Visit www.Fastbet99.club Trusted Trusted Online Gambling Agent
[playing piano]
[voicing]
[cellphone]
- Hello? - Lord Boltron
Adam Scott, my best friend.
Hey, I have two words for you, bro: Vegas, baby
Las Vegas.
Strippers, shots, Bubba Gump Shrimp Company.
Sorry, Adam, nothing can be done tonight.
OK, then... Reno, honey!
Strippers are cheaper, cheaper shots, two Bubba Gumps.
Nothing will happen, chemosabe.
Okay, yeah, Bakersfield, honey? Santa Fe? Cincinnati?
- What happened, bro? - This is Valentine's Day.
Man, what's wrong with you and Valentine's Day?
Why do you care so much about this stupid vacation?
"Why are you asking?
[playing music]
♪ There is something very magical About the time of the year ♪
♪ Fun lights in window shops Special types of cheers ♪
♪ Neighbors have a certain light So that everyone sees ♪
♪ Only ten months to Christmas ♪
♪ That is Valentine's Day Meaning to me ♪
You are down there What are you singing?
- Christmas , of course! - Why? This is February!
- Ha ha ha! - Ah!
♪ As winter slowly passes And Mr. Sun comes out ♪
♪ This is a great reminder For get our shopping ♪
♪ People say that's the beginning But I have to disagree ♪
♪ Only ten months to Christmas ♪
♪ That's Valentine's Day Means to me ♪
- Ho ho ho! - Santa!
Come here, you're a jelly bowl.
Nice to meet you, kid. Michael, I need your help
Something entered the elf this year, and they made too many toys.
- So you want me to kill the elves. - [man] He has a gun!
What? No! There are too many toys, so we need more babies to give.
Seventy five thousand to be exact.
Well, what do you want me to do, issue another sexy single?
I'm afraid that might not be enough.
I need you to make a special Valentine's Day,
a production becomes sexy
that people all over the world will be forced to make love.
And ten months from now, there will be 75,000 new babies,
and Christmas will be saved!
You will finish, Kris.
[slap]
♪ So, I know what I have to do To make them copulate ♪
♪ Just like 2,000 years ago When Mary found her partner ♪
♪ February night is special ♪
♪ When they make lil & apos; J.C. ♪
♪ It's only ten months Until Christmas ♪
♪ That's Valentine's Day ♪
♪ Means to me ♪
[woman] This belongs to Michael Bolton Big, Valentine's Day Special Section.
With special guests:
Maya Rudolph,
Kenny G,
Misty & Blair,
Casey Wilson,
chocolatier Peter Salanz,
Michael Fulton,
Chef Roy's celebrity chef,
Baby Archer,
virtual reality expert Dr. Vince Harbert
and Santa Claus.
And now this is your host, Michael Bolton
♪ Cupid, pull back your bow ♪
♪ And let your arrow go ♪
♪ Jump to my lover's heart for me ♪
♪ Me ♪
Hey, there. I'm Michael Bolton.
I have sold more than 75 million records
and topped the charts with nine number one singles.
But more importantly,
I am an undeniable king Valentine's Day.
♪ There's nothing else except me ♪
[the audience cheers and claps]
Thank you. Now I show where the magic of tonight will happen
This is a small area of set that I like to call "love nest".
Ah yes. This is according to my wishes.
Designed clinically crazy Swedish architects
to encourage optimal love.
Comfortable satin slipper sofa seats up to four participants.
♪ Curl up ♪
A well-lit fire,
lights that will light up sweat on our body that stretches.
♪ Oh, sweating, sweating me ♪
Carcasses of dead animals,
as a reminder of the reality we are still alive
♪ Hell huh ♪
Let's take it somewhere A touch is more personal, if you don't mind.
Ah, study room. I like art, especially nude items.
That makes me think... sex.
I did it at the age of nine. That still makes me excited.
I hope you feel comfortable here.
Remember: There is nothing forbidden in the Love Nest.
Except for that room. It's a human cave.
That's for me and the boy to get out.
There is a mini fridge and a kick-ass poster from Lamborghini.
This is so cool. But like I said, it's forbidden!
We will record how many babies are conceived tonight in our council.
We need your help to meet our goals of 75,000 new babies
At the end of the event,
or Christmas will be destroyed
Our operator is standing to receive your call
Tell me about your love experience
or just ask them for tips.
If you want to have a baby that is guaranteed, Tell the man you are drinking.
I'm happy to hear you just made love.
[ding]
You do it Congratulations! Yes!
[Michael Bolton] Meanwhile, all night long, our special guests
will lower the house
with a guaranteed performance to keep you in the mood
Oh, you are a polygamy? Oh... Can we rely on you for three people?
Ha ha!
We have three!
And now, to kick everything, a beautiful song from a happy couple...
Legendary Duo Misty & Blair.
Thank you, Michael.
You know, Misty and I are very happy to be here to celebrate love
and to celebrate _ our 20th wedding anniversary.
How do we do it? I think you lovers out there can prove...
Sometimes a little compromise is needed.
[playing music]
- ♪ I say it's red ♪ - ♪ I see blue ♪
♪ Call it purple That is what we will do ♪
♪ Guess that's what makes us Happy couple ♪
- ♪ Fighting ♪ - ♪ We both think we're right ♪
♪ Let's say we're wrong And go out to bite ♪
♪ Guess that's what makes us Happy couple ♪
- ♪ I like to choke ♪ - ♪ I like to throw up ♪
♪ The old missionary is just not our bag ♪
♪ Guess that's what makes us Happy couple ♪
- ♪ I will shave your pubes ♪ - ♪ And I will shave your pubes ♪
♪ Lie in our pub And have a rough screw ♪
♪ Guess that's what makes us Happy couple ♪
- ♪ I like Michael's hair ♪ - ♪ I like his ass ♪
♪ Take a big bite From the nice and sweet plum ♪
♪ Guess that's what makes us Happy couple ♪
- Leave me from this - ♪ You are a Jew ♪
♪ You are Korean ♪
♪ Open your butt Because I want to see in ♪
♪ Guess that's what makes us Happy couple ♪
- ♪ I'll smoke a doob ♪ - ♪ And I'll take your breasts ♪
♪ Then I will sniff like a dog Through your pubes pasture ♪
♪ Guess that's what makes us Happy couple ♪
You have sang about pubes twice!
♪ This is the locket Where I keep the pubes ♪
♪ And this pocket where... ♪
Hey! Hey! Stop it! You start so sweet,
and now you are really evil.
Excuse me? I beg to be different.
No, we're evil From the beginning.
Yes, it's "red or blue" is actually a debate
about our pubic color at the end of the night
And "small fight before going out to bite,"
it's about whether to buy a bigger butt plug.
And I still think we need it.
Oh, you definitely like that, right?
- Okay, get out of here - My lonely lonely
[Michael] Now let's check with our council.
Are you having trouble getting pregnant? Oh, I see.
You have trouble getting pregnant this telethon premise
I hope you have a sexy time curl up with someone special.
Continue, Give them a little kiss right now.
I will wait.
That's good.
Now what do you want to do take your finger and just put it...
[saxophone playing]
What is that sound?
[saxophone continues]
Not possible.
Bolton.
Kenny G.
Surprised to see me?
[playing note]
Not as surprised as me To see you still hasn't cut your hair.
And I, in turn, I am surprised that you have.
Because in our key lies the strength of Simson
You have been a brave warrior in the Long Locksmen,
that is something!
[playing note]
It's been a long time. I have left that life.
I am short hair now.
You and many others. Bread bread
[playing single note]
Billy Ray Cyrus
[playing single note]
All four dudes in Metallica.
[playing four notes]
Yanni depends on the damn thread!
[playing three notes]
I'm doing toot for each dudes.
Yes, I understand.
You betray your true nature,
and for that, I will destroy you
Good. Let's do it.
Whoa! Cold! I mean by music, man. What's with you and weapons?
What gun
- [shot] - [cat yowls]
I'm sorry. Can we stop? You just killed a cat
I don't think so.
No, you throw your gun, then we hear the bang,
- and then a cat screamed. - No, you are wrong.
I can see cat's blood all over the wall!
It was there before.
The walls are closed in the blood of cats before?
Can I help you with something, Kenny?
Prepare yourself for Duel King.
May all humans rejoice when we entertain them with the music of the gods.
[inhale in]
[playing "Duel Banjo"]
[voicing "Duel Banjo"]
[keep playing]
Not bad for horned men.
[keep on voicing]
[grumble]
[keep playing]
[keep on voicing]
[inhale in]
[both continue to play and voice]
Isn't that funny?
What starts as a duel ends in cold jam sesh.
They always do it.
I will take leave from you
But remember always the word from Prophecy Locksmen:
"Only in your darkest time will your key come out?"
Cool. Well, see you later, Kenny.
Good!
Bastard
[cheering and clapping]
If you are looking for the perfect gift for your true love,
not visible from Custom Chocolatiers.
I visited their workshop in Solvang to sneak.
[Peter Salanz] Custom Chocolatiers is a special place.
People like things that are personalized,
tailored to their own specific tastes. We can do that.
We do that.
Why don't you tell me a little about your boyfriend,
and I will use that information design the perfect variety?
OK, let's see. She's a brave woman. He is very strong, very passionate.
He is perfected. He likes Better things in life.
Oh
But he is not afraid of having a little fun. He is worldly.
temporal? Does your woman like nougat?
Hmm. I'm not sure
OK.
We have this candy. You have seen this before.
You can write anything you want. We make this custom-made.
You can do: "Hey, my dear, I like your style,"
"Ooh, mama, you really Turn me over here,"
"Yo, hit me online, I will write an email anytime, honey."
Every example I give is too large to be adjusted to in small candies like this,
so maybe just use what we already have.
[man] I think sometimes he continues tough exterior,
but I know it inside He has a soft center.
- Does he like candy? - I don't think so
She's sweet, but she's fine A dark, dry sense of humor.
You have to give me something work with.
I see my kit. I have walnuts, coconut cream.
I have some cherries.
Well, he is very friendly.
You know, why don't we do this? Let's do 12 plains.
Oh well.
When you present this to , there are various ways to do it.
Good? You can do something like the 1920s, like, a kind of child, like...
[high-pitched crap]
You know, just makes it appear bigger than you.
[high pitched] Here it is.
You can be a tough guy version.
Eat it There is chocolate there!
There is also magic, that is, like...
It's floating like this,
and in CGI, you can... This can all come out.
First, get this as silent, and then float.
So, you just sort of like, "Hey, baby, happy valentine's day."
- Good. - Other services we have here are,
if you have a box of chocolates from another place
and it's all mixed up, You don't know what's inside,
we have an ultrasound machine.
So, take it,
and I will be able to identify it for you.
And this one...
plain.
OK, that's all.
I want to offer free chocolate water
- Oh. - And we are all ready here
So, it's 12 plains.
- Oh, it all melts. - Oh.
[Peter] Many people are unconscious this is this customization
makes it much more difficult in the manufacturer.
So, even though are Custom Chocolatiers,
we strongly recommend that you choose from our standard choice
That makes it much better for both of us
Why did I go all the way to Solvang?
They never even cut me once during the whole video.
[cheering and clapping]
Isn't this night fantastic?
It seems like a lot of you are making babies out there, which is great
But don't stop now.
- You know, I just thought how... - Hey, Bolton!
This show is fucking, man!
- So, you don't like my show huh? - Yeah. This sucks!
- I think you think it's a trick. - no duh!
Well, I think I have something a little more in your alley
Hit it!
[playing rock music]
♪ Just take that old note From the shelf ♪
♪ Today's music isn't there Same soul ♪
♪ I like rock and roll for a long time ♪
♪ Don't try and take me to a disco ♪
♪ You will never even take me out On the floor ♪
♪ In ten minutes I will be late for the door ♪
♪ I like rock and roll for a long time ♪
♪ It's still like that for a long time Rock and roll ♪
♪ Such music Just calm the soul ♪
He won't even drink it!
♪ I remember the past ♪
♪ With rock and roll for a long time ♪
[voicing]
[electric guitar solo]
[playing saxophone solo]
- No, you have to hit that round, Michael. - I try.
You don't try hard enough. Do it again from above.
Five, six, seven, eight...
[classical music]
You have to hit it! Don't mess with me!
You get this spin like your life depends on it!
Five, six, seven, eight...
No. You lean, then you point.
- point, then lean? - No! Lean, then navigate.
Think of the kids there
and scare them real rock and roll!
Don't touch the piano! What are you, fucking crazy ?!
You tease it. You teased that. You don't press the button.
Makes punk people afraid of you! Give it to me! Give it to me!
And when they come for you... And believe me, they will come for you...
This show will be the only to prove that Michael Bolton is cool!
How do you really know punk will appear?
Oh, they will appear. They always appear.
Lift the milkshake, take two steps, put the milkshake Don't drink it.
Stop! You only have four weeks, people!
[seat clamp]
And then we step and we see There is a second guitar photo.
- Why? - To make love to their heads
After a lot of consideration, I have decided that is a dancing music note
will be played by...
Alan.
Oh!
[cheering and clapping]
There seems to be like a small chance punks break in
You have one more time, one again goes on this.
Five, six, seven, eight...
♪ It's still like that for a long time Rock and roll ♪
♪ Such music It only calms my soul ♪
♪ I remember the past ♪
♪ With rock and roll for a long time ♪
[voicing]
[song ends]
So what do you punk say now?
That... is... badass!
That's what I thought.
[resume song]
[playing saxophone solo]
[song ends, applause]
Oh, Romeo, my dear, I like your style.
And now, here to tell us about the future of romance,
virtual reality expert Dr. Vince Harbert.
Thank you, Michael.
Yes, my team and I design virtual erotic simulations,
and I bring one for you to try now.
- My jack entered, Doc. - OK.
Come on to you
OK.
[beep and whirring]
[Michael] Wow. This is amazing.
[Vince Harbert] And that will improve. Watching.
[Michael] Oh, mama. What are we here
- Hello - I've been waiting for you.
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- What are you waiting for? - Don't forget your pill.
- My pill - He means your Cialis.
I have to take Cialis in virtual reality?
Yes. We find it useful to add some real world constraints into VR.
That makes the simulation more in-depth and, well, sexy.
Good. Hmm. Where are they?
Maybe I'll try this drawer.
Let's find the pill.
Fast, baby I really want you
[Michael] I'm in a hurry. Come on.
OK, that's it.
- What? Blank? - You need to refill at the pharmacy.
- I have to refill the recipe? - Yep. And...
[beep and whirring]
- [Vince] Here it is - Okay, this looks pretty normal. Oh wow.
Why, hello, Mr. Bolton.
- Well, this is an interesting turn. - of course
I will get your recipe
Good.
Thank you very much.
- What? - $ 22.50
Well, now you have to pay. Remove your wallet
and swipe your debit card.
[Michael] Are you kidding me? Rejected?
Give me a break
- Well, maybe try a different card. - I only have one.
Okay, why not just pay?
[Vince] Great! You have your Cialis.
Let's go to the parking lot. Enter your car
Start the engine. Go back slowly.
- Oops! You spilled coffee on you! - Oh, my God!
Pull out of the parking lot, and we will be on the freeway.
And now you are at home.
[Michael] Finally. Let's start this party.
I miss you. Come here and give it to me, big boy.
Your wish is an order for me.
[groans]
Hey! The hand of my wife, you bastard!
[Michael] What... ow! Ow!
What are you doing?
I'm sorry, Michael, but that's my wife that I put in the simulation,
and I will not only sit here
and let myself be criticized by people like you!
[snoring]
Get him!
Ow!
Oh! Yes!
Ow!
Oh dear, it's so hot to see you beat Michael Bolton
OK.
[groaning]
Yes.
I will just leave you for that.
[groaning continues]
Yeah dear. Yeah dear!
[groans]
[cheering and clapping]
Have you tried to say something to each other? It's not stale and ordinary?
You know, Maybe thinking outside the bun.
No, I made the payment last week.
No, I gave... how did you find me?
Women and men...
Music is the language of love, huh,
and sometimes the right song is everything you need
to make you dance and make love.
♪ That night is boring There is no love on the floor ♪
♪ Even liquor can't do the trick You need to give the song a kick ♪
♪ And so ♪
[key changes]
♪ You definitely want to do it Key changes, baby ♪
♪ Damn it starts to steam now Because of key changes, baby ♪
♪ Mother of beige lice Because of key changes, baby ♪
But why stop there? Yes.
[key changes]
♪ Let's give it a key change, baby ♪
♪ It's so hot now I'll pop With the lock button, baby ♪
♪ Skeet, skeet, skeet, Scooby-Dooby-Doo With the lock button, baby ♪
♪ If your house is robbed, you're really It's better to change the key, honey ♪
♪ When Michael Jordan wears new shoes That is a change of Nike, honey ♪
♪ Going from green to chamomile That is a change of tea, baby ♪
♪ I say "tea," not "key" I trick you, sucker ♪
♪ Change of key, baby ♪
[key changes higher]
♪ Change of key, baby ♪
♪ Change key, change key, change button ♪
♪ Key changes, key changes, button changes ♪
♪ Change key, change button ♪
[holding a high note]
♪ Change of key, baby ♪
♪ You can also go to the lower button ♪
♪ This is a key change, baby ♪
♪ And that's the story From key changes, baby ♪
[voiced in the down button]
[voicing at register is very low]
[cheering and clapping]
[Michael] ♪ Don't get caught in fire ♪
I, for one, have fulfilled my appetite.
Please welcome celebrity chef Chef Roy.
- What do you get for us? - Well, Mike, I'll give you a guide,
and it's rhyming with "roast".
I'm talking cake.
I have a new line from Chef Roy's Bakery Delights available at your local grocery store,
including this limited edition Pink Valentine's Day champagne cake
Well, we have some lucky volunteers to help us give this feeling.
Come on out, guys. Dianne, Ben, Susan, Darryl.
Let's dig, gang.
- go in there - OK.
Wow, Roy, You really lost yourself.
Mmm. That is good.
Ah, look at Susan. He left, "Mm, can every day be Valentine's Day?"
[laughs]
- I like that Me. - And look at Ben.
Ben goes, "Cake? Eh, yes, I don't mind if I do it."
I've been nailed
Oh! Look at Dianne. He's like, like, "I think today is cheating."
Good
Oh look Darryl. He left, "Cakes? I thought I just found nuts in my pants!"
[laughs]
Yes.
What?
Even Michael left, "Hey, if there's a cake,
I will make more vacations."
That's right.
Dianne. Look at the woman. Look at Dianne.
He leaves, "Well, I don't think I'm on a diet today."
I think so.
Look at Darryl. He left, "And I just shot a lot in my pants.
No kidding."
No, I'm not like that.
Ben! Ben, "Me Tarzan, you cake."
[laughs]
Look at Darryl. He left, "Good cakes and everything,
but I prefer to push them up!"
Darryl, please, that's not right.
- I'm not saying that - You're thinking about it
Susan left, "Okay, that's weird!"
Michael goes, "Hey, I didn't go in for this!"
I really don't.
And look at Darryl. He goes, "Good cakes and everything,
but I prefer to eat butt Dianne!"
- Darryl! - What, man?
Everyone please.
Sorry we only have cakes, Darryl, and you can't just eat my ass.
Darryl, what should you say? for yourself?
I will tell you what to say...
Everything is right, okay?
Yes, I think that's all! Chef Roy, he gets every dirty detail:
Busting in my pants, hope I'm jacking it,
want to eat Susan's ass!
Wait, he says you want to eat Dianne's butt, not Susan's.
Newsflash: These are both, baby
[shouts]
A piece of dirt!
Ohh! Damn like that!
Well, I want to thank Chef Roy for sharing _ the delicious pink champagne cake with us.
Happy Valentine's Day from me... Chef Chef is a celebrity chef.
[cheering and clapping]
[Michael] ♪ Oh, honey ♪
Well, the number of making the baby comes well,
but we need 75,000, So go ahead, everyone.
Do you want to disappoint Santa?
Well, then go there, find a woman and impregnate her.
Okay, love yourself too. Okay bye.
♪ When night falls ♪
♪ And the land is dark ♪
♪ And the moon The only light we will see ♪
"by my side." What a song.
Always makes me think important people in my life,
that I can rely on.
And nothing exemplifies that more than my own twin brother Michael Fulton.
- Hey - Hey friend.
Oh man. I am Michael's identical twin brother,
and we are exactly the same in everything.
Isn't that the truth?
And about twin sisters do we always have each other... backs.
In other words...
[singing badly] ♪ No, I won't be afraid ♪
♪ Oh, I won't be afraid ♪
♪ Se long ♪
♪ When you stand ♪
♪ Stand by my side ♪
♪ Hey ♪
- good job, bro. - Thank you, Michael.
As you might notice, I'm not the best singer.
That sometimes happens to the twins.
Certain talents meet a brother, and other talents go to other brothers.
And I think you could say Michael got his voice.
He is also seen. He also has physical.
And he also got charisma.
He also gets a normal amount of from the testis
Two, three, four...
♪ So, honey, honey ♪
♪ Stand by my side ♪
♪ Oh, stand me ♪
♪ Oh, stand up, now ♪
♪ Stand by my side ♪
- Uh, Mike? - Yeah, bro.
Uh... what have I done for me?
I mean, I just squeezed my brain, and it just keeps coming empty.
I mean, am I just bad luck?
Of course not. You... You're a great driver
Oh my God, you're right. I am a good driver.
I forgot. I don't, like, professional or whatever
I'm not a race car driver, but I'm pretty good When I'm driving my Scion.
Of course. You always keep your hands on the wheel.
I know. Ten and two, just like our parents teach us.
Yes, rest in peace, both.
Two, three, four...
♪ So, honey, honey ♪
♪ Stand by my side ♪
- ♪ Oh, stand me ♪ - ♪ Oh, stand right next to me, hey ♪
- ♪ Oh, stand up, now ♪ - ♪ Oh, stand up, oh ♪
- ♪ Stand up for my bisexual ♪ - ♪ Stand by my side ♪
I want to stay afloat and sing a few more songs,
But I have to go to the doctor about my sore throat.
It takes a long time to find a man which I really like.
The rest are all foreigners and, like...
- Okay, go away. - Can I borrow money for a taxi?
I destroyed my Scion. Yes. Drunk driving.
- Here it is. - Thank you.
♪ See you later, yeah ♪
My twin brother, everyone
[cheering and clapping]
- [Michael] ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ - [bird squealing]
Our next guest feels at home in the most elegant place to meet a woman:
a dance club.
Ladies and gentlemen, Baby Archer.
Ah! Thank you, MB.
Dancing is a great way to meet people, Am I right?
But so often, I hear: "Baby Archer, I'm too stupid to dance."
You stupid bastard, anyone can dance,
even if you are stupid like crap!
[Auto-Tuned] ♪ Hey, all of you, I have a new dance ♪
♪ This is called Shufle Kupid Just give it a chance ♪
♪ Steps, steps, front, front Steps, steps, back, back ♪
♪ That's the first part From Kupid Shufle, Jack ♪
You know, many people say already has Cupid Shuffle.
But guess what? I wrote this song in international waters.
I jump into the damn boat
and avoid IRS like me L. Ron Hubbard, okay?
and five, six, seven, eight...
♪ All right, you all, we're almost there ♪
♪ Closing part two Do it if you dare ♪
♪ Left, left, left, left Left, left, left, left ♪
♪ Left, left, left, left Left, left, left, left, left, left... ♪
Is he okay
♪ Left, left, left, left Left, left ♪
♪ Left, left, left, left Left, left, left, left ♪
♪ And hold it ♪
[music continues]
♪ And that's the second part From the Shufle Kupid, man ♪
Whoever ordered this person was fired.
Bolton, get up here Try it with me!
Get your beautiful black ass here.
You are handsome silver fox
Mmm! You are like a heterosexual Anderson Anderson.
Oh my God. Now I show Cool dance you can do.
♪ Feel your ball slap back and forth Michael Bolton ♪
♪ I smell your pheromone Get out of the pee-pee hole ♪
♪ I know you're happy Let's make a lot of people light up ♪
[Auto-Tuned vocalizing]
None of them are Shufle Coupons. Lower my stage! Now! Leave!
Thank you, Michael. I want to thank everyone in Hollywood.
I want to thank the show business in general. That's just big
I love you. Deep sleep. Happy Valentine.
[making fart sounds]
Blowing in his ear. That is good
Oh, I like it too.
No, I'm sorry, Mom, but for our purposes,
it really doesn't count If you do it in the ass.
I believe in two things: one, ghost.
And two, there is someone out there for everyone.
For me, this is my Carmela.
[bird squealing]
[whisper] Carmela
I will never forget how we met, queuing
for Pirates of the Caribbean attractions at Disneyland.
What started as a swashbuckling sipping ride
designed to make even the most tired sensation seekers say, "Ahoy,"
becomes the starting point of our love.
And not just the body that I like.
I will be very interested in him Even if he is just a thought,
thoughts that don't have weapons or legs or skin
and somehow floating in the jar and communicating with me telepathically.
These are all good ways to say it I will ask Carmela to marry me.
Love in my life will soon arrive my beloved wife.
♪ Wedding ♪
[cheering and clapping]
[voicing]
♪ This is the story Captain Jack Sparrow ♪
♪ Pirates are very brave On seven seas ♪
♪ A mystical quest To the Isle of Tortuga ♪
♪ Lock the crow swaying Over the sea breeze ♪
[voicing]
♪ Since the day of his birth He missed the adventure ♪
♪ Old Jack Captain Give them what they want ♪
♪ She's a poor wave Jester from Tortuga ♪
♪ But is Davy Jones' Locker What's in the shop? ♪
♪ This is the story From Disney robbers ♪
♪ True pirate master King of crustaceans ♪
♪ Dismissed as a fool And then praised as a hero ♪
♪ Sir Captain Jack Stay within you and me ♪
♪ Literally ♪
[cheering and clapping]
[Michael] Okay, let's look at our board.
Wow! We only reached 50,000.
We really need 75,000.
We are so close. We have to keep going. If you need a tip...
Hello? Mattress Wally Yes, I'm sorry about that.
- [telephone ring] - Wait a minute. Hello? Mattress Wally
Do you want to return your mattress? Because of a lifetime guarantee?
[telephone rings]
You damage it when making love?
Wait, wait a minute. Hello?
Of course you will get a refund. This is a lifetime guarantee.
Wait for one second. Sorry, Sir. Mattress Wally
You stab a hole in it? How is that possible?
Wait a minute. Sorry. Mattress Wally
Ma'am, I'm sorry I just want to know,
how does everyone break their mattress have sex?
That doesn't make sense.
I encourage you all to bring your lover to bed
and pound the mattress until nothing is left
Oh my God. He will destroy us.
Pound the mattress.
I have to stop it.
[Michael] Okay, let's go back to our show.
When it comes to singers with the first two names,
You can't beat Ray Charles.
I want to sing it my favorite song,
and while doing so, you know who I will think about.
Carmela, this is for you, baby
♪ I have a woman in the city ♪
♪ That's good for me ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Yes, I have a woman Walk to town ♪
♪ He is nice to me ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ He gives me money When I need ♪
♪ Oh, he's a good friend ♪
♪ Yes, I have a woman Walk to town ♪
♪ He is nice to me ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
[beep cellphone]
Now, talk about the angel. This is Carmela.
But there is someone new in my life.
This is a man, and he changes everything.
Actually, he is inside me this is the second.
I hope you understand.
Goodbye. "
What?
[echoing thud]
What...
What is this?
Why does he tell me this?
Is there someone in him now?
No!
[playing somber music]
♪ No ♪
[moans]
I have to lock me up.
Coming to the show right now is my good friend Casey Wilson.
Hello, Michael. Nice to meet you.
Welcome to the event.
Well, this is Valentine's Day, my favorite day this year
Did I get other days this year to read so many cards from admirers?
Do you know what I'm saying, Michael?
[playing somber music]
Oh
Good.
Anyway, let's look at this one from Molly
He said, "Happy Valentine..."
♪ I can hardly believe it ♪
- ♪ When I hear the news today ♪ - Michael?
♪ I have to come and do it right away From you ♪
Mike, do you want to read some cards?
Mike?
♪ They say you go ♪
♪ Someone sweeps your heart ♪
Everything is okay, buddy?
- ♪ From the look of your face ♪ - Mikey dear
- ♪ I see that right ♪ - Michael B.?
♪ So, tell me everything about that ♪
♪ Tell me about the plan You made ♪
What's in the window?
♪ Oh, and tell me one more thing Before I leave ♪
Mikey!
♪ Tell me, how can I do it? To live without you ♪
He comes to me. I think I'll leave.
♪ Now I love you So long ♪
♪ How can I live? Without you? ♪
♪ And how can I continue ♪
- [neighboring horse] - [bird squealing]
♪ If I live all that ♪
♪ Is it gone? ♪
[sobbing]
I need more photos of horses!
[sobbing]
What will you do tomorrow?
Uh...
Well, I might go shopping for avocado trees
- For trees? - Avocado tree.
Why not just buy, like, five avocados?
Well, because if you have a tree, I will have 10,000 avocados.
If you have to estimate, How many avocados will you eat?
- I don't go to school for math. - What did you go to school?
Advertising.
[playing dramatic music]
[laugh, chat]
Looks like I just found my way.
- I have a forked tongue, like a snake. - Hey!
[muffled shout]
- Son of... - No! No! No!
[laughs]
Yes.
Oh, I love you too.
Love is a lie!
- [smack] - [gasps]
Pulling together. I know you're hurt.
But those numbers have stopped cold,
and the only way to raise them is for you to go there
and sing the most romantic song of all time
"Nessun dorma."
"Nessun dorma," Puccini is the most powerful, beautiful aria about love.
But it's too dangerous. Every time someone Do it on TV or in the cinema,
someone is killed
You know, like Mission: Impossible, Rogue Nation,
- Number of all fears - They are just movies!
This is real life. So do it!
You are right!
[cheering and clapping]
♪ Nessun is dorma ♪
♪ Pure Tu, o Principessa ♪
♪ Old Nella Fredda Bait ♪
♪ Guardi le stelle ♪
♪ Che tremano d & apos; amore ♪
♪ E in speranza ♪
♪ Dilegua, o notte ♪
♪ Tramontate, stelle ♪
[inhale and exhale deeply] ♪ Tramontate, stelle ♪
♪ All & apos; alba vincerò ♪
♪ Vincerò ♪
[music crescendoes]
[aria ends]
Santa!
[men and women scream]
[gasping]
[snoring]
Curse that damn song.
Don't dare to die to me, Santa.
Hey, Michael, you don't need to worry about me. I will be fine.
Just catch one in an old jelly bowl.
[laugh grunts]
Michael, you...
always my favorite child
I am your child ?!
What is happening?!
[flatlines heart monitor]
Michael, we have to do something! We are flat!
Oh, Michael, we lost one.
Only in the darkest hours will your key come out?
[gasping]
[Michael] I know what I have to do.
Boltron...
♪ Grows ♪
[lightning]
- [horn blowing] - [playing dramatic music]
[roar]
- [gasps] - Damn
Peak & 90's Bolton.
[whispering] Prophecy... it has happened.
♪ When a man loves a woman ♪
[cheering and clapping]
♪ He can't remember it Nothing else ♪
♪ He will swap the world For good things he is found ♪
[telephone rings]
Uh huh?
Oh my God.
♪ If he is evil, he can't see it ♪
Listen to this.
♪ He can't be wrong ♪
♪ Turn over his good friend If he drops it ♪
♪ Yes, when a man loves a woman ♪
♪ I know exactly how it feels ♪
♪ Because, baby ♪
♪ Ba... ♪
[holding notes]
He did it!
[roar, whistling wind]
[man] very close I think we will succeed.
[weak cough]
[stop rumbling]
Do we succeed?
Michael, you do everything you can.
We only run out of fertile women.
[Whisper] forgive me, Michael.
[woman] I think you forgot someone.
Carmela. But what are you doing here? I thought you left me
No!
Why did I leave his father? from our new baby boy?
What is meant by your text?
There is a new man in your life and is he in you?
Yes! I can't think of a better way for that phrase
[Carmela] Mwah!
[alarm sounds]
Damn, Michael! We did it!
[all cheering]
Whatever this is, we save it!
Incredible!
I'm sorry. I don't mean to kill Santa Claus.
I meant to kill you... Michael Bolton.
[rumbling]
[grumble]
Ho ho... whoa!
Of course. Santa clause!
- What? - I don't understand all this
Tim Allen. Disney. 1994.
Wally kills Santa. Now he's Santa.
Right. And, Michael, you've done it.
You have saved Christmas
I am very happy this happened.
[all cheering]
Rock on, Bolton.
[laughs]
All Lord Boltron hail, king valentine day
[cheering and clapping]
[laughs]
You are free to go.
[playing music]
Oh, hello. You just caught me in my little black book.
There are many names and memories in this matter.
Yes. Carrie.
Oh Rebecca.
Amelie. You are very sweet and innocent.
Putri Mononoke
Unforgettable
And of course, The French Connection.
What is the car chasing?
Yes, this is my little black book film.
[blow the clown horn]
Oh Boy! That voice can only mean one thing:
The Dancing Cupids!
[playing jazz music]
So good.
This is my favorite part. Look at this section.
Actually I have to talk with executives about keeping them
They think of cutting them.
I said, "You cut them, you cut me, Because I left."
[song ends]
Submitted by: www.subtitlecinema.com