Everything looks the same.
Well, that's deceiving,
'cause everything has gotten worse.
I got to check on a bunch of families
that we have in houses.
The city is not housing anybody,
hasn't been housing anybody in, like, five years.
We just had about 22 families at the St. Mark's Church.
I got to figure out the farm.
The city came in the middle of the night
at, like, three in the morning or whatever,
and dug up our farm.
I got ordained online so that I could bury people.
'Cause we literally had, like, four deaths back to back.
I've been fighting for, like, the last couple years
to try and find out what's wrong with your brother.
He's been diagnosed with Asperger's,
which is on the autism spectrum.
Come on, let's take the tour.
All right.
The kitchen, the living room, and your brother's room.
You can take this mattress here, take it downstairs,
put it in Guillermo's room.
And then I also put your blue box in your brother's room.
And all your things are in there.
All right.
You know, I can help you clean up later, anything.
That would be great.
All right. I'm gonna go get set up.
It's good to have you home, honey.
It's good to be home.
Hey!
Come here, man, God.
I love you.
Let me look at you.
My God, you turned into a freaking giant, man!
I dig your hair.
I think I need a haircut.
It looks good to me.
You look like a lumberjack.
All right, thank you.
I know.
I do, don't I?
So what's up?
Tell me everything.
What do you want to know about?
Everything.
What are you into?
Video games, comic books.
Right.
I really like movies.
In fact, one day I hope to make my own.
That's awesome.
I'm sure you'd be incredible at that.
What's up with school?
Honestly, well, I got into
this pretty high and prestigious school.
'Cause I'm pretty smart.
And I really enjoy that aspect of it.
But I'm bullied a lot.
Really?
Yeah, it's okay.
In 5th grade, my first year there,
I was being verbally tormented
by this one kid and his friends.
The teachers really wouldn't do anything,
'cause they just said he was just talking
and not doing anything really bad.
Until the end of the school year,
we were in the boys' locker room.
And he beat me up.
Okay.
I'm a pacifist, so I didn't fight back.
But when I could get up,
I stood up and I screamed at everybody.
'Cause, like, they were saying stuff
like they're going to kill me, I shouldn't be alive,
I shouldn't go to school there.
I got insanely mad.
And I started screaming like
no, I deserve to be here as much as you do.
I'm not weird.
And you're not gonna kill me, I'm gonna kill you.
And then the school forced me to get mandatory therapy.
Not because they were tormenting me,
but because I said I was going to kill them out loud.
Ah.
Yeah.
That sounds really hard.
Mmm hm.
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Do you tell Mom about what's going on?
We're trying to deal with it.
But Mom's more concerned with my recent diagnosis of Asperger's.
Okay.
With my anger and everything that's been going on,
occasionally I feel suicidal
after some of the stuff they say.
Right.
And occasionally homicidal,
of me wanting to get back at them for the kind of stuff
they do to me with no repercussions whatsoever.
That's why I really like just coming home
and getting away from it all.
That's why I'm very excited for spring break next week.
I really want to get, like, far away from my school.
So where's a good pizza spot?
Over at Joyce, it's down that way.
You ever hang out in this park?
Sometimes, I prefer the inside.
But regardless, I come out here occasionally.
Cool.
Not big for cutting through the grass though.
Why is that?
A lot of dogs come this way.
Ah.
Oh, man, it's nice being out.
Been used to seeing a whole lot of concrete.
So you still don't think I need a haircut?
Maybe, I'll cut it for you.
I don't like those chances.
Umm.
This is like the first real meal that I've eaten.
Why, you didn't like the slop in prison?
No, I didn't.
That's exactly what it was.
It was like they blended up dog and served it to you.
Great conversation to have while we're eating.
Right, sorry, I'll stop talking about it.
What's it like on the outside?
It feels weird.
Kind of feels weird 'cause it feels kind of normal,
you know?
Like I haven't skipped a beat.
But, I don't know.
It also kind of feels like I've been born again, you know?
It's like fresh, everything's fresh.
And then sad.
You know, it's kind of sad.
I got a lot of memories,
a lot of stuff that this neighborhood reminds me of.
Getting pretty metaphysical, aren't you?
Mmm hmm.
What do you think?
Why are we here?
What does this all mean?
I'm 13, so I haven't really figured out
those kind of questions yet.
I do like Plato.
Okay.
I like his theory of, his philosophy of the cave.
Imagine you had three people that were chained in a cave.
And the way they were chained,
they were always looking at one wall of the cave,
and could never move their heads.
So they could never see the other two people
that were there, opposed from hearing them.
Now imagine somebody brought a light into the cave,
and a shadow was cast.
That would blow their mind.
Because at that point, they'd only have seen the wall,
and now there were images on the wall.
And then if you took that a step further
by letting one of them go, and then letting them outside...
What the fuck? Yo.
- Holy shit. - Yo, what's up Mark?
- What's up, Galen? - Man, how you doing, baby?
It's good to see you man.
Oh my God.
What's up, G? How's it going, buddy?
Damn, man.
Yeah, man, it's been a minute, man.
How you been doing?
I've been great, man.
What are you doing around here?
Oh, I work around here. So I'm going to stop and
get something to eat before I shoot home,
you know what I mean?
- Looking good, man. - No, you looking good too, man.
Thank you, bro. Thank you man.
I heard you was holding it down,.
Yeah, you know, I was keeping my head up, man, doing my thing.
Yeah, that's what's up, that's what's up, yeah.
How's the family?
Family's doing good, you know what I mean?
You know, and I got a son now, you know what I mean?
Shit, that's right.
Yeah, he's about to be five, man,
yeah, yeah.
- So it's good seeing you though, man. - Good seeing you too, man.
I've just been hanging out with G here.
Mr. Brainiac.
Yeah.
So, um, you heard from Antoine, you seen Antoine?
No, I ain't seen him yet.
Oh, all right, okay, cool, yeah.
Well, you know, I'm kind of busy, you know what I mean,
I'm about to shoot home and stuff.
So, you know what I mean?
It's good seeing you, man.
You got to hit me up, man, so we can get together.
- Yeah, man, we got to chill. - Yeah, no doubt, no doubt.
All right, G, man, take it easy.
Always a pleasure.
Be well.
No doubt.
Wow, I can't believe his son is five.
Time flies when you're in a cell.
My mind would just be thinking
and thinking and thinking and thinking.
Thinking about everyone, and everything on the outside.
I couldn't sleep.
And so I had to figure out a way
to practice getting to sleep.
How to get out of my mind, and into my heart.
I love you.
Good night.
I'll be right here in the morning.
Motherfucking cop was hanging a U-turn.
And some of these, they're like,
"Yo open." They asked for the license.
They're like "Open the door."
- Oh. - Hey.
This is my son here.
This is Chucky.
Chucky, good to meet you, man.
And this is my man.
- Hey, how's it going? - Smoke.
- Hey Smoke. - Nice to meet you.
- Good to meet you. - Welcome home.
Thank you, guys.
I'm gonna go out for a walk.
I'll be back in a little bit.
Good to meet you.
- Likewise. - Yeah.
- Be safe, man. - I will.
Have a great night.
- You too. - All right.
I love you, Mom.
I love you, too.
All right, so Chucky
Can't tell you all that.
- Yo, Mark! - Yo.
- What's going on, man? - What's up, man?
How you doing, man?
I'm great, man, good to see you.
Good to see you too, man, almost didn't recognize you.
Is Antoine here?
Yeah, he's here man.
Okay.
He's, uh, doing his music.
He's, uh, rapping right now, so.
Oh, great.
You know, be quiet,
and we'll let him know that everything's cool.
♪ 'Cause money make the world go 'round
What? Get the...
For real.
What the fuck?
Yo.
Yo!
Yo, shit!
What's up, baby?
- How are you? - My fucking boy.
What's up?
What's up, man?
Huh?
This is dope.
You like that?
Damn, my man.
Out here.
Yeah, I know.
Here, put that up for yourself.
Oh, good luck, man.
- Appreciate it, man. - Something light, man,
a little starter kit, man, you know?
Thank you, thank you.
Get you a phone and all that.
Mm, mm-hm.
We'll talk about the rest later, you know what I'm saying?
Fill you in, man.
So what's up, man?
Hmm.
You know, just walking around, man.
Taking everything in.
Just trying to stay present, you know?
I know, right?
Breathe the air and shit, right?
Mmm hmm, just stay...
See the trees and all that.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, look, um, real shit man.
Like I know shit could have went any other way, man.
You took a nice hit for us, man.
A lot of dudes would have broke under that pressure, man.
It would be no that without you.
We definitely want to commend you for that, man.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, no, man, it's all good, you know?
Yeah, no doubt.
I don't expect shit, man, you know?
No doubt.
I'd do that any other time, man.
You always don't want nothing, huh?
You just is you know I mean?
No, I'm good, you know?
- You... - I'm just...
No, I'm good.
I mean this is, you know.
Ah, no, man.
This is gonna help.
Damn!
Yo, remember Cancun?
Freeze!
You okay?
Yeah.
I was just having a bad dream.
I got to get ready for school.
Honey!
Hmm?
You got to get up, hon.
Get up.
I'm up.
We got to get going, come on.
All right, well, I got to meditate first.
Honey, we don't have time for that.
Let's get going.
What?
I promised Sister Margaret
we'd be there by nine o'clock.
I also need to take you around the neighborhood.
Can I shower?
No, we don't have time for that.
Come on, get going.
Please, honey?
- Yes, stop talking. - All right.
You don't have to be like that.
No, whenever you have crazy news, I like...
No, no, it's really, it's good crazy news.
But it's gonna be like really hard.
I'm running for Vice President.
I thought for sure when Jill first called me...
Who's Jill?
Jill Stein, she's from the Green Party.
And...
Wait.
I'm totally serious.
You're running for Vice President of the United States?
I'm running for
Vice President of the United States of America.
Massive amounts of more speaking engagements.
It means much more problems
with political police in my life.
- Yeah. - It means problems
with the IRS, the CIA, the FBI.
Great.
Maybe you can get me a job?
Hmm. A job?
That's a different story.
Well, I need a fucking job.
Honey, everybody needs a job.
In your neighborhood here,
the number one source of income is welfare.
The second number one source of income is drugs.
Nobody's got a job, honey.
Guess who's back?
Hey.
Hi.
Long time no see.
Mark!
How you doing?
Good to see you.
Welcome back home.
Thank you so much.
It's great to be home.
She's been so good to Guillermo.
Yeah, you have?
I thought you were locked up.
Do you remember my son?
- Is this your son? - Yeah, they both home. - How you doing, man?
What's up? Good to see you, man.
- Okay, congratulations. - They both home.
Thank you.
How much time did you do?
Well, I did 18 years.
18 years?
Yeah.
Mmm hmm.
When you're dealing with addiction and issues,
Mmm hmm.
it's like a double bubble butt.
Both my parents died from addiction.
They both OD'd and died.
Yeah.
My mom had three other guys OD and die on her.
It took me in bad places, losing jobs,
getting locked up, being homeless.
And the crazy thing is, I kept going back for it
knowing the consequences that was coming for it, you know?
I OD'd eight times.
I still went right back for it.
I started using drugs
at the age of 16 years old, you know.
And I'm 54 today.
But I came in because my life was completely unmanageable.
I didn't hurt anybody outside of my family.
I always hurt my family, you know.
I was stealing from my family.
So you can't find employment because you got felonies?
Yeah I got a few felonies.
Mmm hmm.
Like I came from a suburban area.
Mmm hmm.
They look at me so different now.
Mmm hmm.
Like I'm a piece of gum
stuck under the table type, you know?
Well, I've seen you over the weeks,
and you look like you're really progressing.
Thank you.
The shy guy?
Um, my name Lloyd.
- Oh, God. - Recovery name is Lloyd.
Hey, Lloyd.
You know, and I'm in this process.
You know, I'm from Baltimore.
And me too,
like in and out of prison and stuff like that.
You know, I had 10 years before.
But I didn't use the tools that I know now to stay clean.
It's a struggle when you come home from prison.
And doing a lot of time.
It's so hard to adapt before you...
How much time did you do?
Altogether I did, like, 19 years all, total.
And you're only 19, right?
Heh.
Politicians give you this great song and dance
in front of the cameras.
When the cameras go off,
you're right back in the same reality.
In Pennsylvania, they spent more money on prisons
than they did on schools.
In your short 86 years,
what would you say are some of the magic
to trying to exist in this war zone?
Well, to be alive is to be aware, they say.
Mmm hmm.
And...
So you don't think there's a lot of aware people?
I think that's very true.
Mmm.
Basic to addiction is unawareness
of what life is all about.
So why...
I learned a lot about recovery when I was in jail.
Because everybody in the jail cell with me was an addict.
And they were always talking about
what they were gonna do as soon as they got out of there.
And would start their whole cycle over again,
which is going to bring them
right back where they were then.
You got to have a strong mind.
And I was set on getting clean and staying clean.
I now have six years, nine months and four days clean.
Congratulations.
God works in mysterious ways, you know?
It's a good feeling being here.
Who brought us all together?
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
God's will, not ours be done.
- What's up, man? - What's up my dude? - What's up, Hec?
- How you doing, man? - Good, man, I'm doing good. How you doing?
- I'm good, man, good to see you. - Good to see you, too, man.
- Yeah, man. - What do you know? - Yeah, been a minute.
So how long you gonna be in town?
I'm here, man, I'm back now, yeah.
Assad!
This is my son, Mark.
Mark, I've heard so much about you.
Yeah, hey man, nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you, too.
Yeah, thanks for having us.
He just came home from prison.
I know.
How's it been to be back in real life?
It feels good, man, feels really good.
The yard is just bigger.
Watch yourself, though.
Yeah, that's true.
I spent half my life there,
until I decided, you know what?
Nothing I do is worth that.
Mmm hmm.
Nothing.
You know, people always use the excuse,
"Well, I have my family.
"Who's feeding them while you're in the box?"
Yeah. - And that's what you got to do.
Because the system wants you to go back.
Mmm hmm.
They've already got a bed waiting.
You know I don't know shit about cars.
But, I mean, I can clean up.
I can organize tools.
I can be your maid, anything.
So I heard you was down with Mo.
Yeah.
Okay, how is everything?
He's doing all right, you know.
Keeping his head up.
Me and my mom threw something on his commissary
before we took off.
You know how hard it is for him
to try to find work out here with his record now.
And I know this must be like, hard, knowing that,
you know, Mo's still locked up and he's out.
And I know now too, with, you know,
the passing of your mom, trying to keep it all together.
I don't know how you do it.
Well, you got to keep your head above water, you know?
You got to keep surviving, you know?
That's all to it.
Life goes on, so you must continue.
Yeah.
Anything at all that you want us to
- do for you. - Yeah, yeah.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Always care about you guys.
So, you know, I mean loaning helping hand
is always good, you know?
So, mmm.
I'll try to send him some more money.
It's okay.
You know?
We all try hard.
To look out for one another, you know?
That's what it is all about.
Looking out for one another.
What about if you come at seven a.m. sharp
and get started?
She don't play.
If you're not here at seven o'clock,
you ain't gonna keep the job.
Hey Mom, I'm gonna walk back.
Got to get a phone and a couple other things.
You have more money?
Yeah.
From where?
Antoine.
It's cool, it's fine.
You got nothing to worry about.
Please don't be stupid.
I won't.
I'm not.
Who's this?
Who do you think, man?
Holy shit, what up, bud?
I can't believe they let you out.
Yeah, save this number.
Okay, sick, man.
Welcome home, man.
How you feeling?
Freezing my ass off right now.
But other than that, man, I'm happy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so what's this fucking thing tonight?
What is it?
It's your name, Little G.
My name's Guillermo, but close enough.
Are you serious?
Dude, I just got your name tattooed on me.
Good job.
Anyway, check this out.
Now, I know you said how much you want to make movies.
Mmm hmm.
So...
check it out.
Figured you could start right away.
Yeah, it's one of those new like HD ones.
You like it?
What you doing?
For this freaking welcome home party
I'm trying to decide between these three t-shirts.
I got pink one.
Mmm hmm.
Wolf one.
Mmm.
Or I'm 2 Blessed To Be Stressed.
All right, I think it's definitely
between the wolf and the pink.
Oh, and what about...
I'm wearing these bad boys.
What do you think?
I think you're crazy,
but you should totally do it.
My man.
Fuck.
This is like you're dropping me off at fucking prom,
except I never went to prom.
Welcome home!
Thank you.
- Welcome back. This is Mark. - Nice to finally meet you.
- Yeah, right? - Nice to meet you, too. - Yeah.
- Pleasure. - Bro.
What's up, homey?
- Hey man. - Good to see you, too.
Who got me the balloons?
Neighborhood's changing like crazy, you know?
Condos all through the hood.
Construction every block.
Yeah, and it's all ugly.
The Soupery.
There's a Soupery under the El.
What's Soupery?
It's a soup spot that's biting off
another soup spot that's a fish tank.
Going to the El is like fancy restaurants.
Across from the El Bar.
It's not a hooker bar anymore.
Life was like, it was very, very, very hard.
That's why I joke around a lot.
'Cause my life has been, that would be the title, hard.
Not a good title.
Okay.
I was raised by my mom.
And she had a relationship with a man that was very violent.
And beat the crap out of her
on a daily basis for her whole life.
This bastard wouldn't just beat my mom, right?
He beat the hell out of all of us.
All my ribs were broken.
Um, you know, other kids have earliest memories
of birthday cakes.
Mine was the hospital.
- You? - Yes, to Mark.
Welcome home, Mark.
This one's for you, buddy.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Roc, you got a cigarette?
You're really cute.
Right back at you.
- Yo. - Yo.
- What's up? - What up, man?
You good?
Yeah, man, I'm all right.
Just fucking bugging out a little bit.
It's just a lot at once, you know?
I'll bet, man, I'll bet.
Fuck.
I feel you.
Yeah.
And just like fucking seeing everybody
just got me thinking about Maddy, man.
Mmm.
Yeah.
You, you got her new number?
I do.
You do?
Yeah.
Fuck.
You know she moved.
She did?
Uh huh.
Where is she staying now?
She's up on Lehigh.
On Lehigh?
Yeah.
- Really? - Yeah, it's chill though, you know.
Fuck.
So what have you been up to, dawg?
Oh, you know, was working in Brooklyn for a bit.
- And... - Yeah.
get out of town for a bit, get a couple dollars,
I feel all right.
And then it's just like same shit.
Just nothing.
Just like it never happened, you know?
- Yeah. - And like try and get a job in North Philly.
You know, I was writing a lot, man.
Writing?
Yeah, when I was away.
I'm as sad as your angel, as sad as your God.
As sad as the party in shiny fog.
As sad as your money and all of its lies.
As sad as the people when they fade away and die.
As sad as your hope, as sad as your faith,
as sad as your quotes, and as sad as this space.
Mmm.
Yo, they probably didn't tell you,
but Justin got strippers coming, like right now.
- Hi. - Oh.
- Good evening, ladies. - They're so sweet.
Oh ho.
- Hello, hi everybody. - It's that time.
- Hello. - Goodness gracious.
Well, this is our special guest.
He's been away for a little while.
Hi.
Hi, how's it going?
Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too. - Are you guys ready?
Yeah.
Alright.
Fantastic.
Hi.
When I was 13 years old, actually your age,
I never went back home ever again.
I had to live in nine different institutions
and foster homes and jails.
So I learned at a very young age
about a lot of stuff that I shouldn't know about.
You know?
Then I figured out what this one thing was, sex.
I met this guy.
He was your brother's dad.
I was 15, he was 30.
I know.
It's kind of gross to think about now.
But when I was growing up
I thought it was...
Is that even legal age?
No.
Yeah.
He knew how to siphon gas,
do a whole host of other kinds of things.
And then I found out that he had a serious heroin addiction,
and I didn't know anything about addictions then.
Hey.
Oh.
You in here by yourself?
Yeah, eating some chips.
Well, you know this party is for you, right?
We're here to entertain you.
Mmm.
Would you like to go upstairs?
So what do I do?
- Lay back. - Okay.
I love you.
It's just reminding me
of like how fucking broken my heart is.
Who broke your heart?
Oh, it's a long story.
It's just, I don't even, this isn't appropriate.
I had this girl that I was with.
And...
she had a kid with some other dude when I was away.
Wow.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I, is this...
Are you still in love?
I don't know.
You don't know?
No, I'm,
I just got her number like out front.
My friend Tim gave me her new number and...
Well, you should give her a call.
That's what I was thinking, yeah.
All right, thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh!
One of the most dramatic horrible memories that I have
is that Mark's dad,
he had a couple baseball bats.
He told me that he was coming over to kill me.
So he brought over a couple.
He was like in a blackout on dope.
And at the time, he was like 200 some pounds, huge guy.
And I had your brother.
And we just like hid in the basement.
And the door was being knocked down.
And I knew that if he came in the house,
me and your brother would die.
So I called the Minneapolis Police Department,
And they sent out like six squad cars.
But sometimes when people
are really, really high on alcohol and drugs,
they get this like super strength.
So they had like the entire police force
like trying to restrain him and get him away from us.
And that was only one of like a million other incidents.
And that's the story of me and Mark's dad.
Maddy?
Hey, hi, it's Mark.
Okay.
Yes, who is that?
Oh, it's cold out there.
It's good to see you.
Yeah, you too.
Thanks for seeing me.
Yeah.
Oh, this is...
Oh yeah, we got a...
really amazing place.
Thanks, we got a lot going on.
I'm doing good.
I'm staying with my mom right now.
Cool.
And my brother.
Yeah?
And...
just trying to find my way again, you know?
Umm hmm.
But things are good.
I'm happy to be home.
Yeah, I bet.
Really happy to see you.
Thanks for seeing me.
Yeah.
You know?
I'm gonna to put him upstairs, just real quick, okay?
So.
I was really selfish.
I was acting like a child.
You know, I wish I was the guy I am now back then.
And I'm really sorry that I hurt you.
And I thought about you, you know, every day.
Yeah, I thought about you, too.
And...
Ah.
Um.
You're gonna be okay.
Okay.
Don't, like don't bullshit me.
I'm not bullshitting you.
Yeah, sure, you know.
I'm totally fucking fine.
I told you, I had a couple beers.
You're fucking nodding out driving us right now.
Just tell me the truth.
What did you take?
Good morning.
I was having a bad dream.
Sounds depressing.
I was falling through space.
And it was really crazy,
because I could feel
like every cell in my entire body...
Cut.
What do you mean, cut?
Democracy starts today with opening up the debates
for every single political party
in the United States of America.
Here, we'll help you.
- Thank you. - Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you, ladies.
Watch the flag, please.
Democracy was taken away from us,
and we were taken by Secret Service to a secret location.
And we were handcuffed to metal chairs for eight hours.
Typically is a three-day cycle.
So they spray every three days.
So you get a day where everybody,
just everybody is in a really good mood, everyone's up.
And then like, three days later,
like everyone's like really down, like withdrawn.
Like everyone's like crashing from, like, the drugs.
And then they spray again.
- No fucking way. - You'll notice.
You'll notice, like everybody's happy at the same time,
everybody's pissed off at the same time.
Just the vibe of the city,
'cause they're fucking lacing the sky.
Is this right?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good, that's good.
Alright.
So what I need is...
Come on, faster guys.
Hey, you're only on the first one?
Yeah.
Come on, come on, come on, come on. Fucking move it!
Here, here, here, here, go get the next one.
Okay.
Um, hi, I'm Guillermo.
So I recently got diagnosed with Asperger's,
which is ridiculous.
When people think of autism,
the first thing that comes to their head
is a grown man having a tantrum in public.
It's a little disheartening to be finally given that,
I don't want to say label.
But for lack of a better word, label.
It's going to cause a lot of problems
farther down the road in my life.
I'm already bullied regularly.
I'm told to kill myself a lot.
One time I got beat up to the point
where an ambulance had to pick me up.
And me and my mom are still paying for that bill.
And I got beat up and taken by the ambulance
in like 3rd or 4th grade and I'm in the 7th grade now.
Nowadays I have friends, so I don't have to sit
next to the garbage cans during lunch anymore.
A lot of people look at me weird,
tell me I'm not supposed to be there.
Being suicidal and my heavy depression, it's horrible.
It's horrific.
That's why I want to start out with a documentary,
to teach and show others about what happens to me and to,
I'm sure, a lot of kids all over America.
That a lot of people are just...
I had no idea that this shit even goes on.
But, so there's a point in natural labor
where your body is like, you can't do it.
Your mind is like, you're not, you can't do it.
She was kind of at that point where she was like,
"I can't do it, I'm not gonna do it, "I can't, I can't do it, I can't do it."
And we're like, no, you're doing it, it's happening.
Like the baby is starting to come out.
It's like right at the very end of the labor.
So she had to like change her breathing pattern.
And the midwife was trying to explain it to her,
and I could tell she wasn't getting it.
Like she was visibly frustrated and, like, wasn't doing it.
And they were like, kept trying to tell her,
and like she wasn't getting it.
And like I saw that, and in that moment,
it was like my instincts just like kicked in.
And I was like, I'm just gonna start doing it.
And she like, we locked eyes.
And she just like settled down
and like started mimicking me.
And we were like totally in sync, yo.
And like that was the point where she was able to,
like, get into the right rhythm.
And then was like properly dilated.
And got through that like little hump.
It was, like I felt like part of that
at that point, you know?
And I felt like we really connected
on some like next level shit.
It was really, it was fucking beautiful man.
- It was... - Crazy.
Yeah.
It's really, it's the coolest shit.
Oh, my bad.
I just, I don't get a chance to really like
cut loose anymore.
So I was trying to take advantage of the cat being away.
No, it's all good, bro.
- It's total... - And so the mouse could play.
- It's totally okay. - You know what I mean? But yeah, oh. - It's fine.
Oh my God, I love you, dude.
I got to step out front, dude. I feel weird.
Yeah, go ahead, man.
Yeah.
The buzzer doesn't work, though.
So when you want to come back in just call me or text me.
I have romantic problems.
When you're a nerd who is very socially awkward.
I do have this one girl who I really do like
but I don't that's gonna go anywhere
'cause she's a lesbian.
You know, I've been feeling a little low recently
since I've been back, and just readjusting.
So what I want to do today
is this loving kindness meditation
that I'll guide you through.
Close your eyes.
And take one deep breath in through your nose.
And I want you to say,
may you be free of fear.
May you be at peace.
May you be happy.
I want you to smile at yourself.
And I want you to tell yourself, I love you.
Hey.
Oh!
Good morning.
Thank you, honey.
You're welcome.
The least I can do.
We got coffee, bagels, donuts.
Wow.
Yeah.
The whole works.
Mmm hmm.
He's still asleep.
Well, you know your brother.
He doesn't like mornings.
Yeah, no, I know.
We're gonna take your brother to see his dad tonight.
He tells me supposedly that he's clean.
All right.
Hey.
Can you give me a ride?
What's up, man?
What's up, yo?
- How you been? - How you doing? I been good, man.
All right.
Hi, yo, yo.
Hi Dad.
You all right?
Hey, Cheri.
Hi.
How you doing, man?
All right, cold.
The jail you just got out of...
Yeah. Yeah so...
is where Guillermo met his dad.
Oh, no.
Yes.
Oh my God, I had forgotten about that.
That's where you met him.
Well, you were a baby, though.
Yeah.
I love my son.
It's fucked up that I saw you for the first time,
I was in jail.
And I wasn't even there when you were born.
But can't deny you.
Look at you.
It's a mirror.
They had to take his diaper off,
search his diaper, do all this.
Yeah, because I had a crazy charge, you know.
I was in maximum.
I had a kidnapping.
But, tell him about the string yo yo.
Uh...
I hadn't seen him in a minute.
I was on the run.
So I was like, you know, fucking,
I had that little string on my wrist.
And my son saw it.
So I gave it to him.
And I can't believe he's still got it.
Now I got to get you a real bracelet.
What about your health?
I don't even know how I'm still alive.
I had endocarditis.
I was in the hospital for a month because of that.
I've OD'd like nine times.
I'm still here.
How about your other health stuff?
Oh.
The thing.
That's what your parents call it, the thing.
Oh, really?
Mmm hmm.
From getting high, from everything,
I ended up getting Hep C and HIV.
He found out, and then he came over to the house
on Tulip Street high as shit.
Oh, well, of course.
Like when you get that fucking news, what do you expect?
Like when I found out, I went crazy for like three days.
And I was like, might as well just kill myself now.
Because I was afraid.
I was afraid that he might have it, you know.
'Cause I didn't know, like, when I got it.
So I didn't know if I gave it to your mom.
Like there was so many variables to it.
- Yeah. - I thought he was so full of shit.
I got him in the car.
I didn't care how high he was.
He was screaming outside my window all night long.
What happened to your eye?
I, you know I ran the streets for a decade, like Philly.
And I did a lot of dirt.
Well, it just happened that I burned a corner
for a break, that a breaker stabbed one of those.
Well, the dude I robbed, he got sentenced to a five to 10.
Mmm.
So I don't know how in the hell, paperwork got fucked up.
Or I don't know.
I was walking on the street,
and the second I turned around, 'cause I sensed it,
I just seen the golf club.
$1,000, or get hit with a golf club.
So yeah, that's what I told them for.
That's my dad.
No, don't, I'm not proud of it, G.
That's what I'm trying to say.
All the shit that I've done, I wish I could tell you.
I wish I could talk to you and explain to you
so you don't have to go through
all the shit I've been through.
Literally the first 10 years of your life,
I wasted 'em, you know?
Just because I was getting high.
You hear the train?
That fucking train, I hate it,
'cause I literally threw away my life under that El
just for a high.
Anyway, so I'm getting you a skateboard.
No.
Yes, you got to get out of the house.
I get out of the house.
I just don't enjoy it.
Yeah I, no.
Yeah.
No.
I got to see your knees at least scraped once.
My knees have been scraped a lot of times.
Let's play handball.
- No, that hurts. - Let me teach you how to play handball.
Played it, it hurts.
No it don't.
- Yes it does. - You wear a glove if it hurts.
I got to do something positive,
helping my beautiful son grow up.
But I can see you.
Same hair.
You'll shape up nice.
Yeah.
I still don't see it.
You don't see it?
I don't see the resemblance.
Can you see a resemblance?
Absolutely.
Just take the nose out.
You got the same big ass smile, big ass lips.
The hair.
You're both geniuses.
Yeah, but...
You're both full of shit.
I think I figured out what gives me peace.
Really?
What's that?
You guys.
It's good to know that at least a few people
have my best intentions at heart,
and care about me to the point
where they only want to bring me joy,
regardless of what happens to them or anybody else.
Hello?
Come on, time to get up.
Happy fun day, boys.
Come on, get up.
Come on.
Hurry up.
We're gonna have a fun day today.
My name is Cheri Honkala,
and I'm proud to announce today
that I am the first formerly homeless mother
running for Vice President of the United States of America.
I know what it's like
to sleep on the streets of this country,
and so did my son Mark.
We lived together in abandoned houses, abandoned cars.
Every night in this country,
millions of children will not have a place to call home.
They, too, will lay down in the streets,
in the cold each night in our country.
- Oh, Mark? - Hmm?
Do you mind if I get your help a little later?
For those families of this city,
they take away their voice!
What the hell is wrong with you?
You got to move back, son, you got to move back.
people get right with God.
Do you get high, do you get
do you get wasted?
Oh, shame on you!
But this is our country, not Trump's country!
Did you get the dog?
Oh, you should probably take this, then.
All right, let me get you.
How are you feeling right now?
Nervous but overall pretty good.
Okay.
That's a good shot.
I'll go around you.
There we go.
Talk to me about anything.
Pussy, dick.
Uh, I don't know, whatever.
Whatever may cross your mind, you can talk to me about it.
What's the worst thing you've ever done?
I can't say that on film
but what I can say is I've done a lot of bad things.
Okay.
Why do you like drugs?
Because they took me out of myself for a few.
Because I didn't have to deal with reality
at the moment when I'm high.
At first it was beautiful, you know.
You could manage, get high and make your problems go away.
But then it became work
because I had to come up with money
so I wouldn't be dope sick so it wasn't no fun no more.
It became actually a job not to be sick.
So what's it like being a father?
Nice question there.
Honestly, how does it feel?
It feels wonderful that you're my son.
I love you dearly.
You're 13, and I think I've missed half of your life
because of me getting high.
So the only thing I can say is that I'm real proud of you.
I love the fact that you're my son.
Love the fact that I know you're gonna do
real good in your life, because you're real bright.
The fact that we can talk
like, you know, people.
And I don't have to, you know, lie
or come up with excuses because I'm high
and I can't come see you.
Don't get high.
Instead of getting high, go get some pussy.
Because that's the best drug there is.
Okay.
All right?
So do I give you a hug?
Come here.
I love you, G.
Now say cut.
Cut.
Good.
Like his advice to Guillermo
was all he needs to do is get some pussy.
Oh really?
Why do you have him see him?
Guillermo's dad is very sick.
I don't know, he could, you know, he could die tomorrow.
At least he will have had some kind of relationship with him,
or memory of him, you know? His dad has been - Yeah, but not like that.
totally absent all these years.
Yeah, but that time with him,
with saying shit like that to him, is traumatic.
And it's detrimental.
Yeah, well, you should have interjected something.
You should have said something.
I'm saying something to you right now.
All right, is this where we get into
dissecting me as a mom?
And this is what you do all the time.
It's the same shit.
Neither of you guys' dads ever did shit.
- Your dad never gave me one dollar, not one dollar. - But what did you do...
Who visited you in prison?
It was me.
But what have you done wrong, Mom?
I was a teenager mother then.
The only thing that I knew how to do was to hustle.
So I worked for years in different clubs
trying to figure out how to take that money
and meet the needs of my kids.
- Yeah but that was a choice - Keep my kids alive.
that you made, you made that choice.
A choice?
Ain't no choice.
It was a fucking choice.
Yo, listen, don't tell me
about something you don't know about.
I know about it.
No you don't. You...
You made a choice.
You could have went and done something else.
- You've never worked in that... No. - You weren't forced into it.
- You weren't like sold into the fucking... - You don't want to hear this.
You have never worked inside that industry.
- You could have chose some other job. - Bullshit!
I didn't have to come home at night
and then know what the fuck you were doing.
- Mark, Mark, Mark. - As a fucking teenage kid.
Mark, Mark, Mark.
Like that shit was inappropriate!
- Yo. - That shit fucked me up!
Ay, yi, yi.
You never want to talk about the shit that you did that fucked me up.
You don't, okay, Mark, you...
Yeah, and you're doing the same shit with Guillermo.
Yo.
You're doing the same thing to him.
Listen to me for God's sakes, you know?
We have to figure out...
I'm not talking about,
we're talking about the mental health of your children.
Yeah, and my kids have both been in therapy
- their whole life. - Yes, I'm a grown man now.
Yeah, that's bullshit, Mom.
No, both of my kids been in therapy, you know?
I been, I was therapy...
They luckily had those tools.
You took me to fucking therapy
when I was five years old after my dad left.
- Yeah, and then you were in therapy many times. - I was in therapy for like a fucking week,
and I went there and I drank apple juice.
If you didn't...
That's not enough, Mom.
If you didn't determine
to take those tools and to work on your mental health,
then that's your responsibility.
- I've done a damn good job. My life ain't no different... - It's a responsibility
as an adult.
- My life... - But when I'm a child,
when I'm fucking 10 year old child I didn't have a choice.
- Listen, listen, yes. - That's what you did!
- Let me, wait, wait, wait. Don't talk over me. - You put me...
- You talked. - I went to prison.
I ended up with a fucking drug habit.
- It's not... - I did five years in prison.
Now Guillermo...
- It's my turn to talk. - Don't even get me started
on Guillermo.
It's not about the self-absorption.
I'm not fucking self-absorbed, and neither is my brother.
I'm in pain, and I'm sad, and so the fuck is he.
And it's because of choices that you made.
- Well, you're gonna have to... - And yes I know how to survive on the streets.
You're gonna have to toughen up.
And I know how to take care of other people.
- You're gonna have to toughen up. - And I know how to not be selfish.
- It's easier... - But I don't know how to fucking love myself.
Well, then you better start working on it.
And neither does he.
You better start working on it.
I had you doing affirmations when you were a little boy.
And maybe you need to go back to some of those basic tools.
Yo, what's up, man?
It's Mark.
Holler back at me when you get a chance.
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm just letting loose, having fun, Mom.
You're drinking.
Yeah, Mom.
I mean, it's a fucking bar.
I don't know how you can say that.
You're destroying your life.
Mom, I'm fine, all right?
I'm just trying to have fun.
You have nothing to worry about.
Mom!
Shit.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yo.
Yeah, your glasses, just take those glasses,
smash 'em on the ground.
We'll get you contacts.
I don't want contacts.
I like the way I look, Mark.
Are you drunk?
No.
Are you drunk?
Yes, I'm a little drunk.
You said you weren't gonna drink anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah, I said that.
Well, you know, guess what?
You know, seriously, this is the most important thing
I could tell you, man.
Is that shit is gonna happen to you,
and life is just shit happening to you.
And a lot of fucked up shit is gonna happen to you.
And you're gonna get your fucking heart broken.
Some girl is gonna come along,
and she's gonna grab your fucking heart,
smash it in a million little pieces.
You're gonna have to fucking pick up the pieces,
try and figure out
how to get the pieces back into your body.
And you're gonna be sitting there
like what the fuck just happened.
And people are gonna let you down, you know?
Fucking Mom, Mom is gonna let you down.
Your dad is gonna let you down.
Everyone's gonna let you down.
Life is just a fucking, one letdown after another.
It's just, that's life.
That's all life is, is just like one fucking letdown.
Boom, boom, boom.
You know?
And all you can really do is just fucking control
like how you react to being let down.
That's it.
There's nothing else.
And life is just about controlling
and that's what life is.
Look, I honestly, I don't fucking blame you
for sitting around playing video games all day, man.
'Cause it is a fucking cold, fucked up world out there.
It is really fucked up.
You know?
You understand what I'm saying?
Are you listening to me right now?
Yeah.
Yeah?
At the end of the day,
no one really gives a fuck about you.
You know?
You just got to like take care of yourself, man.
Good night, Mark.
That's it.
It was totally traumatizing.
'Cause I took your brother,
and we went to the Children's Guidance Center.
And I started taking him to therapy.
And, you know, he'd cry, 'cause he wanted to see his dad.
And then he'd start kicking me and biting me,
'cause he wanted to see his dad.
The therapist said to me,
"Cheri, you know, you're the adult.
"Even though you're a little girl, you have to protect him.
"And the best thing that you can do is,
"you know, to tell Mark's father that he can't see him
"until he gets off of drug and alcohol."
And Mark's dad never came back.
I love you, Mom.
I dig it.
It's parked around on North Street.
Thank you.
We look alike.
Yeah.
God, what do you say?
It's...
I've loved you, I've missed you.
I missed you, too.
I think back,
that period of my life and the time.
I really wanted to be as, I don't know.
Wow.
Little Mark.
How old was I here?
Four or five.
I'll have to ask.
I forgot to ask Carolyn.
It's really crazy.
How do you feel?
With my hands.
Yeah.
Right now I'm feeling a lot of joy and happiness.
Yeah.
Just great to see you.
Mmm hmm.
Well, Dad, I guess I'm...
Glad to hear you say Dad.
That's a trip.
I sure want to go fishing with you.
That'd be fun to sit in a boat,
make a nice lunch and sit in the boat.
That'd be cool.
I like to get big sucker minnows and a big bobber,
and I just throw it out there.
And it's...
I've never been fishing.
Never been fishing?
No.
Oh, God, that'll be great.
Yeah.
Yeah, it'd be nice to...
Oh yeah.
do some like father and son shit.
Yeah.
We were a happy little family,
and then just kind of went to shit.
You remember riding in the blue truck?
And I fight authority but authority always wins,
that was our song?
We had the boom box in the truck and...
I think the last time that I remember that we talked,
I was with my mom.
And I think you were coming to pick me up.
And I was gonna get like some Transformers
or something like that.
Yeah, bringing you Optimus Prime.
Mmm hmm.
And then, um.
Yeah and then...
I didn't make it, you know?
I didn't show up.
Because of the drinking and drugs.
That's...
Yeah.
Addiction, it's a horrible thing.
Something I passed on.
Yeah.
But still, that's no fucking excuse to, I don't know.
Did you, were you able to get sober ever
and get any time together and stuff?
Oh yeah, I've been 20 years.
20 years, holy shit.
How long you had this house for?
Six years, we rent.
Okay.
We really went through some tough financial times, boy.
Yeah?
I had started out, we moved to Grand Rapids
and I bought a home, and lost that.
And...
Really?
It kind of slipped away.
I reached out to my family
who didn't want anything to do with me for 20 years
to help me.
And they, my dad wouldn't help me.
But then my dad got sick,
but then I got to see him again before he passed.
So, I...
And that's my grandpa?
Yeah.
Did I ever meet him?
Yeah, I don't know.
I have to ask Carolyn, she'll know.
What was his name?
John.
What'd he die of?
Cancer.
Well, I'm still like,
I can't believe I'm standing across from you right now.
It's definitely really weird.
It's awesome, man.
It is.
It's kind of like, I don't know.
Well, 20 years of shit kind of went away.
Or the years I'd be...
Yeah, 30.
30, oh.
How old are you now, Dad?
I'm 60.
I'll be 61 April 7th.
Oh, wow.
I like your tattoos.
Yeah, I'm really a huge Viking fan.
My heroes.
Oh wow.
Jerry Garcia.
Jimi Hendrix.
That's fucking incredible.
And we got John Lennon.
Jesus.
Love John, so does your mom.
And Janis Joplin.
Oh, I had a crush on her.
Oh, cool!
Wow.
Isn't that cool?
That is cool!
I know.
Like all those too, already.
Yeah.
What's this about on your arm?
Oh I have, from dialysis.
So I got to...
Oh, right.
keep it bandaged.
Last April I went, had a stem cell transplant.
Well, that's where they take out, they go in,
get all this horrible chemo that kills everything in you.
Then they harvest some good stem cells out of me,
and then they put it back in.
Yeah.
'Cause the cancer ate up my kidneys,
so I'm on dialysis three times a week.
And that's lately really been kicking my ass.
What is that like?
What do you have to do?
You go in, and they take out your blood and clean it,
and put it back in.
Four hours in the chair.
Appetite still is a problem.
Don't feel like eating, that's hard to explain.
Mmm hmm.
Because you want to keep on weight.
You don't want to lose weight.
Yeah, because shit, I used to weigh,
well, I lost almost 100 pounds.
I used to weigh 280.
Wow.
And now I'm down to 176.
It just shh, consumes you.
I remember my kidney doctor, he talked to me.
And he said when he first met me,
that he said "I gave you six months to live."
And that really freaked me out.
Yeah.
You know, it's working to make its comeback.
That's what bad about cancer.
You get rid of it for a while,
but then it's like it gets pissed and it comes back.
What kind of cancer was it again?
Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
It's cancer of my blood.
Mmm hmm.
And...
I'd hate to think like.
Yeah, get back together and fucking die?
Yeah, that's,
that's fucked.
It's not supposed to be that way.
No, I don't want it to be that way.
With all those years that I,
I've wasted them, you know?
It's just fucked up.
And I don't want it to be that way.
I.
I wish.
A brightness, happiness.
'Cause when I was excited for stuff like that.
God I loved you, honey, when you were born.
And, oh.
Well, not first-person point of view.
Let's try.
Oh.
All right, take care man, I love you.
Good?
Yeah.
Burned you again, didn't I?
Uh, no.
Hey bro.
It's been a while.
So my documentary has been coming along really well.
I'm so sorry to hear the news about your dad.
Wish I could be there.
But, you know,
I hope you're dealing with it in a safe way,
yeah.
We got to see each other soon.
I love you, bro.
Call me when you get this.
Good morning.