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Come on, come on, come on, 300.
By the way, you look amazing.
& nbsp
You lose weight, right?
& nbsp
Face looks tool. Take this.
& nbsp
You have good skin.
& nbsp
Tell your mother I said, "Hello", okay?
& nbsp
Call him.
& nbsp
OK?
& nbsp
[playing rock music]
& nbsp
♪
& nbsp
♪
& nbsp
♪
& nbsp
- Dom, let me ask a question. - What?
& nbsp
What makes you think that a head shave looks good on you?
& nbsp
I don't know You know, A little hairline is a little behind.
& nbsp
I thought I would cheat the scalp.
& nbsp
"Scalp Trick?"
& nbsp
You cheat the earth, bro.
& nbsp
Doesn't look good.
& nbsp
What? You don't like it
& nbsp
It seems like your mother messed up marshmallows
& nbsp
I, I don't even understand.
& nbsp
I don't know, you just got a face that looks better with hair.
& nbsp
I mean, look at my hair.
& nbsp
You never see me shave my damn head, right?
& nbsp
You don't need to, you grow hair while I see you
& nbsp
I know, how great is that, huh?
& nbsp
- Look... - I think check in
& nbsp
is when I go and tell you where I go
& nbsp
How does it not enter?
& nbsp
Hello.
& nbsp
Hell...
& nbsp
Dom, come here.
& nbsp
This is the home address.
& nbsp
Family is out of town, so you are clean.
& nbsp
Hey, did you take it Lougin LeGucci with you?
& nbsp
- What, Sammy? - Yeah.
& nbsp
Ah, yes, he's a good person.
& nbsp
Can't stop sharing it thoughts. He goes
& nbsp
He thinks I don't know
& nbsp
he flips electronics cigarettes in all cities
& nbsp
Plus, I don't see a dime from it.
& nbsp
Uh, you know, I don't know anything about it
& nbsp
Okay, listen.
& nbsp
There are more than 200 large houses.
& nbsp
It's behind a fake fireplace when you enter
& nbsp
The family is on vacation.
& nbsp
This is good. No problem.
& nbsp
Sammy!
& nbsp
[Sammy] Yo!
& nbsp
I heard you were defeated in electronic cigarettes
& nbsp
Yes, I heard a few things.
& nbsp
I will tell you if it's worth doing.
& nbsp
Remember...
& nbsp
Smoking kills.
& nbsp
[chuckles]
& nbsp
Yes.
& nbsp
Dom, I ask a question.
& nbsp
Why is your uncle always there? come out with a dramatic statement?
& nbsp
I don't know
& nbsp
I don't like it.
& nbsp
Playing the role of "Nice Guy".
& nbsp
Then, explode, say some nonsense You can't feel comfortable with.
& nbsp
Look, I won't worry about it.
& nbsp
But, look, he says this score, like 200k.
& nbsp
Okay, we need to get this money,
& nbsp
get some new head shots,
& nbsp
my road model to a damn catalog already
& nbsp
Sal, you are 41 years old & nbsp
Continue?
& nbsp
40 years old is a very large child demographic marketing
& nbsp
Plus, they buy lots of nonsense.
& nbsp
Not from your face.
& nbsp
Thank you.
& nbsp
So, how is the school?
& nbsp
School is not as bad as I think it will happen
& nbsp
That's good.
& nbsp
I don't want you sick this school at the beginning of the game.
& nbsp
That, I can't promise.
& nbsp
Oh my God.
& nbsp
Honey, the time is up.
& nbsp
Uh.
& nbsp
OK, come on
& nbsp
- There has never been enough time, yes, Maddy? - Yeah.
& nbsp
You know I love you. I will See you in a few days, okay?
& nbsp
Hi dear.
& nbsp
I only need one minute with Dad, okay?
& nbsp
- Do you want to sit here? - Good.
& nbsp
- baby, dad See you later. - I love you, Maddy.
& nbsp
This, take the ball.
& nbsp
See you this week, okay, honey?
& nbsp
Good.
& nbsp
Enter my office
& nbsp
An office? Wow, great idea.
& nbsp
The real office
& nbsp
That means you will have a real job.
& nbsp
[laughs]
& nbsp
Don't go spending everything on your hair or shoes
& nbsp
or whatever you do with your money
& nbsp
My hair? My hair is a problem, wow.
& nbsp
Okay, you know, I swear god, I see you and I think
& nbsp
There are many things You can be clever.
& nbsp
Maybe stealing is my gift, huh?
& nbsp
That's not funny. Sammy...
& nbsp
Your daughter needs some time with you.
& nbsp
Like the actual schedule.
& nbsp
I know.
& nbsp
I'm working on a schedule.
& nbsp
Trust me.
& nbsp
It would be like taking candy from a damn baby
& nbsp
Baby Gorillas
& nbsp
Hey, I guess I know that guy.
& nbsp
From your modeling school? [laughs]
& nbsp
Damn it in my dream again, I will do it fucking kill you where you stand
& nbsp
Calm down, Fabio, this is a bad joke.
& nbsp
Dirt.
& nbsp
I don't have to use a drill.
& nbsp
I think we should do it do drilling weak points here.
& nbsp
Is that what you call when you bang Lorie?
& nbsp
[laughs]
& nbsp
Everything is not a joke.
& nbsp
Fuck holy
& nbsp
- What? - holy fuck
& nbsp
Good.
& nbsp
200k, boy
& nbsp
Jackpot motherfucking
& nbsp
Freeze! Hands where we can see them.
& nbsp
Wrong moves wrong and Sammy and I will shoot you for fun.
& nbsp
- Fuck this nonsense - Come on let's go.
& nbsp
Oh my God.
& nbsp
Freeze, you fuck.
& nbsp
Sammy Legucci, why am I not surprised?
& nbsp
Put the gun, Tommy.
& nbsp
I say, bro, crazy is the best in bed.
& nbsp
Uh, you sleep with a girl who never meets her real father, nonsense.
& nbsp
Get out of bed, You lose teeth,
& nbsp
You get black eyes, your feet hurt,
& nbsp
Your ears are throbbing, You hear a new language.
& nbsp
- This is amazing. Orphanage - [booing]
& nbsp
Try it, bro, trust me.
& nbsp
[officer] Legucci!
& nbsp
You have some real problems.
& nbsp
You tell us who is running things and we cut the deal.
& nbsp
If not, you will get the maximum and you know it.
& nbsp
There is nothing I can do here.
& nbsp
Don't be offended, Tommy.
& nbsp
I mean, you really can use mint.
& nbsp
What you eat, everything
& nbsp
- OK. - wise donkey
& nbsp
Friends or no friends, you don't leave this room until you talk
& nbsp
Uh, I'm sick of you
& nbsp
I expect greater things From you in life, Sammy.
& nbsp
- really - Yeah.
& nbsp
Selected "Most Likely Success", dated the hottest girl in school.
& nbsp
I don't know, I think you have a choice.
& nbsp
Now you will go for robbery, book making, extortion,
& nbsp
I'm guessing fixing a horse.
& nbsp
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I have never fixed a horse.
& nbsp
Give me some names, Sammy.
& nbsp
Save yourself, you know who I am saying? You know, you have a small child.
& nbsp
He will need you.
& nbsp
Think of the big picture. You don't talk like that
& nbsp
You do a little, you come out, You miss him confirmation,
& nbsp
You go back in, you miss his marriage,
& nbsp
You enter again, you miss the baby.
& nbsp
Before you turn around, you are old ex-con and you miss a fucking life.
& nbsp
You are a police or psychic, how are you?
& nbsp
I am both.
& nbsp
Sammy.
& nbsp
I have something for you
& nbsp
That's just because I've been Get to know my whole life.
& nbsp
This is not a sad song recording, right?
& nbsp
Maybe so too.
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Even though you didn't invite I to your 21st birthday party.
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Because I always know you will become a police officer.
& nbsp
[Dom] What's up, Pat?
& nbsp
[Pat] What's wrong? You A bearded friend must go.
& nbsp
Yes?
& nbsp
She's fucking loose cannon and I don't like it.
& nbsp
Never close it, fuck, he doesn't kick when he should.
& nbsp
Okay, now how are you? want me to do it?
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no Just go back to your wife and I will take care of the rest.
& nbsp
You want to pretend Life is a joke,
& nbsp
then, unfortunately, I must teach you lessons.
& nbsp
Because that's what I did.
& nbsp
A little beard with a beard haired.
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Okay, alright.
& nbsp
I have a plan for this extra head witch.
& nbsp
Looks like the Middle East version of Merlyn, the magician.
& nbsp
I understand.
& nbsp
[phone beeps]
& nbsp
Do you know that voice?
& nbsp
Like the back of my hand.
& nbsp
This is a memorandum Understanding, Sammy.
& nbsp
Keep a low profile until we bring you back to testify
& nbsp
We will give you a new one identity, a house somewhere in America,
& nbsp
$ 65,000 per year for salary, and 24-hour protection.
& nbsp
That is a guarantee.
& nbsp
Guaranteed boring life, That is what it is.
& nbsp
But just as I hate to say it, then this, you do the right thing
& nbsp
The girls will stay with me.
& nbsp
Thank you, Frank.
& nbsp
Tell Maddy I will contact and I love her very much.
& nbsp
Of course, kid.
& nbsp
What if I want to go see him?
& nbsp
That's up to you.
& nbsp
But we only provide protection for so long because you still follow this guide.
& nbsp
You know Pat will pay a guarantee.
& nbsp
So wait for your back.
& nbsp
Where did you take me?
& nbsp
[Sammy] This is like a live vanilla version.
& nbsp
I don't feel good about this.
& nbsp
Do you think I care how you feel?
& nbsp
Let his nose get out of trouble.
& nbsp
I don't want to do it Monitor your every move.
& nbsp
Isn't that your job?
& nbsp
Continue?
& nbsp
Think I love my work?
& nbsp
I will only do my time,
& nbsp
save several lives,
& nbsp
make a few extra dollars on the side,
& nbsp
You don't mind, right?
& nbsp
I have grown up My nails care more.
& nbsp
You're a very sensitive person, huh?
& nbsp
I am here to watch over you and that's it.
& nbsp
I don't like small talk.
& nbsp
I also don't like small talk, okay?
& nbsp
I don't know what else is sad, your voice or my life
& nbsp
I think I can answer it.
& nbsp
[Marshall] This is Sheriff Colin's wood.
& nbsp
Wowie, look here
& nbsp
We have a real life mafioso from a big city
& nbsp
There is no such thing as mafia, okay Be relaxed.
& nbsp
Yes, I'm sure there isn't.
& nbsp
But just remember, we have a family here.
& nbsp
Large family with big weapons.
& nbsp
So I'm sure we will be fine.
& nbsp
Chief, he is under our protection.
& nbsp
Let's try to get it off on the right foot
& nbsp
Okay dokey.
& nbsp
Maybe one day we can meet and drink beer,
& nbsp
share some stories
& nbsp
I'm sure you have some good stories?
& nbsp
Your bet will throw us for real imagination, huh?
& nbsp
What is weird?
& nbsp
What's strange, Mr. Hirsh.
& nbsp
Hesh.
& nbsp
His new name is Derek Hesh.
& nbsp
I certainly didn't choose it.
& nbsp
I'm sure you're not
& nbsp
Hmm?
& nbsp
Bet you want to choose something like Travolta
& nbsp
Hmm?
& nbsp
[dogs barking]
& nbsp
[doorbell]
& nbsp
[doorbell]
& nbsp
Hi, you must be Derek.
& nbsp
I am Tricia, Colin and Rex's wife and we are very happy to have you here
& nbsp
I hope you don't mind us appear without notice.
& nbsp
I just want to tell you we arrived at the block.
& nbsp
If you need something, don't hesitate to ask
& nbsp
Isn't this area just big?
& nbsp
Is that dirt?
& nbsp
or brown on his face?
& nbsp
Oh, that's both. [chuckles]
& nbsp
Boys enter everything.
& nbsp
What exactly are you doing? husband tells me about me
& nbsp
Oh, he said you were from New York
& nbsp
and that you are only a spitfire personality
& nbsp
and that you will be great here with us small town people.
& nbsp
He says you work construction or something so I just,
& nbsp
I brought you pie.
& nbsp
Enjoy, it's an apple.
& nbsp
- Thank you. - Mm-mmm.
& nbsp
- Are you a smoker? - Yes, why?
& nbsp
Hold.
& nbsp
Try this.
& nbsp
You will thank me
& nbsp
And your little one will also thank me.
& nbsp
You will have lots of of energy after this,
& nbsp
You will clean his face all day.
& nbsp
Sen, I want to try it.
& nbsp
That looks fun to me.
& nbsp
Make it a reality.
& nbsp
Stop, Rex.
& nbsp
[on the phone] Daddy wants to find out if you got a call.
"Of course I go call it I talk to you about it.
& nbsp
Tell him I say," Thank you ".
& nbsp
Where is my daughter? I want to talk to him.
& nbsp
He is not here now.
& nbsp
I don't know.
& nbsp
Give me time to call him.
& nbsp
Try again in a few days and I am sure you will catch it.
& nbsp
[playing guitar songs]
& nbsp
[Mel] ♪ Another drink And I don't think ♪
♪ One more shot That's all I got ♪
& nbsp
♪ If I keep my name in his favorite car ♪
& nbsp
♪ He is the only my whole world girl ♪
& nbsp
♪ Who would have thought that would end like this ♪
& nbsp
♪ Never see myself As a stalker ♪
& nbsp
♪ But he left me tall and dry ♪
& nbsp
♪ So he must know When he decides to go ♪
& nbsp
♪ I will do it follow right behind ♪
& nbsp
♪ Never see myself As a stalker... ♪
& nbsp
Hey, how can I help you?
& nbsp
My God is doing your face looking out of place here
& nbsp
Get out of here.
& nbsp
It's just that you are really hot and Your face doesn't go with this building.
& nbsp
Oh, your mouth must be dry from here all the hot air comes out of it.
& nbsp
Are you drinking?
& nbsp
Yeah, I'll drink whiskey and some beliefs.
& nbsp
- Eh, I asked a question. - Hmm.
& nbsp
Are these hot spots in the city? This is it?
& nbsp
Let me see.
& nbsp
We have a broken heart redneck on stage named Mel,
& nbsp
Singing about love he may never have been.
& nbsp
So if you call it hot spot, then this is a hot spot.
& nbsp
I think I have a crush.
Oh, don't expect no.
& nbsp
What is your name?
& nbsp
Hey, Manny. This is my brother.
& nbsp
- Your brother? - Mm-hmm.
& nbsp
Nice to meet you.
& nbsp
What is that?
& nbsp
What happens in your house to grow up?
& nbsp
A lot of awkward family talk.
& nbsp
♪ Well, he stole my property the heart of my car, my soul ♪
& nbsp
♪ He stole my spirit And he hurt me so... ♪
& nbsp
So we open the trunk, it's like 3,000 baby beanies.
& nbsp
Chinese, black, Puerto Rico.
& nbsp
We think we hijack cigarettes,
& nbsp
we finally hijacked a dream of ten years
& nbsp
- [chuckles] - Ha!
& nbsp
Many, come on.
& nbsp
When men meet women something happens inside,
& nbsp
deep inside.
& nbsp
The first tendency is to read a diatribe,
& nbsp
because he is related to his rebellion history as a child thief,
& nbsp
thus looks tense,
& nbsp
cool,
& nbsp
difficult.
& nbsp
While just trying get access to the palace of women
& nbsp
What?
& nbsp
[Mel continues to sing]
& nbsp
I didn't say anything.
& nbsp
♪ He stole my spirit And he hurt me so ♪
& nbsp
♪ I tried, I tried I cried, I cried ♪
& nbsp
♪ And they found it My body is lying, I'm lying ♪
& nbsp
♪ Must do it ♪
& nbsp
I mean, he claimed to kill The worst sound I've ever heard in my life.
& nbsp
Why don't you get there?
& nbsp
No no No.
& nbsp
I'm not showing off in front of strangers.
& nbsp
[booing] Why stop now?
& nbsp
Show off cover insecurity as courage.
& nbsp
I have 100 dollars which says that you will not do it.
& nbsp
I will put 50 on top of that.
& nbsp
150 dollars just to go up there?
& nbsp
Uh huh.
& nbsp
Who brought me?
& nbsp
Hey, Mel.
& nbsp
Time to slip your sensitive the heart back in your pants
& nbsp
Bring this person, what's your name again
& nbsp
Derek.
& nbsp
Little DD
& nbsp
This is Derek.
& nbsp
Little Deacon.
& nbsp
OK. Yes, please welcome to the little deacon
& nbsp
- This is Derek - Welcome to Little Derek
& nbsp
And if anyone knows where JD,
& nbsp
please come to see me after the show
& nbsp
- 150 dollars? - Mm-hmm.
& nbsp
Put your money
& nbsp
[clears throat]
& nbsp
Mel almost heartbreak and my love for music.
& nbsp
That is the opposite of uplifting, right?
& nbsp
I mean, that person can't hit a note if he blows Marvin Gaye.
& nbsp
[low chuckles]
& nbsp
Wow, you two.
& nbsp
What is your dress, goat?
& nbsp
When was the last time you were shaved? Have you never?
& nbsp
Have you never heard of gel?
& nbsp
No? Hair products?
& nbsp
Are you eating jawbreaker? or is the ball in your mouth?
& nbsp
[laughter]
& nbsp
Your parents, must be chaotic in the forest.
& nbsp
No doubt about it.
& nbsp
Look at you.
& nbsp
Deer and human products.
& nbsp
Two friends share one tooth.
& nbsp
I killed him here.
& nbsp
This is good, I can do it all day.
& nbsp
So when Lorie wrote, "I still like you",
& nbsp
he really means, "i love you".
& nbsp
He just doesn't write "love", right?
& nbsp
I don't know, bro.
& nbsp
I'm pretty sure he knows The difference between love and love.
& nbsp
No no no no.
& nbsp
This must be some kind of automatic function damage or whatever
& nbsp
Yes, you know, you can tell yourself that
& nbsp
But that technology, is quite rock solid
& nbsp
So is our love, bro.
& nbsp
- [cellphone beeps] - Oh, wait a moment
& nbsp
He just sent a video. Let's see what he says
& nbsp
This may be an apology.
& nbsp
We don't send our apologies.
& nbsp
Hey, Sal, I just jerked your cousin for the third time, isn't that weird?
& nbsp
I have a problem and I Must listen to this nonsense?
& nbsp
Sammy Legucci.
& nbsp
We have to find it.
& nbsp
Hmm.
& nbsp
25.
& nbsp
Want one?
& nbsp
25.
& nbsp
[crowd laughs]
& nbsp
Okay, until next to the stage,
& nbsp
if not for selling fishing videos,
& nbsp
Our actions will then fall asleep in whiskey barrels.
& nbsp
This is to sing about drinking the problem and the tendency to stalk,
& nbsp
give it to your likes, Mel.
& nbsp
Yo, you move slower, You will retreat.
& nbsp
Come on, buddy.
& nbsp
Thank you, Derek.
& nbsp
Well, I want to do it right away,
& nbsp
I don't like small talk,
& nbsp
or babbling or just making things.
& nbsp
That will waste your time and my time.
& nbsp
The song I want to do is called,
& nbsp
"It's Not Another Heavy Breathing at the End, Leslie."
& nbsp
You know, I heard, Mel, She's out there dating again.
& nbsp
And I think you really did it something special for him
& nbsp
I think even the lyrics, indeed even make a positive turn.
& nbsp
Yes, some people can't get rid of broken hearts
Mm, not me.
& nbsp
I shake my body like dust from the patio mat.
& nbsp
I can't see a man destroying your heart.
& nbsp
Well, it's not really mine heart, more like my nose
& nbsp
- really - Hmm.
& nbsp
See if the person wants to go back
& nbsp
ancient lessons in relationships.
& nbsp
I left a part of my past first.
& nbsp
Yes, I also left me.
& nbsp
♪... Bad and dirty whore ♪
& nbsp
So, he sent you the money.
& nbsp
Little by little.
& nbsp
But, yes.
& nbsp
Oh, I can't believe they broke up.
& nbsp
For you and Madison?
& nbsp
Yes, Dad, what?
& nbsp
She should be, she is her daughter.
& nbsp
Throughout his life, he did a minimum.
& nbsp
He is not 32.
& nbsp
I never hate that guy.
& nbsp
I mean, I know he also ran his mouth lots and he played class clowns...
& nbsp
Wow, who, are you defending him
& nbsp
Beautiful, Dad, thank you.
& nbsp
I just say
& nbsp
Maybe he will find the way, the way, you never know
& nbsp
No, he doesn't want to, Dad.
& nbsp
He is right where he should be.
& nbsp
In hiding.
& nbsp
So I tell this child,
& nbsp
if he doesn't kick the wig, I take the TV and the car.
& nbsp
What does he do? What did he do?
& nbsp
He handed me the key The car, just like that.
& nbsp
I ride rhinos in Guatemala with a man named Phillip.
& nbsp
So, I drive a car for like a week right?
& nbsp
Come to find out the man doesn't even have his own car.
& nbsp
I saved a woman and her daughter from the hotel fire against me.
& nbsp
That's good.
& nbsp
Listen,
& nbsp
I went straight into the house because I will make rights...
& nbsp
I've caught land sharks in Tijuana.
& nbsp
That's complicated.
& nbsp
Yo, Manny, what happened?
& nbsp
Why do you keep bothering me, bro?
& nbsp
Your story takes too long and I have a hard time believing them.
& nbsp
[woman singing]
& nbsp
♪ The condom is broken We have babies ♪
& nbsp
♪ The happiest accident That I ever knew ♪
& nbsp
♪ He is my John And I am the woman ♪
& nbsp
♪ I cancel my appointment For the rest of the time ♪
& nbsp
♪ I love you, John ♪
& nbsp
That's the real name.
& nbsp
Wow.
& nbsp
Don't know where it came from.
& nbsp
Let's not question that.
& nbsp
I like it.
& nbsp
Give me another one.
& nbsp
Mmm.
& nbsp
Well, I have to go on stage.
& nbsp
Okay, I'll be back soon.
& nbsp
Mmm, remember that, okay?
& nbsp
Yes.
& nbsp
[audience claps]
& nbsp
Jenny, you still owe $ 20 for that e-cigarette
& nbsp
[man] Hey, you
& nbsp
Where are you from?
& nbsp
Dress like you in some old gang or something
& nbsp
Do you know what? I am in a gang.
& nbsp
You have heard "Sleep With You Mother, The Bigger Your House"?
& nbsp
Hey, that nonsense isn't funny.
& nbsp
Oh, I think the audience thinks it's funny.
& nbsp
You know, you sneak in City is quiet and what isn't
& nbsp
with your oily and oily personality.
& nbsp
Who knows where you are from?
& nbsp
Clint, close your trap Go drink with your mother
& nbsp
Here it is. A woman after my own heart Thank you dear.
& nbsp
[crowd laughs]
& nbsp
Okay, tough guy.
& nbsp
Let's Dance.
& nbsp
Wow, that's four words in a row from you You might need a nap.
& nbsp
[clears throat]
& nbsp
Someone cleans this dirt.
& nbsp
You must be one of the stupidest people on the planet
& nbsp
I told you to lie low and you fight
& nbsp
with one of the locals when doing comedy?
& nbsp
Let me put it like this.
& nbsp
You just made my life twice as hard as that and it's almost impossible
& nbsp
remember what I have high blood pressure,
& nbsp
love dark alcohol and gambling addiction.
& nbsp
Now, listen to me, Sammy, You have one responsibility,
& nbsp
one responsibility,
& nbsp
remains boring
& nbsp
Do you have that, Sammy?
& nbsp
Keep boring
& nbsp
Hi, welcome back to everyone to Performances.
& nbsp
Before we get to my first guest night, I have to share with you,
& nbsp
this video that I got sent this weekend
& nbsp
This is crazy.
& nbsp
There is a stand up comedian, he does his actions and he becomes offended,
& nbsp
and then madness occurs later.
& nbsp
Have you ever seen this?
& nbsp
It's like John Gotti who does mic night opening,
& nbsp
Men fight with two people people in the crowd, can't be trusted
& nbsp
Initially, I thought it was fake,
& nbsp
But, apparently, it's not like that, just look.
& nbsp
Wow, that's four words in a row from you You might need a nap.
& nbsp
Excuse me, woman,
& nbsp
what do you see?
& nbsp
- We watch you - Excuse me?
& nbsp
Yes, surely you are.
& nbsp
Hit Clint with everyone in the city watching
& nbsp
This is rather sexy.
& nbsp
What are you talking about?
& nbsp
Not bad for small town comics.
& nbsp
Better than Bieber when he started.
& nbsp
Even so is like three times older.
& nbsp
Old?
& nbsp
My hair is still in fifth grade.
& nbsp
I want to see what you are Father's hair looks like at 35.
& nbsp
My father was attacked lightning in a fair country
& nbsp
I am sorry to hear it.
& nbsp
How does he look pre-strike?
& nbsp
[playing rock music]
& nbsp
♪
& nbsp
Someone cleans this dirt.
& nbsp
500,000 viewed
& nbsp
This, you like, is famous.
& nbsp
And they love you, like, see this comment, uh...
& nbsp
"My lord, do Dice Clay and George Lopez have a baby?"
& nbsp
"This person has everything."
& nbsp
Uh oh.
& nbsp
"Greet me a little Friends, I like this comic."
& nbsp
Someone finds their call.
& nbsp
[Sal] He texted again, "K".
& nbsp
What is that?
& nbsp
"K" is just solid response, don't read it.
& nbsp
"K" is a verbal puncture.
& nbsp
This is your money, Frank.
& nbsp
Yo.
& nbsp
Your friend, Sammy blew up on the internet
& nbsp
- Excuse me? - Yeah.
& nbsp
I mean, who knows how funny this guy is.
& nbsp
And he's badass.
& nbsp
What are you talking about, Chucky?
& nbsp
Sammy has left.
& nbsp
No, not him. He is back, look.
& nbsp
[crowd shouting]
& nbsp
I want this city rat to die.
& nbsp
Done
& nbsp
We will find his butt.
& nbsp
You know you really messed up with this whole video.
& nbsp
I mean, what's popular is the worst thing you can do right now.
& nbsp
It's not my fault, The man is denouncing me.
& nbsp
What should I do? I have to protect myself.
& nbsp
He is lucky I did not stab him with the damn mic
& nbsp
A piece of dirt
& nbsp
No one is stabbed.
& nbsp
I will need a very detailed account
& nbsp
about your whereabouts at any time, okay?
& nbsp
I'll make sure you're okay.
& nbsp
I go from house to house bar, you know my schedule
& nbsp
I am dead.
& nbsp
This is not good.
& nbsp
You spend a lot of time with that Vicky, right?
& nbsp
So I need the address.
& nbsp
Mr. Hesh?
& nbsp
I have to be honest with you
& nbsp
The last time someone said that to me,
& nbsp
my boyfriend said he liked my best friend better & nbsp
Oh that's too bad.
& nbsp
My friend is a Girl, so it's okay.
& nbsp
A little golden but that brings my sensitive side.
& nbsp
I know you're good.
& nbsp
You have my time have never heard of it for years.
& nbsp
Natural delivery
& nbsp
Like Dangerfield or Dice.
& nbsp
Now I don't want to say it Pryor but I catch a glimpse.
& nbsp
Are you trying to make love to me? I just joke about the sensitive side.
& nbsp
Fuck? I booked the Majestic Theater.
& nbsp
There is no nonsense
& nbsp
I ordered Rascal Flatts last week and hand to God, everything was sold out.
& nbsp
and my new client, Todd Player,
& nbsp
he will perform there next week.
& nbsp
Well, look at that, two artists I've never heard of it.
& nbsp
Mr. Hesh...
& nbsp
Derek...
& nbsp
Bobbale...
& nbsp
I want you to open it for Todd.
& nbsp
That's right, describe this,
& nbsp
"Sold out"
& nbsp
You can sell items after that The show, if you get it.
& nbsp
Oh,
& nbsp
and pay five thousand.
& nbsp
Let me understand this
& nbsp
You will pay me $ 5,000 to tell jokes.
& nbsp
I can sell anything The merchandise I want afterwards.
& nbsp
Is this a hoax? Who sent you here & nbsp
Huh? Who sent you here & nbsp
What happens to the tail end of the subku?
& nbsp
- What? - Sub tail,
& nbsp
that's the best part
& nbsp
When cheese and meat and peppers,
& nbsp
they all accidentally moved the tail end of the bread situation.
& nbsp
Yes, it's all about the meat The ratio of bread to me too, Pat.
& nbsp
[cellphone beeps]
& nbsp
He cheats. I know it.
& nbsp
Enough.
& nbsp
Alright, listen.
& nbsp
I have a guy inside.
& nbsp
I met him while inside.
& nbsp
He will meet your and bring us to Sammy.
& nbsp
I hope they have this in heaven.
& nbsp
Some men appear to the bar,
& nbsp
offer me $ 5,000 to appear.
& nbsp
- Are you serious? - Mm-hmm.
& nbsp
Oh my God.
& nbsp
That's amazing.
& nbsp
I have never met anyone like you.
& nbsp
I have never met anyone like me.
& nbsp
I can't do it.
& nbsp
Why not?
& nbsp
This must be 500,000 views,
& nbsp
that must be true
& nbsp
Or is that a sign?
& nbsp
Stop sign.
& nbsp
People think you're funny.
& nbsp
Not everyone.
& nbsp
[muffled pop music]
& nbsp
Oh, hi, here it is.
& nbsp
OK, so this is how it will happen.
& nbsp
When we announce you, you continue.
& nbsp
You will see a light in the center from the room near the sound booth.
& nbsp
When the light hits you, you take your time, but wrap it up
& nbsp
And we finish the rest.
& nbsp
If I die on stage tonight,
& nbsp
I want you to take my ashes
& nbsp
and I want you to spread they are all over Brooklyn, okay?
& nbsp
Amit-amit, pu pu pu
& nbsp
You have become a hit
& nbsp
Let's give half the money back.
& nbsp
People miss the show at any time,
& nbsp
just say it's my voice or something, you know
& nbsp
Yo, Bobby, coffee is gone.
& nbsp
- I will take care of it in just seconds. - OK.
& nbsp
Todd Player, this is Derek Hesh.
& nbsp
Hey, Derek, man, God, yo, I'm a big fan, man.
& nbsp
I like your video, Damn it hurt, man.
& nbsp
Comedy and music, this is like one and the same, every important note.
& nbsp
- I admire you, man. - Thank you.
& nbsp
I always hear if opening actions Sucks, the whole show is washed.
& nbsp
You take a big risk here, seriously, I tell you
& nbsp
I can go and no I even know I'm here.
& nbsp
Derek, I'm at risk.
& nbsp
My strange hand slides from above Rockies in the middle of winter.
& nbsp
Are Steel 1000.
& nbsp
Only in a wrangler jeep.
& nbsp
Swimming with sharks in Dominica...
& nbsp
[whispering] naked
& nbsp
You want to open it yourself
& nbsp
You get a fucking resume
& nbsp
Dude, come on, you know, everything night, I ride the stage right?
& nbsp
And I sang a song about missing pussy and dog escape
& nbsp
and the damn people will be bad luck,
& nbsp
But you, you do important nonsense.
& nbsp
Yes, man, you're saving the earth.
& nbsp
I think I'm a damn fraud.
& nbsp
- There are no men. - I do
& nbsp
I want to tell you something, my friend,
& nbsp
Because you have sad eyes,
& nbsp
I am a bar mitzvahed at the Wailing Wall.
& nbsp
My real name is Todd Silverstein,
& nbsp
I'm a boy of Jewish memos
& nbsp
and a lesbian Hebrew school teacher.
& nbsp
Go from here
& nbsp
Crane, mazel tov.
& nbsp
[announcer] Ladies and Gentlemen, come to the stage,
& nbsp
away from you environmental watering holes,
& nbsp
please give a warm welcome from Wisconsin,
& nbsp
-... for Derek Hesh. - I will be right back.
& nbsp
- It's a damn better job. - You will destroy it
& nbsp
Thank you, thank you.
& nbsp
You might want me to sing a little something to you
& nbsp
- Like a little something. Let's rock it. - No, I'm fine
& nbsp
♪ Something about the way ♪
& nbsp
♪ He keeps me going ♪
& nbsp
♪ And I keep coming behind for more ♪
& nbsp
You might want me to continue or...?
& nbsp
- No, no... - Sorry I said pussy
& nbsp
Vagina.
& nbsp
You look like Tom Selleck fucked a badger.
& nbsp
[audience] Oh.
& nbsp
I have to give you credit.
& nbsp
You have several balls leaving home with that face
& nbsp
He's cool.
& nbsp
Maybe we take it to the road with us.
& nbsp
This is not a bad idea.
& nbsp
You see my cocaine
& nbsp
- no - Nyquil?
& nbsp
No.
& nbsp
It might destroy me some Vibrin and baby aspirin and put it on my hummus.
& nbsp
You understand
& nbsp
Poor father, poor father.
& nbsp
I'm sure he hopes he pulls it out.
& nbsp
How does it feel to put it? Your parents in therapy?
& nbsp
I see...
& nbsp
You and Derek.
& nbsp
You are serious or what
& nbsp
Very.
& nbsp
I see...
& nbsp
Not really, then?
& nbsp
I understand.
& nbsp
Very.
& nbsp
I will poke you on Facebook.
& nbsp
[lots of applause]
& nbsp
Give to construction workers from the village community, everyone.
& nbsp
Doesn't he look like him? I mean, God.
& nbsp
And the mustache.
& nbsp
My name is Derek Hesh, thank you very much.
& nbsp
We have good performances for you.
& nbsp
Todd Player comes to the stage.
& nbsp
Thank you very much.
& nbsp
That's it.
& nbsp
Derek, my dear, you know, I think I can you on Performances with Ian Cams.
& nbsp
- Talk show? - The only one.
& nbsp
I can't do that, listen, I get a little too popular
& nbsp
and I try to keep a low profile,
& nbsp
So, that won't happen, okay?
& nbsp
But you know,
& nbsp
Buble, Buble, he found at the wedding
& nbsp
Who sucks?
& nbsp
I'm annoying
& nbsp
I will bring the book.
& nbsp
Please, don't
& nbsp
- This is a good reading - I don't read
& nbsp
- You know what, Derek, can I hug you? - No.
& nbsp
- Can I hug you? - Don't touch me
& nbsp
- Can I touch your face? - No.
& nbsp
Well, what about this?
& nbsp
You want eight Thai boys massaging you with naked shorts
& nbsp
and whisper sweet words in your ears? You understand
& nbsp
You want a line geisha to do magic tricks,
& nbsp
pulling rabbits out of them Bastards when they whistle Dixie?
& nbsp
You understand
& nbsp
Because I'm your guy
& nbsp
Bob Lifshitz, it's up to you want, I am your man.
& nbsp
- Listen... - Listen,
& nbsp
Bob, not interested, can't do it,
& nbsp
will not happen.
& nbsp
That's all, it's done, Get out of here, come on, stop.
& nbsp
- All right... - This is fun, by the way.
& nbsp
You know Bob, say he can Take me at Ian Cams' window.
& nbsp
What?
& nbsp
- Yeah. - It was incredible.
& nbsp
Will you do it
& nbsp
No, I can't do that, no.
& nbsp
Why? This is a good opportunity.
& nbsp
Yes, listen, um...
& nbsp
I've been wanting to tell you something, I have to tell you something & nbsp
And I don't want you to be angry, okay?
& nbsp
But...
& nbsp
Here it is, my name is Sammy Legucci,
& nbsp
Not Derek Hesh and I enter Witness Protection Program.
& nbsp
In, in, in, what, do you kill someone?
& nbsp
No, no, listen...
& nbsp
What are you doing?
& nbsp
Only...
& nbsp
I am from Brooklyn, New York and I grew up with some bad people
& nbsp
and I do some very bad things
& nbsp
and now come back again and bite my ass.
& nbsp
Now I have to testify against them
& nbsp
and the government put me here.
& nbsp
You know, to protect me for a couple months until I come back and testify.
& nbsp
But only that, it's over, it's over.
& nbsp
Okay, so...
& nbsp
So, what does this mean for us?
& nbsp
No, that doesn't mean anything. I just want...
& nbsp
If I don't care about you, I won't say anything, but...
& nbsp
Listen, I'm sorry, it's just that, there's one more thing,
& nbsp
I have a daughter
& nbsp
Yes, and I have to go see him before all this goes down.
& nbsp
I'm sorry.
& nbsp
Please.
& nbsp
[instrumental soft rock music playing]
& nbsp
- How are you? - good
& nbsp
- How is Maddy? - He is fine.
& nbsp
- He is fine. - Right
& nbsp
- Enter and exit right? - There he is.
& nbsp
Well, I mean, forget about my boys girls make me fear more than them.
& nbsp
Tell me about that.
& nbsp
- He left, right? - Yeah.
& nbsp
He was in town for several days.
& nbsp
OK, good
& nbsp
Thank you, Frank.
& nbsp
Hi.
& nbsp
Why do you have to go? Not fair, Dad.
& nbsp
Maddy, I'll be back, I promise.
& nbsp
I can't say exactly when but I promise, I'll come back
& nbsp
Just saw your face.
& nbsp
You have nothing else family somewhere, not
& nbsp
What? No, I don't have another family, baby,
& nbsp
No, you're the only family I have.
& nbsp
Maddy, I love you so much, okay?
& nbsp
And I will come back, I promise, I will do it.
& nbsp
Do you think so?
& nbsp
I know that, honey.
& nbsp
Look, I want you to be a good girl,
& nbsp
I want you to listen to your mother, okay?
& nbsp
- Good. - I love you so much.
& nbsp
I love you too.
& nbsp
I have to go, okay
& nbsp
And now, you know, walking to the car,
& nbsp
fucking clothes on my neck, my head,
& nbsp
Everywhere, I hold it.
& nbsp
Go to my car, I look around,
& nbsp
It's fucking pulled, gone, nothing is there.
& nbsp
So, now, I schlepping to, uh, my friend's apartment...
& nbsp
Must bring Uber here.
& nbsp
You bring Uber, right?
& nbsp
Do you know that these people can review you?
& nbsp
What do you think this is? reviews Was this review helpful?
& nbsp
As if I don't have enough negative feedback in my life
& nbsp
And the technology in this car,
& nbsp
You know, you can enter,
& nbsp
connect your Spotify, listen wirelessly.
& nbsp
Maybe they should be connected to Tinder, maybe even the Hotel Tonight,
& nbsp
You know, take him out, Put him down, send him out.
& nbsp
Have you ever seen this JSwipe thing?
& nbsp
Yes, it's like a Tinder for bad people.
& nbsp
Done
& nbsp
[cheering and applause]
& nbsp
[Sammy] I have to find a better friend.
& nbsp
You know, most people have friends for life, all my friends are living.
& nbsp
You know, but I'm new in town.
& nbsp
You know, I started dating, I found this Girl, she has so many personalities.
& nbsp
He kept asking me, "Do you even like me?"
& nbsp
I'm like, "Yeah, I like all seven of your versions
& nbsp
I like your Sunday, I like you Tuesday, your Thursday is a little off.
& nbsp
Of course , I like you, You have sex with me. "
& nbsp
Hard dating, especially When you get older,
& nbsp
God, I'm old.
& nbsp
Do you know how I grow old?
& nbsp
I used to play basketball days, every day, nothing, I'm fine.
& nbsp
Yesterday, I pulled my muscles the neck ordered food and looked to the left.
& nbsp
Yes, there is a problem
& nbsp
Who is present in the audience? Everyone in the audience?
& nbsp
I got good news for you
& nbsp
After this financial crisis, personality makes a comeback.
& nbsp
Personality for sure makes smart, I swear
& nbsp
I have eight jokes and Honda Accord and I'm fucking everyone.
& nbsp
Okay, so, people call like crazy to order, Sammy.
& nbsp
We really can't bring them all.
& nbsp
Babe, can we still call me Derek?
& nbsp
My fake identity is the only one I still go here.
& nbsp
I really messed up, you know that right?
& nbsp
- Why? - By doing all this
& nbsp
Being "Human".
& nbsp
Doing standing.
& nbsp
I mean, you might think it's cool, but...
& nbsp
Where I come from, my friends Think about this very seriously.
& nbsp
Well, what about the people who protect you?
& nbsp
What about them
& nbsp
If you know where I come from, ha.
& nbsp
Yes, okay, look, there is a motel just past mile marker 61, meet there.
& nbsp
And a little talk maybe, you follow
& nbsp
Yes, and bring the money, okay?
& nbsp
Of course, I'm sure, how are you...
& nbsp
Okay, yes, goodbye.
& nbsp
Oh, that feels really good. I'm glad you're here
& nbsp
I know, I'm very happy to be here.
& nbsp
Uh, unfortunately, tonight we can't do anything & nbsp
What are you talking about about? You are here
& nbsp
I know, but my boyfriend just reminded me,
& nbsp
- Mercury is in a retrograde state. - What?
& nbsp
What do retrograde have? to do with you and me?
& nbsp
I'm very sensitive now.
& nbsp
And sleeping with you tonight can really make me go
& nbsp
What? You don't even know it's entering retrograde before your friend tells you.
& nbsp
I know. But I know something must be off
& nbsp
I mean, I cried when a commercial "Save Tiger"
& nbsp
and I don't even care about tigers.
& nbsp
Can't you start this whole? nonsense backwards tomorrow?
& nbsp
I can't, I made a decision this morning & nbsp
and if there is one thing, you cannot change your mind when Mercury is retrograde.
& nbsp
Hmm, well.
& nbsp
I think maybe you should go.
& nbsp
You want to hug
& nbsp
Let's hug.
& nbsp
This is a disaster.
& nbsp
No, that's good, there.
& nbsp
Yes, yes.
& nbsp
I mean, he's not even a talented person.
& nbsp
Come on, Sal, you have to stop that crap.
& nbsp
Look, Sammy is always funny.
& nbsp
He has something about him,
& nbsp
You know, he is the type from men you go to parties...
& nbsp
♪ I know when I meet you ♪
& nbsp
♪ That I love you And I need you ♪
& nbsp
Sal, what's wrong with you?
& nbsp
Damn, Dom.
& nbsp
See,
& nbsp
I'm the one who plays peter pan in fifth grade
& nbsp
- Jesus Christ. - Hah?
& nbsp
Remember that? I am doing fine.
& nbsp
I'm so great.
& nbsp
Fly around and bad luck.
& nbsp
Sammy? He can't even play one of them loses a boy.
& nbsp
All he has to do is play lose.
& nbsp
Yes, Star Search, You will lose it.
& nbsp
Good? Look,
I don't even want to do this bad Sammy.
What? Hunt him, take our friend
& nbsp
Oh yes? Do you want to go to your uncle Pat, and say we didn't do it?
& nbsp
Guy isn't even my real uncle.
& nbsp
He you know, friend of family who is always at home,
and you have to call him uncle.
& nbsp
Damn, I got a real uncle Jealous when they heard me call him uncle.
& nbsp
It's too late, Dom, it's already moving.
& nbsp
Fuck.
& nbsp
I can't believe you just sang a song.
& nbsp
Hey, I just tried to show anything
& nbsp
Yes.
& nbsp
I want to be able to move him if we need to move it
& nbsp
Move him if you want to move it, you say?
& nbsp
Achoo.
& nbsp
Do you just sneeze?
& nbsp
Sounds like you said, "achoo" but you don't sneeze.
& nbsp
Yes, that's how I sneeze.
& nbsp
Achoo.
& nbsp
- Bless you. - Thank you.
& nbsp
Okay, look.
& nbsp
We have to keep getting closer Eyes at Legucci, okay?
& nbsp
We are hired to protect it, we Can't let this move away from us.
& nbsp
I understand. Sometimes a Humans must trust their instincts
& nbsp
like a cat on a summer sprinkler.
& nbsp
What languages are you talking about
& nbsp
I don't understand.
& nbsp
Listen, let's make it everyone's life is much easier.
& nbsp
You pay more attention to Legucci.
& nbsp
No problem.
& nbsp
Achoo.
& nbsp
Bless you.
& nbsp
But, you know, it's like
& nbsp
When I first or second wake up Here, try this whole comedy.
& nbsp
I used to make fun of people, who used to go out of the audience
& nbsp
and be like, choose someone from, I mean it's not comedy.
& nbsp
I think I have to tell a joke,
& nbsp
I have to start learning how to tell stories.
& nbsp
So I'll try some jokes on you guys.
& nbsp
Do you like blond jokes?
& nbsp
What is a blonde girl? when did he wake up in the morning?
& nbsp
"Which of you invited me home?"
& nbsp
A blonde girl was driving to the beach, she saw a sign that read, "Left Beach",
& nbsp
he made a U-turn and returned home.
& nbsp
These blonde girls are amazing.
& nbsp
Yeah, so this blonde girl drives on the highway,
& nbsp
he cuts some people,
& nbsp
and the person pulls the next one on him and says, "Pull Over".
& nbsp
He pulls the car up, he like, "Get out of the vehicle",
& nbsp
take a pencil, draw a circle, say, "Stay in the circle, don't move".
& nbsp
He stands there, he turns around , picks up a baseball bat,
& nbsp
and start breaking all of the windows, boom, boom.
& nbsp
He turned around, the girl entered the floor, laughed, ha-ha.
& nbsp
He is like, "What's funny?"
& nbsp
Take a match, turn it on cars, blow nonsense.
& nbsp
Apparently, the girl Dead on the floor, laughing.
& nbsp
He said, "Are you stupid or stupid? Something funny?"
& nbsp
He goes, "I'm stupid? Every time you I turn around, I'm out of the circle."
& nbsp
[audience laughs]
& nbsp
Because you don't do it looks like a bad person to me
& nbsp
My smile
& nbsp
It has been throwing people away for years.
& nbsp
You should have seen my first mugshot.
& nbsp
Looks like I won the lottery.
& nbsp
Can you be serious, for once?
& nbsp
[cellphone beeps]
& nbsp
I will take this
& nbsp
Hello.
& nbsp
Derek.
& nbsp
When Hashem gives you a gift,
& nbsp
You have to go with it.
& nbsp
So be prepared to curl up, throw and start to get nervous,
& nbsp
Because you got the The Show
& nbsp
- Bob? - Who else?
& nbsp
I don't know, anyone except Bob.
& nbsp
Bubbale, you get a show.
& nbsp
This is the key, I send them videos and they like it.
& nbsp
We have dates.
& nbsp
Bob, you messed up my life, seriously.
& nbsp
This is a lifetime opportunity.
& nbsp
Comic careers are made by performing Performances.
& nbsp
Look, I appreciate it, I really did it.
& nbsp
But I can't do it.
& nbsp
I will let the marinade.
& nbsp
Alright, marinate.
& nbsp
I can't do it. I appreciate it
& nbsp
Listen, thank you, but, no thanks.
& nbsp
Good, I'll call you tomorrow. We will close the deal.
& nbsp
Hello, Hello
& nbsp
What did he say?
& nbsp
I said that all in your head, bro.
& nbsp
I mean, why not try to find a girl who doesn't drive you crazy?
& nbsp
They are out there, you know.
& nbsp
[Sal] my intestine says that he is there His hand is on another man now.
& nbsp
Both hands.
& nbsp
You only gel your hair?
& nbsp
I put a little spritz in it.
& nbsp
Try something new.
& nbsp
That's good.
& nbsp
- thank you - [knock on the door]
& nbsp
Uh, this is this bad train accident.
& nbsp
How are you doing, Marshall?
& nbsp
I have a problem drinking and I have a crush on a South American prostitute.
& nbsp
What is my appearance?
& nbsp
Everything is there
& nbsp
Here it is, this is where He spends most of his time.
& nbsp
How are you doing? Sammy?
& nbsp
You know, I've been in this job for almost 20 years,
& nbsp
and I have never seen ingratiate themselves in a community so fast.
& nbsp
The person finds the call.
& nbsp
Must give it to it, right?
& nbsp
We will give it to him, alright.
& nbsp
Yeah, well, he's close. So must be up fast enough.
& nbsp
Good.
& nbsp
We will give another 20 when the job is complete
& nbsp
Then I will see you soon.
& nbsp
[close the door]
& nbsp
Marshalls this big city is always on the verge of something,
& nbsp
always on the verge of corruption, I don't know
& nbsp
This is just confusion over a crossword puzzle on a blind person on Tuesday.
& nbsp
- Achoo - Bless you.
& nbsp
Thank you dear Achoo.
& nbsp
- Bless you. - Thank you, dear.
& nbsp
Well, why don't you check Marshall notes?
& nbsp
You know, find out if he succeeded calls to the New York area recently,
& nbsp
and if so, for whom.
& nbsp
That's a good idea.
& nbsp
I will do it myself but that's the case A strong idea still, baby.
& nbsp
I'm just trying to help. Right, Rex? Mother just wants to help.
& nbsp
Right.
& nbsp
Rex, did you brush teeth this morning
& nbsp
No, I rest from the brush.
& nbsp
Need to take a break from the brush.
& nbsp
That Marshall is a real work, huh?
& nbsp
Yes, it looks like he has 20 years of bad luck.
& nbsp
Someone else will see some bad luck today.
& nbsp
[door open]
& nbsp
Can I help you?
& nbsp
We are looking for our friends.
& nbsp
We heard he was inside.
& nbsp
Only friends here are mine.
& nbsp
Back up, Earl.
& nbsp
Yeah, I'll be back, but I here if you need me
& nbsp
I am a drinker, boy.
& nbsp
I do nonsense during the day.
& nbsp
Let's Dance.
& nbsp
No, where is he?
& nbsp
I feel your confidence
& nbsp
of your panting chest
& nbsp
and your beautiful hair
& nbsp
But we don't know your friends.
& nbsp
We don't make new friends.
& nbsp
The long list is closed.
& nbsp
Yes.
& nbsp
Maybe this will help.
& nbsp
Oh no.
& nbsp
You can check inside if you want.
& nbsp
Go ahead.
& nbsp
You have a big taste in hair.
& nbsp
But this isn't over yet.
& nbsp
Let's go.
& nbsp
Bad people send us directly to the clubhouse
& nbsp
Time to pay a visit to Marshall.
& nbsp
We can stay here if you need us.
& nbsp
I don't really like sleeping parties with dudes and I don't bring my pajamas,
& nbsp
but I can see you very, very scared.
& nbsp
I guess the rifle and the ax vibrate I will take a moment.
& nbsp
How did they find me?
& nbsp
I am in Wisconsin.
& nbsp
Hmm.
& nbsp
- Most specifically considering your tiny petite. - I'm 5'7 "
& nbsp
I think it's a bit of a lie.
& nbsp
5 '6 and half.
& nbsp
I think you are still lying to yourself.
& nbsp
5'6 ", honest.
& nbsp
Leave it alone.
& nbsp
Maybe like 5'4".
& nbsp
And you all through the internet.
& nbsp
[man on radio] Hey, this is Mike Stevens,
& nbsp
welcome back to 106.5 WKTU.
& nbsp
Some local gossip news here,
& nbsp
we hear local comedians and internet sensations, Derek Hesh
& nbsp
will announce that he goes to Ian Cams' window.
& nbsp
Everything will go down tonight in Corner Parks.
& nbsp
Looking forward to winning tickets this week
& nbsp
and only shoot two hours in Grand Rapids.
& nbsp
I tried eating pussy puppets and I splashed on my teeth.
& nbsp
[ventriloquist] All right, That is enough, we have to go.
& nbsp
Good.
& nbsp
Destroyed pussy and my night.
& nbsp
Let's go there so you can all feel bad about our lives.
& nbsp
That's a good idea.
& nbsp
Women and men,
& nbsp
responsible person The success of this place,
& nbsp
and he did The Show, Derek Hesh.
& nbsp
What Oh!
& nbsp
You know, the first time I came Here, I don't know what I'm doing.
& nbsp
and you laugh.
& nbsp
And that makes me feel really good.
& nbsp
But unfortunately,
& nbsp
this is the end for me
& nbsp
I can't do Performances.
& nbsp
Derek Hesh isn't even my name.
& nbsp
Derek Hesh is his name the government gave me
& nbsp
My name is Sammy Legucci.
& nbsp
I am a little gangster from Brooklyn
& nbsp
and I decided to testify against my best friends
& nbsp
The government puts me here so they can protect me.
& nbsp
They don't really do a good job.
& nbsp
You don't know these people.
& nbsp
Wait here, excuse me.
& nbsp
Wait a minute, excuse me.
& nbsp
Excuse me, Derek or Sammy or whatever your name is,
& nbsp
can you just sit I have something to say.
& nbsp
Sit down.
& nbsp
You wake people in this city.
& nbsp
I lost my wife,
& nbsp
love in my life,
& nbsp
That woman means everything to me.
& nbsp
Sure, I lost him
& nbsp
a few blocks away
& nbsp
to scratch berry farmers.
& nbsp
What is this?
& nbsp
The point is,
& nbsp
You give me a way out.
& nbsp
So, thank you
& nbsp
[Clint] me too
& nbsp
Dirt.
& nbsp
I'm famous for you, bro.
& nbsp
and
& nbsp
Most of you people fucking know me because you might drive me home when I'm drunk.
& nbsp
But, guess what, it's not me now.
& nbsp
Good?
& nbsp
I saw the video
& nbsp
and I see the anger that made me The best of me and I cried.
& nbsp
I cry.
& nbsp
For the first time in my life.
& nbsp
And I do not know what you're...
& nbsp
If you damn people know what 35 years of hidden tears look like,
& nbsp
I will tell you.
& nbsp
It's like my eyes go to the bathroom
& nbsp
Every eye, individually, just fucking peeing
& nbsp
Fuck...
& nbsp
One time in third grade, a poor young man
& nbsp
makes expensive call errors I am stupid when I am speaking,
& nbsp
So, I chewed his nose and pushed him off the bridge.
& nbsp
I take care of that.
& nbsp
But I digress.
& nbsp
You know, I never see my sister so happy
& nbsp
It used to see it bad relationship after a bad relationship
& nbsp
after a bad relationship
& nbsp
Usually have to enter
& nbsp
and hit people very hard.
& nbsp
So I don't really care what your real name is,
& nbsp
or what you did in your past,
& nbsp
or even how high you are.
& nbsp
I only know that
& nbsp
You make it really happy
& nbsp
And, um, he's happy means a lot to me, so...
& nbsp
So I say if you want to go do The Show then just go.
& nbsp
Iron Badgers is back.
& nbsp
[cheering]
& nbsp
Let's do it.
& nbsp
Do you like Italian food?
& nbsp
I like Italian food, I go to Italy restaurants in this city, amazing.
& nbsp
I entered,
& nbsp
The waiter came, he gave me a menu.
& nbsp
I like, "Excuse me, what about Is the paste here?"
& nbsp
He goes, "This is $ 21."
& nbsp
I go,
& nbsp
"Who asks, what?"
& nbsp
He is like, "I don't know, No one ordered it, the price is $ 21."
& nbsp
The difference is, where do I come from,
& nbsp
You go to Italy restaurant for an experience.
& nbsp
This is a real experience, you enter,
& nbsp
a man named Joey walked over, he was like, "how are you doing?"
& nbsp
are you good? "," Good, I'm good. " " Yeah, sit down, what, are you hungry? "
& nbsp
" Yes, I'm thinking Maybe we'll have pasta. "
& nbsp
" Do you want pasta? Frankie!
& nbsp
Let's persuade this person to some meatballs,
& nbsp
let's get him some penne, let's find some spaghetti, let's find pasta.
& nbsp
What do you drink
& nbsp
"Maybe a glass of wine." "Give him a bottle of wine."
& nbsp
I'm eating, I'm drinking, that's the best experience of my life,
& nbsp
then I ask him the bill. Guy left, "Bill? We don't have a bill here.
& nbsp
I mean, what do you have?" "There are some pasta, some wine."
& nbsp
"Give me $ 300, we're good."
& nbsp
$ 300, can't be trusted
& nbsp
Do you like Jewish jokes?
& nbsp
Anyone who wants to hear Jewish jokes?
& nbsp
One day, outside the church, There are two people standing there.
& nbsp
One person holding the sign said, "I am a Jew, please help."
& nbsp
Right next to him, there is another boy standing up, saying, "I'm Catholic, please help."
& nbsp
People leave the church, they see these two people,
& nbsp
everyone walks toward Catholicism, Obviously, it's outside the church,
& nbsp
start giving him money
& nbsp
This lasts for weeks.
& nbsp
More often, they see this man holding the sign, which says, "I'm Jewish",
& nbsp
They go to Catholics, they Give him more money, more money.
& nbsp
One day the pastor came out.
& nbsp
Walk to people with marks, "I'm Jewish",
& nbsp
say, "Listen, I'll help you out,
& nbsp
You know, there is a synagogue in the block,
& nbsp
I think if you stand there, you will produce more money,
& nbsp
You clearly see people giving money to men with the sign "Catholic".
& nbsp
The man looks at the priest, then looks at him the man with the "Catholic" sign and goes,
& nbsp
"Jaco, they try teach us how to make money."
& nbsp
[audience laughs]
& nbsp
Jews, they are the best.
& nbsp
I'm sure I'm fine, just let it go I talked to him for a while.
& nbsp
[Maria] For what? ...What for? Sammy?
& nbsp
Look, I just want to hear his voice, okay
& nbsp
God forbids, something happens, I just want to hear his voice.
& nbsp
Please put him on the phone, Maria, only one second?
All right, Sammy.
& nbsp
Don't let him fall.
& nbsp
We will watch.
& nbsp
Nothing will happen to you.
& nbsp
Good? There is no.
& nbsp
You have never been in trouble,
& nbsp
this redneck won't be there pull the trigger on you
& nbsp
We know that.
& nbsp
We just want to thank you for making us close
& nbsp
Seriously.
& nbsp
You will get the rest of your money.
& nbsp
Well, that's very appreciated.
& nbsp
My prostitutes make me undergo couples therapy.
& nbsp
Whatever.
& nbsp
You can get us fucking killed out there
& nbsp
Killed? What? Will you relax
& nbsp
No one was killed on my watch.
& nbsp
I've been doing this for 23 years...
& nbsp
Enough.
& nbsp
No wonder this person pays for the vagina, won't shut up.
& nbsp
What the hell, Sal? In the car?
& nbsp
Sorry, I will clean it.
& nbsp
I'm on the edge.
& nbsp
Lorie hasn't responded in 13 hours,
& nbsp
except for two or three Ks and "Of course, I still like you."
& nbsp
I mean, I'm really,
& nbsp
lose my mind at this time
& nbsp
[Dom] Sal, you killed a US Marshall, bro...
& nbsp
[Sal] Dude, he has three new people like on the page,
& nbsp
from people I've never seen before.
& nbsp
- [Dom] you are not stable - [Sal] you tell me
& nbsp
He put two pictures from himself in underwear.
& nbsp
I mean, what's the matter?
& nbsp
[Dom] Are you a woman posting lingerie pictures on Facebook?
& nbsp
[Sal] Yes, he said, if I can model, so does he.
& nbsp
[Dom] But you are not even a damn model.
& nbsp
[Sal] Come on, man, Where is the support?
& nbsp
I'm working on my display book.
& nbsp
[Dom] Oh, shut up, come on.
& nbsp
Oh my God, this is a bad bastard.
& nbsp
Oh my God.
& nbsp
I am a Special Agent Nicholas. Can we talk?
& nbsp
And do you think Marshall calls a shot?
& nbsp
Yes, I did. He is sleepy disposition about him
& nbsp
And I've worked from the intestine instincts and cornbread for 20 years.
& nbsp
Okay, I got a strong feeling rather than redneck with a pale wife.
& nbsp
Look, this is a serious accusation, Colin.
& nbsp
Do those words come out of your mouth?
& nbsp
Nothing has been corrupted Marshall connection since 1977.
& nbsp
I understand.
& nbsp
I understand but I'm more confident than a week old toast in the cougar kitchen.
& nbsp
Look, my husband has a gift.
& nbsp
He said that he thought that I daddy deceived my mother,
& nbsp
Two weeks later, they filed for divorce.
& nbsp
Daddy has a lover.
& nbsp
Mm-hmm.
& nbsp
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
& nbsp
Do you know other women or?
& nbsp
A woman? No, he left him for the age of 26 years of firefighter named Brick.
& nbsp
- Big bastard - Oh yeah.
& nbsp
Then I'll call.
& nbsp
Humans don't ask you a Walker Texas, buddy.
& nbsp
Go make calls
& nbsp
Why do you see my wife funny?
& nbsp
No, I don't see your wife funny?
& nbsp
I just feel uncomfortable with Brick.
& nbsp
I really never cared about what someone told me.
& nbsp
Unlike your physical presence, Your fear is very high.
& nbsp
But that's not necessary.
& nbsp
We will get to place, assess the situation,
& nbsp
and make sure you are protected.
& nbsp
I hope that bastard tries some nonsense.
& nbsp
- No, no. - No, no.
& nbsp
Okay, everything will be fine.
& nbsp
We will go there, You will be amazing,
& nbsp
and then, we will go home.
& nbsp
Because I also have a way many plans for us, okay
& nbsp
You know what God says about plans, don't you?
& nbsp
You don't know
& nbsp
Hey,
& nbsp
I want to say something to you on that stage.
& nbsp
Oh, yes, what would you say?
& nbsp
I will say that you have make my life so much better.
& nbsp
You know, whatever it is happens between us, this...
& nbsp
just right
& nbsp
Am I right
& nbsp
I mean, if we really break it,
& nbsp
Do I make your life much better?
& nbsp
- I mean, there is a whole lie. - Hmm.
& nbsp
- Criminal past - Hmm.
& nbsp
Can you keep your mouth shut?
& nbsp
Well, let's introduce Derek Hesh to the world.
& nbsp
♪
& nbsp
♪
& nbsp
That must be done.
& nbsp
For this, you two will get it a lump when you come back, Sal.
You and Dom both.
& nbsp
We have big plans for you.
& nbsp
We appreciate that, Pat.
& nbsp
Of course.
& nbsp
What am I, beast
& nbsp
Call me when it's finished
& nbsp
You want to know the truth
& nbsp
Please, my enlightenment.
& nbsp
I will hit you with truth.
& nbsp
When a girl says "K", she doesn't care about you.
& nbsp
And when he said, "I like your ", that is not the code for love.
& nbsp
He is fucking like you, like it, that's all.
& nbsp
And he is silent at 9:00 a.m.,
& nbsp
there is a 99 percent chance he fucks other people
& nbsp
You are crossing the line, Dom.
& nbsp
You really cross the damn line!
& nbsp
Damn Sammy in every dream I once knew, you know that.
& nbsp
Dude, children like the breast balls all.
& nbsp
Not for nothing, Sal, modeling,
& nbsp
a little out there
& nbsp
I'm not comfortable looking in certain circles.
& nbsp
Anyway, fuck Sam. He's a rat.
& nbsp
- Is he a rat? - Yeah, he's a rat
& nbsp
Everyone is a fucking mouse.
& nbsp
For everything we know, that's Pat is dimming us.
& nbsp
I mean, that bastard got intelligence on everyone
& nbsp
He knows where Sammy lives, what he does, where he goes,
& nbsp
Who else knows?
& nbsp
This is what it is, Dom.
& nbsp
Fuck phrases that are used too often.
& nbsp
Lorie likes the words.
& nbsp
[motor engine revving]
& nbsp
♪
& nbsp
[cellphone beeps]
& nbsp
I have to take this
& nbsp
Hello.
& nbsp
They say Derek Hesh is performing,
& nbsp
they don't even photograph you
& nbsp
Yes, they don't do it all the time.
& nbsp
Dear God, I swear to God, Sam Legucci,
& nbsp
If you aren't on TV tonight...
& nbsp
Calm down, okay
& nbsp
Wear Maddy on the phone.
& nbsp
Good, baby,
& nbsp
your father.
& nbsp
- Dad? - Hello dear.
& nbsp
Daddy, you don't have to be so nervous, you will be great
& nbsp
I know, listen, Maddy.
& nbsp
No matter what happens tonight,
& nbsp
I just want you to know that I love you
& nbsp
more than anything in the world, okay, baby
& nbsp
What do you mean? This will be great.
& nbsp
I know.
& nbsp
Can you return your mother to the phone?
& nbsp
I love you, Maddy.
& nbsp
We will watch, Sammy Legucci.
& nbsp
I hope you know what you are doing.
& nbsp
Me too.
& nbsp
[beep cellphone]
& nbsp
[chuckles]
& nbsp
There must be love there are at some point
& nbsp
I will call more like a strong and strong .
& nbsp
Okay, what is this with Derek Hesh?
& nbsp
Uh, millions of hits, kid's blowing up,
& nbsp
I mean, this event is very lucky to have it.
& nbsp
Well, I've heard about Chappelle. I already Heard of Attell, I've heard of Rock.
I've never heard of Hesh.
& nbsp
Well, you will be after tonight.
& nbsp
Didn't I say you would take you here?
& nbsp
Thank you, Manny.
& nbsp
Hey,
& nbsp
I know this is difficult for you to understand our world,
& nbsp
This is what we do.
& nbsp
Now, tap them.
& nbsp
"Knock them dead?"
& nbsp
What do you mean, "special bait"?
& nbsp
This is welcometotheshow. tv, and we can watch live all their recordings.
& nbsp
We will see Daddy TV, this will be great.
& nbsp
That will be very good, honey.
& nbsp
Mother, you have to give she breaks, she is trying
& nbsp
What else can you ask for?
& nbsp
And he's famous.
& nbsp
He is famous.
& nbsp
- Let's do it? - good Mm-hmm.
& nbsp
You know this is amazing right?
& nbsp
You can get your moment.
& nbsp
Not everyone can get their moments.
& nbsp
Hmm.
& nbsp
See you when it's all over.
& nbsp
[romantic pop song playing]
& nbsp
♪
& nbsp
Well, if not Don fucking Rickles.
& nbsp
[gunshot]
& nbsp
- Don't move bad luck. - don't you move?
& nbsp
[Dom panting]
& nbsp
I'm very sick of your whining.
& nbsp
what's the matter
& nbsp
Oh my God.
& nbsp
Dom, I met some people.
& nbsp
They can hide you, come with me.
& nbsp
No, bro.
& nbsp
You're unlucky.
& nbsp
I'm proud of you, bro.
& nbsp
I always love you, Dom.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
& nbsp
You are in five minutes.
& nbsp
I'm sorry.
I only met some old friends.
& nbsp
Okay, let's go
& nbsp
[Ian] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the event,
& nbsp
we are happy to have it, give it, you guys,
& nbsp
for the very funny, funny, Derek Hesh.
& nbsp
Thank you very much, thank you
Maddy, look at this,
& nbsp
Um...
& nbsp
- [cheering] - Right.
& nbsp
Thank you.
& nbsp
Um, you know, I'm not Google or what
& nbsp
but I'm sure I'm the first comedian in comedy history
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to do The Show while is still in the Witness Protection Program.
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Yes, the program has new things they try, they throw you on TV,
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and just hope for the best.
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Uh, but actually,
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has a hard comment for everyone
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actually not bad how to enter comedy.
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I mean, I've been in the program for, like, a month now,
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I must have offended the whole city.
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Um...
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But to find out how I got here,
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we have to start with me family, ha, my family
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My father,
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the last thing he told me Before he left, he was like,
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"Son, you are the person from home now."
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I thought to myself, "I am seven years old."
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He is a bank robber.
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Not good, we never have money.
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Man is extraordinary, That person is extraordinary.
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I mean, the last time I saw it, He came out to bring a box of milk,
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the next time I see him, he is in a milk carton.
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I mean, he kept sending I photographed himself.
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Always wear the same things, orange jumpsuit.
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I just thought he liked Halloween, what do I know, right?
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But, you know, I promise myself, I will never be like him,
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no siree, I will never be like him,
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But I think life gambles, right?
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I mean, I made everything the way here on the bet.
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So you know what, from now on,
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I will bet on myself.
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That's right, I'll bet on Sammy Legucci
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[audience claps]
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I appreciate your time, thank you very much, thank you, thank you
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Maddy, I love you so much a lot, see you later
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Thank you very much.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Thank you very much. Thank you.
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[audience cheers]
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Synchronize and correct by explosives
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