0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 INDOXXI Support dengan like & share :) 1 00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:19,251 - So, these are getting 2 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:20,185 Blown up a little bit tighter 3 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,622 Than my comfort level is really into. 4 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,958 - Now that all the big balloons are inflated, 5 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,693 We're moving into the small party balloons now 6 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,794 To make chains. 7 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:31,130 - and everyone's gonna focus on that. 8 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,831 So this team's working now. 9 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:33,832 - We fixed it. 10 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:34,666 We fixed the problem. 11 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,036 We're gonna get liftoff. 12 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,438 - Okay, you're good. 13 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,575 Yeah, we're gonna go out with three at a time. 14 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:58,057 it's like the biggest game of operation and... 15 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,961 - I have no idea how to start this film. 16 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,863 But I actually do have 17 00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:07,232 The end all figured out. 18 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:12,671 I'm going to attach 6,000 yellow balloons to myself. 19 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:17,743 And then I'm gonna take off against the blue sky. 20 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,020 The yellow contrasting brightly, 21 00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,689 And that's just gonna be it. 22 00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,164 Jubilation music, probably 23 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:41,600 Something sigur ros like. 24 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:49,475 That's actually my girlfriend veza up there. 25 00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,177 I, myself, turned out to be 26 00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:53,579 Too fat for takeoff, 27 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,682 Or, like I prefer to believe, 28 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:59,284 The balloon gas contracted 29 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,619 In the freezing cold 30 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:01,720 And threw all of our 31 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,655 Math into disarray. 32 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,791 - Get everybody else back. 33 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:09,294 - okay, I need everybody out... 34 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,863 Are you okay, veza? 35 00:02:10,865 --> 00:02:11,930 - I love it. 36 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,465 - okay, one more time. 37 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:17,736 - well, this is actually what really happened. 38 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,308 Me not flying in the blue sky 39 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:26,879 Makes a little bit more sense after all. 40 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,280 - it would be great if you could 41 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,715 Go more for height. 42 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,550 You're not jumping particularly high. 43 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:35,187 You're just kind of moving horizontally. 44 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:38,891 - we need to take this position again. 45 00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:41,126 - It's like, how can we not get this shot 46 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:43,395 With someone in the air? 47 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,497 - stefan's gonna come out of the rig. 48 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,765 - no. 49 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,634 - okay, I'm the director here, 50 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,836 I'm gonna make a decision. 51 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,004 - one thing is that harness 52 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,740 Isn't built professionally. 53 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,009 It is not meant for that. 54 00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:58,010 - well then I go in this one. 55 00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:02,080 And it's going to be dark by the time we get him off. 56 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,282 Hang on, hang on, hang on, 57 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:05,751 Exactly what you shouldn't be doing 58 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,352 Under the pressure, under the time constraints, 59 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,687 And the sunset. 60 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,988 You should definitely not be trying to rig 61 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,089 Someone else into the harness. 62 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,824 - this is a film about me 63 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,160 Trying to make myself happier. 64 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:18,363 - this is exactly the shit that I'm talking about. 65 00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:21,500 a number of years earlier, 66 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,936 I was on sabbatical in bali. 67 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,939 My best friend visited from new york, 68 00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:30,709 And was checking how I was spending my time. 69 00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:35,647 I was pretty much making furniture, 70 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,283 And he looked at all of it and said, that's good enough 71 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:41,887 But somehow, if you come back after a year 72 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,623 With these couple of chairs and these ideas, 73 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:48,760 I'm not quite sure if that's all that worthwhile. 74 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:56,034 Well, this is really when the whole idea 75 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,070 For the happy film came up. 76 00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:01,039 I had given a talk on design and happiness many times, 77 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:05,077 And I'd always received really good feedback and 78 00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,412 It just seemed like a juicy 79 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,983 Design problem itself, to make a proper 80 00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:12,317 Project out of it. 81 00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:14,720 And it would force me to 82 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,322 Research the subject properly. 83 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:22,728 After talking to many psychologists, I wrote a script. 84 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:25,330 And I made a list and a plan. 85 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,165 I love making a plan. 86 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,268 It got big. 87 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:33,071 Anything, fitted in there. 88 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,740 It turned out that making a film about happiness 89 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:38,744 Was somehow like making a film about life. 90 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,213 Too big, just impossible. 91 00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,781 I narrowed it down to 92 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,583 My own happiness instead. 93 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:47,019 After all, on my own happiness, 94 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:51,623 I really am the world's number one expert. 95 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,794 The big question really is 96 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:59,531 Can I train my mind in the same way 97 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,566 That I can train my body? 98 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,468 And by far, the best book I read 99 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,871 Was this one by jonathan haidt. 100 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,039 So I called him up 101 00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:10,075 And he agreed to be the scientific 102 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,943 Adviser for this film. 103 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:12,878 - So, there are three really 104 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,079 Well validated techniques 105 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,881 For changing your habitual thinking. 106 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,983 The first technique is meditation. 107 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,918 You concentrate and you learn to let go 108 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,753 Of thoughts that make you less happy. 109 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:22,721 Buddha said something like, 110 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,756 A man must train his mind 111 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,058 Like an elephant tamer 112 00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,292 Tames an elephant. 113 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,661 The second technique is cognitive therapy. 114 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,063 It's a lot easier than meditation. 115 00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:32,464 People have much higher success rates. 116 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,066 You catch your distorted thinking 117 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,967 And you learn to correct it. 118 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,903 The third technique is drugs. 119 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,439 Like lexapro and prozac. 120 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,741 They really do change the way you think. 121 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,276 And they change your habitual thought patterns. 122 00:05:44,278 --> 00:05:46,244 - I'm going to try them all out 123 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,646 For three months each. 124 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,315 So I should be done in 12 months. 125 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,819 I'm going to measure my happiness daily 126 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,421 On a scale from one to 10. 127 00:05:56,423 --> 00:06:00,158 I'll double-check that here and there with an mri scan. 128 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,526 I'll do an eeg. 129 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:07,265 I'll keep track of my behavior every week. 130 00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,701 And I'll tape a video diary. 131 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,438 And I know little about how to make a film. 132 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,775 So I'll ask my friend hillman for help. 133 00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:23,348 And like a proper graphic designer, 134 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:24,850 Before I did any of that, 135 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,052 Before shooting anything, 136 00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:31,456 I started with the title sequence. 137 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,532 It is now may 2009. 138 00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:19,271 And I would say that my overall level of well-being is, 139 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,610 Right now, maybe like a six. 140 00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:30,115 But I've already come up from 141 00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,752 Maybe, like three. 142 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:34,786 I would say 143 00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,190 Two or three weeks ago. 144 00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:41,693 I clearly did lose a lot of weight. 145 00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:45,530 Most of my trousers 146 00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,199 Don't really fit anymore. 147 00:07:47,201 --> 00:07:48,033 I mean, you see, 148 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:51,803 Even this one is... 149 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,871 Fairly loose 150 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,639 To say the least. 151 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:58,243 Or I can, well, it's also an advantage, I guess. 152 00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,878 I can dress and redress so 153 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,314 Much quicker in the morning. 154 00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:07,486 Altogether, I just broke off a 155 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,387 Long, long relationship 156 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,823 With my now-ex girlfriend. 157 00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:16,094 We went out for 11 years. 158 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:20,398 And I'm clearly a little bit swimming right now. 159 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,667 For sure, the last two months, 160 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,803 Even though I try to be very active. 161 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,338 My normal mode of 162 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:32,344 Getting rid of problems is just to work more. 163 00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,615 So I did quite a bit of work. 164 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,183 Kept... Tried to keep myself 165 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,751 Very, very busy. 166 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,319 - Yeah, huge fan of your guys's work, 167 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,088 I follow you all the time. 168 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,957 - we used to design a lot of cd covers. 169 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,926 I wanted to combine my two loves, 170 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,095 Design and music. 171 00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:54,466 Then it turned out that designing the 28th cover 172 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:57,102 Wasn't as much fun as designing the 1st. 173 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,037 - Look at this cd, look at how cool that thing is. 174 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,639 How slick is that? 175 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,541 Very, very cool. 176 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:03,942 - and then I was just trying to see 177 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,610 If I could apply this language 178 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,345 That I know how to speak, 179 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,547 Graphic design, 180 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:09,714 To something that was 181 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,784 Actually much more personal. 182 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,220 And I found this little list in my diary 183 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,955 Of things I've learned 184 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,623 In my life so far. 185 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,525 So I chose some of them. 186 00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:23,962 Designed them as well as I absolutely could. 187 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:28,233 So, there is trying to look good 188 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,168 Limits my life. 189 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:33,338 Everything I do 190 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,974 Always comes back 191 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:36,908 To me. 192 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,612 Keeping a diary 193 00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:43,582 Supports 194 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:44,683 Personal 195 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,750 Development. 196 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,822 Even though my initial feeling was 197 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,757 That it's fairly self-indulgent, 198 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:56,328 The reaction of the audience was fantastic. 199 00:09:56,330 --> 00:10:00,332 It became this thing that's still very graphic design, 200 00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:03,401 But a much more personal expression. 201 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,236 Look, somebody is in a good mood. 202 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,938 - I'm so excited. - Excellent. 203 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,407 The reason I wanted to work with jonathan 204 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,776 Is because he deals with the whole life, 205 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,679 Not just some small, specialist stuff. 206 00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:17,549 And at the same time, he's a true scientist. 207 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:20,552 Everything he says is backed up by proper 208 00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:23,188 Authoritative research. 209 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,389 - The view that I came to in writing the 210 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,091 Happiness hypothesis I didn't have this view 211 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,226 When I started writing, but by the end of the book, 212 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,195 I came to the conclusion that happiness doesn't come 213 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,129 From getting what you want. 214 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,964 Well that, everybody knows. 215 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,366 It doesn't come from within. 216 00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:35,266 I mean, that's what the buddhists 217 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,434 And the stoics have always told us. 218 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,536 From within, so, you know, change yourself, 219 00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:39,638 Find happiness within. 220 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:40,939 There's some truth to that, 221 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:44,042 But I think the more correct way 222 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,110 To think about human happiness 223 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:47,078 Is that happiness comes from getting the right 224 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,880 Kind of relationships. 225 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:49,981 Between yourself and others, 226 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,118 And yourself and something larger than yourself. 227 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,153 Try to almost see yourself 228 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,488 As though you were, 229 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,657 You know, a child or an animal 230 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,625 That you were trying to change or shape. 231 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:01,559 And what experiences 232 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,395 Can you give it that would end up just 233 00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:05,430 Making it automatically and habitually act 234 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,831 In a different way. 235 00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,696 - To make your mind become strong, 236 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,297 You need exercise. 237 00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,933 The exercise of the mind, this 238 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,369 Is what we call meditation. 239 00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:49,340 - the schedule says wake up at 4:30 240 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,109 And then a full program 241 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,712 All the way 'til 9:15 pm. 242 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:56,614 Meditation, break, meditation, break. 243 00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,616 Break, meditation, meditation 244 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,985 With strong determination, 245 00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:03,321 Meaning you're not allowed to move, 246 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,257 Break, lecture, break, meditation. 247 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,961 At 6:00 in the morning, already 248 00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:12,063 My back hurts like hell. 249 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,899 And at 8:00, oh, my god, 250 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,102 The pain is totally nuts. 251 00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:21,406 - This is the way to get happier. 252 00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:27,178 May all beings be happy. 253 00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:33,118 May all beings be happy. 254 00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:39,424 May all beings be happy. 255 00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,760 Meditation, stop. 256 00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,663 One, two, three, four. 257 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,732 - but the only pleasure 258 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,501 That I experience now 259 00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,002 Comes from the time 260 00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:53,104 When the pain goes away. 261 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,907 - one by one, 262 00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:57,008 When you're calm. 263 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,843 may all beings 264 00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,345 Be happy. 265 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,846 Fuck. 266 00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:05,116 five, six, seven, eight. 267 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:16,427 - I'm surrounded by a surprisingly mixed group. 268 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,563 A bunch of jakarta housewives, 269 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,198 A fancy hippie. 270 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,400 An aging surfer dude. 271 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,202 An architect, designer type. 272 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:28,439 And various women between the age of 25 and 45 273 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,309 At various degrees of being lost. 274 00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:36,915 Everybody looks zombie-like and dour. 275 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,983 If I'm supposed to get happy here, 276 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,552 Current company does not 277 00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:43,054 Suggest a successful outcome. 278 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,061 good morning, everybody. 279 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,931 We're going to continue our practice 280 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,301 To make our harmonious mind appear. 281 00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,069 - crazy pain, 282 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,404 All night long. 283 00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,941 I'm totally ready to give up. 284 00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:06,911 seven, eight, nine, ten. 285 00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:11,349 One, two, three, four, five. 286 00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,795 just ran into an old student of mine and 287 00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:28,600 She's joining me and her friend for dinner later on. 288 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:31,402 So... Lovely. 289 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,316 Well after failing for awhile, 290 00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:48,519 I am now opening 291 00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,054 Up to new things. 292 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,625 It does feel like lots 293 00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,460 Of stuff is possible. 294 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,838 And I think even tanya is impressed. 295 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,417 I'm bored. 296 00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:25,757 Sunday and I'm bored. 297 00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:30,261 I was reading all afternoon 298 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,597 And I will do a little bit of work now, 299 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,999 Because I don't know, really, 300 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,935 What else I should do. 301 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,048 My mom, whom I loved dearly, 302 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,216 Died this year. 303 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:56,621 She used to work in a store all her life, 304 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,690 And going up to people, 305 00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:01,626 Making that first step really became easy 306 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,629 As she got totally used to it. 307 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:09,467 I, myself, could still get much, much better at that. 308 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:13,705 This, this line and this line, same distance? 309 00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:14,639 "t" here. 310 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:19,143 I'm extremely anxious about this dance piece. 311 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,912 Choreographing dancers 312 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,380 Is fairly far away 313 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,949 From straightforward graphic design. 314 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,484 The "e" moves back. 315 00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:29,754 It's always the same. 316 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,923 If I've done it before, I get bored. 317 00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:35,660 If I haven't done it before, I get anxious. 318 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,601 A couple of years ago, hillman had made a 319 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,403 Short portrait of me. 320 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,406 And I immediately thought, 321 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,775 I could be friends with this guy. 322 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,845 - So, I would choose the letters where it made sense. 323 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:54,679 Do you know what I mean? 324 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,114 - yeah. 325 00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,717 Unlike me, he's calm and gentle. 326 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,354 We make a good team. 327 00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,189 M, yes! 328 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,291 A, yes! 329 00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:09,427 K, yes! 330 00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:11,562 E, no! 331 00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:18,396 What a crazy weekend. 332 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,331 I spent it with tanya in 333 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,334 A hotel down south in alila uluwatu. 334 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,002 And I mean, of course, yeah, 335 00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:27,105 It can't be much better. 336 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,508 What a lovely, lovely, lovely, 337 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,877 Lovely, lovely girl she is. 338 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,514 Sadly, she doesn't want to be filmed. 339 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,716 She thinks I share too much 340 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,219 Private stuff with everybody. 341 00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,965 I think I'm falling for her. 342 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,803 Yeah, I think I'm falling in love. 343 00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:08,980 Just coming back from an incredible weekend with tanya. 344 00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:14,819 I'm really in love, and I told her so. 345 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:19,223 I'd say that if she would leave me now, 346 00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,495 Then I'd definitely have that broken heart 347 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,097 That jonathan haidt thought 348 00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,432 Would be good for the film. 349 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,845 There was a meditation on love and kindness. 350 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:44,916 And I meditated on 351 00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:47,351 The fact that I'm gonna die. 352 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:54,825 And I think I really 353 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,930 Don't wanna just dedicate the next 354 00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:02,500 20 years of my life also to design, 355 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,036 As I've basically been doing. 356 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:17,181 Yeah, I definitely had an insight. 357 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:20,818 The insight is that I really want kids. 358 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:21,719 It's a big deal. 359 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,855 That would be for me, my god... 360 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,290 It's a big deal. 361 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:32,663 And I'll see how tanya feels about this. 362 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,215 Crazy. 363 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,750 I'm in hong kong. 364 00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:55,086 And things are amazing. 365 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:58,055 Of course, now that I'm not looking 366 00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,790 For a girl, 367 00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:02,360 They are all over me. 368 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,595 Maybe like the most ever. 369 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,063 There was this pretty blonde girl 370 00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:09,166 Who in a second, sat on my lap. 371 00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:10,835 And just to make sure 372 00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:13,537 That I actually heard her correctly, 373 00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:16,907 I said, did you just offer me a trial run 374 00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,542 To sleep with you? 375 00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:19,944 And she said, 376 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,012 Well, I might have, 377 00:21:21,014 --> 00:21:24,181 You have to seduce me a little bit before. 378 00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:25,750 And it took, as it was, 379 00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:28,686 Quite some self-discipline not to. 380 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:31,555 Crazy. 381 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:43,367 I do think I could be a good dad. 382 00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:47,138 And on the other hand, 383 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,139 If I would have a 384 00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,141 Family just for the thrill. 385 00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:52,910 Oh, my god, that would be awful. 386 00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:02,386 I'm not sure if she's pissed at me. 387 00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:03,321 Who knows? 388 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:08,159 It for sure would be understandable considering 389 00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:12,430 That the child issue surely is a deal-breaker for her. 390 00:22:13,932 --> 00:22:16,100 I think that's more my problem 391 00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:18,169 Than it is a reflection of 392 00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:20,438 The true situation with tanya. 393 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,406 But it's constantly like, 394 00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:26,577 Oh, we are so different. Oh, she is so irrational. 395 00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:30,614 Oh, we have a difference of common sense. 396 00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:35,419 In a very, very difficult situation with her, 397 00:22:37,255 --> 00:22:41,258 Because I couldn't count on her acting rationally. 398 00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,927 And it's difficult to get 399 00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:45,596 These thoughts out of my brain. 400 00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:50,701 I mean, we are a month into it basically. 401 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:55,206 And there is already 402 00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,309 Serious strife. 403 00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:01,045 Serious. 404 00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:04,949 I'm basically 405 00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:09,787 Out of my depth. 406 00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:13,791 She cried. 407 00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:17,828 I'm just really sad. 408 00:23:32,378 --> 00:23:35,646 - it is intimacy with the ordinary conditions 409 00:23:35,648 --> 00:23:37,648 Of life that allow meditation 410 00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:39,216 To arise naturally, 411 00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:43,254 And then you find yourself in meditation. 412 00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:44,922 and not while I'm sitting 413 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,557 In my meditation hut 414 00:23:46,559 --> 00:23:48,426 Trying, sitting still. 415 00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:49,994 - yeah, well, there's the word trying. 416 00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:52,696 The trying is the problem. 417 00:23:52,698 --> 00:23:53,998 'cause you're trying to get somewhere 418 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,333 As if you're not somewhere. 419 00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:02,840 - I actually found a repeatable way 420 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:05,443 To manufacture a happy moment. 421 00:24:08,747 --> 00:24:12,683 ♪ I think I know how I feel 422 00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:23,627 ♪ cause I- I only play for real ♪ 423 00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:29,967 ♪ you should be picking me up 424 00:24:31,703 --> 00:24:35,873 ♪ instead you're dragging me down ♪ 425 00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:40,845 ♪ you're flying over my head 426 00:24:43,448 --> 00:24:47,485 ♪ you're landing all over town 427 00:24:48,887 --> 00:24:52,823 ♪ you should be picking me up 428 00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:59,563 ♪ instead you're dragging me down ♪ 429 00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:01,632 - what is it that leads to a change 430 00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:03,767 In the way that you engage with people? 431 00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:04,902 From last time we spoke, 432 00:25:04,904 --> 00:25:06,670 It was clear to me that your issue 433 00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,272 Isn't happiness per say. 434 00:25:08,274 --> 00:25:09,106 And that issues were 435 00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:10,007 Really much more about connection 436 00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:11,475 With other people, and some of the 437 00:25:11,477 --> 00:25:13,744 Warm, loving skills. 438 00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:15,312 There's actually one other element here 439 00:25:15,314 --> 00:25:16,447 That we should bring 440 00:25:16,449 --> 00:25:17,615 In, is the fact that you were living 441 00:25:17,617 --> 00:25:19,149 In a foreign country. 442 00:25:19,151 --> 00:25:20,351 It sounds like we have 443 00:25:20,353 --> 00:25:21,452 Not just the meditation, 444 00:25:21,454 --> 00:25:23,020 But we have being in a new place. 445 00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,589 - In a place in which you don't know people, 446 00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:27,157 So you're forced to be more open. 447 00:25:27,159 --> 00:25:29,426 In a place that the pace of life of which 448 00:25:29,428 --> 00:25:31,929 Is much, much slower than in new york. 449 00:25:31,931 --> 00:25:33,964 And in a place which is physically very beautiful, 450 00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:35,533 And in a very green, natural way. 451 00:25:35,535 --> 00:25:37,835 So all of these things are adding up 452 00:25:37,837 --> 00:25:40,437 To sort of suppress the sort of, 453 00:25:40,439 --> 00:25:42,873 The time pressure, 454 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,609 You know, task-focused stefan sagmeister. 455 00:25:45,611 --> 00:25:47,111 And bring out to the greatest 456 00:25:47,113 --> 00:25:48,445 Extent that you're capable 457 00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:51,882 Of the more warm, loving and open stefan sagmeister. 458 00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:53,784 So it's going to be very difficult for us to figure out 459 00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:56,387 Whether the meditation played any role whatsoever. 460 00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:59,657 What we're seeing here is that you're really high 461 00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:02,226 In a trait called systemizing. 462 00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:05,195 And systemizing is the ability 463 00:26:05,197 --> 00:26:08,165 And skill of seeing things as systems 464 00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:10,834 Which can be graphed and manipulated. 465 00:26:10,836 --> 00:26:13,904 And systemizing is at least slightly correlated 466 00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,739 Negatively with empathizing. 467 00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:19,043 And so this is a systemizer's attempt 468 00:26:19,045 --> 00:26:21,912 To make himself more empathizing. 469 00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:36,093 - so, jonathan talks in his book 470 00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:39,296 About this metaphor for 471 00:26:41,032 --> 00:26:43,000 Unconscious and the conscious minds. 472 00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:45,903 The conscious mind being the tiny little rider 473 00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:49,006 On the giant elephant, the unconscious. 474 00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,008 And the rider thinks that he can tell the elephant 475 00:26:51,010 --> 00:26:52,843 What to do and where to go. 476 00:26:52,845 --> 00:26:54,778 But the elephant, of course, 477 00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,047 Has his own sort of ideas. 478 00:27:00,186 --> 00:27:01,352 And it's quite strange 479 00:27:01,354 --> 00:27:02,886 That even though we think 480 00:27:02,888 --> 00:27:06,423 That we make our decisions rationally, 481 00:27:06,425 --> 00:27:09,193 If you look at a guy called george. 482 00:27:09,195 --> 00:27:11,862 He doesn't quite know where to move to, 483 00:27:11,864 --> 00:27:15,599 Somehow georgia sounds best for george. 484 00:27:15,601 --> 00:27:19,203 And if you have a guy called dennis, 485 00:27:19,205 --> 00:27:20,037 He doesn't know if he wants to 486 00:27:20,039 --> 00:27:22,139 Become a doctor or a teacher, 487 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:25,409 Somehow dentist sounds best to dennis. 488 00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:29,847 And paula, unsure to marry jack or paul. 489 00:27:31,282 --> 00:27:33,717 Paul it is for paula. 490 00:27:33,719 --> 00:27:35,786 And that's the strange thing. 491 00:27:35,788 --> 00:27:37,454 We think we make these decisions, 492 00:27:37,456 --> 00:27:40,057 But you have data in the us 493 00:27:40,059 --> 00:27:41,992 That there are more georges 494 00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,761 Who live in georgia, 495 00:27:43,763 --> 00:27:45,329 There are more dennises 496 00:27:45,331 --> 00:27:47,064 Who become dentists, 497 00:27:47,066 --> 00:27:48,966 And there are more paulas 498 00:27:48,968 --> 00:27:50,834 That are married to pauls 499 00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:52,803 Than would be statistically viable. 500 00:27:52,805 --> 00:27:57,307 Now, when I first saw that data I thought, you know, 501 00:27:57,309 --> 00:27:58,776 These stupid americans. 502 00:27:58,778 --> 00:28:02,846 Ah, they really don't know what they're doing. 503 00:28:04,082 --> 00:28:05,783 Somehow they are, you know, 504 00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:08,485 Led around by their elephant. 505 00:28:08,487 --> 00:28:11,288 Then I looked at my own family. 506 00:28:11,290 --> 00:28:15,059 That's my mom karolina marrying my dad karl. 507 00:28:16,795 --> 00:28:21,065 My grandmother josephine marrying my granddad josef. 508 00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:27,271 So, I'm still looking for that stefanie. 509 00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:46,390 So, yeah, what I normally do on Monday mornings 510 00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:49,226 Is this weekly rating thing. 511 00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:51,061 I've been doing it for years and years. 512 00:28:51,063 --> 00:28:54,531 It's basically 12 things that 513 00:28:54,533 --> 00:28:55,966 I'm gonna change about myself. 514 00:28:55,968 --> 00:28:58,969 So, one, I've been really, really good. 515 00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:01,171 Five, I've been really, really bad. 516 00:29:01,173 --> 00:29:04,875 First one, don't drink alcohol, was one. 517 00:29:04,877 --> 00:29:07,711 That I'm gutsy once a week. 518 00:29:07,713 --> 00:29:09,913 Last week, I don't think I was very gutsy, 519 00:29:09,915 --> 00:29:13,851 But I'll have to go back and check. 520 00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:15,919 Okay, there was this guggenheim gala 521 00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:18,789 Where I did go up to some people. 522 00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:20,924 Not all that successful, 523 00:29:20,926 --> 00:29:22,760 But at least I did. 524 00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:26,230 Helping somebody, I was actually good last week. 525 00:29:26,232 --> 00:29:28,832 Do something with my friends, also a two. 526 00:29:28,834 --> 00:29:31,769 Flexible, I don't think I was all that flexible. 527 00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:34,037 So that gets, so that will be a 528 00:29:34,039 --> 00:29:35,773 One, a two, five. 529 00:29:35,775 --> 00:29:38,742 26 divided by 12. 530 00:29:38,744 --> 00:29:41,612 2.1, okay, so that's not too bad. 531 00:29:44,182 --> 00:29:45,916 Yeah, I think that's pretty good. 532 00:29:45,918 --> 00:29:47,184 Oh, and then one that I left out here 533 00:29:47,186 --> 00:29:49,019 Because I was too embarrassed about it 534 00:29:49,021 --> 00:29:51,455 Was that I wouldn't date any girls 535 00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:55,859 That are more than 20 years younger than I am. 536 00:29:55,861 --> 00:29:57,594 In weeks when I was good at these things, 537 00:29:57,596 --> 00:29:58,929 When I got good marks, it's 538 00:29:58,931 --> 00:30:00,864 Always been a happy week. 539 00:30:00,866 --> 00:30:02,933 And then I got bad marks, 540 00:30:02,935 --> 00:30:05,202 It's been an unhappy week. 541 00:30:23,621 --> 00:30:25,389 Jonathan introduced me 542 00:30:25,391 --> 00:30:29,159 To some very high end cognitive therapists. 543 00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:30,093 I met up with them, 544 00:30:30,095 --> 00:30:32,396 And hated them all. 545 00:30:32,398 --> 00:30:36,233 Then a friend introduced me to sheenah. 546 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:38,001 I liked her. 547 00:30:38,003 --> 00:30:39,503 - How are you? - - I'm good. 548 00:30:39,737 --> 00:30:43,941 - I, myself, have never been in therapy before. - Right. 549 00:30:43,943 --> 00:30:45,409 - I'm not sure if I'm a 550 00:30:45,411 --> 00:30:47,411 Particularly fantastic candidate 551 00:30:47,413 --> 00:30:50,414 For therapy, considering that 552 00:30:50,416 --> 00:30:52,282 For a big part of my life 553 00:30:52,284 --> 00:30:54,618 I've been fairly happy. 554 00:30:54,620 --> 00:30:57,321 When I first met sheenah I asked her, 555 00:30:57,323 --> 00:31:00,691 Is it reasonable to expect 556 00:31:00,693 --> 00:31:02,993 Some change after three months? 557 00:31:02,995 --> 00:31:05,829 And she said, well, if you just talk and do nothing, 558 00:31:05,831 --> 00:31:06,964 Probably not. 559 00:31:06,966 --> 00:31:10,968 If you do the homework and train yourself in that, 560 00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,870 It probably will work. 561 00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:21,011 My memories of my childhood are incredibly happy. 562 00:31:21,013 --> 00:31:25,115 My parents had an unbelievable marriage. 563 00:31:25,117 --> 00:31:28,118 I don't remember a single fight 564 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,888 Or even bad feelings in the air. 565 00:31:31,789 --> 00:31:33,557 - oh, look at that. 566 00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:37,160 That's a beautiful picture of you and her. 567 00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:40,731 Now, you come from a very close, loving family. 568 00:31:40,733 --> 00:31:43,500 - Mm-hm. - There's not much history of conflict. 569 00:31:43,502 --> 00:31:45,636 There wasn't much model for it growing up. 570 00:31:45,638 --> 00:31:48,472 - here's something that I was thinking about, 571 00:31:48,474 --> 00:31:51,174 Is that you're 49 and you've never married. 572 00:31:51,176 --> 00:31:54,978 - And I've found that all single people who say to me, 573 00:31:54,980 --> 00:31:58,548 I can't understand why I really don't have a family, 574 00:31:58,550 --> 00:32:00,651 Why is this? 575 00:32:00,653 --> 00:32:04,688 All of them tend to be passive pleasers. 576 00:32:04,690 --> 00:32:07,057 Because you tend to avoid conflict. 577 00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:10,527 - yes, I think that accurate. - Right. 578 00:32:10,529 --> 00:32:14,064 - So what would you say would be a remedy for that? 579 00:32:14,066 --> 00:32:17,668 - I believe in dealing with conflict well and elegantly. 580 00:32:17,670 --> 00:32:19,002 And respectfully. 581 00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:22,873 It would be good practice for you to do that. 582 00:32:25,343 --> 00:32:27,077 - even before I saw sheenah, 583 00:32:27,079 --> 00:32:28,011 I've been trying to get 584 00:32:28,013 --> 00:32:30,180 Better with everyday things. 585 00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:32,649 Things I'm almost embarrassed 586 00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:36,119 That I need to talk about them. 587 00:32:37,388 --> 00:32:39,556 Things like if I want a coffee on the street 588 00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:40,891 And I see somebody with a coffee, 589 00:32:40,893 --> 00:32:41,792 Just ask that person, 590 00:32:41,794 --> 00:32:42,726 Where did you get it, 591 00:32:42,728 --> 00:32:45,228 Rather than finding it myself. 592 00:32:45,230 --> 00:32:49,232 Or telling a taxi driver to turn the radio down 593 00:32:49,234 --> 00:32:50,801 If it bothers me. 594 00:32:50,803 --> 00:32:53,704 You know, I've been known to sit in a taxi 595 00:32:53,706 --> 00:32:56,039 And just endure it. 596 00:32:56,041 --> 00:32:57,908 That's perfect, thanks. 597 00:32:57,910 --> 00:33:01,044 Do you have any idea of other homework 598 00:33:01,046 --> 00:33:03,280 That I could do? 599 00:33:03,282 --> 00:33:05,882 - I think we should pick things that you would avoid doing. 600 00:33:05,884 --> 00:33:09,086 What kind of things do you avoid doing? 601 00:33:09,088 --> 00:33:10,887 Cause I do believe in seeking discomfort 602 00:33:10,889 --> 00:33:13,824 As a great way to grow confidence. 603 00:33:22,734 --> 00:33:23,834 - Hi, sorry for interrupting, 604 00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:26,770 But you just look fantastic. 605 00:33:26,772 --> 00:33:27,738 I love your outfit, 606 00:33:27,740 --> 00:33:30,240 You just look great. 607 00:33:30,242 --> 00:33:31,641 That's some serious amount of 608 00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:33,043 Apples that you have there. 609 00:33:35,413 --> 00:33:37,180 - So I'm gonna do things 610 00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,383 That I normally never do. 611 00:33:40,118 --> 00:33:42,119 And some, probably the most difficult one 612 00:33:42,121 --> 00:33:43,987 Is going to be to get a phone number of a girl. 613 00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:46,490 Which is just gonna be terrifying, 614 00:33:46,492 --> 00:33:48,091 Because I never do that on the street. 615 00:33:48,093 --> 00:33:49,926 I just never do. 616 00:33:49,928 --> 00:33:52,629 So just thinking about it 617 00:33:52,631 --> 00:33:54,798 Now and talking about it, 618 00:33:55,933 --> 00:33:58,035 Yeah, makes me queasy 619 00:33:58,037 --> 00:33:59,936 To say the least. 620 00:33:59,938 --> 00:34:01,805 Wow, I love that bag. 621 00:34:01,807 --> 00:34:04,141 Excuse me, I love that bag. 622 00:34:05,343 --> 00:34:08,779 I'm not getting very far with my compliments. 623 00:34:08,781 --> 00:34:11,815 - People are so used to being approached here. 624 00:34:11,817 --> 00:34:15,952 - Do you ever approach people on the street? 625 00:34:15,954 --> 00:34:17,788 - No. - Me neither. 626 00:34:17,790 --> 00:34:19,456 - I never do. - Yeah, no, no, me neither. 627 00:34:19,458 --> 00:34:21,625 - This blonde? You want to try? 628 00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:22,826 - Not really. 629 00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:27,431 She looks mean. - Yeah. 630 00:34:29,967 --> 00:34:31,134 - Can I give you a flower? 631 00:34:31,136 --> 00:34:32,803 - oh, it's-- - no, but look, look, 632 00:34:32,805 --> 00:34:33,970 It matches perfectly. 633 00:34:33,972 --> 00:34:36,740 - Thanks a lot, thanks a lot. - Yeah? Thank you. 634 00:34:36,742 --> 00:34:38,175 I'm sorry, I see you're texting 635 00:34:38,177 --> 00:34:40,510 But I just have to comment on your jacket. 636 00:34:40,512 --> 00:34:42,145 That is just the nicest jacket. 637 00:34:42,147 --> 00:34:44,147 You absolutely look fantastic. 638 00:34:44,149 --> 00:34:45,982 Yeah, yeah. - Oh, well, thank you. 639 00:34:45,984 --> 00:34:48,585 I would love to get together for a cup of coffee 640 00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:49,486 At one time. 641 00:34:49,488 --> 00:34:51,555 - Look, and I have a flower for you. 642 00:34:51,557 --> 00:34:52,589 - Oh, thank you. 643 00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:54,491 - Excellent. - They're beautiful. 644 00:34:54,493 --> 00:34:58,829 - That was the first one that halfway decently worked out. 645 00:34:58,831 --> 00:35:00,730 I didn't quite have the guts to further, 646 00:35:00,732 --> 00:35:02,499 To really ask her for her phone number 647 00:35:02,501 --> 00:35:04,334 After she accepted, graciously, my card. 648 00:35:04,336 --> 00:35:06,103 But I wouldn't, the way she reacted, 649 00:35:06,105 --> 00:35:10,974 If I would actually get an email from christie. 650 00:35:12,677 --> 00:35:14,945 I would say, at least from 651 00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:18,081 A judgement of american society, 652 00:35:18,083 --> 00:35:19,082 I clearly must have some 653 00:35:19,084 --> 00:35:22,686 Sort of commitment issues. 654 00:35:22,688 --> 00:35:24,020 At least, if I talk to girls-- 655 00:35:24,022 --> 00:35:26,189 - They're going to tell you that within five minutes. 656 00:35:26,191 --> 00:35:28,191 - I think that I have commitment issues. 657 00:35:28,193 --> 00:35:30,694 I did have, of course, a very long relationship. 658 00:35:30,696 --> 00:35:31,528 - You did? 659 00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:35,432 I went out with anni for 11 years. 660 00:35:35,434 --> 00:35:36,666 - You did? - Yeah. 661 00:35:38,536 --> 00:35:40,470 We were friends for many, many years 662 00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:41,771 Before we started dating. 663 00:35:41,773 --> 00:35:44,875 And we had a quite wonderful relationship, 664 00:35:44,877 --> 00:35:48,078 But towards the end, we really sort of got 665 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,113 On each others' nerves. 666 00:35:50,115 --> 00:35:51,748 Mostly small things. 667 00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:57,020 I could never really figure out how that happened. 668 00:35:58,556 --> 00:36:02,225 Did she start to do things she never did before? 669 00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:06,263 Or am I now getting agitated about stuff I used 670 00:36:06,265 --> 00:36:07,697 To be fine with? 671 00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,835 And I'd say that right now, 672 00:36:15,806 --> 00:36:17,507 I'm not sure if it was a 673 00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,776 Good idea to break it off. 674 00:36:20,978 --> 00:36:22,112 But I can say this. 675 00:36:22,114 --> 00:36:23,780 I of course am a big list-maker. 676 00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:26,249 I have also made lists of 677 00:36:26,251 --> 00:36:28,818 Positives and negatives. - Negatives. 678 00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:32,255 - Yes and it was just a little bit 679 00:36:32,257 --> 00:36:33,823 More negatives than positives. 680 00:36:33,825 --> 00:36:35,325 And I recently went 681 00:36:35,327 --> 00:36:36,626 Back into the diary 682 00:36:36,628 --> 00:36:38,795 And saw those lists again and-- 683 00:36:38,797 --> 00:36:41,164 - What did you see? 684 00:36:41,166 --> 00:36:42,933 - I saw that I 685 00:36:42,935 --> 00:36:45,602 Left out a good number of 686 00:36:45,604 --> 00:36:47,637 Positives that I would see now. 687 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:48,605 - really? 688 00:36:48,607 --> 00:36:49,606 yeah. 689 00:36:49,608 --> 00:36:50,974 That there were 690 00:36:51,776 --> 00:36:54,110 Things that I didn't give her any credit for, 691 00:36:54,112 --> 00:36:56,613 That she clearly would have deserved credit. 692 00:36:56,615 --> 00:36:57,447 That I basically 693 00:36:57,449 --> 00:36:59,115 Took for granted. 694 00:36:59,117 --> 00:37:01,151 Let's say that last pro and con list, 695 00:37:01,153 --> 00:37:02,652 Done from today's point of view, 696 00:37:02,654 --> 00:37:05,322 Would look radically different. 697 00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:08,491 One thing that I think 698 00:37:08,493 --> 00:37:10,894 Initially took guts was the 699 00:37:12,296 --> 00:37:14,364 The opening card of the studio itself. 700 00:37:14,366 --> 00:37:17,467 This was, I think, 17 years ago. 701 00:37:17,469 --> 00:37:20,403 And it was just a stupid little joke. 702 00:37:20,405 --> 00:37:23,139 My girlfriend at the time thought that, 703 00:37:23,141 --> 00:37:26,676 Oh, I'm going to lose the one client 704 00:37:26,678 --> 00:37:28,511 By sending this out. 705 00:37:28,513 --> 00:37:30,680 But there were one or two 706 00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:31,982 Other clients that followed. 707 00:37:31,984 --> 00:37:33,984 So, it actually worked. 708 00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:38,088 Shit, no, shit, it would have to be much higher. 709 00:37:38,090 --> 00:37:39,022 Fuck. 710 00:37:43,494 --> 00:37:45,195 You see, like the distance between the h 711 00:37:45,197 --> 00:37:46,830 And the a is now too big. 712 00:37:46,832 --> 00:37:47,998 - okay, the one thing 713 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,332 That we haven't tried, 714 00:37:49,334 --> 00:37:51,501 Which would, again, take probably five, 10 minutes 715 00:37:51,503 --> 00:37:55,572 If we didn't talk to each other, at all. 716 00:37:55,574 --> 00:37:57,340 hillman was a rock star. 717 00:37:57,342 --> 00:37:59,442 And I don't mean this metaphorically. 718 00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:03,613 I mean he had a major label recording contract. 719 00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:06,216 And he'd toured for 10 years. 720 00:38:06,218 --> 00:38:07,917 And how do I know about this? 721 00:38:07,919 --> 00:38:09,286 From wikipedia. 722 00:38:10,354 --> 00:38:14,024 He, himself never really talks about it. 723 00:38:14,026 --> 00:38:15,358 - I would say if we're gonna do it, 724 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,695 I don't think there's any real point in doing it, 725 00:38:18,697 --> 00:38:19,696 When we can do it with-- 726 00:38:19,698 --> 00:38:20,530 you're gonna be right, 727 00:38:20,532 --> 00:38:21,364 You're gonna be right. 728 00:38:21,366 --> 00:38:22,699 But just give me like five minutes. 729 00:38:22,701 --> 00:38:23,867 We won't even say anything. 730 00:38:23,869 --> 00:38:26,603 Just let me see the "having" as it was before. 731 00:38:26,605 --> 00:38:27,804 Where we were. 732 00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:29,272 And there might 733 00:38:29,274 --> 00:38:32,809 Be some surprising new thing that happens. 734 00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:42,285 - well, sheenah thinks I should be less cautious 735 00:38:42,287 --> 00:38:44,054 In my relationships. 736 00:38:45,389 --> 00:38:47,457 And I have been infatuated 737 00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:49,492 With a very private woman 738 00:38:49,494 --> 00:38:51,728 In my hometown in austria 739 00:38:51,730 --> 00:38:54,397 For a very long time now. 740 00:38:54,399 --> 00:38:56,466 And she would hate to be 741 00:38:56,468 --> 00:38:58,168 Mentioned in this film. 742 00:38:58,170 --> 00:39:01,171 So I'll just call her miss private. 743 00:39:06,777 --> 00:39:08,745 When I think of her, it's never sexual 744 00:39:08,747 --> 00:39:12,916 It's always about some smart thing she said 745 00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:15,919 Or some nice thing that she's done. 746 00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:19,656 I'm going to austria right now 747 00:39:19,658 --> 00:39:24,260 And let's see, maybe I finally get 748 00:39:24,262 --> 00:39:28,264 My shit together and I'll be able to tell her. 749 00:40:33,397 --> 00:40:35,498 Of course, miss private came. 750 00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:37,367 - Miss private, yeah. 751 00:40:39,670 --> 00:40:42,672 - she told me that she made some decisions, 752 00:40:42,674 --> 00:40:47,010 That she has to stop that safe, mousy life back home. 753 00:40:47,012 --> 00:40:47,844 - oh, really? 754 00:40:47,846 --> 00:40:50,447 And I sort of looked at her and said, well, 755 00:40:50,449 --> 00:40:52,081 That, uh, that sounds 756 00:40:52,083 --> 00:40:54,284 Pretty good for my cause. 757 00:40:55,219 --> 00:40:57,353 Then we kissed and 758 00:40:57,355 --> 00:40:59,856 It basically went from there. 759 00:41:01,425 --> 00:41:04,194 She was here in a week when new york was at its finest. 760 00:41:04,196 --> 00:41:05,195 Like, you know, 761 00:41:05,197 --> 00:41:06,029 - Oh, I do. 762 00:41:06,031 --> 00:41:10,733 It was super warm, the sun was shining every single day. 763 00:41:10,735 --> 00:41:12,702 And I feel that it was 764 00:41:12,704 --> 00:41:14,204 More new york than me 765 00:41:14,206 --> 00:41:15,271 Who won her over. 766 00:41:15,273 --> 00:41:17,140 New york was so much on my side. 767 00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:18,575 - Yeah. - - that's your rival. 768 00:41:18,577 --> 00:41:21,144 - yes, yeah. 769 00:41:40,564 --> 00:41:41,965 - 2:00, okay, perfect. 770 00:41:41,967 --> 00:41:43,233 Okay, goodbye. 771 00:41:44,735 --> 00:41:46,102 He'll be here at 2:00. 772 00:41:46,104 --> 00:41:47,437 - Oh, excellent. 773 00:41:47,439 --> 00:41:49,172 The institute for contemporary art in philadelphia 774 00:41:49,174 --> 00:41:51,574 Invited us to create an exhibit. 775 00:41:51,576 --> 00:41:54,844 I immediately thought, this could be about happiness. 776 00:41:54,846 --> 00:41:56,179 The happy show. 777 00:41:57,081 --> 00:41:59,082 I've been doing promotional 778 00:41:59,084 --> 00:42:01,584 Things for so long now. 779 00:42:01,586 --> 00:42:04,254 This could be a great possibility 780 00:42:04,256 --> 00:42:06,155 To use the language of design 781 00:42:06,157 --> 00:42:08,591 For something more personal. 782 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,868 When she stayed over 783 00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:22,305 Like, for me, it was oddly friendshippy. 784 00:42:23,107 --> 00:42:23,940 - really? 785 00:42:23,942 --> 00:42:24,774 - yeah. 786 00:42:24,776 --> 00:42:26,376 Not passionate. - Passionate. 787 00:42:26,378 --> 00:42:29,679 - And oddly companionate. 788 00:42:29,681 --> 00:42:30,613 - mm-hmm. 789 00:42:30,615 --> 00:42:31,681 - I mean, you know, 790 00:42:31,683 --> 00:42:33,483 Even down to the the point 791 00:42:33,485 --> 00:42:35,785 That she smelled very familiar. 792 00:42:35,787 --> 00:42:37,987 Or more particularly, she smelled like my sister. 793 00:42:37,989 --> 00:42:41,457 But on the other hand it's also not so sexy. 794 00:42:41,459 --> 00:42:43,660 - It's not sexy at all. 795 00:42:43,662 --> 00:42:47,130 - This represents what it would look like 796 00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:48,631 When it's a generated 797 00:42:48,633 --> 00:42:51,234 Pedal power, okay? 798 00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:56,072 - her concern was that I'm very, very rational. 799 00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:58,141 Actually, too rational for her. 800 00:42:58,143 --> 00:43:02,312 And I make this whole relationship so rational. 801 00:43:02,314 --> 00:43:05,014 Yeah, it's just not emotional enough for her. 802 00:43:05,016 --> 00:43:06,849 - and what does she exactly mean by that? 803 00:43:06,851 --> 00:43:08,518 - I think what she means by it 804 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,087 Is that there is probably not 805 00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:14,524 I don't know, enough gazing 806 00:43:14,526 --> 00:43:16,059 Into each others eyes. 807 00:43:16,061 --> 00:43:17,327 - romance, you mean? 808 00:43:17,329 --> 00:43:23,333 If there is such a thing as passionate love, 809 00:43:23,335 --> 00:43:27,003 I am not in passionate love with miss private. 810 00:43:27,005 --> 00:43:28,237 - So, she senses that? 811 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:29,272 - Yes. 812 00:43:29,274 --> 00:43:30,540 - yes. - - yeah. 813 00:43:32,376 --> 00:43:34,077 I'm trying to get like a perfect packed one. 814 00:43:34,079 --> 00:43:35,511 So, the end is the test. 815 00:43:35,513 --> 00:43:36,846 - That looks nice too, though. 816 00:43:36,848 --> 00:43:39,182 Using them like this. 817 00:43:39,184 --> 00:43:40,516 - Yeah, yep. 818 00:43:40,518 --> 00:43:41,851 - Fine, let's go for the coffees. 819 00:43:41,853 --> 00:43:42,785 Yes, yeah. 820 00:43:43,687 --> 00:43:45,388 Hillman is very sick. 821 00:43:45,390 --> 00:43:46,823 You're okay now? 822 00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:52,362 He does not wanna talk about it. 823 00:43:53,364 --> 00:43:56,432 He's been absent a lot lately, 824 00:43:56,434 --> 00:44:00,470 And the whole team has been avoiding the issue. 825 00:44:03,307 --> 00:44:06,709 I'm not quite sure how to bring it up. 826 00:44:06,711 --> 00:44:07,810 I was missing you badly, 827 00:44:07,812 --> 00:44:10,480 And missing the input badly. 828 00:44:43,814 --> 00:44:45,114 - I want you to be involved 829 00:44:45,116 --> 00:44:49,085 Every single step of the way. 830 00:44:49,087 --> 00:44:50,520 - On all things. 831 00:44:50,522 --> 00:44:53,423 I'm extremely aware that the little graphic shots 832 00:44:53,425 --> 00:44:55,091 Are not gonna make the movie. 833 00:44:55,093 --> 00:44:55,925 They're gonna be sweet 834 00:44:55,927 --> 00:44:59,295 Nice little things, the movie will need a story. 835 00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:00,797 And it needs to be emotional. 836 00:45:00,799 --> 00:45:04,801 And I think that I'm very much relying on you for that. 837 00:45:18,115 --> 00:45:22,385 - so miss private and I split up. 838 00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:23,219 - you did? 839 00:45:23,221 --> 00:45:28,624 She said, well, I think we both made up our minds. 840 00:45:28,626 --> 00:45:31,961 And we clearly both knew what she was talking about. 841 00:45:31,963 --> 00:45:33,996 Ultimately my guess would 842 00:45:33,998 --> 00:45:35,398 Be that that is, you know, 843 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:39,836 Just another boring fear of commitment. 844 00:45:39,838 --> 00:45:40,970 - I think I called it trapped, 845 00:45:40,972 --> 00:45:42,238 And you called it bound. 846 00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:43,139 Do you remember that? 847 00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:46,042 - I think you have a big fear of being trapped 848 00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:48,644 In a conflictual situation. 849 00:45:48,646 --> 00:45:51,748 And most people who avoid commitment 850 00:45:52,483 --> 00:45:54,684 Are really avoiding conflict. 851 00:45:54,686 --> 00:45:57,687 - It's strange, I know with people that work with me, 852 00:45:57,689 --> 00:45:59,756 After 10 minutes, 853 00:45:59,758 --> 00:46:01,257 No problem at all. 854 00:46:01,259 --> 00:46:03,326 And I've not been somebody 855 00:46:03,328 --> 00:46:07,396 Who falls in love at first sight at all. 856 00:46:07,398 --> 00:46:08,998 you have a lot of caution. 857 00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,500 - Yep. 858 00:46:10,502 --> 00:46:12,668 - A lot of caution about falling in love. 859 00:46:12,670 --> 00:46:14,704 Maybe not about everything in life, 860 00:46:14,706 --> 00:46:17,807 But certainly about falling in love. 861 00:46:20,377 --> 00:46:22,211 - I guess, you know, what I'm trying 862 00:46:22,213 --> 00:46:23,379 To figure out here is whether something about 863 00:46:23,381 --> 00:46:24,781 You or your strengths, 864 00:46:24,783 --> 00:46:26,182 The way you live your life, 865 00:46:26,184 --> 00:46:27,683 Makes it simply difficult for you to connect 866 00:46:27,685 --> 00:46:29,352 Deeply with women. 867 00:46:29,354 --> 00:46:30,186 - Yeah. 868 00:46:30,188 --> 00:46:32,355 And that's why we call it falling. 869 00:46:32,357 --> 00:46:33,723 You don't have to choose fall. 870 00:46:33,725 --> 00:46:36,759 You're just walking along and you fall. 871 00:46:36,761 --> 00:46:40,363 It's developing a long term companionate love relationship, 872 00:46:40,365 --> 00:46:41,798 That's what's harder. 873 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,066 - So, do you think that... 874 00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:49,372 That's the question, do you think that a long term 875 00:46:49,374 --> 00:46:51,707 Companionate relationship is possible without the 876 00:46:51,709 --> 00:46:53,409 Passion that comes up front-- 877 00:46:53,411 --> 00:46:54,610 - Absolutely. It's absolutely possible. 878 00:46:54,612 --> 00:46:55,578 - It is possible? - Yes. 879 00:46:55,580 --> 00:46:56,813 - Yeah. - Yes. 880 00:46:56,815 --> 00:47:00,216 And that's the way traditional marriages often were. 881 00:47:00,218 --> 00:47:01,918 You simply put the people together. 882 00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:02,885 They might not love 883 00:47:02,887 --> 00:47:03,719 Each other at first, 884 00:47:03,721 --> 00:47:05,121 They don't know each other. 885 00:47:05,123 --> 00:47:06,088 But they can develop very, 886 00:47:06,090 --> 00:47:08,224 Very deep companionate love relationships. 887 00:47:08,226 --> 00:47:09,058 So, it's not that the 888 00:47:09,060 --> 00:47:11,227 Passionate love is essential. 889 00:47:11,229 --> 00:47:13,596 But it is one of the greatest experiences 890 00:47:13,598 --> 00:47:16,566 And for somebody who craves peak experiences, 891 00:47:16,568 --> 00:47:18,601 And strong emotions, 892 00:47:18,603 --> 00:47:20,903 It is one that I would not want you to miss. 893 00:47:20,905 --> 00:47:22,405 - But from your point of view, 894 00:47:22,407 --> 00:47:25,174 Miss private and I could actually have 895 00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:27,176 Developed a beautiful relationship 896 00:47:27,178 --> 00:47:29,245 Even though it didn't feel very passionate 897 00:47:29,247 --> 00:47:31,347 At the beginning. - Absolutely, absolutely. 898 00:47:37,988 --> 00:47:40,189 - Let's see that last one again. 899 00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:42,792 - It just ends with the plane. 900 00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,863 - I'm really trying to work more on the film 901 00:47:46,865 --> 00:47:50,099 And less on our regular commercial projects. 902 00:47:50,101 --> 00:47:52,768 - and then you'll think of some ideas? 903 00:47:52,770 --> 00:47:53,603 - Yes. 904 00:47:53,605 --> 00:47:54,437 - great. 905 00:47:54,439 --> 00:47:55,371 - Should we set a deadline? 906 00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:57,273 - Otherwise, I'm just gonna forget. 907 00:47:57,275 --> 00:47:58,274 - Yeah. 908 00:47:58,276 --> 00:47:59,675 - Jessica has great ideas, 909 00:47:59,677 --> 00:48:01,510 Knows how to execute them, 910 00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:03,179 And most important of all, 911 00:48:03,181 --> 00:48:04,614 Has the wherewithal 912 00:48:04,616 --> 00:48:06,148 To make them real. 913 00:48:06,150 --> 00:48:08,117 - Well, we could film, like, crops. 914 00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:09,719 - yeah. 915 00:48:09,721 --> 00:48:11,187 Even though she's super young, 916 00:48:11,189 --> 00:48:14,056 She's crazily experienced. 917 00:48:14,058 --> 00:48:17,126 I mean, she designed a website showing other designers 918 00:48:17,128 --> 00:48:19,729 How to design websites at 13. 919 00:48:32,643 --> 00:48:34,410 I asked her if she wants to become 920 00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:36,512 A partner in the studio. 921 00:48:37,681 --> 00:48:38,614 She did. 922 00:48:38,616 --> 00:48:40,983 - Pouring like a yellow paint or something, 923 00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:43,185 And you saw the dripping. 924 00:48:45,656 --> 00:48:48,557 Maybe we start with the plants. 925 00:48:48,559 --> 00:48:51,327 - we renamed the studio sagmeister and walsh, 926 00:48:51,329 --> 00:48:54,830 And designed a card announcing that. 927 00:48:54,832 --> 00:48:56,666 We might need some books for you. 928 00:48:56,668 --> 00:49:01,337 - okay, and I think we need about this many. 929 00:49:01,339 --> 00:49:02,772 - okay. 930 00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:05,574 - Okay, and here we are. 931 00:49:05,576 --> 00:49:09,111 Okay, guys, and start looking at me. 932 00:49:09,113 --> 00:49:10,279 Look above me. 933 00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:12,281 And you're just looking at each other 934 00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:13,382 As you're standing there. 935 00:49:13,384 --> 00:49:14,517 Cool, okay, and now 936 00:49:14,519 --> 00:49:16,052 Switch it around. 937 00:49:17,254 --> 00:49:18,921 Great, again, both looking at me. 938 00:49:18,923 --> 00:49:19,855 Great. 939 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,024 Okay. 940 00:49:22,026 --> 00:49:25,528 - Oh, my god, did you tan for this, specially? 941 00:49:25,530 --> 00:49:26,462 - Maybe. 942 00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,215 ♪ I have a wound 943 00:49:46,217 --> 00:49:49,585 ♪ that never will heal 944 00:49:55,559 --> 00:49:57,059 ♪ and you are 945 00:49:57,061 --> 00:50:01,163 ♪ the one that constantly peels ♪ 946 00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:11,407 ♪ the skin away 947 00:50:11,409 --> 00:50:14,677 ♪ each and every day 948 00:50:20,584 --> 00:50:22,752 ♪ why don't you please 949 00:50:22,754 --> 00:50:24,320 ♪ why don't you please 950 00:50:24,322 --> 00:50:27,690 ♪ why don't you please 951 00:50:32,596 --> 00:50:36,165 ♪ and I have a way 952 00:50:36,167 --> 00:50:39,702 ♪ of seeing these things 953 00:50:45,275 --> 00:50:49,278 ♪ the skin on your bones 954 00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,715 ♪ it comes deadly aloes 955 00:50:57,788 --> 00:50:59,522 ♪ pull it away 956 00:50:59,524 --> 00:51:01,290 ♪ pull it away 957 00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:03,959 ♪ pull it away 958 00:51:13,470 --> 00:51:15,237 - okay. 959 00:51:18,875 --> 00:51:19,809 Okay. 960 00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,648 - well, I felt 961 00:51:25,650 --> 00:51:27,416 It was sort of strange that 962 00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:30,352 We are making a movie on happiness 963 00:51:31,254 --> 00:51:35,057 And we having a director, a co-director, 964 00:51:35,059 --> 00:51:37,827 Who is, you know, seriously ill. 965 00:51:39,429 --> 00:51:41,497 How do you feel? 966 00:51:41,499 --> 00:51:42,431 - Just 967 00:51:45,068 --> 00:51:48,704 Having been dealt a set of cards 968 00:51:51,007 --> 00:51:53,275 That are really difficult, 969 00:51:54,077 --> 00:51:56,879 You know, and no breaks. 970 00:51:56,881 --> 00:51:58,781 - In some ways, I'm actually surprised 971 00:51:58,783 --> 00:52:01,684 That you still wanna be a part of it. 972 00:52:01,686 --> 00:52:03,953 For all the sort of daily crap 973 00:52:03,955 --> 00:52:08,858 That documentary film making brings with it. 974 00:52:08,860 --> 00:52:11,460 You know, that you don't just say, oh, no. 975 00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:13,929 - You know, I mean, I've got two kids. 976 00:52:13,931 --> 00:52:17,700 I like to see them watch me work. 977 00:52:20,103 --> 00:52:22,771 It's really gratifying. 978 00:52:22,773 --> 00:52:26,242 They get to see what their dad does. 979 00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:29,979 It floats your, 980 00:52:38,722 --> 00:52:40,489 Well-being, I guess. 981 00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:45,494 - There were times 982 00:52:48,398 --> 00:52:50,733 When I'd almost wish it would 983 00:52:50,735 --> 00:52:52,801 Be the other way around. 984 00:52:52,803 --> 00:52:55,004 I mean, are you angry at all, or? 985 00:52:55,006 --> 00:52:57,740 - I've done the angry thing. 986 00:52:57,742 --> 00:52:58,707 So heavily. 987 00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:00,776 Chairs. 988 00:53:01,945 --> 00:53:02,878 Books. 989 00:53:03,847 --> 00:53:04,914 All kinds of things. 990 00:53:04,916 --> 00:53:06,081 - what, you've thrown chairs? 991 00:53:06,083 --> 00:53:07,082 - Oh, sure. 992 00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:11,187 I did that. 993 00:53:12,289 --> 00:53:14,657 And all it did, really, 994 00:53:14,659 --> 00:53:18,027 Was scare the kids. 995 00:53:18,762 --> 00:53:21,230 Just scared my wife, 996 00:53:23,099 --> 00:53:25,734 And made me feel bad. 997 00:53:46,323 --> 00:53:47,623 - For hillman, the 998 00:53:47,625 --> 00:53:48,791 Last year of his life 999 00:53:48,793 --> 00:53:50,359 Was not about changing, 1000 00:53:50,361 --> 00:53:51,493 But about trying to keep 1001 00:53:51,495 --> 00:53:53,929 Everything exactly the same. 1002 00:53:56,132 --> 00:54:00,135 He wanted to eat ice cream with our kids. 1003 00:54:00,137 --> 00:54:02,805 He wanted to work on the happy film. 1004 00:54:02,807 --> 00:54:05,374 He wanted to lie in bed and talk. 1005 00:54:05,376 --> 00:54:09,311 And he wanted to have friends over for dinner. 1006 00:54:11,181 --> 00:54:13,816 Why should I accept death, he'd ask me, 1007 00:54:13,818 --> 00:54:16,318 When my life is so beautiful? 1008 00:55:14,044 --> 00:55:16,845 - I'm not sad enough. 1009 00:55:19,482 --> 00:55:20,416 I'm sad 1010 00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:23,585 That I'm not sad enough. 1011 00:55:29,592 --> 00:55:33,529 I had a wonderful conversation with christina. 1012 00:55:38,601 --> 00:55:40,102 She is so honest. 1013 00:55:41,604 --> 00:55:42,905 I really can learn from her. 1014 00:55:42,907 --> 00:55:46,275 I mean, she really goes deep. 1015 00:55:46,277 --> 00:55:48,444 You know, I asked her how she's doing. 1016 00:55:48,446 --> 00:55:50,579 And she said, well, 1017 00:55:50,581 --> 00:55:53,015 Tess is just thriving. 1018 00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:53,916 Her youngest daughter 1019 00:55:53,918 --> 00:55:55,351 Is just thriving 1020 00:55:56,453 --> 00:55:58,087 Since hillman died. 1021 00:55:58,089 --> 00:56:00,255 What a difficult thing to admit. 1022 00:56:03,860 --> 00:56:05,928 And you notice that it's just, 1023 00:56:05,930 --> 00:56:08,864 There was so much sadness in their house, 1024 00:56:08,866 --> 00:56:10,799 That it's so great to 1025 00:56:10,801 --> 00:56:12,768 Have that sadness lifted. 1026 00:56:12,770 --> 00:56:14,770 And that, if she's, later on, 1027 00:56:14,772 --> 00:56:16,205 I'm sure that she's gonna realize 1028 00:56:16,207 --> 00:56:18,841 That she has no dad. 1029 00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:20,275 And there's going to be difficulties with that. 1030 00:56:20,277 --> 00:56:22,878 But right now, she's thriving. 1031 00:56:23,613 --> 00:56:25,547 And when I said, well, 1032 00:56:26,516 --> 00:56:28,984 Correct me if I'm wrong but, 1033 00:56:28,986 --> 00:56:33,288 I would think that hillman would be thrilled with that, 1034 00:56:33,290 --> 00:56:35,457 She said, oh, was 1035 00:56:35,459 --> 00:56:36,325 Not quite sure, 1036 00:56:36,327 --> 00:56:37,459 She was sort of quiet, and 1037 00:56:37,461 --> 00:56:39,294 I said, well, or not. 1038 00:56:39,729 --> 00:56:42,698 There's a darkness in all of us. 1039 00:56:42,700 --> 00:56:44,466 And an imperfection. 1040 00:57:33,917 --> 00:57:36,618 - it only hits me now. 1041 00:57:38,087 --> 00:57:39,121 I miss him. 1042 00:57:40,790 --> 00:57:41,890 I really do. 1043 00:57:55,371 --> 00:57:57,706 - Given the information that we've gathered 1044 00:57:57,708 --> 00:57:59,741 In terms of your genetics, 1045 00:57:59,743 --> 00:58:01,076 I have to say that you're 1046 00:58:01,078 --> 00:58:03,545 Probably the healthiest person 1047 00:58:03,547 --> 00:58:06,882 That I've seen all week in my practice. 1048 00:58:09,052 --> 00:58:12,488 So let's talk, then, about anxiety. 1049 00:58:13,556 --> 00:58:16,391 - If I would go into a room 1050 00:58:16,393 --> 00:58:18,060 Where I don't know anybody, 1051 00:58:18,062 --> 00:58:20,295 I can be quite good about that 1052 00:58:20,297 --> 00:58:21,563 With a little bit of a going 1053 00:58:21,565 --> 00:58:23,832 Over a bump, introduce myself. 1054 00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:26,935 Or I can also be anxious about that. 1055 00:58:27,904 --> 00:58:29,905 - And you don't suffer from being lonely? 1056 00:58:29,907 --> 00:58:31,306 - no. 1057 00:58:31,308 --> 00:58:32,441 No, I really don't. 1058 00:58:32,443 --> 00:58:33,976 And spending time by yourself 1059 00:58:33,978 --> 00:58:34,810 Is okay? 1060 00:58:34,812 --> 00:58:37,446 - you're okay in your own company? - Yes. 1061 00:58:37,448 --> 00:58:39,081 - So, your anxiety levels then 1062 00:58:39,083 --> 00:58:41,950 - I'm a little bit afraid I'm painting this 1063 00:58:41,952 --> 00:58:43,085 Picture a little bit too rosy. 1064 00:58:43,087 --> 00:58:44,253 I'm afraid at the end I'm not 1065 00:58:44,255 --> 00:58:46,255 Gonna get anything because-- 1066 00:58:46,257 --> 00:58:47,923 - well, we'll talk about it though. 1067 00:58:47,925 --> 00:58:49,758 I mean, if you were coming to me 1068 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:53,495 And reporting mild anxiety that you wanted to 1069 00:58:53,497 --> 00:58:55,464 Do something about, 1070 00:58:55,466 --> 00:58:57,933 I wouldn't be opposed to prescribing 1071 00:58:57,935 --> 00:58:59,801 Something like lexapro 1072 00:58:59,803 --> 00:59:02,504 In a low dose for you, as a trial. 1073 00:59:02,506 --> 00:59:03,872 - Yeah. 1074 00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:05,774 - But it has side effects. 1075 00:59:05,776 --> 00:59:11,046 - The side effects are dry mouth, headache, gi upset, 1076 00:59:13,716 --> 00:59:15,684 Anxiety, insomnia-- 1077 00:59:15,686 --> 00:59:18,787 That's not a very good side effect to have, no? 1078 00:59:18,789 --> 00:59:22,224 - These are all possible side effects. 1079 00:59:22,226 --> 00:59:25,127 98% of the people who take lexapro 1080 00:59:25,129 --> 00:59:28,463 Feel calmer and feel better. 1081 00:59:28,465 --> 00:59:31,199 The other thing that happens when you first start a 1082 00:59:31,201 --> 00:59:32,801 Medication like this, 1083 00:59:32,803 --> 00:59:35,237 Your brain is going through some changes. 1084 00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:38,206 Actually, your neural circuits are sort of 1085 00:59:38,208 --> 00:59:40,142 Being rearranged. 1086 00:59:40,144 --> 00:59:43,145 If everybody knew how complicated it was 1087 00:59:43,147 --> 00:59:44,313 And what these drugs do, 1088 00:59:44,315 --> 00:59:46,181 Probably, nobody would take them. 1089 01:00:15,278 --> 01:00:17,679 - Yeah, this is the second day. 1090 01:00:17,681 --> 01:00:21,516 And I definitely had to 1091 01:00:23,553 --> 01:00:28,323 Schlep myself and force myself to go running. 1092 01:00:34,631 --> 01:00:38,033 This is four days now of lexapro. 1093 01:00:38,534 --> 01:00:40,369 And I definitely feel 1094 01:00:41,904 --> 01:00:43,405 Less energetic. 1095 01:00:43,407 --> 01:00:45,073 I sleep more. 1096 01:00:45,075 --> 01:00:47,676 Today I even had blotchy skin. 1097 01:00:48,544 --> 01:00:51,213 There's actually absolutely 1098 01:00:51,215 --> 01:00:53,415 No betterment whatsoever. 1099 01:00:57,787 --> 01:00:58,920 there might be one thing 1100 01:00:58,922 --> 01:01:01,723 That we could alter slightly, 1101 01:01:01,725 --> 01:01:04,226 Rather than having to abandon 1102 01:01:04,228 --> 01:01:05,927 The experiment completely. 1103 01:01:05,929 --> 01:01:07,162 And that would be to 1104 01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:08,964 Change the medicine 1105 01:01:08,966 --> 01:01:10,298 To a nighttime dose. 1106 01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:11,400 - Oh, excellent. 1107 01:01:11,402 --> 01:01:14,169 Meaning that I get lame at night and lethargic, 1108 01:01:14,171 --> 01:01:16,571 And have the energy during the day? 1109 01:01:16,573 --> 01:01:17,406 - right. 1110 01:01:17,408 --> 01:01:18,340 - Perfect. 1111 01:01:29,787 --> 01:01:34,856 In all my lethargy, one wonderful thing happened 1112 01:01:34,858 --> 01:01:37,459 Though and it was that 1113 01:01:37,461 --> 01:01:39,695 A very wonderful interviewer came over 1114 01:01:39,697 --> 01:01:41,496 To set up an interview for 1115 01:01:41,498 --> 01:01:43,865 Some german arty magazine. 1116 01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:44,800 And... 1117 01:01:46,803 --> 01:01:48,937 We just hit it off. 1118 01:01:48,939 --> 01:01:51,406 There was ample time to talk. 1119 01:01:52,642 --> 01:01:54,276 And she seems so positive. 1120 01:01:54,278 --> 01:01:56,445 And so, we just came 1121 01:01:56,447 --> 01:01:58,046 Back onto the roof 1122 01:01:58,948 --> 01:02:00,282 And stayed up 1123 01:02:00,284 --> 01:02:03,051 Until the sun came up. 1124 01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:06,655 And I'll see her for dinner again tonight. 1125 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,731 Okay, who are you? 1126 01:02:15,733 --> 01:02:16,732 - Who am I? 1127 01:02:21,170 --> 01:02:24,005 - What do you have to say about happiness? 1128 01:02:24,007 --> 01:02:25,407 - I enjoy being happy. 1129 01:02:25,409 --> 01:02:27,642 How I came about it is that I definitely realized 1130 01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:30,345 That I'm not so much in control. 1131 01:02:30,347 --> 01:02:32,848 I'm happy to experience it, you know, 1132 01:02:32,850 --> 01:02:34,549 There might be moments where I don't, 1133 01:02:34,551 --> 01:02:36,084 They're not the most 1134 01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:37,385 Desirable moments, 1135 01:02:37,387 --> 01:02:41,523 But at the moment, I'm doing quite well. 1136 01:02:41,525 --> 01:02:44,426 So I would say bring it on. 1137 01:02:44,428 --> 01:02:45,827 - What I loved about the book was 1138 01:02:45,829 --> 01:02:49,931 That he very clearly states that in his experience, 1139 01:02:49,933 --> 01:02:52,267 Three things work the best. 1140 01:02:53,669 --> 01:02:57,038 And I am now speaking to you on drugs. 1141 01:02:58,175 --> 01:03:01,009 I started this regimen two weeks ago 1142 01:03:01,011 --> 01:03:02,844 And I truly hated it. 1143 01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:07,682 And then four days ago I met a girl. 1144 01:03:08,851 --> 01:03:11,286 And that changed everything. 1145 01:03:12,522 --> 01:03:16,358 So, when you're in between drugs and girls, 1146 01:03:17,693 --> 01:03:19,027 No competition. 1147 01:03:20,396 --> 01:03:21,797 No competition. 1148 01:03:24,935 --> 01:03:26,234 My favorite statistics. 1149 01:03:26,236 --> 01:03:28,703 There's one comparing companionate love 1150 01:03:28,705 --> 01:03:30,539 To passionate love. 1151 01:03:30,541 --> 01:03:35,177 So, clearly, I am now in the top level. 1152 01:03:38,314 --> 01:03:40,749 But jonathan says that in his research, 1153 01:03:40,751 --> 01:03:42,551 This lasts for six months. 1154 01:03:42,553 --> 01:03:44,219 If you look at the whole thing 1155 01:03:44,221 --> 01:03:46,555 From a 60 year perspective, 1156 01:03:48,758 --> 01:03:50,725 The passionate lovers look pretty silly. 1157 01:03:50,727 --> 01:03:52,460 It looks like a flash in the pan. 1158 01:03:52,462 --> 01:03:54,229 While the companionate lovers 1159 01:03:54,231 --> 01:03:56,731 Are really the ones that stayed. 1160 01:03:56,733 --> 01:04:03,071 So, if by November, I'm not so passionate in love 1161 01:04:03,073 --> 01:04:06,441 With the girl that I met five days ago, 1162 01:04:07,476 --> 01:04:11,079 I don't have to wonder about it, because it's natural. 1163 01:04:11,081 --> 01:04:12,848 Because if I would have those kind of dopamines 1164 01:04:12,850 --> 01:04:15,483 In my body for longer than six months, 1165 01:04:15,485 --> 01:04:19,821 It would actually be very unhealthy for me. 1166 01:04:19,823 --> 01:04:20,856 - Like, so many people thought 1167 01:04:20,858 --> 01:04:21,823 That it was a performance, 1168 01:04:21,825 --> 01:04:25,126 That it was not real, that I made you up 1169 01:04:25,128 --> 01:04:27,596 Basically for the talk. 1170 01:04:27,598 --> 01:04:30,932 - Like the whole thing was kind of, like, too good to be true. 1171 01:04:30,934 --> 01:04:32,767 - I told you, I was not lying when I was telling you 1172 01:04:32,769 --> 01:04:35,437 That the pharmaceutical company hired me. 1173 01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:37,606 It's all business, hun. 1174 01:04:37,608 --> 01:04:42,277 You know, like, and I will expire in three months. 1175 01:04:42,279 --> 01:04:45,547 - Well, I can tell you that 1176 01:04:45,549 --> 01:04:47,048 I love big pharma, 1177 01:04:47,050 --> 01:04:48,650 I love big pharma. 1178 01:05:05,134 --> 01:05:08,803 - I have to download a song from nick cave 1179 01:05:08,805 --> 01:05:10,805 Called into my arms. 1180 01:05:10,807 --> 01:05:14,042 And I knew, wow, it's all so cheesy, 1181 01:05:14,044 --> 01:05:15,810 But that's gonna be our song. 1182 01:05:15,812 --> 01:05:17,512 I just knew. 1183 01:05:17,514 --> 01:05:21,783 ♪ and I don't believe in the existence of angels ♪ 1184 01:05:27,690 --> 01:05:32,994 ♪ but looking at you I wonder if that's true ♪ 1185 01:05:34,997 --> 01:05:37,999 ♪ to each burn a candle for you ♪ 1186 01:05:38,001 --> 01:05:41,336 ♪ to make bright and clear your path ♪ 1187 01:05:41,338 --> 01:05:44,005 ♪ and to walk like christ in grace and love ♪ 1188 01:05:44,007 --> 01:05:47,842 ♪ and guide you into my arms 1189 01:05:49,845 --> 01:05:54,282 ♪ into my arms, o lord 1190 01:05:54,917 --> 01:05:59,454 ♪ into my arms, o lord 1191 01:05:59,889 --> 01:06:04,359 ♪ into my arms, o lord 1192 01:06:04,361 --> 01:06:05,360 - Happy? 1193 01:06:05,362 --> 01:06:08,063 ♪ into my arms 1194 01:06:14,870 --> 01:06:18,540 ♪ but I believe in love 1195 01:06:18,542 --> 01:06:21,409 - I asked veza yesterday 1196 01:06:22,912 --> 01:06:23,878 If she wants to get married 1197 01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:25,880 To me and she said yes. 1198 01:06:27,383 --> 01:06:29,784 - I love the idea of committing to each other. 1199 01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:31,720 And being married to oneself 1200 01:06:31,722 --> 01:06:33,888 And being also married to 1201 01:06:35,157 --> 01:06:37,292 A partner who you truly love. 1202 01:06:37,294 --> 01:06:38,393 And I see that in you. 1203 01:06:38,395 --> 01:06:40,128 You're the first man who definitely 1204 01:06:40,130 --> 01:06:42,397 Sweeps me off the ground. 1205 01:06:42,399 --> 01:06:45,333 And definitely takes my breath away. 1206 01:06:45,335 --> 01:06:46,267 And, you know, makes my 1207 01:06:46,269 --> 01:06:48,536 Heart go boom, boom, boom. 1208 01:06:49,472 --> 01:06:50,739 Yeah. 1209 01:06:50,741 --> 01:06:53,141 You know, I really love you. 1210 01:06:53,143 --> 01:06:54,242 I really do. 1211 01:06:55,945 --> 01:06:57,245 So, enough now. 1212 01:06:57,247 --> 01:06:58,913 - I love you back. 1213 01:06:58,915 --> 01:07:01,082 - on three. 1214 01:07:01,084 --> 01:07:02,017 One, two. 1215 01:07:05,187 --> 01:07:06,821 - I used to say that this is so stupid, 1216 01:07:06,823 --> 01:07:09,791 Expecting the girl to be great in bed, 1217 01:07:09,793 --> 01:07:11,593 Be kind, be intelligent, 1218 01:07:11,595 --> 01:07:13,361 Funny, beautiful. 1219 01:07:13,363 --> 01:07:15,997 The crazy thing is that she is it. 1220 01:07:15,999 --> 01:07:17,332 I didn't think that there was somebody 1221 01:07:17,334 --> 01:07:18,933 That perfect out there. 1222 01:07:18,935 --> 01:07:20,635 I've never been so in love in my life. 1223 01:07:20,637 --> 01:07:21,770 Never. 1224 01:07:21,772 --> 01:07:24,939 I asked her to marry me and she said yes. 1225 01:07:24,941 --> 01:07:26,441 This is all after 10 days, 1226 01:07:26,443 --> 01:07:28,043 And this is the first woman in my life 1227 01:07:28,045 --> 01:07:30,678 That I've ever asked to marry me. 1228 01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:31,780 - Oh, my gosh. 1229 01:07:31,782 --> 01:07:34,682 - so, it's, suddenly there is that, 1230 01:07:34,684 --> 01:07:36,885 Even though I never expected it. 1231 01:07:36,887 --> 01:07:38,787 Or at least not consciously expected it. 1232 01:07:38,789 --> 01:07:39,721 I think unconsciously 1233 01:07:39,723 --> 01:07:40,789 Of course I wanted it. 1234 01:07:40,791 --> 01:07:41,623 - right. 1235 01:07:41,625 --> 01:07:45,360 - And that's just eerie in a way. 1236 01:07:45,362 --> 01:07:48,563 - Well, I mean, it may or may not be a coincidence 1237 01:07:48,565 --> 01:07:51,499 That you met the perfect woman 1238 01:07:51,501 --> 01:07:53,968 During this medication trial. 1239 01:07:53,970 --> 01:07:57,138 You, over the last 49 years 1240 01:07:57,140 --> 01:08:01,543 Have been anxious and sort of tightly wound. 1241 01:08:01,545 --> 01:08:02,544 This is the first time 1242 01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:04,312 You ever tried anything 1243 01:08:04,314 --> 01:08:06,681 That took away that anxiety. 1244 01:08:06,683 --> 01:08:09,084 So maybe it's opened you up. 1245 01:08:09,086 --> 01:08:11,152 I'm much more sharing. 1246 01:08:11,154 --> 01:08:13,421 I talk much more than I normally would. 1247 01:08:13,423 --> 01:08:16,391 I stopped eating, I lost 15 pounds in the meantime. 1248 01:08:16,393 --> 01:08:19,227 I sleep very little, between three and five hours a day. 1249 01:08:19,229 --> 01:08:20,662 And I have incredible energy. 1250 01:08:20,664 --> 01:08:22,764 Like, my work is going fantastic. 1251 01:08:22,766 --> 01:08:24,499 - are you using more caffeine? 1252 01:08:24,501 --> 01:08:27,735 Yeah, I mean, yesterday I'm sure I had 15 espressos. 1253 01:08:27,737 --> 01:08:29,204 - 15? 1254 01:08:29,206 --> 01:08:30,638 - yeah. 1255 01:08:42,518 --> 01:08:44,619 can I see this on you? 1256 01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:46,821 - oh, sure. 1257 01:08:51,527 --> 01:08:54,429 - Yeah, smaller one it is. 1258 01:08:54,431 --> 01:08:55,463 Number six. 1259 01:09:04,907 --> 01:09:09,043 - No, I think just espresso, just as it is. 1260 01:09:09,045 --> 01:09:10,311 - What's this? 1261 01:09:12,314 --> 01:09:14,649 You've gotta be kidding me? 1262 01:09:18,053 --> 01:09:20,388 - well, let's see. 1263 01:09:21,257 --> 01:09:22,557 - So, it's official now, yeah? 1264 01:09:22,559 --> 01:09:24,325 - Uh huh. - It's beautiful. 1265 01:09:36,071 --> 01:09:39,440 - I'm having all of her birthmarks 1266 01:09:39,442 --> 01:09:41,643 Tattooed on my arm. 1267 01:09:41,645 --> 01:09:45,580 And she's having all of mine tattooed on hers. 1268 01:09:52,254 --> 01:09:53,855 - okay, can you hear? 1269 01:09:53,857 --> 01:09:55,523 - can you hear us? - Are we all ready? 1270 01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:56,758 I can hear us fine too. 1271 01:09:56,760 --> 01:09:58,593 - Yeah, check, check, one, two. 1272 01:09:58,595 --> 01:09:59,761 - check, yep, we're good. 1273 01:09:59,763 --> 01:10:03,097 How do you feel about all the filming? 1274 01:10:03,099 --> 01:10:04,199 - Me, personally? 1275 01:10:04,201 --> 01:10:06,267 Very comfortable. 1276 01:10:06,269 --> 01:10:07,835 I think it feels very natural to me 1277 01:10:07,837 --> 01:10:12,273 Because I really wanna support stefan's happiness, 1278 01:10:12,275 --> 01:10:14,676 And of course I wanna support him in his work. 1279 01:10:14,678 --> 01:10:17,145 And it's been a big topic for me, happiness. 1280 01:10:17,147 --> 01:10:18,713 - veza, you said you know 1281 01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:20,481 About these three experiments. 1282 01:10:20,483 --> 01:10:23,117 - so, we've done two of the experiments. 1283 01:10:23,119 --> 01:10:26,821 And here we are amidst the third. - Which I ruined, basically. 1284 01:10:26,823 --> 01:10:28,389 - tell me about it. 1285 01:10:28,391 --> 01:10:31,693 Fall out of love with you because the whole thing 1286 01:10:31,695 --> 01:10:33,461 Could be a drug induced-- 1287 01:10:33,463 --> 01:10:35,063 - Not at all. 1288 01:10:35,065 --> 01:10:37,732 - but I've only known you the way I've known you. 1289 01:10:37,734 --> 01:10:40,168 How is it for you guys to see me with stefan? 1290 01:10:40,170 --> 01:10:44,038 I think this is actually interesting to ask you guys. 1291 01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:47,008 - I've never seen stefan as happy as he's been. 1292 01:10:47,010 --> 01:10:49,477 Almost recklessly happy. 1293 01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:51,145 - do you think that's lexapro? 1294 01:10:51,147 --> 01:10:52,380 - Do I think it's lexapro? 1295 01:10:52,382 --> 01:10:53,681 This, you're concerned. 1296 01:10:53,683 --> 01:10:54,916 - no, I'm not concerned. 1297 01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:56,818 - I just saw it in your face a little bit. - - no. 1298 01:10:58,153 --> 01:10:59,254 - I mean, you clearly have 1299 01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:00,421 Doubts about all of this. 1300 01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:02,190 - I'm just trying to ask the questions 1301 01:11:02,192 --> 01:11:03,191 That I think you would ask 1302 01:11:03,193 --> 01:11:05,426 If you were standing where I was standing. 1303 01:11:05,428 --> 01:11:08,062 - what would you think if you heard 1304 01:11:08,064 --> 01:11:10,698 Three months ago I started taking lexapro, 1305 01:11:10,700 --> 01:11:12,767 I was terribly depressed for a week. 1306 01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:15,570 I met a woman, I fell completely in love, 1307 01:11:15,572 --> 01:11:18,273 And we're going to get married. 1308 01:11:19,675 --> 01:11:21,109 - Oh, crazy. 1309 01:11:21,111 --> 01:11:22,410 Another person, crazy. 1310 01:11:22,412 --> 01:11:23,711 Me, it's different. 1311 01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:27,015 Because I have an immediate experience of me. 1312 01:11:27,017 --> 01:11:28,850 And I know how it went. 1313 01:11:28,852 --> 01:11:31,085 I've never been so happy. 1314 01:11:31,087 --> 01:11:34,522 I mean, you know, I have never had in my life, 1315 01:11:34,524 --> 01:11:36,391 Yeah, I probably had a day that I would say 1316 01:11:36,393 --> 01:11:38,092 That was like a number 10 day, 1317 01:11:38,094 --> 01:11:39,560 Like a 10 out of 10. 1318 01:11:39,562 --> 01:11:42,997 But I've had 10 days like this in a row. 1319 01:11:46,101 --> 01:11:48,202 - unbelievable. 1320 01:11:48,204 --> 01:11:49,404 And too good to be true. 1321 01:11:49,406 --> 01:11:50,571 - Yeah, yeah. 1322 01:11:52,574 --> 01:11:56,477 And as we both know, normally, 1323 01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:59,380 In my experience, every single time, 1324 01:11:59,382 --> 01:12:02,717 Too good to be true means exactly that. 1325 01:12:04,453 --> 01:12:06,054 - yeah, I mean, I think it's fascinating 1326 01:12:06,056 --> 01:12:09,457 How you know about this concept of romantic love 1327 01:12:09,459 --> 01:12:11,225 And companionate love. 1328 01:12:11,227 --> 01:12:15,496 And it's like you're aware scientifically of the timeline. 1329 01:12:16,899 --> 01:12:22,470 - the only part of the rider-elephant duo that knows, is the rider. 1330 01:12:22,472 --> 01:12:24,472 The elephant doesn't give a shit about this, 1331 01:12:24,474 --> 01:12:25,740 About this knowledge. 1332 01:12:25,742 --> 01:12:27,575 The elephant just does what he wants. 1333 01:12:27,577 --> 01:12:28,943 The elephant falls in love 1334 01:12:28,945 --> 01:12:33,481 Totally and crazily and 1335 01:12:33,483 --> 01:12:35,249 And just goes in that direction. 1336 01:12:35,251 --> 01:12:37,185 The rider is just sort of sitting on top of the elephant 1337 01:12:37,187 --> 01:12:38,986 Saying, oh, you know, 1338 01:12:38,988 --> 01:12:40,188 Are you really sure? 1339 01:12:40,190 --> 01:12:41,789 You're on drugs. 1340 01:12:41,791 --> 01:12:44,759 And the elephant just goes. 1341 01:12:44,761 --> 01:12:46,094 - yeah. 1342 01:14:05,340 --> 01:14:07,375 - so, baby, we had a fight today, no? 1343 01:14:07,377 --> 01:14:09,210 In the morning or, 1344 01:14:09,212 --> 01:14:11,212 Yeah, I think you can call it a fight. 1345 01:14:11,214 --> 01:14:12,046 What do you think? 1346 01:14:12,048 --> 01:14:13,781 - I don't think it was a fight. 1347 01:14:13,783 --> 01:14:15,683 You should see me fight. 1348 01:14:15,685 --> 01:14:16,884 - yeah? 1349 01:14:16,886 --> 01:14:20,087 - no 1350 01:14:20,089 --> 01:14:21,289 Yeah, we did. 1351 01:14:23,692 --> 01:14:28,229 And look at we are still here. 1352 01:14:28,231 --> 01:14:31,499 - I'm about a week off drugs. 1353 01:14:33,368 --> 01:14:36,370 And right now I'm not doing well. 1354 01:14:36,372 --> 01:14:38,539 - let's hear what's been going on. 1355 01:14:38,541 --> 01:14:41,108 - It's been not great, I have to say. 1356 01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:42,577 In general, when it's not been, 1357 01:14:42,579 --> 01:14:43,978 The outer circumstances 1358 01:14:43,980 --> 01:14:45,913 Haven't been that fantastic, 1359 01:14:45,915 --> 01:14:48,716 I surely haven't been fantastic either. 1360 01:14:48,718 --> 01:14:52,053 - I'm not sure that the lexapro 1361 01:14:52,055 --> 01:14:53,321 In your system 1362 01:14:54,456 --> 01:14:59,160 Was really the true you. 1363 01:14:59,162 --> 01:15:01,562 What's going on in terms of the relationship? 1364 01:15:01,564 --> 01:15:03,998 - Not as ecstatic as it was. 1365 01:15:04,967 --> 01:15:06,734 - well, maybe it's normalizing. 1366 01:15:06,736 --> 01:15:07,969 - Yeah, yeah. 1367 01:15:07,971 --> 01:15:13,508 Level of passion can continue over the long run. 1368 01:15:13,510 --> 01:15:16,244 - I mean, that's basically what I had expected. 1369 01:15:16,246 --> 01:15:18,179 Yeah, I don't think that it can. 1370 01:15:18,181 --> 01:15:19,413 - Whenever you make one of these changes, 1371 01:15:19,415 --> 01:15:21,015 You wanna give it a few months. 1372 01:15:21,017 --> 01:15:22,917 Don't be bouncing around with 1373 01:15:22,919 --> 01:15:24,085 Just four or five weeks off. 1374 01:15:24,087 --> 01:15:26,921 You know, let your brain and body get back 1375 01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:28,756 To whatever level it's gonna be 1376 01:15:28,758 --> 01:15:30,424 For at least a couple of months. 1377 01:15:30,426 --> 01:15:32,426 And whatever you do, 1378 01:15:32,428 --> 01:15:35,196 Don't break up with veza in the next few weeks. 1379 01:15:35,198 --> 01:15:36,864 Give it a couple of months. 1380 01:15:36,866 --> 01:15:38,799 Get back to your baseline 1381 01:15:38,801 --> 01:15:39,967 And see how things are. 1382 01:15:39,969 --> 01:15:41,369 - yeah. 1383 01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:45,640 I thank you very, very much 1384 01:15:45,642 --> 01:15:47,174 For coming and for listening. 1385 01:15:47,176 --> 01:15:48,609 What you see here, 1386 01:15:48,611 --> 01:15:50,945 They are part of a whole series 1387 01:15:50,947 --> 01:15:56,317 Of maxims that I always felt was helpful 1388 01:15:56,319 --> 01:15:58,152 To at least know of 1389 01:15:58,154 --> 01:15:59,320 What I actually have learned 1390 01:15:59,322 --> 01:16:00,855 In my life so far. 1391 01:16:00,857 --> 01:16:04,358 This piece itself, the way that it works is basically, 1392 01:16:04,360 --> 01:16:05,993 You look through the frame 1393 01:16:05,995 --> 01:16:07,461 And there is a smile detection 1394 01:16:07,463 --> 01:16:09,297 Software here somewhere. 1395 01:16:09,299 --> 01:16:11,232 So if I smile properly 1396 01:16:13,635 --> 01:16:14,468 Yeah, 1397 01:16:14,470 --> 01:16:16,571 It actually does reward me 1398 01:16:16,573 --> 01:16:18,439 By becoming colorful. 1399 01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:20,641 And this is a sentence that 1400 01:16:20,643 --> 01:16:22,710 Came out of cognitive therapy. 1401 01:16:22,712 --> 01:16:25,680 The step up to it, basically, my therapist saw 1402 01:16:25,682 --> 01:16:29,951 That I'm not quite ready enough for confrontation. 1403 01:16:38,093 --> 01:16:39,360 The elevators. 1404 01:16:41,496 --> 01:16:43,998 And then a freight elevator 1405 01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,334 That opened up differently. 1406 01:16:59,681 --> 01:17:03,951 Press the button and it tells you what to do next. 1407 01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:33,114 Look, I'll show you my favorite ones here. 1408 01:17:33,116 --> 01:17:35,383 See the curve? 1409 01:17:35,385 --> 01:17:36,217 - yes. 1410 01:17:36,219 --> 01:17:37,084 - most people feel 1411 01:17:37,086 --> 01:17:38,719 Like a seven or an eight. 1412 01:17:38,721 --> 01:17:39,654 Want one? 1413 01:17:45,761 --> 01:17:47,695 Put a quarter in here. 1414 01:17:48,930 --> 01:17:50,564 It rolls outside. 1415 01:17:50,566 --> 01:17:53,901 Anybody can take it in front of the museum. 1416 01:17:53,903 --> 01:17:54,969 And this one. 1417 01:17:54,971 --> 01:17:56,070 Companionate love, 1418 01:17:56,072 --> 01:17:57,605 Passionate love. 1419 01:17:57,607 --> 01:17:59,707 And you have six months. 1420 01:18:01,243 --> 01:18:03,778 So, passionate love does go down. 1421 01:18:03,780 --> 01:18:04,945 And companionate love has 1422 01:18:04,947 --> 01:18:06,614 A possibility to grow. 1423 01:18:06,616 --> 01:18:07,915 So we'll have to transform 1424 01:18:07,917 --> 01:18:10,084 It into companionate love. 1425 01:18:10,086 --> 01:18:11,585 - No, but I already-- - but keeping some of the passion. 1426 01:18:11,587 --> 01:18:13,954 - But I already feel companionate love with you, 1427 01:18:13,956 --> 01:18:16,190 From the beginning. 1428 01:18:18,293 --> 01:18:21,529 - This is what I have to expect with you? - Mm-hm. 1429 01:18:21,531 --> 01:18:23,130 - Yeah? - Mm-hm. 1430 01:18:25,200 --> 01:18:26,967 - I think so. 1431 01:18:26,969 --> 01:18:29,470 I mean, I haven't been there. 1432 01:18:30,338 --> 01:18:32,139 No, but in the past, it's sort of like it was 1433 01:18:32,141 --> 01:18:33,641 My pattern, you know? 1434 01:18:33,643 --> 01:18:35,309 Roughly. - Well, then break it. 1435 01:18:35,311 --> 01:18:37,945 - I don't think it's breakable, baby. 1436 01:18:37,947 --> 01:18:39,313 I think it's human. 1437 01:18:39,315 --> 01:18:40,414 - no. 1438 01:18:43,151 --> 01:18:45,286 - and I don't have expectations 1439 01:18:45,288 --> 01:18:49,924 That it's gonna go on in that sort of passionate level forever. 1440 01:18:51,226 --> 01:18:54,295 And I think that that's good. 1441 01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:55,162 - You know what the difference 1442 01:18:55,164 --> 01:18:56,030 Between me and you is? 1443 01:18:56,032 --> 01:18:57,631 I don't even think about it. 1444 01:18:57,633 --> 01:18:58,466 I'm here now. 1445 01:18:58,468 --> 01:18:59,500 That's the difference. 1446 01:18:59,502 --> 01:19:00,801 - And I, of course, have to think about it 1447 01:19:00,803 --> 01:19:02,970 Because, you know, I did all that. 1448 01:19:02,972 --> 01:19:04,472 You know, I've been dealing 1449 01:19:04,474 --> 01:19:06,841 With all this research for-- 1450 01:19:06,843 --> 01:19:09,143 - I know. - A long time now. 1451 01:19:09,145 --> 01:19:11,812 In general, a problem with relationships 1452 01:19:11,814 --> 01:19:14,548 Is that the expectations are too high. 1453 01:19:14,550 --> 01:19:16,317 Or that one of the reasons why my parents 1454 01:19:16,319 --> 01:19:18,519 Had such a great marriage, I think, 1455 01:19:18,521 --> 01:19:20,354 Is because they didn't really 1456 01:19:20,356 --> 01:19:22,556 Have a lot of expectations. 1457 01:19:22,558 --> 01:19:24,992 They didn't know each other very well and-- 1458 01:19:24,994 --> 01:19:27,828 - No, I see that, no, I see that. 1459 01:19:29,831 --> 01:19:31,365 - Good. 1460 01:19:31,367 --> 01:19:33,267 Let's leave it there. 1461 01:19:36,538 --> 01:19:37,938 I'm like afraid 1462 01:19:38,707 --> 01:19:40,975 To provoke more arguments. 1463 01:20:37,465 --> 01:20:40,601 - Welcome to the sacred ceremony. 1464 01:20:40,603 --> 01:20:42,570 To this beautiful opportunity 1465 01:20:42,572 --> 01:20:46,574 To leave our old self behind. 1466 01:20:46,576 --> 01:20:50,678 Your life will be in line with nature. 1467 01:20:53,114 --> 01:20:57,384 - veza's model friend suggested ayahuasca. 1468 01:20:58,253 --> 01:21:01,522 I agreed and we tried it out together. 1469 01:21:07,429 --> 01:21:08,529 - Your eyes. 1470 01:21:09,431 --> 01:21:11,198 it made no difference. 1471 01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:13,968 Every month we had a fight 1472 01:21:13,970 --> 01:21:18,272 That went all the way to the edge, basically, 1473 01:21:18,274 --> 01:21:19,874 Where we broke up. 1474 01:21:23,178 --> 01:21:24,612 - I feel like, okay, whoa, 1475 01:21:24,614 --> 01:21:28,616 What did I do that you're so irritated with me? 1476 01:21:30,619 --> 01:21:32,453 Well, I'm just saying I want you to be happy 1477 01:21:32,455 --> 01:21:34,321 With what we do and whatnot. 1478 01:21:34,323 --> 01:21:36,156 - Oh, yeah, no, no, absolutely, yeah. 1479 01:21:36,158 --> 01:21:37,558 - Good to know. 1480 01:21:44,900 --> 01:21:46,367 - it's a little bit like, 1481 01:21:46,369 --> 01:21:48,202 And I'm really scared in a way 1482 01:21:48,204 --> 01:21:51,639 That this will turn you off. 1483 01:21:51,641 --> 01:21:53,240 Because, you know, 1484 01:21:54,376 --> 01:21:56,410 I mean, simply, if you don't get along with me, 1485 01:21:56,412 --> 01:22:00,514 Then why would you wanna stay with me, you know? 1486 01:22:05,153 --> 01:22:07,988 - I think I said that wrong. 1487 01:22:07,990 --> 01:22:11,659 That I don't think that we don't get along. 1488 01:22:40,855 --> 01:22:42,957 ♪ 1489 01:22:53,368 --> 01:22:56,537 another big fight today. 1490 01:22:56,539 --> 01:22:57,871 In the morning. 1491 01:22:59,374 --> 01:23:01,775 Very close to the edge. 1492 01:23:01,777 --> 01:23:05,346 And veza asked me afterwards 1493 01:23:07,415 --> 01:23:10,250 If I still wanted to get married. 1494 01:23:11,386 --> 01:23:15,556 And I didn't really know what else to do, 1495 01:23:15,558 --> 01:23:18,525 So I made another pro and con list. 1496 01:23:21,229 --> 01:23:22,663 Getting married. 1497 01:23:23,898 --> 01:23:25,399 Pro, four points. 1498 01:23:27,068 --> 01:23:29,003 Against, seven points. 1499 01:23:35,777 --> 01:23:38,712 - Such a crazy thing that we were. 1500 01:23:40,415 --> 01:23:45,085 Such a fantastic falling in love couple. 1501 01:23:45,087 --> 01:23:46,820 I mean, I've never 1502 01:23:46,822 --> 01:23:50,324 Fallen so hard 1503 01:23:50,326 --> 01:23:53,627 And so deeply in love. 1504 01:23:55,597 --> 01:23:58,699 And we are not a 1505 01:23:59,100 --> 01:24:01,301 Companionate love couple. 1506 01:24:13,281 --> 01:24:14,448 you know, here you are. 1507 01:24:14,450 --> 01:24:16,817 You set off to do this science experiment. 1508 01:24:16,819 --> 01:24:20,721 In my office two years ago, three years ago, whatever it was, 1509 01:24:20,723 --> 01:24:21,889 When we were talking about this 1510 01:24:21,891 --> 01:24:23,791 What was clear was that your weaknesses 1511 01:24:23,793 --> 01:24:26,360 Were about interpersonal connection 1512 01:24:26,362 --> 01:24:28,228 And commitment and gratitude. 1513 01:24:28,230 --> 01:24:29,563 And I think I even said, 1514 01:24:29,565 --> 01:24:30,998 You can go back and look at the footage, 1515 01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:33,133 I think I even said something like, 1516 01:24:33,135 --> 01:24:34,168 Well, it would be interesting to see 1517 01:24:34,170 --> 01:24:35,235 If you fall in love during 1518 01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:38,172 - yeah. - Because this is where your weakness is. 1519 01:24:38,174 --> 01:24:39,740 And so, you did fall in love. 1520 01:24:39,742 --> 01:24:40,974 Three times. 1521 01:24:40,976 --> 01:24:43,577 And you go off and you're doing meditation, 1522 01:24:43,579 --> 01:24:46,680 And bang, this-- a relationship, 1523 01:24:46,682 --> 01:24:49,683 Which blows out of the water any possibility 1524 01:24:49,685 --> 01:24:51,885 To measure whether, okay, 1525 01:24:51,887 --> 01:24:53,654 That's a little bit funny. 1526 01:24:53,656 --> 01:24:55,422 And then you go and you do cognitive therapy, 1527 01:24:55,424 --> 01:24:57,057 And the same thing happens. 1528 01:24:57,059 --> 01:24:57,891 - yeah. 1529 01:24:57,893 --> 01:24:58,725 - Now it gets funnier. 1530 01:24:58,727 --> 01:24:59,993 And a joke always has, 1531 01:24:59,995 --> 01:25:01,528 You know, three sections. 1532 01:25:01,530 --> 01:25:05,199 So the fact that it happens three times, 1533 01:25:05,201 --> 01:25:09,336 Stefan, this should be a movie about 1534 01:25:09,338 --> 01:25:12,840 You and your weaknesses, 1535 01:25:12,842 --> 01:25:15,442 And your attempts to fix them. 1536 01:25:18,880 --> 01:25:21,515 - oh fuck, this is gonna be such a nightmare 1537 01:25:21,517 --> 01:25:23,650 To figure this movie out. 1538 01:25:26,187 --> 01:25:30,157 I started out to get some really clear answers. 1539 01:25:32,293 --> 01:25:33,627 And what I got back 1540 01:25:33,629 --> 01:25:36,230 Is a bunch of mush. 1541 01:25:37,599 --> 01:25:38,398 - {jonathan] what have you learned 1542 01:25:38,400 --> 01:25:40,134 About the causes of happiness? 1543 01:25:40,136 --> 01:25:41,368 Do you have a better understanding 1544 01:25:41,370 --> 01:25:43,470 Of what makes you happy? 1545 01:25:45,640 --> 01:25:47,241 - I didn't wanna make a film 1546 01:25:47,243 --> 01:25:49,209 About questions. 1547 01:25:49,211 --> 01:25:50,310 And I hate all this stuff. 1548 01:25:50,312 --> 01:25:51,979 Oh, it's not about the answers. 1549 01:25:51,981 --> 01:25:54,448 It's about the right questions. 1550 01:25:54,450 --> 01:25:55,983 Blah, blah, blah. 1551 01:26:02,490 --> 01:26:03,423 Fuck. 1552 01:26:05,927 --> 01:26:08,095 This is a total disaster. 1553 01:26:12,133 --> 01:26:13,767 ♪ everything ain't going 1554 01:26:13,769 --> 01:26:16,003 ♪ the way I planned 1555 01:26:16,005 --> 01:26:17,971 ♪ everything ain't going 1556 01:26:17,973 --> 01:26:20,140 ♪ the way I planned 1557 01:26:20,142 --> 01:26:22,242 ♪ everything ain't going 1558 01:26:22,244 --> 01:26:24,478 ♪ the way I planned 1559 01:26:24,480 --> 01:26:26,346 ♪ so I'm gonna sit 1560 01:26:26,348 --> 01:26:28,081 ♪ myself down right here 1561 01:26:28,083 --> 01:26:30,918 ♪ and see-- 1562 01:26:30,920 --> 01:26:32,286 - Trying to look good 1563 01:26:32,288 --> 01:26:33,687 Limits my life. 1564 01:26:34,856 --> 01:26:37,824 I know, but I'm getting getting very concerned 1565 01:26:37,826 --> 01:26:40,427 About how I look in this film. 1566 01:26:43,464 --> 01:26:44,698 I'm a 50 year old guy who dates 1567 01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:46,733 Women 20 years younger. 1568 01:26:48,102 --> 01:26:49,937 And calls them girls. 1569 01:26:51,806 --> 01:26:54,841 I just spent the past six years of my life 1570 01:26:54,843 --> 01:26:57,044 Working on this thing 1571 01:26:57,046 --> 01:26:59,913 That says I'm an asshole. 1572 01:27:00,848 --> 01:27:04,284 What a great use of my time. 1573 01:27:07,488 --> 01:27:11,758 I should have stuck to chairs made out of letters. 1574 01:27:15,964 --> 01:27:18,131 - so, you chose the three techniques 1575 01:27:18,133 --> 01:27:21,235 That I describe in chapter two of the book 1576 01:27:21,237 --> 01:27:23,036 For changing the elephant. 1577 01:27:23,038 --> 01:27:25,305 But your problem wasn't the elephant. 1578 01:27:25,307 --> 01:27:27,474 You could just as well have chosen 1579 01:27:27,476 --> 01:27:30,477 The three aspects of between. 1580 01:27:30,479 --> 01:27:34,314 So, what if you had worked on your relationships? 1581 01:27:34,316 --> 01:27:35,682 And worked on the satisfaction 1582 01:27:35,684 --> 01:27:37,217 You get from work? 1583 01:27:37,219 --> 01:27:40,187 And tried to get involved 1584 01:27:40,189 --> 01:27:42,589 With some sort of larger project 1585 01:27:42,591 --> 01:27:45,926 In the company of people that you really like and respect? 1586 01:27:45,928 --> 01:27:48,862 That would be changing the conditions of your life 1587 01:27:48,864 --> 01:27:51,999 In ways that, I would predict, 1588 01:27:52,001 --> 01:27:53,700 Happiness would then follow 1589 01:27:53,702 --> 01:27:56,136 As you got a better between. 1590 01:27:59,040 --> 01:28:01,241 - well, in a way, 1591 01:28:01,243 --> 01:28:04,278 That has been what I've been doing. 1592 01:28:05,380 --> 01:28:08,115 I mean, I definitely 1593 01:28:08,117 --> 01:28:10,550 Worked on my relationships. 1594 01:28:10,552 --> 01:28:13,720 Not all that successfully, but I did. 1595 01:28:15,857 --> 01:28:19,593 And I have been more satisfied with my work. 1596 01:28:19,595 --> 01:28:22,195 The happy show was a big success. 1597 01:28:22,197 --> 01:28:26,733 I mean, almost a 1/4 of a million came to see it. 1598 01:28:26,735 --> 01:28:29,136 And this whole film project 1599 01:28:29,871 --> 01:28:33,206 Surely feels larger than me. 1600 01:28:34,075 --> 01:28:37,878 Basically outside of my control. 1601 01:28:38,413 --> 01:28:43,417 Like I'm the rider and it's the elephant. 1602 01:28:48,423 --> 01:28:54,094 This film started as a graphic design project six years ago. 1603 01:28:54,096 --> 01:28:58,198 And somehow it all became about me. 1604 01:29:00,268 --> 01:29:02,636 I guess I could have continued designing stuff 1605 01:29:02,638 --> 01:29:05,072 That I know how to do. 1606 01:29:05,074 --> 01:29:06,106 It would have been 1607 01:29:06,108 --> 01:29:08,108 So much easier. 1608 01:29:08,110 --> 01:29:12,112 Trying to chase after something more meaningful 1609 01:29:13,147 --> 01:29:16,516 Turned out to be a big pain in the ass. 1610 01:29:18,753 --> 01:29:19,953 But it also did 1611 01:29:19,955 --> 01:29:21,922 Make my life fuller. 1612 01:29:21,924 --> 01:29:23,123 ♪ everything ain't going 1613 01:29:23,125 --> 01:29:24,124 ♪ the way I planned 1614 01:29:24,126 --> 01:29:26,093 ♪ everything ain't going 1615 01:29:26,095 --> 01:29:28,328 ♪ the way I planned 1616 01:29:28,330 --> 01:29:30,430 ♪ everything ain't going 1617 01:29:30,432 --> 01:29:33,533 ♪ the way I planned 1618 01:29:35,603 --> 01:29:37,838 - So what's the purpose, 1619 01:29:37,840 --> 01:29:39,873 Why am I actually here? 1620 01:29:43,544 --> 01:29:46,179 I guess it would be to do something 1621 01:29:46,181 --> 01:29:49,716 That either delights 1622 01:29:49,718 --> 01:29:51,651 Or helps other people. 1623 01:29:52,653 --> 01:29:55,021 Or simply finding something 1624 01:29:55,023 --> 01:29:57,124 That's bigger than myself, 1625 01:29:57,126 --> 01:29:59,393 And dedicate myself to it. 1626 01:30:03,131 --> 01:30:06,233 I'm still blowing air into balloons. 1627 01:30:11,472 --> 01:30:13,640 Trusting, somehow, into 1628 01:30:13,642 --> 01:30:15,742 The lightness of things. 1629 01:30:16,811 --> 01:30:18,812 Believing it will work. 1630 01:30:28,256 --> 01:30:29,990 There's a shitload 1631 01:30:29,992 --> 01:30:31,491 Of possibilities. 1632 01:30:34,996 --> 01:30:39,166 One day it will be me up there. 1633 01:30:44,072 --> 01:30:45,105 I will fly. 1634 01:30:48,443 --> 01:30:50,210 Let's go. 1635 01:31:24,745 --> 01:31:27,147 ♪ everything ain't going 1636 01:31:27,149 --> 01:31:30,383 ♪ the way I had planned 1637 01:31:30,385 --> 01:31:32,786 ♪ everything ain't going 1638 01:31:32,788 --> 01:31:35,989 ♪ the way I had planned 1639 01:31:35,991 --> 01:31:39,292 ♪ just gonna sit there 1640 01:31:39,294 --> 01:31:42,729 ♪ sit down and write it 1641 01:31:42,731 --> 01:31:47,834 ♪ see what happens 1642 01:31:47,836 --> 01:31:49,903 ♪ to me 1643 01:31:49,905 --> 01:31:52,572 ♪ if I don't do 1644 01:31:52,574 --> 01:31:56,176 ♪ a god damn thing at all 1645 01:32:03,651 --> 01:32:06,253 ♪ everything ain't going 1646 01:32:06,255 --> 01:32:09,256 ♪ the way I planned 1647 01:32:09,258 --> 01:32:11,758 ♪ everything ain't going 1648 01:32:11,760 --> 01:32:14,628 ♪ the way I planned 1649 01:32:14,630 --> 01:32:17,430 ♪ so I'm gonna sit down 1650 01:32:17,432 --> 01:32:21,201 ♪ sit down right here 1651 01:32:21,203 --> 01:32:24,571 ♪ and see what happens 1652 01:32:26,207 --> 01:32:29,476 ♪ to me if I don't do 1653 01:32:30,945 --> 01:32:34,648 ♪ a god damned thing at all 1654 01:32:42,123 --> 01:32:44,124 ♪ everything ain't going 1655 01:32:44,126 --> 01:32:46,960 ♪ the way I planned 1656 01:32:46,962 --> 01:32:49,629 ♪ everything ain't going 1657 01:32:49,631 --> 01:32:52,299 ♪ the way I planned 1658 01:32:52,301 --> 01:32:55,535 ♪ so I'm going to sit my 1659 01:32:55,537 --> 01:32:58,972 ♪ self down right here 1660 01:32:58,974 --> 01:33:02,342 ♪ and see what happens 1661 01:33:03,878 --> 01:33:07,814 ♪ to me if I don't do 1662 01:33:07,816 --> 01:33:11,418 ♪ a god damn thing at all 1663 01:33:28,002 --> 01:33:29,936 ♪ everything ain't going 1664 01:33:29,938 --> 01:33:32,906 ♪ the way I planned 1665 01:33:32,908 --> 01:33:35,342 ♪ everything ain't going 1666 01:33:35,344 --> 01:33:38,278 ♪ the way I had planned 1667 01:33:38,280 --> 01:33:40,847 ♪ everything ain't going 1668 01:33:40,849 --> 01:33:44,184 ♪ the way I had planned 1669 01:33:44,186 --> 01:33:46,219 ♪ everything ain't going 1670 01:33:46,221 --> 01:33:48,922 ♪ the way I had planned 1671 01:33:48,924 --> 01:33:52,125 ♪ so I'm going to sit my 1672 01:33:52,127 --> 01:33:55,228 ♪ self down right here 1673 01:33:55,230 --> 01:33:59,065 ♪ and see what happens to me 1674 01:34:02,303 --> 01:34:05,138 ♪ if I don't do a 1675 01:34:05,140 --> 01:34:08,575 ♪ god damn thing at all 1676 01:34:16,217 --> 01:34:18,118 ♪ everything ain't going 1677 01:34:18,120 --> 01:34:20,987 ♪ the way I had planned 1678 01:34:20,989 --> 01:34:23,590 ♪ everything ain't going 1679 01:34:23,592 --> 01:34:26,559 ♪ the way I had planned 1680 01:34:26,561 --> 01:34:29,462 ♪ so I'm gonna sit 1681 01:34:29,464 --> 01:34:32,766 ♪ myself down right here 1682 01:34:32,768 --> 01:34:36,102 ♪ and see what happens 1683 01:34:37,738 --> 01:34:41,307 ♪ to me if I don't do 1684 01:34:41,309 --> 01:34:45,011 ♪ a god damn thing at all