NEW PEOPLE FILM COMPANY
With the financial support from the Ministry of Culture of Russia
If my memory serves me right, it happened in the zoo in Rostov.
What happened there?
They bought some low-quality food for the animals.
The food came from a disreputable supplier.
A disciplinary board investigated the deal.
- Just imagine if they investigate us. - Oh, man!
- You want more mayo? - Yeah. It's too hot.
Enough, enough!
Did we resolve this issue with the live food in the terrarium?
That's not my job. I've got nothing to do with this thing.
- Who's in charge of terrariums? - How the hell should I know?
Holy shit, what's wrong with her?
Natasha?
Hey, what's wrong with you, beauty?
- Did she faint? - Yeah, sure. Why would she?
Natasha!
Hey, Natasha.
What's going on here?
- Natasha? Hey, you! - Look, girls, she turned white.
- Natasha! - Check her pulse.
- Are you all right, Natasha? - Natasha. Wait.
- Kate, I am calling an ambulance! - Do it. Natasha!
- Natasha! - No smelling salts! Let's use perfume.
Girls, I don't think she's breathing!
- Call an ambulance! - Dial 112!
- Natasha! - Check her pulse!
- Natasha! Come on, wake up! - I think I can feel her pulse.
Everything's going to be fine. Don't shake her like that!
Here we are. I think she is alive.
ZOOLOGY
- Natasha, are you hungry? - Yes, Mum, I am a bit hungry.
Dinner's ready. I cooked some burgers. You love them.
Thanks, Mum.
Good.
You know, I heard some terrible news today.
What is it?
They arrested a woman somewhere in Europe.
She worked at a zoo.
For several years,
she's been secretly sinning with an ape.
Mum, why do you watch these TV shows?
Why not switch channels?
They're all crazy over there in Europe.
They deny Christianity. As a result, they fall into heresy.
Why is Barsik yelling?
- I locked him up in the room. - Why?
He's been running around like crazy.
- Maybe he's sick? - He can't tell spring from autumn.
Barsik is no good for that.
He doesn't get excited about spring anymore. He's too old.
Why old?
- Cats usually live long. - Well...
- Good afternoon. - Hello.
Could you recommend me any painkillers?
Well, where does it hurt?
I don't feel well. I am asthenic.
That was quite a situation we had.
- I think it was food poisoning. - No way. She doesn't eat anything.
- Maybe she's pregnant. - What? Are you crazy?
- Why? I'm serious. - Are you kidding?
Who's the father, then? I've never seen her with a man.
- She's never had anyone. No way. - And what if...
- What if she's really sick? - She is nuts.
Come on. It was just food poisoning. Nothing else.
What if she's got cancer?
You're so mean!
- Can I have more tea? - Yeah, sure.
Remember how they used to treat patients? You can see it in old movies.
You stuck out your tongue, then a doctor looked at your eyes.
And he could immediately diagnose you.
But what are they doing now?
Remember how they used to hit you on the knee with a small hammer?
They don't do it anymore.
"What's the problem? I see." And they prescribe you pills.
Let me examine you now.
- Did you try any home treatments? - Home treatments? Well, I...
When it started to ache, I applied some ointment to my lower back.
Just for the night. And this is what I saw the following morning.
This is what I got.
OK, you can put your clothes back on.
Well, you will have to have an X-ray.
I'd like to take a look at the image before discussing the treatment.
Natalia Nikolaevna.
- I'll have to have an X-ray. - Yes, definitely.
Once we have the X-ray, we can choose the doctor who'll treat you.
- Are you done with me? - Yes.
- May I? - Yes, come in.
- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.
- I've got a request for an X-ray here. - Let me take a look.
Well...
- It's your lower back, right? - Yes.
When did you have your last X-ray?
I don't remember.
A long time ago. That was probably back at school when we had a check-up.
Back at school? Let us conclude that it's your first X-ray then.
Please, go to the back room.
You'll find a chair there. Please, take off your clothes
and put on the apron and the belt, then lie down on the couch.
Please, let me know when you're ready.
Oh, my... It doesn't hurt, does it?
- Do I have to put on this thing? - Yes, definitely.
- I have to put it on. - Take off your clothes and put that on.
- Is everything fine? - Yes, I just need another second.
I'm almost ready.
OK.
- Please, lie down with your head to me. - OK.
All right.
I'm ready.
We can't do it like that. I can't X-ray you this way.
- Let's pull this thing off. - Please, don't.
- We have to. Let me do it. - No.
Please.
Let me do it.
I see.
You should've told me right away.
All right.
Here's what we are going to do.
Curve your back.
Yes, that's better this way.
Could you hold it so it doesn't wiggle? Way to go. Thanks.
And you shouldn't move, either.
OK? Don't move.
We are done. You can put on your clothes.
It wasn't that bad, was it?
- It's OK. - I'll prepare my report in a week.
- Here you go. - Why so long?
Could you probably do it faster? Please.
Please. I really need it.
Come back tomorrow.
- I will prepare it for you. - Wonderful.
I'm Natasha.
- Petya. - Nice to meet you.
I work till 7:00pm. You can come in the afternoon.
- I'll be here after work. - Good.
- Thank you. Goodbye. - Goodbye.
Hello.
Come here.
Just a second.
Here you go. Good boy.
Here you go.
Are you OK?
You beautiful girl.
Good, isn't it? You like it?
Good? You beautiful girl.
Yeah, you are beautiful.
Yes, you are.
Why are you so shy today?
Are you on a diet?
Hello to you, too.
Hello, my darlings. Good morning.
Good morning to you, too.
My darlings. You are all beautiful.
- A home for swans. - A pond?
Checking. You're right.
Nah, I think it's a lake. Four letters, starting with an L. L-A-K-E.
- A female hippo. Seven letters. - Natasha!
Her skin is almost scaly. I don't want to bring it on myself.
She's more like a fat, bald hamster.
- Hey, girls, did you see my calculator? - No.
- You left it on your table yesterday. - It's nowhere around.
I can't find it.
Watch me.
Look around. I saw it yesterday.
- It's not here. - It isn't. Weird.
- Did you put it away? - Oh, I put it in the drawer. I forgot.
Why? I never put my calculator in there.
- Oh, my God! - Here comes your calculator!
It's over there! Grab it!
- Come on! For crying out loud! - Look, there's another one!
Grab your calculator. You were looking for it, weren't you?
- You two are so mean to me! - Look at this cutie.
- Please, stop it! - You bought them.
But no animal wants them.
You can do whatever you want with them.
- Natasha. - Yeah?
You know, there's something I want to tell you.
They say there is a woman in our neighbourhood
who is possessed.
How do they know?
Well, you can't talk to her or look her in the eye.
And how do they know she's possessed?
She's probably just a regular woman.
How can they tell?
Because she's grown a tail.
And this tail looks like a giant snake.
It's so thick, and it coils.
And the tail has a mind of its own.
Now, don't laugh, please.
- It's really serious. - Yeah.
- Our neighbour's friend, she... - Yes?
- She met that woman and talked to her. - And?
And today she was diagnosed with cancer!
Don't laugh, please. I'm not senile!
I cannot allow you.
It's impossible.
Can I receive communion?
Is there any way?
No way.
I am sorry.
She has got a Devil's mark.
Is she hideous? What does she look like?
Well, they say she's thickset and solid.
She looks like a man. But she wears women's clothes.
But where does she hide her tail?
If she's the Devil, she must have a tail. Where does she hide it?
In her panties.
- What? - Panties?
- How come? - Can a long tail go in the panties?
She found a way to do it.
- That makes sense. - Yes, if you think about it...
- Why not? - Where else would she hide it?
Oh, God...
Did you move when they took your X-ray?
No. I didn't.
The image is too blurry.
- What do you mean? - You can take a look.
See? Right here.
- It's blurred, see? - Yes.
The rays didn't pass through here.
This area is completely dark.
And here...
You can't see anything here.
You should be able to see all the details clearly.
What should I do now?
Well, I'll have to order another X-ray for you.
Well, I'll do whatever's necessary.
OK. Next Monday, you will go for an X-ray.
And you can have another appointment with me next Friday.
Can I go for an X-ray today?
Sure, if the doctor hasn't left yet.
So I'll have to hurry.
- Thank you and goodbye. - Goodbye.
Petya!
- Petya, Petya. - Oh, hi.
- You know, we couldn't make it happen. - What do you mean?
- I had an appointment with him... - With whom?
- The surgeon. - Oh.
He said I have to go for another X-ray.
I asked him when, and he said next Monday.
Next Friday, I have to see him again and I asked if I could have the X-ray sooner.
He said I could do it today if you were still there.
I'm so glad you're still here.
- Well, yes, I am. Let's do it. - He said we should do another one...
because something didn't come through the last time.
- And there are some darkened areas. - Darkened areas?
- Yes! - It happens. Let's do it again, then.
Oh, good!
Done!
I want to thank you.
What do you mean?
Here's something for you.
Natasha, I can't take it. I'm sorry.
- Why not? - I can't.
- No, no, I won't take it. I can't. - But why?
- Is this wine that bad? - I can't drink.
- They said it's good. - It's good, but I can't accept it.
You can take it home.
- Give me your bag, I'll put it there. - No, I don't want it.
- Natasha, open up your bag. - No, no.
- OK, that's enough. - Take it home and drink it.
I don't drink, OK?
- Never? - Never.
Neither do I.
- Just a sip for me, please. - I didn't even start pouring.
- Here we go. A bit for you and for me. - No, no, that's too much!
- I'll have just as much. That's fair. - You can have more.
Wait, I'll cut the apple.
- We are having a picnic, right? - Yes, it's wonderful.
Well...
- Cheers. - You know I want to make a toast.
I want to drink to... Let's drink to...
- Let our dreams come true. - Yes.
Cheers.
- Mind your step. - Yeah.
- Are we there yet? - Almost there.
- Oh, almost there? - Yes.
And why did we take these wash basins?
- The wash basins? - Yeah.
- Look there. - Oh.
Wow.
But what is this?
- This is something amazing. - Wow!
- Want me to show you something? - Yes.
- What is it? - Watch me.
- Where are you going? - I'll be right back.
- Petya? - Watch me!
Careful! Oh...
- Ready? - Yes... Ready for what?
- Wow! - Now it's your turn!
- Mine? - Yes.
No, I can't.
- Yes, you can! Come on! - No way!
- I'll help you. - No, this is scary.
- Come here. Hold my hand. - No, no, I am afraid.
Come on, this is not that scary. You saw me do it.
- Let me take it this way. - All right.
- I'll fall down. - Don't worry, you won't.
- Wait... - Come on, up you go.
- Wait! - Don't worry, just go up.
- Come on! - I shouldn't look down.
- You shouldn't look down where? - I'd better close my eyes.
Look where you are going.
- This is so scary! - Come on, way to go!
- Whoa! - Are you ready?
- Are we there yet? - Yes, we are.
Now put the basin down.
Good. Now come a bit closer.
- Closer! - Wait, wait...
- Are you holding me? Are you OK? - Yes, I am. I'll help you.
- Wait, wait... - Now step over the basin.
- Step over it. - Wait, I have to...
Here you go!
- Step back. I'm moving! - Now sit down!
- I am inside. - Careful, hold tight!
Move away now!
- This is cool, right? - Yeah...
- Do I get in it? - Not yet.
- No? - Now, you just sit down.
- I... - I am holding your hand. Good.
- Is my coat out of the way? - Everything is OK.
Watch me!
Can you really do it?
- We broke your ceiling lamp, didn't we? - Yes, we did.
What have you got?
- What do you mean? - Is that a cat?
- Is that a cat yelling? - Yes.
I'll show you a cat. Come on.
- What are you doing? - I'll show you something.
- Can you see it? - No, no.
- What? - You're not a cat.
- What? I am a cat! - No, no, you are not.
OK, I'll bend my back and you will see.
- Say cheese. - I am a pussy cat.
- Look at it. - Show me.
- It doesn't look like a cat. - It does.
Look over there.
Oh, my God.
- Cool. - No. It's a bad one.
What's that?
Natasha? Natasha?
Natasha...
Now breathe in...
- Hello. - Hello.
Breathe in... Keep breathing. And now hold your breath...
Done.
Well, what can I say?
There's nothing to worry about.
Just some complications of a common cold.
You should take immune modulator pills.
- Natasha, what is wrong? Are you ill? - It's OK.
Get better soon.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
I want to have my hair dyed.
And... If I want to look better we should
cut it a bit. Here and here.
Can you give me a nice haircut that'll make me look good?
I'll give it a try.
I'll try my best,
but this isn't going to be easy.
- Yes, Mum, I'm getting ready for work. - You may be late now.
I never saw her. But I heard about some weird woman in the neighbourhood.
- Weird? What do you mean? - They say the Devil sent her.
- Oh, yeah, I heard that too. - Right?
They say she's got three tails.
Those can take away your life, your soul, or your memory.
People disappear without a trace when they meet her.
And you know what I heard?
When you look her in the eye, it's the worst.
- You should never do that. - Why?
Then you're dead right there.
- Oh, my. - You can never look her in the eye.
How can you know it's really her, then?
- Hi. - Hi.
- You look great. - Thanks.
- Which doctor are you visiting? - The surgeon.
- Can you help me? - Help you?
Come with me. Can you open the door for me?
Thanks. Come on in now.
I just got here. I'm the last one in the line.
Come on in. It's all right.
- Young man, I'm the next in the line. - The doctor will see you.
Wait another minute, please.
When you are done with the treatment, please, come back to see me.
- Here you go. - This is quite a lot.
- I'm sorry. - I can never sort it out.
- There's more to come. - Oh, my...
Will you do me a favour?
Can you see the lady right now?
- Hello. - Hello. Sure thing.
- Thanks. Go on. - Thank you.
Natasha.
Can you tell me why that woman is jumping the line?
- I'll explain everything... - I've been here since 9:00am!
- Please, wait out there. - How long do I have to wait?
It's outrageous.
Sit down.
Well...
We've got a new X-ray. Very well. Let's take a look.
Well...
Well, well.
Well, well, well.
Really? It's the same thing again...
- Are you sure you didn't move? - I am sure I didn't.
No, I can't see anything. This one is also bad.
Well, I'll have to order yet another X-ray.
You mean I have to go and have another one, is that right?
I can't tell you anything without an X-ray.
Thank you! That's enough!
What's our agenda today?
It is the purchase of low-quality food and an operational issue.
Sveta, have you got anything to say?
Well, I am not in charge of food,
but I think we should resolve this issue together.
- The food is a big problem. - The new silage we got...
It's completely wet. We have to dry it. We can't use it like that.
They took the rotten stuff, dried it up, and sold it as a top quality product.
It could also get wet while in shipment.
Well, how much have we got left?
- For a week or a week and a half. - A week and a half.
We also have a problem with live food in the terrarium.
To be honest, at the moment we don't have any good food there at all.
Why didn't you tell me before?
The insects died in transit and we got rid of them. The mice are even worse.
We received a shipment of 1500 mice.
Our python used to eat even dead food. He won't touch these mice alive.
- We have no idea what to do. - Did you ask the veterinarian?
- Maybe the python is just sick. - We do our job well.
We put someone in charge of these contracts.
She has to report the situation. Did she see what she was buying?
- I'll be back in a minute. - Sit down.
- I want to go to the toilet. - Sit down.
I think we should dispose of these mice.
What else can we do? We can't even sell them. What if they're all infected?
I see. Natasha...
Tell me.
I can tell you what happened. We've got our budget.
We got it halved.
What could I do?
How could I buy live food?
I arranged to meet my usual suppliers and asked them to help us out.
That was all the money we had.
They were so nice to me. We had some tea with cookies.
And then they said, "Natasha, go fuck yourself."
- Are you crazy? - I said, "How come?"
They told me to get lost. And I did.
I found someone else. We took a risk with the food.
- But we lost the game. - You are an idiot!
Please, watch your mouth.
I am going to do something else.
Write it down. We'll give her a reprimand
to be recorded in her file and Labour Book.
Then we'll cancel her annual bonus.
And one more thing. What are you wearing?
Why are you so dressed up?
Are you also a hooker now, or what?
Look around. This is what decent people should look like.
Did your mother see that?
Get out of here.
- Goodbye. - Now, Sveta and Katya, you...
- Yes? - Yes?
Will you handle this thing? We must resolve the issue this week.
Thank you. We won't let you down.
Good evening, my friends! We are happy you came here tonight!
Let's sing our favourite song together! Are you ready?
Natasha.
- I want to make a toast. - Please, do!
I'd like to make a toast to this beautiful woman...
Or rather a beautiful girl
who swept into my life to stay.
- Here is to you. - Thank you.
Let's go dance.
- I don't dance. - I'll teach you.
- Come on. - I'm afraid.
Why? Come on. Please.
I can't do it like this. I'm sorry.
Mum?
- What's wrong, Mum? What happened? - Barsik's dead.
Please, don't cry.
He lived a long life of a perfectly happy cat.
- Was it long enough? - Of course, it was long.
You loved him so much. He was happy. And he loved you, too.
- Don't be so sad, Mum. - My dear boy.
Please, don't. It could pump up your blood pressure. We don't want that.
He took away all our problems.
- All our health issues and misfortunes. - Really?
Let me take the box.
That's it. Enough.
That's OK. Don't cry, my dear Mummy.
Here, kitty, kitty. What if I pull your tail, huh?
You want me to pull your tail?
Why are walking to and fro?
What's wrong with you?
Is anything wrong?
Let me hold your hand.
Let me pet you.
What's wrong with you? What is it?
Oh, you naughty boy.
Oh, you're so scary!
Here you go.
Take a pen.
Now write this in the upper left hand corner.
"To the director of the zoo, such-and-such, from such-and-such."
Now take a two-finger space. And write this. "Notice.
"Please, accept this...
"..as formal notice...
"...of resignation from the position..." What's your position with us?
- Expert Procurement Manager. - "...of Expert Procurement Manager...
"...of my own free will."
You party-goer!
My mum is going to kill me.
Her blood pressure reached 220 when we called an ambulance.
And she had chest pains.
The blood pressure readings are still too high. What pills did she take?
Just the usual. Validolum and Corvalol.
And she had severe chest pains.
She even fell down when she tried to stand up.
Should we go for an ECG?
She fell down... Well...
I'll order an X-ray for her.
- We'll look at it... - Why?
- You said she fell down. - Yes...
But she didn't break anything. No bruises. She just fell down.
And we do need an ECG. She had severe chest pains.
That goes without saying. But first, you will take her for an X-ray.
Can you hear what I'm saying? Can you?
We won't go for an X-ray. Please, give us an order for an ECG.
- Miss, will you calm down, please? - Did you hear me?
Natasha, I feel much better now. Let's just go home.
Wait a minute, Mum. I am going to say it again.
She doesn't need to do blood tests or have her throat checked.
We want an order for an ECG.
Please, wait in the hallway. And I will check your mother.
I told you that we should stay away from doctors.
You will drink the water when I say so.
- You take the glass in your left hand. - OK.
You will drink it on the count of four.
- Four? OK. - Now close your eyes.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four. Drink it.
Drink it down to the last drop. It's important.
Your career is full of holes. See?
You confront your colleagues.
Because they can't understand you.
- You are 100% right here. - You have got no friends.
But you have got a guardian.
He is fond of you.
I can't see who he is.
But I see that he wears some white clothes.
Can you tell me if his feelings are genuine? Or is he not that serious?
I told you everything I could. Now go.
Natasha. How did you find me?
- Hi. - Hi.
Where are we going?
Come on, Petya!
- I won't tell you. - Why?
- Because it's a secret. - A secret from me?
- Petya. - No, it's a secret from me, for you.
- Come on, tell me! - Nope.
- Petya! Please! - Let's go. You'll see it soon.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
Living in this world is so scary.
But it is here and now that we will get rid of our fears.
Let us start yet another lecture,
"Self-help is the best help."
And now I need a guide. Any volunteers?
Come here! Let's welcome the lady!
Don't be afraid!
Let us raise our hands.
Higher!
Sit up straight.
And now repeat after me.
- I am holding the Universe... - I am holding the Universe... Say it.
- ...in my hands. - ...in my hands.
Good. Louder!
- I am holding the Universe in my hands. - Good! One more time!
I am holding the Universe in my hands.
Well done! Even louder! I am holding the Universe in my hands.
Yes! Yes!
I can see this thread now.
Like a titanic sword,
it pierces this cloud
of the negative energy which we accumulated inside.
Can you feel it?
It pierces the cloud!
I am holding the Universe in my hands!
I am holding the Universe in my hands.
Louder! I am holding the Universe in my hands.
I am holding the Universe in my hands.
- You, guys. - I am holding...
I have to ask you to leave. You're disrupting the lecture.
- Why? - You're drinking wine.
- Please, leave immediately. - Sorry.
- It is outrageous. - We're sorry.
I am holding the Universe.... Louder!...in my hands.
Louder! I am holding the Universe in my hands. Once again!
Now, this is not the main entrance.
It's a fire escape in case of emergencies.
Now wait... Where was it? Just a moment.
- What are you looking for? - It's locked. There's a... There's a...
- We can't get in here. - We can. There's a secret entry point.
- Honestly. - For seasonal ticket holders?
- Let me help you. - No, wait. I'm almost done.
- Do they always keep the sign on? - Yeah...
- Follow me! - Cool!
- You OK? - Yeah.
But this gate is locked. We'll have to...
- Go back? - No way!
- The girls climb here... - Let me help you.
- Help me up! - Come on!
I am holding the Universe in my hands.
- Don't make me laugh! - No, climb over!
- See this big cage? - It's huge!
This one is for birds.
- See him? - That's a vulture.
- A vulture? - Yes.
- Do you know them? - Wait, they are...
Birds of prey.
They...
- They eat all the shit. - Yeah, yeah.
- Look there. - You can see it well. He's sad.
- Is he hungry? - He ate some carrion.
- And he feels bad about it. - Really?
Wow.
- Is that a zebra? - Yeah.
- A real one? - Come here.
I'll introduce you to someone.
- Hello, hello. - Can you touch them?
- But they know me. - That's right.
- Can I touch them, too? - Just be careful. They can bite you.
Hello.
No, no. I just want to pet you.
- OK. Bye! - It's beautiful. Bye!
And here are the dwarf rabbits.
- Dwarf rabbits? - Yeah.
- Are they fairy-tale creatures? - They're very small.
- I see. Hey! - Hush! The little ones are asleep.
- Sorry. Look, those two are awake! - They're the parents.
The daddy rabbit is shocked! Did you see his ear?
He had one ear down and the other one up.
Can you see the cat? Come here.
- Now that's a cat. - You can see it from here.
- Is it alone there? - No, there's another one.
The cage is big. The other one is in some far-off corner.
Both are males? Are they together?
- See how big the cage is? - It's really big.
- They want it spacious. - Good for them.
And here we've got a lion and a lioness.
- See? - Cool.
- Yeah. See them? - Yeah.
She's on night patrol to give the lion some sleep.
But he isn't asleep.
- He's taking a rest. - Right.
This is a good place to observe them. See?
They're watching us, too!
Both are looking at us.
And whose cage is this?
There's no one here. They are preparing it for some animals.
And we've got chimps here.
Well, if there's no one here...
- I'm gonna live in this one! - Where are you going?
All right.
It's a good one.
I'm gonna have my office here.
And a rocking chair.
I like high ceilings, lots of light, and a balcony.
French windows. Two chairs.
This is... This is my hammock.
My hammock.
- The hammock's not that good. - Don't hit the chair.
Careful, careful!
It just happened all of a sudden.
It sure did.
You're so special.
Yes, very special.
- Where are you going? - It's late. I have to go home.
Mum?
Mum...
- Mum, what are you doing? - I went to the church.
I talked to Father Andrew. He said I need protection.
What protection?
From the tailed one. This witch of ours.
What are talking about?
She takes people away and brings diseases to the neighbourhood.
I will scare her away. She won't come to visit us.
I'm tired. I need a break.
Let's go and have some dinner.
Mum...
I'm scared, Mum.
Can you hug me? Mummy, can you hug me, please?
Can you cuddle me? I'm so tired. I can't take it anymore. Please.
Mummy.
Can you cuddle me?
Please. My dear Mummy, please.
You're drunk.
Go and sleep it off.
ZOOLOGY
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY IVAN I. TVERDOVSKI