(male announcer) In breaking news, the asteroid "WE2007"
now appears to have broken up under Jupiter's gravity, making earth impact more likely.
(female announcer) ... 2007 has entered the atmosphere
( multi-lingual crosstalk )
... if the asteroid stays it's course, it will make impact with the United Kingdom within 24 hours...
the meteorite is on a collison course for London.
( more multi-lingual crosstalk )
it will hit an area across London... People across London and the Southeast have reported seeing a large meteor
flashing across the sky.
(bystanders) it was this... really bright light, it looked - a meteorite...
but I don't know if you get them around here.
We can now confirm that a meteor has struck,
in Peckham, South London. a meteorite... impact... in the United Kingdom.
specifically in England... London.
specifically, Peckham.
My dog was like, very wide-eyed, you know.
It only ever gets that look when he, when he sees a bitch across the park.
Or a meteorite, I know that now. - A man can be seen in the direct path of the meteor.
A man was hit by a meteor today, as seen... ...extraordinary footage here
A postman, Robert Kenner, has been struck by the meteorite.
Robert Kenner,the man struck by a meteorite,
has apparently disappeared from the hospital he was taken to.
There are increasing number of reports of a flying man seen over Peckham
More witnesses are going forward claiming to have seen a flying man in Peckham.
Who is the flying man? -Bob from the depot, yeah.
the may be a link, between the meteor strike, and the flying postman of Peckham.
He's been getting quicker, on his route, and the two things got all like...
Probably wrong... but I'm not.
Footage emerged today of a man flying through the Shard. -Shit! Sorry!
causing thousands of pounds worth of damage. - We didn't go out looking for Bob, Bob came to us.
He handed himself in... - Hey, Bob! - Hello mate!
He no control over his powers - I see I've broken with these We had to train him up.
Flight Test One.
I don't know how to stop!
the baby's alive!
Test the limits of his abilities. - Bob? Oh God! Oh, Jesus Christ,Oh!
The flying postman from Peckham has been secluded inside the Ministry of defense for the last four months.
Why are you doing that? - just a bit nervous.
and he responded well...
And when we perfected the system, Bob went out into the world.
After months of speculation,
the man who developed superpowers has been unveiled by the British government. And his name... is SuperBob.
I am proud of him, and of the work we do.
SuperBob will be working for the UK government, and the Ministry of Defense.
The world will no longer be the same again. A Superhero... for the real world.
It's funny what we get used to, isn't it?
I mean... He can fly.
SuperBob.
...name's a bit wank.
It's arrogant, in a way but... looks like it stick him.
Um, could you tell me your, uh... your name, and your... job? Please.
My name is Teresa Maria Ford.
I am the head of the emergency response / disaster unit.
But you can't use any of that.
I can use it? - You can't use any of it, no. - I can't use your name, even? - No. -Okay.
You have - you - a very, very important job, as far as I understand. - Um-hm.
Could you tell us a little bit about what that job involves?
No.
Would it be okay to ask you why you wanted to make this film?
We feel that perhaps the public doesn't know the real Bob.
And I - I just feel it's really our duty to let people know that Bob is
Just a regular guy. Who can fly.
Yes, I have two bills. I've got one from British Gas and one from you and, um
Yes, I'm sure it's my fault I don't mind, it's just I wanted to...
Um... can I call you back in a bit, please? Thank you.
Hello, I'm John, we're making the film today.
Is that today? - Yeah, yeah it's today. Theresa said you knew about it?
Oh, no - Bob...
Hi, I'm Bob, Bob... Can I - can I - ... Good morning.
Just your normal voice is fine here, Bob. No, Bob...
Good morning. - Just... - Good morning! - Just this... - Hey, Hey! - Bob, just wait!
Thanks for having us. - You're welcome!
Hi, I'm Bob. - Hey, Bob. - Hey, Doris. That's Doris, that's my cleaner...
Have you done the sheets yet?
Not yet. - then, can I start in the bathroom, please?
Yep. Makes sense.
'Kay, what is all this? - Um, they're making a film to show that I'm normal.
Oh, good luck!
This way? - Yeah, that's great.
That's the way, right.
Yep.
May I ask you your name, and your job, please?
You may. My name is Bob Kenner and I'm a civil servant.
You don't say superhero? - We don't use that word.
I mean, you can use that word, but, I would...
I mean, it's just a job and I have shifts just like anyone else.
So, just talk me through from, from, You wake up, what happens?
Well, I get up and, I've a massive wee...
A bomb goes off in Afghanistan, Boom! Chaos!
I'm leaving a gap here so if you want to put like, news footage of, you know, like a bomb, or chaos,
or whatever, just to, just to jazz up, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but
I imagine this is probably just... pretty bleak.
This is an E-179.
This is to set up a temporary No Fly Zone, make sure that nothing bumps into me up there,
which is actually quite important because there is a lot, there's a lot less room up there than you might think.
Like I'm really, I'm really glad to be alive, I'm really glad to have been saved, but he's just a bit...
I mean, sign your own fucking form.
This is a combined insurance.
Eyewitnesses report that Kenner tried to get the baby to sign a form.
He then panicked, and quickly flew off.
Temporary jurisdiction proposal.
We. like. order.
An S12658P.
"I've got to fill out a form." Of course you have to fill out a form!
How is there going to be a record of it?
How would you rate the experience out of ten?
I mean, a solid six, you know. I mean, I didn't die.
There is a lot happening - How stressful do you find your job?
Can I ask you a question? - Sure.
Are you with Eon or British Gas? - Um, why?
Uh, I'm not taking sides or anything but I think I might have signed up to both of them by mistake.
I'm with Southern Electric.
Damnit. They came round last week, I said I didn't have time.
Are they good? - Seem to be. - Damn it!
Well, I was really excited to meet him, because, you know, he can fly, for starters,
Which is brilliant, But take that away, and really, he's just a bit of a dullard.
And it pains me to say that 'cause all my mates and me thoght he he was fit before I met nim.
So I think the question that everybody wants to know is...
Does SuperBob have a girlfriend?
No, SuperBob does not have a girlfriend.
Why is that? - Because SuperBob is very busy.
This is Peckham.
Not the Ritz, but it's home.
People say it's a bt stabby, but it's not actually. It's a bit, but it's not a lot.
The named this one after me.It's sweet, really.
Hello, mate.
Yo, air support. - Yeah...
That's the "Sun Do, Sun Don't". I call it that..
Full name is "Sun Do, Sun Don't, Sun Don't Mind if you Do At All".
Just my little thing.
I mean I grew up in Peckham, these are my ends.
Everyone's friendly. - SuperPrick!
Except for Daren. From his state.
Not a fan.
Almost definitely not his bike.
This is my favorite thing to do. I only really get to do it on my day off.
I mean it's... You know, it's, it's an honor to have him.
Yeah.
That was amazing! That was such a good one!
They were so good they said we could finish early. That was amazing!
It's just so good to feel part of the community.
It's the Peckham people. You know what I mean? It's just...
Sometimes I like to stay in on my day off as well. Work on my projects.
This one is for someone... Special.
Hello? - David?
It's Bob, you called me.
Who is Bob? - Bob, your son.
You called me, Mum. - I don't have a son.
If I had a son, he would come and visit me more.
I'm not suggesting that she's faking it, but I do sometimes think that it's quite a convenient disease.
I heard that, Bob. - Oh, now you remember my name.
So are there any downsides to your amazing life, Bob?
It does get... lonely. Sometimes.
He struggles, 'cause he's got big fingers.
Sorry, who's that? - Oh that's Barry, my security. - You have security?
Yeah. It's a union thing, he has to watch over the house. He's got a shed.
That seems... unnecessary. - Why?
Because you're invulnerable. -Well, it's a union thing.
You were saying? He's got this thyroid problem that affects him... - No, um no...
About being lonely.
Oh, um, right.
I guess, I have always wanted someone....
To shine my shoes with.
I never had that.
But today... today, I am making changes.
Because today, I have a date.
That's great! - Yeah.
When were you last on a date? - Six years ago.
Doris, I trying to do an interview! Sorry.
So, who's the date with?
June is... The most beautiful girl in Peckham.
Can I say that? I said it, it's true.
She's the most beautiful girl in the world, and I've been all over.
I remember the very first conversation we ever had, like it was yesterday.
She says to me, "Have you ever read House of Leaves?" And I'm like, "No."
And she's like, "Well, you should." So I did.
That's where she works.
Anyway, I didn't get it. It's like this book, you have to sort of turn it around as you read it,
It's like this sort of spiraling... I didn't get it.
But it was an icebreaker, because then...
Is that her? - I don't know which one she is. - She's the most beautiful one. Oh, I...
Go go go go go, I'm going to look like a right wheeler...
He's been coming in, for about six months.
He comes in every Tuesday I know because I've been counting.
Because it's... Well, you know. Him. In here.
Everyone else is used to it, but... I guess I'm just not..
This is where I used to work.I used to love working here, because people are always excited....
Oh! Bob, come here! - They'd be excited to get...
Bob, one second, just come here and... - I don't know who she is.
Bob. Come here.
You must listen to big people when when they talk and talk to you.
Hold this for me, I'll soon come. I'm gonna go on to the butcher's.
I'm just going to the butcher's before it close. Please, just hold it, yes indeedy
Just hold it, I'll soon come, Okay.
Well, he's just not like other guys.
I mean... He's really not.
Like, every week I was taking out books and bringing them back.
Oh, he is a voracious reader. - I was not reading any of them.
He's read my favorite book, which is very romantic.
Because it's not an easy book. - And then, after about six months...
He started like, hanging around my desk a lot... - Just like, mumbling about, around her like an idiot.
I thought, "Does he like me?"
Eventually... - Would SuperBob ever ask me out?
Finally... - Like, ever?
She asked me out..
And he said yes.
It was unbelievable.
So, finally, we're going on our date. Today.
Lunch. One o'clock.
And I am very excited about it.
There is no accounting for tastes.
I do actually need Maureen, because I don't have a photo ID, so...
I am done.
It's Theresa. She wants to take me shopping for clothes for the date.
I don't need her for that. I can buy clothes.
How hard is it to buy clothes?
Doris, I need you to help me buy clothes, I've made a terrible mistake. You need to take me shopping.
I don't want to turn up at this date... - You're like a pedophile. - Is that what this combo says to you?
It's not just the clothes, it's the face. - Okay, well that's terrible, I need clothes...
You look like a man who has not touched a woman in six years.
I need clothes where I turn up and I don't look like a weirdo.
You look desperate, and insane... - You look like a terrorist. - Hello, Barry. - That's because of his eyebrows.
What is wrong with eyebrows? -Terroristic. - You have terrorist eyebrows.
I will buy you something. - Anything?
Yep. What do you need? - Socks.
Let's go. You stay here. Just Doris.
Alright, I'll stay, it's alright. I'll have a bath or something.
We'll walk one to the other and see everything. In... two minutes.
Hey! Umm... - Oh, Karl! - Why don't you call me anymore? - 'Cause... we had our fun.
But I want more fun! - We had our fun! Come on, Bob.
Enjoying your day off, SuperBob? - Oh, yes, thanks!
You lazy shit!
Do not listen to her. - I didn't.
I thought you were still with Javier. - Yes? Oh, Javier was over weeks ago.
I'm so hungry. You like lemon? - I'm okay with lemons, is that what you want to eat it? - No.
What is this? - A pa pa.
A pa pa? - What do you want to eat? I don't know what it is. I always have... Curiosity, what is it?
Is it meat? Is it cold, is it hot?
What was wrong with Javier?
He always took me bowling.
You hate bowling. - I know.
I'm Bob's cleaner. I clean twice a week.
I also work at the care home where his mother lives.
I became very friendly with Mrs. Kenner. And she tells me her son needs help.
He cannot tie his own shoelaces.
And... that is how I was stuck with Bob.
Yeah. What, you're "Eon"? I thought I'd already spoken to you this...
Is that "British Gas"? Do you like this? - No.
the, the thing is... - I came here to raise money to pay for a nursery in Colombia.
It's taken me... six years, and I have barely raised any money.
They not pay shit in this country. - I heard that.
I found this really beautiful monastery in Tibet.
I'm gonna fly us there, I'm gonna sit on this clifftop,
We overlook the whole of the place, we eat noodles... Why are you laughing? - Are you joking?
No. - For a first date? -Yes. - Do you want to look crazy? - I definitely don't want to look crazy.
Take her to... take her to the "Kari Kabin" in Peckham.
Really? - Yes, with your legs. Don't be so keen.
It's a nice place. Buy her Tika Masala, ask her lots of questions. - Like what?
Don't ask who supplies her fucking gas.
I wasn't going to.
... I wasn't going to!
Ask her something personal.
Okay, um... is your mother still alive? - No, something else.
And then, if it goes well, then you can fly her about.
Okay. - Don't play all your cards at once. You'll scare her away.
It's going to be alright, though, isn't it? I just got to be myself, right? - Not if you want her to like you.
Bob, when you're on this date, turn off your fucking phone.
Women hate being interrupted by fucking phones. - It's Theresa. It's Theresa, I have to take it.
Fuck Theresa! Don't answer! It's your day off... - Hello? Hey, hello Theresa. No, no, no no, I'm listening to angry Spanish talk radio.
I need you to come into the office now. - But... - It's an emergency.
Theresa, it's my day off. - In my office, now, Bob.
Okay, if it's an emergency. - It's a fucking emergency, Bob!
I have to go, I'm sorry. Can you take care of everything?
What about your date? You're just going to cancel because the MOD called?
No, No, I will go quickly to the MOD and then I'll rush to my date.
It will be fine, there'll be enough time. - What if there's not time? - Then, I'll postpone the date.
You are pathetic! - I'm not pathetic, what choice do I have?
What did these people do before you, Bob? Sometimes we have to say "No"! - I can't say "No" to the Ministry of Defence!
It's not so hard to say "No". - It's very hard to say... - "No. Theresa, no, it's my day off."
This from a woman who has never said No in her entire life!
"Oh, yes, Javier, yes, Karl, yes, Simon, yes, Brian.
I literally don't know the meaning of the word 'No!" "
What did you say? - It was a... doesn't matter, it was just a joke.
What, you think a woman is not allowed to have many partners?
No, of course I don't think that. -You think it makes her a whore, do you?
A woman living her life, choosing what she wants to... - I don't think all women are whores.
just you! I can't believe that was the end of that sentence.
I really thought there would be other words, which would make it sound better,
Can I get anything? - I'd take your losses, mate. -Yeah, I have to go. I...
Wait, I have a form for you. It says... to go fuck yourself.
It's blank. - It says, "Go fuck yourself." Please sign it.
It doesn't say anything. - It's psychic paper.
Full name, please.
Can I please go now?
Go. Do your fucking thing.
What's the emergency? -The American situation is frying.
Where do I need to be? - Here, for a handshake. - Is that code?
No, it's a handshake. - Right.
The senator is joining us for lunch, you need you here for a Photo Op.
Just a handshake, nothing heavy. Just a Handshake. And a hug. And hold a baby.
We've got a few scenarios that they've agreed to. Um, the classic handhshake...
Hang on, what is this? - I need to show you're not dangerous.
I'm not dangerous. - I know that. - I've never hurt anyone.
We know you're not dangerous, Bob, but this is the United States, they still haven't forgiven us. - For what? - For you.
They're still pissed off you're ours.
I'm going to tell you this off the record.
Off the record, okay?
About a year ago, America made a move on Bob.
They tried to poach him, but we wouldn't let him go.
And ever since then, a smear campaign started, from across the Pond.
Infecting everything.
Coincidence?
You do the math.
In Texas today SuperBob saved 400 children from a burning school.
There were no injuries. - They send him into a burning school to save the children.
Now I'm not disagreeing that he saved the children, he did save the children, that's by the by.
But what kind of "Superhero" smashes up a school? A school?
Now, this is one of their favorites. It's you, kneeling, obviously.
With a gigantic American flag, like, flapping behind you.
Does it have to be today? - Yes, they're all here for tonight's summit.
It's my day off. - Do you think I like calling you in on your day off? Because I don't.
Okay, it makes me feel awfull, but unfortunately, that is part of my job.
Now this deal has taken a long time to broker.
Yeah, these mountains are not currently snowcapped. Now these are not condors, they are not vultures,
Don't make the same mistake I did, they are bald eagles.
Um, their handler is a lovely man named Clint... - What about my date? - What?
My date.
Oh, Bob. She'll wait. - They're no danger to Bob, in any way.
Postpone the date. She'll be fine.
We will however have like, a few carcases, sort of scattered around the rocks,
to get them interested, to get them excited, to get them swooshing.
If they do go for Bob...
What if I don't want to?
What do you mean?
Could I say no? - Could you say...
Bob. No. - Doris says I should say "No" more...
What the fuck does Doris have to do with world security?
She's my cleaner. - I know who she is.
And finally... the hot dog. - Yeah, I like that.
Okay, I'll do the handshake one.
Next Tuesday, I promise. I promise. It's just... my work...
You're being a lot more understanding than I expected, I actually thought you'd be angrier.
It's just... I have to do it. Apparently.
No, I can't keep messing you around, it's not all, it's not alright,
It's not alright. It isn't alright.
Do you know what, June? We're going to have this date.
Hello, June? No, we didn't get cut off, I hung up.
No, no, no, you hadn't done anything wrong.
No, I should have said goodby. I should have said goodby, I was being dramatic.
I was being dramatic, it was stupid. I should've...
I should've said goodby, But I thought I'd hang up, and then I'd go and do...
And then to go and do something, and then maybe, maybe I could see you.
Okay, you go when I... Okay, Bye!
Okay. No, it doesn't matter.Okay. Bye! Okay. Um... Uh.
I'm not really wild about....
I'm not doing it. - Oh, Bob. Okay... - No. I'm saying No.
Listen to me, Bob. She will wait. -You heard me. - I told you, I promise you she will...
Fucking, NO!
I'm sorry I had to swear word with that, that was unnecessary, I'm very excited, but...
Right, you don't know what you're doing. Stop making a scene!
Doris, I did it! I said "No". Yeah, it's Bob. Yeah.
I'm going to take her to the "Kari Kabin" and I'm going to ask her lots of questions.
Yes, sorry Doris. I hung up again, I should've said goodby...
Bob, you need to come! - How did you find me? - I told you to come here! Why is your phone off?
You told me to turn my phone off! - Why are you shouting at me?
Your mother fell. She hurt herself.
Ooh! What's that?
You banged your head, Mum. - Did I? That was silly of me. - Yeah, it was.
Hi, Doris. - Hi.
It's been too long. - Javier...
I haven't shown you all my moves. - I've seen enough of your moves.
You know what would make me happy, don't you?
What's that, Mum? - To see you with a nice girl.
That's all I want. To see you with a nice girl. - I know that's "all" you want.
Then why won't you give it to me? - Mum... - I'll die sooner than you think.
Mum, why do you always say that? - I could die today.
You know, it's horrible when you say that! I really hate it. - Bob, if you don't like touching women...
Oh, come on! I touch women. I touch women all the time with my hands!
Only when they ask.
And when do them ask?
They don't. ... Um hmm.
... naked and proud in front of her, and I would say, "Doris..."
Javier. - Bob.
What are you doing? Mum, put that away! - If you're never going to be with a woman, then I may as well be dead!
Mum, stop threatening to die! This is exhausting!
I do not want you to die. Give me those pills, this is awful!
- If you would just be with a girl... - I'm with a girl! I'm with a girl! I'm with a girl!
Really? - Yes, I promise. I'm with a girl. I'm with a girl, And she's great,and you'd love her.
Who is she? - she's um... it's um... Doris! It's Doris. - Yes? - Oh, Good! I love Doris!
Okay then it's not Doris. - It's Doris! -What?
My favorite girl in the world! - Okay, wait...
Why is she crying? - Bob just told me the truth!
What did you tell her? - I told her something... Wait.
I always wanted you to be with my Bob. - I didn't know she would say this...
I knew it would come this day. -Doris, please...
I both love you so much. - You've made me the happiest woman.
Could I have a quick word? Just a quick word, Doris. - Yes, Mrs. Kenner. -Doris...
No, I don't want to do it! - It's not bad. - It's bad, I don't want to lie.
How would she ever believe her only son with such a whore? - Doris,
She will find out! Why would I do this? - Because I've never seen her that happy.
Ever. And she will forget, in an... hour.
So why can't we just make her happy?
Just for a moment.
Come on then!
My Bobby and Doris are a couple.
A la? People?
Ladies and gentlemen, Sorry to interrupt, but we are of course here to celebrate the 60th anniversary of Gladis and Ted.
Well done, you two!
Now, as a special treat,
Doris, our Doris has said that her new boyfriend SuperBob...
No, me no believe it... is gonna give a little speech.
Bobby. - No, no, no, why woiuld you do that?
Hiya.
Gladys and...
Ted.
You guys... I've seen you guys over the last few years
There you are! There you are, and you look well
Sixty years. That is a fucking long time. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm swearing,
That's twice today, that is very out of character. I apologize.
You're the sort of couple... that are going to die...
Very soon.
After each other, after each other,
But not like from cancer, or because, like, you caught something off the other one,
but because, like, as soon as one of you dies, the other one will be like,
Ahh, ahh,My heart, I can't, ... being crushed, I just...
I've just, gone, sort of immed- within a week.
A mean, that's what we want, isn't it?
Not for you to be dead, not in any way,
I mean, if your in pain, please, go ahead, you know...
we'll be, we'll cope, but we'll miss you, the point is, you should stay, let's...
That's what we all want, isn't it?
To be with someone who, when they die, you're like,
"Well, that's it for me, too."
Anyway, Happy Love Day! and, and well done on 60 years
And you weren't married at birth, so you must be... old, so chin up!
And thank you, for the music, Cheers! and, good night.
- Awful! - I hate you.
Very deep. - Oh, when are you gonna stop punishing me?
I haven't decided yet. -Thank you, Bob.
Now, I'm joined in the studio today by the American Senator Bill Jackson.
Senator, you're in town for today's weapon summit.
What exactly is it that you're hoping to achieve here in the UK, senator?
I want to out an end to Britain's monopoly on a highly dangerous weapon.
Ah, but SuperBob isn't in fact a weapon, is he? He's a man.
The fact that he refused to meet with me today,
to shake my hand, with no apology, or explanation,
SuperBob is a weapon that Britain has no control over.
Where is he today?
I don't like dancing.
No, I don't have to... - dance with your girlfiend!
No, that's why we're a good couple, She knows I don't dance.
Is this... this is dancing, isn't it?
No, come on. This is less embarrassing.
Is it weird with Javier? - Why?
Because you use to go out.
Why would it be weird? It was months ago, it was just fun.
You're probably disgusted.
I am sorry. About what I said earlier.
It's OK, you're not normal.
I'm just jealous. Maybe I wish I could be more like you.
You already apologized.
What's this? - It's the psychic paper.
Oh, the psychic paper, is it?
"Doris is better than I will ever be. I am sorry I was ever rude to her,
She's the greatest, I am an idiot, Bob Kenner."
That's interesting.
Yeah. How come your English is so much better on paper?
It's June. I should take this.
Tell her you dance like a fucking idiot.
Hello? June...
No, I honestly, I waited for ages, then I had to go because my Mum, and...
So it was broken?
Well, of course. Of course I'm still keen,
I'm too keen, I'm...
I've been making you something. It's embarrasing.
Yeah, you could see it, if you want. It's at my house.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, that would be great.
That's a great idea.
Okay, you come to my house. For dinner.
All right. I'm a tremendous cook.
Okay. see you later. All right. Goodbye.
We are joined now by Theresa Ford
Head of the Global Emergency Response Department at the Ministry of Defense.
Theresa, do you really thing that SuperBob - - Excuse me, why won't SuperBob shake my hand?
Does he hold a grudge against the United States?
SuperBob does not hold any resentment against anyone.
He is a very warm and kind man.
You have no control over SuperBob. - Of course I do.
All right, where was he today? - He was resting, Senator Jackson, in accordance...
SuperBob hates America. - SuperBob does not hate America, SuperBob loves America.
He loves your country, he loves your culture.
Plinky plonky, country and western, he can't get enough of it.
You know, big shoulder pads. American football.
Men with cagey, head helmut hats.
Peanut butter and jelly.
Yes, my Bob and Doris are now a couple.
I do not believe it.
Why is your Momma going around telling everybody that you are a couple for? You're not her type.
Doris like the strong, assertive, virile type. You know, the Javier type.
Well, maybe I impressed her.
Yes. How did you impress me?
Without being arrogant,
I am a superhero. I mean, that's...
I never think of you as a superhero. - You never think of me as a superhero?
Never. - Okay, well, not that, then.
So... how the two of you get together?
Just the usual. Just... Doris asked me out, and...
I didn't ask you out! You asked me out.
Oh, I don't remember exaclty, it doesn't matter. - It doesn't matter? Oh, come on, Bob, it's romantic.
Bob has been obsessed with me for a long time. - Obsessed is a strong word.
Always watching me around the house.
I'm always waiting for me to pick up something from the floor so he could look at my ass.
I wouldn't... I didn't do that because I'm a feminist. - When I say he likes my ass...
I don't like you ass, I've never looked at it. - You do not like her ass?
Always watching me eat bananas. - Have you seen her eat a banana? She eats bananas with the skin on,
Of course I watch, it's weird. - And then after a few weeks I came in,
and the whole house smells of patchouli oil. Didn't it, Bob?
Yep. - And Bob is standing there in this big, pink, Ong.
Was it one of mine? - What? 'E was like that when he was younger. Always stealing my knickers.
Mum, when are you going to let that go? It was once, and I was four.
It doesn't matter how old you were. You still stole my knickers. - I did not steal you knickers, Mum!
Why would you stole your mother's knickers? - I didn't steal her knickers! - Sounds lke you stole her knickers.
All right! I stole her knickers, Is everyone happy? Can we move on?
Do you feel better now, Bobby? -Yes.
So there we were, in the kitchen, and I said to Doris...
Four words. - Four words.
Four perfect words. - Of course they were perfect, I said...
I said...
"You complete me, Doris."
No,silly, that is from a film! - From a film. I said, - Come on! - I said... - What did you say?
I said, "Nobody puts Baby..." I didn't say that, it sounds a git,
I said, "I love your face. I love your face!"
That is what said. Because it was poignant. - Isn't he adorable? - He's not my type.
We have a major accident with multiple vehicles on the A205 westbound
Answer, please.
multiple vehicles, multiple injured.
I'd better...
Senator Jackson, I have complete control over Bob's movemenst.
You have no - I know where he is, at all times.
I'm terribly sorry to have to interrupt you there, but we're getting reports of a large car crash in South London,
SuperBob is actually reported to be on the scene. Which if true, Theresa,
would be a direct contravention of his UN sanctioned Tuesday day off. Would it not?
Well, it would if, if... - Well, it would, wouldn't it?
This, this is exactly what I am talking about, - I have to go... - He is not allowed to... - Start the bloody chopper!
He is not allowed to work on Tuesdays!
Rogue WMD. We are at their mercy.
Help, please!
She's got a puncture to her left lung. - Get out of here now. This has nothing to do with the MOD.
I can help. - You cannot work on your day off, that is the law.
You have to be seen to be following orders. Bob!
Do not disobey your government.
Do not disobey me, Bob.
Walk. Away.
Help me! Please, help me! - Don't do it, Bob.
It's OK.
It's all right.
He just let that woman die. - He doesn't have psychic powers, Senator. He's just a man.
He is not just a man.
He has these powers and they should be used in the right way.
You people are sitting on the greatest discovery of this century and you are squandering it.
Why is Great Britain allowed an unsanctioined WMD while the rest of us just got to sit around and wait and see what he is gonna snap?
Bob... - Sorry, I forgot my keys.
No, no, that's fine. I was in the area buying lemons.
Listen, I didn't get them, when we were in the care home
Javier got into this big argument with Tomas for waking him up for lunch.
That is because he has his clock fast.
And then when we gave him the food, he said...
He complained about the food, he said he would only eat cake.
But you know this makes him hyperactive.
Do you remember Nora? The one with the harelip? She likes to be the one to put out the cutlery.
And the cutlery wasn't there.
So, Nora went absolutlely insane And Javier was like,
I have always emptied the dishwasher!
There is no reason to believe I would forget to do it this afternoon!
Why? Why today? Explain to me why today I would have forgotten it.
It was really tough today.
Really tough.
It's always tough.
How ya, Barry? - Hi, Barry.
I'll go and have a bath, then.
Who is this? - Shit, it's June.
Why is she here? - She's coming for dinner.
Oh, I see.
Go. - I'm going to... - To your room, go to your room. You have to clean up.
Bari, please get out, I have to shower. - I ain't finished yet.
Can you move up?
Good evening, June. - Hey.
Welcome to Bob's house. I'm Doris, I work here. -Hello.
Please come in. Well come. -Thank you.
May I present, Bob Kenner.
Doris, don't make a deal of it.
You look really handsome. -Thank you.
Hi. - Hi. How are you?
Okay. I'll leave your papers there. Do you have your keys?
Yep. -Do you need something? -Nope.
Oh, Mind the door! - Are you all right? -Easy, I mind the door. I'm fine.
Did you bang your head? - No, I'm fine. Are you bleeding? - No, I'm fine.
Have fun.
You do look very nice.
Thank you. So do you, you look very... green.
Green? - like a good green.
Okay.
Can you hang on a second? Just one second.
Yeah. - I promise I'll be quick. -Okay.
Okay. - Okay.
Let's do this. Let's do a date.
Right, you sit down... Okay.
Oh my God! What's the smell?
Okay, I'll open it. Ready?
Ugh! Ugh! Is that manure? -No, that... It's leaves.
Right, leaves... - And what they're made into.
I do not know. - Okay, why's it got windows?
Are those windows? -Yeah.
That looks like maggots. -No, that's not a... That's a house. A house.
House of leaves!
The House of Leaves.
I love it. - Good.
Um-hm. I really love it, it's very sweet.. - Good.
Oh my God, I love it! - Great. Why House of Leaves?
It's your favorite book. - My favorite book is "House of Cards".
That is so much easier.
That is, that is amazing.
I'm glad you ate your noodles.
You ate loads. Look at how much you ate, here.
You're gonna be full. Yeah. - Very full.
You're going to be bloated. -Yeah.
Are you comfortable with, like, farting?
Excuse me? - You know, like, if I winded you? - Like a baby? - Yeah.
Uh.. I... No. No, oh, you were joking. - Yeah.
That would really upset me. - It really would upset me...
Okay. - I mean, not that much, because I'd be totally cool with it, if you wanted to, but...
I really don't want you to wind me like a baby and make me fart.
I mean, it was everywhere, so we had to cover the stain with a pile of books,
But the guy he couldn't even see anyway, so we totally got away with it.
Just. -That is amazing. -Yeah.
That's crazy times.
I have a cleaner for things like that.
Yeah, you mentioned.
What would you have used? - Me?
If you had to? To get out the stain? What would you have used?
I don't know. - Okay. Like a powder?
Or a spray?
Or mousse? A mousse thing?
You really can't get drunk?
It's to do with my veins, they are imperveous.
Impervious. - Um hm.
Im perrrr vious.
Yeah. -I'm gonna get impervious with you, you filthy animal.
Can I get you some water? Can I get you some of this?
Ooh, I like your drapes.
Bob! You are with British Gas! Don't let those fuckers push you around. Doris.
June... - Yeah?
You're a really lovely woman, and you're beautiful.
Thanks.
You're not so bad yourself, SuperBob.
I thought you were gonna be one of those people
who was like, above everyone else.
You know. Because you can fly.
But you're not. You're real, like me.
Will you kiss me? - I can't.
Why? We already did. - I'm sorry, I can't do this - Do what? It's just a kiss.
I can't continue with this date, it wouldn't be right.
It's nothing that you've done. I don't want to take advantage of you.
I don't mind. - I want to take advantage of Doris.
I didn't mean it like that, I want...
What I mean is, I want to be with
Doris.
Oh, just kiss her, you fuckng plank.
Barry, I didn't ask for your input. - She's fit. - I like Doris.
Very fit.
Where have you been all night? - I'm keeping me eye on the gnomes.
I didn't know I had gnomes. - Yeah, you've got two.
June, listen. - Bob, what I...
Oh my god. They're here.
Who's here? - Uh, How does my hair look?
Your hair looks fine, why? Who's here? - Shoes. Ok Ok.
Good evening, Bob. - Hello. - June...
Now, have you finished all your paperwork? - Let's go, darling, let's get you dressed. - Darling? -Off
Are we going somewhere? - Oh yes. Why is she calling me darling? Sorry...
I just... didn't I just say something? - Don't mind me - You didn't hear.
Okay. His hands are down my pants, why is that happening? - Just enjoy it, babe.
Why am I wearing this? - It's the internationally approved uniform, Bob.
They approved this? -Yes. - Were they blindfolded? - We have to show willing, okay, it's time to make ties.
Yes. I'm aware it sounds strange. She told me not to make it to that lunch.
Theresa told you not to come? - That you wouldn't make it, and that we would go to this thing tonight.
Okay, so I don't even know what this is. I don't have time for any of this...
I've got to do the most important thing I've ever done.
Teresa, why am I here? - It doesn't matter.
What's going on, why am I dressed like a New Romantic?
June told me you stopped her from coming to lunch, she told me everything.
Yes, I have pulled a lot of strings today,
Do you have any idea the nightmare your "No" stunt has caused me?
Theresa, we need to talk about this.
I spoke to June, yes. For the greater good, okay? And it's all fine.
Is it?
Oh, Bob. We're good at this. This is what we do.
We save the world.
Bob, this is Xiang Chao from the Chinese Senate.
He's here to talk about a set-down on nuclear policies.
Nice to meet you. Yeah, ciao. - I'm pleased to.
George Pardumo from Greece. - Please to meet you..
Yeah, it's nice to....
Theresa, this is not an explanation. -Dane Abudaui.
Hello, Dane. - Are you in a mood? Yeah, I'm in a mood, because you told me... - Dallas Tango.
What? - Super to meet you - Nice to meet you. - What do you mean, "what"?
This is the French Senator Eleusi Savoir.
Enchante. - We knew that you liked June, Bob. It was obvious to anyone
All that haning around the library... - So you manupulated it. - I did not. No.
She really does like you, just take a look. - It's true, I do. - Are you all right?
There's nothing sinister going on here, Bob.
I just needed to make sure that she was OK. I''m just looking out for you.
It's not looking out for me if you make her go out with me. It's not real.
You are sounding paranoid.
Well, she did ask me to ask you out. But I would have asked you out anyway.
Stand down, June, just stand down and smile. - Oh, so, there you go Theresa, this has to stop. I need my own life back.
This is the dignitary from Rome, Giuseppe Kotelo.
Good evening. - Bona Sera. -Thank you.
I really think you should give June a chance she really does have an awfull lot to recommend her. - I want Doris.
What? -My cleaner. -I know who she is, Bob.
Come and shake the hand... - Don't. Nevermind.
I've decided. If she will let me, I want to be with Doris.
Ah! This is Doris? -No, this is not Doris. -Yes!
Doris is from Colombia. You just can't be with anyone from Colombia.
Why not? -It's complicated.
And she's a cleaner. It's really not the right narrative.
You should be with June. June's fun. And she's American.
But I don't want to be with June. - Bob, she's right there.
It's fine, I've told her. -It's fine.
Are you all right? - Okay, you don't have to be with her, Bob.
You just have to stand near her sometimes. It's what we need. -Who is "we"?
The United Kingdom. Great Britain. The MOD. You. All of us.
Now you need to start listening to me again. It was a very bad decision you made not to shake hands with the Senator.
Alexis Sanjiv, this is SuperBob.
Okay so thats what this is about. All right. Okay, thank you.
Sometimes saving the world isn't about flying into danger,
Sometimes it's about making sacrifices of your own.
Do you have any idea the sacrifices I've made?
Let's go. - June! Seriously. I do not know how I could make this any clearer. This is weird.
Do I not get to have love? -June, could you just give us a moment please? -Yes, of course.
Let's talk about Doris. -Please.
Do you know what is right for her? -Yes. - Not you, what is right for Doris. -Yes, of course I do.
What does she want, Bob? -She wants...
She wants a nursery in Colombia, that is what she's always wanted.
And this is Colonel Matayzu.
Bob, Bob, Bob... It is an honor to meet you.
We are so looking forward to having your help in combating the uprising in our country.
Why am I here, Theresa? - Bob, what do you think this Weapons Summit is about?
I hadn't seen that. - You're the only weapon anyone cares about.
And this is Senator Jackson.
Bob Kenner! I am so pleased you've decided to play ball, and
Obviously I'm delighted to hear about your union to this lovely American lady.
Is this the man who needed a handshake earlier today?
Well, yeah, but we're all good now.
Ha, ha, ha, yeah, right. So, wait - So all of this, all of this is so you can have a handshake?
Is that right?
Okay.
Ha, ha, ha, there ya go.
Was it worth it?
Hey, I am so glad we could sort out that Colombia situation.
What Colombia situation? - Your cleaner.
We bought her a nursery! And a first class ticket for Bogota, next flight.
You sent her away? - It's what you wanted, right?
Are you joking? - I thought you said you wanted what was right for her, Bob.
Hey, he wants what's right for all of us, don't you, Bob?
Yeah. Just like you wanted a handshake.
Hey, everybody is here to broker a real sweet deal for you, Bob.
This is gonna be a lot of money in it for you.
I'm just shaking your hand. Just like you wanted.
Bob. - And SuperBob, our very own Bob Kenner is here today...
Is this the handshake you wanted?
Boe Kenner! Put Senator Jackson down now!
It is supposed to be my day off!
I don't care if you bring him down or not, just shoot the bastard!
Uncomfirmed reports are coming in about an explosion at the Ministry of Defense.
The explosion at the Ministry of Defence was caused by SuperBob...
London is tonight on high alert as Superbob...
Police and military forces around the world are combining their efforts to track down SuperBob.
... we have not lost control of SuperBob.
Everyone is to stay calm, and not jump to conclusions.
Right. So, where exactly is he? - I can't tell you that.
There have been uncomfirmed sightings of SuperBob in New York, Tokyo, Bogotá...
I'm looking for somebody, her name is Doris. She'll be on a flight from England.
Uh, what is her last name? - Ohhh... that is something I should know.
My Mum would know. Can I call my Mum? Guh! I know where she is!
My man said he heard mumbling about someone called Morris. - ...said he was screaming "Forrest!"
...apparently asking for a Florist. -... is, or what he would do next.
Tensions between the United Kingdom and the United States of America have never been higher.
The Ecuadoran Embassy has offered SuperBob political asylum. - Stay in your homes, try to hide.
Whatever he has planned, it could spell disaster for us all.
Doris. We're meant to be together.
I don't even feel like I have to say it, because I feel like you probably know.
'Cause I know, and I think I've probably always known.
The MOD is assuring the public that SuperBob is not dangerous.
The British government asking the public to remain calm. - Military helicopters are at high alert, ready to strike...
Peckham High Street, where he allegedly bought a Wham Bar.
I do, I do love your face. I said it before and it sounded like a joke,
But I mean it. I like your face, I like what it does.
I like what it has to say, and you know, I like everything with the face,
I wouldn't want a face in a jar, just looking at me...
A huge number of witnesses report seeing SuperBob landing in Peckham
Police are heading towards the Peckham area. - someone claims he was eating a Wham Bar.
The international man hunt is zeroing in on Peckham. - South London.
The Prime Minister has asked for SuperBob to surrender himself immediately.
Okay, don't say any of that. No not. Don't open your mouth,
Just... just walk in, and... ... try and kiss her.
The MOD has described it as a diplomatic nightmare.
Authorities say that if Kenner can not be stopped, he can at least be contained.
Doris! - You came to see me again! - What? No, I haven't come to see you, Mum. - Charming.
What are you doing here, Bob? Where's June? - Why are you asking me about June? I'm here to see you.
You came to see me. - I haven't come to see you, Mum. I already saw you today!
A short while ago security cameras caught SuperBob arriving outside of his Mother's care home.
The authorities have been mobilized.
I went all the way to Colombia, then I went to the airport, there were no flights to Colombia tonight.
I know. - I know you know, that's why you're here! - A large crowd has gathered outside the care home...
And it appears local residents are not letting the authorities inside.
SuperBob has been very good to us, right? After all he's done to us, he's a Peckham People. Peckham People!
A Gospel choir has formed a human shield around the care home...
It's a stand-off. In Peckham. -What is all this trouble?
This trouble? It's because of you.
Don't bring me into your mess, Bob. I am nothing to do with your mess.
If you think I'm responsible for any of this,
then you are very disrespectful of me, of my culture... -Doris, please! Shut up for a minute!
... he's been hiding inside, I'm going to try to get in there, see if I can have a chat or a word with him.
I've come here to be nice to you.
I need to tell you something.
Hey, Bob. -You know Javier.
Yeah. -Javier just... - Good to see you again.
Hey, Javi. Do you work and night shift as well?
No, Bob. Maybe you will understand this.
I found out Doris was going to leave for Colombia
And I realized something I think I've always known.
We are meant to be together.
And I know it. Doris knows it. All of Peckham knows it,
It's so blindingly obvious, it was staring me in the face.
And I spent too long just doing what I was told,
Scared to say "No" to anything. Scared to... stand up for myself.
And then I heard that she was leaving and I thought now is the time for me to say "No".
No, Doris. I do not want you to leave.
I want you here. With me.
Do you understand this, Bob? - Yeah, I have some idea, yeah.
After all, I love your face. -oh, fuck off.
Is Bob inside? -Yes, he is inside. -Okay, what's he doing in there?
None of your business, it's something important.
That's great news, congratulations. - Thank you, Bob.
Well I don't know why I'm hanging around here, he loves your face. This is stupid, I should go. -Bob.
What? - What did you want to say to me?
I just wanted to say goodbye. - Goodbye, Bob.
Thank you. For everything.
Goodbye. -Goodbye.
Okay. ...Okay.
Okay.
I think that's enough goodbye.
Oh, good to catch up, Bob. Take care.
What did you want to say to me? -I think you should go.
What? - To Colombia, I think you should go.
You see, this is why I love you. Doris I would never want you to leave.
For the kids. You were supposed to be working with children, you have a gift for it.
How do you know that, you have never seen me with a child? - You looked after me for three years.
You want me to go? -Yeah.
But... I could come with you. - How?
I can fly faster than a speeding bullet, I can work from anywhere.
You know what, I could come with you, I have family there. That's easier, Doris.
Maybe he's right. You should help the kids. - He makes a good point.
We can get a house. I could work from there. -True.
Yes, but the visa application... Oh, it's very impractical.
I am resident, Doris, so... much easier. - We should go.
The MOD will not like it. -Oh, fuck the MOD. - Language!
You would do that for me? -Take my hand. - Mmm, not flying. -We'll walk.
I'm very strong. - I'm fuckin' invulnerable. - But you see Doris, I am vulnerable.
I can fly. -I have a nice car. -I hate flying. -She hates the flying.
I'm gonna kill you, mate. .. Let's go.
Ah, my bag. -Ai, cabrone! - I'm so sorry, Javier, I've been crushing hands all day.
That is really unlike me, that was out of order. You seem like a nice man. - Goodbye, Mrs. Kenner.
I wish you all the best, we are gonna go. -Good. -I love you, Mum. -I love you too.
Bye, Ted. - And you know what would make me happy, don't you? -What's that, Mum? -Grandchildren!
Oh, God. The one thing I don't need in bed is more pressure.
Is the Jamaican girl still here?
A whistleblower within the MOD has stated that no one in the department has any idea what SuperBob will do next.
The MOD strenuously denying this allegation,
They insist that there is no reason to panic but, for the time being, he remains unaccounted for.
Why is Bob hiding? - He's not hiding. He's doing something important that does not concern you.
The world waits to see what will happen when SuperBob emerges.
All of you, all of you just take liberties, and you come in here to exploit SuperBob.
The people of Peckham they are blocking all the doors to the care home here, as you can see,
and failing to allow any of the authorities inside.
Okay. So.
What are you doing? Jesus Christ, that is very dangerous!
I'm really sorry. - I'm invincible, what do you think you're doing?
That is really dangerous. There are children about!
I'm sorry everyone. Really sorry. I've thrown the whole mood down.
Don't fire a gun... Why is all this? It's a complete waste of money.
This is ruined. I sleep in this!
You all look very foolish.
There's something very important I have to say, if you don't mind.
I am resigning from the MOD. I am going freelance.
I am no longer the property of Britain.
And there's gonna be no more forms. No more fucking forms.
There, I said it. I don't like forms, all right? There's going to be none of them. What?
Self-assessment forms. -What's it? -You go freelance you have to use self-assessment forms.
Are you serious? Right. There's going to be one form. There's going to be one form, but that doesn't matter.
You don't need to worry about it. That's not really the point. The point is, look...
If any of you are in trouble, and you need help, contact me and I will help you.
I don't know how you contact me, we used to have a system when I was with the MOD,
Now we don't have, so... maybe we have a thing that flashes, like a red and, uh...
Okay, fuck it! 07700900249. That's my number. All right?
You can call me, and I will help you. But don't abuse the - it's already ringing.
Okay. I will not deliver pizzas, I'm saying that on live TV.
That is off the table. I would like some time off.
Someone very special in my life.
I would like to try and make her happy.
If any of you are in trouble and need you need help, you call me.
And I will save you.
I am not a civil servant. I'm SuperBob.
Doris...
Let's go.
Bob...
Bye, Theresa.
Hey! -Hi. -How are you guys?
Good, how are you? -Good.
Great. You look really good. -So do you. Growing a beard. -Thank you.
So here we are. Are you happy? -Am I happy?
We don't need words. We don't need to see each other, to know.
We... You know?
We built a home together. We've got a home that we live in.
Am I happy?
I have been moved to Afghanistan. A relief. Very happy about that.
You've no idea what my life was like before, a constant firefight.
Afghanistan, this is easy.
This is a joy.
This is a delight. They'll be fine.
She's a nightmare. She literally never shuts up, she doesn't stop talking.
You have to send help, I can't take it anymore. - What did you say? -Nothing.
I will see these films, you know? -Yeah.
So why did you say something? -'Cause I'm an idiot? -'Cause you are an idiot. -Okay.
Come here.
Hello? Okay, where are you?
Hasta luego.
Hi. -Go. Save the world.
Hi Barry.
We're looking at the rock, the meteor if you like, that struck Bob from Peckham Rye Park.
It could hold the key to his powers.
If we find the answer to that, there's no telling what we could do.
Have you found anything? -No. Six years, absolutely fuck-all.
It might as well be a purple turd.
So I had another accident at work, and Bob turned up, and it was just a superb experience.
Got me out safely, lovely small talk, made sure I was okay,
Didn't have to fill in any forms, and didn't stink of onions. So, thank you, Bob.
Is he in there now? -No, he's not in there now. -Sorry.
I mean, it's a proverbial home. -I see.
You know? I mean, who writes your questions, man? -Sorry.
So you got saved by Bob again, what was that like? - Yeah, I fell down a pothole.
I got my leg trapped. He came, was very swift.
Utterly charming, affable, looks great, and was just lovely.
Just a really lovely experience. I'm really happy.
So got a little thing for him, have you?
I'm married. - It's impressive you know SuperBob.
Saw the bloke from "Birds of a Feather" about three weeks ago just down Stevenage Road.
You know... just, whatever.
Doesn't it fly by? Doesn't it? Doesn't it though, like... whoosh.
...