Who here can win this country run'!
You'?
No.
John?
Yeah, I can.
I can what'?
Win the run.
- Have you got a lighter? - No.
- Are you Roger's brother'? - No.
Are you Roger?
No, I'm... I'm Jim.
'You have no new messages.'
'l couldn't be prouder.'
The first family member to go to university.
Er, eye contact or it's eight years of bad sex.
That's impossible, I'm afraid.
You're not getting it, not until you sort the front garden.
Great, now I know when you'll be having it.
He's so miserable, I think he's sick.
- Fuck you. - Oi.
ls that yours'?
- It's Jackie's. - What, little Jackie Taylor'!
- She smokes. - Why do you have it'?
Because, Michelle...
we're together.
Double celebration, then.
Yeah, I guess it is.
Where's the glasses'! I think you'd better pour me one of those champagnes.
He's lying. I saw her hanging oui with Michael.
No, you didn't.
She's wrong.
Michelle's a weird fucking name anyway.
Jim.
Boring, isn't it'?
Off on my long walk again.
Go on my walk three times a week now.
Keeps me busy.
Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursday.
Today's Saturday.
Yeah, copy that, Clive.
Reminds me of being in the army up here.
I was a parachuter, yeah?
I could parachute off this.
Or I could jump without the parachute.
Yeah, copy that, Clive.
Hey!
What's happening, shit pants?
We've got to win this country run.
Things are just shit.
My life is one big pile of shit.
Tonight's screening of The Piper's Revenge
starring Hayden Hayden and Johnny Wool...
Wood.
Will run at 92 minutes.
Enjoy.
- 'We've lost the Piper.' - 'What do you mean, you lost him?'
'He escaped last night, boss. No evidence of him getting oui.
- 'It's like he disappeared.' - 'You better find him.'
'Boys reckon he's headed back to Pennsylvania.
- 'Don't worry, boss. I got this.' - 'No way. It's too dangerous.
'We need to send somebody desperate.
'Sammy.
'You're rehired. Welcome back.
'We got a job for you.'
'It's a year today since he massacred those innocent children.
'Authorities are warning people to stay inside.
'The Piper is said to be mid 20s and look just like one of us.'
All right'!
Hey, Cliff.
What you been up to?
Just thinking, mainly.
Listen, Jim, I hope you don't mind, but I think me and Jackie are dating.
No. Why would I mind? It's fine.
I don't know. I always thought you liked her.
No, you've got that wrong. Er, I'm into older chicks now.
Oh nice.
Also, could I have my Nintendo back'?
No. My mum chucked it out.
- Right. - Cliff.
Get in.
- Will you help me find him'! - Sorry, man. I have to go.
See you later, shit dick!
Cliff'?
Look after yourself, won't you?
I love you so much.
- Do you guys have any friends? - Yeah, your mum has a few. Why'?
I don't know. You just...
Jim, you need to try and make the effort to hang out with the other kids.
Sol put him in a headlock and fed him a whole loaf of bread.
Hi.
I'm having a birthday party and I wanted to invite you guys.
- Dada! - Ooh.
What do you think, darling? Do you like the cake? Huh?
Let's have a look al you. Now, are you sure you're gonna be OK'!
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
16?
- I'm 17. - Are you'!
- Yeah. - Oh.
It's gonna have lo do. You need to leave.
They're gonna be here. Leave.
- Leave! - OK.
- All right? - Please leave.
OK.
- Bye, darling. - No, no.
Ooh.
Yeah.
It went well.
Can I have a glass?
'Who's there?'
- Quiet tonight. - Shh. Yes.
Is it'!
Do you have any new movies? I've just... I've seen this one loads.
- You know, it's probably the rats. - What is?
The lack of customers.
They're listening.
Who?
The people in the walls. They're listening.
They don't know that I know but I do. I know they're coming for us.
Trust no one.
Stay away from tap water. Leave now.
Don't come back.
How's school?
Great.
I won the school race.
How's Michelle'!
No word.
She may be dead.
It's probably best we move on.
Where did Michael come'!
- Why? - I saw his mum today
so I invited him around for supper.
Without asking me? Maybe I don't want him around here.
Why not?
- Hi, Michael. - Hiya.
- Long time no see. - Yeah, I know.
- Come on in. - Er, I can't, sorry.
I just came to say thanks for inviting me around,
but I've made plans.
Oh, that's a shame.
Well, Jim's here.
Jim, why don't we save your supper
and you can warm it up when you get back later?
You make me so wet.
Hop out a second, Jimbo.
Sure.
Fuck off!
♪ Domino, Domino
♪ You're an angel that heaven has sent me
♪ Domino, Domino
♪ You're a devil designed lo torment me
♪ When your heart must know
♪ How I love you so
♪ Tell me why, tell me why
♪ Why do you make me cry, Domino
♪ Nothing matters
Hey.
I'm Dean, your new neighbour.
You're American.
That's right.
You look scared.
Iam scared. I'm high. I can't feel my fingers.
The key is to just ride it out. Why don't you try laughing?
Laugh with me.
Here, come on, laugh.
- You want a beer? - No. Are you a pervert?
No. Are you?
No, obviously. Just don't come near me, OK'?
- Cos that would be a mistake. - Would it?
Yeah. My family are trained killers.
Sounds fair enough.
- And we have guns. - Do you?
No, but I know people. I could gel one. I could gel a gun.
OK.
So, what do you do around here for fun?
Um, I play my computer games and stuff.
What kind of stuff'?
Mainly I just play my computer games.
I mean, I used to go to the cinema as well, but I'm banned.
I used to have a dog, but he ran away.
No shit'?
You know, I had a dog that ran away too.
Yeah'? Well, they run away to die.
What are you doing here?
Well, you know, I had to get away.
I mean, I felt like life was passing me by,
and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Yeah, life sucks.
Well, it depends what you make of it.
If you sil around feeling sorry for yourself, yeah.
Do you believe in God'!
No.
I think if he exists, he needs to give me a break.
Maybe you just need to man up a bit,
instead of being a little bitch.
Follow the track through the fields, down past the river,
then back to the finishing line. Any questions?
- Are you a pussy? - No, sir.
- Are you'! - No, sir.
- Jack'? - Yes, sir. I don't have my gym kit.
On three, everyone say Jack is a pussy. One, two, three.
Jack's a pussy.
Ha-ha, hey! What's happening, shit pants?
Stop where you are.
Take a bath, you smelly fuck.
Every time I see you, you look depressed.
I am depressed.
Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.
- I stole from here once. - Really'!
What did you steal?
Just a knife.
That's pretty fucked-up.
Yeah.
- Seriously? - I know.
Girls?
You don't want to die nameless, do you?
- No. - No!
OK, see, the key...
is to be mysterious but also open.
Hey, girls.
Seen you here a few times before.
Er, what are you... What are you doing here... this time?
Buying food.
Buying food, yeah.
My... my name's Jim.
I'm, er... a male.
I'm legal, of legal age.
- And, er... - What the fuck are you doing'!
I had a dog once, but he's dead.
And I'm up for most things.
I'm mysterious, but I'm open.
- I've been thinking about your problem. - I don't have a problem.
That's right, you don't. You're just surrounded by friends.
I can help you put an end to this shit.
How'?
By making you cool.
It's not going to work. I'm already uncool. You can't erase that existing image.
Yeah, we don't, we change it.
- Is this really necessary? - Yes, it is. Shoot him.
Wait a minute. Right side's the gay side.
- Shoot him in the other. - No, no, wait, wait!
Girls like Jilly like tough guys, right?
- Jackie. - OK, fair enough.
What you got to do is, you got to be able to step up
and show her that you're willing to break somebody's dick.
'Let's say I'm a bully,
'and I say something to you bad, really bad.'
- What do you say'! - I'd probably say, "Don't say that."
OK.
Let's just say that... I push you.
What do you say?
I'd say, "Fuck up."
- Fuck up? - I meant to say, "Shut the fuck up."
OK, well, don't say that.
That doesn't make any sense.
What you do is you push that fucker back.
'Harder.
'Don't ever take any shit from anyone, ever.'
Harder.
Again!
Put some snap into it.
Yeah.
Don't act suspicious.
You fucking run.
To your new balls. Cheers.
Cheers.
You know, this doesn't... This doesn't feel so good.
- It looks infected. - Ll is infected, but it's badass.
The four dots are the walls and that's you in the middle.
People are gonna think you've done serious time.
- They will'? - Yeah.
And what about these? These are acceptable? These are in?
Yeah, dude, really in.
- You just don't have yours pierced. - Yeah.
I've decided I'm gonna help you win this race
cos you're not capable.
- You have the coordination of a cripple. - I'm ready.
I don't think you are, but I like your confidence.
- What about my face? - What about it'?
It's very round. It's all good saying, "Be confident,"
but you have a structured face to back it up.
There's nothing we can do about your face.
You're a solid four.
You're actually a three, OK? But I'm not gonna fucking lie to you.
If you were to stay yourself with that face, you'd be fucked.
When you talk to people now, you look like you're taking a shit.
You're right, I do.
I'm not ready. I don't wanna do this anymore.
I want out. I'm just me. I'm still me. I'm not "not me" enough.
I've just got an infected tattoo and my ears pierced.
Hey... stop being a bitch.
Right, guys, this is it. This is what we've been waiting for.
Now, I'm done with speeches so how does this sound'?
You win or I'm gone.
- Whose school are you with'? - Yours.
We're in the same school.
- Everything all right? - Yeah.
Good luck.
Fuck you, bug eyes.
This could end really badly.
Turn around, you little fuckers!
Bloody hell, son. You're miles ahead of everyone.
- Where are they'! - I won, I won.
Jim.
There's no way that faggot won. Ll was a fix.
- Hey, you shut up. He's a winner. - Dad, a man chased us with a gun.
Don't be so childish and don't be a sore loser, Leon.
- Hi. - That was a fucking piss-take.
I just won the race.
Can I ask you on a dale?
Maybe.
Pick me up at the Grippins.
Mam, Dad, this is my new friend Dean.
Hello.
I had some pretty crazy times back then.
- Sounds like it. - Sounds great.
But what about you guys, you guys must've messed around,
experimented, right'?
I bet you went wild as wolves.
Not so much.
I did a lol of drugs in my early 20s.
So much so, I ended up in a pretty sticky situation with two guys.
Here's to Jim being the fastest kid in the county.
We couldn't be prouder.
Speech, speech.
Er, I won.
End of speech.
So, Dean, where are you from'!
- Pennsylvania. - And what brings you here?
The truth'!
I'm on the run. I am... guilty of murder.
Ah!
No, I just wanted to come to a place
where the people look miserable but sound happy.
Hm, well. And your family, are they still in the States?
Well, I was dealt a bad hand when I was young.
They're dead.
This bread is fucking great.
- Did you make this yourself? - No.
Sun, good pick.
So, how about you guys? What do you do? What's your story?
Let me guess. Model'!
Close. Nurse.
I was a golfer, semi-professionally.
- Were you? - Yeah.
I used to play a lot when you were a kid.
- I don't remember. - We should grab a game.
Yeah, I'm in.
Hey.
To my new neighbours and friends.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
♪ If the big wide world keeps treating you bad
♪ And God's coincidence drives you mad
♪ Well, little by little and bit by bit
♪ Better use what you got cos this is it
♪ Remember, life
♪ It ain't no competition
♪ Life
♪ It ain't no TV show
♪ It ain't but a mess of hard time, religion and tradition
♪ And anyway you do, anyway you don't
♪ Everywhere you go
♪ Remember, life
Everything OK?
Right as rain.
Noticed your gate was hanging off so I figured I'd fix that fucker.
Hey, buddy-
Michael, right?
- Yeah. - All right, listen, dick weed.
I need you to do something for me. Stay away from Jackie.
- She's my girlfriend. - Wrong.
Do you want me to shit down your neck? Cos I will.
My buddy Jim likes her now so you're gonna slay away.
If you don't, I'll kill your mother while I'm fucking her
and then I'm gonna come back, chop your dad's dick off
and feed it to him.
And if you still don't do something, I'm gonna come back
and fucking thump you with my car
and your fucking body's gonna fly over the fucking hood
and I'm gonna take a knife and I'm gonna shove it up your fucking arse
and I'm gonna cut you up your fucking back,
open up your fucking ribs,
take your fucking brain and fucking stomp on it.
You got that?
OK, good talk.
Hey, Sexy pants.
Women are weapons.
Their sexiness is an asset they will use against you.
You have to rely on charm.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.
Got it.
Did you sleep last night? You have terrible bags under the eyes.
- Oh, no, they were born that way. - Oh, that's a shame.
You look malnourished.
How much aftershave did you put on'? You smell like shit.
Really?
- Shave down there'! - You didn't tell me to.
If there's a kiss,
you stick your tongue down her throat, show her you're the man.
If she's playing with her hair, you go for a boob grab, squeeze tight.
Skip all oral. It's too complicated.
Show her the lat and it's a done deal. Good luck.
Don't be yourself.
Don't smile, be cool.
Come on, show me your cool face.
Show me the fucking ice box.
I am cool.
- Hi. - Hi.
No, thanks.
- Are you sure'? - Yeah.
Excuse me, would it be possible to change my seal?
No.
- What drink do you want? - Um...
Er, two beers, gorgeous.
- Can I see your ID'? - My ID'?
Yeah.
Actually, I'll have a water, please.
You'?
- Can I have a beer'? - Sure.
Nice.
How is it'?
It's good.
We have to try and be quiet.
I've never kissed anyone before,
so it's probably not going to be up to standards.
- Do you like mat'! - Not really.
Did you see that'?
'I constantly wake up and I can't move my body
'and I feel like somethings holding me down.
'I get like that all the time.'
'l have a scary dream.
'I'm in a plane and the pilot comes up and he says, "We're about to crash."
'I don't know why he tells me, but, anyway, we start falling.
'We're jumping into the water and then...'
I remember that hitting water really hard is like hitting concrete,
so we're going to die anyway.
Then I get this idea to take my shoes off and I chuck them into the water
and it causes a splash for me to dive into
and I survive.
- Smart. - I wonder what it means, though.
Probably doesn't mean anything.
What do you want to do when you're older?'
'l want to do something significant, and then die at an early age.'
Ah, it's been a long time.
Don't expect anything extraordinary, not to start with, anyway.
Ah.
God, golf is good.
Just need to get rid of this belly fat, that's all.
If I was to give you one piece of advice,
Don't let your wife become your best friend
because you lose all other friends.
I mean, I'm not unhappy or anything. I'm just saying I've no friends.
How's Jimbo doing'!
Honestly, not so good.
Do you find he lies a lot'!
Yeah, I guess.
Anyways, I'm sure it's nothing.
What do you say that you let me
take you and the beautiful lady out to dinner tonight?
Oh, that would be lovely. Thank you, yeah.
I'm so glad he's got a nice friend.
- Sure, OK. - We've been really worried about him.
- Are you smoking? - No.
Don't tell your mother.
I'll get the balls.
- How did it go? - Yeah, it was pretty good.
The boob grab wasn't a highlight, but overall good.
Did you do what I told you?
- All the way, right? - Yeah, we went most of the way.
We ended up playing computer games which was pretty cool.
You ready for the party tonight?
- What party? - The one you're throwing.
- What about my parents'? - It's all planned, OK?
A small gathering.
I'm gonna take your parents out around seven.
I'll get them high and drunk until the early hours.
I may have to fuck your mum if there's a dip.
Thanks so much.
- Are you sure you don't want to come? - No, I've got the shits.
On, Jim!
- Bye. - Bye.
Holy shit!
♪ Now, me, myself and I
♪ Me, I have two sides
♪ I will get by, I will survive
♪ With all that getting high provides, I'm a guy without ties
♪ So get away, get away
♪ Please don't touch me
♪ Either stare al me or fuck me...
- Well done with the race, Jack. - The name's Jim. Get him out.
♪ Only king skins, peoples, please pass the roach
♪ A bit of weed might work, a bit of weed won't hurt
♪ A couple of pills, maybe din, maybe not, maybe worse
♪ I wanna be liked, I wanna be hyped, I wanna be there, I wanna be here
♪ I wanna be there, I wanna be everywhere on earth
♪ Double up my dose, shit, I think I'm getting close
♪ Gone from magic to my most once I've had it down my throat
♪ Gel away, get away
♪ Gel away, don'! Stay
♪ Get away, get away, I'm in a pretty bad place
♪ Gel away, get away
♪ You want to settle for the east light
♪ Hello, goodbye to all the creatures of the night
♪ I'm tuning into my third-eyed mind because it's a very special time
♪ Gel away or get high
♪ People don't like me, I wonder what the issue is
♪ I wonder if I'm paranoid, or am I being sensitive?
♪ Every man for himself, unsure what my mission is
♪ All these little people in my ear, why can't they let me live
♪ It's all taken a turn, I watch the wide world
♪ I smoke it all away and let the demons come and play
♪ I'm fucking steaming, best believe it, mate
♪ I need to get my genie straight
♪ I need lo make a change because I'm sick of being lion bait
♪ Speak in turn, there's only one, me and you
- Sorry we had to leave early. - Absolutely, yeah.
Must be a bug going round or something.
- There's someone a! The door for you. - All right.
Hey.
Why are you telling people we shagged?
I'm not.
I kissed you because I felt sorry for you.
- Yeah, I... - Now fuck off and leave me alone.
You're fucking dead, son. There's no way you won that race.
- What are you doing? - I'll fight you for her.
- You're a fucking prick. - Yeah, boy, you're dead.
I'm not gonna fight you for her. She likes me now.
She likes you because I weren't allowed to see her.
Your friend said he'd shit down my neck.
That's fucked-up shit. Do it, Mike. Fuck him up.
- Why would you do this to me? - Do what?
You know 'what. You're a dick.
- Don't fucking push me. - You're fucking weird.
Leon's right, you're a freak.
I'm glad I'm not your friend any more.
OK. Well, whatever.
Fuck you! Get the fuck off me!
- You're fucking mental. - Jim!
What are you doing? What are you doing?
- Get off! - Get off me!
'You've done it, son.
'I'm putting you forward for the nationals. I want you taking this seriously.'
Training every day, eating property.
You know, I realised I was in school with your old man.
He was the complete opposite to you. Kept his head down and that was it.
'Bloody hell. He was bullied, mind.
'Maybe we should send him to see someone.'
'He thinks you prefer his sister.'
'OK.'
And again, I don't want lo make him step in it,
but he cheated on the school race.
And...
when I firs! Met him, he said you had guns, Dad.
'Hal I don't.'
And he stole a knife from the supermarket.
- You caught him stealing cheese once. - That was obviously the start of it.
'Thank you.'
'What Jim is, is a pathological liar.
'I've seen this before.'
And it is a key sign of psychopathic behaviour.
Now, no parent ever thinks their child will grow up
to be a serial-killing rapist or mass murderer
but you got to be ready for anything.
Mom,
just think about all the future butchered victims
crying out to be saved.
What are you doing?
Looking after you. You're ill.
No, I'm not. I'm fine. You've made me look crazy.
You were almost there. You just needed a push.
Listen, I'm done, OK? I'm done with it. I want you gone.
I'm not going anywhere, fat face.
You're trying to drown a shark.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're trying to drown a shark as well.
We're both sharks.
Listen to me. Fuck off somewhere and don't come back.
Stop being a pussy and just kill yourself already.
Bring the curtain down cos it doesn't get any better from here.
Do it, or I will.
- I'll tell my parents. - Yeah.
Cos they'll believe some fuck that talks to the wall.
Keep your mouth shut or I'll get rid of them first.
Got it?
Head down, mouth shut.
Good talk.
Well, I'm not taking it back.
You can.
It's humiliating.
It's a lovely facility, very safe.
Well, it looks like a good solution to me.
Does nobody find it weird that this guy just showed up?
- Don't be rude. - What's this?
Me and your mum are worried about you.
- What, so you want to send me away'? - It's not normal to act the way you are.
It's not fucking me, OK? It's him.
He's crazy, Mam. He threatened to kill me.
- Jim! - Mam, you have to believe me.
It's not me, Mam. I swear, it's not me.
It's him. He's crazy. He said he'd kill me if I do anything.
He said he'd kill you guys. It's not me. I swear, Mam. It's not me.
I'm sorry. I'd better go.
Stay strong.
Oh, man.
'Hey, it's me.
'I need to go away for a few days.
'Stopping this guy could give me the respect I've been waiting for.
'Look after yourself, OK?'
'Hello, is Michael there?'
It's, um... It's Jim.
Hello?
'Hello, is Michelle there?' 'Hold on, I'll gel her.'
- 'Hello?' - All right?
- Look, you need to help me. - 'What's wrong?'
An American sicko has moved in next door.
I'm in big trouble. He's made me cool and turned everyone against me.
He's threatening to kill Mam and Dad if I do anything.
'Jim, I'm busy.'
No, wait. What do I do?
'Grow up.'
One minute he's your little angel, the next he's chopping fucking heads off.
But, for now, three tickets to the movies.
- Great idea. - You bet.
- Oh, Dean! - Very kind.
Thank you.
Fucking A.
Can't wait.
Oh, not those seals.
I fucking hate those seats. Over here.
Yeah...
Much better.
Walked across the viaduct.
Sizing up the parachute jump.
Yeah, copy, Clive.
Hello? Hello!
Play the fucking movie already!
This is when I'm meant to give you the speech about what you've done,
but I'm not going to.
I'm fed up with speeches.
Copy that, Clive.
This place is filled with miserable bastards,
but let me tell you something.
You're different.
And don't you let anyone tell you otherwise.
Yeah, life may seem shit at the moment.
If may feel like the whole world's against you.
But this is where you decide what kind of person you are.
What type of man you become is down to you.
And only you.
I'm sure it will be any minute now.
Yeah, OK.
She's playing with me.
She knows I hate waiting.
Sorry I lost my cool.
Oh.
You see? I'm smiling.
I'm happy-
Ah, here we fucking go.
'It's a year today since he massacred those innocent children.
'The authorities are warning people to stay inside.
'The Piper is said to be mid-20s and look just like one of us.'
What the fuck do you want?
I knew this guy in Pennsylvania.
He was a real bitch.
He made himself a target.
Of course, he didn't do anything about it so they beat the fucking shit out of him.
He was a nice guy.
One dey, the motherfucker just snapped.
Killed every single one of them.
I respect you for trying.
But you're just not good enough.
You're not capable.
You're a daddy-long-legs.
But it's OK,
cos I'm here now.
- Morning, Jim. - Morning.
Copy, Clive. I could easily jump off here.
All right'!
Not bad, aye.
I'm sorry I punched you in the face.
I'm sorry I called you a freak.
Not sorry I kissed Jackie, though.
- Me neither. Pretty good, right? - Yeah, pretty good.
- I thought your mum threw that out. - No, I lied.
- What are you doing now, then? - Urn... Don't know.