1
00:00:01,940 --> 00:00:03,941
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:07,036 --> 00:00:12,036
3
00:00:22,741 --> 00:00:24,406
PHIL: The city of angels.
4
00:00:24,408 --> 00:00:29,137
A dirty sun-drenched beauty contest
at the edge of the Pacific.
5
00:00:29,139 --> 00:00:32,071
It's a melting pot of people
who live together in harmony
6
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,905
no matter what color or creed.
7
00:00:33,907 --> 00:00:36,538
Why do those people
get along so great?
8
00:00:36,540 --> 00:00:38,271
Because there's one thing
they have in common
9
00:00:38,273 --> 00:00:41,672
that lets them put aside their
differences and celebrate together.
10
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:42,905
MALE PUPPET: Taxi!
11
00:00:42,907 --> 00:00:44,004
Hey, taxi.
12
00:00:44,006 --> 00:00:46,171
PHIL: The fact
that they're not puppets.
13
00:00:46,173 --> 00:00:48,505
- (SCOFFS)
- Hey, hey! What?
14
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:49,771
Stupid puppet.
15
00:00:49,773 --> 00:00:51,204
MALE PUPPET:
Hey, you can't...
16
00:00:51,206 --> 00:00:53,040
You can't...
You can't do that.
17
00:00:55,039 --> 00:00:56,040
Fuck you!
18
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,774
Son of a dick.
19
00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:03,172
PHIL: 'Cause although it ain't
a crime to be warm and fuzzy,
20
00:01:03,174 --> 00:01:04,405
it might as well be.
21
00:01:04,407 --> 00:01:07,738
Hey, so does this massage
include a happy ending or not?
22
00:01:07,740 --> 00:01:09,737
PHIL: 'Cause if you're
a puppet, you're screwed.
23
00:01:09,739 --> 00:01:13,770
Easy. There's no
squeaky thing inside us.
24
00:01:13,772 --> 00:01:16,471
- (DOG BARKING)
- (WHIMPERING) Okay.
25
00:01:16,473 --> 00:01:18,639
PHIL: Who am I?
The name's Phil Philips.
26
00:01:18,641 --> 00:01:21,870
I'm a PI, and my home is on the
streets looking out for the felt
27
00:01:21,872 --> 00:01:23,871
because sure as shit
no one else is.
28
00:01:23,873 --> 00:01:25,905
And, uh, that's
my office there.
29
00:01:25,907 --> 00:01:27,970
It's a shithole on the edge
of Chinatown.
30
00:01:27,972 --> 00:01:29,671
♪ You've gotta dance ♪
31
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:32,505
Oh, uh, hiya, fellas,
fancy a dance?
32
00:01:32,507 --> 00:01:34,005
BOY 1: No, you stupid puppet.
33
00:01:34,007 --> 00:01:35,105
Perhaps a song?
34
00:01:35,107 --> 00:01:36,338
Let's take his eye.
35
00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:38,672
- What? Ow. No, no, fellas, cut it out!
- (KIDS GIGGLING)
36
00:01:38,674 --> 00:01:40,439
You give that back
right now.
37
00:01:40,441 --> 00:01:42,871
Hey, hey.
Give him his eye back.
38
00:01:42,873 --> 00:01:45,137
It's too early
for this crap.
39
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:48,104
What are you gonna do about
it, you fluffy blue sock?
40
00:01:48,106 --> 00:01:49,703
- (GRUNTS)
- Ow.
41
00:01:49,705 --> 00:01:50,905
Ah, you little bastards.
42
00:01:50,907 --> 00:01:52,439
- Let's go, guys!
- Now get out of here.
43
00:01:52,441 --> 00:01:53,571
Get out of here,
all of you.
44
00:01:53,573 --> 00:01:54,841
(OLD MAN PUPPET SIGHS)
45
00:01:55,807 --> 00:01:57,638
PHIL: Look,
times have changed.
46
00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,937
You don't have to sing and
dance for the man anymore.
47
00:01:59,939 --> 00:02:02,770
Of course, I don't have to.
I want to.
48
00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:06,539
♪ 'Cause that's what
puppets do ♪
49
00:02:06,541 --> 00:02:07,770
Hiya, folks!
50
00:02:07,772 --> 00:02:10,771
♪ Oh, when you tapping
Only happy can happen ♪
51
00:02:10,773 --> 00:02:12,837
Spare a penny?
My wife's dead.
52
00:02:12,839 --> 00:02:14,941
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER ON PHONE)
- BUBBLES: Uh-huh.
53
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,540
Well, I will, uh,
happily relay your message.
54
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:21,041
Thank you.
55
00:02:22,007 --> 00:02:23,205
Hey, Mr. P.
56
00:02:23,207 --> 00:02:24,974
Oh, hey, there, Bubbles.
57
00:02:25,939 --> 00:02:29,205
How are you, dear?
Here's your Zuggler bar.
58
00:02:29,207 --> 00:02:33,638
Oh, Mr. P, (CHUCKLING) you're
gonna give me a very fat butt.
59
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,438
Oh, come on, stop it.
Any calls?
60
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,005
Uh, yeah,
Detective Edwards called.
61
00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:39,771
She wants you to call
her back right away.
62
00:02:39,773 --> 00:02:42,070
Did you tell her that I was in
Minnesota attending a funeral
63
00:02:42,072 --> 00:02:45,204
because my Aunt Ruby tragically
died in a Zamboni incident?
64
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,704
- Of course.
- Yeah? What'd she say?
65
00:02:47,706 --> 00:02:50,671
She said, "I'd like to
sew your asshole shut
66
00:02:50,673 --> 00:02:54,974
"and just keep feeding you, and
feeding you, and feeding you."
67
00:02:57,206 --> 00:02:58,673
That's a new one.
68
00:02:58,906 --> 00:02:59,905
Yup.
69
00:02:59,907 --> 00:03:01,604
I guess she heard
about those guys already.
70
00:03:01,606 --> 00:03:03,071
Yeah. How'd that go
this morning?
71
00:03:03,073 --> 00:03:06,438
Good. For puppet poachers,
they were real sweethearts.
72
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,439
100% pure puppet.
73
00:03:08,441 --> 00:03:09,804
Straight from Tijuana.
74
00:03:09,806 --> 00:03:11,704
Guaranteed to bring you
good luck.
75
00:03:11,706 --> 00:03:15,006
Don't you know that poaching
puppets for their feet is illegal?
76
00:03:15,474 --> 00:03:16,905
(GRUNTS)
77
00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:19,640
(POACHERS GRUNTING
AND GROANING)
78
00:03:22,606 --> 00:03:24,172
Holy crap, I'm exhausted.
79
00:03:24,174 --> 00:03:26,737
- (GRUNTING)
- (GROANING)
80
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:28,205
So, yeah. I think
it went very well.
81
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:30,138
Oh, we have a new client.
82
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:31,674
I put her in your office.
83
00:03:34,441 --> 00:03:35,637
Detective Philips?
84
00:03:35,639 --> 00:03:38,070
I... I used to be.
85
00:03:38,072 --> 00:03:41,172
Not anymore, I'm a PI now.
86
00:03:41,174 --> 00:03:42,971
How can I help you, Miss...
87
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,505
White, Sandra White.
88
00:03:45,507 --> 00:03:47,640
I received this
in the mail today.
89
00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:56,574
(PHIL READING)
90
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,504
Hmm.
What's your secret?
91
00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:03,439
Well, despite
my bookish appearance,
92
00:04:03,441 --> 00:04:05,172
I'm a sexual I'mma.
93
00:04:05,174 --> 00:04:06,306
What's that?
94
00:04:06,308 --> 00:04:11,041
It means, if I'mma get next
to it, I'mma gonna fuck it.
95
00:04:12,772 --> 00:04:15,637
- Come again?
- Exactly.
96
00:04:15,639 --> 00:04:20,906
And again, and again,
and again.
97
00:04:21,507 --> 00:04:22,970
Mmm. I see.
98
00:04:22,972 --> 00:04:28,104
If my proclivities were to be exposed,
it would be devastating to my family.
99
00:04:28,106 --> 00:04:30,505
Please, if you
could help me,
100
00:04:30,507 --> 00:04:33,905
I would be
(SEDUCTIVELY) so grateful.
101
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:38,703
Uh, I appreciate grateful, but
it's $300 a day, plus expenses.
102
00:04:38,705 --> 00:04:39,770
Hmm.
103
00:04:39,772 --> 00:04:41,671
This ought
to start you off.
104
00:04:41,673 --> 00:04:43,737
Thank you, Mr. Philips.
105
00:04:43,739 --> 00:04:45,505
PHIL: I should've
turned her down,
106
00:04:45,507 --> 00:04:47,738
but I like a little cushion
for my cushion.
107
00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:49,639
And I needed the money.
108
00:04:50,773 --> 00:04:53,006
PHIL: I've seen
that "P" before.
109
00:05:28,691 --> 00:05:33,187
The case was on, so I headed
downtown to see a friend.
110
00:05:33,189 --> 00:05:37,390
Actually, not really a friend,
more of a disgusting acquaintance.
111
00:05:39,289 --> 00:05:40,721
(CHAINS RATTLE)
112
00:05:40,723 --> 00:05:41,788
Vinny.
113
00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:43,921
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)
114
00:05:43,923 --> 00:05:46,057
Hey, Vin, it's Phil.
115
00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:49,290
Vinny?
116
00:05:50,691 --> 00:05:51,788
(COW PUPPET MOANING)
117
00:05:51,790 --> 00:05:54,888
- Phil, wow. Hi.
- Hey...
118
00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:57,355
Sweet mother of God, what the
fuck are you doing back there?
119
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:02,422
Oh, yeah, it's Cows Gone
Sour 2, Even Milkier.
120
00:06:02,424 --> 00:06:04,155
- Oh, that's good.
- (MOANING) Moo!
121
00:06:04,157 --> 00:06:05,556
PHIL: What the fuck?
122
00:06:05,558 --> 00:06:09,321
Yeah, the Internet's killing me,
so I'm creating my own content.
123
00:06:09,323 --> 00:06:10,354
- Oh, oh, oh!
- (MOANING LOUDER)
124
00:06:10,356 --> 00:06:12,988
Jesus Christ. Shut the
curtains, would you?
125
00:06:12,990 --> 00:06:15,287
All right,
if it bothers you.
126
00:06:15,289 --> 00:06:17,121
When did you get
so squeamish?
127
00:06:17,123 --> 00:06:19,422
When did I get squeamish?
I'm not squeamish.
128
00:06:19,424 --> 00:06:20,656
- I'm not squeamish.
- Yeah, you are.
129
00:06:20,658 --> 00:06:24,188
I just don't wanna watch an
eight-arm reach-around, all right?
130
00:06:24,190 --> 00:06:25,555
Okay.
131
00:06:25,557 --> 00:06:28,120
Uh, listen, do you have the latest
issue of Puppet Pussy Party?
132
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:29,157
Hmm?
133
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,455
Puppet Pussy Party.
134
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:34,788
Yeah, I saw that... We got one just in.
Let's see.
135
00:06:34,790 --> 00:06:37,754
- Oh, great.
- Felt Fetish Furburger.
136
00:06:37,756 --> 00:06:39,421
Ass Puppet Jamboree.
137
00:06:39,423 --> 00:06:41,287
Puppet Chicks
With Puppet Dicks.
138
00:06:41,289 --> 00:06:42,854
Ah!
139
00:06:42,856 --> 00:06:45,720
Here we go,
Puppet Pussy Party.
140
00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:46,923
PHIL: Yeah.
141
00:06:48,356 --> 00:06:49,890
That's right.
142
00:06:50,357 --> 00:06:52,155
- Bingo.
- VINNY: Hmm?
143
00:06:52,157 --> 00:06:55,388
Looks like this mystery is brought
to you by the letter "P."
144
00:06:55,390 --> 00:06:57,888
Oh, Phil, if you like pee,
I have a whole rack of...
145
00:06:57,890 --> 00:07:00,954
No. Excuse me, I don't...
No, I don't like pee.
146
00:07:00,956 --> 00:07:03,320
- Vinny, I don't like pee.
- Oh.
147
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:05,090
(STUTTERS)
I'm on a case.
148
00:07:05,323 --> 00:07:06,787
Oh.
149
00:07:06,789 --> 00:07:11,320
Listen, um, do you keep a record of
which customers bought what magazines?
150
00:07:11,322 --> 00:07:14,887
Yeah, of course, Phil.
We're fully NSA compliant.
151
00:07:14,889 --> 00:07:16,122
Do you think I could
see those?
152
00:07:16,124 --> 00:07:19,455
Absolutely, um, it's in the
office behind the theater.
153
00:07:19,457 --> 00:07:21,787
Thanks, Vin. You know
I appreciate it, huh?
154
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:22,956
You're welcome.
155
00:07:24,289 --> 00:07:25,888
- Oh! I apologize...
- Ooh!
156
00:07:25,890 --> 00:07:27,455
Cheesy, creasy, so... (GASPS)
157
00:07:27,457 --> 00:07:28,957
- Bumbly?
- (BABBLES)
158
00:07:29,756 --> 00:07:30,987
No Bumbly here.
159
00:07:30,989 --> 00:07:33,422
No, it's Phil Philips, Larry's brother.
You remember me.
160
00:07:33,424 --> 00:07:37,754
No, I don't. I'm your average
puppet, minding his own business.
161
00:07:37,756 --> 00:07:39,920
All right, well, whatever
floats your boat, pal.
162
00:07:39,922 --> 00:07:41,887
Here's your
Chicks With Big Asses.
163
00:07:41,889 --> 00:07:43,187
Uh, that's not mine.
164
00:07:43,189 --> 00:07:45,155
I'm a businessman,
going to do my business,
165
00:07:45,157 --> 00:07:48,220
and I certainly don't have
a crippling addiction to porn.
166
00:07:48,222 --> 00:07:49,956
- (LAUGHS) That's not yours?
- BUMBLYPANTS: No!
167
00:07:50,955 --> 00:07:52,688
Hey, you forgot your carrot.
168
00:07:52,690 --> 00:07:53,753
BUMBLYPANTS: Not mine.
169
00:07:53,755 --> 00:07:55,889
(LAUGHING)
170
00:07:56,423 --> 00:07:58,754
Fucking rabbits.
171
00:07:58,756 --> 00:08:00,388
- DALMATIAN PUPPET: Does that hurt?
- (MUFFLED GRUNT)
172
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:01,820
Yes.
173
00:08:01,822 --> 00:08:04,054
You came here
for pleasure!
174
00:08:04,056 --> 00:08:06,421
But I will only
give you pain!
175
00:08:06,423 --> 00:08:08,054
- (WHIPPING)
- (GROANING)
176
00:08:08,056 --> 00:08:09,888
- Oh, you like that?
- MAN: Uh-huh.
177
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,155
Bark for me, bitch!
Bark!
178
00:08:12,157 --> 00:08:13,288
(GROANING)
179
00:08:13,290 --> 00:08:15,055
Jesus Christ.
180
00:08:15,057 --> 00:08:16,788
DALMATIAN PUPPET:
You are my slave.
181
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:19,154
I will make you do
all sorts of things for me.
182
00:08:19,156 --> 00:08:21,287
- Uh-huh. (GROANS)
- Pick up my laundry.
183
00:08:21,289 --> 00:08:23,288
- Here we go.
- DALMATIAN PUPPET: Do my dishes.
184
00:08:23,290 --> 00:08:25,024
Walk my dog.
185
00:08:26,123 --> 00:08:28,988
I will pee on you
like you're a hydrant.
186
00:08:28,990 --> 00:08:31,021
- Do you want that?
- Uh-huh.
187
00:08:31,023 --> 00:08:32,288
Freaky-deaky.
188
00:08:32,290 --> 00:08:34,787
DALMATIAN PUPPET: You are a
disgusting fireman. (GRUNTING)
189
00:08:34,789 --> 00:08:37,388
- (WHIPPING RESUMES)
- Where is your dirty hose?
190
00:08:37,390 --> 00:08:39,688
Where is your filthy hose?
191
00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:42,954
Okay, (CLEARS THROAT) take it easy.
We're... I'm just gonna...
192
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,021
- (GASPS)
- We're having a sale today,
193
00:08:45,023 --> 00:08:48,287
which is that you can have
anything you want.
194
00:08:48,289 --> 00:08:49,721
Cheesy, creasy.
195
00:08:49,723 --> 00:08:50,853
- (CLATTERING)
- (WHIMPERS)
196
00:08:50,855 --> 00:08:53,720
Oh, God.
This is oddly arousing.
197
00:08:53,722 --> 00:08:54,889
Can't hold it.
198
00:08:56,290 --> 00:08:58,224
(COCKS GUN)
Freeze, punk.
199
00:09:02,022 --> 00:09:03,023
(WHIMPERS)
200
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:06,291
- (GASPING)
- What the...
201
00:09:11,390 --> 00:09:14,788
Please, I have 48 kids.
202
00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:16,355
- (WHIPPING CONTINUES)
- (MAN GROANING)
203
00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:17,489
Bingo.
204
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:20,857
DALMATIAN PUPPET:
Now, a new kind of pleasure.
205
00:09:21,755 --> 00:09:24,821
(BOTH SCREAMING)
206
00:09:24,823 --> 00:09:26,256
Hey, Vinny, I found it.
207
00:09:27,289 --> 00:09:30,154
I'll bring it back when I...
Jesus fluffing Christ!
208
00:09:30,156 --> 00:09:32,055
(SHUDDERING) Vinny!
209
00:09:32,057 --> 00:09:34,421
(SIREN BLARING)
210
00:09:34,423 --> 00:09:38,155
PHIL: Detective Connie Edwards.
LAPD, Robbery Homicide Division.
211
00:09:38,157 --> 00:09:40,455
We were partners once,
back when I was a cop.
212
00:09:40,457 --> 00:09:41,720
OFFICER 1: Look who's here.
213
00:09:41,722 --> 00:09:45,288
OFFICER 2: Hey, why don't you sing
us a puppet song, sweetheart?
214
00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:48,188
Oh, yeah, I'd love to.
It goes a little like this.
215
00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,157
(HUMS) Fuck both of you.
216
00:09:50,722 --> 00:09:52,220
Okay? We clear?
217
00:09:52,222 --> 00:09:55,256
By the way, nobody really wears
their hat, you dumb rookie.
218
00:09:59,122 --> 00:10:00,154
Jesus.
219
00:10:00,156 --> 00:10:01,156
(GAGS)
220
00:10:02,922 --> 00:10:05,256
- (SIGHS) You gotta be fucking kidding me.
- PHIL: Jesus.
221
00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:07,289
EDWARDS: Oh, Philips.
222
00:10:07,291 --> 00:10:09,753
Figures you'd be in the
center of this shitstorm.
223
00:10:09,755 --> 00:10:12,320
Ah, okay. Hey, everybody,
it's Sherlock Holmes,
224
00:10:12,322 --> 00:10:13,687
world's greatest detective.
225
00:10:13,689 --> 00:10:15,455
Hey, it's a pair of socks.
226
00:10:15,457 --> 00:10:17,421
Very nice, very classy.
227
00:10:17,423 --> 00:10:18,988
I'm a witness, you asshole.
228
00:10:18,990 --> 00:10:20,320
- You wanna take it outside?
- Yeah.
229
00:10:20,322 --> 00:10:21,887
- You know what I'm gonna do?
- What's that?
230
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,422
I'm gonna shred you
into little bitty pieces,
231
00:10:23,424 --> 00:10:26,155
- and I'm gonna put you inside a king-size pillowcase...
- Mmm-hmm.
232
00:10:26,157 --> 00:10:28,288
...and I'm gonna have the best
goddamn sleep of my life.
233
00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:30,287
Yeah. That's very clever,
that's very clever.
234
00:10:30,289 --> 00:10:32,288
Did you pick that outfit
out yourself? Huh?
235
00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:35,220
Yeah, I un-sewed your mother,
and I made a jacket out of her.
236
00:10:35,222 --> 00:10:37,788
Nice. What a delicate
little flower you are. Huh?
237
00:10:37,790 --> 00:10:38,854
Yeah, thank you.
238
00:10:38,856 --> 00:10:41,121
What the hell is going on here?
Settle down.
239
00:10:41,123 --> 00:10:42,054
He started it.
240
00:10:42,056 --> 00:10:44,220
- No, you started it.
- (SOFTLY) You started it.
241
00:10:44,222 --> 00:10:45,421
Good to see you, Phil.
242
00:10:45,423 --> 00:10:47,188
Uh, it's great to
see you, Lieutenant.
243
00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:50,788
- And? "And good afternoon, Detective Edwards."
- BANNING: Uh-huh.
244
00:10:50,790 --> 00:10:51,921
Edwards.
245
00:10:51,923 --> 00:10:53,087
PHIL: Yeah, it looks like
you, uh, got
246
00:10:53,089 --> 00:10:55,421
quite the little shotgun
murder on your hands here.
247
00:10:55,423 --> 00:10:58,021
They said you were in the back,
but didn't hear anything.
248
00:10:58,023 --> 00:10:59,453
That's not
the Phil Philips I know.
249
00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:03,887
Oh, well, uh, there was a porno
blaring, dogs barking, fire hoses,
250
00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:05,420
you don't wanna know, sir.
251
00:11:05,422 --> 00:11:06,788
No, I don't.
252
00:11:06,790 --> 00:11:08,024
Edwards, what do you see?
253
00:11:08,889 --> 00:11:10,221
Looks like a robbery
gone bad to me.
254
00:11:10,223 --> 00:11:12,954
Lieutenant, this wasn't
a robbery, this was a hit.
255
00:11:12,956 --> 00:11:14,220
What makes you think that?
256
00:11:14,222 --> 00:11:17,787
Well, because the robber
didn't take the money.
257
00:11:17,789 --> 00:11:19,953
(SIGHS) Shitcakes.
258
00:11:19,955 --> 00:11:22,120
Lieutenant, uh,
the press is here.
259
00:11:22,122 --> 00:11:24,255
- Wonderful.
- Am I free to go, sir?
260
00:11:24,257 --> 00:11:25,222
- No.
- BANNING: Yes.
261
00:11:25,224 --> 00:11:27,921
- Yes, you are free to go.
- No one asked you.
262
00:11:27,923 --> 00:11:29,754
No. Why would we let him go?
263
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,753
It's none of your business
why I can go or not.
264
00:11:31,755 --> 00:11:33,420
It's up to him,
he's the lieutenant.
265
00:11:33,422 --> 00:11:34,587
You are free to go.
266
00:11:34,589 --> 00:11:37,420
You need to go out the back
while I talk to these cretins.
267
00:11:37,422 --> 00:11:41,087
The last thing this department needs
is for anyone to see you here.
268
00:11:41,089 --> 00:11:46,055
Yup, I'm still the department's
dirty little puppet secret, huh?
269
00:11:46,057 --> 00:11:48,386
- Well, if the shoe fits.
- Fuck you.
270
00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:49,754
Yeah, fuck you, too.
271
00:11:49,756 --> 00:11:51,024
Fuck you more.
272
00:11:52,289 --> 00:11:55,220
NARRATOR: You're watching
the Puppet Television Network.
273
00:11:55,222 --> 00:11:57,088
ALL: It's Happytime!
274
00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:59,854
NARRATOR: Returning this fall,
that motley crew of misfits
275
00:11:59,856 --> 00:12:02,055
that entertained you
throughout the '90s.
276
00:12:02,057 --> 00:12:06,254
At home with Jenny, Coach
Lyle, Goofer the handyman,
277
00:12:06,256 --> 00:12:10,387
Mr. Bumblypants, and next-door
neighbors Ezra and Cara,
278
00:12:10,389 --> 00:12:13,154
- and, of course, Officer Larry Shenanigans.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
279
00:12:13,156 --> 00:12:14,154
Freeze!
280
00:12:14,156 --> 00:12:17,420
You are under arrest
for being too hot to handle.
281
00:12:17,422 --> 00:12:20,088
NARRATOR: So, tune in for
the entire Happytime Gang,
282
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:22,091
only on
the Puppet Television Network.
283
00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:24,787
Syndication, baby brother.
284
00:12:24,789 --> 00:12:27,821
Oh, I am gonna make a killing on
those royalty checks. (CHUCKLES)
285
00:12:27,823 --> 00:12:30,853
Looks like I'll finally be able
to pay off my Scientology dues.
286
00:12:30,855 --> 00:12:33,154
Yeah, too bad you can't
buy your old nose back.
287
00:12:33,156 --> 00:12:36,920
All right. This nose has been in
more fluff than you can imagine.
288
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:40,188
So, uh, you're not concerned
with Bumblypants being killed?
289
00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:42,387
Bumbly would've wanted
to die in a porn shop.
290
00:12:42,389 --> 00:12:43,390
That was his heaven.
291
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,824
- Excuse me.
- LARRY: Hmm?
292
00:12:46,321 --> 00:12:48,055
Are you
Officer Shenanigans?
293
00:12:48,057 --> 00:12:51,754
Uh, does this answer
your question?
294
00:12:51,756 --> 00:12:54,254
Freeze! You are
under arrest for being
295
00:12:54,256 --> 00:12:56,687
- too hot to handle.
- Too hot to handle.
296
00:12:56,689 --> 00:12:58,753
- Oh, my gosh!
- You got it.
297
00:12:58,755 --> 00:13:02,154
Man, that is the greatest line
of all time.
298
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,353
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
- I loved your show when I was a kid.
299
00:13:04,355 --> 00:13:05,420
Ah.
300
00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:07,687
Are you a TV star, too?
301
00:13:07,689 --> 00:13:09,188
Uh, no. I have a real job.
302
00:13:09,190 --> 00:13:12,154
ROBIN: Ah, yeah, me, too.
I sell weed. (CHUCKLES)
303
00:13:12,156 --> 00:13:14,088
Don't tell
Officer Shenanigans.
304
00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:16,854
- Uh-oh! Someone's gonna get arrested.
- Ah, don't do it.
305
00:13:16,856 --> 00:13:18,254
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- (SOFTLY) Jesus Christ.
306
00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:19,920
Hey, I'll stalk you later.
I want a selfie.
307
00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:21,421
- All right.
- ROBIN: Cool.
308
00:13:21,423 --> 00:13:23,753
What a...
What a sweetheart she was.
309
00:13:23,755 --> 00:13:25,788
Damn it, Phil, Jesus!
310
00:13:25,790 --> 00:13:26,922
Don't upset the fans.
311
00:13:26,924 --> 00:13:29,754
- Oh, those are your fans now, huh? Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
312
00:13:29,756 --> 00:13:31,421
Sure, the ones that like
that bleached skin
313
00:13:31,423 --> 00:13:32,921
- and that human nose you got?
- (SIGHS)
314
00:13:32,923 --> 00:13:36,354
You know what, Phil, the Happytime
Gang was groundbreaking. Okay?
315
00:13:36,356 --> 00:13:40,287
It was the first network show starring
puppets that was accepted by everyone.
316
00:13:40,289 --> 00:13:41,421
People loved us, Phil.
317
00:13:41,423 --> 00:13:45,154
Jeez, you don't have to deny
the puppet part of yourself.
318
00:13:45,156 --> 00:13:47,688
Phil, don't you remember
when we were kids, huh?
319
00:13:47,690 --> 00:13:49,323
I used to love
watching you dance.
320
00:13:50,189 --> 00:13:51,787
Who bent your boner?
321
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,020
Take your head out of your ass
and look around.
322
00:13:54,022 --> 00:13:57,155
It's their world,
and we just live in it.
323
00:13:57,157 --> 00:13:59,821
- I know this is hard for you.
- What is?
324
00:13:59,823 --> 00:14:02,055
That I'm the one who's going
down in the history books.
325
00:14:02,057 --> 00:14:04,287
Both Philips bros don't need
to change the world.
326
00:14:04,289 --> 00:14:07,721
You gave it a shot with your
whole trying-to-be-a-cop thing.
327
00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:11,954
Hey. I was a cop,
and a damn good one.
328
00:14:11,956 --> 00:14:15,789
Yeah, Phil, you were the first
puppet cop and the last.
329
00:14:17,422 --> 00:14:18,790
Move on.
330
00:14:19,156 --> 00:14:20,753
Larry...
331
00:14:20,755 --> 00:14:21,920
- What?
- ...I love you.
332
00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:22,788
What? Where are you going?
333
00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:25,824
But sometimes,
you can be a real asshole.
334
00:14:27,690 --> 00:14:28,922
You know, it's funny
you should say that.
335
00:14:28,924 --> 00:14:31,219
I don't actually have my
real asshole anymore either.
336
00:14:31,221 --> 00:14:32,754
- (CHUCKLES)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)
337
00:14:32,756 --> 00:14:34,289
Oh, Phil, it's on again.
338
00:14:36,855 --> 00:14:39,854
Ah, what a wonderful surprise.
339
00:14:39,856 --> 00:14:41,754
What are you harassing me
for this time, Edwards?
340
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:43,687
I just happen to like
the milkshakes here.
341
00:14:43,689 --> 00:14:45,155
Oh, yeah? How many a day
you up to now?
342
00:14:45,157 --> 00:14:47,254
Or uh, you're just hitting
the syrup, too?
343
00:14:47,256 --> 00:14:50,453
You got to stop moving through the world
like the laws don't apply to you.
344
00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:52,087
Excuse me, excuse me.
345
00:14:52,089 --> 00:14:53,421
You know what?
346
00:14:53,423 --> 00:14:55,953
It'd serve you well to remember
who the detective is around here.
347
00:14:55,955 --> 00:14:57,720
'Cause it ain't you,
Philips.
348
00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,021
Puppets aren't cops.
349
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,887
Yeah, well, you saw
to that, didn't you?
350
00:15:00,889 --> 00:15:02,854
Oh, I think you got to
take the credit for that one.
351
00:15:02,856 --> 00:15:05,021
I mean, let's be honest,
352
00:15:05,023 --> 00:15:07,320
puppets just don't seem to be
able to handle themselves
353
00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:08,554
in extreme
pressure situations.
354
00:15:08,556 --> 00:15:11,687
You know what, stay out of my way
if you don't wanna get hurt.
355
00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:15,353
(EXCLAIMING) All right, but what
are you gonna do to me, huh?
356
00:15:15,355 --> 00:15:17,854
You know, one of these days,
you're gonna slip up,
357
00:15:17,856 --> 00:15:19,853
and I'm gonna be there
waiting for you, Phil.
358
00:15:19,855 --> 00:15:22,087
And I'm gonna take you down
with extreme prejudice.
359
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,319
Well, nice choice
of words, asshole.
360
00:15:24,321 --> 00:15:26,087
- You know what?
- (ENGINE STARTS)
361
00:15:26,089 --> 00:15:28,820
What are you doing? What the
fuck are you doing to my car?
362
00:15:28,822 --> 00:15:30,320
Goddamn son of a bitch.
363
00:15:30,322 --> 00:15:31,954
Oh, I'm sorry,
it must've slipped.
364
00:15:31,956 --> 00:15:34,054
(ENGINE REVVING,
TIRES SCREECHING)
365
00:15:34,056 --> 00:15:35,153
(HORN BLARING)
366
00:15:35,155 --> 00:15:37,024
You're a goddamn menace!
367
00:15:47,255 --> 00:15:48,356
(SIGHS)
368
00:16:00,255 --> 00:16:01,322
Some marksman.
369
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:08,289
Oh, brother. (SIGHS)
370
00:16:10,456 --> 00:16:12,154
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
371
00:16:12,156 --> 00:16:14,954
"Puppet cops won't shoot
other puppets."
372
00:16:14,956 --> 00:16:16,753
What a bunch of bullshit.
(SCOFFS)
373
00:16:16,755 --> 00:16:17,788
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
374
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:19,057
Yeah, come on in.
375
00:16:19,389 --> 00:16:20,820
Hey, boss.
376
00:16:20,822 --> 00:16:22,154
Hey, dear.
377
00:16:22,156 --> 00:16:26,021
I'm taking off. Do you
wanna get a drink?
378
00:16:26,023 --> 00:16:28,788
Uh, no,
I, uh, beat you to it.
379
00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:30,120
(GASPS LIGHTLY)
380
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,888
I'm just gonna sit here alone,
get nostalgic,
381
00:16:32,890 --> 00:16:34,991
and drink till I pass out.
382
00:16:35,856 --> 00:16:38,753
Don't waste your time, Mr. P.
383
00:16:38,755 --> 00:16:41,754
Most folks will never
understand puppets.
384
00:16:41,756 --> 00:16:44,021
No matter what they
look like on the outside,
385
00:16:44,023 --> 00:16:46,857
they're fluffy and good
on the inside.
386
00:16:48,256 --> 00:16:50,254
Not like people.
387
00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:52,120
You got a big heart, kid.
388
00:16:52,122 --> 00:16:53,122
(SCOFFS)
389
00:16:54,822 --> 00:16:56,189
Good night, Phil Philips.
390
00:16:58,388 --> 00:16:59,889
Good night, Bubbles.
391
00:17:01,389 --> 00:17:04,057
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)
392
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,287
LARRY: Here we go.
393
00:17:06,289 --> 00:17:07,854
Hey, you ready for this?
394
00:17:07,856 --> 00:17:11,154
It's The Happytime Gang
Season 4 wrap party.
395
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,620
- Wow.
- I shot the video myself.
396
00:17:12,622 --> 00:17:17,688
Hey, Larry coming to you live
with the party cam! Whoo-hoo!
397
00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:20,787
Your skin was so blue
and puppety back then.
398
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:21,921
You're way hotter now.
399
00:17:21,923 --> 00:17:24,953
Yeah, couple of felt tucks
and a quarter-cup of bleach...
400
00:17:24,955 --> 00:17:27,287
Here I am. (CHUCKLES)
401
00:17:27,289 --> 00:17:30,153
LARRY: (ON TV) Let me see
you work it, Bumblypants.
402
00:17:30,155 --> 00:17:32,220
Ooh, Ezra and Cara.
403
00:17:32,222 --> 00:17:34,021
Those two are cousins.
404
00:17:34,023 --> 00:17:35,887
- They're married with kids now.
- Ooh!
405
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:38,187
LARRY: Goofer,
need a drink, buddy?
406
00:17:38,189 --> 00:17:40,120
No, I'm good.
Thanks, Lawrence.
407
00:17:40,122 --> 00:17:41,320
- Goof!
- Whoo!
408
00:17:41,322 --> 00:17:43,186
Liley, the Wildman!
409
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,788
(ALL CHEERING)
410
00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:47,019
There's Jenny.
411
00:17:47,021 --> 00:17:48,254
PHIL: All right, freeze.
412
00:17:48,256 --> 00:17:50,154
LARRY: Oh, here comes
my brother with his partner.
413
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:51,655
Freeze, police!
414
00:17:51,657 --> 00:17:55,220
We've had a lot of complaints
regarding this party.
415
00:17:55,222 --> 00:17:58,420
That there's
not enough tequila!
416
00:17:58,422 --> 00:18:00,286
- (ALL CHEERING)
- (HOUSE MUSIC PLAYING)
417
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,186
Phil used to be
so much fun.
418
00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:04,421
- Hey, babe, you made it.
- PHIL: I'm off duty.
419
00:18:04,423 --> 00:18:07,153
Let's party all night.
420
00:18:07,155 --> 00:18:10,420
Hey, why don't you go and mix us up
a fresh batch of margaritas, huh?
421
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:11,990
Oh, sure thing.
422
00:18:14,222 --> 00:18:15,824
Mmm-hmm!
423
00:18:16,455 --> 00:18:18,853
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
424
00:18:18,855 --> 00:18:20,220
I like your robe.
425
00:18:20,222 --> 00:18:21,386
You like that?
426
00:18:21,388 --> 00:18:23,290
Yeah, that blue
matches my pubes.
427
00:18:31,321 --> 00:18:32,686
LARRY: Hey, Britty,
428
00:18:32,688 --> 00:18:37,086
hurry back 'cause this hot tub is
too hot to handle without you.
429
00:18:37,088 --> 00:18:38,189
Coming.
430
00:18:40,790 --> 00:18:42,824
(CREAKING)
431
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:46,454
(DOGS BARKING)
432
00:18:46,456 --> 00:18:48,687
(WHIRRING)
433
00:18:48,689 --> 00:18:50,354
(LAUGHS) Hmm?
434
00:18:50,356 --> 00:18:51,753
- (DOGS BARKING)
- (GASPS)
435
00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,787
(SCREAMING)
436
00:18:53,789 --> 00:18:55,254
(WHIRRING)
437
00:18:55,256 --> 00:18:56,787
- (GROWLING)
- (SCREAMING)
438
00:18:56,789 --> 00:18:58,856
(WHIRRING CONTINUES)
439
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,323
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
440
00:19:03,856 --> 00:19:05,821
(WHIRRING STOPS)
441
00:19:05,823 --> 00:19:09,421
- Bad dogs! Bad dogs!
- (DOGS GROWLING)
442
00:19:09,423 --> 00:19:11,019
(YELPING)
443
00:19:11,021 --> 00:19:12,220
(SCREAMS)
444
00:19:12,222 --> 00:19:15,320
BRITTENIE: They were
such bad, bad dogs.
445
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:18,119
Larry! Get out of my way.
Get out of my way!
446
00:19:18,121 --> 00:19:20,721
Where is he?
I said get out of my way!
447
00:19:20,723 --> 00:19:23,153
Phil, this isn't how
you wanna remember Larry.
448
00:19:23,155 --> 00:19:24,188
Just gotta see him.
449
00:19:24,190 --> 00:19:26,390
Lieutenant, I think I found
the murder weapon.
450
00:19:27,121 --> 00:19:28,020
That fucking dog!
451
00:19:28,022 --> 00:19:30,156
- Get the dog out of here.
- Okay, I'm sorry!
452
00:19:30,455 --> 00:19:32,219
(PANTING)
453
00:19:32,221 --> 00:19:33,890
(CAMERA CLICKING)
454
00:19:34,422 --> 00:19:36,023
Jesuchristo.
455
00:19:37,322 --> 00:19:41,019
Looks like someone had themselves
a real pinata party, huh?
456
00:19:41,021 --> 00:19:42,421
- Son of a...
- BANNING: Hey, now.
457
00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:44,055
- (PHIL YELLS)
- (EDWARDS SCREAMS)
458
00:19:44,921 --> 00:19:47,322
(BOTH STRUGGLING)
459
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,453
Knock it off, you two.
460
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:52,757
Aah! Get your teeth
out of my tit!
461
00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:55,390
(GRUNTS)
462
00:19:56,188 --> 00:19:58,253
- Ooh!
- (SCREAMS)
463
00:19:58,255 --> 00:19:59,857
You bit my dick!
464
00:20:02,756 --> 00:20:06,020
You two need to start
behaving like goddamn adults.
465
00:20:06,022 --> 00:20:07,721
I'm sorry.
466
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:09,753
I didn't recognize
that it was Larry.
467
00:20:09,755 --> 00:20:12,853
I mean, he used to be,
you know, a lot bluer.
468
00:20:12,855 --> 00:20:14,154
I don't know
if that's PC to say.
469
00:20:14,156 --> 00:20:16,287
What is that supposed to mean,
"a lot bluer"?
470
00:20:16,289 --> 00:20:17,453
It means he was bluer before.
471
00:20:17,455 --> 00:20:19,886
I don't know how else to say...
I can't say "blue"?
472
00:20:19,888 --> 00:20:20,886
Fucking racist.
473
00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:21,954
BANNING: There was a time
when you two were
474
00:20:21,956 --> 00:20:24,754
the most decorated officers
in this department.
475
00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:27,287
Your clearance rates
were double anybody else's.
476
00:20:27,289 --> 00:20:28,721
What you had was magic.
477
00:20:28,723 --> 00:20:32,219
Just like when that motherfucker David
Copperfield makes it snow inside.
478
00:20:32,221 --> 00:20:33,919
That's not even
that good of a trick.
479
00:20:33,921 --> 00:20:36,020
It's, like, two mirrors and
a laser, and I can do that.
480
00:20:36,022 --> 00:20:37,386
What are you,
fucking Houdini now?
481
00:20:37,388 --> 00:20:39,754
- Maybe I am Houdini.
- I'd like to see you disappear.
482
00:20:39,756 --> 00:20:40,787
BANNING: Stop it!
483
00:20:40,789 --> 00:20:42,356
You're gonna work
together on this.
484
00:20:43,055 --> 00:20:44,154
Excuse me, what?
485
00:20:44,156 --> 00:20:45,521
Oh, come on,
486
00:20:45,523 --> 00:20:48,920
this jackwad is the reason that
puppets can't be cops anymore.
487
00:20:48,922 --> 00:20:50,219
He missed
on purpose that day.
488
00:20:50,221 --> 00:20:51,286
Not true.
489
00:20:51,288 --> 00:20:52,553
EDWARDS: Everybody knows
puppets don't shoot puppets.
490
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:57,186
The Philips Code prohibits me from
having a puppet as a partner.
491
00:20:57,188 --> 00:20:59,821
- That's true. I'm Philips.
- He's the Philips.
492
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,821
They hated him so much,
they made a code about him.
493
00:21:01,823 --> 00:21:03,821
I'm not reinstating him
as a police officer,
494
00:21:03,823 --> 00:21:05,120
I'm bringing him on
as a consultant.
495
00:21:05,122 --> 00:21:08,421
No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not
working with this asshole.
496
00:21:08,423 --> 00:21:09,488
Well, right back at you.
497
00:21:09,490 --> 00:21:12,219
You wanna cry about it?
I'll park you behind a desk.
498
00:21:12,221 --> 00:21:15,220
You don't cooperate, and I'll
bite you in the dick, too.
499
00:21:15,222 --> 00:21:20,019
Look, Lieutenant, nobody turns my brother
into a chew toy and gets away with it.
500
00:21:20,021 --> 00:21:22,955
I'm gonna catch the bastards
who did these murders.
501
00:21:23,723 --> 00:21:25,253
Murders?
502
00:21:25,255 --> 00:21:28,019
I mean, no offense, I don't
wanna start anything,
503
00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:31,020
but, what, did I miss
another body around here?
504
00:21:31,022 --> 00:21:34,687
No, whoever killed Larry
also took out Mr. Bumblypants.
505
00:21:34,689 --> 00:21:37,287
Bumblypants was
the target there.
506
00:21:37,289 --> 00:21:39,820
What's the connection?
507
00:21:39,822 --> 00:21:41,357
- The Happytime Gang.
- The Happytime Gang.
508
00:21:43,789 --> 00:21:45,387
(SIGHS)
509
00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:47,720
PHIL: I hated the idea of having
to work with a partner again,
510
00:21:47,722 --> 00:21:49,454
but I owed it to Larry.
511
00:21:49,456 --> 00:21:51,986
He was my brother and, deep down,
I loved the dumb son of a bitch.
512
00:21:51,988 --> 00:21:54,154
What do you know
about this Ronovan Scargle?
513
00:21:54,156 --> 00:21:56,153
He produced
The Happytime Gang,
514
00:21:56,155 --> 00:21:59,086
and he's your typical shyster,
meat sack piece of shit.
515
00:21:59,088 --> 00:22:02,953
- (EXHALING)
- Can you roll down the window, for Christ's sake?
516
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:05,019
(EXHALING FORCEFULLY)
517
00:22:05,021 --> 00:22:08,887
(COUGHS) Okay. Well, you
know what, do you mind?
518
00:22:08,889 --> 00:22:11,420
You don't mind if I have one
of your cigarettes, do you?
519
00:22:11,422 --> 00:22:14,989
- No, go ahead.
- You know what, I'm gonna take two.
520
00:22:18,021 --> 00:22:20,752
Now, we're... (COUGHS) Now,
we're having a good time.
521
00:22:20,754 --> 00:22:22,154
Isn't it nice
just to relax?
522
00:22:22,156 --> 00:22:25,256
It's delicious, it's like
springtime in Beijing.
523
00:22:26,355 --> 00:22:29,320
(EXHALING SLOWLY)
524
00:22:29,322 --> 00:22:32,687
We just wanna thank you for taking
the time to speak with us today.
525
00:22:32,689 --> 00:22:36,753
Well, I'm always happy to indulge
our local law enforcement,
526
00:22:36,755 --> 00:22:39,752
no matter how masculine
and unkempt they are.
527
00:22:39,754 --> 00:22:42,054
Ah, well, I didn't think
I was unkempt.
528
00:22:42,056 --> 00:22:44,856
No, no, you're the masculine,
he's the unkempt.
529
00:22:45,721 --> 00:22:47,187
- Oh.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
530
00:22:47,189 --> 00:22:52,019
Okay. We will just stick
to, uh, some questions, okay?
531
00:22:52,021 --> 00:22:55,086
Now, do you have any idea
why someone may want to murder
532
00:22:55,088 --> 00:22:57,953
Augustus Bumblypants
or Larry Shenanigans?
533
00:22:57,955 --> 00:22:59,454
It's a tragedy, what happened.
534
00:22:59,456 --> 00:23:02,752
I gave your brother and Augustus
Bumblypants their start.
535
00:23:02,754 --> 00:23:06,454
Yeah, you also gave him a bullshit
deal where your cut was 60%.
536
00:23:06,456 --> 00:23:09,819
- (SOFTLY) Hey.
- That is standard operating procedure.
537
00:23:09,821 --> 00:23:10,920
(WHISPERS) Puppets are dumb.
538
00:23:10,922 --> 00:23:12,220
(RONOVAN CLEARS THROAT)
539
00:23:12,222 --> 00:23:13,920
(SOFTLY) Fucking dick.
540
00:23:13,922 --> 00:23:17,020
Well, we would like to, uh, take a look at
that contract for the syndication deal.
541
00:23:17,022 --> 00:23:19,186
Well, I'm afraid
that's private information.
542
00:23:19,188 --> 00:23:22,086
And who would care about a puppet's
share in a contract anyway, right?
543
00:23:22,088 --> 00:23:26,420
I mean, all those little dummies want to
do is sing and dance, am I right? (LAUGHS)
544
00:23:26,422 --> 00:23:28,020
What did you say, "dummies"?
545
00:23:28,022 --> 00:23:29,154
- Yeah, that is right.
- PHIL: Mmm-hmm.
546
00:23:29,156 --> 00:23:32,019
When you're right, you're right.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
547
00:23:32,021 --> 00:23:35,387
- I can't help noticing this impressive view.
- Oh.
548
00:23:35,389 --> 00:23:36,986
For an impressive man.
(CHUCKLES)
549
00:23:36,988 --> 00:23:38,221
RONOVAN: Thank you very much.
550
00:23:38,223 --> 00:23:41,687
I don't take compliments well,
but I get them all the time.
551
00:23:41,689 --> 00:23:44,086
(CHUCKLES) That's charming.
552
00:23:44,088 --> 00:23:47,287
Listen, you and I both know that these
puppets wouldn't know a good deal
553
00:23:47,289 --> 00:23:49,752
if it was staring them
right in the googly eyes.
554
00:23:49,754 --> 00:23:51,086
What the fuck
did you just say?
555
00:23:51,088 --> 00:23:56,219
Hey, Phil, why don't you let the
grown-ups talk for a minute, okay?
556
00:23:56,221 --> 00:23:57,220
(SIGHS) Fuck.
557
00:23:57,222 --> 00:23:59,154
Don't worry, he retains
very little information.
558
00:23:59,156 --> 00:24:02,386
Oh, my God, is that
the ocean over there?
559
00:24:02,388 --> 00:24:04,020
RONOVAN:
Yep, that's the Pacific.
560
00:24:04,022 --> 00:24:05,553
- (MOUTHING)
- I had to lobby for two years
561
00:24:05,555 --> 00:24:09,319
to get that children's hospital cleared
to make that ocean view possible.
562
00:24:09,321 --> 00:24:10,652
Wow. Here's the thing,
563
00:24:10,654 --> 00:24:14,120
you and I both know that this
is like puppet bullshit here,
564
00:24:14,122 --> 00:24:18,319
but I'm just afraid this asshole
is gonna make me pull a warrant.
565
00:24:18,321 --> 00:24:19,886
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
566
00:24:19,888 --> 00:24:21,019
What are these here?
567
00:24:21,021 --> 00:24:22,387
Please,
don't touch my balls.
568
00:24:22,389 --> 00:24:23,621
They're made
of Tibetan marble.
569
00:24:23,623 --> 00:24:25,819
- They're very expensive.
- (SOFTLY) Don't touch his balls.
570
00:24:25,821 --> 00:24:28,322
Ah, I apologize, I didn't
mean to cup your balls.
571
00:24:28,789 --> 00:24:30,087
(LAUGHS)
572
00:24:30,089 --> 00:24:32,056
(WHISPERS) Down there. What, do
you have alligator arms? Get it!
573
00:24:33,155 --> 00:24:34,755
Okay, here's the thing.
574
00:24:35,688 --> 00:24:38,154
You seem great,
575
00:24:38,156 --> 00:24:40,386
and I don't wanna have to call
a judge on you, you know,
576
00:24:40,388 --> 00:24:41,820
'cause you know that mess.
577
00:24:41,822 --> 00:24:44,420
But little puppets
have big mouths, right?
578
00:24:44,422 --> 00:24:46,053
Mmm. I have puppet
servants at home,
579
00:24:46,055 --> 00:24:48,752
and they get real uppity if
I don't keep them in line.
580
00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:49,888
(GRUNTS)
581
00:24:51,389 --> 00:24:53,686
Holy shitcakes!
582
00:24:53,688 --> 00:24:55,120
- Have you lost your mind?
- Fuck him.
583
00:24:55,122 --> 00:24:58,055
How else was I supposed to get that
fucking thing without him seeing it?
584
00:24:59,086 --> 00:25:00,320
Literally any other way
than what you just did.
585
00:25:00,322 --> 00:25:01,686
Any other way.
586
00:25:01,688 --> 00:25:04,789
Oh, yeah? I never knocked a guy
out with his own balls before.
587
00:25:07,155 --> 00:25:08,853
PHIL:
According to the contract,
588
00:25:08,855 --> 00:25:11,986
The Happytime Gang TV show is about
to be sold into syndication.
589
00:25:11,988 --> 00:25:14,986
"The seven principal
Happytime Gang cast members
590
00:25:14,988 --> 00:25:17,752
"are guaranteed to split
the $10 million up front."
591
00:25:17,754 --> 00:25:19,420
- $10 million?
- Right.
592
00:25:19,422 --> 00:25:24,287
Now, "If a member dies, then his
or her spouse gets the share.
593
00:25:24,289 --> 00:25:25,787
"If there is no spouse,
594
00:25:25,789 --> 00:25:30,086
"then the share is divided equally among
the remaining living cast members."
595
00:25:30,088 --> 00:25:32,752
Hmm. So, Ronovan really doesn't
benefit if the cast shrinks.
596
00:25:32,754 --> 00:25:35,354
Yeah, I guess I didn't have to
knock him out with his own balls.
597
00:25:35,356 --> 00:25:38,753
Yeah, well, somebody from
inside The Happytime Gang
598
00:25:38,755 --> 00:25:40,219
is looking for
a bigger piece of the pie.
599
00:25:40,221 --> 00:25:43,787
Yeah, and they're not gonna stop until
they're the only one left standing.
600
00:25:43,789 --> 00:25:45,453
At least then we'd know
who the killer is.
601
00:25:45,455 --> 00:25:47,019
All right, just slow down,
602
00:25:47,021 --> 00:25:48,420
here comes the street up here.
603
00:25:48,422 --> 00:25:50,220
To find the killer,
604
00:25:50,222 --> 00:25:53,154
we needed to look into the remaining
Happytime Gang members one by one.
605
00:25:53,156 --> 00:25:56,153
We started down on Skidder
Row, the Stuffing Ghetto,
606
00:25:56,155 --> 00:25:58,852
where the sugar is cheap
and the sex is cheaper.
607
00:25:58,854 --> 00:25:59,919
Looks like, uh,
608
00:25:59,921 --> 00:26:02,886
Coach Lyle's got himself
a bit of a criminal record.
609
00:26:02,888 --> 00:26:04,987
PHIL: You know, back in
The Happytime Gang days,
610
00:26:04,989 --> 00:26:06,153
Lyle was as straight
as an arrow.
611
00:26:06,155 --> 00:26:08,887
Well, looks like
his arrow got bent.
612
00:26:08,889 --> 00:26:10,321
PHIL: This is it.
613
00:26:10,323 --> 00:26:13,686
EDWARDS: Okay, can we please just be
professional and keep a low profile?
614
00:26:13,688 --> 00:26:14,920
PHIL: Of course.
615
00:26:14,922 --> 00:26:16,687
(DOOR SLAMS OPEN)
616
00:26:16,689 --> 00:26:18,256
(GUNS COCKING)
617
00:26:20,188 --> 00:26:21,454
Hey, look, it's the NRA.
618
00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:22,787
Get in here.
619
00:26:22,789 --> 00:26:24,386
Okay, all right. Take it easy.
620
00:26:24,388 --> 00:26:25,287
- Take it easy.
- Come here, you.
621
00:26:25,289 --> 00:26:28,286
- Come on.
- All right, all right, all right.
622
00:26:28,288 --> 00:26:31,319
Phil Philips, what a surprise.
It's been a while.
623
00:26:31,321 --> 00:26:32,220
Hey, Lyle.
624
00:26:32,222 --> 00:26:34,453
LYLE: I hate to be
the bearer of bad news,
625
00:26:34,455 --> 00:26:36,820
but we don't allow
humans in our game.
626
00:26:36,822 --> 00:26:38,820
Oh, no, no, no, wait,
you don't understand.
627
00:26:38,822 --> 00:26:41,186
- She's not all human.
- Shut up, Phil.
628
00:26:41,188 --> 00:26:42,987
What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
629
00:26:42,989 --> 00:26:44,357
PHIL: Edwards, tell them.
630
00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:48,219
Fine, I have
a puppet liver.
631
00:26:48,221 --> 00:26:50,953
- (ALL GASP)
- GANGSTER PUPPET: Wow.
632
00:26:50,955 --> 00:26:52,886
- Bullshit. Prove it.
- WOMAN PUPPET: No way.
633
00:26:52,888 --> 00:26:54,019
Bring her ass over here.
634
00:26:54,021 --> 00:26:55,386
What are you gonna do?
Cut me open?
635
00:26:55,388 --> 00:26:56,986
- Roxy?
- Yeah.
636
00:26:56,988 --> 00:26:59,420
Look at this,
Sacramento Red Hot.
637
00:26:59,422 --> 00:27:01,253
Grade-A hyper sucrose.
638
00:27:01,255 --> 00:27:04,421
It'll put a human in a
diabetic coma for a month,
639
00:27:04,423 --> 00:27:07,320
but to a puppet,
pure ecstasy.
640
00:27:07,322 --> 00:27:08,454
I'm not doing that.
641
00:27:08,456 --> 00:27:10,789
Do it, meat sack,
take it.
642
00:27:15,256 --> 00:27:16,956
(SNORTING)
643
00:27:19,754 --> 00:27:21,089
(SNIFFLING)
644
00:27:21,356 --> 00:27:22,789
(GRUNTS)
645
00:27:23,088 --> 00:27:24,153
(GASPS)
646
00:27:24,155 --> 00:27:27,755
Oh, sorry about your
dead human friend, Philips.
647
00:27:28,289 --> 00:27:29,323
Wait for it.
648
00:27:31,321 --> 00:27:33,219
(GASPS) Whoo!
649
00:27:33,221 --> 00:27:34,687
(ALL CHEERING)
650
00:27:34,689 --> 00:27:35,753
That is good shit.
651
00:27:35,755 --> 00:27:37,253
(EXCLAIMS) Well, fuck me.
652
00:27:37,255 --> 00:27:39,087
Maybe. (LAUGHS)
653
00:27:39,089 --> 00:27:41,886
WOMAN PUPPET: She said she might.
Ha-ha. That's funny!
654
00:27:41,888 --> 00:27:44,387
- (YELLS, LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)
655
00:27:44,389 --> 00:27:46,686
Shit, this woman crazy.
656
00:27:46,688 --> 00:27:48,220
(ALL LAUGHING)
657
00:27:48,222 --> 00:27:50,420
Somebody get more of this!
658
00:27:50,422 --> 00:27:51,452
- Boy, that's great!
- EDWARDS: Whoo!
659
00:27:51,454 --> 00:27:53,120
- (GUNSHOTS)
- Hey, wait a minute, now.
660
00:27:53,122 --> 00:27:54,753
Hey, put that...
No, don't do that.
661
00:27:54,755 --> 00:27:56,357
(LAUGHTER)
662
00:27:58,055 --> 00:27:58,787
(SIGHS)
663
00:27:58,789 --> 00:28:00,354
EDWARDS:
We're laughing together.
664
00:28:00,356 --> 00:28:01,889
You're my favorite.
665
00:28:03,755 --> 00:28:05,686
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
666
00:28:05,688 --> 00:28:06,986
LYLE: Half-puppet cop?
667
00:28:06,988 --> 00:28:08,420
Never heard of that before.
668
00:28:08,422 --> 00:28:10,319
Yeah, tell me about it.
669
00:28:10,321 --> 00:28:13,753
Hey, listen, I need to ask you a
few questions, if you don't mind.
670
00:28:13,755 --> 00:28:14,887
Oh, sure, sure.
671
00:28:14,889 --> 00:28:17,253
Listen, I'm sorry
about Larry, man.
672
00:28:17,255 --> 00:28:20,752
He was all right,
even after the bleach job.
673
00:28:20,754 --> 00:28:22,153
Yeah, thanks.
674
00:28:22,155 --> 00:28:24,986
You know, most fleshies don't
give a fuck when one of us drops.
675
00:28:24,988 --> 00:28:26,886
That doesn't make it okay.
676
00:28:26,888 --> 00:28:28,952
You're absolutely right.
677
00:28:28,954 --> 00:28:30,322
Here's to Larry, man.
678
00:28:32,288 --> 00:28:33,919
To Larry.
679
00:28:33,921 --> 00:28:37,886
Yeah, ashes to ashes,
and fluff to fluff, man.
680
00:28:37,888 --> 00:28:40,886
JUNKYARD: Flush to
the motherfucking queen.
681
00:28:40,888 --> 00:28:43,686
Eat it so much, bitch.
682
00:28:43,688 --> 00:28:45,290
(LAUGHTER)
683
00:28:46,156 --> 00:28:48,287
EDWARDS: I'd love
to eat it so much,
684
00:28:48,289 --> 00:28:50,120
but I have a sensitive tummy,
685
00:28:50,122 --> 00:28:55,020
which may be because I got a full
boat, you Kremlin piece of shit.
686
00:28:55,022 --> 00:28:55,819
(EXCLAIMS)
687
00:28:55,821 --> 00:28:57,686
- (EXCLAIMS)
- Oh, it's okay, babe...
688
00:28:57,688 --> 00:29:00,054
- (BARKING)
- (YELPS)
689
00:29:00,056 --> 00:29:01,986
JUNKYARD:
Get me some more lean.
690
00:29:01,988 --> 00:29:04,989
- Okay.
- Motherfucking bitch.
691
00:29:06,754 --> 00:29:10,786
I just never really cared for
that word, if you must know.
692
00:29:10,788 --> 00:29:14,220
You're one crazy
fucking bitch.
693
00:29:14,222 --> 00:29:15,752
Bitches be crazy.
694
00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:17,019
(LAUGHS)
"Bitches be crazy," right?
695
00:29:17,021 --> 00:29:19,187
Am I right?
I mean, that guy knows.
696
00:29:19,189 --> 00:29:22,887
Yeah, you're really nailing
my views on women.
697
00:29:22,889 --> 00:29:25,752
Right, and we know.
Women... Women love you?
698
00:29:25,754 --> 00:29:27,385
They do not. They decline.
699
00:29:27,387 --> 00:29:29,753
(LAUGHS)
Here's the thing, though.
700
00:29:29,755 --> 00:29:31,887
Would a crazy fucking
bitch do this?
701
00:29:31,889 --> 00:29:33,154
PUPPET THUG 1: Wasteful.
702
00:29:33,156 --> 00:29:35,787
Maybe, but a crazy bitch
would do this.
703
00:29:35,789 --> 00:29:37,788
- (ALL GRUNTING)
- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
704
00:29:40,455 --> 00:29:41,823
Peekaboo.
705
00:29:42,421 --> 00:29:43,955
(YELLING)
706
00:29:47,755 --> 00:29:49,453
(GROANING)
707
00:29:49,455 --> 00:29:51,090
(GRUNTING)
708
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,119
- (GUN COCKS)
- (PANTING)
709
00:29:55,121 --> 00:29:57,287
How about
you apologize to Roxy
710
00:29:57,289 --> 00:30:02,321
and all the other fine ladies here
tonight for your disparaging remarks?
711
00:30:03,121 --> 00:30:04,755
Yeah, Junkyard.
712
00:30:05,188 --> 00:30:07,887
I'm sorry, bitches.
713
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:10,753
Uh-uh-uh. Better tone,
same shitty words.
714
00:30:10,755 --> 00:30:12,055
Let's try it again.
715
00:30:12,789 --> 00:30:15,990
I'm sorry, beautiful ladies.
716
00:30:17,354 --> 00:30:18,753
EDWARDS: Oh!
717
00:30:18,755 --> 00:30:20,389
How does that feel, Roxy?
718
00:30:21,022 --> 00:30:21,919
Better.
719
00:30:21,921 --> 00:30:23,819
I... I feel better.
720
00:30:23,821 --> 00:30:25,420
- Oh, you feel better, too?
- Mmm.
721
00:30:25,422 --> 00:30:27,452
Oh. Not really our goal.
722
00:30:27,454 --> 00:30:29,419
Get a diaper
for your fucking mouth.
723
00:30:29,421 --> 00:30:31,919
Yes. (SIGHS)
724
00:30:31,921 --> 00:30:33,420
You're gonna
feel that tomorrow.
725
00:30:33,422 --> 00:30:35,889
- Oh.
- (GROANING)
726
00:30:38,021 --> 00:30:39,520
I hope you don't
mind me asking,
727
00:30:39,522 --> 00:30:41,920
but, uh, what the hell happened
to all your Happytime money?
728
00:30:41,922 --> 00:30:44,153
Shit. After Loretta
and the kids left,
729
00:30:44,155 --> 00:30:47,453
I blew all that cream on
panty-pie and poody-glitter.
730
00:30:47,455 --> 00:30:49,852
Jeez, I'm sorry
to hear that.
731
00:30:49,854 --> 00:30:50,919
You know where you're going?
732
00:30:50,921 --> 00:30:52,886
Right up my snoot.
733
00:30:52,888 --> 00:30:54,853
That's where you...
You're gonna go.
734
00:30:54,855 --> 00:30:58,755
"Where are we going? Where
will we live?" In my nose.
735
00:30:59,754 --> 00:31:00,853
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
736
00:31:00,855 --> 00:31:03,889
Hey, uh, who're your friends?
737
00:31:05,155 --> 00:31:06,986
- (GUN COCKS)
- LYLE: Gonna scope it out.
738
00:31:06,988 --> 00:31:08,386
Lyle, stay. Don't get...
739
00:31:08,388 --> 00:31:09,686
Jesus Christ.
740
00:31:09,688 --> 00:31:11,122
This is not a good idea.
741
00:31:11,789 --> 00:31:13,420
You see anything?
742
00:31:13,422 --> 00:31:14,987
They're not friends of mine.
743
00:31:14,989 --> 00:31:16,753
- (GUNSHOT)
- PHIL: Oh, shit! Lyle!
744
00:31:16,755 --> 00:31:18,255
(SNORTING)
745
00:31:18,755 --> 00:31:20,023
Whoo!
746
00:31:23,122 --> 00:31:24,123
Holy...
747
00:31:24,454 --> 00:31:25,753
Ow!
748
00:31:25,755 --> 00:31:27,322
(BOTH GROANING)
749
00:31:28,388 --> 00:31:29,853
(TIRES SCREECHING)
750
00:31:29,855 --> 00:31:31,123
All right...
751
00:31:31,722 --> 00:31:33,123
Son of a bitch.
752
00:31:35,287 --> 00:31:36,788
(GUN CLICKING)
753
00:31:37,722 --> 00:31:38,990
EDWARDS: LAPD!
754
00:31:41,288 --> 00:31:42,952
Where the fuck were you?
755
00:31:42,954 --> 00:31:45,019
- I was in the can.
- Doing what?
756
00:31:45,021 --> 00:31:46,419
Can stuff.
757
00:31:46,421 --> 00:31:48,252
(WHISPERS) Jesus Christ.
758
00:31:48,254 --> 00:31:51,318
- (SNIFFLES)
- Here comes the lieutenant. Just hold your shit together.
759
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:54,019
- (SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)
- Okay. I am. I have my shit held together.
760
00:31:54,021 --> 00:31:55,520
What the hell happened here?
761
00:31:55,522 --> 00:31:59,318
Well, somebody was trying to make it
look like an old-school drive-by.
762
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:00,786
Look, Lieutenant,
763
00:32:00,788 --> 00:32:04,989
this makes three Happytime Gang
cast members dead in a week.
764
00:32:06,255 --> 00:32:08,156
May I say something now?
765
00:32:09,454 --> 00:32:10,720
PHIL: Please, go. What?
766
00:32:10,722 --> 00:32:12,152
I'd also like
to point out that
767
00:32:12,154 --> 00:32:14,820
that makes three Happytime cast
members dead within the week.
768
00:32:14,822 --> 00:32:15,887
I just said that.
769
00:32:15,889 --> 00:32:17,286
You both just said it.
770
00:32:17,288 --> 00:32:19,686
Well, then we're fighting
on the same side.
771
00:32:19,688 --> 00:32:22,385
It's like we're
Apache-Comanche together,
772
00:32:22,387 --> 00:32:27,020
and no one, no one is coming
in with the suit jackets made
773
00:32:27,022 --> 00:32:28,787
and taking over
their land.
774
00:32:28,789 --> 00:32:29,920
PHIL: What're you
talking about?
775
00:32:29,922 --> 00:32:31,420
EDWARDS:
I'm talking about Apaches.
776
00:32:31,422 --> 00:32:33,852
Apaches? What?
What did you say?
777
00:32:33,854 --> 00:32:35,319
(STAMMERS) We owe them.
778
00:32:35,321 --> 00:32:38,787
I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.
779
00:32:38,789 --> 00:32:40,886
Can we just stick to
what's going on here, please?
780
00:32:40,888 --> 00:32:42,253
- I'd love to. I'd love to.
- Okay.
781
00:32:42,255 --> 00:32:43,419
What's your deal, Edwards?
782
00:32:43,421 --> 00:32:45,419
My deal? I'm a Virgo,
783
00:32:45,421 --> 00:32:48,886
I'm not currently seeing
anybody, but I'm hopeful.
784
00:32:48,888 --> 00:32:50,219
Not the dating game.
785
00:32:50,221 --> 00:32:52,152
PHIL: She's got a little cold.
She's taking medication, right?
786
00:32:52,154 --> 00:32:54,787
- (CHUCKLES)
- For the cold. So, she gets a little loopy.
787
00:32:54,789 --> 00:32:57,153
- Aw, I am getting a little loopy.
- Stop it.
788
00:32:57,155 --> 00:32:59,152
- Back to this.
- Yeah. Thank you.
789
00:32:59,154 --> 00:33:00,620
So, what're we gonna do,
Lieutenant?
790
00:33:00,622 --> 00:33:04,887
I can put a black and white on Jenny,
but Ezra and Cara live in Lancaster.
791
00:33:04,889 --> 00:33:06,153
That's out of my jurisdiction.
792
00:33:06,155 --> 00:33:08,219
And nobody even knows
where Goofer is.
793
00:33:08,221 --> 00:33:11,820
Reportedly, he was last sighted
somewhere near the Santa Monica Pier.
794
00:33:11,822 --> 00:33:13,852
Also, I have also noted that
795
00:33:13,854 --> 00:33:18,420
that's three Happytime cast members
that have been killed in one week.
796
00:33:18,422 --> 00:33:20,089
What the fuck?
797
00:33:20,421 --> 00:33:21,687
(SIGHS)
798
00:33:21,689 --> 00:33:22,954
PHIL: The next morning,
we decided it'd be smarter
799
00:33:22,956 --> 00:33:26,920
if we quit holding each other's
proverbial dicks and split up.
800
00:33:26,922 --> 00:33:28,953
Edwards headed out to the
beach to look for Goofer,
801
00:33:28,955 --> 00:33:31,054
and I stopped by the office
to check in.
802
00:33:31,056 --> 00:33:33,252
- BUBBLES: Hey, Mr. P.
- PHIL: Heya, Bubbles.
803
00:33:33,254 --> 00:33:34,085
Any calls?
804
00:33:34,087 --> 00:33:36,452
No, but Sandra White
is in your office.
805
00:33:36,454 --> 00:33:39,955
Oh, shit. I completely
forgot about that.
806
00:33:42,155 --> 00:33:43,420
PHIL: There she was.
807
00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:45,186
Her hair red like fire.
808
00:33:45,188 --> 00:33:47,356
Her ass hot like fire.
809
00:33:49,022 --> 00:33:50,089
Ms. White.
810
00:33:51,889 --> 00:33:55,419
Mr. Philips, the blackmailer
sent another note.
811
00:33:55,421 --> 00:33:57,188
There's a photo this time.
812
00:33:59,888 --> 00:34:01,185
PHIL: Jenny Peterson.
813
00:34:01,187 --> 00:34:02,285
Of course I knew her.
814
00:34:02,287 --> 00:34:04,153
The one human member
of The Happytime Gang
815
00:34:04,155 --> 00:34:05,952
and a sexy skeleton
in my closet.
816
00:34:05,954 --> 00:34:07,420
SANDRA: It was taken
at a place called...
817
00:34:07,422 --> 00:34:08,853
Star Showgirls.
818
00:34:08,855 --> 00:34:10,255
I recognize the pole.
819
00:34:11,755 --> 00:34:14,119
I sometimes enjoy
the company of a lady.
820
00:34:14,121 --> 00:34:15,352
Hell, who doesn't?
821
00:34:15,354 --> 00:34:16,452
Um...
822
00:34:16,454 --> 00:34:20,153
Can you think of anyone
who could be behind this?
823
00:34:20,155 --> 00:34:22,055
That's just the thing...
824
00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:26,419
I have quite an appetite.
825
00:34:26,421 --> 00:34:27,686
(CLEARS THROAT)
826
00:34:27,688 --> 00:34:29,088
You seem shocked.
827
00:34:30,288 --> 00:34:32,089
Have I made you uncomfortable?
828
00:34:33,055 --> 00:34:34,420
A little.
829
00:34:34,422 --> 00:34:36,222
I have something for that.
830
00:34:37,221 --> 00:34:39,853
Hey, hey. Hey, what's
gotten into you?
831
00:34:39,855 --> 00:34:41,786
I'm hoping you.
832
00:34:41,788 --> 00:34:43,085
- (MOANS)
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
833
00:34:43,087 --> 00:34:44,953
There's a little voice
in my head
834
00:34:44,955 --> 00:34:46,953
that is saying,
"This is not a good idea."
835
00:34:46,955 --> 00:34:49,086
Tell it to shut up
and watch.
836
00:34:49,088 --> 00:34:50,286
(UNZIPS)
837
00:34:50,288 --> 00:34:52,121
(SLURPING)
838
00:34:55,254 --> 00:34:57,021
What's it going to be, Phil?
839
00:34:59,121 --> 00:35:02,153
- (SANDRA GASPING)
- (GRUNTING)
840
00:35:02,155 --> 00:35:04,386
(SANDRA SCREAMING)
841
00:35:04,388 --> 00:35:05,787
- PHIL: Yeah!
- SANDRA: Yes!
842
00:35:05,789 --> 00:35:07,852
- (SANDRA MOANING)
- (PHIL GRUNTING)
843
00:35:07,854 --> 00:35:09,019
BUBBLES: Oh, hello.
844
00:35:09,021 --> 00:35:11,285
Lieutenant Banning, police.
845
00:35:11,287 --> 00:35:13,285
Bubbles, secretary.
846
00:35:13,287 --> 00:35:14,753
Is Phil in?
847
00:35:14,755 --> 00:35:16,285
- (SANDRA SCREAMING)
- (PHIL EXCLAIMING)
848
00:35:16,287 --> 00:35:18,687
- PHIL: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- (MUFFLED THUDDING)
849
00:35:18,689 --> 00:35:20,385
Well, he's in something.
850
00:35:20,387 --> 00:35:21,686
Here comes the choo-choo!
851
00:35:21,688 --> 00:35:22,819
SANDRA: Yeah, choo-choo.
852
00:35:22,821 --> 00:35:24,319
PHIL: Yeah.
I'm a freight train.
853
00:35:24,321 --> 00:35:27,687
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
- SANDRA: (ON INTERCOM) I'm a caboose, baby.
854
00:35:27,689 --> 00:35:28,686
Oh, boy.
855
00:35:28,688 --> 00:35:30,453
- (THUDDING CONTINUES)
- (SANDRA AND PHIL EXCLAIMING)
856
00:35:30,455 --> 00:35:33,786
He's servicing a client right now.
Can I get you a coffee?
857
00:35:33,788 --> 00:35:35,687
- PHIL: Yes!
- Faster, faster, faster!
858
00:35:35,689 --> 00:35:36,753
PHIL: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
859
00:35:36,755 --> 00:35:38,118
Is that what I think it is?
860
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,453
(SANDRA MOANING)
861
00:35:39,455 --> 00:35:41,286
Well,
what do you think it is?
862
00:35:41,288 --> 00:35:44,085
(SANDRA AND PHIL GRUNTING)
863
00:35:44,087 --> 00:35:47,419
- PHIL: Here I go. Here I go. Here I go.
- Give it to me.
864
00:35:47,421 --> 00:35:51,021
- (PHIL GRUNTING)
- (SANDRA SCREAMING)
865
00:35:51,821 --> 00:35:54,419
SANDRA: Oh, baby. Oh, my.
866
00:35:54,421 --> 00:35:57,922
- (PHIL GRUNTING)
- (SANDRA SCREAMING)
867
00:35:59,054 --> 00:36:01,753
Yeah! Yeah!
868
00:36:01,755 --> 00:36:04,322
- (PHIL GRUNTING)
- (SANDRA SCREAMING)
869
00:36:06,087 --> 00:36:08,786
Okay. I'm lightheaded,
I'm lightheaded.
870
00:36:08,788 --> 00:36:10,753
SANDRA: Oh, my.
871
00:36:10,755 --> 00:36:12,887
- (GASPS)
- Yes.
872
00:36:12,889 --> 00:36:16,055
- (YELLING)
- (SCREAMING)
873
00:36:18,254 --> 00:36:20,419
Oh, yes. Yes.
874
00:36:20,421 --> 00:36:23,221
- Whoa! (MOANING)
- (SPLATS)
875
00:36:26,054 --> 00:36:28,288
You boys want
some Fiddle Faddle?
876
00:36:28,889 --> 00:36:31,322
No, I do not.
877
00:36:35,888 --> 00:36:37,855
Clean up on Aisle Phil.
878
00:36:39,021 --> 00:36:42,055
Hope your meeting
is as satisfying as mine was.
879
00:36:43,188 --> 00:36:44,286
Have a nice day.
880
00:36:44,288 --> 00:36:47,687
Wait, wait, wait. Wait for...
Wait for... Wait...
881
00:36:47,689 --> 00:36:50,052
Oh, hey. Hey, Lieutenant.
(CHUCKLES)
882
00:36:50,054 --> 00:36:50,951
Hey, Phil.
883
00:36:50,953 --> 00:36:52,886
Uh, who's your friend?
884
00:36:52,888 --> 00:36:55,420
- Special Agent Campbell, FBI.
- What a pleasure.
885
00:36:55,422 --> 00:36:58,419
We need to discuss where you
were when the murders went down.
886
00:36:58,421 --> 00:36:59,753
All right. Let me, uh...
887
00:36:59,755 --> 00:37:02,788
How about you come with us so
we can ask you some questions?
888
00:37:04,020 --> 00:37:06,022
That's fine, let me
just tidy up for a sec.
889
00:37:06,355 --> 00:37:07,388
Excuse me.
890
00:37:09,754 --> 00:37:11,288
- (CRUNCHING)
- (GLASS SHATTERS)
891
00:37:16,689 --> 00:37:18,720
- Shit!
- God damn it!
892
00:37:18,722 --> 00:37:21,119
I want an APB
out on that sock now!
893
00:37:21,121 --> 00:37:23,389
- Agent Campbell...
- This is out of your hands.
894
00:37:29,754 --> 00:37:31,988
You just got a little
something on your arm.
895
00:37:34,155 --> 00:37:36,055
(GRUNTING)
896
00:37:37,921 --> 00:37:39,951
- Have you seen this guy?
- MAN: No.
897
00:37:39,953 --> 00:37:41,419
- Anything?
- WOMAN: No.
898
00:37:41,421 --> 00:37:42,921
See this guy?
899
00:37:44,221 --> 00:37:45,822
Have you seen this guy?
900
00:37:47,354 --> 00:37:48,420
See this guy?
901
00:37:48,422 --> 00:37:49,420
How're you doing?
902
00:37:49,422 --> 00:37:52,019
Uh, I'm looking for this guy.
Have you seen him?
903
00:37:52,021 --> 00:37:55,085
I sense that
you are searching.
904
00:37:55,087 --> 00:37:56,885
Yeah, I just told you
I was looking for a guy,
905
00:37:56,887 --> 00:37:59,285
so you knowing that
does not mean you're psychic,
906
00:37:59,287 --> 00:38:00,252
it means you can hear me.
907
00:38:00,254 --> 00:38:02,052
Just tell me, yes or no.
Have you seen him?
908
00:38:02,054 --> 00:38:03,818
PSYCHIC PUPPET:
No. I ain't seen him.
909
00:38:03,820 --> 00:38:05,419
Now, fuck off.
You're bad for business.
910
00:38:05,421 --> 00:38:06,753
Yeah, go fuck yourself.
911
00:38:06,755 --> 00:38:08,356
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you, too.
912
00:38:09,154 --> 00:38:10,086
(SCOFFS)
913
00:38:10,088 --> 00:38:12,019
Hey, man. Have you
seen this puppet?
914
00:38:12,021 --> 00:38:13,186
Hmm.
915
00:38:13,188 --> 00:38:14,252
You know, I think he...
916
00:38:14,254 --> 00:38:15,385
- Jacob, we don't talk to meat sacks.
- Jesus Christ.
917
00:38:15,387 --> 00:38:17,786
- Oh, yeah, what Chuck said.
- Ooh! Show us your titties.
918
00:38:17,788 --> 00:38:18,986
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, come on.
919
00:38:18,988 --> 00:38:21,019
That can't actually be
your shtick with women.
920
00:38:21,021 --> 00:38:23,252
That has never worked
for you, am I right?
921
00:38:23,254 --> 00:38:24,719
- Sure it does.
- Never.
922
00:38:24,721 --> 00:38:25,918
- It does.
- Doesn't.
923
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:27,152
- Once.
- I doubt that.
924
00:38:27,154 --> 00:38:28,253
I doubt that
very much for you.
925
00:38:28,255 --> 00:38:30,918
Come on, baby, I can tell
you've had crabs before.
926
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:32,086
- BOAR: Here, come on...
- I told you...
927
00:38:32,088 --> 00:38:35,019
- BOAR: Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!
- I warned you.
928
00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:36,719
CHUCK: Oh, yeah, she wants me.
929
00:38:36,721 --> 00:38:37,819
- Okay, all right.
- (GASPS)
930
00:38:37,821 --> 00:38:39,120
Have you seen this puppet?
931
00:38:39,122 --> 00:38:41,118
(RAPIDLY) All's I know is, is
that he's a real sugar smack,
932
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,453
and he's probably holed up
in that sugar den
933
00:38:43,455 --> 00:38:45,352
over on San Julian Street.
934
00:38:45,354 --> 00:38:47,420
Thank you. Jesus Christ.
935
00:38:47,422 --> 00:38:48,753
Gotta work for that...
936
00:38:48,755 --> 00:38:52,019
Oh... No!
You don't... Ow!
937
00:38:52,021 --> 00:38:54,053
If you're gonna eat it,
you don't get it.
938
00:38:54,055 --> 00:38:55,119
I'm hungry.
939
00:38:55,121 --> 00:38:58,085
Well, you should've bought
20 bucks of food, dumbass.
940
00:38:58,087 --> 00:38:59,985
PHIL: I knew if the feds
had me in the slammer,
941
00:38:59,987 --> 00:39:01,486
there's no way I could find
the real killer.
942
00:39:01,488 --> 00:39:04,720
Most of all, I wanted to
protect my old flame, Jenny.
943
00:39:04,722 --> 00:39:06,886
I still had
a soft spot for her.
944
00:39:06,888 --> 00:39:08,886
Hell, I still had
a hard spot for her.
945
00:39:08,888 --> 00:39:10,352
DISPATCHER:
All units be advised.
946
00:39:10,354 --> 00:39:12,952
Be on the lookout for
ex-puppet cop Phil Philips.
947
00:39:12,954 --> 00:39:14,851
Blue male,
three and a half feet tall.
948
00:39:14,853 --> 00:39:17,720
Last seen fleeing on foot
from 1643...
949
00:39:17,722 --> 00:39:19,318
- (POP MUSIC PLAYING)
- RABBIT 1: Oh, boy.
950
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,319
Her makeup is so tasteful.
951
00:39:21,321 --> 00:39:22,886
- RABBIT 1: Oh, look at that.
- RABBIT 2: Oh, wow.
952
00:39:22,888 --> 00:39:25,053
- Yeah, twirl, baby.
- RABBIT 3: Whoo! Yes.
953
00:39:25,055 --> 00:39:25,986
Yes. Carousel.
954
00:39:25,988 --> 00:39:28,719
- This is arousing my Peter Rabbit.
- Yes.
955
00:39:28,721 --> 00:39:30,385
RABBIT 4: She's got her hands
on my carrot.
956
00:39:30,387 --> 00:39:33,420
Give me the carrot. Give me the carrot.
Is this the carrot?
957
00:39:33,422 --> 00:39:36,252
We are not in the briar
patch anymore, boys. Whoo!
958
00:39:36,254 --> 00:39:37,086
(RABBITS LAUGHING)
959
00:39:37,088 --> 00:39:39,153
JENNY: You want
some carrot, huh?
960
00:39:39,155 --> 00:39:41,952
RABBIT 1: Oh, yeah. Give it to us.
Give it to us.
961
00:39:41,954 --> 00:39:43,352
- Make it rain!
- Peel on me.
962
00:39:43,354 --> 00:39:46,019
- It feels like Easter in my pants.
- JENNY: Ahh...
963
00:39:46,021 --> 00:39:48,819
- RABBIT 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it, do it.
- Bite the tip!
964
00:39:48,821 --> 00:39:51,854
- (CRUNCHES)
- (RABBITS EXCLAIMING)
965
00:39:53,454 --> 00:39:55,886
PHIL: Jenny,
the one that got away.
966
00:39:55,888 --> 00:39:58,752
As you can see, she's the kind
of girl you take home to momma.
967
00:39:58,754 --> 00:40:01,085
RABBIT 1: I just made
carrot soup.
968
00:40:01,087 --> 00:40:04,719
Well, hello. I didn't think you
were coming around here no more.
969
00:40:04,721 --> 00:40:06,752
We need to talk.
970
00:40:06,754 --> 00:40:08,155
Okay. Give me a minute.
971
00:40:10,220 --> 00:40:11,586
I don't know her.
972
00:40:11,588 --> 00:40:14,085
I can't remember every puppet
comes in here to get a freak on.
973
00:40:14,087 --> 00:40:16,785
- All right, fair enough.
- (CHUCKLES)
974
00:40:16,787 --> 00:40:19,155
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)
975
00:40:20,888 --> 00:40:23,852
What is it
with this casual attitude?
976
00:40:23,854 --> 00:40:25,052
Well, how am I
supposed to be?
977
00:40:25,054 --> 00:40:26,486
Well, you might be
a little worried
978
00:40:26,488 --> 00:40:30,018
since three Happytime Gang members
are dead, and you could be next.
979
00:40:30,020 --> 00:40:32,089
I'm trying not
to think about it.
980
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:34,986
I got cops on me.
981
00:40:34,988 --> 00:40:36,818
I don't know what
you expect me to do.
982
00:40:36,820 --> 00:40:38,085
I got to keep working
983
00:40:38,087 --> 00:40:39,486
till the money from the show
comes through.
984
00:40:39,488 --> 00:40:42,385
What do I want you to do? I want
you to take it more seriously.
985
00:40:42,387 --> 00:40:43,353
Jesus Christ, Phil.
986
00:40:43,355 --> 00:40:46,356
Can't you see I'm trying,
you know, to...
987
00:40:47,020 --> 00:40:47,819
(SIGHS)
988
00:40:47,821 --> 00:40:49,989
I'm trying to forget
about all that.
989
00:40:51,387 --> 00:40:53,188
You were always
so controlling.
990
00:40:54,355 --> 00:40:55,755
All right, I'm sorry.
991
00:40:57,354 --> 00:40:58,752
I loved you.
992
00:40:58,754 --> 00:41:01,018
Hey. Hey...
993
00:41:01,020 --> 00:41:03,355
I just don't want to see you
get hurt, all right?
994
00:41:08,155 --> 00:41:10,219
Hey. Hey, hey.
You want some sugar?
995
00:41:10,221 --> 00:41:11,951
- Glucose, fructose, corn syrup...
- No, thanks.
996
00:41:11,953 --> 00:41:13,218
Hey, hey.
(AIR KISSES)
997
00:41:13,220 --> 00:41:14,319
FEMALE PUPPET: Hey, fella.
998
00:41:14,321 --> 00:41:15,252
Hey, handsome.
999
00:41:15,254 --> 00:41:17,118
Are you looking
for some rotten cotton?
1000
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:18,121
I'm a woman.
1001
00:41:19,954 --> 00:41:21,885
- That's okay.
- Yeah, that's even better.
1002
00:41:21,887 --> 00:41:23,785
- Got a good time for you.
- (LAUGHS)
1003
00:41:23,787 --> 00:41:24,719
(GARBAGE CLATTERS)
1004
00:41:24,721 --> 00:41:27,119
FEMALE PUPPET:
You live your truth, baby.
1005
00:41:27,121 --> 00:41:29,719
- (HARMONICA PLAYING)
- ♪ Peanut buttercup
1006
00:41:29,721 --> 00:41:31,385
(HUMMING)
1007
00:41:31,387 --> 00:41:35,088
♪ Gonna get fucked up, sugar ♪
1008
00:41:36,188 --> 00:41:38,888
Better get that damn
light out of my eye.
1009
00:41:40,287 --> 00:41:41,420
Goofer.
1010
00:41:41,422 --> 00:41:42,354
Yeah?
1011
00:41:42,356 --> 00:41:45,152
- EDWARDS: Hey. Goofer.
- (SNORTING) Mmm-hmm.
1012
00:41:45,154 --> 00:41:47,452
(SNORTING)
1013
00:41:47,454 --> 00:41:49,285
EDWARDS: Ugh. God.
1014
00:41:49,287 --> 00:41:50,718
(CLEARS THROAT)
1015
00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:51,819
Are you kidding me?
1016
00:41:51,821 --> 00:41:55,453
Do you have some sugar for
Goofer, friend? (CHUCKLES)
1017
00:41:55,455 --> 00:41:59,018
I just want to know what you know
about the Happytime murders.
1018
00:41:59,020 --> 00:42:01,386
Goofer give you a happy time.
1019
00:42:01,388 --> 00:42:04,419
For 50 cents,
I'll suck your dick.
1020
00:42:04,421 --> 00:42:05,951
(WHIMPERS)
1021
00:42:05,953 --> 00:42:07,286
Well, it's a great price.
1022
00:42:07,288 --> 00:42:09,752
It makes me wish I had a
dick for you to suck.
1023
00:42:09,754 --> 00:42:12,420
Yeah. I'm gonna, um,
take that as a yes.
1024
00:42:12,422 --> 00:42:13,951
(GRUNTS, SNORES)
1025
00:42:13,953 --> 00:42:15,185
- God damn it!
- (GASPS)
1026
00:42:15,187 --> 00:42:19,185
Do not come at me like that. Do
you want me to go for my gun?
1027
00:42:19,187 --> 00:42:20,786
No.
1028
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:24,153
Unless you're talking
about your penis.
1029
00:42:24,155 --> 00:42:25,420
Then maybe.
1030
00:42:25,422 --> 00:42:27,153
Hey, you don't come
at me like that.
1031
00:42:27,155 --> 00:42:30,685
For 50 cents
Goofer will give you a felty.
1032
00:42:30,687 --> 00:42:31,786
A felty? No.
1033
00:42:31,788 --> 00:42:35,153
I'll give you what I call
the "Continental Hot Sock."
1034
00:42:35,155 --> 00:42:37,785
I don't want
anything hot from you.
1035
00:42:37,787 --> 00:42:41,852
I will need a gallon of
kombucha and some oatmeal.
1036
00:42:41,854 --> 00:42:43,418
- No.
- It's only 50 cents.
1037
00:42:43,420 --> 00:42:46,818
Just answer my question. What do you
know about the Happytime murders?
1038
00:42:46,820 --> 00:42:49,053
They're married. The wife.
1039
00:42:49,055 --> 00:42:52,286
Married? Whose wife?
What did you say?
1040
00:42:52,288 --> 00:42:53,686
The wife. Where?
1041
00:42:53,688 --> 00:42:55,885
Yeah. You've got it.
The wife of who?
1042
00:42:55,887 --> 00:42:57,018
You're my wife?
1043
00:42:57,020 --> 00:42:59,085
I don't remember
getting married,
1044
00:42:59,087 --> 00:43:01,986
but you're pretty cute
for a fella in a suit.
1045
00:43:01,988 --> 00:43:05,153
I said "wife" because you said
"wife." Are you saying wife?
1046
00:43:05,155 --> 00:43:06,252
The wife!
1047
00:43:06,254 --> 00:43:07,322
(GASPS)
1048
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:09,686
(SNORING)
1049
00:43:09,688 --> 00:43:10,955
(SIGHS)
1050
00:43:11,721 --> 00:43:13,153
The wife...
1051
00:43:13,155 --> 00:43:15,122
(CONTINUES SNORING)
1052
00:43:19,787 --> 00:43:21,121
(MIRROR SQUEAKS)
1053
00:43:23,154 --> 00:43:24,985
(GAGGING)
1054
00:43:24,987 --> 00:43:26,818
I peed on that mirror.
1055
00:43:26,820 --> 00:43:29,787
You better get checked
'cause that shit is salty.
1056
00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:31,786
(GAGGING)
1057
00:43:31,788 --> 00:43:33,285
JENNY: It's fine,
I know the plan.
1058
00:43:33,287 --> 00:43:36,119
I'll call you when I check into a motel.
All right?
1059
00:43:36,121 --> 00:43:38,719
- You promise?
- (LAUGHS) Yeah. I promise.
1060
00:43:38,721 --> 00:43:40,055
I just want you to be safe.
1061
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,453
Do you remember the first time
you ever walked me to my car?
1062
00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:45,652
Of course I do.
1063
00:43:45,654 --> 00:43:50,986
It was the first time we met.
Larry's birthday at the, um...
1064
00:43:50,988 --> 00:43:52,289
- The Formosa.
- The Formosa. (CHUCKLES)
1065
00:43:53,954 --> 00:43:56,285
Yeah, you were so sweet.
1066
00:43:56,287 --> 00:43:58,419
Making sure I was safe.
1067
00:43:58,421 --> 00:44:00,922
Well, I'd never met anyone
like you before.
1068
00:44:02,820 --> 00:44:06,089
You ever feel like
me and you should, um...
1069
00:44:10,121 --> 00:44:11,222
Start over?
1070
00:44:13,221 --> 00:44:14,918
Uh, Jenny, I'm poison.
1071
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:17,452
I poisoned me and you,
I poisoned my career.
1072
00:44:17,454 --> 00:44:21,286
Hell, I poisoned every good puppet's
chance of ever becoming a cop.
1073
00:44:21,288 --> 00:44:24,085
- That wasn't your fault.
- It doesn't matter.
1074
00:44:24,087 --> 00:44:27,821
I still feel sick about it
every goddamn day.
1075
00:44:30,854 --> 00:44:34,389
Every poison has an antidote.
1076
00:44:45,255 --> 00:44:46,885
Good night, Phil Philips.
1077
00:44:46,887 --> 00:44:48,188
Good night, Jenny.
1078
00:44:52,354 --> 00:44:54,752
- PHIL: Yeah, it was great seeing Jenny again...
- (ENGINE STARTS)
1079
00:44:54,754 --> 00:44:58,321
...reminded me that somewhere in my
stuffing-filled chest was still a...
1080
00:44:59,088 --> 00:45:00,356
(GASPING)
1081
00:45:00,987 --> 00:45:02,122
No!
1082
00:45:05,354 --> 00:45:06,752
Jenny!
1083
00:45:06,754 --> 00:45:08,155
(SIREN WAILING)
1084
00:45:11,154 --> 00:45:12,418
(GRUNTING)
1085
00:45:12,420 --> 00:45:14,886
- Shit, shit, shit.
- COP: Freeze, Philips!
1086
00:45:14,888 --> 00:45:16,753
PHIL: My head was spinning.
1087
00:45:16,755 --> 00:45:20,152
Larry, Jenny. Everyone in this world I
care about was getting knocked off.
1088
00:45:20,154 --> 00:45:23,218
I just needed to lay low, and as
much as I hated to admit it...
1089
00:45:23,220 --> 00:45:24,219
Edwards?
1090
00:45:24,221 --> 00:45:26,255
There was only
one place I could go.
1091
00:45:27,688 --> 00:45:29,718
Oh, dear God.
1092
00:45:29,720 --> 00:45:31,787
She's a complete sugar smack.
1093
00:45:32,754 --> 00:45:34,021
You awake?
1094
00:45:37,221 --> 00:45:39,188
- (SNORING)
- Oh, no.
1095
00:45:41,021 --> 00:45:42,189
(SIGHS)
1096
00:45:48,054 --> 00:45:49,288
(SIGHS)
1097
00:46:14,753 --> 00:46:16,018
Drop the fucking gun.
1098
00:46:16,020 --> 00:46:17,819
Drop your gun, or I'm
gonna fucking kill her!
1099
00:46:17,821 --> 00:46:19,351
Take the fucking shot, Phil.
1100
00:46:19,353 --> 00:46:20,718
PHIL: Need a clean shot.
1101
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:21,786
You're a puppet, not a fleshy.
1102
00:46:21,788 --> 00:46:23,751
- Why are you messing with me?
- Take the fucking shot!
1103
00:46:23,753 --> 00:46:24,819
Take the shot, Phil!
1104
00:46:24,821 --> 00:46:26,022
PHIL: Bye-bye, puppet.
1105
00:46:36,353 --> 00:46:38,085
Daddy! (SOBBING)
1106
00:46:38,087 --> 00:46:39,121
Daddy!
1107
00:46:40,954 --> 00:46:42,419
- (GUNSHOT)
- (GROANS)
1108
00:46:42,421 --> 00:46:44,088
No, no, no, no, no!
1109
00:46:48,054 --> 00:46:49,287
(GROANS)
1110
00:46:50,353 --> 00:46:51,885
No! Daddy!
1111
00:46:51,887 --> 00:46:53,085
PHIL: Multiple shots fired.
1112
00:46:53,087 --> 00:46:56,351
Civilian casualty and officer down.
Sixth and Grand.
1113
00:46:56,353 --> 00:46:58,919
Edwards, Jesus Christ.
1114
00:46:58,921 --> 00:47:00,919
What the fuck, Phil?
How could you miss him?
1115
00:47:00,921 --> 00:47:03,284
I'm sorry, I choked.
You're gonna be all right.
1116
00:47:03,286 --> 00:47:06,719
Hey, hey, hang on. You just
hang on, you understand?
1117
00:47:06,721 --> 00:47:08,253
Hey!
1118
00:47:08,255 --> 00:47:11,022
A little help here?
Can you get me some help?
1119
00:47:11,988 --> 00:47:13,319
Out of the way, incoming.
1120
00:47:13,321 --> 00:47:16,452
Dr. Trevor, we have a fleshy with
a bullet wound through the liver.
1121
00:47:16,454 --> 00:47:19,918
- DR. TREVOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
- She's been shot.
1122
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,685
No, no, no, we don't treat
humans here.
1123
00:47:22,687 --> 00:47:24,384
We only have parts
for puppets.
1124
00:47:24,386 --> 00:47:25,686
She's dying, Doc.
1125
00:47:25,688 --> 00:47:29,287
I'm sorry, I cannot do anything about it.
It's unethical.
1126
00:47:30,187 --> 00:47:31,486
(ALL GASPING)
1127
00:47:31,488 --> 00:47:35,288
You're gonna save my partner's
life, or you're gonna die trying.
1128
00:47:35,988 --> 00:47:37,153
(PANTS)
1129
00:47:37,155 --> 00:47:38,986
Phil, wake up.
1130
00:47:38,988 --> 00:47:42,152
- ALL: Wake up, Phil.
- Wakey-wakey!
1131
00:47:42,154 --> 00:47:43,351
Wake up, Phil.
1132
00:47:43,353 --> 00:47:44,752
Wake up, Phil.
1133
00:47:44,754 --> 00:47:46,685
- Phil, wake up!
- Hey, hey.
1134
00:47:46,687 --> 00:47:48,121
(GASPING)
1135
00:47:49,220 --> 00:47:51,451
Did you fucking break
into my house?
1136
00:47:51,453 --> 00:47:52,751
(SIGHS)
1137
00:47:52,753 --> 00:47:55,988
I, uh... I had
nowhere else to go.
1138
00:47:56,854 --> 00:48:00,288
And, uh, Jenny's dead.
1139
00:48:02,021 --> 00:48:03,418
What?
1140
00:48:03,420 --> 00:48:05,354
Yeah. They think I did it.
1141
00:48:07,054 --> 00:48:08,788
(BOTH SIGH)
1142
00:48:09,254 --> 00:48:10,355
Fuck.
1143
00:48:15,254 --> 00:48:17,284
- I'm sorry, Phil.
- Yeah.
1144
00:48:17,286 --> 00:48:19,288
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1145
00:48:22,754 --> 00:48:24,851
Did you clean my apartment?
1146
00:48:24,853 --> 00:48:27,152
- Yeah. You got a problem with that?
- It's just weird.
1147
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:28,751
It's like stealing
somebody's car
1148
00:48:28,753 --> 00:48:31,019
just so you can put
new fucking tires on it.
1149
00:48:31,021 --> 00:48:33,888
- I don't know how to take this.
- Are you gonna get that, or what?
1150
00:48:34,954 --> 00:48:36,018
Edwards.
1151
00:48:36,020 --> 00:48:37,888
By the way, you sleep
with your mouth wide open.
1152
00:48:38,720 --> 00:48:40,285
Like this.
1153
00:48:40,287 --> 00:48:42,187
- (SOFTLY) Shut up.
- Who sleeps like that?
1154
00:48:42,721 --> 00:48:43,885
Uh, um...
1155
00:48:43,887 --> 00:48:47,119
- Yeah, I was... I saw Goofer last night.
- What? Who is this?
1156
00:48:47,121 --> 00:48:48,284
Uh-huh.
1157
00:48:48,286 --> 00:48:49,451
Philips?
1158
00:48:49,453 --> 00:48:50,786
- What?
- No. It's just,
1159
00:48:50,788 --> 00:48:52,885
this doesn't sound like
something Phil...
1160
00:48:52,887 --> 00:48:54,885
- PHIL: Who is it?
- Yes, sir. (SNAPS FINGERS)
1161
00:48:54,887 --> 00:48:57,019
- Crystal clear.
- Oh, shit.
1162
00:48:57,021 --> 00:48:59,918
Uh, no. I haven't seen him.
No. Yes, sir.
1163
00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:01,854
- Is it the lieutenant?
- Yes, sir.
1164
00:49:03,753 --> 00:49:04,888
What? What? What?
1165
00:49:05,421 --> 00:49:06,922
Goofer's washed up.
1166
00:49:07,319 --> 00:49:08,755
Literally.
1167
00:49:09,287 --> 00:49:10,387
Shit.
1168
00:49:16,287 --> 00:49:19,251
Looks like a pretty
classic smash and splash.
1169
00:49:19,253 --> 00:49:22,152
Beat his head in,
threw him off the pier.
1170
00:49:22,154 --> 00:49:24,418
Man, I thought
he smelled bad alive.
1171
00:49:24,420 --> 00:49:26,217
You guys might
wanna look away.
1172
00:49:26,219 --> 00:49:28,018
This will not be pretty.
1173
00:49:28,020 --> 00:49:29,854
- (GROANS)
- Ah, Christ.
1174
00:49:30,186 --> 00:49:32,419
(GRUNTING)
1175
00:49:32,421 --> 00:49:36,285
Edwards, is your history with
Philips gonna be a problem here?
1176
00:49:36,287 --> 00:49:37,686
No, it's not.
1177
00:49:37,688 --> 00:49:39,851
If he did it,
I'll bring him in myself.
1178
00:49:39,853 --> 00:49:42,220
If he makes any contact,
I wanna know immediately.
1179
00:49:43,921 --> 00:49:46,053
What's in the cooler?
1180
00:49:46,055 --> 00:49:49,852
My lunch. I get very
hungry for cold foods.
1181
00:49:49,854 --> 00:49:51,021
COP: Okay. Drop him in.
1182
00:49:52,153 --> 00:49:53,388
There we go.
1183
00:49:54,887 --> 00:49:56,220
EDWARDS:
God, I hate the beach.
1184
00:49:58,788 --> 00:49:59,822
(GRUNTS)
1185
00:50:02,420 --> 00:50:06,788
You know, that Agent Campbell
is a real douchebag.
1186
00:50:07,287 --> 00:50:08,751
(GASPING)
1187
00:50:08,753 --> 00:50:10,151
You trying to asphyxiate me?
1188
00:50:10,153 --> 00:50:12,419
Hey, I said a backpack,
you said the cooler. So...
1189
00:50:12,421 --> 00:50:15,788
Yeah. I said a cooler with holes.
There's no holes.
1190
00:50:18,219 --> 00:50:19,885
A wife, huh?
1191
00:50:19,887 --> 00:50:21,385
So, it's gotta be
Ezra and Cara.
1192
00:50:21,387 --> 00:50:25,285
Yeah. Why don't we pay a little visit
to those creepy kissing cousins?
1193
00:50:25,287 --> 00:50:27,786
All right, let's go. You wanna
help me get the hell out of here?
1194
00:50:27,788 --> 00:50:29,951
- Oh, yeah. All right, don't worry.
- Jesus Christ.
1195
00:50:29,953 --> 00:50:32,151
I think you might have done
some irreparable damage.
1196
00:50:32,153 --> 00:50:34,451
- That's my neck. (CHOKES)
- Well, let me just...
1197
00:50:34,453 --> 00:50:37,018
- I'm gonna try something.
- PHIL: Go ahead.
1198
00:50:37,020 --> 00:50:39,151
- (SCREAMS) That's my balls! What are you doing?
- Oh, God.
1199
00:50:39,153 --> 00:50:41,285
- Jesus Christ!
- (SCREAMS) I thought it was your shoe.
1200
00:50:41,287 --> 00:50:42,951
(GASPS)
1201
00:50:42,953 --> 00:50:45,819
God damn it. There you go,
there you go.
1202
00:50:45,821 --> 00:50:47,019
- PHIL: (GRUNTS) Okay, okay.
- Attaboy, attaboy.
1203
00:50:47,021 --> 00:50:48,188
It's like a fucking birth.
1204
00:50:51,021 --> 00:50:53,751
PHIL: Ezra and Cara,
the kissing cousins
1205
00:50:53,753 --> 00:50:55,851
hadn't made
a public appearance in years.
1206
00:50:55,853 --> 00:50:57,318
They moved out
to the middle of nowhere,
1207
00:50:57,320 --> 00:51:00,851
had a couple of kids, which
is fucked up, if you ask me.
1208
00:51:00,853 --> 00:51:03,919
But it was a two-hour drive, and
Edwards had gone moody as shit,
1209
00:51:03,921 --> 00:51:05,989
which didn't make
the time go any faster.
1210
00:51:06,286 --> 00:51:07,851
You're quiet.
1211
00:51:07,853 --> 00:51:09,418
(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
1212
00:51:09,420 --> 00:51:11,418
What, did you take
a vow of silence?
1213
00:51:11,420 --> 00:51:12,785
What,
are you a monk now?
1214
00:51:12,787 --> 00:51:14,153
No, I'm not a monk.
1215
00:51:17,921 --> 00:51:20,121
Actually, I don't know
what the hell I am anymore.
1216
00:51:20,888 --> 00:51:22,751
What're you talking about?
1217
00:51:22,753 --> 00:51:26,088
Well, what am I?
Am I a human? Am I a puppet?
1218
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:29,284
Truth is, I'm neither.
1219
00:51:29,286 --> 00:51:34,185
I'm just scratching and clawing
from one sugar fix to the next.
1220
00:51:34,187 --> 00:51:37,153
Neither side wants me,
and I don't blame them.
1221
00:51:38,087 --> 00:51:39,088
(MUMBLES)
1222
00:51:40,688 --> 00:51:41,955
I'm sorry.
1223
00:51:45,888 --> 00:51:47,788
I'm sorry I missed that day.
1224
00:51:49,386 --> 00:51:51,418
I'm sorry I shot
the wrong guy.
1225
00:51:51,420 --> 00:51:54,187
I'm sorry a little girl
lost her father.
1226
00:51:58,286 --> 00:52:00,288
I'm sorry you're struggling.
1227
00:52:04,688 --> 00:52:06,888
But I'm glad
you're still here.
1228
00:52:08,253 --> 00:52:09,317
(SNIFFLES)
1229
00:52:09,319 --> 00:52:12,987
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)
1230
00:52:14,952 --> 00:52:16,287
What the fuck is this?
1231
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:18,950
What? What are you
asking me for?
1232
00:52:18,952 --> 00:52:20,851
- Turn that shit off.
- You're making fun of me?
1233
00:52:20,853 --> 00:52:22,951
It's your car,
it's on your radio.
1234
00:52:22,953 --> 00:52:23,886
I didn't put it on.
1235
00:52:23,888 --> 00:52:25,150
- It says right there.
- Well, it's not your...
1236
00:52:25,152 --> 00:52:28,951
It says, look, "Paired with
Edwards' phone" or something. Look.
1237
00:52:28,953 --> 00:52:30,785
- I don't even have that...
- Turn it off.
1238
00:52:30,787 --> 00:52:33,285
- EDWARDS: ...song in... I will turn it off.
- PHIL: Why won't these work?
1239
00:52:33,287 --> 00:52:34,418
Jesus Christ, turn it off.
1240
00:52:34,420 --> 00:52:36,686
It's like a tampon
commercial in here.
1241
00:52:36,688 --> 00:52:38,085
Stop yelling at me!
You know what...
1242
00:52:38,087 --> 00:52:39,685
- How many pockets do you...
- (COCKS GUN)
1243
00:52:39,687 --> 00:52:41,317
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
1244
00:52:41,319 --> 00:52:42,885
Jesus Christ!
1245
00:52:42,887 --> 00:52:45,085
- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
- EDWARDS: You wanted it off?
1246
00:52:45,087 --> 00:52:46,385
Now it's off.
1247
00:52:46,387 --> 00:52:48,218
(PANTING)
1248
00:52:48,220 --> 00:52:52,252
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1249
00:52:52,254 --> 00:52:56,018
What the... You fucking...
You shot your fucking radio.
1250
00:52:56,020 --> 00:52:58,418
- Whoo! I shot my radio.
- You're out of your fucking mind.
1251
00:52:58,420 --> 00:52:59,752
Oh, I feel better.
1252
00:52:59,754 --> 00:53:00,984
(LAUGHS)
1253
00:53:00,986 --> 00:53:02,718
- EDWARDS: Oh, my God!
- Oh, Christ.
1254
00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:03,950
- There's my phone.
- What?
1255
00:53:03,952 --> 00:53:06,088
You know what?
Yeah, that was me.
1256
00:53:30,952 --> 00:53:33,017
Looks like we beat the rush.
1257
00:53:33,019 --> 00:53:35,084
Yeah, well, they killed
the whole gang.
1258
00:53:35,086 --> 00:53:36,984
They're not coming out
without a fight.
1259
00:53:36,986 --> 00:53:38,984
Well, let's give them one,
partner.
1260
00:53:38,986 --> 00:53:40,920
- Partner?
- Shut up.
1261
00:53:43,420 --> 00:53:45,686
Here.
Better safe than dead.
1262
00:53:45,688 --> 00:53:48,218
What? You still have this?
1263
00:53:48,220 --> 00:53:50,419
- I'm a bit of a hoarder.
- I think you missed me.
1264
00:53:50,421 --> 00:53:51,886
(CHUCKLES)
1265
00:54:01,187 --> 00:54:04,385
(LOUD SCREAMING)
1266
00:54:04,387 --> 00:54:05,818
All right,
I'll take the front.
1267
00:54:05,820 --> 00:54:07,452
I'll take the back.
Meet you in the middle.
1268
00:54:07,454 --> 00:54:09,220
Yep. Just like old times.
1269
00:54:18,852 --> 00:54:20,884
(DOOR CREAKING)
1270
00:54:20,886 --> 00:54:22,187
- (LOUD SCREAMING)
- (GASPS)
1271
00:54:24,086 --> 00:54:25,152
(DOOR CLOSES)
1272
00:54:25,154 --> 00:54:27,021
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
1273
00:54:34,154 --> 00:54:35,252
(LOUD SCREAMING)
1274
00:54:35,254 --> 00:54:36,755
Damn it.
1275
00:54:38,220 --> 00:54:39,850
All right. I'll huff...
1276
00:54:39,852 --> 00:54:42,419
And I'll puff, and I'll blow
your fucking door down!
1277
00:54:42,421 --> 00:54:43,953
(BOTH GRUNT)
1278
00:54:53,421 --> 00:54:55,020
(LOUD SCREAMING)
1279
00:55:01,852 --> 00:55:04,419
- (SCREAMING)
- (SHUSHING)
1280
00:55:04,421 --> 00:55:06,988
(WHISPERING) Hey. Hey, where
is your mommy and daddy?
1281
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:09,851
(SCREAMS)
1282
00:55:09,853 --> 00:55:11,887
That's why you don't swim
in your own gene pool.
1283
00:55:13,853 --> 00:55:15,820
(WHISPERS) They don't
have a fucking chance.
1284
00:55:17,887 --> 00:55:19,984
(WHISPERING) What was that?
What the hell did you see?
1285
00:55:19,986 --> 00:55:21,954
(WHISPERING)
We gotta call child services.
1286
00:55:22,454 --> 00:55:23,884
What?
1287
00:55:23,886 --> 00:55:25,988
It's like
Children of the Corn.
1288
00:55:26,987 --> 00:55:28,984
You want chili with corn?
1289
00:55:28,986 --> 00:55:31,021
What? What the fuck
is "chili porn"?
1290
00:55:32,087 --> 00:55:33,151
What?
1291
00:55:33,153 --> 00:55:34,619
I can't read your lips,
you're a fucking puppet.
1292
00:55:34,621 --> 00:55:37,018
What the fuck are you... I don't
even know what you're talking about!
1293
00:55:37,020 --> 00:55:40,118
All I'm seeing is that
you look like a cloth vagina.
1294
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:41,451
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
I'm not whispering, I'm not...
1295
00:55:41,453 --> 00:55:43,750
Ezra? Cara?
1296
00:55:43,752 --> 00:55:45,151
We got you surrounded.
1297
00:55:45,153 --> 00:55:46,818
LAPD.
1298
00:55:46,820 --> 00:55:48,451
Nobody has to get hurt.
1299
00:55:48,453 --> 00:55:51,220
Don't make this harder
than it has to be.
1300
00:55:58,153 --> 00:55:59,217
(FLIES BUZZING)
1301
00:55:59,219 --> 00:56:01,288
Oh, no. Jesus...
(GROANS)
1302
00:56:02,254 --> 00:56:03,288
Edwards!
1303
00:56:04,720 --> 00:56:05,887
(GRUNTS)
1304
00:56:08,688 --> 00:56:09,751
(GRUNTS)
1305
00:56:09,753 --> 00:56:11,151
- CAMPBELL: Freeze!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1306
00:56:11,153 --> 00:56:12,884
- (GUNS COCKING)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1307
00:56:12,886 --> 00:56:14,285
CAMPBELL:
Freeze, Philips!
1308
00:56:14,287 --> 00:56:17,217
You guys got this all wrong.
The killer's getting away.
1309
00:56:17,219 --> 00:56:18,851
Put the weapon down!
1310
00:56:18,853 --> 00:56:21,821
- Drop the weapon!
- Okay. I'm dropping it.
1311
00:56:22,354 --> 00:56:23,884
Aw, shitcakes.
1312
00:56:23,886 --> 00:56:25,320
Edwards! Drop the weapon!
1313
00:56:26,386 --> 00:56:28,120
Put the weapon down!
1314
00:56:29,254 --> 00:56:31,151
- Drop the weapon!
- I did!
1315
00:56:31,153 --> 00:56:32,251
- Now!
- What?
1316
00:56:32,253 --> 00:56:34,117
Somebody want to help out
Stevie Ray Vaughan here?
1317
00:56:34,119 --> 00:56:35,917
'Cause he's obviously
fucking blind.
1318
00:56:35,919 --> 00:56:37,850
Stevie Ray Vaughan
is not blind.
1319
00:56:37,852 --> 00:56:39,451
- PHIL: Jesus Christ.
- Asshole says what?
1320
00:56:39,453 --> 00:56:40,784
What?
1321
00:56:40,786 --> 00:56:42,252
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1322
00:56:42,254 --> 00:56:43,784
This is my last warning.
1323
00:56:43,786 --> 00:56:46,284
- Put the weapon down!
- It is dropped.
1324
00:56:46,286 --> 00:56:48,253
- She dropped it.
- It's on the fucking ground.
1325
00:56:49,153 --> 00:56:51,120
Oh. Sorry.
1326
00:56:51,753 --> 00:56:53,284
Go arrest them.
1327
00:56:53,286 --> 00:56:55,187
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1328
00:56:57,952 --> 00:57:00,820
(EXHALING FORCEFULLY)
1329
00:57:06,020 --> 00:57:08,785
You can't actually like me
for these murders.
1330
00:57:08,787 --> 00:57:10,385
We like you very much
for these murders.
1331
00:57:10,387 --> 00:57:13,754
- What's my motive?
- The reason most men do stupid things.
1332
00:57:14,119 --> 00:57:15,254
A woman.
1333
00:57:17,154 --> 00:57:18,254
Enjoy the show.
1334
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:21,418
PHIL: What the hell
is she doing here?
1335
00:57:21,420 --> 00:57:22,751
EDWARDS: Who is that?
1336
00:57:22,753 --> 00:57:24,751
It's Sandra White.
She's one of my clients.
1337
00:57:24,753 --> 00:57:26,917
Actually, her name
is Sandra Peterson.
1338
00:57:26,919 --> 00:57:29,118
She walked into the federal
building this morning
1339
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,017
and said you murdered
her wife, Jenny Peterson.
1340
00:57:32,019 --> 00:57:33,885
Hey, I didn't
murder anybody.
1341
00:57:33,887 --> 00:57:35,751
EDWARDS: I didn't know
Jenny was even married.
1342
00:57:35,753 --> 00:57:37,052
Neither did I.
1343
00:57:37,054 --> 00:57:38,085
Let's listen in.
1344
00:57:38,087 --> 00:57:40,152
Well, he said
that he killed them.
1345
00:57:40,154 --> 00:57:44,018
The entire Happytime Gang,
even his own brother.
1346
00:57:44,020 --> 00:57:45,684
- What?
- CAMPBELL: And why would he do that?
1347
00:57:45,686 --> 00:57:47,051
We've been
having an affair,
1348
00:57:47,053 --> 00:57:48,750
and he wanted
to run away together.
1349
00:57:48,752 --> 00:57:50,151
He said
he killed them all
1350
00:57:50,153 --> 00:57:52,750
so that I would get
my wife Jenny's share,
1351
00:57:52,752 --> 00:57:53,850
and then I'd be rich,
1352
00:57:53,852 --> 00:57:55,950
and he could have me
all to himself.
1353
00:57:55,952 --> 00:57:57,884
I should have kept
my fuzzy blue in my pants.
1354
00:57:57,886 --> 00:57:58,851
Shut up, Phil.
1355
00:57:58,853 --> 00:58:02,284
And how long had you been
having this affair?
1356
00:58:02,286 --> 00:58:03,884
Months.
1357
00:58:03,886 --> 00:58:06,284
We'd rendezvous
at his office.
1358
00:58:06,286 --> 00:58:09,020
I saw you there, remember?
1359
00:58:13,919 --> 00:58:15,288
Just like the French.
1360
00:58:16,153 --> 00:58:17,552
(PUFFS)
1361
00:58:17,554 --> 00:58:21,352
Well, I guess now we know the purple
carpet doesn't match the drapes.
1362
00:58:21,354 --> 00:58:22,885
I think we've heard enough.
1363
00:58:22,887 --> 00:58:24,817
What? This is a setup.
1364
00:58:24,819 --> 00:58:26,718
Sandra White came to me
as a client
1365
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:28,117
and sent me
to that porno shop.
1366
00:58:28,119 --> 00:58:29,950
She orchestrated
the whole thing.
1367
00:58:29,952 --> 00:58:31,317
BANNING: (SIGHS)
Jesus, Phil.
1368
00:58:31,319 --> 00:58:35,251
You were there when every member of
the Happytime Gang was murdered.
1369
00:58:35,253 --> 00:58:37,785
- My hands are tied.
- PHIL: Lieutenant, come on.
1370
00:58:37,787 --> 00:58:38,885
Get him out of here.
1371
00:58:38,887 --> 00:58:40,152
- Lieutenant, what're you doing?
- Come on with...
1372
00:58:40,154 --> 00:58:43,017
No, this is ridiculous.
Come on.
1373
00:58:43,019 --> 00:58:45,451
Okay. All right.
All right, tough guy.
1374
00:58:45,453 --> 00:58:48,151
Come on, guys. You don't really
have to cuff him, do you?
1375
00:58:48,153 --> 00:58:50,750
Edwards, you know I'm innocent.
Get me out of here.
1376
00:58:50,752 --> 00:58:51,887
(SOFTLY) Jesus.
1377
00:58:53,253 --> 00:58:54,985
Hey, Campbell.
1378
00:58:54,987 --> 00:58:57,084
Listen, I know that Philips
is a pain in the ass,
1379
00:58:57,086 --> 00:58:59,151
but you don't actually
like him for this, do you?
1380
00:58:59,153 --> 00:59:02,018
Philips was at every murder scene,
and we have a witness to prove it.
1381
00:59:02,020 --> 00:59:03,352
- What else do you want, Edwards?
- (SIGHS)
1382
00:59:03,354 --> 00:59:06,785
I mean, you of all people going
to bat for a goddamn puppet.
1383
00:59:06,787 --> 00:59:08,352
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?
1384
00:59:08,354 --> 00:59:12,851
I'm sticking up for him because my gut is
telling me that Philips didn't do this.
1385
00:59:12,853 --> 00:59:16,785
Yeah, well, of course your gut is
saying that, it's full of puppet fluff.
1386
00:59:16,787 --> 00:59:17,884
You're a fucking asshole.
1387
00:59:17,886 --> 00:59:20,984
Listen to yourself,
or is that your liver talking?
1388
00:59:20,986 --> 00:59:22,917
- You fucking...
- JOEY: Hey, hey, hey!
1389
00:59:22,919 --> 00:59:24,850
- Knock it off, you two!
- (GRUNTING)
1390
00:59:24,852 --> 00:59:26,984
EDWARDS: You sugared fuck!
Get away!
1391
00:59:26,986 --> 00:59:29,317
- Get off of me!
- JOEY: Knock it off!
1392
00:59:29,319 --> 00:59:30,884
(ALL GRUNTING)
1393
00:59:30,886 --> 00:59:32,717
- JOEY: God, you two!
- Get off!
1394
00:59:32,719 --> 00:59:34,985
CAMPBELL: That's it!
You're done, Edwards.
1395
00:59:34,987 --> 00:59:36,684
Consider yourself suspended.
1396
00:59:36,686 --> 00:59:39,151
- Give me your badge.
- Yeah. Great. Here.
1397
00:59:39,153 --> 00:59:40,384
Fucking choke on it.
1398
00:59:40,386 --> 00:59:41,885
Fuck all of you guys.
1399
00:59:41,887 --> 00:59:43,818
Fuck you, Wreach.
You know what?
1400
00:59:43,820 --> 00:59:45,152
It's my fucking charger that
1401
00:59:45,154 --> 00:59:47,751
you never asked for
and you never gave back.
1402
00:59:47,753 --> 00:59:49,751
- Nice.
- You all fucking suck.
1403
00:59:49,753 --> 00:59:51,318
Yeah, yeah.
Burn every bridge. Good.
1404
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:54,218
And you know what? Everybody knows
Karen is not a real redhead.
1405
00:59:54,220 --> 00:59:56,018
- I'm a real redhead.
- No, you're not.
1406
00:59:56,020 --> 00:59:59,051
You had enough bush coming out of
your cutoffs at the family picnic
1407
00:59:59,053 --> 01:00:01,252
- to fucking choke a horse.
- Jeez.
1408
01:00:01,254 --> 01:00:03,851
Carol, we never got to talk,
but you seem cool.
1409
01:00:03,853 --> 01:00:06,021
And I wish I would've
fucked you, Donny.
1410
01:00:06,886 --> 01:00:08,187
It's not too late.
1411
01:00:10,287 --> 01:00:11,288
It's not.
1412
01:00:20,020 --> 01:00:21,221
(SIGHS)
1413
01:00:22,353 --> 01:00:25,351
(GASPS)
Oh, God damn it.
1414
01:00:25,353 --> 01:00:27,685
How the hell
did you get in here?
1415
01:00:27,687 --> 01:00:28,985
It was actually very easy.
1416
01:00:28,987 --> 01:00:31,251
I just picked the lock, it
took me, like, under a minute.
1417
01:00:31,253 --> 01:00:35,218
Oh, great. Apparently anybody who wants
to can just walk right into my apartment.
1418
01:00:35,220 --> 01:00:37,884
- Great.
- Listen, I need your help to save him.
1419
01:00:37,886 --> 01:00:41,285
Do you know what they'll do
to a puppet ex-cop in prison?
1420
01:00:41,287 --> 01:00:46,754
They will tear out all of his stuffing
and fill him back up with rice pilaf.
1421
01:00:48,153 --> 01:00:50,751
- And then they'll fuck it.
- Okay, just...
1422
01:00:50,753 --> 01:00:54,751
They fuck that rice pilaf until
it's more like a mashed potato.
1423
01:00:54,753 --> 01:00:55,884
Okay.
1424
01:00:55,886 --> 01:00:58,418
It's a term they call
"pilafing."
1425
01:00:58,420 --> 01:01:00,753
All right, all right,
all right. Move.
1426
01:01:02,086 --> 01:01:04,750
You think you are the only one
thinking about this stuff?
1427
01:01:04,752 --> 01:01:06,451
I think about pilafing
all the time.
1428
01:01:06,453 --> 01:01:07,917
I'm not talking
about pilafing.
1429
01:01:07,919 --> 01:01:10,918
I've been searching public records on
Sandra White, and guess what I found?
1430
01:01:10,920 --> 01:01:13,451
Nothing. There is no Sandra
White before two years ago.
1431
01:01:13,453 --> 01:01:16,284
She didn't exist. Can I
have one of those bananas?
1432
01:01:16,286 --> 01:01:18,417
What? No, you can't. No.
1433
01:01:18,419 --> 01:01:21,352
And what do you mean she didn't exist?
Everybody exists.
1434
01:01:21,354 --> 01:01:23,450
Social Security numbers,
tax records.
1435
01:01:23,452 --> 01:01:24,650
Nada.
1436
01:01:24,652 --> 01:01:27,087
But I tailed her to a rat trap
of an apartment in Hollywood.
1437
01:01:28,820 --> 01:01:30,252
What's she doing
in a Hollywood apartment?
1438
01:01:30,254 --> 01:01:32,284
She's got a big place
up in the Palisades.
1439
01:01:32,286 --> 01:01:34,818
You know what? I don't care
and I don't wanna know.
1440
01:01:34,820 --> 01:01:36,850
And you shouldn't be
following people, Bubbles.
1441
01:01:36,852 --> 01:01:37,985
It's dangerous.
1442
01:01:37,987 --> 01:01:41,051
We are the only people in the
world that can save Phil.
1443
01:01:41,053 --> 01:01:43,087
And I can't
do it by myself
1444
01:01:43,820 --> 01:01:45,121
'cause I wear heels.
1445
01:01:45,820 --> 01:01:47,417
I occasionally wear heels.
1446
01:01:47,419 --> 01:01:49,087
I don't think so.
1447
01:01:50,420 --> 01:01:51,786
Come on.
1448
01:01:53,220 --> 01:01:55,254
(SIGHS) Shitcakes.
1449
01:01:57,753 --> 01:01:59,921
Yeah! No.
1450
01:02:02,752 --> 01:02:04,784
(WHISPERS) Here.
1451
01:02:04,786 --> 01:02:07,120
Okay, I see it.
I see the number.
1452
01:02:08,220 --> 01:02:09,320
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1453
01:02:14,887 --> 01:02:16,817
(WHISPERING) I don't
think anybody's there.
1454
01:02:16,819 --> 01:02:19,718
All right,
I'm gonna get us in.
1455
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:21,252
What the fuck are you doing
with the banana?
1456
01:02:21,254 --> 01:02:22,685
I got it
from your apartment.
1457
01:02:22,687 --> 01:02:25,020
Jesus, put it away.
I'm gonna get us in.
1458
01:02:25,886 --> 01:02:27,984
- Watch for me.
- No, no, no.
1459
01:02:27,986 --> 01:02:30,020
Move out of the way.
You're so dramatic.
1460
01:02:32,154 --> 01:02:34,854
- EDWARDS: What, do you rob houses on the weekends?
- BUBBLES: Shh!
1461
01:02:37,287 --> 01:02:38,151
Impressive.
1462
01:02:38,153 --> 01:02:40,953
Well, a girl's
got to be resourceful.
1463
01:02:41,419 --> 01:02:43,121
Come in. Shut the door.
1464
01:02:46,420 --> 01:02:48,221
Okay.
1465
01:02:50,087 --> 01:02:51,884
Something doesn't
feel right.
1466
01:02:51,886 --> 01:02:53,418
I'm not buying
that two women live here.
1467
01:02:53,420 --> 01:02:55,418
I'm not buying
that anybody lives here.
1468
01:02:55,420 --> 01:02:58,153
There's no photos
or personal items.
1469
01:02:59,419 --> 01:03:00,750
Huh.
1470
01:03:00,752 --> 01:03:02,118
Look at this, nothing.
1471
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:04,021
Is that the bedroom
back there?
1472
01:03:08,385 --> 01:03:09,920
It's the bathroom.
1473
01:03:12,087 --> 01:03:13,818
Bingo.
1474
01:03:13,820 --> 01:03:14,917
We got another room
back there.
1475
01:03:14,919 --> 01:03:17,383
- What?
- There's a room behind this.
1476
01:03:17,385 --> 01:03:19,120
- Help me. Come on, help me.
- This?
1477
01:03:19,452 --> 01:03:21,018
Push it.
1478
01:03:21,020 --> 01:03:21,885
(GRUNTS)
1479
01:03:21,887 --> 01:03:23,386
- Ooh. Wow!
- God.
1480
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:26,851
Oh, boy, that's creepy.
1481
01:03:26,853 --> 01:03:28,320
You don't see that every day.
1482
01:03:32,886 --> 01:03:33,952
Okay, stand back.
1483
01:03:33,954 --> 01:03:35,784
Stand back, I'm going
to get us in. I don't need...
1484
01:03:35,786 --> 01:03:38,153
- I got it.
- I don't need. I got it. I've got it.
1485
01:03:39,318 --> 01:03:40,817
(GRUNTS)
1486
01:03:40,819 --> 01:03:42,886
- (STIFLED GROANING)
- Oh.
1487
01:03:43,787 --> 01:03:45,451
(GASPS) I blew my hymen.
1488
01:03:45,453 --> 01:03:47,418
(SIGHS)
That looks really painful.
1489
01:03:47,420 --> 01:03:49,154
Ooh, my under-chassis.
1490
01:03:50,087 --> 01:03:52,021
I'm gonna have to ice my junk.
1491
01:03:54,886 --> 01:03:57,785
It was relatively easier
than the other.
1492
01:03:57,787 --> 01:04:01,417
Okay. Wait, wait... Okay.
1493
01:04:01,419 --> 01:04:03,117
Okay, stand...
Can you please give me...
1494
01:04:03,119 --> 01:04:05,250
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't hold my hand.
1495
01:04:05,252 --> 01:04:06,350
I won't. I won't.
1496
01:04:06,352 --> 01:04:08,018
God, you're so... You're...
1497
01:04:08,020 --> 01:04:09,750
- I'm so...
- Stop touching me.
1498
01:04:09,752 --> 01:04:11,786
- I'm so nervous.
- Stop touching me.
1499
01:04:13,286 --> 01:04:14,386
(DOOR CREAKS)
1500
01:04:21,720 --> 01:04:22,851
BUBBLES: Oh, my God.
1501
01:04:22,853 --> 01:04:26,185
EDWARDS: We've got ourselves
a good old-fashioned nutjob.
1502
01:04:26,187 --> 01:04:28,818
BUBBLES: Jeez,
this must have taken years.
1503
01:04:28,820 --> 01:04:30,884
This is one sick fuck.
1504
01:04:30,886 --> 01:04:32,220
She's got them all.
1505
01:04:34,119 --> 01:04:36,953
(GASPS)
Detective Edwards, look.
1506
01:04:38,153 --> 01:04:41,451
Why, she's got a real sweet
spot for our boy Phil, huh.
1507
01:04:41,453 --> 01:04:43,951
(GASPS) Poor Mr. P.
1508
01:04:43,953 --> 01:04:46,818
- Oh, my God.
- Wait a minute.
1509
01:04:46,820 --> 01:04:48,287
BUBBLES: What a psycho.
1510
01:04:51,353 --> 01:04:56,217
What the hell's she doing with the picture
of Jasper Jackabee and his daughter?
1511
01:04:56,219 --> 01:04:59,154
BUBBLES: Purple hair
on a puppet, that's very rare.
1512
01:05:00,286 --> 01:05:01,354
Oh, my God.
1513
01:05:02,452 --> 01:05:04,987
I saw you there,
remember?
1514
01:05:08,154 --> 01:05:10,785
- I guess the carpet does match the drapes.
- (GASPS)
1515
01:05:10,787 --> 01:05:12,685
I knew this skirt
was see-through.
1516
01:05:12,687 --> 01:05:15,450
I just don't like wearing underwear.
I don't like the way it feels.
1517
01:05:15,452 --> 01:05:17,718
I'm not talking about you.
1518
01:05:17,720 --> 01:05:20,251
Sandra White
is Jackabee's daughter.
1519
01:05:20,253 --> 01:05:23,084
What a fucking psycho bitch.
1520
01:05:23,086 --> 01:05:25,750
This room is like
a signed confession from her.
1521
01:05:25,752 --> 01:05:28,018
Also proves
that Phil is innocent.
1522
01:05:28,020 --> 01:05:29,084
We got her.
1523
01:05:29,086 --> 01:05:31,751
- BUBBLES: "Play me"?
- No, no, no! Don't touch it!
1524
01:05:31,753 --> 01:05:33,216
SANDRA: Ka-fucking-boom!
1525
01:05:33,218 --> 01:05:35,018
- BUBBLES: Oh, my God!
- EDWARDS: Get out!
1526
01:05:35,020 --> 01:05:36,118
Go, go, go.
1527
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:37,216
(SCREAMING)
1528
01:05:37,218 --> 01:05:38,286
Go!
1529
01:05:40,753 --> 01:05:42,751
- (GROANING)
- (GRUNTING)
1530
01:05:42,753 --> 01:05:43,884
(LAUGHS)
1531
01:05:43,886 --> 01:05:45,284
You know I have
no bones, right?
1532
01:05:45,286 --> 01:05:47,717
You're basically fluffing
a pillow here. (LAUGHS)
1533
01:05:47,719 --> 01:05:49,418
- (GRUNTS)
- Knock it off.
1534
01:05:49,420 --> 01:05:51,151
Philips, you got a visitor.
1535
01:05:51,153 --> 01:05:52,985
(SIGHING)
1536
01:05:52,987 --> 01:05:55,151
Let's go!
1537
01:05:55,153 --> 01:05:58,418
EDWARDS: (CHUCKLES) All right.
Well, I'll see you later, Tommy.
1538
01:05:58,420 --> 01:05:59,988
I just need five minutes.
1539
01:06:01,687 --> 01:06:03,750
(PHIL EXHALING)
1540
01:06:03,752 --> 01:06:06,085
Jesus Christ, Phil,
you look terrible.
1541
01:06:06,087 --> 01:06:09,051
Yeah? Well, at least
I didn't get fucking pilafed.
1542
01:06:09,053 --> 01:06:10,451
- I gotta go.
- Okay, wait a minute.
1543
01:06:10,453 --> 01:06:11,550
Wait a minute.
1544
01:06:11,552 --> 01:06:13,850
Listen, I know I didn't
have your back before,
1545
01:06:13,852 --> 01:06:16,818
but I had no juice
to do it with, and now I do.
1546
01:06:16,820 --> 01:06:19,017
The Happytime murders
aren't about the money.
1547
01:06:19,019 --> 01:06:22,151
Twenty years ago, when you shot
that man in front of his daughter,
1548
01:06:22,153 --> 01:06:24,116
that little girl
was Sandra White.
1549
01:06:24,118 --> 01:06:26,455
(COUGHING)
1550
01:06:56,645 --> 01:06:58,876
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, holy shit.
1551
01:06:58,878 --> 01:07:00,078
So, you have proof?
1552
01:07:02,945 --> 01:07:07,208
Yes and no. We had proof
until it was incinerated.
1553
01:07:07,210 --> 01:07:08,542
PHIL: Hmm.
1554
01:07:08,544 --> 01:07:14,241
Bubbles and I may have accidentally,
uh, burned down the evidence.
1555
01:07:14,243 --> 01:07:15,943
- What?
- But, boy, before that,
1556
01:07:15,945 --> 01:07:18,075
I'll tell you what,
lock her up.
1557
01:07:18,077 --> 01:07:19,308
That would have
been great, huh?
1558
01:07:19,310 --> 01:07:20,943
Would have been epic.
1559
01:07:20,945 --> 01:07:22,276
- Would have been nice.
- Yeah.
1560
01:07:22,278 --> 01:07:23,310
See you at my execution.
1561
01:07:23,312 --> 01:07:25,675
Look, if we want to
get you off the hook for this,
1562
01:07:25,677 --> 01:07:27,212
we gotta take
down Sandra White.
1563
01:07:27,712 --> 01:07:28,946
All right.
1564
01:07:29,744 --> 01:07:31,876
What are you
thinking, partner?
1565
01:07:31,878 --> 01:07:35,042
I am thinking about busting
your ass out of here.
1566
01:07:35,044 --> 01:07:36,675
- Okay.
- What are you gonna do?
1567
01:07:36,677 --> 01:07:38,075
Wait, what are you doing?
1568
01:07:38,077 --> 01:07:40,008
(SCREAMING)
1569
01:07:40,010 --> 01:07:41,676
I'm gonna shoot you
in the arm.
1570
01:07:41,678 --> 01:07:42,809
You did shoot me in the arm!
1571
01:07:42,811 --> 01:07:45,076
- Officer needs assistance!
- (SCREAMING)
1572
01:07:45,078 --> 01:07:47,809
Self-defense! There's been
a shooting! Oh, God!
1573
01:07:47,811 --> 01:07:49,945
(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING)
1574
01:07:51,177 --> 01:07:53,309
(SIREN WAILING)
1575
01:07:53,311 --> 01:07:55,976
(GROANS) What are you,
some kind of qualified tailor?
1576
01:07:55,978 --> 01:07:57,843
PARAMEDIC: Just let me do
my job, pal, okay?
1577
01:07:57,845 --> 01:07:59,810
To me, that's a waste
of good gauze.
1578
01:07:59,812 --> 01:08:01,975
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, I hear you.
1579
01:08:01,977 --> 01:08:02,943
Edwards...
1580
01:08:02,945 --> 01:08:05,676
- Shut up, you dirty sock. (SCOFFS)
- (CHUCKLES)
1581
01:08:05,678 --> 01:08:06,776
(WHISPERS) Yeah, pal?
1582
01:08:06,778 --> 01:08:09,211
I can't believe
you fucking shot me.
1583
01:08:10,677 --> 01:08:13,109
Here, get yourself out.
I'm gonna get that.
1584
01:08:13,111 --> 01:08:16,177
(MUFFLED GRUNTING)
1585
01:08:17,278 --> 01:08:20,308
Thought you were gonna
bite me in the dick again.
1586
01:08:20,310 --> 01:08:23,810
Boy, puppets
are the worst, huh?
1587
01:08:23,812 --> 01:08:25,343
Does this smell
like chloroform to you?
1588
01:08:25,345 --> 01:08:27,679
What? (MUFFLED YELP)
1589
01:08:29,645 --> 01:08:30,910
Good night, asshole.
1590
01:08:30,912 --> 01:08:32,376
(CHUCKLES)
1591
01:08:32,378 --> 01:08:35,342
- Driver, can I ask you a quick question?
- No, no. Wait for a red light.
1592
01:08:35,344 --> 01:08:36,810
Gotta go.
1593
01:08:36,812 --> 01:08:38,675
Philips Investigations.
1594
01:08:38,677 --> 01:08:40,309
(SIREN BLARING)
1595
01:08:40,311 --> 01:08:42,675
Slow, slow, slow,
slow, slow down!
1596
01:08:42,677 --> 01:08:44,409
Tell us what you got, Bubbles.
1597
01:08:44,411 --> 01:08:47,809
Sandra booked a private plane to Rio that
leaves out of Santa Monica in 30 minutes.
1598
01:08:47,811 --> 01:08:48,877
- Shit.
- PHIL: Jesus Christ.
1599
01:08:48,879 --> 01:08:51,041
All right, thanks, Bubbles,
you're a real peach.
1600
01:08:51,043 --> 01:08:52,843
Go get her.
1601
01:08:52,845 --> 01:08:53,877
Let's hit it,
let's go, let's go.
1602
01:08:53,879 --> 01:08:55,942
All right, all right,
I'm going hot and loud.
1603
01:08:55,944 --> 01:08:58,012
- (SIREN BLARING)
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
1604
01:09:13,011 --> 01:09:15,308
Okay. How do you
wanna do this?
1605
01:09:15,310 --> 01:09:16,376
Alone.
1606
01:09:16,378 --> 01:09:18,609
What? Oh, my God.
1607
01:09:18,611 --> 01:09:20,342
- Phil, give me my gun.
- Hey, hey, hey.
1608
01:09:20,344 --> 01:09:23,610
I ruined your life once before,
I'm not doing it again.
1609
01:09:23,612 --> 01:09:25,176
This is crazy,
we're partners.
1610
01:09:25,178 --> 01:09:28,112
You know this is
not what partners do.
1611
01:09:29,178 --> 01:09:30,212
Shit!
1612
01:09:32,778 --> 01:09:35,775
Oh, um, excuse me, sir.
This is a private terminal.
1613
01:09:35,777 --> 01:09:38,008
You clearly are not
wealthy enough to be here.
1614
01:09:38,010 --> 01:09:39,975
You need to get
the fuck outta here.
1615
01:09:39,977 --> 01:09:41,242
(GASPING)
1616
01:09:41,244 --> 01:09:44,978
Stay calm, Mike. Just shimmy
out like Mommy told you to.
1617
01:09:48,111 --> 01:09:50,812
- Freeze. It's over, Sandra.
- (GASPS)
1618
01:09:52,944 --> 01:09:55,343
What are you gonna do,
shoot me?
1619
01:09:55,345 --> 01:09:57,275
I messed up, Sandra.
1620
01:09:57,277 --> 01:09:58,343
I missed the shot,
1621
01:09:58,345 --> 01:10:00,941
and I ruined all of our
lives in the process,
1622
01:10:00,943 --> 01:10:03,343
and I live with that guilt
every day.
1623
01:10:03,345 --> 01:10:05,109
I'm sorry.
1624
01:10:05,111 --> 01:10:08,041
That's so sweet.
But go fuck yourself.
1625
01:10:08,043 --> 01:10:10,810
Larry and Jenny didn't have
anything to do with this.
1626
01:10:10,812 --> 01:10:12,076
None of them did.
1627
01:10:12,078 --> 01:10:14,208
Why'd you have to keep killing
the whole gang?
1628
01:10:14,210 --> 01:10:16,675
I wanted
to watch you suffer.
1629
01:10:16,677 --> 01:10:22,042
This all started as revenge, but you
made me realize I like killing.
1630
01:10:22,044 --> 01:10:24,775
And I'm really
fucking good at it.
1631
01:10:24,777 --> 01:10:26,742
Like Manson-level good.
1632
01:10:26,744 --> 01:10:30,375
And now, with $10 million,
I can do anything.
1633
01:10:30,377 --> 01:10:31,442
All right,
so you're a psycho.
1634
01:10:31,444 --> 01:10:35,142
Maybe, but sex is always
better with a psycho.
1635
01:10:35,144 --> 01:10:38,376
- Right, honey?
- Yeah, especially felt ones.
1636
01:10:38,378 --> 01:10:41,208
Because our vaginas
are literally velvet.
1637
01:10:41,210 --> 01:10:44,109
- Oh, yeah.
- Drop it, Phil.
1638
01:10:44,111 --> 01:10:46,743
You definitely look hotter
than the last time I saw you.
1639
01:10:46,745 --> 01:10:49,908
You fell for every trap.
Men are so stupid.
1640
01:10:49,910 --> 01:10:51,875
Drop that gun, Phil,
I don't wanna hurt you.
1641
01:10:51,877 --> 01:10:55,746
No, you just wanna use me,
like Sandra used you.
1642
01:10:57,844 --> 01:10:59,342
You don't know
what you're talking about.
1643
01:10:59,344 --> 01:11:01,108
PHIL: Oh, come on, Jenny.
1644
01:11:01,110 --> 01:11:05,142
She seduced you and married
you just to get to me.
1645
01:11:05,144 --> 01:11:06,742
Shoot him, baby.
1646
01:11:06,744 --> 01:11:09,309
I don't know, babe. It's like, he's not
gonna sprout wings and fly after us.
1647
01:11:09,311 --> 01:11:11,874
I think we should just get on
the plane and take off.
1648
01:11:11,876 --> 01:11:13,076
We're free and clear already.
1649
01:11:13,078 --> 01:11:14,842
Jenny, Jenny, listen to me,
listen to me.
1650
01:11:14,844 --> 01:11:17,710
Twelve years ago,
I took an innocent man's life.
1651
01:11:17,712 --> 01:11:19,279
That man was Sandra's father.
1652
01:11:20,178 --> 01:11:22,242
- (SANDRA GRUNTS)
- PHIL: Oh!
1653
01:11:22,244 --> 01:11:24,642
By the way, I want a divorce.
1654
01:11:24,644 --> 01:11:25,709
Jesus Christ.
1655
01:11:25,711 --> 01:11:27,742
(WHISTLES)
1656
01:11:27,744 --> 01:11:32,241
Hey, hey, get your fucking... Hey,
hey, get your hands off of me!
1657
01:11:32,243 --> 01:11:33,977
(PANTING)
1658
01:11:37,612 --> 01:11:38,811
Ahh!
1659
01:11:41,377 --> 01:11:42,709
(GRUNTS)
1660
01:11:42,711 --> 01:11:44,774
Fuck, why are you so tiny?
1661
01:11:44,776 --> 01:11:46,343
PHIL: Hey, what are you guys,
part of a cult?
1662
01:11:46,345 --> 01:11:48,679
This is the job you get when
you don't make Secret Service?
1663
01:11:48,944 --> 01:11:50,112
Phil!
1664
01:11:52,977 --> 01:11:55,808
(GRUNTING)
1665
01:11:55,810 --> 01:11:57,008
PHIL: Come on, fellas.
Let's talk about this.
1666
01:11:57,010 --> 01:12:00,276
Don't do this for that
purple-pubed monster. (GRUNTS)
1667
01:12:00,278 --> 01:12:04,142
You're throwing me in a jet-engine? It
shows a real lack of creativity, guys.
1668
01:12:04,144 --> 01:12:06,075
One! Two...
1669
01:12:06,077 --> 01:12:08,209
I hope my fluff sprays
all over your cheap suits.
1670
01:12:08,211 --> 01:12:09,343
- MAN: Three!
- (GRUNTS)
1671
01:12:09,345 --> 01:12:11,675
- Bye-bye, puppet.
- Bye-bye, asshole.
1672
01:12:11,677 --> 01:12:14,042
(GRUNTING)
1673
01:12:14,044 --> 01:12:15,176
PHIL: Edwards!
1674
01:12:15,178 --> 01:12:17,145
(GRUNTING)
1675
01:12:18,345 --> 01:12:19,711
(SCREAMING)
1676
01:12:20,810 --> 01:12:22,077
PHIL: Edwards!
1677
01:12:22,943 --> 01:12:23,945
(GRUNTS)
1678
01:12:26,144 --> 01:12:28,342
(GRUNTING)
1679
01:12:28,344 --> 01:12:30,244
- Edwards!
- Phil!
1680
01:12:31,211 --> 01:12:32,312
(GRUNTING)
1681
01:12:34,645 --> 01:12:36,075
- Come on.
- (PHIL GRUNTS)
1682
01:12:36,077 --> 01:12:38,011
Give me the key.
She's getting away.
1683
01:12:39,043 --> 01:12:40,045
Shit.
1684
01:12:40,844 --> 01:12:42,709
- Come on. Let's go.
- Thanks.
1685
01:12:42,711 --> 01:12:44,212
(GROANS) My ankle.
1686
01:12:51,677 --> 01:12:54,245
(IN SING-SONG)
Sandra, where are you?
1687
01:12:55,611 --> 01:12:57,777
Come on. Let's end this thing.
1688
01:13:01,810 --> 01:13:04,675
It's over and you know it.
1689
01:13:04,677 --> 01:13:06,212
Come on out,
you little psycho.
1690
01:13:07,844 --> 01:13:10,212
- Drop your gun.
- (GASPING)
1691
01:13:11,676 --> 01:13:12,975
(GROANING)
1692
01:13:12,977 --> 01:13:15,142
- SANDRA: Stop right there!
- Oh, what the fuck.
1693
01:13:15,144 --> 01:13:16,675
Edwards! You all right?
1694
01:13:16,677 --> 01:13:18,908
EDWARDS:
It's deja-fucking-vu, Phil.
1695
01:13:18,910 --> 01:13:22,376
Oh, no, no, no. Ah, fuck me,
it's a gun to the head.
1696
01:13:22,378 --> 01:13:23,842
How'd she get
the drop on you?
1697
01:13:23,844 --> 01:13:25,941
EDWARDS: 'Cause she's like
a fucking spider monkey.
1698
01:13:25,943 --> 01:13:27,674
Damn! She got me
that way, too.
1699
01:13:27,676 --> 01:13:28,874
Put the gun down!
1700
01:13:28,876 --> 01:13:30,841
Come on, Phil,
don't do this again.
1701
01:13:30,843 --> 01:13:32,076
I don't have a shot.
1702
01:13:32,078 --> 01:13:33,912
Take the shot, Phil.
1703
01:13:34,843 --> 01:13:39,109
PHIL: (SOFTLY) Just a piece,
just a tiny piece.
1704
01:13:39,111 --> 01:13:41,209
Don't fuck this up.
1705
01:13:41,211 --> 01:13:43,809
You're a puppet, not a fleshy.
Why are you messing with me?
1706
01:13:43,811 --> 01:13:45,178
- (GUNSHOT)
- (GROANS)
1707
01:13:46,345 --> 01:13:48,708
- Jesus Christ.
- Oh, shit! Lyle!
1708
01:13:48,710 --> 01:13:49,774
(GASPS)
1709
01:13:49,776 --> 01:13:50,909
- Oh!
- (MOANING)
1710
01:13:50,911 --> 01:13:52,874
- EDWARDS: Take the shot, Phil!
- SANDRA: He won't shoot me.
1711
01:13:52,876 --> 01:13:55,944
He's a blue loser puppet
with a tiny felt cock!
1712
01:14:04,011 --> 01:14:06,745
(PANTING)
1713
01:14:09,144 --> 01:14:10,342
(PANTING)
1714
01:14:10,344 --> 01:14:11,810
Oh, shit.
1715
01:14:13,177 --> 01:14:15,309
Shit, Phil!
1716
01:14:15,311 --> 01:14:18,008
That took you
long enough, but...
1717
01:14:18,010 --> 01:14:19,208
Oh!
1718
01:14:19,210 --> 01:14:21,674
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
1719
01:14:21,676 --> 01:14:24,109
- You finally did it, Phily!
- (SIGHS)
1720
01:14:24,111 --> 01:14:25,376
Attaboy!
1721
01:14:25,378 --> 01:14:28,212
That was a nice shot. Fuck.
1722
01:14:29,178 --> 01:14:30,775
(SIGHS)
1723
01:14:30,777 --> 01:14:33,844
- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
1724
01:14:34,177 --> 01:14:35,944
(EXHALES)
1725
01:14:37,111 --> 01:14:38,675
You did good.
1726
01:14:38,677 --> 01:14:40,778
Yeah, you, too, kid.
1727
01:14:42,210 --> 01:14:46,675
God, it's very hard to pull
off all white like that.
1728
01:14:46,677 --> 01:14:48,076
- What?
- I got to give her that.
1729
01:14:48,078 --> 01:14:49,941
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Right? (LAUGHS)
1730
01:14:49,943 --> 01:14:52,141
- (LAUGHS) Oh, man...
- I'm sorry.
1731
01:14:52,143 --> 01:14:53,609
I'm sorry. Too soon.
1732
01:14:53,611 --> 01:14:55,710
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1733
01:14:56,344 --> 01:14:58,308
(SIRENS CHIRPING)
1734
01:14:58,310 --> 01:15:01,177
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
1735
01:15:04,811 --> 01:15:07,775
You know, you gave me
quite a scare there.
1736
01:15:07,777 --> 01:15:10,376
I thought
I was gonna lose you.
1737
01:15:10,378 --> 01:15:12,245
Sweetheart, you're never
gonna lose me.
1738
01:15:15,743 --> 01:15:18,044
Bubbles, hey, you know,
I was thinking...
1739
01:15:18,811 --> 01:15:21,209
- You were?
- Yeah.
1740
01:15:21,211 --> 01:15:23,078
They broke the mold
when they made you.
1741
01:15:26,077 --> 01:15:27,908
They did?
1742
01:15:27,910 --> 01:15:30,844
And I'd like to take you out to
dinner, you know, someplace special.
1743
01:15:32,676 --> 01:15:34,077
You mean, like, on a date?
1744
01:15:36,044 --> 01:15:37,078
Yeah.
1745
01:15:38,278 --> 01:15:39,675
Like a date.
1746
01:15:39,677 --> 01:15:41,709
(CHUCKLES)
1747
01:15:41,711 --> 01:15:43,375
I'm gonna go home
and change.
1748
01:15:43,377 --> 01:15:45,809
Oh. All right, okay.
1749
01:15:45,811 --> 01:15:47,745
- Hey, I'll pick you up later.
- Okay.
1750
01:15:48,178 --> 01:15:49,312
(CHUCKLES)
1751
01:15:50,944 --> 01:15:53,342
- Here you go. Thanks.
- OFFICER: Thank you.
1752
01:15:53,344 --> 01:15:55,642
- Hey.
- Hey, yourself.
1753
01:15:55,644 --> 01:15:57,708
You finally get the nerve
to ask her out?
1754
01:15:57,710 --> 01:16:00,076
Yeah, I'm gonna take her out
tonight for dinner.
1755
01:16:00,078 --> 01:16:01,976
- That took you long enough.
- Mmm.
1756
01:16:01,978 --> 01:16:04,941
Don't fuck this one up, Phil,
she's one of the good ones.
1757
01:16:04,943 --> 01:16:06,275
Yes, she is.
1758
01:16:06,277 --> 01:16:09,642
Good work, you two.
I knew you had it in you.
1759
01:16:09,644 --> 01:16:11,008
Aw, thanks, Lieutenant.
1760
01:16:11,010 --> 01:16:13,108
Edwards,
you're off suspension.
1761
01:16:13,110 --> 01:16:13,909
Thanks, Lieu.
1762
01:16:13,911 --> 01:16:15,809
And, Phil, I talked
to the captain,
1763
01:16:15,811 --> 01:16:17,875
and he put in a motion
with the mayor's office
1764
01:16:17,877 --> 01:16:20,012
to permanently repeal
the Philips Code.
1765
01:16:20,944 --> 01:16:22,076
What?
1766
01:16:22,078 --> 01:16:23,175
(EXHALES)
1767
01:16:23,177 --> 01:16:24,745
BANNING: I know it's early,
1768
01:16:25,210 --> 01:16:26,376
but what the heck?
1769
01:16:26,378 --> 01:16:29,279
I've had this sitting in my
desk, waiting for this day.
1770
01:16:32,943 --> 01:16:34,176
Wow.
1771
01:16:34,178 --> 01:16:35,245
How about that.
1772
01:16:36,676 --> 01:16:38,942
Far be it from me
to compliment you,
1773
01:16:38,944 --> 01:16:41,075
but you're the best damn cop
I've ever seen.
1774
01:16:41,077 --> 01:16:43,942
Oh, well, you're
no bag of shit either.
1775
01:16:43,944 --> 01:16:46,042
Well, you're a real
fucking poet, aren't you?
1776
01:16:46,044 --> 01:16:48,041
(ALL LAUGHING)
1777
01:16:48,043 --> 01:16:48,942
You asshole.
1778
01:16:48,944 --> 01:16:52,076
You are both equally
not bags of shit.
1779
01:16:52,078 --> 01:16:56,208
In fact, when you're working together,
you're two peas on a little fucked-up pod.
1780
01:16:56,210 --> 01:16:57,944
- (LAUGHS)
- Yeah.
1781
01:16:58,911 --> 01:17:00,675
You're the best, partner.
1782
01:17:00,677 --> 01:17:02,009
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC
PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
1783
01:17:02,011 --> 01:17:04,342
- (TIRES SCREECH)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
1784
01:17:04,344 --> 01:17:06,208
- God almighty.
- Here we go.
1785
01:17:06,210 --> 01:17:08,075
- Here comes numbnuts.
- Yeah.
1786
01:17:08,077 --> 01:17:12,075
Word on the street is
that you did okay.
1787
01:17:12,077 --> 01:17:15,141
"Okay"? Phil Philips
is a goddamn hero.
1788
01:17:15,143 --> 01:17:19,012
Oh, no, no, no, Edwards is the hero.
I just got a lucky shot off.
1789
01:17:19,344 --> 01:17:20,642
Come on.
1790
01:17:20,644 --> 01:17:21,976
No hard feelings?
1791
01:17:21,978 --> 01:17:24,808
Well, no, I still think
you're an asshole.
1792
01:17:24,810 --> 01:17:26,343
Asshole says what?
1793
01:17:26,345 --> 01:17:27,975
- What?
- (SANDRA LAUGHS)
1794
01:17:27,977 --> 01:17:29,277
(ALL LAUGHING)
1795
01:17:29,279 --> 01:17:32,809
- I said, "Asshole says what?" And you...
- And you said, "What?"
1796
01:17:32,811 --> 01:17:34,343
- EDWARDS: 'Cause you're an asshole.
- PHIL: Yeah.
1797
01:17:34,345 --> 01:17:36,342
- What?
- (ALL LAUGHING)
1798
01:17:36,344 --> 01:17:37,774
- Every time.
- Yeah.
1799
01:17:37,776 --> 01:17:38,976
Always works on assholes.
1800
01:17:38,978 --> 01:17:40,142
I'm going back
to the FBI.
1801
01:17:40,144 --> 01:17:43,209
Oh, yeah, what's that stand for?
Fucking Big Idiot?
1802
01:17:43,211 --> 01:17:46,608
Oh, wow. What a comeback.
Yeah, that's a reverse burn.
1803
01:17:46,610 --> 01:17:48,775
- Hey, stupid, say "What?"
- What?
1804
01:17:48,777 --> 01:17:50,242
(ALL LAUGHING)
1805
01:17:50,244 --> 01:17:53,042
- Fucking big idiot!
- CAMPBELL: That's not what it stands for!
1806
01:17:53,044 --> 01:17:54,608
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1807
01:17:54,610 --> 01:17:58,141
PHIL: Maybe puppets do have a
chance for a happy ending.
1808
01:17:58,143 --> 01:17:59,742
Happy ending?
1809
01:17:59,744 --> 01:18:02,809
Jesus, I still can't get that
squirting cow out of my head.
1810
01:18:02,811 --> 01:18:04,945
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1811
01:18:06,911 --> 01:18:08,245
(PLAYING UPBEAT RIFF)
1812
01:18:20,077 --> 01:18:22,279
♪ I know a guy
who's tough but sweet
1813
01:18:24,710 --> 01:18:26,944
♪ He's so fine
He can't be beat
1814
01:18:27,344 --> 01:18:28,941
Let's dance.
1815
01:18:28,943 --> 01:18:31,279
♪ He's kind of the thing
that I desire
1816
01:18:33,278 --> 01:18:35,811
♪ Sets the summer sun on fire
1817
01:18:37,777 --> 01:18:39,945
♪ I want candy
1818
01:18:42,211 --> 01:18:44,245
♪ I want candy
1819
01:18:46,310 --> 01:18:47,809
Hey. Hey...
1820
01:18:47,811 --> 01:18:49,709
- (GRUNTING WEAKLY)
- Oh!
1821
01:18:49,711 --> 01:18:51,341
What happened?
Did you break down?
1822
01:18:51,343 --> 01:18:53,009
I think I did.
1823
01:18:53,011 --> 01:18:55,241
(CREW LAUGHING)
1824
01:18:55,243 --> 01:18:57,279
♪ Go to see him
when the sun goes down
1825
01:18:59,710 --> 01:19:02,011
♪ Ain't no finer boy in town
1826
01:19:03,876 --> 01:19:06,911
♪ You're my guy
What the doctor ordered
1827
01:19:08,643 --> 01:19:11,077
♪ So sweet
You make my mouth water
1828
01:19:12,676 --> 01:19:15,076
♪ I want candy
1829
01:19:15,078 --> 01:19:17,209
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1830
01:19:17,211 --> 01:19:19,112
♪ I want candy
1831
01:19:20,676 --> 01:19:22,042
♪ Yeah!
1832
01:19:22,044 --> 01:19:23,678
We need to talk.
1833
01:19:24,210 --> 01:19:25,677
Okay. Give me a minute.
1834
01:19:28,811 --> 01:19:30,175
Do you have any coke?
1835
01:19:30,177 --> 01:19:31,211
(CREW LAUGHING)
1836
01:19:36,243 --> 01:19:38,244
- (EXCLAIMING)
- MAN: Done.
1837
01:19:42,944 --> 01:19:45,212
♪ Candy on the beach
There's nothing better
1838
01:19:46,977 --> 01:19:49,841
♪ But I like candy
when it's wrapped in a sweater
1839
01:19:49,843 --> 01:19:52,710
- Hey, you forgot your carrot.
- BUMBLYPANTS: Not mine.
1840
01:19:54,276 --> 01:19:55,942
(CREW LAUGHING)
1841
01:19:55,944 --> 01:19:58,311
♪ Then I'll have candy
all the time
1842
01:20:00,276 --> 01:20:02,710
♪ I want candy
1843
01:20:04,776 --> 01:20:06,810
♪ I want candy
1844
01:20:08,776 --> 01:20:09,944
♪ Hey!
1845
01:20:10,844 --> 01:20:13,841
♪ Hey! Hey! ♪
1846
01:20:13,843 --> 01:20:16,809
- I have quite an appetite.
- How large?
1847
01:20:16,811 --> 01:20:19,842
Big enough
to take down the Titanic.
1848
01:20:19,844 --> 01:20:22,808
And by Titanic,
I mean your cock.
1849
01:20:22,810 --> 01:20:25,077
- MAN: Oh, Jesus Christ.
- (CREW LAUGHING)
1850
01:20:25,843 --> 01:20:28,310
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1851
01:21:01,776 --> 01:21:03,944
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1852
01:21:03,946 --> 01:21:08,946