[wind howling]
[JAMES HETFIELD] At first, there are humans, and there are women
Since then, complicated things.
Return to Adam and Eve,
temptation is always third party participants in human life.
From that moment on cavers wrote on the wall,
a struggle has occurred.
At times, desires
has been pumped through historical blood vessels.
In Asia, Egyptians, Greeks, Romans
In 1748,
temptation and sexuality reach a new level in England
with the publication "Women's Memoirs from pleasure",
a book better known as as "Fanny Hill".
Fast forward to 1896,
when Fatima does it belly dance
And we see sex now, out of the shadows
and enter cinematic mainstream
In the 1960s, "I was curious" press the silver screen in Sweden,
and Pandora are given a beautiful little box to open.
Porn films erupt in the 1970s,
and IV sexual material is injected directly into the main core of humanity.
As passion for sex and pornography rumbles in the belly of society,
come too an all-you-can-eat buffet porn,
world wide web.
Therefore, we are now a planet that is technologically dependent with our person the power cord installed directly becomes anything and everything,
and current runs through our cable
is high voltage
We are transferred, sexual beings.
Sexuality is a fundamental part of our basic human drive.
We are conjured up for sexuality.
This is part of our structure,
Cellular and DNA is being sexual and having sex.
And anything that activates it our sexual part
has hit something that is built with us
This releases all of these chemicals in our body That makes us feel good.
Why? Therefore our method is made
Because sex should be to make you feel good, so you have more sex.
That's how it works.
Um, that's human. That's normal. It's healthy.
We have an almond-sized area in the middle of our brain,
nucleus accumbens. This is the part I want from our brain
It focuses on what we want,
and that is important because
This allows us to survive
by focusing on food and on reproduction, examples.
We survive as species, as individuals.
Chemical dopamine produced in an area is called the midbrain,
and there is a cable Who takes this dopamine, this chemical,
all the way to nucleus accumbens,
to another part of the brain
This is really the power of the brain with desire dopamine midbrain factory not
We call it ventral tegmental area.
The neurochemicals that are present in the brain during sex is a nerve chemical that should be there
Do you masturbate to pornography? or having sex with a wife that you have been married for 30 years,
no difference
[HETFIELD] An interesting study has shown true growth
in the part of the brain that is used more
and atrophy in regions that are used less.
It was first noted in a study of violinist
and then explored with brain scans medical students
both before and after intense three month period study for exams
Not only does the brain grow and shrink,
but new neurological pathways are formed as well.
In short, the brain is actually reshaped.
That physical change that we have scanned
with violinists and medical students,
Meaning, um, microscopic changes that occur
in our form, literally, new brain connections
between brain cells When we learn something new.
Especially for those who are powerful learning awards
Something strong as pornography.
[HETFIELD] This is a different analogy.
Imagine your brain is a dense forest.
Like your brain continues to create new neurological pathways
through reward learning like Hilton state,
It's as if we are using a new path in the forest by running again and again.
Over time, almost all thoughts can begin to take the same path.
Traces can be forged by several things,
including sex and pornography.
Obviously, you drink alcohol. You snort cocaine.
You inject heroin.
So this is a physical agent You enter your body.
What do they do to you? What is the common mechanism
that this agent is into your body?
Well, they turn on your reward system in your brain
That's a common mechanism.
We see that not only with illegal drugs,
but we see it with pornography and with sexual addiction.
[MARK BELL] We are not designed for alcohol,
for meth, for crystals, for all these other drugs.
Our body will respond to for them fast enough,
but not as fast as we want for something is sexually aroused.
That's the highest, and it's innate and natural for us.
So, we will be very ordinary looking for something that is sexual to treat feelings shame, and pain, and guilt, and regret,
and sadness, and fear, and loneliness.
And pornography Perfect solution for that,
if I'm looking for something sexual,
because it's something I can do it myself,
it's very cheap or cheap,
and relative consequences-free, At least in my mind,
because I'm not looking at this moment
direct consequences for that.
[HETFIELD] Maybe the hardest part
take subjects like pornography
is the simplest part, defines it
Do the right thing meaning "porn"
into a simplified group words are almost impossible,
That is one reason it stays as it is difficult to understand social problems for so long
How does someone define it?
Trying to define pornography like trying to describe the air, sometimes.
I mean, the reality is that will be different sensations for different people,
but at the end of the day, From a clinical perspective, when I work with clients,
they can articulate good enough for me what is pornography
I just ask them what they see,
are they exposing themselves.
"What makes something pornographic
versus only sexually explicit
or sexually provocative"?
I think also a debate needs to be done.
We learn so much about sexuality that we have never known before.
And we have our ideas challenged what we think is normal
and what we consider healthy
by finding out that there are many people out there
who is interested in all types of curling kinds of things.
[HETFIELD] So how are you doing? defining something so broad and very subjective?
In this case, you see for the common denominator
For the purpose of from this documentary,
the common denominator is here, brain
Spectrum of pornography material is infinite width at this time,
but physiological and neurological responses by individuals
seems the same, regardless of its contents
In short, no matter what someone sees,
the mind and body appear to have the same reaction across the board.
To use a simpler analogy,
Bob likes soccer, Jim likes baseball, and Suzanne likes golf,
But they all like sports.
Just like the brain of everyone releases the message of pain when someone is injured,
experts agree that it releases chemicals from pleasure When it's aroused,
chemicals like DeltaFosB.
There is a desire machine, molecular machine of desire,
chemical engine which causes us to want.
And when we see something that we have trained our brain wants,
we turn on the machine.
DeltaFosB is a switch that activates this desire machine.
And we know it's DeltaFosB and other signals, chemicals cascade
very important in building this cable, This brain cable wants.
Being sexually visible Same as the drug.
[BEL] Pornography, in and of itself,
designed to only accelerate a sexual experience.
This is meant for a instant hit, like drugs,
um, and that brings us there faster than usual designed to go
So, at the end of the day, pornography, in my opinion,
only those things are designed quickly
takes us to a sexual state, erotic moments
And it can also, as I say, from visual, verbal,
it can be something written it can be something...
Anything designed to activate the senses,
separate from interactions with someone you actually with
[HETFIELD] Because we already did it highlighted that sexuality
has become a major component human nature since the beginning of time,
and remember that the US is relatively young compared to the rest of the world This is how other cultures see pornography and its place in their respective communities.
Personally, I think we are moving towards
very sexual culture at this time.
We become more liberal.
They are very liberal movements in the 70s,
and I believe we repeat it again now
And as sexuality becomes more accepted,
I think porn is very normal part of Australian culture.
I think as a society we might be medium a little more,
uh, relaxed and able to talk about sexuality.
[WOMEN] It must be something that men are involved more,
and I think women pay attention reluctantly
Or if they have seen it,
it's not something they have to have,
or they watch it as a little joke
Certainly appropriate Australian culture I think, um...
Is that normal thing? And I don't think so
pornography is normal, in my opinion.
Because it's not real.
Especially when it comes to marketing any product in Australia,
then it is certain, sex is used for some sort, you know, representing
or turn on people to buy certain products.
Is this a problem Yes, I think is a big problem
This is clearly successful. People respond to sexuality.
If people don't respond, it won't be so rampant.
So I think from marketing perspective, as long as it works,
will continue to use it
And with that in mind, I think we might be at the tip of the iceberg.
[HUMAN] I think we see a phase
where sexuality and over-sexalization of children
generally encourages media to explore various ways To earn money.
For example, every time you take a magazine with pictures of Kylie Minogue,
he looks like he has an orgasm
And the fact is are women not look like that,
and it shouldn't be so that it looks like that to be...
Must be considered as attractive or sexy.
It's just an unrealistic place hope in individuals
To, you know, see sex in a different way,
and also... In relationships, that's...
That makes it uncomfortable
If people are uncomfortable with things like that so too.
But I guess, you know, that's part of what is happening right now
This is very accessible.
I think that many Americans like many French people,
You know, everyone has Their addiction, you know.
I don't think they are more sex addiction in the United States than in France.
I think, in France, we watch pornography,
and it's okay about that
But I think at United Sates,
You can watch it, but it's a little taboo, Do you know what I mean?
There is a paradox between that, because
The United States may be the largest producer in Indonesia, pornography in the world,
-but very... [speaking in French] - [MAN] Puritans
But it's very puritanical at the same time.
So you can watch it, but you don't say that
In France, I think it's not really something you talk about.
This is a kind of deviation.
I don't think is a natural thing.
You shouldn't need it,
because you have to look for the things you need in your partner
This is still taboo, even if it changes now,
but we are now... You know, we changed a few years ago,
but now we are in so much...
So much... Great exposure...
to the body, to...
you know, whatever we sell in advertising
Pornography is like
the opposite of romance.
For me, it's like seeing close ups of big dick, and vagina,
and the woman goes... [chokes] like that I'm like...
It's not romantic.
For me, sex goes with feeling.
I see that a very complicated question
Because of that... This is the game
with all the collective unconscious, and, uh...
And the way we build society,
and so, uh... This, uh...
Ocean? - [MAN] An ocean.
Yes.
[HETFIELD] But not everyone buys into the concept of
that pornography harassment and addiction to pornography are real problems David Ley is a clinical psychologist who feel that pornography is a lower element a bigger problem
Initially, in my opinion,
"Well, this is true pop psychology, sort of harmless."
I finally believe, Even though, this way is very dangerous
That this is...
[exhale] psychology and medicine
play a role in suppressing sexuality in our culture.
The idea of pornographic addiction and the idea of sex addiction
is a very strong concept.
This has been trapped around for 30 years and plus for many reasons
Porn addiction and sex addiction
is a way to culture and society
to label sex as dangerous,
something we need scared.
This is a way for the community
to exert control over people's sexual behavior
when sexuality changes dramatically And especially When we look at culture
who are less shy about sex
and less Strangely obsessed with it,
they don't have problems with sex addiction
There is a culture through the history and culture of in the world today
It doesn't treat sex through here.
It doesn't treat it like a taboo.
[HETFIELD] Maybe because of the more puritanical principles of the American founder,
Ley said that she saw this problem, pornic panic when she called it,
as more than a juxtaposition between our sexual desires and our social values.
Moral panic is when media and society
buy to a specific problem,
makes it a moral and social concern.
It turns into a crusade.
Masturbation is the most A common form of sexuality throughout the world throughout history
People masturbate far more than they actually have sex, relationships.
Why do we differentiate? masturbation from another type of sexuality?
What's the difference?
I will tell you what the difference is _
Cultural and social values.
Because there are ideas in our society
The right type of sex
is intimate, emotional commitment,
love, monogamy, heterosexual sex.
That is a cultural value.
This is not a medical problem. This is not scientific.
[HETFIELD] Ley even rejects the argument neurochemical addiction
and pornographic comparison for other drugs,
claims that pornography is a neutral element
in a much bigger picture it comes from social fear.
The idea that, uh,
we get dopamine addiction,
and that is a common one types of nerve chemicals thrown there,
is reductionist, because guess what,
There are many neurochemicals that are released in our body during sex
Dopamine is just one of them.
There is a slight difference between them neurochemistry and neurochemistry that can be released when we exercise
Why it's okay to exercise,
and have They are neurochemicals released,
and use it as a form stress management or handling,
But it's okay for sex?
And as a result, Men are afraid of that,
and women are afraid of that. They are afraid of the effects from pornography
That's why people are afraid to talk about it
And that's why there are very few people like me,
who is professional and scientist
who wants to leave and say, "Wait a minute.
This is not real. .
This can be good This can be bad. "
Porn itself is neutral, just like a car
Used irresponsibly, the car is very dangerous
Used irresponsibly, porn can be dangerous
But if we have it A panic conversation about the dangers of pornography,
we ignore the fact is neutral.
This is very devastating when people like David Ley can be tried to say
it might even be good for children to expand their teenage years
and college-age children to broaden their perspective with pornography
This is ridiculous.
[HETFIELD] Is that really fair? Which pornography is to blame?
Or it can also be directed to in media, internet, and modern technology too?
Is pornography really only ocean
are fed by millions of and millions of media and tributaries of technology
who slowly drips through society?
Looks like we created moral swirls For ourselves
where people become trapped in a circle of shame.
So, maybe it's time we see what has the potential to happen here
You can't show bare breasts on TV networks, for example.
So we have in this paradoxical world
where, on the one hand, I've used it on my phone anytime, whatever I want,
and at the same time, what we eat is this mixed message
that it's taboo, it's hidden.
And that's the paradox of these two dynamics...
On the one hand, it's there. In the other hand, we sell it to you.
And at the same time,
"This is dirty stuff. Don't see it."
Screw it with our head.
We don't speak openly about healthy sex, productive ways
But we are more than happy to talk about or satire all over the media.
So again, there is an imbalance there.
This is part of the puzzle.
I mean, we haven't know what we want to grow and not
as a community.
We are still very young that way,
and unfortunately, pornography...
When we play with sexuality,
uh, we mess with basic biological drives
it's important for our survival.
And to underestimate something as strong as sexuality,
like many, because of some professionals,
as a culture, the entertainment industry is,
irresponsible
And moreover, is dangerous.
The medium is very significant strength
I talk to my client about the importance of
have neuro nets around them
and neuro's net, uh, basically media filter
where they have to determine what is healthy for them, what is unhealthy [BELL] And this is the part of what keeps building into that objectivity
we have, where we don't see people as a whole
We see parts and parts from different times, and photos,
and body parts, and so on.
The world now provides us with that alone is conditioned to us.
More and more new, more intrigue.
Something more and more extreme.
[HETFIELD] Where is Most of the new things, that intrigue
really begin to take root on a large scale in everyday life
with its development from the Internet.
It's no secret to try to describe how the internet changes humanity
for both better and worse
It could be, and maybe it should be, a documentary in and of itself.
But what is more concerning is how is the technology today
forward at speeds that are much faster than the internet has ever done.
And its accessibility creates anonymity
it's dangerous and damaging.
Our ignorance about technology,
our willingness to combine things into our lives without being informed and educated,
that's the opponent
Guys will talk about it sit in a car,
see pornography on their phone like them drive on the highway
You know, when they stop at the entrance,
the first thing they do whether they hit their history and delete it
So, indeed there is no financial cost
No one can catch them. No one can see them doing it.
There is no cost in terms of marriage finding out about it.
They don't have to do it
worry about someone seeing them in an adult bookstore Seeing them the next day,
or see their car where it's not supposed to be.
So there is anonymity,
a feeling that, "I can do this
and still retain the image that I must be all around me. "
[BEL] We make computers and technology our number one relationship
or an entity with we spend a lot of time and invest
energy as well as our sexual self,
then we are basically created...
artificial intelligence for us to become familiar with,
and we cannot be truly intimate with artificial intelligence
Hence the term, "Artificial."
We don't back down in this world
when it comes to technology.
So only becomes more available
That will only be more common.
So let's find out the way to deal with that reality.
[HETFIELD] Now the photo starts to become clearer
about accessibility porn and modern culture,
it's time to minimize and see the new set danger associated with it
Part of the hope for this film
is to describe clear development
which is pornographic and easy access creates.
So far, we have learned how pornography affects the brain,
and we know that is now available
for anyone old enough to be held a smart phone
Admit or not, our children potentially affected
for a large number of pornography every day with a finger tap.
It's very common now to hear stories about men experience pornography
as young as five, six years.
[LEY] We will not allow people to learn to shoot rifles by watching Bruce Willis's movie.
And if they do, we will not be surprised if someone dies
We don't need to be surprised Children make bad choices
if they learn about sex from pornography.
But that is with us.
This is as you say. This is a social problem
we have to have a conversation about
[BEL] Before my generation,
My parents are talking about finding Uncle Joe "Playboy", you know,
in the corner of the place.
That doesn't happen again. Print pornography rather goes dodo way
Young people aren't very interested in that What they are looking for online, they don't even really interpret as pornography.
They only see it as something like that a video game
or something else is entertaining
That, in and of itself, is a danger,
because they don't have age appropriate sexual experience,
pulled out period of natural development.
Everything is crowded
when their brains are not even designed to handle the natural range of sexuality,
let alone the and the extreme that the world now offers them
This is interesting, Most of these scenes, and Ana Bridges paper,
which shows that up to 90 percent of porn scenes
do show aggression towards women
Also determined, in this scene,
they all show withdrawal and ejaculation in the female body.
Often on his face.
So, Bill Margold, pornographic stars, Interestingly to say that,
"I believe the cruelest We can get ejaculation into the face."
He said, "We want to flood the world with an orgasm to the face."
So, all these young teens you refer to
resonate with Bill Margold.
He is their new teacher.
What happens with this pornographic exposure,
they get the sense from what relationship should be like,
based on pornographic myths.
And when we look for on what pornography offers,
it speaks and shows momentary satisfaction
There are very few, if there is, foreplay
There are very few, if any, romance or dating
in the sense of taking someone on a date, and knowing family,
and to find out like each other, And so on.
We talk about someone knocking on the door,
and within 30 seconds, we are completely naked and do it.
So it's not so normal dating patterns for humans.
Never existed, and that is not something that supports intimacy.
Actually, this... This eliminates intimacy.
If you are a teenager, you start coming into sexuality,
but you don't know anything about that, because nobody talks about it
No one gives anything transmission about that
So you're like...
"What should I do? Am I...
Am I allowed to do it? Should I not do it?
When is the right time? Is that a good person?
Am I ready for do it? "
Should children learn about sex from pornography? Fuck, no!
But if so, why?
They are learning sex from pornography,
Because we don't do a pretty good job about educating them
So, children go for pornographic sources.
Pornography is never intended to educate.
What you are leaving from education here in this country is ridiculous
As a young tucker, if I see pornography,
I don't think I would have know what I did, Honestly.
I hope that you know, the next generation can be realized
fuck doesn't choke, and slap, and hit the buttocks,
and pulling hair When you have sex. It's not love. And...
It shouldn't be pornographic industry teaches our children
how to have sex, how to make love
This is the first wave of digital citizens.
You know, this is the first wave of children
for whom, the world without internet sounds like what you and me...
A world without a car. You know?
So, to teach them how to be a good digital citizen
with respect to their sexual... Respect all their behavior,
but specifically with respect for their sexual behavior.
[HETFIELD] So what is the situation sexual education
in public schools in the US?
Or is the state of education about pornography, in this case?
According to findings by the National Conference State Legislature,
it's worrying
Only 22 countries that have a mandate need public schools to teach sex education.
Nineteen countries require that if sex education is provided,
that is certain, quote, "Medically, factually, or technically accurate,"
quote a long list cold, clinical criteria.
Three countries need parental permission before young children can receive sex education,
and 35 countries allow parents to opt out on behalf of their children
In researching this, no only seems that sex education is not a high priority,
This is the subject both educators and parents
still afraid approach.
This is as real as other problems that students continue to face in their adult lives,
but you see you don't opt out for math or science classes.
Ironically, listed among them same statistics,
is the fact that 47 percent said high school students they had had sex,
one in four girls will get pregnant with their 20th birthday,
and giving birth to teenagers American taxpayer fees approximately $ 9.4 billion per year.
So it seems fair to say that remembering what has been learned so far,
there is a great need to get parents and educators on the same page
in understanding the importance of sexual education,
including pornography.
In general, children know more than adults at this time.
So, adults, we can really learn many of them if we start to open a dialogue,
Because they will educate us for what actually happened to them,
Are they actually affected.
And then we can Give them at least father, or mother,
or the perspective of a mentor around what it is might do it for them
Positive and negative.
[HETFIELD] And that's how you see the linear nature of this problem.
With technology offerings high exposure to porn,
and limited numbers education in public schools,
young people then take the problem into their college years.
Here are some students from Arizona State University.
No, that's all the normal part of life.
Literally, everyone.
I don't know anyone who doesn't watch it at all
I know many people do it, and even girls too,
But I feel like someone who did it is more than just a girl.
Normal with guys my age, maybe just...
Just linking it to a random party with people doesn't care about you
This has nothing to do with love, or intimate with each other,
or really care about each other. This is only about his actions.
So I think people describe what they see, what they grow with
And again, watching television
and only see the ratio love versus violence
This affects young children, or teenagers, or teenagers.
"Oh, girls aren't commensurate with this.
They are only worthy... I will hit it for one night stand and then leave.
And then I'll do it meet another girl
Girls like it more seriously than boys,
because girls are more bound For a man after having sex,
while people can like hitting and stopping, and that's good and right.
So, maybe women turn to that,
because it's just an easier route, and they don't feel disrespectful.
Historically and traditionally, This is an emotional bond.
But what we see is that also shifts
You see more women and more become more worldly, If you want to say,
or there are physical appetite there that they want to feed
I don't know if that increase in women is really affected by it,
or the fact that more and more than them are willing to enter and receive treatment.
[HETFIELD] Most people, even in today's culture will be hard to believe that the words "women" and "pornography addicts" can be included in the same sentence.
The fact is that research now shows
which is estimated to be one out of every three pornographic addicts is a woman
And we don't talk about it emotional pornography
that you might find in a sad romance novel,
but full-on, hardcore porn.
Be the first time, I remember pulling it and seeing some clips.
It's just this is very rushed
I mean, it's in a hurry that I've never felt before.
It feels like, "I'm now in the world it's really creepy,
and I shouldn't be here, but I can't get out of it."
That's just... I will never forget.
It feels like a fever. Almost like ice go through my veins
[HETFIELD] This woman, who we will call Jane,
very open about attachment to pornography
and deep, dark and cold water The addiction he experienced
since the first time he saw it
As soon as I wake up, I have a laptop,
and that is the first thing I did before I got out of bed
and the last thing before I go to sleep.
It gets to the point Sometimes six times a day.
And then there will be a day that it will only play repeatedly in my mind
And at work, I just can't focus on work
until I only treat from things, you know, to get it out of my mind
That's just... it's taking over. It took over my mind.
Only my thought process.
That changes me. That is only...
This is taken from the innocence of from me that I can't go back
And even now,
I will find myself slipping into some behavior in the bedroom
which I know where they come from
It is not only satisfying enough to watch men and women again.
That level of addiction I have arrived somewhere where I need to see things that are darker,
and that's really what is starting to scare me.
Because not only, you know, watching porn.
It is observing many things that are darker and darker.
[HETFIELD] For Jane, because the addiction becomes darker and darker, as he said,
it also costs him some relationships.
That's where the sample is located an increasingly growing trend and more among the people.
As people grow inherent in bonds formed through pornography,
they become equally apart
of authenticity real relationship with other humans.
That, in turn, will be brought into a future relationship,
usually, with poor results.
The strongest bond experience we have physiologically
is a bond from sexual relations.
So where someone has been bound or connects their passion with pornography for so long,
they are no longer become sexually aroused without using pornography.
Many people see pornography,
they will spend most of their time
looking for the ideal person
And as soon as they find it,
uh, that person is no longer ideal anymore.
There must be someone else. So they continue the search.
But mostly for them, It's about imitating behavior.
It's about, "Oh, okay, that's how it is I should do it.
That is how I look When I am masculine. "okay?
For women, they see that, and sexual behavior is needed back seat
to the physical appearance of women and the pressure that puts on them.
[HETFIELD] Unfortunately, thus starting the destruction of intimacy
and the ability to connect to each other as human beings. pornography.
They, uh, they will never find that person
are the people they want
because what they have seen, uh,
you know, in their pornography
Intimacy requires, Obviously, that vulnerability.
But that's intimacy build a sense of connection,
build a sense of humanity, build compassion,
build a sense of humility, tenderness, you know,
that is between men and women.
When you are looking for on sexual behavior is aggressive,
You de-personalize others,
or objectifying other people,
If you want to see it in that language
"I have made this person an object of sexual release,
an object of sexual pleasure. "
The danger is that we lose the ability to connect.
We lose the ability to really empathize with others our relations. It's not destructive, but it's not constructive
Because you're fair think of you
and your own pleasure, as I said.
And I think if you do that, and your partner does that,
it's not good for couples.
[HETFIELD] So, Jack meets Jill. They seem to fall in love.
All right with the world.
Except for one problem.
One of them, or potentially both,
have or don't have a problem with porn
That personal nature one of the greatest strengths,
is not something
if ever, rarely, will be something You can see someone.
Unless they verbally discuss and explain what they do,
Often, you don't know.
Come see. I am a single mother a young child,
and we met through a friend.
He introduces us and...
He is very charming, and handsome, and only...
I don't know You just stared at him, and he is American-American.
And, uh, beautiful eyes and big smile
He has a good job, good education,
and he likes me. We become good friends very fast.
And, uh, that works.
That's very good. He is my best friend.
He only brought my child under his wing
and really step in that role, which is extraordinary.
He is He is my stone in so many areas of my life.
He is my protector. He is my knight in shining armor
Sometimes we will go six weeks even without having all intimacy.
He will say, "OK, I just don't have a sex drive that most normal people do."
That is what he will tell me, and I don't know.
I mean, I'm in my early 20s. I'm just like, "Okay."
He really hard time...
good or long lasting.
And sometimes, we will get it to the point where we can't Even physically do have sex.
And that's just... It's over before even starting.
And that's very difficult.
In my mind, it feels like, "I'm not fat, I'm not bad, and I like you.
What's the problem? Like..."
Do you know? And sometimes, that's...
Literally, he will try,
and then next time, You know, "Good night,"
When I prance at night or whatever.
And that's just... It's very...
As a woman, it's very difficult to understand what is my role
And I know the relationship isn't all about sex,
But I mean, isn't that the joy of getting married?
Let's continue, You know, and I just...
That's just nothing sometimes
My brother and I, He was like 11 at the time,
we are in LimeWire, trying to find music,
and that appears in history...
some really bad things.
And my sister likes "What's in this world?"
I'm like, "Ah, don't look at that!" You know, he's 11 years old!
And I flipped it out.
And you know, he lied about it
He blames him on his brother.
And I was banned his brother from home
I said, "He was never permitted to come back here
Why did he do that? in our house?"
And I'm very hurt. I am very hurt,
and I confronted him about it,
and I said, "I just don't understand.
You sleep next to me every night,
and you don't want having sex with me, but...
I will find pictures naked women
So you have to do sex drive.
You definitely want to have sex or something. Like, I don't understand.
Just come down in the hall, You know, and lie down next to me.
We can have that relationship. "
And, um, that's the first time.
And it's scary to me, I think.
I don't understand and...
Maybe in college.
I start college around,
You know, his birth is from the Internet, like when did it start to become big And, uh, you know, I found myself...
I have a room for one that I live in
and find myself alone in my room more and more often.
And at that moment, you know, I just found out that something that everyone does,
but I think I realized it I did it more.
But at that time, I realized it was a problem.
I think everyone, you know... All college kids do this.
The amount, I don't think it hit me
arrive later when I'm married
There are several times in my marriage
where he caught me on the Internet or whatever,
and at that time, I began to say,
"Okay, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
And that happens several more times,
and at that time, was like... I...
You know, I thought to myself, "Well, I'm starting to hide...
I feel like I'm hiding this. That can't be true."
This is coercion. It's like other addictions.
Uh, like I said, when I was young,
that is something It makes me feel good.
That is a place I can run to, um, for almost protection.
Uh, it becomes a drug for boredom, for loneliness,
for anger, for sadness, uh, for anything
And that's... When I've finished something old,
it's just something you just... I go back to, and I go back to.
It really makes me feel like something wrong with me
That makes me feel is not sexy, can't be loved
Um, I feel there must be something that is wrong with me.
Everything is boiled until then. There is something wrong with me
Me too... I mean, at that time, yes,
I think I weigh 98 pounds.
You know, I can't be thin enough. I can't be pretty enough.
I think that's more, for me, that it is...
You know, her actions intimacy and sex take a lot of effort
and for me, at that time,
it's much easier to see pornography
You know, everything can, uh, you know...
Nothing... I don't have to...
help others, other "people" are involved.
Unfortunately, you know, it's just It seems easier to do it.
I only go for maybe three days, Friday Saturday Sunday.
I'm home,
and at that time, Carrie Underwood "Jesus, take the wheel"
is a very big song.
And I like it, and I am saying those words.
So, I typed in Google search, "Carrie Underwood, 'Jesus, Take the Wheel'",
and when I type "Carrie Underwood",
A list of female names appears.
And I'm like, "What's this all?"
And my heart starts, you know, leave, because...
I've been like that On this road before,
and we are in a good place
that I'm like, "There's no way.
There's no way we Will go through this right now."
And I started clicking on all names,
and you know how your search history is with Google,
and even then,
the page will appear, and the link you visited is purple,
and that one You don't go to blue.
And that, you know, "Jenny XXX" or whatever.
And I like, "What happened? is this all?"
So of course, I'm really nosy, and I started clicking everything.
And I only see all these things, and then I'm very angry.
[INTERVIEWER] Heart pounding
I'm just... I'm a mess
And I started taking Post-it Notes,
and I write each name of a single woman
which I saw it clicked.
And I just put them the whole table,
whole screen, everywhere.
And at one time, you know, he came back in,
and he said something to me,
and what I'm saying is, "Why don't you ask? all your girlfriends?"
And he is like...
"Oh."
I'm like, "What the heck is this? do you do it while I go?
I go for three days. Are you kidding me?"
I think it's true don't hit me until...
There is one thing in my marriage, when he...
Facing me about it, and I am rather clean.
And like, "I feel this way I am.
But in my head, it doesn't make sense That doesn't make sense. real woman? "
And I think I even said it to him at some point
Like, "What's wrong with you?"
And he stopped and...
And we stand, You know, in our office,
and he said, "I think I'm addicted to porn."
And I sit on the floor in my office, and I cry.
Because I don't know what it means What does it mean?
I know what it means alcohol.
I know what it means drug addiction.
What do you mean are you addicted to porn? What does it mean?
I feel cheated a million times
by a hundred different girls.
I feel inadequate. I feel like I don't know what to do.
I gave him a lot of ultimatums.
Me or porn Your family or porn
Um, and at any time, he really believes it,
and I want to believe it
when he will say, "I choose you. I choose my family.
I don't want to see porn.
I want to be with you, I want to be better."
Um, and he will cry and I will cry,
and that never lasts.
He always sucks back
My sparkling knight is a pornography addict.
How are you...
How do you take it? pieces from that?
How do you continue with your life
If you have given yourself, and your child...
and everything for this person,
and they can't stop see that
He has these eyes, those eyes blue crystals
And I used to love his eyes.
And I came to the point where I will see his eyes,
and I want to stab it in his eyes
I want to poke it,
because I know what he will see all day
And his hand, you know...
When I saw Nathan, He was very all-American and handsome,
and you will never think...
You know, when you think only addicts in general,
You think dirty, and you don't take a shower, and you are rather dirty
He is a stand-up, only handsome man
And his hand... I will see his hand,
and I will feel horrified when I touch me
And I will only... I want to release his hand.
Because I know what he does with his hands all day Only the man rejected you love and want...
again and again, and again, it's just...
[sighs] you just...
There is a point where you can no longer move.
I think that's the point when I realize that I need to do something about it,
but I am still very incapable to make good and solid progress.
I started going for several meetings,
but it seems like I'm not... really into it for me
I don't really want it to make changes.
I just want to save my marriage, and, uh...
I don't really understand until it's too late
I will say that the victim is here
whether I am, and my children, and my marriage
And that's a shame, and this is...
This is a crime even,
because you can't even imagine it pain and victim
that this takes our family.
This is indescribable.
This is definitely something that people don't agree,
that pushes limits, and that they fight.
I think it causes jealousy. I think it causes insecurity.
And I think that contributes to the overall situation
it will lead for divorce
And I think that adds components of sexual cheating
even if it is actually Cheating doesn't happen,
uh, for that mixture At least, it adds for insecurity.
[HETFIELD] Brad Dalley is a former divorce lawyer who has seen
many times the situation is revealed like from Betsy and Nate.
He shows that There are other victims here
who really do not have control over the situation
I mean, who is the real victim in divorce?
If there are children, who is paying?
You know, I mean, children are always the ones who lose I think parents also lose,
But children always lose.
Maybe you believe that doesn't hurt you or someone else,
but if it hurts your relationship with your partner,
um, this will have...
The impact on your relationship with your children too
And if that leads to divorce, yeah,
You know, I hope you enjoy spending less time with your children,
Because that's what happened will happen.
You know, and have fun explain why you got it divorce to people
Despite Betsy and Nate The best efforts to protect them children from this situation,
finally find the way into their lives too.
So, at the age of eight,
I have to sit with my child and say,
"This is not what you have a relationship in real life
Sex is beautiful, and it is extraordinary
And one day, you will experience it,
but not like this This is not real.
This is disgusting.
People don't really do this When they have sex. It's not like this. "
And how are you really? make eight years understand that
[HETFIELD] As you can see, The problem is huge Ripple effects,
not only takes a toll on addicts, but their partner,
their friends, their families, their entire environment.
So how are addicts active? Don't keep going trouble?
What are men like Nate? say to his child?
[NATE] I just tried to tell him about my experience, I think,
and how it affects my life, how it affects my marriage
How it affects my welfare.
Because of this, uh...
I mean, It's not like drugs
where it physically affects my appearance or anything like that, but, uh...
From the outside, I look like a normal person.
Inside, half the time, I just twisted that,
You know, this... Sometimes it's hard to do it past one day
And so I fought now.
You know, I will never be able to get it back I thank God that I did not do it lost my children because of this
But that... This is a moral problem now, and that is something that only...
You know, this is a battle for my soul almost
If I can return and change it, I will do it.
I know that is impossible now
[INTERVIEWER] Does that bother you?
Yes. [laughs sweetly]
I mean, uh...
[clears throat]
He never... He never asked in such a relationship.
[NATE] I can be happy for him now.
[sighs] You know, that's...
I can be happy for her Now that she remarries, and she is happy
You know, there are many things that people say they never hope in their worst enemy,
and here it is
[HETFIELD] There is another problem here, side effects that must be overcome.
Besides the pain that can be felt through this synthetic affair, if you want,
is the impact it has on the partner, more often the woman,
when they find it they compete with
and compare themselves for pornography
When someone finds they try to beat the world of choice,
Sometimes the only choice is to give up.
What is pornography? say it is the only one . The one assessed is young people,
and beauty, and, uh...
View of beauty,
uh, what's the matter? Hollywood has sold,
that they must be a certain age, definitely body type, certain shape.
And, uh, yes, that... that's...
very demeaning wife
to see, you know, their husband is not satisfied with him,
That's how he saw it.
But when you see women, and how they are,
in one way they are negatively affected by porn, All right,
it has to do with the image of the women they see in the film and quotations of their body "perfection".
That way stereotypical depiction what beauty is like
no sexual behavior
Sexual behavior for many women is irrelevant
to, "What happened? the woman looks like,
and do I need it now? live according to that?"
Because when you are together A man you know has having watched porn movies,
You think he saw you because you didn't see like them.
That your body is not big.
You know, you can't do it for you Women are only obsessed with and obsessed with it.
And you go straight to the point where you almost want to give up
You know, you just feel like, "I have never been able to compete with That, so why do you try?" So, many of my friends have this problem
They lose their self-esteem. They lost their identity.
They feel less than.
I just think that men need to understand that
not every girl will do it What do the girls in the clip do,
and to submit such requests to women is really unfair.
You know, so I think women just need to be able to say,
"I'm just... I won't do that."
I remember thinking, "These women are beautiful,
and I'm not like that.
And he can have a new girl at the click of a button,
and I'm just me
But I love you, and I don't understand why I'm not good enough
I'm a real woman with stretch marks and saggy butt.
Uh, what else do you want want from me
I'm really... I'm not fat I'm not ugly
I love you I am not perfect.
But I can't compete with that no matter what I do I can't. "
I... my self-perception changes so drastically
I'm still struggling with some of the of the rest.
And and...
I don't feel like I have...
You know, men should to take care of their wives,
and make them feel beautiful, and all that stuff, and I don't feel all that.
They want to know that
there are men they want, that they respect,
who sees them,
and treat them differently compared to other women In the world.
There is something special or unique about who they are
that can somehow touch this man the way that other women don't.
So, women who have that need,
women who have that desire
in a world where pornography is the norm
really desperate to feel special in a real relationship
[HETFIELD] This is an interesting thought
It takes alcohol less than 24 hours leave your system
Cocaine needs two to four days
But pornography can never be cleared of mind.
In essence, the person's property brings around their medicine.
So, memories from previous view,
previous image can be played back anytime
So, someone is not in recovery will replay the images,
and it will trigger strong desire to return
and to increase over time.
[HETFIELD] what is it which continues to attract people into the abyss of porn in
and hold them there?
Many experts and those who are trapped in addiction
has a simple term for psychological process which holds so many prisoners.
Cycle of shame.
You know, secrets have embarrassment attached to them As long as someone has
it's secret behavior and shame,
I think it's really an action a magnet to draw them back to that behavior
Someone feels bad about what they do
"Wow, what will happen Make me feel better?"
It's torturous.
I've worked with too many couples and partners of people
who has struggled with compulsively sexually behavior
not to see it at all traumatic experiences for them.
Once the trauma that they will go through is very real
And when we enter a state of trauma, what do people tend to do in their trauma?
They don't tend to reach out.
They tend to close.
They return and come back again whatever it is, historically, they used in the past
to take care of themselves.
That's how it works. Once you...
As soon as I want to, you know, go all the way, so to speak,
and see porn, and masturbation,
and get what I am looking for, I will feel bad.
I will feel bad about that,
and at that time, That shame continues build inside me,
and build and build
to the point where I am want to not feel ashamed from myself again
And what will I do?
Go back to the only way I know how to make myself feel better [BEL] These are consequences and precursors.
This is a by-product of what I have done It's embarrassing, and that brings me back into it.
And then by doing that, builds shame,
and we call it the cycle of shame. We call it an addictive cycle.
It just keeps playing himself back out
This is a self-defeating cycle, a self-defeating process.
And that's one thing I can go to
to relieve The pain I feel as a result of doing it.
This is dangerous.
One of the biggest costs _ there is in a struggle with sense of my own identity
I maintain for the people around me
that I am this one particular person
And the way I see myself,
I see myself let alone someone
from what I describe to the people around me.
Every time I join in a behavior that I consider to be wrong,
which I believe to be something
people who are important to me will reject from that behavior,
the gap between that I see is me
and who I describe for others becomes bigger
And the bigger the gap, the more I feel that I am a poser, a fraud.
The more my senses are that I am a fraud
The more it feels that if people know me, they will reject me
So, the walls are and obstacles to intimacy
becomes higher, and stronger, and thicker.
So, this is really a cycle of shame, and continues. If anyone knows,
You know, that I struggled with this... How can I clean it with this?
When I'm very embarrassed, That's when I was in that place
where I have my biggest vulnerability
And humans are quite vulnerable when it concerns our sexuality.
Being naked with others and being seen.
"Am I doing well? Do I measure it? Do I do the right thing?"
And anything outside from the quote-unquote "norm",
consequence for human who experienced it
will be hopeless, and hurt, and confusion, and fear.
And I have no desire for anyone to know this about me,
and I will do whatever and everything to throw a mask,
so you don't see this is part of me
I think it's embarrassing and stigma
You know, as a small child, I was born with one hand,
and I grow to be different.
I know how it feels to be different.
And I know how it feels become stigmatized and excluded as different.
That's what I see happening with people who are called pornography addicts and sex addicts.
They are humiliated. They say they are different.
They were told, "There is something wrong with you, and you have to stop."
[HETFIELD] DSM-5,
or known as "Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders",
is a standard classification mental disorder
used by mental health professionals in the United States.
In it, you will find it like that disorder as schizophrenia,
anorexia, bulimia, hoarding,
even gambling addiction.
What you will not find is literature about sexual addiction,
more specific, addicted to pornography.
Ask in the field, and you will get it a myriad of answers
starting from "emptiness scientific proof,"
"People are behind the curve in understanding nature itself."
Or DSM is lacking common sense
One thing is clear. There is a clear need to start discussing
and understand this problem and its very real existence,
how it feels to be labeled
Troubled porn looks like addicted
What is that?
That's the question.
That's the question in that heart
Is it addicted on the same road
drug addiction exists?
Is there tolerance?
Is it needed more than that the drug of choice
to produce the same thing type of behavior?
Are they involved in these things,
in behaviors that harm them or harm others?
Do they repeat it?
Do they lie to cover it up?
Do they make an effort to stop and can't stop?
Do they make an appointment to stop, and then they return,
um, for the same old behavior?
When I see all this the things that happen,
then I say, you know, There may be an addiction happening with that person,
whether they are recognize or not.
And then there is the DSM-5.
In DSM-5, a new manual for addiction,
the word "addiction" is...
New manual for mental health disorders, I'm sorry.
And it's used with a line that says...
[sighs]
"Dependence is not a term that is quite right again."
Because we don't also know what it means
Sex looks like those drugs,
and more we learn about that,
the more we understand This is contextual, really.
That's why the American Society from Addiction Medicine,
consisting of medical doctors like me,
which is more biologically based,
redefine addiction in 2011 as a brain disease.
They use the word "disease".
Affects three systems, appreciation, motivation, and memory.
And the second part from their definition is that
sex, food, and gambling are addicted
same as alcohol, cocaine, or heroin
However, one DSM would say is addictive,
and others don't?
This is ridiculous. That's right
And DSM-5 is very flawed for that reason.
So whoever it is will... will say that
if it's not on DSM-5, It's not addictive
just don't understand neurobiology of the brain.
There are so many subjective perspectives about that based on the family of origin,
culture, heritage, faith, and so on,
it will require very specific data,
very specific empirical evidence
even to get the conversation started.
And even then, as you know,
many people, despite evidence, will still push back against it.
And that's usually the case in all humanity.
But we must at least have that data
[HETFIELD] Be psychological or biological,
rift between these two very important fields
It could be one of the reasons that this problem
have flown under the radar for a long time.
Imagine if both very intelligent groups unite
I personally don't see both parties need disputes.
At the end of the day, we want to help individuals who are struggling
You said this he We said that.
At the end of the day, we want the same results
We want them to have it mental health. We want them to have emotional health.
We want them to have it relational health.
We want them to succeed, and stability, and a sense of welfare in themselves.
And I think there are several ways to get to it.
And I don't see us need to be like diametrically opposed
many times we are being pitted against each other.
[HETFIELD] Speaking of biology versus psychology,
Is it fair to ask if this is a problem Neurochemical dependence
versus moral deprivation?
In essence, are we talking? about addiction versus being a bad person
When you talk any addiction,
That is the most It is difficult for people to relate is loss of control.
That people who don't, who can't connect personally,
see someone...
who is in the grip is addicted and says, "How can you choose
X, Y, Z for your family?
How can you choose medicines for your children?
How can you choose porn for your wife? "
That is very difficult the average person relates to.
And again, On the other hand,
that person struggles with that addiction in its original form
see it and say, "What choice?"
And I found something in it That is very disgusting to me,
But the place is very dark for the type of hide out.
I don't know For me, that's just...
That makes me, and it won't release me.
That is the most embarrassing thing I have to face.
Is there a way we can talk about it later without using a moral card?
Right.
So it's not just that moral problem
for people who believe in morals.
This is a brain problem.
This is an addiction irrespective of anything moral basis or judgment.
In general, no, this is not a person who is less appreciative of what you are facing,
people who are less moral.
That's someone who's really strong values and morals
but has become disconnected from them,
or become distracted from them,
or their obsession has pulled them away
from the focus on their part That is their most healthy self.
And there are still parts of them shout and say,
"Please get back to balance
But I don't know how to get it there without doing it which I know to do now
which feels balanced and normal. "
People who shop time with pornography, um,
You know, if approached as a moral problem,
then the response is,
uh, for him to feel shy, and, uh,
You know, if someone will only preach to him enough
and really make him understand How bad he is,
Maybe he will stop. No, he doesn't stop.
Shame finally becomes who very strong, um,
Very strong triggers at that time. Very strong, uh,
things that encourage addiction
[HETFIELD] Whatever you are Possible perspective,
we can't pretend so this pornography problem nothing This is very real, Very real potential to infiltrate individuals,
relationship, family,
and break down very the nature of society as intended to be.
We are sexual beings. We are always and always will be.
That's how we start handling that sexuality is now,
or at least try to understand it,
it will be very good have an impact on the future
As we lose the ability to become intimate,
what we can predict
is the generation of children
who have this disability to organize themselves emotional.
Inability to form satisfying, close human relations,
who will forward it to their children, who will pass it on to their children
When we say something is addictive,
the answer is very easy. Stop doing it
The answer here is not so simple This is a complex problem
which involves marriage, involves sexual values,
involves men and women, involves masculinity and femininity,
involves education, involves culture and society,
involves sexually infectious diseases,
involves libido and all kinds of things.
If your movie can produce Conversations like that,
I think it's healthy.
I think it's the final destination, and that's my final goal.
Because you call it addiction stop talking
[DONALD HILTON] We have been running on the moon.
We can appear complicated operations
We can write beautiful sonnets. We can write music.
We can do everything from these amazing things.
We can love our children, our partners,
this experience is strong, deep human emotions.
And then we are cheap by commoditizing humans.
We are better than that.
We are much better than that.
Sexuality is much higher goals in humans than that.
The unfortunate thing is that is pornography damage and destroy
many families, uh, and many individuals.
[BEL] Black and white thinking when it comes to pornography
it's not just luxury that we can spoil ourselves.
That's a scary thing to think about, when you talk
how is the impact? nephew formation and family?
And then there are values that we carry, from
do we see ourselves? as a communal being,
or see ourselves as individuals in isolation?
Be careful with pornography.
Don't treat it like that it's a tame thing
Because it's not.
And when people see real partners in real life as bad porn,
then we have really taken real critical shift
Even worse, in my opinion.
The idea of pornography addiction and sex addiction
is about moral conflict
in the person and in society.
I think it's very important that we help people discuss it
[HETFIELD] And indeed the only purpose of this film,
to start a conversation
Not to accuse, accuses, or condemns.
This is to illuminate a light into the darkness that looms over us as human beings.
Some may argue that is pornography is a neutral element
it is not dangerous except if it is used irresponsibly.
On the contrary, as we have shown,
that is the dismantling of our children
for strong, ideas of prejudice false intimacy
This is teaching them lies.
This is an underestimate couple, men who emit emotions,
and destroy the beautiful women's essence
It can't be anymore elephants erotic indoors
that we hide Behind closed doors our home and office.
Can't be our youth educators.
Is that fear of social disgrace that prevents us permitting each other
free from slavery?
Like it or not, admit it or not,
it's here, and it's dangerous
It's time to talk about it
openly and honestly in all aspects of society.
There is a great power among people
when they learn that they are not alone in a struggle
There are, on the contrary, great strength in shame which makes people disappointed.
And shame should not win.
A man named Tinbergen in 1973, won the Nobel Prize
to describe what he calls as a supernormal stimulus.
In other words, a stimulus that is an animal meeting
it's above nature stimulus they will meet in nature.
He takes butterflies,
and that is a species where Men will find women
based on the color and the size of the wings.
So he painted butterflies cardboard, wings of female butterflies
it is bigger and brighter than female female butterfly.
And look, men will ignore female butterflies.
I think humans are following the same path
regarding marriage with celluloid
and mate with electrons on the screen,
like a butterfly trying to mate
with this made, cardboard butterfly
♪ ♪