1
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Subtitles by explosiveskull

2
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,068
'So I can't catch up on the DVR.'

3
00:00:21,070 --> 00:00:23,036
'It just doesn't matter how hard I try.'

4
00:00:23,038 --> 00:00:25,472
'And I don't have the time
to try. That's the problem.'

5
00:00:25,474 --> 00:00:28,508
'You need to take a day
off, take a little TV vacay.'

6
00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:30,344
- 'A TV vacay?'
- 'Yeah.'

7
00:00:30,346 --> 00:00:32,011
'So I'm supposed to
take a day off from work'

8
00:00:32,013 --> 00:00:34,547
'so I can catch up on all
the programs on my DVR?'

9
00:00:34,549 --> 00:00:37,616
'Turn your phone off, relax and catch up.'

10
00:00:37,618 --> 00:00:39,820
'Okay, first of all, turning
the phone off is not an option.'

11
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:42,689
'Second of all, relaxing is for pussies.'

12
00:00:42,691 --> 00:00:44,657
'Do I look like a pussy to you?'

13
00:00:44,659 --> 00:00:46,559
'Well, pussies are caught
up on "The Hard Life."'

14
00:00:46,561 --> 00:00:48,762
'Yeah, I-I can't watch that show.'

15
00:00:48,764 --> 00:00:49,963
'I just can't do it.'

16
00:00:49,965 --> 00:00:51,364
'It's the best show on TV'

17
00:00:51,366 --> 00:00:52,866
'and you just stopped watchin'?'

18
00:00:52,868 --> 00:00:56,436
Yeah, because I felt like I
was being told I had to watch.

19
00:00:56,438 --> 00:01:00,540
Don't tell me I have to watch.
Just let me watch. I'm smart.

20
00:01:00,542 --> 00:01:02,074
Look, I'm a writer/musician.

21
00:01:02,076 --> 00:01:03,744
So I know when things are good or bad.

22
00:01:03,746 --> 00:01:05,645
You do. You have an aesthetic.

23
00:01:05,647 --> 00:01:07,047
'And "The Hard Life" is a good show'

24
00:01:07,049 --> 00:01:08,615
but there are bad things about it.

25
00:01:08,617 --> 00:01:10,484
Well, there's bad things about everything

26
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if you look hard enough.

27
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It's what I do as a producer.

28
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Exactly. The castin' on
that show is horrendous.

29
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I mean, castin' a mentally disabled person

30
00:01:18,427 --> 00:01:20,927
'to basically play
himself? It's exploitation.'

31
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I'm sorry, which one's retarded?

32
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'Smash, the big, ugly guy'

33
00:01:23,932 --> 00:01:25,499
who smashes beer cans on his forehead.

34
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I love when the guy does that.

35
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I literally laugh out
loud. And I don't laugh.

36
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But, come on, it's so over the top.

37
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Even if he's retarded,
nobody's that retarded.

38
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You should talk to my agent.

39
00:01:39,046 --> 00:01:41,748
- You textin' your boyfriend?
- Yeah.

40
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Just telling him I wish he existed.

41
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Oh!

42
00:01:46,421 --> 00:01:48,154
That's funny.

43
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Have I seen you at an audition before?

44
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- Um..
- I think I have. I have.

45
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:54,094
- The-the popcorn commercial.
- Yeah.

46
00:01:54,096 --> 00:01:56,695
That one was so weird with
the puppets and everything.

47
00:01:56,697 --> 00:01:59,433
They were so creepy, right?
Did you get called back on that?

48
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Yeah, but I didn't book it.

49
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You should have. You are so freakin' hot.

50
00:02:03,605 --> 00:02:05,704
I mean, I saw you when you
walked in. You're delicious.

51
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Oh, thank you.

52
00:02:08,109 --> 00:02:09,878
You're so perceptive.

53
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- Are you alright?
- Yeah.

54
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Because you look terrible.

55
00:02:21,657 --> 00:02:23,222
E-excuse me?

56
00:02:23,224 --> 00:02:25,792
Uh, well, like you've been cryin'.

57
00:02:25,794 --> 00:02:29,029
Are you okay? Did-did,
did someone hurt you?

58
00:02:29,031 --> 00:02:31,734
No. I'm fine.

59
00:02:32,867 --> 00:02:35,768
I-I just got off work.

60
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I look terrible?

61
00:02:37,171 --> 00:02:39,905
Yes, you look terrible.

62
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Look, dear, if you need someone to talk to

63
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my name is Margaret. I'm here with friends.

64
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- Okay.
- Don't hesitate.

65
00:02:55,824 --> 00:02:57,093
I look fine.

66
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Yo, yo, yo, you-you
can't park this here, man.

67
00:03:02,598 --> 00:03:04,130
Why?

68
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Because this is for people
going to that restaurant.

69
00:03:07,169 --> 00:03:09,502
Yeah, I'm having dinner.

70
00:03:09,504 --> 00:03:12,172
- At-at this place?
- Yes.

71
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Okay.

72
00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,576
What the fuck happened to your car, man?

73
00:03:16,578 --> 00:03:17,776
What do you mean?

74
00:03:17,778 --> 00:03:18,945
I mean, did you get into an accident

75
00:03:18,947 --> 00:03:20,179
on your way here or what?

76
00:03:20,181 --> 00:03:22,749
No, it's just old, you know, city driving.

77
00:03:22,751 --> 00:03:24,618
Oh, sure, you know, 'cause, I mean

78
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:26,185
it looks like you drove it
through a fuckin' sandstorm.

79
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Wash your car, man.

80
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Seriously.

81
00:03:30,592 --> 00:03:32,559
I mean, if-if you don't
respect what you drive

82
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you don't respect yourself.

83
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- Yeah.
- I-I-I, you know..

84
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I-I never get called back for anything

85
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:42,735
but I'm takin' classes, you know

86
00:03:42,737 --> 00:03:44,270
just kind of workin' on my craft

87
00:03:44,272 --> 00:03:46,540
and hopefully I find
my voice here, you know?

88
00:03:46,542 --> 00:03:48,007
- I'm sure you will.
- Yeah, yeah.

89
00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:49,842
In the meantime, I'm trainin'
to be a personal trainer.

90
00:03:49,844 --> 00:03:51,043
I'm trainin' to train.

91
00:03:51,045 --> 00:03:52,245
That's what I like to say, right?

92
00:03:52,247 --> 00:03:53,846
I should put that on a T-shirt, right?

93
00:03:53,848 --> 00:03:56,750
I mean, that, that is, that is funny stuff.

94
00:03:57,885 --> 00:03:59,953
Oh, okay.

95
00:03:59,955 --> 00:04:01,321
Well, alright, alright.

96
00:04:01,323 --> 00:04:03,256
You guys are officially the hottest chicks

97
00:04:03,258 --> 00:04:04,858
in this place.

98
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:06,059
What the fuck are you talking about?

99
00:04:06,061 --> 00:04:07,827
Amy, stop. He's just being sweet.

100
00:04:07,829 --> 00:04:09,863
Sweet? Okay.

101
00:04:09,865 --> 00:04:11,565
Sweet. You girls want a piece of cake?

102
00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:14,233
Two. Now, leave.

103
00:04:14,235 --> 00:04:16,870
I'm Syd, by the way.

104
00:04:16,872 --> 00:04:18,904
My name's Dean.

105
00:04:18,906 --> 00:04:20,209
Like James.

106
00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:24,678
- Jesus Christ!
- I think he's so cute.

107
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,178
- He's a waiter.
- So?

108
00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:28,582
Maybe he's in a place right now
where this is what he has to do.

109
00:04:28,584 --> 00:04:29,983
- He's a waiter.
- So..

110
00:04:29,985 --> 00:04:31,284
Who are we to judge other people?

111
00:04:31,286 --> 00:04:33,887
Syd, he's a waiter.

112
00:04:33,889 --> 00:04:35,921
Amy, I'm a waiter.

113
00:04:35,923 --> 00:04:38,291
So it doesn't mean you have to date one.

114
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You're right.

115
00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:41,898
Yeah.

116
00:04:43,197 --> 00:04:44,897
Smash?

117
00:04:44,899 --> 00:04:48,702
Hey, you're Smash, right,
from "The Hard Life?"

118
00:04:48,704 --> 00:04:51,070
Yeah, yeah. Uh, uh,
actually my name is Matt.

119
00:04:51,072 --> 00:04:54,039
Oh, Smash. You are hilarious, man!

120
00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:55,642
I wish you had a beer can right now.

121
00:04:55,644 --> 00:04:57,676
You know what I mean? So you can..

122
00:04:57,678 --> 00:04:59,178
You know, right? You know what I mean?

123
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:00,212
Yeah, a beer can..

124
00:05:02,184 --> 00:05:03,849
You should carry one around with you, man.

125
00:05:03,851 --> 00:05:05,317
I am serious, so-so you can do

126
00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:06,752
you know, what you do on the show.

127
00:05:06,754 --> 00:05:10,123
You know, uh, you get the TV.. Smash!

128
00:05:10,125 --> 00:05:12,058
Right? Smash!

129
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:15,295
- I love that shit.
- Yeah.

130
00:05:15,297 --> 00:05:18,163
Oh, man, I wish I get
paid to do shit like that.

131
00:05:18,165 --> 00:05:20,265
I, I really do. Hey, hey, how do you..

132
00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:22,334
How do you get on TV?

133
00:05:22,336 --> 00:05:24,937
Uh, uh, you know, if you
can just give me a little jam

134
00:05:24,939 --> 00:05:26,305
a little token, a little, little tip

135
00:05:26,307 --> 00:05:28,875
that'd be just much appreciated.

136
00:05:28,877 --> 00:05:32,745
You know, I'm meetin' a friend
here for dinner, so, uh..

137
00:05:32,747 --> 00:05:35,117
Wow, so you're not a handy person?

138
00:05:36,651 --> 00:05:38,721
No, no, I-I-I'm
an actor.

139
00:05:42,057 --> 00:05:44,225
So I guess there's somethin'
wrong with me, right?

140
00:05:48,863 --> 00:05:50,298
I was just jokin'.

141
00:05:54,036 --> 00:05:55,737
I'd like to photograph you.

142
00:05:57,406 --> 00:06:00,339
Please, just park my car. Okay, please?

143
00:06:00,341 --> 00:06:02,442
- How much you gonna tip me?
- What?

144
00:06:02,444 --> 00:06:04,377
Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.

145
00:06:04,379 --> 00:06:07,346
Do you have enough cash

146
00:06:07,348 --> 00:06:09,716
to give me a tip?

147
00:06:09,718 --> 00:06:10,750
Yes, I have plenty...

148
00:06:10,752 --> 00:06:11,985
'Cause you know, if you don't

149
00:06:11,987 --> 00:06:14,019
there's a machine right around the corner.

150
00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:15,988
I have cash. I have cash.

151
00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:18,860
Everyone says that, but people are liars.

152
00:06:20,295 --> 00:06:21,695
Here's a thought.

153
00:06:21,697 --> 00:06:23,062
Maybe people don't tip you

154
00:06:23,064 --> 00:06:25,197
because you're not a nice person.

155
00:06:25,199 --> 00:06:27,399
Y-you are nice?

156
00:06:27,401 --> 00:06:28,637
Move to fuckin' Nebraska.

157
00:06:30,939 --> 00:06:32,372
It's all about bein' seen.

158
00:06:32,374 --> 00:06:34,173
Go to more clubs and openings.

159
00:06:34,175 --> 00:06:35,341
- Do you have a publicist?
- No.

160
00:06:35,343 --> 00:06:38,110
I haven't actually done anything.

161
00:06:38,112 --> 00:06:39,245
Well, that doesn't matter.

162
00:06:39,247 --> 00:06:42,014
When you're good-looking as you are

163
00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:43,882
you don't have to have done anything.

164
00:06:43,884 --> 00:06:45,418
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.

165
00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:47,486
The good-looking people can
be plugged into anything.

166
00:06:47,488 --> 00:06:50,389
It's the very specific and odd types

167
00:06:50,391 --> 00:06:53,793
that actually have to have talent.

168
00:06:53,795 --> 00:06:55,765
And even that's not always the case.

169
00:06:58,065 --> 00:07:01,034
Oh! Hey, Dave, you're late.

170
00:07:01,036 --> 00:07:04,036
I know, I know. I'm sorry,
okay? I had to work late.

171
00:07:04,038 --> 00:07:05,938
Hey, well, now that your buddy is here

172
00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:07,906
I'll let you guys get to it.

173
00:07:07,908 --> 00:07:10,142
Yeah, it was nice to meet you.

174
00:07:10,144 --> 00:07:12,144
Hey, nice to meet you, too, bro.

175
00:07:12,146 --> 00:07:14,413
Big fan, big fan!

176
00:07:14,415 --> 00:07:15,914
Thanks.

177
00:07:15,916 --> 00:07:17,449
Enjoy the rest of your dinner.

178
00:07:17,451 --> 00:07:20,853
Oh, right, sorry. Didn't mean to intrude.

179
00:07:20,855 --> 00:07:24,057
We'll be over here with
the non-television actors.

180
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,396
Okay.

181
00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:31,901
I'll just give you a few
minutes to look over the menu.

182
00:07:34,269 --> 00:07:35,834
I mean, just 'cause a
guy's hot doesn't mean

183
00:07:35,836 --> 00:07:37,170
you need to waste your time with him.

184
00:07:37,172 --> 00:07:38,370
Okay, but I just can't follow

185
00:07:38,372 --> 00:07:39,906
the rules like you, okay?

186
00:07:39,908 --> 00:07:41,473
I have to follow my heart.

187
00:07:41,475 --> 00:07:44,010
Well, your heart's stupid.

188
00:07:44,012 --> 00:07:46,880
- My heart is not stupid.
- Hm.

189
00:07:46,882 --> 00:07:48,481
Okay, remember Tito?

190
00:07:48,483 --> 00:07:50,916
The club promoter who took
you to the Dominican Republic

191
00:07:50,918 --> 00:07:52,185
and then left you there?

192
00:07:52,187 --> 00:07:53,452
Okay, I had an adventure

193
00:07:53,454 --> 00:07:55,555
and I learned a lot of Spanish.

194
00:07:55,557 --> 00:07:57,824
What about Dan, the snowboarder

195
00:07:57,826 --> 00:08:00,159
who had sex with your
sister at the X Games?

196
00:08:00,161 --> 00:08:01,360
Well, they fell in love and, you know..

197
00:08:01,362 --> 00:08:03,930
That baby is so cute.

198
00:08:03,932 --> 00:08:05,832
Or the guy who gave you lice

199
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:08,334
and then took a dump in your shower..

200
00:08:08,336 --> 00:08:10,370
- What was his name again?
- Domingo.

201
00:08:10,372 --> 00:08:12,070
Yeah, fuck that guy.
That guy was an asshole.

202
00:08:12,072 --> 00:08:14,473
Asshole? Then why'd you date him?

203
00:08:14,475 --> 00:08:16,276
Fine, you know what,
you're so quick to judge

204
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:18,577
my awful choices, but what about yours?

205
00:08:18,579 --> 00:08:21,180
I don't make awful choices. I'm perfect.

206
00:08:21,182 --> 00:08:22,414
This is what happens when you're late.

207
00:08:22,416 --> 00:08:23,916
I'm sorry.

208
00:08:23,918 --> 00:08:25,218
Because of you, I just got torn apart

209
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:26,252
by Jerry Fuck-heimer.

210
00:08:26,254 --> 00:08:27,820
I'm really sorry.

211
00:08:27,822 --> 00:08:29,522
It's alright. I just hate everyone.

212
00:08:29,524 --> 00:08:31,524
I know. You say it all the time.

213
00:08:31,526 --> 00:08:34,026
Huh, I do, don't I?

214
00:08:34,028 --> 00:08:36,195
So, ladies?

215
00:08:36,197 --> 00:08:38,498
We're talking. Just walk away.

216
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,400
But I-I, I thought we had a like a...

217
00:08:40,402 --> 00:08:42,901
Look, we're lesbians.

218
00:08:42,903 --> 00:08:45,470
- That's even better.
- It's not happening.

219
00:08:45,472 --> 00:08:48,777
Just walk away, you himbo, walk away.

220
00:08:51,413 --> 00:08:53,613
Uh.. Okay, yeah.

221
00:08:53,615 --> 00:08:55,547
- You are so mean.
- Thank you.

222
00:08:55,549 --> 00:08:57,182
You know, you've been here
for, like, ten seconds?

223
00:08:57,184 --> 00:08:59,518
Are people born evil or
does society turn them

224
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,954
into monsters, demons, devils?

225
00:09:01,956 --> 00:09:04,257
- What's this guy's name again?
- Darren.

226
00:09:04,259 --> 00:09:06,291
You realize how cliche
it is to hate your boss?

227
00:09:06,293 --> 00:09:08,427
But he's so hate-able.

228
00:09:08,429 --> 00:09:09,896
Just 'cause he went to Dartmouth

229
00:09:09,898 --> 00:09:12,031
he thinks his dick is
made of whipped cream.

230
00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:13,366
What does that mean?

231
00:09:13,368 --> 00:09:15,568
- It's an Ivy League thing.
- Okay.

232
00:09:15,570 --> 00:09:17,436
He just made me rewrite my episode

233
00:09:17,438 --> 00:09:19,906
for the fifth time.

234
00:09:19,908 --> 00:09:21,608
We're the lowest-rated
cartoon on basic cable

235
00:09:21,610 --> 00:09:23,575
and he thinks he's Aaron Sorkin.

236
00:09:23,577 --> 00:09:25,511
- How old is he again?
- Twenty five.

237
00:09:25,513 --> 00:09:27,146
Yeah, fuck that guy.

238
00:09:27,148 --> 00:09:29,616
I am killing myself for a show

239
00:09:29,618 --> 00:09:32,421
that barely entertains
six-year-olds.

240
00:09:34,556 --> 00:09:38,023
Well, at least you're not retarded.

241
00:09:38,025 --> 00:09:40,158
See, this is your problem,
you never leave your house.

242
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,927
So you don't know how
to talk to real people.

243
00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:43,629
Okay, I will have you
know that I am considered

244
00:09:43,631 --> 00:09:45,297
the coolest person in my office.

245
00:09:45,299 --> 00:09:46,999
Okay.

246
00:09:47,001 --> 00:09:48,468
Are you listening to yourself?

247
00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:50,538
'Cause that's the saddest
thing I've ever heard.

248
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,208
Yeah, that really was pretty
pathetic. Fine. Okay, fine.

249
00:09:55,210 --> 00:09:58,143
Then what-what am I
supposed to do about it?

250
00:09:58,145 --> 00:10:01,046
- We're going out... to a bar.
- No!

251
00:10:01,048 --> 00:10:03,516
Matt, you promised me. I need this.

252
00:10:03,518 --> 00:10:04,550
You need what?

253
00:10:04,552 --> 00:10:06,419
I need to drink some drinks

254
00:10:06,421 --> 00:10:07,954
and talk to some ladies.

255
00:10:07,956 --> 00:10:10,455
Dave, you're not gonna talk to anyone.

256
00:10:10,457 --> 00:10:12,190
No, but you are

257
00:10:12,192 --> 00:10:14,661
and then I'm gonna slide
into the conversation.

258
00:10:14,663 --> 00:10:16,628
Look, talkin' to women in the city

259
00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:18,297
is not that interesting.

260
00:10:18,299 --> 00:10:21,501
That may be true, but what if

261
00:10:21,503 --> 00:10:24,671
what if there are
interesting people out there?

262
00:10:24,673 --> 00:10:26,940
Fascinating, intelligent,
diamonds in the rough

263
00:10:26,942 --> 00:10:28,241
and we just haven't met them yet.

264
00:10:28,243 --> 00:10:30,443
Alright, keep it in
your pants, John Hughes.

265
00:10:30,445 --> 00:10:32,045
No, no, no. I am not going to a bar...

266
00:10:32,047 --> 00:10:33,646
- Amy.
- Syd.

267
00:10:33,648 --> 00:10:37,249
I am your friend. Let me help you.

268
00:10:37,251 --> 00:10:38,920
We're going to a bar.

269
00:10:40,154 --> 00:10:44,589
Fine, but I will not have fun.

270
00:10:44,591 --> 00:10:47,026
Fine. How about this?

271
00:10:47,028 --> 00:10:50,463
You, my friend, have a morbid
and perverse sense of humor.

272
00:10:50,465 --> 00:10:51,998
Now you're speakin' my language...

273
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,334
So perverse that you genuinely enjoy

274
00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:57,203
watching human beings
unravel before your very eyes.

275
00:10:57,205 --> 00:10:58,503
Of course. Who doesn't?

276
00:10:58,505 --> 00:11:02,074
I have had a very long week

277
00:11:02,076 --> 00:11:05,511
and I guarantee that this
will be one of those nights

278
00:11:05,513 --> 00:11:08,414
where I completely fall apart.

279
00:11:08,416 --> 00:11:10,550
Now, that sounds great.

280
00:11:10,552 --> 00:11:12,218
Where are we goin'?

281
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:30,939
- Excuse me!
- This guy's unbelievable.

282
00:11:34,341 --> 00:11:35,742
Hey, two vodka cranberries, please.

283
00:11:35,744 --> 00:11:37,576
Uh, can I get a white wine instead?

284
00:11:37,578 --> 00:11:39,579
Wait. Wine? What, are you divorced?

285
00:11:39,581 --> 00:11:42,515
Look at this place. The wine's
probably been open for months.

286
00:11:42,517 --> 00:11:45,084
Fine. Can I have a vodka cranberry?

287
00:11:45,086 --> 00:11:47,320
And I'll just say that I have
a urinary-tract infection.

288
00:11:47,322 --> 00:11:49,155
Uh, okay.

289
00:11:49,157 --> 00:11:51,491
I wish I was a pretty girl.

290
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,258
Excuse me?

291
00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:55,127
I wish I could just walk
up to the bar and order

292
00:11:55,129 --> 00:11:57,195
no matter who else was standing there.

293
00:11:57,197 --> 00:11:58,230
What are you saying?

294
00:11:58,232 --> 00:12:00,098
I think we cut in front on them.

295
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,767
Well, there's a natural order
to things. We're in a bar.

296
00:12:01,769 --> 00:12:03,703
You guys should know it's ladies first.

297
00:12:03,705 --> 00:12:05,504
Maybe that's why you're alone right now.

298
00:12:05,506 --> 00:12:07,241
Later, dudes.

299
00:12:09,110 --> 00:12:10,276
Well, alright..

300
00:12:10,278 --> 00:12:12,145
Uh, those girls are such bitches.

301
00:12:12,147 --> 00:12:15,314
- Which is very attractive.
- I guess.

302
00:12:15,316 --> 00:12:17,215
Did that girl look familiar to you?

303
00:12:17,217 --> 00:12:18,483
The one that looks like she's been cryin'?

304
00:12:18,485 --> 00:12:20,118
No, no, no. The other one.

305
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,286
Never seen her before in my life.

306
00:12:21,288 --> 00:12:23,823
I feel like I know her from somewhere.

307
00:12:23,825 --> 00:12:26,825
- You want me to go ask her?
- No, no, absolutely not.

308
00:12:26,827 --> 00:12:29,728
They were very attractive,
but had negative attitudes.

309
00:12:29,730 --> 00:12:32,732
There's too much uncertainty
there to make the first move.

310
00:12:32,734 --> 00:12:34,666
You're a dork.

311
00:12:34,668 --> 00:12:36,569
Yeah, that's about right.

312
00:12:36,571 --> 00:12:38,403
Hey, buddy!

313
00:12:38,405 --> 00:12:40,742
- No, there's no one here.
- Hey!

314
00:12:42,644 --> 00:12:43,810
But..

315
00:12:45,212 --> 00:12:48,116
I wish I had a hook!

316
00:12:49,484 --> 00:12:52,517
- I don't know about you, uh..
- Amy.

317
00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,087
I don't know about you, Amy

318
00:12:54,089 --> 00:12:57,156
but I've gotten really
into cheese this summer.

319
00:12:57,158 --> 00:12:58,491
Oh, wow!

320
00:12:58,493 --> 00:12:59,758
I don't know if you know this

321
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,694
but there are more types of cheese

322
00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:02,862
than there are types of wines.

323
00:13:02,864 --> 00:13:04,530
Yeah, like, 20 times more.

324
00:13:04,532 --> 00:13:06,199
That's interesting.

325
00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:07,767
I mean, when I drink wine, I like to have

326
00:13:07,769 --> 00:13:09,669
a couple of different
cheeses to choose from.

327
00:13:09,671 --> 00:13:11,403
Uh..

328
00:13:11,405 --> 00:13:14,739
- Cheese.
- What?

329
00:13:14,741 --> 00:13:18,210
You don't pluralize cheese.
It's improper to say cheeses.

330
00:13:18,212 --> 00:13:21,147
- Thank you.
- That's not true.

331
00:13:21,149 --> 00:13:23,348
I think he knows what he's talking about.

332
00:13:23,350 --> 00:13:27,152
He dated a girl who worked
at Cheese And Thank You.

333
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:28,521
He dated a girl?

334
00:13:28,523 --> 00:13:30,355
Wait, but what about when you're at a party

335
00:13:30,357 --> 00:13:33,225
and someone says, "Please
enjoy these meats and cheeses?"

336
00:13:33,227 --> 00:13:35,795
- Yeah, those people are wrong.
- And stupid.

337
00:13:35,797 --> 00:13:38,296
- Stupid and dumb.
- Dumb and dumber.

338
00:13:38,298 --> 00:13:40,766
- Liar, liar.
- Pants on fire.

339
00:13:40,768 --> 00:13:42,368
Fire starter.

340
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:44,837
- Drew Barrymore!
- Drew Barrymore!

341
00:13:44,839 --> 00:13:46,671
We got there naturally.

342
00:13:46,673 --> 00:13:49,775
You know you're flirting
with each other, right?

343
00:13:49,777 --> 00:13:51,911
- Who are you?
- Yeah, you wish.

344
00:13:51,913 --> 00:13:54,747
Well, this is going really well.

345
00:13:54,749 --> 00:13:57,349
Hey, girl, hey! Where you been at?

346
00:13:57,351 --> 00:14:00,386
Oh, my God, Reggie!

347
00:14:00,388 --> 00:14:03,723
If you hired another bartender,
you'd sell double the drinks!

348
00:14:03,725 --> 00:14:06,559
I shall not be giving
this place a good review!

349
00:14:06,561 --> 00:14:07,792
- Good one.
- Thank you.

350
00:14:07,794 --> 00:14:09,594
So who are you gonna start talkin' to?

351
00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:11,196
There's nobody here worth talkin' to.

352
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,299
It feels like we're drinkin'
in an Urban Outfitters.

353
00:14:13,301 --> 00:14:15,600
You don't give the citizens
of this city enough credit.

354
00:14:15,602 --> 00:14:17,605
Have a little faith in humanity.

355
00:14:18,773 --> 00:14:20,805
God, I need a drink.

356
00:14:20,807 --> 00:14:22,541
I guess I could try to be more positive.

357
00:14:22,543 --> 00:14:23,745
Yeah.

358
00:14:26,447 --> 00:14:29,614
What's up, you fucking cock smokers?

359
00:14:29,616 --> 00:14:31,249
Why are you two alone? Oh!

360
00:14:31,251 --> 00:14:33,618
Are you guys like gay
boyfriends or something?

361
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,222
Nope, I was right. Everyone is terrible.

362
00:14:36,224 --> 00:14:37,924
It's about time you get some pussy

363
00:14:37,926 --> 00:14:39,824
you fucking faggots.

364
00:14:39,826 --> 00:14:41,493
Ladies.

365
00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:42,762
Uh, what? Unbelievable!

366
00:14:42,764 --> 00:14:44,296
We've been waiting for 15 minutes.

367
00:14:44,298 --> 00:14:46,364
I will have a starburst

368
00:14:46,366 --> 00:14:47,800
and she will have..

369
00:14:47,802 --> 00:14:50,969
- A man in a van!
- I don't know what that is.

370
00:14:50,971 --> 00:14:53,839
It's a glassful of vodka, no ice

371
00:14:53,841 --> 00:14:56,441
with a piece of hard
candy at the bottom. Duh.

372
00:14:56,443 --> 00:14:58,877
'Cause if you want the candy, you gotta..

373
00:14:58,879 --> 00:15:01,280
- ...like, get super fucked!
- Like, get super fucked!

374
00:15:01,282 --> 00:15:03,382
Oh, my God.

375
00:15:03,384 --> 00:15:05,618
This is a bar. I don't have hard candy.

376
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:08,320
Shit! Fine!

377
00:15:08,322 --> 00:15:10,223
I'll have black coffee with rum in it.

378
00:15:10,225 --> 00:15:12,624
Ugh, that cannot taste good.

379
00:15:12,626 --> 00:15:15,761
It doesn't. It tastes like hot shit.

380
00:15:15,763 --> 00:15:17,762
Then why did you order it?

381
00:15:17,764 --> 00:15:20,233
I don't know, dad!

382
00:15:20,235 --> 00:15:22,501
Maybe 'cause I wanted to!

383
00:15:22,503 --> 00:15:26,571
Hey, listen, you're buying
our drinks, Mr. Actor Man.

384
00:15:26,573 --> 00:15:30,642
We know! We know who
you are, Mr. Actor Man.

385
00:15:30,644 --> 00:15:34,412
So, Smash, I love you.

386
00:15:34,414 --> 00:15:36,281
My name's actually Matt.

387
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:37,682
This is Dave.

388
00:15:37,684 --> 00:15:40,419
- That's Kimber.
- 'Bout it. 'Bout it.

389
00:15:40,421 --> 00:15:42,254
And I'm Chair.

390
00:15:42,256 --> 00:15:45,358
- Chair?
- No, Chair.

391
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,560
Chair, like something you sit on?

392
00:15:47,562 --> 00:15:51,296
No, Chair, like my name.

393
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:53,366
What is your full name?

394
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:55,667
Charlotte.

395
00:15:55,669 --> 00:15:58,271
That's Char, not Chair.

396
00:15:58,273 --> 00:16:00,539
There is no "Chair" in Charlotte.

397
00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:05,744
Yeah, there is.

398
00:16:05,746 --> 00:16:08,013
Whoa..

399
00:16:08,015 --> 00:16:11,850
Boys, I don't, uh, normally do this

400
00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:14,753
but I love the show, those are on me.

401
00:16:14,755 --> 00:16:16,855
Thanks, man.

402
00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:20,695
And so... is this empty beer can.

403
00:16:25,832 --> 00:16:27,336
Okay.

404
00:16:28,503 --> 00:16:31,536
It was so nice to meet you.

405
00:16:31,538 --> 00:16:33,973
Fine, walk away!

406
00:16:33,975 --> 00:16:37,443
It's like you're on your fucking period!

407
00:16:37,445 --> 00:16:40,749
Later on! And legalize gay, right?

408
00:16:41,982 --> 00:16:44,316
What?

409
00:16:44,318 --> 00:16:45,917
Well, that was fun.

410
00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:48,054
I know it seems bad, okay?

411
00:16:48,056 --> 00:16:50,955
- Yeah, I think I'm gonna leave.
- Wait, no, don't leave yet.

412
00:16:50,957 --> 00:16:54,593
- We're so close. I can feel it.
- So close to what?

413
00:16:54,595 --> 00:16:56,695
I don't know. I'm makin'
this up as I go along.

414
00:16:56,697 --> 00:16:59,364
Hey, are you in that show?

415
00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:00,699
Yeah.

416
00:17:00,701 --> 00:17:02,501
- What show?
- You know "The Hard Life."

417
00:17:02,503 --> 00:17:04,336
The one about the people
in the trailer park.

418
00:17:04,338 --> 00:17:06,572
Oh, yeah. I heard that's good.
I keep meaning to watch it.

419
00:17:06,574 --> 00:17:08,774
She's never gonna watch
it. She doesn't watch TV.

420
00:17:08,776 --> 00:17:11,610
Well, he's very good in it. So
you should start watching TV.

421
00:17:11,612 --> 00:17:13,946
Thank you, but, uh, I encourage reading

422
00:17:13,948 --> 00:17:16,582
because, let's be honest, it's fundamental.

423
00:17:16,584 --> 00:17:18,551
Now, where do I know you from?

424
00:17:18,553 --> 00:17:20,652
- Uh...
- You know Dave?

425
00:17:20,654 --> 00:17:23,021
I feel I do. Are you in a show too?

426
00:17:23,023 --> 00:17:25,824
- Uh, no, I'm a writer.
- What do you write?

427
00:17:25,826 --> 00:17:28,827
- Uh, I write for...-
- He writes for TV.

428
00:17:28,829 --> 00:17:31,532
Wait. Do you do yoga?

429
00:17:32,633 --> 00:17:35,034
- Yes.
- You do yoga?

430
00:17:35,036 --> 00:17:36,802
- Yes.
- Oh, my God.

431
00:17:36,804 --> 00:17:38,804
- What?
- Oh, my God, you're that guy.

432
00:17:38,806 --> 00:17:40,439
He's the one I've been telling you about.

433
00:17:40,441 --> 00:17:42,708
You're the guy who stares
at my butt the whole class.

434
00:17:42,710 --> 00:17:46,879
What? No, no, no, I, I
don't stare at your butt. No.

435
00:17:46,881 --> 00:17:49,414
- How often do you do yoga?
- Not often.

436
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,815
'He's there like three times a week.'

437
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:53,419
- Like three times a week.
- Ew.

438
00:17:53,421 --> 00:17:56,020
So, do you like get off
on that type of thing?

439
00:17:56,022 --> 00:17:59,824
- Do you get yoga boners?
- No, I get regular boners.

440
00:17:59,826 --> 00:18:01,427
At home, in private.

441
00:18:01,429 --> 00:18:03,828
And I'm not staring at
your butt, I'm just focusing

442
00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:05,831
straight ahead and trying to stay balanced.

443
00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:07,165
Dave, I'm so proud of you, I didn't know

444
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,867
you were such a pervert.

445
00:18:08,869 --> 00:18:11,437
Ha-ha-ha-ha. I'm
not a pervert.

446
00:18:11,439 --> 00:18:13,139
I'm just bad at yoga, okay? That's it.

447
00:18:13,141 --> 00:18:14,907
Hey, listen, I don't care.

448
00:18:14,909 --> 00:18:16,007
It's impossible to do yoga

449
00:18:16,009 --> 00:18:17,176
without staring at someone's ass.

450
00:18:17,178 --> 00:18:19,010
- Right.
- Right.

451
00:18:19,012 --> 00:18:20,779
How about I show you that we're cool?

452
00:18:20,781 --> 00:18:23,815
- I'll buy the next round.
- That would be stupendous.

453
00:18:23,817 --> 00:18:26,719
Yeah, the problem is we only
drink really high-end beer

454
00:18:26,721 --> 00:18:28,720
from like, up north.

455
00:18:28,722 --> 00:18:30,555
- Yeah.
- Like a northern state.

456
00:18:30,557 --> 00:18:33,092
Like a local, like, you know, microbrewery

457
00:18:33,094 --> 00:18:34,526
Ma and Pa type of mix..

458
00:18:34,528 --> 00:18:36,094
How about the cheapest beer they have?

459
00:18:36,096 --> 00:18:37,595
- I guess.
- Yeah, okay.

460
00:18:37,597 --> 00:18:38,730
- Unless we have to?
- I guess.

461
00:18:38,732 --> 00:18:40,565
I mean, we'll drink it.

462
00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:42,066
Oh, my gosh! They were just having sex.

463
00:18:42,068 --> 00:18:43,536
And you know Felicia's a hot mess.

464
00:18:43,538 --> 00:18:44,969
She'll be all up in the bus trying to get

465
00:18:44,971 --> 00:18:47,139
all these boys try to talk to her on a bus.

466
00:18:47,141 --> 00:18:49,708
Like really? On a, like a, on a bus?

467
00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:50,809
Fuck is wrong with her?

468
00:18:50,811 --> 00:18:53,211
Go get a car. Get a grip. Five-Gs.

469
00:18:55,016 --> 00:18:56,748
If you had a daughter

470
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:59,084
and she had to marry a member of NSYNC

471
00:18:59,086 --> 00:19:01,219
which one would you want her to marry?

472
00:19:01,221 --> 00:19:03,721
- Joey Fatone.
- Wow, that was fast.

473
00:19:03,723 --> 00:19:05,958
Joey Fatone seems like a solid nice guy.

474
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,826
Have you thought about this before?

475
00:19:07,828 --> 00:19:10,161
- Yes, I have.
- You're so dumb.

476
00:19:10,163 --> 00:19:12,832
- Uh, Dave.
- Mm-hm.

477
00:19:12,834 --> 00:19:14,600
What TV mom have you fantasized about?

478
00:19:14,602 --> 00:19:16,768
Mrs. Huxtable.

479
00:19:16,770 --> 00:19:18,636
Clair Huxtable?

480
00:19:18,638 --> 00:19:20,840
- Bill Cosby's wife?
- Yes.

481
00:19:20,842 --> 00:19:22,775
She's a lawyer, she's take charge

482
00:19:22,777 --> 00:19:23,942
but there is an underline

483
00:19:23,944 --> 00:19:25,678
sensuality that cannot be ignored.

484
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,246
- You fantasized about her?
- Oh, my God!

485
00:19:27,248 --> 00:19:30,015
- Yes.
- You are a pervert.

486
00:19:30,017 --> 00:19:32,584
You said you'd have sex with Tom Selleck.

487
00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:34,586
Yeah, I would fuck him,
right now on that bar.

488
00:19:34,588 --> 00:19:35,720
- Am I right?
- Oh, yeah.

489
00:19:35,722 --> 00:19:37,222
- Oh, man.
- Phylicia Rashad?

490
00:19:37,224 --> 00:19:39,123
- Yes.
- Oh, my goodness.

491
00:19:39,125 --> 00:19:40,692
- She's sexy.
- Yes.

492
00:19:40,694 --> 00:19:43,929
Still, I guarantee you,
still is. She's still got.

493
00:19:43,931 --> 00:19:45,698
It's you to Syd.

494
00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:47,799
Uh, if you could do any job

495
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:50,102
other than the one you're
doing now, what would it be?

496
00:19:50,104 --> 00:19:52,103
An actor.

497
00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:53,706
I thought you were an actor.

498
00:19:53,708 --> 00:19:56,241
I'm, I'm just a waitress.

499
00:19:56,243 --> 00:19:57,776
That's all I really do, I'm a..

500
00:19:57,778 --> 00:19:59,978
I'm a waitress tryin' to be an actor.

501
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:03,047
It's very cliche and stupid.

502
00:20:03,049 --> 00:20:04,749
It's, it's not stupid.

503
00:20:04,751 --> 00:20:06,887
It's just, it just happens.

504
00:20:08,154 --> 00:20:09,988
Whose question is it? Um, me to you.

505
00:20:09,990 --> 00:20:13,859
What would you rather have,
um, two noses or three butts?

506
00:20:13,861 --> 00:20:17,529
- Uh, two...
- That's a terrible question.

507
00:20:17,531 --> 00:20:19,765
- I'm sorry.
- Three butts?

508
00:20:19,767 --> 00:20:21,267
Okay, how about this, if you could be in

509
00:20:21,269 --> 00:20:23,835
any movie ever made,
what movie would it be?

510
00:20:23,837 --> 00:20:26,138
- Hm.
- Okay. Okay.

511
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:28,841
Alright, if it's a good
movie, I don't wanna be in it

512
00:20:28,843 --> 00:20:30,875
'cause I don't wanna mess up a good thing.

513
00:20:30,877 --> 00:20:33,011
So the question is what
bad movie do I think

514
00:20:33,013 --> 00:20:35,180
I can make better?

515
00:20:35,182 --> 00:20:37,850
And I would say "Newsies."

516
00:20:37,852 --> 00:20:39,552
I could dance circles
around Christian Bale.

517
00:20:39,554 --> 00:20:42,720
- "Newsies" is not a bad movie.
- You dance?

518
00:20:44,325 --> 00:20:46,027
What the fuck?

519
00:20:48,563 --> 00:20:50,194
Do any of you guys smoke?

520
00:20:50,196 --> 00:20:53,865
- Yeah.
- You want to go outside?

521
00:20:53,867 --> 00:20:55,736
- Okay.
- Okay.

522
00:20:56,604 --> 00:20:58,006
Okay.

523
00:21:06,113 --> 00:21:07,712
- Should we join them?
- Yeah, good!

524
00:21:07,714 --> 00:21:09,583
- Yeah, let's go there!
- Lets go up.

525
00:21:21,962 --> 00:21:24,596
- I only smoke when I drink.
- And?

526
00:21:24,598 --> 00:21:26,632
I drink a lot.

527
00:21:26,634 --> 00:21:28,667
It's impossible to just
have a drink outside a bar

528
00:21:28,669 --> 00:21:31,804
without drowning in cigarettes.

529
00:21:31,806 --> 00:21:33,905
That's a funny thing to think about.

530
00:21:33,907 --> 00:21:34,974
What?

531
00:21:34,976 --> 00:21:37,142
Someone drowning in cigarettes.

532
00:21:37,144 --> 00:21:38,744
It sounds like an anti-smoking ad

533
00:21:38,746 --> 00:21:40,345
where, you know, someone jumps into a pool

534
00:21:40,347 --> 00:21:43,748
filled with cigarettes and drowns.

535
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:45,883
Yeah, but why is that funny?

536
00:21:45,885 --> 00:21:48,053
'Cause they're drowning. It's..

537
00:21:48,055 --> 00:21:50,322
Okay.

538
00:21:50,324 --> 00:21:54,125
So, like, where to next?

539
00:21:54,127 --> 00:21:55,259
- Uh, okay.
- Uh.. Whoa!

540
00:21:55,261 --> 00:21:58,063
- Oh, that's my..
- Sshh.

541
00:21:58,065 --> 00:22:00,766
Where is the party, butt fucker?

542
00:22:00,768 --> 00:22:02,301
Ladies, this is my wife.

543
00:22:03,738 --> 00:22:05,273
Are you wearing my jacket?

544
00:22:06,374 --> 00:22:08,239
What jacket?

545
00:22:08,241 --> 00:22:10,778
Honey, you're wearing a jacket right now.

546
00:22:12,346 --> 00:22:15,213
Oh. Yeah.

547
00:22:15,215 --> 00:22:17,048
Did you steal that from inside?

548
00:22:17,050 --> 00:22:21,786
I was cold. I didn't steal
it, I'm not a stealer.

549
00:22:21,788 --> 00:22:23,689
May I please have my jacket back?

550
00:22:23,691 --> 00:22:27,125
- Stop being so rude.
- Yeah.

551
00:22:27,127 --> 00:22:29,260
I'm a lady..

552
00:22:29,262 --> 00:22:30,996
...and I need your jacket.

553
00:22:30,998 --> 00:22:33,364
Well, I don't want you to throw up on it.

554
00:22:33,366 --> 00:22:35,433
You don't know..

555
00:22:35,435 --> 00:22:37,769
...what I'm gonna do.

556
00:22:37,771 --> 00:22:40,738
See I don't throw up anymore.

557
00:22:40,740 --> 00:22:42,908
I love myself.

558
00:22:42,910 --> 00:22:47,246
Okay. Um, why don't you just
give him back his jacket, honey?

559
00:22:47,248 --> 00:22:49,847
Don't be like that, you dumb bitch.

560
00:22:49,849 --> 00:22:51,719
You don't even know me.

561
00:22:53,019 --> 00:22:55,688
Oh, but I do.

562
00:22:55,690 --> 00:22:58,423
You think you're a unique, special flower

563
00:22:58,425 --> 00:23:00,025
but you're not.

564
00:23:00,027 --> 00:23:02,861
You're just fuck-able.

565
00:23:02,863 --> 00:23:05,363
And since guys want to
fuck you, they lie to you

566
00:23:05,365 --> 00:23:07,266
and act like it's cute when you get drunk

567
00:23:07,268 --> 00:23:09,101
and scream in bars.

568
00:23:09,103 --> 00:23:11,937
But one day, when you're older..

569
00:23:11,939 --> 00:23:14,739
...fuck-able will go away and no one

570
00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:17,476
will want you anymore.

571
00:23:17,478 --> 00:23:21,113
But don't worry, no one will
call you a loser or a failure

572
00:23:21,115 --> 00:23:22,748
because your existence

573
00:23:22,750 --> 00:23:25,718
will never be worth the word "Failure."

574
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,253
Everyone will just
ignore you and forget you

575
00:23:28,255 --> 00:23:31,123
because you're worthless.

576
00:23:31,125 --> 00:23:34,125
So, in ten years, when I see you

577
00:23:34,127 --> 00:23:36,228
and you look at me with dead eyes

578
00:23:36,230 --> 00:23:39,097
from behind the counter of a Burger King

579
00:23:39,099 --> 00:23:43,201
the only words that I wanna
hear come out of your mouth

580
00:23:43,203 --> 00:23:45,970
are "Please kill me."

581
00:23:45,972 --> 00:23:47,405
And I won't

582
00:23:47,407 --> 00:23:51,245
because you're not worth it.

583
00:24:05,459 --> 00:24:07,292
Holy shit.

584
00:24:07,294 --> 00:24:09,495
That was fucking amazing.

585
00:24:09,497 --> 00:24:11,529
Are you okay?

586
00:24:11,531 --> 00:24:16,235
Uh, yeah. I'm shaking,
but I, I'm fucking great.

587
00:24:16,237 --> 00:24:19,771
'That was the meanest
thing I've ever heard.'

588
00:24:19,773 --> 00:24:21,073
Oh, damn it, she still has my jacket

589
00:24:21,075 --> 00:24:24,042
but that was totally worth it.

590
00:24:24,044 --> 00:24:25,477
Do you guys want to go to another bar?

591
00:24:25,479 --> 00:24:27,912
I wanna get, I wanna get drunk.

592
00:24:27,914 --> 00:24:30,047
Yeah. This place is dead anyway.

593
00:24:30,049 --> 00:24:32,151
Wait, I'm sorry, you
want to go to another bar?

594
00:24:32,153 --> 00:24:35,520
Yeah. This dumb bitch wants to get crunk.

595
00:24:40,161 --> 00:24:41,794
She's gonna kill herself.

596
00:24:41,796 --> 00:24:43,027
You, you may have caused a death...

597
00:24:43,029 --> 00:24:45,130
- Should I apologize?
- Oh, no.

598
00:24:45,132 --> 00:24:47,067
- I don't think...
- Yeah, hell no.

599
00:25:00,013 --> 00:25:01,913
- Hey, guy.
- Yes, hello.

600
00:25:01,915 --> 00:25:03,882
How may I help you?

601
00:25:03,884 --> 00:25:06,017
We're leaving if you want our table.

602
00:25:06,019 --> 00:25:09,054
Oh, that's great, thanks. <i>Gracias.</i>

603
00:25:09,056 --> 00:25:11,856
What did you just say to me?

604
00:25:11,858 --> 00:25:15,797
I said <i>"Gracias."</i> The
Spanish phrase for thank you.

605
00:25:20,433 --> 00:25:22,968
I was just fucking with
you. Man, come on, sit down.

606
00:25:22,970 --> 00:25:24,603
- Don't be afraid, come on.
- Come on, guys.

607
00:25:24,605 --> 00:25:27,040
- Thanks.
- Let's go girls.

608
00:25:32,512 --> 00:25:34,345
You guys have a great night.

609
00:25:34,347 --> 00:25:37,415
Remember, life is made up of experiences.

610
00:25:37,417 --> 00:25:40,518
And the greatest
experience of all, is love.

611
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,356
Embrace it.

612
00:25:48,261 --> 00:25:51,395
- Well, that was unexpected.
- This place is fantastic.

613
00:25:51,397 --> 00:25:54,333
See, why do I make these assumptions?

614
00:25:54,335 --> 00:25:56,535
I thought that guy was gonna
punch me, but he didn't.

615
00:25:56,537 --> 00:25:58,871
He's a really nice guy
with a heart of gold.

616
00:25:58,873 --> 00:26:00,538
He could kick your ass
if he wanted to, though.

617
00:26:00,540 --> 00:26:03,141
You don't know that. I
mean, he probably could, yes.

618
00:26:03,143 --> 00:26:04,876
But you don't know that.

619
00:26:04,878 --> 00:26:07,411
Why are we ruled by these assumptions?

620
00:26:07,413 --> 00:26:09,614
Why do we assume that that
guy is a bad guy, you know.

621
00:26:09,616 --> 00:26:12,316
I mean, why do I assume
that this girl is a whore?

622
00:26:12,318 --> 00:26:14,886
I'm not talking about you. Why?

623
00:26:14,888 --> 00:26:16,421
Because she's dressed like one.

624
00:26:16,423 --> 00:26:18,323
I'm still not talking about you.

625
00:26:18,325 --> 00:26:20,625
I mean, for all we know, she
could be a doctor scientist

626
00:26:20,627 --> 00:26:22,326
on the verge of curing baby cancer.

627
00:26:22,328 --> 00:26:23,895
I'm a stripper.

628
00:26:23,897 --> 00:26:26,430
Yes, but we can't assume that.

629
00:26:26,432 --> 00:26:29,133
- That's what I'm saying.
- Stop yelling at strangers.

630
00:26:29,135 --> 00:26:30,235
I'm not yelling at people.

631
00:26:30,237 --> 00:26:31,303
I'm just talking about assumptions.

632
00:26:31,305 --> 00:26:33,337
Oh, fine. Fine.

633
00:26:33,339 --> 00:26:35,606
What assumptions are you
making about this place?

634
00:26:35,608 --> 00:26:39,210
Huh.. Well, I hate fruity drinks.

635
00:26:39,212 --> 00:26:41,246
So I assume I'll hate
the drinks of this place.

636
00:26:41,248 --> 00:26:44,048
- Okay.
- So what's your point?

637
00:26:44,050 --> 00:26:45,616
I'm ordering the fruitiest drink in here

638
00:26:45,618 --> 00:26:47,955
and I'm getting all of you the same thing.

639
00:26:49,056 --> 00:26:51,923
- Okay.
- He's kind of intense.

640
00:26:51,925 --> 00:26:54,959
- Yeah, he doesn't get out much.
- Yeah, well, neither does she.

641
00:26:54,961 --> 00:26:56,027
Shut up.

642
00:26:59,232 --> 00:27:01,933
So, Matt, are you working
on anything right now?

643
00:27:01,935 --> 00:27:04,169
Uh, yeah, the two of you, how am I doin'?

644
00:27:04,171 --> 00:27:05,536
Hey..

645
00:27:05,538 --> 00:27:07,605
Terrible, if you keep
making jokes like that.

646
00:27:07,607 --> 00:27:09,173
- Okay.
- Hm.

647
00:27:09,175 --> 00:27:11,109
No, I mean, are you still
filming "The Hard Life?"

648
00:27:11,111 --> 00:27:15,948
Uh, yeah, no.. Yeah, yeah.

649
00:27:15,950 --> 00:27:19,217
I'm, uh.. I'm only in
one episode in this season

650
00:27:19,219 --> 00:27:21,353
so I have a lot of free time.

651
00:27:21,355 --> 00:27:23,654
Oh, well, you must audition a ton.

652
00:27:23,656 --> 00:27:26,357
Yeah, I, I audition.

653
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,459
Is that bad? I mean you don't
seem very excited about it.

654
00:27:28,461 --> 00:27:29,460
It seems like it's awesome.

655
00:27:29,462 --> 00:27:31,296
Syd, I don't think he
wants to talk about it.

656
00:27:31,298 --> 00:27:32,463
No, it's okay. It's okay, it's okay.

657
00:27:32,465 --> 00:27:33,731
Uh, the show that I'm on.

658
00:27:33,733 --> 00:27:36,133
- "The Hard Life?" It's amazing.
- Yes. Yes.

659
00:27:36,135 --> 00:27:38,402
It's amazing. It's the best
show ever, it's amazing.

660
00:27:38,404 --> 00:27:40,338
- Matt plays Smash on the show.
- Yeah.

661
00:27:40,340 --> 00:27:41,640
Who's Smash?

662
00:27:41,642 --> 00:27:44,209
He is a semi-retarded man child

663
00:27:44,211 --> 00:27:47,144
who smashes beer cans on his
head, hence the name Smash.

664
00:27:47,146 --> 00:27:49,146
Okay, that is a little on the nose.

665
00:27:49,148 --> 00:27:51,984
- 'It is.'
- It has to be fun though.

666
00:27:51,986 --> 00:27:53,651
It is. It is fun.

667
00:27:53,653 --> 00:27:56,054
For like, the two weeks
a year, I get to shoot

668
00:27:56,056 --> 00:27:58,990
but for the other 50,
I can't get other jobs

669
00:27:58,992 --> 00:28:02,160
because people are disappointed
that I'm not actually

670
00:28:02,162 --> 00:28:04,031
you know, semi-retarded.

671
00:28:05,566 --> 00:28:08,467
- People are so stupid.
- You have no idea.

672
00:28:08,469 --> 00:28:12,004
One time, I got invited
to a telethon for autism

673
00:28:12,006 --> 00:28:15,474
and I was like, awesome,
I'll go, I'll work the phones.

674
00:28:15,476 --> 00:28:18,543
You know, go on TV, wave.

675
00:28:18,545 --> 00:28:22,413
They wanted to use me as a success story

676
00:28:22,415 --> 00:28:25,586
of how you can overcome your challenges.

677
00:28:27,086 --> 00:28:28,420
Yikes.

678
00:28:28,422 --> 00:28:31,092
Well, at least you get recognized.

679
00:28:33,527 --> 00:28:35,760
And I realize that I have no right

680
00:28:35,762 --> 00:28:37,461
to complain about any of this

681
00:28:37,463 --> 00:28:39,398
because there are a million
people who would kill

682
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,199
to be in my place and that makes me feel

683
00:28:41,201 --> 00:28:43,367
like an asshole and hate myself.

684
00:28:43,369 --> 00:28:46,371
So it's a classic Kobayashi Maru.

685
00:28:46,373 --> 00:28:47,671
What the fuck is that?

686
00:28:47,673 --> 00:28:49,207
An extremely nerdy Star Trek reference

687
00:28:49,209 --> 00:28:51,442
that I already regret bringing up.

688
00:28:51,444 --> 00:28:53,178
Why don't you just embrace the attention

689
00:28:53,180 --> 00:28:54,746
and see where it takes you?

690
00:28:54,748 --> 00:28:58,049
I.. Yeah.

691
00:28:58,051 --> 00:29:01,085
Embrace it? Re..

692
00:29:01,087 --> 00:29:03,721
What the fuck is wrong with you people?

693
00:29:03,723 --> 00:29:06,190
Look, alright, if you're
so sick of everyone thinkin'

694
00:29:06,192 --> 00:29:09,594
that you're some caricature,
do something what you're not.

695
00:29:09,596 --> 00:29:11,363
You know, make something, write something

696
00:29:11,365 --> 00:29:13,331
where you get to be a
real person, like, a play

697
00:29:13,333 --> 00:29:15,299
or a movie or whatever.

698
00:29:15,301 --> 00:29:17,436
And if you really wanna be an actor

699
00:29:17,438 --> 00:29:19,805
if that's really what you care
about, then go and do theatre.

700
00:29:19,807 --> 00:29:21,806
Those people actually care about talent.

701
00:29:21,808 --> 00:29:24,311
Oh, you think I'm talented?

702
00:29:27,146 --> 00:29:28,580
I've tried to find a
way to disagree with you

703
00:29:28,582 --> 00:29:29,680
but I'm having a hard time.

704
00:29:29,682 --> 00:29:31,615
Boo-yah.

705
00:29:31,617 --> 00:29:33,651
- Alright.
- Damn.

706
00:29:33,653 --> 00:29:36,621
You get a fruity drink
and you get a fruity drink.

707
00:29:36,623 --> 00:29:38,256
'Have you already had a couple?'

708
00:29:38,258 --> 00:29:39,724
Yeah, the bartender
gave me a couple of shots

709
00:29:39,726 --> 00:29:42,126
big ones and I'm feeling good.

710
00:29:42,128 --> 00:29:43,728
In fact, this calls for a toast.

711
00:29:43,730 --> 00:29:45,729
May the Tiki Gods, who have blessed us

712
00:29:45,731 --> 00:29:49,767
with these many flavors of rum,
continue to bless this night

713
00:29:49,769 --> 00:29:53,673
bless these burgeoning
friendships and bless our lives.

714
00:29:58,444 --> 00:30:00,879
- End of toast. Let's get drunk.
- Yeah.

715
00:30:31,744 --> 00:30:34,613
Hey, guys, how we doin'? Are we havin' fun?

716
00:30:44,691 --> 00:30:47,526
So there's Polynesia, okay,
and there's French Polynesia

717
00:30:47,528 --> 00:30:50,461
which is basically the same
thing except they speak French.

718
00:30:50,463 --> 00:30:52,564
'And then, what a lot of
people don't know is that'

719
00:30:52,566 --> 00:30:54,699
Tonga is actually part of Micronesia

720
00:30:54,701 --> 00:30:57,401
which is basically in
the same area but also..

721
00:30:57,403 --> 00:30:59,504
Just one more time, one
more time. Let's feel it.

722
00:30:59,506 --> 00:31:01,206
Let's feel it.

723
00:31:01,208 --> 00:31:02,908
Feel it, feel it. Feel it.

724
00:31:05,878 --> 00:31:09,349
Aw, man. Ah, yeah.

725
00:31:10,616 --> 00:31:12,383
Bye.

726
00:31:16,589 --> 00:31:20,691
- This bitch is taking forever.
- I wonder what she's doing.

727
00:31:20,693 --> 00:31:22,861
Well, either she's taking a shit

728
00:31:22,863 --> 00:31:24,763
or she's snorting cocaine

729
00:31:24,765 --> 00:31:27,632
but either way she's taking forever!

730
00:31:28,969 --> 00:31:30,634
I've never done coke.

731
00:31:30,636 --> 00:31:32,269
I was always too afraid of it, you know.

732
00:31:32,271 --> 00:31:34,206
Seems so dangerous. Coke.

733
00:31:34,208 --> 00:31:36,874
Yeah, it's overrated.

734
00:31:36,876 --> 00:31:39,210
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

735
00:31:39,212 --> 00:31:40,679
Makes you feel really smart and interesting

736
00:31:40,681 --> 00:31:42,346
while you're doing really dumb things

737
00:31:42,348 --> 00:31:44,982
like dating musicians

738
00:31:44,984 --> 00:31:46,718
dancing to techno music.

739
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,453
- Ah, sounds terrible.
- Yeah.

740
00:31:49,455 --> 00:31:50,988
What drugs have you done?

741
00:31:50,990 --> 00:31:53,924
- Um, I have done weed.
- Mm-hm.

742
00:31:53,926 --> 00:31:58,596
Ecstasy, mushrooms, and ketamine, not many.

743
00:31:58,598 --> 00:31:59,631
- Yeah.
- Is that all?

744
00:31:59,633 --> 00:32:01,402
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

745
00:32:03,737 --> 00:32:07,605
Hey, uh, do you, uh, wanna use the men's?

746
00:32:07,607 --> 00:32:08,873
- And I'll just watch the door.
- Really?

747
00:32:08,875 --> 00:32:11,378
- Yeah-yeah.
- Oh, thank you.

748
00:32:17,451 --> 00:32:18,482
Were you just yelling at the door?

749
00:32:18,484 --> 00:32:19,918
No.

750
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,452
Right, no, it sounded like a girls voice.

751
00:32:21,454 --> 00:32:23,688
Yeah, some girl, she left, she's crazy.

752
00:32:23,690 --> 00:32:25,323
She left, she's crazy.

753
00:32:25,325 --> 00:32:28,026
Why is everyone always in such a hurry?

754
00:32:28,028 --> 00:32:30,261
Life is a highway

755
00:32:30,263 --> 00:32:32,631
and then if you drive too fast,
you're gonna miss the off-ramp.

756
00:32:32,633 --> 00:32:34,902
And that's where the real fun happens.

757
00:32:35,836 --> 00:32:37,572
Yeah, yeah.

758
00:32:38,771 --> 00:32:42,539
Whatever, I got my bumps in before work.

759
00:32:42,541 --> 00:32:46,844
Speaking of work, I'm dancing tonight..

760
00:32:46,846 --> 00:32:48,513
...at the Lion's Den.

761
00:32:48,515 --> 00:32:50,815
- Oh, great.
- You can come by.

762
00:32:50,817 --> 00:32:54,518
I'm gonna give you the first
two, or three dances for free.

763
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:55,786
- Okay.
- Okay, don't be a dick.

764
00:32:55,788 --> 00:32:58,555
Don't pick a long song.

765
00:32:58,557 --> 00:33:02,262
My name is Rainbow Sherbert.

766
00:33:03,763 --> 00:33:04,996
- Yeah.
- Okay.

767
00:33:04,998 --> 00:33:06,797
- So, okay?
- Yeah.

768
00:33:06,799 --> 00:33:09,968
- I will see you soon.
- Okay. I'll be there.

769
00:33:09,970 --> 00:33:12,804
- Okay, Smash.
- Okay. See ya.

770
00:33:12,806 --> 00:33:14,471
- Smash.
- Right.

771
00:33:14,473 --> 00:33:16,476
Smash.

772
00:33:18,644 --> 00:33:20,448
Holy shit!

773
00:33:21,914 --> 00:33:23,981
- That was amazing.
- Did you hear that?

774
00:33:23,983 --> 00:33:26,051
- Yes.
- Her name's Rainbow Sherbert.

775
00:33:26,053 --> 00:33:28,753
- That's ridiculous.
- So bad.

776
00:33:40,767 --> 00:33:43,371
Well, she obviously doesn't know me at all.

777
00:33:44,770 --> 00:33:47,375
Great hallway though. Good job, hallway.

778
00:33:49,608 --> 00:33:53,010
I can't believe.. You
actually like your job?

779
00:33:53,012 --> 00:33:54,978
- Sure.
- Nobody likes their job.

780
00:33:54,980 --> 00:33:56,780
- That's why it's called <i>a job.</i>
- Yeah.

781
00:33:56,782 --> 00:33:58,917
Otherwise it'll be called a fun.

782
00:33:58,919 --> 00:34:02,019
- I love my nine to five fun.
- Dave, you're screaming.

783
00:34:02,021 --> 00:34:04,988
- My point still stands.
- What'd you do again?

784
00:34:04,990 --> 00:34:07,092
I'm a market analyst for
an LA based hedge fund.

785
00:34:07,094 --> 00:34:09,827
- And you <i>like</i> that?
- Yup, I like that.

786
00:34:09,829 --> 00:34:12,063
'I get a free car, provided by my company.'

787
00:34:12,065 --> 00:34:15,032
I like that I live in LA,
but I'm not in the business.

788
00:34:15,034 --> 00:34:17,501
I like that I don't have to
deal with people very much.

789
00:34:17,503 --> 00:34:21,706
Just numbers. Oh, and I get
three weeks <i>paid</i> vacation.

790
00:34:21,708 --> 00:34:24,809
Yeah, but when was the last
time you took a vacation?

791
00:34:24,811 --> 00:34:26,144
- Two years.
- 'Mm-hm.'

792
00:34:26,146 --> 00:34:27,945
Jesus, has it been that long?

793
00:34:27,947 --> 00:34:30,148
They pay for your vacation?

794
00:34:30,150 --> 00:34:33,985
- Three weeks.
- Okay, I take it back.

795
00:34:33,987 --> 00:34:36,420
Point. Advantage, Amy.

796
00:34:36,422 --> 00:34:38,555
Service to you, Matt.

797
00:34:38,557 --> 00:34:39,724
What game are we playing right now?

798
00:34:39,726 --> 00:34:40,958
We're playing conversational tennis.

799
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,459
Will you please keep up?

800
00:34:42,461 --> 00:34:44,561
Okay, I'm gonna go get him some water.

801
00:34:44,563 --> 00:34:46,430
Yeah, it's probably a good idea.

802
00:34:46,432 --> 00:34:48,867
- Two waters.
- Thank you.

803
00:34:48,869 --> 00:34:50,538
He's my friend.

804
00:34:53,672 --> 00:34:55,472
Mm.

805
00:34:55,474 --> 00:34:58,778
Yeah, and so that's why
I'm doin' what I'm doin'.

806
00:35:02,882 --> 00:35:04,849
Wh-what?

807
00:35:04,851 --> 00:35:06,950
Didn't you ask me a question?

808
00:35:06,952 --> 00:35:09,521
- No one said anything.
- What are you talking about?

809
00:35:09,523 --> 00:35:14,458
Oh, my job. My ambition is gone.

810
00:35:14,460 --> 00:35:17,461
- What's your job again?
- "Chub Cha Boo."

811
00:35:17,463 --> 00:35:19,798
- What?
- "Chub Cha Boo."

812
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,999
Are-are those words?

813
00:35:22,001 --> 00:35:23,767
How drunk are you?

814
00:35:23,769 --> 00:35:25,737
The name of the TV show

815
00:35:25,739 --> 00:35:28,440
that I write for is called "Chub Cha Boo."

816
00:35:28,442 --> 00:35:30,141
- Oh.
- What is that even mean?

817
00:35:30,143 --> 00:35:32,142
Oh, you've never heard of the show?

818
00:35:32,144 --> 00:35:36,613
Oh, well, then, perhaps
this will ring a bell.

819
00:35:36,615 --> 00:35:40,117
♪ Fighting for the people
using hugs as power ♪

820
00:35:40,119 --> 00:35:41,853
♪ Hugs as power ♪

821
00:35:41,855 --> 00:35:43,487
♪ Flying through the trees ♪

822
00:35:43,489 --> 00:35:45,557
♪ Never hurting a flower ♪

823
00:35:45,559 --> 00:35:46,990
♪ Never hurt a flower ♪

824
00:35:46,992 --> 00:35:48,992
♪ Chub Cha Boo ♪

825
00:35:48,994 --> 00:35:51,762
♪ He's a friend till
the end and forever ♪

826
00:35:51,764 --> 00:35:53,898
♪ Chub Cha Boo ♪

827
00:35:53,900 --> 00:35:58,101
♪ He will send his magic to you ♪

828
00:35:58,103 --> 00:35:59,771
♪ Chub Cha Boo ♪♪

829
00:35:59,773 --> 00:36:01,876
Bravo, bravo, bravo.

830
00:36:04,610 --> 00:36:07,679
Ah, it's a kid show
about a magical panda bear

831
00:36:07,681 --> 00:36:09,546
and his side kick, Yum Yum, the goat.

832
00:36:09,548 --> 00:36:11,883
They fight evil with hugs and positivity.

833
00:36:11,885 --> 00:36:14,985
- It is <i>huge</i> in Korea.
- Well, that's not so bad.

834
00:36:14,987 --> 00:36:17,488
Well, I write for the American version.

835
00:36:17,490 --> 00:36:19,190
- Oh.
- Oh..

836
00:36:19,192 --> 00:36:21,059
Ba-zingo!

837
00:36:21,061 --> 00:36:24,061
- Do, do you mean bingo?
- Yes, that's what I said.

838
00:36:24,063 --> 00:36:25,929
- Thank you.
- What're we talking about?

839
00:36:25,931 --> 00:36:27,865
Dave was telling us about Chubby Boo Boo.

840
00:36:27,867 --> 00:36:30,200
"Chub Cha Boo" is what it is called.

841
00:36:30,202 --> 00:36:32,170
- How much did he tell you?
- He sang us the theme song.

842
00:36:32,172 --> 00:36:34,738
Jesus, Dave, I was gone
for like two minutes.

843
00:36:34,740 --> 00:36:36,773
Well, then I hope you learned your lesson.

844
00:36:36,775 --> 00:36:38,909
Have you ever tried
writing on a different show?

845
00:36:38,911 --> 00:36:41,778
Hm, hm, no, I'm not interested

846
00:36:41,780 --> 00:36:43,248
in putting myself out there.

847
00:36:43,250 --> 00:36:45,516
It's just a job, it's not dating.

848
00:36:45,518 --> 00:36:48,052
Well, Matt, much like dating

849
00:36:48,054 --> 00:36:50,088
I don't want to get rejected anymore.

850
00:36:50,090 --> 00:36:52,724
- But you came out tonight?
- Yeah, what's your point?

851
00:36:52,726 --> 00:36:54,025
You came out tonight

852
00:36:54,027 --> 00:36:56,226
and any girl could have rejected you.

853
00:36:56,228 --> 00:36:58,630
I mean we could've
rejected you, but we didn't.

854
00:36:58,632 --> 00:37:00,664
- But you did.
- No.

855
00:37:00,666 --> 00:37:03,601
The first time we talked
to you, you were mean to us

856
00:37:03,603 --> 00:37:06,771
and then Matt turned to me,
and he goes "That was sexy."

857
00:37:06,773 --> 00:37:07,871
- No, I didn't.
- You did?

858
00:37:07,873 --> 00:37:09,206
- Yes, you did.
- No, no.

859
00:37:09,208 --> 00:37:10,909
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't.

860
00:37:10,911 --> 00:37:12,976
Yes, you did. Don't you be a lair, Matthew.

861
00:37:12,978 --> 00:37:14,244
- Okay.
- Don't you lie to me.

862
00:37:14,246 --> 00:37:15,847
Don't you look at my face and lie to me.

863
00:37:15,849 --> 00:37:18,282
Anyways, in the end, we didn't reject you.

864
00:37:18,284 --> 00:37:21,653
We came out and now, we're all having fun.

865
00:37:21,655 --> 00:37:25,255
You guys are super cool, we
just got lucky with you guys.

866
00:37:25,257 --> 00:37:27,624
Hey, but who's to say
you won't get lucky again?

867
00:37:27,626 --> 00:37:29,760
Listen, you cannot be scared

868
00:37:29,762 --> 00:37:31,095
and just run away from everything.

869
00:37:31,097 --> 00:37:32,896
You gotta put your balls out there

870
00:37:32,898 --> 00:37:34,632
even if they might get chopped off.

871
00:37:34,634 --> 00:37:36,233
- Wow, very graphic.
- Yeah.

872
00:37:36,235 --> 00:37:38,970
Yeah, that's so graphic, I don't
want my balls to get chopped...

873
00:37:38,972 --> 00:37:40,972
No, but, even if they do, it's okay

874
00:37:40,974 --> 00:37:43,206
because they'll grow back.

875
00:37:43,208 --> 00:37:45,642
I don't think that's possible.

876
00:37:45,644 --> 00:37:47,244
I don't know, I'm not a starfish.

877
00:37:47,246 --> 00:37:49,914
All I'm trying to say
is that the only things

878
00:37:49,916 --> 00:37:51,249
that are worth achieving

879
00:37:51,251 --> 00:37:53,787
are the things that take risk to achieve.

880
00:37:55,221 --> 00:37:57,688
Holy fucking crap, you're smart.

881
00:37:57,690 --> 00:38:00,126
At least that's what I keep telling myself.

882
00:38:01,661 --> 00:38:04,128
Conversational tennis is over.

883
00:38:04,130 --> 00:38:06,363
New game, new game that I'm inventing

884
00:38:06,365 --> 00:38:11,068
right now, right here is called... Risk!

885
00:38:11,070 --> 00:38:14,137
- That's already a game.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

886
00:38:14,139 --> 00:38:16,807
With the countries and
the armies and stuff, yeah.

887
00:38:16,809 --> 00:38:20,110
Okay, then I shall call my new game..

888
00:38:20,112 --> 00:38:22,146
...Risky Business!

889
00:38:22,148 --> 00:38:24,081
- That's a movie.
- Uh, yeah.

890
00:38:24,083 --> 00:38:26,918
With the cruise and the
sex and the train, right.

891
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,387
Okay, how about... Risk it?

892
00:38:30,389 --> 00:38:31,822
Does it need a name?

893
00:38:31,824 --> 00:38:34,659
I am a creative person, so yes.

894
00:38:34,661 --> 00:38:36,693
Okay. How do we play the
game? We all love games.

895
00:38:36,695 --> 00:38:39,896
Oh, we go to a house party.

896
00:38:39,898 --> 00:38:43,133
- Where is this party?
- It's at Rick Ramsey's house.

897
00:38:43,135 --> 00:38:44,901
Wait, you guys know Rick Ramsey?

898
00:38:44,903 --> 00:38:46,204
- Yeah, do you?
- Yeah.

899
00:38:46,206 --> 00:38:48,338
We've been friends for like two years.

900
00:38:48,340 --> 00:38:49,874
Man, everybody knows Rick Ramsey.

901
00:38:49,876 --> 00:38:53,276
Yeah, everybody knows Rick Ram!

902
00:38:53,278 --> 00:38:55,278
You guys didn't like date, did you?

903
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,648
- What? Oh, my God, no.
- Oh.

904
00:38:57,650 --> 00:38:58,983
- No.
- Good 'cause...

905
00:38:58,985 --> 00:39:00,351
- No, I mean he's great...
- Yeah.

906
00:39:00,353 --> 00:39:02,220
Yeah, he's, but.. No.

907
00:39:02,222 --> 00:39:04,389
Okay, who's driving?

908
00:39:04,391 --> 00:39:06,990
I cannot, I will admit it.

909
00:39:06,992 --> 00:39:09,026
- You sure about it?
- I just, I'm..

910
00:39:09,028 --> 00:39:10,597
I just started to feel it.

911
00:39:14,034 --> 00:39:16,333
- Hey.
- It's us, we're the people.

912
00:39:16,335 --> 00:39:18,202
- We're the people.
- Hi.

913
00:39:18,204 --> 00:39:20,204
Hey, and hey, I just watched

914
00:39:20,206 --> 00:39:22,005
you come here on my phone.

915
00:39:22,007 --> 00:39:25,742
Yeah, I saw you drive
up. Technology is scary.

916
00:39:25,744 --> 00:39:28,045
- Yeah.
- Where are you folks headed?

917
00:39:28,047 --> 00:39:32,416
Oh, uh, we are going to 1620, Buena Loma.

918
00:39:32,418 --> 00:39:34,719
Not a problem.

919
00:39:34,721 --> 00:39:36,320
Do you know where that is?

920
00:39:36,322 --> 00:39:39,322
Absolutely, sweetheart. That's my job.

921
00:39:39,324 --> 00:39:42,159
You kids just sit back and enjoy the ride.

922
00:39:42,161 --> 00:39:45,329
I'll get you there safely
and in no time at all.

923
00:39:45,331 --> 00:39:47,898
You see, time flies by
when you're in good company.

924
00:39:47,900 --> 00:39:50,303
And I can tell you folks are good company.

925
00:39:52,072 --> 00:39:56,010
Thank you. That's really sweet.

926
00:39:59,945 --> 00:40:02,780
- What are you doin'?
- Oh, hello.

927
00:40:02,782 --> 00:40:05,749
Hi. Don't stare at my boobs, weirdo.

928
00:40:05,751 --> 00:40:08,786
Oh, I'm sorry, they're just right there.

929
00:40:08,788 --> 00:40:11,088
I was thinking about
something and then I zoned out

930
00:40:11,090 --> 00:40:13,391
and I just so happened to
be staring at your chest.

931
00:40:13,393 --> 00:40:14,992
- I'm not a weirdo.
- It's okay.

932
00:40:14,994 --> 00:40:16,226
I'm just a human man.

933
00:40:16,228 --> 00:40:17,494
No, it's not that big of a deal.

934
00:40:17,496 --> 00:40:19,896
Okay, good.

935
00:40:19,898 --> 00:40:22,066
- But they are a good sized...
- Oh, it's okay, alright.

936
00:40:22,068 --> 00:40:23,400
- You can stop now.
- Damn it.

937
00:40:23,402 --> 00:40:26,403
- Sorry, he's really drunk.
- It's okay.

938
00:40:26,405 --> 00:40:28,505
You don't, you don't have it

939
00:40:28,507 --> 00:40:31,342
always together either, buddy.

940
00:40:31,344 --> 00:40:35,345
- Oh, wait, so what's your name?
- Wanda Eileen Dubois.

941
00:40:35,347 --> 00:40:37,014
But just call me Wanda.

942
00:40:37,016 --> 00:40:39,083
Wanda, you're a wonderful driver.

943
00:40:39,085 --> 00:40:40,351
Well, thank you, honey.

944
00:40:40,353 --> 00:40:42,153
Do people tell you that enough?

945
00:40:42,155 --> 00:40:45,021
No, you'd be surprised
by the good in people

946
00:40:45,023 --> 00:40:47,992
if you just give 'em a chance.

947
00:40:47,994 --> 00:40:51,329
- You're very positive.
- What's the alternative?

948
00:40:51,331 --> 00:40:53,798
Being a rain cloud here
in Southern California?

949
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:55,199
Now that just don't fit.

950
00:40:55,201 --> 00:40:56,367
- Yeah.
- You're amazing!

951
00:40:56,369 --> 00:40:57,534
- I guess.
- Just great.

952
00:40:57,536 --> 00:40:59,436
So is this a double date

953
00:40:59,438 --> 00:41:00,972
or are you still trying to figure out

954
00:41:00,974 --> 00:41:02,472
who to pair with who?

955
00:41:04,476 --> 00:41:08,179
Jesus, Wanda, that's-that's
a little on the nose.

956
00:41:08,181 --> 00:41:10,213
Well, I'd really not beat
around the bush, you know.

957
00:41:10,215 --> 00:41:11,816
In this city there ain't
enough time in the day

958
00:41:11,818 --> 00:41:12,883
to plant bushes.

959
00:41:12,885 --> 00:41:15,952
- What?
- Yeah, I guess.

960
00:41:15,954 --> 00:41:17,554
No, we're just out having fun.

961
00:41:17,556 --> 00:41:19,322
We all just met tonight actually.

962
00:41:19,324 --> 00:41:20,791
- Really?
- Yeah.

963
00:41:20,793 --> 00:41:22,325
Well, good for you.

964
00:41:22,327 --> 00:41:24,961
These are the times that
make life worth living.

965
00:41:24,963 --> 00:41:28,999
Good times. G-Ts.

966
00:41:29,001 --> 00:41:30,467
I meet a lot of people looking for just

967
00:41:30,469 --> 00:41:33,104
one or two of those in a lifetime.

968
00:41:33,106 --> 00:41:35,940
I mean, think about it

969
00:41:35,942 --> 00:41:38,943
if Alice hadn't followed
that rabbit down that hole

970
00:41:38,945 --> 00:41:40,945
then she'd just be another
spoiled English bitch

971
00:41:40,947 --> 00:41:43,016
sleepin' under a tree.

972
00:41:44,550 --> 00:41:47,985
Wanda, you are blowing my mind.

973
00:41:47,987 --> 00:41:49,153
That's my job.

974
00:41:49,155 --> 00:41:50,822
I need to know which roads are the best

975
00:41:50,824 --> 00:41:53,023
if I'm gonna take people
to where they wanna go.

976
00:41:53,025 --> 00:41:54,527
One way or the other.

977
00:41:59,264 --> 00:42:01,268
Are you a ghost?

978
00:42:03,168 --> 00:42:04,601
I don't think so.

979
00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:10,344
Well, we're here.

980
00:42:13,045 --> 00:42:15,412
But just because you've
arrived at your destination

981
00:42:15,414 --> 00:42:17,347
doesn't mean the journey's over.

982
00:42:17,349 --> 00:42:20,184
Sydney, don't worry, you're
gonna find that thing in life

983
00:42:20,186 --> 00:42:23,354
that fits you so well, it's all
you're ever gonna wanna wear.

984
00:42:23,356 --> 00:42:26,257
And Amy, you're a beautiful flower.

985
00:42:26,259 --> 00:42:30,561
All you need is a little
water, sunshine and TLC.

986
00:42:30,563 --> 00:42:33,197
Matt, sweetie, get your
head out of your ass.

987
00:42:33,199 --> 00:42:35,499
Thanks, Wanda. Have a good night.

988
00:42:35,501 --> 00:42:38,034
- And David, call your mother.
- Mm-hm.

989
00:42:38,036 --> 00:42:41,140
I will, Wanda. I will.

990
00:43:14,974 --> 00:43:19,610
Hey, Matt, do it again.

991
00:43:19,612 --> 00:43:23,246
Seriously? Hey, fuck you, dick.

992
00:43:23,248 --> 00:43:25,249
And so I booked this shop the other day

993
00:43:25,251 --> 00:43:27,284
and they basically said
"Hey, you just have to come

994
00:43:27,286 --> 00:43:29,052
and you just have to show your feet."

995
00:43:29,054 --> 00:43:31,554
And it's, like, just
sneakers, can you believe that?

996
00:43:31,556 --> 00:43:33,925
I get paid to do that.
That's insane, right?

997
00:43:40,032 --> 00:43:42,999
Hey, we're going at it, right.
Boom boom boom boom boom boom.

998
00:43:43,001 --> 00:43:45,970
I looked in the doorway, it's cracked open

999
00:43:45,972 --> 00:43:47,671
her mom is watching.

1000
00:43:47,673 --> 00:43:49,106
- No.
- No!

1001
00:43:49,108 --> 00:43:51,879
- Mom is watching.
- No.

1002
00:44:00,686 --> 00:44:02,086
- Yeah.
- 'Pretty good.'

1003
00:44:02,088 --> 00:44:04,088
- It looks killer.
- Syd!

1004
00:44:04,090 --> 00:44:05,392
Hey, girl!

1005
00:44:08,628 --> 00:44:11,595
V! Hi.

1006
00:44:11,597 --> 00:44:13,229
- Hi, hi, hi.
- What're you doing here?

1007
00:44:13,231 --> 00:44:15,700
Oh, you know, I'm, um,
I'm friends with Jerry

1008
00:44:15,702 --> 00:44:17,334
who, who knows Rick Ramsey?

1009
00:44:17,336 --> 00:44:19,103
Yeah. Everybody knows the Rick Ram.

1010
00:44:20,373 --> 00:44:22,340
- Oh, this is my friend, Amy.
- Hey.

1011
00:44:22,342 --> 00:44:24,208
Yeah, Jerry and I actually were working

1012
00:44:24,210 --> 00:44:27,610
on this project last week it's
like this, like experimental

1013
00:44:27,612 --> 00:44:29,479
short film, music video thing

1014
00:44:29,481 --> 00:44:33,684
that actually this guy that
used to be McG's assistant

1015
00:44:33,686 --> 00:44:36,420
he wrote and produced the whole thing.

1016
00:44:36,422 --> 00:44:41,224
So, it's getting like a
lot of heat around town.

1017
00:44:41,226 --> 00:44:45,695
Um, so, I'm, I'm everything,
you know, I'm excited

1018
00:44:45,697 --> 00:44:49,266
I'm nervous, I'm, I'm super
hopeful, um, and it's great.

1019
00:44:49,268 --> 00:44:50,568
The whole thing's, um, MOS

1020
00:44:50,570 --> 00:44:52,570
because it's a music video, right?

1021
00:44:52,572 --> 00:44:54,572
So, um, I'm not really worried

1022
00:44:54,574 --> 00:44:58,008
that I don't have lines as of right now

1023
00:44:58,010 --> 00:45:01,077
because, you know, I really
got to stretch myself.

1024
00:45:01,079 --> 00:45:02,646
I stretched myself so much and you know

1025
00:45:02,648 --> 00:45:06,383
it's not about like me
as one person, you know.

1026
00:45:06,385 --> 00:45:08,084
Like not everything is me, me, me.

1027
00:45:08,086 --> 00:45:10,653
It's like about the project as a whole.

1028
00:45:10,655 --> 00:45:12,389
You know, what I mean? And I'm just..

1029
00:45:12,391 --> 00:45:14,657
I'm just falling in love with "The Craft."

1030
00:45:14,659 --> 00:45:17,596
Oh, "The Craft," the
movie with the witches?

1031
00:45:19,766 --> 00:45:22,298
- What?
- Yeah, the movie, "The Craft."

1032
00:45:22,300 --> 00:45:23,467
You know with Fairuza Balk?

1033
00:45:23,469 --> 00:45:24,802
I used to love that movie too

1034
00:45:24,804 --> 00:45:26,440
when I was 12.

1035
00:45:29,242 --> 00:45:30,673
Okay, here's mine. Here's mine. Okay.

1036
00:45:30,675 --> 00:45:32,776
Alright, here's mine.
We dated for two weeks.

1037
00:45:32,778 --> 00:45:35,278
The whole time she told
me her name was Julia.

1038
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,213
Then offhandedly one day she tells me

1039
00:45:37,215 --> 00:45:39,282
her name is actually Sarah.

1040
00:45:39,284 --> 00:45:41,184
I asked her, like, why did you lie?

1041
00:45:41,186 --> 00:45:43,554
She tells me that the
name Sarah was too boring

1042
00:45:43,556 --> 00:45:45,389
so she tells me that her name's Julia

1043
00:45:45,391 --> 00:45:47,624
because her favorite
actress is Julia Roberts.

1044
00:45:47,626 --> 00:45:50,427
- Holy-moly.
- Oh, goddamn.

1045
00:45:50,429 --> 00:45:52,496
That's crazy, that's-that's real crazy.

1046
00:45:52,498 --> 00:45:53,697
- Yeah, yeah.
- Crazy.

1047
00:45:53,699 --> 00:45:55,266
Find better Julias than that.

1048
00:45:55,268 --> 00:45:57,233
How long did you, uh, go
out with her after that?

1049
00:45:57,235 --> 00:45:59,070
Two more weeks, huge tits.

1050
00:45:59,072 --> 00:46:01,539
- Oh, yeah.
- That makes sense.

1051
00:46:01,541 --> 00:46:04,809
- There is the math on that.
- There is the math.

1052
00:46:04,811 --> 00:46:08,144
I got one, okay, so when
I arrived in Los Angeles

1053
00:46:08,146 --> 00:46:10,581
I had $1000 dollars to my name.

1054
00:46:10,583 --> 00:46:14,751
I spent $800 of it on
a 1994 Toyota Corolla.

1055
00:46:14,753 --> 00:46:18,621
Met a girl, Rachel. We dated for one month.

1056
00:46:18,623 --> 00:46:21,858
Then one day, I let her borrow my car.

1057
00:46:21,860 --> 00:46:25,329
And I never saw her again.

1058
00:46:25,331 --> 00:46:26,697
Oh, she stole your car?

1059
00:46:26,699 --> 00:46:28,766
She stole my car.

1060
00:46:28,768 --> 00:46:30,434
- That is fucked up.
- No.

1061
00:46:30,436 --> 00:46:32,503
- Fucked up is right.
- Yeah.

1062
00:46:32,505 --> 00:46:34,137
Then two months later

1063
00:46:34,139 --> 00:46:36,673
I get a call from the police department.

1064
00:46:36,675 --> 00:46:38,476
'And they say "Your car's been located'

1065
00:46:38,478 --> 00:46:40,376
"in the grocery store parking lot

1066
00:46:40,378 --> 00:46:41,644
In Sonoma, California."

1067
00:46:41,646 --> 00:46:44,248
So, I get on a train and go

1068
00:46:44,250 --> 00:46:47,150
nine and a half hours to get my car.

1069
00:46:47,152 --> 00:46:49,787
And then I think to myself,
well, I'm surrounded by wine

1070
00:46:49,789 --> 00:46:51,621
I should have some of that.

1071
00:46:51,623 --> 00:46:54,724
So I go and get drunk at a winery

1072
00:46:54,726 --> 00:46:57,193
with a bus load of Swedish people.

1073
00:46:57,195 --> 00:47:00,331
Two of whom are
40-year-old divorcee's

1074
00:47:00,333 --> 00:47:03,434
that I end up having a threesome with.

1075
00:47:03,436 --> 00:47:05,836
- Oh, sweet.
- Jesus.

1076
00:47:05,838 --> 00:47:08,438
Thank you, Rachel, for stealing my car.

1077
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:09,840
'Cause that got me a threesome.

1078
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:16,380
Hey, Brian, what's up, man?

1079
00:47:16,382 --> 00:47:18,715
Matt, hey.

1080
00:47:18,717 --> 00:47:22,385
- Are you crying?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

1081
00:47:22,387 --> 00:47:24,255
No. What's going on?

1082
00:47:24,257 --> 00:47:27,791
Uh, nothing, where's Stacy?

1083
00:47:27,793 --> 00:47:29,492
Uh, we broke up.

1084
00:47:29,494 --> 00:47:31,762
Oh, my God. Oh, I'm so sorry.

1085
00:47:31,764 --> 00:47:33,863
- I didn't know, I didn't...
- It's-it's-it's fine.

1086
00:47:33,865 --> 00:47:36,200
I'm fine. It's cool.

1087
00:47:36,202 --> 00:47:38,434
Oh, okay.

1088
00:47:38,436 --> 00:47:40,336
Weren't you together for like five years?

1089
00:47:40,338 --> 00:47:43,440
Six, and engaged for two.

1090
00:47:43,442 --> 00:47:45,708
Jesus, man, I'm so sorry.

1091
00:47:45,710 --> 00:47:46,911
No don't-don't be.

1092
00:47:46,913 --> 00:47:48,912
Matt, I'm-I'm-I'm,
I'm back on the prowl.

1093
00:47:48,914 --> 00:47:52,215
Ready to party, you know.

1094
00:47:52,217 --> 00:47:53,853
Ladies.

1095
00:47:58,824 --> 00:48:00,891
When did this happen?
Wh-when did you break up?

1096
00:48:00,893 --> 00:48:05,262
Oh, it was like last night.
Well, technically this morning.

1097
00:48:05,264 --> 00:48:07,798
Last night? I-I mean,
you shouldn't be here.

1098
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:09,300
- You need to go home.
- No, man..

1099
00:48:09,302 --> 00:48:10,733
- Take care of yourself.
- I-I, no, no, I, I..

1100
00:48:10,735 --> 00:48:14,338
You know, I'm glad I had
this party, have some drinks.

1101
00:48:14,340 --> 00:48:17,374
See some friends. Ah-ha!

1102
00:48:17,376 --> 00:48:19,642
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1103
00:48:19,644 --> 00:48:21,644
Well, you look great.

1104
00:48:21,646 --> 00:48:24,215
Oh, my God, stop.

1105
00:48:24,217 --> 00:48:25,548
But thank you though.

1106
00:48:25,550 --> 00:48:27,550
- Thank you, so do you.
- Thank you, thanks.

1107
00:48:27,552 --> 00:48:29,452
Yeah, I'm um, actually doing this

1108
00:48:29,454 --> 00:48:33,356
like half yogalaties, half
cross-fit classes, it's not..

1109
00:48:33,358 --> 00:48:36,226
And my teacher is Rose McGowan.

1110
00:48:37,597 --> 00:48:39,796
She makes classic such a fun.

1111
00:48:39,798 --> 00:48:41,898
Um, really safe

1112
00:48:41,900 --> 00:48:43,633
environment, yeah.

1113
00:48:43,635 --> 00:48:45,336
It's amazing that the first half is like

1114
00:48:45,338 --> 00:48:48,304
um, hardcore core training,
like for your core.

1115
00:48:48,306 --> 00:48:49,940
And then the second half is just like

1116
00:48:49,942 --> 00:48:51,976
almost like being at a party

1117
00:48:51,978 --> 00:48:53,610
where they're just playing like a lot of..

1118
00:48:53,612 --> 00:48:56,412
I don't know, Portishead. It's great.

1119
00:48:56,414 --> 00:48:58,715
But my ass never felt tighter

1120
00:48:58,717 --> 00:49:00,851
and my center, it just feels super like

1121
00:49:00,853 --> 00:49:04,420
like grounded, and like
really, really on track.

1122
00:49:04,422 --> 00:49:06,825
I think it would be great for you.

1123
00:49:19,605 --> 00:49:21,604
Do you guys wanna come in with me?

1124
00:49:21,606 --> 00:49:23,307
We just watched you shit out of your mouth

1125
00:49:23,309 --> 00:49:25,679
we don't need to see it
come out of your ass too.

1126
00:49:29,882 --> 00:49:32,650
If I ever fucking turn into that...

1127
00:49:32,652 --> 00:49:34,050
Slit your throat and push you down a well.

1128
00:49:34,052 --> 00:49:36,519
No, sit me down and talk to me about it.

1129
00:49:36,521 --> 00:49:37,655
What is gotten into you?

1130
00:49:37,657 --> 00:49:39,555
I don't know. I am amped up.

1131
00:49:39,557 --> 00:49:41,594
I just feel like getting into a fight.

1132
00:49:43,028 --> 00:49:45,496
- I got one.
- Oh, alright.

1133
00:49:45,498 --> 00:49:47,764
- Here we go.
- What's.. Which story?

1134
00:49:47,766 --> 00:49:49,700
The girl in Schoenberg.

1135
00:49:49,702 --> 00:49:52,469
No, don't tell 'em.

1136
00:49:52,471 --> 00:49:54,737
So, I was in Schoenberg
and this girl comes up to me

1137
00:49:54,739 --> 00:49:57,508
and she says "Can I borrow a cigarette?"

1138
00:49:57,510 --> 00:49:59,876
Next thing you know, long story short

1139
00:49:59,878 --> 00:50:01,912
I'm getting a blowjob in my car.

1140
00:50:01,914 --> 00:50:02,979
From her.

1141
00:50:02,981 --> 00:50:05,481
So, a-a-anyway,
so like

1142
00:50:05,483 --> 00:50:07,717
I'm-I'm going to take
her home or wherever.

1143
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:09,552
And I go, "We're-we're
gonna drop you off."

1144
00:50:09,554 --> 00:50:12,423
And she says to me.. Get this.

1145
00:50:12,425 --> 00:50:14,027
She's homeless.

1146
00:50:16,061 --> 00:50:18,329
She didn't have a home.

1147
00:50:18,331 --> 00:50:22,700
I can't drop her off anywhere
cause she doesn't live anywhere.

1148
00:50:22,702 --> 00:50:24,334
Got a blowjob from a homeless person?

1149
00:50:24,336 --> 00:50:25,605
Yeah.

1150
00:50:27,539 --> 00:50:28,871
You give her money?

1151
00:50:28,873 --> 00:50:31,974
Well, she was homeless
and she blew me, so yeah.

1152
00:50:31,976 --> 00:50:36,045
Well, then, then technically,
she's a prostitute.

1153
00:50:36,047 --> 00:50:38,484
She was a homeless prostitute, technically.

1154
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:41,084
Told you not to tell us the story, man.

1155
00:50:41,086 --> 00:50:43,753
Right, wait, wait how did
this blowjob take place?

1156
00:50:43,755 --> 00:50:45,856
Oh, she came up to me and she
asked if I was from around...

1157
00:50:45,858 --> 00:50:47,657
Just stop, stop telling the story.

1158
00:50:47,659 --> 00:50:48,691
Why it's funny and fucked up.

1159
00:50:48,693 --> 00:50:50,827
No, it's not funny, at all.

1160
00:50:50,829 --> 00:50:52,795
It's only fucked up. It's..

1161
00:50:52,797 --> 00:50:55,766
The only part of that
story is that it's fucked.

1162
00:50:55,768 --> 00:50:57,534
You're a goddamn idiot.

1163
00:50:57,536 --> 00:50:58,668
- Alright.
- 'He is an idiot.'

1164
00:50:58,670 --> 00:51:00,537
'I know, but just..'

1165
00:51:00,539 --> 00:51:02,673
It's probably not a good idea
that you're drinking now, man.

1166
00:51:02,675 --> 00:51:04,041
It's probably just not.

1167
00:51:04,043 --> 00:51:05,809
What you wanna do, wanna do some whippets?

1168
00:51:05,811 --> 00:51:09,612
Whippets, no, no. No, I'm
not a troubled 15-year-old.

1169
00:51:09,614 --> 00:51:12,782
- That's okay.
- I wish.

1170
00:51:12,784 --> 00:51:14,550
You wish what?

1171
00:51:14,552 --> 00:51:17,787
I wish I was 15 again. Start over.

1172
00:51:17,789 --> 00:51:20,360
You know, get it right, this time.

1173
00:51:23,094 --> 00:51:27,063
Well, um, what happened,
why-why did you break up?

1174
00:51:27,065 --> 00:51:29,932
I don't know, she said, she was, uh

1175
00:51:29,934 --> 00:51:32,536
tired of trying to always make me happy.

1176
00:51:32,538 --> 00:51:34,470
What does that mean?

1177
00:51:34,472 --> 00:51:37,173
Some bullshit about me being depressed.

1178
00:51:37,175 --> 00:51:39,976
And uh, she says that I-I always

1179
00:51:39,978 --> 00:51:42,781
rely on other people to make
me feel good about myself.

1180
00:51:44,182 --> 00:51:45,849
Well, do you think that's true?

1181
00:51:45,851 --> 00:51:48,755
No, I just can't be alone right now.

1182
00:51:50,021 --> 00:51:51,423
Yeah.

1183
00:51:53,125 --> 00:51:54,590
- Thanks for talking to me.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.

1184
00:51:54,592 --> 00:51:56,559
- Thanks.
- Sure.

1185
00:51:56,561 --> 00:51:57,963
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1186
00:51:59,864 --> 00:52:01,130
How are you? How are you?

1187
00:52:01,132 --> 00:52:03,936
Good, good. Um, things are good.

1188
00:52:06,672 --> 00:52:09,673
This is my favorite thing to do at parties.

1189
00:52:09,675 --> 00:52:10,840
Go through other people's shit?

1190
00:52:10,842 --> 00:52:12,378
Oh, yeah.

1191
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:16,546
This place could be really nice.

1192
00:52:16,548 --> 00:52:19,182
Maybe if they cleaned it once a year.

1193
00:52:19,184 --> 00:52:21,485
The place is so dirty.

1194
00:52:21,487 --> 00:52:23,954
Yeah, but when girls are
dirty it's so much worse.

1195
00:52:23,956 --> 00:52:25,222
That's not true.

1196
00:52:25,224 --> 00:52:26,889
Have you ever been in a hot bathroom

1197
00:52:26,891 --> 00:52:29,626
in the middle of summer with
a trashcan full of tampons?

1198
00:52:29,628 --> 00:52:31,695
Smells like a civil war field hospital.

1199
00:52:31,697 --> 00:52:32,899
You're disgusting.

1200
00:52:35,867 --> 00:52:38,538
Hello. Almost finished.

1201
00:52:43,675 --> 00:52:45,608
That's Rick Ramsey, by the way.
The one getting the blowjob.

1202
00:52:45,610 --> 00:52:47,144
That's..

1203
00:52:47,146 --> 00:52:48,979
Huh.

1204
00:52:48,981 --> 00:52:50,646
Ugh.

1205
00:52:50,648 --> 00:52:53,916
It would be so much fun to have a dick.

1206
00:52:53,918 --> 00:52:56,753
- What?
- I wish I had a dick.

1207
00:52:56,755 --> 00:52:59,655
For just like one day.
You know a dick for a day.

1208
00:52:59,657 --> 00:53:00,724
Hey, what are you talking about?

1209
00:53:00,726 --> 00:53:02,559
You know, just so I could
see what it feels like

1210
00:53:02,561 --> 00:53:04,760
to just stick it in something, you know.

1211
00:53:04,762 --> 00:53:06,530
They just.. Looks like so much fun.

1212
00:53:06,532 --> 00:53:08,065
Yeah, that's what it really does.

1213
00:53:08,067 --> 00:53:09,999
- Yeah.
- Dicks are so direct.

1214
00:53:10,001 --> 00:53:12,769
- Mm-hmm.
- Vaginas are so..

1215
00:53:14,005 --> 00:53:16,106
- Yeah.
- Really?

1216
00:53:17,675 --> 00:53:18,878
Just..

1217
00:53:22,181 --> 00:53:24,615
Welcome, ladies.

1218
00:53:24,617 --> 00:53:28,684
I apologize for an awkward interaction.

1219
00:53:28,686 --> 00:53:30,753
Oh, not a problem.

1220
00:53:30,755 --> 00:53:32,923
This is my friend, Amy by the way.

1221
00:53:32,925 --> 00:53:36,193
A pleasure to meet you, Amy.

1222
00:53:36,195 --> 00:53:37,661
I'm gonna pass.

1223
00:53:37,663 --> 00:53:40,898
Oh, on account of the blowjob

1224
00:53:40,900 --> 00:53:43,534
I was just receiving in this room?

1225
00:53:43,536 --> 00:53:45,702
- Yeah.
- Understandable.

1226
00:53:48,306 --> 00:53:50,072
I have to get this.

1227
00:53:50,074 --> 00:53:52,110
It's my broker in Japan.

1228
00:53:59,617 --> 00:54:02,119
Saskia, titan of industry

1229
00:54:02,121 --> 00:54:03,556
and a true patriot.

1230
00:54:04,989 --> 00:54:07,590
I see you ladies are sans beverage?

1231
00:54:07,592 --> 00:54:09,092
You're all out downstairs.

1232
00:54:09,094 --> 00:54:14,030
Oh, Sydsy, Amy..

1233
00:54:14,032 --> 00:54:16,099
...there is one thing
you need to know about me.

1234
00:54:16,101 --> 00:54:19,135
I am never without drink.

1235
00:54:19,137 --> 00:54:23,874
May I escort you to the... den?

1236
00:54:23,876 --> 00:54:26,043
You have a den?

1237
00:54:26,045 --> 00:54:28,177
Oh, yes.

1238
00:54:28,179 --> 00:54:29,882
I have a den.

1239
00:54:32,818 --> 00:54:35,318
So, we're eating a toast, I look over.

1240
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:38,188
Chad Michael Murray,
is pointing right at me.

1241
00:54:38,190 --> 00:54:39,990
Yeah, he's pointing right at Blake.

1242
00:54:39,992 --> 00:54:41,224
- Topher was there.
- Oh, yeah, I was there.

1243
00:54:41,226 --> 00:54:42,693
I saw the whole thing go down.

1244
00:54:42,695 --> 00:54:43,961
So, since he's pointing right at me

1245
00:54:43,963 --> 00:54:45,929
I waved thinking he remembers me.

1246
00:54:45,931 --> 00:54:48,030
Yeah, 'cause we were at this
party at Zach Levi's house

1247
00:54:48,032 --> 00:54:50,700
like a week earlier, getting
drunk, telling stories

1248
00:54:50,702 --> 00:54:51,834
drinking Margis.

1249
00:54:51,836 --> 00:54:53,572
Oh, Margaritas.

1250
00:54:55,139 --> 00:54:56,907
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I know what that is.

1251
00:54:56,909 --> 00:54:58,976
But it turns out Chad Michael Murray

1252
00:54:58,978 --> 00:55:01,811
was actually pointing at Raven Simone

1253
00:55:01,813 --> 00:55:03,246
who was sitting just to my right.

1254
00:55:03,248 --> 00:55:04,680
Yeah, we didn't even realize

1255
00:55:04,682 --> 00:55:06,215
she was in the restaurant, do you know why?

1256
00:55:06,217 --> 00:55:09,019
'Cause she looks like a thousand
times prettier in person.

1257
00:55:09,021 --> 00:55:10,320
So pretty.

1258
00:55:10,322 --> 00:55:12,956
- I mean, so so pretty.
- So pretty.

1259
00:55:12,958 --> 00:55:14,657
So Chad Michael Murray is trying to get

1260
00:55:14,659 --> 00:55:17,193
Raven Simone's attention,
waving and what not.

1261
00:55:17,195 --> 00:55:19,262
Yeah, and you know what Raven Simone does?

1262
00:55:19,264 --> 00:55:23,867
She gets up, pays her check
and walks out of the restaurant.

1263
00:55:23,869 --> 00:55:26,036
She didn't even realize he
was trying to wave at her.

1264
00:55:26,038 --> 00:55:28,371
So, now Chad Michael Murray looks at me

1265
00:55:28,373 --> 00:55:30,840
and now he gives me a face like..

1266
00:55:30,842 --> 00:55:32,409
Like this face like..

1267
00:55:32,411 --> 00:55:34,244
What the hell?

1268
00:55:34,246 --> 00:55:36,045
It's like a face, like..

1269
00:55:36,047 --> 00:55:37,347
- Why didn't she notice me?
- Yeah?

1270
00:55:37,349 --> 00:55:39,048
I'm Chad Michael Murray, which is what

1271
00:55:39,050 --> 00:55:40,784
I would think too if I
was Chad Michael Murray.

1272
00:55:40,786 --> 00:55:42,952
Exactly, so you're not gonna
believe what Blake does.

1273
00:55:42,954 --> 00:55:44,920
He looks right
over at C-M-M

1274
00:55:44,922 --> 00:55:45,956
and he goes..

1275
00:55:45,958 --> 00:55:48,927
"Oh, that's so Raven."

1276
00:55:51,730 --> 00:55:53,396
- Yeah, like from the show.
- The show!

1277
00:55:53,398 --> 00:55:55,264
From the TV show, come on.

1278
00:55:55,266 --> 00:55:57,066
How many opportunities do
you get to say that for real?

1279
00:55:57,068 --> 00:55:59,235
I laughed so hard.

1280
00:55:59,237 --> 00:56:01,304
Here we have the den.

1281
00:56:01,306 --> 00:56:03,974
Who the fuck are you? Freeze.

1282
00:56:03,976 --> 00:56:05,876
I'm Topher. I'm your agents assistant.

1283
00:56:05,878 --> 00:56:07,847
- This is Blake.
- Hi.

1284
00:56:09,681 --> 00:56:11,947
Oh, okay.

1285
00:56:14,820 --> 00:56:16,356
You're cool.

1286
00:56:19,123 --> 00:56:20,259
Wait..

1287
00:56:21,793 --> 00:56:23,860
Which agent?

1288
00:56:23,862 --> 00:56:26,128
Your commercial agent.

1289
00:56:26,130 --> 00:56:28,932
Get the fuck outta here!

1290
00:56:28,934 --> 00:56:31,034
I recognize your puny voice.

1291
00:56:31,036 --> 00:56:33,003
You're the little bitch,
who answers the phone

1292
00:56:33,005 --> 00:56:35,137
and acts like you're doing
me some sort of favor.

1293
00:56:35,139 --> 00:56:37,773
You work for me, you fucking slaves!

1294
00:56:37,775 --> 00:56:41,043
Sending me to Santa Monica,
on a Friday at 6 o'clock.

1295
00:56:41,045 --> 00:56:45,014
I should fuck you in the
ass until you're dead.

1296
00:56:45,016 --> 00:56:48,719
Oh, that was unpleasant. I'm sorry.

1297
00:56:48,721 --> 00:56:51,787
My apologies. <i>Lo siento mucho.</i>

1298
00:56:51,789 --> 00:56:54,791
Now, welcome, welcome, welcome.

1299
00:56:54,793 --> 00:56:58,494
Feel free, to do anything you want in here.

1300
00:56:58,496 --> 00:57:01,498
Before you, you will find in <i>armoire</i>

1301
00:57:01,500 --> 00:57:04,767
that is filled with a wide array

1302
00:57:04,769 --> 00:57:07,907
of spirits and mixies.

1303
00:57:09,141 --> 00:57:11,240
So please.

1304
00:57:11,242 --> 00:57:13,075
Live.

1305
00:57:13,077 --> 00:57:14,376
Love.

1306
00:57:14,378 --> 00:57:19,215
And by love, I mean... fuck.

1307
00:57:22,521 --> 00:57:26,155
♪ To do to to to uh ♪

1308
00:57:26,157 --> 00:57:29,760
♪ Do anything you do to to ♪

1309
00:57:29,762 --> 00:57:33,295
♪ Do do do do tu ♪♪

1310
00:57:33,297 --> 00:57:35,798
God, he's so cool.

1311
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:37,166
So you guys having fun?

1312
00:57:37,168 --> 00:57:39,302
We just saw Rick Ramsey getting a blowjob.

1313
00:57:39,304 --> 00:57:42,204
Mm-hmm.

1314
00:57:42,206 --> 00:57:43,940
Gotta love the Rick Ram.

1315
00:57:43,942 --> 00:57:46,309
We also ran into this cunt that Syd hates.

1316
00:57:46,311 --> 00:57:50,412
- Hey, I don't hate her.
- Oh, yes, you do.

1317
00:57:50,414 --> 00:57:52,883
Okay, I totally do. But
I don't like saying hate.

1318
00:57:52,885 --> 00:57:55,217
You know, I hate the word "Hate."

1319
00:57:55,219 --> 00:57:58,021
I hate the word "Cunt." It's
like a punch in the face.

1320
00:57:58,023 --> 00:57:59,789
Cunt.

1321
00:57:59,791 --> 00:58:01,825
- You hate the word "Hate?"
- Yeah.

1322
00:58:01,827 --> 00:58:04,494
There's just so much
negativity in the world.

1323
00:58:04,496 --> 00:58:07,363
I don't there's enough of
negativity in the world.

1324
00:58:07,365 --> 00:58:09,932
Agreed, if people were
just more honest themselves

1325
00:58:09,934 --> 00:58:12,135
they'd realize how awful everyone is.

1326
00:58:12,137 --> 00:58:14,271
Y-y-yes, thank you.
Everyone is awful.

1327
00:58:14,273 --> 00:58:17,874
No, thank you, Syd, there is beauty

1328
00:58:17,876 --> 00:58:20,409
everywhere we turn and
we should acknowledge it.

1329
00:58:20,411 --> 00:58:23,915
- Life is beautiful.
- Good one, 1998.

1330
00:58:24,916 --> 00:58:26,416
- Be the change.
- What?

1331
00:58:26,418 --> 00:58:27,983
Be the change you wanna see in the world

1332
00:58:27,985 --> 00:58:29,920
2008, Barack Obama.

1333
00:58:29,922 --> 00:58:31,253
Actually, Gandhi.

1334
00:58:31,255 --> 00:58:32,956
Yeah, he's cool too.

1335
00:58:36,094 --> 00:58:38,164
I want a cigarette.

1336
00:58:39,597 --> 00:58:43,266
- You don't smoke.
- Yes, but I want one.

1337
00:58:43,268 --> 00:58:46,369
- Okay..
- That actually sounds great.

1338
00:58:46,371 --> 00:58:48,405
- I'll go with you.
- We'll stay here.

1339
00:58:48,407 --> 00:58:49,942
Alright.

1340
00:58:58,150 --> 00:58:59,349
- You want a drink?
- Sure.

1341
00:58:59,351 --> 00:59:03,286
Okay, uh, what are we having?

1342
00:59:03,288 --> 00:59:05,856
I'll have whatever you're having.

1343
00:59:05,858 --> 00:59:07,456
What are you having?

1344
00:59:07,458 --> 00:59:08,958
We got some nice scotch.

1345
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:11,161
No, I don't want scotch.

1346
00:59:11,163 --> 00:59:13,132
Okay, what do you want?

1347
00:59:14,632 --> 00:59:20,170
Um, could you please not drink scotch?

1348
00:59:20,172 --> 00:59:22,271
Why?

1349
00:59:22,273 --> 00:59:23,874
Because I can't stand when someone's

1350
00:59:23,876 --> 00:59:25,878
breath smells like scotch.

1351
00:59:27,478 --> 00:59:31,581
Right, because, uh..

1352
00:59:31,583 --> 00:59:33,349
Yeah, I thought.

1353
00:59:33,351 --> 00:59:36,151
Yeah, I thought so too, I
just didn't wanna assume..

1354
00:59:36,153 --> 00:59:37,287
You want to though, right?

1355
00:59:37,289 --> 00:59:39,588
Yes, of course, I want to.

1356
00:59:39,590 --> 00:59:41,992
Uh. How about beer?

1357
00:59:41,994 --> 00:59:43,592
- Beer? Beer is good.
- Perfect.

1358
00:59:43,594 --> 00:59:46,162
Beer's great. Beer is perfect.

1359
00:59:46,164 --> 00:59:48,164
Thank you.

1360
00:59:48,166 --> 00:59:49,499
- Here.
- Hm.

1361
00:59:49,501 --> 00:59:50,903
Okay.

1362
00:59:52,204 --> 00:59:54,173
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

1363
01:00:16,594 --> 01:00:17,929
Uh..

1364
01:00:18,362 --> 01:00:20,232
Yeah. Uh..

1365
01:00:23,668 --> 01:00:25,235
- Oh.
- You know what?

1366
01:00:25,237 --> 01:00:26,702
- Let's just set these down.
- Yeah.

1367
01:00:26,704 --> 01:00:29,139
Probably a good idea.

1368
01:00:29,141 --> 01:00:31,911
- Okay.
- Hm.

1369
01:00:33,545 --> 01:00:34,978
- Oh.
- Oh. Shit. Hold on.

1370
01:00:34,980 --> 01:00:36,579
- Oh.
- Are you okay?

1371
01:00:36,581 --> 01:00:40,550
Yeah. I just punched myself
in the dick with your knee.

1372
01:00:40,552 --> 01:00:42,318
So, I'm okay.

1373
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:43,519
- I'm sorry.
- I'm okay.

1374
01:00:43,521 --> 01:00:45,157
- Alright.
- Hm.

1375
01:00:46,992 --> 01:00:48,590
- What..
- Sorry.

1376
01:00:48,592 --> 01:00:51,061
Just that, I need to, I'm really ticklish.

1377
01:00:51,063 --> 01:00:53,095
- Oh, okay.
- No-no-no, sorry.

1378
01:00:53,097 --> 01:00:55,632
- Okay.
- Um.

1379
01:00:55,634 --> 01:00:56,733
You know what?

1380
01:00:56,735 --> 01:01:00,003
- Can you just..
- Okay.

1381
01:01:00,005 --> 01:01:02,438
Oh. Oh, yeah.

1382
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:03,740
Is this okay?

1383
01:01:03,742 --> 01:01:05,912
For the record, this is always okay.

1384
01:01:11,416 --> 01:01:13,282
This is very tasty.

1385
01:01:13,284 --> 01:01:14,483
You're not inhaling.

1386
01:01:14,485 --> 01:01:15,985
Yes, I am. Look, watch what I do.

1387
01:01:15,987 --> 01:01:17,586
Okay.

1388
01:01:20,224 --> 01:01:22,659
Oh, looks like a lesbian
action here, I'm gonna die.

1389
01:01:22,661 --> 01:01:24,394
Who the fuck is this douchebag?

1390
01:01:24,396 --> 01:01:27,030
Oh no, it's my boss. Act cool.

1391
01:01:27,032 --> 01:01:29,132
You can't get a bucket, I
can thaw it up in a second.

1392
01:01:29,134 --> 01:01:32,068
I think it's impossible for
you to act cool at this point.

1393
01:01:32,070 --> 01:01:33,670
What are you saying? Do I look drunk?

1394
01:01:33,672 --> 01:01:35,104
Yes.

1395
01:01:35,106 --> 01:01:36,539
But it's okay, 'cause I am too.

1396
01:01:36,541 --> 01:01:37,673
So don't feel bad about it.

1397
01:01:37,675 --> 01:01:40,075
That's sweet. You're a good friend.

1398
01:01:41,612 --> 01:01:43,246
- Oh, this guy is your boss?
- Yeah.

1399
01:01:43,248 --> 01:01:47,650
- How old is he?
- He's 25. Just roll with it.

1400
01:01:47,652 --> 01:01:50,653
Maybe if I stand still he won't see me.

1401
01:01:50,655 --> 01:01:52,488
Dave, he's not a T-Rex.

1402
01:01:52,490 --> 01:01:56,159
He was in Sweden for like..

1403
01:01:56,161 --> 01:01:59,561
Davey? Oh, shit.

1404
01:01:59,563 --> 01:02:01,597
Man, if they were letting
people like you into this party

1405
01:02:01,599 --> 01:02:04,266
I probably wouldn't have even shown up.

1406
01:02:04,268 --> 01:02:06,135
- Sorry to disappoint.
- Uh.

1407
01:02:06,137 --> 01:02:07,170
Darren, this is Amy.

1408
01:02:07,172 --> 01:02:09,139
- Charmed.
- Nice.

1409
01:02:09,141 --> 01:02:11,240
So you are knockin' boots with Davy here?

1410
01:02:11,242 --> 01:02:13,443
You know, givin' him some of that fuck.

1411
01:02:13,445 --> 01:02:15,545
No. We just met tonight.

1412
01:02:15,547 --> 01:02:19,148
Oh, thank God, I'm saving
you from a world of regret.

1413
01:02:19,150 --> 01:02:21,050
Better get away from this dork fast.

1414
01:02:21,052 --> 01:02:23,452
- Hey, you gave me 408 yet?
- I just turned it in earlier.

1415
01:02:23,454 --> 01:02:25,054
Doesn't matter, I have to rewrite it

1416
01:02:25,056 --> 01:02:27,590
ten times anyways, yeah, you know.

1417
01:02:27,592 --> 01:02:29,793
Yeah. Where are you from? Where you live?

1418
01:02:29,795 --> 01:02:31,427
Excuse me?

1419
01:02:31,429 --> 01:02:35,264
I'm asking you where you
live to start a conversation.

1420
01:02:35,266 --> 01:02:38,068
Come on. Speed up!

1421
01:02:38,070 --> 01:02:39,601
Don't fuckin' talk to me like that.

1422
01:02:39,603 --> 01:02:42,539
Why? Is it turning you on?

1423
01:02:42,541 --> 01:02:44,441
- Are you for real?
- Okay. Whoa.

1424
01:02:44,443 --> 01:02:48,110
Whoa-whoa-whoa..
Cool you jets, Darren.

1425
01:02:48,112 --> 01:02:50,412
These are not the droids
you are looking for.

1426
01:02:50,414 --> 01:02:51,680
- What?
- These are not the..

1427
01:02:51,682 --> 01:02:53,650
Just, uh, you're being a jerk, okay?

1428
01:02:53,652 --> 01:02:55,485
So just, maybe, you just walk away.

1429
01:02:55,487 --> 01:02:57,854
No-no, fuck that noise.

1430
01:02:57,856 --> 01:02:59,755
Little free advice for you.

1431
01:02:59,757 --> 01:03:01,590
This guy is a sand trap, okay?

1432
01:03:01,592 --> 01:03:04,760
You're gonna just keep swinging
and swinging and swinging

1433
01:03:04,762 --> 01:03:07,597
and the best you'll ever do is par.

1434
01:03:07,599 --> 01:03:09,365
Golf analogy.

1435
01:03:09,367 --> 01:03:10,633
I hate you.

1436
01:03:10,635 --> 01:03:13,436
- I hate you so much.
- You hate me?

1437
01:03:13,438 --> 01:03:15,838
Oh, no, now I've said it
twice. I have to keep goin'.

1438
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:17,606
Dave, you better shut the fuck up

1439
01:03:17,608 --> 01:03:19,409
before you say something, you can't...

1440
01:03:19,411 --> 01:03:22,512
No. I will not shut the fuck up.

1441
01:03:22,514 --> 01:03:25,215
I'm gonna open the fuck out.

1442
01:03:25,217 --> 01:03:28,284
For starters, you are not nice

1443
01:03:28,286 --> 01:03:31,820
to work for, to hang
out with or to talk to.

1444
01:03:31,822 --> 01:03:33,590
I bet you're not even
nice to your own pets.

1445
01:03:33,592 --> 01:03:36,492
- I don't have any pets.
- See, who doesn't have pets?

1446
01:03:36,494 --> 01:03:37,827
I have a cat and I don't even like cats.

1447
01:03:37,829 --> 01:03:39,496
She has a cat.

1448
01:03:39,498 --> 01:03:42,132
But you don't, Darren.
Because you're a villain.

1449
01:03:42,134 --> 01:03:43,833
You're a villain and an asshole.

1450
01:03:43,835 --> 01:03:45,901
Stop being so dramatic, alright?

1451
01:03:45,903 --> 01:03:47,704
Oh, dramatic? Oh, you want dramatic?

1452
01:03:47,706 --> 01:03:50,139
I'll give you the drama. I quit!

1453
01:03:50,141 --> 01:03:51,807
I don't care, I'll replace
you in five seconds.

1454
01:03:51,809 --> 01:03:53,309
Yeah, I bet you will.

1455
01:03:53,311 --> 01:03:55,744
I bet you will because in this town

1456
01:03:55,746 --> 01:03:57,679
there's always a line
around the block of people

1457
01:03:57,681 --> 01:03:58,914
willing to eat shit.

1458
01:03:58,916 --> 01:04:01,450
But I am done.

1459
01:04:01,452 --> 01:04:04,287
I am tired of eating shit
because now I am full of it.

1460
01:04:04,289 --> 01:04:05,858
I'm full of shit!

1461
01:04:08,425 --> 01:04:12,327
Now get out of here before
I drag you out on the street

1462
01:04:12,329 --> 01:04:15,101
and knock your fuckin' teeth out.

1463
01:04:27,579 --> 01:04:29,579
I can't believe I just did that.

1464
01:04:34,351 --> 01:04:36,686
- What the..
- Um. Um.

1465
01:04:36,688 --> 01:04:37,756
Oh.

1466
01:04:38,389 --> 01:04:39,956
Okay.

1467
01:04:39,958 --> 01:04:42,458
Okay, that didn't work
but I still feel great.

1468
01:04:42,460 --> 01:04:44,193
I just quit my job.

1469
01:04:46,831 --> 01:04:48,134
Party.

1470
01:04:53,637 --> 01:04:56,972
Oh, um, don't undo my bra.

1471
01:04:56,974 --> 01:04:59,374
Uh, oh, okay.

1472
01:04:59,376 --> 01:05:01,778
No, it's not that I'm a prude.

1473
01:05:01,780 --> 01:05:02,815
I just, um..

1474
01:05:05,217 --> 01:05:06,782
I have a huge zit on one of my boobs

1475
01:05:06,784 --> 01:05:09,221
and it makes me look
like I have three nipples.

1476
01:05:10,554 --> 01:05:13,755
Okay, let's, uh, take a break.

1477
01:05:13,757 --> 01:05:16,726
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.

1478
01:05:16,728 --> 01:05:18,931
Let's just take a time out.

1479
01:05:24,402 --> 01:05:26,237
Oh, why isn't this working?

1480
01:05:29,007 --> 01:05:30,840
It should, though.

1481
01:05:30,842 --> 01:05:32,407
- Right?
- Yeah.

1482
01:05:32,409 --> 01:05:34,711
- It totally should.
- It doesn't, though.

1483
01:05:34,713 --> 01:05:36,679
Not at all.

1484
01:05:36,681 --> 01:05:39,518
- It wasn't that bad.
- Um, it wasn't good.

1485
01:05:40,719 --> 01:05:41,751
Fair enough.

1486
01:05:41,753 --> 01:05:43,619
Okay, you know what?

1487
01:05:43,621 --> 01:05:44,720
Let's figure this out.

1488
01:05:44,722 --> 01:05:49,425
Um... why did I make out with you?

1489
01:05:49,427 --> 01:05:51,293
No, wait. Because you're cute.

1490
01:05:51,295 --> 01:05:52,695
And you're funny.

1491
01:05:52,697 --> 01:05:54,030
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.

1492
01:05:54,032 --> 01:05:57,769
Okay, you are not boring
and you are very pretty.

1493
01:05:59,471 --> 01:06:00,706
Thank you.

1494
01:06:01,873 --> 01:06:03,505
- It's a compliment.
- Thanks.

1495
01:06:03,507 --> 01:06:06,309
Uh, you are an actor.

1496
01:06:06,311 --> 01:06:07,709
- I'm an actor.
- We have things in common.

1497
01:06:07,711 --> 01:06:09,012
- Exactly.
- Yes.

1498
01:06:09,014 --> 01:06:11,414
Yeah, but it also means
that we seek attention

1499
01:06:11,416 --> 01:06:13,782
and approval from other people.

1500
01:06:13,784 --> 01:06:16,885
Yeah. What's wrong with that?

1501
01:06:16,887 --> 01:06:18,987
We end up making out
on the very first night

1502
01:06:18,989 --> 01:06:20,822
and ignoring all of the red flags that

1503
01:06:20,824 --> 01:06:22,391
ultimately will lead to our relationship

1504
01:06:22,393 --> 01:06:23,695
falling apart in six months.

1505
01:06:25,730 --> 01:06:27,664
Two months.

1506
01:06:27,666 --> 01:06:30,733
- Really?
- Yeah, probably two months.

1507
01:06:30,735 --> 01:06:33,036
Also, you're really
negative and pessimistic.

1508
01:06:33,038 --> 01:06:34,737
Thank you.

1509
01:06:34,739 --> 01:06:37,539
There are so many reasons why
you and I wouldn't work, but

1510
01:06:37,541 --> 01:06:40,842
once again, I ignore them.

1511
01:06:40,844 --> 01:06:42,513
And I just hope for the best.

1512
01:06:45,750 --> 01:06:48,418
Kinda just makes you wanna
give up and stop tryin'.

1513
01:06:48,420 --> 01:06:50,485
No.

1514
01:06:50,487 --> 01:06:51,954
It makes me wanna do
it better the next time

1515
01:06:51,956 --> 01:06:54,557
and actually learn from my mistakes.

1516
01:06:54,559 --> 01:06:58,327
Yeah, we would never work.

1517
01:06:58,329 --> 01:07:00,762
Oh, boy.

1518
01:07:02,599 --> 01:07:05,901
Well, thanks for makin' out with me.

1519
01:07:05,903 --> 01:07:08,539
Oh, hey. You're welcome.

1520
01:07:14,411 --> 01:07:15,778
Yeah, it just doesn't work.

1521
01:07:15,780 --> 01:07:17,112
'Cause it's just like, no.

1522
01:07:17,114 --> 01:07:18,847
- It's bad.
- It's not bad.

1523
01:07:18,849 --> 01:07:20,685
- Isn't this?
- It's just weird.

1524
01:07:22,554 --> 01:07:23,655
Woo.

1525
01:07:25,523 --> 01:07:27,026
Hell of a party, right?

1526
01:07:29,594 --> 01:07:31,494
Maybe we should keep the party goin'.

1527
01:07:31,496 --> 01:07:32,564
No?

1528
01:07:35,032 --> 01:07:36,699
Excuse me?

1529
01:07:36,701 --> 01:07:40,103
Yeah, I've, I got this
wicked bottle of Prosecco

1530
01:07:40,105 --> 01:07:43,740
back at my place, you
know, maybe a little weed..

1531
01:07:43,742 --> 01:07:46,478
I mean, I'm not sure I'd
have to check, but, you know?

1532
01:07:47,411 --> 01:07:49,480
Does this usually work?

1533
01:07:54,018 --> 01:07:55,788
I don't know what I'm doing.

1534
01:07:57,956 --> 01:08:00,555
I, uh..

1535
01:08:00,557 --> 01:08:03,626
I just ended a relationship

1536
01:08:03,628 --> 01:08:06,128
with like the love of my life

1537
01:08:06,130 --> 01:08:07,829
and I'm hanging on by a string.

1538
01:08:07,831 --> 01:08:09,030
- Oh.
- You know?

1539
01:08:09,032 --> 01:08:11,502
Dude, it's okay. You're alright.

1540
01:08:12,771 --> 01:08:14,670
- You're doing fine.
- Yeah?

1541
01:08:14,672 --> 01:08:16,108
Yeah.

1542
01:08:17,975 --> 01:08:19,677
Do you wanna go make out in my car?

1543
01:08:21,412 --> 01:08:23,548
Can you make me happy?

1544
01:08:25,082 --> 01:08:28,052
I think maybe you should
go home and get some sleep.

1545
01:08:30,688 --> 01:08:32,891
- You're probably right.
- Yeah.

1546
01:08:35,059 --> 01:08:36,929
- It was nice meeting you.
- You too.

1547
01:08:38,430 --> 01:08:39,731
Um..

1548
01:08:45,770 --> 01:08:47,836
- Hey.
- Hey.

1549
01:08:47,838 --> 01:08:49,071
Where's Matt?

1550
01:08:49,073 --> 01:08:52,141
- He's coming.
- What happened?

1551
01:08:52,143 --> 01:08:54,811
- We didn't.
- At all?

1552
01:08:54,813 --> 01:08:57,746
- No. It just..
- You didn't?

1553
01:08:57,748 --> 01:08:58,951
Yeah.

1554
01:08:59,951 --> 01:09:01,717
It's okay.

1555
01:09:01,719 --> 01:09:03,820
- Is it?
- Yeah.

1556
01:09:03,822 --> 01:09:05,824
- It's just, uh..
- I know.

1557
01:09:07,591 --> 01:09:10,625
- I love you so much.
- I love you, too.

1558
01:09:10,627 --> 01:09:11,928
- So?
- It's not happening.

1559
01:09:11,930 --> 01:09:13,161
- Okay.
- What about you?

1560
01:09:13,163 --> 01:09:14,867
- Not happening.
- Okay.

1561
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:17,933
Ladies and gentlemen.

1562
01:09:17,935 --> 01:09:20,602
May I have your attention please.

1563
01:09:20,604 --> 01:09:24,005
I have an announcement to make.

1564
01:09:24,007 --> 01:09:25,208
Two things.

1565
01:09:25,210 --> 01:09:30,245
One, the police have been called. By me.

1566
01:09:30,247 --> 01:09:33,148
It's a little thing I
like to do to end parties

1567
01:09:33,150 --> 01:09:34,983
'it's a bit of a tradish.'

1568
01:09:34,985 --> 01:09:37,687
Two.

1569
01:09:37,689 --> 01:09:40,121
According to the internet

1570
01:09:40,123 --> 01:09:42,224
this evening in Los Angeles

1571
01:09:42,226 --> 01:09:45,227
it is 68 degrees.

1572
01:09:45,229 --> 01:09:48,531
The perfect weather for a perfect walk.

1573
01:09:48,533 --> 01:09:51,733
Or should I say, hike.

1574
01:09:51,735 --> 01:09:56,041
A night hike!

1575
01:09:57,074 --> 01:09:59,040
Well, we've come this far.

1576
01:10:01,578 --> 01:10:05,647
♪ A-hoo a-hee
a-haa a-ho a-hey.. ♪

1577
01:10:05,649 --> 01:10:09,487
I'm gonna walk away. Okay?

1578
01:10:10,954 --> 01:10:12,722
♪ Hikey hikey hikey hike ♪♪

1579
01:10:12,724 --> 01:10:14,523
Alright, let's go.

1580
01:10:14,525 --> 01:10:16,728
Shall we join them, <i>mademoiselle?</i>

1581
01:10:17,295 --> 01:10:18,529
Nah.

1582
01:10:20,097 --> 01:10:21,731
I was just kidding.

1583
01:10:21,733 --> 01:10:24,970
Okay, alright. Yeah, yeah, I am.

1584
01:10:40,851 --> 01:10:45,254
- Are these eucalyptus?
- Yeah, eucalyptus.

1585
01:10:45,256 --> 01:10:47,990
I mean, are there koalas in America?

1586
01:10:47,992 --> 01:10:49,625
They are not koalas of America.

1587
01:10:49,627 --> 01:10:51,160
Okay.

1588
01:10:51,162 --> 01:10:54,796
We are about to walk into nature.

1589
01:10:54,798 --> 01:10:57,900
As we do, please, respect
our nocturnal friends

1590
01:10:57,902 --> 01:11:02,170
such as, the owl, the bat, the possum

1591
01:11:02,172 --> 01:11:04,906
the raccoon and the coyote.

1592
01:11:04,908 --> 01:11:07,143
Now, we are entering their homes.

1593
01:11:07,145 --> 01:11:09,879
So please, no littering, contamination

1594
01:11:09,881 --> 01:11:11,813
or general disrespect

1595
01:11:11,815 --> 01:11:14,282
of our mammalian friends.

1596
01:11:14,284 --> 01:11:15,851
What if I have to piss?

1597
01:11:15,853 --> 01:11:17,753
Uh, that's fine. Piss on whatever you want.

1598
01:11:17,755 --> 01:11:18,987
They are animals, they love that.

1599
01:11:18,989 --> 01:11:20,322
- Okay.
- They love piss.

1600
01:11:20,324 --> 01:11:21,592
Now..

1601
01:11:22,260 --> 01:11:24,893
...please, welcome..

1602
01:11:24,895 --> 01:11:26,297
...to Griffith Park.

1603
01:11:27,332 --> 01:11:28,697
I mean, I have to piss so bad.

1604
01:11:28,699 --> 01:11:31,733
I mean, I got to pee bad, man.

1605
01:11:31,735 --> 01:11:34,273
'Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.'

1606
01:11:37,140 --> 01:11:38,741
I just think it's a funny story.

1607
01:11:38,743 --> 01:11:41,210
It's not, it's not, it's not funny at all.

1608
01:11:41,212 --> 01:11:42,777
Yes, it is.

1609
01:11:42,779 --> 01:11:45,147
It's funny, 'cause I didn't
know she was homeless.

1610
01:11:45,149 --> 01:11:48,651
Your funny story just
makes you sound predatory

1611
01:11:48,653 --> 01:11:50,686
and it makes you sound stupid.

1612
01:11:50,688 --> 01:11:53,923
See? I think that's hilarious.

1613
01:11:53,925 --> 01:11:55,060
See..

1614
01:11:57,362 --> 01:11:59,661
Why do you have a backpack?

1615
01:11:59,663 --> 01:12:01,567
Oh, it's filled with beer.

1616
01:12:03,400 --> 01:12:06,037
Sam, are you an alcoholic?

1617
01:12:07,171 --> 01:12:09,074
You know, that's entirely possible.

1618
01:12:11,775 --> 01:12:13,174
You want one?

1619
01:12:13,176 --> 01:12:15,311
- Right.
- Right. Okay.

1620
01:12:15,313 --> 01:12:17,079
Gimme one of 'em beers.

1621
01:12:17,081 --> 01:12:19,749
Ugh, these are warm. Gross.

1622
01:12:19,751 --> 01:12:21,250
Matt, stop being such a bitch.

1623
01:12:21,252 --> 01:12:22,287
Give me one.

1624
01:12:26,658 --> 01:12:27,859
Tastes fine to me.

1625
01:12:28,693 --> 01:12:30,058
Will you marry me?

1626
01:12:30,060 --> 01:12:31,360
- Are you on an improv team?
- Yeah.

1627
01:12:31,362 --> 01:12:35,031
- Then, no.
- Fair enough. Smart lady.

1628
01:12:35,033 --> 01:12:39,235
And the thing is, always fun
to tell him off and it was.

1629
01:12:39,237 --> 01:12:42,271
The best part is, I don't
have to do that job anymore.

1630
01:12:42,273 --> 01:12:45,040
I wish I could've seen it.

1631
01:12:45,042 --> 01:12:46,342
It's weird.

1632
01:12:46,344 --> 01:12:50,045
But, I love not knowing what comes next.

1633
01:12:50,047 --> 01:12:52,348
I've never been so excited for the future.

1634
01:12:52,350 --> 01:12:54,086
- I love that feeling.
- Hm.

1635
01:12:56,087 --> 01:12:58,754
Right? Because who knows?

1636
01:12:58,756 --> 01:13:01,057
Anything is possible.

1637
01:13:01,059 --> 01:13:04,059
Bad things will happen
but good stuff will, too.

1638
01:13:04,061 --> 01:13:05,827
For me and for you.

1639
01:13:05,829 --> 01:13:08,998
You could sell a movie in the
next week for a million dollars.

1640
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:12,300
I'd have to write one first, but yes.

1641
01:13:12,302 --> 01:13:15,336
Or I could not work for a year, but

1642
01:13:15,338 --> 01:13:17,406
strangely enough, I'm okay with that.

1643
01:13:17,408 --> 01:13:18,808
You should be.

1644
01:13:18,810 --> 01:13:20,076
Because you know what?

1645
01:13:20,078 --> 01:13:21,443
You're gonna be okay.

1646
01:13:21,445 --> 01:13:23,247
No matter what happens.

1647
01:13:24,881 --> 01:13:26,715
So you know

1648
01:13:26,717 --> 01:13:30,085
Syd and Dave are totally
gonna end up dating.

1649
01:13:30,087 --> 01:13:32,153
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

1650
01:13:32,155 --> 01:13:34,423
I saw that coming like a mile away.

1651
01:13:34,425 --> 01:13:38,827
Well, I sure would have
appreciated a heads up.

1652
01:13:38,829 --> 01:13:42,167
Nah, you guys gotta figure
shit out for yourselves.

1653
01:13:43,501 --> 01:13:45,101
Well, I think she's starting to.

1654
01:13:45,103 --> 01:13:47,838
- Mm-hmm.
- Jury's still out on me.

1655
01:13:49,439 --> 01:13:51,240
Have you ever thought
that maybe you should just

1656
01:13:51,242 --> 01:13:54,179
stop whining and realize
that you're doing great?

1657
01:13:57,081 --> 01:13:59,749
Fuck you. Jesus.

1658
01:13:59,751 --> 01:14:00,849
Well, now you're speaking my language.

1659
01:14:00,851 --> 01:14:02,418
- Okay.
- Yeah.

1660
01:14:02,420 --> 01:14:04,186
Seriously though, I want
to punch you in the face

1661
01:14:04,188 --> 01:14:05,854
like a full grown man.

1662
01:14:05,856 --> 01:14:08,857
Wait, are you trying to turn me on?

1663
01:14:08,859 --> 01:14:10,295
Because I think it's working.

1664
01:14:11,962 --> 01:14:14,129
How do you know I'm not
taking you up here to bury you?

1665
01:14:14,131 --> 01:14:15,764
Well, that's what I was hoping this was.

1666
01:14:15,766 --> 01:14:17,933
So, if it's not I'm just gonna..

1667
01:14:17,935 --> 01:14:19,367
- No. No.
- Dude, okay.

1668
01:14:19,369 --> 01:14:21,035
- I'm gonna bury you up here.
- Oh, good.

1669
01:14:21,037 --> 01:14:22,504
But you gotta dig the hole yourself.

1670
01:14:22,506 --> 01:14:25,840
Oh, I, I ain't digging shit.

1671
01:14:25,842 --> 01:14:28,843
Sometime very soon someone will recognize

1672
01:14:28,845 --> 01:14:29,879
one of your many talents.

1673
01:14:29,881 --> 01:14:31,347
Which one?

1674
01:14:31,349 --> 01:14:32,884
I don't know, which one do you want?

1675
01:14:33,850 --> 01:14:36,018
- Acting.
- Great.

1676
01:14:36,020 --> 01:14:38,787
Then you'll be given
the role of a lifetime.

1677
01:14:38,789 --> 01:14:40,388
A role so perfect for you

1678
01:14:40,390 --> 01:14:42,924
that it will solve all of your problems.

1679
01:14:42,926 --> 01:14:45,093
That sounds amazing.

1680
01:14:45,095 --> 01:14:47,062
- Keep going, keep going.
- Alright. Uh, yeah.

1681
01:14:47,064 --> 01:14:51,901
And you will start a charity
that saves puppies lives.

1682
01:14:51,903 --> 01:14:53,803
And gives homeless people homes

1683
01:14:53,805 --> 01:14:56,371
and teaches third world
children to be doctors.

1684
01:14:56,373 --> 01:14:59,474
Oh! I love my new life.

1685
01:14:59,476 --> 01:15:01,278
You're good at this.

1686
01:15:03,814 --> 01:15:07,950
And then you will go on a date with me.

1687
01:15:07,952 --> 01:15:10,852
And it will be the best
date you've ever been on.

1688
01:15:10,854 --> 01:15:12,854
So good that at the end of the evening

1689
01:15:12,856 --> 01:15:14,022
you will ask for my hand in marriage.

1690
01:15:14,024 --> 01:15:15,424
- Of course. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

1691
01:15:15,426 --> 01:15:18,227
But then after I ask, you'll say no because

1692
01:15:18,229 --> 01:15:22,097
I screwed up and I made out
with your best friend instead.

1693
01:15:22,099 --> 01:15:24,133
And then I'll go into a tailspin
and I'll start collecting

1694
01:15:24,135 --> 01:15:28,603
bottles of my own urine and then
I'll never leave my apartment.

1695
01:15:28,605 --> 01:15:33,342
Okay... but then I will change
my answer when I realize that

1696
01:15:33,344 --> 01:15:35,277
I don't really care that
you made out with Matt

1697
01:15:35,279 --> 01:15:36,579
because a lot of people do that.

1698
01:15:36,581 --> 01:15:39,882
- Oh, gross. Gross.
- And who cares?

1699
01:15:39,884 --> 01:15:43,986
And then you and I will
clean out your apartment

1700
01:15:43,988 --> 01:15:45,220
filled with the urine bottles..

1701
01:15:45,222 --> 01:15:47,356
Mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

1702
01:15:47,358 --> 01:15:51,927
And then, we'll get married
and live happily ever after.

1703
01:15:53,064 --> 01:15:54,362
- Sounds like a plan.
- Um.

1704
01:15:59,537 --> 01:16:01,306
I'm serious about that date, though.

1705
01:16:03,240 --> 01:16:04,442
I am, too.

1706
01:16:09,145 --> 01:16:11,146
Fine. I'll admit it.

1707
01:16:11,148 --> 01:16:14,316
- What?
- My life is pretty great.

1708
01:16:14,318 --> 01:16:15,884
See? Was that so hard...

1709
01:16:15,886 --> 01:16:17,518
But it's not great for
the reasons that you think.

1710
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:21,022
Fuck the whole acting and
the Hollywood bull shit.

1711
01:16:21,024 --> 01:16:23,325
It's great because of nights like this.

1712
01:16:23,327 --> 01:16:26,227
Nights that..

1713
01:16:26,229 --> 01:16:28,232
...sneak up on you when
you really need 'em.

1714
01:16:30,033 --> 01:16:32,468
- That was so corny.
- You're such an asshole.

1715
01:16:32,470 --> 01:16:35,103
- Just really bad.
- Goddamn it.

1716
01:16:35,105 --> 01:16:36,307
I am an asshole.

1717
01:16:39,676 --> 01:16:42,076
You know a girl like
you that's full of, uh..

1718
01:16:42,078 --> 01:16:44,513
...piss and vinegar?

1719
01:16:44,515 --> 01:16:45,917
She's never boring.

1720
01:16:48,618 --> 01:16:51,120
Wow, that might be the, uh..

1721
01:16:51,122 --> 01:16:53,191
...best compliment I've gotten in years.

1722
01:16:54,457 --> 01:16:56,157
You're welcome.

1723
01:16:56,159 --> 01:16:59,061
But I didn't say thank you, so..

1724
01:16:59,063 --> 01:17:01,397
I'll get it out of you soon enough.

1725
01:17:01,399 --> 01:17:04,202
Yeah? I'd like to see you try.

1726
01:17:05,403 --> 01:17:06,605
Shut up.

1727
01:17:08,238 --> 01:17:09,440
Alright.

1728
01:17:22,653 --> 01:17:24,553
Everyone..

1729
01:17:24,555 --> 01:17:27,158
...come here, settle down.

1730
01:17:29,527 --> 01:17:32,393
- How was the walk?
- Oh, it was good.

1731
01:17:32,395 --> 01:17:33,696
Yeah. It was a good walk.

1732
01:17:33,698 --> 01:17:35,464
Yeah?

1733
01:17:35,466 --> 01:17:37,936
- Yeah.
- Okay.

1734
01:17:38,469 --> 01:17:40,005
Look.

1735
01:17:41,706 --> 01:17:43,909
Gaze upon the horizon.

1736
01:17:45,443 --> 01:17:48,410
Thousands, if not millions of lights

1737
01:17:48,412 --> 01:17:52,050
some twinkling, some, steadfast.

1738
01:17:53,016 --> 01:17:55,150
Each one a dream..

1739
01:17:55,152 --> 01:17:57,186
..most of which..

1740
01:17:57,188 --> 01:17:59,524
...will never come true.

1741
01:18:01,658 --> 01:18:03,228
But..

1742
01:18:05,229 --> 01:18:07,763
...that is not

1743
01:18:07,765 --> 01:18:11,633
success or failure in one's life!

1744
01:18:11,635 --> 01:18:16,504
The only true measure
of success in one's life

1745
01:18:16,506 --> 01:18:20,642
is the pursuit of your dreams!

1746
01:18:20,644 --> 01:18:23,344
If you live free

1747
01:18:23,346 --> 01:18:28,683
amidst chaos and blindly pursue said dreams

1748
01:18:28,685 --> 01:18:31,285
then you have succeeded!

1749
01:18:31,287 --> 01:18:35,391
And that is all that matters!

1750
01:18:35,393 --> 01:18:39,061
Pursue! Pursue!

1751
01:18:39,063 --> 01:18:41,432
Pursue!

1752
01:18:44,100 --> 01:18:46,035
Now..

1753
01:18:46,037 --> 01:18:49,204
...I'm going to take a piss
in that bush over there.

1754
01:18:49,206 --> 01:18:52,644
Nobody watch me or else I, I can't go.

1755
01:18:59,082 --> 01:19:00,315
Did that just fucking happen?

1756
01:19:00,317 --> 01:19:01,517
- Yeah.
- Yes, it did.

1757
01:19:01,519 --> 01:19:03,085
It happens all the time.

1758
01:19:03,087 --> 01:19:05,490
- Like how often?
- So often.

1759
01:19:11,561 --> 01:19:15,196
I wonder how many of those
people are having sex right now.

1760
01:19:15,198 --> 01:19:16,567
I love that movie.

1761
01:19:18,469 --> 01:19:21,736
At this moment, people
are having lunch in Paris.

1762
01:19:21,738 --> 01:19:25,507
Well, it's five o'clock somewhere.

1763
01:19:25,509 --> 01:19:28,544
If we were farmers, we
would be waking up right now.

1764
01:19:28,546 --> 01:19:31,080
To milk the cows.

1765
01:19:31,082 --> 01:19:33,514
And feed the chickens.

1766
01:19:33,516 --> 01:19:36,117
And churn the butter.

1767
01:19:36,119 --> 01:19:38,387
That actually sounds kind of nice.

1768
01:19:38,389 --> 01:19:39,591
It does.

1769
01:19:40,858 --> 01:19:43,092
I wish we were farmers.

1770
01:19:43,094 --> 01:19:46,195
Yeah, let's buy a farm.

1771
01:19:51,135 --> 01:19:54,769
Fuck you, Los Angeles!

1772
01:19:56,739 --> 01:19:58,206
Hey, LA

1773
01:19:58,208 --> 01:20:01,110
why don't you go fuck yourself, man?

1774
01:20:01,112 --> 01:20:04,745
Yeah, fuck you, Los Angeles!

1775
01:20:04,747 --> 01:20:08,517
I fucking hate you sometimes, Los Angeles!

1776
01:20:08,519 --> 01:20:11,586
- Suck a dick, LA!
- Yeah!

1777
01:20:11,588 --> 01:20:13,589
Suck her dick, LA!

1778
01:20:15,326 --> 01:20:17,659
Yeah, it's right here!

1779
01:20:19,697 --> 01:20:22,363
Suck his dick, suck his dick..

1780
01:20:29,606 --> 01:20:31,373
Yeah, you can do a jump like that.

1781
01:20:31,375 --> 01:20:32,773
It's one thing if you've got it
better, 'cause mine is better.

1782
01:20:32,775 --> 01:20:34,276
'Cause I go "thank you so much!"

1783
01:20:34,278 --> 01:20:36,245
No, no, no, no, I jump in the air

1784
01:20:36,247 --> 01:20:37,478
and I sweep down and then stoop.

1785
01:20:37,480 --> 01:20:38,813
I don't know, man, just say

1786
01:20:38,815 --> 01:20:41,183
"oh, thank you so much!"

1787
01:20:41,185 --> 01:20:43,384
No, man, that's not smooth at all.

1788
01:20:43,386 --> 01:20:45,353
Look at you, you fucking idiot.

1789
01:20:45,355 --> 01:20:47,688
You dropped your fucking flashlight.

1790
01:20:57,635 --> 01:21:01,269
So you two, you know, you guys,
guys are room-mates or anything?

1791
01:21:01,271 --> 01:21:02,771
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1792
01:21:02,773 --> 01:21:04,505
That's pretty cool.

1793
01:21:04,507 --> 01:21:07,509
Do you, do you have a place to
get your haircut around town?

1794
01:21:07,511 --> 01:21:08,777
Like you got a, a guy?

1795
01:21:08,779 --> 01:21:10,478
Um, I-I'm a model.

1796
01:21:10,480 --> 01:21:11,812
- So, I kinda..
- Yeah.

1797
01:21:11,814 --> 01:21:14,316
- Have it done on set or...
- I knew that.

1798
01:21:14,318 --> 01:21:15,884
You-you have it done
on set? That's awesome.

1799
01:21:15,886 --> 01:21:17,619
- Like a free haircut.
- Hm.

1800
01:21:17,621 --> 01:21:19,921
I go to, I go to, like, like "Hair Cuttery"

1801
01:21:19,923 --> 01:21:22,191
or "Fantastic Sam" sometimes.

1802
01:21:38,775 --> 01:21:40,875
So I get a call from the police

1803
01:21:40,877 --> 01:21:42,878
from Sonoma, California.

1804
01:21:42,880 --> 01:21:46,248
They've found my car in a
grocery store parking lot.

1805
01:21:46,250 --> 01:21:49,750
I take a train, for nine
and half hours to Sonoma

1806
01:21:49,752 --> 01:21:53,321
and get drunk at a winery with
a bus load of Swedish people.

1807
01:21:53,323 --> 01:21:55,357
Two of whom were 40 year old divorcees

1808
01:21:55,359 --> 01:21:57,459
that I end up having..

1809
01:21:57,461 --> 01:22:01,166
...dinner with, it was
nice. The end of the story.

1810
01:22:02,865 --> 01:22:06,768
Did you have a threesome
with two old ladies?

1811
01:22:06,770 --> 01:22:09,638
Older ladies? Yes, yes I did.

1812
01:22:09,640 --> 01:22:11,373
- Oh!
- Uh..

1813
01:22:11,375 --> 01:22:14,576
- Why did you tell that story?
- Because I'm stupid.

1814
01:22:16,479 --> 01:22:19,481
- Yeah.
- You're good at this.

1815
01:22:19,483 --> 01:22:21,250
Oh, my God.

1816
01:22:21,252 --> 01:22:24,518
You guys, look. Guys, look.

1817
01:22:24,520 --> 01:22:26,888
I can't believe you said that.

1818
01:22:26,890 --> 01:22:30,625
My sister is in a wheelchair!

1819
01:22:30,627 --> 01:22:34,562
Okay, I'm sorry!

1820
01:22:34,564 --> 01:22:37,699
It's not a believable thing that I said.

1821
01:22:37,701 --> 01:22:39,668
It was a joke.

1822
01:22:39,670 --> 01:22:42,704
Why don't you get off
your fucking high horse

1823
01:22:42,706 --> 01:22:45,040
and get into your own horse?

1824
01:22:45,042 --> 01:22:48,910
You fucking whores!

1825
01:22:48,912 --> 01:22:51,312
You look like a fucking old grandmother!

1826
01:22:51,314 --> 01:22:52,546
What was that?

1827
01:22:52,548 --> 01:22:54,383
Say it to my damn face!

1828
01:22:54,385 --> 01:22:56,684
You look like my nana!

1829
01:22:56,686 --> 01:22:59,987
Well, your nana had pretty sweet moves.

1830
01:22:59,989 --> 01:23:03,325
'Cause I got sweet moves!

1831
01:23:03,327 --> 01:23:04,925
'Get out of my way, man!'

1832
01:23:04,927 --> 01:23:07,495
I'll fight. I know karate.

1833
01:23:07,497 --> 01:23:09,666
Eat a dick for dinner, dude!

1834
01:23:11,435 --> 01:23:12,637
Fuck!

1835
01:23:18,542 --> 01:23:19,744
I love you guys.

1836
01:23:20,711 --> 01:23:21,779
Duh.

1837
01:23:24,948 --> 01:23:26,951
Oh, my God! Food, dope!

1838
01:23:31,488 --> 01:23:33,522
Oh, my God!

1839
01:23:33,524 --> 01:23:35,991
Are we in the fucking Valley?

1840
01:23:35,993 --> 01:23:37,858
Oh, God, I remember those days.

1841
01:23:37,860 --> 01:23:38,893
- Hmm.
- Uh-huh.

1842
01:23:38,895 --> 01:23:40,331
I'll be right back.

1843
01:23:53,344 --> 01:23:54,742
Your jacket, sir.

1844
01:23:54,744 --> 01:23:57,044
Uh..

1845
01:23:57,046 --> 01:23:59,613
- 'Cause that's how we roll.
- Mm-hmm.

1846
01:23:59,615 --> 01:24:00,652
Mm-hmm.

1847
01:24:03,386 --> 01:24:04,852
Ladies and gents

1848
01:24:04,854 --> 01:24:07,054
breakfast is on me.

1849
01:24:07,056 --> 01:24:08,790
Okay. Alright.

1850
01:24:08,792 --> 01:24:12,059
But next time we get together

1851
01:24:12,061 --> 01:24:15,030
I'm buying.

1852
01:24:15,032 --> 01:24:16,565
And the time after that

1853
01:24:16,567 --> 01:24:17,965
it's on me.

1854
01:24:17,967 --> 01:24:20,936
Okay, sounds like plan.

1855
01:24:20,938 --> 01:24:23,138
<i>But let's go to like a
real restaurant next time</i>

1856
01:24:23,140 --> 01:24:25,540
<i>not one of these, like, you know..</i>

1857
01:24:25,542 --> 01:24:27,041
- <i>Places.</i>
- <i>Places.</i>

1858
01:24:27,043 --> 01:24:29,977
<i>That people talk about, and overdue.</i>

1859
01:24:29,979 --> 01:24:32,781
<i>Let's go to one with like,
you know, good reviews.</i>

1860
01:24:32,783 --> 01:24:34,549
- <i>I love this place.
- No, this place is great.</i>

1861
01:24:34,551 --> 01:24:35,817
<i>I'm just saying, like, you know..</i>

1862
01:24:35,819 --> 01:24:37,119
<i>Like where we don't..</i>

1863
01:24:37,121 --> 01:24:39,019
<i>Like one of those tapas place...</i>

1864
01:24:39,021 --> 01:24:40,488
- <i>Tapas..</i>
- <i>T-tapas..</i>

1865
01:24:40,490 --> 01:24:41,757
<i>Tapas.</i>

1866
01:24:41,759 --> 01:24:43,625
<i>I really enjoy tapas.</i>

1867
01:24:45,162 --> 01:24:47,428
<i>Tap.. Are tapas Spanish?</i>

1868
01:24:47,430 --> 01:24:49,764
<i>Yeah, it is Spanish.
They come from Spain.</i>

1869
01:24:49,766 --> 01:24:52,567
<i>They don't come from Spain.
They are sent from Spain.</i>

1870
01:24:52,569 --> 01:24:54,568
<i>There's this place on
Sunset, it's amazing.</i>

1871
01:24:54,570 --> 01:24:56,871
<i>Oh, well, what is it,
what do they serve?</i>

1872
01:24:56,873 --> 01:24:58,706
<i>What do they have?</i>

1873
01:24:58,708 --> 01:25:00,642
- <i>What are they about?</i>
- <i>What, what's there style?</i>

1874
01:25:00,644 --> 01:25:02,643
<i>They have oysters,
but I hate oysters.</i>

1875
01:25:02,645 --> 01:25:04,646
- <i>But Amy loves 'em.</i>
- <i>So you wanna go?</i>

1876
01:25:04,648 --> 01:25:06,680
<i>What? You hate oysters? Oh, my God.</i>

1877
01:25:06,682 --> 01:25:08,016
<i>Wait, is that where
we went last week?</i>

1878
01:25:08,018 --> 01:25:09,851
- <i>Yeah.</i>
- <i>Oh, my God.</i>

1879
01:25:09,853 --> 01:25:11,887
<i>But they have other
stuff, like, you know</i>

1880
01:25:11,889 --> 01:25:14,188
<i>shrimp in a crab..</i>

1881
01:25:14,190 --> 01:25:16,191
<i>I, I would eat crab.</i>

1882
01:25:26,103 --> 01:25:28,937
So... what do you wanna do now?

1883
01:25:31,544 --> 01:25:34,509
Subtitles by explosiveskull