
- (APPLAUSE) - Oh, thank you very much. Appreciate that.
Hey, Nick!
How 'bout sitting' in?
Hey, Dale. Thanks, maybe later.
Okay, I gotcha.
Let's take a break, boys.
I thought we had an understanding.
What do you mean?
You promised not to paint the house pink, remember?
Paint the house pink?
Christmas lights.
Not a one.
It's not really living up to the neighborhood standards, now.
Can I ask you a question?
Does this really make sense to you?
People celebrating the birth of Jesus
by seeing how many lights that they can cram onto their houses?
Come on, man. I mean,
doesn't that sound like a bunch of...
Horse hockey? Yeah.
Horse hockey.
Maybe it is
a lot of horse hockey.
I guess it depends on the way you look at it.
Well, how else are you gonna look at it?
Um, well...
What ties a family together?
It's not the blood. It's not having the same last name.
It's the memories.
Well I have plenty of bad memories.
Well there's nothing you can do about those.
But you do have a say-so over the good ones.
Let's eat!
DALE: (SINGING) ♪ Christmas time in Texas
♪ Leaves are on the ground.
♪ Christmas time in Texas
♪ You know where I'll be found
♪ Home with Dad and Mom
♪ Smell the evergreen ♪
Almost didn't recognize the old home place.
It looks a little bit...
Dark?
Sticks out like a missing tooth in a big smile, huh?
Christmas lights.
You sure you got enough lights?
- Now, if you need lights... - (LAUGHING)
No, no, please.
I got plenty of lights, man.
I got... I got plenty of 'em.
Yeah.
You got more important things to be thinking about, anyway.
I'm sorry about your son.
But don't forget.
Memories are what ties a family together
down through the generations.
And memories are the greatest gift a father can give his son.
The last gift my dad gave me
was a box of Christmas lights.
You sure about that?
You better take another look.
Thanks, Nick. You got it.
(INAUDIBLE)
(LAUGHING) Oh, come on.
(SIGHS)
GRIFFIN AND KAT: (SINGING) ♪ Christmas time is here
♪ Happiness and cheer
♪ Olden times and ancient rhymes
♪ of love and dreams to share
♪ Sleigh bells in the air
♪ Beauty everywhere
♪ Yuletide by the fireside
♪ and joyful memories there
♪ Christmas time is here
♪ We'll be drawing near
♪ Oh, that we could always see
♪ such spirit through the year
♪ Sleigh bells in the air
♪ Beauty everywhere
♪ Yuletide by the fireside
♪ and joyful memories there
♪ Christmas time is here
♪ Happiness and cheer
♪ Fun for all that children call
♪ their favorite time of year
♪ Christmas time is here
♪ Christmas time is here ♪
Hey, Griffin. Uh...
Can I borrow a ladder?
(LAUGHS)
Michael?
♪ The girl at the grocery
♪ She's pretty and seems nice
♪ but she looks right through me
♪ with eyes cold as ice
♪ She never answers...
Hey!
What are you doing'?
I'm hanging lights.
I see that.
You wanna come down and talk about it?
I'm all right.
Okay.
♪ Not anything more
You know this is kind of unusual behavior for you, right?
Totally. (LAUGHING)
Okay.
I mean, this is just nutty, right?
Completely insane.
- (LAUGHING) OKAY. - (LAUGHING)
All right.
Want some help?
♪ But, hey, what could she mean by that?
♪ Perhaps I'm the fool she takes me for
♪ Not anything more
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
♪ Now each Christmas morning I sit in my chair
♪ and I look up at the angels that float through the air
♪ Some look down beside me
♪ Some come to my side
♪ and tell me that Jesus
♪ he said to say hi ♪
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
MA: Well, I never!
Guess this is what happens
when you've bottled up Christmas
for the last 30 years.
Yeah, and then "whoosh!"
Hey, look what I got!
(SIGHING)
About ready to call the fire marshal.
Why don't you come inside? It's cold out.
I'll be back.
Where are you going?
I'll be back.
Where are you going?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
- Where on earth's he going? - I... I don't know.
I thought he was supposed to turn the lights on?
You know, I don't think
there's really any explaining his behavior today.
(INAUDIBLE)
Are you still having bad dreams?
(THUDDING)
What is that?
(SCRAPING)
I don't know.
Sounds like it's on the roof.
Be right back.
Hey, Maggie!
Ma, y'all hear that?
(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
What are you looking at?
Burp, Snort and Poot.
Couldn't do it without them.
You know, I learned something
pretty cool from your grandpa yesterday.
Yesterday?
Yeah.
I was blaming myself.
I was blaming Christmas.
That's about the worst thing I could do.
Grandpa loved Christmas.
So did your Uncle David.
Remember you were laying in bed in the hospital
and you asked me,
"Do you think people can still see us after they die?"
Yeah.
I think they can.
So let's make it worth their while.
Ready?
Wow, Dad.
You put a lot of lights up this year.
(LAUGHING)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
They're amazing.
(GASPING) This is wonderful, Michael.
What do you think, Ma?
And you got the reindeer!
Mike! Santa Claus' gonna have
no trouble finding this house!
It's so beautiful.
Thanks a lot, Michael, now we gotta get more lights for our house!
(ALL LAUGHING)
I think you'll manage, Griff. You'll find some.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
(CHUCKLING)
Whatcha say, man? It's Grandpa's guitar!
God, isn't that amazing? That's very cool.
It's awesome. Mmm-hmm.
Maybe we can play something together.
Maybe.
Let me just learn how to play guitar. (LAUGHING)
Yeah, I'm working' on this myself. Then, we can play.
Jocelyn!
- Bob! - You remember?
Bob!
Merry Christmas! MAGGIE: Hi, Bob.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my God!
(MICHAEL SINGING) ♪ On the first day of Christmas
♪ my true love gave to me
♪ A bat in a belfry
(ALL CHUCKLING)
♪ On the second day of Christmas
♪ my true love sent to me
♪ Two slimy slugs
♪ and a bat in a belfry
♪ On the third day of Christmas
♪ my true love sent to me
♪ Three grinchy friends,
♪ two slimy slugs
♪ and a bat in a belfry ♪
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
That's me. That's Uncle David.
That's... That's Grandma.
When my hair was long and red and gorgeous.
MICHAEL: And that's Maggie.
(ALL CHEERING)
And this was the most exciting time of all,
going to the mall and seeing Santa Claus.
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
- Michael: Don't laugh at me. - Maggie: Where did your hair go?
MICHAEL: It went far away.
(ALL LAUGHING)
SUSAN: It went to the North Pole!
MICHAEL: Way to go, Grandpa.